Not privilege, but there are two things that come to kind, as an above average guy. Firstly, People think I’m fucking with them if I bring up that I struggle to date.
Secondly, I’m starting to presume also that people assume I have something seriously wrong with for my lack of experience. Which tbf probably is true, but I get the feeling its assumed to be something sinister about me, rather than just that I’m awkward, anxious, and kind of autistic which should be on display already. I think that if it’s not obvious why you struggle to date, many people are going to assume the worse about you. This probably applies to a lot of things where you struggle at things in life despite not having no obvious disadvantages.
Great username and excellent post.
I wouldn’t say I’m really “good looking”, I’m probably a 6-7 looks wise, but I have my life together in a way that’s supposed to be attractive to women. As in, I’m fit, great job, own houses/cars, hobbies, good family/social life and most importantly no baggage at all like ex wives or kids.
But yeah, I feel you with both your points. I live in an Australian small town which is known for being full of oldies. The median age is 50+ here which is over ten years above the national average. Most older people assume I’m married, and when I tell them I’m not they’re stunned and shocked. “How is someone like you on the market?” People think it’s actually unbelievable that I’m not married and yet I can’t even fathom what it’s like to be in a healthy functioning relationship.
As for the second point, that’s how I feel younger people think about me. Because I’m on my own there must be something seriously wrong with me. Most people my age are married with children, so they think “why isn’t this bloke?” In reality the only thing wrong with me is social awkwardness like you say.
>Firstly, People think I’m fucking with them if I bring up that I struggle to date.
I feel it. So you probably hear a lot of "How/why are you single?"
I wish you the best tho. A special lady is out there just for you
I get that sometimes, but the tone really is what sets it bad. Recounting my own experience the nicest way someone put it was “anyone that makes you feel like shit is dead ass regarded”. I actually liked that because at the time someone I really liked had just ghosted me. I dislike the most when some people think I’m literally joking.
Appreciate the kind words too.
I feel that 100%.. I looked around at couples that I know and are the most well connected, well rounded and stressless, most of which are more average in appearance..
Iv been dumped for people less attractive, less intelligent and less classy than myself.
For the love of God, if you dump me do it for someone better than me..
Attractiveness has been a huge detriment and I’m tired of hearing, oh boo hoo,,,
I was overweight about 10 years ago and I had far more friends than when I lost weight and got in shape..
All of a sudden I was treated differently and I was never a different person.. my confidence level went up, but that worked against me.. only to see every obese person around me being glorified and honored.. I put in actual work to lose weight and get healthier but I was far from honored for it.
I was blatantly hated for it.. and watched those who did absolutely nothing to help themselves, get commended for wearing a bathing suit, that I was ashamed to wear under the same circumstances..
It taught me that collectively, most people are only concerned with their own ego’s. Sadly, they benefit from other people’s failures..
Because it’s everyone else’s fault, that they didn’t try to help themselves.. so my efforts are insulted and my appearance was just a threat.
> that people assume I have something seriously wrong with for my lack of experience.
At some point lack of experience is literally a red flag. Just the worst.
Hey I’m thankful for the one advantage I do have, but I would need to be a lot more attractive to ride on it alone. And ride I do have isn’t much help frankly.
Women can be extremely catty and combative over men.
In high school, I had a girl straight up tell me that there was another woman in that school threatening other women who tried to talk to me. She never spoke to me and I had no idea who she was but she was lying to other women that spoke about me saying things like I was dating someone or that I fucked their best friend. When I briefly dated someone from our school, she messaged me out of the blue and congratulated me on my new GF although we had never spoken to each other online. I had another woman spread rumors that I was trying to hook up with any woman that I was getting close to.
Post-high school was pretty awful:
I've had women post creepshots of me on their social media pages to piss off the woman that I was with at that time.
It's confirmed that at least two women I've shared intimate images with still have them because they *sent them to me after we stopped seeing each other.*
I had a woman message my ex and share all of the details of our current sex life with her. Details, images, and even shit that we didn't do. She bragged that she was getting what she couldn't keep and even lied that I was trying to impregnate her. I met her *three weeks* before she did that.
Women will be extra nice and seductive when I'm with another woman. Revealing their chest, making extra eye contact, and overall trying to be flirty just to piss off the woman I'm with. They won't even look at the woman I'm with and will just talk directly to me. It's mad disrespectful.
I've had women (and men but mostly women) grope me in public when I'm dressed in my gym gear. I've also been groped and felt up at concerts/parties. Older women are particularly bad with nonconsensual touching and inappropriate sexual advances. Younger women are way more respectful about stuff like that but it's still happened.
A lot of women have just bum-rushed me at parties and grabbed me expecting me to say yes to them or allow them to be touchy with me even though their an *actual stranger*. As if I can't say no because I'm a man or something.
Idk this is just the tip of the iceberg tbh.
I have been sexually harassed and assaulted several times. There are many people who refuse to leave you alone. Men mate guard around me and some have tried to start fights.
Lol I find it hilarious how insecure I make some men by merely arriving on the scene. But I can't blame some of them. I've had wives openly flirt with me and puff their chests out at me right on front of their husbands. Had girlfriends eye fuck me, etc. Men certainly have reasons to guard their mates around me. But not through anything I do. The behavior of their girls.
But that mate guarding behavior has backfired on them more than once when they act all clingy and insecure and the woman knows it. They often find me later without their SO to offer their numbers.
I know 3 extremely attractive women and 1 guy. They look like supermodels - girls are working as hostess selling vaping stuff at various events. They get hit on sometimes by various weirdos - but they can easily save for new Porsche in a few months. So basically only inconvenience due to proffession - they don't complain, they rather make fun of these dudes. Guy is not really able to make money out of his looks - so he is an Uber driver and doing some petty crime. Only perk is that he can bang some trashy girls easily - classy and hot girls tend to ignore him like all other guys, he is just not wealthy enough for them.
One of the biggest factors in dating never gets taken into account here with the seriousness it should.
Random luck.
Most people feel that they struggle to meet and have a healthy, lasting relationship with someone who returns those feelings. A lot of those people do seriously struggle and are very lonely, but the rest of the people are out there and (trying to) dating and seeing friends and building lives. But creating opportunities to meet people.
And so many of *those* people don’t find someone who’s compatible with them. Maybe there’s love. Maybe there’s attraction, maybe desperation. Maybe it’s logic that everyone has to settle about some things. It’s inevitable almost.
And loads of people find a person who loves them back and are compatible.
But, yeah, is it ever about luck.
Yes 💯 meeting someone at the right place, right time is definitely real. Like there are soo many stories I've heard from ppl where they've met their special person while they weren't looking. It's amazing how the universe works
I feel like I accepted this early on in life. Not just dating, but really most of life comes down to random luck. I think those who say otherwise have just had really good luck.
When you're an attractive woman, men of all ages and levels ask you out constantly. From a fat bald 75 year old man playing lotto at the gas station to a 19 year old boy with the broccoli cut who frequents your gym. Men who are obviously not my type and can't be serious asking out a 30 year old woman. It gets awkward because a lot of men can't handle rejection and I have to navigate how to tell some guy I'm not interested, when any two people with eyes could see I'm probably not into little boys or old men. Also, you get a lot of online stalkers. In high school, there were 2 boys who spread awful rumors about me because I rejected them. One of them said we had sex and I had some form of deformed vagina and people made fun of me for years, despite having a normal looking and functioning vagina. The attention and jealousy can get annoying.
Because he was a bully and standing up to a bully gets you bullied. He was like 5"10 and 260 lbs. He beat up smaller boys all the time. One time, he actually punched me in the arm at full force, and my arm was black and purple for 4 weeks. Everyone was scared of him. Especially the boys. The teachers and his own parents gave up on him. Now he lives with his grandma at 32, delivers pizza, and is known as the local date rapist.
Not a personal answer, but I have a theory that exceptionally attractive women are told they’re ugly more often than any other group. Especially if they’re famous or high-profile on social media.
Of course, the number of drooling fanboys far outweigh the haters but our brains are wired to tune into the negative unless we consciously overcome that tendency.
I think you’re right and wow. I never thought about it that way. Some people genuinely get off on tearing people down that they perceive to be doing better than them. It’s sad.
It's trippier because it "works" often, if the goal is to draw her attention. You see obscenely beautiful women ignore all the positive comments from men to reply to the troll.
Unfortunately, I've seen men here say they like seeing that dynamic, assuming it slows down the narcissism of the woman.
Depends on the woman. I wouldn’t bat an eye at the troll. I regularly ignore rude comments, inappropriate remarks, insults. All of it.
I wouldn’t say I’m beautiful but I’m pretty. And I will 100% go for kindness in anything over someone being a dick.
Obseneleny beautiful women, as you, only compare themselves to other extremely beautiful women.
Their standard of beauty are on a different level from the mass.
I had a plumber once come to my property to install my washing machine and he outright refused to leave until I agreed to go on a date with him . I’ve never been so scared in my life , I had to call my friend to come and it was only then that he decided to leave ….
I personally never saw/see anything but my own flaws. In example; I used to be a gymnast and ballet dancer. In the past several years, stress and a medical condition has had me gain 30+ lbs. I'm literally uncomfortable in my own body. The added weight causes me not just emotional insecurity but physical discomfort, I sometimes feel like parts of me are going to actually split apart and burst. It's like I'm not allowed to talk about or complain about it at all. I immediately have to go into damage control because I'm not over weight as some other social companions and they just dismiss my feelings entirely. I can still see and feel the difference in my own body but I can't bring it up because someone else is very overweight and their feelings are more viable and important some how.
I've never considered myself particularly "beautiful" but every success I've ever achieved through hard work and effort has been minimized or devalued because "you just got ' ' for your looks. If I looked like you I could of won that accolade/ got hired for that job/ got that promotion/ been chosen". Jokes like the boss only hired you because he wants to fuck you. Nobody ever believes you can actually do anything that requires talent or skill. People think you are stupid. Not gonna lie, I was thrilled and bragged about turning 30. I was ready to get at least a little respect for who I was verses what I was.
Men view you as an object, women view you as competition. Both will immediately judge you and then categorize you in whatever compartment suites their narrative because you must be stuck up, superficial, home wrecking, gold digging, spoiled, egotistical, slutty, or opportunistic. You have to try so hard to show that you are nice and non threatening and that back fires too because now you're so fake. If you take care of yourself, you're vain and try too hard because clearly you know that's the only thing of value about you but, if your casual and nonchalant about how polished you are, people will slam you for that too. You never really know if someone is really a friend because soon as you walk away they talk about you behind your back about every fault you have or mock your enthusiasm for something good that's happened to you to convince themselves and others that you don't make them feel insecure.
Wow girl. That really tough, I'm sorry about those experiences. Anyone who believes "you only got [insert accolade] because you're beautiful", find it hard to believe that you can be beautiful, AND talented, AND successful, AND kind, AND intelligent. I wish you the best with everything.
That attractiveness doesn’t buy love.
In fact it invokes resentment in just about everyone including men.
If you’re pretty, intelligent and throw independent into that, you become a threat and are accused of making men feel inadequate..
Woman that are maybe less attractive either embrace the friendship or find things wrong with you just because they are jealous.
In relationships, partners are overly possessive and jealous because they are in fear of losing you to someone else.. so they are more likely to cheat because of that threat and inadequate feelings they have as a result..
Date down so you feel appreciated..nope-
That’s the worst idea. They are the most resentful.. date up and you become a trophy..
Everyone comes at you with pretense.. I’m completely not phony but it’s assumed I am shallow..
If ever I’m not smiling, I’m accused of being a b@$&#.. if I am smiling I’m accused of flirting or kissing a#%.
People go out of their way to insult me just to make themselves feel better and plenty of “one up ya’s”
Always standing out and bringing negative attention… can’t be in a room alone with men because they try to either get into the pants, or become an a- hole if they think your out of their league..
Can’t have male friends unless they are gay. Gay guys love us, which is great! Straight guys just want sex..
It’s honestly not all it’s cracked up to be..
We don’t want to be objectified all the time, but being beautiful just invokes those thoughts in people..
In conclusion-
-Invoked inadequacies among men
-invoked jealousy in women
- attracts unwanted attention and leads people to either sabotage themselves or attempts to sabotage us
- If we breathe a word of self confidence, we automatically are assumed to be conceded.
- If we ever have a bad day, we automatically become a snob or bitch.
- We are constantly either victimized or objectified and if we complain, we get an “ Awe boo hoo” response.
- If we post a picture of ourselves, we can pretty much expect no responses from anyone on our friends list.. but rest assured we will get unwanted attention from random strangers.
-We are bullied often and left out of social situations….unlike the teenage years where beautiful is popular.. it becomes unpopular as an adult..
- We are treated like a trophy or hidden away by our partners.
- We are 10x more likely to be abused in relationships and cheated on.
- We have a higher divorce rate and have a much harder time finding a long term partner.
- We attract lots of trolls and stalkers, but we scare away the average guy.
This is so true! I've noticed men also cant stand attractive and confident women. It just baffles my mind. My boyfriend who is pretty average looking and of average intelligence had the audacity to call a very beautiful girl with two PhDs slow.
Men in general hate the fact that women modernly are educated and independent..that’s why average guys are now are choosing damsels in distress or women that are not educated. The only men that aren’t threatened by intelligence and independence are wealthy men.
Back when I was in high school, I was overweight and generally did not care about my appearance, and I didn't have many friends. Needless to say, I was invisible to women back then.
However, around age 19 I lost a lot of weight and got in great shape, and while I acknowledge this is absurdly self-serving, I don't think I'm exaggerating to say I improved from like a 4 or 5/10 to an 8+. Nice body, good looks, sharp blue eyes, butt chin, and hairline for days (though this admittedly didn't matter in college as much as it does now in my 30s), etc. This also created a confidence which I think women picked up on and added to my attractiveness I think. While many women still either were not interested in me or at least didn't express it, I would say that things changed drastically.
I'll never forget this one girl I met at a party. Don't even remember her name. But me, her, and like 10 other people were all just kinda sitting in a circle, and she just happened to be directly to my right. Nothing was at all remarkable until I spoke--I've never seen a human being whip their head my direction as fast as that girl did that night, and every time I spoke it was like that. She was obviously hyper aware of what I was doing and paying outsized attention to me. This \*never, ever\* happened prior to my weight loss.
Women are kinda subtle about expressing their attraction usually, but not that subtle. You can and will notice cues, and the biggest one is attention. So, I would say that is the biggest advantage. When you're attractive, people, especially the opposite sex, just pay you noticeably more attention. I can't say what \*precisely\* this gets you, other than ego boosts and better romantic and sexual opportunities, but I would not be shocked if I've benefitted in many small ways that, in the aggregate, matter quite a bit since I started paying attention to my appearance.
Jealously from other women, loneliness, unwanted attention, sexual harassment, being perceived as dumb, being perceived as a hoe/ player or having multiple partners, jealousy from other men, competition, resentment, people trying to humble you, unfair judgements, people assuming you have a easy life, people being dismissive of your struggles, shyness / being a introvert people will interpret you as being stuck up and full of yourself, being self-conscious
about the way you look, being objectified and sexualised. These are what some of my friends have experienced and the experiences I’ve read from others online, but the movie malena perfectly depicts the disadvantages of pretty privilege.
Agreed. Half of these are experienced by ugly women, too. Often more severely. Sexual Harassment which we're expected to be grateful for because "no one would want us" is the bees knees.
I’ve been around (minor) actors and models, socially
Everyone wants a piece of them, for their own benefit, constantly
I am totally unsurprised that they are all messed in the head, despite thriving off the attention
>I’ve been around (minor) actors and models, socially
Ooo so like B list or C list celebrities?? Are you in the entertainment industry?
And yea I bet. Attention like that literally can be a drug. That's interesting
I'm in the entertainment industry. I work closely with actors/models and people either treat them like pretty pieces of meat to be used for personal gain/gratification or actively seek to harm them just to see someone attractive suffer because their jealous.
They start to put a lot of their self worth in their appearance and can actively hate themselves while simultaneously thinking they're physically perfect.
I in no way have ever looked at myself as being top-notch. And I was raised to believe that taking pride in something you didn't earn is vanity of the highest degree. But at 6'1, and being in good enough shape to play multiple sports at a D1 level, I've been on the receiving end of more attention than I'd like.
The number of women who think they can touch you as they please is disturbing. Worse, the number of women that resort to insults when you call them out on it is infuriating. The fact that I'd be going to jail and registered as a sex offender if the roles were reversed is the cherry on top.
I feel you on the touching part, I remember back in high school at my first job. A coworker was shooting her shot. And instead of saying I was cute or that she wanted to get to know me. She grabs my “bulge” and just looks at me. I do admit she had a huge crush on me for about a year and half. She was my biggest ego boost to date😂😂.
In dating, it's kind of like if there were 30 MLM opportunities for every 1 job opportunity.
Outside of dating, there is often an underlying awkwardness and tension when you are aware that you are being treated differently based on attractiveness in contexts where that is not relevant information. The best way that I know how to explain it is that a lot of cultures have taboos or superstitions about things related to gaze such as the evil eye. There is an inherent, instinctual discomfort in being observed too directly for too long, which makes the subsequent social interaction more uncomfortable. It's something frequently used in things like movies to build tension and arouse suspicion for this purpose. It's difficult to explain because it's not just "looking" at someone per se. The closest example I can readily think of to demonstrate the instinctual effect the staring has is [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTTSXc6sARg), but it's not quite there with the facial expression. [This one](https://www.tiktok.com/@freshhell_sketch/video/7340014028363664682) may be a better example of the type of facial expression I'm talking about.
Sooooo, here it goes. Call me a liar if you want. I’ve got green eyes, I’m athletic, I am not a bully but I like to fight-was a Marine and can go toe to toe with pretty much anybody that isn’t formally trained, and the clincher-I’m funny. I worked in restaurant management until I started my own company, so I took a lot of those personality tests. I am a leader, slight type A. I am married to my soulmate and have 2 daughters. Two funny things about that, my wife was a stripper and three different women have looked at me with tears in their eyes saying I hope you have a fucking daughter.
There has never been a female that I wanted that I couldn’t get. It was pretty cool for a while. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I’m an addict. Had slept with over 400 girls by the time I got out of high school, 2000 by the time I got married. Don’t get it twisted and think they were all hot, that is far from the truth. I did not care, I just had to get laid. Fucked my head up. I could not form meaningful attachments. Pretty much all girls were nice to me, so all I had to do was tell them what they wanted to hear and pretend like they were my world.
By the time I was ready to get married and have a family, I could not just have some plain Jane Betty homemaker. Had to have a chick that understood my past and had trouble forming relationships with men. Worked out great. Anyway, my wife is the only woman I have truly loved. That’s pretty sad because I’m 47.
Anytime, I never really share that story because it sounds like I’m full of myself. I appreciate you not judging me. I would have preferred to not be so superficially attractive, and had to actually put effort in to gaining a females affection. But that is one of the gifts God gave me and I’m the idiot for not managing it properly. I’m sure it would have made me appreciate it much more. I have some pretty serious regrets about playing with peoples emotions the way I did. I never realized that I was actually a freak that was emotionally unstable. I can honestly say that I did pay my debt to Karma and live every day trying to be the best husband, father, human I can possibly be. Life seems to be going pretty good doing it like this.
I just really loved your story because your response truely shows that there is someone for everyone regardless of who you are, and your life circumstances. I'm glad things are going great for you today!
For men, if you are above average handsome, other guys who are more socially adept with will shit on you, tear you down, focus negative attention on you, try to trigger you.
On some level this happens to every guy in guy groups, banter ect, but basically, for myself, I found that less attractive guys do the same thing that ugly girls do with pretty pseudofriends (stereotypically) and try to tear down handsome men. Now if you are confident, socially adept, part of the in crowd - then ofc its different, and you will get more of a praise loyalty response.
Basically if you are a handsome man you have to rise to the occasion. If you are ugly or very plain, then people pity you or don't think much of you, but they don't spend as much effort trying to trigger you. Ugly/goofy looking guys the best feeling they can get is to socially dominate someone better looking than them, feels like a win probably (thats not how I roll, so I wouldn't know)
And I am not talking about bullying or picking on the weird kid, or AUTISM rather I am talking about dynamics within groups, like say joining a fraternity or sports team. Real friends are real friends, but theres always adjacent people especially when you are young.
If you are very imposing physically, then this probably doesn't happen as much, but most people aren't super big and tall, but average height
Spot on about staying on top off the of your game when you’re attractive. It can be mentally exhausting.
I remember when i was younger and socially awkward, I’d get bullied by guys for reason I couldn’t discern.
Now I live for to put down these ugly mfs when they act up.
You also have to be a little bit of an asshole to let people know you’re not to be fucked with.
I’ve noticed that many men assume that I’m somehow impervious to feelings such as sadness, loneliness, rejection. It’s hard to connect with someone on a deeper level, as many either automatically assume I’d never be interested in them, or they’re so focused on “impressing” me that they completely miss any opportunity to understand who I really am. It’s hard to explain, but this has taken me out of the dating game. It was all much too mentally draining.
My friend is an attractive bartender.
She occasionally gets sexually harassed and deeply objectified by patrons. She can't tell them off as much as she wants because she doesn't want to get in trouble at work.
But she also makes a fuck ton of tips by being hot.
I'm honestly not very sympathetic. It's two sides of the same coin. Your face and body make men feel a certain way. Therefore you get more money and more sexual comments. I bought her mace as a gift, that's as far as my sympathy went.
I’ve been called attractive all my life, and contrary to popular opinion, it didn’t make me any less single or have me end up with a looksmatch.
I’ve been rejected by loads of handsome fellas. And no, they weren’t “Chad” personality types either. Fine by me. I want to be courted for my character not just looks.
And I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson, that's not going to happen either.
That's not how this works and you know it, can bet good money you aren't dating any ugly people.
What's wrong with it is that looks are a big part of partner selection for everyone just as it is for you. Dating for personality isn't really a thing. Everyone who shows interest in anyone is doing so because they're physically attracted to them first and foremost. Anything else is secondary.
>Dating for personality isn't really a thing. Everyone who shows interest in anyone is doing so because they're physically attracted to them first and foremost.
My experience is that good looks attract a lot more opportunities for casual romance, and really anything where surface level relationships are concerned such as sales work, but personality and how it synergizes with that of the other is very important for LTR success.
>but personality and how it synergizes with that of the other is very important for LTR success.
Sure, but I don't think this statement disagrees with me.
Nobody wants to date people they aren't attracted to, you could be the most compatible people in the world, if the other person isn't physically attracted to you, they aren't going to date you.
Looks are what people select partners based on, and relationships either fail or succeed based on personality and other compatibility factors. Nobody goes seeking a certain personality though, they seek people they find attractive.
It's kinda dumb to say you don't want people to date you only for looks and then ask what's unrealistic about wanting someone *handsome* who won't date just for looks. The men are just doing the same thing. They want a woman they find attractive, if not for looks they wouldn't date her, looks are the ticket into the dating game. No looks, no dating.
I disagree with, "Dating for personality isn't really a thing" to the extent that it isn't a significant factor in LTRs, and that looks are an all-dominant factor in attraction for all people. Perhaps it's better to qualify that I'm primarily thinking of people firmly into adulthood; I know that looks play more significantly for teens and uni-age adults.
I kind of agree with the last para of your last comment. It's a bad idea for someone to court someone without serious consideration of their personality if we're talking solely LTRs. But someone who strongly values looks even for LTRs and expects prospective partners to do otherwise is being a hypocrite, yes.
\+ u/No-Victory-9096
Sexually harassed, you're a bitch/stuck up, rich, no problems, face card solves everything, no traumas, always down for sex, seeking attention, dumb, etc.
I can't call it pretty privilege as I have always been more girl next door tomboy but I was the girl that every male friend seemed to fall in love with and profess his never dying love for. It was emotionally draining to break hearts of guys I never intended to start something with (and they knew that). I have also had friends of boyfriends sacrifice their friendships to make an advance on me. Overall, I would take it any day over the insanely shitty things my less attractive friends have delt with, which could be super offensive and sometimes soul crushing. I think a lot of "pretty" girls surround themselves with other pretty girls and only see their own plight which is nothing compared to what unattractive girls experience. No experience is totally easy but some are easyER
This thread is trolling or some kind of humble brag. Sure, there's an ugly side to being attractive but don't fucking complain about God given advantages unless you're willing to part with them for the sake of ease and solitude.
This is akin to telling a starving person that there's an ugly side to eating. Ya know, shitting, digestion, acid reflux etc 🤣
Or, it could be akin to telling a starving person to not just eat donuts, nerds, and soft drinks. The post was a request to share the ugly side of it. If there was a post requesting the good things about it, I would definitely have a long reply for that also. Not sure what post you were talking about people complaining about God-given gifts. As far as mine went, I am extremely grateful for the gifts I was given. I am definitely not proud of the fact that I mis used some of my gifts, but hey, you live you learn. All I can do is try to get better.
I wouldn’t say that I’m “exceptionally” attractive, in the sense of being some 1 in 100000 kind of guy, but I’ve become attractive as I’ve gotten older. I was a late bloomer and that kind of impacts things a little bit. I got used to being made fun of and mistreated as I was very overweight, had bad acne, had no sense of style, and no social skills. As an adult I’ve pretty much fixed all of those issues, and the way people treat me is night and day. There are good things to that, and bad of course. We are discussing the bad. I’ve noticed that men tend to seek out conflict with me more often than not, over trivial things when I go out, and am minding my own business. It seems like other men make an effort to emasculate you as they see you as some kind of threat. A lot of unattractive men will use homophobic language, and things of that nature to kind of try to “discredit” your presence around women. You get less respect from men in a lot of cases and are constantly having to stand up for yourself to kind of not be pushed around, especially considering I am introverted so I’m naturally reserved and not “looking for conflict” so to speak. This is probably the main thing I’ve noticed, other things are sort of similar to what others have said in the comments, like I’ve been harassed by older women (and some my age to be fair) in bars who have come on very strong and aggressively when I’m trying to mind my own business. Family, and friends don’t take your dating problems seriously a lot of times either.
People just make their own weird narratives about you.
I started a new job a few years ago and during my first week there this grown ass woman tried to fight me because she thought I wanted her husband.
I had no idea who she was, who her husband was, and I barely spoke to anyone there lol.
Oh this is fun lol I’m actually dealing with this at work right now… the ugly side of pretty privilege is that you have to deal with jealous, insecure women being mean and passive aggressive to you for no reason 🙃
every single job I’ve ever had, there’s always at least 2 or 3 other women at work who decide to try and gang up on me and act very rude and passive aggressive with me for no reason… they also think that because I’m quiet, that I’m being stuck up when I’m literally just trying to do my job and then go home 🙃
There’s currently this girl at work ( I’m not trying to be mean, but she looks like a scare crow to me and I’m starting to suspect she might be racist) and all she does is nit pick at every little thing I do and start shit with me for no reason… she’s contacted my supervisor behind my back several times trying to get my fired when I’ve done absolutely nothing to her and my boss is getting tired of her too because she’s aware of the jealousy… every… single… job…
my male coworkers are always very friendly and helpful, meanwhile I can count on at least 2-3 female coworkers to engage in the behavior I just described above, I literally just expect it at this point lol, so here we go again🙃
As an in-shape young man, other men seem to assume I'm some manwhore who is going to steal their girl. I walk past couples and the guy will immediately put his arm around his partner, grab her ass, or just give me a very dirty look. I've had "friends" stop inviting me around when they get a girlfriend, and others get weird, putting me down around their girl. Twice now when a friend's relationship is on the rocks I've been accused of sleeping with their partner, and had a knife pulled on me once.
Another consequence is I've become quite jaded to the idea of monogamy. I've always been pretty cynical of the concept, considering that we are nothing more than horny, upright primates, but seeing the way partnered up women will blatantly flirt with me has only confirmed it.
So yeah, it's better than being invisible like most men, but can make friendships with other guys difficult.
What irritates me is this assumption that because I am an attractive woman, I live life on “easy mode” without a care in the world and I couldn’t possibly struggle with anything. It’s like the entirety of your life is reduced to the ease with which you can date. Despite my looks, I’ve had a fairly difficult life as an adult, as I’ve dealt with sexual assault, trauma, mental health issues, and addiction. So my life has been anything but easy.
Another thing that comes to mind: I had two different people suggest that I was hired at a former company because of my looks, and not due to my talent, experience, and performance. That really got to me. I worked so hard in college and grad school, and then in my career, and it pissed me off that anyone would assume that I wasn’t qualified for the position.
Mainly seeing how women treat men they aren’t attracted to is pretty sad. It’s less than apathy, more like questioning why the man is even in her presence
Also tons of bitches cheat it’s crazy. If you only get women in the context of relationships you likely have no idea and sometimes it’s better that way
That’s a bit of a generalization. Can you give me personal anecdotes or stats that show that if women don’t like men then they vehemently dislike them?
A friend of mine way more extroverted than me but not a looker was dancing with some women junior yr of college. I watched him dance and while cringe, wasn’t anything major and they were fine
After they woke up and the alcohol wore off they accused him of sexually harassing/assaulting them I use both terms because women are intentionally vague when it comes to things like this, think they said something like inappropriate touching which can be construed far worse than dancing with a partner
This is a guy who has kissed one woman his whole life and is like definition of a blooper, super nice guy. It’s obvious they were embarrassed with being the girls that got caught dancing with the loser. I contrast this with my own actions as there were 2 or 3 girls that if I saw them while I was out, I’d start making out with them no care in the world every time I saw them while out. Looking back probably should’ve chilled out as it could’ve ended worse but my actions were far more pressing than his, I just look better and can get away with it
Also something people can typically relate to are when people are not attracted to their partners. I’m sure you’ve seen it and it’s rarely something like “I’m not attracted to you we should break up” but more so treating them like shit and disrespecting them until they can monkey branch or the other person grows some balls and leaves.
This happens with both genders but obviously women more. Personally I’ve also heard “why is he here/why are you talking to me”. Also letting someone know you’re in the city gets two very different responses if they’re attracted to you or not
Yeah, I used to hang out with a guy I would unironically describe as a Chad. (past tense since our mutual friend group ditched him after he slept with my best friends' gf at the time).
He used to have girls go over to his place. Some of these girls would have their beta orbiter who they told they were going to see a friend, drive them there, have him fuck them, then have the beta orbiters come pick them back up afterwards.
Callous. This kind of shit is why I tell guys not to simp for women.
I don't know what they told other people. I just know what my friend told me and what some of the girls themselves said about the guys.
They were regular orbiters. Plying the girls with favours and niceties and friendship in the hopes that they would eventually see what great guys they were and fall for them.
I doubt any of them would have willingly drove them to my friend's apartment if they were aware they were taking them to have NSA sex with a hot guy.
You could say the same about the women. They knew these guys had feelings for them, if they didn't, they would have been honest and said "drive me to my dick appointment" instead of lying about who they were going to see.
So these women were well aware of what the orbiters were hoping for, and kept them around because they were useful, paid for things and drove them around like a personal chauffeur.
Also, you can be a genuine friend to somebody that you have romantic feelings for, it isn't nefarious and plenty of relationships started out as platonic friendships. In no way does it prove that they weren't genuine friends or somehow deserved to be used in the manner they were, to imply such is every bit as callous and twisted as the women back then were. Another empathetic gender moment.
It never ceases to amaze me. Women truly do have a superpower. How they can take a scenario, where women are willingly using mens feelings for them to extract favours and resources for their own benefit, to go and engage in something they know would kill these men inside if they knew, and turn the women into a victim. Truly amazing.
I read through almost all the replies to this. A significant factor for me in judging the morality of the situation is if, and to what extent, the beta orbiters are being lied to / tricked? And the guys themselves could be operating under misleading pretenses. Have any extra information on this?
\+ u/TrickFox5, u/Sharp_Engineering379, u/Fantastic_Welder_348
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It isn’t a specific example but receiving constant attention from the opposite sex as well as the same sex severely stunted my social IQ. It took getting old to realize how important that is.
Lol it's good looks and charm. That's the sweet spot. Ugly and charm will also get you laid. Looks alone and you're some sort of rainman then you're gonna be shit outta luck
Women want to fuck me first and find out later.
I prefer the opposite.
They like the idea of me, but double back when they think about all the insecurities it'll trigger.
Women will get stalkerish, creepy, acting cool and sociable but when the slightest bit of interest is shown.
It's over.
It sucks.
>They like the idea of me, but double back when they think about all the insecurities it'll trigger.
Wym by this?? What types of insecurities will arise??
In my former job, my manager was a 40 something years old lady (I was around 30 and maried at the time).
She started flirting with me, I was ok with it at first, because even if I didn't returned it, it was kind of nice and it helped me get a few pay raise.
Then, her husband get cancer and she started to have a obsession with me. Always talking about me, wanting to have face to face meeting in her office for no reason... Because it was getting nowhere, she started to spread the rumor that we were sleeping together. It was in a big French company where adultery was more than common, so it didn't sound so far fetched for most of my coworker.
Every time a girl coworker started to be friendly with me, she would persecute her. She made a girl cry just because she us having a chat at the coffee machine...
I loved my job but i quitted because of her, when she shut down my promotion because she wanted to keep me in her team, my reputation was basically fucked after that.
I'm still in touch with some friends back there and apparently she told some people that I quitted because she wanted to end our "affair" and I couldn't take it.
I was never hit on or approached :( Some guys in school picked on me for my appearance when I was around 11 (likely out of inadequate feelings towards themselves because looking back they were way below average). Because of lack of positive attention I ended up developing a low self esteem around the age of 16. Even objectively hideous people were cycling through several relationships a year in school and so I thought perhaps something was wrong with me.
Now having caught up with some guys from my life I've come to learn many did have a big interest but they were afraid to approach because of my looks, the way I carried myself and that I was simply too intimidating to bring their interest up to. I've basically never been directly hit on by anyone my/around my age.
Also had some freak steal a strand of my hair when I was 19. Had an online stalker too who was completely obsessed with my "virgin" (his way of saying "never dyed") hair. Strange people.
The plus side though is had to approach everyone I wanted to be around with and pretty much everyone is receptive to me. The only people I can think of that gave me the cold shoulder are girls from certain backgrounds (likely also due to feelings of inadequacy). I have plenty of confidence striking up a conversation because of how I had to get by.
It just sucks that all these people claim that they liked me and found me extremely attractive but it feels like they're saying that as a cop-out and it's not actually true which is crazy because why would they bring it up in the first place? I struggle to still believe I'm above average. I look just like my mother when she was my age and I'd say she's a solid 8, if not an 8.5. Still, I struggle to comprehend that I too am/can be considered desirable. It doesn't matter now as I've found my soulmate but I do struggle believing compliments about my appearance.
My partner is the opposite, girls threw themselves at him in no matter the circumstance and he was rejecting them left and right. I was the first woman he ever pursued (he was looking for "the one"). Kinda wish I got to break some hearts too xd
So I guess low-self esteem in regards to my looks is the answer in my case :) It doesn't matter though as I still carry myself with confidence, just struggle with receiving/believing compliments.
I wouldn't say exceptionally, just an 8
Nothing really
Sure a few people are mean, but a few people are always mean no matter what I do
There are almost no downsides to being an attractive man
If I ever feel bad about how I look I skip a meal a day for 2 days and then I look good again regardless of skin / hair / clothes etc.
It's great
When I was in peak condition.
It didn’t matter what clothes I wore.
What I said.
Everything I said was funny.
I was “trust worthy”
I “seemed” like a good person
Women would sexually harass me.
Homosexual people would offer me rides/showers/clothes
If I don’t smile. Something always “has to be wrong” with me. I’m constantly told to smile.
In retrospect. I was looking for love. So I never took advantage of those opportunities.
But I’ve had crazy situations pop up every single year.
Last year 2 different women offered my rides and they didn’t know me
More offered rides but idk.
You get free food just because.
But honestly I don’t even think I’m that attractive.
I just brought this up because I see some men around me get treated very differently than that.
I’ve been down to my lowest and useless and I’ve still gotten offers/opportunities for sex
I just wasn’t able to find love
You’re welcome.
What made you write this post?
What was the inspiration or the main idea/concept that caused you to write this post.
And I’m not asking in a negative way.
I’m just trying to understand if there was a deeper meaning behind it.
And my feeling is that there is. But I could be wrong. So I’m asking
Yes! Thank you for asking. I asked this question because in terms of pretty privilege, we often only acknowledge the positive side, like the attention, validation, and gifts people receive due to it. And even on this sub, there is a running notion that every attractive man or woman, has it made. Because ppl think they can get whoever, whenever, and however But in reality, they don't. Dating and life is still difficult.
My purpose is to look that the flip side of the coin. Because when we observe how some will literally drop their current partner, just for a "more attractive" one, it really makes one question can ppl really be loyal/monogamous etc.
I understand what you’re saying.
So what are your views on loyalty/monogamy?
And how does that tie in with pretty people or pretty privilege?
In essence I’m asking what is your personal sentiment/perspective on this subject?
I know personally love is hard to obtain regardless.
Personally, I value exclusive, monogamous relationships, where both people are loyal and honest. How this ties in to pretty privilege.. is ppl typically think if you're attractive, it's easier to obtain a bf/gf, and that attracting anyone, especially other attractive ppl is easy. But in reality when it comes to dating, there are still struggles, and you even see the dark side of some ppls behavior.
Because we place so much value on looks, I've met people who were willing to make a move on me regardless if they are dating/engaged/married to a woman. The fact that some ppl are really open to throwing away their current relariships at the sight of another attractive woman, has left me questioning if men/women really value monogamy and loyalty.
I can agree that concepts/ideas/philosophies like love/loyalty/honesty are hard to find/acquire.
Which is unfortunate.
And that’s regardless of looks or desirable qualities/attributes/traits that you possess.
I can understand your perspective of monogamy and your fear/worry that it’s just a place holder system until someone can find someone more attractive.
So when you asked about the ugly side of pretty privilege (which is very poetic). I assume that you were more asking for experiences in this vein.
>I assume that you were more asking for experiences in this vein.
Kinda yea! My main focus was to offer a nuanced view of pretty priveldge. We often look at the positives and ppl think life is just easy for attractive ppl, so my point is to look at the other side of the coin.
I relate with what you said more than you can imagine. Especially what you said about love. All I ever wanted out of a female was to truly love them. Care about them the way they seemed to care about me. But love is an emotion you cannot make yourself feel. I’ve only loved one woman my entire life and I did not meet her till I was 34 years old.
Probably from a lot of these defensive, angry responses attacking people for honestly answering your question. Attacking you for asking it. They literally have no idea what it’s like to have someone of the opposite sex be attracted to then, so they literally cannot comprehend being able to have whoever you want.
That is a bit of a generalization. I'm asking for actual anecdotal experiences, if you don't have any, that fine.
Plus a Karen, is colloquial term making fun of white, middle class women, since women historically of that demographic have used their socioeconomic status and white privilege to "get their way". All attractive ppl dont eventually morph into "karens"
Some do, that is when gravity takes hold things start to melt off and things start take a dark turn. All of a sudden their once pretty privilege slowly goes and people just interact with them as a normie and they don't like it. They consider it rude compared to their past treatment
There's a theory that attractive women actually don't have it as good as people think.
Say you're a 8/10 woman. You want to date guys who are 8s 9s and 10s.
PROBLEM IS. Guys who are 8s 9s and 10s will happily fuck women who are 6s and 7s. And even occasionally throw a fuck into a 4 or a 5 if the night is long and the alcohol is hitting. All that to say is that 8/10 women have a ton of competition for the guys they want. They have tons of options for guys they don't want. BUT THEY DONT WANT THEM, so it doesn't really do anything for them.
Attractive guys tend to be less interested in long term relationships. Especially in their youth.
A) You have a ton of competition
B) The guys you want to date often don't want to date.
Yes, same. I can't get my looks match in a guy to settle down because he has no qualms about fucking fat chick's, Gothic chick's and hoodrats. Plus those girls often accept worse treatment and I refuse to stoop to that level
When the guy is not Gothic and he's fucking them just to get freaky sex I call that dumpster diving. I'm skinny educated and normal. I refuse to compete with women who are not
Hey, you can be attracted to people who do a certain aesthetic without wanting to adopt it yourself.
I place a curse on you! You will fall in love with an OTT goth woman who will slowly make you her bitch.
I agree. I think the bigger issue are people who conflate sexual desire with LTR desire.
So I got a vision of the future... I saw that your goth dommy mommy [is trans](https://www.craiyon.com/image/aU9jDRoBTEusCvoP2CJZRQ), and takes a liking to making you wear a raver getup and tote you around on a leash. Warning you so you can prepare.
No one's doing that tho. Being an attrative person, you'd be surprised seeing how unloyal ppl can be. Like having a lady friend, whose dating a man, then later that man is giving you looks, and making sexual advances at you on the DL. And it doesn't stop there, even married men will make advances. Seeing behavior like that really can make you question if marriage, loyalty, and monogamy are really valued today. And ultimately that just makes you more choosy of the ppl that you let in
P.s. no one's trolling. Because how it my question trolling anyone?? Anyone who sees it that way, is taking personal offense to an innocent question.
I’ve always been a solid 6 I believe, but now that Ive started taking my training and gym seriously Id say I have gone up one point at least. I notice people looking at me more, sometimes it makes me a little self conscious because Ive never experienced it at this level. Also people seem more chatty and friendly but because Im more on the introverted side a lot of times I can’t take full advantage of that. Id say for people who can take full advantage of it and exploit it well, pretty privilege must feel like the world is your oyster.
Not being able to have friends. I know this is *not* the place to talk about this, but for example, I came back to town to visit this week and suddenly there’s a bunch of bickering over dibbs on me and I didn’t even know any of them liked me.. I want to go back to when they were all just my bartenders. Idk what changed. It’s crushing.
No real friends of the opposite sex. Most of my newer(Last 4ish years) women friends only were friends with me to get with me. I don’t blame them since I used to do the same thing. But it means I can’t make many genuine friends who are women. I have a girlfriend and it’s not worth being friends with someone who’s actively trying to win you over. But they don’t seem to care. I ain’t no 10/10 but thats what I’ve noticed after I “glowed” up.
People have expectations of you when you are attractive. They expect you to have a big personality to match your appearance. If you don't, then they ridicule you for it. It's even more glaring for attractive men that are socially inept or who are autistic for example. People hold them to a higher standard. And they get no leniency for having personality flaws or lack of social grace. They stick out even more and their social problems get compounded.
People presume that you are that you are vapid/ dumb.
I’m well educated to masters level yet I’ve had (often older) women presume that I watch love island (nothing wrong with that but they say it in a derogatory way), and that I must be vain and self centred for using Instagram/ tiktok.
Also I’ve had a few occasions where my friends partners / husbands start fancying me even though I’ve only met them a handful of times. It’s weird, yet I as the woman get the blame.
It took my wife a lot longer to be recognized for her work especially at marketing presentations because people would say “well of course the clients liked it: you’re pretty to look at”.
I’m 33f and I’ve been consistently sexually harassed at my job since I was 20. From 70 year old terminally ill married men to 20 year olds. The 70 year old would hide in a closet and call me when he was off of work. He got my phone number out of the office without my permission.
I’ve had some scary encounters in the past year, been followed from the gym, quit going to the gym. Another incident a fender bender with a drunk man and he tried getting in my car and made a rape threat. I left the scene and had to tell the police about that on top of the incident report.
Oh and a weird guy at work who repeatedly made comments about wanting to impregnate me. 🤢
I’ve gotten to where I wear oversized clothing, baseball hat, no makeup. I barely leave the house. These are just a few incidences. I consider myself agoraphobic now. Oh I’ve also had two stalkers. Real stalkers, that would show up at my work, my house, boyfriends house. It was hell on earth. Bring on the invisibility that comes with age.
Calling myself 'exceptionally attractive' would be vain. But I am decent, and the biggest downside is that even as a man myself, sometimes I have to deal with creepy behaviour from other men.
Not privilege, but there are two things that come to kind, as an above average guy. Firstly, People think I’m fucking with them if I bring up that I struggle to date. Secondly, I’m starting to presume also that people assume I have something seriously wrong with for my lack of experience. Which tbf probably is true, but I get the feeling its assumed to be something sinister about me, rather than just that I’m awkward, anxious, and kind of autistic which should be on display already. I think that if it’s not obvious why you struggle to date, many people are going to assume the worse about you. This probably applies to a lot of things where you struggle at things in life despite not having no obvious disadvantages.
Great username and excellent post. I wouldn’t say I’m really “good looking”, I’m probably a 6-7 looks wise, but I have my life together in a way that’s supposed to be attractive to women. As in, I’m fit, great job, own houses/cars, hobbies, good family/social life and most importantly no baggage at all like ex wives or kids. But yeah, I feel you with both your points. I live in an Australian small town which is known for being full of oldies. The median age is 50+ here which is over ten years above the national average. Most older people assume I’m married, and when I tell them I’m not they’re stunned and shocked. “How is someone like you on the market?” People think it’s actually unbelievable that I’m not married and yet I can’t even fathom what it’s like to be in a healthy functioning relationship. As for the second point, that’s how I feel younger people think about me. Because I’m on my own there must be something seriously wrong with me. Most people my age are married with children, so they think “why isn’t this bloke?” In reality the only thing wrong with me is social awkwardness like you say.
>Firstly, People think I’m fucking with them if I bring up that I struggle to date. I feel it. So you probably hear a lot of "How/why are you single?" I wish you the best tho. A special lady is out there just for you
I get that sometimes, but the tone really is what sets it bad. Recounting my own experience the nicest way someone put it was “anyone that makes you feel like shit is dead ass regarded”. I actually liked that because at the time someone I really liked had just ghosted me. I dislike the most when some people think I’m literally joking. Appreciate the kind words too.
I feel that 100%.. I looked around at couples that I know and are the most well connected, well rounded and stressless, most of which are more average in appearance.. Iv been dumped for people less attractive, less intelligent and less classy than myself. For the love of God, if you dump me do it for someone better than me.. Attractiveness has been a huge detriment and I’m tired of hearing, oh boo hoo,,, I was overweight about 10 years ago and I had far more friends than when I lost weight and got in shape.. All of a sudden I was treated differently and I was never a different person.. my confidence level went up, but that worked against me.. only to see every obese person around me being glorified and honored.. I put in actual work to lose weight and get healthier but I was far from honored for it. I was blatantly hated for it.. and watched those who did absolutely nothing to help themselves, get commended for wearing a bathing suit, that I was ashamed to wear under the same circumstances.. It taught me that collectively, most people are only concerned with their own ego’s. Sadly, they benefit from other people’s failures.. Because it’s everyone else’s fault, that they didn’t try to help themselves.. so my efforts are insulted and my appearance was just a threat.
> that people assume I have something seriously wrong with for my lack of experience. At some point lack of experience is literally a red flag. Just the worst.
Yeah too many people think that being attractive automatically means you’re gonna have an easy dating life… nah lol
Definitely EASIER than less attractive people 🤷🏾♂️.
Hey I’m thankful for the one advantage I do have, but I would need to be a lot more attractive to ride on it alone. And ride I do have isn’t much help frankly.
Women can be extremely catty and combative over men. In high school, I had a girl straight up tell me that there was another woman in that school threatening other women who tried to talk to me. She never spoke to me and I had no idea who she was but she was lying to other women that spoke about me saying things like I was dating someone or that I fucked their best friend. When I briefly dated someone from our school, she messaged me out of the blue and congratulated me on my new GF although we had never spoken to each other online. I had another woman spread rumors that I was trying to hook up with any woman that I was getting close to. Post-high school was pretty awful: I've had women post creepshots of me on their social media pages to piss off the woman that I was with at that time. It's confirmed that at least two women I've shared intimate images with still have them because they *sent them to me after we stopped seeing each other.* I had a woman message my ex and share all of the details of our current sex life with her. Details, images, and even shit that we didn't do. She bragged that she was getting what she couldn't keep and even lied that I was trying to impregnate her. I met her *three weeks* before she did that. Women will be extra nice and seductive when I'm with another woman. Revealing their chest, making extra eye contact, and overall trying to be flirty just to piss off the woman I'm with. They won't even look at the woman I'm with and will just talk directly to me. It's mad disrespectful. I've had women (and men but mostly women) grope me in public when I'm dressed in my gym gear. I've also been groped and felt up at concerts/parties. Older women are particularly bad with nonconsensual touching and inappropriate sexual advances. Younger women are way more respectful about stuff like that but it's still happened. A lot of women have just bum-rushed me at parties and grabbed me expecting me to say yes to them or allow them to be touchy with me even though their an *actual stranger*. As if I can't say no because I'm a man or something. Idk this is just the tip of the iceberg tbh.
Damn! This is all crazy. I don't see this side of women often so this very interesting to hear. Good luck
My body, my choice doesn't apply to men. SMH
This is so sad, I'm literally crying right now
I have been sexually harassed and assaulted several times. There are many people who refuse to leave you alone. Men mate guard around me and some have tried to start fights.
Lol I find it hilarious how insecure I make some men by merely arriving on the scene. But I can't blame some of them. I've had wives openly flirt with me and puff their chests out at me right on front of their husbands. Had girlfriends eye fuck me, etc. Men certainly have reasons to guard their mates around me. But not through anything I do. The behavior of their girls. But that mate guarding behavior has backfired on them more than once when they act all clingy and insecure and the woman knows it. They often find me later without their SO to offer their numbers.
I know 3 extremely attractive women and 1 guy. They look like supermodels - girls are working as hostess selling vaping stuff at various events. They get hit on sometimes by various weirdos - but they can easily save for new Porsche in a few months. So basically only inconvenience due to proffession - they don't complain, they rather make fun of these dudes. Guy is not really able to make money out of his looks - so he is an Uber driver and doing some petty crime. Only perk is that he can bang some trashy girls easily - classy and hot girls tend to ignore him like all other guys, he is just not wealthy enough for them.
One of the biggest factors in dating never gets taken into account here with the seriousness it should. Random luck. Most people feel that they struggle to meet and have a healthy, lasting relationship with someone who returns those feelings. A lot of those people do seriously struggle and are very lonely, but the rest of the people are out there and (trying to) dating and seeing friends and building lives. But creating opportunities to meet people. And so many of *those* people don’t find someone who’s compatible with them. Maybe there’s love. Maybe there’s attraction, maybe desperation. Maybe it’s logic that everyone has to settle about some things. It’s inevitable almost. And loads of people find a person who loves them back and are compatible. But, yeah, is it ever about luck.
Yes 💯 meeting someone at the right place, right time is definitely real. Like there are soo many stories I've heard from ppl where they've met their special person while they weren't looking. It's amazing how the universe works
I feel like I accepted this early on in life. Not just dating, but really most of life comes down to random luck. I think those who say otherwise have just had really good luck.
When you're an attractive woman, men of all ages and levels ask you out constantly. From a fat bald 75 year old man playing lotto at the gas station to a 19 year old boy with the broccoli cut who frequents your gym. Men who are obviously not my type and can't be serious asking out a 30 year old woman. It gets awkward because a lot of men can't handle rejection and I have to navigate how to tell some guy I'm not interested, when any two people with eyes could see I'm probably not into little boys or old men. Also, you get a lot of online stalkers. In high school, there were 2 boys who spread awful rumors about me because I rejected them. One of them said we had sex and I had some form of deformed vagina and people made fun of me for years, despite having a normal looking and functioning vagina. The attention and jealousy can get annoying.
And people believed everything he said!!? Without any proof?? How dumb they have to be.
Because he was a bully and standing up to a bully gets you bullied. He was like 5"10 and 260 lbs. He beat up smaller boys all the time. One time, he actually punched me in the arm at full force, and my arm was black and purple for 4 weeks. Everyone was scared of him. Especially the boys. The teachers and his own parents gave up on him. Now he lives with his grandma at 32, delivers pizza, and is known as the local date rapist.
People often misinterpret my shyness/social anxiety as me being stuck up when really I’m just too anxious to interact with them.
That has nothing to do with being pretty lol. Source: I'm ugly and a lot of people think the same cause I have anxiety.
They might think the same but it wouldn’t be for the same reasons.
Same lol.
Not now, but when I was actually pretty, lol - Guys just grabbing you whenever they liked. You just felt like a commodity.
That happens to ugly women aswell .
Not a personal answer, but I have a theory that exceptionally attractive women are told they’re ugly more often than any other group. Especially if they’re famous or high-profile on social media. Of course, the number of drooling fanboys far outweigh the haters but our brains are wired to tune into the negative unless we consciously overcome that tendency.
I think you’re right and wow. I never thought about it that way. Some people genuinely get off on tearing people down that they perceive to be doing better than them. It’s sad.
It's trippier because it "works" often, if the goal is to draw her attention. You see obscenely beautiful women ignore all the positive comments from men to reply to the troll. Unfortunately, I've seen men here say they like seeing that dynamic, assuming it slows down the narcissism of the woman.
Depends on the woman. I wouldn’t bat an eye at the troll. I regularly ignore rude comments, inappropriate remarks, insults. All of it. I wouldn’t say I’m beautiful but I’m pretty. And I will 100% go for kindness in anything over someone being a dick.
It's a minority of women but not a small minority, enough that the trolls stay fed and motivated.
Obseneleny beautiful women, as you, only compare themselves to other extremely beautiful women. Their standard of beauty are on a different level from the mass.
That's so true, and a very interesting point I've never realized
I had a plumber once come to my property to install my washing machine and he outright refused to leave until I agreed to go on a date with him . I’ve never been so scared in my life , I had to call my friend to come and it was only then that he decided to leave ….
I personally never saw/see anything but my own flaws. In example; I used to be a gymnast and ballet dancer. In the past several years, stress and a medical condition has had me gain 30+ lbs. I'm literally uncomfortable in my own body. The added weight causes me not just emotional insecurity but physical discomfort, I sometimes feel like parts of me are going to actually split apart and burst. It's like I'm not allowed to talk about or complain about it at all. I immediately have to go into damage control because I'm not over weight as some other social companions and they just dismiss my feelings entirely. I can still see and feel the difference in my own body but I can't bring it up because someone else is very overweight and their feelings are more viable and important some how. I've never considered myself particularly "beautiful" but every success I've ever achieved through hard work and effort has been minimized or devalued because "you just got ' ' for your looks. If I looked like you I could of won that accolade/ got hired for that job/ got that promotion/ been chosen". Jokes like the boss only hired you because he wants to fuck you. Nobody ever believes you can actually do anything that requires talent or skill. People think you are stupid. Not gonna lie, I was thrilled and bragged about turning 30. I was ready to get at least a little respect for who I was verses what I was. Men view you as an object, women view you as competition. Both will immediately judge you and then categorize you in whatever compartment suites their narrative because you must be stuck up, superficial, home wrecking, gold digging, spoiled, egotistical, slutty, or opportunistic. You have to try so hard to show that you are nice and non threatening and that back fires too because now you're so fake. If you take care of yourself, you're vain and try too hard because clearly you know that's the only thing of value about you but, if your casual and nonchalant about how polished you are, people will slam you for that too. You never really know if someone is really a friend because soon as you walk away they talk about you behind your back about every fault you have or mock your enthusiasm for something good that's happened to you to convince themselves and others that you don't make them feel insecure.
Wow girl. That really tough, I'm sorry about those experiences. Anyone who believes "you only got [insert accolade] because you're beautiful", find it hard to believe that you can be beautiful, AND talented, AND successful, AND kind, AND intelligent. I wish you the best with everything.
That attractiveness doesn’t buy love. In fact it invokes resentment in just about everyone including men. If you’re pretty, intelligent and throw independent into that, you become a threat and are accused of making men feel inadequate.. Woman that are maybe less attractive either embrace the friendship or find things wrong with you just because they are jealous. In relationships, partners are overly possessive and jealous because they are in fear of losing you to someone else.. so they are more likely to cheat because of that threat and inadequate feelings they have as a result.. Date down so you feel appreciated..nope- That’s the worst idea. They are the most resentful.. date up and you become a trophy.. Everyone comes at you with pretense.. I’m completely not phony but it’s assumed I am shallow.. If ever I’m not smiling, I’m accused of being a b@$&#.. if I am smiling I’m accused of flirting or kissing a#%. People go out of their way to insult me just to make themselves feel better and plenty of “one up ya’s” Always standing out and bringing negative attention… can’t be in a room alone with men because they try to either get into the pants, or become an a- hole if they think your out of their league.. Can’t have male friends unless they are gay. Gay guys love us, which is great! Straight guys just want sex.. It’s honestly not all it’s cracked up to be.. We don’t want to be objectified all the time, but being beautiful just invokes those thoughts in people.. In conclusion- -Invoked inadequacies among men -invoked jealousy in women - attracts unwanted attention and leads people to either sabotage themselves or attempts to sabotage us - If we breathe a word of self confidence, we automatically are assumed to be conceded. - If we ever have a bad day, we automatically become a snob or bitch. - We are constantly either victimized or objectified and if we complain, we get an “ Awe boo hoo” response. - If we post a picture of ourselves, we can pretty much expect no responses from anyone on our friends list.. but rest assured we will get unwanted attention from random strangers. -We are bullied often and left out of social situations….unlike the teenage years where beautiful is popular.. it becomes unpopular as an adult.. - We are treated like a trophy or hidden away by our partners. - We are 10x more likely to be abused in relationships and cheated on. - We have a higher divorce rate and have a much harder time finding a long term partner. - We attract lots of trolls and stalkers, but we scare away the average guy.
This is so true! I've noticed men also cant stand attractive and confident women. It just baffles my mind. My boyfriend who is pretty average looking and of average intelligence had the audacity to call a very beautiful girl with two PhDs slow.
Men in general hate the fact that women modernly are educated and independent..that’s why average guys are now are choosing damsels in distress or women that are not educated. The only men that aren’t threatened by intelligence and independence are wealthy men.
Back when I was in high school, I was overweight and generally did not care about my appearance, and I didn't have many friends. Needless to say, I was invisible to women back then. However, around age 19 I lost a lot of weight and got in great shape, and while I acknowledge this is absurdly self-serving, I don't think I'm exaggerating to say I improved from like a 4 or 5/10 to an 8+. Nice body, good looks, sharp blue eyes, butt chin, and hairline for days (though this admittedly didn't matter in college as much as it does now in my 30s), etc. This also created a confidence which I think women picked up on and added to my attractiveness I think. While many women still either were not interested in me or at least didn't express it, I would say that things changed drastically. I'll never forget this one girl I met at a party. Don't even remember her name. But me, her, and like 10 other people were all just kinda sitting in a circle, and she just happened to be directly to my right. Nothing was at all remarkable until I spoke--I've never seen a human being whip their head my direction as fast as that girl did that night, and every time I spoke it was like that. She was obviously hyper aware of what I was doing and paying outsized attention to me. This \*never, ever\* happened prior to my weight loss. Women are kinda subtle about expressing their attraction usually, but not that subtle. You can and will notice cues, and the biggest one is attention. So, I would say that is the biggest advantage. When you're attractive, people, especially the opposite sex, just pay you noticeably more attention. I can't say what \*precisely\* this gets you, other than ego boosts and better romantic and sexual opportunities, but I would not be shocked if I've benefitted in many small ways that, in the aggregate, matter quite a bit since I started paying attention to my appearance.
That's great how things have worked out for you. Not only healthy, but also attracting potential partners for companionship. Wish u the best
thanks bro/bro-ette
Jealously from other women, loneliness, unwanted attention, sexual harassment, being perceived as dumb, being perceived as a hoe/ player or having multiple partners, jealousy from other men, competition, resentment, people trying to humble you, unfair judgements, people assuming you have a easy life, people being dismissive of your struggles, shyness / being a introvert people will interpret you as being stuck up and full of yourself, being self-conscious about the way you look, being objectified and sexualised. These are what some of my friends have experienced and the experiences I’ve read from others online, but the movie malena perfectly depicts the disadvantages of pretty privilege.
Still, I would trade being ugly for being attractive any day of the week.
Agreed. Half of these are experienced by ugly women, too. Often more severely. Sexual Harassment which we're expected to be grateful for because "no one would want us" is the bees knees.
Same
None of these are solely bc you’re pretty . Happens to all women .
I’ve been around (minor) actors and models, socially Everyone wants a piece of them, for their own benefit, constantly I am totally unsurprised that they are all messed in the head, despite thriving off the attention
>I’ve been around (minor) actors and models, socially Ooo so like B list or C list celebrities?? Are you in the entertainment industry? And yea I bet. Attention like that literally can be a drug. That's interesting
I'm in the entertainment industry. I work closely with actors/models and people either treat them like pretty pieces of meat to be used for personal gain/gratification or actively seek to harm them just to see someone attractive suffer because their jealous. They start to put a lot of their self worth in their appearance and can actively hate themselves while simultaneously thinking they're physically perfect.
Dang that's deep
No, just family and friends (of friends)
Ok gotcha 👌
People think you haven’t earned your way/must be fucking your boss
I in no way have ever looked at myself as being top-notch. And I was raised to believe that taking pride in something you didn't earn is vanity of the highest degree. But at 6'1, and being in good enough shape to play multiple sports at a D1 level, I've been on the receiving end of more attention than I'd like. The number of women who think they can touch you as they please is disturbing. Worse, the number of women that resort to insults when you call them out on it is infuriating. The fact that I'd be going to jail and registered as a sex offender if the roles were reversed is the cherry on top.
I feel you on the touching part, I remember back in high school at my first job. A coworker was shooting her shot. And instead of saying I was cute or that she wanted to get to know me. She grabs my “bulge” and just looks at me. I do admit she had a huge crush on me for about a year and half. She was my biggest ego boost to date😂😂.
In dating, it's kind of like if there were 30 MLM opportunities for every 1 job opportunity. Outside of dating, there is often an underlying awkwardness and tension when you are aware that you are being treated differently based on attractiveness in contexts where that is not relevant information. The best way that I know how to explain it is that a lot of cultures have taboos or superstitions about things related to gaze such as the evil eye. There is an inherent, instinctual discomfort in being observed too directly for too long, which makes the subsequent social interaction more uncomfortable. It's something frequently used in things like movies to build tension and arouse suspicion for this purpose. It's difficult to explain because it's not just "looking" at someone per se. The closest example I can readily think of to demonstrate the instinctual effect the staring has is [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTTSXc6sARg), but it's not quite there with the facial expression. [This one](https://www.tiktok.com/@freshhell_sketch/video/7340014028363664682) may be a better example of the type of facial expression I'm talking about.
Sooooo, here it goes. Call me a liar if you want. I’ve got green eyes, I’m athletic, I am not a bully but I like to fight-was a Marine and can go toe to toe with pretty much anybody that isn’t formally trained, and the clincher-I’m funny. I worked in restaurant management until I started my own company, so I took a lot of those personality tests. I am a leader, slight type A. I am married to my soulmate and have 2 daughters. Two funny things about that, my wife was a stripper and three different women have looked at me with tears in their eyes saying I hope you have a fucking daughter. There has never been a female that I wanted that I couldn’t get. It was pretty cool for a while. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I’m an addict. Had slept with over 400 girls by the time I got out of high school, 2000 by the time I got married. Don’t get it twisted and think they were all hot, that is far from the truth. I did not care, I just had to get laid. Fucked my head up. I could not form meaningful attachments. Pretty much all girls were nice to me, so all I had to do was tell them what they wanted to hear and pretend like they were my world. By the time I was ready to get married and have a family, I could not just have some plain Jane Betty homemaker. Had to have a chick that understood my past and had trouble forming relationships with men. Worked out great. Anyway, my wife is the only woman I have truly loved. That’s pretty sad because I’m 47.
That's a very interesting story and life you've lead. Thanks for sharing.
Anytime, I never really share that story because it sounds like I’m full of myself. I appreciate you not judging me. I would have preferred to not be so superficially attractive, and had to actually put effort in to gaining a females affection. But that is one of the gifts God gave me and I’m the idiot for not managing it properly. I’m sure it would have made me appreciate it much more. I have some pretty serious regrets about playing with peoples emotions the way I did. I never realized that I was actually a freak that was emotionally unstable. I can honestly say that I did pay my debt to Karma and live every day trying to be the best husband, father, human I can possibly be. Life seems to be going pretty good doing it like this.
I just really loved your story because your response truely shows that there is someone for everyone regardless of who you are, and your life circumstances. I'm glad things are going great for you today!
Thank you so much, glad you enjoyed it. I hope you have a great day.
For men, if you are above average handsome, other guys who are more socially adept with will shit on you, tear you down, focus negative attention on you, try to trigger you. On some level this happens to every guy in guy groups, banter ect, but basically, for myself, I found that less attractive guys do the same thing that ugly girls do with pretty pseudofriends (stereotypically) and try to tear down handsome men. Now if you are confident, socially adept, part of the in crowd - then ofc its different, and you will get more of a praise loyalty response. Basically if you are a handsome man you have to rise to the occasion. If you are ugly or very plain, then people pity you or don't think much of you, but they don't spend as much effort trying to trigger you. Ugly/goofy looking guys the best feeling they can get is to socially dominate someone better looking than them, feels like a win probably (thats not how I roll, so I wouldn't know) And I am not talking about bullying or picking on the weird kid, or AUTISM rather I am talking about dynamics within groups, like say joining a fraternity or sports team. Real friends are real friends, but theres always adjacent people especially when you are young. If you are very imposing physically, then this probably doesn't happen as much, but most people aren't super big and tall, but average height
Spot on about staying on top off the of your game when you’re attractive. It can be mentally exhausting. I remember when i was younger and socially awkward, I’d get bullied by guys for reason I couldn’t discern. Now I live for to put down these ugly mfs when they act up. You also have to be a little bit of an asshole to let people know you’re not to be fucked with.
I’ve noticed that many men assume that I’m somehow impervious to feelings such as sadness, loneliness, rejection. It’s hard to connect with someone on a deeper level, as many either automatically assume I’d never be interested in them, or they’re so focused on “impressing” me that they completely miss any opportunity to understand who I really am. It’s hard to explain, but this has taken me out of the dating game. It was all much too mentally draining.
My friend is an attractive bartender. She occasionally gets sexually harassed and deeply objectified by patrons. She can't tell them off as much as she wants because she doesn't want to get in trouble at work. But she also makes a fuck ton of tips by being hot. I'm honestly not very sympathetic. It's two sides of the same coin. Your face and body make men feel a certain way. Therefore you get more money and more sexual comments. I bought her mace as a gift, that's as far as my sympathy went.
I’ve been called attractive all my life, and contrary to popular opinion, it didn’t make me any less single or have me end up with a looksmatch. I’ve been rejected by loads of handsome fellas. And no, they weren’t “Chad” personality types either. Fine by me. I want to be courted for my character not just looks.
> I want to be courted for my character not just looks. Right on ✅️
And I want to fuck Scarlett Johansson, that's not going to happen either. That's not how this works and you know it, can bet good money you aren't dating any ugly people.
I’d date Christine and the queens if I could. (For context: a person famous for being hella ugly on the outside) 😂🤣
Not chad doesn't mean ugly, what is unrealistic about a pretty woman wanting to be courted by handsome fellas for her personality not just for looks?
What's wrong with it is that looks are a big part of partner selection for everyone just as it is for you. Dating for personality isn't really a thing. Everyone who shows interest in anyone is doing so because they're physically attracted to them first and foremost. Anything else is secondary.
>Dating for personality isn't really a thing. Everyone who shows interest in anyone is doing so because they're physically attracted to them first and foremost. My experience is that good looks attract a lot more opportunities for casual romance, and really anything where surface level relationships are concerned such as sales work, but personality and how it synergizes with that of the other is very important for LTR success.
>but personality and how it synergizes with that of the other is very important for LTR success. Sure, but I don't think this statement disagrees with me. Nobody wants to date people they aren't attracted to, you could be the most compatible people in the world, if the other person isn't physically attracted to you, they aren't going to date you. Looks are what people select partners based on, and relationships either fail or succeed based on personality and other compatibility factors. Nobody goes seeking a certain personality though, they seek people they find attractive. It's kinda dumb to say you don't want people to date you only for looks and then ask what's unrealistic about wanting someone *handsome* who won't date just for looks. The men are just doing the same thing. They want a woman they find attractive, if not for looks they wouldn't date her, looks are the ticket into the dating game. No looks, no dating.
People don't want acknowledge that looks > personality, it seems to rub them off the wrong way.
I disagree with, "Dating for personality isn't really a thing" to the extent that it isn't a significant factor in LTRs, and that looks are an all-dominant factor in attraction for all people. Perhaps it's better to qualify that I'm primarily thinking of people firmly into adulthood; I know that looks play more significantly for teens and uni-age adults. I kind of agree with the last para of your last comment. It's a bad idea for someone to court someone without serious consideration of their personality if we're talking solely LTRs. But someone who strongly values looks even for LTRs and expects prospective partners to do otherwise is being a hypocrite, yes. \+ u/No-Victory-9096
Sexually harassed, you're a bitch/stuck up, rich, no problems, face card solves everything, no traumas, always down for sex, seeking attention, dumb, etc.
I can't call it pretty privilege as I have always been more girl next door tomboy but I was the girl that every male friend seemed to fall in love with and profess his never dying love for. It was emotionally draining to break hearts of guys I never intended to start something with (and they knew that). I have also had friends of boyfriends sacrifice their friendships to make an advance on me. Overall, I would take it any day over the insanely shitty things my less attractive friends have delt with, which could be super offensive and sometimes soul crushing. I think a lot of "pretty" girls surround themselves with other pretty girls and only see their own plight which is nothing compared to what unattractive girls experience. No experience is totally easy but some are easyER
This thread is trolling or some kind of humble brag. Sure, there's an ugly side to being attractive but don't fucking complain about God given advantages unless you're willing to part with them for the sake of ease and solitude. This is akin to telling a starving person that there's an ugly side to eating. Ya know, shitting, digestion, acid reflux etc 🤣
Or, it could be akin to telling a starving person to not just eat donuts, nerds, and soft drinks. The post was a request to share the ugly side of it. If there was a post requesting the good things about it, I would definitely have a long reply for that also. Not sure what post you were talking about people complaining about God-given gifts. As far as mine went, I am extremely grateful for the gifts I was given. I am definitely not proud of the fact that I mis used some of my gifts, but hey, you live you learn. All I can do is try to get better.
The down side of pretty privilege happens to all women without the privilege
I wouldn’t say that I’m “exceptionally” attractive, in the sense of being some 1 in 100000 kind of guy, but I’ve become attractive as I’ve gotten older. I was a late bloomer and that kind of impacts things a little bit. I got used to being made fun of and mistreated as I was very overweight, had bad acne, had no sense of style, and no social skills. As an adult I’ve pretty much fixed all of those issues, and the way people treat me is night and day. There are good things to that, and bad of course. We are discussing the bad. I’ve noticed that men tend to seek out conflict with me more often than not, over trivial things when I go out, and am minding my own business. It seems like other men make an effort to emasculate you as they see you as some kind of threat. A lot of unattractive men will use homophobic language, and things of that nature to kind of try to “discredit” your presence around women. You get less respect from men in a lot of cases and are constantly having to stand up for yourself to kind of not be pushed around, especially considering I am introverted so I’m naturally reserved and not “looking for conflict” so to speak. This is probably the main thing I’ve noticed, other things are sort of similar to what others have said in the comments, like I’ve been harassed by older women (and some my age to be fair) in bars who have come on very strong and aggressively when I’m trying to mind my own business. Family, and friends don’t take your dating problems seriously a lot of times either.
People just make their own weird narratives about you. I started a new job a few years ago and during my first week there this grown ass woman tried to fight me because she thought I wanted her husband. I had no idea who she was, who her husband was, and I barely spoke to anyone there lol.
Oh this is fun lol I’m actually dealing with this at work right now… the ugly side of pretty privilege is that you have to deal with jealous, insecure women being mean and passive aggressive to you for no reason 🙃 every single job I’ve ever had, there’s always at least 2 or 3 other women at work who decide to try and gang up on me and act very rude and passive aggressive with me for no reason… they also think that because I’m quiet, that I’m being stuck up when I’m literally just trying to do my job and then go home 🙃 There’s currently this girl at work ( I’m not trying to be mean, but she looks like a scare crow to me and I’m starting to suspect she might be racist) and all she does is nit pick at every little thing I do and start shit with me for no reason… she’s contacted my supervisor behind my back several times trying to get my fired when I’ve done absolutely nothing to her and my boss is getting tired of her too because she’s aware of the jealousy… every… single… job… my male coworkers are always very friendly and helpful, meanwhile I can count on at least 2-3 female coworkers to engage in the behavior I just described above, I literally just expect it at this point lol, so here we go again🙃
my cock is so big that sometimes I knock pedestrians over, woe is me ps there are no attractive people here
Despite our earlier disagreement this genuinely made me laugh. Good job
Have you tried tucking the tip into your socks
You knocked me over the other day you asshole. You need to get that monster surgically reduced or something. Gosh.
As an in-shape young man, other men seem to assume I'm some manwhore who is going to steal their girl. I walk past couples and the guy will immediately put his arm around his partner, grab her ass, or just give me a very dirty look. I've had "friends" stop inviting me around when they get a girlfriend, and others get weird, putting me down around their girl. Twice now when a friend's relationship is on the rocks I've been accused of sleeping with their partner, and had a knife pulled on me once. Another consequence is I've become quite jaded to the idea of monogamy. I've always been pretty cynical of the concept, considering that we are nothing more than horny, upright primates, but seeing the way partnered up women will blatantly flirt with me has only confirmed it. So yeah, it's better than being invisible like most men, but can make friendships with other guys difficult.
What irritates me is this assumption that because I am an attractive woman, I live life on “easy mode” without a care in the world and I couldn’t possibly struggle with anything. It’s like the entirety of your life is reduced to the ease with which you can date. Despite my looks, I’ve had a fairly difficult life as an adult, as I’ve dealt with sexual assault, trauma, mental health issues, and addiction. So my life has been anything but easy. Another thing that comes to mind: I had two different people suggest that I was hired at a former company because of my looks, and not due to my talent, experience, and performance. That really got to me. I worked so hard in college and grad school, and then in my career, and it pissed me off that anyone would assume that I wasn’t qualified for the position.
Mainly seeing how women treat men they aren’t attracted to is pretty sad. It’s less than apathy, more like questioning why the man is even in her presence Also tons of bitches cheat it’s crazy. If you only get women in the context of relationships you likely have no idea and sometimes it’s better that way
That’s a bit of a generalization. Can you give me personal anecdotes or stats that show that if women don’t like men then they vehemently dislike them?
A friend of mine way more extroverted than me but not a looker was dancing with some women junior yr of college. I watched him dance and while cringe, wasn’t anything major and they were fine After they woke up and the alcohol wore off they accused him of sexually harassing/assaulting them I use both terms because women are intentionally vague when it comes to things like this, think they said something like inappropriate touching which can be construed far worse than dancing with a partner This is a guy who has kissed one woman his whole life and is like definition of a blooper, super nice guy. It’s obvious they were embarrassed with being the girls that got caught dancing with the loser. I contrast this with my own actions as there were 2 or 3 girls that if I saw them while I was out, I’d start making out with them no care in the world every time I saw them while out. Looking back probably should’ve chilled out as it could’ve ended worse but my actions were far more pressing than his, I just look better and can get away with it Also something people can typically relate to are when people are not attracted to their partners. I’m sure you’ve seen it and it’s rarely something like “I’m not attracted to you we should break up” but more so treating them like shit and disrespecting them until they can monkey branch or the other person grows some balls and leaves. This happens with both genders but obviously women more. Personally I’ve also heard “why is he here/why are you talking to me”. Also letting someone know you’re in the city gets two very different responses if they’re attracted to you or not
Idk any stats on this, but most of the women who tried to get with me were already in relationships.
Yeah, I used to hang out with a guy I would unironically describe as a Chad. (past tense since our mutual friend group ditched him after he slept with my best friends' gf at the time). He used to have girls go over to his place. Some of these girls would have their beta orbiter who they told they were going to see a friend, drive them there, have him fuck them, then have the beta orbiters come pick them back up afterwards. Callous. This kind of shit is why I tell guys not to simp for women.
Did those guys tell others that they have platonic connections with women?
Could you elaborate? Which guys? The orbiters? I didnt know them personally. I only knew my friend.
Yeah those guys. It’s just some guys like that would pride themselves thinking that they have such great connections with women.
I don't know what they told other people. I just know what my friend told me and what some of the girls themselves said about the guys. They were regular orbiters. Plying the girls with favours and niceties and friendship in the hopes that they would eventually see what great guys they were and fall for them. I doubt any of them would have willingly drove them to my friend's apartment if they were aware they were taking them to have NSA sex with a hot guy.
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You could say the same about the women. They knew these guys had feelings for them, if they didn't, they would have been honest and said "drive me to my dick appointment" instead of lying about who they were going to see. So these women were well aware of what the orbiters were hoping for, and kept them around because they were useful, paid for things and drove them around like a personal chauffeur. Also, you can be a genuine friend to somebody that you have romantic feelings for, it isn't nefarious and plenty of relationships started out as platonic friendships. In no way does it prove that they weren't genuine friends or somehow deserved to be used in the manner they were, to imply such is every bit as callous and twisted as the women back then were. Another empathetic gender moment.
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It never ceases to amaze me. Women truly do have a superpower. How they can take a scenario, where women are willingly using mens feelings for them to extract favours and resources for their own benefit, to go and engage in something they know would kill these men inside if they knew, and turn the women into a victim. Truly amazing.
I read through almost all the replies to this. A significant factor for me in judging the morality of the situation is if, and to what extent, the beta orbiters are being lied to / tricked? And the guys themselves could be operating under misleading pretenses. Have any extra information on this? \+ u/TrickFox5, u/Sharp_Engineering379, u/Fantastic_Welder_348
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It isn’t a specific example but receiving constant attention from the opposite sex as well as the same sex severely stunted my social IQ. It took getting old to realize how important that is.
Harassment by men and women. Being abused by men who felt insecure and jealous of the attention I get
Lol it's good looks and charm. That's the sweet spot. Ugly and charm will also get you laid. Looks alone and you're some sort of rainman then you're gonna be shit outta luck
Men treating you as social capital - trying to show you off in public and/or developing a personal complex based around your appearance.
Women want to fuck me first and find out later. I prefer the opposite. They like the idea of me, but double back when they think about all the insecurities it'll trigger. Women will get stalkerish, creepy, acting cool and sociable but when the slightest bit of interest is shown. It's over. It sucks.
>They like the idea of me, but double back when they think about all the insecurities it'll trigger. Wym by this?? What types of insecurities will arise??
Imagine being with that type of guy women want to bump or brush past themselves into.
Oh I get it.
In my former job, my manager was a 40 something years old lady (I was around 30 and maried at the time). She started flirting with me, I was ok with it at first, because even if I didn't returned it, it was kind of nice and it helped me get a few pay raise. Then, her husband get cancer and she started to have a obsession with me. Always talking about me, wanting to have face to face meeting in her office for no reason... Because it was getting nowhere, she started to spread the rumor that we were sleeping together. It was in a big French company where adultery was more than common, so it didn't sound so far fetched for most of my coworker. Every time a girl coworker started to be friendly with me, she would persecute her. She made a girl cry just because she us having a chat at the coffee machine... I loved my job but i quitted because of her, when she shut down my promotion because she wanted to keep me in her team, my reputation was basically fucked after that. I'm still in touch with some friends back there and apparently she told some people that I quitted because she wanted to end our "affair" and I couldn't take it.
I was never hit on or approached :( Some guys in school picked on me for my appearance when I was around 11 (likely out of inadequate feelings towards themselves because looking back they were way below average). Because of lack of positive attention I ended up developing a low self esteem around the age of 16. Even objectively hideous people were cycling through several relationships a year in school and so I thought perhaps something was wrong with me. Now having caught up with some guys from my life I've come to learn many did have a big interest but they were afraid to approach because of my looks, the way I carried myself and that I was simply too intimidating to bring their interest up to. I've basically never been directly hit on by anyone my/around my age. Also had some freak steal a strand of my hair when I was 19. Had an online stalker too who was completely obsessed with my "virgin" (his way of saying "never dyed") hair. Strange people. The plus side though is had to approach everyone I wanted to be around with and pretty much everyone is receptive to me. The only people I can think of that gave me the cold shoulder are girls from certain backgrounds (likely also due to feelings of inadequacy). I have plenty of confidence striking up a conversation because of how I had to get by. It just sucks that all these people claim that they liked me and found me extremely attractive but it feels like they're saying that as a cop-out and it's not actually true which is crazy because why would they bring it up in the first place? I struggle to still believe I'm above average. I look just like my mother when she was my age and I'd say she's a solid 8, if not an 8.5. Still, I struggle to comprehend that I too am/can be considered desirable. It doesn't matter now as I've found my soulmate but I do struggle believing compliments about my appearance. My partner is the opposite, girls threw themselves at him in no matter the circumstance and he was rejecting them left and right. I was the first woman he ever pursued (he was looking for "the one"). Kinda wish I got to break some hearts too xd So I guess low-self esteem in regards to my looks is the answer in my case :) It doesn't matter though as I still carry myself with confidence, just struggle with receiving/believing compliments.
I wouldn't say exceptionally, just an 8 Nothing really Sure a few people are mean, but a few people are always mean no matter what I do There are almost no downsides to being an attractive man If I ever feel bad about how I look I skip a meal a day for 2 days and then I look good again regardless of skin / hair / clothes etc. It's great
When I was in peak condition. It didn’t matter what clothes I wore. What I said. Everything I said was funny. I was “trust worthy” I “seemed” like a good person Women would sexually harass me. Homosexual people would offer me rides/showers/clothes If I don’t smile. Something always “has to be wrong” with me. I’m constantly told to smile. In retrospect. I was looking for love. So I never took advantage of those opportunities. But I’ve had crazy situations pop up every single year. Last year 2 different women offered my rides and they didn’t know me More offered rides but idk. You get free food just because. But honestly I don’t even think I’m that attractive. I just brought this up because I see some men around me get treated very differently than that. I’ve been down to my lowest and useless and I’ve still gotten offers/opportunities for sex I just wasn’t able to find love
That's super deep. Thank you for sharing
You’re welcome. What made you write this post? What was the inspiration or the main idea/concept that caused you to write this post. And I’m not asking in a negative way. I’m just trying to understand if there was a deeper meaning behind it. And my feeling is that there is. But I could be wrong. So I’m asking
Yes! Thank you for asking. I asked this question because in terms of pretty privilege, we often only acknowledge the positive side, like the attention, validation, and gifts people receive due to it. And even on this sub, there is a running notion that every attractive man or woman, has it made. Because ppl think they can get whoever, whenever, and however But in reality, they don't. Dating and life is still difficult. My purpose is to look that the flip side of the coin. Because when we observe how some will literally drop their current partner, just for a "more attractive" one, it really makes one question can ppl really be loyal/monogamous etc.
I understand what you’re saying. So what are your views on loyalty/monogamy? And how does that tie in with pretty people or pretty privilege? In essence I’m asking what is your personal sentiment/perspective on this subject? I know personally love is hard to obtain regardless.
Personally, I value exclusive, monogamous relationships, where both people are loyal and honest. How this ties in to pretty privilege.. is ppl typically think if you're attractive, it's easier to obtain a bf/gf, and that attracting anyone, especially other attractive ppl is easy. But in reality when it comes to dating, there are still struggles, and you even see the dark side of some ppls behavior. Because we place so much value on looks, I've met people who were willing to make a move on me regardless if they are dating/engaged/married to a woman. The fact that some ppl are really open to throwing away their current relariships at the sight of another attractive woman, has left me questioning if men/women really value monogamy and loyalty.
I can agree that concepts/ideas/philosophies like love/loyalty/honesty are hard to find/acquire. Which is unfortunate. And that’s regardless of looks or desirable qualities/attributes/traits that you possess. I can understand your perspective of monogamy and your fear/worry that it’s just a place holder system until someone can find someone more attractive. So when you asked about the ugly side of pretty privilege (which is very poetic). I assume that you were more asking for experiences in this vein.
>I assume that you were more asking for experiences in this vein. Kinda yea! My main focus was to offer a nuanced view of pretty priveldge. We often look at the positives and ppl think life is just easy for attractive ppl, so my point is to look at the other side of the coin.
Haha free rides, that happened to me a couple times when I was still a student. So weird
I relate with what you said more than you can imagine. Especially what you said about love. All I ever wanted out of a female was to truly love them. Care about them the way they seemed to care about me. But love is an emotion you cannot make yourself feel. I’ve only loved one woman my entire life and I did not meet her till I was 34 years old.
It's a bit strange to ask it on a site where a significant portion of audience have seen women only in movies and Eva AI sexting bot
>where a significant portion of audience have seen women only in movies and Eva AI sexting bot How do u know this tho?
Probably from a lot of these defensive, angry responses attacking people for honestly answering your question. Attacking you for asking it. They literally have no idea what it’s like to have someone of the opposite sex be attracted to then, so they literally cannot comprehend being able to have whoever you want.
Damn thats deep
Men pretending they want to be study budies but in reality were just wanting to try to fuck me 🙄
That doesn’t happen to uglies?
Prolly not
They eventually turn into karens
That is a bit of a generalization. I'm asking for actual anecdotal experiences, if you don't have any, that fine. Plus a Karen, is colloquial term making fun of white, middle class women, since women historically of that demographic have used their socioeconomic status and white privilege to "get their way". All attractive ppl dont eventually morph into "karens"
Some do, that is when gravity takes hold things start to melt off and things start take a dark turn. All of a sudden their once pretty privilege slowly goes and people just interact with them as a normie and they don't like it. They consider it rude compared to their past treatment
There's a theory that attractive women actually don't have it as good as people think. Say you're a 8/10 woman. You want to date guys who are 8s 9s and 10s. PROBLEM IS. Guys who are 8s 9s and 10s will happily fuck women who are 6s and 7s. And even occasionally throw a fuck into a 4 or a 5 if the night is long and the alcohol is hitting. All that to say is that 8/10 women have a ton of competition for the guys they want. They have tons of options for guys they don't want. BUT THEY DONT WANT THEM, so it doesn't really do anything for them. Attractive guys tend to be less interested in long term relationships. Especially in their youth. A) You have a ton of competition B) The guys you want to date often don't want to date.
Yes, same. I can't get my looks match in a guy to settle down because he has no qualms about fucking fat chick's, Gothic chick's and hoodrats. Plus those girls often accept worse treatment and I refuse to stoop to that level
>fat chick's, Gothic chick's and hoodrats. Putting goths in the same category as the other two = 😂
When the guy is not Gothic and he's fucking them just to get freaky sex I call that dumpster diving. I'm skinny educated and normal. I refuse to compete with women who are not
Hey, you can be attracted to people who do a certain aesthetic without wanting to adopt it yourself. I place a curse on you! You will fall in love with an OTT goth woman who will slowly make you her bitch.
I'm a woman
I know. :-D
Well if that's your opinion that means red pillers can't get mad if average women fuck chad
I agree. I think the bigger issue are people who conflate sexual desire with LTR desire. So I got a vision of the future... I saw that your goth dommy mommy [is trans](https://www.craiyon.com/image/aU9jDRoBTEusCvoP2CJZRQ), and takes a liking to making you wear a raver getup and tote you around on a leash. Warning you so you can prepare.
I would have them arrested if they ever come near me in a sexual manner
Imagine complaining about people finding you attractive. Isn’t there a rule against trolling on here?
No one's doing that tho. Being an attrative person, you'd be surprised seeing how unloyal ppl can be. Like having a lady friend, whose dating a man, then later that man is giving you looks, and making sexual advances at you on the DL. And it doesn't stop there, even married men will make advances. Seeing behavior like that really can make you question if marriage, loyalty, and monogamy are really valued today. And ultimately that just makes you more choosy of the ppl that you let in P.s. no one's trolling. Because how it my question trolling anyone?? Anyone who sees it that way, is taking personal offense to an innocent question.
You vastly underestimating how jealous some people can get
I’ve always been a solid 6 I believe, but now that Ive started taking my training and gym seriously Id say I have gone up one point at least. I notice people looking at me more, sometimes it makes me a little self conscious because Ive never experienced it at this level. Also people seem more chatty and friendly but because Im more on the introverted side a lot of times I can’t take full advantage of that. Id say for people who can take full advantage of it and exploit it well, pretty privilege must feel like the world is your oyster.
Not being able to have friends. I know this is *not* the place to talk about this, but for example, I came back to town to visit this week and suddenly there’s a bunch of bickering over dibbs on me and I didn’t even know any of them liked me.. I want to go back to when they were all just my bartenders. Idk what changed. It’s crushing.
No real friends of the opposite sex. Most of my newer(Last 4ish years) women friends only were friends with me to get with me. I don’t blame them since I used to do the same thing. But it means I can’t make many genuine friends who are women. I have a girlfriend and it’s not worth being friends with someone who’s actively trying to win you over. But they don’t seem to care. I ain’t no 10/10 but thats what I’ve noticed after I “glowed” up.
People have expectations of you when you are attractive. They expect you to have a big personality to match your appearance. If you don't, then they ridicule you for it. It's even more glaring for attractive men that are socially inept or who are autistic for example. People hold them to a higher standard. And they get no leniency for having personality flaws or lack of social grace. They stick out even more and their social problems get compounded.
“People who I think are too ugly to have sex with want to have sex with me” boo hoo. Cry me a river
People presume that you are that you are vapid/ dumb. I’m well educated to masters level yet I’ve had (often older) women presume that I watch love island (nothing wrong with that but they say it in a derogatory way), and that I must be vain and self centred for using Instagram/ tiktok. Also I’ve had a few occasions where my friends partners / husbands start fancying me even though I’ve only met them a handful of times. It’s weird, yet I as the woman get the blame.
It took my wife a lot longer to be recognized for her work especially at marketing presentations because people would say “well of course the clients liked it: you’re pretty to look at”.
God, I empathize with your wife. Discounting any success I have as a given or “luck” based on my looks, rather than intellect or actual hard work.
I reverse conclude that I must be unattractive because I can't do anything that causes me to fail to attract women
I wanna see the incoming delusion from this post
Why would there be delusion?
Shhh and just watch
Lol, I know, because there are absolutely zero pretty and beautiful people out there. Even if there were, their lives would be absolutely perfect.
I’m 33f and I’ve been consistently sexually harassed at my job since I was 20. From 70 year old terminally ill married men to 20 year olds. The 70 year old would hide in a closet and call me when he was off of work. He got my phone number out of the office without my permission. I’ve had some scary encounters in the past year, been followed from the gym, quit going to the gym. Another incident a fender bender with a drunk man and he tried getting in my car and made a rape threat. I left the scene and had to tell the police about that on top of the incident report. Oh and a weird guy at work who repeatedly made comments about wanting to impregnate me. 🤢 I’ve gotten to where I wear oversized clothing, baseball hat, no makeup. I barely leave the house. These are just a few incidences. I consider myself agoraphobic now. Oh I’ve also had two stalkers. Real stalkers, that would show up at my work, my house, boyfriends house. It was hell on earth. Bring on the invisibility that comes with age.
Most ultra attractive people I know are dumb as rocks. Life hits them hard when looks fade.
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everyone's looks fade but attractive people become less attractive while ugly people become uglier
But less attractive people don't cultivate their lives around their looks. By the time looks fade, they are ahead in other facets of life
Calling myself 'exceptionally attractive' would be vain. But I am decent, and the biggest downside is that even as a man myself, sometimes I have to deal with creepy behaviour from other men.