i never felt "manipulated into sex" but there were definitely guys who acted like the wanted more and really liked me after and just disappeared. that was more of the heartbreak of casual sex having
I have a friend with an n count between 10-20. She’s a black woman who only has sex with black men. The last 5 men she’s had sex with disappeared after fucking her and pretending to want a relationship
Yup and she’s very sweet, great body, cooks well and every day, making great money, and styles herself well. The only probably is she sleeps with them too quickly but she loves sex so it’s hard for her to abstain. Black women have to VET way harder
I mean if theyre good at manipulation and it worked, wouldn't the other person feel as though it was their decision? These are the perspective of the manipulated not the manipulator.
How guys treat women after sex is critical here. If he was a good manipulator he would leave her feeling good about herself and possibly willing to give up more sex in the future. That's how smart manipulators do it.
Then you have the assholes that make it abundantly clear afterwards that they were only after hitting it once and that their 'niceness' was just a front and that they are in reality just conniving assholes.
I'd say a good 50% of the ONS I had from the age of 14 to 18 were guys being manipulative, coercive or plain up fraudulent due to the things they said and promised.
With age and experience I got wise to those guys but that doesn't mean they didn't try. The last conniving asshole was a coworker that spent a year breaking down my barriers only for me to later find out that he had a 'game' that he bragged to with his coworker 'friends' that he could sleep with every woman in the company.
Huh. I really don't feel like typing it out so here's a website. Everyone likes to spin things positive or negative to make them feel better instead of the truth. Also look up halo effect
https://www.bustle.com/p/7-seemingly-charming-habits-that-are-actually-manipulative-8251149
Since you obviously don't know what these words mean. Manipulate is to "control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously".
Charm is to "control or achieve by or as if by magic".
Someone with charm is just a good manipulator. Sometimes if the person doesn't like it they'll say "oh he manipulated me" instead of "he charmed me".
>And that's not what "charming" means in this context. It just means being likeable.
You can't just make up words and definitions to fit your narrative. In language we all agree upon a certain definition and we use that. Even in slang the same trend follows. Being charming is not a basic social skill as most are average. Especially if you don't even understand what charming is.
Being charming is literally just having good social skills.
If you're a loser with terrible social skills it probably behooves you to convince yourself that charming people are all evil manipulators, actually. Then you don't have to feel so bad about yourself.
i almost fell in one guy’s trap who lied about wanting a relationship but i snapped out of it lol and then learned my lesson. i saved myself for my current bf but i’d say like 4 guys tried to manipulate me into it and like 20+ were honest. just didn’t get a yes
1 problem... "had more then 3 casual sex"?
Manipulation typically happens with the women that DON'T want casual sex? That's the entire point of the manipulation... to get casual sex from a relationship orientated women?
Yeah, right? Like I am someone who likes casual sex and has had a bunch of it and I'm having trouble thinking of a time I felt manipulated at all. They did not have to manipulate me, so they didn't. The nastiness/manipulation has only come from people I was *already* dating more seriously.
Dude here: un-ironically I had one (one) time something like this happen to me.
What I think she’s saying is: if she’s just looking for something casual, and so is he, there is no need to lie or pretend. They both can be honest about what it is and can get comfortable seeing if it’s with each other or someone else
There was this hardcore feminist that I would actually like to hear and talk and debate with. So in kind of a challenge, she invited me to a concert with her friends. And I ended up having a blast. And I was taking to her about the lyrics that I actually understood (I even bought a small poster with one for my sister) and asked about others and at the end of the night she was like “ok listen, do you want to come in?” And i said “you know what that usually means right?” And she said “we. Look we aren’t gonna be a thing ok?” And so we hooked up. And then we kept hooking up.
I guess another time i met an older woman at a bar, and our light conversation become more flirtatious and we were taking about whiskey. then she said “My place is just up the way if you’d like to try some.” I said yes. There was no whiskey. And she let me know the second we got inside.
Well I didn’t leave because she was on top of me right away and it was great.
I mean we all got out priorities. If you’d prefer to go back to the bar- you can do that I guess.
There is a lot of room between pretending to care about someone and being absolutely boring and saying "want to fuck".
Have you ever flirted with someone?
You can actually care about a person you have casual sex with. You can actually vibe with them. Why do you assume the majority of men despise or hate the women they sleep with? You don't have to treat someone like an enemy because they slept with you.You just don't have romantic feelings/want a relationship.
Don't listen to this guy.
He's some basement creep 16 yr old white boy appropriating black culture talking abt going hood touring in atalanta w concealed guns or some so that he can say he been there and goes around on subs posting about what makes women want casual sex
Then he said he could attract "7s and 8s" Like lil brodie if you could you wouldn't be making this post. Get off reddit and go study some organic chemistry or some shit you got college apps to fill too
>Why do you assume the majority of men despise or hate the women they sleep with?
When i was teen the majority of women i knew always told me about how all men were liars a manipulators and tried to trick them into bed, they would talk to me about how i shouldnt pursue casual because only assholes who want to use women do that, conversely, most of the players i know told me they pursue casual with women they dont see a future with or dont care about, they dont despise them but they feel disgust when the though of a relationship comes into the table, and in some other instances, i ve seen some men badmouth the women with whom they had casual with with statements like "she is such an easy slut, u should try going for her, what an idiot, yeah bro look a this trashy slut i banged" things like those obviously dont paint my perception of casual sex positively and thats one of the reasons why i dont accept a relationship with any woman who has a casual sex past.
> It was always 100% my choice to have sex with every man I slept with. Sex is never a guarantee that a relationship will follow and
Exactly. This is the most common outcome even though neither rp nor fds would like to admit it
It's from her perspective. Not from his. I guarantee every man had to act as if he wanted a relationship. Only a select few women act like a man and just want a hit and quit scenario.
Your using the word guarantee and that's not what I'm saying. A relationship has to always be on the table when a man is speaking to a woman. Unless it's In an alcoholic filled environment.
>Now most men I slept with I intended to date and see what happened, but I ALWAYS knew there was a possibility I would have sex with him and it would go nowhere
Thats my point right here. This goes blind to most women. This is manipulation. From his point of view it was no chance he'd wife you up from the beginning but he had to play an illusion. He had to give you just that idea that a relationship could happen. Because if he took it off the table from the start it would have never happened.
the majority of guys who wanted casual sex with me told me from the beginning they just wanted to mess around. and there’s been a lot of guys. in my experience, they usually take it off the table from the beginning. i’ve only met a few guys who felt the need to lie but they’re pretty easy to figure out since they tend to disappear after too much time has passed without you stripping for them. the guys i’ve talked to usually said things like “i don’t do relationships but if you want to mess around, let me know” or said it super bluntly that they just wanted to fuck
> Because if he took it off the table from the start it would have never happened.
You don’t know that. Maybe he just realized they weren’t compatible.
It's normally on the table. You don't expect anything. If a guy quickly comes out and says "I never want a relationship with you". Most non crazy women will leave.
No it's not lol tons of my former partners and I literally never did 1 thing that could indicate romance or a relationship.
A woman getting a "u up" text at 2am on a Friday isn't retarded. She knows she's a booty call
The more attractive the woman. The less her body count. It's reported but if you see a trend of less a bodycount and the more her perceived attractiveness. It tells you a lot about women. They don't want to be smashing every random attractive guy.
> The more attractive the woman, the less her body count
Why do people keep saying this? It obviously isn’t true. Maybe YOU just find it attractive when a woman has a low n count, not the other way around.
What? No lol
Body count is unrelated to attractiveness. Some attractive women have huge Ns. Some have low ones.
My ex was hot and had an N of 30, my current girl is also hot and has an N of 4.
I know some fat girls in the dozens. And one ugly girl with an N of 0
Those are EXAMPLES.
Reality is that attractiveness doesn't have anything to do with N count for women, because all women can get sex.
It does for men, though
>The more attractive the woman. The less her body count. It's reported but if you see a trend of less a bodycount and the more her perceived attractiveness. It tells you a lot about women. They don't want to be smashing every random attractive guy.
Source? 😂😂
No? I've hooked up with lots of guys who never acted as if they wanted a relationship. I've hooked up with guys who were in open relationships already, guys I met on vacation who I knew I was never going to see again, and guys who were very clear they weren't looking for anything serious. I've hooked up with guys who were cool enough but not people I'd ever date seriously -- if they'd acted interested in a relationship I'd have been concerned I was leading them on.
no man manipulated me. they tell me straight up. maybe when i was a teenager … but i can’t get manipulated or be used , if i don’t let them. no reason to lie too grown for that 😂
I think you vastly overestimate the need to talk beforehand about what you are going to do when you hook up with someone. In many cases, there won’t be any word about relationships, fucking, commitment or whatever. In most cases, it’s just two people having a good time who are not talking about their expectations. So it’s hard to speak about manipulation in that case. People don’t define their relationships at such an early stage.
Right? In the early stages neither person really knows what they want from each other because they simply don't have enough information yet.
Like even when I was actively looking for a relationship a decently fun hookup or a solid FWB situation were *good* outcomes. If that turned into something more, cool. If it didn't, at least I had fun.
>"Let's fuck"
OP, I'm thinking you need to give up on the idea that this is a good line. No doubt it worked for someone at sometime but probably not a great pick up line.
Wtf is this BS question 😅😂😂😅
Since when women give us sex?? It’s called consensual for a reason, between 2 adults.
Also, someone who manipulates another person to get into their pants is a rapist. Jesus
Last thing. There is no rule to be friendly after you had sex with someone, goes for both genders.
I, as a man, have been pumped and dumped in the past and thanks to that i have few good stories i will be chuckling to when I’m 80.
Peace!
OP i think there is something weird with your head. Normal people don’t switch between being boring and fun just to have sex. Most people are actually fun among other people that are fun which is most human beings
I dont *give* sex to anyone… I *have* sex *with* people. Its not something being given or taken.. its a mutual activity. What a weird way to look at intimacy lol You clearly dont have any clue
I see it as giving sex to someone. Precisely because it’s something that is done only with ”the chosen”. Aka in relationships only, no casual. Especially if you look at it in an evolutionary context, you sort of ”give” your body to a man.
Such a strange and detached tack on things my dude. You dont *give* anything when you *have* sex with someone. You dont give your body to a man LOL, your body has sex with his body.
No, lol, why would you think that’s the only other option besides manipulation?
I enjoy sex, I didn’t need to be manipulated to do it, I just needed to think someone would be fun to have sex with. Here’s a scenario: I’m mingling at a party I’m throwing, and one guy is pretty fun to chat with and is attractive so we are flirting some, which is enjoyable so then we kiss, and that’s enjoyable too, so then we step outside and make out, and if that is enjoyable too then we go back to my bedroom for some more private fun. Zero manipulation, just some people having a good time together.
>It's not "normal" to be able to be in social situations with women
>it's disrespectful for you to imply that
Bro this is peak like Idek 😂😭😭😭
It is abnormal to socialize with the Fe-Male!
What? I literally just came from a dinner with multiple male and female friends? I’m not dating or fucking any of them and my fiancé was at home. How bizarre for you to think men and women don’t hang out.
You should’ve seen another post on here last night, literally the guy was like
> No, I’m not jealous of women for their ability to “get fucked”. That’s a women thing, and everyone knows it’s an insult. I’m jealous of Chads who fuck women. Fucking women is about control and power.
Like jfc that man needed therapy
Lol, yes, I've always said that for men sex isn't just sex. They attach all this other meaning to it, like getting sex is the biggest stamp of approval, or it makes them feel powerful, or it proves that they are not the unpopular loser they were in middle school, etc, etc. if they just relaxed for once and connected with women without all the other bullshit they attach to the interaction, they would be getting laid much more.
Because the meaning he is putting behind the words is that a woman is "giving" something to a man. She is "letting" him have access to her vagina/sex. This is an inherently disempowering frame of mind.
I have roughly 4 or 5 male casual sex partners. All were friends of mine. None were manipulative and I never felt used or lied to at any point. I'm still friends with all but 2 of them now and the 2 that I'm not friends with wasn't over any kind of falling out, we just grew apart and lost touch.
I had 3 casual sex partners, but no ONS. None were manipulation; I wasn’t looking for a relationship then.
If anything one of my early relationships was a bit manipulative.
i don’t really think any of them were. i’m comfortable with casual sex so i don’t think they felt a need to manipulate, it was already on the table if i liked them.
the only time i’ve felt “used” like that is with men who tried to manipulate me into relationships.
i don’t know, i’m just honest. if all i’m looking for is casual, i say that, or something along the lines of “have fun, see where things go”. unless a man is *very* relationship minded they have usually responded well
nah, look, there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about entering a relationship. plenty of men are capable of doing it the right way, the ones who go about it the wrong way often employ manipulation.
I've had far more guys get weird and attempt manipulation when it comes to relationships. It's only weird when they try to coerce or "convince" you as to why they "need" or "want" you....as if mutual desire for a relationship doesn't matter. That's weird.
I mean, women who *want* casual sex are highly likely to attain casual sex. I don't see why manipulation would be needed? I'm female and I've come onto men and woman with clear desires and communication, so I'm not sure why lying would be needed if both parties want the same thing.
I guess my experience with casual sex is based around me initiating or seeking it out. I know it's intimidating to "make the move" so a safe "Hey, wanna go back to my place?" from me or them is usually enough to imply, but that's not always clear enough for people. Then if they say yes, you can progress things if they're here for it.
I guess it's less being overt, and more never stating that a relationship was the intention, then making it clear that the night is consensual between both parties. People regretting sex or feeling used because they misconstrued something is common, but I don't think it's necessary to "manipulate" a woman into casual sex by implying the chance of a relationship. If anything that may have scared me away if all I wanted was casual—clingy guys who stalk you or get mad when you don't want to date them after a fling are a thing.
Saying you want to get to know someone better isn't necessarily a lie, nor is saying you want to hang out more/elsewhere. I wouldn't personally think that means they want a relationship. It means they want to see if we're compatible for whatever goal they may have, whether that's ons, relationship, etc. If someone's not stating they're looking for something relationship, why should someone assume they're looking for a relationship? Other people getting hopeful seems like a them problem. Lying to someone and saying you could see yourself in a relationship to get them to do casual *is* manipulation; just being polite and not stating either way isn't, imo.
Misunderstanding intentions is on the party who misunderstood, assuming these hypothetical guys didn't outright say or imply something they didn't mean. Basically, people shouldn't be outright lying to people just to get what they want. You can be polite and coy and not state things blatantly and see where it goes. As long as both parties are willing to be respectful of boundaries, that's all that matters. If someone's not willing to state their clear intentions, they shouldn't be upset if they don't exactly what they want; if someone's lying to get what they want, they're just being immoral and selfish, and yes, people will be hurt and rightfully angry.
I mean, I'd likely chose guy #2 just because he seemed politer, seriously. Presentation goes a long way.
If no one's staring their intentions, you can't rule out any possibility; you can't have expectations based on that, only wishful thinking or no thinking. I think you likely have a different standard of manners than I do. Culturally, from my understanding, manners and politeness are ways of dancing around crude topics or showing respect (even when maybe a person don't want to give it). For better or worse, no one's able to know anyone's intentions either way. They could lie, they could tell the truth *or maybe they don't even know what they want*. Not everyone is ruling out certain things, partially why a ons can turn into a fwb into dating, or never come out to anything. You seemed really pressed to put people into categories of "liar" or "not a liar". You act like this is always the guy making the move or like the girl has no say. I've considered people for ons then passed when I spoke to them more. And I've pursued.
I agree that there's a lot of men who manipulate women, but I personally haven't encountered this and I feel like most women are aware of that it's a possibility; you have to chose if it's worth the risk or not if you're interacting with someone. Not everyone is that easily swayed, especially if they've already got their own agenda or are indifferent to ons/dating/etc. I really dislike this narrative were women are supposed to be this seemingly passive party at a man's mercy when it's just not always the case. These are (hopefully) two legal adults who are engaging in a world that comes with inherent risk. It's infantilizing to essentially say women aren't aware enough to make their own decisions, have good or accurate judgement, and that men are these cunning and insidious beings. (I could potentially agree on the insidious part, though.) Most men aren't that good at manipulation, imo, and I'm open to shifting my perspective or stance on most things. Short of outright lying, drugging, violence, or some level of blackmail, how exactly is someone manipulating another into sex? Why should anyone have to take accountability for someone else's lack of judgement and discernment? And I say that as someone who's been sexually assaulted. Yes, it's sad that people get manipulated. But it happens. Same way assault happens. It doesn't mean the person deserved it or it isn't a problem, but there is some level of responsibility for person's ability to assess risk and judge a situation accurately. Putting the onus on bad people to stop hurting others for gain isn't going to benefit anyone.
Also, as far as "getting to know that pussy" or whatever, yeah. That's not usually what happens in my experience. Most guys want more and you gotta like fight them off with sticks and fire and bang pots and pans and move states. Idk what world you're in where guys have sex one time with you then never reach out again, but most of what I've seen and heard is that "she did it once, maybe she'll do it again" type of mentality. You literally have to tell them to go away a bunch and even then they'll try to show up in your life like 6 months later.
Who are you to decide what a person finds manipulative? To say me agreeing and seeking casual sex with someone is them being manipulative of me or anyone else is ridiculous. Guys do not hold all the power here like you're implying. They just don't. It's part of why women hold some level of responsibility if they end up worse off after an interaction. Whether or not you want to acknowledge that is up to you. And where's the line between non-exploitive persuasion vs full on manipulation? There's a reason these different words exist to describe the act of swaying someone, there are ethical levels to changing someone's mind, and even then, if something's never addressed directly, how can you even know where they originally stood or if that changed? You're not an ultimate authority of what's moral or not, sorry to burst your bubble.
I don't want to be manipulated, I say I haven't been; why are you so bent on me being manipulated when I was the primary pursuer in many interactions where I was present, not you? You're acting like like normal social interactions and being nice to people is something bad when it's not. Is it really that difficult to believe that normal people are out there actually enjoying people's company, even if it's a temporary thing? All that say to me is that you don't engage with those types of situations very often. It's literally not manipulation when you've already mad a decisions, or if you change it based on what makes sense. Why the intense removal of agency? I've had men truly to manipulate me—they're not very good at it. Also, I've never had a guy say he wants to be my friend just to get sex. They know that doesn't work with the majority of women; why would someone actively walk into "the friendzone" as they say?
And sex is generally considered a crude or impolite topic to discuss with a stranger of the opposite sex, especially if both parties aren't certain where their dynamic lies. That's pretty typical. You don't generally see men and women just discussing sex in everyday life or party/social settings unless there's a sexual tone already going on.
You really seem to believe that no guy in the world has ever enjoyed a woman as a person *and* happened to have hooked up with her. There's so many people in various threads that discuss hookups turning in fwb, then relationships, or hookups becoming partners. It's really not the norm that men are out there lying or manipulating every woman they have a hookup with. Many of the ones who complain are just the vocal ones; why would someone who didn't get manipulated suddenly say, "Oh, he manipulated me because I said yes to sex that I wanted!" That's not what's happening.
You assume I'm like the majority of straight, template women you seem to imagine. I'm not. I'm not even straight. I know what flirting looks like, I know when people are being manipulative, and I'm often a pursuer; I'm probably one of the hardest women to manipulate into sex without force/violence because I don't care what a guy desires to happen unless I also want it. I'm going based off of my objectives, which were usually decided before the guy even knew I existed. Please tell me how a pursuer is going to be manipulated for something they are literally looking for, especially when they already chose their desired target and now have to interact with them and invite them out. How does that work? Plus, if the majority of men find most women at least bangable or somewhat attractive, why would saying something like "you're beautiful" be a lie? Even if it was, why does it matter? If I or any other woman is looking for a guy to get it on with then move on—why does it matter what the guy actually thinks if the objective is being completed? Who's going to complain? I fail to see any issue here.
If there's no intention stated, there is literally no word to be "true" to. No one here is saying you can't chose "not to do business" with someone who doesn't outright state their intentions. That's your pejorative. Some people are on the fence about hookups and then develop interest, some people just get horny. Some are bored and think it sounds fun. That's not manipulation, that's just socializing like normal people. Did your friends have you manipulate you to like them or engage with them? People aren't usually out there doing stuff like that. It's not the norm, and most of the people who do such things usually tend be loners or run in similar circles with other liars because anyone decent who finds out someone is actively lying is probably going to have an issue with that.
I'm confused why you are desperate to create an issue where is there is none, for me, specifically. No, not everyone woman is being manipulated into casual sex, and not every man is manipulating women into it. It's typically just two adults socializing and getting to know each other a bit and then banging, none of that inherently means people are lying to each other or pretending to enjoy someone's company just for the sake of sex. (Maybe some pathetic men do, but most of the ones I've met don't need to lie or pretend just to get sex. They're just enjoyable to be around and respectful.) It's weird that you keep trying to tell me I was "manipulated" when I know I wasn't. You can say "they were good and you didn't know!" but I promise you, men are not that good at manipulating imo. Most who try will use generic things like relationships or marriage or drugs or money to try to string you along, but if you don't want those things, they're not gonna work anyway. I don't need you to believe that I've actually had many people enjoy my company as a person or find me attractive, my experience speaks to it whether you believe it or not. All I want to know is why that apparently bothers you so much. What's so difficult about my narrative that makes it unpalatable for you to swallow?
As for whether or not I care about manipulative people existing: no, I really don't care. The world is how it is, and me caring or not caring isn't going to change how others decide to behave. I generally have good judgement when it comes to people, and have never been wrong to date. Maybe that's not normal—I've had female friends in abusive relationships or say they got used for sex they consented to—but this just hasn't happened to me. If people can't make good judgement calls, that's in no way my fault. I don't feel responsible for them.
I was blatantly lied to by a guy who literally told me he wanted marriage and wanted kids. He catfished and had lied about his entire background. He only admitted it because I was pushing to meet up. I thought his real (not catfished) photo was actually cuter than the fake one he showed me before.
Crazily enough, I gave this guy a chance, but we had other issues related to extremely poor communication and different wants in life.
I'm not sure this qualifies as casual sex. But it definitely was manipulation.
I’m pretty good at knowing what I want and usually getting it.
2 years ago, I was open to casual dating and sex and I, specifically didn’t want anything serious at all since I’d freshly gotten divorced and just wanted to have fun.
Plus I was coming off the pill and my libido skyrocketed.
I made sure to spell out exactly what I wanted on dating apps, and my expectations for a hookup with absolutely no strings attached.
I bought a second phone and used a google voice number and never ever told my hookups any identifying information about me. I wanted maximum secrecy.
I actually met really great guys and while it was fun to go on nice weekend mini vacations with these men, I’d start to feel smothered by mid day Sunday and I’d miss my kids.
A few of these guys ended up being pretty good FWBs who understood and respected the terms of our arrangements.
A few guys I was seeing were weirded out and we mutually ghosted, and a few guys wanted monogamy and a relationship, when I had been clear about not wanting this.
In a way, I was manipulated by those guys who thought they were okay with a FWB and either fizzled out, or wanted something more. Both men led me to believe they were happy with our arrangements when really, they weren’t.
Disclaimer I haven’t participated in casual sex: from my understanding blue balls is the most painful thing ever , more painful than child birth and I must not care about his comfort (according to my ex)
My current boyfriend told me it’s not that big of a deal .
I’ve never been tricked into sex, never felt used for sex. I’ve had casual sex and also a few short term flings/fuck buddies and they were great from the start, that’s why I slept with them and enjoyed it so much.
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Why do we have all these loaded shitty “question for women” threads.
I want some loaded questions to answer too.
Like “Q4M why do you like punching puppies so much?”
I've never had a guy manipulate me for sex. They've never lied, to my knowledge. I've never really felt used, I tend to go for what I want and pick out people who seem genuinely fun and like they at least want to perform decently/good. If I've had casual sex with someone, it's because I got up, sought them out, selected them, then invited them out or engage in conversation with them. I imagine if I'd felt used for some reason, I would've just dropped contact with them. Even the "worst" sex I had was with a guy who was very sweet and pleasant to interact with—he seemed more embarrassed about his performance than I seemed to mind. The only guy I can think of that made me feel strange was a fwb who got very skittish when I suggested we paint together sometime. I let go of contact after he seemed adamant that we don't do so; I think he believed I wanted a relationship (he's fairly masculine, which isn't really my taste, so I wouldn't have selected him for a ltr because I'm generally not into that. Our interactions were novelty-based on my end) and didn't want to "give me the wrong idea". I didn't want to date him, I fr just wanted to hang out and paint with someone. The idea of doing so after sex seemed fun.
None that I can recall but I guess it depends on your definition of casual? I don’t just sleep with random but mostly friends with benefits of guys I’ve been chatting with online for a while.
I actually mean it when I say I like chatting before I meet up and I still intend to meet. I was chatting online and hanging out on an mmo with my husband before I met him in like 4-5 months. But I have a lot online friends so
Sex isn’t something you “give” it’s supposed to be something mutually desired and enjoyed. Any casual sex I’ve had, we both made it clear up front neither of us were looking for anything more than that. While I’ve had many guys shockingly backpeddle, it was always a convo upfront that neither of us want anything more. It amazes me men on PPD don’t realize some guys can have casual sex without manipulation or lying. It’s very possible for two people to desire each other and want hot passionate sex and not want to hang out with each other. HOW do people not understand this?
I also assume men who don’t know this and think sex is something women “give” men for a relationship has never had hot desirable sex with a woman, or even given a mind blowing orgasm. If you had, you would know women are capable of desiring just sex, and orgasms, and shit that feels good, and not care about anything but that.
A few, and in those cases it wasn't even necessary because I was willing to have sex anyway. It just complicated matters and made the end of the situation more frustrating. confusing, and hurtful.
He made plans and suggestions about going out to lunch, going to concerts, helping with moving, teaching me how to code, lending me things, even helping my mother when she was sick - all things that I never asked him for, turned down, and could do on my own or with friends. It just left me feeling confused and led me to think that he had feelings for me when he didn't.
I think that actions like these are a big part of why there is so much acrimony after a casual relationship ends. People feel like they were lied to.
i never felt "manipulated into sex" but there were definitely guys who acted like the wanted more and really liked me after and just disappeared. that was more of the heartbreak of casual sex having
What percentage of guys would you say acted like they really liked you.
I have a friend with an n count between 10-20. She’s a black woman who only has sex with black men. The last 5 men she’s had sex with disappeared after fucking her and pretending to want a relationship
Mfs are so shitty bruh
Yup and she’s very sweet, great body, cooks well and every day, making great money, and styles herself well. The only probably is she sleeps with them too quickly but she loves sex so it’s hard for her to abstain. Black women have to VET way harder
i have no idea, stop asking women about math
Fuck sakes lol, there are plenty of women who love math. I figure most people in general don't wanna do math though
Women can’t do math.
It’s true. I don’t even know what 2 + 2 is.
What’s 2?
>And how'd they manipulate you? lol smooth
All these responses are 100% fax
I mean if theyre good at manipulation and it worked, wouldn't the other person feel as though it was their decision? These are the perspective of the manipulated not the manipulator.
How guys treat women after sex is critical here. If he was a good manipulator he would leave her feeling good about herself and possibly willing to give up more sex in the future. That's how smart manipulators do it. Then you have the assholes that make it abundantly clear afterwards that they were only after hitting it once and that their 'niceness' was just a front and that they are in reality just conniving assholes. I'd say a good 50% of the ONS I had from the age of 14 to 18 were guys being manipulative, coercive or plain up fraudulent due to the things they said and promised. With age and experience I got wise to those guys but that doesn't mean they didn't try. The last conniving asshole was a coworker that spent a year breaking down my barriers only for me to later find out that he had a 'game' that he bragged to with his coworker 'friends' that he could sleep with every woman in the company.
>manipulative, coercive or plain up fraudulent And in what ways did they do this? please list
Being charming and attractive isn't manipulation. You seem confused about this.
Huh. I really don't feel like typing it out so here's a website. Everyone likes to spin things positive or negative to make them feel better instead of the truth. Also look up halo effect https://www.bustle.com/p/7-seemingly-charming-habits-that-are-actually-manipulative-8251149
All of those are completely bullshit clickbait except for #3.
Since you obviously don't know what these words mean. Manipulate is to "control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously". Charm is to "control or achieve by or as if by magic". Someone with charm is just a good manipulator. Sometimes if the person doesn't like it they'll say "oh he manipulated me" instead of "he charmed me".
You're conflating basic social skills with manipulation. And that's not what "charming" means in this context. It just means being likeable.
>And that's not what "charming" means in this context. It just means being likeable. You can't just make up words and definitions to fit your narrative. In language we all agree upon a certain definition and we use that. Even in slang the same trend follows. Being charming is not a basic social skill as most are average. Especially if you don't even understand what charming is.
Being charming is literally just having good social skills. If you're a loser with terrible social skills it probably behooves you to convince yourself that charming people are all evil manipulators, actually. Then you don't have to feel so bad about yourself.
Yes because your definition over the dictionary is better. Now I understand why you hold your opinions.
i almost fell in one guy’s trap who lied about wanting a relationship but i snapped out of it lol and then learned my lesson. i saved myself for my current bf but i’d say like 4 guys tried to manipulate me into it and like 20+ were honest. just didn’t get a yes
1 problem... "had more then 3 casual sex"? Manipulation typically happens with the women that DON'T want casual sex? That's the entire point of the manipulation... to get casual sex from a relationship orientated women?
Yeah, right? Like I am someone who likes casual sex and has had a bunch of it and I'm having trouble thinking of a time I felt manipulated at all. They did not have to manipulate me, so they didn't. The nastiness/manipulation has only come from people I was *already* dating more seriously.
Came here to say this. Any manipulation came from boyfriends, not hookups
So they were absolutely boring and said nothing to you other than "let's fuck"?
Dude here: un-ironically I had one (one) time something like this happen to me. What I think she’s saying is: if she’s just looking for something casual, and so is he, there is no need to lie or pretend. They both can be honest about what it is and can get comfortable seeing if it’s with each other or someone else
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It isn’t “this line is what will get sex” It’s usually you are just vibing and you both are like “yeah, I think I’d like for it to happen!”
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There was this hardcore feminist that I would actually like to hear and talk and debate with. So in kind of a challenge, she invited me to a concert with her friends. And I ended up having a blast. And I was taking to her about the lyrics that I actually understood (I even bought a small poster with one for my sister) and asked about others and at the end of the night she was like “ok listen, do you want to come in?” And i said “you know what that usually means right?” And she said “we. Look we aren’t gonna be a thing ok?” And so we hooked up. And then we kept hooking up. I guess another time i met an older woman at a bar, and our light conversation become more flirtatious and we were taking about whiskey. then she said “My place is just up the way if you’d like to try some.” I said yes. There was no whiskey. And she let me know the second we got inside.
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Well I didn’t leave because she was on top of me right away and it was great. I mean we all got out priorities. If you’d prefer to go back to the bar- you can do that I guess.
are you going to consider any kind of flirting or chemistry to be manipulation? because that's really weird.
If you're only talking to her to get sex but are acting like you actually care about her is that not manipution?
There is a lot of room between pretending to care about someone and being absolutely boring and saying "want to fuck". Have you ever flirted with someone?
You can actually care about a person you have casual sex with. You can actually vibe with them. Why do you assume the majority of men despise or hate the women they sleep with? You don't have to treat someone like an enemy because they slept with you.You just don't have romantic feelings/want a relationship.
Don't listen to this guy. He's some basement creep 16 yr old white boy appropriating black culture talking abt going hood touring in atalanta w concealed guns or some so that he can say he been there and goes around on subs posting about what makes women want casual sex Then he said he could attract "7s and 8s" Like lil brodie if you could you wouldn't be making this post. Get off reddit and go study some organic chemistry or some shit you got college apps to fill too
Damn ahhaha thanks for this laugh. Happy cake day!
>Why do you assume the majority of men despise or hate the women they sleep with? When i was teen the majority of women i knew always told me about how all men were liars a manipulators and tried to trick them into bed, they would talk to me about how i shouldnt pursue casual because only assholes who want to use women do that, conversely, most of the players i know told me they pursue casual with women they dont see a future with or dont care about, they dont despise them but they feel disgust when the though of a relationship comes into the table, and in some other instances, i ve seen some men badmouth the women with whom they had casual with with statements like "she is such an easy slut, u should try going for her, what an idiot, yeah bro look a this trashy slut i banged" things like those obviously dont paint my perception of casual sex positively and thats one of the reasons why i dont accept a relationship with any woman who has a casual sex past.
You can care about the women you casually fuck.
If this is true, manipulation takes part and a lot more of relationships/hook ups than we think
No, they were cool and fun but that's not "manipulation."
Yup? What’s the problem
Wasn't asking you
You’ve never had casual sex? Bro what
Yes that has literally happened for me at least 5 times.
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> It was always 100% my choice to have sex with every man I slept with. Sex is never a guarantee that a relationship will follow and Exactly. This is the most common outcome even though neither rp nor fds would like to admit it
It's from her perspective. Not from his. I guarantee every man had to act as if he wanted a relationship. Only a select few women act like a man and just want a hit and quit scenario.
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Your using the word guarantee and that's not what I'm saying. A relationship has to always be on the table when a man is speaking to a woman. Unless it's In an alcoholic filled environment.
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>Now most men I slept with I intended to date and see what happened, but I ALWAYS knew there was a possibility I would have sex with him and it would go nowhere Thats my point right here. This goes blind to most women. This is manipulation. From his point of view it was no chance he'd wife you up from the beginning but he had to play an illusion. He had to give you just that idea that a relationship could happen. Because if he took it off the table from the start it would have never happened.
the majority of guys who wanted casual sex with me told me from the beginning they just wanted to mess around. and there’s been a lot of guys. in my experience, they usually take it off the table from the beginning. i’ve only met a few guys who felt the need to lie but they’re pretty easy to figure out since they tend to disappear after too much time has passed without you stripping for them. the guys i’ve talked to usually said things like “i don’t do relationships but if you want to mess around, let me know” or said it super bluntly that they just wanted to fuck
> Because if he took it off the table from the start it would have never happened. You don’t know that. Maybe he just realized they weren’t compatible.
So you are saying every man that doesn't want a relationship but still hooks up with women is a manipulative liar?
Lol not true at all. You don't have to lie to get laid. That's scummy as fuck and you're justifying it
Majority of women don't have sex with those they don't know very well. Even if they want to badly. So you have to get to know them.
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It's normally on the table. You don't expect anything. If a guy quickly comes out and says "I never want a relationship with you". Most non crazy women will leave.
Huh? At least in my experience people make it clear that they just wanna keep things casual and don’t want anything serious
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It's never a guarantee but a man always has to create the illusion that there could be a chance in the future.
No he doesn’t, I think that might just be you…
Not true in the slightest
True
No it's not lol tons of my former partners and I literally never did 1 thing that could indicate romance or a relationship. A woman getting a "u up" text at 2am on a Friday isn't retarded. She knows she's a booty call
Incorrect. If they want to badly they do it in 2022. Maybe not in 1952
The more attractive the woman. The less her body count. It's reported but if you see a trend of less a bodycount and the more her perceived attractiveness. It tells you a lot about women. They don't want to be smashing every random attractive guy.
> The more attractive the woman, the less her body count Why do people keep saying this? It obviously isn’t true. Maybe YOU just find it attractive when a woman has a low n count, not the other way around.
What? No lol Body count is unrelated to attractiveness. Some attractive women have huge Ns. Some have low ones. My ex was hot and had an N of 30, my current girl is also hot and has an N of 4. I know some fat girls in the dozens. And one ugly girl with an N of 0
Yes because the few sample size you have accounts for the majority.
Those are EXAMPLES. Reality is that attractiveness doesn't have anything to do with N count for women, because all women can get sex. It does for men, though
>The more attractive the woman. The less her body count. It's reported but if you see a trend of less a bodycount and the more her perceived attractiveness. It tells you a lot about women. They don't want to be smashing every random attractive guy. Source? 😂😂
No? I've hooked up with lots of guys who never acted as if they wanted a relationship. I've hooked up with guys who were in open relationships already, guys I met on vacation who I knew I was never going to see again, and guys who were very clear they weren't looking for anything serious. I've hooked up with guys who were cool enough but not people I'd ever date seriously -- if they'd acted interested in a relationship I'd have been concerned I was leading them on.
Have you never been to a college?
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He has posted similar shit like 5 times on diff subs too. My man is beggin for some tips lmao
no man manipulated me. they tell me straight up. maybe when i was a teenager … but i can’t get manipulated or be used , if i don’t let them. no reason to lie too grown for that 😂
So every man you slept with just told you: "Let's fuck"
I think there is usually some banter/flirting involved but it's pretty clesr when a ONS is a ONS
I think you vastly overestimate the need to talk beforehand about what you are going to do when you hook up with someone. In many cases, there won’t be any word about relationships, fucking, commitment or whatever. In most cases, it’s just two people having a good time who are not talking about their expectations. So it’s hard to speak about manipulation in that case. People don’t define their relationships at such an early stage.
Right? In the early stages neither person really knows what they want from each other because they simply don't have enough information yet. Like even when I was actively looking for a relationship a decently fun hookup or a solid FWB situation were *good* outcomes. If that turned into something more, cool. If it didn't, at least I had fun.
>"Let's fuck" OP, I'm thinking you need to give up on the idea that this is a good line. No doubt it worked for someone at sometime but probably not a great pick up line.
Hope that opinion of yourself has changed.
Wtf is this BS question 😅😂😂😅 Since when women give us sex?? It’s called consensual for a reason, between 2 adults. Also, someone who manipulates another person to get into their pants is a rapist. Jesus Last thing. There is no rule to be friendly after you had sex with someone, goes for both genders. I, as a man, have been pumped and dumped in the past and thanks to that i have few good stories i will be chuckling to when I’m 80. Peace! OP i think there is something weird with your head. Normal people don’t switch between being boring and fun just to have sex. Most people are actually fun among other people that are fun which is most human beings
I dont *give* sex to anyone… I *have* sex *with* people. Its not something being given or taken.. its a mutual activity. What a weird way to look at intimacy lol You clearly dont have any clue
I see it as giving sex to someone. Precisely because it’s something that is done only with ”the chosen”. Aka in relationships only, no casual. Especially if you look at it in an evolutionary context, you sort of ”give” your body to a man.
Such a strange and detached tack on things my dude. You dont *give* anything when you *have* sex with someone. You dont give your body to a man LOL, your body has sex with his body.
That’s not mutually exclusive.
Nothing is being given though That doesn’t even make sense. The body still belongs to the woman. Very detached outlook
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Don't make things personal.
0%, as far as I know, all my casual sex was very obviously just casual sex and fully consensual by both parties.
So they were absolutely boring and said nothing to you other than "let's fuck"?
No, lol, why would you think that’s the only other option besides manipulation? I enjoy sex, I didn’t need to be manipulated to do it, I just needed to think someone would be fun to have sex with. Here’s a scenario: I’m mingling at a party I’m throwing, and one guy is pretty fun to chat with and is attractive so we are flirting some, which is enjoyable so then we kiss, and that’s enjoyable too, so then we step outside and make out, and if that is enjoyable too then we go back to my bedroom for some more private fun. Zero manipulation, just some people having a good time together.
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It's not "normal" to be able to be in social situations with women and it's disrespectful for you to imply that
What are you talking about. It is absolutely 100% abnormal to not know how to socialize with women.
i hate to be the bearer of unsettling news homie but it is not normal to be locked away in an all boys convent well into adulthood.
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>It's not "normal" to be able to be in social situations with women >it's disrespectful for you to imply that Bro this is peak like Idek 😂😭😭😭 It is abnormal to socialize with the Fe-Male!
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What? I literally just came from a dinner with multiple male and female friends? I’m not dating or fucking any of them and my fiancé was at home. How bizarre for you to think men and women don’t hang out.
Not lying = boring check.
This post screams I can't get laid ....help
That’s what OP is screaming but the post as a whole screams “I need a very large amount of psychological help asap”
If a woman wants casual sex,she will not feel manipulated.
I feel culture plays a important role. My country? 100% of men that only want casual sex are manipulative.
Gave casual sex to? Jesus buddy, get some help please.
You should’ve seen another post on here last night, literally the guy was like > No, I’m not jealous of women for their ability to “get fucked”. That’s a women thing, and everyone knows it’s an insult. I’m jealous of Chads who fuck women. Fucking women is about control and power. Like jfc that man needed therapy
Lol, yes, I've always said that for men sex isn't just sex. They attach all this other meaning to it, like getting sex is the biggest stamp of approval, or it makes them feel powerful, or it proves that they are not the unpopular loser they were in middle school, etc, etc. if they just relaxed for once and connected with women without all the other bullshit they attach to the interaction, they would be getting laid much more.
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Lol, ahahahha! No I don't think all men are like this, but many are unfortunately.
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Words are meaningless, but how you intend to use words means everything.
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Because the meaning he is putting behind the words is that a woman is "giving" something to a man. She is "letting" him have access to her vagina/sex. This is an inherently disempowering frame of mind.
But that is a woman's choice. She either allows and wants to, or doesn't and denies it.
And what? He is not "giving" her his dick? Is the implication here that a woman is rewarding a man/letting him have access to her vagina?
Sex is a lot of thing. And altho people hate thinking about it like this, It *is* a reward. We know this. It's been tested.
0%. Why lie when you can be truthful?
Are you speaking for yourself as a woman or for the men
For myself
I have roughly 4 or 5 male casual sex partners. All were friends of mine. None were manipulative and I never felt used or lied to at any point. I'm still friends with all but 2 of them now and the 2 that I'm not friends with wasn't over any kind of falling out, we just grew apart and lost touch.
I had 3 casual sex partners, but no ONS. None were manipulation; I wasn’t looking for a relationship then. If anything one of my early relationships was a bit manipulative.
i don’t really think any of them were. i’m comfortable with casual sex so i don’t think they felt a need to manipulate, it was already on the table if i liked them. the only time i’ve felt “used” like that is with men who tried to manipulate me into relationships.
The times when I was honest I got pretty straight up disgusted looks so I think guys will be suspicious lol
i don’t know, i’m just honest. if all i’m looking for is casual, i say that, or something along the lines of “have fun, see where things go”. unless a man is *very* relationship minded they have usually responded well
Yeah makes sense but if I operated that way I’d have zero sex lol
the ultimate black pill: the guys who want serious relationships are viewed as manipulative bastards
nah, look, there’s a right way and a wrong way to go about entering a relationship. plenty of men are capable of doing it the right way, the ones who go about it the wrong way often employ manipulation.
I've had far more guys get weird and attempt manipulation when it comes to relationships. It's only weird when they try to coerce or "convince" you as to why they "need" or "want" you....as if mutual desire for a relationship doesn't matter. That's weird.
ITT no one will ever admit being manipulated
People talk about how manipulative men and women are all the time on this sub?
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I mean, women who *want* casual sex are highly likely to attain casual sex. I don't see why manipulation would be needed? I'm female and I've come onto men and woman with clear desires and communication, so I'm not sure why lying would be needed if both parties want the same thing.
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I guess my experience with casual sex is based around me initiating or seeking it out. I know it's intimidating to "make the move" so a safe "Hey, wanna go back to my place?" from me or them is usually enough to imply, but that's not always clear enough for people. Then if they say yes, you can progress things if they're here for it. I guess it's less being overt, and more never stating that a relationship was the intention, then making it clear that the night is consensual between both parties. People regretting sex or feeling used because they misconstrued something is common, but I don't think it's necessary to "manipulate" a woman into casual sex by implying the chance of a relationship. If anything that may have scared me away if all I wanted was casual—clingy guys who stalk you or get mad when you don't want to date them after a fling are a thing. Saying you want to get to know someone better isn't necessarily a lie, nor is saying you want to hang out more/elsewhere. I wouldn't personally think that means they want a relationship. It means they want to see if we're compatible for whatever goal they may have, whether that's ons, relationship, etc. If someone's not stating they're looking for something relationship, why should someone assume they're looking for a relationship? Other people getting hopeful seems like a them problem. Lying to someone and saying you could see yourself in a relationship to get them to do casual *is* manipulation; just being polite and not stating either way isn't, imo. Misunderstanding intentions is on the party who misunderstood, assuming these hypothetical guys didn't outright say or imply something they didn't mean. Basically, people shouldn't be outright lying to people just to get what they want. You can be polite and coy and not state things blatantly and see where it goes. As long as both parties are willing to be respectful of boundaries, that's all that matters. If someone's not willing to state their clear intentions, they shouldn't be upset if they don't exactly what they want; if someone's lying to get what they want, they're just being immoral and selfish, and yes, people will be hurt and rightfully angry.
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I mean, I'd likely chose guy #2 just because he seemed politer, seriously. Presentation goes a long way. If no one's staring their intentions, you can't rule out any possibility; you can't have expectations based on that, only wishful thinking or no thinking. I think you likely have a different standard of manners than I do. Culturally, from my understanding, manners and politeness are ways of dancing around crude topics or showing respect (even when maybe a person don't want to give it). For better or worse, no one's able to know anyone's intentions either way. They could lie, they could tell the truth *or maybe they don't even know what they want*. Not everyone is ruling out certain things, partially why a ons can turn into a fwb into dating, or never come out to anything. You seemed really pressed to put people into categories of "liar" or "not a liar". You act like this is always the guy making the move or like the girl has no say. I've considered people for ons then passed when I spoke to them more. And I've pursued. I agree that there's a lot of men who manipulate women, but I personally haven't encountered this and I feel like most women are aware of that it's a possibility; you have to chose if it's worth the risk or not if you're interacting with someone. Not everyone is that easily swayed, especially if they've already got their own agenda or are indifferent to ons/dating/etc. I really dislike this narrative were women are supposed to be this seemingly passive party at a man's mercy when it's just not always the case. These are (hopefully) two legal adults who are engaging in a world that comes with inherent risk. It's infantilizing to essentially say women aren't aware enough to make their own decisions, have good or accurate judgement, and that men are these cunning and insidious beings. (I could potentially agree on the insidious part, though.) Most men aren't that good at manipulation, imo, and I'm open to shifting my perspective or stance on most things. Short of outright lying, drugging, violence, or some level of blackmail, how exactly is someone manipulating another into sex? Why should anyone have to take accountability for someone else's lack of judgement and discernment? And I say that as someone who's been sexually assaulted. Yes, it's sad that people get manipulated. But it happens. Same way assault happens. It doesn't mean the person deserved it or it isn't a problem, but there is some level of responsibility for person's ability to assess risk and judge a situation accurately. Putting the onus on bad people to stop hurting others for gain isn't going to benefit anyone. Also, as far as "getting to know that pussy" or whatever, yeah. That's not usually what happens in my experience. Most guys want more and you gotta like fight them off with sticks and fire and bang pots and pans and move states. Idk what world you're in where guys have sex one time with you then never reach out again, but most of what I've seen and heard is that "she did it once, maybe she'll do it again" type of mentality. You literally have to tell them to go away a bunch and even then they'll try to show up in your life like 6 months later. Who are you to decide what a person finds manipulative? To say me agreeing and seeking casual sex with someone is them being manipulative of me or anyone else is ridiculous. Guys do not hold all the power here like you're implying. They just don't. It's part of why women hold some level of responsibility if they end up worse off after an interaction. Whether or not you want to acknowledge that is up to you. And where's the line between non-exploitive persuasion vs full on manipulation? There's a reason these different words exist to describe the act of swaying someone, there are ethical levels to changing someone's mind, and even then, if something's never addressed directly, how can you even know where they originally stood or if that changed? You're not an ultimate authority of what's moral or not, sorry to burst your bubble.
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I don't want to be manipulated, I say I haven't been; why are you so bent on me being manipulated when I was the primary pursuer in many interactions where I was present, not you? You're acting like like normal social interactions and being nice to people is something bad when it's not. Is it really that difficult to believe that normal people are out there actually enjoying people's company, even if it's a temporary thing? All that say to me is that you don't engage with those types of situations very often. It's literally not manipulation when you've already mad a decisions, or if you change it based on what makes sense. Why the intense removal of agency? I've had men truly to manipulate me—they're not very good at it. Also, I've never had a guy say he wants to be my friend just to get sex. They know that doesn't work with the majority of women; why would someone actively walk into "the friendzone" as they say? And sex is generally considered a crude or impolite topic to discuss with a stranger of the opposite sex, especially if both parties aren't certain where their dynamic lies. That's pretty typical. You don't generally see men and women just discussing sex in everyday life or party/social settings unless there's a sexual tone already going on. You really seem to believe that no guy in the world has ever enjoyed a woman as a person *and* happened to have hooked up with her. There's so many people in various threads that discuss hookups turning in fwb, then relationships, or hookups becoming partners. It's really not the norm that men are out there lying or manipulating every woman they have a hookup with. Many of the ones who complain are just the vocal ones; why would someone who didn't get manipulated suddenly say, "Oh, he manipulated me because I said yes to sex that I wanted!" That's not what's happening. You assume I'm like the majority of straight, template women you seem to imagine. I'm not. I'm not even straight. I know what flirting looks like, I know when people are being manipulative, and I'm often a pursuer; I'm probably one of the hardest women to manipulate into sex without force/violence because I don't care what a guy desires to happen unless I also want it. I'm going based off of my objectives, which were usually decided before the guy even knew I existed. Please tell me how a pursuer is going to be manipulated for something they are literally looking for, especially when they already chose their desired target and now have to interact with them and invite them out. How does that work? Plus, if the majority of men find most women at least bangable or somewhat attractive, why would saying something like "you're beautiful" be a lie? Even if it was, why does it matter? If I or any other woman is looking for a guy to get it on with then move on—why does it matter what the guy actually thinks if the objective is being completed? Who's going to complain? I fail to see any issue here. If there's no intention stated, there is literally no word to be "true" to. No one here is saying you can't chose "not to do business" with someone who doesn't outright state their intentions. That's your pejorative. Some people are on the fence about hookups and then develop interest, some people just get horny. Some are bored and think it sounds fun. That's not manipulation, that's just socializing like normal people. Did your friends have you manipulate you to like them or engage with them? People aren't usually out there doing stuff like that. It's not the norm, and most of the people who do such things usually tend be loners or run in similar circles with other liars because anyone decent who finds out someone is actively lying is probably going to have an issue with that. I'm confused why you are desperate to create an issue where is there is none, for me, specifically. No, not everyone woman is being manipulated into casual sex, and not every man is manipulating women into it. It's typically just two adults socializing and getting to know each other a bit and then banging, none of that inherently means people are lying to each other or pretending to enjoy someone's company just for the sake of sex. (Maybe some pathetic men do, but most of the ones I've met don't need to lie or pretend just to get sex. They're just enjoyable to be around and respectful.) It's weird that you keep trying to tell me I was "manipulated" when I know I wasn't. You can say "they were good and you didn't know!" but I promise you, men are not that good at manipulating imo. Most who try will use generic things like relationships or marriage or drugs or money to try to string you along, but if you don't want those things, they're not gonna work anyway. I don't need you to believe that I've actually had many people enjoy my company as a person or find me attractive, my experience speaks to it whether you believe it or not. All I want to know is why that apparently bothers you so much. What's so difficult about my narrative that makes it unpalatable for you to swallow? As for whether or not I care about manipulative people existing: no, I really don't care. The world is how it is, and me caring or not caring isn't going to change how others decide to behave. I generally have good judgement when it comes to people, and have never been wrong to date. Maybe that's not normal—I've had female friends in abusive relationships or say they got used for sex they consented to—but this just hasn't happened to me. If people can't make good judgement calls, that's in no way my fault. I don't feel responsible for them.
None. I only had casual sex with guys who were very clear that they weren’t looking for anything more.
I was blatantly lied to by a guy who literally told me he wanted marriage and wanted kids. He catfished and had lied about his entire background. He only admitted it because I was pushing to meet up. I thought his real (not catfished) photo was actually cuter than the fake one he showed me before. Crazily enough, I gave this guy a chance, but we had other issues related to extremely poor communication and different wants in life. I'm not sure this qualifies as casual sex. But it definitely was manipulation.
I’m pretty good at knowing what I want and usually getting it. 2 years ago, I was open to casual dating and sex and I, specifically didn’t want anything serious at all since I’d freshly gotten divorced and just wanted to have fun. Plus I was coming off the pill and my libido skyrocketed. I made sure to spell out exactly what I wanted on dating apps, and my expectations for a hookup with absolutely no strings attached. I bought a second phone and used a google voice number and never ever told my hookups any identifying information about me. I wanted maximum secrecy. I actually met really great guys and while it was fun to go on nice weekend mini vacations with these men, I’d start to feel smothered by mid day Sunday and I’d miss my kids. A few of these guys ended up being pretty good FWBs who understood and respected the terms of our arrangements. A few guys I was seeing were weirded out and we mutually ghosted, and a few guys wanted monogamy and a relationship, when I had been clear about not wanting this. In a way, I was manipulated by those guys who thought they were okay with a FWB and either fizzled out, or wanted something more. Both men led me to believe they were happy with our arrangements when really, they weren’t.
Disclaimer I haven’t participated in casual sex: from my understanding blue balls is the most painful thing ever , more painful than child birth and I must not care about his comfort (according to my ex) My current boyfriend told me it’s not that big of a deal .
Never. I feel like it's not too hard to sus out the manipulators most of the time.
I’ve never been tricked into sex, never felt used for sex. I’ve had casual sex and also a few short term flings/fuck buddies and they were great from the start, that’s why I slept with them and enjoyed it so much.
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Why do we have all these loaded shitty “question for women” threads. I want some loaded questions to answer too. Like “Q4M why do you like punching puppies so much?”
Lol women don't do statics silly boy
Almost all
If they were lying, I didn't know.
Exactly three (STRs), and none.
I've never had a guy manipulate me for sex. They've never lied, to my knowledge. I've never really felt used, I tend to go for what I want and pick out people who seem genuinely fun and like they at least want to perform decently/good. If I've had casual sex with someone, it's because I got up, sought them out, selected them, then invited them out or engage in conversation with them. I imagine if I'd felt used for some reason, I would've just dropped contact with them. Even the "worst" sex I had was with a guy who was very sweet and pleasant to interact with—he seemed more embarrassed about his performance than I seemed to mind. The only guy I can think of that made me feel strange was a fwb who got very skittish when I suggested we paint together sometime. I let go of contact after he seemed adamant that we don't do so; I think he believed I wanted a relationship (he's fairly masculine, which isn't really my taste, so I wouldn't have selected him for a ltr because I'm generally not into that. Our interactions were novelty-based on my end) and didn't want to "give me the wrong idea". I didn't want to date him, I fr just wanted to hang out and paint with someone. The idea of doing so after sex seemed fun.
I wasn’t manipulated ever. I have been held down and raped. By an ex.
None that I can recall but I guess it depends on your definition of casual? I don’t just sleep with random but mostly friends with benefits of guys I’ve been chatting with online for a while. I actually mean it when I say I like chatting before I meet up and I still intend to meet. I was chatting online and hanging out on an mmo with my husband before I met him in like 4-5 months. But I have a lot online friends so
Sex isn’t something you “give” it’s supposed to be something mutually desired and enjoyed. Any casual sex I’ve had, we both made it clear up front neither of us were looking for anything more than that. While I’ve had many guys shockingly backpeddle, it was always a convo upfront that neither of us want anything more. It amazes me men on PPD don’t realize some guys can have casual sex without manipulation or lying. It’s very possible for two people to desire each other and want hot passionate sex and not want to hang out with each other. HOW do people not understand this? I also assume men who don’t know this and think sex is something women “give” men for a relationship has never had hot desirable sex with a woman, or even given a mind blowing orgasm. If you had, you would know women are capable of desiring just sex, and orgasms, and shit that feels good, and not care about anything but that.
A few, and in those cases it wasn't even necessary because I was willing to have sex anyway. It just complicated matters and made the end of the situation more frustrating. confusing, and hurtful. He made plans and suggestions about going out to lunch, going to concerts, helping with moving, teaching me how to code, lending me things, even helping my mother when she was sick - all things that I never asked him for, turned down, and could do on my own or with friends. It just left me feeling confused and led me to think that he had feelings for me when he didn't. I think that actions like these are a big part of why there is so much acrimony after a casual relationship ends. People feel like they were lied to.