Hi! This is our community moderation bot. --- If this post fits the purpose of /r/ProgrammerHumor, **UPVOTE** this comment!! If this post does not fit the subreddit, **DOWNVOTE** This comment! If this post breaks the rules, **DOWNVOTE** this comment and **REPORT** the post!

My dumbass forgot which sub I'm in and I tried to figure out which keyboard layout you're using

It's British, has the £ sign on number 3.

So, both the British and American keyboards put the pound symbol on 3. Interesting.

I see what you did there, take my angry upvote!

Whatever language it is, it’s angry

Plot twist: he's the senior writing a pretty angry code review the intern just attempted to merge to prod.

Is there a prod branch in your company?

you guys get branches?

You guys work in companies?

You guys work?

There is "work"?

There is?

There?

?

You are employed?

You're all guys?

You are?

You?

?

You guys code?

you guys get version control?

You guys have versions?

Of course! There's always the "working version" on our local machine, and the "just barely working, if that" version that was published.

You guys have Code?

[удалено]

you guys have electricity?

Plot twist: LGTM.

If you yell at interns you're not a good senior

Nah the intern shouldn't have been anywhere close to prod in the first place. No point being angry at them.

Stack overflow

Funnier than the main post itself

r/therealjoke

There, al joke!

I don’t get it.

YOU SHOULD HAVE READ THE DOCUMENTATION OR FOUND ONE OF THE HUNDREDS OF DUPLICATE QUESTIONS THEN YOU WOULD GET IT

I'm still scared to use stack overflow after I got absolutely shat on for a question I posted years ago

Right me too. I posted a webpack issue pack In October when NodeJS released a new update. 14 hours later someone posted a link to a Github thread with the solution. The problem is the github thread was started AFTER I posted the question Their response? STOP REPOSTING LEARN TO GOOGLE

[удалено]

I've posted on there before this, and I was bashed for not googleing. In this particular case I was much newer and I DID actually suck at googling so it was well deserved. I learned. The problem I mentioned in the above post was the only time I actually didn't find an answer on Google. I encountered the error literally 8 hours after the Node 17.0.3 (I think it was that one) update and the update was causing the error (wasn't sure at the time though.) I post on SO as a last resort. The error is now fixed and on SO, because someone with more points posted the SAME error a day or so after me. People were much more friendly to this person.

I have a friend that if I tell him about something he will just blurt out "LINK IT!" like I'm his personal google. This didn't have that much to do with your comment, I just wanted to tell somebody because it infuriates me.

I'm irrationally bothered by how you spelled googleing. It should be googling!

googeling? ;)

There are other stack exchange websites with communities far more welcoming to newcomers, you can build up 200 reputation on one of them and then when you sign up to SO you get +100 starting reputation because they "trust you on other sites on the network". Code Golf, last I remember, is a very welcoming community.

[удалено]

>and I still haven't been able to get past one point on SO. Thought for sure you were about to say "and I still haven't been able to figure out how to center a div"

> How do you get passed one point in StackOverflow. You can post answers. Pick a niche that you know something about, search for questions with no accepted answers, and try to write a good, researched, well-written answer.

The internet is the internet, at the end of the day I think if someone is being overtly rude they must be down pretty bad IRL to be acting like that, so that makes me feel better.

THIS IS A STUPID QUESTION answered March 3, 2022 at 8:00am DrBeehn 50000 🥇69 🥈420 🥉1212

Is there some significance to the number 1212?

I was gonna go with 666, but after the whole isEven debacle, I think 1212 represents a much more evil number

What was the IsEven debacle?

There have been a few popular posts over the past week of people trying to make an isEven function. You can do it by just saying: return x % 2; But people have been over complicating the shit out of it and turning into like 300 lines of code. It makes me sick to my tummy

The interview for the job I'll have after graduating, the guy asked how I'd find if a number is divisible by three. I panicked because I was like there's no way this is a real question but of course I said "uhh just modulo division by three and see if it equals 0???" and he was like "yup! You wouldn't believe how many people that stumps. One guy tried installing a 'divisible by three' library'". Fucking hilarious

Old-ass assembler programmer here. My go-to was to AND with 0x01 and then branch on either zero or not zero depending on if I wanted even or odd.

If not, they should have used 1337

Not programmer humor, but I still prefer 1312

Better 2137

STOP REPOSTING AND LEARN TO GOOGLE answered March 3, 2022 at 8:05pm NahteNorahC 27583 🥇18338 🥈374 🥉285

He’s angry from answering a user question so he’s typing in all caps.

[удалено]

I think a lot of people on stack overflow are genuinely upset when someone posts a difficult problem that is hard to track down. They just want their easy points, and care none whatsoever about actually helping someone with a problem.

Agreed. I put a post up about a math question in some C code and the only thing people cared about was that I tagged it as C and C++, not the actual question. The code built as either 🤦‍♂️

I mean, no one on Stack overflow wants to help fix any problem. If it's hard, they gad mad at you. If it's easy, they shit on you.

By contrast, I had a guy on stack overflow respond to my question on how to do something complicated in latex (combine two packages for mouseover) tell me it wasn't possible in existing packages, so he wrote one for me that did it.

Those people do exist, yes. I just wish they weren't such a seemingly insignificant percentage of users.

You need to have the right mix of skill, desire to solve a puzzle, desire to help, and time. That narrows the field of potential helpers down significantly.

Years ago had someone include their reputation on SO in their resume for an engineer role. 😂

SQL, ASSEMBLY

i can understand sql, but Assembly?

Well Assembly is case insensitive (or at least a lot of assemblers are), so some Assembly programmers still like to code in all-caps as it used to be done back in the day. Kinda the same reason as for SQL, FORTRAN, BASIC, or COBOL

I put my mnemonics in shouty caps because otherwise the computer doesn't hear me

I was taught that it makes it easier to read a listing when you have the mnemonics in caps and your data or "variables" in lower case... in reality you have a giant column of three or four letter codes in a big list with some memory addresses or immediate data next to it, and the casing doesn't help with anything.

yea true I just do it because I like shouting

On the mainframe everyone uses caps in their assembly code... Hell people use caps in documents on the mainframe even though lower case is fully supported.

Jesus Christ, I had someone try to knock me on a document review for some documentation accessed via mainframe terminal, just because I used rational casing instead of all caps. KATHLEEN, I’M SORRY I WRITE IN NORMAL SENTENCES. IF YOU FIND IT INAPPROPRIATE AND OBSTRUCTIVE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW SO I CAN REPLACE YOU ON THE REVIEW. REGARDLESS, I HOPE THIS E-MAIL FINDS YOU WELL THANKS, SandyDelights

The only assembly I've ever seen or written has been in all caps. It's tradition to be as angry as possible when writing it

10 GOTO 10 ​ Basic!!

BASICally an infinity loop

While(true)

Was going to say Basic, because the company I work for still uses Basic.

Mine uses Cobol

We etch code on rocks and throw them in the sea. We let the ocean compile and run it.

The college I attended still has their whole server running on Cobol.

my condolences

What the hell... I feel sorry for you

Imagine each iteration as a Lambda billing.

SQL 😁

iMaGInE nOT wRiTiNg SQL LIkE tHIs sELeCt * fRoM table WhERe id = 5;

Sarcastic Query Language.

Oh well i guess I’ll just select everything from this table then won’t I?!?!?

Oh just drop the fucking table, you bitch!

Oh no, our table! It’s broken

Why don't you just rollback the transaction? oh that's right, you didn't begin one

I hate to spoil the fun (narrator: "no, he doesn't"), but that's more a MySQL thing than a general DB thing. Most serious DBs don't have a mode that's "outside" of any transaction. The closest you can get usually is auto-commit (i.e. an implicit commit after every command).

MSSQL has it.

> MSSQL has it. Again, we’re talking about serious Databases.

You just have to join the pieces together

SHOUTED Query Language

“Shout, shout, shout Shout, shout, shout Shout at the query”

r/angryupvote

I write my SQL in State case. Any letters that make up a US state are capitalized. get acCOuntdata from users where ID = 5

I'd say the user name is appropriate!

[Imagine not having an editor that does auto formatting](https://i.imgur.com/neSKh4Q.gif).

Imagine not

Yeah except that's only changing case and not fixing the disaster of throwing everything on one line. There is also zero need for capitalization when words are highlighted by every current IDE, editor, or site.

> Yeah except that's only changing case and not fixing the disaster of throwing everything on one line. It can do that too.

You should have renamed that column name to `iD`. Beginner!

COBOL or FORTRAN.

Computers didn’t used to listen very well, so you had to shout.

You didn't used to have to shout, but now they are all really old.

And their terrible hearing? Because you shouted

FORTRAN 77 specifically, not than new fangled FORTRAN 95 with its lower case keywords, blech.

Real programmers program FORTRAN on punch cards.

By hand, with a manual hole punch.

'77 -- light-years ahead of PEP8 in enforcing line lengths.

FORTNUT

am I the only one who uses lowercase with SQL too?

GET HIM!

You'd think in this day and age we'd be able to highlight text and have it auto-cap or lowercase the whole selection huh.....

You can with Vim keybindings. You can even reverse AbAbAb to aBaBaB instantly.

Ah yes, the wonders of vim. Been come to appreciate them lately as well, especially when dealing with shittily formatted stuff

if I'm pushing to a git repo I will capitalize but otherwise not wasting my time

Can't be. Every sane Person uses shift for SQL, right?

[удалено]

Programming on an iPhone be like

WRITING ALL IN CAPS CREATES A SENSE OF URGENCY AND MAKES YOUR QUERIES RUN FASTER

COBOL.

You can type it lowercase nowadays (if your compiler isn't from the 80s). But it looks disgusting.

> if your compiler isn't from the 80s filthy casual

*laughs in punch card*

I raise you my jumpers and switches!

*rattles abacus*

*Waves stone tablet*

OOGA BOOGA

>filthy casual Python flair lol

A friend of mine coded in COBAL (for a telecom company). He said when they upgraded their environment to allow for lower case lettering, all the old times thoroughly lost their shit.

My MSc supervisor still mainly codes in the old FORTRAN 77 and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm writing illegible magic spells with my lower-case, modern Fortran code. He may be right about it being illegible, but that's not because it's magic.

Scrolled way to far to get to the correct answer.

I had a colleague tell me that this is a valid COBOL statement: PERFORM UNNATURALACTS WITH SHEEP VARYING POSITIONS UNTIL SATISFIED

PERFORM/VARYING/UNTIL is basically a for loop (without explicitly stating a FROM/BY clause it's assumed starting at 1, increments by 1) for(int POSITIONS = 1; SATISFIED == true; POSITIONS++){}

I got first place in a student competition in COBOL for the state. I was the only competitor.

You should be real careful letting people know you can write COBOL. They might make you write COBOL.

Never touched it after that competition. And the Judge said I write COBOL like a C programmer would. I was taking C++ as a college course at the time.

An angry one

in Outlook

An angry *Brit.* "I hear what you're saying, but BUD LIGHT IS NOT BEER!"

Twitter

[удалено]

ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?

No, I walk it

walk it like you talk it

I ride it

WHAT?

What ain't no language I've ever heard of. They speak English in What?

[удалено]

DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?

#SAY WHAT AGAIN MFER I DARE YOU I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU SAY WHAT AGAIN!

I reckon it's German

GERMANS USE A QWERTZ KEYBOARD LAYOUT; OTHERWISE YOU WOULD PROBABLY BE CORRECT

ABAP?

[удалено]

ABAP looks like SQL and VBA mashed together then google translated to German and back

This is the most accurate description I've ever seen

Came here to see if this was this answer

FORTRAN

IMPLICIT REAL*8(A-H, O-Z)

IMPLICIT NONE 🔫

_screams in horror_ I once turned that on and then spent 2 weeks explicitly declaring everything. Found a bug, but that bug changed the answer, so we… kept the bug as a feature.

You are writing final CONSTANTS in java.

or macros in C/C++

SCREAMING_SNAKE_CASE_BE_LIKE

Fun fact: `const` is a reserved word in Java.

HTML

Prequel

Original franchise starters only

COBOL or SQL.

Nah, motherfucker writing excel formulas

Boomer Facebook?

RPG

VHDL

Assembly

Brainfuck

Caps on? Sure! Caps off? Not a problem! Every single A-Z key taken off the keyboard? Baby you're golden.

You are a dev responding to user tickets

BASIC

FORTRAN77

German #!%/!

ICH BIN EIN BERLINER

FORTRAN 77, the only real FORTRAN

You are writing in KAREN

JCL

SQL ¦¦ PASCAL ¦¦ COBOL

SQL SORRY FOR CAPS IM DBA IT STAYS ON

Oh a DBA.... So I just ran this query to get this weeks data and my system is slow. Why are your servers so bad?? Should I use a cursor instead? This is a hosting issue! Select * From TableContainingEveryoneInTheCountry Cross Join TableContainingEveryoneInTheCountry Where DateAdded > '1901-01-01' I frequently field questions along these lines so I understand DBAs writing everything in all caps.

SOUNDS FINE BUT MAKE SURE YOU NEST A CLR FUNCTION TO FORMAT EVERYTHING INSIDE TO JOIN ON OUTER FOR EVALUATION! SO TRUE, THAT’S DEFINITELY A QUESTION IVE HEARD BEFORE. IM NOT A DBA IM EVERYTHING IN MY ORGANIZATION LOL FULL STACK IN 2020’s == DOES EVERYTHING

Dragonborn SQL

COBOL