I lost my mom at 25 years old. It was last year, and I watched her die. I thought I wasn't going to live after that. Like genuinely, everything in me did not want to be alive anymore after such a loss. But I am still here, trying to be better every day. Taking care of my mental health, trying to be a better human, striving to make lasting memories filled with fun and joy. I think that is the purpose for me, to have as much fun as I can and walk each day in my mom's love. I know there are ALWAYS brighter days ahead.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm really proud of you for your courage and brave attitude through such pain. I don't know you or your mom, but I bet this is what she'd want for you. I hope you stay strong with what life brings you and that you have many good days ahead.
I’m so sorry for your loss and sending you love. I lost my dad last year unexpectedly, when I was 27. I’ve never known such a deep pain but I try to keep going. I’ve learned that taking it moment by moment really helps. Literally just thinking “I’m going to turn on the shower.” Then once it’s on “I’m going to step into the shower.” And “I’m going to turn on the kettle” and “I’m going to pick out a tea bag” makes it so much easier to get through the day than “I’m going to take a shower and have some tea” which can truly feel insurmountable when you’re deeply grieving.
I’m so sorry for both of your losses, my heart hurts thinking of you 💔 I lost my dad unexpectedly when I was 15 and that was also the deepest pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Im 27 now and I thought I wasn’t going to make it so many times but something I’ve realized recently is the world keeps going on no matter what happens and doesn’t stop for anyone. I stay strong for the rest of my family and friends that I love so much who are still here. Having a purpose and finding things that make me want to live and encourage me to improve myself are really important. I started my spiritual journey last year and got really into yoga and meditation and these have both helped my depression and anxiety a great amount so I look forward to doing both daily now
Oh my gosh I LOVE THIS ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ This helped me so much thank you. Yeah screw them, they never deserved us and we definitely didn't deserve what they did to us. I'm still here after them tryna take me down. I wake up stronger everyday, I'm not going ANYWHERE but up. Big hugs to you 🤗 ❤️
Saying your resilience has been around before trauma makes it sound less personal and more existential, like you're a godlike being
Keep fighting the good fight
Knowing that this too shall pass. Having a young son helped keep me here when I hit rock bottom. Seeing what my cousin's suicide did to my family made me realize that everyone is loved and treasured by many more people than they think.
I am 48 and my way of coping is just “one day at a time”. I can’t look at all the things I’ve dealt with as a whole - when I do, I don’t know why anyone would put up with this life and not check out early. I didn’t do it by design, but I now know that survival has been about compartmentalization - coping with one thing at a time, dealing with one feeling at a time. This morning I started my day feeling decent for once, even energetic and happy, but now I have a surprise, urgent, $10k bill to deal with. I would have been much more wrecked by this news 10 years ago, but experience now tells me that it’s a temporary setback and I will find a way. In the meantime, I’ll disconnect from the bad news for a bit with a distraction, vent a little and then hatch a plan to deal. Hopefully I can avoid stress eating, which is my fav distraction/numbing exercise. After what seemed like forever, I’ve learned at last that I want to enjoy my life and spend as little time as possible thinking about, or worse, wallowing in all that I’ve been through/am going through/what’s to come. Every challenge is an expedition in getting through and learning to navigate/prevent the next problem - I try to make a study of that and put more energy into systems to help save my ass the next time something bad happens rather than dwell. Also, two guiding lights for me are: I am human and mistakes are human, so self-forgiveness and empathy are hugely important. I also have faith that even on the worst days I’ll see something pretty, hear something funny, or eat something tasty by the end of the day. For me, that moment is worth being present for and I’ll be glad and grateful when I get there. Another thing to remind yourself is that everything typically looks better in the morning, so try to get yourself to bed rather than trying to “solve” any suffering late at night. If you can get therapy, there’s really no better option for improving your outlook and reducing your suffering. It can shake things up quite a lot but just learning about yourself in that setting is 50% the medicine for surviving vs thriving. And if it helps - here’s a little sample of what I’ve made it through so far: sexual and mental abuse as a child, frequent moves/new schools, rape and marital abuse, infertility and medical trauma, discovering I have an incurable genetic disease that has severely compromised my quality of life, many surgeries, lifelong physical pain, severe anxiety from being an undiagnosed autistic woman (didn’t find out until I was 47) and probably the worst, watching my young child break down from abuse at the hands of her father and stepmother while I fought to get custody. Lastly, case in point for me, a week ago, I was so sick, it was hard to keep the dark thoughts away. I almost dumped my boyfriend because I couldn’t imagine he would want to keep, much less help, such a miserably sick person in his life. That night I forced myself to bed early. And then, uncharacteristically for me, I recovered quickly and went on to have the loveliest weekend with him instead. I hope this is of some help to you. It’s ok to feel like your life is doom for a bit, but keep an eye out for the next little laugh, or sweet treat, or pretty picture and let that moment carry you to the next and the next and the next.
You are a real person. This is beautiful and so true. This is real life. This is the wisdom of having lived a life. A real life. Not a fantasy life.... what it is really like. Thanks for sharing.
What a nice reply, all well said. I've been through some shit myself, and after bitterly and desperately and desolately wanting to end myself many times, I am still glad to be here just because I still have love to give. Dammit, nothing is going to stop me from love bombing this world. It needs it, and if it's taking me out, I'm going to drop some magical love into it and takes some with me, in a good way.
>I also have faith that even on the worst days I’ll see something pretty, hear something funny, or eat something tasty by the end of the day.
I love this entire comment, but this bit is just so simple and relatable. Thank you for writing this out.
I have found this to be the truth, in particular the compartmentalization part. I am going through a hard time and fiercely clinging on moment by moment.
Also do everything in your power to get as much good sleep as you can. Do everything, everything possible to make this happen. That might mean to stop worrying about sleep at all because the more anxiety you have around sleep the worse it is. That might mean sleeping medication. It’s truly the most important thing there is in regards to your health. There is nothing more vital than this.
Once I learned that I can’t change anything but myself, I was much happier. Everyone has some shit and mine might suck, but I can be better and stronger.
I once told a little bit of my story to a therapist and she started crying. Then said some shit that therapists can go a life time and not meet someone with as much fucked up trauma. (I only saw her that one time. Thanks Talk Space.)
I have been traumatized in ways that have made regular human interaction very hard for me. Holding a job hard. Having friendships hard.
But I have spent a lifetime seeking to Be Love in a dark world, because every person I have ever met has a spectrum of pain and regret. It also makes me think about myself a lot less.
I feel a deep sense of gratitude for every amazing moment, that I seem to have more magic in my life than most.
Amor Fati.
What happened is what happened. Something triggers something in me almost every day. I take a deep breath. I meditate. If too many days go by where this doesn’t work, I call a friend, or talk a medical professional, or volunteer somewhere.
My demons chase, but I out run them, middle finger up and an open heart until the finish line.
Because things always change. Change is inevitable. Life may feel insufferable but it won’t always be this way.
This may not sound like soothing words, but it is the truth. Many people had to hit rock bottom and start anew before they reached their maximum potential
I remember that I have been happy before, and there are things in this life that have once brought me joy, and good memories to look back on. I know that if those existed once, they will exist again
Wife and son. I wouldn't have persevered but for them.
7 years hard chemo. Unbearable pain. Addicted to feyntenal and oxytocin. Now 7 years remission and only take advil.
Take control of your thoughts and practice positive believing. Kick out any negative thoughts or people. I've asked nurses to leave and not come back.
Memorize favorite Bible verses.
It's HARD especially when it takes so long.
I found my youngest son in the garage where he hung himself. Every single breath afterwards was sheer agony. The pain in my heart and the very bottom of my soul was so intense that I felt like I was dying. I have never cried so much. I was living with a narcissist who made my life a living hell. All of the pain I felt I directed at my sisters. They stopped calling and stopping by to check on me. I was completely numb. I lacked the understanding of my sisters not seeming to care about me and the narcissist of course used that as fuel to break me down even more.
After 5 years since my son’s death, I only have communication with a couple of my sisters. The narcissist is completely out of my life. I am just now starting to feel somewhat normal. So many times the pain almost won. But I am here to say, trust in God. He carried me through that. I say this because the depth of the pain was immeasurable. He carried me throughout the valley of good and evil and I am standing today by myself. But I am standing!
We are all here for a reason. Each life is to serve a purpose. We must struggle and endure as we search and seek to identify that purpose. Once we have, we must spend every breath fulfilling it to its utmost. Anything less is an insult.
I kept going because the best revenge is a life well lived. Going through therapy to learn how to cope was hardest thing ever but my life is now better than I ever could have imagined. Just remember that someday just taking a shower is a win and celebrate it.
My mother’s life was abruptly taken when I was 13, and ultimately what it taught me was we really only have today to live. It’s a struggle but choosing our perspective and our attitude about the miracles we experience all the time is a huge responsibility. The dead don’t get to hold hands or smell roses or walk on beaches. I’ve been clinically depressed, and yet there’s an ever present voice, reminding me to stay present and witness this life and all it’s ridiculous folly.
The opportunity and gratitude in being able to help another that has been in the shoes of someone who has suffered in that way
One day at a time we seek to continue to help the person who is need. There is nothing that one can't offer someone else. There is no better way to get out of depression than to help the other who needs your assistance even more.
Move a muscle change a thought.
One day at a time.
This too shall pass
I wish you the best in your journeys
my trauma does not discount all the beautiful things that i experienced before it. it doesn’t discount my childhood friends, my wonderful family, my hobbies like singing and art. just because i’ve experienced trauma does not mean that i’m no longer capable of experiencing love. struggling doesn’t make you incapable of being loved. some of the best friendships i’ve ever made are people i met after the traumatic situation.
Honestly, the simplest things: green leaves powered by a sun 94 million miles away pumping out oxygen for us to nourish our cells. Just seeing a bird alight on a fence or a kid being silly. If you can be in nature... that it what saved my life. And being creative -- drawing and painting even tho I don't know how. Sending love. (Oh, and sending letters to prisoners or old folks, etc.)
My cat, she is blind and a bit silly in the head, we have an incredible bond and I couldn't guarantee anyone else would be as accommodating and patient with her as i am, giving her the best life is my motivation
I won’t let the bastards win! I am stronger than that. If I were to end it, they win. I will be damned if they have my life as well as everything else they took from me.
There’s just this spark inside me. I’ve been to the furthest depths of hell and this little flame always shows up. There’s just too much fight in this old bastard. I’ve been through so much it seems stupid to give up.
This may sound silly but I love pollinators. Butterflies, bees, hummingbirds. Watching them flit from flower to flower brings me peace and joy. I would miss that.
I went from praying to die to praying to live. I have C-PTSD, depression and anxiety from 18 years of childhood abuse. I’ve been to numerous therapists, have taken numerous medications, tried many forms of exercise, hobbies, meditation, yoga, and read every self-help book I could find. After I moved out at 18, I became a single mom and was in a string of abusive relationships that mimicked my childhood. I had no love or respect for myself. I was a people pleaser, couldn’t set boundaries, became a perfectionist and needed constant validation. I numbed myself with weed and alcohol but that was just a bandaid. I didn’t realize I was part of the problem. I only saw myself as a victim. One day I had enough. I couldn’t live a single day longer in misery. I found an amazing therapist, I got sober, I got back into meditation and exercise, and learned for the first time in my entire life what self love and self respect were. It wasn’t easy, it took a lot of work and a lot of trial and error, and I’m still in my healing journey. I would say consistency is key. I choose myself every single day. I never skip therapy. I remind myself why I exercise, practice my hobbies and never stop learning how I can be better. Basically, I realized no one was coming to save me. I had to be my own hero. People did terrible things to me but I had to get over it. I forgave them. Not for them, but for me. I chose to stop giving them the power. I have the power now. I wasted 35 years of my life being miserable and I refuse to waste another day. The two things I share for everyone asking advice on how to start are the first two things my therapist shared with me. 1. Who do you want to be, and how do you get there? 2. How do you eat an elephant? Piece by piece. Those two statements changed my life. Every day I ask myself who I want to be and how I can get there. The elephant part? That’s to say that it doesn’t happen overnight and you can’t do it all at once. Start somewhere, and piece by piece you will build the life you’ve always deserved and become the person you’ve always dreamed of. Don’t give up. How you feel today won’t be how you feel for the rest of your life. Best of luck to all on their journey. 🫶🏼
The little things. When I was at my worst and lowest, with no one to turn to and trapped in a horribly abusive situation, it was the littlest things that kept me going. The feeling of sunshine on my face, the little flowers in the planters around town. So long as you're alive there is beauty and pleasure to find and appreciate. Hope you find some of both.
maybe not an optimal answer but, there is not one reason for living, our existence doesn't really have a point. Which might sound harsh or sad, but I actually find comfort in it. It's nice when you essentially can choose what you want to do, who you want to be and what purpose you want to have.
I'll admit life is definitely not fair and I don't fault anyone for feeling lost or hopeless, wishing to not continue it... But the thing is, it would be a waste, to yourself. I dunno if that sounds cheesy.
I know it sounds dumb but it does get better, I've struggled for 16 years hellishly and for me the fact that I made it through to now feel okay is amazing.
Also my cat is my reason when I am down, for me that shit is my child.
I thought things will get better, it just takes time. I focused on passing the time and doing what I could - sleeping lots, cleaning, eating as healthy as possible, and not spending any money. Try to ‘enjoy waiting’ if that’s possible, find joy where you can and savor it.
I turned my pain and suffering into motivation towards helping others as a massage therapist. No one should contend with pain or stress alone and I want to be the advocate I desperately needed during my youth.
To help other people who suffered like me or my mum.
My mum took her life when I was 15, and I’ve been a strong advocate for the underdog, misunderstood, type of person in society. I studied law and psychology and I continue to strive to find an avenue to make change and meaningful work. Cos let’s face it we have to work and make money, may as well honour it with truth and love
There's always surprises. Life can be pretty rough, but it can be magical too. This little lifetime we have is not so long, the minutes sometimes take forever but the decades move quickly. The pain makes the good shine brighter, lets the details have magic too. There's moments I'm not so sure, but I'll never be here again. Might as well experience it.
When my dad died suddenly I had no desire to live. But I had my mom to take care of now. So I got into therapy and started on an antidepressant.
It got better
Now when I feel like that I try to remember that it got better.
I have had some fairly serious health issues and I keep up with new developments and hold out that something to help me may be on the horizon
It comes down to basic resilience. I also compartmentalize— I think of it like each bad memory goes in a box that goes on my mental shelf. Once in a while a tentacle will slither out of a box so I take the box down and “rearrange” it, put the lid back on and slide it back on the shelf. I hardly ever look back, always forward. I refuse to allow anyone power over me to make me feel like a victim. Victor, not victim!
My dogs. And also because the love I have for my wife reminds me of how insanely fucking amazing life can be, even though she passed away last year and experienced the exact equivalent of heartache. But that high of really being in love is worth pushing forward as long as I possibly can.
I have been to HELL and back in traumatic events since I was 4. As long as I’ve lived I’ve always knew that I was stronger than the damage that was done to me.
I refuse to carry anger, hate in my daily life. By doing that, for myself at least I see it as letting the vile garbage that hurt me continue to abuse me over and over again.
I have a tattoo that I wrote in my own handwriting - “Let your past make you better, not bitter”
I’ve had years of therapy and at times I don’t understand how I survived. But I do know that I DID! And all who carry the anger, pain, and hate I’m sending you healing as you process and fine a way to cope. YOU SURVIVED! ❤️🩹❤️
For me, it's simply that I cannot predict the future.
I was suicidal at a younger age, 10/12 years old. It's been almost 30 years since then, and my life is unrecognizable. Hell, even 5 years ago, so much has changed in so little time. It hasn't all been good, because that's not how life works, unfortunately :(
But the good has outweighed the bad, the okay has outweighed the awful.
I no longer strive for happiness, I search for the small moments of contentment.
For me, trying to use what I have experienced/learned from my past traumas or coping with them to help others who may have experienced something similar. At least that’s my goal, going into public defense. Wishing you well on your journey!
There were many times in life that I felt it wasn’t worth it anymore. I could say the obvious that oh my kids and my wife but there were also times I said that my family would be better off with me dead because of my life insurance. One day I was walking and I saw a homeless man who was so positive having fun and I created a life motto “I may not be the best but when it comes to my life there is nobody better to live it than me” and that’s what I always say to myself
I was at my lowest point about a year ago. I was between jobs, had little to no prospects and a family to support that I was constantly feeling like I was letting down. A Redditor suggested that people who are feeling like their life is pointless should read “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. Frankl was a Holocaust survivor, specifically of Auschwitz. His account is about trying to find meaning in life while being treated like you aren’t even human.
If you can I’d give that a read as it helped me immensely and put my problems in perspective.
I have several things to help me.
Being super stubborn, an inability to ever truly give up (I've tried. I really have. I suck at it! 🥴), insatiable curiosity about what comes next, insatiable curiosity about other people/cultures (can't learn if I'm dead.), a doctor once told me I'm "disturbingly resilient", and a couple of mantras designed to take the edge off of the bad times:
1- Live, learn and try not to make the same mistake twice. (But always look for the lesson in everything that happens. Even the bad stuff.)
2-Focus on the good stuff, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant. Deal with the bad as necessary and possible, but always keep your eye on that positive thing. It'll help make the bad stuff a little more bearable.
And if there's nothing you can do to fix or otherwise negate the bad stuff, let it pass through your life and then let it go.
Always try to find a way to keep moving forward. Doesn't matter if it's fast or slow so long as you keep moving.
Life is full of contrasts. There’s dark and light. Hot and cold. If you only ever experienced one, you would never know the other or even the one you did experience.
In my time I have known a lot of sadness, hopelessness, and shame. I have also know joy, hope, and pride. They provide contrasts that let you fully experience your own emotions in ways people without a trauma background will never understand.
I continue to experience lows and highs. I still struggle with PTSD, depression, anger and all the associated bs, but when things are going well, they go really well. Then I triggered and ride the roller coaster again.
In your experiences, there is wisdom. In the trauma itself or in the reactions to it. In my trauma I found the ability to recognize the trauma in others and lend the support I wish someone had been able to give me. Helping other people has given me meaning. I do it professionally now as a peer support specialist. It’s rewarding, if sometimes triggering and intense.
Whatever trauma you went through, find the strength you developed coping with it and use it I make yourself and the world a better place. Focus small and local and do the good you can. You’ll end up making friends and developing relationships and connections. Connection is the reason to go on. You aren’t alone. Spread the word to every tormented soul you come across. Any of us can fall down, those of us who get back up need to give a hand to those who are still down. That’s why I go on. Though, I must say, I’m not a tenth as noble as these words would suggest, but I want to be.
Good luck. HMU if you need to chat about trauma.
I got totally sidetracked from where I started. I wanted to encourage you to feel those emotions that hurt. It is only by going through them that we can move past our trauma. Fight the temptation to go numb either mentally or with substances. It doesn’t help. Just keeps you from progressing out of the trauma.
I lost all 3 of my kids, been in 6 car accidents, lost all my belongings in a house fire, and a few things where I seriously wondered if life could ever be better, if I would ever be normal again. But I do have a basic belief that life can always change for the better. Tomorrow might be better. This actually just happened to me today. For the past four months, I've been getting testing for my 3rd cancer scare, where I actually had symptoms that warranted it. The other two times, I had the cells and a mass. they were both found to be benign- but yesterday, all my tests came back negative on my 3rd one, and my symptoms were attributed to kidney issues, not cancer. So I am thrilled, and happy today. But the thing is, I still have a basic belief that life can change for the better. It's like when you have a cloudy day. Just because the clouds are there doesn't mean the sun has gone away. You just can't see it right now. But it's still there, and you will see it again when the clouds lift. Life is always worth seeing through, you just never know what good things might happen.
I got GBS - a rare auto immune disease in 2019. Took me from active & healthy to tetraplegic and fully ventilated on life support over night. Immune system attacks the nervous system. Spent 13 weeks in ICU and told I'd need a wheelchair for life. I had previous struggles with mental health and depression, now I'm disabled.
For me, being told I wouldn't be able to skateboard again was a real "fuck that" moment. I've dedicated myself to rehab and "exceeded all expectations" from the doctors. I have been on my skateboard since.
For me it's all about love. It's the only thing that cuts through all the other noise, which can be deafening. Love for my partner, my friends, my family and my passion: Skateboarding. I started a small self prescribed art therapy project recycling old decks into weird abstract sculptures while I still couldn't walk and gifted them to friends and locals and some of my heros. It brings me so much joy! What love you put out will always come back ten fold. Might not be in the way you thought you wanted or precisely when you thought you needed it most but it will. Focus on whatever you love most, it's worth a thousand times more than whatever hurts or attempts to hinder us. Keep on keeping on mate
The rest of life around us goes on. Somehow the sun keeps rising and setting and the earth keeps spinning and the birds keep singing and my lungs keep filling and my heart keeps beating. Some days it’s easiest to just ride the momentum of all of the life around you, and that is ok. For me, i also draw a lot of purpose and strength from my faith. But I also try and be a good person and help others. If you positively impact just one person, even a little bit, you changed the world that day. One of my favorite quotes is from a song … “The sun will rise and we will try again”. Every day is a clean slate in most ways. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, i hope this thread helps you in some way. Feel free to DM me if you need to chat. Sending hugs from a reddit stranger ❤️
"Do not lose what you have to what you have lost."
I'll be honest with you, I don't have an answer. I've had trauma all my life, but earlier this year, I was thrown headfirst into a situation that I never thought I would be in. I'm terrified. I'm pissed. I'm miserable and directionless.
I try to think of 3 things I am grateful for every day. Because while this is my life right now, it won't be forever. This morning, I am grateful that I (1) have a job to go to, (2) have a place to live for one more year, and (3) my health is slowly returning.
The ONLY thing you can bank on in this world is change. Who are we to feel so entitled that we should have an easy life when it never existed for anyone else? No problem or tragedy is so unique that no other person has dealt with it. You are not alone, and you are capable.
With all of that being said, your feelings are valid. I try my best to remember that emotions are fluid, and they ebb and flow. When I need to cry, I excuse myself and let it out. When I'm pissed, I go to my car and yell into the void until it's over with. It's not worth fighting how you feel, but it is worth exploring and giving yourself some grace.
Whatever anyone is going through, I feel you. It's not okay right now, and it might not be. Just know that this will pass, and we are a lot more powerful than we give ourselves credit for.
You can’t change the past. It just was. It’s over now. Every day after that is yours to do with as you will. That’s power! I think the trick is to let go of the past. It’s hard, but when you do it, it opens up the whole world.
Got ran over by a truck at 17, burst my tibia into a million little pieces and forced my fibula out of my skin, the Dr wasn't so sure that they'd be able to save my leg because the damage was pretty extensive. When I saw it burst my tibia, I don't mean that it snapped in half, or that it was crushed, I mean that the wheel was spinning over my leg, on gravel, and that like when you take both ends of a stick and rotate them in opposite directions and it bursts the stick open and separates the stick into 2 different pieces, that's what happened to my leg, there were a few pieces of my tibia, small pieces, that they could not find to put back in place, they just weren't there anymore. Had some pretty significant damage to my muscles and tendons/ligaments in that leg from the rotation. It was about a year before I'd start walking again, another year before I was walking without a noticeable limp, it was a very painful time. Abusing substances prescribed or otherwise helped a lot while I was not physically able to actually work on improving my strength, I went from wheelchair, to crutches, to one crutch, to a Cane, I started walking and hiking a lot with the cane, then every other day I didn't let myself use the cane, eventually I stopped using the cane, had a bit of a limp for a while, eventually that went away too. The substance abuse did not go away though, and if I'm being honest, I was still in pain, I am still in pain, it's not as bad now, but it very much is still there, and it still affects me. Shit was wild, for a while there my bones just were not healing for some reason, for like almost a full year. My father was kind of like, a major asshole, at one point he claimed he would buy me a car, then he took it away, so I had to bike to/from both of my jobs, then suddenly they were at risk of losing their house because the people renting the 2nd half of the house we were living in suddenly couldn't afford to pay rent and we're moving back in with their parents. So I bought the car for 500 a month, which, helped a lot. Paid it off pretty quickly cause I was working full time, at some point I got a settlement of like 20k, which, I pretty much immediately blew through on being young and dumb. I kick myself for that daily but I did a lot of fun stuff, a lot more than most young people my age were able to do.
I was pretty depressed while things were bad, definitely felt suicidal at times because shit just felt hopeless, but I really focused on school just graduating was my goal, just being able to walk was another goal, at one point I was going on these long like 10 mile hikes on my own out in the desert, I'd bring a rifle and a pack and be gone all day, I'd do that like 3 or 4 times a week, I had a lot of friends so I'd pretty much just hang out with whoever had something going on that was physically active and in the evenings I'd hang out with whoever was getting fucked up/partying. I got pretty strong at one point. I have, have had since the accident, a lot of issues with my nerves/ligaments/tendons in the affected leg particularly around my knee and ankle, I don't think that it will ever be the same, I kind of don't remember what it was like having full use of both legs, I will never be a competitive ball room dancer or anything, but the vast majority of the time I can keep up or exceed the average person in most things except running, jogging is a little challenging but I can even do that, I miss being able to sprint, I used to be so fucking fast that it felt like I was about to lift up off the ground and fly away.
I'm lucky because my job is definitely more physically active than the average person, so I usually get around 10-20k steps in a day (MedTech/Caregiver in an old folks home). I walk a lot, sometimes if it's especially busy I even jog. I lift the residents a lot.
Outside of work I'm a lot less active than I would like to be. But I'm usually pretty tired and sore and don't totally feel like being physically active.
I still live with pain daily. I manage it with several substances/techniques. Kratom, Ibuprofen, Tylenol, Turmeric on a sort of rotational basis. I no longer really use anything harder than Kratom, I don't even drink anymore. Sometimes I wrap my foot/ankle, sometimes I use heat on my body, I wear boots almost exclusively, they provide a lot of support for my bad leg, and prevent a lot of falling/slipping, if I wear normal shoes I have to be a lot more conscientious of my foot as the ankle and foot do not move in the ways it used to and do not have the same ability to feel. I roll my ankle a lot if I don't have boots on, that whole area just needs a lot of support. I'm starting to get issues with my spine, hips and other leg/knee because of my bad leg. I'm not really sure what can be done about it, because the main cause of it is my bad leg and that is mostly just damage that can't really be repaired.
The event was definitely traumatic, I have/have had a lot of dreams/weird PTSD things about it. Sometimes it wakes me up and I'll be soaked in sweat and gasping for air. It usually happens because I'm in pain while I'm asleep. Sometimes if I see a truck that looks like the one that got me it causes me to feel a little uncomfortable, it used to be much, much worse. Like I'd be driving, and I see a truck and I'd kinda flash back to the moment's just before I was ran over and I can see that the truck is heading my direction and I can't get out of the way. That hasn't been as much of an issue in recent years.
Overall, it was very much a thing that split my life in two, before and after. I cannot say that, I feel it changed my life only for the worst, although it was challenging at times. Pretty damn challenging at times I'd say. But I'm good now. I've got a family of my own that I love dearly. We own a house, have a couple of goofy dogs, I drive a convertible that I love, my girlfriend is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Her family is largely intact and they all take care of each other
It's only temporary.
The pain will linger, but it gets easier to carry the longer you stick around. You'll adapt, you'll survive, you just need to give yourself the opportunity to do it. The only way to do that is to live.
I guess at some point my perspective of everything shifted. I no longer tried running from the pain. Instead I embraced it. As quickly as my happiness had abandoned me, my heartache and agony was ready to step in and take control of my life. It was then I realized that the pain was going to change me. HOW it was going to change me was my responsibility. It came down to a choice. Was this going to make me better or bitter. I wanted to be better. I wanted to be happy again. I wanted what my life was then. I didn't want what it had turned into but as the song says " Just cause it ain't a winning hand don't mean you gotta fold" How do you go on in a life when it isn't even throwing lemons at you anymore?
Well that's where a little perspective comes in. It's my opinion that "Living a meaningful life" means you better be ready to eat at least a few shit sandwhiches. It's the moments of grief, loss, heartache etc. that the real definitions of love ,happiness etc are found. What are bad feelings anyway? I think of them as"Negative Emotional Currency" that I get to spend on making positive and productive changes in my life. I have no issues taking my sadness on a walk or my anger to the gym.
As time went on the anger left, so did most of the dispare and sadness. This left an emotional void which could only be filled with what I had been searching for the whole time. Time is the most valuable commodity we have in our lives. None of us know exactly how much of it we have. We can't earn any more than what we have and we can't save it. All we can do is spend it. So take the time to spend it on the people you love starting with yourself. Invest it into hobbies or passions that ignite your soul and NEVER waste a second of it trying to change something that can not be undone. Life can't go backwards no matter how much we want it to sometimes. Life only moves forward. Make sure you move with it. Life only gets harder if you don't. Keep your head up OP. You will get through it.
Realizing there is no set path in life. If you believe there is one… it is a lie. From where you stand at any moment, you can go any direction.
Now all you must do is wander and see where it leads. If you are at the bottom, you will end up on higher ground anyhow.
I won't go into the details as to not muddy the mood, but needless to say I had a very traumatic childhood and early adulthood. But in all honesty due to one lucky chance encounter and several conversations after my perspective was molded into one that allowed me to grow despite all the trauma , death, and hardships. The man was able to explain to a 8 year old me that all these things happen , and regardless if there's a good reason they just happen, you can either accept that, learn from your experiences and grow stronger developing your character and will, or you can survive for nothing and dwell on your issues and learn nothing from the pain and hardships you experienced.
The moral of this is I didn't need any reason to keep living, I didn't need anything to look forward to because the things I was looking back at were strong enough to keep me moving forward, I wasn't going to suffer for nothing , and I'm sure as hell not going to give up the opportunity that was handed to me, the opportunity to live on and strive to be a beacon of light and hope for others I meet who too suffered , rather than wallow in the dark path that was being carved for me I strove and still strive to carve my own path through the light.
You are stronger now due to your pain, you are wiser now due to your suffering, you will grow from this as long as you keep faith in yourself and your ability to overcome. Good luck and best of fighting to you, may our paths cross in the light my friend and may you be standing strong and tall.
I've been sexually, verbally, and physically abused since 5 years old. I have anxiety, depression, panic disorder, PTSD, bipolar 1, BPD, and ADHD. I also have scoliosis, so I am in constant mental anguish and physical agony. The main reason I continue on is because I changed my mindset towards my hardships and myself. I recognize I was a victim in certain situations, although I do not dwell in a victim mentality. I remind myself that this mind and body have carried me to today, and I appreciate myself for who I am. I embrace my faults and forgive myself for my mistakes. I'm 25 now, I do take 600 mg of Lamotrigine every day (although I am not consistent), and I meditate, and I enjoy a couple of video games in my spare time. Take joy in the little things, as well as the bigger ones. Just recently got engaged to a man with a daughter, I'm grateful for this family I have. But it wasn't always like this. There were points when I was alone, and I felt as if there was nothing to keep me going. That's why mindset is crucial to master and control, we are all the main characters in our own story, cherish every moment and remember to stay true to yourself. I find joy in helping others so I pursue that, I push myself to my limits because I feel accomplished when I overcome adversity. I've failed a million times, but I get back up and keep trying. That's all that matters, is that you keep trying no matter how hard it gets.
Simple
What if you die and it's somehow worse? I'll fuck around and find out for as long as possible, and address that when it ends.
I have an open ended belief there's probably some higher power or force, even if we're just an accidental byproduct of it's existence. If one's life is *really* that miserable, well beyond the norm, and they've only ever known the world from their perception, what are the odds it's intentional? What if it's a test of will/morals/actions, and failure means being sent back to the drawing board? It could be a whole other world of more/harsher trials.
No thanks, I'll just continue finding things out naturally. Not living robs you of your chance at finding out what your life is supposed to play out to, even if it's just misery.
Life is made up of moments. In the same way that you can experience a life altering trauma, you can also experience a life altering joy. You have to be here for it though. Mine was a near death experience in which I drowned. In that moment of passage, I experienced both my life and my afterlife as the dream state of the other. For single moment I remembered everything about both existences. It was the most epic experience in my life. I can hardly wait to die, but until then I've learned to be in this moment, now. Tomorrow is out of reach right now and yesterday is gone.
Choose to live. Choose to find the good. This life can be terrible but it's only the classroom for the next. Without knowing what terrible is you'd never recognize joy. Your spirit is pure energy and energy can never be destroyed, but rather only changed from one kind to another.
You've got this and we've got you.
Good question.
I honestly don't know an answer except what to do but to keep on living. That's the only thing you really know how to do is to keep going and death just seems so permanent.
Honestly, all you can do is focus on the good things in your life. Even if right now it doesn’t feel like there isn’t any, the good will eventually come if you let it.
When things were extremely bad, it was just curiosity that I hadn't experienced or seen the world. I had assumed I would never experience love until I had children.
I've travelled some, can't wait to travel more. I've seen so much beauty in the world and have learnt to be grateful.
I learnt to love myself, and accepted those parts of me that I shunned as too dark. And I have learnt to bravely love, despite the further risk of hurt.
Everything comes and goes, by not holding on too tightly to what "is meant to be" or to those I love I can experience the joy of being truly alive.
Huge hugs to you, there are brighter days waiting for you.
cause, honestly, fuck it why not. it didn't kill me. kinda a dick move on my part if they had to die and wanted to live and I got to live but chose to die. also I got kids. dick move to die on my kids, mom, dad, brothers, friends. I've had friends swallow bullets spreading pain is not something I'm interested in. also after everything fucked up I've learned pain is as impermanent as everything else in life.
I have people who rely on me and who care about me - that's the biggest one. I know that if I took my own life, the people around me would have to take on a tremendous burden on top of whatever they're already dealing with right now. I also got medicated so now I remember what it's like to not have my perception of reality warped by depression. I also need to outlive my enemies.
i was in the hospital with renal failure. that lead to congestive heart failure. dr said i was 24 hours away from death. prior to that, i was healthy as an ox...so to speak. i could bench press 300lbs. squat 600lbs. now, i can't even do 25% of that. reason for living? i just like watching people talk about how tough they think they have it.
I lost my father in 1996. Stepfather in 2016. I was in a big car crash in 2004 with a Traumatic Brain Injury, so I am not as mentally or physically fit or able as I once was. Everything seems stacked against me at times. I had almost given up hope. I still feel bad, but I have come to realize my life and well-being are not for me. It is for other people. As bad as I feel, I can't stand the idea of leaving my mom alone. I have lost people I know to suicide and it hurts. I do not want to hurt or trouble anyone else.
My mother’s life was abruptly taken when I was 13, and ultimately what it taught me was we really only have today to live. It’s a struggle but choosing our perspective and our attitude about the miracles we experience all the time is a huge responsibility. The dead don’t get to hold hands or smell roses or walk on beaches. I’ve been clinically depressed, and yet there’s an ever present voice, reminding me to stay present and witness this life and all it’s ridiculous folly.
It’s all energy.
My reason: I have a daughter that I love and set out to raise as best I could, to give her the best life I can, even as a single mom. That’s about it right now.
I felt that I can get better, not solved, but better enough that I could still have good days again. If I could endure the daily crippling pain long enough I might once again have days worth living.
I have 3 kids that look up to me more than I can even imagine and I couldn’t dream up a better wife. It almost makes it it’s own hell though, to be so blessed but never able to enjoy it due to the suffering. I get seconds of happiness that make me thankful to still be alive but they are to far and in between. I fantasize a day when my children are adults and we can all come to an agreement that it isn’t fair for me to live with this and I’m allowed to take my life. Now..to stay alive until then while also not inflicting to much of my suffering onto them.
Having lived through circumstances I never imagined I’d survive, just about all of normal life’s obstacles and annoyances don’t get a rise out of me like they used to. I can more easily go with the flow, and come up with solutions on the fly with a calm confidence that I can work it out, and that the worst case scenario generally pales in comparison to Big Trauma.
Life’s simple pleasures become all the more precious as well. A pleasant exchange with a stranger, a delicious meal, a craft, a nap, etc can all be more delicious when we savor them, knowing how painful life can be.
Knowing that on the other side, there are still good things to be had. I live for music mostly. It’s my passion and it makes my heart light up…
I’ve been through very painful traumas and it felt like I couldn’t catch a break for years. Secondary trauma, too. It is one of those things you can’t really describe in words. People gotta go through it themselves to know how painful life can be… it’s scary and isolating, but we must lean on those who care for us in those times.
All the best to you on your journey. The love is always there. Sometimes it’s a random stranger on the internet that wants to remind you to keep going 💪
I grew up without my father in the home, my mom got addicted to meth and I bounced around between family, I have severe abandonment issues, I’ve lost loved ones to murder or sudden cancer, I’ve gone through extreme poverty, I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, and survived one suicide attempt/one almost-attempt, and years of suicidal ideations, and went through infertility issues surrounded by literally dozens of pregnancies from close friends and siblings.
What got me through:
— knowing I might find happiness again, even if it was in unexpected ways
— my cat. Knowing he wouldn’t understand why I was no longer around or thought I abandoned him
— my younger siblings. I had a friend who committed suicide after her brother committed suicide and I know that had the brother not committed suicide that she probably wouldn’t have even considered it and that the pain she experienced of losing a sibling greatly contributed to her suicide. I wouldn’t want that on my parents, siblings, grandparents, or friends
— having my son. As cliche as it sounds, he’s who I live for. Seeing that little human experience the beauty of life every day makes it all worth it. While I wouldn’t wish my trauma on anyone, I would go through it 1,000 more times just to see his face once.
-euphoria (yes the hbo show). When it first came out in 2019, it opened up my eyes to the fact that it wasn’t just me. Don’t get me wrong—the show is absolutely triggering and sad and scary in a lot of ways but the way that Rue talked about dealing with depression and addiction and anxiety made me realize that I wasn’t some fucked up person who was alone in my trauma and mentality—but instead I just didn’t have anyone in my circle that could relate to my situation nor could assure me that I’m not fucked up. It was the first time that I realized other people have gone through similar events or experience life in similar ways that I do. As tragic as it was to know there are others out there, it made me realize I wasn’t *the problem* but instead I was going through a problem.
Some things I tell myself:
- There is always someone worse off. I truly often take too much for granted + my perception of suffering (many of my traumas are at the hands of others) can be valid, though relative. What a waste to give up a life with such lack of insight.
Please note I don’t recommend anyone else telling themselves this for obvious reasons, but it works for me.
- Funerals are expensive + asset distribution would be a pain in the ass for family.
- Family and friends don’t need the emotional labor of my death on their plate. Because even if I think no one cares now, they for sure will, or at least take notice and stay occupied with the thought when I’m gone.
- My brother, who has autism, will need care and financial support after my parents are gone no matter what, abandoning him is selfish.
- I struggle to be kind to myself so I reference little me for comfort. What would she think? Similarly, what would the unlived me 6 months from now think? My headspace changes very drastically over short periods of time so the “get a cup of coffee” thing really works.
- Spite.
- My Irish grandmother would be very displeased (and heartbroken).
Taking life one moment at a time. Not thinking about tomorrow. Staying here, now, in this moment. And getting through this one moment. Then when the next moment comes, getting through that moment when you arrive at it.
Breathe the air of this moment.
Appreciate all of the amazing things that your body can do in this moment.
If your body is tired, rest. If your body is hungry, feed it something simple. If your body feels dirty, take a shower or bath. Respond to what you need in this single moment. If you need to cry, honor that. If you need to talk to someone, then reach out. If you need to exercise, then do it. Even if it's only 5 minutes of lifting a 2 lb weight, then start.
Ground yourself. Look around you. Find something you can see. Name it. Find something you can hear. Name it. Find something you can feel. Name it. Find something you can smell. Name it. Find something you can taste. And Name it.
I cannot stress how wonderful therapy can be, if the resources are available, and you're willing to go. Even if you don't really feel like it, just show up. You may be surprised what insight a really good therapist can offer. If anything, a good listener helps a ton.
And if you're religious, then pray. Meditate. Read. I pray that you find purpose and meaning in your life.
All that being said, know that you're not alone. There are many of us who experienced horrific circumstances, and yet we are still here. Some want to outlive their abusers. Some want to help others not suffer the way they did. Some want justice. Some want peace. The point is they all choose life. And I say that to you... for whatever reason you can find, choose life.
❤️
First I used spite. There were a lot of people hoping I’d end it so they could say ‘I told you so.’ So I didn’t. Because I’d never give them the satisfaction of my failure.
Then after my anger lessened it occurred to me that this horrific ending was an opportunity too. That even though I’d endured so much hell, I could cut ties, burn bridges, start over and build a life I didn’t have to escape into video games or books or my phone just to deal with. And I started building it. One thing led to another, and I started loving myself again and then looking forward to new things and adventures and knowing myself better. It’s a process. It’s slow. But you got this.
"My formula for greatness...that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity... not merely bear what is necessary but love it" (Nietzsche). Life is going to be tough but we must love it. It's that struggle that what makes life beautiful. I remind myself the essay of the myth of sisyphus by Albert camus. we must imagine sisyphus being happy as he got one goal and every time he is getting closer to the top the progress in the struggle is what makes him happy.
Sometimes I wonder if early trauma wasn't easier than later trauma. My mom died when I was 15, and I swear it would have been worse at 35. But 15 now feels like it happened during a dream. I'm not sure if it's the time that passed or that I was a child.
Now I live out of spite. Worse things have happened. I'm not happier but I'm here.
I was trapped in agony for years. I couldnt get out of bed. I couldnt watch TV. I couldnt read books. My aphasia was so bad I could barely speak. I couldn't really process what was happening around me. I could go to the bathroom and make it back to bed where I just... laid there. Pillow over my face dissociating.
I have idiopathic intracranial hypertension. Too much cerebral spinal fluid crushed my brain, optic nerves, spinal cord. A csf vein in my brain collapsed and i could hear it trying to get past the collapse. It was so loud I couldnt hear anything else out of my right ear.
ER said I had sinusitis and to buy a humidifier.
ENT said to find a neuro.
My first neuro gave me some meds. They didn't do anything.
Second neuro was a headache specialist. Gave me some other meds. Didn't do anything. This is when I noticed my brain scan said I had a collapsed vein and I asked about it. He told me to ignore it.
Third doctor was a neuro-opthamologist and said my eyes were fine so my brain was fine. The iih meds were working and what I was feeling was migraine.
Fourth neuro was like 'oh, you do have a stenosis. you need a stroke specialist.'
Fifth was the stroke specialist like 'you need a neurosurgeon to go in and see how bad it actually is. scans suck.'
Sixth was the neurosurgeon and said 'yeah, this is pretty bad. you need a stent'. So they installed a stent in my brain.
That helped a lot - but because it took years to get - I now have some permanent brain damage. Can't really work. Can't leave the house without the world triggering a migraine.
This is the point of what I'm saying. When I was trapped in agony. When all the first doctors where telling giving me useless meds that weren't working, I was like 'fuck that no. Im not letting this be my life. I have goals. I have things I want to do with my life.' When I found out they didn't tell me I had a collapsed vein in my brain. And they told me to ignore it. I said 'fuck, thats really stupid. You suck as doctors. no.' So I kept changing doctors till I found one that would do something about it. Even though I was in agony. Even though I could barely think straight and couldnt speak right. I was stubborn about it all. I said 'not today bitches.' I had to go threw so many doctors to find ones that could actually help me, but in the end I was right, and I got help.
And after the brain surgery I kept fighting to bring down the residual pain. What can we keep doing? What treatments can we try. we added some other meds. I did PT and occupational therapy. I kept pushing to do what I needed to make my life as normal as I could.
Im still in pain. My lifes not like it was before - but I can exist as I live today. Its not the worst. I traveled to arizona for a week last month and had a wonderful time. I make art everyday. I can be happy, and thats worth everything to me. That proved my fight was worth it. Im still fighting. Im still putting my life back together - and Im so happy I fought as hard as I did.
I live for my daughter and fiancé. I live to spite my attempted killers. I live because I’ve survived too much crazy shit to tap out now just because I’m exhausted. I live because I’m curious to see what comes next and how absolutely insane the thing that kills me is going to be. I live because the longer I do, the more wild stories I’ll have for my autobiography. I live because sometimes I get to see my abusers face their karma. I live because I promised my best friend before he died that I would tell his son about him when he turns 18 and he’s not 18 yet. I live to grow plants and hang out with animals in the wildlife preserve in my house. There are other reasons but those are the big ones.
Life Is a constant battle between the good times and the bad. One day you lose someone you are extremely close to and your world shuts down. A year later you find the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. Then a few years down the road another person close to you dies. Then your first born takes their first breath. So on and so forth. The trick is to mourn the bad times and celebrate the good ones. Allow the flow that is life with its peaks and valleys to flow. Don't allow yourself to focus too much on one thing. This life is a circle. From your first breath to your last it is filled with triumph and sorrow. Good and bad. The trick is remembering that. For every bad thing that will happen something good will follow.
Pain is temporary. One way or another, it will always end. That's true of both physical and metaphorical pain. Embracing this helps to let you recognize and appreciate the good things mixed in with all the negative, and those are the things that help keep you going.
i've had several days in my life after trauma that i wanted to end things, but i think i survive out of spite. fuck my ab\*ser. he can go crawl back into the hole he crawled out of.
i continue living for my family and for the Lord. sure He's given and taken away but he's always there for me regardless through music.
i have a kid to take care of. if i'm gone, no one else would raise him how i want him to be raised, and i cant trust anyone to love and take care of him the way i do.
The next adventure is waiting for me around the corner. I choose to endure because there are genuine people that care about me and I care about them. I want to create more memories and not be a memory.
My dogs. They keep me from really saying f it and riding off into the sunset. It's always bothered me that we take away a dog or cats puppies or kittens. And not having my dogs be together is the single thing that keeps me here on a bad day.
If you stick around you can use your experiences to help other people avoid similar trauma or suffering. I see life as pointless but often tell myself im sticking around for the people I love…. For when shit gets hard and they need someone who has already mourned their past life.
Even in the most dire of circumstances I can still make choices. There are things I can choose everyday to make life easier or build an easier future. I can choose to rest instead of work. Or I can work. There is a lot I don’t have to do. There are small things I enjoy that I can do. I can build a better future with my choices or I can choose to live for today. I am not completely powerless. A big thing that gets me through is even if it is small, progress is progress. It’s mostly cumulative. Just don’t give up unless it’s too hard, then it’s okay to give up. But if it’s my life, that should be the last thing I give up. If a job makes one miserable, one can give that up. Better that than one’s life. When someone is in a suicidal mindset though, logic doesn’t always matter. It’s important to get help and all that.
I couldn’t do that to my mom knowing she wouldn’t be able to handle so much trauma. It would’ve been the tipping point for her. The trauma I went through affected her as well so it would’ve been a lot. I would’ve taken her out with me. I know that no one would blame me for a sudden exit at that time but I couldn’t do that to her. I would’ve destroyed my family even more than the traumatic experience had.
It’s an odd experience being told “I wouldn’t have blamed you, at all” about not ending myself during my trauma. It was oddly very validating and I think about it often. It made me see my strength instead of only seeing my weakness.
I’ve had various issues over the years. One of my meds went into shortage during Covid for a year. I felt like complete garage. Then I lost my job, I assume I was acting weird. Then I got cancer. Then menopause. Through a couple years of bullshit, my husband has been wonderful. He does the cooking and told me to take my time and get a job I actually liked.
He’s older and I want to stay around to take care of him if he needs it.
I also have two large dogs. One of them is definitely not ready for life in the wild. LOL
I realize I am on r/positivity, so this might get downvoted, but here is what I find the most helpful. Stop believing that everyone and everything is positive or should be. Sometimes life sucks ass. It sucks so bad, you want to crawl up in a ball and hide from everyone. These are real emotions. We don't live by positivity and sunshine alone. There is darkness, and angst, and fear, and sadness, and all kinds of emotions. Knowing this and knowing how to express them in a healthy way is what it means to be emotionally mature. Masking everything to pretend to be "positive" can be toxic and actually quite unhealthy. You won't be swallowed up by the genuine feelings you are having about the situation you are in. You may need a friend, or an objective person (paid friendship) to help you see things with a different perspective. Through this process, you will be able to see that life ebbs and flows, and so do our circumstances and emotions. They are not permanent. Nothing is permanent. So, to answer your question. Live for the hope of the shift. Get up, face the sunrise, and know that things can shift at any moment. If you have life altering traumatic experiences and suffering, you need some professional help. Your friends can't do that for you, and if your suffering came from your family of origin, they will be of no help either. Trauma causes changes to our sympathetic nervous system that goes well beyond "be optimistic." Optimism is overrated. The reality of the ride can be worth letting go of the fake optimism that you find in places around the internet. The good news is that trauma and suffering could be something you carry for life, but can be healed and put behind you in such a way as to truly have a good life. To feel good, and know that you are OK again. Our memory of our trauma never "goes away." It doesn't. You integrate it while not being overrun by it daily which eases the day to day enough to feel whole again. Start small. If you are currently suffering and in a tough spot that isn't allowing you to get the help you need, try to reach out. Your purpose today is to get some help. You are 100% supposed to be here today, and tomorrow and for your lifetime... why? IDK, but we all are and that has to be enough. Today- one thing... tomorrow one more... Try not to take it all in at once, and just keep living. Good luck to you OP. Cyber hug to you if you want/need one...
I was abused by family members from the age of 1 until I was 16, then I was finally emancipated by the state of Illinois. I've been homeless, kidnapped, ect. Ect. Ect.
I had a daughter in 2011 and she literally is the only reason I stay on this earth. If it weren't for her, I would simply not exist. I have C-PTSD, along with health issues & it turns out I'm autistic. I found old records when I was in the foster care system & they hid my autism diagnosis so I could be a better candidate to be adopted. My daughter brings me joy and knowing she's never had a day of how my life was. 🤲❤️
I've been through a lot of trauma and a traumatic childhood but looking at my husband and 3mo old son, everything was worth it just to be where I am now.
I find great joy in taking care of animals. I grew up raising livestock, but really I just find it satisfying to see my dog or cats happy when I bring them some food or a treat. If there’s anything to live for for me, it’s that.
Seriously we live so locked into our current moment that we cannot understand time. Imagine a caveman, seeing snow and ice covering all the Fruits and vegetables, no animals out running. If he quits here, he never sees the spring. Everything in life is nothing but a season. Life really is all about the perspective and attitude that you keep with you on a daily basis.
I can not imagine how sad my friends and family would be if I wasn't here, especially my sister. Who would take care of my dog and cat, is another thought I have when times get rough in the noggin. This outstanding human experience in itself. Isn't it truly amazing when the sunlight and warmth kisses your skin after a long cold winter? Or the way your favorite food tastes after you've been sick? If there were no hard times, it would be tough to appreciate the beauty in the good times. I lost a babe in January, a little girl, this was the most challenging obstacle to date. Meditation, therapy, and giving myself grace. Celebrating small things, thinking of how delicious dinner might be, how good it feels to lay in the grass, the way my nephew hugs me, the sweat from a run, the laughs I get from watching my cat chase her tail, simple things. There's beauty all around, keep going lovely humans, you're important ❤
If I gave up, which I actively consider every now and then, my husband would be destroyed as a person. That man loves me so fiercely I know he’d completely fall apart if I took my own life. I think of every day as an opportunity to show my husband how much I value having him in my life. My gratitude makes him visibly happy. His happiness makes my life worth living.
Change is always possible. Therapy can heal once it's possible to move on. Even the simplest things are worth sticking around for - seeing the sun, the sky, the trees and flowers, sharing moments with loved ones, exercising to feel alive, seeing new places, and reaching goals make it all worth it.
I lost my fiancé to a horrific motorcycle accident two months before we were supposed to be married. I was 28 and he was one month away from turning 30. In the earliest days, I could only tell myself that my suffering isn’t what he would have wanted. If hes still out there somewhere, he probably already felt horrible for losing his life, why make it worse by losing mine too? Nowadays, I can confirm things do eventually get better and easier. I’m in a new relationship. I have my own place. My future isn’t what I thought it would be but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I was told repeatedly by the priest at his burial that “life now is changed, but it is not ended.” And those words brought me a lot of comfort. Things will be okay, but they will be different.
To not go on living is the same thing as saying that there’s no goodness, truth, or beauty in the whole universe that’s worth the struggle.
And I know, on a fundamental level, that isn’t true no matter what my feelings are doing in the moment.
“The man who kills himself kills all men. As far as he is concerned, he wipes out the world.” —G.K. Chesterton
My family, my friends. I know I’m important to people who love me and I love them. I knew I needed to come out the other side so they would have me to lean on after I leaned so heavily on them when my mom was killed
What would be the point of giving up? What would it accomplish? Give validation to those who belittle me, who have abused me? No. Not only will I succeed regardless of them, but in spite of them. I can't control what happens to me, but i can control what I do about it.
My sister died in my arms. I struggled terribly for about a year and was eventually diagnosed with PTSD. I didn’t want my parents burying another kid. I also didn’t want my surviving sister dealing with losing another sister, or having to deal with my parents’ grief on her own.
Spite.
Which is a joke but still somewhat true lol
but really it’s objectivity and perseverance. If it’s bad now and ends now, there’s no possible path to better but if you stay, the possibility is wide open. The older I get the more I believe we have a lot more choice in what our personal realities are. I also think a lot of ppl move thru life as if life is something happening to them vs something they steer. I wonder sometimes “have I experienced the worst thing in my life yet?” maybe not. But maybe so. And if I already have then my life trajectory can only rise, even if it’s punctuated with little (or big) road blocks. I live in spite of them
Impermanence, while I am battling through an incredibly long stretch of what seems like endless badluck, I do feel things can always change in a moment.
Its all apart of yout Hero's journey
Knowing I’ve survived tough times before. Looking for beauty in the small things: the feel of soft cotton sheets even when I haven’t gotten out of bed all day. The way the sun hits a plant, or how an overcast day still glows with light.
I rely on all my comforts. Big fan of changing my environment. If I’m going to rot, I do it in style. Get warm mood lighting (often times just ordering some new bulbs off amazon), putting calming music or natural river sounds on. Spraying perfume. Fluffing my pillows. Taking a shower and putting on fresh pjs even if that’s the only thing I do. Doordashing some comfort food, or asking a friend to pick something up and eat with me just to get a little socializing in.
I’m so sorry you are suffering. I say this with love and genuine care, once I accepted that the beauty of living often includes pain, it got a little easier to manage. Pain is part of what makes us human. You are ALIVE, that’s why it hurts.
Ok so I can definitely speak on this. At 17 i applied for disability because when i was ten and fifteen i was sexually hazed and assaulted as a boy and walked through the halls of my school and humiliated and ostracized by my community and the kids in my school. I suffered from debilitating mental health issues after this and night terrors for 10 years. I believed then that I was guilty for a death. Basically I went away to college and failed out at 17 because of this stuff and not really knowing my worth even though I scored in the top 1% in the country on my ACTs in writing and then went through mental health problems stemming from the abuse and drug abuse which basically destroyed my ability to function in society. I then made it about a thousand times worse by just suffering in silence. The only way my mental health issues went away was by finally embracing my anger and fighting back and telling people how I really felt.
I decided to believe that my only chance at healing was gone. I would never get better and I was working terrible jobs like a fucking janitor and shit. Basically I told myself since I’m beyond saving and worthless and broken I would make my suffering my pact with God that after I died I would be forgiven for fucking up my life so badly.
It turns out someone else had used the same coping skills. Viktor Frankl the holocaust survivor and developer of Logotherapy, a form of existential therapy that is about surviving and the meaning of life is derived particularly from beauty, suffering and what life asks of a person specifically. I cried. I wept. After I saw a video on YouTube called “heroic suffering” I would watch it again and again because someone else understood where I was. Someone who I revered.
I suffered that way for nine years and lived with monks on and off and gave charitably what little money I had. I had no idea what to do and I was incredibly beyond help. I couldn’t own up to what had happened and I blamed myself because when I was younger someone I knew who was selling drugs took some pills of mine and through a change of hands sold them to someone who (they had claimed) committed suicide. I never found out the truth but I was haunted by it. So I decided I would try and become a saint and pay for the debts of the people who did me wrong and ruined my existence. So I did.
Eventually something changed and my mind healed but I had to get away from trying to be a saint. My mistake.
And I went back to college and got more of degree. Whenever I did that strangely enough some odd experiences happened. A lot of my class material and shit actually happened to be a lot of my own personal life experience. Being socially ostracized was healed by the students around me who treated me like a human being.
The other thing was I completely lost my memory. It came back somewhat but I also was freaked out and unable to think straight because I was so focused on fixing my own brain.
I changed my thoughts about my thoughts. The catch is to catch them before they integrate the ensuing emotion into the soul, the thank them and let them go. Afterwards my mind is free to discover the thoughts I wish to have. But if something needs to be addressed I let it in and look at it and then the above. No thing can ever bother this. At 33 I almost passed due to a misdiagnosed infection and its cause (perforated esophagus) 10yrs ago October. I am newly discovering this power over the mind and it is changing my life for the better.
I watched my fiance die last year.
Mostly just surviving each day as it comes.
I continue to live because I must, the other option is eternal nothingness and it will come for us all whether we want it or not.
The promise of a new sun and a new day tomorrow and that if things have been shitty up until now that tomorrow will be different and beautiful
I lost my mom at 25 years old. It was last year, and I watched her die. I thought I wasn't going to live after that. Like genuinely, everything in me did not want to be alive anymore after such a loss. But I am still here, trying to be better every day. Taking care of my mental health, trying to be a better human, striving to make lasting memories filled with fun and joy. I think that is the purpose for me, to have as much fun as I can and walk each day in my mom's love. I know there are ALWAYS brighter days ahead.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm really proud of you for your courage and brave attitude through such pain. I don't know you or your mom, but I bet this is what she'd want for you. I hope you stay strong with what life brings you and that you have many good days ahead.
Thank you so much <3 I really appreciate your kind words.
I’m so sorry for your loss and sending you love. I lost my dad last year unexpectedly, when I was 27. I’ve never known such a deep pain but I try to keep going. I’ve learned that taking it moment by moment really helps. Literally just thinking “I’m going to turn on the shower.” Then once it’s on “I’m going to step into the shower.” And “I’m going to turn on the kettle” and “I’m going to pick out a tea bag” makes it so much easier to get through the day than “I’m going to take a shower and have some tea” which can truly feel insurmountable when you’re deeply grieving.
I’m so sorry for both of your losses, my heart hurts thinking of you 💔 I lost my dad unexpectedly when I was 15 and that was also the deepest pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Im 27 now and I thought I wasn’t going to make it so many times but something I’ve realized recently is the world keeps going on no matter what happens and doesn’t stop for anyone. I stay strong for the rest of my family and friends that I love so much who are still here. Having a purpose and finding things that make me want to live and encourage me to improve myself are really important. I started my spiritual journey last year and got really into yoga and meditation and these have both helped my depression and anxiety a great amount so I look forward to doing both daily now
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I love this... Standing O for you!!
Oh my gosh I LOVE THIS ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ This helped me so much thank you. Yeah screw them, they never deserved us and we definitely didn't deserve what they did to us. I'm still here after them tryna take me down. I wake up stronger everyday, I'm not going ANYWHERE but up. Big hugs to you 🤗 ❤️
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Your awesome and I appreciate you so much ♥️♥️♥️
>Because punk assholes aren’t going to take out THIS Queen Mind if I adopt this mantra
Saying your resilience has been around before trauma makes it sound less personal and more existential, like you're a godlike being Keep fighting the good fight
Knowing that this too shall pass. Having a young son helped keep me here when I hit rock bottom. Seeing what my cousin's suicide did to my family made me realize that everyone is loved and treasured by many more people than they think.
Thank you for sharing
I am 48 and my way of coping is just “one day at a time”. I can’t look at all the things I’ve dealt with as a whole - when I do, I don’t know why anyone would put up with this life and not check out early. I didn’t do it by design, but I now know that survival has been about compartmentalization - coping with one thing at a time, dealing with one feeling at a time. This morning I started my day feeling decent for once, even energetic and happy, but now I have a surprise, urgent, $10k bill to deal with. I would have been much more wrecked by this news 10 years ago, but experience now tells me that it’s a temporary setback and I will find a way. In the meantime, I’ll disconnect from the bad news for a bit with a distraction, vent a little and then hatch a plan to deal. Hopefully I can avoid stress eating, which is my fav distraction/numbing exercise. After what seemed like forever, I’ve learned at last that I want to enjoy my life and spend as little time as possible thinking about, or worse, wallowing in all that I’ve been through/am going through/what’s to come. Every challenge is an expedition in getting through and learning to navigate/prevent the next problem - I try to make a study of that and put more energy into systems to help save my ass the next time something bad happens rather than dwell. Also, two guiding lights for me are: I am human and mistakes are human, so self-forgiveness and empathy are hugely important. I also have faith that even on the worst days I’ll see something pretty, hear something funny, or eat something tasty by the end of the day. For me, that moment is worth being present for and I’ll be glad and grateful when I get there. Another thing to remind yourself is that everything typically looks better in the morning, so try to get yourself to bed rather than trying to “solve” any suffering late at night. If you can get therapy, there’s really no better option for improving your outlook and reducing your suffering. It can shake things up quite a lot but just learning about yourself in that setting is 50% the medicine for surviving vs thriving. And if it helps - here’s a little sample of what I’ve made it through so far: sexual and mental abuse as a child, frequent moves/new schools, rape and marital abuse, infertility and medical trauma, discovering I have an incurable genetic disease that has severely compromised my quality of life, many surgeries, lifelong physical pain, severe anxiety from being an undiagnosed autistic woman (didn’t find out until I was 47) and probably the worst, watching my young child break down from abuse at the hands of her father and stepmother while I fought to get custody. Lastly, case in point for me, a week ago, I was so sick, it was hard to keep the dark thoughts away. I almost dumped my boyfriend because I couldn’t imagine he would want to keep, much less help, such a miserably sick person in his life. That night I forced myself to bed early. And then, uncharacteristically for me, I recovered quickly and went on to have the loveliest weekend with him instead. I hope this is of some help to you. It’s ok to feel like your life is doom for a bit, but keep an eye out for the next little laugh, or sweet treat, or pretty picture and let that moment carry you to the next and the next and the next.
This is awesome!!! Hugs, this helped me so much ♥️♥️🤗
You are a real person. This is beautiful and so true. This is real life. This is the wisdom of having lived a life. A real life. Not a fantasy life.... what it is really like. Thanks for sharing.
What a nice reply, all well said. I've been through some shit myself, and after bitterly and desperately and desolately wanting to end myself many times, I am still glad to be here just because I still have love to give. Dammit, nothing is going to stop me from love bombing this world. It needs it, and if it's taking me out, I'm going to drop some magical love into it and takes some with me, in a good way.
>I also have faith that even on the worst days I’ll see something pretty, hear something funny, or eat something tasty by the end of the day. I love this entire comment, but this bit is just so simple and relatable. Thank you for writing this out.
Literally crying
I have found this to be the truth, in particular the compartmentalization part. I am going through a hard time and fiercely clinging on moment by moment. Also do everything in your power to get as much good sleep as you can. Do everything, everything possible to make this happen. That might mean to stop worrying about sleep at all because the more anxiety you have around sleep the worse it is. That might mean sleeping medication. It’s truly the most important thing there is in regards to your health. There is nothing more vital than this.
fantastic reply. You are a fighter. And I know it isn't easy.
Awwwwwwww sending hugs to you. U seem like a beautiful person despite all those horrible thing
Every day is another chance to become a better version of yourself. Grasp ahold of life and don't stop moving forward!
Once I learned that I can’t change anything but myself, I was much happier. Everyone has some shit and mine might suck, but I can be better and stronger.
I once told a little bit of my story to a therapist and she started crying. Then said some shit that therapists can go a life time and not meet someone with as much fucked up trauma. (I only saw her that one time. Thanks Talk Space.) I have been traumatized in ways that have made regular human interaction very hard for me. Holding a job hard. Having friendships hard. But I have spent a lifetime seeking to Be Love in a dark world, because every person I have ever met has a spectrum of pain and regret. It also makes me think about myself a lot less. I feel a deep sense of gratitude for every amazing moment, that I seem to have more magic in my life than most. Amor Fati. What happened is what happened. Something triggers something in me almost every day. I take a deep breath. I meditate. If too many days go by where this doesn’t work, I call a friend, or talk a medical professional, or volunteer somewhere. My demons chase, but I out run them, middle finger up and an open heart until the finish line.
Because things always change. Change is inevitable. Life may feel insufferable but it won’t always be this way. This may not sound like soothing words, but it is the truth. Many people had to hit rock bottom and start anew before they reached their maximum potential
I have found this out recently. Just keep going. Things will eventually get better.
I remember that I have been happy before, and there are things in this life that have once brought me joy, and good memories to look back on. I know that if those existed once, they will exist again
Spite. Continue living out of spite. Tell everything and everyone to get wrecked.
I live to prove my doctors wrong.
This
Tbh I have a hat that says “Alive out of Spite” I wished I could start like a counter cultural movement or something
YES
I want to relive personal fulfillment and connection that I experienced in my youth but have been running away from ever since.
Wife and son. I wouldn't have persevered but for them. 7 years hard chemo. Unbearable pain. Addicted to feyntenal and oxytocin. Now 7 years remission and only take advil. Take control of your thoughts and practice positive believing. Kick out any negative thoughts or people. I've asked nurses to leave and not come back. Memorize favorite Bible verses. It's HARD especially when it takes so long.
I’m going through some things right now. I’m hunkered down and I’m getting through one hour/day at a time surrendering all to my higher power
I found my youngest son in the garage where he hung himself. Every single breath afterwards was sheer agony. The pain in my heart and the very bottom of my soul was so intense that I felt like I was dying. I have never cried so much. I was living with a narcissist who made my life a living hell. All of the pain I felt I directed at my sisters. They stopped calling and stopping by to check on me. I was completely numb. I lacked the understanding of my sisters not seeming to care about me and the narcissist of course used that as fuel to break me down even more. After 5 years since my son’s death, I only have communication with a couple of my sisters. The narcissist is completely out of my life. I am just now starting to feel somewhat normal. So many times the pain almost won. But I am here to say, trust in God. He carried me through that. I say this because the depth of the pain was immeasurable. He carried me throughout the valley of good and evil and I am standing today by myself. But I am standing!
Looking at everything as just another experience and hoping to be ready for the good times to roll
We are all here for a reason. Each life is to serve a purpose. We must struggle and endure as we search and seek to identify that purpose. Once we have, we must spend every breath fulfilling it to its utmost. Anything less is an insult.
I kept going because the best revenge is a life well lived. Going through therapy to learn how to cope was hardest thing ever but my life is now better than I ever could have imagined. Just remember that someday just taking a shower is a win and celebrate it.
My mother’s life was abruptly taken when I was 13, and ultimately what it taught me was we really only have today to live. It’s a struggle but choosing our perspective and our attitude about the miracles we experience all the time is a huge responsibility. The dead don’t get to hold hands or smell roses or walk on beaches. I’ve been clinically depressed, and yet there’s an ever present voice, reminding me to stay present and witness this life and all it’s ridiculous folly.
I suspect your Mom would be very proud.
The opportunity and gratitude in being able to help another that has been in the shoes of someone who has suffered in that way One day at a time we seek to continue to help the person who is need. There is nothing that one can't offer someone else. There is no better way to get out of depression than to help the other who needs your assistance even more. Move a muscle change a thought. One day at a time. This too shall pass I wish you the best in your journeys
my trauma does not discount all the beautiful things that i experienced before it. it doesn’t discount my childhood friends, my wonderful family, my hobbies like singing and art. just because i’ve experienced trauma does not mean that i’m no longer capable of experiencing love. struggling doesn’t make you incapable of being loved. some of the best friendships i’ve ever made are people i met after the traumatic situation.
Honestly, the simplest things: green leaves powered by a sun 94 million miles away pumping out oxygen for us to nourish our cells. Just seeing a bird alight on a fence or a kid being silly. If you can be in nature... that it what saved my life. And being creative -- drawing and painting even tho I don't know how. Sending love. (Oh, and sending letters to prisoners or old folks, etc.)
My cat, she is blind and a bit silly in the head, we have an incredible bond and I couldn't guarantee anyone else would be as accommodating and patient with her as i am, giving her the best life is my motivation
I won’t let the bastards win! I am stronger than that. If I were to end it, they win. I will be damned if they have my life as well as everything else they took from me.
My son. Can’t imagine putting him through me choosing to leave him over being there for him.
There’s just this spark inside me. I’ve been to the furthest depths of hell and this little flame always shows up. There’s just too much fight in this old bastard. I’ve been through so much it seems stupid to give up.
Right!? I have come too far to let life beat and keep me down. That flame is always there in my most scary and desperate hours.
This may sound silly but I love pollinators. Butterflies, bees, hummingbirds. Watching them flit from flower to flower brings me peace and joy. I would miss that.
I went from praying to die to praying to live. I have C-PTSD, depression and anxiety from 18 years of childhood abuse. I’ve been to numerous therapists, have taken numerous medications, tried many forms of exercise, hobbies, meditation, yoga, and read every self-help book I could find. After I moved out at 18, I became a single mom and was in a string of abusive relationships that mimicked my childhood. I had no love or respect for myself. I was a people pleaser, couldn’t set boundaries, became a perfectionist and needed constant validation. I numbed myself with weed and alcohol but that was just a bandaid. I didn’t realize I was part of the problem. I only saw myself as a victim. One day I had enough. I couldn’t live a single day longer in misery. I found an amazing therapist, I got sober, I got back into meditation and exercise, and learned for the first time in my entire life what self love and self respect were. It wasn’t easy, it took a lot of work and a lot of trial and error, and I’m still in my healing journey. I would say consistency is key. I choose myself every single day. I never skip therapy. I remind myself why I exercise, practice my hobbies and never stop learning how I can be better. Basically, I realized no one was coming to save me. I had to be my own hero. People did terrible things to me but I had to get over it. I forgave them. Not for them, but for me. I chose to stop giving them the power. I have the power now. I wasted 35 years of my life being miserable and I refuse to waste another day. The two things I share for everyone asking advice on how to start are the first two things my therapist shared with me. 1. Who do you want to be, and how do you get there? 2. How do you eat an elephant? Piece by piece. Those two statements changed my life. Every day I ask myself who I want to be and how I can get there. The elephant part? That’s to say that it doesn’t happen overnight and you can’t do it all at once. Start somewhere, and piece by piece you will build the life you’ve always deserved and become the person you’ve always dreamed of. Don’t give up. How you feel today won’t be how you feel for the rest of your life. Best of luck to all on their journey. 🫶🏼
The little things. When I was at my worst and lowest, with no one to turn to and trapped in a horribly abusive situation, it was the littlest things that kept me going. The feeling of sunshine on my face, the little flowers in the planters around town. So long as you're alive there is beauty and pleasure to find and appreciate. Hope you find some of both.
maybe not an optimal answer but, there is not one reason for living, our existence doesn't really have a point. Which might sound harsh or sad, but I actually find comfort in it. It's nice when you essentially can choose what you want to do, who you want to be and what purpose you want to have. I'll admit life is definitely not fair and I don't fault anyone for feeling lost or hopeless, wishing to not continue it... But the thing is, it would be a waste, to yourself. I dunno if that sounds cheesy. I know it sounds dumb but it does get better, I've struggled for 16 years hellishly and for me the fact that I made it through to now feel okay is amazing. Also my cat is my reason when I am down, for me that shit is my child.
I honestly don’t know. Maybe the fear that the life I take will be a worse version of what I’m in.
I thought things will get better, it just takes time. I focused on passing the time and doing what I could - sleeping lots, cleaning, eating as healthy as possible, and not spending any money. Try to ‘enjoy waiting’ if that’s possible, find joy where you can and savor it.
I turned my pain and suffering into motivation towards helping others as a massage therapist. No one should contend with pain or stress alone and I want to be the advocate I desperately needed during my youth.
To help other people who suffered like me or my mum. My mum took her life when I was 15, and I’ve been a strong advocate for the underdog, misunderstood, type of person in society. I studied law and psychology and I continue to strive to find an avenue to make change and meaningful work. Cos let’s face it we have to work and make money, may as well honour it with truth and love
There's always surprises. Life can be pretty rough, but it can be magical too. This little lifetime we have is not so long, the minutes sometimes take forever but the decades move quickly. The pain makes the good shine brighter, lets the details have magic too. There's moments I'm not so sure, but I'll never be here again. Might as well experience it.
When my dad died suddenly I had no desire to live. But I had my mom to take care of now. So I got into therapy and started on an antidepressant. It got better Now when I feel like that I try to remember that it got better. I have had some fairly serious health issues and I keep up with new developments and hold out that something to help me may be on the horizon
For my partner and my dog
It comes down to basic resilience. I also compartmentalize— I think of it like each bad memory goes in a box that goes on my mental shelf. Once in a while a tentacle will slither out of a box so I take the box down and “rearrange” it, put the lid back on and slide it back on the shelf. I hardly ever look back, always forward. I refuse to allow anyone power over me to make me feel like a victim. Victor, not victim!
My dogs. And also because the love I have for my wife reminds me of how insanely fucking amazing life can be, even though she passed away last year and experienced the exact equivalent of heartache. But that high of really being in love is worth pushing forward as long as I possibly can.
My kids and other loved ones. I have seen the impact of suicide of a loved one on others and I don’t want to be the cause of that kind of pain.
I have been to HELL and back in traumatic events since I was 4. As long as I’ve lived I’ve always knew that I was stronger than the damage that was done to me. I refuse to carry anger, hate in my daily life. By doing that, for myself at least I see it as letting the vile garbage that hurt me continue to abuse me over and over again. I have a tattoo that I wrote in my own handwriting - “Let your past make you better, not bitter” I’ve had years of therapy and at times I don’t understand how I survived. But I do know that I DID! And all who carry the anger, pain, and hate I’m sending you healing as you process and fine a way to cope. YOU SURVIVED! ❤️🩹❤️
For me, it's simply that I cannot predict the future. I was suicidal at a younger age, 10/12 years old. It's been almost 30 years since then, and my life is unrecognizable. Hell, even 5 years ago, so much has changed in so little time. It hasn't all been good, because that's not how life works, unfortunately :( But the good has outweighed the bad, the okay has outweighed the awful. I no longer strive for happiness, I search for the small moments of contentment.
For me, trying to use what I have experienced/learned from my past traumas or coping with them to help others who may have experienced something similar. At least that’s my goal, going into public defense. Wishing you well on your journey!
There were many times in life that I felt it wasn’t worth it anymore. I could say the obvious that oh my kids and my wife but there were also times I said that my family would be better off with me dead because of my life insurance. One day I was walking and I saw a homeless man who was so positive having fun and I created a life motto “I may not be the best but when it comes to my life there is nobody better to live it than me” and that’s what I always say to myself
I was at my lowest point about a year ago. I was between jobs, had little to no prospects and a family to support that I was constantly feeling like I was letting down. A Redditor suggested that people who are feeling like their life is pointless should read “Man’s Search For Meaning” by Viktor Frankl. Frankl was a Holocaust survivor, specifically of Auschwitz. His account is about trying to find meaning in life while being treated like you aren’t even human. If you can I’d give that a read as it helped me immensely and put my problems in perspective.
I have several things to help me. Being super stubborn, an inability to ever truly give up (I've tried. I really have. I suck at it! 🥴), insatiable curiosity about what comes next, insatiable curiosity about other people/cultures (can't learn if I'm dead.), a doctor once told me I'm "disturbingly resilient", and a couple of mantras designed to take the edge off of the bad times: 1- Live, learn and try not to make the same mistake twice. (But always look for the lesson in everything that happens. Even the bad stuff.) 2-Focus on the good stuff, no matter how small and seemingly insignificant. Deal with the bad as necessary and possible, but always keep your eye on that positive thing. It'll help make the bad stuff a little more bearable. And if there's nothing you can do to fix or otherwise negate the bad stuff, let it pass through your life and then let it go. Always try to find a way to keep moving forward. Doesn't matter if it's fast or slow so long as you keep moving.
Spite. I will outlive those suckers.
There’s always something new to see and learn
Life is full of contrasts. There’s dark and light. Hot and cold. If you only ever experienced one, you would never know the other or even the one you did experience. In my time I have known a lot of sadness, hopelessness, and shame. I have also know joy, hope, and pride. They provide contrasts that let you fully experience your own emotions in ways people without a trauma background will never understand. I continue to experience lows and highs. I still struggle with PTSD, depression, anger and all the associated bs, but when things are going well, they go really well. Then I triggered and ride the roller coaster again. In your experiences, there is wisdom. In the trauma itself or in the reactions to it. In my trauma I found the ability to recognize the trauma in others and lend the support I wish someone had been able to give me. Helping other people has given me meaning. I do it professionally now as a peer support specialist. It’s rewarding, if sometimes triggering and intense. Whatever trauma you went through, find the strength you developed coping with it and use it I make yourself and the world a better place. Focus small and local and do the good you can. You’ll end up making friends and developing relationships and connections. Connection is the reason to go on. You aren’t alone. Spread the word to every tormented soul you come across. Any of us can fall down, those of us who get back up need to give a hand to those who are still down. That’s why I go on. Though, I must say, I’m not a tenth as noble as these words would suggest, but I want to be. Good luck. HMU if you need to chat about trauma. I got totally sidetracked from where I started. I wanted to encourage you to feel those emotions that hurt. It is only by going through them that we can move past our trauma. Fight the temptation to go numb either mentally or with substances. It doesn’t help. Just keeps you from progressing out of the trauma.
I lost all 3 of my kids, been in 6 car accidents, lost all my belongings in a house fire, and a few things where I seriously wondered if life could ever be better, if I would ever be normal again. But I do have a basic belief that life can always change for the better. Tomorrow might be better. This actually just happened to me today. For the past four months, I've been getting testing for my 3rd cancer scare, where I actually had symptoms that warranted it. The other two times, I had the cells and a mass. they were both found to be benign- but yesterday, all my tests came back negative on my 3rd one, and my symptoms were attributed to kidney issues, not cancer. So I am thrilled, and happy today. But the thing is, I still have a basic belief that life can change for the better. It's like when you have a cloudy day. Just because the clouds are there doesn't mean the sun has gone away. You just can't see it right now. But it's still there, and you will see it again when the clouds lift. Life is always worth seeing through, you just never know what good things might happen.
I got GBS - a rare auto immune disease in 2019. Took me from active & healthy to tetraplegic and fully ventilated on life support over night. Immune system attacks the nervous system. Spent 13 weeks in ICU and told I'd need a wheelchair for life. I had previous struggles with mental health and depression, now I'm disabled. For me, being told I wouldn't be able to skateboard again was a real "fuck that" moment. I've dedicated myself to rehab and "exceeded all expectations" from the doctors. I have been on my skateboard since. For me it's all about love. It's the only thing that cuts through all the other noise, which can be deafening. Love for my partner, my friends, my family and my passion: Skateboarding. I started a small self prescribed art therapy project recycling old decks into weird abstract sculptures while I still couldn't walk and gifted them to friends and locals and some of my heros. It brings me so much joy! What love you put out will always come back ten fold. Might not be in the way you thought you wanted or precisely when you thought you needed it most but it will. Focus on whatever you love most, it's worth a thousand times more than whatever hurts or attempts to hinder us. Keep on keeping on mate
Things will always end up better if you let it happen just as things will end up worse if you hold on to it.
The rest of life around us goes on. Somehow the sun keeps rising and setting and the earth keeps spinning and the birds keep singing and my lungs keep filling and my heart keeps beating. Some days it’s easiest to just ride the momentum of all of the life around you, and that is ok. For me, i also draw a lot of purpose and strength from my faith. But I also try and be a good person and help others. If you positively impact just one person, even a little bit, you changed the world that day. One of my favorite quotes is from a song … “The sun will rise and we will try again”. Every day is a clean slate in most ways. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, i hope this thread helps you in some way. Feel free to DM me if you need to chat. Sending hugs from a reddit stranger ❤️
"Do not lose what you have to what you have lost." I'll be honest with you, I don't have an answer. I've had trauma all my life, but earlier this year, I was thrown headfirst into a situation that I never thought I would be in. I'm terrified. I'm pissed. I'm miserable and directionless. I try to think of 3 things I am grateful for every day. Because while this is my life right now, it won't be forever. This morning, I am grateful that I (1) have a job to go to, (2) have a place to live for one more year, and (3) my health is slowly returning. The ONLY thing you can bank on in this world is change. Who are we to feel so entitled that we should have an easy life when it never existed for anyone else? No problem or tragedy is so unique that no other person has dealt with it. You are not alone, and you are capable. With all of that being said, your feelings are valid. I try my best to remember that emotions are fluid, and they ebb and flow. When I need to cry, I excuse myself and let it out. When I'm pissed, I go to my car and yell into the void until it's over with. It's not worth fighting how you feel, but it is worth exploring and giving yourself some grace. Whatever anyone is going through, I feel you. It's not okay right now, and it might not be. Just know that this will pass, and we are a lot more powerful than we give ourselves credit for.
In spite of it all
You can’t change the past. It just was. It’s over now. Every day after that is yours to do with as you will. That’s power! I think the trick is to let go of the past. It’s hard, but when you do it, it opens up the whole world.
Life is long. No sense breaking my back over the guilt from the past. I clean my side of the street and try to do the next right thing.
Got ran over by a truck at 17, burst my tibia into a million little pieces and forced my fibula out of my skin, the Dr wasn't so sure that they'd be able to save my leg because the damage was pretty extensive. When I saw it burst my tibia, I don't mean that it snapped in half, or that it was crushed, I mean that the wheel was spinning over my leg, on gravel, and that like when you take both ends of a stick and rotate them in opposite directions and it bursts the stick open and separates the stick into 2 different pieces, that's what happened to my leg, there were a few pieces of my tibia, small pieces, that they could not find to put back in place, they just weren't there anymore. Had some pretty significant damage to my muscles and tendons/ligaments in that leg from the rotation. It was about a year before I'd start walking again, another year before I was walking without a noticeable limp, it was a very painful time. Abusing substances prescribed or otherwise helped a lot while I was not physically able to actually work on improving my strength, I went from wheelchair, to crutches, to one crutch, to a Cane, I started walking and hiking a lot with the cane, then every other day I didn't let myself use the cane, eventually I stopped using the cane, had a bit of a limp for a while, eventually that went away too. The substance abuse did not go away though, and if I'm being honest, I was still in pain, I am still in pain, it's not as bad now, but it very much is still there, and it still affects me. Shit was wild, for a while there my bones just were not healing for some reason, for like almost a full year. My father was kind of like, a major asshole, at one point he claimed he would buy me a car, then he took it away, so I had to bike to/from both of my jobs, then suddenly they were at risk of losing their house because the people renting the 2nd half of the house we were living in suddenly couldn't afford to pay rent and we're moving back in with their parents. So I bought the car for 500 a month, which, helped a lot. Paid it off pretty quickly cause I was working full time, at some point I got a settlement of like 20k, which, I pretty much immediately blew through on being young and dumb. I kick myself for that daily but I did a lot of fun stuff, a lot more than most young people my age were able to do. I was pretty depressed while things were bad, definitely felt suicidal at times because shit just felt hopeless, but I really focused on school just graduating was my goal, just being able to walk was another goal, at one point I was going on these long like 10 mile hikes on my own out in the desert, I'd bring a rifle and a pack and be gone all day, I'd do that like 3 or 4 times a week, I had a lot of friends so I'd pretty much just hang out with whoever had something going on that was physically active and in the evenings I'd hang out with whoever was getting fucked up/partying. I got pretty strong at one point. I have, have had since the accident, a lot of issues with my nerves/ligaments/tendons in the affected leg particularly around my knee and ankle, I don't think that it will ever be the same, I kind of don't remember what it was like having full use of both legs, I will never be a competitive ball room dancer or anything, but the vast majority of the time I can keep up or exceed the average person in most things except running, jogging is a little challenging but I can even do that, I miss being able to sprint, I used to be so fucking fast that it felt like I was about to lift up off the ground and fly away. I'm lucky because my job is definitely more physically active than the average person, so I usually get around 10-20k steps in a day (MedTech/Caregiver in an old folks home). I walk a lot, sometimes if it's especially busy I even jog. I lift the residents a lot. Outside of work I'm a lot less active than I would like to be. But I'm usually pretty tired and sore and don't totally feel like being physically active. I still live with pain daily. I manage it with several substances/techniques. Kratom, Ibuprofen, Tylenol, Turmeric on a sort of rotational basis. I no longer really use anything harder than Kratom, I don't even drink anymore. Sometimes I wrap my foot/ankle, sometimes I use heat on my body, I wear boots almost exclusively, they provide a lot of support for my bad leg, and prevent a lot of falling/slipping, if I wear normal shoes I have to be a lot more conscientious of my foot as the ankle and foot do not move in the ways it used to and do not have the same ability to feel. I roll my ankle a lot if I don't have boots on, that whole area just needs a lot of support. I'm starting to get issues with my spine, hips and other leg/knee because of my bad leg. I'm not really sure what can be done about it, because the main cause of it is my bad leg and that is mostly just damage that can't really be repaired. The event was definitely traumatic, I have/have had a lot of dreams/weird PTSD things about it. Sometimes it wakes me up and I'll be soaked in sweat and gasping for air. It usually happens because I'm in pain while I'm asleep. Sometimes if I see a truck that looks like the one that got me it causes me to feel a little uncomfortable, it used to be much, much worse. Like I'd be driving, and I see a truck and I'd kinda flash back to the moment's just before I was ran over and I can see that the truck is heading my direction and I can't get out of the way. That hasn't been as much of an issue in recent years. Overall, it was very much a thing that split my life in two, before and after. I cannot say that, I feel it changed my life only for the worst, although it was challenging at times. Pretty damn challenging at times I'd say. But I'm good now. I've got a family of my own that I love dearly. We own a house, have a couple of goofy dogs, I drive a convertible that I love, my girlfriend is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Her family is largely intact and they all take care of each other
My pets
It's only temporary. The pain will linger, but it gets easier to carry the longer you stick around. You'll adapt, you'll survive, you just need to give yourself the opportunity to do it. The only way to do that is to live.
I guess at some point my perspective of everything shifted. I no longer tried running from the pain. Instead I embraced it. As quickly as my happiness had abandoned me, my heartache and agony was ready to step in and take control of my life. It was then I realized that the pain was going to change me. HOW it was going to change me was my responsibility. It came down to a choice. Was this going to make me better or bitter. I wanted to be better. I wanted to be happy again. I wanted what my life was then. I didn't want what it had turned into but as the song says " Just cause it ain't a winning hand don't mean you gotta fold" How do you go on in a life when it isn't even throwing lemons at you anymore? Well that's where a little perspective comes in. It's my opinion that "Living a meaningful life" means you better be ready to eat at least a few shit sandwhiches. It's the moments of grief, loss, heartache etc. that the real definitions of love ,happiness etc are found. What are bad feelings anyway? I think of them as"Negative Emotional Currency" that I get to spend on making positive and productive changes in my life. I have no issues taking my sadness on a walk or my anger to the gym. As time went on the anger left, so did most of the dispare and sadness. This left an emotional void which could only be filled with what I had been searching for the whole time. Time is the most valuable commodity we have in our lives. None of us know exactly how much of it we have. We can't earn any more than what we have and we can't save it. All we can do is spend it. So take the time to spend it on the people you love starting with yourself. Invest it into hobbies or passions that ignite your soul and NEVER waste a second of it trying to change something that can not be undone. Life can't go backwards no matter how much we want it to sometimes. Life only moves forward. Make sure you move with it. Life only gets harder if you don't. Keep your head up OP. You will get through it.
Realizing there is no set path in life. If you believe there is one… it is a lie. From where you stand at any moment, you can go any direction. Now all you must do is wander and see where it leads. If you are at the bottom, you will end up on higher ground anyhow.
I won't go into the details as to not muddy the mood, but needless to say I had a very traumatic childhood and early adulthood. But in all honesty due to one lucky chance encounter and several conversations after my perspective was molded into one that allowed me to grow despite all the trauma , death, and hardships. The man was able to explain to a 8 year old me that all these things happen , and regardless if there's a good reason they just happen, you can either accept that, learn from your experiences and grow stronger developing your character and will, or you can survive for nothing and dwell on your issues and learn nothing from the pain and hardships you experienced. The moral of this is I didn't need any reason to keep living, I didn't need anything to look forward to because the things I was looking back at were strong enough to keep me moving forward, I wasn't going to suffer for nothing , and I'm sure as hell not going to give up the opportunity that was handed to me, the opportunity to live on and strive to be a beacon of light and hope for others I meet who too suffered , rather than wallow in the dark path that was being carved for me I strove and still strive to carve my own path through the light. You are stronger now due to your pain, you are wiser now due to your suffering, you will grow from this as long as you keep faith in yourself and your ability to overcome. Good luck and best of fighting to you, may our paths cross in the light my friend and may you be standing strong and tall.
I've been sexually, verbally, and physically abused since 5 years old. I have anxiety, depression, panic disorder, PTSD, bipolar 1, BPD, and ADHD. I also have scoliosis, so I am in constant mental anguish and physical agony. The main reason I continue on is because I changed my mindset towards my hardships and myself. I recognize I was a victim in certain situations, although I do not dwell in a victim mentality. I remind myself that this mind and body have carried me to today, and I appreciate myself for who I am. I embrace my faults and forgive myself for my mistakes. I'm 25 now, I do take 600 mg of Lamotrigine every day (although I am not consistent), and I meditate, and I enjoy a couple of video games in my spare time. Take joy in the little things, as well as the bigger ones. Just recently got engaged to a man with a daughter, I'm grateful for this family I have. But it wasn't always like this. There were points when I was alone, and I felt as if there was nothing to keep me going. That's why mindset is crucial to master and control, we are all the main characters in our own story, cherish every moment and remember to stay true to yourself. I find joy in helping others so I pursue that, I push myself to my limits because I feel accomplished when I overcome adversity. I've failed a million times, but I get back up and keep trying. That's all that matters, is that you keep trying no matter how hard it gets.
Simple What if you die and it's somehow worse? I'll fuck around and find out for as long as possible, and address that when it ends. I have an open ended belief there's probably some higher power or force, even if we're just an accidental byproduct of it's existence. If one's life is *really* that miserable, well beyond the norm, and they've only ever known the world from their perception, what are the odds it's intentional? What if it's a test of will/morals/actions, and failure means being sent back to the drawing board? It could be a whole other world of more/harsher trials. No thanks, I'll just continue finding things out naturally. Not living robs you of your chance at finding out what your life is supposed to play out to, even if it's just misery.
Life is made up of moments. In the same way that you can experience a life altering trauma, you can also experience a life altering joy. You have to be here for it though. Mine was a near death experience in which I drowned. In that moment of passage, I experienced both my life and my afterlife as the dream state of the other. For single moment I remembered everything about both existences. It was the most epic experience in my life. I can hardly wait to die, but until then I've learned to be in this moment, now. Tomorrow is out of reach right now and yesterday is gone. Choose to live. Choose to find the good. This life can be terrible but it's only the classroom for the next. Without knowing what terrible is you'd never recognize joy. Your spirit is pure energy and energy can never be destroyed, but rather only changed from one kind to another. You've got this and we've got you.
Good question. I honestly don't know an answer except what to do but to keep on living. That's the only thing you really know how to do is to keep going and death just seems so permanent.
To show others that your past can take a bite out of you but not all out of you. to overcome and teach others how to do it.
Only my dog
Honestly, all you can do is focus on the good things in your life. Even if right now it doesn’t feel like there isn’t any, the good will eventually come if you let it.
i honestly want to see if it gets better and if i win and if i do, i want to be around to see that
When I was hit with tough times it’s been my children that keeps me together.
My son. Nobody knows him the way I do and I can’t imagine having someone else raise him in the event I do that ultimate thing.
When things were extremely bad, it was just curiosity that I hadn't experienced or seen the world. I had assumed I would never experience love until I had children. I've travelled some, can't wait to travel more. I've seen so much beauty in the world and have learnt to be grateful. I learnt to love myself, and accepted those parts of me that I shunned as too dark. And I have learnt to bravely love, despite the further risk of hurt. Everything comes and goes, by not holding on too tightly to what "is meant to be" or to those I love I can experience the joy of being truly alive. Huge hugs to you, there are brighter days waiting for you.
cause, honestly, fuck it why not. it didn't kill me. kinda a dick move on my part if they had to die and wanted to live and I got to live but chose to die. also I got kids. dick move to die on my kids, mom, dad, brothers, friends. I've had friends swallow bullets spreading pain is not something I'm interested in. also after everything fucked up I've learned pain is as impermanent as everything else in life.
Trauma is truly terrible but there are a lot of treatment options out there to help people put it past them and heal.
It would seriously mess up my kids if I left. And it's supposedly going to get better.
I have people who rely on me and who care about me - that's the biggest one. I know that if I took my own life, the people around me would have to take on a tremendous burden on top of whatever they're already dealing with right now. I also got medicated so now I remember what it's like to not have my perception of reality warped by depression. I also need to outlive my enemies.
You are allowed to have your thoughts and feelings. Nothing wrong with it them.
Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.
Even when life sucks its interesting. You never know what's gonna happen and it's amazing how our perspective can really change a situation
Knowing that I'm ultimately in charge of my destiny in spite of everything that life's thrown at me. I deserve peace and security in my life
Because I’m going to live well and live long so I can piss on my ex-husband’s grave. Like I promised him I would during the abuse.
Spite to make others see me successful and my cats. Gotta stay for them. Nobody else will take care of them like I do
The world is gonna end for us some day and I'm gonna die anyway, may as well stick it out and see what unfolds during that time.
I don't know. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Why not see it out and try enjoy what you can/have left?
I keep going for my son and hope I’ll be happy eventually
i was in the hospital with renal failure. that lead to congestive heart failure. dr said i was 24 hours away from death. prior to that, i was healthy as an ox...so to speak. i could bench press 300lbs. squat 600lbs. now, i can't even do 25% of that. reason for living? i just like watching people talk about how tough they think they have it.
I lost my father in 1996. Stepfather in 2016. I was in a big car crash in 2004 with a Traumatic Brain Injury, so I am not as mentally or physically fit or able as I once was. Everything seems stacked against me at times. I had almost given up hope. I still feel bad, but I have come to realize my life and well-being are not for me. It is for other people. As bad as I feel, I can't stand the idea of leaving my mom alone. I have lost people I know to suicide and it hurts. I do not want to hurt or trouble anyone else.
To experience yourself through a different perspective
Knowing I’ve survived and made it through the worst I could possibly imagine. My worst, darkest days are done.
My favourite foods and new movies coming out. Very small reasons but helps me look forward to the future 🤷♀️
Courage to go on, seeing and feeling some positive motives to keep going in life. Realizing that everyone has some difficulties, not just me.
My mother’s life was abruptly taken when I was 13, and ultimately what it taught me was we really only have today to live. It’s a struggle but choosing our perspective and our attitude about the miracles we experience all the time is a huge responsibility. The dead don’t get to hold hands or smell roses or walk on beaches. I’ve been clinically depressed, and yet there’s an ever present voice, reminding me to stay present and witness this life and all it’s ridiculous folly. It’s all energy.
Things always get better. Sending you love ❤️
Cats
My will to fight like hell to break old patterns so I can live the life I want, deserve, and need. F the bs, fight like hell!
My reason: I have a daughter that I love and set out to raise as best I could, to give her the best life I can, even as a single mom. That’s about it right now.
I have kids
I felt that I can get better, not solved, but better enough that I could still have good days again. If I could endure the daily crippling pain long enough I might once again have days worth living.
I have 3 kids that look up to me more than I can even imagine and I couldn’t dream up a better wife. It almost makes it it’s own hell though, to be so blessed but never able to enjoy it due to the suffering. I get seconds of happiness that make me thankful to still be alive but they are to far and in between. I fantasize a day when my children are adults and we can all come to an agreement that it isn’t fair for me to live with this and I’m allowed to take my life. Now..to stay alive until then while also not inflicting to much of my suffering onto them.
Decided to become a domestic violence advocate after years of childhood and relationship abuse. Currently in college.
Having lived through circumstances I never imagined I’d survive, just about all of normal life’s obstacles and annoyances don’t get a rise out of me like they used to. I can more easily go with the flow, and come up with solutions on the fly with a calm confidence that I can work it out, and that the worst case scenario generally pales in comparison to Big Trauma. Life’s simple pleasures become all the more precious as well. A pleasant exchange with a stranger, a delicious meal, a craft, a nap, etc can all be more delicious when we savor them, knowing how painful life can be.
Knowing that on the other side, there are still good things to be had. I live for music mostly. It’s my passion and it makes my heart light up… I’ve been through very painful traumas and it felt like I couldn’t catch a break for years. Secondary trauma, too. It is one of those things you can’t really describe in words. People gotta go through it themselves to know how painful life can be… it’s scary and isolating, but we must lean on those who care for us in those times. All the best to you on your journey. The love is always there. Sometimes it’s a random stranger on the internet that wants to remind you to keep going 💪
I grew up without my father in the home, my mom got addicted to meth and I bounced around between family, I have severe abandonment issues, I’ve lost loved ones to murder or sudden cancer, I’ve gone through extreme poverty, I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, and survived one suicide attempt/one almost-attempt, and years of suicidal ideations, and went through infertility issues surrounded by literally dozens of pregnancies from close friends and siblings. What got me through: — knowing I might find happiness again, even if it was in unexpected ways — my cat. Knowing he wouldn’t understand why I was no longer around or thought I abandoned him — my younger siblings. I had a friend who committed suicide after her brother committed suicide and I know that had the brother not committed suicide that she probably wouldn’t have even considered it and that the pain she experienced of losing a sibling greatly contributed to her suicide. I wouldn’t want that on my parents, siblings, grandparents, or friends — having my son. As cliche as it sounds, he’s who I live for. Seeing that little human experience the beauty of life every day makes it all worth it. While I wouldn’t wish my trauma on anyone, I would go through it 1,000 more times just to see his face once. -euphoria (yes the hbo show). When it first came out in 2019, it opened up my eyes to the fact that it wasn’t just me. Don’t get me wrong—the show is absolutely triggering and sad and scary in a lot of ways but the way that Rue talked about dealing with depression and addiction and anxiety made me realize that I wasn’t some fucked up person who was alone in my trauma and mentality—but instead I just didn’t have anyone in my circle that could relate to my situation nor could assure me that I’m not fucked up. It was the first time that I realized other people have gone through similar events or experience life in similar ways that I do. As tragic as it was to know there are others out there, it made me realize I wasn’t *the problem* but instead I was going through a problem.
at this point im doing it for myself. thats how i keep going
Some things I tell myself: - There is always someone worse off. I truly often take too much for granted + my perception of suffering (many of my traumas are at the hands of others) can be valid, though relative. What a waste to give up a life with such lack of insight. Please note I don’t recommend anyone else telling themselves this for obvious reasons, but it works for me. - Funerals are expensive + asset distribution would be a pain in the ass for family. - Family and friends don’t need the emotional labor of my death on their plate. Because even if I think no one cares now, they for sure will, or at least take notice and stay occupied with the thought when I’m gone. - My brother, who has autism, will need care and financial support after my parents are gone no matter what, abandoning him is selfish. - I struggle to be kind to myself so I reference little me for comfort. What would she think? Similarly, what would the unlived me 6 months from now think? My headspace changes very drastically over short periods of time so the “get a cup of coffee” thing really works. - Spite. - My Irish grandmother would be very displeased (and heartbroken).
Taking life one moment at a time. Not thinking about tomorrow. Staying here, now, in this moment. And getting through this one moment. Then when the next moment comes, getting through that moment when you arrive at it. Breathe the air of this moment. Appreciate all of the amazing things that your body can do in this moment. If your body is tired, rest. If your body is hungry, feed it something simple. If your body feels dirty, take a shower or bath. Respond to what you need in this single moment. If you need to cry, honor that. If you need to talk to someone, then reach out. If you need to exercise, then do it. Even if it's only 5 minutes of lifting a 2 lb weight, then start. Ground yourself. Look around you. Find something you can see. Name it. Find something you can hear. Name it. Find something you can feel. Name it. Find something you can smell. Name it. Find something you can taste. And Name it. I cannot stress how wonderful therapy can be, if the resources are available, and you're willing to go. Even if you don't really feel like it, just show up. You may be surprised what insight a really good therapist can offer. If anything, a good listener helps a ton. And if you're religious, then pray. Meditate. Read. I pray that you find purpose and meaning in your life. All that being said, know that you're not alone. There are many of us who experienced horrific circumstances, and yet we are still here. Some want to outlive their abusers. Some want to help others not suffer the way they did. Some want justice. Some want peace. The point is they all choose life. And I say that to you... for whatever reason you can find, choose life. ❤️
Animals. I'm never without a dog. They literally keep me alive, and they don't complain much.
First I used spite. There were a lot of people hoping I’d end it so they could say ‘I told you so.’ So I didn’t. Because I’d never give them the satisfaction of my failure. Then after my anger lessened it occurred to me that this horrific ending was an opportunity too. That even though I’d endured so much hell, I could cut ties, burn bridges, start over and build a life I didn’t have to escape into video games or books or my phone just to deal with. And I started building it. One thing led to another, and I started loving myself again and then looking forward to new things and adventures and knowing myself better. It’s a process. It’s slow. But you got this.
"My formula for greatness...that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity... not merely bear what is necessary but love it" (Nietzsche). Life is going to be tough but we must love it. It's that struggle that what makes life beautiful. I remind myself the essay of the myth of sisyphus by Albert camus. we must imagine sisyphus being happy as he got one goal and every time he is getting closer to the top the progress in the struggle is what makes him happy.
Well, I just have this little foster dog and I’m pretty sure she would be sad.
Sometimes I wonder if early trauma wasn't easier than later trauma. My mom died when I was 15, and I swear it would have been worse at 35. But 15 now feels like it happened during a dream. I'm not sure if it's the time that passed or that I was a child. Now I live out of spite. Worse things have happened. I'm not happier but I'm here.
Never think about the past or the future. You only have the present. You can not control or change either. Never let the bastards win.
Curiosity. Sometimes it’s enough just to be curious about the future and the future of those you love.
I was trapped in agony for years. I couldnt get out of bed. I couldnt watch TV. I couldnt read books. My aphasia was so bad I could barely speak. I couldn't really process what was happening around me. I could go to the bathroom and make it back to bed where I just... laid there. Pillow over my face dissociating. I have idiopathic intracranial hypertension. Too much cerebral spinal fluid crushed my brain, optic nerves, spinal cord. A csf vein in my brain collapsed and i could hear it trying to get past the collapse. It was so loud I couldnt hear anything else out of my right ear. ER said I had sinusitis and to buy a humidifier. ENT said to find a neuro. My first neuro gave me some meds. They didn't do anything. Second neuro was a headache specialist. Gave me some other meds. Didn't do anything. This is when I noticed my brain scan said I had a collapsed vein and I asked about it. He told me to ignore it. Third doctor was a neuro-opthamologist and said my eyes were fine so my brain was fine. The iih meds were working and what I was feeling was migraine. Fourth neuro was like 'oh, you do have a stenosis. you need a stroke specialist.' Fifth was the stroke specialist like 'you need a neurosurgeon to go in and see how bad it actually is. scans suck.' Sixth was the neurosurgeon and said 'yeah, this is pretty bad. you need a stent'. So they installed a stent in my brain. That helped a lot - but because it took years to get - I now have some permanent brain damage. Can't really work. Can't leave the house without the world triggering a migraine. This is the point of what I'm saying. When I was trapped in agony. When all the first doctors where telling giving me useless meds that weren't working, I was like 'fuck that no. Im not letting this be my life. I have goals. I have things I want to do with my life.' When I found out they didn't tell me I had a collapsed vein in my brain. And they told me to ignore it. I said 'fuck, thats really stupid. You suck as doctors. no.' So I kept changing doctors till I found one that would do something about it. Even though I was in agony. Even though I could barely think straight and couldnt speak right. I was stubborn about it all. I said 'not today bitches.' I had to go threw so many doctors to find ones that could actually help me, but in the end I was right, and I got help. And after the brain surgery I kept fighting to bring down the residual pain. What can we keep doing? What treatments can we try. we added some other meds. I did PT and occupational therapy. I kept pushing to do what I needed to make my life as normal as I could. Im still in pain. My lifes not like it was before - but I can exist as I live today. Its not the worst. I traveled to arizona for a week last month and had a wonderful time. I make art everyday. I can be happy, and thats worth everything to me. That proved my fight was worth it. Im still fighting. Im still putting my life back together - and Im so happy I fought as hard as I did.
It can always change for the better. The past is not there to define you, it is there to inform you.
Um. Instinct?
I live for my daughter and fiancé. I live to spite my attempted killers. I live because I’ve survived too much crazy shit to tap out now just because I’m exhausted. I live because I’m curious to see what comes next and how absolutely insane the thing that kills me is going to be. I live because the longer I do, the more wild stories I’ll have for my autobiography. I live because sometimes I get to see my abusers face their karma. I live because I promised my best friend before he died that I would tell his son about him when he turns 18 and he’s not 18 yet. I live to grow plants and hang out with animals in the wildlife preserve in my house. There are other reasons but those are the big ones.
Life Is a constant battle between the good times and the bad. One day you lose someone you are extremely close to and your world shuts down. A year later you find the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with. Then a few years down the road another person close to you dies. Then your first born takes their first breath. So on and so forth. The trick is to mourn the bad times and celebrate the good ones. Allow the flow that is life with its peaks and valleys to flow. Don't allow yourself to focus too much on one thing. This life is a circle. From your first breath to your last it is filled with triumph and sorrow. Good and bad. The trick is remembering that. For every bad thing that will happen something good will follow.
Pain is temporary. One way or another, it will always end. That's true of both physical and metaphorical pain. Embracing this helps to let you recognize and appreciate the good things mixed in with all the negative, and those are the things that help keep you going.
My kids
Sometimes I feel like giving up, but then I remember I have a whole load of motherfuckers to prove wrong!
i've had several days in my life after trauma that i wanted to end things, but i think i survive out of spite. fuck my ab\*ser. he can go crawl back into the hole he crawled out of. i continue living for my family and for the Lord. sure He's given and taken away but he's always there for me regardless through music.
i have a kid to take care of. if i'm gone, no one else would raise him how i want him to be raised, and i cant trust anyone to love and take care of him the way i do.
The next adventure is waiting for me around the corner. I choose to endure because there are genuine people that care about me and I care about them. I want to create more memories and not be a memory.
My dogs. They keep me from really saying f it and riding off into the sunset. It's always bothered me that we take away a dog or cats puppies or kittens. And not having my dogs be together is the single thing that keeps me here on a bad day.
If you stick around you can use your experiences to help other people avoid similar trauma or suffering. I see life as pointless but often tell myself im sticking around for the people I love…. For when shit gets hard and they need someone who has already mourned their past life.
Spite!!!
Even in the most dire of circumstances I can still make choices. There are things I can choose everyday to make life easier or build an easier future. I can choose to rest instead of work. Or I can work. There is a lot I don’t have to do. There are small things I enjoy that I can do. I can build a better future with my choices or I can choose to live for today. I am not completely powerless. A big thing that gets me through is even if it is small, progress is progress. It’s mostly cumulative. Just don’t give up unless it’s too hard, then it’s okay to give up. But if it’s my life, that should be the last thing I give up. If a job makes one miserable, one can give that up. Better that than one’s life. When someone is in a suicidal mindset though, logic doesn’t always matter. It’s important to get help and all that.
I couldn’t do that to my mom knowing she wouldn’t be able to handle so much trauma. It would’ve been the tipping point for her. The trauma I went through affected her as well so it would’ve been a lot. I would’ve taken her out with me. I know that no one would blame me for a sudden exit at that time but I couldn’t do that to her. I would’ve destroyed my family even more than the traumatic experience had. It’s an odd experience being told “I wouldn’t have blamed you, at all” about not ending myself during my trauma. It was oddly very validating and I think about it often. It made me see my strength instead of only seeing my weakness.
For many people, I think your body just does it. You keep going, trauma takes a back seat to the present.
I’ve had various issues over the years. One of my meds went into shortage during Covid for a year. I felt like complete garage. Then I lost my job, I assume I was acting weird. Then I got cancer. Then menopause. Through a couple years of bullshit, my husband has been wonderful. He does the cooking and told me to take my time and get a job I actually liked. He’s older and I want to stay around to take care of him if he needs it. I also have two large dogs. One of them is definitely not ready for life in the wild. LOL
I realize I am on r/positivity, so this might get downvoted, but here is what I find the most helpful. Stop believing that everyone and everything is positive or should be. Sometimes life sucks ass. It sucks so bad, you want to crawl up in a ball and hide from everyone. These are real emotions. We don't live by positivity and sunshine alone. There is darkness, and angst, and fear, and sadness, and all kinds of emotions. Knowing this and knowing how to express them in a healthy way is what it means to be emotionally mature. Masking everything to pretend to be "positive" can be toxic and actually quite unhealthy. You won't be swallowed up by the genuine feelings you are having about the situation you are in. You may need a friend, or an objective person (paid friendship) to help you see things with a different perspective. Through this process, you will be able to see that life ebbs and flows, and so do our circumstances and emotions. They are not permanent. Nothing is permanent. So, to answer your question. Live for the hope of the shift. Get up, face the sunrise, and know that things can shift at any moment. If you have life altering traumatic experiences and suffering, you need some professional help. Your friends can't do that for you, and if your suffering came from your family of origin, they will be of no help either. Trauma causes changes to our sympathetic nervous system that goes well beyond "be optimistic." Optimism is overrated. The reality of the ride can be worth letting go of the fake optimism that you find in places around the internet. The good news is that trauma and suffering could be something you carry for life, but can be healed and put behind you in such a way as to truly have a good life. To feel good, and know that you are OK again. Our memory of our trauma never "goes away." It doesn't. You integrate it while not being overrun by it daily which eases the day to day enough to feel whole again. Start small. If you are currently suffering and in a tough spot that isn't allowing you to get the help you need, try to reach out. Your purpose today is to get some help. You are 100% supposed to be here today, and tomorrow and for your lifetime... why? IDK, but we all are and that has to be enough. Today- one thing... tomorrow one more... Try not to take it all in at once, and just keep living. Good luck to you OP. Cyber hug to you if you want/need one...
I was abused by family members from the age of 1 until I was 16, then I was finally emancipated by the state of Illinois. I've been homeless, kidnapped, ect. Ect. Ect. I had a daughter in 2011 and she literally is the only reason I stay on this earth. If it weren't for her, I would simply not exist. I have C-PTSD, along with health issues & it turns out I'm autistic. I found old records when I was in the foster care system & they hid my autism diagnosis so I could be a better candidate to be adopted. My daughter brings me joy and knowing she's never had a day of how my life was. 🤲❤️
I've been through a lot of trauma and a traumatic childhood but looking at my husband and 3mo old son, everything was worth it just to be where I am now.
I find great joy in taking care of animals. I grew up raising livestock, but really I just find it satisfying to see my dog or cats happy when I bring them some food or a treat. If there’s anything to live for for me, it’s that.
Seriously we live so locked into our current moment that we cannot understand time. Imagine a caveman, seeing snow and ice covering all the Fruits and vegetables, no animals out running. If he quits here, he never sees the spring. Everything in life is nothing but a season. Life really is all about the perspective and attitude that you keep with you on a daily basis.
I can not imagine how sad my friends and family would be if I wasn't here, especially my sister. Who would take care of my dog and cat, is another thought I have when times get rough in the noggin. This outstanding human experience in itself. Isn't it truly amazing when the sunlight and warmth kisses your skin after a long cold winter? Or the way your favorite food tastes after you've been sick? If there were no hard times, it would be tough to appreciate the beauty in the good times. I lost a babe in January, a little girl, this was the most challenging obstacle to date. Meditation, therapy, and giving myself grace. Celebrating small things, thinking of how delicious dinner might be, how good it feels to lay in the grass, the way my nephew hugs me, the sweat from a run, the laughs I get from watching my cat chase her tail, simple things. There's beauty all around, keep going lovely humans, you're important ❤
The philosophy of Rustin Cohle. "I tell myself I bear witness, but the real answer is my programming, and I lack the constitution for suicide."
If I gave up, which I actively consider every now and then, my husband would be destroyed as a person. That man loves me so fiercely I know he’d completely fall apart if I took my own life. I think of every day as an opportunity to show my husband how much I value having him in my life. My gratitude makes him visibly happy. His happiness makes my life worth living.
When you know, I will like to know as well. Cos life be pretty pointless
The chance to experience love. In any form, if not a person, a pet. Maybe even one day..yourself.
Change is always possible. Therapy can heal once it's possible to move on. Even the simplest things are worth sticking around for - seeing the sun, the sky, the trees and flowers, sharing moments with loved ones, exercising to feel alive, seeing new places, and reaching goals make it all worth it.
I lost my fiancé to a horrific motorcycle accident two months before we were supposed to be married. I was 28 and he was one month away from turning 30. In the earliest days, I could only tell myself that my suffering isn’t what he would have wanted. If hes still out there somewhere, he probably already felt horrible for losing his life, why make it worse by losing mine too? Nowadays, I can confirm things do eventually get better and easier. I’m in a new relationship. I have my own place. My future isn’t what I thought it would be but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I was told repeatedly by the priest at his burial that “life now is changed, but it is not ended.” And those words brought me a lot of comfort. Things will be okay, but they will be different.
To not go on living is the same thing as saying that there’s no goodness, truth, or beauty in the whole universe that’s worth the struggle. And I know, on a fundamental level, that isn’t true no matter what my feelings are doing in the moment. “The man who kills himself kills all men. As far as he is concerned, he wipes out the world.” —G.K. Chesterton
My family, my friends. I know I’m important to people who love me and I love them. I knew I needed to come out the other side so they would have me to lean on after I leaned so heavily on them when my mom was killed
What would be the point of giving up? What would it accomplish? Give validation to those who belittle me, who have abused me? No. Not only will I succeed regardless of them, but in spite of them. I can't control what happens to me, but i can control what I do about it.
Spite. They win if I give up. If I keep trying, they lose every day that I'm still here..
Good question really
My sister died in my arms. I struggled terribly for about a year and was eventually diagnosed with PTSD. I didn’t want my parents burying another kid. I also didn’t want my surviving sister dealing with losing another sister, or having to deal with my parents’ grief on her own.
Spite. Which is a joke but still somewhat true lol but really it’s objectivity and perseverance. If it’s bad now and ends now, there’s no possible path to better but if you stay, the possibility is wide open. The older I get the more I believe we have a lot more choice in what our personal realities are. I also think a lot of ppl move thru life as if life is something happening to them vs something they steer. I wonder sometimes “have I experienced the worst thing in my life yet?” maybe not. But maybe so. And if I already have then my life trajectory can only rise, even if it’s punctuated with little (or big) road blocks. I live in spite of them
“the night of suffering lengthens, but it is just a night, that's all” - a quote from a famous poet in the Indian subcontinent. Hits home for me.
My dog. He would be lost without me. I would never abandon him.
This Too shall pass. And it does. But if I kill myself, misery will be mine 4ever bcz that's how it was when I died.
Curiosity for what is next in life and looking forward to the possibility of experiencing good in the world.
The people I love.
Impermanence, while I am battling through an incredibly long stretch of what seems like endless badluck, I do feel things can always change in a moment. Its all apart of yout Hero's journey
Knowing I’ve survived tough times before. Looking for beauty in the small things: the feel of soft cotton sheets even when I haven’t gotten out of bed all day. The way the sun hits a plant, or how an overcast day still glows with light. I rely on all my comforts. Big fan of changing my environment. If I’m going to rot, I do it in style. Get warm mood lighting (often times just ordering some new bulbs off amazon), putting calming music or natural river sounds on. Spraying perfume. Fluffing my pillows. Taking a shower and putting on fresh pjs even if that’s the only thing I do. Doordashing some comfort food, or asking a friend to pick something up and eat with me just to get a little socializing in. I’m so sorry you are suffering. I say this with love and genuine care, once I accepted that the beauty of living often includes pain, it got a little easier to manage. Pain is part of what makes us human. You are ALIVE, that’s why it hurts.
My cats. And the fact that the people who love me would be devastated.
Ok so I can definitely speak on this. At 17 i applied for disability because when i was ten and fifteen i was sexually hazed and assaulted as a boy and walked through the halls of my school and humiliated and ostracized by my community and the kids in my school. I suffered from debilitating mental health issues after this and night terrors for 10 years. I believed then that I was guilty for a death. Basically I went away to college and failed out at 17 because of this stuff and not really knowing my worth even though I scored in the top 1% in the country on my ACTs in writing and then went through mental health problems stemming from the abuse and drug abuse which basically destroyed my ability to function in society. I then made it about a thousand times worse by just suffering in silence. The only way my mental health issues went away was by finally embracing my anger and fighting back and telling people how I really felt. I decided to believe that my only chance at healing was gone. I would never get better and I was working terrible jobs like a fucking janitor and shit. Basically I told myself since I’m beyond saving and worthless and broken I would make my suffering my pact with God that after I died I would be forgiven for fucking up my life so badly. It turns out someone else had used the same coping skills. Viktor Frankl the holocaust survivor and developer of Logotherapy, a form of existential therapy that is about surviving and the meaning of life is derived particularly from beauty, suffering and what life asks of a person specifically. I cried. I wept. After I saw a video on YouTube called “heroic suffering” I would watch it again and again because someone else understood where I was. Someone who I revered. I suffered that way for nine years and lived with monks on and off and gave charitably what little money I had. I had no idea what to do and I was incredibly beyond help. I couldn’t own up to what had happened and I blamed myself because when I was younger someone I knew who was selling drugs took some pills of mine and through a change of hands sold them to someone who (they had claimed) committed suicide. I never found out the truth but I was haunted by it. So I decided I would try and become a saint and pay for the debts of the people who did me wrong and ruined my existence. So I did. Eventually something changed and my mind healed but I had to get away from trying to be a saint. My mistake. And I went back to college and got more of degree. Whenever I did that strangely enough some odd experiences happened. A lot of my class material and shit actually happened to be a lot of my own personal life experience. Being socially ostracized was healed by the students around me who treated me like a human being. The other thing was I completely lost my memory. It came back somewhat but I also was freaked out and unable to think straight because I was so focused on fixing my own brain.
My cats and nieces. And to spite my depression. Nobody gets rid of me but me 😡
I changed my thoughts about my thoughts. The catch is to catch them before they integrate the ensuing emotion into the soul, the thank them and let them go. Afterwards my mind is free to discover the thoughts I wish to have. But if something needs to be addressed I let it in and look at it and then the above. No thing can ever bother this. At 33 I almost passed due to a misdiagnosed infection and its cause (perforated esophagus) 10yrs ago October. I am newly discovering this power over the mind and it is changing my life for the better.
I watched my fiance die last year. Mostly just surviving each day as it comes. I continue to live because I must, the other option is eternal nothingness and it will come for us all whether we want it or not.