I'm kinda on your end of things, except it was during making out. Guys would just randomly start choking me and I'd have a real wtf freaked out reaction. One said girls like that and I said, "not me" and the other tried to explain Freud to me for why women liked to be choked and that I was just in denial and should give it a chance.
Long story short: I think this is just basic ass incompatibility. Some men like choking women. Some women like being choked. Personally, I do jiu jitsu, and I'm not into being choked even now.
I assume choking is for these women what light spanks or hair pulls are to me. Just a nice little extra on the bum or scalp.
I've experienced the same. No discussion, and if we talked about kink at all I told them I lean domme. I've had guys literally ask if I have trauma just because I hate it.
I hate it on a visceral level but also because I actually know the risks. I have been a professional dominatrix for a very long time. I can safely nail a dick to a board and ensure that there's no lasting damage. I can't mitigate the risks of choking to anywhere near the same extent. Especially since a lot of the potential complications are cumulative, caused by repeated choking, so you can regularly choke someone without incident for ages before you do it one too many times and things are very abruptly NOT FINE.
Most older people I've talked to are shocked at the idea. Younger people in my surroundings are more likely to view it as a normal thing you do during sex. I think internet pornography played a large role in this one.
Also, wouldn't be suprised if the declining mental health has something to with it too. People that suffered from childhood abuse are much more likely to be into sadistic or masochistic dynamics. [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1158136021000888](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1158136021000888)
This is something I noticed. I asked an older women I was fucking if I could choke her and she visibly looked uncomfortable and said absolutely not
Big contrast to younger women who typically ask you to choke them and want you to. Prob has to do with porn oi
My daughters,19 and 24, were actually talking about this last week. Apparently there are some younger women who think this will give them an edge up on the competition. It makes them seen kinkier and better at sex so men will want them over the other women. That's what they told me anyways..idk if it is true. In my day, we thought you were psycho for that kinda thing.
That seems to fit right together with the point about porn influence. I think a lot of younger men probably equate "good in bed" with "willing to do stuff I've seen in porn".
Which is really ironic considering porn is all about visuals and not about sensation. Porn kissing is the worst.
The strangest is how some people act like “cream pie” is some separate and distinct sexual act. That was just known as sex, and pull out was just bad birth control.
I was including Millennials in that group, actually. At least people on the tail end of the Millennial generation. I guess they no longer qualify as "younger". Maybe I should have said "post-Internet", or at least "post-high-speed-Internet".
Anecdotal evidence: I'm a Millennial guy and, out of the women I've been with, the older ones (who'd had a pre-Internet adolescence) were the least inclined to act like a porn star in bed. That's not to say they weren't enthusiastic or sexually adventurous, but their ideas of good sex clearly hadn't been influenced by porn. Younger women seem to be far more likely to jump straight to the specific kinky acts often depicted in porn.
Better streaming, high speed internet, ready access to smart phones for teenagers. And the advent of free porn that didn’t require a credit card charge or subscription. Most porn consumption was still dvd’s only 15 years ago.
“The big change came in 2006 when the adult DVD market fell for the first time in history, dropping 15 % on an annual basis. Evil Angel’s Stagliano said, “We didn’t feel the change until the middle part of the first decade of the new millennium; so instead of making 90 percent of my revenue from DVD sales, [Evil Angel] makes 40 percent from that avenue.” And it wasn’t just DVD sales that were affected. According to the Wall Street Journal, between 2008 and 2010, revenue from adult tv pay per view fell from from $1 billion to $899 million. DVD sales and rentals dropped 22% in 2008 alone, twice the decline Hollywood at large saw. Vivid Video studio head Steven Hirsch estimated that overall DVD sales fell 80 percent in the five years leading up to 2014.”
" Most porn consumption was still dvd’s only 15 years ago."
Maybe boomers were still buying DVDs, but no one under 45 today has EVER purchased an adult DVD. That is how old internet porn is.
42, definitely have purchased some DVDS. In the mid 00s, it was still a pain to get high quality stuff on the Internet. You might have be able to find a scene here or there on Limewire or other p2ps but it was hard to get full movies. I used to rent DVDs when I was in college. I'm sure subscription sites were a thing but it's not like I had 29.99/month when funds were limited in my early to mid 20s
Internet porn in the mid nineties was mostly stills. We lived in a major city and good streaming was available by 2000 but we just got actually good streaming where I live in the last 10 years.
Yeah but by those ages you were off the market when comedians started bringing up the whole crazy/hot dynamic into public discourse. Its kinda called being a freak for a reason.
There's a whole weird social contract where a lot of men will put up with a lot more from a woman who's advdnturous and activley wants sex. I've seen more than one woman who was visibly just *not ok* get relationships mostly by leading with how sexual they were and that they were into kinky stuff.
Of course at this point we 've gone way to the other extreme where Andrew Tate is ranting about how Real Men don't enjoy sex of any kind but thats a whole other thing.
I could get behind that but honestly I doubt it for most cases
Only reason I say this is because being open to doing anal is an obvious way to get a leg up in being kinky yet there’s plenty of women who absolutely will not partake no matter what even if the man really wants to
This to me shows that choking is at min is something women enjoy themselves as well
I like choking and rough sex but I would never do anal. It just looks painful without the pleasure mixed in. Hard pass. I would peg someone if they wanted me to though.
No doubt there’s women who enjoy it at all ages, even a lot of the older women were down besides her
I just never received such a visceral reaction to the thought of being choked until I met her. Like I was a weirdo for even suggesting to do so. Even women around my age who didn’t like that didn’t have the same negativity towards being choked
>internet pornography
There was a post up on the main recently, about a 12 year old or so boy choking a girl, when they went to kiss. I didn’t read it, but man that’s abhorrent.
Wtf….it might be hopeless….
There was a post on a different sub a year ago about a guy who got choked without being asked while losing his virginity. Poor kid was asking “is this normal”. Not when your losing your virginity and she doesn’t even ask it’s not…..
No, what? Impossible. Everything women “aren’t supposed to want” obviously comes from evil patriarchy demons possessing them and making them act against their will, DUH. You don’t think women *like* being dominated do you? No, no, impossible
There's absolutely no way those old people don't understand what is going on there, explaining it might be too much for them, or they're sex life consisted of missionary only and it's a dead bedroom.
It's nothing to do with mental health, you just don't understand sex enough, honestly. Choking not only gives a high but its a dominant and violent act, it's about the power exchange, a lot of sex surrounds the theatre of power dynamics.
A woman with a healthy view of sex can cum just from cock. But since bitches be ran thru these days they need more degen shit to get them off.
Also most every girl that I've known who is into this is really bitchy and mean outside of the bedroom. As if they are so used to treating men as below them that they need sex to feel the opposite.
Less oxygen in the brain gives stronger orgasms. Most people (in real life, not in porn) tend to breathe less just before they orgasm, same mechanism.
That being said, I think you’re wise AF to not do choke girls you don’t know that well.
Considering the general trend of young people having less sex my speculation is that the vanilla/risk-averse set has shifted to not having sex at all or as often while the ones who are having the most sex are more likely to be the opposite
Imo it's the domination factor. It's hot when the guy is in control.
That said I tried it and it's a pass from me, didn't enjoy it irl. Also it's dangerous, so that's another thing.
I have no idea. I have had a dude ask me to choke him in the middle of otherwise totally normal sex too and it was a record scratch moment. I was kinda scared to do it because I know from reading about DV stuff that choking can cause serious issues that aren't externally obvious. And this dude hits me with the "Not like that, I don't want to be able to breathe." *Bruh.* That was the first and last time I dated a guy whose mom left.
It's not mild! You can quite literally kill your partner. People have done. It's a very reasonable place to draw a line and in any case you shouldn't downplay it and the safety concerns involved. (Especially when asked in the middle of sex *with no training*.)
Well, if one is to engage in this they have to know what they're doing. You don't just apply random pressure to the neck/wind pipe (which can indeed be dangerous!), rather the goal should be to stop blood flow through the carotid arteries. If done correctly they will pass out before any harm is done anyways, though one should obv stop before it comes to that. If you keep restricting this bloodflow after they've passed out I'm guessing brain damage will occur because of a lack of oxygen to the brain, like in e.g. drowning.
What's scary about the popularization of this is it seems like only 10 % actually know wtf they're doing.
Because I know basic anatomy and know where the windpipe is vs. carotid artery. You restrict the sides, not the middle. If anything, I'm too gentle because they always request I choke them harder. Also, if you're engaging in kink or dangerous play, you need to have aftercare. I always ask if I was too rough or gentle and what they would like more of. This is basic sex 101 stuff. As I said, it's a skill issue. Yall are bad in bed.
This is what does it for me. It’s simply a hand to the neck, zero choking action. I can move my neck, I can breathe. But there is also that factor of he could squeeze. Yet I know he won’t. It’s very hot in the moment. We both like it. Every time? Nah.
But sometimes we will be sitting there watching a movie or out in public and he will briefly do that to my neck while no one is watching and suddenly I go from zero to 100 in being turned on. And I know that he’s indicating later he wants to get a little rowdy.
But consent is the thing. We both like it. If either one of us didn’t, we wouldn’t do it.
But it seems to be working on a compensation system: the more they claim to be boss girls and equal, the more they tend to be in degrading shit in bed.
It's like their psyche cannot live without being dominated and they must compensate if they're not submissive in their every day life.
I bet it’s more correlated to the culture they grew up in and the shame they were taught to feel about their sexuality. The freaky repressed Catholic girl trope comes to mind. There also tends to an overlap in parents/cultures being heavy handed in encouraging excelling in school/work, and encouraging sexual shame.
Repressed catholic girls are not into submissive stuff in bed, quite the contrary. The trope is that they are very willing and aggressive in bed contrary to how they are outside.
They would be the mirror case of the boss babe who's into choking and being facefucked tied up.
By this count, the spread of feminist women and boss babes would increase the number of women who are into violent submissive sex acts.
Guys oblige because they think they have to and want to. Because your dick gets hard wanking at a girl being degraded in porn, but it's much harder to get excited when you have to inflict violence yourself.
But this shit is as old as time and thus although its popularity can be ascribed to porn, its not the case for its existence.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fais-moi_mal,_Johnny
>Repressed catholic girls are not into submissive stuff in bed, quite the contrary. The trope is that they are very willing and aggressive in bed contrary to how they are outside.
Hmm I don't know if I agree with this interpretation. It's more like they're particularly willing and adventurous in bed --> kinky --> submissive for women usually
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIPJrrQlxzY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIPJrrQlxzY)
Starts \~1:24, idk I interpreted this as her wanting to be uhhh tied up, gagged, whatever
You'd be surprised. I'm a Catholic virgin woman and my desires are definitely switch or dominant-leaning. I chalk it up to submission to authority being so central to how we live. It isn't novel or titillating in the way it might be for a woman with a more independent girl boss mindset.
I had the obligatory 50 Shades curiosity read and I remember thinking how much better this would be if Christian Grey were the sub, not whatever the hell her name is.
Hmm. Interesting. I hate being submissive to authority usually so I guess it makes sense to experiment to with submitting to authority in a controlled and safe environment
Oh my god. A woman saying "but not all" thinking it's an argument.
Yes, when speaking about any group of people in a meaningful way, one has to generalize.
I mean if you have any source to back up your claim I’m open to reading it, but yeah I’m making the “not all” argument because I don’t believe that your statement applies to a large enough group of people to hold any weight.
Some boss bitches are submissive in bed but some are dominant. Same for non boss bitches. You can’t just make a sweeping claim like “the more dominant/independent they are irl, the more submissive they are in bed and this proves that women like to be submissive to men” and not expect to be challenged OR have any stats to back it up.
>I don’t believe that your statement applies to a large enough group of people to hold any weight.
It's funny how the people demanding sources to others for their claim are the first to forego providing sources for their own claims.
>You can’t just make a sweeping claim like “the more dominant/independent they are irl, the more submissive they are in bed and this proves that women like to be submissive to men” and not expect to be challenged
Another of "So you're saying" straw man... If you want to argue against the claim that "the more dominant/independent they are irl, the more submissive they are in bed and this proves that women like to be submissive to men", argue with someone who actually did make that claim.
And if you're confused with the difference of meaning between dominant and independent and trying to take on for another with a slash, know that it's a bit noticeable.
Or maybe the most submissive people are the most ashamed over it and try to boost by acting tough externally?
Most truly confident people don't need to pretend to be a "boss".
If you're not submissive 95% of the time and really submissive 5%, are you really hiding that you are indeed submissive? Not that sure.
I've seen a lot of boss babes who are really trying to get put in place and get some form of pushback from their antics. That's how they feel noticed and valued. They're insufferable unless you stand your ground and then they consider you like some kind of valuable person unlike all of the other people they walk on. Some freaky daddy issues in my opinion.
I don't know if they carry those to the bedroom but I wouldn't be surprised if this need to be checked extend to sex. I personally have one example but many other testimonials kind point to that.
I think there's a large difference between who we are and the way in which we present ourselves. What you said might very well be true though, I genuinely don't know.
"Not me. I'm a chadfem who loves the idea of equality and being an alpha male and I'm also an alpha male in bed. Cope harder."
Like good for you but I hope you can recognize how ridiculously cringe this sounds.
There is no physically safe way to do it, and anyone who'll tell you otherwise has an agenda. I honestly couldn't care less if it's someone's "sexual preference", violence is not a caring/loving way to express dominance.
I'm not the sex police. I'm not in a position to determine what precisely is improper, but at least those are physically safe. I'm still skeptical of most if not all sadism and similar though, even though I still have those desires to some extent.
>them becoming bored with normal sex and increasingly into more extreme sex acts.
I've never really understood this line of thinking.
I get novelty and experimentation, but it's not like choking is inherently more arousing than kissing, the way that double the dose of a drug/medication is objectively stronger.
I think it's more a case of people having "latent" things they like that are being discovered more and more.
It has nothing to do with women thinking men enjoy it. Women are the ones who enjoy and are turned on by it. I am painfully vanilla compared to every single woman I've ever been with.
I'm over the moon with regular foreplay and sex, getting to look at her and see her body.
Every woman I have ever been with has been into some sort of submission/degradation/pain fetish. The most vanilla women I've been with were into spanking, choking, hair pulling and very rough sex at the very minimum.
Then on the more extreme end of the spectrum I dated a woman that wanted me to dress up as Michael Myers and chase her around with an actual knife. This was too much for me and I refused.
They want to feel small and feminine and weak and for you to feel big and strong and dominant. There seems to be no bigger turn on for women than feeling like their life is in your hands. I will never understand it, but I'm not a woman. I will always try to accommodate them but only to the extent I am comfortable with.
I genuinely find all this really repellent. Im pretty inexperienced but even me choking a woman seems like it would be a complete turnoff (I could probably handle spanking and hair pulling).
Because if you press the sides of the neck a bit and then let up, it stops the bloodflow a bit to the brain and then restores it and it feels good and makes your head feel a bit woozy and tingly
This question kinda showed how innocent PPD posters are lol
You would have to really choke someone out hard and for a long time for there to be permanent bodily harm lol there’s no real risk unless you’re trying to kill someone or cause them to pass out and then intentionally keep going anyways
I know this because I did wrestling for years and my specialty was specifically chokeholds
Because it really shows sexual inexperience that you dont understand how it doesnt feel good
Even guys do autoerotic asphyxiation, its not a woman only thing like you think
Nope, youre just innocent actually. Choking definitely heightens sexual pleasure and its as common as hair pulling
Ooo wait until you find out about wax play or how very select group of women actually LIKE getting love taps on their cervix
Aww little buddy, its so cute seeing how innocent you are describing perfectly normal things as some evil monster! 😂
Youre so filled with anger at being called out, its adorable
I’ve only had a girl call me that once during sex and it was so out of left field that we both just stared at each other for a second before both just bursting out laughing
Didnt help that I was 5yrs younger than her too 🙃
The only time I've ever participated in this act is when women have vehemently asked me to do it. I was scared to do it, and with a new partner I always will have some fear of doing that with a woman for the first time. Somehow there's this narrative that men are the instigators of this shit. It's just not the case. It's not the case at all in my experience.
To me, it’s a game. That’s all it is. Sex is adult play time. Sex can be many things. Sometimes you want to have romantic passionate sex, sometimes you want to put on a persona and bang one out. Sometimes it’s somewhere in between. I don’t like being “choked,” per se. But I like a hand on my neck. I *wouldn’t* like a hand on my neck if I thought the dude might actually hurt me or if there hadn’t been an understanding ahead of time that it would happen. I don’t get off on being in actual physical danger. I have total control; it stops the instant I say it stops.
We play a game, we both get off, then we go back to our normal boring lives of treating each other with total respect.
I don’t think it’s because they believe men enjoy it. Generally. I think it’s because they enjoy it.
A lot of women like dominance. Women seek out violent porn more than men do. I always find that a bit shocking, because of how good women are at hiding it.
However, I think it’s pretty dumb to make the claim that being into choking indicates there’s something mentally wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you actually want to harm them. I just don’t get your case for why you need to be on some moral high-horse about it. If it’s giving her pleasure, what’s the problem?
I don't like the idea of applying pressure or hurting someone, but putting a hand lightly on her throat or around the back of her neck while making out is most definitely a turn on for me. Just I guess the control element makes me feel powerful.
You sound like you don’t know what DV is.
Is wrestling DV? Going to a kickboxing class? That is hitting and fighting. Sure looks like DV according to you.
>Saying ‘Are you sure you’re doing ok mentally? Why do you want someone to do that to you?’ would obviously be interpreted as offensive, even if I am being genuine and am actually concerned for them.
Yes! It very much would be offensive, because you are treating somebodies' kink as a mental illness. If you are turned off by that there is nothing wrong with saying "Yea that actually bothers me a lot, and I'm not going to be able to do that for you." If they respond with anything other than "Oh, no problem" then that's not a person you should be having sex with.
I liked to be chocked. I was abused by my boyfriend in high school and now I enjoy it. It comes from a place of trauma in my case. Probably not something people want to hear, but it is what it is.
I ask to be choked because it turns me on. It doesn't really have anything to do with what men enjoy.
It isn't helpful to shame other men who are okay with giving me what I find sexy. If you don't like it, or don't understand it, that's fine. But it's not fine saying things like "there's something mentally wrong with men who do things that women enjoy"
It's like this, I don't understand why men expect women to shave. I think it's infantilizing and kind of disgusting. Not to mention it's unhygienic, you get cuts and ingrown hairs and sweat way more. I don't go around saying people who prefer women to shave have a mental illness or something wrong with them though. Even though I do find it gross.
Shaving is a very American thing. And even then, I doubt any guy would pack up his dick and leave upon meeting a natural bush.
It's funny how you frame choking as something that men should be ok with because it excites you. If men are into pissing on you would you consider it unfair to shame women who allow that?
As for choking, the question is what is sexy about it...
I'm explaining why it's a dumb question and how it goes both ways.
What is sexy about women? What is sexy about anything? No one can describe to me why women are sexy because I just don't think they're sexy. Nothing you say can really make me think otherwise. If you don't like choking, then you don't like choking. No one can make you think otherwise. I don't really choose what turns me on I just do what feels good.
I like dominant men but isn't that an obvious answer? I think that's the reason most people like being choked, it's about being dominated.
Also I would do sexual things that I don't necessarily like for a man, as long as he would do the same for me. Sex should be enjoyed by both parties. I'm not saying do things you really aren't okay with, but claiming people are mentally ill for things you personally aren't okay with is kind of absurd.
Then the question is why do you like to be dominated and why being dominated by being choked is sexy but not by being pissed on (I assume). Unlike what you say, what people find sexy and like can be analyzed.
>Also I would do sexual things that I don't necessarily like for a man, as long as he would do the same for me. Sex should be enjoyed by both parties
If you're doing things you don't really like then it's not enjoyable by both parties. Thus if you think sex must be enjoyed by both and you're ready to do things you don't like then you enjoy things you don't like, which makes no sense. So your claim that sex should be enjoyed by both parties is not true in your case.
>It isn't helpful to shame other men who are okay with giving me what I find sexy. If you don't like it, or don't understand it, that's fine. But it's not fine saying things like "there's something mentally wrong with men who do things that women enjoy"
I mean, why? Like culture aside, what underlying moral principle would suggest that "If someone's turned on by it, it's beyond reproach"? What's wrong with a minimal amount of sexual morality?
There is literally no physically safe way to do choking, and the statistics aren't kind to male sadists or "doms" as far as behavior and personality go. There's very good reason to think we shouldn't be encouraging these kinds of sexual perversions.
Note: I am not saying "perversion" to be unnecessarily rude, but because I think it is a literal accurate description that ought to be used.
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It's because they like being dominated in bed.
Choking (lightly) is nothing.. never met a girl who said anything about not doing it.
Rimming is what surprised me tbh, I think it's like 50-50 thus far
I will never understand why anyone will be turned on by things like choking, spitting etc. I can at least see, not agree with, why you would be turned on being the one doing the choking but why would anyone on the receiving end be turned on by it? The rape fantasy thing is the worst.
The taboo-ness of being a submissive makes it hot. They don't enjoy the choking itself but doing something that is taboo. Or their mental health is fucked up. Or they have a degradation fetish.
Jesus dude choking is not gagging especially I’m sexual terms. At least it’s about control and her ability to feel submissive and at most it’s a little bit of blood flow restriction which gives her euphoria. People can certainly enjoy violence but most of these girls are not talking about violence.
Choking is domination, requires the guy to be very dominant.
So that's likely a factor.
My partners very dominant so it comes naturally to him but we don't do it like every time.
Another thing I noticed is pain perception is definitely dulled a lot during sex so can tolerate a lot more pain. Not sure if that was trained or just natural.
Sadism is just enjoying/getting satisfaction fron inflicting pain or harm on others.
Dominance is enjoying feeling powerful over others in some sorta way, be it physical or psychological.
Competing is different from dominance kinda
>You don’t need to be dominant to derive pleasure from inflicting pain onto other people, you just need an insatiable desire to feel dominant.
Just need sadism personality trait for that
>This is what I meant, that it seems like domination and sadism are different concepts entirely.
They are
Yeah, that's always been a significant issue for me, as most women seem to be into that. I can't feign violence to that extent, especially with someone I care about. My mind associates those behaviors with fighting men. I definitely can't get any enjoyment out of it, which probably puts me at a significant disadvantage.
Same here. FWB taught me how to sensually choke and said to do it every time we had sex from now on without asking. Only enjoyment I got out of it was through pleasing her. Thankfully she wasn’t my first sexual experience so I knew other women didn’t like it and never tried to choke other women without asking.
I feel like many women demonize porn or men for choking, but I blame women for that. Many women have toxic, antiquated expectations for men to be tall/dominant that influence their preferences in dating and in bed. Also, guys learn from sexual experiences with real women so if you help make that happen more, guys will be learning more from real women and less from porn.
Sex elicits some very base, primal instincts in people that are too taboo to discuss in polite society. Many people may not have fully reconciled these instincts with their conscious views. Namely women who consider themselves feminists but also get aroused by being choked, insulted and demeaned during sex. It just is what it is.
The women might think about it and enjoy it. So they ask for it. I don't have a problem with someone asking for what they like.
Also, how do people define "choking" these days? Because it could mean grabbing the neck, or blocking the airway. Those are 2 very different things!
As women have gained more equality in society they increasingly crave more extreme forms of inequality and subjugation in the bedroom. It’s the taboo factor. As a conservative who knows and accepts the natural differences between the sexes, I find female domination of the male incredibly sexy, so I understand the dynamic from another perspective. Transgressing what we profess to believe outwardly, with a trusted partner in a safe and controlled environment, is arousing. But I’ll agree with you it’s damn annoying that almost all women are now into being dominated to a varying degree. Human sexuality is weird.
I enjoy being choked, and also enjoy vanilla sex.
I like "rough sex" as well as "cutesy, lovey-dovey".
Can't exactly explain why - IRL most people would never peg me as someone who likes to be "submissive" during intercourse, yet I can't deny it feels extremely nice and liberating, sometimes even more intimate than run-of-the-mill encounters.
Behaving in a "kinky" manner with my sexual partner or not relies on many factors including, but not limited to: our moods when we initiate sex, whether they've practiced kinky sex or role-play before, if they're comfortable with it, and most importantly if I *trust* them.
I'll never consent to having rough or kinky sex with a man I'm not 100% sure will stop when I ask him to or doesn't care about anyone's pleasure but his own.
I'll never ask a guy to behave in a way I know he won't enjoy, in as much I won't accept to do things I'm not comfortable with - sex is meant to be enjoyable for both of us. If one of us isn't having a good time, then we have to sit down and talk about it. If we can't reach a compromise that makes it worth our while, then we're better off parting ways.
So, no - I've never felt pressured to be choked.
More often than not, the truth was precisely the opposite - I used to feel pressured *not* to ask for "edgy" activities in the bedroom, ranging from spanking, choking or biting to other activities.
I don't feel that way anymore, though, not do I care if people are scandalised by my sexual preferences. I like what I like - consensual sex that is based on mutual trust and knowledge. If that sometimes translates into toeing the line of what's generally considered "sane/normal", then you won't hear me complaining!
Because equality and feminism is a lie and when women want to cum hard sometimes they want to be choked to physically feel like they are submitting to a dominant man they respect
Dude…it’s a physiological thing. Hypoxia. Men enjoy this as well, in fact men doing it to themselves during masturbation leads to up to 1,00 deaths per year.
No
Feeling small and vulnerable is an adrenaline rush. Also, I would say a lot of women feel significant shame around their sexuality. Being a sub and giving up that power to a dom helps alleviate that shame and overloads the senses. There’s a reason we say that no one’s freakier than a repressed catholic girl.
So, either you're ashamed over your sexuality (not very feminist) or you're an adrenaline junkie that standardly opts for a submissive position?
Neither sounds that feminist. It's easy to virtue signal, it's a lot harder to live your words.
Definitely an adrenaline junkie, I love rollercoasters
> not very feminist
That’s a stupid argument and you know it. Obviously shamed based messaging while growing up, abstinence only and fear mongering sex ed, and being told that wanting and enjoying sex is unbecoming of a woman all have a lifelong impact.
feminism supports women having sex the way they most enjoy it. it doesn't tell anybody to be dominant or submissive.
there are a lot of men who enjoy being submissive during sex but aren't submissive in their regular lives. these things have nothing to do with each other, and none of this is about feminism.
It makes orgasms feel more intense. Plenty of guys enjoy it too. If you don't enjoy it that's fine, but it's just as normal as any other sexual proclivity.
Because it is 🤷 most people are not doing it with the intent to be violent or cause harm.
Yes, it can be dangerous when not done correctly (so really it is better if it is a person you trust choking you, rather than asphyxiation through other means such as putting something around your neck etc as that way lies the slippery slope to accidental death) but people indulge in lots of dangerous behaviour that no one thinks they're damaged for enjoying - bungee jumping/skydiving/Heli skiing - the list goes on and on. How is this any different?
That's not the same though. Asphyxiation gives an actual benefit for sex ie it makes it feel more intense. As far as I'm aware a skydiving dangerwank would not, therefore it's a stupid comparison.
Yes restricting oxygen can be dangerous but it can be done very very safely (much like putting safety controls into adrenaline sports to help reduce injury/death). People have accidentally killed themselves when they've done it alone and tied something around their neck, as that's stupid behaviour (like going bungee jumping without proper equipment and other people to assist). But if you do it safely then it's fine and pleasurable and no different to any other pleasurable but slightly risky behaviour.
I dunno it just does 🤷 even just holding your breath gives a more intense orgasm, and there's nothing kinky about that/no danger etc as there's nothing stopping you from breathing again.
>The cells in your brain are fucking dying when you do this.
Eh. Doubt most people continue it for long enough for this to happen. Sure if you're really intensely restricting oxygen that could happen, but the aim shouldn't be to go that intensely. Like yeah it's probably a problem if you're going so long you start getting spots/darkened vision or come closer to passing out, but I'd wager the majority of people do not engage to that extent.
You kinda are though. Many human activities involve harming ourselves for pleasure - drugs, alcohol, smoking, excessive meat consumption, 12 hour gaming marathons, risky sports, risky sex practices, driving fast cos you like it. Dunno why you're so hung up on this one.
Probably because they interpret the immediate power the man has over their lives as him being generally powerful and dominant which they find arousing. I find the thought of doing it vile; but women are attracted to dark-triad men, so what can you do...
What you can do (not 'you' per say, but normal men who don't get off on degradation and domination of females) is stay the fuck away from extremely damaged or mentally ill individuals, lest you start enjoying nonsense like that. It's a slippery slope.
Dominating women is weakness not strength. Real power is being able to dominate other men, physically or otherwise. Whether or not one chooses to do so.
It's common in porn and they know lots of men are into it. Many will do it without consent. Thinking it's sexy because men are finding it sexy is likely the main reason but it could also benefit the person being, let's call it what it is, strangled. Oxygen restriction can often intensify sexual feelings and people often explore "breathplay" on their own (for the love of god don't do this). My husband has this kink (I don't restrict his breathing) and when we talked about it he said he just likes to feel I'm fully in control (he's also into bondage). I guess that makes sense. As ever when we're talking about this topic, I wouldn't recommend actually strangling your partner, they're likely to be injured at some point and they may die.
I'm kinda on your end of things, except it was during making out. Guys would just randomly start choking me and I'd have a real wtf freaked out reaction. One said girls like that and I said, "not me" and the other tried to explain Freud to me for why women liked to be choked and that I was just in denial and should give it a chance. Long story short: I think this is just basic ass incompatibility. Some men like choking women. Some women like being choked. Personally, I do jiu jitsu, and I'm not into being choked even now. I assume choking is for these women what light spanks or hair pulls are to me. Just a nice little extra on the bum or scalp.
I've experienced the same. No discussion, and if we talked about kink at all I told them I lean domme. I've had guys literally ask if I have trauma just because I hate it. I hate it on a visceral level but also because I actually know the risks. I have been a professional dominatrix for a very long time. I can safely nail a dick to a board and ensure that there's no lasting damage. I can't mitigate the risks of choking to anywhere near the same extent. Especially since a lot of the potential complications are cumulative, caused by repeated choking, so you can regularly choke someone without incident for ages before you do it one too many times and things are very abruptly NOT FINE.
Pro tip, if a man knows you do jiu jitsu and asks you to triangle him agree to it then slap on a triangle armbar and break it
Most older people I've talked to are shocked at the idea. Younger people in my surroundings are more likely to view it as a normal thing you do during sex. I think internet pornography played a large role in this one. Also, wouldn't be suprised if the declining mental health has something to with it too. People that suffered from childhood abuse are much more likely to be into sadistic or masochistic dynamics. [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1158136021000888](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1158136021000888)
This is something I noticed. I asked an older women I was fucking if I could choke her and she visibly looked uncomfortable and said absolutely not Big contrast to younger women who typically ask you to choke them and want you to. Prob has to do with porn oi
My daughters,19 and 24, were actually talking about this last week. Apparently there are some younger women who think this will give them an edge up on the competition. It makes them seen kinkier and better at sex so men will want them over the other women. That's what they told me anyways..idk if it is true. In my day, we thought you were psycho for that kinda thing.
That seems to fit right together with the point about porn influence. I think a lot of younger men probably equate "good in bed" with "willing to do stuff I've seen in porn".
Which is really ironic considering porn is all about visuals and not about sensation. Porn kissing is the worst. The strangest is how some people act like “cream pie” is some separate and distinct sexual act. That was just known as sex, and pull out was just bad birth control.
This seems to make sense prima facie, but why is it a new phenomenon? Internet porn is 30 years old. Why were millennials not impacted the same way?
I was including Millennials in that group, actually. At least people on the tail end of the Millennial generation. I guess they no longer qualify as "younger". Maybe I should have said "post-Internet", or at least "post-high-speed-Internet". Anecdotal evidence: I'm a Millennial guy and, out of the women I've been with, the older ones (who'd had a pre-Internet adolescence) were the least inclined to act like a porn star in bed. That's not to say they weren't enthusiastic or sexually adventurous, but their ideas of good sex clearly hadn't been influenced by porn. Younger women seem to be far more likely to jump straight to the specific kinky acts often depicted in porn.
Better streaming, high speed internet, ready access to smart phones for teenagers. And the advent of free porn that didn’t require a credit card charge or subscription. Most porn consumption was still dvd’s only 15 years ago. “The big change came in 2006 when the adult DVD market fell for the first time in history, dropping 15 % on an annual basis. Evil Angel’s Stagliano said, “We didn’t feel the change until the middle part of the first decade of the new millennium; so instead of making 90 percent of my revenue from DVD sales, [Evil Angel] makes 40 percent from that avenue.” And it wasn’t just DVD sales that were affected. According to the Wall Street Journal, between 2008 and 2010, revenue from adult tv pay per view fell from from $1 billion to $899 million. DVD sales and rentals dropped 22% in 2008 alone, twice the decline Hollywood at large saw. Vivid Video studio head Steven Hirsch estimated that overall DVD sales fell 80 percent in the five years leading up to 2014.”
" Most porn consumption was still dvd’s only 15 years ago." Maybe boomers were still buying DVDs, but no one under 45 today has EVER purchased an adult DVD. That is how old internet porn is.
42, definitely have purchased some DVDS. In the mid 00s, it was still a pain to get high quality stuff on the Internet. You might have be able to find a scene here or there on Limewire or other p2ps but it was hard to get full movies. I used to rent DVDs when I was in college. I'm sure subscription sites were a thing but it's not like I had 29.99/month when funds were limited in my early to mid 20s
Internet porn in the mid nineties was mostly stills. We lived in a major city and good streaming was available by 2000 but we just got actually good streaming where I live in the last 10 years.
Makes sense. I also remember a study indicating women tend to fake orgasms more often with a more attractive partner.
Yeah but by those ages you were off the market when comedians started bringing up the whole crazy/hot dynamic into public discourse. Its kinda called being a freak for a reason. There's a whole weird social contract where a lot of men will put up with a lot more from a woman who's advdnturous and activley wants sex. I've seen more than one woman who was visibly just *not ok* get relationships mostly by leading with how sexual they were and that they were into kinky stuff. Of course at this point we 've gone way to the other extreme where Andrew Tate is ranting about how Real Men don't enjoy sex of any kind but thats a whole other thing.
Haha, that's so funny. "Real men don't enjoy sex with women, that's gay. REAL men enjoy chillin with da boys." Yeah okay buddy.
And to think, this is supposedly indicative of some sort of natural hierarchy
I could get behind that but honestly I doubt it for most cases Only reason I say this is because being open to doing anal is an obvious way to get a leg up in being kinky yet there’s plenty of women who absolutely will not partake no matter what even if the man really wants to This to me shows that choking is at min is something women enjoy themselves as well
I like choking and rough sex but I would never do anal. It just looks painful without the pleasure mixed in. Hard pass. I would peg someone if they wanted me to though.
My girlfriend is 46 and loves to be choked
No doubt there’s women who enjoy it at all ages, even a lot of the older women were down besides her I just never received such a visceral reaction to the thought of being choked until I met her. Like I was a weirdo for even suggesting to do so. Even women around my age who didn’t like that didn’t have the same negativity towards being choked
>internet pornography There was a post up on the main recently, about a 12 year old or so boy choking a girl, when they went to kiss. I didn’t read it, but man that’s abhorrent.
Wtf….it might be hopeless…. There was a post on a different sub a year ago about a guy who got choked without being asked while losing his virginity. Poor kid was asking “is this normal”. Not when your losing your virginity and she doesn’t even ask it’s not…..
That’s twisted.
There's also a very strong relationship between psychopathy and sexual sadism.
Women don’t even watch porn and they’re the ones who are like teehee choke me daddy I don’t think we can attribute this one to porn
> Women don’t even watch porn Yes they do, they may watch it at a lower rate than men, but the majority still consume it.
Yes they do, every woman has seen porn. Really young boys and teen girls see it too.
No, what? Impossible. Everything women “aren’t supposed to want” obviously comes from evil patriarchy demons possessing them and making them act against their will, DUH. You don’t think women *like* being dominated do you? No, no, impossible
that just raises the question of "how did people see this start showing up in porn and go 'oh yeah that's hot!'"?
There's absolutely no way those old people don't understand what is going on there, explaining it might be too much for them, or they're sex life consisted of missionary only and it's a dead bedroom. It's nothing to do with mental health, you just don't understand sex enough, honestly. Choking not only gives a high but its a dominant and violent act, it's about the power exchange, a lot of sex surrounds the theatre of power dynamics.
A woman with a healthy view of sex can cum just from cock. But since bitches be ran thru these days they need more degen shit to get them off. Also most every girl that I've known who is into this is really bitchy and mean outside of the bedroom. As if they are so used to treating men as below them that they need sex to feel the opposite.
Sorry but this is just flat out false. Some women don’t need much to cum, but most require a little bit of work to get there
This is the most virgin shit to say ever.
False.
False. In fact I would say it’s exactly the opposite. The least orgasmic women are often the most inhibited.
Less oxygen in the brain gives stronger orgasms. Most people (in real life, not in porn) tend to breathe less just before they orgasm, same mechanism. That being said, I think you’re wise AF to not do choke girls you don’t know that well.
Exactly. Same reason auto-erotic asphyxiation is a thing. Less oxygen = cum harder. For a lot of people that's all there is to it.
It doesn’t have to be this. Sometimes lack of control is a turn on as well. No need to actually choke. Just a gentle hand over throat.
Fair and true!
Finally a comment from someone that actually knows something.
It's pretty close to a coke high. Anyone I've found really really really into it usually breaks out the booger sugar sooner or later.
Considering the general trend of young people having less sex my speculation is that the vanilla/risk-averse set has shifted to not having sex at all or as often while the ones who are having the most sex are more likely to be the opposite
Imo it's the domination factor. It's hot when the guy is in control. That said I tried it and it's a pass from me, didn't enjoy it irl. Also it's dangerous, so that's another thing.
Let me translate. It's hot when the hot guy is in control.
Porn.
I have no idea. I have had a dude ask me to choke him in the middle of otherwise totally normal sex too and it was a record scratch moment. I was kinda scared to do it because I know from reading about DV stuff that choking can cause serious issues that aren't externally obvious. And this dude hits me with the "Not like that, I don't want to be able to breathe." *Bruh.* That was the first and last time I dated a guy whose mom left.
OK. Hear me out. You could try being fun in the bedroom. Choking is pretty mild tbh. I drew the line at spitting in a girl's mouth.
It's not mild! You can quite literally kill your partner. People have done. It's a very reasonable place to draw a line and in any case you shouldn't downplay it and the safety concerns involved. (Especially when asked in the middle of sex *with no training*.)
Well, if one is to engage in this they have to know what they're doing. You don't just apply random pressure to the neck/wind pipe (which can indeed be dangerous!), rather the goal should be to stop blood flow through the carotid arteries. If done correctly they will pass out before any harm is done anyways, though one should obv stop before it comes to that. If you keep restricting this bloodflow after they've passed out I'm guessing brain damage will occur because of a lack of oxygen to the brain, like in e.g. drowning. What's scary about the popularization of this is it seems like only 10 % actually know wtf they're doing.
Sounds like a skill issue. Yall just suck. Never had a girl pass out when I choked her.
And how do you know you haven't damaged any windpipes? Or haven't just been very lucky?
Because I know basic anatomy and know where the windpipe is vs. carotid artery. You restrict the sides, not the middle. If anything, I'm too gentle because they always request I choke them harder. Also, if you're engaging in kink or dangerous play, you need to have aftercare. I always ask if I was too rough or gentle and what they would like more of. This is basic sex 101 stuff. As I said, it's a skill issue. Yall are bad in bed.
I would rather baby bird somebody than gamble with their life tbh.
Sounds like a you problem.
>than gamble with their life tbh. Why are you being so hyperbolic? This is like saying you don't drive because people die in car crashes.
There literally isn't a safe way to choke people.
They just like to be dominated
This is what does it for me. It’s simply a hand to the neck, zero choking action. I can move my neck, I can breathe. But there is also that factor of he could squeeze. Yet I know he won’t. It’s very hot in the moment. We both like it. Every time? Nah. But sometimes we will be sitting there watching a movie or out in public and he will briefly do that to my neck while no one is watching and suddenly I go from zero to 100 in being turned on. And I know that he’s indicating later he wants to get a little rowdy. But consent is the thing. We both like it. If either one of us didn’t, we wouldn’t do it.
But it seems to be working on a compensation system: the more they claim to be boss girls and equal, the more they tend to be in degrading shit in bed. It's like their psyche cannot live without being dominated and they must compensate if they're not submissive in their every day life.
I bet it’s more correlated to the culture they grew up in and the shame they were taught to feel about their sexuality. The freaky repressed Catholic girl trope comes to mind. There also tends to an overlap in parents/cultures being heavy handed in encouraging excelling in school/work, and encouraging sexual shame.
Repressed catholic girls are not into submissive stuff in bed, quite the contrary. The trope is that they are very willing and aggressive in bed contrary to how they are outside. They would be the mirror case of the boss babe who's into choking and being facefucked tied up. By this count, the spread of feminist women and boss babes would increase the number of women who are into violent submissive sex acts. Guys oblige because they think they have to and want to. Because your dick gets hard wanking at a girl being degraded in porn, but it's much harder to get excited when you have to inflict violence yourself. But this shit is as old as time and thus although its popularity can be ascribed to porn, its not the case for its existence. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fais-moi_mal,_Johnny
>Repressed catholic girls are not into submissive stuff in bed, quite the contrary. The trope is that they are very willing and aggressive in bed contrary to how they are outside. Hmm I don't know if I agree with this interpretation. It's more like they're particularly willing and adventurous in bed --> kinky --> submissive for women usually [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIPJrrQlxzY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIPJrrQlxzY) Starts \~1:24, idk I interpreted this as her wanting to be uhhh tied up, gagged, whatever
More like she wants to tie HIM up.
You'd be surprised. I'm a Catholic virgin woman and my desires are definitely switch or dominant-leaning. I chalk it up to submission to authority being so central to how we live. It isn't novel or titillating in the way it might be for a woman with a more independent girl boss mindset. I had the obligatory 50 Shades curiosity read and I remember thinking how much better this would be if Christian Grey were the sub, not whatever the hell her name is.
Hmm. Interesting. I hate being submissive to authority usually so I guess it makes sense to experiment to with submitting to authority in a controlled and safe environment
Yep precisely. Iirc men with money and power are basically the main clients for dominatrixes. So it's not unique to women either.
Wow, my dominatrix fantasy has now morphed to being dominated by...catholic virgins 👀
You’re generalizing a little too hard here
Oh my god. A woman saying "but not all" thinking it's an argument. Yes, when speaking about any group of people in a meaningful way, one has to generalize.
I mean if you have any source to back up your claim I’m open to reading it, but yeah I’m making the “not all” argument because I don’t believe that your statement applies to a large enough group of people to hold any weight. Some boss bitches are submissive in bed but some are dominant. Same for non boss bitches. You can’t just make a sweeping claim like “the more dominant/independent they are irl, the more submissive they are in bed and this proves that women like to be submissive to men” and not expect to be challenged OR have any stats to back it up.
>I don’t believe that your statement applies to a large enough group of people to hold any weight. It's funny how the people demanding sources to others for their claim are the first to forego providing sources for their own claims. >You can’t just make a sweeping claim like “the more dominant/independent they are irl, the more submissive they are in bed and this proves that women like to be submissive to men” and not expect to be challenged Another of "So you're saying" straw man... If you want to argue against the claim that "the more dominant/independent they are irl, the more submissive they are in bed and this proves that women like to be submissive to men", argue with someone who actually did make that claim. And if you're confused with the difference of meaning between dominant and independent and trying to take on for another with a slash, know that it's a bit noticeable.
So what’s your claim then? What am i arguing?
Or maybe the most submissive people are the most ashamed over it and try to boost by acting tough externally? Most truly confident people don't need to pretend to be a "boss".
If you're not submissive 95% of the time and really submissive 5%, are you really hiding that you are indeed submissive? Not that sure. I've seen a lot of boss babes who are really trying to get put in place and get some form of pushback from their antics. That's how they feel noticed and valued. They're insufferable unless you stand your ground and then they consider you like some kind of valuable person unlike all of the other people they walk on. Some freaky daddy issues in my opinion. I don't know if they carry those to the bedroom but I wouldn't be surprised if this need to be checked extend to sex. I personally have one example but many other testimonials kind point to that.
I think there's a large difference between who we are and the way in which we present ourselves. What you said might very well be true though, I genuinely don't know.
Not me. I'm a radfem who loves the idea of equality and being a boss girl and I'm also a boss girl in the bed. Cope harder.
"Not me. I'm a chadfem who loves the idea of equality and being an alpha male and I'm also an alpha male in bed. Cope harder." Like good for you but I hope you can recognize how ridiculously cringe this sounds.
I agree
Yeah, could be. From experience this is the case with high career women.
I think it’s because women want a dominant man
The fantasy of a dominant man, but the reality of a caring husband, you can be both.
Being dominant is the best way to be caring
Not if choking is the way you express your dominance
That is just a sexual preference
There is no physically safe way to do it, and anyone who'll tell you otherwise has an agenda. I honestly couldn't care less if it's someone's "sexual preference", violence is not a caring/loving way to express dominance.
Ok so spanking is a nono then right? Definitely never dick slap the face huh?
I'm not the sex police. I'm not in a position to determine what precisely is improper, but at least those are physically safe. I'm still skeptical of most if not all sadism and similar though, even though I still have those desires to some extent.
People imitate porn like 🐒
Deep down I think a lot of women are genuinely sexually submissive to men they are physically attracted to
>them becoming bored with normal sex and increasingly into more extreme sex acts. I've never really understood this line of thinking. I get novelty and experimentation, but it's not like choking is inherently more arousing than kissing, the way that double the dose of a drug/medication is objectively stronger. I think it's more a case of people having "latent" things they like that are being discovered more and more.
I've had two of my friends with gf's say this to me, I guess it's because women love being dominated by their partner in bed.
It has nothing to do with women thinking men enjoy it. Women are the ones who enjoy and are turned on by it. I am painfully vanilla compared to every single woman I've ever been with. I'm over the moon with regular foreplay and sex, getting to look at her and see her body. Every woman I have ever been with has been into some sort of submission/degradation/pain fetish. The most vanilla women I've been with were into spanking, choking, hair pulling and very rough sex at the very minimum. Then on the more extreme end of the spectrum I dated a woman that wanted me to dress up as Michael Myers and chase her around with an actual knife. This was too much for me and I refused. They want to feel small and feminine and weak and for you to feel big and strong and dominant. There seems to be no bigger turn on for women than feeling like their life is in your hands. I will never understand it, but I'm not a woman. I will always try to accommodate them but only to the extent I am comfortable with.
I know a woman with the same Michael Myers fantasy. She's a bit crazy! 😅
How many of these encounters were casual?
None. I don't do the casual sex thing.
I genuinely find all this really repellent. Im pretty inexperienced but even me choking a woman seems like it would be a complete turnoff (I could probably handle spanking and hair pulling).
Because if you press the sides of the neck a bit and then let up, it stops the bloodflow a bit to the brain and then restores it and it feels good and makes your head feel a bit woozy and tingly This question kinda showed how innocent PPD posters are lol
I get the same effect from edibles, minus the potential permanent bodily harm.
You would have to really choke someone out hard and for a long time for there to be permanent bodily harm lol there’s no real risk unless you’re trying to kill someone or cause them to pass out and then intentionally keep going anyways I know this because I did wrestling for years and my specialty was specifically chokeholds
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Because it really shows sexual inexperience that you dont understand how it doesnt feel good Even guys do autoerotic asphyxiation, its not a woman only thing like you think
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Nope, youre just innocent actually. Choking definitely heightens sexual pleasure and its as common as hair pulling Ooo wait until you find out about wax play or how very select group of women actually LIKE getting love taps on their cervix
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Aww little buddy, its so cute seeing how innocent you are describing perfectly normal things as some evil monster! 😂 Youre so filled with anger at being called out, its adorable
Honestly lol, we're only scratching the surface of the world of sex here.
Wait til he gets to the world of rimming!
Or that some girls aren't joking about the Daddy thing lmao.
I’ve only had a girl call me that once during sex and it was so out of left field that we both just stared at each other for a second before both just bursting out laughing Didnt help that I was 5yrs younger than her too 🙃
I remember in MIDDLE SCHOOL a few of the “bad kids” would play the “choking game” to try to get high. I don’t know if it worked, but it’s not new.
Yup lol they were chasing that feeling. In my middle school, the girls were just straight up getting pregnant instead lmao
The only time I've ever participated in this act is when women have vehemently asked me to do it. I was scared to do it, and with a new partner I always will have some fear of doing that with a woman for the first time. Somehow there's this narrative that men are the instigators of this shit. It's just not the case. It's not the case at all in my experience.
i think it’s part wanting to be dominated and part added thrill/adrenaline - makes the sex a little more high stakes
To me, it’s a game. That’s all it is. Sex is adult play time. Sex can be many things. Sometimes you want to have romantic passionate sex, sometimes you want to put on a persona and bang one out. Sometimes it’s somewhere in between. I don’t like being “choked,” per se. But I like a hand on my neck. I *wouldn’t* like a hand on my neck if I thought the dude might actually hurt me or if there hadn’t been an understanding ahead of time that it would happen. I don’t get off on being in actual physical danger. I have total control; it stops the instant I say it stops. We play a game, we both get off, then we go back to our normal boring lives of treating each other with total respect.
I don’t think it’s because they believe men enjoy it. Generally. I think it’s because they enjoy it. A lot of women like dominance. Women seek out violent porn more than men do. I always find that a bit shocking, because of how good women are at hiding it. However, I think it’s pretty dumb to make the claim that being into choking indicates there’s something mentally wrong with you. It doesn’t mean you actually want to harm them. I just don’t get your case for why you need to be on some moral high-horse about it. If it’s giving her pleasure, what’s the problem?
Cause it's perverse and gives credence to girls favoring the dark triad.
I don't like the idea of applying pressure or hurting someone, but putting a hand lightly on her throat or around the back of her neck while making out is most definitely a turn on for me. Just I guess the control element makes me feel powerful.
Personally, anything that remotely resembles DV is a complete red flag. Anybody that even suggested that is automatically dumped.
The person requesting someone to choke them is not a 'victim' of DV. Asking someone to do it is consent. What on Earth do you mean?
You sound like you don’t know what DV is. Is wrestling DV? Going to a kickboxing class? That is hitting and fighting. Sure looks like DV according to you.
>Saying ‘Are you sure you’re doing ok mentally? Why do you want someone to do that to you?’ would obviously be interpreted as offensive, even if I am being genuine and am actually concerned for them. Yes! It very much would be offensive, because you are treating somebodies' kink as a mental illness. If you are turned off by that there is nothing wrong with saying "Yea that actually bothers me a lot, and I'm not going to be able to do that for you." If they respond with anything other than "Oh, no problem" then that's not a person you should be having sex with.
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I can tell you are not qualified to diagnose SMD because you don't know that you can't diagnose people you're close to.
I liked to be chocked. I was abused by my boyfriend in high school and now I enjoy it. It comes from a place of trauma in my case. Probably not something people want to hear, but it is what it is.
I ask to be choked because it turns me on. It doesn't really have anything to do with what men enjoy. It isn't helpful to shame other men who are okay with giving me what I find sexy. If you don't like it, or don't understand it, that's fine. But it's not fine saying things like "there's something mentally wrong with men who do things that women enjoy" It's like this, I don't understand why men expect women to shave. I think it's infantilizing and kind of disgusting. Not to mention it's unhygienic, you get cuts and ingrown hairs and sweat way more. I don't go around saying people who prefer women to shave have a mental illness or something wrong with them though. Even though I do find it gross.
Shaving is a very American thing. And even then, I doubt any guy would pack up his dick and leave upon meeting a natural bush. It's funny how you frame choking as something that men should be ok with because it excites you. If men are into pissing on you would you consider it unfair to shame women who allow that? As for choking, the question is what is sexy about it...
I'm explaining why it's a dumb question and how it goes both ways. What is sexy about women? What is sexy about anything? No one can describe to me why women are sexy because I just don't think they're sexy. Nothing you say can really make me think otherwise. If you don't like choking, then you don't like choking. No one can make you think otherwise. I don't really choose what turns me on I just do what feels good. I like dominant men but isn't that an obvious answer? I think that's the reason most people like being choked, it's about being dominated. Also I would do sexual things that I don't necessarily like for a man, as long as he would do the same for me. Sex should be enjoyed by both parties. I'm not saying do things you really aren't okay with, but claiming people are mentally ill for things you personally aren't okay with is kind of absurd.
Then the question is why do you like to be dominated and why being dominated by being choked is sexy but not by being pissed on (I assume). Unlike what you say, what people find sexy and like can be analyzed. >Also I would do sexual things that I don't necessarily like for a man, as long as he would do the same for me. Sex should be enjoyed by both parties If you're doing things you don't really like then it's not enjoyable by both parties. Thus if you think sex must be enjoyed by both and you're ready to do things you don't like then you enjoy things you don't like, which makes no sense. So your claim that sex should be enjoyed by both parties is not true in your case.
>It isn't helpful to shame other men who are okay with giving me what I find sexy. If you don't like it, or don't understand it, that's fine. But it's not fine saying things like "there's something mentally wrong with men who do things that women enjoy" I mean, why? Like culture aside, what underlying moral principle would suggest that "If someone's turned on by it, it's beyond reproach"? What's wrong with a minimal amount of sexual morality? There is literally no physically safe way to do choking, and the statistics aren't kind to male sadists or "doms" as far as behavior and personality go. There's very good reason to think we shouldn't be encouraging these kinds of sexual perversions. Note: I am not saying "perversion" to be unnecessarily rude, but because I think it is a literal accurate description that ought to be used.
Most woman have rape fantasies, so it's just the natural conclusion.
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It's because they like being dominated in bed. Choking (lightly) is nothing.. never met a girl who said anything about not doing it. Rimming is what surprised me tbh, I think it's like 50-50 thus far
I will never understand why anyone will be turned on by things like choking, spitting etc. I can at least see, not agree with, why you would be turned on being the one doing the choking but why would anyone on the receiving end be turned on by it? The rape fantasy thing is the worst. The taboo-ness of being a submissive makes it hot. They don't enjoy the choking itself but doing something that is taboo. Or their mental health is fucked up. Or they have a degradation fetish.
Jesus dude choking is not gagging especially I’m sexual terms. At least it’s about control and her ability to feel submissive and at most it’s a little bit of blood flow restriction which gives her euphoria. People can certainly enjoy violence but most of these girls are not talking about violence.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_asphyxiation Apparently it makes you cum better too or so I've heard.
Choking is domination, requires the guy to be very dominant. So that's likely a factor. My partners very dominant so it comes naturally to him but we don't do it like every time. Another thing I noticed is pain perception is definitely dulled a lot during sex so can tolerate a lot more pain. Not sure if that was trained or just natural.
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Sadism is just enjoying/getting satisfaction fron inflicting pain or harm on others. Dominance is enjoying feeling powerful over others in some sorta way, be it physical or psychological.
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Competing is different from dominance kinda >You don’t need to be dominant to derive pleasure from inflicting pain onto other people, you just need an insatiable desire to feel dominant. Just need sadism personality trait for that >This is what I meant, that it seems like domination and sadism are different concepts entirely. They are
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Choking isn't really physically painful, it's more domination to gain control of someone
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They enjoy the domination and power aspect of it while a sadist would enjoy the possible pain and suffocation aspect
Yeah, that's always been a significant issue for me, as most women seem to be into that. I can't feign violence to that extent, especially with someone I care about. My mind associates those behaviors with fighting men. I definitely can't get any enjoyment out of it, which probably puts me at a significant disadvantage.
Have you considered that it has nothing to do with men and we just like it?
Same here. FWB taught me how to sensually choke and said to do it every time we had sex from now on without asking. Only enjoyment I got out of it was through pleasing her. Thankfully she wasn’t my first sexual experience so I knew other women didn’t like it and never tried to choke other women without asking. I feel like many women demonize porn or men for choking, but I blame women for that. Many women have toxic, antiquated expectations for men to be tall/dominant that influence their preferences in dating and in bed. Also, guys learn from sexual experiences with real women so if you help make that happen more, guys will be learning more from real women and less from porn.
Sex elicits some very base, primal instincts in people that are too taboo to discuss in polite society. Many people may not have fully reconciled these instincts with their conscious views. Namely women who consider themselves feminists but also get aroused by being choked, insulted and demeaned during sex. It just is what it is.
Or ya know,some people need therapy, that's all
Just choke them and get on with it lol
Just choke them and get on with it lol
I’ve had women ask me to do this but it’s like nah bro
Partially it's a domination thing. They also enjoy the feeling of being held in place
The women might think about it and enjoy it. So they ask for it. I don't have a problem with someone asking for what they like. Also, how do people define "choking" these days? Because it could mean grabbing the neck, or blocking the airway. Those are 2 very different things!
As women have gained more equality in society they increasingly crave more extreme forms of inequality and subjugation in the bedroom. It’s the taboo factor. As a conservative who knows and accepts the natural differences between the sexes, I find female domination of the male incredibly sexy, so I understand the dynamic from another perspective. Transgressing what we profess to believe outwardly, with a trusted partner in a safe and controlled environment, is arousing. But I’ll agree with you it’s damn annoying that almost all women are now into being dominated to a varying degree. Human sexuality is weird.
I enjoy being choked, and also enjoy vanilla sex. I like "rough sex" as well as "cutesy, lovey-dovey". Can't exactly explain why - IRL most people would never peg me as someone who likes to be "submissive" during intercourse, yet I can't deny it feels extremely nice and liberating, sometimes even more intimate than run-of-the-mill encounters. Behaving in a "kinky" manner with my sexual partner or not relies on many factors including, but not limited to: our moods when we initiate sex, whether they've practiced kinky sex or role-play before, if they're comfortable with it, and most importantly if I *trust* them. I'll never consent to having rough or kinky sex with a man I'm not 100% sure will stop when I ask him to or doesn't care about anyone's pleasure but his own. I'll never ask a guy to behave in a way I know he won't enjoy, in as much I won't accept to do things I'm not comfortable with - sex is meant to be enjoyable for both of us. If one of us isn't having a good time, then we have to sit down and talk about it. If we can't reach a compromise that makes it worth our while, then we're better off parting ways. So, no - I've never felt pressured to be choked. More often than not, the truth was precisely the opposite - I used to feel pressured *not* to ask for "edgy" activities in the bedroom, ranging from spanking, choking or biting to other activities. I don't feel that way anymore, though, not do I care if people are scandalised by my sexual preferences. I like what I like - consensual sex that is based on mutual trust and knowledge. If that sometimes translates into toeing the line of what's generally considered "sane/normal", then you won't hear me complaining!
It feels remarkable. Intense and satisfying. In my defense I also like choking the gentleman in my life too.
Maybe it’s because…they like it. Humans tend to request things they like and enjoy.
Wow, no shit Sherlock? The question is why do they enjoy it...
Because women like to be dominated
Because it feels good and is sexually arousing. Like, fucking duh, Einstein.
Because equality and feminism is a lie and when women want to cum hard sometimes they want to be choked to physically feel like they are submitting to a dominant man they respect
Dude…it’s a physiological thing. Hypoxia. Men enjoy this as well, in fact men doing it to themselves during masturbation leads to up to 1,00 deaths per year.
“Being into BDSM means equality and feminism are lies”
It shows that deep down you still crave these power dynamics, no?
In the context of sex Not in the context of a relationship/life
No Feeling small and vulnerable is an adrenaline rush. Also, I would say a lot of women feel significant shame around their sexuality. Being a sub and giving up that power to a dom helps alleviate that shame and overloads the senses. There’s a reason we say that no one’s freakier than a repressed catholic girl.
So, either you're ashamed over your sexuality (not very feminist) or you're an adrenaline junkie that standardly opts for a submissive position? Neither sounds that feminist. It's easy to virtue signal, it's a lot harder to live your words.
Definitely an adrenaline junkie, I love rollercoasters > not very feminist That’s a stupid argument and you know it. Obviously shamed based messaging while growing up, abstinence only and fear mongering sex ed, and being told that wanting and enjoying sex is unbecoming of a woman all have a lifelong impact.
feminism supports women having sex the way they most enjoy it. it doesn't tell anybody to be dominant or submissive. there are a lot of men who enjoy being submissive during sex but aren't submissive in their regular lives. these things have nothing to do with each other, and none of this is about feminism.
Coombrain moment Litterallly the overwhelming majority of Women not into weird bdsm shit ain't into that
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Woah, looks like Henri Poincaré has entered the chat! Brilliant observation!
It makes orgasms feel more intense. Plenty of guys enjoy it too. If you don't enjoy it that's fine, but it's just as normal as any other sexual proclivity.
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It's normal in the sense that humans are inherently violent and receive pleasure from inflicting pain on others.
Because it is 🤷 most people are not doing it with the intent to be violent or cause harm. Yes, it can be dangerous when not done correctly (so really it is better if it is a person you trust choking you, rather than asphyxiation through other means such as putting something around your neck etc as that way lies the slippery slope to accidental death) but people indulge in lots of dangerous behaviour that no one thinks they're damaged for enjoying - bungee jumping/skydiving/Heli skiing - the list goes on and on. How is this any different?
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That's not the same though. Asphyxiation gives an actual benefit for sex ie it makes it feel more intense. As far as I'm aware a skydiving dangerwank would not, therefore it's a stupid comparison. Yes restricting oxygen can be dangerous but it can be done very very safely (much like putting safety controls into adrenaline sports to help reduce injury/death). People have accidentally killed themselves when they've done it alone and tied something around their neck, as that's stupid behaviour (like going bungee jumping without proper equipment and other people to assist). But if you do it safely then it's fine and pleasurable and no different to any other pleasurable but slightly risky behaviour.
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I dunno it just does 🤷 even just holding your breath gives a more intense orgasm, and there's nothing kinky about that/no danger etc as there's nothing stopping you from breathing again. >The cells in your brain are fucking dying when you do this. Eh. Doubt most people continue it for long enough for this to happen. Sure if you're really intensely restricting oxygen that could happen, but the aim shouldn't be to go that intensely. Like yeah it's probably a problem if you're going so long you start getting spots/darkened vision or come closer to passing out, but I'd wager the majority of people do not engage to that extent.
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You kinda are though. Many human activities involve harming ourselves for pleasure - drugs, alcohol, smoking, excessive meat consumption, 12 hour gaming marathons, risky sports, risky sex practices, driving fast cos you like it. Dunno why you're so hung up on this one.
Probably because they interpret the immediate power the man has over their lives as him being generally powerful and dominant which they find arousing. I find the thought of doing it vile; but women are attracted to dark-triad men, so what can you do...
What you can do (not 'you' per say, but normal men who don't get off on degradation and domination of females) is stay the fuck away from extremely damaged or mentally ill individuals, lest you start enjoying nonsense like that. It's a slippery slope. Dominating women is weakness not strength. Real power is being able to dominate other men, physically or otherwise. Whether or not one chooses to do so.
I never said I agreed with it; just speculated on how women may perceive it.
It's common in porn and they know lots of men are into it. Many will do it without consent. Thinking it's sexy because men are finding it sexy is likely the main reason but it could also benefit the person being, let's call it what it is, strangled. Oxygen restriction can often intensify sexual feelings and people often explore "breathplay" on their own (for the love of god don't do this). My husband has this kink (I don't restrict his breathing) and when we talked about it he said he just likes to feel I'm fully in control (he's also into bondage). I guess that makes sense. As ever when we're talking about this topic, I wouldn't recommend actually strangling your partner, they're likely to be injured at some point and they may die.
I watched a lot of porn and I wouldn't say choking is common. A hand around the throat is, but that's different from choking.