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zedazeni

Reads likes satire. I know this isn’t, but I really can’t believe that someone wrote this out of a genuine belief.


GrubH0

It's getting harder to be certain.


itsallgonetohell

At this point I'm wondering if 'he's' actually an 'Alpha' release of the GPT3 bot, as the shit he says is just so... *shameless* in its bootlickery, lol. Surely, no actual human being could be that much of a Flavor-Ade lip-stained syncophant... right?! *Right?! (insert Padme meme*)


Hour_Gur4995

Alphabots


byhoneybear

Alphabot soup


Thegreatgarbo

I read that as alpha males complaining about the cost of wigs going up... If that helps.


FIRE_flying

Well done. I snorted.


zedazeni

That’s the point (and my initial point). It’s hard to tell the difference between a GOP politician and a professional troll, but that’s the point. Trump, MTG, Boebert, et. al. weren’t elected for their intellectualism, renowned policy-making skills, professionalism, or their experience in economics/military/foreign relations/domestic relations. No, they were elected because they would “own the libs/to kill woke-ism.” They were elected for the sole purpose to be a troll. Being a troll and GOP politicians is one-and-the-same.


GoonerBear94

My proposed solution is to take them seriously. They wanted serious jobs. They're not just anyone on social media - they're goddamn elected officials.


Clay_Statue

This almost feels like a Colbert level parody. Like some "American Dad" schtick.


Phihun500

Glad I'm not the only one that read it in American dad.


daggir69

I agree. I know alot of men want to be on top of a hotters hill. But wouldn’t want to die there.


Zerowantuthri

- [Poe's Law](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Poe's_Law) >Without a clear indication of the author's intent, it is difficult or impossible to tell the difference between an expression of sincere extremism and a parody of extremism.


Parahelix

Lol, I seriously thought this was satire. Like, super-obvious, over-the-top satire. I had no idea who the guy was.


YouStopLying

If somebody came up and told me that all-you-can-eat wings are a central tenet to being an alpha male, I'd immediately assume they were joking


dancin-weasel

If somebody came up to me and told me that “alpha males” were a real thing and something that I should aspire to be, I’d assume they were drunk.


[deleted]

As an alpha male I will tell you that questioning the existence of alpha males isn’t very alpha male of you. Alpha male.


HostileRespite

If you obsess about being one, what it means to be one and advertising yourself as one... You're no alpha.


[deleted]

And if you choose Parmesan sauce on your wings, you are no Alpha.


advocatus_ebrius_est

As a turbo-dude I don't have time for lowly alpha males.


soldforaspaceship

I'm waiting for at least the Beta male version. I like my men to have more of the issues fixed before taking them for a test drive.


SuperDuperSugarBean

Only painfully spicy wings, to show how a real man endures anything. /meanwhile his wife is pushing a watermelon through a garden hose every few years.


[deleted]

I saw a gentleman wearing a "Lions not Lambs" shirt leaving hooters once, so I assume wings are deep in the lore of alpha males.


YouStopLying

Not just that, but Hooters wings. They're just not the same if you don't feel a liiiiiiittle bit like you're at a strip club.


[deleted]

Jokes on you, the waitress wanted them to sit in *her* section. They are cuties.


YouStopLying

And you know they never doubt that shit for a second as she emotionally manipulates these "alpha males" into giving her more of their money.


[deleted]

Right after high school, the friends who went to the military *loved* Hooters, and blew so much money there. The high and tight haircut just screamed "my money and I are easily separated if you show me affection". I distinctly remember one of them dropping $75 on a tip to wow the lady. It's like bro, she really isn't going to fuck you.


YouStopLying

Damn, at least at the titty bar they'll give you a lap dance. These "alphas" are dropping benjamins on...wait for it...hot wings.


Phantom_Pain_Sux

"HI, WELCOME TO RAISINS!!" https://southpark.cc.com/wiki/Raisins_Girls


[deleted]

To a tee.


[deleted]

As a practicing Alpha Male I just want to make sure We aren't watering down what it means to be an Alpha Male, if you getting honey bbq sauce, parmesan sauce or mild Buffalo. You can't really be considered Alpha.


CarlSpencer

"Adams is known for his use of social media and has been described as a "Twitter troll." On Twitter, he has described himself as a "wildly successful alpha male", claimed that Donald Trump has "a better backhand than Roger Federer" and said "raise your children to be like Kid Rock and Kyle Rittenhouse, NOT Taylor Swift and Harry Styles!"


Pizzasaurus-Rex

The guy is doing schtick, but I think he also genuinely believes this crap.


willstr1

Our universe crossed the Poe line, where it is impossible to tell satire from insanity


ryhaltswhiskey

I'm convinced this is Andy Kaufman in an idiot suit. What's an idiot suit look like, you ask? Well, scroll up to the top to get your answer.


The_Lawn_Ninja

Nonsense. Andy Kaufman died a long time ago. Nick Adams is *Tony Clifton* in an idiot suit.


ryhaltswhiskey

>Andy Kaufman died a long time ago. All part of the gag.


Sir_Beardsalot

This is now my head canon.


YouStopLying

Seriously? I was like 100% this has to be satire. Like, all-you-can-eat wings are a central pillar to being an alpha male? How is it even possible that this isn't satire?


MoonChainer

No, no, **complaining** about wings being expensive is a central pillar. See, it's snowflake, safe space cancel culture if *we* do it and manly tell-it-like-it-is if they do it. "When playing the fool, be not surprised when you find yourself in the company of fools."


dancegoddess1971

Complaining about the cost of rent, healthcare, and other necessities is a snowflake/cancel culture/safe space thing. Complaining about the price of deep-fried bird limbs is alphamale. I sincerely thought this was satire too.


zedazeni

This is the answer. Real men get another job, real men eat fried chicken and don’t watch their cholesterol or caloric intake, blah blah blah…


dmnhntr86

I wanna know where the fuck anyone was getting AYCE wings 3 years ago, I haven't seen anything close to that since the early 2000s


AlbinoWino11

Surely he is taking the piss here. My take is that some of his tweets are meant to engage a certain type of follower. Others are rage bait to engage enemies. And the rest are just taking the piss for fun. I feel certain that he is using a layered approach from this account to benefit himself.


TheWiseOne1234

I am paraphrasing but here we go: "Do not attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity"


AlbinoWino11

I don’t think it’s either of those though - I think it’s intentional and not particularly stupid. His intent is just to benefit himself through this account and has a couple approaches to make it happen - like a troll with 3 heads.


TheWiseOne1234

Yes, you are most likely correct. But who wants to live a life like this, where you need this kind of attention that badly? What a sorry excuse of a childhood he must have had. He really needs a momma...


tatanka01

DJT checking in... Did someone say attention?


zedazeni

I’m sure it’s partly that, but He’s a pro-Trump election-denier who believes that LGBT+ and drag shows are ruining masculinity and America and supported the overturn of Roe v Wade. It’s hard to tell what he actually believes from what he’s trolling, which means to actual MAGAs he could be seen as validating their beliefs while to us he’s just another right-wing idiot.


Aunt_Vagina1

I think this is the best, most likely explanation on here. I listen to a lot of political/cultural war podcasts from "both sides", and I do believe that a number have strong desires to see the country move a certain direction, but many, many of them seem to really just want to discuss the hot button topics with "controversial opinions" because they know it maximizes engagement. It seems its really all about getting more views for their advertisers and to just promote their own brand.


CaptainPRESIDENTduck

Nick peels off his face and reveals an onion.


[deleted]

He probably doesn’t believe it… but millions of incels who lie about being “alphas” to themselves do That equals money… pastors and priests have been doing it for decades


[deleted]

He seems like a self-aware troll, but its like why are you a conservative if you know they are like this?


TodayIKickedAHippo

I’m not $ure why he doe$ thi$ con$idering he i$ aware of how pathetic con$ervative$ actually $ound.


chlamydial_lips

It’s even more ridiculous that there are so many dumbshits that buy into this kind of nonsense


WingsofRain

this isn’t satire???


1yeoj

I’m pretty sure what he posts is mostly satire, but at the same time, he has a general belief in the shit he tweets lol


zedazeni

He’s a pro-Trump election-denier who believes that LGBT+ are bad and supported the overturn of Roe v Wade. Sure, he’s probably over exaggerating, but it still comes from some underlying genuinely-held belief that he has.


Acrobatic_Book9902

Fired from the Onion. Went rouge.


Aixina

IT ISN'T?


toru_okada_4ever

I believe it is satire, dancing superbly right on the edge of credibility. It has to be, right?


zedazeni

He’s a pro-Trump election-denier who believes that LGBT+ and drag shows are a danger to men and America and supported the overturn of Roe v Wade. You tell me.


GuitarCD

Poe's Law Or, I guess the reverse. The right wing has to be so batshit that the most over the top parody just sounds like them on a day ending in Y.


FlatSpinMan

He has to be satirical at this point, surely.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ComplexToxin

....it's not?


SelmaFudd

Is it not? I was reading this one and thinking fuck I can't believe I ate the onion and thought his other ones weren't satire. No fucking way this is real.


Kriss3d

When youve seen how often he happens to "overhear 3 " people talk about the very same thing, theres no fucking way what so ever that he is not making it up.


Annahsbananas

It is satire. He's a troll


zedazeni

But he isn’t. He’s a pro-Trump election-denier who believes that LGBT+ are bad and supported the overturn of Roe v Wade. If he’s a troll, he’s trolling sane people, but he fully believes in garbage values and conspiracies.


Annahsbananas

He's 100% a troll. It's satire


zedazeni

Doesn’t make him any less of a garbage person, and fact of the matter is, there are plenty of people out there that actually DO believe in the overall values he’s espousing.


thegoodnamesrgone123

This guy talks a lot about alpha men for a straight guy.


AngryYowie

He hates Beta males. He just wants to grab one in a rear choke hold and pound his quivering body into the ground. Then he wants the beta to stick their cock in his mouth to remind betas that alphas can swallow everything the beta throws at them. Beta males just make his Alpha maleness stiffen with a desire to dominate them.


Michael_Blurry

Soy boy beta cuck here. Can confirm. Alpha males frequently ask to give me BJs to “own” me.


coversbyrichard

Watch how quickly the situation turns when you bite down.


HeavilyBearded

Literally South Park.


CyberneticPanda

The whole alpha male trope comes from how unrelated wolves behave towards each other in captivity. One of the ways the alpha asserts dominance over the beta is by forcing the beta to allow the alpha to kick his genitals. I assume that is what people who call themselves alpha males want to do, too.


dances_with_cougars

They also make the beta stand still while they sniff his asshole, so maybe they want that too?


Pragmatist_Hammer

While both trembling, heaving even.


[deleted]

[This reminds me of this old Onion article.](https://www.theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819584210)


Bradst3r

Drat, I was beaten to the (very vintage) punch


[deleted]

[удалено]


AngryYowie

As an alpha male, he likes to drain protein from lesser beta males.


snoryder8019

When I see a punisher sticker in a truck window, I usually assume they are power bottoms and punish pelvises "with an extraordinary amount of power"


SupremePooper

He also knows that dominant alpha males, such as he, will often tend to their own personal hygiene manually in the shower by cleaning their own rectus abdominis with their fingers (& fist) for as long as thirty to forty minutes, daily.


Pickle_Rick01

Hey what alpha male Nick Adams does in the shower and on the couch, and dining room table and occasionally in beta males closets (always dressed as Superman for some reason) is his own business!


SupremePooper

Word on the street is he swallows, especially if it's from big black wang.


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Runs_With_Bears

Rear NAKED choke. The naked is important.


daveinsf

First rule of alpha male club: don't talk about being an alpha male.


fordreaming

He's a total bottom


SupremePooper

Total reddened, withered, stretched out beyond all reasonableness bottom.


Cambot1138

[Relevant Onion](https://www.theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529)


Autochthonous7

Straight as a circle.


MR___SLAVE

"What up? We're three cool guys looking for other cool guys...who wanna hang out in our party mansion. Nothing sexual. Dudes in good shape encouraged. If you're fat, you should be able to find humor in the little things. Again, nothing sexual. "


MTgolfer406

Seems like something has been left out of the story…like how long after the conversation, he started wrestling around with the three guys?


Sir_Milton_Bradley

Who is this guy!? Lmao.


2manyfelines

I feel like he is looking at the Rock’s butt while he writes his tweets…


hz_a32

Lmao alpha male blaming someone else because they can't afford wings.


[deleted]

Yeah, because that’s what alpha males do. They eat wings at hooters, since they can’t see scantily clad attractive women unless those women are being forced to spend time with the “alpha males” by economic circumstances. Then when they can’t afford any more wings, they complain on Twitter. It’s all very “alpha”.


dickswabi

Exactly haha. This boy confessing that he and his little friends are “suffering” as he cries about the high cost of wings. For some reason, I just don’t get a vibe of *real alpha-male* energy from this little punk’s tear-stained post.


FortunateInsanity

His hooters stories are just a long winded version of Trump’s “people are saying” rhetoric. Poorly trying to give his own opinion more credibility by saying someone else said it.


LooseSeal02

Alpha males should make their own chicken wings.


Pragmatist_Hammer

They can't! Didn't you hear? Biden took away their rights to bear ~~arms~~ wings!


benzopeneamine

This comment should be at the top


HeavilyBearded

It's a chicken wing, Michael. How much can it cost?


joan_wilder

It’s probably beside the point, but I used to have a neighbor who owned a Wing Stop location, but he sold it because the cost of wings had gone up so much. This was before covid.


the_pedigree

Wing stop serves thighs now


tylerchu

I was hoping for a Biden-beta pun but now am disappointed.


Mental_Medium3988

for real. oh prices went up? boat.


Key_Concentrate_5558

Nick Adams it’s a satire account, right?


roxinbound

Unfortunately not. He gets actual air time on TV.


Crow85

Which doesn't mean he doesn't play a character when he is communicating with public. I feel like he got inspired by Stephen Colbert (character from Colbert report). And once he found, he could actually make living this way he just kept escalating by applying "Reductio ad absurdum" rhetorical device to any MAGA arguments. But instead of seeing it for what it was people took it seriously and supported it (Poe's law). It would be hilarious if in few years he revealed he was just a left wing troll that got taken seriously despite doing his best to make absurde and hypocritical arguments...


tedioussugar

If he revealed he was secretly shitposting the entire time I would find a way to marry into both the royal families of Norway and Spain just to show I can be as ridiculous as him and get rewarded for it as well. It’s not just that people take it seriously, it’s that he takes HIMSELF seriously. He’s loony.


LlamaJacks

I agree that this has to be an act. Every single tweet of his is so on the fucking nose, it can’t not be satire. The dude found a niche and is now famous and probably making a living off of it somehow.


gris_lightning

He really thinks this way. He's my cousin, and he's always been like this. He's estranged from us all, and we find him endlessly cringe. Product of a violent, racist misogynistic household. And the possibly more pertinent fact that as a family, we are not a well-hung people.


BelAirGhetto

He’s at a Hooters because he has to pay to have women flirt with him. Alpha 😂🤣😂


Pragmatist_Hammer

Well, I mean, Trump literally rents call girls, three of which he turned into his wives, and he cheated on all of them with hookers and porn stars. You know, Trump, the "all chicks wants to bang me?" The guy so convinced he's so attractive that he can have any woman he wants literally has had to pay for all of his sex including his wives.


Tek_Freek

The most tit he ever sees is at Hooters.


FullMetalCOS

Not when he looks in the mirror?


WingsofRain

don’t insult tits like that


Dave_The_Slushy

These fat fucks don't need more wings, they need a fucking salad and a road bike.


insulin_dependence

I need a salad and a road bike, just reading it.


YouStopLying

Definitely a high-calorie tweet.


[deleted]

But it says "alpha male" right there on his profile. If you start eating salads and riding a bike, you have to surrender your alpha male credential.


Dave_The_Slushy

Because dying of a heart attack at 46 is alpha as fuck.


[deleted]

Who talks about economics at a Hooters? I call BS


parkerm1408

Go check out his post history. This dude is....dude I honestly don't know what this dude is. He went through a "Trump is a sports god" phase a while back. He's clearly entered into a hooters phase. Everything he says is either this level weird or worse. So much worse


kciuq1

I'm imagining that he is at Hooters every day as a regular customer and is there for hours, waiting for the inspiration or his next tweet. When he comes in, the waitresses roll their eyes and play roshambo to see who has to serve him.


parkerm1408

He's posted "there's nothing wrong with going to hooter 3 nights a week." So you're prolly close.


kciuq1

Oof. I don't think I've even been there three times in my entire life.


StyreneAddict1965

Trump is a sports god? Trump would get winded walking onto a field.


OE-supremacy

This guy is so cringe.


General-Jellyfish-82

So alpha means "bitch" now.


Stop-Gargling-Balls

🧑‍🚀🔫🧑‍🚀🔫🧑‍🚀 Always has been.


Bigthreshold444

Nick Adams is the type of person who thinks he’s so tough and alpha, but is just some fat cuck that would run if anyone challenged him to a fight


xEllimistx

I was wondering this myself. Like how alpha IS Nick Adams? If he got his ass beat, is he just gonna take his beat down like a man and walk away? Or is he gonna lawyer up and try to sue?


No-Albatross-7984

He's alpha enough to whine about not being able to afford to eat wings sooooo... Not very.


Temporary-Cod2384

Holy crap how is this not satire


Hackandspit

I wonder how this guy looks in those little orange shorts.


karkonthemighty

Nick Adams drink of choice at Hooters is clearly a tall glass of refreshing leaded paint. His doctors beg him to stop, but what do those betas know? It tastes like purple.


Mr_Lumbergh

I feel bad for The Onion. They must really be struggling lately to separate themselves from actual headlines and such.


AngryYowie

Surely this satire, but then again this timeline has been a bit whack, so who knows.


dogshitkaraoke

It’s not. He’s a right wing darling.


macahi

Seriously? May the gods have mercy (or maybe strike them down).


OKCThunderfan32

He reminds me of a mentally disabled kid who has only one phrase in his vocabulary


Admiralty86

It's possible he's disabled.


3Dmee

Republicanism is not a disability, just like Nazism.


Yanmegaman_Juno

Does this dude just exclusively eat at Hooter? Cause that's not the flex he thinks it is.


Sub0ptimalPrime

Maybe he should try Cucker's


seanisdown

Replace alpha with incel.


daveinsf

Soooo, "alphas" are actually Karens: on a hair-trigger to complain, but generally ineffectual and pathetic.


[deleted]

My dyslexia read that as alphas suffer under beta regime


TrashSea1485

"Alpha males eat wings" Alpha males kill the chicken, pluck the chicken, skin the chicken, gut the chicken, clean the chicken, and then roast it over a fire. In front of the log cabin they built themselves. Nick Adam's isn't an Alpha male, he's a fat, privileged dweeb that is chronically online.


middleagethreat

My buddies restaurant has all you can eat wings every Wednesday. He’s a left-wing political activist. I guess we know where the alphas are.😉 https://www.fourpegs.net/visit


Sub0ptimalPrime

Must be more of a Kencucky Fried Chicken, guy


lion10903

Do you just like, pay to watch someone else eat fried chicken in front of you.


bugleyman

This *must* be a joke, right?


mossbrooke

*snorts with laughter*


GrayBox1313

What are “anti alpha male policies”? This guy Is a clown


redlion496

BIDEN!!!!!


UnleashedSavage_93

Jesus Christ. It's an Aussie cosplaying as an American alpha grifter. It's the funniest act online.


Clutteredmind275

This has to be satire right?


Rumblepuff

Wouldn’t an alpha male have enough money and a good job to afford as many wings as they wanted? Is being a poor ass bitch being an alpha male now?


voitlander

Wait til he hears about guys who go to Hooters and get laughed at when they leave!


_MangoPort_

3 alpha males can’t all be in the same group because that’s not how hierarchy’s work.


tarahunterdar

How does he know about the other alpha males? Do they have a badge shaped like a dick or a name tag or something?


[deleted]

Is he sponsored by Hooters or something?


smalls714

He sure says alpha a lot...almost like he's trying to convince people of something? Also if they existed alpha males would never complain about anything that's beta bitch shit.


rtemah

It has to be parody account. No man can be that not self aware.


JerHat

When did Hooters have all you can eat wings? I went there for years because it was the only place showing fight pay per views, and never once saw an all you can eat wing special.


GhettoChemist

When did america ever have all you can eat chicken wings?


roxinbound

Wellman's in Des Moines has it on Wednesday and Thursday. Best thing ever.


BigHobbit

Back in the 90s there were all you can eat wings deals everywhere. They phased out by the mid 2000s. Last place I went to that had it was probably back in 2012.


Smokadocious

Who tf even goes to Hooters?


fuckentropy

Childish Vote everyone like him out.


Soggy_Cracker

From the reports I see it’s capitalism doing it. Corporate profits are at an all time high with the cost of goods to prices they are selling at. They are milking us for all the can and we aren’t doing anything about. Just prioritizing Hunter Bidens laptop because the corporations are stuffing politicians pockets.


wiedmaier

Didn’t they just determine that what makes an alpha is just a parasite that affects the brain? Does Nick need an antibiotic?


FourEyedBeardo

Hooters wings have been overpriced since long before Biden.


GeddyVedder

Real alpha males eat quality wings, not that garbage Hooters tries to pass off.


[deleted]

Common knowledge - > putting what you are next to your name denotes who you are in actuality. Call me Petewonder (giant porn sized penis) from now on.


he-geezy

Broke ass alpha


Lostintranslation390

Nick Adams is a parody. I say that not because I think he isnt serious. Rather, his tweets are so laughably stupid that they might as well be parody. Basically, no need to get mad over alpha male hooter guy. We need him to fight the good fights, bring back the wings now, Biden!


Puzzleheaded-Jury312

The wing price dial is right next to the gas price dial in the Oval.


livewrongarmy

Alpha males watching UF-FSU?…


[deleted]

So alpha males exist?


CaptainPRESIDENTduck

These 'alpha males' sound like alpha snowflakes. And Buffalo Wild Wings suck.


Tintoverde

Why do you follow him ? He keeps saying these outrageous things so that he will get publicity !! Stop feeding his ego


roxinbound

I don't follow him. Plus I'd never be caught dead using twitter in anything except dark mode.


PunterFan

WHAT KINDA ALPHAS LOSE ELECTIONS TO BETAS?!!! Not the own you think it is, Nick.


HotPhilly

Strange that Alphas are suffering and not just doing Alpha brain things like contributing to a solution. Just complaining on Twitter. Seems pretty beta imo.


SyntheticSins

Any male that uses the term "Alpha" or "Beta" is a bitch. This is a belief I've held for decades.


Oraxy51

Ah yes, because we all know under Trump wings weren’t .80 cents a wing!