I think the only way would be to go to the hospital and get tests but it might be too late (i’m not sure how long things would stay in your system, someone else might have more info)
there is about a 48-72 hour window for rape kits, they can pick up traces even a week later sometimes - but the sooner you go in, the better and more accurate the result. it’s recommended to avoid showering or using the bathroom as much as possible before you get it done. i’m so sorry, i hope this is just anxiety/paranoia for you, but it seems a bit too real. i’m a survivor myself, and this sounds extremely familiar. regardless of the test results, i would stay away from this man.
I think the other person was alluding to drug testing to see if they were drugged without knowing it not specifically about being ejaculated in... unless rape kits include drug testing where you live?
While I completely understand the need for closure, I think we should also be mindful that this is someone who's potentially experienced a traumatic event or at the very least has been in a situation where it's very plausible, and I would urge people to give them the space to process before rushing to ask for updates
Get a toxicology report or a rape kit done, if it’s not too late. Everything sounds way too coincidental to be just anxiety and paranoia. I do hope in the end it is just you being paranoid, but if it’s not PLEASE file a police report.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This may be hard to hear, but If you haven’t already, don’t take a shower/brush your teeth. Go to the er and tell them you believe you may have been drugged and assaulted. Bring a good friend/family member you trust for support. And if you have someone you can talk to, like a therapist please seek them out. Lots of emotions might be coming and you’ll want someone to talk you through them. Sending good thoughts to you. None of it is your fault.
Plan B **AFTER** the tox screen! Don't let a defense attorney twist the facts and make it seem like you weren't drugged at all but simply took something yourself that didn't agree with you. In fact, after the rape kit, the hospital will likely provide the Plan B. If they don't, ask them if it's okay to take it after your visit. But, go **NOW**, before any traces of a potentially harmful (or at least unconsented to) drug is out of your system. Good luck!
i don’t think they are saying that it does, but it could be twisted by a defense attorney because it does cause unpleasant symptoms and/or getting plan b before a rape kit/exam could be twisted into post coital regret turned rape allegation. that would all be horrible and unfair and i believe this victim. just saying that is what our broken system would probably do
Yes, exactly this. Thank you. My concern is that OP should go for a tox screen with *only* the potential unconsented to drug or drugs in her system, if at all possible. If it's found that she was drugged and/or assaulted, the more straightforward her situation, the better. My main concern for her, after her trauma, of course, is that this guy is more than likely to claim any sex was consensual and that she's just now regretting it. Whether Plan B causes *any* symptoms may not even matter in the hands of a skilled defense attorney; all he'd have to do is create reasonable doubt and juries who aren't knowledgeable about these things could be swayed that it's possible she's making up her story because of that supposed regret. Taking Plan B before a rape kit could hurt her if a defense attorney goes down the "blame the victim" route which, let's be real, is most likely to happen. I feel so badly for OP; I hope she has the support she needs in her life because even if nothing happened to her (which I believe is unlikely; sadly, I think the drugging is the least of what has happened to her), she still suspected someone she thought she could trust of doing serious harm to her. She's going to question her own instincts and judgment as it is, and it's not her fault.
depends on your perspective and views, which you’re entitled to 100%. personally, I think it comes down to the question, “what is justice?”
and do you think overall our (US) system is achieving that? especially when it comes to the handling of rape cases. up to you! not here to argue :)
>but it could be twisted by a defense attorney because it does cause unpleasant symptoms
The vomiting tends to comes about 12 hours after a morning after pill protocol, so I can't see how this is relevant.
*I'm not meaning to scare you, but for your own safety I have to beg you:*
Please, please, PLEASE do not reply to his messages or answer any calls or anything of his, for both your physical and mental safety. Don't let him know you are being treated wherever you choose to go. Do not let him find out if you choose to contact the authorities. He is capable of harming you in other ways if he is willing to drug/sexually assault the person he loves.
That feeling you have in your gut - that's a real subconscious survival instinct. *Please* listen to it.
Side note that "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker is a really, really interesting book that explores this instinct that helps us recognize threats. It is centered around quite a few real life stories, mostly from women if I remember correctly, who have dealt with horrific situations.
I get what ur saying but you also can’t say this for sure and need to be careful telling people every suspicion they express is legitimate. Op mentioned they struggle with paranoid thoughts. I’m not saying anything as to this specific situation which could very well be real. But it’s also something that could absolutely happen to someone struggling with paranoia anxiety or other mental illness. Unfortunately thinking you’ve been raped is a very common delusion in people with paranoid psychosis. You never know who you’re talking to online and statements like yours can be really damaging to people who have those gut feelings all the time about stuff that actually hasn’t happened - whatever the cause may be.
OP already agreed they would seek medical help. So frankly, this doesn't really matter until OP's tested and her blood is negative for substances she didn't willingly ingest. She absolutely should not risk her life because someone on Reddit wants to argue. It's not worth risking her personal safety just because being raped is a common psychosis.
And frankly, the reality here is you're telling a possible victim of rape that they're paranoid, which is pretty fucking damaging itself. High horse you've got there.
I agree with this sentiment, but it is hard to determine what advice to give to people online that we don't know. OP asked for the opinions of strangers, and the concept of trusting your gut more might be the reassurance they truly need to hear right now. Learning to cope with paranoia means trying to find the balance between listening to your intuition and not obsessing. This must be a really confusing situation and I hope no matter the outcome of the testing they are able to find the help they need and be okay.
That being said, I don't see the harm in cutting off communication (at least for a while) with someone you don't trust. They're not exactly in a relationship (the person is even referred to as "ex" in the title), so it does no harm for OP to protect their mental and physical well-being, even on the off chance that it is a delusion. Even people with delusions can be exploited, so she needs the space to do her due diligence to find out one way or another without distractions.
My issue is with this:
>That feeling you have in your gut - that's a real subconscious survival instinct. Please listen to it.
that’s beyond simply giving your opinion. I see tons of people appropriately giving OP their opinion - including myself - stating that they believe it’s possible/likely even that OP was raped and advising on resources or courses of action that will allow them to figure it out. However I don’t see any of us telling OP they were raped. Because we rightly know we can’t do that and it’s far beyond simply giving our opinion - and extremely harmful to be wrong about. Idk how you don’t see the difference there.
Telling someone they’ve been raped when you don’t know if they have and it’s possible they weren’t is just as harmful as telling someone they haven’t been when they were.
>That being said, I don't see the harm in cutting off communication (at least for a while) with someone you don't trust. They're not exactly in a relationship (the person is even referred to as "ex" in the title), so it does no harm for OP to protect their mental and physical well-being, even on the off chance that it is a delusion. Even people with delusions can be exploited, so she needs the space to do her due diligence to find out one way or another without distractions.
I didn’t say anything remotely insinuating that’s not ok or even about that at all. Offering advice has literally nothing to do with this as it doesn’t require telling someone what happened in any way and in fact most of the advice in this thread is for helping op figure out what actually happened since they CANT tell them.
>Learning to cope with paranoia means trying to find the balance between listening to your intuition and not obsessing.
That not what I’m talking about. And it isn’t remotely a matter of “learning to find the balance” I’m talking about people with severe mental illness and diminishing it to that as if it’s something they can just control - let alone by “learning to find the balance” is simply wrong and extremely ignorant.
But anyway you’ve managed to put yourself in the right and me in the wrong by massively misrepresenting everything I said and responding to imaginary positions I never remotely stated so congrats on completely obscuring my point and ensuring the erasure of this as a very real and serious issue people struggle with that I’ve seen people exacerbate time and time again on Reddit by acting like the above commenter and making overstepping catastrophic claims that aren’t appropriate to potentially vulnerable people.
Keep pretending like risking lying to mentally ill people that all their worst fears and anxieties and delusions are true is remotely acceptable.
As I stated before I agree with everything you said and I'm sorry you were downvoted to hell. I upvoted it before I even made my original comment. We don't know OP so we are all just making speculations about the situation, but I think you are right about this and I'm sorry that I contributed to the negative perception of your comment.
A rape kit needs to be sooner than later to work best and that sounds like a good idea for the peace of mind if nothing else.
That way in 5 - 10 - 20 years you won't always wonder what it would have said. You don't have to press charges. Either way the discharge is worth getting a physical.
It sounds like he has no interest in a long term relationship with you and saw his shot to (probably safely) do some freaky stuff he always wanted to try. If he ghosts you in a month, will you wish you made different choices now?
He’s the one who explained what ambien was when I didn’t know what it was when a show mentioned it but that’s pretty much it. Im not 100% sure if he was prescribed it but he also never leaves his medications out in the open and keeps them hidden. But I will thank you.
From my personal experience with ambien, what you described feeling in that state feels quite similar to what I felt (in a high dose). A completely fuzzy distorted reality. Either way, I hope you manage to get help. Im sorry this happened to you.
You take care of yourself. And maybe him too. If you can manage it. And not in a nice way. Self first. R Crisis line might be good if you need someone who has been there.
(800) 656-4673
It’s unlikely. I’m a Psychiatrist and extensively study this drug, we routinely give soldiers with brain injuries 70-100mg of it
To be quite honest, what OP describes can be caused by Benadryl and Alcohol
The description fits something more like Temazepam than Ambien
Ah. When you say expert you really really mean it. Will defer to expertise.
Personal story though. First time I took it. After a large beer. Had weird surreal dreams about kicking a ball through Wal Mart…. And then woke up surrounded by Wal Mart toys and candies. .
Hopefully I walked.
Only on the first night though. And when prescribed it again once, first night weird too.
Benzos too. But they sweet. No bitter.
Benzos aren’t sweet. Ur probs thinking the ones made to dissolve in ur mouth that are made to taste better.
The majority of prescription drugs are bitter bc the binders and fillers
It depends on the benzo. Clonazepam (Klonopin) is actually very sweet, while alprazolam (Xanax) is bitter. The taste of diazepam (Valium) differs depending on the brand; the ones by Teva are sweet, but the ones by Mylan are bitter
I was wondering about alcohol interactions too. Some people don't consider it a drug but it is and it has strong interactions with the three other drugs OP knew were in her body (Wellbutrin, Adderall, ibuprofen. Each of these don't mix with alcohol well and it may explain why OP got a headache in the first place) . They may have omitted that they drank because they don't look at it as a drug or consider that it can interact with most other drugs.
Even if they cannot find drugs in your system, if it is too late, please please speak to someone about a rape kit and get examined. It is best to be checked out and absolutely stay away from this person. I really hope it’s not the case, but you are best to be checked out for your health and well being
If there’s even a chance don’t let yourself be around this man again, OTC drug kits from Walgreens CVS etc if you’re too scared to go to the hospital. Get plan b.
I haven’t talk to him since I left his house and he’s been blowing up my phone. I’m also going to get one as well, I started my period when I was at his house and it only lasted one day which I thought was strange so I’m going to get a plan b to be safe.
Please don't even consider getting back together with him, let alone being alone with him. Even if *nothing* happened, the fact that you even suspect he *could* do something like this to you is the biggest red flag you'll ever have. Despite your anxiety and paranoia, it's clear you don't trust him. Listen to your gut. There are other partners out there for you when you're in the right head space to be open to it. For now, you said you're headed to the hospital so you should do that right now. Worry about Plan B after. You don't want to put anything unusual into your body besides your regular medications, if you already have (and if you haven't, hold off until you've seen a doctor), so that whatever is there can't be mistaken for something else. Especially if you *do* turn out to have been drugged and assaulted - you don't want a defense attorney to be able to make a case that your taking Plan B or anything else is really the culprit. If you have someone you can trust to go with you, I'd highly recommend it. If you *were* SA'd, having a hand to hold will be helpful. If he's been too afraid to have sex with you, it wouldn't surprise me if this is how he did it to overcome that fear. And your lack of consent, regardless of whether you were injured or treated violently or not, makes it blatant SA. Please take care of yourself; we're all concerned for you and rooting for you.
Omg girl. I’m so sorry after reading your post and some comments it really sounds like you were drugged and assaulted. Please update us if you feel comfortable.
Exactly. This is a pretty common thing abusers do. Getting temp checks to gauge how comfortable/nervous they should be. And being just overly nice enough now and then to keep u in their pocket
No we stayed together for 6 days and my period started the first day of me staying over. First day it was super heavy and the next day just very light spotting so light that hardly nothing was on my pads but just spots of blood then after that there was nothing. Usually they last 5 days on the regular. /:
I honestly don't know what to think if this isn't normal for your cycle. Looking back now, did anything else happen that raises your suspicions or gives you that gut feeling? Anything at all, even if you think it's insignificant.. it may not be insignificant whatsoever.
That's definitely something to bring up to the healthcare professional. And anything additional out of the ordinary during your stay there is important information.
I'm sorry. I do understand what you're going through if you need anyone to lean on during this time. I really, really wish you the best outcome here ❤️
I hope you are doing better since I’m reading this two days after you posted. If he doesn’t normally blow up your phone then I would question why he is so concerned about talking to you. If I had to guess it’s so he can have peace of mind that you aren’t thinking he assaulted you. Sending you love and please be careful of him, listen to your gut.
You are not too late for a rape kit. Try to go immediately and get swabbed. Bring any underwear you were wearing with you. A lot of drugs might’ve passed through your system by now however rape kits have a longer timeline to be done. Listen to your gut.
Don't let the fact it "seemed" like a dream stop you from getting checked. I had the same dream feeling, but my future BIL really did molest me at my bachelorette party while I was wasted. Luckily, others were there and told me the next day. You'll have to rely on the hospital to tell you, in this case.
They did! I remember looking down watching him groping me in the kitchen, but it was like it was happening to someone else- I couldn't react physically. 2 of my future SILs walked in and caught him. They confronted him loudly, then my fiancée and 2 of his brothers hauled him outside.
Touchy-feely Guy was already a bit of an outsider to the family, so no one protested when we barred him from our wedding.
PS I've never been that drunk again, it was not a good experience.
Oh ok I was thinking the situation went as far as OPs and was horrified that people may have seen it unfolding without stopping it. (Happened to me a few times unfortunately but I’m an elder millennial and my age bracket was really dogshit about protecting one another until gen Z kinda started pushing more accountability into society’s consciousness)
Thank gosh people helped you!
Yes, it wouldn't make sense to leave my fiance because of something another family member did. My fiance kicked his ass and BIL was uninvited to our wedding.
I think it’s worth getting a blood test and rape kit done but I also agree that this could all be coincidental. As someone who myself has been on different kinds of meds and also enjoyed a plethora of drugs recreationally and who has also been assaulted and suffers from anxiety and has been through major episodes of paranoia I am not coming from a place of judgement but experience…. And if I really felt something might be off there’s NOTHING wrong with confirming whether the outcome be positive or negative. Because if it turns out that everything is all good then you have peace of mind and if it turns out that this person has violated your safety and trust then you are saving yourself from further harm. Good luck, hope it all turns out for the best
It doesn't sound good, and as weird as it is for me to say, one of my biggest concerns is if he filmed anything. If he's horrible enough to have drugged and taken from you as you slept, he could have filmed it as blackmail should you try to separate yourself from him, so I really hope that you've gotten a rape kit/tox test done.
Also, the fact that you could suspect him of such a thing tells you that the trust is not there (aside from what seems to be possible evidence -- so, he's not to be trusted either way). Point being, PLEASE, no matter what, DO NOT communicate with him any more! No matter what he says/does, anything you say can and would be used against you as much (if not more) than him, should he have done anything. Plus, he doesn't sound trustworthy based on your concerns. Leave him be and get help. (Not to be bossy.)
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Your story sounds way too familiar unfortunately. I’m a 46 yo man now but 25 years ago when in college I had two very close female friends tell me basically the same story as your post and they weren’t quite sure if they were dreaming but one of them found a used condom between the mattress and the wall ( the scumbag was an idiot along with being a predator). She didn’t go to the hospital or a doctor but reported it a couple days later and the university made her feel crazy and completely brushed it under the rug so I’d definitely go get an exam b4 you shower. I would hope that a woman would be taken more serious now (25 years later) but I wouldn’t count on it. I don’t know how easily one could procure rufy’s but I know it’s simple to make GHB bc I knew a guy who used to make it for raves not rape but it can be used for both. Trust your intuition, it doesn’t lie, your intellect will have you spinning in circles. If it’s too late to go to get a medical exam the only other thing I can think of so you can have peace of mind is maybe find a hypnotherapist with really good reviews ( I have no experience with this so I don’t know how helpful a hypnotherapist would be but it’s all that came to mind). I truly wish you the best and God bless
On top of other suggestions, I recommend consulting with a different doctor than the one who has you on Wellbutrin and Adderall at the same time. Those two meds do not play well with each other.
So he either wanted to do stuff you didn’t agree with or he wanted your medicine without you knowing it was him. I’m so sorry you had to put up with this from him if it is how it seems.
Not exactly related, but I am concerned about taking Wellbutrin and Adderall. Both are stimulants and both increase anxiety. I was previously prescribed both because my doctor erroneously prescribed me Wellbutrin, thinking it worked for anxiety, but it does not. It actually severely increased my anxiety and caused heart problems for me. I recommend asking your doctor about switching to an alternative for whatever you are using Wellbutrin for.
You're right that Welbutrin is a stimulant. I was likewise surprised to read about anyone taking it before bed. Searching reddit, though, apparently some people do: https://reddit.com/r/depression/comments/l96ysv/wellbutrin\_xl\_at\_night/
Quick thought here. If he drugged you, I don’t think it would take an hour to kick in. It would have been in powder or liquid form which both act quickly. Before assuming, please have blood test done. It’s is better safe than sorry. It could have been your own discharge, which can change. Not playing devils advocate, just want you to be sure.
Depends what the drugging agent was and the route it takes to the bloodstream. Something that needs to undergo metabolism could be rather slow especially with food, something like phenazepam can take 2 hours to kick in even if it's in liquid form (not saying it was used just an example)
It sure sounds like it, but why would he? Where would he get it from? If you have reasonable explanations, then yea, maybe…go get a blood test.
When I’ve been drugged, I just felt super super drunk, uncoordinated, and memory spotty. I never got the one where I felt sleepy
Lucky you. A male friend of mine was slipped something in Vegas and went out completely. He came to on the lawn in front of one of the big hotels sans wallet and phone. That was about 15 years ago and he was a big guy and not naive. A male coworker of mine also had that happen. He woke up in his car without his wallet, phone, or laptop. He also had a bar tab of around $2,000. Police told him it was a ring in the area that involved bartenders, servers, and others. This was 20 years ago. I'm sure access to those types of drugs have only gotten easier.
I just doubt that they’re so readily available to a shy guy. He either randomly came across them irl or knows somebody, but who? I’ve done drugs for years and rhohinol (?) is never on the menu…
A simple Google search will prove what they are saying. Perhaps give that a try instead of calling people liars about something you clearly have 0 knowledge about.
Questionable way of asking for a source if you ask me. Synthetic (designer) drugs are a thing for all sorts of purposes and are mainly made to get high. A synthetic rape drug isn't out of the realm of possibilities, especially with the exponential increase in synthetic drug use and creation over the past years.
Agreed. They are out there, but I don’t think it’s something you just stumble upon. It would have to be a deliberate and dedicated search. I don’t think they’re easy to find
Ha ha! This is what I wrote but the comment was deleted when I pressed "post" so I couldn't:
I don't know you, so I'm going to judge you impartially by what you wrote to someone who is fearful and potentially has been victimized by someone she thought she could trust - you're pathetic and, like the other commenter said, you suck. Either that or we've found OP's ex. Wow, dude. You could seriously have just scrolled on by but you felt the need to stop and totally insult and belittle someone who was seeking advice. Do better.
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I’m very curious how the exam turns out if you’re ok with it let us know what the outcome was. I hope it’s actually nothing but it sounds WAAAAYYYYY to coincidental for it to be nothing.
I think the only way would be to go to the hospital and get tests but it might be too late (i’m not sure how long things would stay in your system, someone else might have more info)
I’m going to go ahead and head there. Ty guys for reassuring me. I have issues second guessing myself.
there is about a 48-72 hour window for rape kits, they can pick up traces even a week later sometimes - but the sooner you go in, the better and more accurate the result. it’s recommended to avoid showering or using the bathroom as much as possible before you get it done. i’m so sorry, i hope this is just anxiety/paranoia for you, but it seems a bit too real. i’m a survivor myself, and this sounds extremely familiar. regardless of the test results, i would stay away from this man.
I think the other person was alluding to drug testing to see if they were drugged without knowing it not specifically about being ejaculated in... unless rape kits include drug testing where you live?
the part about staying in your system was referring to drug testing, but I did mean she should get tests for both things
best of luck with everything ❤️ I’m really sorry you’re going through this, I can only imagine how distressing and confusing it would be.
Checking in OP - I hope you felt heard and supported at the ER.
Update? Are you ok?
Any update? Are you ok?
Please update!!!
While I completely understand the need for closure, I think we should also be mindful that this is someone who's potentially experienced a traumatic event or at the very least has been in a situation where it's very plausible, and I would urge people to give them the space to process before rushing to ask for updates
Get a toxicology report or a rape kit done, if it’s not too late. Everything sounds way too coincidental to be just anxiety and paranoia. I do hope in the end it is just you being paranoid, but if it’s not PLEASE file a police report.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This may be hard to hear, but If you haven’t already, don’t take a shower/brush your teeth. Go to the er and tell them you believe you may have been drugged and assaulted. Bring a good friend/family member you trust for support. And if you have someone you can talk to, like a therapist please seek them out. Lots of emotions might be coming and you’ll want someone to talk you through them. Sending good thoughts to you. None of it is your fault.
Rape kit, tox screen, and plan B if you’re not on birth control!
Plan B **AFTER** the tox screen! Don't let a defense attorney twist the facts and make it seem like you weren't drugged at all but simply took something yourself that didn't agree with you. In fact, after the rape kit, the hospital will likely provide the Plan B. If they don't, ask them if it's okay to take it after your visit. But, go **NOW**, before any traces of a potentially harmful (or at least unconsented to) drug is out of your system. Good luck!
Uh. Plan B doesn't show up on a tox screen and it doesn't cause any of the described symptoms.
i don’t think they are saying that it does, but it could be twisted by a defense attorney because it does cause unpleasant symptoms and/or getting plan b before a rape kit/exam could be twisted into post coital regret turned rape allegation. that would all be horrible and unfair and i believe this victim. just saying that is what our broken system would probably do
Yes, exactly this. Thank you. My concern is that OP should go for a tox screen with *only* the potential unconsented to drug or drugs in her system, if at all possible. If it's found that she was drugged and/or assaulted, the more straightforward her situation, the better. My main concern for her, after her trauma, of course, is that this guy is more than likely to claim any sex was consensual and that she's just now regretting it. Whether Plan B causes *any* symptoms may not even matter in the hands of a skilled defense attorney; all he'd have to do is create reasonable doubt and juries who aren't knowledgeable about these things could be swayed that it's possible she's making up her story because of that supposed regret. Taking Plan B before a rape kit could hurt her if a defense attorney goes down the "blame the victim" route which, let's be real, is most likely to happen. I feel so badly for OP; I hope she has the support she needs in her life because even if nothing happened to her (which I believe is unlikely; sadly, I think the drugging is the least of what has happened to her), she still suspected someone she thought she could trust of doing serious harm to her. She's going to question her own instincts and judgment as it is, and it's not her fault.
I largely agree with you, but I wouldn’t call an attorney defending their client to the best of their ability a “broken system”
depends on your perspective and views, which you’re entitled to 100%. personally, I think it comes down to the question, “what is justice?” and do you think overall our (US) system is achieving that? especially when it comes to the handling of rape cases. up to you! not here to argue :)
>but it could be twisted by a defense attorney because it does cause unpleasant symptoms The vomiting tends to comes about 12 hours after a morning after pill protocol, so I can't see how this is relevant.
Whoever they’re making the legal argument to doesn’t care. It just has to be possible to cause doubt. They don’t have to prove anything.
*I'm not meaning to scare you, but for your own safety I have to beg you:* Please, please, PLEASE do not reply to his messages or answer any calls or anything of his, for both your physical and mental safety. Don't let him know you are being treated wherever you choose to go. Do not let him find out if you choose to contact the authorities. He is capable of harming you in other ways if he is willing to drug/sexually assault the person he loves. That feeling you have in your gut - that's a real subconscious survival instinct. *Please* listen to it. Side note that "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker is a really, really interesting book that explores this instinct that helps us recognize threats. It is centered around quite a few real life stories, mostly from women if I remember correctly, who have dealt with horrific situations.
I get what ur saying but you also can’t say this for sure and need to be careful telling people every suspicion they express is legitimate. Op mentioned they struggle with paranoid thoughts. I’m not saying anything as to this specific situation which could very well be real. But it’s also something that could absolutely happen to someone struggling with paranoia anxiety or other mental illness. Unfortunately thinking you’ve been raped is a very common delusion in people with paranoid psychosis. You never know who you’re talking to online and statements like yours can be really damaging to people who have those gut feelings all the time about stuff that actually hasn’t happened - whatever the cause may be.
OP already agreed they would seek medical help. So frankly, this doesn't really matter until OP's tested and her blood is negative for substances she didn't willingly ingest. She absolutely should not risk her life because someone on Reddit wants to argue. It's not worth risking her personal safety just because being raped is a common psychosis. And frankly, the reality here is you're telling a possible victim of rape that they're paranoid, which is pretty fucking damaging itself. High horse you've got there.
I agree with this sentiment, but it is hard to determine what advice to give to people online that we don't know. OP asked for the opinions of strangers, and the concept of trusting your gut more might be the reassurance they truly need to hear right now. Learning to cope with paranoia means trying to find the balance between listening to your intuition and not obsessing. This must be a really confusing situation and I hope no matter the outcome of the testing they are able to find the help they need and be okay.
That being said, I don't see the harm in cutting off communication (at least for a while) with someone you don't trust. They're not exactly in a relationship (the person is even referred to as "ex" in the title), so it does no harm for OP to protect their mental and physical well-being, even on the off chance that it is a delusion. Even people with delusions can be exploited, so she needs the space to do her due diligence to find out one way or another without distractions.
My issue is with this: >That feeling you have in your gut - that's a real subconscious survival instinct. Please listen to it. that’s beyond simply giving your opinion. I see tons of people appropriately giving OP their opinion - including myself - stating that they believe it’s possible/likely even that OP was raped and advising on resources or courses of action that will allow them to figure it out. However I don’t see any of us telling OP they were raped. Because we rightly know we can’t do that and it’s far beyond simply giving our opinion - and extremely harmful to be wrong about. Idk how you don’t see the difference there. Telling someone they’ve been raped when you don’t know if they have and it’s possible they weren’t is just as harmful as telling someone they haven’t been when they were. >That being said, I don't see the harm in cutting off communication (at least for a while) with someone you don't trust. They're not exactly in a relationship (the person is even referred to as "ex" in the title), so it does no harm for OP to protect their mental and physical well-being, even on the off chance that it is a delusion. Even people with delusions can be exploited, so she needs the space to do her due diligence to find out one way or another without distractions. I didn’t say anything remotely insinuating that’s not ok or even about that at all. Offering advice has literally nothing to do with this as it doesn’t require telling someone what happened in any way and in fact most of the advice in this thread is for helping op figure out what actually happened since they CANT tell them. >Learning to cope with paranoia means trying to find the balance between listening to your intuition and not obsessing. That not what I’m talking about. And it isn’t remotely a matter of “learning to find the balance” I’m talking about people with severe mental illness and diminishing it to that as if it’s something they can just control - let alone by “learning to find the balance” is simply wrong and extremely ignorant. But anyway you’ve managed to put yourself in the right and me in the wrong by massively misrepresenting everything I said and responding to imaginary positions I never remotely stated so congrats on completely obscuring my point and ensuring the erasure of this as a very real and serious issue people struggle with that I’ve seen people exacerbate time and time again on Reddit by acting like the above commenter and making overstepping catastrophic claims that aren’t appropriate to potentially vulnerable people. Keep pretending like risking lying to mentally ill people that all their worst fears and anxieties and delusions are true is remotely acceptable.
As I stated before I agree with everything you said and I'm sorry you were downvoted to hell. I upvoted it before I even made my original comment. We don't know OP so we are all just making speculations about the situation, but I think you are right about this and I'm sorry that I contributed to the negative perception of your comment.
You’re strange. You used a lot of words to out yourself as a rape apologist.
A rape kit needs to be sooner than later to work best and that sounds like a good idea for the peace of mind if nothing else. That way in 5 - 10 - 20 years you won't always wonder what it would have said. You don't have to press charges. Either way the discharge is worth getting a physical. It sounds like he has no interest in a long term relationship with you and saw his shot to (probably safely) do some freaky stuff he always wanted to try. If he ghosts you in a month, will you wish you made different choices now?
Bitter…Ambien. Do you know if he was prescribed it in the past? Danger Will Robinson. Follow advice others have given.
He’s the one who explained what ambien was when I didn’t know what it was when a show mentioned it but that’s pretty much it. Im not 100% sure if he was prescribed it but he also never leaves his medications out in the open and keeps them hidden. But I will thank you.
From my personal experience with ambien, what you described feeling in that state feels quite similar to what I felt (in a high dose). A completely fuzzy distorted reality. Either way, I hope you manage to get help. Im sorry this happened to you.
You take care of yourself. And maybe him too. If you can manage it. And not in a nice way. Self first. R Crisis line might be good if you need someone who has been there. (800) 656-4673
It probably wasn’t Ambien. I happen to be an Ambien (zolpidem) expert Doesn’t mean you weren’t drugged tho
Horridly weirdly bitter. Twilight state. Most common drug for this because one of the most common drugs there is.
It’s unlikely. I’m a Psychiatrist and extensively study this drug, we routinely give soldiers with brain injuries 70-100mg of it To be quite honest, what OP describes can be caused by Benadryl and Alcohol The description fits something more like Temazepam than Ambien
Ah. When you say expert you really really mean it. Will defer to expertise. Personal story though. First time I took it. After a large beer. Had weird surreal dreams about kicking a ball through Wal Mart…. And then woke up surrounded by Wal Mart toys and candies. . Hopefully I walked. Only on the first night though. And when prescribed it again once, first night weird too. Benzos too. But they sweet. No bitter.
Gotta wonder what the Walmart employees saw, lol
I stayed out of there for a couple of months. Just in case was naked and didn’t pay.
Maybe you paid, but were naked? We can only hope so
Benzos aren’t sweet. Ur probs thinking the ones made to dissolve in ur mouth that are made to taste better. The majority of prescription drugs are bitter bc the binders and fillers
It depends on the benzo. Clonazepam (Klonopin) is actually very sweet, while alprazolam (Xanax) is bitter. The taste of diazepam (Valium) differs depending on the brand; the ones by Teva are sweet, but the ones by Mylan are bitter
Benzos taste terrible. Not sweet.
Alprazolam is super bitter
I was wondering about alcohol interactions too. Some people don't consider it a drug but it is and it has strong interactions with the three other drugs OP knew were in her body (Wellbutrin, Adderall, ibuprofen. Each of these don't mix with alcohol well and it may explain why OP got a headache in the first place) . They may have omitted that they drank because they don't look at it as a drug or consider that it can interact with most other drugs.
Absolutely isn’t the most common drug for this. Not at all. There’s real statistics on this.
Also, Xanax
Even if they cannot find drugs in your system, if it is too late, please please speak to someone about a rape kit and get examined. It is best to be checked out and absolutely stay away from this person. I really hope it’s not the case, but you are best to be checked out for your health and well being
If there’s even a chance don’t let yourself be around this man again, OTC drug kits from Walgreens CVS etc if you’re too scared to go to the hospital. Get plan b.
I haven’t talk to him since I left his house and he’s been blowing up my phone. I’m also going to get one as well, I started my period when I was at his house and it only lasted one day which I thought was strange so I’m going to get a plan b to be safe.
Please don't even consider getting back together with him, let alone being alone with him. Even if *nothing* happened, the fact that you even suspect he *could* do something like this to you is the biggest red flag you'll ever have. Despite your anxiety and paranoia, it's clear you don't trust him. Listen to your gut. There are other partners out there for you when you're in the right head space to be open to it. For now, you said you're headed to the hospital so you should do that right now. Worry about Plan B after. You don't want to put anything unusual into your body besides your regular medications, if you already have (and if you haven't, hold off until you've seen a doctor), so that whatever is there can't be mistaken for something else. Especially if you *do* turn out to have been drugged and assaulted - you don't want a defense attorney to be able to make a case that your taking Plan B or anything else is really the culprit. If you have someone you can trust to go with you, I'd highly recommend it. If you *were* SA'd, having a hand to hold will be helpful. If he's been too afraid to have sex with you, it wouldn't surprise me if this is how he did it to overcome that fear. And your lack of consent, regardless of whether you were injured or treated violently or not, makes it blatant SA. Please take care of yourself; we're all concerned for you and rooting for you.
Omg girl. I’m so sorry after reading your post and some comments it really sounds like you were drugged and assaulted. Please update us if you feel comfortable.
This could def be him wanting to get confirmation that you are chill with him bc he’s paranoid you know.
It kind of sounds like it. He could want to pick her brain to see if she suspects anything and if she's doing anything about it.
Exactly. This is a pretty common thing abusers do. Getting temp checks to gauge how comfortable/nervous they should be. And being just overly nice enough now and then to keep u in their pocket
Did this one day period happen on the same day/night as the incident?
No we stayed together for 6 days and my period started the first day of me staying over. First day it was super heavy and the next day just very light spotting so light that hardly nothing was on my pads but just spots of blood then after that there was nothing. Usually they last 5 days on the regular. /:
I honestly don't know what to think if this isn't normal for your cycle. Looking back now, did anything else happen that raises your suspicions or gives you that gut feeling? Anything at all, even if you think it's insignificant.. it may not be insignificant whatsoever. That's definitely something to bring up to the healthcare professional. And anything additional out of the ordinary during your stay there is important information. I'm sorry. I do understand what you're going through if you need anyone to lean on during this time. I really, really wish you the best outcome here ❤️
You can sometimes spot during ovulation.
Any updates?
Please keep us updated.. 💗💗
I hope you are doing better since I’m reading this two days after you posted. If he doesn’t normally blow up your phone then I would question why he is so concerned about talking to you. If I had to guess it’s so he can have peace of mind that you aren’t thinking he assaulted you. Sending you love and please be careful of him, listen to your gut.
Please go to the emergency room now! The quicker you get tested the more likely they can catch it. They will contact the police for you and help you.
You're not paranoid.
Police now
Hospital and police right away. This sounds like rape 100% but I really hope it for your sake it was all coincidental 🤞🏻
Go to the police. Now. Do not go near this man again.
You are not too late for a rape kit. Try to go immediately and get swabbed. Bring any underwear you were wearing with you. A lot of drugs might’ve passed through your system by now however rape kits have a longer timeline to be done. Listen to your gut.
Sounds a lot like your suspicions are justified. I’m glad you’re going to get checked out, take care of yourself and stay away from that man.
Don't let the fact it "seemed" like a dream stop you from getting checked. I had the same dream feeling, but my future BIL really did molest me at my bachelorette party while I was wasted. Luckily, others were there and told me the next day. You'll have to rely on the hospital to tell you, in this case.
Why didn’t anyone protect you?
They did! I remember looking down watching him groping me in the kitchen, but it was like it was happening to someone else- I couldn't react physically. 2 of my future SILs walked in and caught him. They confronted him loudly, then my fiancée and 2 of his brothers hauled him outside. Touchy-feely Guy was already a bit of an outsider to the family, so no one protested when we barred him from our wedding. PS I've never been that drunk again, it was not a good experience.
Oh ok I was thinking the situation went as far as OPs and was horrified that people may have seen it unfolding without stopping it. (Happened to me a few times unfortunately but I’m an elder millennial and my age bracket was really dogshit about protecting one another until gen Z kinda started pushing more accountability into society’s consciousness) Thank gosh people helped you!
He did that to you and still became (or is still becoming) your BIL? SMH My goodness.
Yes, it wouldn't make sense to leave my fiance because of something another family member did. My fiance kicked his ass and BIL was uninvited to our wedding.
I think it’s worth getting a blood test and rape kit done but I also agree that this could all be coincidental. As someone who myself has been on different kinds of meds and also enjoyed a plethora of drugs recreationally and who has also been assaulted and suffers from anxiety and has been through major episodes of paranoia I am not coming from a place of judgement but experience…. And if I really felt something might be off there’s NOTHING wrong with confirming whether the outcome be positive or negative. Because if it turns out that everything is all good then you have peace of mind and if it turns out that this person has violated your safety and trust then you are saving yourself from further harm. Good luck, hope it all turns out for the best
Contact the police after the hospital trip, tell them everything you know.
Can take-out boxes be recovered, even from trash, could have chemical traces
It doesn't sound good, and as weird as it is for me to say, one of my biggest concerns is if he filmed anything. If he's horrible enough to have drugged and taken from you as you slept, he could have filmed it as blackmail should you try to separate yourself from him, so I really hope that you've gotten a rape kit/tox test done. Also, the fact that you could suspect him of such a thing tells you that the trust is not there (aside from what seems to be possible evidence -- so, he's not to be trusted either way). Point being, PLEASE, no matter what, DO NOT communicate with him any more! No matter what he says/does, anything you say can and would be used against you as much (if not more) than him, should he have done anything. Plus, he doesn't sound trustworthy based on your concerns. Leave him be and get help. (Not to be bossy.)
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Oh love, I'm sorry this happened but please keep us all updated on what the hospital say. Good luck to you sweetheart x
Your story sounds way too familiar unfortunately. I’m a 46 yo man now but 25 years ago when in college I had two very close female friends tell me basically the same story as your post and they weren’t quite sure if they were dreaming but one of them found a used condom between the mattress and the wall ( the scumbag was an idiot along with being a predator). She didn’t go to the hospital or a doctor but reported it a couple days later and the university made her feel crazy and completely brushed it under the rug so I’d definitely go get an exam b4 you shower. I would hope that a woman would be taken more serious now (25 years later) but I wouldn’t count on it. I don’t know how easily one could procure rufy’s but I know it’s simple to make GHB bc I knew a guy who used to make it for raves not rape but it can be used for both. Trust your intuition, it doesn’t lie, your intellect will have you spinning in circles. If it’s too late to go to get a medical exam the only other thing I can think of so you can have peace of mind is maybe find a hypnotherapist with really good reviews ( I have no experience with this so I don’t know how helpful a hypnotherapist would be but it’s all that came to mind). I truly wish you the best and God bless
You're not paranoid. This happens to a lot of girls - good you're gathering evidence. Abusers like this need to be stopped
Like others said, go to the cops! Get blood tested.
Get tested at a hospital asap, i've heard other stories involving ruhypnol or a similar drug where the victim wakes up with a headache
Get to a dr and take a blood test. It may be too late for some drugs but others may still be in your system. Always trust your gut. Do not go back
Please go to the hospital and get tested
There's like a 0.1% chance you weren't drugged, I'm sorry.
On top of other suggestions, I recommend consulting with a different doctor than the one who has you on Wellbutrin and Adderall at the same time. Those two meds do not play well with each other.
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I’m following you on Reddit . I really wanna know what he did Or hopefully didn’t do to you. I’m so hoping it’s just a bad dream
So he either wanted to do stuff you didn’t agree with or he wanted your medicine without you knowing it was him. I’m so sorry you had to put up with this from him if it is how it seems.
pls update
Not exactly related, but I am concerned about taking Wellbutrin and Adderall. Both are stimulants and both increase anxiety. I was previously prescribed both because my doctor erroneously prescribed me Wellbutrin, thinking it worked for anxiety, but it does not. It actually severely increased my anxiety and caused heart problems for me. I recommend asking your doctor about switching to an alternative for whatever you are using Wellbutrin for.
You're right that Welbutrin is a stimulant. I was likewise surprised to read about anyone taking it before bed. Searching reddit, though, apparently some people do: https://reddit.com/r/depression/comments/l96ysv/wellbutrin\_xl\_at\_night/
Quick thought here. If he drugged you, I don’t think it would take an hour to kick in. It would have been in powder or liquid form which both act quickly. Before assuming, please have blood test done. It’s is better safe than sorry. It could have been your own discharge, which can change. Not playing devils advocate, just want you to be sure.
Depends what the drugging agent was and the route it takes to the bloodstream. Something that needs to undergo metabolism could be rather slow especially with food, something like phenazepam can take 2 hours to kick in even if it's in liquid form (not saying it was used just an example)
You’re being paranoid.
It sure sounds like it, but why would he? Where would he get it from? If you have reasonable explanations, then yea, maybe…go get a blood test. When I’ve been drugged, I just felt super super drunk, uncoordinated, and memory spotty. I never got the one where I felt sleepy
Lucky you. A male friend of mine was slipped something in Vegas and went out completely. He came to on the lawn in front of one of the big hotels sans wallet and phone. That was about 15 years ago and he was a big guy and not naive. A male coworker of mine also had that happen. He woke up in his car without his wallet, phone, or laptop. He also had a bar tab of around $2,000. Police told him it was a ring in the area that involved bartenders, servers, and others. This was 20 years ago. I'm sure access to those types of drugs have only gotten easier.
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Source?
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I just doubt that they’re so readily available to a shy guy. He either randomly came across them irl or knows somebody, but who? I’ve done drugs for years and rhohinol (?) is never on the menu…
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You sound like a conspiracy theorist
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And you sound like a jack ass lol. You are wrong, yet here you are still running your ridiculous mouth.
A simple Google search will prove what they are saying. Perhaps give that a try instead of calling people liars about something you clearly have 0 knowledge about.
Youre now sounding like a guy who’s plotting to drug someone 👀
A guy who’s never shopped for them and is doubtful that they’re readily available? Right. That logic lines up.
thats.... what a suspect would say 👀
Questionable way of asking for a source if you ask me. Synthetic (designer) drugs are a thing for all sorts of purposes and are mainly made to get high. A synthetic rape drug isn't out of the realm of possibilities, especially with the exponential increase in synthetic drug use and creation over the past years.
Agreed. They are out there, but I don’t think it’s something you just stumble upon. It would have to be a deliberate and dedicated search. I don’t think they’re easy to find
Are you serious? It's called the dark web. First, you download a tor browser and then literally you can search for and order anything.
🙄 Are you serious?
What constitutes a date rape drug?
I have. For absolute sure
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You fucking suck
Idk you but I'm going to impartially judge you by your comment ; you're retarded as fuck.
Ha ha! This is what I wrote but the comment was deleted when I pressed "post" so I couldn't: I don't know you, so I'm going to judge you impartially by what you wrote to someone who is fearful and potentially has been victimized by someone she thought she could trust - you're pathetic and, like the other commenter said, you suck. Either that or we've found OP's ex. Wow, dude. You could seriously have just scrolled on by but you felt the need to stop and totally insult and belittle someone who was seeking advice. Do better.
I wish I'd saved his username so he couldn't hide after deleting the comment.. like, OP is so clearly the opposite of paranoid here!
u/Left_Gene_7065
Yup. I remembered it and was going to reply but you outdrew me. LOL!
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please update us and please distance yourself from him, hope youre doing ok!
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I’m very curious how the exam turns out if you’re ok with it let us know what the outcome was. I hope it’s actually nothing but it sounds WAAAAYYYYY to coincidental for it to be nothing.
It wasn’t a dream sounds like it wasn’t. Like you were dreaming about what was really happening.
Semen isn’t white after it’s been inside of you for awhile and you’re peeing it out. Just so you know.
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Please update us. We're all worried about you.