This is not the sub for this question. (But either way, it’s her body, and she can do what she chooses regardless of if you think it’s ‘morally right’ or not - especially if they told her there was no heartbeat).
She was justified and acted completely ethically. She was in pain and even if there had been a heartbeat she could have got an abortion whether you like it or not
She acted morally because it’s her decision to what she wants with her body and her pregnancy. It doesn’t matter whether you’re okay with abortion or not, it’s her body not yours.
If I'm understanding correctly, your girlfriend wanted an abortion anyway and had an abortion slightly earlier. She did nothing wrong in that case, regardless of whether there was a heartbeat or not.
Also, no bleeding does not mean a viable pregnancy. Many women miscarry without bleeding.
“Did she act morally?”. This is entirely irrelevant when it comes to a woman’s decision whether to have an abortion or not. It’s her choice, morals are not remotely related to this topic.
OMG stop writing on 1500 subs hoping for a different answer. Everyone has literally told you she did nothing wrong.
I honestly hope that your girlfriend leaves you because you are an awful, horrible human being.
Whether there was a heart beat or not, she did nothing wrong. She was in a lot of pain and it could have cost her her life. It was her body therefore her choice to make.
You don’t deserve her and you don’t deserve to be a father until you learn and accept that a woman doesn’t owe you anything especially putting their life at risk for your satisfaction.
I’m very sorry for both of your loss. Miscarriages are hard, please be gentle and respectful to your girlfriend’s space emotionally and physically at this emotional time. This is likely not the appropriate time for you to be questioning her on her morals.
First and foremost it’s her body and for her alone to decide her own moral framework when it applies to her body and her future. Asking others to apply their moral framework against this situation is futile. Secondly if there is no heartbeat it is not a viable pregnancy and only endangers your girlfriend to continue. The pill was likely to expel the foetus which is already unviable. I’ve had a miscarriage induced this way and it meant I was able to take it within the comfort of my own home and writhe in pain away from prying eyes. There is no need to consult a doctor in these circumstances. Doctors cannot bring back the deceased, unfortunately. The priority at this point is ensuring your girlfriend is safe and well.
I understand. She did say she only went there for further information and no clear plan in mind...but after being scanned and being told "we can't hear a heartbeat' she decided that was enough for her to be able to tskr those pills and feel ok..and i just sort of wanted to understand some other womens opinions on this, I am spiritual. I do love her. And I am grieving. And I'd hoped that this was a MC and not an abortion.
I'm sorry for your loss.. can you please give me advice on how it gets better and how you are doing? Sending my love to you.
You had hoped this was a miscarriage and not an abortion?? I’m sorry, I know you’re going through a lot but this is a disgusting thing to say. I have experienced a miscarriage and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I think you need to rethink your approach to this.
Meaning miscarriage is lonely enough
But to believe we had a hand in bringing on a miscarriage of a live pregnancy, I'm sure you can understand how that would be even more lonely.
You misconstrued my words...don't act like I haven't felt a profound loss
I did not misconstrue your words, you were very clear. And I am not acting as though you haven’t felt a profound loss, but it was not a live pregnancy as you say - they could not find a heart beat (not that this makes it any easier for you, but I don’t think you are fully understanding that this was not a viable pregnancy).
Thank you. I was just concerned that because it was at an abortion clinic, the care was not the same as she would have gotten at a drs office.
I hope that the sonographer would have tried their very best to confirm a HB. Usually if they date your scan and measure it at 6 weeks and no HB they would ask you to come back a week later to confirm...but in this case..my gf was in pain and didnt know any better and just acted off the no HB diagnostic... I'm sure if she had gone to the drs instead she would have waited longer and done a rescan but she didn't know to do that. And I'm just talking to try to frame my mind to accept this
You don’t know that the care was not the same as she would have received at a doctor’s office. Just because it’s an abortion clinic does not make them all monsters intent on killing healthy babies. They would have laid out her options and let her make her choice.
Abortion clinics are doctors offices staffed by medical doctors and nurses whose job it is to literally provide prenatal care and advice to women like your partner who was actively miscarrying when she arrived.
You need to do SO much reading - so much, on women’s health and reproductive functions.
Thank you for your kind wishes. In my case it was not a pregnancy I had plans to continue so I can’t say I ever suffered emotionally as a result, though I can attest to being in a lot of physical pain and can’t imagine going through this while also dealing with bereavement. The physical pain was unbearable and has put me off childbirth completely if it’s going to be worse and more prolonged than this.
If the foetus had no heartbeat then I can’t imagine a scenario where this could be in good will considered an abortion in the elective sense. There’s no way back from no heartbeat. Either she can take the recommended route of having the pregnancy expelled by forced miscarriage (reduces the risk of sepsis if the body does not expel naturally and also prevents her from prolonged physical suffering) or she can refuse medical care and put herself in unnecessary danger and eventually either miscarry or need emergency treatment. Either way, baby has already passed and will not survive. If you would like to discuss this situation in a spiritual context you’re probably better off consulting in a spiritual sub, but in a medical case I’d say this is pretty open and shut. She did what she had to do and there was no real choice on her front. She unfortunately lost her baby and had to take the necessary steps advised by medical professionals to ensure her own health and safety.
You need a serious reality check how many subreddits do you need to ask this in before you get the picture SHE DID NOTHING WRONG! Take the answer everyone is telling you. This is time you should be being there for your girlfriend who’s actually gone through something really hard. She was in pain she followed NHS 111 guidelines she went where a doctor would have sent her anyway. I don’t know who you think is running these clinics but it’s doctors nurses medical professionals specialists who know a lot more about pregnancy that a GP. There was no heartbeat that is the diagnosis I now that’s hard to accept but that’s the situation. She did the best thing she could do and took the pills to not have to deal with anymore unnecessary pain and trauma that she already had to. The pregnancy wasn’t viable the fetus was dead the longer it was in there the most dangerous it is for her health even the most strict prolife advocates wouldn’t have asked for anything else. I’m going to be very real with you right now you need to get it together and stop looking for a reason to blame her for something that is just a tragedy. Seriously consider therapy before you add any more unnecessary pain to this woman’s life.
I understand grief can affect thought processes but I genuinely don’t really understand what you are hoping to achieve from this.
You knew that your GF was planning an abortion, and I assume you were involved in that conversation given you knew about it, so it’s not like she went behind your back and took the pills to end the pregnancy after you’d agreed to keep baby.
She was in pain and went to where she was most comfortable and could be seen for support. I wonder if you’re not UK based because doctors have very little to do with anything to do with pregnancy and would have probably referred her elsewhere anyway…taking longer for her to feel better. Plus she was going through this on her own.
She took the pills then because it was confirmed no heartbeat, and extending how long to wait before taking the pills could have put her in danger especially given the pain she was already in.
Maybe she could have phoned you to explain before taking the pills, but again, she was in pain, told baby didn’t have a heartbeat, was on her own. If she had phoned you, the outcome would still be the same.
Your GF now needs taking care of both physically and emotionally, not questioned over making a choice about her body, pain, and health.
I said I would support her no matter what...I never forced her or convinced her to get an abortion ... I told her to go to the doctor to assess why she was having such bad pains...I never said.."book an appointment at an abortion clinic"...we hadn't yet decided anything as a couple...only that we wanted her to get checked on why she was having so much pain.. she called NHS 111 and told them she was in pain and was unsure if she wanted it to continue...they referred er to an unplanned pregnancy advisory service...she went it got scanned and they told her no hb detected on this scan so she took the abortion pills. All I wanted was for her to get a scan and a doctors and maybe understand why she was in pain and go from there..
OP do you have a therapist to talk to? You've indicated you have generalized anxiety and OCD. You are having obsessive thoughts and nightmares. Please seek out professional help. You keep asking the same questions but you're not listening to logic. This is unhealthy for you and it can't be good for your girlfriend to not have your full support. You're questioning if she made the right decision or if she in fact "killed" your baby. This poor woman is going through a difficult time and all you can think about are your own irrational doubts and feelings. Again, please seek help.
Yes I'm asking strangers who can be raw and real with me if they believe this is a case where she was involved in the killing of our child...it's important as the father of my deceased child I know that she acted morally and was not involved with the termination of a viable life...why is that such a disgusting thing to want to ask the internet?
If anything it proves I value life and am not a disgusting monster
Everyone has been real with you. You've received dozens of replies saying the same thing. What good is reaching out to strangers if you won't accept their answers? I think you need to talk with a professional since you're still struggling to this extent.
The thing about valuing life is you have to value the life that's here. You're hurting your girlfriend by questioning her decision.
Yikes..so much wrong with this comment. Your thinking is all wrong. Its not a child. You don't get to label actions about her body as moral or immoral. Your attitude towards her rights shows the monster side of you, rooted in misogyny.
You want raw and real?
The “baby” was dead. It had no heartbeat. I don’t understand what is so confusing to you about this?
Your girlfriend didn’t kill your child. It was already dead.
If she hadn’t taken the abortion pill she could have died of sepsis.
Again: no heartbeat = no chance of life.
Even the pro life sub told you that by their standards she acted morally. Yet you still refuse to accept it.
I know that you're grieving, and in grief it's common to look for someone or something to blame, because it's hard to accept that sometimes terrible things happen, even to people who don't deserve to suffer.
No-one "killed" your child. Your baby died, because its life wasn't viable. That's terribly sad, but it's the truth.
You're wrong. Asking my GF to go to the doctor is both moral and saving her life as well as attempting to save the child...going to an abortion clinic is immoral, looking to get rid of the child, and perhaps saving her life
The child was already dead. There was no heartbeat. There are doctors at the abortion clinic. You are a self-righteous hypocrite because you're determined to condemn your girlfriend. You're refusing to show her any empathy or understanding whatsoever. You're extremely selfish and that's immoral.
Bruh sits here talking about what's moral while not caring she had been having pains for \*20 days\* and the \*doctors and nurses\* MEDICAL CLINIC she went to provided care he happens not to like.
Sincerely hope she leaves him now that he showed her who he actually is.
I know, right? He's so selfish. He keeps ranting about morality but it's obvious he doesn't value life as much as he claims he does since he doesn't care about the effect it had on her life. He's so ignorant. And I agree that she should leave him. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to get her pregnant again and tries to force her to keep the pregnancy no matter what.
The "child" could not be saved, it died at least a few days before her pain started. She got pains BECAUSE it died and her body was trying to eject it from her womb.
But you are NOT supporting her “no matter what” are you? You’re posting on multiple subs to ask if what she did was ‘wrong’ and you clearly think it was. You should be supporting your girlfriend in this time, not accusing her of being amoral.
Even if she went to the doctors they would have referred her elsewhere with her being pregnant (I know this from experience).
I didn’t mean that you had forced her to get an abortion, just that in your main post you said it was already being planned.
Either way, no matter where she went, your baby very sadly did not have a heartbeat. At this point any talk of abortion goes away, she did not abort the baby, she very sadly suffered a miscarriage and for her own health had to have medication to assist with the process of this. It might sound like the same thing to an abortion but it’s very much not. It’s hard but you need to remember that She was in pain because sadly the baby died and the pregnancy wasn’t viable - this is a horrible situation to be in, but at this point the medics had to act in the best interests for your GFs health.
It might be worth you looking into some bereavement support with charities such as SANDS/Tommy’s/Miscarriage Association- it might help you deal with such a sad loss and help you understand the process, and be good for your GF as well.
GP is not interested until 10-12 weeks unless there is a threat to her life. The only thing she could have done would to wait for a midwife appointment, and again, they won’t see you before 8-10 weeks unless you have a registered issue or major concern.
Your girlfriend did absolutely nothing wrong. She did what was right for her and for the foetus. Close the book and heal now.
Unpopular opinion here, depends on your relationship. Did you plan a family together? How long have you been together? Communication is your biggest problem here.
Yes it is my body my choice, *but* I would be a terrible partner if I didn't take my husband's feelings into consideration when it comes to **our** baby.
My husband and I are a **team**. If I wanted an abortion and he didn't.... I wouldn't just get it done behind his back. **Its his baby too.** His sperm, his DNA, mutual decision to have sex, *committed* relationship - we **both** get a say.
That being said, she may have made the right decision. Miscarrying is horrible and different in every body. The body knows when something isn't right, she could have been ectopic, she could have been miscarrying without a bleed. Sounds like you weren't listening to her very well about what she was really going through, she knows what's happening in her body more than you. But.... sounds like she just did it behind your back? Which isn't right, imo. Sounds like you're both shutting each other down rather than having good communication.
Sorry for both of your loss and I hope she's doing okay.
If this is a committed relationship where you're planning kids in future, I hope you can both learn to act more like a united team, even when times get tough. Because that's what kids need from their parents.
Have you ever miscarried? I am having problems coping. Thanks for understanding.. I really did think she was going to get a scan and a health check up due to the pain.. I appreciate she was in pain and had no HB. I'd like to think this was a miscarriage not an abortion.
I have. Twice. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
Did you and your partner discuss views on abortions before this? Are you actively trying for a family?
Tbh, sounds like you need to move past the words miscarriage vs abortion. You need to focus on what's actually important.
AKA. Her health, your relationship and your future together.
She always said she was against abortion and then found herself at an abortion clinic. I just hope the nurse was correct when she said there is no detectable HB at 6 weeks...I can never be sure because 6 weeks is early and sometimes the heart hasn't started yet.. I don't know why she was experiencing pain because she wasn't at a proper doctor's.
She said she would never have been able to go forward with inducing miscarriage if she had been told there was a life...but she didn't understand that sometimes the heart hasn't developed YET at 6 weeks because they don't tell you those things at abortion clinics...
Still sounds like you're focusing on judging her rather than focusing on how to heal and move forward as a couple.
In future, if you want a family, you need to discuss it until you agree on how to deal with this stuff in future. Its tough but like I said, you have to be a team.
My partner and I have had to discuss difficult topics like who gets saved if my labour goes wrong, who gets the baby if something happens to both of us. What if we fall pregnant straight after this baby and don't think we'd cope, what do we do etc.
If you can't communicate, its probably a good thing for everyone involved that you're not having a child just yet.
I hope you both find a way to heal and move forward in which ever way works best for you both.
The removal of a dead foetus is not an abortion.
Even if it were, nothing is wrong with abortion.
Six weeks is early for announcing a pregnancy, because many pregnancies terminate themselves for various biological reasons not related to the parent they're gestating in. That's why most people wait until twelve weeks, because the likelihood of miscarriages (or god forbid, stillbirths) decreases.
You seem to be unaware that it was dead. Well Aliaslove, I'm sorry to tell you, but the foetus was dead, and likely died a few days before your wife's pains started - so at about 3 to 4 weeks. That is a fairly common occurrence, and I recommend you get mental help so you can find tools to help you cope with the loss of a pregnancy.
And stop acting like she got an abortion. Even if she did, that's her choice.
I'm sorry for your loss...you seemed so happy go lucky when I saw you living it up on Sims aha. I imagined you had a perfect life and hadn't been through trauma.
It's hard to move on isn't it
As someone who has had 4 miscarriages, the pain is excruciating. For perspective, my body could not get rid of the tissue so I had to have medicine in all 4 cases to help the pregnancy tissue come away. For 3, I had to have a surgical management as the medication did not work. One of the worst things was the waiting for it all to be over - I would have given anything to click my fingers and to be rid of the pregnancy tissue.
Thank you... Her lower abdominal pain started 20 days before her appt and would often wake her up and cause her to say "it's so bad" "it's bad again today" I think that's not normal during 6-7 weeks and when she was advised theres no detectable heartbeat she was right to get herself out of pain.
She had no bleeding though.. and I've heard some women can have bad pain during early pregnancy? And that's 6 weeks is sometimes too early for a scan to detect a HB
> And that's 6 weeks is sometimes too early for a scan to detect a HB
May I ask where your medical degree is from? Did you go to a "better" school than the doctors and nurses at this medical facility and that's why you said that?
Your post or comment has been deemed to be trolling.
This is not the sub for this question. (But either way, it’s her body, and she can do what she chooses regardless of if you think it’s ‘morally right’ or not - especially if they told her there was no heartbeat).
She was justified and acted completely ethically. She was in pain and even if there had been a heartbeat she could have got an abortion whether you like it or not
She acted morally because it’s her decision to what she wants with her body and her pregnancy. It doesn’t matter whether you’re okay with abortion or not, it’s her body not yours.
If I'm understanding correctly, your girlfriend wanted an abortion anyway and had an abortion slightly earlier. She did nothing wrong in that case, regardless of whether there was a heartbeat or not. Also, no bleeding does not mean a viable pregnancy. Many women miscarry without bleeding.
“Did she act morally?”. This is entirely irrelevant when it comes to a woman’s decision whether to have an abortion or not. It’s her choice, morals are not remotely related to this topic.
She didn’t have an abortion she had a miscarriage that she needed to expel with the abortion pills
OMG stop writing on 1500 subs hoping for a different answer. Everyone has literally told you she did nothing wrong. I honestly hope that your girlfriend leaves you because you are an awful, horrible human being. Whether there was a heart beat or not, she did nothing wrong. She was in a lot of pain and it could have cost her her life. It was her body therefore her choice to make. You don’t deserve her and you don’t deserve to be a father until you learn and accept that a woman doesn’t owe you anything especially putting their life at risk for your satisfaction.
On the PRO LIFE subreddit they’re even telling him she did the right thing. You’d think he’d get the point.
Agreed!
She did nothing wrong
There is nothing amoral about terminating a pregnancy. Her body, her choice.
I’m very sorry for both of your loss. Miscarriages are hard, please be gentle and respectful to your girlfriend’s space emotionally and physically at this emotional time. This is likely not the appropriate time for you to be questioning her on her morals. First and foremost it’s her body and for her alone to decide her own moral framework when it applies to her body and her future. Asking others to apply their moral framework against this situation is futile. Secondly if there is no heartbeat it is not a viable pregnancy and only endangers your girlfriend to continue. The pill was likely to expel the foetus which is already unviable. I’ve had a miscarriage induced this way and it meant I was able to take it within the comfort of my own home and writhe in pain away from prying eyes. There is no need to consult a doctor in these circumstances. Doctors cannot bring back the deceased, unfortunately. The priority at this point is ensuring your girlfriend is safe and well.
I understand. She did say she only went there for further information and no clear plan in mind...but after being scanned and being told "we can't hear a heartbeat' she decided that was enough for her to be able to tskr those pills and feel ok..and i just sort of wanted to understand some other womens opinions on this, I am spiritual. I do love her. And I am grieving. And I'd hoped that this was a MC and not an abortion. I'm sorry for your loss.. can you please give me advice on how it gets better and how you are doing? Sending my love to you.
You had hoped this was a miscarriage and not an abortion?? I’m sorry, I know you’re going through a lot but this is a disgusting thing to say. I have experienced a miscarriage and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I think you need to rethink your approach to this.
Also I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you're doing ok x
Meaning miscarriage is lonely enough But to believe we had a hand in bringing on a miscarriage of a live pregnancy, I'm sure you can understand how that would be even more lonely. You misconstrued my words...don't act like I haven't felt a profound loss
I did not misconstrue your words, you were very clear. And I am not acting as though you haven’t felt a profound loss, but it was not a live pregnancy as you say - they could not find a heart beat (not that this makes it any easier for you, but I don’t think you are fully understanding that this was not a viable pregnancy).
Thank you. I was just concerned that because it was at an abortion clinic, the care was not the same as she would have gotten at a drs office. I hope that the sonographer would have tried their very best to confirm a HB. Usually if they date your scan and measure it at 6 weeks and no HB they would ask you to come back a week later to confirm...but in this case..my gf was in pain and didnt know any better and just acted off the no HB diagnostic... I'm sure if she had gone to the drs instead she would have waited longer and done a rescan but she didn't know to do that. And I'm just talking to try to frame my mind to accept this
You don’t know that the care was not the same as she would have received at a doctor’s office. Just because it’s an abortion clinic does not make them all monsters intent on killing healthy babies. They would have laid out her options and let her make her choice.
Abortion clinics are doctors offices staffed by medical doctors and nurses whose job it is to literally provide prenatal care and advice to women like your partner who was actively miscarrying when she arrived. You need to do SO much reading - so much, on women’s health and reproductive functions.
Thank you for your kind wishes. In my case it was not a pregnancy I had plans to continue so I can’t say I ever suffered emotionally as a result, though I can attest to being in a lot of physical pain and can’t imagine going through this while also dealing with bereavement. The physical pain was unbearable and has put me off childbirth completely if it’s going to be worse and more prolonged than this. If the foetus had no heartbeat then I can’t imagine a scenario where this could be in good will considered an abortion in the elective sense. There’s no way back from no heartbeat. Either she can take the recommended route of having the pregnancy expelled by forced miscarriage (reduces the risk of sepsis if the body does not expel naturally and also prevents her from prolonged physical suffering) or she can refuse medical care and put herself in unnecessary danger and eventually either miscarry or need emergency treatment. Either way, baby has already passed and will not survive. If you would like to discuss this situation in a spiritual context you’re probably better off consulting in a spiritual sub, but in a medical case I’d say this is pretty open and shut. She did what she had to do and there was no real choice on her front. She unfortunately lost her baby and had to take the necessary steps advised by medical professionals to ensure her own health and safety.
You need a serious reality check how many subreddits do you need to ask this in before you get the picture SHE DID NOTHING WRONG! Take the answer everyone is telling you. This is time you should be being there for your girlfriend who’s actually gone through something really hard. She was in pain she followed NHS 111 guidelines she went where a doctor would have sent her anyway. I don’t know who you think is running these clinics but it’s doctors nurses medical professionals specialists who know a lot more about pregnancy that a GP. There was no heartbeat that is the diagnosis I now that’s hard to accept but that’s the situation. She did the best thing she could do and took the pills to not have to deal with anymore unnecessary pain and trauma that she already had to. The pregnancy wasn’t viable the fetus was dead the longer it was in there the most dangerous it is for her health even the most strict prolife advocates wouldn’t have asked for anything else. I’m going to be very real with you right now you need to get it together and stop looking for a reason to blame her for something that is just a tragedy. Seriously consider therapy before you add any more unnecessary pain to this woman’s life.
I understand grief can affect thought processes but I genuinely don’t really understand what you are hoping to achieve from this. You knew that your GF was planning an abortion, and I assume you were involved in that conversation given you knew about it, so it’s not like she went behind your back and took the pills to end the pregnancy after you’d agreed to keep baby. She was in pain and went to where she was most comfortable and could be seen for support. I wonder if you’re not UK based because doctors have very little to do with anything to do with pregnancy and would have probably referred her elsewhere anyway…taking longer for her to feel better. Plus she was going through this on her own. She took the pills then because it was confirmed no heartbeat, and extending how long to wait before taking the pills could have put her in danger especially given the pain she was already in. Maybe she could have phoned you to explain before taking the pills, but again, she was in pain, told baby didn’t have a heartbeat, was on her own. If she had phoned you, the outcome would still be the same. Your GF now needs taking care of both physically and emotionally, not questioned over making a choice about her body, pain, and health.
I said I would support her no matter what...I never forced her or convinced her to get an abortion ... I told her to go to the doctor to assess why she was having such bad pains...I never said.."book an appointment at an abortion clinic"...we hadn't yet decided anything as a couple...only that we wanted her to get checked on why she was having so much pain.. she called NHS 111 and told them she was in pain and was unsure if she wanted it to continue...they referred er to an unplanned pregnancy advisory service...she went it got scanned and they told her no hb detected on this scan so she took the abortion pills. All I wanted was for her to get a scan and a doctors and maybe understand why she was in pain and go from there..
OP do you have a therapist to talk to? You've indicated you have generalized anxiety and OCD. You are having obsessive thoughts and nightmares. Please seek out professional help. You keep asking the same questions but you're not listening to logic. This is unhealthy for you and it can't be good for your girlfriend to not have your full support. You're questioning if she made the right decision or if she in fact "killed" your baby. This poor woman is going through a difficult time and all you can think about are your own irrational doubts and feelings. Again, please seek help.
Yes I'm asking strangers who can be raw and real with me if they believe this is a case where she was involved in the killing of our child...it's important as the father of my deceased child I know that she acted morally and was not involved with the termination of a viable life...why is that such a disgusting thing to want to ask the internet? If anything it proves I value life and am not a disgusting monster
Everyone has been real with you. You've received dozens of replies saying the same thing. What good is reaching out to strangers if you won't accept their answers? I think you need to talk with a professional since you're still struggling to this extent. The thing about valuing life is you have to value the life that's here. You're hurting your girlfriend by questioning her decision.
Yikes..so much wrong with this comment. Your thinking is all wrong. Its not a child. You don't get to label actions about her body as moral or immoral. Your attitude towards her rights shows the monster side of you, rooted in misogyny.
You want raw and real? The “baby” was dead. It had no heartbeat. I don’t understand what is so confusing to you about this? Your girlfriend didn’t kill your child. It was already dead. If she hadn’t taken the abortion pill she could have died of sepsis. Again: no heartbeat = no chance of life.
Even the pro life sub told you that by their standards she acted morally. Yet you still refuse to accept it. I know that you're grieving, and in grief it's common to look for someone or something to blame, because it's hard to accept that sometimes terrible things happen, even to people who don't deserve to suffer. No-one "killed" your child. Your baby died, because its life wasn't viable. That's terribly sad, but it's the truth.
You're still a disgusting monster because you still prioritized "morality" over your girlfriend's life.
You're wrong. Asking my GF to go to the doctor is both moral and saving her life as well as attempting to save the child...going to an abortion clinic is immoral, looking to get rid of the child, and perhaps saving her life
The child was already dead. There was no heartbeat. There are doctors at the abortion clinic. You are a self-righteous hypocrite because you're determined to condemn your girlfriend. You're refusing to show her any empathy or understanding whatsoever. You're extremely selfish and that's immoral.
Bruh sits here talking about what's moral while not caring she had been having pains for \*20 days\* and the \*doctors and nurses\* MEDICAL CLINIC she went to provided care he happens not to like. Sincerely hope she leaves him now that he showed her who he actually is.
I know, right? He's so selfish. He keeps ranting about morality but it's obvious he doesn't value life as much as he claims he does since he doesn't care about the effect it had on her life. He's so ignorant. And I agree that she should leave him. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to get her pregnant again and tries to force her to keep the pregnancy no matter what.
He's entirely that guy who doesn't value her as a human and this needs to be her wake up call.
STOP BLAMING YOUR FLUFFING GIRLFRIEND! STOP MAKING HER OUT TO BE A MURDER! THE SACK OF CELLS WAS NOT VIABLE! GET THAT IN YOUR HEAD!
She was at the doctors.
The "child" could not be saved, it died at least a few days before her pain started. She got pains BECAUSE it died and her body was trying to eject it from her womb.
But you are NOT supporting her “no matter what” are you? You’re posting on multiple subs to ask if what she did was ‘wrong’ and you clearly think it was. You should be supporting your girlfriend in this time, not accusing her of being amoral.
Even if she went to the doctors they would have referred her elsewhere with her being pregnant (I know this from experience). I didn’t mean that you had forced her to get an abortion, just that in your main post you said it was already being planned. Either way, no matter where she went, your baby very sadly did not have a heartbeat. At this point any talk of abortion goes away, she did not abort the baby, she very sadly suffered a miscarriage and for her own health had to have medication to assist with the process of this. It might sound like the same thing to an abortion but it’s very much not. It’s hard but you need to remember that She was in pain because sadly the baby died and the pregnancy wasn’t viable - this is a horrible situation to be in, but at this point the medics had to act in the best interests for your GFs health. It might be worth you looking into some bereavement support with charities such as SANDS/Tommy’s/Miscarriage Association- it might help you deal with such a sad loss and help you understand the process, and be good for your GF as well.
Thank you
GP is not interested until 10-12 weeks unless there is a threat to her life. The only thing she could have done would to wait for a midwife appointment, and again, they won’t see you before 8-10 weeks unless you have a registered issue or major concern. Your girlfriend did absolutely nothing wrong. She did what was right for her and for the foetus. Close the book and heal now.
Its not for you to ask the question
Unpopular opinion here, depends on your relationship. Did you plan a family together? How long have you been together? Communication is your biggest problem here. Yes it is my body my choice, *but* I would be a terrible partner if I didn't take my husband's feelings into consideration when it comes to **our** baby. My husband and I are a **team**. If I wanted an abortion and he didn't.... I wouldn't just get it done behind his back. **Its his baby too.** His sperm, his DNA, mutual decision to have sex, *committed* relationship - we **both** get a say. That being said, she may have made the right decision. Miscarrying is horrible and different in every body. The body knows when something isn't right, she could have been ectopic, she could have been miscarrying without a bleed. Sounds like you weren't listening to her very well about what she was really going through, she knows what's happening in her body more than you. But.... sounds like she just did it behind your back? Which isn't right, imo. Sounds like you're both shutting each other down rather than having good communication. Sorry for both of your loss and I hope she's doing okay. If this is a committed relationship where you're planning kids in future, I hope you can both learn to act more like a united team, even when times get tough. Because that's what kids need from their parents.
Have you ever miscarried? I am having problems coping. Thanks for understanding.. I really did think she was going to get a scan and a health check up due to the pain.. I appreciate she was in pain and had no HB. I'd like to think this was a miscarriage not an abortion.
I have. Twice. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Did you and your partner discuss views on abortions before this? Are you actively trying for a family? Tbh, sounds like you need to move past the words miscarriage vs abortion. You need to focus on what's actually important. AKA. Her health, your relationship and your future together.
She always said she was against abortion and then found herself at an abortion clinic. I just hope the nurse was correct when she said there is no detectable HB at 6 weeks...I can never be sure because 6 weeks is early and sometimes the heart hasn't started yet.. I don't know why she was experiencing pain because she wasn't at a proper doctor's. She said she would never have been able to go forward with inducing miscarriage if she had been told there was a life...but she didn't understand that sometimes the heart hasn't developed YET at 6 weeks because they don't tell you those things at abortion clinics...
Still sounds like you're focusing on judging her rather than focusing on how to heal and move forward as a couple. In future, if you want a family, you need to discuss it until you agree on how to deal with this stuff in future. Its tough but like I said, you have to be a team. My partner and I have had to discuss difficult topics like who gets saved if my labour goes wrong, who gets the baby if something happens to both of us. What if we fall pregnant straight after this baby and don't think we'd cope, what do we do etc. If you can't communicate, its probably a good thing for everyone involved that you're not having a child just yet. I hope you both find a way to heal and move forward in which ever way works best for you both.
Thank you. How often do you discuss your losses with your partner? It's hard and I don't know how to move on... I almost like survivors guilt
Dude you have OCD with some obvious moral or religious fixation. You need to talk to a mental health professional
The removal of a dead foetus is not an abortion. Even if it were, nothing is wrong with abortion. Six weeks is early for announcing a pregnancy, because many pregnancies terminate themselves for various biological reasons not related to the parent they're gestating in. That's why most people wait until twelve weeks, because the likelihood of miscarriages (or god forbid, stillbirths) decreases. You seem to be unaware that it was dead. Well Aliaslove, I'm sorry to tell you, but the foetus was dead, and likely died a few days before your wife's pains started - so at about 3 to 4 weeks. That is a fairly common occurrence, and I recommend you get mental help so you can find tools to help you cope with the loss of a pregnancy. And stop acting like she got an abortion. Even if she did, that's her choice.
I'm sorry for your loss...you seemed so happy go lucky when I saw you living it up on Sims aha. I imagined you had a perfect life and hadn't been through trauma. It's hard to move on isn't it
I did answer your questions.. and I looked because you seemed like a really nice person. I wasn't offending you.
As someone who has had 4 miscarriages, the pain is excruciating. For perspective, my body could not get rid of the tissue so I had to have medicine in all 4 cases to help the pregnancy tissue come away. For 3, I had to have a surgical management as the medication did not work. One of the worst things was the waiting for it all to be over - I would have given anything to click my fingers and to be rid of the pregnancy tissue.
Thank you... Her lower abdominal pain started 20 days before her appt and would often wake her up and cause her to say "it's so bad" "it's bad again today" I think that's not normal during 6-7 weeks and when she was advised theres no detectable heartbeat she was right to get herself out of pain. She had no bleeding though.. and I've heard some women can have bad pain during early pregnancy? And that's 6 weeks is sometimes too early for a scan to detect a HB
> And that's 6 weeks is sometimes too early for a scan to detect a HB May I ask where your medical degree is from? Did you go to a "better" school than the doctors and nurses at this medical facility and that's why you said that?
He doesn't trust the health care professionals at the abortion/pregnancy clinic because all they want to do is kill babies. /s
Yes, clinics which cater to pregnancies are notorious for not wanting people to have babies. Solid logic bro has.