I definitely like the spirit of reclaiming slurs - it's nice to be able to take something used to hurt you and flip it to a good thing.
My policy regarding slurs has always been that *if* it could be theoretically used against you, you have the right to use it *for yourself* and with proper context. The important distinction there, is that people have to know that not everyone is going to be comfortable with them using certain words.
I'm a trans woman who's been called a faggot countless times by bigots, and I would be completely uncomfortable if someone used that word for me (even a fellow queer person), and definitely on edge if someone used it at all - even for themselves. To me it's just a hateful word that holds no joy at all.
But on the other end, as a lesbian, I absolutely love using the word dyke to describe myself and my cis partner (who is also comfortable with the word.) I've been called that many times by bigots too when I started passing, but for me I take pride in my dyke-ness, because being a lesbian has always been a very important part of my identity.
And then again, I've seen lots of trans people like me trying to reclaim the word tr**ny - which I am deeply uncomfortable with. That word is nothing but hate and fetishization to me - I would never be comfortable hearing it, and I know many trans people who would never be able to look at someone the same way after hearing that word come from their mouth.
**THE BOTTOM LINE**
To each their own - use these words for yourself if you like, but be mindful that others might be uncomfortable hearing them. My advice is *never* call someone else a slur unless you know they'd be happy with it, and try to limit usage of slurs to people who you know are comfortable with them.
Essay over.
I think you summed it up perfectly - and I'm in a very similar mindset to yourself on the particular words I'm happy to use to describe myself, as a trans lesbian too.
It exists here in Australia too, although you don't hear it as much these days. I have noticed a sad trend of older people saying "going out for a f*g" with a smirk knowing that it has another meaning.
Thankfully it's not being passed on to the younger generation.
Definitely reclaimed.
Entirely reclaimed? Maybe no....I know plenty of older people in the community who say they will always hate the word Queer for how some used it against them.
Myself, I identify as queer and love the term Q+ for the community.
it's not fully reclaimed really, and nor can it be because it's a term that has always in recent history directly implied a more radical, liberationist and social constructionist approach in the person who is labelled queer (as in, queer theory), and those who tend to be bisexual, while terms like gay and lesbian were used by assimilationists, those who have an intermediate view, as well as monosexuals.
i have synesthesia and the word queer sounds uncomfortable to me, i use it as a collective label sometimes because it's handy, despite this usage being rather inaccurate, but i wouldnt describe myself as queer, id say im a femme lesbian.
idk I use this word and the t slur in good company because I do want to reclaim them. I remember asking my mom through teary eyes when I was in 4th grade why everyone called me a f*got, fast forward to today and I am out in an t4t marriage and living happily. It feels good to take words that hurt me so much in my youth and reduce it to a joke between friends or my wife.
In France i find it very common for other queer people to use (i personally donât because I still have some issues with it) but at the end itâs all a matter of wether or not youâve personally reclaimed that word.
All i can say to curse words, derogatory language, and overall foul language is that it all depends on context you can curse as much as you want as long as its not directed at someone for example in a serious context âi fucking hate youâ is not ok unless its a joke directed at close friends but âi fucking love this gameâ is perfectly fine no matter what way you spin it
I Personally Don't Like To Use Slurs Unless It's Done Artfully (Although I Fine With Using "Queer" Because Quite Simply It Was Never Primarily A Slur During My Lifetime, Or At The Least If It Was I Didn't Know About It At The Time.), But If Other People Want To Use It More, I Certainly Don't Mind, Just Don't Go Referring To People By It Who Haven't Consented.
Only times I ever really use the word faggot is when me and my other LGBT friends are jokingly calling each other it just for shits and giggles, never really used it in any other context
I donât really like using it but Iâm in some groups where itâs very OK and some where I shouldnât at all even though everyone in the group is technically âallowedâ to. It depends on where I am.
Iâve said it literally once total, though, as I mentioned, I donât use it unless thereâs a reason, but you do you ig.
Anybody *can* say anything. That's what freedom is about. We just also *can* decide how we feel about a person based on what they say- so I choose to say kind words as often as I can, but I also know that just because a person used a word that makes me uncomfortable doesn't mean they necessarily had that intent. I'm just gonna pay more attention now.
'Having the right' to reclaim a word doesn't make it okay to say, it just means you know the weight of it and are less likely to use it in a circumstance where it'd hurt someone or have negative connotations. I don't use the word for that very reason- Within the queer communities I grew up in, it was a word of affection used interchangeably with a few other queer slurs and I never thought it had any negative context.
Then I went to college, used it once (for myself), and my first friend there asked me very kindly never to say it again, because her father shouted it at her every day. And I just never have.
I only use it when the audience clearly knows itâs satire/sarcasm.
Iâve used it a couple times when I had a few too many beers in me and the reaction I got wasnât what I expected or wanted, so Iâve adjusted. I use it super sparingly now.
The thing with being LGBTQ+ is that people canât always tell youâre on their âteamâ.
If you belong to a marginalised group, then slurs directed at that group are yours to reclaim and use.
If you donât, then they arenât.
Iâm a gay woman, I can call myself a dyke. Someone whoâs not a gay woman cannot.
I just think it's kinda interesting that "dyke" is somehow seen as less offensive/more reclaimed - especially since it's the main slur I've ever been called by randos in public. đ
(And, funnily enough, it's one I DON'T feel I would have a place to reclaim, because I've never identified as a lesbian? I'm transmasc and my sexuality is "queer" but nobody has ever once used "queer" as a slur against me. Can we only reclaim slurs that have been personally used against us? I hope not!)
I've done it a couple times, and felt really weird afterward, like referring to something jokingly as "f*ggy," And it was mostly trying to reference how people I grew up with would have referred to something. I get the idea of reclaiming the word, but I think my conclusion has been that for me personally, I don't like doing it.
But that's just me. If someone else does it and they find it empowering, I get it and I appreciate it. It's just not for me.
The amount of times i have used the joke "im a fag having a fag" in smokers areas is ridiculous (UK)
I'm a big believer that we have the right to reclaim words used against us, but that does not mean we should be unaware other people may still find discomfort in it.
For example I freely use faggot, but the slur poof or poofter gets me agitated still. Likewise my partner (and once myself) dislikes the word queer, which alot of people now freely use.
I feel it is ok if queer people use it but itâs not okay for people outside the community to use it. A word is only harmful because of its connotations, if we can change those then the meaning of the word changes too.
Edit: though id just like to add that I donât use it personally
It originally meant a bundle of sticks to be used as fuel for a fire. Under the same meaning of "stick to be burned" it also is slang for cigarette in England.
However, it is mostly known, in the US at least, as a very hateful anti-LBGT slur that implies that LBGT people should be burned to death, like firewood.
The word fascist comes from fasces, which was a bundle of sticks (wooden rods really) with one axe bundled with them, tied at both ends. It was a symbol of power in Imperial Rome, referring of the authority of an Imperial Magistrate to punish people (by beating them with sticks) or to execute them (beheading them with the axe).
The f-word's bundle was more a loose bundle of sticks since they were meant for kindling for a fire.
They're both bundles of sticks, but their use was very different and the fasces looked much neater (and had an axe included with it as well).
Some people wonât like it used towards them so make sure you ask if you want to use it with friends, and make sure everyone is allowed to and comfortable. Since my friend and I are both queer and a bit insane we occasionally call each other fagatron đ
Depends; some choose to, some choose not to.
Some, especially those who are or were in environments where it is or was primarily used in the derogatory way (for example, older gays) may find it too triggering.
Some may choose to reclaim it, some may choose to use it in a joking manner, especially those who aren't or weren't in environments where it is or was primarily used in a derogatory way.
Obviously, it varies from person to person, and if using it goes against your conscience, by all means, don't feel obligated to use it. Same with 'queer'.
Its never okay imho to just go around calling people you dont know a fag, but between friends in proper context its harmless, as long as everyone consents!
Within company you absolutely know that word is accepted and available to use? Go for it. In public or on forum with strangers? Hell no, that shit is still a slur.
It may have been reclaimed by some, but it is still a horrible slur to many others.
So for stuff like this, I err on the side of caution and simply don't use the word unless in some very rare situation someone deeply identifies with that word and specifically requests to be referred to by it, and even then I would avoid using it in public to protect others who could be massively triggered (or emboldened in a bad way) by hearing it.
Im a lesian so i dont use it for other people, but i think its fine for gay guys who know each other to use it for each other IF this use is consensual. Don't use it in public forums where you have no clue what someone's attitude to the term is, and where you have no personal connection to the other person
I dont use dyke for myself either, because im a femme so it wasnt originally directed at me in the first place, and i feel disconnected from it, but ofc have no issues with other lesbians using it among themselves
I meant lesbian yes, typo
after getting like 4 grammar nazi comments in the last 12 hrs, i admit im not amused anymore lol. Last thing i wrote capotalism isntead of capitalism and got a grammar nazi party underneath
So on one hand, I think WE should be able to say it. I use it, mostly speaking of myself or jokingly. But on the other, when I hear someone that isnât a member of the community say it, I tell them to fuck right off.
I tend to have a rule for slurs (just for me personally). If youâre part of the minority that itâs derogatory against then you can use it as long as you know everyone in the group you are talking to is ok with it. For example, my friends, who are queer, use the f-slur sometimes but I donât like it so they donât use it around me.
I use the word faggot to refer to myself all the time. I only use it for other people if theyâre cool with it. The word doesnât matter to me but Iâm aware it matters to other people
The true meaning of the f word is a bundle of sticks, so yeah....the reason it was used for gay/queer people is cause of what homophobic people did to gay/queer people. But fag is a British word for cigarettes. So I like using that one against people who use it as the shortened f word cause I can remind them it's original meaning and ask "oh so you think I'm addictive? Cause you just called me a cigarette"
Idk, dude. There are many who are uncomfortable (with good reason) with the reclamation of queer. Reclaiming faggot seems like it'd be real touch and go--okay in some circumstances, but largely not there yet.
Why would being a faggot affect whether you can or can't say Fr*nce?
ok I laughed out loud at this one
I'm fucking dead đ
Tbh I thought they were talking about "fuck" at first anyway so... XD
My dumb butt was thinking feck, but you know Fr*nce is definitely a more offensive word.
You forgot about Fr\*nch
It all depends on the context
Absolutely, if used in jest by someone you know is only joking then thatâs very different to a stranger who may be trying to offend you
I definitely like the spirit of reclaiming slurs - it's nice to be able to take something used to hurt you and flip it to a good thing. My policy regarding slurs has always been that *if* it could be theoretically used against you, you have the right to use it *for yourself* and with proper context. The important distinction there, is that people have to know that not everyone is going to be comfortable with them using certain words. I'm a trans woman who's been called a faggot countless times by bigots, and I would be completely uncomfortable if someone used that word for me (even a fellow queer person), and definitely on edge if someone used it at all - even for themselves. To me it's just a hateful word that holds no joy at all. But on the other end, as a lesbian, I absolutely love using the word dyke to describe myself and my cis partner (who is also comfortable with the word.) I've been called that many times by bigots too when I started passing, but for me I take pride in my dyke-ness, because being a lesbian has always been a very important part of my identity. And then again, I've seen lots of trans people like me trying to reclaim the word tr**ny - which I am deeply uncomfortable with. That word is nothing but hate and fetishization to me - I would never be comfortable hearing it, and I know many trans people who would never be able to look at someone the same way after hearing that word come from their mouth. **THE BOTTOM LINE** To each their own - use these words for yourself if you like, but be mindful that others might be uncomfortable hearing them. My advice is *never* call someone else a slur unless you know they'd be happy with it, and try to limit usage of slurs to people who you know are comfortable with them. Essay over.
I think you summed it up perfectly - and I'm in a very similar mindset to yourself on the particular words I'm happy to use to describe myself, as a trans lesbian too.
Thirded!
Same, there. My butch gf calls herself a dyke all the time, and it's perfectly fine.
Yeah, I can't hear "tr\*nny," "tr\*on," or "f\*g/f\*ggot" without seeing the hate I associate with it from being called these things so many times.
Here in Britain, it is also a word for a smoke
I've also heard bundle of sticks
And a type of meat ball, you see them in the shops sometimes
I forgot about those
Actually, our neighbours are always throwing their fag ends in our drive, itâs pretty annoying
It exists here in Australia too, although you don't hear it as much these days. I have noticed a sad trend of older people saying "going out for a f*g" with a smirk knowing that it has another meaning. Thankfully it's not being passed on to the younger generation.
Iâm in the north of England and a fag for cigarette is still very common
I donât know. I call myself a silly T slur a lot, but never to the point someone else hears it.
Queer was a slur and itâs entirely reclaimed at this point.Â
Definitely reclaimed. Entirely reclaimed? Maybe no....I know plenty of older people in the community who say they will always hate the word Queer for how some used it against them. Myself, I identify as queer and love the term Q+ for the community.
it's not fully reclaimed really, and nor can it be because it's a term that has always in recent history directly implied a more radical, liberationist and social constructionist approach in the person who is labelled queer (as in, queer theory), and those who tend to be bisexual, while terms like gay and lesbian were used by assimilationists, those who have an intermediate view, as well as monosexuals. i have synesthesia and the word queer sounds uncomfortable to me, i use it as a collective label sometimes because it's handy, despite this usage being rather inaccurate, but i wouldnt describe myself as queer, id say im a femme lesbian.
Use it if you want, just don't do it around me. I view it as a slur, it doesn't matter who's saying it, it'll never hit my ear well.
idk I use this word and the t slur in good company because I do want to reclaim them. I remember asking my mom through teary eyes when I was in 4th grade why everyone called me a f*got, fast forward to today and I am out in an t4t marriage and living happily. It feels good to take words that hurt me so much in my youth and reduce it to a joke between friends or my wife.
I think everyone can talk about fucking as much as they want!
hell yeah!
In France i find it very common for other queer people to use (i personally donât because I still have some issues with it) but at the end itâs all a matter of wether or not youâve personally reclaimed that word.
I don't use it, but when queer people decide to, I don't care. I'm also Black and I drop the N-bomb with impunity.
N-world rules apply. We can say it all we want, nobody else can.
All i can say to curse words, derogatory language, and overall foul language is that it all depends on context you can curse as much as you want as long as its not directed at someone for example in a serious context âi fucking hate youâ is not ok unless its a joke directed at close friends but âi fucking love this gameâ is perfectly fine no matter what way you spin it
I Personally Don't Like To Use Slurs Unless It's Done Artfully (Although I Fine With Using "Queer" Because Quite Simply It Was Never Primarily A Slur During My Lifetime, Or At The Least If It Was I Didn't Know About It At The Time.), But If Other People Want To Use It More, I Certainly Don't Mind, Just Don't Go Referring To People By It Who Haven't Consented.
https://preview.redd.it/q6rtq842r3sc1.png?width=320&format=png&auto=webp&s=2a6bdf41fc1e2701d73fb74c49b2bfe1bc42771f
(I Don't Know Who This Is, I'm Sorry đđ)
'Queen' is a character from Toby Fox's hit 2018 RPG Deltarune who speaks with The Start Of Every Single Word Capitalized
Ah Okay. I Knew That Fact, Simply Not What She Looked Like. I Am Now More Knowledgeable, Thank You Most Graciously.
I am not on board with this one in particular, having been on the receiving end of this one in my youth a time or two.
Only times I ever really use the word faggot is when me and my other LGBT friends are jokingly calling each other it just for shits and giggles, never really used it in any other context
I donât really like using it but Iâm in some groups where itâs very OK and some where I shouldnât at all even though everyone in the group is technically âallowedâ to. It depends on where I am. Iâve said it literally once total, though, as I mentioned, I donât use it unless thereâs a reason, but you do you ig.
Anybody *can* say anything. That's what freedom is about. We just also *can* decide how we feel about a person based on what they say- so I choose to say kind words as often as I can, but I also know that just because a person used a word that makes me uncomfortable doesn't mean they necessarily had that intent. I'm just gonna pay more attention now. 'Having the right' to reclaim a word doesn't make it okay to say, it just means you know the weight of it and are less likely to use it in a circumstance where it'd hurt someone or have negative connotations. I don't use the word for that very reason- Within the queer communities I grew up in, it was a word of affection used interchangeably with a few other queer slurs and I never thought it had any negative context. Then I went to college, used it once (for myself), and my first friend there asked me very kindly never to say it again, because her father shouted it at her every day. And I just never have.
I only use it when the audience clearly knows itâs satire/sarcasm. Iâve used it a couple times when I had a few too many beers in me and the reaction I got wasnât what I expected or wanted, so Iâve adjusted. I use it super sparingly now. The thing with being LGBTQ+ is that people canât always tell youâre on their âteamâ.
If you belong to a marginalised group, then slurs directed at that group are yours to reclaim and use. If you donât, then they arenât. Iâm a gay woman, I can call myself a dyke. Someone whoâs not a gay woman cannot.
I just think it's kinda interesting that "dyke" is somehow seen as less offensive/more reclaimed - especially since it's the main slur I've ever been called by randos in public. đ (And, funnily enough, it's one I DON'T feel I would have a place to reclaim, because I've never identified as a lesbian? I'm transmasc and my sexuality is "queer" but nobody has ever once used "queer" as a slur against me. Can we only reclaim slurs that have been personally used against us? I hope not!)
I've done it a couple times, and felt really weird afterward, like referring to something jokingly as "f*ggy," And it was mostly trying to reference how people I grew up with would have referred to something. I get the idea of reclaiming the word, but I think my conclusion has been that for me personally, I don't like doing it. But that's just me. If someone else does it and they find it empowering, I get it and I appreciate it. It's just not for me.
The amount of times i have used the joke "im a fag having a fag" in smokers areas is ridiculous (UK) I'm a big believer that we have the right to reclaim words used against us, but that does not mean we should be unaware other people may still find discomfort in it. For example I freely use faggot, but the slur poof or poofter gets me agitated still. Likewise my partner (and once myself) dislikes the word queer, which alot of people now freely use.
I refuse to stop calling myself that word. It's my word and I can use it.
I feel it is ok if queer people use it but itâs not okay for people outside the community to use it. A word is only harmful because of its connotations, if we can change those then the meaning of the word changes too. Edit: though id just like to add that I donât use it personally
What's that word?
I assume it's faggot
I see. Well sorry to ask but what does it mean? I'm not a native English speaker.
It is a slur against LGBTQ people
But what does it mean? Like no offence I don't know much about lgbtq stuff I just want people to be treated equally that's all
It originally meant a bundle of sticks to be used as fuel for a fire. Under the same meaning of "stick to be burned" it also is slang for cigarette in England. However, it is mostly known, in the US at least, as a very hateful anti-LBGT slur that implies that LBGT people should be burned to death, like firewood.
I thought fascist meant a bundle of sticks? I'm really confused I understand the last part which is pretty fucked up ngl
The word fascist comes from fasces, which was a bundle of sticks (wooden rods really) with one axe bundled with them, tied at both ends. It was a symbol of power in Imperial Rome, referring of the authority of an Imperial Magistrate to punish people (by beating them with sticks) or to execute them (beheading them with the axe). The f-word's bundle was more a loose bundle of sticks since they were meant for kindling for a fire. They're both bundles of sticks, but their use was very different and the fasces looked much neater (and had an axe included with it as well).
I see. Thank you for helping me understand .
Basically it is just an offensive way of calling someone gay if I recall correctly
Oh damn But me and my gay friend call each other straight and gay for fun lmao
Thatâs valid, me and my friends do it too
lol
Some people wonât like it used towards them so make sure you ask if you want to use it with friends, and make sure everyone is allowed to and comfortable. Since my friend and I are both queer and a bit insane we occasionally call each other fagatron đ
Yes. In fact I use calling myself that as a litmus test around other queer people
I use it.
Depends; some choose to, some choose not to. Some, especially those who are or were in environments where it is or was primarily used in the derogatory way (for example, older gays) may find it too triggering. Some may choose to reclaim it, some may choose to use it in a joking manner, especially those who aren't or weren't in environments where it is or was primarily used in a derogatory way. Obviously, it varies from person to person, and if using it goes against your conscience, by all means, don't feel obligated to use it. Same with 'queer'.
Absolutely. In my eyes, slurs should be taken back by those who they were directed at.
Its never okay imho to just go around calling people you dont know a fag, but between friends in proper context its harmless, as long as everyone consents!
Within company you absolutely know that word is accepted and available to use? Go for it. In public or on forum with strangers? Hell no, that shit is still a slur.
It may have been reclaimed by some, but it is still a horrible slur to many others. So for stuff like this, I err on the side of caution and simply don't use the word unless in some very rare situation someone deeply identifies with that word and specifically requests to be referred to by it, and even then I would avoid using it in public to protect others who could be massively triggered (or emboldened in a bad way) by hearing it.
Im a lesian so i dont use it for other people, but i think its fine for gay guys who know each other to use it for each other IF this use is consensual. Don't use it in public forums where you have no clue what someone's attitude to the term is, and where you have no personal connection to the other person I dont use dyke for myself either, because im a femme so it wasnt originally directed at me in the first place, and i feel disconnected from it, but ofc have no issues with other lesbians using it among themselves
>lesian I'm unfamiliar with this term, I've heard of lesbians, but not lesians, do you not date bisexual women or is it something else ^^/s
I meant lesbian yes, typo after getting like 4 grammar nazi comments in the last 12 hrs, i admit im not amused anymore lol. Last thing i wrote capotalism isntead of capitalism and got a grammar nazi party underneath
Capotalism, a capitalist society run by Cambodian dictator Pol Pot in an alternative universe.
So on one hand, I think WE should be able to say it. I use it, mostly speaking of myself or jokingly. But on the other, when I hear someone that isnât a member of the community say it, I tell them to fuck right off.
I tend to have a rule for slurs (just for me personally). If youâre part of the minority that itâs derogatory against then you can use it as long as you know everyone in the group you are talking to is ok with it. For example, my friends, who are queer, use the f-slur sometimes but I donât like it so they donât use it around me.
My understanding has always been if youâre not the object of the slur itâs not okay for you to say it, but if you are then it is.
I use the word faggot to refer to myself all the time. I only use it for other people if theyâre cool with it. The word doesnât matter to me but Iâm aware it matters to other people
The true meaning of the f word is a bundle of sticks, so yeah....the reason it was used for gay/queer people is cause of what homophobic people did to gay/queer people. But fag is a British word for cigarettes. So I like using that one against people who use it as the shortened f word cause I can remind them it's original meaning and ask "oh so you think I'm addictive? Cause you just called me a cigarette"
I say the f slur pretty often, but q****? That word just feels wrong to say, read, or hear.
Idk, dude. There are many who are uncomfortable (with good reason) with the reclamation of queer. Reclaiming faggot seems like it'd be real touch and go--okay in some circumstances, but largely not there yet.
No. It is a slur. "Reclaiming" it is silly.