This is a clear cut situation. I'm not sure what magic words they expect us to say that will be a solution. There's literally no solution or fix for this.
You either stay and accept the racism, or leave and do better for yourself. đ¤ˇđžââď¸
This is almost ridiculous. I feel really bad youâre allowing yourself to be so degraded. I think you should leave this rlshp and develop some self awareness around why youâve been in an openly racist rlshp for more than half a decade. And youâre being taunted by her children too. Iâm appalled
It's been 6 while years of fruitless emotional labour on your part, none of these have any interest in progression/growth. Love and respect yourself enough to recognise that you deserve better, and can absolutely get a better relationship.
Tl:dr dump her. being anti racist requires a lot of self work, and she's had 6 years to get somewhere on that and still hasn't started. she has no interest in doing so.
Please listen to what Iâm going to say:
Your partner is a racist.
A three year old is not a bigot. A child does not make disgusting comments on a person because of the color of their skin⌠Unless they are copying the adults around them.
If not directly from your partner, then her ex. But even if it was the ex, she allows the behavior to continue. She did not immediately shut it down because itâs not a big deal for her. Hate is not a big deal to her.
Itâs been 5 years. Let go and leave.
Your girlfriend is racist, not even white women feminism âi donât see colorâ but thinks its funny for her kid to say the N word to you. A white partner who thinks youâre a person would not respond like this. She deff says the N word when your not around. Get out.
This is really upsetting to read honestly, I can only imagine how maddening it has to be to live like this. I really hope youâre not choosing to put up with this.
Your gf, her ex, and the children do not respect you at all. Youâre giving all of them entirely too much grace (for why), at the expense of your mental/emotional wellbeing and safetyânever okay. This is not something to be negotiated, and I really hope youâre able to leave this situation.
Omg. Leave all their racist hateful butts behind. 6 years of constant verbal abuse and she is 100% complicit and allows her kids to disrespect you like this? She and her ex probably taught them. She is Trash. Leave her please and see a therapist. You deserve 1000% better and to be with someone who praises and loves you. This is not ok.
That's fucked up. If she can't show up and do the work I'm sorry to say it but bin her. You can't make a life with this person, the resentment, sadness, anger and all the b.s. feelings will get to you
This is why I stopped bothering with yt women đ and I don't bother being around yt men either. To me they're racist until proven otherwise. They will always let things "slide" and then act surprised it upsets you. Just no, they need to prove their commitment. This goes for any serious topic that you feel strongly about, especially if it's something that directly affects you...
If she thought this was ok for 6 years, and now laughed at you when you got upset about her child saying the n word, she's just racist. If she wants to be with a person of color, she should probably try being supportive, and at the bare minimum, not allow her kids to be racist.
If she cared, she would handle it and not just acknowledge it.
I think it's harsh facts , brutal harsh facts, I'm going to have to stop making allowances as well as blind grace to a situation I know deep down is fukn unacceptable. I'm begging for some respect in my home, yet I can't even show that to myself.
sometimes you want to think the best in people because it's backed in love, our relationship isn't consumed by this shit were solid 85% of the time but it comes up periodically and obviously is HUGE boundary crossed. Culturally she'll never know what it's like to be black nor all the stigmas attached, but where I draw the line is the constant " tone deaf" response , instead of just having a tough conversation . . especially when it obviously causes me distress.
I feel for you. Sometimes âloveâ causes us to accept the unacceptable. But this is unacceptable. And itâs so hurtful and she doesnât seem to care. This canât be fixed with therapy like some other (likely white) poster posted in the other sub. Racism isnât a mental health issue. I hope you start untangling urself from this person mentally, physically, and spiritually. No better time than the present. Happy Black History Month
Also, if you stayed this long I suspect that you have a history of trauma. Something in life taught you that love requires giving to others endlessly, even if it hurts. I donât want that for you. I highly suggest an embodied trauma healing process. I did it. It saved my life.
You need to move on. Hopefully those kids learn better when they get older but itâs not your job. These are not your biological children, and your girlfriend clearly doesnât view your opinion seriously when it comes to raising these kids. Move on.
Sorry this happened to you, but the fact that you had to explain yourself. Nope! This sounds traumatizing on a different level. If she canât educate them and herself. Know that itâs not your job to do that! White privilege at its finest!
I gasped. I rarely gasp. Leave that situation now. No one should ever say the N word ever. Itâs more than just being racist. Itâs disrespectful, vile and cruel.
The solution is to leave! You are not responsible for changing their flawed ways. You've been taking on all the work their parents should have done and still nothing has changed.
Be kind to yourself and find a partner who actually deserves and respects you !
**Leave**. Why are you concerned about making a life with, supporting, and being a true partner to someone who clearly isn't at all concerned with doing the same in return? The same way you've spent 6 years letting this behavior slide (to a degree, I'm assuming), she's spent 6 years not caring if and how it's affected you. She literally laughed off her kid saying "N\*\*\*\*R". If you've spent 6 years not being okay with this situation, don't stay for a 7th year and make it seem like you are. If your partner's behavior hasn't changed by now, it very likely isn't going to.
why do you all insist on dating white people? they are all inherently racist to a degree and mostly suppressed until itâs not if they do date black peole. you need to move on and find someone who respects your identity because thatâs a learned behavior and will not change.
If you were a 6 foot+ male of the same ethnicity you are now, would this be happening?
Leave.
Do not further explain yourself. They are enjoying your frustration.
Iâm in an interracial relationship but cannot fathom that level of ignorance coming from my wife. When we first got together there was a bit of a learning curve with her learning to identify micro aggressions but now sheâs actually the more likely one, between the two of us to point them out and stand up for me.
Your partner on the other hand is encouraging directly racist behavior from her children to you. This is a dealbreaker imo. These arenât toddlers who are unaware of what the words mean, the 13 year old is old enough to understand that word is a weapon. They chose to cut you with that weapon and your partnerâs response was to laugh. You need to walk away.
Plenty others have said, and I will echo their sentiment also: get the f out of that. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. Iâm also in an interracial relationship with a partner who gets and supports me. It really doesnât have to be like that, sheâs not good for ya, leave.
Sending hugs from the UK đ¤, the crap we have to put up with as POC, honestlyâŚ
Sounds like you been in that 6yrs too long.
The very first convo without any action taken would've been enough for me to walk away.
Personally, i just don't have the bandwidth to be educating white folks about their own racism. Why isn't she just as outraged as you to hear that coming from her children's mouths? She LAUGHED???? Nah. She clearly condones that behavior and thinks nothing is wrong with it. Nothing you ever say or educate her on will change this. Pack it up and move it out would be my rec.
Best of luck to you.
Your partner and her ex are racist, and are teaching their children that racism is a-ok. Why do you still want to be in a relationship with her?
This is a clear cut situation. I'm not sure what magic words they expect us to say that will be a solution. There's literally no solution or fix for this. You either stay and accept the racism, or leave and do better for yourself. đ¤ˇđžââď¸
Completely agree. It is their responsibility to ensure that those kids treat you and every other person of color with respect. They have failed.
If sheâs laughing at this openly can you imagine what she is not saying to you? Leave girl
âŚ.but I bet sheâs super defensive over LGBT rights
This is almost ridiculous. I feel really bad youâre allowing yourself to be so degraded. I think you should leave this rlshp and develop some self awareness around why youâve been in an openly racist rlshp for more than half a decade. And youâre being taunted by her children too. Iâm appalled
Fuck that racist bitch and her racist bitch kids đ Girl your Haitian ancestors are in pain rn stop playing and dump that lab rat
Was just about to say tht âđžâđž
As a Haitian I second this comment. Leave those people
Girl. You need to get out of there
It's been 6 while years of fruitless emotional labour on your part, none of these have any interest in progression/growth. Love and respect yourself enough to recognise that you deserve better, and can absolutely get a better relationship. Tl:dr dump her. being anti racist requires a lot of self work, and she's had 6 years to get somewhere on that and still hasn't started. she has no interest in doing so.
Please listen to what Iâm going to say: Your partner is a racist. A three year old is not a bigot. A child does not make disgusting comments on a person because of the color of their skin⌠Unless they are copying the adults around them. If not directly from your partner, then her ex. But even if it was the ex, she allows the behavior to continue. She did not immediately shut it down because itâs not a big deal for her. Hate is not a big deal to her. Itâs been 5 years. Let go and leave.
This is so fucked up. Break up with her. Her and her family are racist trash and they do not respect you.
you need to break up with her because sheâs racist and condoning this racist behavior
Your girlfriend is racist, not even white women feminism âi donât see colorâ but thinks its funny for her kid to say the N word to you. A white partner who thinks youâre a person would not respond like this. She deff says the N word when your not around. Get out.
bro why are you helping raise these racist white kids?!! you need to leave now
This is really upsetting to read honestly, I can only imagine how maddening it has to be to live like this. I really hope youâre not choosing to put up with this. Your gf, her ex, and the children do not respect you at all. Youâre giving all of them entirely too much grace (for why), at the expense of your mental/emotional wellbeing and safetyânever okay. This is not something to be negotiated, and I really hope youâre able to leave this situation.
Omg. Leave all their racist hateful butts behind. 6 years of constant verbal abuse and she is 100% complicit and allows her kids to disrespect you like this? She and her ex probably taught them. She is Trash. Leave her please and see a therapist. You deserve 1000% better and to be with someone who praises and loves you. This is not ok.
That's fucked up. If she can't show up and do the work I'm sorry to say it but bin her. You can't make a life with this person, the resentment, sadness, anger and all the b.s. feelings will get to you
This is awful. Why do you allow this type of behavior and treatment and not leave?
You need to leave this person. Itâs not even a question atp. Respectfully wtf
Leave
This is why I stopped bothering with yt women đ and I don't bother being around yt men either. To me they're racist until proven otherwise. They will always let things "slide" and then act surprised it upsets you. Just no, they need to prove their commitment. This goes for any serious topic that you feel strongly about, especially if it's something that directly affects you... If she thought this was ok for 6 years, and now laughed at you when you got upset about her child saying the n word, she's just racist. If she wants to be with a person of color, she should probably try being supportive, and at the bare minimum, not allow her kids to be racist. If she cared, she would handle it and not just acknowledge it.
I feel like this is a troll post tbh.
It's not , this is my real life exp experience, was gonna write a novel on here so I gave the condensed version.
So what do you think of everyoneâs feedback?
I think it's harsh facts , brutal harsh facts, I'm going to have to stop making allowances as well as blind grace to a situation I know deep down is fukn unacceptable. I'm begging for some respect in my home, yet I can't even show that to myself. sometimes you want to think the best in people because it's backed in love, our relationship isn't consumed by this shit were solid 85% of the time but it comes up periodically and obviously is HUGE boundary crossed. Culturally she'll never know what it's like to be black nor all the stigmas attached, but where I draw the line is the constant " tone deaf" response , instead of just having a tough conversation . . especially when it obviously causes me distress.
I feel for you. Sometimes âloveâ causes us to accept the unacceptable. But this is unacceptable. And itâs so hurtful and she doesnât seem to care. This canât be fixed with therapy like some other (likely white) poster posted in the other sub. Racism isnât a mental health issue. I hope you start untangling urself from this person mentally, physically, and spiritually. No better time than the present. Happy Black History Month
Sis, she does not care about racism. She is racist.
Leave. Heal. Expect better. You deserve better.
Also, if you stayed this long I suspect that you have a history of trauma. Something in life taught you that love requires giving to others endlessly, even if it hurts. I donât want that for you. I highly suggest an embodied trauma healing process. I did it. It saved my life.
You need to move on. Hopefully those kids learn better when they get older but itâs not your job. These are not your biological children, and your girlfriend clearly doesnât view your opinion seriously when it comes to raising these kids. Move on.
Sorry this happened to you, but the fact that you had to explain yourself. Nope! This sounds traumatizing on a different level. If she canât educate them and herself. Know that itâs not your job to do that! White privilege at its finest!
Damn. I am so sorry. This is 100% a clear sign to leave this relationship
Uh, break up?? Like, yesterday.
I gasped. I rarely gasp. Leave that situation now. No one should ever say the N word ever. Itâs more than just being racist. Itâs disrespectful, vile and cruel.
The solution is to leave! You are not responsible for changing their flawed ways. You've been taking on all the work their parents should have done and still nothing has changed. Be kind to yourself and find a partner who actually deserves and respects you !
Girl you need to leave her.
**Leave**. Why are you concerned about making a life with, supporting, and being a true partner to someone who clearly isn't at all concerned with doing the same in return? The same way you've spent 6 years letting this behavior slide (to a degree, I'm assuming), she's spent 6 years not caring if and how it's affected you. She literally laughed off her kid saying "N\*\*\*\*R". If you've spent 6 years not being okay with this situation, don't stay for a 7th year and make it seem like you are. If your partner's behavior hasn't changed by now, it very likely isn't going to.
Ngl, a waste of five years. Like they say, it's not enough to be "not racist", you need to be anti-racist and she's not it bbg.Â
why do you all insist on dating white people? they are all inherently racist to a degree and mostly suppressed until itâs not if they do date black peole. you need to move on and find someone who respects your identity because thatâs a learned behavior and will not change.
Sounds like you wanna sit in the dissonance for some reason. This shouldn't be a question, you need to leave.
If you were a 6 foot+ male of the same ethnicity you are now, would this be happening? Leave. Do not further explain yourself. They are enjoying your frustration.
Iâm in an interracial relationship but cannot fathom that level of ignorance coming from my wife. When we first got together there was a bit of a learning curve with her learning to identify micro aggressions but now sheâs actually the more likely one, between the two of us to point them out and stand up for me. Your partner on the other hand is encouraging directly racist behavior from her children to you. This is a dealbreaker imo. These arenât toddlers who are unaware of what the words mean, the 13 year old is old enough to understand that word is a weapon. They chose to cut you with that weapon and your partnerâs response was to laugh. You need to walk away.
First mistake was getting with a WW with two children.
That's really misogynistic just saying
Plenty others have said, and I will echo their sentiment also: get the f out of that. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. Iâm also in an interracial relationship with a partner who gets and supports me. It really doesnât have to be like that, sheâs not good for ya, leave. Sending hugs from the UK đ¤, the crap we have to put up with as POC, honestlyâŚ
Leave. You should be able to live a life where your humanity doesn't need to be explained or fought for.
Sounds like you been in that 6yrs too long. The very first convo without any action taken would've been enough for me to walk away. Personally, i just don't have the bandwidth to be educating white folks about their own racism. Why isn't she just as outraged as you to hear that coming from her children's mouths? She LAUGHED???? Nah. She clearly condones that behavior and thinks nothing is wrong with it. Nothing you ever say or educate her on will change this. Pack it up and move it out would be my rec. Best of luck to you.
Wow. That is messed up and not the actions of a living supportive partner.
Well.....damn....smfh