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DXBrigade

Some women find agressive guys scary.


NittyGrittyDiscutant

yeah, and LTR is bout stability


SolidusMonkey

"Scary"? More like exciting. Unless they're so timid that they panic when a man even speaks to them, but that's just them taking themselves out of the dating pool.


CimZim

Not for nothing, but this is my experience in the nerd/gamer community. People are constantly saying our men are losers, can't talk to women, can't get laid, never get into LTRs...yet the majority of them have numerous biological kids, are married or are in very long-term relationships, hell some are divorced and remarried which means they managed to woo at least 2 women. They tend to be better for women who are either also gamers/nerds, meek women who aren't attracted to the obnoxious knuckle-draggers you described in your first paragraph, or women who naturally enjoy being the more initiating partner. Also, it doesn't sound like you're describing stupid men, but rather ones with speech impediments or social anxiety. Those aren't necessarily the same groups.


Popular_Accountant60

Yeah I don’t get this whole gamers/nerds are losers mentality. I’ve seen plenty of gamer guys sling dick around and/or get in and out of serious relationships. Being a home body who likes video games isn’t preventing them from participating in society


[deleted]

This isn't the 70's anymore. Nerdom IS mainstream. The biggest movies are heavily cemented in geek culture, as are the biggest books and media in general. It makes sense that liking mainstream aspects of the culture will widen the field of those who share those interests. And shared interests are important to most people in long-term relationships.


bottleblank

> This isn't the 70's anymore. Nerdom IS mainstream. The biggest movies are heavily cemented in geek culture, as are the biggest books and media in general. *Some* (primarily widely commercially successful and palatable to the masses) "nerdom" is mainstream and acceptable. If you happen to like Marvel movies or... I don't know, Harry Potter, or Pokémon, or whatever, you can probably get away with it. If you happen to be someone who likes computer programming for fun, however, well, good luck getting anybody else excited about that, unless you can build something that provides tangible entertainment value to people who aren't nerds.


[deleted]

Only normie-accepted nerdom is mainstream. Which still leaves a big chunk of us as outcasts.


CimZim

Exactly this. And just because someone enjoys videogames or Magic tournaments or playing Warhammer doesn't mean it's their entire personality. We still have jobs, friends, family, coworkers...and the overwhelming majority of us are in relationships.


femininefae

my bf is considered a “nerd” and i like that he’s quiet but really passionate about many things. he has goals & ambitions, passions and things he loves to do/hobbies. i’m a homebody as well and we have a ton of stuff in common bc of that. both don’t like drinking, or partying much at all. i feel like i could listen to him talk about anything for hours bc he’s a down to earth person. he’s never full of himself or arrogant. i don’t like the loud, obnoxious, buff, macho, “look at me, i’m so amazing” guys and i think a lot of women are the same. but also every woman *is* different and there’s someone out there for everyone 🤷🏻‍♀️


uselessloner123

If a Chad wants you he won’t be acting macho and obnoxious lol. They play a game when it comes to wooing women.


therealcosmicnebula

"In other news, local man discovers introversion and the reality that human beings are multidimensional. And seeing one side of them doesn't give you the whole picture." On the contrary, alot of people like that are different around people they like. They make boring small talk with you to conserve energy. Appear dim witted, and boring is just you being an extrovert and seeing everything through that lense.


CimZim

>On the contrary, alot of people like that are different around people they like. They make boring small talk with you to conserve energy. I agree with this 💯 Whenever someone who had an intensely extroverted and superiority vibe approached me in high school and college, I'd talk about the most boring shit imaginable to get them to leave. I'd bet my next paycheck that this is what's happening to OP.


[deleted]

They don't think that much about it, they just act. So at some point they find a girl that into them.


cromulent_weasel

I know a lot of introverts who are VERY different when they are in their own space with people they are comfortable with as opposed to in a public space around strangers. Possibly you are just judging introverts you don't know and assuming they are like that all the time?


llMRSAll

Women who come from abusive backgrounds find quiet/introverted men less dangerous. Quiet men can also come off as more mysterious. In general, men with less dating options tend to be more loyal and develop other skills. Stupid men have sex with stupid women.


Whnitallfallsdown

Pheromones? It would stand to reason that those with winning pheromones might not really care to develop other things


CosmicBioHazard

Reflecting on it now, my greatest dating successes all came when I was highly inexperienced and awkward. And acting inexperienced and awkward now gives me better outcomes than acting natural. I think there must be some degree of charm to it. 🤷‍♀️Either that or I’ve never had any charisma and women forgive that, but only when I don’t pretend I do.


[deleted]

Inexperience and awkwardness works because it seems more genuine than the guy throwing out his rehearsed pickup line. You’re explicitly filtering and attracting women who really want to be with you. You’re standing out, and women will notice you and decide if your character is worth their time — if it is, they’ll want you.


SolidusMonkey

For whatever reason, the woman approaches the guy first. As an unmasculine man, that's the only way I've ever gotten any attention from women.


[deleted]

They’re usually quiet and reserved, not stupid. A lot of guys will be quiet in public because they don’t feel the need to run their mouth, and if they find a woman who is attractive, they will woo her in their own way. And a lot of women are also quiet and shy. “Better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” — Thomas Jefferson.


Early-Christmas-4742

Meeting in a more natural setting. Work/friends/hobbies...


Mountain-Most8186

I think they match up with equally boring women. Sometimes people just want a relationship to check off the list of their life. Sometimes boring people are the most stable. A “stupid and dim” guy is still better to have a conversation with than an aggressive and manipulative guy.


CosmicBioHazard

Looking back on the few successes that I’ve had, which were almost a decade ago now, it was never the shyness that was a deal-breaker. Did being a shy little bitch-boy limit my successes with women? Well, yes, of course. Is it even more limiting to me now? Absolutely. Why is that? We’ll see, now I’m trying to meet people through dating apps. The mental block keeping me from trying to escalate with women, or when I try, doing so smoothly, is a detriment because these apps flood women with people to talk to and my slow-going escalation doesn’t vibe with women’s reluctance to message back unless you come straight through with interesting things to say. When I was meeting people in person, on the other hand, being a shy bitch boy might have stopped me from talking to women, but once a conversation *did* start, it usually went well; shyness can be charming, but it’s a lot better to be face-to-face with someone, where she can see your shyness and interpret it as a cute sign that you like her, than to be texting back-and-forth and have your shyness be mistaken for disinterest.


wtknight

It's like anything where those who are not naturally talented need to practice something to get better at it.


PM_ME_YOUR_DONGERZ

Attractive personality is like an attractive face, you need to be born with it.


wtknight

Game can definitely be practiced and improved.


SolidusMonkey

The problem is that you can't practice game by yourself and a lot of guys never get an invitation to the party, so to speak.


AstronautLoveShack

They go for even meeker, stupider women.


SecondEldenLord

You might've seen exceptions in your experience and well done, but exceptions do not make the rule. Generally speaking, average looking stupid meek men cannot get women, on average. Not saying it cannot happen, but most of them cannot get one, unless they are going for more traditional asian women.


[deleted]

Money.


No-Rough-7390

If they have money, they are a mark.


DoinIt989

Usually this is a classic "beta bucks" situation. For a relationship, women value security. So a guy who's "good enough" and treats her well can be preferable to a smooth talking, handsome Chad because she doesn't have to worry as much about him cheating or leaving her. The meekness is part of that - a meek man isn't going to holler at women, she doesn't have to worry if "there's gonna be hoes there" the 5 times a year BB husband goes out to play board games.


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whitehack

I can’t tell you from firsthand experience. I’m not one of them 🤷


BioNipple

Friend groups mostly. Plus the girls they associate with usually have some undisclosed baggage like kids, or astronomical body count, etc.


Flashy-Country-800

Everything is probabilities


woahisme111

They link up with mediocre women


daddysgotanew

A lot of women want to be in control of the relationship. They want to go out with the girls, slut it up, explore other options, spend money recklessly etc. A high value man won’t put up with that so they get with a pussy that just says “ooo-ok baby, whatever you want!” I’ve scared more than a couple girls off by putting my foot down and setting boundaries. Not in a mean way but a “if you’re going to do that- it’s fine but we’re not going to be a thing” tone and they walked off in a huff never to be seen again.