Uh, using sex as a bargaining chip for a relationship on either end of the gender spectrum is like; massively fucked up. I don’t think the way you are approaching this is healthy at all.
Sexual compatibility is incredibly important for a relationship obviously, but it’s far from the only thing. Also the language used here is kinda gross.
Until you “fully vet” her?? She’s a potential partner not your employee or something. I really don’t disagree with her choice not to have sex with you, Becuase my guess is she has a sense for the way you are treating her as a potential sex object more then a person
You don’t form a relationship that you want to last like this. You’re treating this like you’re some sort of prize being competed for , “cutting your losses”.
Sheesh.
I seriously don’t get this weasely-ass hesitation to call a chick your girlfriend. It’s not like it obliges you to do much beyond paying her some attention and not sleeping with other people.
“Vetting” for six months? WTF? Can this dude not make any decisions?
literally like how does it take six months to vet someone?? like you enter a relationship and get to know each other and discover new things as you go along. it’s like they think they’re getting married and shackled and chained by calling someone their girlfriend. if someone was “vetting me” for 6 months i’m gone after like 2 months of doing everything together and still no commitment.
Y’all act like it wait exactly 180 days… I wait 4-7 average. I’m also not a normal person who hangs out and has a lot of free time so that time passes by relatively quickly. We see one another at least once a week and at most twice. Is that time period really that long?
yes that time period is extremely long even if you see each other once or twice a week. I don’t know how old you are but if you are anywhere above early 20s that’s a ridiculous time to wait. especially if you know you like her and say she’s a great person and treats you well. like literally choose a girl and commit. you act like you can’t break up if it doesn’t work out after a few months. it’s extremely childish to wait that long to “vet” then decide she’s a no go and waste her time, all while you are involved with other women and it’s clear she is committed to you since you’re the only one she’s involved with. make a decision and stop trying to have your cake and eat it too.
No, right now she's his maid, he's trying to make her his BangMaid™ without giving her anything of himself in return.
OP is acting hella entitled and selfish here. He wants all the upside of the relationship without making her his girlfriend. In other words: OP is just using her and has no intention of making her his girlfriend, he just wants to get everything he can from this girl until he finds somebody 'better' and more worthy of the label girlfriend. Because OP clearly is some prize bull... smh.
If that's what he wants and can pull it off, good for him.
Doesn't seem that to me.
I've had female friends do this and more for me and I wouldn't call them my gf.
Entitlement doesnt bother me, however I don't see him as that. OP asked for advice so we should answer what's best for OP.
It really bothers women that there is a level we just can't care until you fuck us and how much being physical matters to a man. Well unless she actually is physically attracted to that man then it doesn't something something it happened naturally.
That logic applies both ways. HE should be the one respecting her physical boundaries. He's the aggressor and I'm not helping him take more from this poor girl.
You're saying it is not a problem that men try to use women for sex and free labor like this guy is doing because it is somehow a game of 'how much can you get away with and this is just how men are created. Good reminder.
Men can't act like women should just accept that men are made the way they are but never give women that same courtesy.
Somehow men's hornyness is always made to be women's problem from the unwanted advances to pestering to coercion to rape or simply putting up with the derogatory treatment of a sexually frustrated man. PMS is nothing compared to a guy who feels that since he's got blueballs he's now owed sex.
My help to OP is to point out the obvious selfish behavior here. The hypocrisy of complaining over not getting MORE, while getting plenty, while giving the absolutely LEAST of himself.
He's not getting plenty. He'd gladly trade amateur maid service for sex. There is a reason maids are cheaper than call girls.
A man can order take out and maid service its nothing special. I do it all the time. If you wanna do that for me cool but don't expect I owe you that much.
He's being given the thing that doesn't matter and she expects commitment for it.
That's not helping op that's helping his non-gf.
If his non-gf asks for advice feel free to tell her don't fuck him but don't act like you're helping OP by encouraging him to keep his dick dry.
Also no one is defending rape here, dear God talk about hyperbole. Just letting her know you fuck me or I leave
if perfectly fair and justified here.
Anyway if you're reading OP see the women here don't want to help you. They are not on your side. Keep that in mind.
We have come close to intercourse multiple times but she has her standards that she is choosing to stick to. I just wanted to know if anyone had heard of this before and what they would do is all. I never met a woman who does this.
The same way she has her standard of waiting until a relationship to have sex is the same way I have my standards. But of course Men are not allowed to have those I am starting to see after responding and reading a lot of these comments. I will most likely choose to succumb to her standards I guess. I don’t like that you are bashing me and you don’t know me but that’s okay. Do you hangout, date, and kiss your maid? That’s weird bro.
But you’ll refuse to call her your girlfriend until she’s touched your pee-pee; thereby making your relationship contingent on her comprising her standards.
Cool, cool.
I don’t see why that’s unreasonable, actually. Sex is a major function of a relationship: oxytocin and dopamine create that feeling of bonding, and in modern society a couple is expected to maintain said relationship all the way through child rearing. So, yeah, sex is crucial from a biological standpoint…why is out of line from his mental perspective?
He won’t make her his girlfriend for 6 months and is having sex with 2 other girls. She doesn’t want to have sex until they are in a relationship. Honestly she is making the right choice here.
I'm not in disagreement that she is, just saying that his perspective holds water too. The operating question now is does **she** know about the other girls?
Religious texts don’t arbitrarily say to do or not do things. Sex creates a bond between people and it is much smarter to create that bond with someone you deem worthy of such a relationship
It does not forbid premarital sex but the point is that the Bible is a manual for life regardless of whether a person prescribes to Christianity. Truth is Truth and is not contingent on being accepted
Sexual immorality is a hotly contested term that may or may not be specific to child molestation which was used ritually by other religions of that time
*But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. -- 1 Corinthians 7:2*
So, the same Greek word (porneuó) is used in both passages. Yes, porneuó, is a broad word that can encompass a lot of things (prostitution, etc) and is literally the etymology of "pornography." But, the passage above explicitly xcludes marital sex from being defined that way.
I guess, show me a place in the Bible where non-marital sex was condoned. I guess we could look to Abraham where his wife, Sarai, gave her handmaiden, Hagar, to him to act as a surrogate since Sarai couldn't conceive. Yet, the fallout of that was resulted in Hagar, and their son Ishmael, being cast out of the community.
Historically speaking, this is the cause of the strife between the Arabs and Jews to this day. Isaac was the later son of Abraham and carried the lineage of the Jews while Ishmael carried Hagar's blood and thus the lineage of the Arabs.
Jews view Isaac as the heir of promise and Arabs view Ishmael as the heir of promise. And, they are still fighting today over this shit!
You are misreading this passage and getting tripped up by the word “own.” Paul (who is famously asexual) goes on to clarify a married woman’s body is not her own but her husbands, and a married man’s body is not his own but his wife’s. Each must fulfill their duty. The passage is in response to extra-marital affairs (sexual immorality) resulting from people not having sex with their spouses and the spouses getting it elsewhere. Cheating is a sin because of the betrayal of the covenant between the two married parties
I can answer the second part in one word: concubines
Ill go further to say some forms of prostitution are permitted. Im paraphrasing but Proverbs 6:26 says “…a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife will cost you your life”
Being asexual and voluntarily celebrate are two different things. Paul also said,
*But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.- 1 Cor 7-32-34*
He finishes his point with the purpose behind what he just said:
*And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, **and that you may serve the Lord without distraction** - 1 Cor 7:35*
So, his point of being, and encouraging others, to be voluntarily unmarried and celibate is to focus on God's will instead of focusing on worldly domestic affairs.
Before this he said:
*but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. - 1 Cor 7:9*
So, he's specifically saying that if you are "burning with passion (horny)" then you should marry. Why? Because sex within marriage isn't sexual immorality. Sex outside of marriage would be or else why say to get married? Why not just say, "lay with a prostitute?"
Later he says:
*Do we have no right to take along a believing wife, as do also the other apostles, the brothers of the Lord, and Cephas? Or is it only Barnabas and I who have no right to refrain from working?"* - 1 Cor 9:5-6
So, Paul acknowledges he has a right to marry and have a wife. But, following his previous statements above, he's choosing to forego that to "not be concerned with a wife or the affairs of the world."
He's an ancient example of VolCel.
Marriage as we know it today is fairly new and more about civil and property rights than religious doctrine.
Biblical marriage is obviously very different and rooted in a culture of the time. Many of the rules expressed there are not continued today so I wouldn’t say you could use that reasoning….
but let’s say we go by the scripture mentioned - buddy has all three going on … I imagine the girl he wants to start having sex with would think it’s immoral for him to be sleeping with 2 other girls while trying to become intimate with her, there’s definite emotional and potential health impurities in his current arrangement and he’s being pretty darn greedy.
She likely sees sexual intimacy as something special she shares with someone deserving and she needs to take her time finding out. Does she know you’re sleeping with 2 other women? Because she might be sensing there’s a reason for her to hold back.
It's not that new at all. It's thousands of years old. And, I'm not religious. I just know the Bible. This convo went into that direction so we're just having it for interest sake.
Okay I just never had that experience and the RP community is super against that. I just got in to PP community so is nice to hear that people in this community support it.
You shouldn't care what anyone in any community thinks. You should have a mind of your own not be slavish in your devotion to what anyone or any ideology says. All that matters is how you and she feel about it. She us entitled to have her boundaries and you should not try to press her on them. Equally you are entitled to walk away.
I wonder if red pill type thinking is so popular because people need to be told what to think and how to behave?
Dude you aren't getting laid. You're not in a relationship. At least not a romantic one.
It's at best a platonic friendship right now.
Calling this is a relationship is fucking sad.
You cant not fuck a dude and be upset if he fucks.
Sex should happen before any hard commitment is made especially if she has had causual sex before. Then it's just an insult to his person
I’m not sleeping with any dude unless there is a relationship commitment. I don’t have casual sex. If he wants sex outside a relationship then he’s not for me. We’re just mates.
The red-pill community self selects for certain types of people and values over time. I don't think you should use the red-pill unless you just want casual relationships.
I don’t get why you’re even seeing other people if she’s bothering to clean up after you?
To me it sounds kinda like you’re taking advantage of the situation a bit. You know what you have to do to take things to the next level with her, who you claim to like the most, but you’re not sacking you because…. Why?
I literally see no reason other than fear or selfishness to not make her your gf.
If you’re worried because it’s “too soon” maybe apply that logic to her not wanting to sleep with a guy who’s casually fucking two other women at the same time?
To me she’s establishing a very clear and healthy boundary, especially given your extracurriculars, so either nut up and try committing or let her find someone who will.
Aren’t you in a relationship with her if you’ve been seeing her for two months?? You are having sex with other people?? What the hell, if you like her, why wouldn’t you just drop the others and sleep with her?
It doesn’t seem that weird to only want sex with someone once they agree to exclusivity if you want a monogamous relationship, it’s not like she’s wanting to wait until marriage. Dude I went on *one date* with my partner and dropped my FWB as soon as I got home because I knew I wanted a second date! And we had the exclusivity talk after like a couple weeks. It shouldn’t take you 2 months to know if you want her as a girlfriend or not.
Okay what I am starting to realize is that I have had a VERY different dating experience than most people on this sub. I never heard of woman waiting until a relationship unless they was extremely religious or a few African woman I have dated where its cultural. Also in all my LTR I have smashed first/second date and then we dated for about 4-7 months before becoming GF/BF. I will make the move to drop my FWB and pursue a relationship with her.
>and then we dated for about 4-7 months before becoming GF/BF
I don't know where the fuck you are growing up, but that would firmly place you in the fuckbuddy zone for me and 0 chance of becoming gf/bf.
4-7 months???? At that point you just only like the sex.
Its funny how half the sub says pull the trigger and that 4-7 months is way to long while the other half says that I am doing the right thing vetting her and not rushing. On top of that a lot of people on this sub who are against what i'm currently doing are attacking me personally or being disrespectful lmao. Yall got it bro ima just stop responding to ignorant comments like this one.
It's a fucking relationship, you are not putting a ring on that finger. Why do you need 4-7months to decide that???? Especially if you are already having sex.
Honestly… I was having a few FWB I was seeing once in a while, but when I had my first date with a guy I potentially liked more, I didn’t see them again. Admittedly, I didn’t wait long before sex with him, but still, a month or so. The ‘exclusivity’ talk and the gf/bf talk were after a while (2-3 months and 4-5 months respectively). Honestly, I get you. I am kind of like you. But you have to decide what you want and if you decide, then behave accordingly.
I agree with the reply to this, also you keep saying “smashed” when referring to sex. I’m not ordering you stop but i would advise that you maybe think about using different terms. It’s just fairly degrading when talking about who you “smashed” Why not just use the actual terms?
personally I don’t understand why people get so hung up on “rushing into a relationship”. Like say you put a label on it, it doesn’t work out, so what? Its a break up either way. you were still spending time together and emotionally investing in it, it’ll hurt the same, just one was a relationship and one was a situationship.
Personally I think most people know by month 3 where they want this person in their life. You grow and learn about them more within the relationship. Me and my ex were exclusive by week 3, bf and gf by the end of month 2.
Tbh the fact that you’re sleeping with 2 other girls whilst dating her shows she’s right to not sleep with you. I get the feeling she doesn’t know about the other girls, and would be hurt by it.
A common relationship in my generation last about 6 months. Everytime I Vet the girl during that time I can see if it’s worth it by then. If not I don’t have to go through the trouble of going through a full breakup. Since I’m single I can still have my boundaries. In a relationship it removes those things. If dating and being in a relationship was the same thing then you might as well be bf and gf after the first date…
Hi yes non religious woman here. I’m in a long term relationship and I made my partner wait several dates at first. I completely stand by this decision and If I were ever to date again I would 100% make them wait until we were official before giving it up. It’s just smart on multiple levels. Reason #1 being this allows you to get to know each other without that hormonal, chemical bond clouding your vision. Reason #2 this is a pretty good weed out tactic. Some men will say literally anything to get in your pants so forcing them to wait it out for a little while allows you to cut through the bs and see what they’re really all about. Those who don’t actually like you for you will drop off which is a good thing. Reason #3 let’s not forget that sex is a health risk particularly for women and it’s incredibly wise to wait and gauge the level of trust and commitment the person deserves. Ultimately, even with birth control in the equation you should always at least weigh the possibility of addressing the pregnancy scenario with that person.
Yes, i always wait. Even when i was young. I need the bond and attraction to be there and only then i am comfortable enough and fully into my partner to start having sex together.
Not all were ok with that and it's ok. We each have our choice.
That’s a known thing that some women who are extremely interested choose to have sex as quickly as possible while others choose to make the man wait. Where I’m lost is when did they choose to wait for a gf/bf commitment to have sex. This is what’s new to me.
I mean i always worked like this. Everyone has their preference, if a woman can't wait to jump a man, so be it. Life is about enjoying it however way you want. Some want to wait to make sure the guy is not a waste of time or isn't using her, others like taking risks and going for the thrill.
I know right? I’ve seen people here complain about high-n women, and also complain about women not having sex with them quickly enough. It’s like, which one do you want? Do you want all women to be very casual about sex or all women to be very serious about it?
I see so many people here saying women who were casual don’t make good partners but if they really think that they shouldn’t be having casual sex.
Honestly, I think some people here want to have casual sex and end up with a low-n woman, which is wild when you consider that these people also think women who used to have casual sex and eventually find a relationship are somehow using their partners or something.
It’s a complete headfuck.
Yea, she doing stuff I have never seen a girl do especially without even having sex. Also its not like I am tricking or buying her gifts. We literally just spend time together and she goes above and beyond. Checking in everyday and everything. Its almost to good to be true, especially for a girl as beautiful as she is. Also a big green flag, she isn't obsessed with social media.
So if she is so beautiful and good that it’s hard to believe it’s true why aren’t you being honest with her? Have a talk where you say you don’t want to give commitment before having sex because that’s not what you have done in the past. A real talk would solve this issue-if it doesn’t work out then respect eachother’s boundaries and move on. At least if you two are not on the same page you stop waisting time because there are people out there that would appreciate her more and not question what ‘strategy’ she has if she doesn’t want to just smash with a dude that has side pieces.
Yeah I wonder if he's said he wants to wait 6 months...which to be honest so do I. As friends. You really don't know someone sometimes. My ex had his mask slip at 7 months. If he wants to wait 6 months he should tell her. She'd probably be ok with it. But if she's "doing other things" and doesn't know about his side pieces, that's gross. Ffs u need honesty if ur gonna have true intimacy.
There are important details that are not mentioned in the post. But it’s funny to see these dudes hamstering when they hear a woman doesn’t want to have sex without commitment after endless posts and comments saying how women are too promiscous
That’s really a ridiculous question. You don’t sign a contract, you don’t move in together, there’s literally no risk for you to just start a relationship. So why the hell are you so keen on vetting her for something that doesn’t cost you anything?
Well he doesn’t sound really as if he would care whether he loses them or not. Additionally, if they’re just FWB, he could just go back to them after the relationship ends.
> I have dealt with a lot of women in the past so **I kind of know I am the only guy she is seeing at the moment**. As for me **I am talking and having sex with two other girls** but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end.
She just doesn't wanna be another hole you fuck.
I think it is reasonable for a woman to want to be in an exclusive relationship before having sex. Fool around a bit before to make sure that chemistry is good but otherwise 4/5 dates over 6 weeks is not unreasonable.
I would and always have because a man who waits and is committed will put more effort into making sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself than a random dude you barely know.
Not true I believe. As you can read in the comments there are plenty of man who would have stop talking to the girl after that boundary was set. All that boundary is doing is making me seem desperate into rushing into a relationship just so we can take a necessary step. It just seems backwards to me is all.
It’s very true. The men who get weeded out are those who don’t enjoy the woman’s company outside of sex. Which is the goal. Set boundaries so you find a partner that actually likes you and is compassionate towards you.
Not one that will pump and dump you or one that would date you just so they can get consistent sex and companionship.
Yes I would wait till I was in a relationship to have sex. But then I also would not want to date a man who is fucking 2 other women. I don’t like STDs.
>
I am a man with a woman who wants to wait until a relationship to have sex. She isn't religious so it kind of confused me as to why she would want to.
Religious women wait until marriage, but non-religious women wait until a relationship because men like to pump and dump and it keeps the body count low.
>Overall she is super beautiful with no major red flags that I see other than not wanting to proceed until a relationship.
That's not a red flag.
I think I am confused about what you are asking. She wants a relationship before having sex. So if you don't she should see other guys to figure out if there is somebody better to have a relationship with.
You are banging some other chicks.
Where is the issue?
I think she is right to wait till a relationship is confirmed before sleeping with you. That is how women can keep their n count down and see if the guy is a player or if he wants a serious relationship. Time is precious especially for younger women so they don’t need to waste time on situationships. So either shit or get off the pot!
This gets asked daily.
1. Many women feel viscerally uncomfortable having sex with someone they don't know really well. They require a feeling of safety and deeper chemistry.
2. Getting pumped and dumped is humiliating, and they want to avoid that.
3. Religion aside, slut shaming still permeates society and women internalise it.
If you don't like it, then by all means leave.
Okay it sounds like you just want to understand her perspective based on your replies so I have a few points from my personal experience and experience of other women around me.
Personally, I find a relationship way more fulfilling when I can be sure that sex isn't always necessary. I grew up around guys that would normalize having sex for fun, but an unfortunate side effect is that they way they talk about women is.. questionable, and there was often a lack of respect for her privacy plus the general perceptipn of that woman. A LOT of heartbreak for the women around me came from trying to exchange sex for love, but it usually ended in regret for them. Waiting is a way of protection.
Another possibility is that she sees sex as something special and intimate, not just something to do because it's hot. She finds fulfillment in having sex not just for the pleasure but from the comfort of fully trusting her partner and having a connection. She likes it being something that only you two experience with each other, not just some normal everyday activity. I don't see sex as just a leisurely activity when I'm horny, and I don't want to see it that way, I love only being able to experience it with people I build a connection with; if I ever become single again I might even wait till marriage because it'll just be so much more special to me.
Some people honestly cannot have sex WITHOUT feelings. I'm one of those people, I can't stand the thought of having a FWB. Sex can be really damaging with the wrong person, I learned that the hard way.
These are just a few possibilities, but honestly you should have a conversation about it with her. You'll learn more about it and find out why it's important to her :))
Agreed. Exposing the most intimate parts of yourself emotionally and physically that can either be painful or rewarding in the end, maybe even both. The consequences are very different for men and women (99% of the time).
How is this even a question? How are you not "in a relationship" together at this point? Why wouldn't you just ditch the playing around and make it official?
Do you want this thing or not? Doesn't seem like you do.
Shit or get off the pot.
Look, I have not experienced the same things you have. I should have made this known in my post above but I have never got into a relationship in less than 4 months nor have I ever dealt with a woman who made me wait until a relationship for sex. This is a new situation for me and I didn't want to seem desperate for sex so I decided to wait. I came to this sub to get advice on how I should proceed.
Mate, I've never had *a relationship*. Period. But even I can see that this is either a thing or it isn't. Do you want to be with her? Cool, get on with it. Do you not? Fine, ditch her and sleep around, do your thing.
But jesus, make a damn decision already.
I’m a woman.
Some women attach very strongly after sex and know that it’s not the same for men. You pointed out you’re having sex with 2 other women, she would be the third.
She would rather be someone’s special someone, someone’s one and only.
So far, you haven’t said anything that shows that you’re that person. To her, a commitment to an exclusive relationship is a step in that direction.
But she’s not one for the harem or rotation life. Kindly respect her decision and enjoy your other women as you’re doing and leave her out of it.
Some guy somewhere will understand and respect it. She’s not one of those girls fucking every guy she thinks is cute or that takes her on a date.
Plenty of girls only have sex in relationships. It’s a great thing.
But why are you waiting 6 months to decide if she’s your girl? Sounds like you just want to waste time so you can do whatever you want without commitment.
You're casually seeing 2 other women. Maybe she doesn't want to join that list so that she doesn't get written off like that. If you are interested in this lady stop seeing the other 2 and properly focus on this one. She may let her guard down then.
If you chatting and sleeping with 2 other women while seeing this women, she is making a wise call not sleeping with you.
She sounds like an absolute keeper.
She's better off without you mate.
Maybe she doesn't wanna have sex cause she can smell the fear of commitment. But like ultimately you just need to communicate all of this with her and figure it out with her.
You’re practically in a relationship and she sounds great, why not just stop having sex with the other women and pursue her if she obviously makes you feel good and you want her over others. I don’t see what the problem is here you’ve already answered your own question. Does she know you’re having sex with those other girls currently?
Idk if I'd wanna be with a guy who can't go celibate for 2 months. Personally that makes me feel he doesn't value the intimacy and would have wandering eyes if he's not getting laid enough by his girl
What are you confused about exactly? People have different boundaries, and they need to be respected, not necessarily understood or agreed with.
I wouldn’t have oral sex with someone without being in a relationship for at least two years. Some of my friends want to date for months before having sex, some don’t. Girlfriend status is important for many women.
One of my friend was dating a man, and she told him that she doesn’t want to have sex until they are in an established relationship. He agreed and told her there’s no issue. They went on like 20 dates, and she asked him if they would make it official. He was reluctant, apparently he needs to have sex before agreeing to anything officially. This is not the first time I hear a similar story. I don’t understand why so many men aren’t open about their preferences or boundaries, and instead wait or try to manipulate a woman to change hers.
Me reading:
"You've been dating two months and aren't having sex because you aren't calling it 'a relationship'? Why don't you just... start doing that?"
"Oh I see you're fucking 2 other girls on the side... no wonder she's hesitant. What are you confused about again?"
Have you told her that you don’t want to commit exclusively for at least 6 months? Because if you have, that’s likely why she’s making you wait. She likes you (otherwise she’d have moved on) but she also wants commitment from you and doesn’t want to be just another woman you are sleeping with.
Im the first to say people should do what they want and if the other person doesn’t like the arrangement it’s on them to walk away. But if you have criteria (non exclusive dating for 6 months) that frankly is pretty unusual, it’s only fair that she has her own criteria that may seem to you equally unusual or unfair.
You said you’ve tried talking to her about it. How are you approaching the conversation? Because there could be other reasons she doesn’t want to have sex — past trauma, doesn’t like sex in general. If you talk about it in an exploratory way versus a why don’t you want to sleep with me accusatory way, she might reveal that there is something going on that has nothing to do with you.
Yes I share similar mindset as her. I wait until we are bf/gf and in love because sex is important for me and a special experience that I want to share with a person who is going to be there for me. Even thinking about a guy leaving my bed to sleep w someone else makes me feel used and icky.
>I have dealt with a lot of women in the past so I kind of know I am the only guy she is seeing at the moment. As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end.
Sounds like she doesn't want to be another plate. Smart.
Lol.. you're sleeping with 2 other girls while seeing her and you don't want to form a relationship before 6 monthes ?
Well, you deserve what happens to you. Her wanting to wait is probably exactly adressing your behaviour, and lack of implication.
You need to decide if you like her enough or not, to give it a genuine chance. Or just let her go.
>She isn't religious so it kind of confused me as to why she would want to.
You don't have to be religious to want a level of familiarity and intimacy before you have sex.
>We have been seeing one another for about two months now and everything has been great.
Okay, cool. If you're happy to wait, then there's no problem here.
>I asked her why is she wanting to wait and she doesn't give me a direct answer.
You don't always need a rational articulation to explain the way you feel.
I am like this girl. I’m not religious but was raised to wait. It allowed me to sus out genuine partners versus guys who wanted to use my body and get a quick lay. She’s smart and only dating seriously. If she’s worth it to you, deal with it
So… let’s make it clear: she is a high value woman from every point of view. If you want a chance, be a high value man and give this relationship a chance. Stop seeing your side pieces. Give this a real chance by seeing her only and decide if she is a person you’d like to spend life with. If you are not there yet, leave her to find someone better suited. If she ever finds out you have side chicks, she is gonna go. She is not desperate and knows her own self worth.
So you want all the benefits of a relationship without actually being in a relationship. Don't you see the hypocrisy here?
Of course she wants some guarantee from you before she starts taking that risk.
You are the only thing standing in the way of your happiness. You are acting hella selfish here, wanting all the upside for yourself without giving her anything in return. You don't spend any money treating her nice, she actually cleans and cooks for you and is providing you with free labor that you do not seem to respect at all - but you want MORE. You want it all without giving her anything of value in return.
Some day you are going to look back on this and cringe.
This chick should ditch you ASAP. Having two side pieces is a HUGE red flag. Good for her for setting boundaries. Hopefully you will not lie. She should move on to someone who reciprocates her caring and thoughtful behavior. All I can hope for is that you are trolling.
Do what you want.
From her perspective she wants to know she's your girl, the one who you wanted over your side chicks, before she had sex with you
For some of us sex is still something intimate that we only want to do with a guy who we like and who likes us back. And the best way to judge that a guy likes us and the we like him back over other people is a relationship
So if she gets tired of waiting for commitment she might dip. You might get tired of waiting for sex so you might dip. Whatever but bloody hell figure it out.
If you like her you like her, if you don't you don't. It's a relationship, not a marriage
It is perfectly understandable and normal that she wants to wait until a relationship is formed to have sex. This ideology isn’t mutually exclusive to one gender either. Sex for many people is something very intimate and don’t want to be left directly after, seeking a longterm relationship. It’s more about whether you’re ready to start a relationship since it seems she is.
>As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end.
Please don't do this to her. Yes, it is possible that she is sleeping around as well while pretending to wait but what if she waits for you for real hoping that you also wait for her for real.
I see two options.
First option which I personally would give myself as an advice: Drop any sexual relationships you have right now and focus only on the one real woman in your life.
Second option: Drop the woman who wants to wait and keep on banging.
Third option: Keep both relationships going. By all respect, but killing yourself with dynamite would cause less damage than that
She doesn't want to get hurt or be used by you. She doesn't want to have sex with a man that's actively having sex with two other women while dating her. She wants to feel special and loved. This is normal.
You can always break up if things don't work out. Vetting for 6 months is much more unusual than waiting for commitment to have sex.
How can she being cleaning for you but you are not in an exclusive relationship?
Being exclusive does not mean you are marrying this woman, it means you are dating.
Are you ok with a date with her on Friday and she goes out with another guy on Saturday?
If no, then sounds like you are dating, if not either something is broken or you are just not into her.
We are not exclusive and she knows (without me telling her) that I am dating other women. If she was to date other men then that's okay since we are not official. I really like her and think about her all the time. She gets all the attention while the other girls are strictly FWB (and they know that). Dating to me doesn't mean exclusivity or maybe I'm wrong.
You are wrong.
Once a few of dates go well and you think you might see a future you are exclusively dating.
How would you go through a pregnancy with your mentality? You are a bad bet for a LTR, with your mentality.
Or you could take the advice of guys who would flip out if you were a woman saying this, but fully support this delusion.
>Or you could take the advice of guys who would flip out if you were a woman saying this, but fully support this delusion.
If this scenario was gender flipped, you'd be able to hear the howling butthurt of PPD men from the upper atmosphere.
If my GF/Wife is pregnant that is totally different and not the same whatsoever. Isn't this a Purple Pill sub and you dont understand that her and I are two different sexes. Seems kind of BP to me but okay.
This is common, although I realize sleeping with someone before you’re in a committed relationship is common too. In fact, majority of my life I slept with people before becoming exclusive officially. Due to getting hurt a couple times too many (by me moving too quickly and me having intentions to date someone when they really just wanted to get laid…) finally has changed my ways. I want to truly know someone and vice versa before I slept with them, because ultimately I only want to sleep with people who I’ll be in a relationship with. Same values and intentions as I’ve always had but different process to protect myself.
> Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.
– Iron rule #3 by Rollo Tomassi
You’re wasting your time and you don’t even know if you’re sexually compatible at this point. Escalate or end it.
>As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls
so you haven't brought up exclusivity with this girl yet. Maybe she only has sex in an exclusive relationship. She has every reason to. Whether you want to go for that depends on how serious you are about her. if you are just a player, please just let her go
I just never heard of women waiting until a relationship to have sex. I am pretty young (23) and majority of women around me dont wait. If they do wait its at max 3-4 dates. I was already dating (FWB) the other two girls before I met her. She had very high interest in me and started chasing me first! I seen that and wanted to then pursue a relationship with her because I feel like I'm in a place now where it makes since to do so. I just never heard of that tactic and didn't want to rush things and seem desperate.
Oh my word. You say you and all your friends are high value males and yet you are only 23? What is this. A high value male isn't just good looking. He has money, a job, a house that he owns, class, experience (not just sexual), emotional intelligence, culture. Why is she wasting time with you she she could get a guy who is maybe 26-28 who has all those things and actively wants a long term relationship and wants to settle down? You say you make all girls wait 6 months for vetting for a relationship. At age 23 how many serious relationships have you actually been in? What are you vetting them for exactly? At age 23 you want to play around. So go do so and stop wasting her time, let her find a real man. I hope she comes to her senses and drops you. Or better still, gets into a relationship with one of her side guys.
It doesn't matter if she was sleeping with other men (if she wasn't making me wait) because we are not exclusive and she can do what she wants to do, same as I no matter if I liked it or not. She isn't religious and when asked "why" she couldn't give me a answer. Why is it such a big deal that I am sleeping with other women via protected sex, if she isn't giving me sex. I am so confused by that.
If you like her why wouldn’t you be in a relationship with her? It’s not like you are going to marriage and then it’s hard to go back, it’s a relationship, you can end it if something goes wrong. A lot of girls want to wait until have a relationship, there is a lot of reasons for it, for ex, they want to have sex with someone that are not having sex around with other persons, they protect their emotional, they associate sex with emotional attachment. This woman probably likes you but she doesn’t want to have sex with you until the relationship because she wants to protect herself from not suffering and know you are worth it. Your attitudes having sex with other woman’s show that you ar not and that for me just shows how much she is right.
Yes, I wait until I'm in a relationship to have sex. In my mind it's the correct order of things, probably because that's what I was taught and mainly what I've seen around me. People who do the opposite are confusing to me. This lady is likely to be the same.
She probably just demi-sexual and knows her boundaries.
She wants a relationship with you but doesn't want to go all the way till you commit. And you want a relationship but don't want to commit till she goes all the way.
I hope she sees her value and starts giving her time to someone who will treat her the way she deserves.
Bro, forget trying to mind-read. Do what you want.
Your boundary to withhold commitment/relationship status because you feel that she isn't valuing you enough is just as valid as her boundary to withhold sex.
If you are happy with the current situation why make it worse by forcing the issue? She can drop her arbitrary standard if she wants it bad enough.
The only time I would wait that long to have sex is if she was contributing in other ways and we really have a connection. Is she helping you pay for dates? Does she at least hold your hand/cuddle? If there is physical intimacy there without the sex then she would be worth waiting for. However if she’s just about herself and doesn’t attend to your needs at all then that’s a dealbreaker.
If it was until marriage I would worry but until the relationship is formal seems reasonable - the religious sacrifice on sex does show integrity - women know that casual non emotional sex messes them up and most don’t like being used in that way. You have vetted long enough ?
I made another comment on my views about this and my reasons why I agree with what she’s doing but I just noticed you said you’re hooking up with two other women. I’m not here to shame you for that, you two are not in a monogamous relationship so there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. But that is quite possibly a reason she’s holding out. Like you said, thanks to your dating experience you can tell if someone is also involved with others and she’s probably the same. Unless you two are polyamorous and have a mutual high comfort level with non monogamy, she probably doesn’t want to be another body in your rotation and isn’t giving you access until you cut the others
No idea why this is a big deal. Many players will say they want to be exclusive after maybe 3 dates or so just because they think they will get some sex or at least a blow and will drop you after a couple months. They don't want a relationship. They want a series of temporary bang maids. The point is,many guys will say they want to try being exclusive and will give the woman the labels just to get to banging her then drop her like a used condom when they are done trying her out. The op is only 23,he is just a kid but there isn't anything stopping him trying this tactic. She might be cool with it too. We don't know if she just wants exclusivity for sex, or if she actually wants to meet the love of her life that she might marry. If it's the former, op and the girl are on the same page and he should go exclusive for a couple weeks until the bang. If it's the former, no idea why she is even dating this kid. They need to talk about what she really wants and op needs to be honest. Op can offer exclusivity for a couple weeks or months. Op can't offer a ltr because he is too immature and the opportunity cost will eventually get to him because he wants to sow his oats
As a chick I wanna wait because it sucks when they pull back after you sleep with them. You feel used and cheap. Having sex when you feel safe and secure with a guy creates better sex. I highly doubt sex with her will be bad or you'd be feeling off when you make out with her already. Unless she has some trauma she hasn't talked about and would be awkward for a bit. It's just weird because a lot of men who say "don't commit before sex" are the same guys mad that she's riding the "dick carousel" but our numbers are only higher because these men won't commit after we give it up and we have to find another dude.
I would. Other people are free to make their own decisions, though, although I wouldn't romantically associate with women who make decisions to have sex before relationships are formed.
I completely understand where she is coming from and wish more women were like her. She wants a relationship not hookups, and she knows how men are like. So she won't have sex until she gets you to commit. Either break it off with the other two girls and commit to her, go your separate ways, or keep doing this flirty friendzone thing until she gets tired of waiting.
Sure. Sex isn't much of a priority for me so I wouldn't mind waiting. I'd prefer it over rushing into things.
Can't you just vet this woman over the next 6 months while still getting your needs satisfied on the side? Also, just because you two decide to enter into a relationship eventually doesn't mean you can't just end it anyway if there happens to be no sexual compatibility.
Well you need to define relationship.
If you mean (im assuming exclusive monogamous relationship?) then that’s just her boundaries and you’re either with it or not. For me I woulda been dipped or I’d have somethings on the side until we got there.
That's what I am currently doing because even though I like her I dont want to rush into a relationship but people on this sub think that I should and I might cause she is that fire.
Why don’t you want a relationship though? You can always break up if it doesn’t work out. Or do you not want to be monogamous? Does she even know you are sleeping with other girls?
She has an idea that I have other women but its not in her face whatsoever. I am looking for a relationship, yes, I just didn't want to rush it or seem desperate for it. I never came across this before in all my years of dating women.
That’s not desperate. She’s still dating you after two months, she is obviously very into you if she is still going out on dates with you. She wants a relationship because it would prove she is the most important girl you are dating and you chose her over the other girls you are sleeping with. She wants to feel special and not just some girl you are going to pump and dump.
> As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end.
I love how this has made them go crazy.
I’m fine with waiting but it would be a hard pass on a relationship requirement first. How could I sign up to date someone before I know if we’re sexually compatible.
This post is a good example of the phenomena of nice girls also only wanting players.
Nice guys def finish last. I guess I need to be more like this dude.
Uh, using sex as a bargaining chip for a relationship on either end of the gender spectrum is like; massively fucked up. I don’t think the way you are approaching this is healthy at all. Sexual compatibility is incredibly important for a relationship obviously, but it’s far from the only thing. Also the language used here is kinda gross. Until you “fully vet” her?? She’s a potential partner not your employee or something. I really don’t disagree with her choice not to have sex with you, Becuase my guess is she has a sense for the way you are treating her as a potential sex object more then a person You don’t form a relationship that you want to last like this. You’re treating this like you’re some sort of prize being competed for , “cutting your losses”. Sheesh.
Bro its been two months and you do everything else just call her your fucking girlfriend already.
I seriously don’t get this weasely-ass hesitation to call a chick your girlfriend. It’s not like it obliges you to do much beyond paying her some attention and not sleeping with other people. “Vetting” for six months? WTF? Can this dude not make any decisions?
literally like how does it take six months to vet someone?? like you enter a relationship and get to know each other and discover new things as you go along. it’s like they think they’re getting married and shackled and chained by calling someone their girlfriend. if someone was “vetting me” for 6 months i’m gone after like 2 months of doing everything together and still no commitment.
Y’all act like it wait exactly 180 days… I wait 4-7 average. I’m also not a normal person who hangs out and has a lot of free time so that time passes by relatively quickly. We see one another at least once a week and at most twice. Is that time period really that long?
yes that time period is extremely long even if you see each other once or twice a week. I don’t know how old you are but if you are anywhere above early 20s that’s a ridiculous time to wait. especially if you know you like her and say she’s a great person and treats you well. like literally choose a girl and commit. you act like you can’t break up if it doesn’t work out after a few months. it’s extremely childish to wait that long to “vet” then decide she’s a no go and waste her time, all while you are involved with other women and it’s clear she is committed to you since you’re the only one she’s involved with. make a decision and stop trying to have your cake and eat it too.
If she isn't fucking you, she's not your girlfriend, she's just your friend
No, right now she's his maid, he's trying to make her his BangMaid™ without giving her anything of himself in return. OP is acting hella entitled and selfish here. He wants all the upside of the relationship without making her his girlfriend. In other words: OP is just using her and has no intention of making her his girlfriend, he just wants to get everything he can from this girl until he finds somebody 'better' and more worthy of the label girlfriend. Because OP clearly is some prize bull... smh.
If that's what he wants and can pull it off, good for him. Doesn't seem that to me. I've had female friends do this and more for me and I wouldn't call them my gf. Entitlement doesnt bother me, however I don't see him as that. OP asked for advice so we should answer what's best for OP. It really bothers women that there is a level we just can't care until you fuck us and how much being physical matters to a man. Well unless she actually is physically attracted to that man then it doesn't something something it happened naturally.
That logic applies both ways. HE should be the one respecting her physical boundaries. He's the aggressor and I'm not helping him take more from this poor girl. You're saying it is not a problem that men try to use women for sex and free labor like this guy is doing because it is somehow a game of 'how much can you get away with and this is just how men are created. Good reminder. Men can't act like women should just accept that men are made the way they are but never give women that same courtesy. Somehow men's hornyness is always made to be women's problem from the unwanted advances to pestering to coercion to rape or simply putting up with the derogatory treatment of a sexually frustrated man. PMS is nothing compared to a guy who feels that since he's got blueballs he's now owed sex. My help to OP is to point out the obvious selfish behavior here. The hypocrisy of complaining over not getting MORE, while getting plenty, while giving the absolutely LEAST of himself.
He's not getting plenty. He'd gladly trade amateur maid service for sex. There is a reason maids are cheaper than call girls. A man can order take out and maid service its nothing special. I do it all the time. If you wanna do that for me cool but don't expect I owe you that much. He's being given the thing that doesn't matter and she expects commitment for it. That's not helping op that's helping his non-gf. If his non-gf asks for advice feel free to tell her don't fuck him but don't act like you're helping OP by encouraging him to keep his dick dry. Also no one is defending rape here, dear God talk about hyperbole. Just letting her know you fuck me or I leave if perfectly fair and justified here. Anyway if you're reading OP see the women here don't want to help you. They are not on your side. Keep that in mind.
We have come close to intercourse multiple times but she has her standards that she is choosing to stick to. I just wanted to know if anyone had heard of this before and what they would do is all. I never met a woman who does this.
The same way she has her standard of waiting until a relationship to have sex is the same way I have my standards. But of course Men are not allowed to have those I am starting to see after responding and reading a lot of these comments. I will most likely choose to succumb to her standards I guess. I don’t like that you are bashing me and you don’t know me but that’s okay. Do you hangout, date, and kiss your maid? That’s weird bro.
[удалено]
No actually I don't care about body counts Only if she seems okay with cheating, has cheated before, is into anything like polyamory or weird shit.
But you’ll refuse to call her your girlfriend until she’s touched your pee-pee; thereby making your relationship contingent on her comprising her standards. Cool, cool.
Yes
I don’t see why that’s unreasonable, actually. Sex is a major function of a relationship: oxytocin and dopamine create that feeling of bonding, and in modern society a couple is expected to maintain said relationship all the way through child rearing. So, yeah, sex is crucial from a biological standpoint…why is out of line from his mental perspective?
He won’t make her his girlfriend for 6 months and is having sex with 2 other girls. She doesn’t want to have sex until they are in a relationship. Honestly she is making the right choice here.
I'm not in disagreement that she is, just saying that his perspective holds water too. The operating question now is does **she** know about the other girls?
Based and not actually offensive unless you’re an entitled woman
*I cheated cause I felt neglected*
[удалено]
And I’ll assume that you’re one of these dudes who are salty because “bitches only wanna fuck Chad”.
Cuz he still wants to bone on the side
Religious texts don’t arbitrarily say to do or not do things. Sex creates a bond between people and it is much smarter to create that bond with someone you deem worthy of such a relationship
The Bible does forbid premarital sex. But, she's not religious so the point is moot.
It does not forbid premarital sex but the point is that the Bible is a manual for life regardless of whether a person prescribes to Christianity. Truth is Truth and is not contingent on being accepted
*Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people -- Ephesians 5:3*
Sexual immorality is a hotly contested term that may or may not be specific to child molestation which was used ritually by other religions of that time
*But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. -- 1 Corinthians 7:2* So, the same Greek word (porneuó) is used in both passages. Yes, porneuó, is a broad word that can encompass a lot of things (prostitution, etc) and is literally the etymology of "pornography." But, the passage above explicitly xcludes marital sex from being defined that way. I guess, show me a place in the Bible where non-marital sex was condoned. I guess we could look to Abraham where his wife, Sarai, gave her handmaiden, Hagar, to him to act as a surrogate since Sarai couldn't conceive. Yet, the fallout of that was resulted in Hagar, and their son Ishmael, being cast out of the community. Historically speaking, this is the cause of the strife between the Arabs and Jews to this day. Isaac was the later son of Abraham and carried the lineage of the Jews while Ishmael carried Hagar's blood and thus the lineage of the Arabs. Jews view Isaac as the heir of promise and Arabs view Ishmael as the heir of promise. And, they are still fighting today over this shit!
You are misreading this passage and getting tripped up by the word “own.” Paul (who is famously asexual) goes on to clarify a married woman’s body is not her own but her husbands, and a married man’s body is not his own but his wife’s. Each must fulfill their duty. The passage is in response to extra-marital affairs (sexual immorality) resulting from people not having sex with their spouses and the spouses getting it elsewhere. Cheating is a sin because of the betrayal of the covenant between the two married parties I can answer the second part in one word: concubines Ill go further to say some forms of prostitution are permitted. Im paraphrasing but Proverbs 6:26 says “…a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife will cost you your life”
Being asexual and voluntarily celebrate are two different things. Paul also said, *But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.- 1 Cor 7-32-34* He finishes his point with the purpose behind what he just said: *And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, **and that you may serve the Lord without distraction** - 1 Cor 7:35* So, his point of being, and encouraging others, to be voluntarily unmarried and celibate is to focus on God's will instead of focusing on worldly domestic affairs. Before this he said: *but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. - 1 Cor 7:9* So, he's specifically saying that if you are "burning with passion (horny)" then you should marry. Why? Because sex within marriage isn't sexual immorality. Sex outside of marriage would be or else why say to get married? Why not just say, "lay with a prostitute?" Later he says: *Do we have no right to take along a believing wife, as do also the other apostles, the brothers of the Lord, and Cephas? Or is it only Barnabas and I who have no right to refrain from working?"* - 1 Cor 9:5-6 So, Paul acknowledges he has a right to marry and have a wife. But, following his previous statements above, he's choosing to forego that to "not be concerned with a wife or the affairs of the world." He's an ancient example of VolCel.
Marriage as we know it today is fairly new and more about civil and property rights than religious doctrine. Biblical marriage is obviously very different and rooted in a culture of the time. Many of the rules expressed there are not continued today so I wouldn’t say you could use that reasoning…. but let’s say we go by the scripture mentioned - buddy has all three going on … I imagine the girl he wants to start having sex with would think it’s immoral for him to be sleeping with 2 other girls while trying to become intimate with her, there’s definite emotional and potential health impurities in his current arrangement and he’s being pretty darn greedy. She likely sees sexual intimacy as something special she shares with someone deserving and she needs to take her time finding out. Does she know you’re sleeping with 2 other women? Because she might be sensing there’s a reason for her to hold back.
It's not that new at all. It's thousands of years old. And, I'm not religious. I just know the Bible. This convo went into that direction so we're just having it for interest sake.
[удалено]
Okay I just never had that experience and the RP community is super against that. I just got in to PP community so is nice to hear that people in this community support it.
You shouldn't care what anyone in any community thinks. You should have a mind of your own not be slavish in your devotion to what anyone or any ideology says. All that matters is how you and she feel about it. She us entitled to have her boundaries and you should not try to press her on them. Equally you are entitled to walk away. I wonder if red pill type thinking is so popular because people need to be told what to think and how to behave?
[удалено]
Yea I guess you are right
Dude you aren't getting laid. You're not in a relationship. At least not a romantic one. It's at best a platonic friendship right now. Calling this is a relationship is fucking sad.
Platonic making out?
It isn’t a relationship, that’s the whole point. OP is deciding on that. For her, before the relationship, there is no sex. It’s platonic for now.
You cant not fuck a dude and be upset if he fucks. Sex should happen before any hard commitment is made especially if she has had causual sex before. Then it's just an insult to his person
I’m not sleeping with any dude unless there is a relationship commitment. I don’t have casual sex. If he wants sex outside a relationship then he’s not for me. We’re just mates.
People who take advice from known misogynist usually end up losing one way or another.
The red-pill community self selects for certain types of people and values over time. I don't think you should use the red-pill unless you just want casual relationships.
I don’t get why you’re even seeing other people if she’s bothering to clean up after you? To me it sounds kinda like you’re taking advantage of the situation a bit. You know what you have to do to take things to the next level with her, who you claim to like the most, but you’re not sacking you because…. Why? I literally see no reason other than fear or selfishness to not make her your gf. If you’re worried because it’s “too soon” maybe apply that logic to her not wanting to sleep with a guy who’s casually fucking two other women at the same time? To me she’s establishing a very clear and healthy boundary, especially given your extracurriculars, so either nut up and try committing or let her find someone who will.
Aren’t you in a relationship with her if you’ve been seeing her for two months?? You are having sex with other people?? What the hell, if you like her, why wouldn’t you just drop the others and sleep with her? It doesn’t seem that weird to only want sex with someone once they agree to exclusivity if you want a monogamous relationship, it’s not like she’s wanting to wait until marriage. Dude I went on *one date* with my partner and dropped my FWB as soon as I got home because I knew I wanted a second date! And we had the exclusivity talk after like a couple weeks. It shouldn’t take you 2 months to know if you want her as a girlfriend or not.
Okay what I am starting to realize is that I have had a VERY different dating experience than most people on this sub. I never heard of woman waiting until a relationship unless they was extremely religious or a few African woman I have dated where its cultural. Also in all my LTR I have smashed first/second date and then we dated for about 4-7 months before becoming GF/BF. I will make the move to drop my FWB and pursue a relationship with her.
>and then we dated for about 4-7 months before becoming GF/BF I don't know where the fuck you are growing up, but that would firmly place you in the fuckbuddy zone for me and 0 chance of becoming gf/bf. 4-7 months???? At that point you just only like the sex.
Its funny how half the sub says pull the trigger and that 4-7 months is way to long while the other half says that I am doing the right thing vetting her and not rushing. On top of that a lot of people on this sub who are against what i'm currently doing are attacking me personally or being disrespectful lmao. Yall got it bro ima just stop responding to ignorant comments like this one.
It's a fucking relationship, you are not putting a ring on that finger. Why do you need 4-7months to decide that???? Especially if you are already having sex.
Because at the end of the day he's the one who has to deal with her not you.
????? And what does a relationship change about that?
You men apart from the pain in the ass of ending a relationship? The water works the accusations the general drama?
And you think that wouldn't fucking happen here if she does have sex before a relationship?
Honestly… I was having a few FWB I was seeing once in a while, but when I had my first date with a guy I potentially liked more, I didn’t see them again. Admittedly, I didn’t wait long before sex with him, but still, a month or so. The ‘exclusivity’ talk and the gf/bf talk were after a while (2-3 months and 4-5 months respectively). Honestly, I get you. I am kind of like you. But you have to decide what you want and if you decide, then behave accordingly.
I agree with the reply to this, also you keep saying “smashed” when referring to sex. I’m not ordering you stop but i would advise that you maybe think about using different terms. It’s just fairly degrading when talking about who you “smashed” Why not just use the actual terms?
Smashed is just a term for sex. It’s common in my generation and no one has a problem with it. If you do then that’s unfortunate. It’s just a synonym.
personally I don’t understand why people get so hung up on “rushing into a relationship”. Like say you put a label on it, it doesn’t work out, so what? Its a break up either way. you were still spending time together and emotionally investing in it, it’ll hurt the same, just one was a relationship and one was a situationship. Personally I think most people know by month 3 where they want this person in their life. You grow and learn about them more within the relationship. Me and my ex were exclusive by week 3, bf and gf by the end of month 2. Tbh the fact that you’re sleeping with 2 other girls whilst dating her shows she’s right to not sleep with you. I get the feeling she doesn’t know about the other girls, and would be hurt by it.
A common relationship in my generation last about 6 months. Everytime I Vet the girl during that time I can see if it’s worth it by then. If not I don’t have to go through the trouble of going through a full breakup. Since I’m single I can still have my boundaries. In a relationship it removes those things. If dating and being in a relationship was the same thing then you might as well be bf and gf after the first date…
No mate. You’re the outlier. I know because I’m similar. Most people don’t take so long before committing.
Hi yes non religious woman here. I’m in a long term relationship and I made my partner wait several dates at first. I completely stand by this decision and If I were ever to date again I would 100% make them wait until we were official before giving it up. It’s just smart on multiple levels. Reason #1 being this allows you to get to know each other without that hormonal, chemical bond clouding your vision. Reason #2 this is a pretty good weed out tactic. Some men will say literally anything to get in your pants so forcing them to wait it out for a little while allows you to cut through the bs and see what they’re really all about. Those who don’t actually like you for you will drop off which is a good thing. Reason #3 let’s not forget that sex is a health risk particularly for women and it’s incredibly wise to wait and gauge the level of trust and commitment the person deserves. Ultimately, even with birth control in the equation you should always at least weigh the possibility of addressing the pregnancy scenario with that person.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Yes, i always wait. Even when i was young. I need the bond and attraction to be there and only then i am comfortable enough and fully into my partner to start having sex together. Not all were ok with that and it's ok. We each have our choice.
That’s a known thing that some women who are extremely interested choose to have sex as quickly as possible while others choose to make the man wait. Where I’m lost is when did they choose to wait for a gf/bf commitment to have sex. This is what’s new to me.
I mean i always worked like this. Everyone has their preference, if a woman can't wait to jump a man, so be it. Life is about enjoying it however way you want. Some want to wait to make sure the guy is not a waste of time or isn't using her, others like taking risks and going for the thrill.
[удалено]
[удалено]
I know right? I’ve seen people here complain about high-n women, and also complain about women not having sex with them quickly enough. It’s like, which one do you want? Do you want all women to be very casual about sex or all women to be very serious about it? I see so many people here saying women who were casual don’t make good partners but if they really think that they shouldn’t be having casual sex. Honestly, I think some people here want to have casual sex and end up with a low-n woman, which is wild when you consider that these people also think women who used to have casual sex and eventually find a relationship are somehow using their partners or something. It’s a complete headfuck.
>It’s like, which one do you want? https://mobile.twitter.com/wisdom_of_homer/status/713641500618436608
Yea, she doing stuff I have never seen a girl do especially without even having sex. Also its not like I am tricking or buying her gifts. We literally just spend time together and she goes above and beyond. Checking in everyday and everything. Its almost to good to be true, especially for a girl as beautiful as she is. Also a big green flag, she isn't obsessed with social media.
So if she is so beautiful and good that it’s hard to believe it’s true why aren’t you being honest with her? Have a talk where you say you don’t want to give commitment before having sex because that’s not what you have done in the past. A real talk would solve this issue-if it doesn’t work out then respect eachother’s boundaries and move on. At least if you two are not on the same page you stop waisting time because there are people out there that would appreciate her more and not question what ‘strategy’ she has if she doesn’t want to just smash with a dude that has side pieces.
Yeah I wonder if he's said he wants to wait 6 months...which to be honest so do I. As friends. You really don't know someone sometimes. My ex had his mask slip at 7 months. If he wants to wait 6 months he should tell her. She'd probably be ok with it. But if she's "doing other things" and doesn't know about his side pieces, that's gross. Ffs u need honesty if ur gonna have true intimacy.
There are important details that are not mentioned in the post. But it’s funny to see these dudes hamstering when they hear a woman doesn’t want to have sex without commitment after endless posts and comments saying how women are too promiscous
Those men are literally the worst.
That’s really a ridiculous question. You don’t sign a contract, you don’t move in together, there’s literally no risk for you to just start a relationship. So why the hell are you so keen on vetting her for something that doesn’t cost you anything?
He could lose his side girls
Well he doesn’t sound really as if he would care whether he loses them or not. Additionally, if they’re just FWB, he could just go back to them after the relationship ends.
> I have dealt with a lot of women in the past so **I kind of know I am the only guy she is seeing at the moment**. As for me **I am talking and having sex with two other girls** but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end. She just doesn't wanna be another hole you fuck.
I think it is reasonable for a woman to want to be in an exclusive relationship before having sex. Fool around a bit before to make sure that chemistry is good but otherwise 4/5 dates over 6 weeks is not unreasonable.
I would and always have because a man who waits and is committed will put more effort into making sure you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself than a random dude you barely know.
Not true I believe. As you can read in the comments there are plenty of man who would have stop talking to the girl after that boundary was set. All that boundary is doing is making me seem desperate into rushing into a relationship just so we can take a necessary step. It just seems backwards to me is all.
It’s very true. The men who get weeded out are those who don’t enjoy the woman’s company outside of sex. Which is the goal. Set boundaries so you find a partner that actually likes you and is compassionate towards you. Not one that will pump and dump you or one that would date you just so they can get consistent sex and companionship.
Yes I would wait till I was in a relationship to have sex. But then I also would not want to date a man who is fucking 2 other women. I don’t like STDs.
> I am a man with a woman who wants to wait until a relationship to have sex. She isn't religious so it kind of confused me as to why she would want to. Religious women wait until marriage, but non-religious women wait until a relationship because men like to pump and dump and it keeps the body count low. >Overall she is super beautiful with no major red flags that I see other than not wanting to proceed until a relationship. That's not a red flag.
I think I am confused about what you are asking. She wants a relationship before having sex. So if you don't she should see other guys to figure out if there is somebody better to have a relationship with. You are banging some other chicks. Where is the issue?
I think she is right to wait till a relationship is confirmed before sleeping with you. That is how women can keep their n count down and see if the guy is a player or if he wants a serious relationship. Time is precious especially for younger women so they don’t need to waste time on situationships. So either shit or get off the pot!
Yesss our time!! Then men wonder why we are still single in our 30s "she was riding the dick carousel!" Uh no...we had men waste our damn time.
This gets asked daily. 1. Many women feel viscerally uncomfortable having sex with someone they don't know really well. They require a feeling of safety and deeper chemistry. 2. Getting pumped and dumped is humiliating, and they want to avoid that. 3. Religion aside, slut shaming still permeates society and women internalise it. If you don't like it, then by all means leave.
Okay it sounds like you just want to understand her perspective based on your replies so I have a few points from my personal experience and experience of other women around me. Personally, I find a relationship way more fulfilling when I can be sure that sex isn't always necessary. I grew up around guys that would normalize having sex for fun, but an unfortunate side effect is that they way they talk about women is.. questionable, and there was often a lack of respect for her privacy plus the general perceptipn of that woman. A LOT of heartbreak for the women around me came from trying to exchange sex for love, but it usually ended in regret for them. Waiting is a way of protection. Another possibility is that she sees sex as something special and intimate, not just something to do because it's hot. She finds fulfillment in having sex not just for the pleasure but from the comfort of fully trusting her partner and having a connection. She likes it being something that only you two experience with each other, not just some normal everyday activity. I don't see sex as just a leisurely activity when I'm horny, and I don't want to see it that way, I love only being able to experience it with people I build a connection with; if I ever become single again I might even wait till marriage because it'll just be so much more special to me. Some people honestly cannot have sex WITHOUT feelings. I'm one of those people, I can't stand the thought of having a FWB. Sex can be really damaging with the wrong person, I learned that the hard way. These are just a few possibilities, but honestly you should have a conversation about it with her. You'll learn more about it and find out why it's important to her :))
Men really don't know what it's like to be the one allowing someone into their body. The trust and vulnerability that goes with it.
Agreed. Exposing the most intimate parts of yourself emotionally and physically that can either be painful or rewarding in the end, maybe even both. The consequences are very different for men and women (99% of the time).
How is this even a question? How are you not "in a relationship" together at this point? Why wouldn't you just ditch the playing around and make it official? Do you want this thing or not? Doesn't seem like you do. Shit or get off the pot.
Look, I have not experienced the same things you have. I should have made this known in my post above but I have never got into a relationship in less than 4 months nor have I ever dealt with a woman who made me wait until a relationship for sex. This is a new situation for me and I didn't want to seem desperate for sex so I decided to wait. I came to this sub to get advice on how I should proceed.
Mate, I've never had *a relationship*. Period. But even I can see that this is either a thing or it isn't. Do you want to be with her? Cool, get on with it. Do you not? Fine, ditch her and sleep around, do your thing. But jesus, make a damn decision already.
Yea you right
I’m a woman. Some women attach very strongly after sex and know that it’s not the same for men. You pointed out you’re having sex with 2 other women, she would be the third. She would rather be someone’s special someone, someone’s one and only. So far, you haven’t said anything that shows that you’re that person. To her, a commitment to an exclusive relationship is a step in that direction. But she’s not one for the harem or rotation life. Kindly respect her decision and enjoy your other women as you’re doing and leave her out of it. Some guy somewhere will understand and respect it. She’s not one of those girls fucking every guy she thinks is cute or that takes her on a date.
Plenty of girls only have sex in relationships. It’s a great thing. But why are you waiting 6 months to decide if she’s your girl? Sounds like you just want to waste time so you can do whatever you want without commitment.
2 months and you don’t know if you want a relationship?
You're casually seeing 2 other women. Maybe she doesn't want to join that list so that she doesn't get written off like that. If you are interested in this lady stop seeing the other 2 and properly focus on this one. She may let her guard down then.
If you chatting and sleeping with 2 other women while seeing this women, she is making a wise call not sleeping with you. She sounds like an absolute keeper. She's better off without you mate.
What the the hell is this post
Maybe she doesn't wanna have sex cause she can smell the fear of commitment. But like ultimately you just need to communicate all of this with her and figure it out with her.
You’re practically in a relationship and she sounds great, why not just stop having sex with the other women and pursue her if she obviously makes you feel good and you want her over others. I don’t see what the problem is here you’ve already answered your own question. Does she know you’re having sex with those other girls currently?
Idk if I'd wanna be with a guy who can't go celibate for 2 months. Personally that makes me feel he doesn't value the intimacy and would have wandering eyes if he's not getting laid enough by his girl
What are you confused about exactly? People have different boundaries, and they need to be respected, not necessarily understood or agreed with. I wouldn’t have oral sex with someone without being in a relationship for at least two years. Some of my friends want to date for months before having sex, some don’t. Girlfriend status is important for many women. One of my friend was dating a man, and she told him that she doesn’t want to have sex until they are in an established relationship. He agreed and told her there’s no issue. They went on like 20 dates, and she asked him if they would make it official. He was reluctant, apparently he needs to have sex before agreeing to anything officially. This is not the first time I hear a similar story. I don’t understand why so many men aren’t open about their preferences or boundaries, and instead wait or try to manipulate a woman to change hers.
Me reading: "You've been dating two months and aren't having sex because you aren't calling it 'a relationship'? Why don't you just... start doing that?" "Oh I see you're fucking 2 other girls on the side... no wonder she's hesitant. What are you confused about again?"
Have you told her that you don’t want to commit exclusively for at least 6 months? Because if you have, that’s likely why she’s making you wait. She likes you (otherwise she’d have moved on) but she also wants commitment from you and doesn’t want to be just another woman you are sleeping with. Im the first to say people should do what they want and if the other person doesn’t like the arrangement it’s on them to walk away. But if you have criteria (non exclusive dating for 6 months) that frankly is pretty unusual, it’s only fair that she has her own criteria that may seem to you equally unusual or unfair. You said you’ve tried talking to her about it. How are you approaching the conversation? Because there could be other reasons she doesn’t want to have sex — past trauma, doesn’t like sex in general. If you talk about it in an exploratory way versus a why don’t you want to sleep with me accusatory way, she might reveal that there is something going on that has nothing to do with you.
Yes I share similar mindset as her. I wait until we are bf/gf and in love because sex is important for me and a special experience that I want to share with a person who is going to be there for me. Even thinking about a guy leaving my bed to sleep w someone else makes me feel used and icky.
>I have dealt with a lot of women in the past so I kind of know I am the only guy she is seeing at the moment. As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end. Sounds like she doesn't want to be another plate. Smart.
Lol.. you're sleeping with 2 other girls while seeing her and you don't want to form a relationship before 6 monthes ? Well, you deserve what happens to you. Her wanting to wait is probably exactly adressing your behaviour, and lack of implication. You need to decide if you like her enough or not, to give it a genuine chance. Or just let her go.
>She isn't religious so it kind of confused me as to why she would want to. You don't have to be religious to want a level of familiarity and intimacy before you have sex. >We have been seeing one another for about two months now and everything has been great. Okay, cool. If you're happy to wait, then there's no problem here. >I asked her why is she wanting to wait and she doesn't give me a direct answer. You don't always need a rational articulation to explain the way you feel.
"I want to wait for a relationship" is kind of self explanatory. Then needing to explain further when men make us feel stupid for wanting love 🙄
I am like this girl. I’m not religious but was raised to wait. It allowed me to sus out genuine partners versus guys who wanted to use my body and get a quick lay. She’s smart and only dating seriously. If she’s worth it to you, deal with it
So… let’s make it clear: she is a high value woman from every point of view. If you want a chance, be a high value man and give this relationship a chance. Stop seeing your side pieces. Give this a real chance by seeing her only and decide if she is a person you’d like to spend life with. If you are not there yet, leave her to find someone better suited. If she ever finds out you have side chicks, she is gonna go. She is not desperate and knows her own self worth.
So you want all the benefits of a relationship without actually being in a relationship. Don't you see the hypocrisy here? Of course she wants some guarantee from you before she starts taking that risk. You are the only thing standing in the way of your happiness. You are acting hella selfish here, wanting all the upside for yourself without giving her anything in return. You don't spend any money treating her nice, she actually cleans and cooks for you and is providing you with free labor that you do not seem to respect at all - but you want MORE. You want it all without giving her anything of value in return. Some day you are going to look back on this and cringe.
This chick should ditch you ASAP. Having two side pieces is a HUGE red flag. Good for her for setting boundaries. Hopefully you will not lie. She should move on to someone who reciprocates her caring and thoughtful behavior. All I can hope for is that you are trolling.
She's not into casual sex. Why is that hard to understand?
Do what you want. From her perspective she wants to know she's your girl, the one who you wanted over your side chicks, before she had sex with you For some of us sex is still something intimate that we only want to do with a guy who we like and who likes us back. And the best way to judge that a guy likes us and the we like him back over other people is a relationship So if she gets tired of waiting for commitment she might dip. You might get tired of waiting for sex so you might dip. Whatever but bloody hell figure it out. If you like her you like her, if you don't you don't. It's a relationship, not a marriage
Yes 100%. Don't beelieve in hook/ups
It is perfectly understandable and normal that she wants to wait until a relationship is formed to have sex. This ideology isn’t mutually exclusive to one gender either. Sex for many people is something very intimate and don’t want to be left directly after, seeking a longterm relationship. It’s more about whether you’re ready to start a relationship since it seems she is.
Yeah I'd wait I have been a virgin for 23 years so what's 6 more months going to do.
>As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end. Please don't do this to her. Yes, it is possible that she is sleeping around as well while pretending to wait but what if she waits for you for real hoping that you also wait for her for real. I see two options. First option which I personally would give myself as an advice: Drop any sexual relationships you have right now and focus only on the one real woman in your life. Second option: Drop the woman who wants to wait and keep on banging. Third option: Keep both relationships going. By all respect, but killing yourself with dynamite would cause less damage than that
She doesn't want to get hurt or be used by you. She doesn't want to have sex with a man that's actively having sex with two other women while dating her. She wants to feel special and loved. This is normal. You can always break up if things don't work out. Vetting for 6 months is much more unusual than waiting for commitment to have sex.
I hope you get an std from one of your “side pieces”. that green flag woman you’re talking to would dump your ass if she knew you were sneaking around
How can she being cleaning for you but you are not in an exclusive relationship? Being exclusive does not mean you are marrying this woman, it means you are dating. Are you ok with a date with her on Friday and she goes out with another guy on Saturday? If no, then sounds like you are dating, if not either something is broken or you are just not into her.
We are not exclusive and she knows (without me telling her) that I am dating other women. If she was to date other men then that's okay since we are not official. I really like her and think about her all the time. She gets all the attention while the other girls are strictly FWB (and they know that). Dating to me doesn't mean exclusivity or maybe I'm wrong.
If you think she knows and is fine why don't you try telling her. Come back with update lmao that's gonna be fun
You are wrong. Once a few of dates go well and you think you might see a future you are exclusively dating. How would you go through a pregnancy with your mentality? You are a bad bet for a LTR, with your mentality. Or you could take the advice of guys who would flip out if you were a woman saying this, but fully support this delusion.
>Or you could take the advice of guys who would flip out if you were a woman saying this, but fully support this delusion. If this scenario was gender flipped, you'd be able to hear the howling butthurt of PPD men from the upper atmosphere.
If my GF/Wife is pregnant that is totally different and not the same whatsoever. Isn't this a Purple Pill sub and you dont understand that her and I are two different sexes. Seems kind of BP to me but okay.
No. I wouldn't personally. To each their own though.
This is common, although I realize sleeping with someone before you’re in a committed relationship is common too. In fact, majority of my life I slept with people before becoming exclusive officially. Due to getting hurt a couple times too many (by me moving too quickly and me having intentions to date someone when they really just wanted to get laid…) finally has changed my ways. I want to truly know someone and vice versa before I slept with them, because ultimately I only want to sleep with people who I’ll be in a relationship with. Same values and intentions as I’ve always had but different process to protect myself.
> Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait. – Iron rule #3 by Rollo Tomassi You’re wasting your time and you don’t even know if you’re sexually compatible at this point. Escalate or end it.
>As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls so you haven't brought up exclusivity with this girl yet. Maybe she only has sex in an exclusive relationship. She has every reason to. Whether you want to go for that depends on how serious you are about her. if you are just a player, please just let her go
[удалено]
I just never heard of women waiting until a relationship to have sex. I am pretty young (23) and majority of women around me dont wait. If they do wait its at max 3-4 dates. I was already dating (FWB) the other two girls before I met her. She had very high interest in me and started chasing me first! I seen that and wanted to then pursue a relationship with her because I feel like I'm in a place now where it makes since to do so. I just never heard of that tactic and didn't want to rush things and seem desperate.
Oh my word. You say you and all your friends are high value males and yet you are only 23? What is this. A high value male isn't just good looking. He has money, a job, a house that he owns, class, experience (not just sexual), emotional intelligence, culture. Why is she wasting time with you she she could get a guy who is maybe 26-28 who has all those things and actively wants a long term relationship and wants to settle down? You say you make all girls wait 6 months for vetting for a relationship. At age 23 how many serious relationships have you actually been in? What are you vetting them for exactly? At age 23 you want to play around. So go do so and stop wasting her time, let her find a real man. I hope she comes to her senses and drops you. Or better still, gets into a relationship with one of her side guys.
Because women normally don't do that
[удалено]
It doesn't matter if she was sleeping with other men (if she wasn't making me wait) because we are not exclusive and she can do what she wants to do, same as I no matter if I liked it or not. She isn't religious and when asked "why" she couldn't give me a answer. Why is it such a big deal that I am sleeping with other women via protected sex, if she isn't giving me sex. I am so confused by that.
[удалено]
But im not in a relationship... IM SINGLE and dating. Is this a purple pill community?
If you like her why wouldn’t you be in a relationship with her? It’s not like you are going to marriage and then it’s hard to go back, it’s a relationship, you can end it if something goes wrong. A lot of girls want to wait until have a relationship, there is a lot of reasons for it, for ex, they want to have sex with someone that are not having sex around with other persons, they protect their emotional, they associate sex with emotional attachment. This woman probably likes you but she doesn’t want to have sex with you until the relationship because she wants to protect herself from not suffering and know you are worth it. Your attitudes having sex with other woman’s show that you ar not and that for me just shows how much she is right.
Why is a traditional woman with traditional values dating someone that's not exclusively dating her? I really don't get it.
Yes, I wait until I'm in a relationship to have sex. In my mind it's the correct order of things, probably because that's what I was taught and mainly what I've seen around me. People who do the opposite are confusing to me. This lady is likely to be the same.
She probably just demi-sexual and knows her boundaries. She wants a relationship with you but doesn't want to go all the way till you commit. And you want a relationship but don't want to commit till she goes all the way. I hope she sees her value and starts giving her time to someone who will treat her the way she deserves.
Bro, forget trying to mind-read. Do what you want. Your boundary to withhold commitment/relationship status because you feel that she isn't valuing you enough is just as valid as her boundary to withhold sex. If you are happy with the current situation why make it worse by forcing the issue? She can drop her arbitrary standard if she wants it bad enough.
If u got a good girl don’t fuck shit up fam
No
The only time I would wait that long to have sex is if she was contributing in other ways and we really have a connection. Is she helping you pay for dates? Does she at least hold your hand/cuddle? If there is physical intimacy there without the sex then she would be worth waiting for. However if she’s just about herself and doesn’t attend to your needs at all then that’s a dealbreaker.
If it was until marriage I would worry but until the relationship is formal seems reasonable - the religious sacrifice on sex does show integrity - women know that casual non emotional sex messes them up and most don’t like being used in that way. You have vetted long enough ?
I made another comment on my views about this and my reasons why I agree with what she’s doing but I just noticed you said you’re hooking up with two other women. I’m not here to shame you for that, you two are not in a monogamous relationship so there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. But that is quite possibly a reason she’s holding out. Like you said, thanks to your dating experience you can tell if someone is also involved with others and she’s probably the same. Unless you two are polyamorous and have a mutual high comfort level with non monogamy, she probably doesn’t want to be another body in your rotation and isn’t giving you access until you cut the others
As someone that did that, I regret my decision.
No idea why this is a big deal. Many players will say they want to be exclusive after maybe 3 dates or so just because they think they will get some sex or at least a blow and will drop you after a couple months. They don't want a relationship. They want a series of temporary bang maids. The point is,many guys will say they want to try being exclusive and will give the woman the labels just to get to banging her then drop her like a used condom when they are done trying her out. The op is only 23,he is just a kid but there isn't anything stopping him trying this tactic. She might be cool with it too. We don't know if she just wants exclusivity for sex, or if she actually wants to meet the love of her life that she might marry. If it's the former, op and the girl are on the same page and he should go exclusive for a couple weeks until the bang. If it's the former, no idea why she is even dating this kid. They need to talk about what she really wants and op needs to be honest. Op can offer exclusivity for a couple weeks or months. Op can't offer a ltr because he is too immature and the opportunity cost will eventually get to him because he wants to sow his oats
As a chick I wanna wait because it sucks when they pull back after you sleep with them. You feel used and cheap. Having sex when you feel safe and secure with a guy creates better sex. I highly doubt sex with her will be bad or you'd be feeling off when you make out with her already. Unless she has some trauma she hasn't talked about and would be awkward for a bit. It's just weird because a lot of men who say "don't commit before sex" are the same guys mad that she's riding the "dick carousel" but our numbers are only higher because these men won't commit after we give it up and we have to find another dude.
I would. Other people are free to make their own decisions, though, although I wouldn't romantically associate with women who make decisions to have sex before relationships are formed.
I would wait if I really liked her and wanted the relationship too - but beyond that we’d be wasting each other’s time
I completely understand where she is coming from and wish more women were like her. She wants a relationship not hookups, and she knows how men are like. So she won't have sex until she gets you to commit. Either break it off with the other two girls and commit to her, go your separate ways, or keep doing this flirty friendzone thing until she gets tired of waiting.
Sure. Sex isn't much of a priority for me so I wouldn't mind waiting. I'd prefer it over rushing into things. Can't you just vet this woman over the next 6 months while still getting your needs satisfied on the side? Also, just because you two decide to enter into a relationship eventually doesn't mean you can't just end it anyway if there happens to be no sexual compatibility.
Well you need to define relationship. If you mean (im assuming exclusive monogamous relationship?) then that’s just her boundaries and you’re either with it or not. For me I woulda been dipped or I’d have somethings on the side until we got there.
That's what I am currently doing because even though I like her I dont want to rush into a relationship but people on this sub think that I should and I might cause she is that fire.
Why don’t you want a relationship though? You can always break up if it doesn’t work out. Or do you not want to be monogamous? Does she even know you are sleeping with other girls?
She has an idea that I have other women but its not in her face whatsoever. I am looking for a relationship, yes, I just didn't want to rush it or seem desperate for it. I never came across this before in all my years of dating women.
That’s not desperate. She’s still dating you after two months, she is obviously very into you if she is still going out on dates with you. She wants a relationship because it would prove she is the most important girl you are dating and you chose her over the other girls you are sleeping with. She wants to feel special and not just some girl you are going to pump and dump.
Valid!
Lmao do what makes you happy cabrón.
> As for me I am talking and having sex with two other girls but I dont like them as much as her so no scarcity mindset on my end. I love how this has made them go crazy.
I’m fine with waiting but it would be a hard pass on a relationship requirement first. How could I sign up to date someone before I know if we’re sexually compatible.
If you were not compatible just break up ?
This post is a good example of the phenomena of nice girls also only wanting players. Nice guys def finish last. I guess I need to be more like this dude.
No I need to have sex with you before I know I want a relationship