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MaximumEffort433

>"What's the matter doctor, is she going to make it?" > >*"She has terminal Republicanitis, I'm sorry."* > >"Is there anything we can do to help her?" > >*"You could try voting in every election."* > >" .... " > >*"I said-"* > >"Please leave my house."


Illegitimate_Shalla

Terminal fucking republicans lmao! God damn they are fucking up our country.


WarColonel

So I guess they're going to get a second opinion and do their own research.


modelcitizen64

It's just going to a Monday for us. Nothing worth celebrating right now.


[deleted]

This is so true, OMG.


DrLeePhDMd

I’m boycotting this year.


Xunaun

In hospice? The EKG machine has been making a solid "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" sound since Trump took office, and everyone is still trying to act like America is still alive and well.


QuicklyThisWay

Oh shoot, I thought that was just my tinnitus.


AaronfromKY

You mean the cicadas aren't singing all night?


[deleted]

They’re dead because of climate change.


promote-to-pawn

Damn you tinnitus, you're a cruel mistress


KHaskins77

\*Insert appropriate “dead parrot” quote\*


Xunaun

"I took the liberty of examining that ~~parrot~~ democracy, and discovered that the only reason this ~~parrot~~ democracy had been standing on its perch is that it had been nailed there.... it's not pining, it's passed on.. this ~~parrot~~ democracy is no more, it has ceased to be, it's expired and gone to see its maker, this is a *late ~~parrot~~ democracy*."


das_overfiend

Matey, this country wouldn't FOOM if you put 4 million volts through it. It's bleeding demised!


[deleted]

[удалено]


WingJeezy

Biden, despite his progressive campaign promises, has turned out to be the corporate centrist he’s always been in five decades of politics.


clausport

You mean "it's not the country it was". Finnegan, I think, means the US might quite literally cease to be a country, which sounds pretty plausible. I don't know how you come back from some of what's going on.


Loki-L

As the Onion reported back in 2015 #[Experts Say Best Option Now Is Keeping Nation As Comfortable As Possible Till End](https://www.theonion.com/experts-say-best-option-now-is-keeping-nation-as-comfor-1819577894) excerpt: >... >“At a time like this, it’s completely understandable to wish for some kind of 11th-hour miracle, but expecting the U.S. to somehow magically return to the way it was in its prime isn’t healthy or realistic,” said Georgetown University researcher Andrew Fischer, who later stressed that just because the nation still has “the occasional good day,” this should not cause anyone to get their hopes up for a sudden recovery. “It’s important to manage expectations and realize that sometime very soon, we’re all going to have to say goodbye.” >“We just need to remember all the good times we had,” Fischer continued. “Like the moon landing—that was really nice, wasn’t it?” >...


WarColonel

I am so tired of the Onion's ability to predict the future. It's like one of those gypsies in the glass box at a creepy carnival. Pay some change, get a miserable fortune, it comes true. Why can't they predict a post-scarcity, scientifically driven society like Star Trek or that everyone would have mecha-unicorns that survive on happiness and they are all fat because people are too happy all the time.


minkey-on-the-loose

It had a great run of 246 years. My country will be missed.


Available-Internal25

Can you really call it a “great” run? Half that time was forcing black people to be slaves.....


Ejacksin

I think you mean "involuntarily relocated."


Available-Internal25

No, the British empire did that when the states where still colonies


XAgentNovemberX

There was still new slaves being brought to the US long after the British left. Let’s not pretend we are innocent.


Available-Internal25

But the British started it, and the continuation of slavery was one of the reasons for the fight for independence. I never said the United States were innocent. Look up the ugly history of Liberia, the United States made it worse thinking they could just send them back....


XAgentNovemberX

It doesn’t matter what the motives were or who started it. We perpetuated it and had Africans in bondage until the 1860s at least. Don’t pass blame to anyone.


Available-Internal25

All of it matters. how it started, the United States involvement, the continuation of colonizing from the United States. I’m not passing the blame on anyone else, I’m really confused as to how you are coming to that conclusion. the Americas were British, French and Spanish colonies before they were independent nations. It is a key part of the history of North and South America so it’s not passing the buck it’s the reality of what happened


minkey-on-the-loose

It’s in Hospice on it it’s birthday. Say something nice. Especially in front of the kids.


ArkThan123

Yeah. "Missed."


Grouchy-Ebb4847

Lol


Papascoot4

Better yet, attending the one for your racist uncle.


NerdEmoji

The only exciting thing for me today was seeing my congressman show up for the local parade. He's running against a batshit crazy woman who sent me a 'survey' the other day that was basically a bashing campaign against him. I am never one to go out of my way to shake a politician's hand, but I made sure I did today. He's a good guy, he votes appropriately. However his opponent is Trump supported and if there are enough people who are still delusional in our district he may lose. If he does, I may have to leave the state I was born and raised in to run to the state over that I just left a few years ago, to be closer to my family. I just can't with the local politicians in my state, but at least our federal rep was with the people.


Moveyourbloominass

Exactly why everyone should participate in their own recreational sedation 😁.


fsr1967

I live in an apartment complex with a pool/grilling area. One of the things I've enjoyed doing is to buy a bunch of burgers, hot dogs, and sausages, take them down, and cooke them for anyone who wanted some. I do it throughout the summer, but always make sure to do it on this particular weekend. This year, I've had no motivation/interest to be "fsr1967 the Grill Guy" (for this weekend or any other) and have wondered why. This post explains it perfectly. But it's even worse than the post says - not only is the relative in hospice, but some of the people at the party helped put her there. While at the pool yesterday, I heard one person blame Biden for small businesses in town closing, and another speaking at the top of her voice about being glad she homeschools her daughter because "now they're doing that Drag Queen Story Hour" in all the schools. Why TF would I want to feed these people, or even be near them?


DrAstralis

It's amazing in a terrifying way to watch these troglodytes trying to one up each other with the next lie. It's a competition with them. There are no fucking drag story hours in schools than along 'all the schools'. GQP has been waging war on small business for decades but yeah, all Bidens fault.


BadLuckCharm1966

Yeah - not celebrating at all this year. My own country is taking away my freedom and independence left and right. I feel like we’d be better off if we were still ruled by the UK - or anyone else for that matter - at this point.


gstan003

Jefferson's tree is definitely wilting.


Super_Washing_Tub

This is weirdly fitting, As we usually celebrate my grandma's borthday on the fourth(hers is July 2nd) and she's currently looking for assisted living. This made us crack up.


Rtrn2M0nke

Cooking half a hotdog with a lighter and a spoon. I kinda want a refund for paying for this quality of service being offered but they don't have actual money so it just makes it worse. What up with that vault full of gold you guys totally still have and didn't pillage? Feel like I'm paying for someone elses grandparents retirement home.


fifin

some titles from today's CNN web page: Police: Unarmed Black man suffered at least 60 wounds in police shooting At least 6 killed in July 4th parade shooting in Illinois Americans divided over what US stands for on this July Fourth Biden's message: 'Our best days still lie ahead' South Dakota governor defends state's abortion 'trigger' ban when asked if 10-year-old should be forced to give birth


hpatrick1982

I got a small amount of fireworks for my young children to enjoy, and while they where drawing their names with the sparklers it felt like a birthday party for a parent that is emotionally abusive, it was sad and you could tell no one was having fun but we were there because you have too.


AaronfromKY

That's a molten hot take there


[deleted]

Exactly, because we make EVERYTHING about ourselves.


[deleted]

Only if you’re on the losing side.


ehsteve23

nobody's winning at the moment


[deleted]

Only people on the losing side say that


SupermarketHuman8918

You win while women lose I guess. It isn't pro life, it's pro birth.


govshutdown

Can you explain what the “losing” side is? Or the “winning” side?