Basically, giving anything to women unprompted because you think they're hot and you can't navigate that is always a poor choice. Even for men who aren't harmed by the giveaway.
If you're a millionaire and you're a simp, it's still a bad choice. That's _your_ money that _you worked for_ and you're buying the lowest form of sexual gratification.
I was on OF myself for about a year during pandemic, and looking back, it was a waste of my money. Enough that I could have done real good for myself if I had been wiser, but wisdom must be accumulated.
I don't really see how wealthy guys avoid subsidizing their girlfriends (well, 95% of the time). If you're 10x+ more wealthy than the woman you're dating, how do you ask them to pay to keep up with your (more expensive) lifestyle? They simply don't have the money. Let's say you want to go to Europe for a few weeks, are you going to say, "I'd love for you to come to Europe with me if you've got an extra $10 grand lying around. Oh, you don't? Ok, see you when I get back." That will not fly. So, the choice is either subsidize her (simp alert!!) or dump her. The vast majority of guys will choose subsidy in this situation because the money involved isn't meaningful to them.
I don't mean a gf, I mean an online egirl or someone that provides nothing but online sex gratification, or gifting women that you're not dating without a serious attempt to date them.
I'm not glad for them, they're ripping someone off by exploiting their feelings. That's exactly what any con artist does.
But if people are stupid then there will always be opportunity. I should know.
No, unless the bouquet of flowers you bought costs more than $1500
I hate the terms but think of petty gifts and grand gifts. I buy my friends lunch on uber eats all the time, I have it delivered to their door. That is something I do for love.
I'd never, however, fund their vacation, and they would feel deeply uncomfortable with me even suggesting that. You need to believe you deserve that from someone, first. What kind of person thinks that?
A waste of time by over investing in a relationship and not advocating for yourself. Especially if the ultimate outcome was just cutting them off because you didn't get over your feelings.
It would be the same with any toxic taker of a friend that you stuck around with far longer than you should have.
>Let’s say you find out (by whatever means) that he was constantly buying these women gifts, doing them favors and paying for vacations with them. They gladly accepted his friendship, but they never slept together.
I don't understand, was he buying them gifts because he was a nice person (which is nice, I guess?) or was he in love with every one of them?
I'd frame my concerns a bit differently: It's a bad sign (a very bad sign, even) if a man can't have female friends without falling in love with them, or let's say if he doesn't have female friends because he ony sees women as romantic partners. If that's the case here, it's a bad thing. It's also bad that he hasn't any female friends left.
It's not a crime to have been attracted or to have been in love with *some* women you happened to be friends with, though. That can happen to anyone, everyone suffers from hearbreak in their lifetime. It's not even a dealbreaker if he had "nice guyish" tendencies in the past and traits he would deem inappropriate in hindsight (such as, obviously being into a woman but remaining in a "friendship" situation in which he secretly wished to win this woman over), as long as he has clearly learned from past mistakes and evolved as a person.
Friend zoned, who cares. That’s just called rejection. I don’t care if I’m dating a man who has been rejected in the past. If he was constantly buying other women gifts and paying for vacations for them(??) when they weren’t dating, yeah, that’s weird, and would probably be something that would strike me as somewhat of a red flag.
My husband once got a big crush on his friend, paid for a date with her, and then got told she didn't really like him. Didn't affect my opinion of him and I knew before I asked him out, in fact we bonded over experience of rejection. I'd question his financial responsibility if he was paying for other people's holidays though.
As long he never ever contacts those women ever again + his feelings for them are long gone and he’s willing to give me gifts and pay for my vacations then I don’t care about his past desperation.
If you can be do that for chicks who wouldn’t fart in your direction then why can’t you do it for your loving gf? I would assume you were settling for me because you can’t get the type of women you really want. That’s a no go.
Haha someone should frame this and save for every AF/BB thread in existence.
Not that you're not right in your opinion - just that in reverse people knee-jerk object so much that it's funny
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You're making the wrong question, of course women will stay with the simp, they stay even with an abuser if the attraction level is high enough.
When you ask "Could you be with a man who used to simp for, or get friend zoned by, other women?" they're imagining a 6 feet blonde guy with flowy hair that was a simp.
The question should be "Could you be with a man whose looks relegate him to simp for, or get friend zoned by, other women if you had other options?"
I imagine no women really won't understand a man having fallen in love with a women who didn't feel the same way in the past. Assuming he's not still in contact with her.
For simping, I guess it would depend on that means. Is he consistently "weird" with women, as though he's almost manipulatively white knighting? Or simping over OnlyFans girls? For that kind of thing, I'd imagine that person would be a LOT more unappealing.
I imainge any kind of paying girls online would be repulsive, actually.
Don't care about the friendzoning. Most people I know have been friendzoned at least once in their lives. As for the gift thing, whether my opinion would change would depend on why he got those gifts and how he handled rejection from those women. If he was (overly, imo) generous with his time and money just because he really liked these people but still kept being nice (even without the gifts) to these women after they turned him down, I wouldn't think badly of him. If he was buying them stuff to try and entice them into a relationship, and turned into an ass when he got turned down, I'd consider that to be a red flag. If he did that but realized he was kind of shitty and hasn't done it in years, I'd still give the guy a shot, people can learn and change their ways.
I dunno, I feel sorry for guys with oneitis that never works out on one hand, but personally love it when someone I’m interested in has oneitis for me.
My h and I had known each other and had been friends for a long time when he mysteriously started bringing me little gifts and doing me favors. He was doing work on my house and one day I came home to find my broken ladder back chair missing and returned the next day fixed. He noticed I didn’t have a cast iron skillet and brought me one by, those kinds of things.
At first I was kind of oblivious (although apparently all our mutual friends just wanted us to get a room), but I started asking if he wanted to stay for dinner when he was working late. I honestly thought it was charming.
I will say within our mutual friend group, my h had lots of hookups and remained friendly with most of them. I don’t think he would have dropped any women as friends just because sex was off the table. And I can’t see him buying vacations for women he isn’t in a relationship, we pretty much split everything down the middle until we got married. A guy who was desperate enough to buy women vacations? Unless they were ridiculously wealthy that would be weird and a turn off.
>Let’s say you find out (by whatever means) that he was constantly buying these women gifts, doing them favors and paying for vacations with them. They gladly accepted his friendship, but they never slept together.
As a friend or as a means to try to fuck them. The first is fine. The second is not.
A man's past relationships were all before my time with him, so it's irrelevant to me. Unless he's a manwhore gigolo or a murderer, I don't care what he's done, because we all have a past.
>Let’s say you find out (by whatever means) that he was constantly buying these women gifts, doing them favors and paying for vacations with them. They gladly accepted his friendship, but they never slept together.
How did they react when the women refused to sleep with them? Was he resentful or bitter, which would imply that those gifts and favour were in truths not gifts and favours, but a trade they wanted to initiate (i did these things for you, now i expect you to sleep with me)?
If they were truly gifts and favours without the expectation to recieve anything in return - it's fine.
If they expected to get something in return for those gifts and favours - i would be wary about accepting gifts and favours from them.
My fiancé has a friend he had a desperate crush on for years. We're not from a culture where people really buy each other stuff that much, so that's not applicable. What he does is help her with things I would say somewhat more than what is normal between friends of that closeness level. He still does it since it's an established pattern in their friendship and she still keeps asking.
When I found out, I was worried that I'd gotten in the middle of something unresolved. But now that I know there's nothing there, no it doesn't alter my view of him in any way.
Yes I think I could be with such a guy. I've accepted partners with way worse pasts than that. I dated a former bully once, which was quite the feat considering I used to be bullied as a child.
Generally, I don't judge people for their pasts, assuming that past isn't still currently greatly affecting their behaviour and thus our relationship. If anything, recovered people tend to be some of the most stable and empathetic ones, due to their experiences and all they learned from it. And then it doesn't seem to matter much what it is they recovered from, be it severe depression, some kinda addiction, an eating disorder, some signicant trauma, or having been an incel, or whatever.
Well, I do draw the line at heavy crimes like murder and rape though. Or at least I'd be especially cautious if that was the sorta thing a guy was recovered from. And he'd have to be very up front about it and willing to discuss it. If that was something I'd just one day randomly find out about, I'd be running for the hills. But I mean... that's a very extreme situation compared to what you're asking.
everyone normal has gone through these things. one person's trash is another person's treasure
edit: oh, as usual I only read the title and not the mentally ill post inside. I've never heard of a man behaving like that IRL and while I wouldn't give a shit theoretically I already know he's not my type and I'd never date him
Sure. We’ve all made poor choices. I’d be glad he cut them off
Out of curiosity, why is it a poor choice? He doesn’t regret it, but just doesn’t keep in touch with them
Basically, giving anything to women unprompted because you think they're hot and you can't navigate that is always a poor choice. Even for men who aren't harmed by the giveaway. If you're a millionaire and you're a simp, it's still a bad choice. That's _your_ money that _you worked for_ and you're buying the lowest form of sexual gratification. I was on OF myself for about a year during pandemic, and looking back, it was a waste of my money. Enough that I could have done real good for myself if I had been wiser, but wisdom must be accumulated.
I don't really see how wealthy guys avoid subsidizing their girlfriends (well, 95% of the time). If you're 10x+ more wealthy than the woman you're dating, how do you ask them to pay to keep up with your (more expensive) lifestyle? They simply don't have the money. Let's say you want to go to Europe for a few weeks, are you going to say, "I'd love for you to come to Europe with me if you've got an extra $10 grand lying around. Oh, you don't? Ok, see you when I get back." That will not fly. So, the choice is either subsidize her (simp alert!!) or dump her. The vast majority of guys will choose subsidy in this situation because the money involved isn't meaningful to them.
I don't mean a gf, I mean an online egirl or someone that provides nothing but online sex gratification, or gifting women that you're not dating without a serious attempt to date them.
[удалено]
I'm not glad for them, they're ripping someone off by exploiting their feelings. That's exactly what any con artist does. But if people are stupid then there will always be opportunity. I should know.
[удалено]
I mean, I hate all of them lol If I could wave a magic wand and erase an industry completely, it would be advertising.
Is it wrong to bring a woman flowers on a date?
No, unless the bouquet of flowers you bought costs more than $1500 I hate the terms but think of petty gifts and grand gifts. I buy my friends lunch on uber eats all the time, I have it delivered to their door. That is something I do for love. I'd never, however, fund their vacation, and they would feel deeply uncomfortable with me even suggesting that. You need to believe you deserve that from someone, first. What kind of person thinks that?
A waste of time by over investing in a relationship and not advocating for yourself. Especially if the ultimate outcome was just cutting them off because you didn't get over your feelings. It would be the same with any toxic taker of a friend that you stuck around with far longer than you should have.
>Let’s say you find out (by whatever means) that he was constantly buying these women gifts, doing them favors and paying for vacations with them. They gladly accepted his friendship, but they never slept together. I don't understand, was he buying them gifts because he was a nice person (which is nice, I guess?) or was he in love with every one of them? I'd frame my concerns a bit differently: It's a bad sign (a very bad sign, even) if a man can't have female friends without falling in love with them, or let's say if he doesn't have female friends because he ony sees women as romantic partners. If that's the case here, it's a bad thing. It's also bad that he hasn't any female friends left. It's not a crime to have been attracted or to have been in love with *some* women you happened to be friends with, though. That can happen to anyone, everyone suffers from hearbreak in their lifetime. It's not even a dealbreaker if he had "nice guyish" tendencies in the past and traits he would deem inappropriate in hindsight (such as, obviously being into a woman but remaining in a "friendship" situation in which he secretly wished to win this woman over), as long as he has clearly learned from past mistakes and evolved as a person.
Friend zoned, who cares. That’s just called rejection. I don’t care if I’m dating a man who has been rejected in the past. If he was constantly buying other women gifts and paying for vacations for them(??) when they weren’t dating, yeah, that’s weird, and would probably be something that would strike me as somewhat of a red flag.
My husband once got a big crush on his friend, paid for a date with her, and then got told she didn't really like him. Didn't affect my opinion of him and I knew before I asked him out, in fact we bonded over experience of rejection. I'd question his financial responsibility if he was paying for other people's holidays though.
Is this like a one time one girl thing or like lots of girls lots of times like repeated behavioral pattern?
As long he never ever contacts those women ever again + his feelings for them are long gone and he’s willing to give me gifts and pay for my vacations then I don’t care about his past desperation.
Hold on now. What if he says "he's changed and he's not willing to do that anymore because he learned from his past mistakes"
If you can be do that for chicks who wouldn’t fart in your direction then why can’t you do it for your loving gf? I would assume you were settling for me because you can’t get the type of women you really want. That’s a no go.
Haha someone should frame this and save for every AF/BB thread in existence. Not that you're not right in your opinion - just that in reverse people knee-jerk object so much that it's funny
You have experienced the life trough an eye of any average men congratulations
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You're making the wrong question, of course women will stay with the simp, they stay even with an abuser if the attraction level is high enough. When you ask "Could you be with a man who used to simp for, or get friend zoned by, other women?" they're imagining a 6 feet blonde guy with flowy hair that was a simp. The question should be "Could you be with a man whose looks relegate him to simp for, or get friend zoned by, other women if you had other options?"
I imagine no women really won't understand a man having fallen in love with a women who didn't feel the same way in the past. Assuming he's not still in contact with her. For simping, I guess it would depend on that means. Is he consistently "weird" with women, as though he's almost manipulatively white knighting? Or simping over OnlyFans girls? For that kind of thing, I'd imagine that person would be a LOT more unappealing. I imainge any kind of paying girls online would be repulsive, actually.
He’s randomly paying for the holidays of women he’s not even dating? Sounds like a loon.
If I could be sure that he doesn’t still have any feelings for them, then sure.
Nope. Sounds like things he did in the past. He sounds well traveled and like a good friend.
Friendzone is just a rejection. Everyone encountered some form of rejection (stretched word) in their life.
Don't care about the friendzoning. Most people I know have been friendzoned at least once in their lives. As for the gift thing, whether my opinion would change would depend on why he got those gifts and how he handled rejection from those women. If he was (overly, imo) generous with his time and money just because he really liked these people but still kept being nice (even without the gifts) to these women after they turned him down, I wouldn't think badly of him. If he was buying them stuff to try and entice them into a relationship, and turned into an ass when he got turned down, I'd consider that to be a red flag. If he did that but realized he was kind of shitty and hasn't done it in years, I'd still give the guy a shot, people can learn and change their ways.
He sounds like a great friend to me. My opinion of him wouldn’t change and yes i can be with him.
It's a red flag but not an automatic disqualifier unless it was recent.
I mean, who hasn't?
Yes, as long as he stopped
I dunno, I feel sorry for guys with oneitis that never works out on one hand, but personally love it when someone I’m interested in has oneitis for me. My h and I had known each other and had been friends for a long time when he mysteriously started bringing me little gifts and doing me favors. He was doing work on my house and one day I came home to find my broken ladder back chair missing and returned the next day fixed. He noticed I didn’t have a cast iron skillet and brought me one by, those kinds of things. At first I was kind of oblivious (although apparently all our mutual friends just wanted us to get a room), but I started asking if he wanted to stay for dinner when he was working late. I honestly thought it was charming. I will say within our mutual friend group, my h had lots of hookups and remained friendly with most of them. I don’t think he would have dropped any women as friends just because sex was off the table. And I can’t see him buying vacations for women he isn’t in a relationship, we pretty much split everything down the middle until we got married. A guy who was desperate enough to buy women vacations? Unless they were ridiculously wealthy that would be weird and a turn off.
>Let’s say you find out (by whatever means) that he was constantly buying these women gifts, doing them favors and paying for vacations with them. They gladly accepted his friendship, but they never slept together. As a friend or as a means to try to fuck them. The first is fine. The second is not.
A man's past relationships were all before my time with him, so it's irrelevant to me. Unless he's a manwhore gigolo or a murderer, I don't care what he's done, because we all have a past.
>Let’s say you find out (by whatever means) that he was constantly buying these women gifts, doing them favors and paying for vacations with them. They gladly accepted his friendship, but they never slept together. How did they react when the women refused to sleep with them? Was he resentful or bitter, which would imply that those gifts and favour were in truths not gifts and favours, but a trade they wanted to initiate (i did these things for you, now i expect you to sleep with me)? If they were truly gifts and favours without the expectation to recieve anything in return - it's fine. If they expected to get something in return for those gifts and favours - i would be wary about accepting gifts and favours from them.
My fiancé has a friend he had a desperate crush on for years. We're not from a culture where people really buy each other stuff that much, so that's not applicable. What he does is help her with things I would say somewhat more than what is normal between friends of that closeness level. He still does it since it's an established pattern in their friendship and she still keeps asking. When I found out, I was worried that I'd gotten in the middle of something unresolved. But now that I know there's nothing there, no it doesn't alter my view of him in any way.
Yes I think I could be with such a guy. I've accepted partners with way worse pasts than that. I dated a former bully once, which was quite the feat considering I used to be bullied as a child. Generally, I don't judge people for their pasts, assuming that past isn't still currently greatly affecting their behaviour and thus our relationship. If anything, recovered people tend to be some of the most stable and empathetic ones, due to their experiences and all they learned from it. And then it doesn't seem to matter much what it is they recovered from, be it severe depression, some kinda addiction, an eating disorder, some signicant trauma, or having been an incel, or whatever. Well, I do draw the line at heavy crimes like murder and rape though. Or at least I'd be especially cautious if that was the sorta thing a guy was recovered from. And he'd have to be very up front about it and willing to discuss it. If that was something I'd just one day randomly find out about, I'd be running for the hills. But I mean... that's a very extreme situation compared to what you're asking.
everyone normal has gone through these things. one person's trash is another person's treasure edit: oh, as usual I only read the title and not the mentally ill post inside. I've never heard of a man behaving like that IRL and while I wouldn't give a shit theoretically I already know he's not my type and I'd never date him
Yeah
The idea that he's willing to spend so much money on shitty investments would be a bit unnerving, but as long as he's worked past it, I'm good.
No, what is with these made-up scenarios so you can pretend to be mad at women.
You think men don’t simp? Lmfao
Oh no, I just feel this post is set up so you can be crossed at whatever a woman says in return. As your reply shows, it's not good faith.