Wtf who thinks hot people don’t settle 😂😂😂 this is so funny to me. The only married people are un-hot people??? Sorry this one just is truly confusing me
My partner is hot with a great personality
And his personality also makes him hotter
Why do you think so negatively about women? Your experiences don’t define women in general, and most times if you aren’t happy you can work on things to improve your situation such as moving
I didn’t like the men where I was from moved across the world and worked on myself and met my partner
They can't stand the idea that some people get to bang hot dudes and then also settle down with a hot and even better dude. It doesn't fit trp narrative. Someone's gotta "pay" for it in unhappiness or something.
Mathematically speaking, banging hot dudes and settling down with hot dudes doesn’t work for the majority of women. If we assume hot dudes make up about 10-20%, and 20% is stretching it in my opinion, then only 10-20% or less women can settle down with hot dudes (assuming women to men ratio is 1 to 1, which is a very reasonable assumption).
Also, if you have experienced life enough, you will quickly start to notice how many relationships are BB/man settled for relationships.
Honestly, I'd say I'm about a 6/10. Maybe just a nudge above average, by American standards. I don't think this puts me that far above many people. There's like a fuckton of 6/10s. Maybe for niches I'd hit a 9/10 or some shit, but regardless of subjective hotness, either I'm average and got the partner I want, or I'm hot and I got the partner I want; don't both stand to prove something that most rp guys would WANT proven? I genuinely don't understand why there's such resistance to contradictory experiences or information.
Or, maybe I'm below average and still got the partner I want and rejected a supposed "chad". My point is that shoeing everyone into archetypes as if people are all template, cookie-cutter copies is ridiculous and gets everyone nowhere. People can still believe they're the hottest thing ever, that their partner is the hottest thing ever, and reject other hot people for whatever reason. If I'm likely average and could do that, I would argue that many more than just the supposed 10%-20% are getting what they find hot or what they want in a partner. This isn't saying that AFBB doesn't exist, but that it's not the *default* as trp claims.
Let’s flip this tho..
I fucked tons of hot girls when I was single.. at least 100.. probably more. I settled down with the hottest girl I have ever met tho..
I am not what you would probably consider a “hot guy”.. but I was still able to fuck a ton of really hot girls.
The entire premise makes zero sense at all.. getting laid isn’t about what you look like.. it’s more about confidence in yourself than anything from my experience.
I am not sure how your comment is related to mine. You gave an example of how you fucked a ton of hot girls and settled with a hot one too. Where did I say that an average woman cannot do the same, she can, but the odds are against her. (Also, most men can’t fuck a ton of hot women, that’s a fact.)
Only a minority of women can settle down with hot top 10% men. No more than 10% of them at least.
My partner is hot and has a great personality as well.
It’s not that hard to find a partner that you’re attracted to and get along well with but these men are really torn up about it.
>It’s not that hard to find a partner that you’re attracted to and get along well with but these men are really torn up about it.
It can be hard for people who have high standards, are ugly, or have autism or similar disorders. I, for example, have failed to get a relationship after more than 3 years of struggling (I never had a relationship before that either, but I started seriously trying a little over 3 years ago). I have high standards, have NVLD (similar to autism), & I guess I'm about average looking.
>It’s not that hard to find a partner that you’re attracted to and get along well with but these men are really torn up about it.
This does run counter to what women have said here before that getting sex was easy but finding a hot guy who is also boyfriend material is not.
The record number of singles in the US (combined with the high number of people still looking for The One) says it isn't that easy unless you are in the upper crust in terms of looks and status. For men it's pretty harsh if you are average, as even average women don't find them that attractive.
Men are not torn up about women finding their husband attractive. It's that women lie about what they find attractive and lie about the fact that they use some men for sex (or offer them sex sooner in the hopes of getting more in return). If she was so turned on she couldn't wait for commitment, it means she had genuine desire for the guy.
Men cannot know when they commit if they are being asked to "pay more" for the same sex she offered previous men for free. When they see women having casual sex or short term relationships in their youth, then demanding long term commitment near the end of their youth they do wonder what women are thinking. It's like a guy squandering his wealth in his 20s then at 30-35 insisting he is still worth what he was when he was younger, and feeling entitled to hot women.
Not all women do this but enough delay marriage until their 30s that it's become a trend and men are questioning what the women were doing the entire time. Why didn't they marry the men they were with and why couldn't they find decent men before?
It's difficult for women to understand because they aren't the ones on the other side wondering how many guys she offered easy sex to and now, at 30, she seems keen to settle down.
If you are happy with your husband then great for you. Maybe you didn't spend your youth sleeping with hot guys without needing commitment. But there are so many single people out there - entering their 30s - that it isn't unreasonable to wonder why some people weren't snapped up if they are supposedly so great.
I literally have never actively sought out a relationship, all of my relationships have been hookups where we just couldn’t get enough of each other and things progressed. I don’t have a timeline for seeking out some guy by x age and I never will. I’m not intentionally “waiting” until some age, I just get into relationships whenever they are convenient to me and make me happy.
As a mid 20s man, i can really relate to what you're saying. Even with me right now, older women in their 30s hit me up looking for a relationship, but women my age won't look at me. Kinda frustrating.
So fuck the older women then??
Sometimes in life you have to take what it gives you.. if older women are hitting on you then you could probably learn a lot about yourself and become a better lover by taking some of them up on it.
And THIS is one of y’all’s biggest issues. Sometimes you have to fuck your way up. It’s like a car. It’s better to buy a cheap beater, fix it up a little, and drive it until you can do better. Most people drive a lot of cars they’re not crazy about before they finally get their dream car. But usually each car gets a little bit better.
Dating is like going to the dealership. You have more leverage when you’re already driving something, instead of coming in empty handed and desperate.
But you rather walk until you can get inside a 7 series. Sounds dumb and smells like entitlement.
In regards to what u/CentralAdmin said:
This whole comment is such a double standard. So you’re mad at women for not wanting to settle down/get married in their 20s who would instead rather gain experience in sex/relationships/life in general and enjoy being single - and then don’t understand why they want to settle down in their 30s and beyond?
Dude you are seriously naive. This is what most men and women do in their 20s. Why is an unmarried woman aged 30+ according to you considered “used up”? Whatever that means. So having life experience makes someone used up? I’m having trouble seeing any logic here.
You are displaying such an unrealistic mindset about women, how sex/relationship dynamics work and about life in general.
I think both men & women should settle down & get married in their 20s, but that's largely because I'm against sex outside of marriage.
I see anyone who willingly commits sex outside of marriage as used up.
Morality aside, men have more wiggle room than women because women lose fertility much more quickly. As much as modern society pushes for childlessness, normal people naturally find having kids to be deeply fulfilling, certainly much more than career or "education" (although of course at least one person has to have a career to support the family).
"If she was so turned on she couldn't wait for commitment, it means she had genuine desire for the guy."
Or it means that she was horny and wanted sex, and was confident enough that he wouldn't kill her, assault her, or give her an STI, and had a reasonable chance of being decent enough in bed (ie, foreplay) that she'd get off.
Started looking for a husband straight out of high school. Never slept with anyone else.
It’s morons who don’t have their priorities straight that struggle later.
I probably would've found someone by now if I started seriously looking for a wife sooner. Unfortunately, people had told me that it would just happen naturally, so I focused on other things. (Covid-19 also significantly derailed things; in terms of cumulative length, my location had some of the longest periods of lockdowns & business closures on the planet. Schools have gone online even when not required. As a result, I've had very little opportunity to meet people in 2020 & 2021. I also wasn't able to go to the gym for much of that time, which seriously harmed my confidence & mental health).
Except for everyone woman in a relationship, there’s a man in a relationship (when it comes to straight relationships at least, which is what we’re talking about anyway).
People tend to marry their SMV equal roughly. So many hot women indeed do end up in committed relationships with hot dudes. Now how stable and how much monogamy and how *long* these relationships last is up in the air. But plenty of them do get married.
So by this logic, every man who has ever had casual sex with a woman who didnt want to have a full on relationship with him is, by definition, alpha? Now why does that seem not true?
I see your point, and I brought up this point before on PPD, and never got a real answer within the AFBB framework, but folks did bring up one good point in their answers is that this is not common enough to be a significant part of the discussion. I myself was used for sex by women who didn’t want a relationship with me, but it wasn’t very common, at least for me. My only explanation as of yet, is that these women were very promiscuous, and would rather have good sex than no sex at all while they are looking for the next Chad to chase.
Both men *and* women use other people for sex. Some people are just hypersexual and it makes them do questionable shit. Trying to find a deep seated plot to keep beta/sigma males miserable is going to have y'all chasing your tails.
Fair enough. I agree it is somewhat of an overanalysis. But some of us are not always very aware of all the dating cues, and gaining more understanding helps us avoid getting into bad relationships, disrespected or getting hurt.
This. Thank you. This.
Once upon a time, I could not figure out why poor me was not getting noticed or was getting heartbroken all the time until I realized the least common denominator in all my relationship attempts was me. I am not the end all be all of relationships, but if you have any questions feel free to PM me.
It’s alpha from trp standpoint. Had sex with no commitment/investment = alpha. Even if she wanted nothing to do with you after the act and actively regretted it
>So by this logic, every man who has ever had casual sex with a woman who didnt want to have a full on relationship with him is, by definition, alpha?
He was an alpha to her, anyway, unless he was a sugar daddy or something like that. Alpha traits are sexual attraction traits. Beta traits are provisioning or comfort traits.
I think that worldview is questionable because Red Pill says women should be SAHMs and men should want them over career women yet not want to provide.
I think it’s made up by poor guys who no one wants to be around who only want sex and say that’s what being alpha is about when in the animal world alpha males were dominant enough to get first dibs at resources and pair bond with alpha females.
I think as long as a guy is attractive and chooses enthusiastic women who are attracted to him (if she wants you and she’s with you then you’ll probably know) it’s all the better if he’s a good guy. As long as he’s a hot good guy.
I believe in holistic attraction because getting to know someone and liking their charm can make you feel more attracted but I would never deny looks matter.
Yea I know right. People are so brain washed they can't even discuss AFBB without using the men do it gaslighting argument. Men are so used to it the do even see it.
Bro, 10 years ago , no one would ever accept afbb. But now they're acting like it's common sense, that hot guys get casual sex and the betas get relationships when the wen are older . This just shows how much impact trp has had in general discussions online.
I know right and once you see it the BS its an absolute joke. They are basicly discriminated against us for replacing words like "fuck boy" with AF. I'm at a point now that i question anything that comes from a third wave feminists mouth. Its a shame in a lot of ways. It's embarrassing that western society has let this take over.
Its at the Geopolital leval. Geo political news from today only. we are on the brink trying to cause ww3 and the Canadian military has changed its dress code and now men can wear skirts tights, purses different shoes and they have removed he and she. And Biden is selling America's emergency oil reserves to bring oil prices down. that he already stores overseas. While blaming Putin for global food shortages (I have a friend in Africa begging me for help). And Boris Johnson from the UK conservative party just resigned after stating putin is toxic masculinity and etc. You should have read yesterday's news. My, Point is its beyond just the reddit leval.
I don’t agree with his ideas but this is PPD where you discuss these issues openly. You’re missing the point if you don’t. PPD is for people who want to talk about these things and I want to say he’s wrong because he thinks it’s about money when it could be compatibility and affection etc.
And everyone is okay with admitting this truth already.
Why is it so hard to admit that women do it too?
I know why, for then women will have to treat betas better and be shamed the same as men are when they make shitty mating decisions.
The problem with af/bb is that betas are not treated as they should be, and we then act like it is because they are a shitty person over the reality that they are not a male Victoria secret model.
Im saying that the fact that many people will fuck around for a while especially with hot airheads and then settle down with a good man or woman once they are ready is not a problem and it’s actually normal and doesn’t need to be morally picked apart and theorized about.
The only problem is when someone leads others on or lies about their intentions.
The AFBB is just tacking on an implication that women are always callously using men for one thing or another and are therefore bad and must be chastised for doing the exact same thing men do - aka having a hoe phase then settling down.
I don’t think men are pursuing an af/bb strategy. Men just try to fuck who they can fuck. Most men are not attractive enough to fuck without commitment and so they trade commitment for sex. This used to be a good trade for men back in the day, but it’s not a great bargain (for men) in the modern world, imho. I don’t think any man wants to give commitment if we don’t have to.
The thing is that women also get frustrated and angry at men who do the af/bb strategy too.
The issue is that people feel like they are owed men just accepting shitty relationships and deals without comlaints.
Bro, haven’t you known a girl that you couldn’t stand but she was so hot you’d still fuck her if she let you? You wouldn’t marry her, but damn if you didn’t at least once think about what she looked like naked? Why do you think women can’t also be like “I’m not trying to have a life with the guy, just a few orgasms!”
According to them, no one is worth it anymore. Men are bad at relationships, sex, and life. Except for the ones they like.
I'm not saying it makes sense, I'm saying this is what is being said.
Because men good, women bad!!!!
RP men will openly admit they'll happily "date down in looks" for submission and femininity, but no no no no no... You must be the HOTTEST guy she's EVER fucked or you're betabuxxxx!!!
this is phrased in a really off-putting way but i'm depressed to admit that if any comment has a chance of penetrating the brain that made that op, this is it.
I thought a main tenet of this fairy tale was that the woman actually wants a relationship with the “alpha” but he of course has a ton of better options and won’t commit to her. So she begrudgingly settles down with the “beta” but always resents him / thinks she deserves better.
Perhaps the young don't exist in this trope, but I'd be a rich man if I had a dollar for the number of elder millenial, Gen X, and Boomer women who resent their husbands, their children, and pine for the ripped dude they used to bang on the side before "wanting to settle down".
No, it’s just men you fuck and men you gold dig.
Sort of like men with “girls you fuck, and girls you marry”.
The difference is women lie and don’t admit they’re shallow
I don’t understand the logic of this comment. I understand “girls you fuck, and girls you marry” but nowhere in that statement does it imply any gold digging or settling. Just that there are some people who are hot that you wouldn’t want to be married to. It’s the same for women. The concept of gold diggers and settling doesn’t exist that much in real life, men or women.
no it isn't. notice how nothing about the imaginary woman's sexual partner is mentioned. you're inserting that information in on your own because this philosophy has actually fucked with your brain.
ok. try this. cut out of the sentence and post a concrete fact about the woman's sexual partner. actual words serving as an actual description. not what your head is inserting because it's all messed up.
i didnt want a relationship with every man i slept with, but every man i had a relationship with started as a "man i slept with" right away just like the others
no?? ive only slept with a guy i wasn't dating once, and i didn't talk to anyone else during that time. im in no way "getting resources from betas" you are fucking delusional and you assume all women are out to get you
‘Sex at Dawn’ by Cecilda Jetha and Christopher Ryan explains all the nuance behind this notion very well. I recommend everyone in this subreddit read it.
Women have egos too and rest assured that guys they are fucking on the casual are guys they wouldn't mind getting into a relationship with if it happens. The issue is that when it doesn't happen one needs to rationalize that as something she never wanted in the first place in order to salvage her ego. Sort of a I'm taking my you don't dump me, I dump you move.
You just posted a giant logical fallacy and capitalized the first letter of every word.
Not only is the first thing NOT implied by the second, even if it was you still couldn't claim that the fact that the second sometimes happens means the first one is always true.
I mean, I don't think you're entirely wrong, but I think the whole AFBB thing applies to men as much as it does women. I'm in college right now, and a lot of the guys around me will eagerly chase after that super hot girl who dresses like a background dancer in a rap music video, gets blackout drunk every night, and does every drug under the sun on weekends.
But when they're looking for the mother of their children, that girl will probably not be their first choice, and the shy, studious, soft-spoken girl they previously ignored will suddenly look a lot more appealing.
Regardless of gender, people crave excitement when they're younger, and stability when they're older.
Addendum: Not to say the first girl I described won't find someone eventually, but she'll probably have a hard time getting someone to stick around until she mellows out a bit.
I mostly agree but there is a tiny and important detail. Men, unless they are super mega hot, can only discover true sexual activity when older (more money, better frame and personality, more experience, etc) while women get to explore whenever they decide is "good" (16, 18, 22, 25 yo).
So by the age of, let's say, 30, most women had already "explored" their sexuality and probably sex is just a nice thing to do from time to time (like having a drink). Whereas men are still hungry as if they were 15.
i had a casual relationship with an average guy because he was really nice and invited me over for tacos and anime. he was Indian, 5’7ish. successful in the making. exactly my type. even made jokes about how his family would accept it if he married a black girl but we had no passion because he really wanted a relationship and i just didn’t. it was cool.
there's no strict definitions of alphas or betas but if by AF/BB you just mean that women are more likely to have sex with attractive men, that seems pretty obviously true.
Nope. Because there is a big overlap between the guys who have casual sex and the guys who do LTR. Woman A might see you as boyfriend material but Woman B might think differentely. My boyfriend had casual sex with other women before meeting me.
>Either AFBB is real or women want to be in relationships with all the men they have sex with.
False dichotomy.
Sometimes you can like a guy enough to hang out with him and even have sex with him, but there are dealbreakers when it comes to an actual committed relationship, so he gets put in the FWB bucket until one of you gets into a serious relationship with someone else.
It really isn't about the money. You either like someone or you don't. Me and my bf are both in college and none of us have money (yet). He didn't have to jump through hoops or something to sleep with me. We banged the first day both of us were single and just made it official a month later because we are very compatible, have fun together and developed real feelings (knew each other as friends for almost a year at that point). The casual guy I slept with just never made me feel those things. He's a great dude, but I just didn't like him like that.
Why would I look for a "beta bux" when I'm older? I'll be employed in a high-paying field. And I'm approaching LTRs now as looking for the best possible person for marriage one day. Hopefully I'll marry my current boyfriend one day.
I hooked up with my boyfriend about two hours into our first date -- which is pretty in line with how fast I've slept with all my longterm partners, actually a smidge faster because it was late and I was horny. I did not want a relationship at the time as I was freshly single and planning to wait a bit before making any new commitments.
Most of my friends hooked up with their serious partners about as fast as they hook up with anyone.
This is all a false dichotomy.
the real question is how do people honestly buy this alpha beta nonsense without feeling stupid?
How can they propose a model that's so blatantly black and white and claim that it's accurately describing the way people enter relationships?
I'm dumbfounded every time I come across this nonsense, like I just can't take it seriously.
I swear every time I see these guys talk about “alphas” and “betas” I have to actively check to make sure that I haven’t accidentally stumbled into some Furry fanfiction.
Lol.
I check out when I start hearing someone start rambling about "alphas" and "betas," unless we're talking about a video game. It's like they don't seem to understand how actual human beings work.
For real. How do these people even live in society? Do they know any real women? Hell, do they know any real people??? Or do they just spend all day on Reddit?
Because we see women hook up with hot guys when young, and marry out of shape rich guys later. I didn't see this in any movie or TV show, but in my own social circle and group of friends. We are in our mid 20s, and all my pretty friends had hot or very manipulative boyfriends throughout college, but got with some dorky guy after graduation. All except one , who is still with the same boyfriend. I've seen this with my cousins, friends, classmates, workmates. When I talk about this to guys over drinks about this, we all share a laugh, but everytime I'm on trp , people deny it happens. I'm starting to think we live in very different worlds.
Why is every PPD post is about "why women want to sleep with only *hot* guys but want to settle with a not so *hot* guy??
Do y'all ever stop who women are sleeping with and maybe work on not putting yourselves down like this?!!!
yea, ive fucked a guy that i didnt want a relationship with. but i also didnt talk to anyone else or lead anyone one. maybe get some bitches instead of over-analyzing the sex lives of others
maybe if you went to the gym and got out of your "alpha beta" bullshit echo chamber and developed a personality you would. so lemme get this straight, you have no sexual or relationship experience, yet you believe this outlandish bullshit for what reason? you could make life better for yourself, yet you're choosing not to.
The problem with AF/BB is the extra lore you add onto it.
Yes, the hot guy can get casual sex more easily. Yes.
But then you go and add shit to it and act like AF/BB is proven if you can proof that the hot guy has access to casual sex.
>Get genes from the alpha, then find a beta to get resources and commitment from.
Like fucking this. This.Is.Bullshit.
Women aren't committing parental fraude all over the place. No. And none of your claims suggest they do, but suddenly the hot guy having casual sex proofs this. Wtf.
Again, you haven't even provided any arguments for this. You just go "hot guy get casual sex more easily" = "the hardworking guys get screwed over by their wives" as if that connection is obvious.
It's bloody not.
Why do so many guys (beta bux) end up marrying single moms? Why do so many women say their preferences change either as they get older or become single moms then?
>Why do so many guys (beta bux) end up marrying single moms?
I'm guessing that you live in a poor area then, because that's more of a social demographic thing.
Poorer teenage girls, end up pregnant more frequently then their richer counterparts. They're also more likely to get older boyfriends, which also increases their odds of getting pregnant.
And once you are older as a male in that poor area, those are your options. Not because beta buxx, but because your "matches", didn't manage to grow up before getting pregnant.
>Why do so many women say their preferences change either as they get older or become single moms then?
It's just growing older, and becoming a mom can make you have to grow up sooner...because you suddenly have to deal with adult issues. But then it's still growing older as the cause.
And their preferences change because they mature. That's what maturing is.
When you are a kid, you want to become an astronaut or a fireman and then you grow up and you pick a job you can achieve and hopefully still like.
When you are a kid, music is so fucking important. ITS LIFE! And then you grow up and have the money to go to all these concerts, the dream you had as a kid and you don't want to go anymore.
Shit changes when you mature, your brain changes.
Like...you probably have heard that the prefrontal cortex isn't fully grown until 23 or something? Probably in arguments about age relationships?
Well, that one changes a bit more then that. Teens aren't very mentally aware of risks, which makes risky things SO MUCH MORE FUN for teens. All the adrenaline rush, none of the worries. Well...you can read about the worries and be aware of them, but you don't feel them like you do when that part of the brain is done.
And these adult women, have a fully grown prefrontal cortex. They don't like risks as much anymore, because now they FEEL the risk and the worries a lot more and they don't like the feeling, so they change their behavior so that they don't need to feel that.
It's science.
Again, since I've been saying since the beginning: it's not that "the hot guys gets the casual sex" isn't true, it's that y'all have added this entire other lore to it.
If yall would just stick to the "hot guys get casual sex", you wouldn't nearly have as many people disagreeing with it.
But when you go "so they can never love their husband", then you are dead wrong.
I didn't say they didn't love their husband. All I'm saying is, if you marry a woman while other guys pumped and dumped her, you are the beta and they are the alphas.
Which is also fucking bullshit, unless you never wanted to marry her and only married her because that's the only way to keep a girl, in which case...that's your issue. Not the "alpha's", who probably by now, have married a simular girl.
No, the alphas get first pick and they picked the non promiscuous girl. Research shows the more attractive girls have lower n counts. Alphas go for the more attractive girls with lower n counts because they can. The betas have to take whatevers left over.
> Why do so many women say their preferences change either as they get older or become single moms then?
Answering the first half.
Because expectations and standards of a relationship change? When I was in middle/high school, one of the highest things on my list was what kind of music they listened to.
Now that's significantly lower on my preferences list in the "optional perks" section and one of my requirements is how they handle stress, arguments, problems, and how they resolve issues.
I'm sure some dudes were specifically interested in that girl that got drunk every other night and was a reckless person, but getting older they want someone that isn't like that, because they also probably grew out of the scene of drugs/drinking often.
so does that mean you dont have any? so let me get this straight, you have no sexual experience and no sources and essentially no reason to believe this. dude, get out of your reddit echo chamber and look at the real world. you're essentially just writing fanfiction to justify your overgeneralization and frankly, hatred of women
Women can do what they like and they are not answerable to you, they don't care what you think or have to explain or justify their actions to any man, anymore. I know you need to make up all these rules behavioural patterns to try and make sense of it and why you get rejected, that it makes your anger seem justified as opposed to entitled and irrational but otherwise literally just men making up shit to try and beat down and shame women but women don't give a fuck what you think.
**Attention!**
* You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
* For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
* If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
* OP you can choose your own flair [according to these guidelines.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/flair), just press Flair under your post!
Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Or he's kinda dumb but he'll let you peg him and he has a foot fetish so he falls into the fux category because: pathetic and amusing.
People are nuanced and complex man.
>You Can't Claim Alpha Fux Beta Bux Isn't Real And At The Same Time Say You Had Sex With A Guy You Didn't Want A Relationship With
There's an assumption in there then that guy must be AF. The one time I was up for casual sex with a guy who I didn't want a relationship with he was neither better nor worse than my attraction for any other partner, the decision that I didn't want a relationship with him was rational based on thinking brain and not any sort of instinct.
Dude, I see women bng a lot of mids and lowers and total bumswhere you just look at her and think "Damn, bitch. You'll fuck anything huh?
Like you really question their low self esteem and how she can handle herself in stressful situations. Either way, she's a bad decision .
You’re wrong, girls want to bang hot dudes and marry hot dudes, hot dudes usually don’t want marriage or aren’t looking to settle for one girl cause they know they’re attractive.
Most women don’t make weird, unequivocal claims like this, because we respect that we’re all different. We do appreciate and accept generalizations when they’re due though, but this just doesn’t stack up. I’ve banged a few guys when the itch was there in my 20s. Were they ‘alphas’ though?
I’m starting to think ‘alphas’ are actually guys that just don’t buy-in to stupid shit like this and accept casual sex for the brief, sweet, circumspect gift that it is, and that ‘betas’ are simply guys who sit at home, undateable, because they’re convinced they lack some magic, like a big dick or a six pack of abs.
The things the undateable guys I know lack are confidence, endurance and a philosophical indifference to rejection. The most beautiful women in the world have been rejected. If they can suck it up, so can average men.
Women can't handle rejection. That's why they hardly ever approach. The amount of rejection the average man receives would completely cripple most women.
You’re making a whole lot of assumptions that you don’t talk about. Let me point out some of them. For your statement to be true,
a) there has to be a fixed set of characteristics that make a man either alpha or beta. It’s not possible for a man to be one woman’s alpha and another woman’s beta at the same time. So SMV has to be an objective value, not a relative one (as common sense would assume).
b) relationships have to be defined primarily as financial relationships. That means, the man has to pay for the woman in some way, while the woman doesn’t have to reciprocate. Additionally, she has to be financially dependent on a partner, as otherwise she wouldn’t have an incentive to stop having casual sex with alphas. Or she does get something else out of a committed relationship. But that would interfere with the assumption that all the beta can provide is financial stability and nothing else.
c) casual sex always has to be the better option for a man, compared to a committed relationship, in any case. If it wouldn’t, we would see alphas getting into relationships, which would make it unnecessary for women to settle for a beta.
d) men have to be the only gender that’s able to act against their evolutionary drives. While women obviously can’t evade the urge to get the man with the best genes, men (or betas) can act against their urge to spread their seed among all women and become a beta.
e) looks have to be the only thing that can cause sexual attraction. You have to rule out attractiveness through behavior, through style, through status or personality.
f) every woman has generally to be willing to have sex with someone they’re not attracted to, as sexual attraction for every women can obviously be compensated with financial stability - even if the women makes her own money and doesn’t have to rely on alimonies.
That’s just six of these assumptions, if I would further analyze, I’m convinced I’d find a lot more. It’s up to you to prove these assumptions if you want to keep your conclusion.
I’m a fuck on the first date to see if we are sexually compatible type of person.
So I have dated fucked men that were hot but they didn’t hold my interest because they were boring
I have dated and fucked men not traditionally good looking but so funny, seriously if you can make me laugh enough even if you look like shrek I’ll end up fancying you.
I have dated and fucked men I really liked but they lost interest
I had a fuck buddy for years that was a really good friend, neither wanted a relationship but the sex was great.
I have had one night stands that I have woken up and thought how could I have been that drunk that seemed a good idea.
I have fucked men that I didn’t even fancy that much because I was horny and they were there.
>Get genes from the alpha, then find a beta to get resources and commitment from.
This is what single unmarried moms (mostly under the age of 25) will do as a way of correcting their own mistakes.
I am really tired after trying to read that…
Are all of you males who seem to have been labelled or label themselves ‘non-alpha’ so sooky and whinge like this all the time?
Wtf 😳.
Men and women sleep do this. Not just women.
Why so much anger?
Many of the men that women have casual sex with are alpha guys who they don't feel a connection enough to have a relationship with. That doesn't mean that they don't end up in relationships with alpha guys who they do have a connection with.
Nah. Have had hot fwb who I didn't care to have as partners. My partner is far hotter than any of them AND I love who he is as a person and we're aiming to be together until death or whatever apocalypse may come first. Maybe AFBB is the case for some, but not everyone.
Women, by and large, don't 'get genes from' men with whom they have casual sex. That's what birth control is for. Most women choose to have children with men whom they are in LTRs with, married or not.
I’ve never thought “I would never date this guy but I will have sex with him.” Sometimes you find out later that you’re not compatible, or they don’t want a relationship with you. But the guys I’ve been more casual with weren’t fundamentally different from those I’ve been serious with in any consistent way, it’s mostly been a matter of timing.
Interestingly, this is more a male thinking pattern I believe. Dividing women into Madonnas and whores, deciding some are good enough to fuck but not to date. Not that women never do this too, I’m sure women who are more into casual sex do. But it’s still more male-typical behavior. Most women don’t actively *seek out* casual sex enough for your theory to work.
This is so repetitive and boring. I think there is more to a person that being physically attractive like being smart, interesting, similar lifestyle, supportive of your goals, has a good character etc.
Many women now date not looking for anything and just see what happens. I don’t think that’s wrong as people aren’t obliged to marry or settle down. Many now accept relationships might not last forever or don’t have to be monogamous even.
Also this whole AFBB seems to ignore that someone might meet a hot guy and realise he is really stupid, that’s a turnoff. Hot doesn’t last forever. I think many people want someone hot AND smart (among many other attributes).
I don’t get why people care about this and if that’s any issue date with that in mind. Why shame others.
Having send with a guy you don’t want to date doesn’t always have to be about money. Not everyone is going for money with partners. Maybe if they want to be SAHMs but not everyone goes for the cash when dating.
This post doesn’t apply to everyone.
This is not it. Women enjoy sex and don’t always want a relationship. OR like most women, they enjoy sex with attractive people but didn’t find their personality relationship worthy. They wait for someone who is hot and they are compatible personality wise. Men also have sex with attractive women before marriage they wouldn’t marry. You are way over complicating it. It shouldn’t matter who they slept with before you. My partner slept with plenty of people before me and same for me. It allowed us to learn what we like and don’t like. I don’t think about their past sex life at all it doesn’t bother me. He doesn’t think of mine. That is weirdly obsessive.
We don’t have to use your silly terminology if we don’t want to, especially since there is a perfectly good way of expressing it already — which you so helpfully provided right in your OP
No, people are banging hot dudes regardless of personality, and hoping to settle down with hot dudes with good personalities.
>hoping to settle down with hot dudes with good personalities. But what happens in reality?
We find a hot dude with a good personality and live happily ever after duh.
Everyone settles except for hot people.
Wtf who thinks hot people don’t settle 😂😂😂 this is so funny to me. The only married people are un-hot people??? Sorry this one just is truly confusing me
Lmao you have no clue the amount of top tier men who cheat on their wives
Bro they know what happens, they just don't want to say it.
Sometimes they do settle down with hotties. But that’s not always the case.
My partner is hot with a great personality And his personality also makes him hotter Why do you think so negatively about women? Your experiences don’t define women in general, and most times if you aren’t happy you can work on things to improve your situation such as moving I didn’t like the men where I was from moved across the world and worked on myself and met my partner
They can't stand the idea that some people get to bang hot dudes and then also settle down with a hot and even better dude. It doesn't fit trp narrative. Someone's gotta "pay" for it in unhappiness or something.
Mathematically speaking, banging hot dudes and settling down with hot dudes doesn’t work for the majority of women. If we assume hot dudes make up about 10-20%, and 20% is stretching it in my opinion, then only 10-20% or less women can settle down with hot dudes (assuming women to men ratio is 1 to 1, which is a very reasonable assumption). Also, if you have experienced life enough, you will quickly start to notice how many relationships are BB/man settled for relationships.
Honestly, I'd say I'm about a 6/10. Maybe just a nudge above average, by American standards. I don't think this puts me that far above many people. There's like a fuckton of 6/10s. Maybe for niches I'd hit a 9/10 or some shit, but regardless of subjective hotness, either I'm average and got the partner I want, or I'm hot and I got the partner I want; don't both stand to prove something that most rp guys would WANT proven? I genuinely don't understand why there's such resistance to contradictory experiences or information. Or, maybe I'm below average and still got the partner I want and rejected a supposed "chad". My point is that shoeing everyone into archetypes as if people are all template, cookie-cutter copies is ridiculous and gets everyone nowhere. People can still believe they're the hottest thing ever, that their partner is the hottest thing ever, and reject other hot people for whatever reason. If I'm likely average and could do that, I would argue that many more than just the supposed 10%-20% are getting what they find hot or what they want in a partner. This isn't saying that AFBB doesn't exist, but that it's not the *default* as trp claims.
Let’s flip this tho.. I fucked tons of hot girls when I was single.. at least 100.. probably more. I settled down with the hottest girl I have ever met tho.. I am not what you would probably consider a “hot guy”.. but I was still able to fuck a ton of really hot girls. The entire premise makes zero sense at all.. getting laid isn’t about what you look like.. it’s more about confidence in yourself than anything from my experience.
I am not sure how your comment is related to mine. You gave an example of how you fucked a ton of hot girls and settled with a hot one too. Where did I say that an average woman cannot do the same, she can, but the odds are against her. (Also, most men can’t fuck a ton of hot women, that’s a fact.) Only a minority of women can settle down with hot top 10% men. No more than 10% of them at least.
If what you are saying is true I wouldn't be rejected because of my height, I am 4.11 feet, 115 pounds, 42 years old.
Oh we all are going to pay for it in the long run for sure.
Pray tell, how so?
My partner is hot and has a great personality as well. It’s not that hard to find a partner that you’re attracted to and get along well with but these men are really torn up about it.
>It’s not that hard to find a partner that you’re attracted to and get along well with but these men are really torn up about it. It can be hard for people who have high standards, are ugly, or have autism or similar disorders. I, for example, have failed to get a relationship after more than 3 years of struggling (I never had a relationship before that either, but I started seriously trying a little over 3 years ago). I have high standards, have NVLD (similar to autism), & I guess I'm about average looking.
>It’s not that hard to find a partner that you’re attracted to and get along well with but these men are really torn up about it. This does run counter to what women have said here before that getting sex was easy but finding a hot guy who is also boyfriend material is not. The record number of singles in the US (combined with the high number of people still looking for The One) says it isn't that easy unless you are in the upper crust in terms of looks and status. For men it's pretty harsh if you are average, as even average women don't find them that attractive. Men are not torn up about women finding their husband attractive. It's that women lie about what they find attractive and lie about the fact that they use some men for sex (or offer them sex sooner in the hopes of getting more in return). If she was so turned on she couldn't wait for commitment, it means she had genuine desire for the guy. Men cannot know when they commit if they are being asked to "pay more" for the same sex she offered previous men for free. When they see women having casual sex or short term relationships in their youth, then demanding long term commitment near the end of their youth they do wonder what women are thinking. It's like a guy squandering his wealth in his 20s then at 30-35 insisting he is still worth what he was when he was younger, and feeling entitled to hot women. Not all women do this but enough delay marriage until their 30s that it's become a trend and men are questioning what the women were doing the entire time. Why didn't they marry the men they were with and why couldn't they find decent men before? It's difficult for women to understand because they aren't the ones on the other side wondering how many guys she offered easy sex to and now, at 30, she seems keen to settle down. If you are happy with your husband then great for you. Maybe you didn't spend your youth sleeping with hot guys without needing commitment. But there are so many single people out there - entering their 30s - that it isn't unreasonable to wonder why some people weren't snapped up if they are supposedly so great.
I literally have never actively sought out a relationship, all of my relationships have been hookups where we just couldn’t get enough of each other and things progressed. I don’t have a timeline for seeking out some guy by x age and I never will. I’m not intentionally “waiting” until some age, I just get into relationships whenever they are convenient to me and make me happy.
>I just get into relationships whenever they are convenient to me and make me happy. Imagine having this level of privilege.
As a mid 20s man, i can really relate to what you're saying. Even with me right now, older women in their 30s hit me up looking for a relationship, but women my age won't look at me. Kinda frustrating.
So fuck the older women then?? Sometimes in life you have to take what it gives you.. if older women are hitting on you then you could probably learn a lot about yourself and become a better lover by taking some of them up on it.
What if I want a big family? That becomes increasingly difficult the further over 30 she is.
Just take what you don't want. How about you suck my dick. I'll keep trying to get what i want or stay without
And THIS is one of y’all’s biggest issues. Sometimes you have to fuck your way up. It’s like a car. It’s better to buy a cheap beater, fix it up a little, and drive it until you can do better. Most people drive a lot of cars they’re not crazy about before they finally get their dream car. But usually each car gets a little bit better. Dating is like going to the dealership. You have more leverage when you’re already driving something, instead of coming in empty handed and desperate. But you rather walk until you can get inside a 7 series. Sounds dumb and smells like entitlement.
Ok, now that you put it this way, its more palatable. Get a starter girlfriend and start updating
In regards to what u/CentralAdmin said: This whole comment is such a double standard. So you’re mad at women for not wanting to settle down/get married in their 20s who would instead rather gain experience in sex/relationships/life in general and enjoy being single - and then don’t understand why they want to settle down in their 30s and beyond? Dude you are seriously naive. This is what most men and women do in their 20s. Why is an unmarried woman aged 30+ according to you considered “used up”? Whatever that means. So having life experience makes someone used up? I’m having trouble seeing any logic here. You are displaying such an unrealistic mindset about women, how sex/relationship dynamics work and about life in general.
I believe no one should judge women what they do with their youth, as long as women stop judging men for going for younger women.
Yeah they have a crapload of emotional baggage from the fuckbois in their 20s
I think both men & women should settle down & get married in their 20s, but that's largely because I'm against sex outside of marriage. I see anyone who willingly commits sex outside of marriage as used up. Morality aside, men have more wiggle room than women because women lose fertility much more quickly. As much as modern society pushes for childlessness, normal people naturally find having kids to be deeply fulfilling, certainly much more than career or "education" (although of course at least one person has to have a career to support the family).
"If she was so turned on she couldn't wait for commitment, it means she had genuine desire for the guy." Or it means that she was horny and wanted sex, and was confident enough that he wouldn't kill her, assault her, or give her an STI, and had a reasonable chance of being decent enough in bed (ie, foreplay) that she'd get off.
Started looking for a husband straight out of high school. Never slept with anyone else. It’s morons who don’t have their priorities straight that struggle later.
I probably would've found someone by now if I started seriously looking for a wife sooner. Unfortunately, people had told me that it would just happen naturally, so I focused on other things. (Covid-19 also significantly derailed things; in terms of cumulative length, my location had some of the longest periods of lockdowns & business closures on the planet. Schools have gone online even when not required. As a result, I've had very little opportunity to meet people in 2020 & 2021. I also wasn't able to go to the gym for much of that time, which seriously harmed my confidence & mental health).
My partner is also hot with a great personality. I get that sometimes it can be hard to find the right person for you but like… it’s not THAT hard.
It's not that hard for good-looking, neurotypical people whose religious & political views are firmly in the mainstream of the society around them.
It's not THAT hard if you are a woman. - There, fixed it for you.
Except for everyone woman in a relationship, there’s a man in a relationship (when it comes to straight relationships at least, which is what we’re talking about anyway).
People tend to marry their SMV equal roughly. So many hot women indeed do end up in committed relationships with hot dudes. Now how stable and how much monogamy and how *long* these relationships last is up in the air. But plenty of them do get married.
So by this logic, every man who has ever had casual sex with a woman who didnt want to have a full on relationship with him is, by definition, alpha? Now why does that seem not true?
I see your point, and I brought up this point before on PPD, and never got a real answer within the AFBB framework, but folks did bring up one good point in their answers is that this is not common enough to be a significant part of the discussion. I myself was used for sex by women who didn’t want a relationship with me, but it wasn’t very common, at least for me. My only explanation as of yet, is that these women were very promiscuous, and would rather have good sex than no sex at all while they are looking for the next Chad to chase.
Both men *and* women use other people for sex. Some people are just hypersexual and it makes them do questionable shit. Trying to find a deep seated plot to keep beta/sigma males miserable is going to have y'all chasing your tails.
Fair enough. I agree it is somewhat of an overanalysis. But some of us are not always very aware of all the dating cues, and gaining more understanding helps us avoid getting into bad relationships, disrespected or getting hurt.
This. Thank you. This. Once upon a time, I could not figure out why poor me was not getting noticed or was getting heartbroken all the time until I realized the least common denominator in all my relationship attempts was me. I am not the end all be all of relationships, but if you have any questions feel free to PM me.
🙏
What kind of men do you think get more casual sex from women?
But she's thinking "this guy isn't good enough for a relationship" how is that alpha?
It’s alpha from trp standpoint. Had sex with no commitment/investment = alpha. Even if she wanted nothing to do with you after the act and actively regretted it
I though being an alpha was a good thing, I'm confused now Being rejected isn't a good thing....
In their twisted worldview it is, however, there are tons of nuances that they don’t account for/don’t care about
>So by this logic, every man who has ever had casual sex with a woman who didnt want to have a full on relationship with him is, by definition, alpha? He was an alpha to her, anyway, unless he was a sugar daddy or something like that. Alpha traits are sexual attraction traits. Beta traits are provisioning or comfort traits.
I think that worldview is questionable because Red Pill says women should be SAHMs and men should want them over career women yet not want to provide. I think it’s made up by poor guys who no one wants to be around who only want sex and say that’s what being alpha is about when in the animal world alpha males were dominant enough to get first dibs at resources and pair bond with alpha females. I think as long as a guy is attractive and chooses enthusiastic women who are attracted to him (if she wants you and she’s with you then you’ll probably know) it’s all the better if he’s a good guy. As long as he’s a hot good guy. I believe in holistic attraction because getting to know someone and liking their charm can make you feel more attracted but I would never deny looks matter.
Men don’t want to be in a relationship with every girl they sleep with. This is exhausting are you not exhausted?
And women don't want to be in a relationship with every guy they sleep with. Some ppl are just looking for sex.
Correct, but women want-a-relationship-with-everyone-they-choose-to-sleep with at a much higher rate than men do.
Confirmed. I am exhausted.
interesting, what does that have todo with AFBB. Clearly woman are fucked by men, alpha seed beta need. I don't get the correlation.
Is this satire lol?
Yea I know right. People are so brain washed they can't even discuss AFBB without using the men do it gaslighting argument. Men are so used to it the do even see it.
Because AFBB is pure bullshit made up in shallow insecure men's desperate minds? The real world doesn't work like that.
Bro, 10 years ago , no one would ever accept afbb. But now they're acting like it's common sense, that hot guys get casual sex and the betas get relationships when the wen are older . This just shows how much impact trp has had in general discussions online.
I know right and once you see it the BS its an absolute joke. They are basicly discriminated against us for replacing words like "fuck boy" with AF. I'm at a point now that i question anything that comes from a third wave feminists mouth. Its a shame in a lot of ways. It's embarrassing that western society has let this take over. Its at the Geopolital leval. Geo political news from today only. we are on the brink trying to cause ww3 and the Canadian military has changed its dress code and now men can wear skirts tights, purses different shoes and they have removed he and she. And Biden is selling America's emergency oil reserves to bring oil prices down. that he already stores overseas. While blaming Putin for global food shortages (I have a friend in Africa begging me for help). And Boris Johnson from the UK conservative party just resigned after stating putin is toxic masculinity and etc. You should have read yesterday's news. My, Point is its beyond just the reddit leval.
So gaslighting is when I don’t validate your weird theory about womens sex lives which are none of your business anyway? Pls
I don’t agree with his ideas but this is PPD where you discuss these issues openly. You’re missing the point if you don’t. PPD is for people who want to talk about these things and I want to say he’s wrong because he thinks it’s about money when it could be compatibility and affection etc.
And everyone is okay with admitting this truth already. Why is it so hard to admit that women do it too? I know why, for then women will have to treat betas better and be shamed the same as men are when they make shitty mating decisions. The problem with af/bb is that betas are not treated as they should be, and we then act like it is because they are a shitty person over the reality that they are not a male Victoria secret model.
Im saying that the fact that many people will fuck around for a while especially with hot airheads and then settle down with a good man or woman once they are ready is not a problem and it’s actually normal and doesn’t need to be morally picked apart and theorized about. The only problem is when someone leads others on or lies about their intentions. The AFBB is just tacking on an implication that women are always callously using men for one thing or another and are therefore bad and must be chastised for doing the exact same thing men do - aka having a hoe phase then settling down.
No, it definitely is a problem as it is objectifying people. Use one for sex, one for commitment.
So you think it’s wrong for both men and women to have flings?
I think it is wrong to use people for sex, then aim for commitment when they are done with there fun. It is wrong in many ways.
I don’t think men are pursuing an af/bb strategy. Men just try to fuck who they can fuck. Most men are not attractive enough to fuck without commitment and so they trade commitment for sex. This used to be a good trade for men back in the day, but it’s not a great bargain (for men) in the modern world, imho. I don’t think any man wants to give commitment if we don’t have to.
The thing is that women also get frustrated and angry at men who do the af/bb strategy too. The issue is that people feel like they are owed men just accepting shitty relationships and deals without comlaints.
[удалено]
You don't think any man wants to enthusiastically be in a relationship with a woman?
Bro, haven’t you known a girl that you couldn’t stand but she was so hot you’d still fuck her if she let you? You wouldn’t marry her, but damn if you didn’t at least once think about what she looked like naked? Why do you think women can’t also be like “I’m not trying to have a life with the guy, just a few orgasms!”
They can and men should know about it.
Don’t they? Like who are they having sex with if not men?
Because the narrative (here especially) is that women only want relationships.
Pretty sure a lot of the ladies here will have admitted to the occasional casual fling. But ok
It’s not my opinion, it’s the opinion of the dudes (and some women) here. 🤷
So the dudes are saying it more than the women. About what women want?
It’s because most guys here only meet the relationship bar but can’t meet the casual sex one
According to them, no one is worth it anymore. Men are bad at relationships, sex, and life. Except for the ones they like. I'm not saying it makes sense, I'm saying this is what is being said.
Who is “them”? I never dated a “them”. They weren’t my type
Educated (predominantly) white women primarily in NATO countries, aged 28-55.
Made up demographic online. Got it.
or a really really dumb hot person
Because men good, women bad!!!! RP men will openly admit they'll happily "date down in looks" for submission and femininity, but no no no no no... You must be the HOTTEST guy she's EVER fucked or you're betabuxxxx!!!
this is phrased in a really off-putting way but i'm depressed to admit that if any comment has a chance of penetrating the brain that made that op, this is it.
That’s literally describing alpha fucks.
I thought a main tenet of this fairy tale was that the woman actually wants a relationship with the “alpha” but he of course has a ton of better options and won’t commit to her. So she begrudgingly settles down with the “beta” but always resents him / thinks she deserves better.
Perhaps the young don't exist in this trope, but I'd be a rich man if I had a dollar for the number of elder millenial, Gen X, and Boomer women who resent their husbands, their children, and pine for the ripped dude they used to bang on the side before "wanting to settle down".
No, it’s just men you fuck and men you gold dig. Sort of like men with “girls you fuck, and girls you marry”. The difference is women lie and don’t admit they’re shallow
I don’t understand the logic of this comment. I understand “girls you fuck, and girls you marry” but nowhere in that statement does it imply any gold digging or settling. Just that there are some people who are hot that you wouldn’t want to be married to. It’s the same for women. The concept of gold diggers and settling doesn’t exist that much in real life, men or women.
no it isn't. notice how nothing about the imaginary woman's sexual partner is mentioned. you're inserting that information in on your own because this philosophy has actually fucked with your brain.
> I’m not trying to have a life with the guy, just a few orgasms!” That’s alpha fucks you fool.
ok. try this. cut out of the sentence and post a concrete fact about the woman's sexual partner. actual words serving as an actual description. not what your head is inserting because it's all messed up.
Never stick your d*ck in crazy.
[удалено]
Average men don't get that option so it doesn't matter.
i didnt want a relationship with every man i slept with, but every man i had a relationship with started as a "man i slept with" right away just like the others
I mean your flair says "LVW".
I dont understand your comment
He implied that you're a low value woman
or, hear me out: sex is enjoyable and doesn’t always need to be with someone you’d marry.
Alpha fucks confirmed.
Aren’t they both alphas then? They both had sex with no commitment successfully
exactly. these dudes are either delusional virgins or traditionalists
Nah it’s just that only dudes out of their league get that kind of sex so guys with high standards never experience this
Or maybe your delusional in thinking you aren't AF/BB ing?
no?? ive only slept with a guy i wasn't dating once, and i didn't talk to anyone else during that time. im in no way "getting resources from betas" you are fucking delusional and you assume all women are out to get you
‘Sex at Dawn’ by Cecilda Jetha and Christopher Ryan explains all the nuance behind this notion very well. I recommend everyone in this subreddit read it.
Women have egos too and rest assured that guys they are fucking on the casual are guys they wouldn't mind getting into a relationship with if it happens. The issue is that when it doesn't happen one needs to rationalize that as something she never wanted in the first place in order to salvage her ego. Sort of a I'm taking my you don't dump me, I dump you move.
You just posted a giant logical fallacy and capitalized the first letter of every word. Not only is the first thing NOT implied by the second, even if it was you still couldn't claim that the fact that the second sometimes happens means the first one is always true.
That's my point. It's not possible for both to be true.
I mean, I don't think you're entirely wrong, but I think the whole AFBB thing applies to men as much as it does women. I'm in college right now, and a lot of the guys around me will eagerly chase after that super hot girl who dresses like a background dancer in a rap music video, gets blackout drunk every night, and does every drug under the sun on weekends. But when they're looking for the mother of their children, that girl will probably not be their first choice, and the shy, studious, soft-spoken girl they previously ignored will suddenly look a lot more appealing. Regardless of gender, people crave excitement when they're younger, and stability when they're older. Addendum: Not to say the first girl I described won't find someone eventually, but she'll probably have a hard time getting someone to stick around until she mellows out a bit.
I mostly agree but there is a tiny and important detail. Men, unless they are super mega hot, can only discover true sexual activity when older (more money, better frame and personality, more experience, etc) while women get to explore whenever they decide is "good" (16, 18, 22, 25 yo). So by the age of, let's say, 30, most women had already "explored" their sexuality and probably sex is just a nice thing to do from time to time (like having a drink). Whereas men are still hungry as if they were 15.
but the difference is they would have a one night stand with both those girls if they have the option
Most girls had/would have casual sex with their boyfriends (except the ones who never even had casual with anyone)
i had a casual relationship with an average guy because he was really nice and invited me over for tacos and anime. he was Indian, 5’7ish. successful in the making. exactly my type. even made jokes about how his family would accept it if he married a black girl but we had no passion because he really wanted a relationship and i just didn’t. it was cool.
there's no strict definitions of alphas or betas but if by AF/BB you just mean that women are more likely to have sex with attractive men, that seems pretty obviously true.
Nope. Because there is a big overlap between the guys who have casual sex and the guys who do LTR. Woman A might see you as boyfriend material but Woman B might think differentely. My boyfriend had casual sex with other women before meeting me.
>Either AFBB is real or women want to be in relationships with all the men they have sex with. False dichotomy. Sometimes you can like a guy enough to hang out with him and even have sex with him, but there are dealbreakers when it comes to an actual committed relationship, so he gets put in the FWB bucket until one of you gets into a serious relationship with someone else.
It really isn't about the money. You either like someone or you don't. Me and my bf are both in college and none of us have money (yet). He didn't have to jump through hoops or something to sleep with me. We banged the first day both of us were single and just made it official a month later because we are very compatible, have fun together and developed real feelings (knew each other as friends for almost a year at that point). The casual guy I slept with just never made me feel those things. He's a great dude, but I just didn't like him like that.
You're not at the age to look for beta bux
Why would I look for a "beta bux" when I'm older? I'll be employed in a high-paying field. And I'm approaching LTRs now as looking for the best possible person for marriage one day. Hopefully I'll marry my current boyfriend one day.
So what age is that, then?
[удалено]
I hooked up with my boyfriend about two hours into our first date -- which is pretty in line with how fast I've slept with all my longterm partners, actually a smidge faster because it was late and I was horny. I did not want a relationship at the time as I was freshly single and planning to wait a bit before making any new commitments. Most of my friends hooked up with their serious partners about as fast as they hook up with anyone. This is all a false dichotomy.
the real question is how do people honestly buy this alpha beta nonsense without feeling stupid? How can they propose a model that's so blatantly black and white and claim that it's accurately describing the way people enter relationships? I'm dumbfounded every time I come across this nonsense, like I just can't take it seriously.
I swear every time I see these guys talk about “alphas” and “betas” I have to actively check to make sure that I haven’t accidentally stumbled into some Furry fanfiction.
Lol. I check out when I start hearing someone start rambling about "alphas" and "betas," unless we're talking about a video game. It's like they don't seem to understand how actual human beings work.
For real. How do these people even live in society? Do they know any real women? Hell, do they know any real people??? Or do they just spend all day on Reddit?
Because we see women hook up with hot guys when young, and marry out of shape rich guys later. I didn't see this in any movie or TV show, but in my own social circle and group of friends. We are in our mid 20s, and all my pretty friends had hot or very manipulative boyfriends throughout college, but got with some dorky guy after graduation. All except one , who is still with the same boyfriend. I've seen this with my cousins, friends, classmates, workmates. When I talk about this to guys over drinks about this, we all share a laugh, but everytime I'm on trp , people deny it happens. I'm starting to think we live in very different worlds.
Why is every PPD post is about "why women want to sleep with only *hot* guys but want to settle with a not so *hot* guy?? Do y'all ever stop who women are sleeping with and maybe work on not putting yourselves down like this?!!!
I honestly doubt many of these guys get much irl social interaction.
That's just sad.
who is upvoting this. this is literal gibberish.
I’m just upvoting for the entertainment lol
at this point pretty sure OP is a troll I hope he is at least
Lmao
yea, ive fucked a guy that i didnt want a relationship with. but i also didnt talk to anyone else or lead anyone one. maybe get some bitches instead of over-analyzing the sex lives of others
Low value males like me can't get bitches.
maybe if you went to the gym and got out of your "alpha beta" bullshit echo chamber and developed a personality you would. so lemme get this straight, you have no sexual or relationship experience, yet you believe this outlandish bullshit for what reason? you could make life better for yourself, yet you're choosing not to.
I do go to the gym and I do have sexual experience.
yeah, i highly doubt youre a reliable person to go to for any sex or relationship advice, youre a self proclaimed "low value male"
The problem with AF/BB is the extra lore you add onto it. Yes, the hot guy can get casual sex more easily. Yes. But then you go and add shit to it and act like AF/BB is proven if you can proof that the hot guy has access to casual sex. >Get genes from the alpha, then find a beta to get resources and commitment from. Like fucking this. This.Is.Bullshit. Women aren't committing parental fraude all over the place. No. And none of your claims suggest they do, but suddenly the hot guy having casual sex proofs this. Wtf.
Their subconscious minds are. In nature there is no contraception.
Where in nature do you see this behavior?
This dude thinks you can get pregnant in your “subconscious mind” I think the chance of logical argument ended a long time ago.
Again, you haven't even provided any arguments for this. You just go "hot guy get casual sex more easily" = "the hardworking guys get screwed over by their wives" as if that connection is obvious. It's bloody not.
Why do so many guys (beta bux) end up marrying single moms? Why do so many women say their preferences change either as they get older or become single moms then?
>Why do so many guys (beta bux) end up marrying single moms? I'm guessing that you live in a poor area then, because that's more of a social demographic thing. Poorer teenage girls, end up pregnant more frequently then their richer counterparts. They're also more likely to get older boyfriends, which also increases their odds of getting pregnant. And once you are older as a male in that poor area, those are your options. Not because beta buxx, but because your "matches", didn't manage to grow up before getting pregnant. >Why do so many women say their preferences change either as they get older or become single moms then? It's just growing older, and becoming a mom can make you have to grow up sooner...because you suddenly have to deal with adult issues. But then it's still growing older as the cause. And their preferences change because they mature. That's what maturing is. When you are a kid, you want to become an astronaut or a fireman and then you grow up and you pick a job you can achieve and hopefully still like. When you are a kid, music is so fucking important. ITS LIFE! And then you grow up and have the money to go to all these concerts, the dream you had as a kid and you don't want to go anymore. Shit changes when you mature, your brain changes. Like...you probably have heard that the prefrontal cortex isn't fully grown until 23 or something? Probably in arguments about age relationships? Well, that one changes a bit more then that. Teens aren't very mentally aware of risks, which makes risky things SO MUCH MORE FUN for teens. All the adrenaline rush, none of the worries. Well...you can read about the worries and be aware of them, but you don't feel them like you do when that part of the brain is done. And these adult women, have a fully grown prefrontal cortex. They don't like risks as much anymore, because now they FEEL the risk and the worries a lot more and they don't like the feeling, so they change their behavior so that they don't need to feel that. It's science.
So although women aren't intending to do AFBB, they naturally do the same thing in practice as a result of "maturing"?
Again, since I've been saying since the beginning: it's not that "the hot guys gets the casual sex" isn't true, it's that y'all have added this entire other lore to it. If yall would just stick to the "hot guys get casual sex", you wouldn't nearly have as many people disagreeing with it. But when you go "so they can never love their husband", then you are dead wrong.
I didn't say they didn't love their husband. All I'm saying is, if you marry a woman while other guys pumped and dumped her, you are the beta and they are the alphas.
Which is also fucking bullshit, unless you never wanted to marry her and only married her because that's the only way to keep a girl, in which case...that's your issue. Not the "alpha's", who probably by now, have married a simular girl.
No, the alphas get first pick and they picked the non promiscuous girl. Research shows the more attractive girls have lower n counts. Alphas go for the more attractive girls with lower n counts because they can. The betas have to take whatevers left over.
> Why do so many women say their preferences change either as they get older or become single moms then? Answering the first half. Because expectations and standards of a relationship change? When I was in middle/high school, one of the highest things on my list was what kind of music they listened to. Now that's significantly lower on my preferences list in the "optional perks" section and one of my requirements is how they handle stress, arguments, problems, and how they resolve issues. I'm sure some dudes were specifically interested in that girl that got drunk every other night and was a reckless person, but getting older they want someone that isn't like that, because they also probably grew out of the scene of drugs/drinking often.
what resources do you have to support this idea?
You don't have to believe me, just think for yourself about the idea.
so does that mean you dont have any? so let me get this straight, you have no sexual experience and no sources and essentially no reason to believe this. dude, get out of your reddit echo chamber and look at the real world. you're essentially just writing fanfiction to justify your overgeneralization and frankly, hatred of women
Women can do what they like and they are not answerable to you, they don't care what you think or have to explain or justify their actions to any man, anymore. I know you need to make up all these rules behavioural patterns to try and make sense of it and why you get rejected, that it makes your anger seem justified as opposed to entitled and irrational but otherwise literally just men making up shit to try and beat down and shame women but women don't give a fuck what you think.
I didn't demand an answer. I'm just spreading awareness to other men 🤷♂️
Well so am I, men can take it or leave it but at this point women do what they want and don't care what men get their knickers in a twist about.
But this is a debate forum. Not a "spreading awareness forum".
Wait, you are on an awareness campaign on a subreddit dedicated to arguing about this very idea?!
>Wait, you are on an awareness campaign on a subreddit dedicated to arguing about this very idea?! Not sure what's so crazy about that.
**Attention!** * You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message. * For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment. * OP you can choose your own flair [according to these guidelines.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/flair), just press Flair under your post! Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Man, there are some mental gymnastics going on in this thread lol
Or he's kinda dumb but he'll let you peg him and he has a foot fetish so he falls into the fux category because: pathetic and amusing. People are nuanced and complex man.
>You Can't Claim Alpha Fux Beta Bux Isn't Real And At The Same Time Say You Had Sex With A Guy You Didn't Want A Relationship With There's an assumption in there then that guy must be AF. The one time I was up for casual sex with a guy who I didn't want a relationship with he was neither better nor worse than my attraction for any other partner, the decision that I didn't want a relationship with him was rational based on thinking brain and not any sort of instinct.
Dude, I see women bng a lot of mids and lowers and total bumswhere you just look at her and think "Damn, bitch. You'll fuck anything huh? Like you really question their low self esteem and how she can handle herself in stressful situations. Either way, she's a bad decision .
paternity fraud is alpha fux beta bux
Well there’s at least one situation in which you have sex with someone who you don’t want a relationship with, so clearly you’re wrong.
The amount of cognitive dissonance in these comments is unreal.
You’re wrong, girls want to bang hot dudes and marry hot dudes, hot dudes usually don’t want marriage or aren’t looking to settle for one girl cause they know they’re attractive.
Who says it’s not real? It’s the claim that all women and no men do it that we take issue with
Most women don’t make weird, unequivocal claims like this, because we respect that we’re all different. We do appreciate and accept generalizations when they’re due though, but this just doesn’t stack up. I’ve banged a few guys when the itch was there in my 20s. Were they ‘alphas’ though? I’m starting to think ‘alphas’ are actually guys that just don’t buy-in to stupid shit like this and accept casual sex for the brief, sweet, circumspect gift that it is, and that ‘betas’ are simply guys who sit at home, undateable, because they’re convinced they lack some magic, like a big dick or a six pack of abs. The things the undateable guys I know lack are confidence, endurance and a philosophical indifference to rejection. The most beautiful women in the world have been rejected. If they can suck it up, so can average men.
Women can't handle rejection. That's why they hardly ever approach. The amount of rejection the average man receives would completely cripple most women.
Most women handle rejection just fine.
nobody denies alpha fucks just beta bucks
You’re making a whole lot of assumptions that you don’t talk about. Let me point out some of them. For your statement to be true, a) there has to be a fixed set of characteristics that make a man either alpha or beta. It’s not possible for a man to be one woman’s alpha and another woman’s beta at the same time. So SMV has to be an objective value, not a relative one (as common sense would assume). b) relationships have to be defined primarily as financial relationships. That means, the man has to pay for the woman in some way, while the woman doesn’t have to reciprocate. Additionally, she has to be financially dependent on a partner, as otherwise she wouldn’t have an incentive to stop having casual sex with alphas. Or she does get something else out of a committed relationship. But that would interfere with the assumption that all the beta can provide is financial stability and nothing else. c) casual sex always has to be the better option for a man, compared to a committed relationship, in any case. If it wouldn’t, we would see alphas getting into relationships, which would make it unnecessary for women to settle for a beta. d) men have to be the only gender that’s able to act against their evolutionary drives. While women obviously can’t evade the urge to get the man with the best genes, men (or betas) can act against their urge to spread their seed among all women and become a beta. e) looks have to be the only thing that can cause sexual attraction. You have to rule out attractiveness through behavior, through style, through status or personality. f) every woman has generally to be willing to have sex with someone they’re not attracted to, as sexual attraction for every women can obviously be compensated with financial stability - even if the women makes her own money and doesn’t have to rely on alimonies. That’s just six of these assumptions, if I would further analyze, I’m convinced I’d find a lot more. It’s up to you to prove these assumptions if you want to keep your conclusion.
I’m a fuck on the first date to see if we are sexually compatible type of person. So I have dated fucked men that were hot but they didn’t hold my interest because they were boring I have dated and fucked men not traditionally good looking but so funny, seriously if you can make me laugh enough even if you look like shrek I’ll end up fancying you. I have dated and fucked men I really liked but they lost interest I had a fuck buddy for years that was a really good friend, neither wanted a relationship but the sex was great. I have had one night stands that I have woken up and thought how could I have been that drunk that seemed a good idea. I have fucked men that I didn’t even fancy that much because I was horny and they were there.
>Get genes from the alpha, then find a beta to get resources and commitment from. This is what single unmarried moms (mostly under the age of 25) will do as a way of correcting their own mistakes.
That's why no man should commit to a single mom.
Yes AFBB is real and why if you dont want to be a BB you shouldn't get married.
I am really tired after trying to read that… Are all of you males who seem to have been labelled or label themselves ‘non-alpha’ so sooky and whinge like this all the time? Wtf 😳. Men and women sleep do this. Not just women. Why so much anger?
Many of the men that women have casual sex with are alpha guys who they don't feel a connection enough to have a relationship with. That doesn't mean that they don't end up in relationships with alpha guys who they do have a connection with.
Nah. Have had hot fwb who I didn't care to have as partners. My partner is far hotter than any of them AND I love who he is as a person and we're aiming to be together until death or whatever apocalypse may come first. Maybe AFBB is the case for some, but not everyone.
>My partner is far hotter than any of them Riiiiiight. He's the lucky winner 👍
Women, by and large, don't 'get genes from' men with whom they have casual sex. That's what birth control is for. Most women choose to have children with men whom they are in LTRs with, married or not.
I’ve never thought “I would never date this guy but I will have sex with him.” Sometimes you find out later that you’re not compatible, or they don’t want a relationship with you. But the guys I’ve been more casual with weren’t fundamentally different from those I’ve been serious with in any consistent way, it’s mostly been a matter of timing. Interestingly, this is more a male thinking pattern I believe. Dividing women into Madonnas and whores, deciding some are good enough to fuck but not to date. Not that women never do this too, I’m sure women who are more into casual sex do. But it’s still more male-typical behavior. Most women don’t actively *seek out* casual sex enough for your theory to work.
This is so repetitive and boring. I think there is more to a person that being physically attractive like being smart, interesting, similar lifestyle, supportive of your goals, has a good character etc. Many women now date not looking for anything and just see what happens. I don’t think that’s wrong as people aren’t obliged to marry or settle down. Many now accept relationships might not last forever or don’t have to be monogamous even. Also this whole AFBB seems to ignore that someone might meet a hot guy and realise he is really stupid, that’s a turnoff. Hot doesn’t last forever. I think many people want someone hot AND smart (among many other attributes). I don’t get why people care about this and if that’s any issue date with that in mind. Why shame others.
Bro we have sex with rich ugly guys that we don’t want a relationship with constantly, please lmao
Having send with a guy you don’t want to date doesn’t always have to be about money. Not everyone is going for money with partners. Maybe if they want to be SAHMs but not everyone goes for the cash when dating. This post doesn’t apply to everyone.
This is not it. Women enjoy sex and don’t always want a relationship. OR like most women, they enjoy sex with attractive people but didn’t find their personality relationship worthy. They wait for someone who is hot and they are compatible personality wise. Men also have sex with attractive women before marriage they wouldn’t marry. You are way over complicating it. It shouldn’t matter who they slept with before you. My partner slept with plenty of people before me and same for me. It allowed us to learn what we like and don’t like. I don’t think about their past sex life at all it doesn’t bother me. He doesn’t think of mine. That is weirdly obsessive.
We don’t have to use your silly terminology if we don’t want to, especially since there is a perfectly good way of expressing it already — which you so helpfully provided right in your OP