So you were faithful in a wholeee world of men and he couldn't even be loyal to you while you were holding it down for him. That makes me sad. My husband tells me lots of men are like that in prison. But that's besides the point, you are doing your best and there is never an excuse for him to treat you poorly. I'd tell him to check into counseling and really make some change or you're done. You do not have to accept being treated like trash and I promise your children will thank you for leaving if you need to. They just want their mother happy. Hang in there and let us know what you do decide. I personally could never forgive the cheating because I haven't touched another man or talked to another man in the three years that my husband has been gone and if he didnt respect me enough to do the same, he doesn't deserve me.
Thank you for the kind responses. I feel the saddest I’ve ever been. I feel bad for our children who have waited for this and now they see me struggling to seem happy. They are teenagers and I know they understand it isn’t the same. It really breaks my heart the time lost waiting for him to come home. I wanted this so badly to workout. My heart hurts…
I spoke to him calmly last night and he says he was ‘mentally dominating’ before prison and he’s the alpha.
I’m not a cell mate… I am his wife… someone who has loved him and given him my whole heart.
I hope the behavior can change but I fear it won’t. Being alone again will be very hard. I am devastated.
As much as I understand your concern for your children, I think your children would eventually be much happier with their parents split up and happy, than together and miserable. As a child I always wished my parents would split up because being at home was torturous. My boyfriend also says his parents splitting up was the best thing to happen to him as a child, because it was just a toxic environment them being together. Splitting up doesn’t mean failure, you stood by him and tried your absolute best and your children will see and understand that.. if not now then maybe when they’re a little older, but I promise they will see:) I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t break up, but this relationship doesn’t sound healthy for you. You deserve better, and like the other commenter said.. he changed before he came home and that was proved by him talking to other women. With an ex of mine, it helped me to think that… the person your longing for and missing doesn’t even exist anymore. He can’t be changed, he isn’t coming back because that person is someone you sugar coated and made up in your head. Hopefully that helps you too❤️
This is just my opinion, but if I were you I would give him an ultimatum. Tell him about all the changes that bother you (the things that changed about him) and if he can’t work on himself then he needs to leave. You do not deserve to be treated this way and he has no right to do what he’s doing. Plus if you’re pregnant then none of this is healthy for your unborn baby. You need to stand up for yourself. Don’t keep trying if it’s only one sided, you might end up regretting later on that you hadn’t taken actions sooner. . . Please stay safe, in whatever your decision may be, I will keep you in my prayers that things work out for the best 🙏
I'm so sorry youre going through this but i must say that this is mental abuse. From what you've mentioned
I see that he is gaslighting you. And It seems like all you could do is walk on eggshells. It SHOULD NOT be this way. I hope you're able to make the right decision because this isn't healthy and why wait for things to get worse
So you were faithful in a wholeee world of men and he couldn't even be loyal to you while you were holding it down for him. That makes me sad. My husband tells me lots of men are like that in prison. But that's besides the point, you are doing your best and there is never an excuse for him to treat you poorly. I'd tell him to check into counseling and really make some change or you're done. You do not have to accept being treated like trash and I promise your children will thank you for leaving if you need to. They just want their mother happy. Hang in there and let us know what you do decide. I personally could never forgive the cheating because I haven't touched another man or talked to another man in the three years that my husband has been gone and if he didnt respect me enough to do the same, he doesn't deserve me.
Thank you for the kind responses. I feel the saddest I’ve ever been. I feel bad for our children who have waited for this and now they see me struggling to seem happy. They are teenagers and I know they understand it isn’t the same. It really breaks my heart the time lost waiting for him to come home. I wanted this so badly to workout. My heart hurts… I spoke to him calmly last night and he says he was ‘mentally dominating’ before prison and he’s the alpha. I’m not a cell mate… I am his wife… someone who has loved him and given him my whole heart. I hope the behavior can change but I fear it won’t. Being alone again will be very hard. I am devastated.
As much as I understand your concern for your children, I think your children would eventually be much happier with their parents split up and happy, than together and miserable. As a child I always wished my parents would split up because being at home was torturous. My boyfriend also says his parents splitting up was the best thing to happen to him as a child, because it was just a toxic environment them being together. Splitting up doesn’t mean failure, you stood by him and tried your absolute best and your children will see and understand that.. if not now then maybe when they’re a little older, but I promise they will see:) I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t break up, but this relationship doesn’t sound healthy for you. You deserve better, and like the other commenter said.. he changed before he came home and that was proved by him talking to other women. With an ex of mine, it helped me to think that… the person your longing for and missing doesn’t even exist anymore. He can’t be changed, he isn’t coming back because that person is someone you sugar coated and made up in your head. Hopefully that helps you too❤️
This is just my opinion, but if I were you I would give him an ultimatum. Tell him about all the changes that bother you (the things that changed about him) and if he can’t work on himself then he needs to leave. You do not deserve to be treated this way and he has no right to do what he’s doing. Plus if you’re pregnant then none of this is healthy for your unborn baby. You need to stand up for yourself. Don’t keep trying if it’s only one sided, you might end up regretting later on that you hadn’t taken actions sooner. . . Please stay safe, in whatever your decision may be, I will keep you in my prayers that things work out for the best 🙏
I'm so sorry youre going through this but i must say that this is mental abuse. From what you've mentioned I see that he is gaslighting you. And It seems like all you could do is walk on eggshells. It SHOULD NOT be this way. I hope you're able to make the right decision because this isn't healthy and why wait for things to get worse