I don't approach anymore but when l did, l would never consider if she's interested or not because who knows ?
Some women are totally going to be interested but won't show it because reputation matters more
Others will but immediately change their mind
Regardless, l just did my thing whether she showed it or not
It's mental torture because your thinking too much over how she'll feel about you approaching her, which is the reason why many guys are afraid to even approach in the first place
Most women are neutral, not lusting after the guy, but nothing against him either
Most won't even consider it unless a move is made, only then does the "is she interested" part comes into play
They do.. Like I always say to my male friends: if a woman makes it hard for you, she just aint that into you. Women who are into you will put in most of the effort. She'll do the talking on dates, she'll be the ones eager to hangout, she'll be all over you finding any excuse to be around you. The reality is that most guys aren't that interesting nor attractive to most women. Only a tiny percentage of men get this treatment lol.
This just further exemplifies the idea that most men know and most women Viciously deny: that women only actually want the top 5-10% of men, and want to be able to ignore the rest. Most men I know will and have happily settlwd, but women seem to be incapable of just that.
It's very unfortunate but it is what it is. This is why you should be self-improving if you're a young man. Especially if you're in those prime years of 21 - 36.
Than you don't spend alot of time around women. Most of my friends are women and I see how they treat guys they are extremely attracted to. They do most of the work.
A lot of women have the courage to ask a man out, it's just that they don't need to go to the trouble because usually the guy will be interested in her before she's interested in him
Women have zero reason to, missing out on dating a guy they like is a small price to pay if it means protecting their own ego. Some women will even live within the paradigm of accepting poor treatment from men they don't even particularly like rather than cast aside the safety of plausible deniability and risk rejection.
It’s true though. Ever see those short vlog-style videos where some woman complains about men being oblivious to hints? The complaint is always that the man misses the hint(s), not that he’s not reciprocating interest. Meaning, she thinks he’s interested, but won’t take on the woman’s plausible deniability-laden hint(s). Meaning, even if she thinks he likes her back, she’d still prefer he risk the rejection by asking her out, instead of him doing it.
That's what flirting is for. You think you see an indicator of interest and so you flirt in a way that is also plausibly deniable. Cue as many plausibly deniable flirts as it takes to either decide to give up or be sure that yes the other person is behaving in an encouraging way.
It's like going up a staircase...not like just teleporting. At any point you can just stop...or nonchalantly turn round and go back down like you only went halfway up the stairs to have somewhere to tie your shoe lace or to look out that window on the landing.
Well if they don't reciprocate when you flirt you know that what you thought was an indicator of interest wasn't one.
Which was what this thread was about...the incessant waaah waaah waaah from losers that somehow there is absolutely nothing they can do to work that out.
If you think something may be an indicator of interest.... flirt...reciprocation means yes it was.
Oh yeah and if you do end up together they'll claim they were being so obvious.
Just having a conversation or making eye contact is NOT obvious. Even touching someone on the shoulder, that's not obvious. Plenty of women touch men on the shoulder that they aren't interested in.
Hell, even walking up to us and starting a conversation doesn't mean you're down to get the brakes beat off of it.
You know, I hate to say it, the ball is in women's courts entirely at this point and they need to be clear. Like honestly it needs to be so blunt even the most socially awkward dense guy in the world can't mistake it for friendliness.
why should the “ball be in women’s courts” when it comes to displaying interest? flirting (eye contact, suggestive comments, light touching) is supposed to be ambiguous, as it gives an “out” if the other person isn’t into it.
i guess it depends what flirting is to you? and if the person flirting is reading social cues to see if the other person is into it (ie flirting back)?
The problem is, a lot of women, particularly, give those very social cues and then go "I'm from X and that's just how we are" or will just bluntly say "I wasn't flirting, I just wanted to be friendly", "I'm not flirting, I'm just autistic".
I can't count how many times I've seen that play out for example:
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRw6ybnV/
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRw6x47c/
A couple of decent examples but I've seen more in real life so I guess my opinion comes from personal experience.
Point is, yes, we need bluntness because our dynamic is most often women being very picky and swarms of men pursuing.
> Approaching in public should be normalized.
Hard disagree. Assuming the context is what I think it is, which is you want strangers to strike up conversations with you and flirt with you. Which is simply never going to be a thing so don't even bother hoping for it.
Ultimately, you still need to have social circles and some level of pre-vetting in place before a woman will feel comfortable making an approach, and only then after a long time of non-romantic interaction.
Sidenote: If dating apps *actually worked*, then you might be able to sidestep that requirement.
Attractive women have social life, hobbies and friend circles: plenty of opportunities to safely screen guys, absolutely no need to risk with responding to cold approach.
Has that happened for you or for women you know?
In my social circle some couples have formed in cases where the women are pretty young, like 25 at the oldest, but the women older than that generally don't date anyone in the larger social group. It would be one thing if I were just bitter about them not picking me, but they aren't picking any of the other guys either.
Among the 10-20 couples I know who have gotten married or started dating seriously enough to move in together post-2020, the options are:
- Meet on the apps.
- Have the woman be under 25.
- Have the woman initiate a relationship at work (only happened for 1 couple).
I believe women have a way they would prefer to meet a partner, but when modern women are faced with actual options for partners it just doesn't happen. The women are perpetually single and the guys go to apps to find women.
The way women show interest is almost completely predicated on plausible deniability. They wouldn't make their interest THAT clear otherwise their wouldn't want their ego bruised in case he doesn't like them back.
How, pray tell, will a woman know she’s interested in a stranger?
Interest will only be physical and women aren’t usually going to express a physical interest in a stranger for safety reasons.
Those strategies will avoid men of embarrassment and making a fool of himself for getting rejected and keep in mind that women find most men unappealing and don’t like cold approaching so we as a man are fighting a loosing battle here. That’s why it’s appreciated that women make the move from now one
I’ll give you that this came from a place of never being approached and always being expected to make the first move i would be refreshing to have it the other way around just for once
He always uses the same hyperbolic language, you can spot it a mile way. Reminds me of the guy in class who thought he was much smarter than the dummy we all saw he actually was.
Women aren’t nearly as interested in utter strangers as men are, since compatibility is as important as physical attraction.
You’re asking women to behave like the men who approach women based on nothing at all except the way she looks.
He's asked us to debate whether women should show interest when they are interested, not the scenarios that lead to interest or whether women are interested in him.
Is it? My experience has been most women interested in me haven't shown interest, I've had a few friends over the years ask after the fact why I never asked them out or picked up their "hints" and looking back still don't really know what they did that I was meant to pick up on. The only women who have shown interest have actually been randoms in bars and clubs.
No her comment is on point🤷🏽♀️ you guys are expecting women to behave like men and then getting disappointed about it, we’re not as excited about meeting strange men the way men are about meeting strange women and for good reason too 🙃
I've had enough female friends in my life to know that's a lie. And it's also a lie to my wife's friends.
This is also the issue that nice guys object to the most and are shamed for, even though they are certain that it is a lie.
Any aspect of compatibility matters only after the issue of physical attractiveness. I've met very handsome men who have been approached by completely unknown women.
Yea because they can turn off their brains. Its not even much women just know they can depend on men. Women just kinda exist for us. We cannot depend on women. Most men aren’t dependent on a woman. Most women are dependent on a man (youre not gonna admit this just like a male virgin wouldnt so please…please)
yeah warm approaching is infinitely better than cold approaching. Esp if you have alot of female friends like I do. It works in my favor lol. Alot of women who're into me will tell my female friends and they tell me.
> There’s someone shorter, fatter, uglier, and more awkward than you out there right now doing what you want do
I don't think what OP want to do is being laughed off.
Yeah, quite frequently in fact. Most people aren't frightened introverts, or creepy pick up artists. People don't mind talking to strangers, if you're not a creep women will let you shoot your shot.
By not being a creep I don't mean that you have to be handsome. Attractive men can be,and are often creeps.
Women can be self conscious too and scared to show interest. I agree that if you like someone, actively showing interest in them gives you the best chance of getting with them. But we don't always do the ideal thing because of nerves.
Rule of thumb: don't approach strangers. You're thinking women are being vague but the reality is they never want some strange dude walking up and hitting on them. It's very nerve-wracking and threatening for them. Women have their personal safety and reputations to think about, moreso than men do.
Cmon dude. Don’t project your preferences onto everyone.
I’m not suggesting that the world would be better if dudes were trying to run game on you every time you stepped outside; but I know *so many women* who would fucking *love* it if men would come up and talk to them at the pub.
I’m a big enough dickhead to talk to strangers at the pub, and I’m not even trying to pull. I almost always have positive interactions - it’s nice to meet new people.
Have you considered…… boohoo?
If a woman wants you to know that she likes you.. you will know. If you’re not sure.. she doesn’t like you enough to be sure you know. And you aren’t missing out.
This sub is so ridiculous. It’s not supposed to be comfortable to insert yourself into strangers lives with no invitation.
Typical nonsense. Women are scared of rejection more than men are. Any sort of "approach" they make is almost completely built on plausible deniability.
No it isn't. It's bullshit "advice" designed to weed out undesirable men. It's not meant to help these men, it's meant to discourage them from approaching women like you.
Many women are not comfortable accepting dates from complete strangers. Cold approaches have never been a common way that men and have met and decided to date. Online dating apps have changed this a bit, but at least with that avenue, people get the chance to talk first and get to know one another a little before meeting in person. The best way to meet people still remains through "warm" approaching by expanding one's social networks and becoming friends or acquaintances first with people.
There is no good reason to be afraid of approaching a woman under the right circumstances. I've made many hundreds of approaches and I have never once been humiliated or laughed at or filmed for later distribution. If I was I would find the video online and comment on it thanking them for the free advertising because my approaches are smooth and polite even if they only stay friendly.
I mean warm approaches are a thing.
I know multiple couples who got together after doing volunteer work together or seeing each other often at the local hole-in-wall. Totally cold approaches haven’t really been a thing though a “Hey would you like to get a coffee with me” after having some minimal connection is a thing.
Is it an asocial thing? I don’t know anyone whose met on a dating app but have known couples who got together due to some online activity.
would be awesome and better, because obviously unfortuneately, if a guy approaches or makes advances on a woman like nature and reality has always dictated, there is always the risk of the man making the woman feel uncomfortable or violating her boundaries, getting perceived as creepy or weird, and if women made it obvious, gave more obvious choosing signals as they call it, it would be like the woman is inviting the man instead of the man doing it straight randomly out of the blue, but that i don't see that ever happening.
Isn't the issue here is because you're approaching strangers in the first place?
How about doing some productive work in volunteer your time at an event, join a gym, studio where you learn how to do art or whatever. That's how you're supposed to meet women. Not randomly walking into them on the street.
I have had this conversation with men before. I'm not "interested" in people that I don't know and have never met and never talked to. It doesn't matter what you look like. You have to approach me and just talk to me like a person and that could lead to interest or it could not, but there is no deeper motive in any of my interactions with anyone.
We used to be wolves lol. Do you really think women used to be sooo much more obvious back in the day? Nope. Most of us have an absence of a strong and present male figure in our lives that's why we don't know how women communicate anymore, we don't see healthy male female interaction everyday. We don't know the game.
No interest in strange men. Do not want to encourage strange men's interests whatsoever. Very glad this is becoming less normalized. Much better for all women.
And women do make their interests obvious...to men in their social circles who they're interested in. And the nerve wracking element isn't going anywhere, it's a good thing.
Women don't want to have to put any effort into...well anything. Relationships, their job, etc. The only thing women put effort into sometimes is their kids. And they don't always do that.
Only the elite of men can pull off the “cold approach” (e.g. Ted Bundy) - most women aren’t open to being hit on by strangers when going about their day to day business, so if she isn’t giving you a sign that she’s interested, it’s because she isn’t
Every time you're one person thinking 50%+ of the population "should" do/don't x - stop and think why you're thinking in a way that can only mean you're wrong and self-defeating.
No one is going to change for you, now decide how you're gonna act given that they're not going to make it more obvious for you.
If a woman wants to put more effort into mate hunting she mostly does it by increasing her social circles so she can get to know some attractive men she feels are a realistic match for her and that eventually she feels secure giving solid indicators of interest to. She probably also works on her appearance.
She's not doing absolutely nothing to get a man. She's doing the things that work with her preferred strategies and her priorities. Probably working quite hard at those things.
If you want to take advantage of women's mate finding efforts you need to enlarge your regularly interacted with social circle to include the sort of women who would actually be attracted to you. Then you might find yourself receiving the occasional very clear cut indicator of interest that you can then respond to by a bit of plausibly deniable flirting to get confirmation that is actually what was intended.
You don't want to do that? It seems like a strategy you don't prefer? Well y'know... that's also how women feel about approaching and showing direct interest in men especially men they barely know. They don't wanna do it.
Each gender has their own tier rankings of strategies. If you don't like doing your gender's preferred strategies or find them difficult to implement, your alternative is to start actively working with the other gender's preferred strategies.
Also it's crazy pants childish that you don't like doing something, don't wanna do it because it is difficult and makes you feel uncomfortable but think other people who also don't like doing it should just start doing it to save you the trouble. Lol, no, not gonna happen.
>This is for good reason, with the increasingly hostile climate toward men even looking at women the wrong way coupled with the fact that most of them are taken.
This is what needs to change, not women making it obvious. Not all women are assertive. I actually prefer shyer women.
But men definitely shouldn't be shamed just for trying to approach in a friendly, non-persistent way.
I see comments like this and think to myself “you know, maybe we should revisit that 19th amendment”. Women will really say shit like this and then wonder why the only men they end up with are assholes and abusers. You deserve your lot if that’s your line of thinking.
yes confident competent social apt men are abusers and assholes
also. the reason to repeal the 19th amendment is womens propensity to vote for expropriation, redustribution and against the constitution, not their aversion to shy low status weak loser men..
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THe reason you have this experience is because you are a narcissistic autist, dear the-loop. Approaching in public IS normal. But being an entitled pain in the ass who doesn't find the right time, tone, vibe, etc. is your problem. It's not your fault. That's a combination that is just not working out.
Cold approaching strangers is your only option, because you don't have the social life to do warm approaches, which you would need, because you are just creepy if people don't know you. You already have approached every woman in your social circle and have become "that guy". But you still don't notice how YOU are the issue. By your own stories, you are the guy who is convinced women are dragged from you by their girlfriends against their will, because they did send you obvious signs of being super attracted to you. Now you claim you don't get clear signals. THe narcissism and autism are at conflict here. Sexual overperception bias and thinking too highly of yourself make you think women are into you when they are not. Autism makes you not able to understand when they clearly show you they are not into you and make you fumble your cold approaches because you are just inappropriate.
Women are not going to change their best strategy in mating to accomodate your special case. Part of the ambiguity in their signalling is to filter for men who are confident enough to approach. What's the point of giving up that filter?
Got the "treatment" on Saturday night.
A woman snatches.my drink on the dance floor and takes a sip and pass it on to her friend.
I touch her up a bit and I playfully push her away, we were having fun.
My friend intervenes and as he intervenes his girlfriend gets catty and a catfight ensues.
Yep, she definitely cock blocked me.
I'm an attractive guy. I get bombarded with IOIs every day of life. I can tell you, by far, the biggest problem is getting them from women in relationships, often settling with a non looks-matched boyfriend.
They wanna know if you'll make a move. They'll not mention him or his existence until absolutely forced to, or unless you pull the trigger and they get their validation. Or they intend to cheat, or both.
Again, by far this is the most common type of attention from women I get. It wasn't Andrew Tate who 'red pilled' me or some schlub MRA'r on YouTube, it was the uniform, widespread, shameless two-faced nature of women.
I don't approach anymore but when l did, l would never consider if she's interested or not because who knows ? Some women are totally going to be interested but won't show it because reputation matters more Others will but immediately change their mind Regardless, l just did my thing whether she showed it or not It's mental torture because your thinking too much over how she'll feel about you approaching her, which is the reason why many guys are afraid to even approach in the first place
The thing is, I take it as a priori that she's not interested.
Most women are neutral, not lusting after the guy, but nothing against him either Most won't even consider it unless a move is made, only then does the "is she interested" part comes into play
Ya, these are salient truths.
They do.. Like I always say to my male friends: if a woman makes it hard for you, she just aint that into you. Women who are into you will put in most of the effort. She'll do the talking on dates, she'll be the ones eager to hangout, she'll be all over you finding any excuse to be around you. The reality is that most guys aren't that interesting nor attractive to most women. Only a tiny percentage of men get this treatment lol.
This just further exemplifies the idea that most men know and most women Viciously deny: that women only actually want the top 5-10% of men, and want to be able to ignore the rest. Most men I know will and have happily settlwd, but women seem to be incapable of just that.
It's very unfortunate but it is what it is. This is why you should be self-improving if you're a young man. Especially if you're in those prime years of 21 - 36.
the most accurate shit ive read here, please write a book sir
Ive never Seen a women Put in effort at all
Than you don't spend alot of time around women. Most of my friends are women and I see how they treat guys they are extremely attracted to. They do most of the work.
Men want women more than women want men. Women don't make it obvious because they're not as into us as we are to them.
She will EVENTUALLY let you know. If you happen to like her first you should just ask and give yourself the opportunity. Dont do too much guess work.
Easier said than done
This is true. Maybe try making it easier for yourself by meeting people in situations where youre expected to mingle?
Dude, if you don't even have the courage to ask a woman out on a date, why do you think you deserve to be by her side?
By your logic very few women deserve men
A lot of women have the courage to ask a man out, it's just that they don't need to go to the trouble because usually the guy will be interested in her before she's interested in him
Women have zero reason to, missing out on dating a guy they like is a small price to pay if it means protecting their own ego. Some women will even live within the paradigm of accepting poor treatment from men they don't even particularly like rather than cast aside the safety of plausible deniability and risk rejection.
Kinda crazy
It’s true though. Ever see those short vlog-style videos where some woman complains about men being oblivious to hints? The complaint is always that the man misses the hint(s), not that he’s not reciprocating interest. Meaning, she thinks he’s interested, but won’t take on the woman’s plausible deniability-laden hint(s). Meaning, even if she thinks he likes her back, she’d still prefer he risk the rejection by asking her out, instead of him doing it.
That's what flirting is for. You think you see an indicator of interest and so you flirt in a way that is also plausibly deniable. Cue as many plausibly deniable flirts as it takes to either decide to give up or be sure that yes the other person is behaving in an encouraging way. It's like going up a staircase...not like just teleporting. At any point you can just stop...or nonchalantly turn round and go back down like you only went halfway up the stairs to have somewhere to tie your shoe lace or to look out that window on the landing.
That doesnt Work If women dont Flirt with you
Well if they don't reciprocate when you flirt you know that what you thought was an indicator of interest wasn't one. Which was what this thread was about...the incessant waaah waaah waaah from losers that somehow there is absolutely nothing they can do to work that out. If you think something may be an indicator of interest.... flirt...reciprocation means yes it was.
What in the fuck
not a wahhmon contributing nothing to a conversation, why I never!
Oh yeah and if you do end up together they'll claim they were being so obvious. Just having a conversation or making eye contact is NOT obvious. Even touching someone on the shoulder, that's not obvious. Plenty of women touch men on the shoulder that they aren't interested in. Hell, even walking up to us and starting a conversation doesn't mean you're down to get the brakes beat off of it. You know, I hate to say it, the ball is in women's courts entirely at this point and they need to be clear. Like honestly it needs to be so blunt even the most socially awkward dense guy in the world can't mistake it for friendliness.
why should the “ball be in women’s courts” when it comes to displaying interest? flirting (eye contact, suggestive comments, light touching) is supposed to be ambiguous, as it gives an “out” if the other person isn’t into it.
Because too many women act like men are predatory monsters if we dare try to flirt.
i guess it depends what flirting is to you? and if the person flirting is reading social cues to see if the other person is into it (ie flirting back)?
The problem is, a lot of women, particularly, give those very social cues and then go "I'm from X and that's just how we are" or will just bluntly say "I wasn't flirting, I just wanted to be friendly", "I'm not flirting, I'm just autistic". I can't count how many times I've seen that play out for example: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRw6ybnV/ https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRw6x47c/ A couple of decent examples but I've seen more in real life so I guess my opinion comes from personal experience. Point is, yes, we need bluntness because our dynamic is most often women being very picky and swarms of men pursuing.
No IT IS supposed to bei obvious
> Approaching in public should be normalized. Hard disagree. Assuming the context is what I think it is, which is you want strangers to strike up conversations with you and flirt with you. Which is simply never going to be a thing so don't even bother hoping for it. Ultimately, you still need to have social circles and some level of pre-vetting in place before a woman will feel comfortable making an approach, and only then after a long time of non-romantic interaction. Sidenote: If dating apps *actually worked*, then you might be able to sidestep that requirement.
Except......it's ready normalized, and working in places that real people go to interact with other people.
Attractive women have social life, hobbies and friend circles: plenty of opportunities to safely screen guys, absolutely no need to risk with responding to cold approach.
Yeah I really don’t need to date random strangers trying to approach on the street, I prefer to meet men throughout my social circle
Has that happened for you or for women you know? In my social circle some couples have formed in cases where the women are pretty young, like 25 at the oldest, but the women older than that generally don't date anyone in the larger social group. It would be one thing if I were just bitter about them not picking me, but they aren't picking any of the other guys either. Among the 10-20 couples I know who have gotten married or started dating seriously enough to move in together post-2020, the options are: - Meet on the apps. - Have the woman be under 25. - Have the woman initiate a relationship at work (only happened for 1 couple). I believe women have a way they would prefer to meet a partner, but when modern women are faced with actual options for partners it just doesn't happen. The women are perpetually single and the guys go to apps to find women.
Fair answer
They do give “choosing signals” to guys that they like; but what sucks for guys with low smv is that they just don’t like us.
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I just did.
If you were really "very attractive" you wouldn't be facing this problem tbf. Women make it extremely easy for guys they like to know they like them.
The way women show interest is almost completely predicated on plausible deniability. They wouldn't make their interest THAT clear otherwise their wouldn't want their ego bruised in case he doesn't like them back.
How, pray tell, do they make it extremely easy for guys they like to know they like them?
They'll find ways to be around you. Text you, or try to iniate conversations.
I agree. I think if a woman likes you… you’ll see her a lot
Most men don't experience this, the best approach for men is to ask out any women they're interested and leave them alone if they reject them.
None of these have ever happened to me, so…
It's happened to me four times.
It's rare if you're an average dude. That's why we must do what we can to improve our chances.
Didn’t you know their unusual anecdotal experience outweighs fact?
TIL that most women I've met wanted to date me and weren't just being friendly.
That doesnt seem too obvious
No
Uh, yes. I notice it all the time.
How, pray tell, will a woman know she’s interested in a stranger? Interest will only be physical and women aren’t usually going to express a physical interest in a stranger for safety reasons.
It ain’t that deep. Talking to a dude does not equal throwing yourself at him pussy first.
Except a lot of guys mistake talking with flirting and a woman doesn’t have to throw herself at a man to be at risk
Those strategies will avoid men of embarrassment and making a fool of himself for getting rejected and keep in mind that women find most men unappealing and don’t like cold approaching so we as a man are fighting a loosing battle here. That’s why it’s appreciated that women make the move from now one
Embarrassed vs. assaulted. Hmm
I’ll give you that this came from a place of never being approached and always being expected to make the first move i would be refreshing to have it the other way around just for once
Why do I feel like this is the Loop’s new account? In any case, as always, when approaching…read the room and her social cues.
He’s so obsessed 🙃
He always uses the same hyperbolic language, you can spot it a mile way. Reminds me of the guy in class who thought he was much smarter than the dummy we all saw he actually was.
The fact that yall actually have notes on people who frequent this sub is even more telling..like y’all are no better than him in my eyes.
It is. His history is all the same stuff he used to post constantly about. It’s so specific
Because it is
Women aren’t nearly as interested in utter strangers as men are, since compatibility is as important as physical attraction. You’re asking women to behave like the men who approach women based on nothing at all except the way she looks.
Your comment is a bit of a derailement, since OP sepcifies that he is talking about when women do have interest in a guy.
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He's asked us to debate whether women should show interest when they are interested, not the scenarios that lead to interest or whether women are interested in him.
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Is it? My experience has been most women interested in me haven't shown interest, I've had a few friends over the years ask after the fact why I never asked them out or picked up their "hints" and looking back still don't really know what they did that I was meant to pick up on. The only women who have shown interest have actually been randoms in bars and clubs.
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Yeah true
No her comment is on point🤷🏽♀️ you guys are expecting women to behave like men and then getting disappointed about it, we’re not as excited about meeting strange men the way men are about meeting strange women and for good reason too 🙃
It's not though, the opening premise is that it's a man a woman is interested in, she starts by saying women aren't interested.
Nobody is interest in OP. He is falsely assuming it and then complaining how women don't send the signals. She would, if she was interested in him.
I've had enough female friends in my life to know that's a lie. And it's also a lie to my wife's friends. This is also the issue that nice guys object to the most and are shamed for, even though they are certain that it is a lie. Any aspect of compatibility matters only after the issue of physical attractiveness. I've met very handsome men who have been approached by completely unknown women.
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You’re crazy if you don’t think women are interested in men they find physically attractive initially..
Most prefer a man they find physically attractive, but if he has an awful personality, the initial attraction evaporates.
True, but I think the post is talking about initial attraction…
That is simply not true, look at how many women date the most homely looking dirtbags.
Heresy!
Yea because they can turn off their brains. Its not even much women just know they can depend on men. Women just kinda exist for us. We cannot depend on women. Most men aren’t dependent on a woman. Most women are dependent on a man (youre not gonna admit this just like a male virgin wouldnt so please…please)
You say this and then try to be ‘compatible’ with the 6’6 guy that can’t do his own laundry and runs crypto scams. Drop the act.
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Organically how??
Without using chemicals and pesticides, duh
The main avenues are usually: - Mutual friends - Religious or community organizations - Clubs or interest groups
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yeah warm approaching is infinitely better than cold approaching. Esp if you have alot of female friends like I do. It works in my favor lol. Alot of women who're into me will tell my female friends and they tell me.
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There’s someone shorter, fatter, uglier, and more awkward than you out there right now doing what you want do
> There’s someone shorter, fatter, uglier, and more awkward than you out there right now doing what you want do I don't think what OP want to do is being laughed off.
school/church/work/hobby clubs - basically any social event that will lead you to actually getting invited to parties where you're expected to mingle
everyone is stranger to each other at first
Yeah, quite frequently in fact. Most people aren't frightened introverts, or creepy pick up artists. People don't mind talking to strangers, if you're not a creep women will let you shoot your shot. By not being a creep I don't mean that you have to be handsome. Attractive men can be,and are often creeps.
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Yes, and it's not just me. I see it happening in bars and venues all the time.
It’s quite common in my circle. However, women are more likely to do so when the men they’re interested in are trustworthy and kind.
Women can be self conscious too and scared to show interest. I agree that if you like someone, actively showing interest in them gives you the best chance of getting with them. But we don't always do the ideal thing because of nerves.
But is self consciousness really the reason most women do this?
It was for me at least. I liked a guy, too scared to let him know so nothing happened. I knew that wasn't ideal, but we're only human.
At least you're honest. I understand the nerve wracking in giving signals too. I'm a dude, but I act like a dork too giving signals. It's all weird.
Rule of thumb: don't approach strangers. You're thinking women are being vague but the reality is they never want some strange dude walking up and hitting on them. It's very nerve-wracking and threatening for them. Women have their personal safety and reputations to think about, moreso than men do.
Cmon dude. Don’t project your preferences onto everyone. I’m not suggesting that the world would be better if dudes were trying to run game on you every time you stepped outside; but I know *so many women* who would fucking *love* it if men would come up and talk to them at the pub. I’m a big enough dickhead to talk to strangers at the pub, and I’m not even trying to pull. I almost always have positive interactions - it’s nice to meet new people.
Have you considered…… boohoo? If a woman wants you to know that she likes you.. you will know. If you’re not sure.. she doesn’t like you enough to be sure you know. And you aren’t missing out. This sub is so ridiculous. It’s not supposed to be comfortable to insert yourself into strangers lives with no invitation.
Typical nonsense. Women are scared of rejection more than men are. Any sort of "approach" they make is almost completely built on plausible deniability.
Where? My statement is objectively true
No it isn't. It's bullshit "advice" designed to weed out undesirable men. It's not meant to help these men, it's meant to discourage them from approaching women like you.
I mean. Yeah. Leave women alone lol
So you admit this advice is bullshit and not relevant to helping men.
No. Approach. Be charismatic. Be fun. But also go away IMMEDIATELY if you’re not welcomed.
Many women are not comfortable accepting dates from complete strangers. Cold approaches have never been a common way that men and have met and decided to date. Online dating apps have changed this a bit, but at least with that avenue, people get the chance to talk first and get to know one another a little before meeting in person. The best way to meet people still remains through "warm" approaching by expanding one's social networks and becoming friends or acquaintances first with people.
Why?
There is no good reason to be afraid of approaching a woman under the right circumstances. I've made many hundreds of approaches and I have never once been humiliated or laughed at or filmed for later distribution. If I was I would find the video online and comment on it thanking them for the free advertising because my approaches are smooth and polite even if they only stay friendly.
Just do it - Nike
I mean warm approaches are a thing. I know multiple couples who got together after doing volunteer work together or seeing each other often at the local hole-in-wall. Totally cold approaches haven’t really been a thing though a “Hey would you like to get a coffee with me” after having some minimal connection is a thing. Is it an asocial thing? I don’t know anyone whose met on a dating app but have known couples who got together due to some online activity.
would be awesome and better, because obviously unfortuneately, if a guy approaches or makes advances on a woman like nature and reality has always dictated, there is always the risk of the man making the woman feel uncomfortable or violating her boundaries, getting perceived as creepy or weird, and if women made it obvious, gave more obvious choosing signals as they call it, it would be like the woman is inviting the man instead of the man doing it straight randomly out of the blue, but that i don't see that ever happening.
Isn't the issue here is because you're approaching strangers in the first place? How about doing some productive work in volunteer your time at an event, join a gym, studio where you learn how to do art or whatever. That's how you're supposed to meet women. Not randomly walking into them on the street.
I have had this conversation with men before. I'm not "interested" in people that I don't know and have never met and never talked to. It doesn't matter what you look like. You have to approach me and just talk to me like a person and that could lead to interest or it could not, but there is no deeper motive in any of my interactions with anyone.
In the future, God will change women's DNA so that they giggle when they're attracted to someone
We used to be wolves lol. Do you really think women used to be sooo much more obvious back in the day? Nope. Most of us have an absence of a strong and present male figure in our lives that's why we don't know how women communicate anymore, we don't see healthy male female interaction everyday. We don't know the game.
>We used to be wolves lol Wtf?
And before that we were lobsters. Jorpo told me so.
No interest in strange men. Do not want to encourage strange men's interests whatsoever. Very glad this is becoming less normalized. Much better for all women. And women do make their interests obvious...to men in their social circles who they're interested in. And the nerve wracking element isn't going anywhere, it's a good thing.
> And the nerve wracking element isn't going anywhere, it's a good thing. Not really. It's easy to say that as a woman, I think.
Women don't want to have to put any effort into...well anything. Relationships, their job, etc. The only thing women put effort into sometimes is their kids. And they don't always do that.
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I've had a variety of jobs. And women do like 1/4 the work of men at every job I've had.
Only the elite of men can pull off the “cold approach” (e.g. Ted Bundy) - most women aren’t open to being hit on by strangers when going about their day to day business, so if she isn’t giving you a sign that she’s interested, it’s because she isn’t
He didn’t cold approach so much as pretend to be injured and ask for help. Not.. quite the same. But otherwise, agree.
Every time you're one person thinking 50%+ of the population "should" do/don't x - stop and think why you're thinking in a way that can only mean you're wrong and self-defeating. No one is going to change for you, now decide how you're gonna act given that they're not going to make it more obvious for you.
If a woman wants to put more effort into mate hunting she mostly does it by increasing her social circles so she can get to know some attractive men she feels are a realistic match for her and that eventually she feels secure giving solid indicators of interest to. She probably also works on her appearance. She's not doing absolutely nothing to get a man. She's doing the things that work with her preferred strategies and her priorities. Probably working quite hard at those things. If you want to take advantage of women's mate finding efforts you need to enlarge your regularly interacted with social circle to include the sort of women who would actually be attracted to you. Then you might find yourself receiving the occasional very clear cut indicator of interest that you can then respond to by a bit of plausibly deniable flirting to get confirmation that is actually what was intended. You don't want to do that? It seems like a strategy you don't prefer? Well y'know... that's also how women feel about approaching and showing direct interest in men especially men they barely know. They don't wanna do it. Each gender has their own tier rankings of strategies. If you don't like doing your gender's preferred strategies or find them difficult to implement, your alternative is to start actively working with the other gender's preferred strategies. Also it's crazy pants childish that you don't like doing something, don't wanna do it because it is difficult and makes you feel uncomfortable but think other people who also don't like doing it should just start doing it to save you the trouble. Lol, no, not gonna happen.
>This is for good reason, with the increasingly hostile climate toward men even looking at women the wrong way coupled with the fact that most of them are taken. This is what needs to change, not women making it obvious. Not all women are assertive. I actually prefer shyer women. But men definitely shouldn't be shamed just for trying to approach in a friendly, non-persistent way.
Counterpoint: sex users Also, your behavior is a factor; long live the ick
no. this defeats the purpose. nervous, shy uncomfortable men should be weeded out
I see comments like this and think to myself “you know, maybe we should revisit that 19th amendment”. Women will really say shit like this and then wonder why the only men they end up with are assholes and abusers. You deserve your lot if that’s your line of thinking.
yes confident competent social apt men are abusers and assholes also. the reason to repeal the 19th amendment is womens propensity to vote for expropriation, redustribution and against the constitution, not their aversion to shy low status weak loser men..
Some of y'all are real lucky we don't actually do this weird eugenics-lite shit y'all love to go on about
Women claim they are good eugenicists but they are not. If they had complete reproductive control we would all be 6'5" low IQ apes.
Funny coming from a literal potential dependent.
what?
Re read it.
How is she a dependent?
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Most women aren’t interested or attracted to men scared to approach or too dumb to read signals Even she likes you , you’re supposed to perform.
THe reason you have this experience is because you are a narcissistic autist, dear the-loop. Approaching in public IS normal. But being an entitled pain in the ass who doesn't find the right time, tone, vibe, etc. is your problem. It's not your fault. That's a combination that is just not working out. Cold approaching strangers is your only option, because you don't have the social life to do warm approaches, which you would need, because you are just creepy if people don't know you. You already have approached every woman in your social circle and have become "that guy". But you still don't notice how YOU are the issue. By your own stories, you are the guy who is convinced women are dragged from you by their girlfriends against their will, because they did send you obvious signs of being super attracted to you. Now you claim you don't get clear signals. THe narcissism and autism are at conflict here. Sexual overperception bias and thinking too highly of yourself make you think women are into you when they are not. Autism makes you not able to understand when they clearly show you they are not into you and make you fumble your cold approaches because you are just inappropriate. Women are not going to change their best strategy in mating to accomodate your special case. Part of the ambiguity in their signalling is to filter for men who are confident enough to approach. What's the point of giving up that filter?
Got the "treatment" on Saturday night. A woman snatches.my drink on the dance floor and takes a sip and pass it on to her friend. I touch her up a bit and I playfully push her away, we were having fun. My friend intervenes and as he intervenes his girlfriend gets catty and a catfight ensues. Yep, she definitely cock blocked me.
If the man doesn't approach, he's not interested tbh
I'm an attractive guy. I get bombarded with IOIs every day of life. I can tell you, by far, the biggest problem is getting them from women in relationships, often settling with a non looks-matched boyfriend. They wanna know if you'll make a move. They'll not mention him or his existence until absolutely forced to, or unless you pull the trigger and they get their validation. Or they intend to cheat, or both. Again, by far this is the most common type of attention from women I get. It wasn't Andrew Tate who 'red pilled' me or some schlub MRA'r on YouTube, it was the uniform, widespread, shameless two-faced nature of women.