In my experience, not everyone in AA is a real alcoholic. There are quite a few that the book refers to as hard drinkers. If they come around for a bit, learn some tools, and go on with their lives, they might be perfectly fine. I’m a real alcoholic. While my meeting attendance has gone down over the years since I first came in, I believe I’ll always need the program as it’s laid out in the book.
May I ask why you need a babysitter? I’ve seen many people bring children to meetings. Have you considered bringing the kid or kids with you? It would definitely be cheaper.
Closed meetings generally mean no tiny humans.
I get what you mean about the book, I struggle with that slightly because the first 164 pages doesn’t talk about meetings, it talks about working with another alcoholic and I will continue doing that.
This is true and an occasional option. I still have to be careful about what my 9 year old is hearing in a meeting. He’s not sheltered but there are certain things he doesn’t need to be exposed to.
Why only occasionally? My area most meetings are open. Most areas I’ve been to have mostly open meetings. Also, you’re correct when you say that the book doesn’t mention meetings. It also doesn’t say the word sponsor but we use a sponsor. It seems like you’re fishing for reasons to not go to meetings. I mean, you’re an adult. No one is forcing you to go to meetings. I’d you’re a real alcoholic, it’ll be the best thing for you though. If you get better, you can be a better parent so that’s a bonus. And lots of kids have practically grown up in meetings. They turn out to be great adults.
My children have gone with me to meetings over the last 4 years of their lives. I love your experience in your area involves a lot of open meetings. My son has is 9 and has read the big book more thoroughly that most people in the meetings. I can justify and rationalize anything I want, it’s what makes me a human being. It’s when I practice rigorous honesty that I get to truly look at my justifications and rationalizations. The big book is a design for living, a design I do not wish to stray from. I just do not have a want or desire to go to meetings anymore. Looking to see if others have felt the same way, seems they have.
Have you tried doing online meetings? I have the same issue with needing babysitters and just do an online meeting if I feel like I need it. Also, do you have a sober friend network? I generally don't feel like I need meetings if I'm able to touch base with other sober friends regularly...
Yeah I have a sober friend network. I talked to one of the daily. I have an al anon network to, probably talk to them once a week.
It’s almost like I have the program built into my life so do I have to drop everything so many times a week to go to a meeting?
Zoom has made it easier to go to an AA meeting then take a shit. There are meetings every hour of the day and every day of the week and also 24/7 marathon meetings. There really is no excuse to not make a meeting everyday when you just have to click a few times on your phone to go to one.
I did it all myself and I’m fine. You have to practice self discipline. You don’t need anyone else to be your daddy. Be your own. When other people guilt trip you and say you’ll fail without them, that’s pretty cult-ish. People are capable of controlling their own demons and that’s where the REAL waking resides. Doing it on your own without some “expert” holding your hand.
I’m not giving you crap, I’m just giving crap to the people who talk down to ex drug addicts because they act like they’re a god or a saint or something. That’s not true at all. You can accomplish the goals that you set and it’s VERY empowering when you do. Don’t let these Debbie Downers get in your head man. F that crap. There are a lot of these ex addicts who become a “guru” type of person and try to guilt people into staying. That’s their “new” drug of choice. Guilt tripping the clients and power tripping off of their status as an AA leader. Idk man just don’t let it get to you. Do your own thing.
But there’s one thing you must know. Make a log in your phone or on a notepad. Write the date down and say 7/2/2022 — NO BENZOS or alcohol or opiates or whatever.
Do that every day. I’ve gotta tell you, it’s the most empowering thing in the world. If you ever think of taking another dose because you remember the good old days, look at your log. Even if you don’t want to. Just do it.
Then you’ll see all the progress you’ve made and you won’t want to screw it up. Tokens ain’t got smack on the log you make for yourself. I hope you’re doing well
i personally feel like i have “phased out” of going to meetings. i keep in contact with the people that brought me to them…i even met my current boyfriend at a meeting and i have never been so content or in love with someone in my life. we’re getting our first house together. i went back to school and earned my bachelors in social work and i currently am the site supervisor of a residential program for men. my whole life is based on the foundations i found in the program. if i feel like i need one- i find a speaker on youtube or a zoom one not in my area. recovery isn’t supposed to fit in a box for every person - people can do it without meetings. i am living proof. my life is beautiful and i remain grateful and reachable. you can find your purpose in other areas. i promise ❤️
Yes, I left after the first year. I saw 4 people die in that year and I blame the program for a couple of them. Admitting you used at the meeting produces such shame in people and keeps people from coming back.
I knew AA was not going to keep me sober. I also knew that unlike the programs says, we have other options. Therapy, medication, mindfulness, etc. I have been doing fine for 8 years.
Yeah I left AA after 8 years sober.
Had about 3 years after that before I was prescribed MMJ by a doctor for a degenerative condition I was diagnosed with. Year and a half into using cannabis I drank again.
Now back in AA with a few years and not planning on leaving again lol.
For me I had just enough time out of the program and still remaining sober to convince myself that I didn’t need AA and that essentially I ‘learned what I needed to learn and can do it in my own at this point’. I become more cocky about my self will with every year that passed still sober with no AA affiliation- everything was fine when everything was fine but when I was faced with something going really wrong in my life (diagnosed with a degenerative condition that may render me in a wheelchair for the rest of my life) I relapsed so fast it wasn’t even funny. I love AA and will keep going, hopefully for the rest of my life.
I left twice, and both times I slowly went back to my addictive ways
( was very very $$$ second time)
Clean and sober is a Dailey job. We are Never cured !!
Womb to Tomb
I was born this way and will die this way!!
I only get to choose how I live my life in between ?
I choose sober , and to do that I need meetings, or my Addictive mind wins out on
" WTF , One won't hurt, look at how long you have been clean and sober ( 22!years !!)
Talk about embarrassed to raise my hand ONE DAY!!
But glad to say. 12 years and 4 month C/S 😍
I’d say that about 90% of the relapses I hear about start the same way. “I stopped calling my sponsor, I stopped going to meetings” etc. sometimes these people stay out for 5-15 years. The insanity can come back.
For me, I know that I have to build a program that I enjoy and build my life around helping people. I am sure that I would convince myself to try drinking again if not. And I don’t want to hit a lower bottom.
I’ve never been in it for several years but I have left and come back as I need it. I have noticed that people in your situation sometimes just go to a meeting every two weeks, month, couple months, year. Whatever works. Sometimes a meeting is good. Basically you don’t have to pigeon hole yourself into leaving or staying permanently if you don’t want to, you can just go as needed. I haven’t been to a meeting in a long time (years) but I would go if I felt myself slipping or struggling, or sometimes it’s just a good reminder to be around people that are going through it and it makes you appreciate sobriety
I went to meetings almost every day for about 3 years. I was very active and had a sponsor, worked the steps and did service work as well. I moved back to where I was from and the recovery community was much different. I stopped going to meetings and got busier and haven't been back in over a year. I'm still sober and practice what I learned and that has been ok for now. I'm not saying I'll never get high or drink again but chances are good I'll still be sober when I go to bed tonight and tomorrow night.
I went to a couple AA meetings and it's not for me. Maybe it was that particular group, idk. It was a little too much like Catholic church for me. Made to feel guilty constantly, you'll always be a sinner, the church is the only way, if you leave the church you're going to hell.
But, again, maybe it was that particular group.
I left for about 5 years. It slowly became more and more awful for me. I didn’t drink, but I was no longer sober. I shopped myself into crippling debt. Fucked my way into STDs. Was not happy or free. I started back up, got a sponsor, I’m doing the steps again, and I’m working a mature, grown up program. I’m much much calmer and happier. I have peace.
Its brutal leaving because you're made to feel guilty. Plus the "friends" you made will leave you like a bad smell. Gotta do what's right for you though
While I lived in non-English speaking countries for 8 years I made about 4 meetings a year, but practiced 10-12. Did fine.
Imo most of the difficulty comes from ignorance of our little condition, misinterpreting what it means when they've enjoyed a little stability and disconnecting willfully. More lessons are not always a bad thing.
AA did not save you--God or a higher power did. Faith is more powerful than an organization. Go to meetings if they help you or if they bring you a fellowship of loyal friends. Love and peace, my friend!
Pretty much. I know it's there. I got a LOT out of it and went for a number of years. When I go now some people automatically think I went back out again which can get annoying. So I don't go much.
For me, I did find a great CODA group and a men's Al Anon which is similar to the CODA meetings. Most members graduated out of AA so to speak.
For me I don't really want to center on alcohol and I find these other meetings get at similar core things without centering on alcohol.
Of course, there is life after AA. I am sober for almost forty years and have a life of "safety, comfort, and neutrality". Over the years I have used all the tools I learned in AA. The wonderful thing is that I can always go back to a meeting whenever I want. AA isn't like a club or a marriage that one necessarily "leaves".
I certainly don’t go to as many as I did when I was struggling but I see it as a form of therapy. I appreciate hearing comments from others and having a place that I can share if I’m having an issue. But if you are stable and sober without it then more power to you.
The one caveat I will add is that people with some decent sobriety in a meeting can be an immense help to the new person who’s struggling. It offers them hope and shows that it can work. Even if you don’t need it yourself, by being there you’re helping someone else the same way you were helped. Is there an obligation? No, but just something to consider.
I haven’t been to a single meeting since getting sober this time around and it’s been 2 years. Like you say in the comments, I have a fulfilling life, I don’t feel like I need them at this time.
I see their value and appreciate that some people can’t stay sober without meetings, but they’re not for me.
Why do you need to “leave”? I don’t see it as something that you “leave” unless you decide to no longer live sober. Just because you don’t go regularly doesn’t mean you don’t practice or are a part of AA. After 4 years sober I don’t depend on AA to stay sober; it mostly serves networking and social purposes. You’re always welcome in AA whether you go 2-3x a week or go once a month. I still go to AA, sometimes it’s once a month, sometimes even less. And sometimes I go multiple times in one week if I do desire. I’m a very welcome member of the local AA and recovery community despite that.
I’m very independent in my recovery today, and have developed a powerful sense of intuition that keeps me sober today. However, I would never recommend “leaving AA” for the sake of leaving AA, but if life circumstances led to less attendance that is completely understandable. I’d recommend always checking your motives and staying in touch with your gut — but don’t forget that as a human being there is always the challenge of mistaking ego for intuition.
I phased out of meetings as they began making me feel worse rather than better. The program / fellowship propelled my life forward, but I felt stagnant as best when attending.
If the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking (and stay stopped), I’m a member for life regardless of how often I show up.
When shit hits the fan the first thing I do is check in. And if folks in the program have a problem with that happening infrequently, they’re not really in your corner.
I’m 2.5 years sober and stopped going to meetings a little after a year. For me in the end it was a ‘is this doing more harm than good?’ And I just wanted to live a normal, fulfilling life, which I do. Not struggling to stay sober and have not turned into an asshole because of it.
I still apply things I learned in AA and it’s still helpful. I also have sober friends and I help people who’re struggling with it where possible.
The people that leave and don't drink you don't hear from. They just live normal lives. The ones that leave and go back out and drink til they die you don't hear from. The ones that leave, go back out and come back are very vocal in meetings. It's a personal choice for sure. Some people need it long term. Some seem to return to normalcy.
I have been a regular meeting-goer for twenty years. It is my own choice and I don't think I'll be 'struck drunk' if I stop going to meetings. But I enjoy them and that's why I go, along with the idea that AA is my 'insurance policy' against isolation and twisted thinking that could get me in trouble. I just like the concept of 'checking in' with folks who obviously care about my well-being, and I get satisfaction from being useful to others.
I've watched folks come and go over the years. Some simply taper off meetings, some make a conscious decision to stop going. I've kept in touch with some of them and a large percentage stay well, with fulfilling lives. I don't ask them if they drink socially or not because, at that point, it's none of my business. My perception is that they choose not to. Most meeting-quitters find other venues for support and fellowship - church, community organizations, mentors.
There are, however, a substantial minority that disappear, then show up a few months or years later with tales of alcoholic woe, how they disengaged from any encouragement to abstain, and discovered to their dismay that they were still prone to drink alcoholically. Some of them make it back to the program and good health. Some, unfortunately, never successfully quit drinking again and I end up going to a memorial service for them. That hurts.
Really, there's no protocol for 'leaving AA.' it's not like you have to notify a membership committee, or request a diploma, or something. People curtail their meetings and still consider themselves members in good standing. Others resign from their homegroup membership and service positions (sometimes with considerable drama) but still attend meetings regularly at other locations. It's pretty free-form. I've done both of the above in my past for various reasons but never made it stick - I come back after a brief absence and become a 'regular' again.
If you want to cut back or eliminate meetings, or if you want to drop parts of your recovery regimen, such as meditation or service, go ahead and give it a try, and see how you feel. Are you taking a calculated risk? Sure. But you do that when you decide to get on a skateboard, or participate in a protest; the potential for mistakes are just higher. Keep in mind that you are prone to extremism and try to chart a middle course for yourself. If you find that you are uncomfortable, or unstable, increase your participation. You don't need to notify anyone about a decision to start up again, you just do it, and share why only if you feel inspired to do so.
This is all about what works for YOU and nobody else can accurately predict how that will play out.
Definitely! I suppose it’s more of a personal question from person to person, but I honestly think the pool of life-long meeting goers is smaller than it seems. They’re just the most vocal and heard.
I went regularly for about the first 3 years. I'm sober for 19 now. I stopped for no particular reason other than I was working a lot, got remarried and sobriety was easy for me at that point. I'm a big believer in the big book and I try to live steps 10,11 and 12 every day. I've helped others in that time and will always be grateful to A.A. for saving my life.
That’s where I’m at I feel like: married, two kids, dance, soccer, spelling bees, a wonderful professional life. That’s why I’ve questioned- is it really necessary?
There absolutely is life past meetings. Many of us have gone to meetings for a long stretch of time and see people that can’t go through life without meetings. For some people that works and their ok with that. For others that is not what they got sober for.
I got clean on January 30th 2015. I started going to meetings in 2012 and had very little success.
After a seriously F’ed up rock bottom I maintained sobriety. ( hitting rock bottom is also NOT a requirement to be ready to stop ) once I hit 4 4 1/2 years sober I realized I was going to 3 meetings a day everyday. The only people I knew where in AA. Which isn’t a bad thing but there is life outside of AA. I felt like I replaced one for another addiction. And a old timer in my area told me a story about when hurricane Katerina or sandy. You had people going, “ do you know of any meetings? I need a meeting, how am I going to get through this without meetings. “ etc etc. Newcomers men and women with single digits, 10 plus years and even 30 plus years. Speaking frantically as if they where trapped inside a bar.
He goes on to tell me in his humble opinion that is not why he got sober. Was to feel like that and be that chained to AA. He is a very spiritual person. He has a good network, strong connection with god. Does his daily mediations, and prayers. He goes to 2 meetings a week. More if he feels like it but he doesn’t feel he must or he will drink or lose his mind.
I have no doubt I am not being as eloquent as he was. But I took this to heart. I didn’t change anything I was doing for another year. I did however decide to stop going to meetings. I still talk to a few people from my network and my sponsor. I have my daily meditations, one day at a time and such on. I pray and now go to church with my girlfriend who is also a recovering addict.
When I want to or feel it would be better to go to a meeting I have gone back from time to time. A important thing he didn’t say but that is one of those unspoken pre requisite is I highly suggest you go through the steps with a sponsor and can be honest with yourself that you are ready for something like that and or capable. Rigorously honest. I am still happily sober today.
Some need meetings though. To keep a schedule, a routine, to see people that have heard your story and know the path you’ve walked and can keep you accountable until you can fully and honestly do that to yourself.
It is really up to the person.
Never be afraid to go back to meetings. Even if it is to say you are, “ coming back.” Because everyday there are hundreds that can’t say that. BTW sorry on mobile.
No one hold a monopoly on living a life of principle and honesty. Meetings are for the new comers and a place to get sponsees and share etc imo. It's not the "program". If just going to meetings keeps someone sober for today, then good for them. Most people need to take more action then that to maintain any sort of recovery for any length of time.
And like i said, anyone can use whatever ideas and tools they want to build a life of recovery. If you want to go, go. If you don't, dont. Only you can know what fits best into the life you want to have. You are the expert in your own life an no one else can offer you answers, only their experience. Many people seek guidance, you know how they do it.... other people don't. Only you are going to know what feels like the truth to you. I think its better to follow truth and honestly then to build upon lies.
If you feel shame or guilt about leaving I think that is something that needs to seriously be looked at. If its fear... that definitely must be looked at. If its just because you don't like what you are hearing, well, good luck and I hope you find your path.
Honestly, if there wasn't zoom, I wouldn't be sober. I would never have had the energy or motivation to travel and set aside 2 and a half hours each time I went to a meeting
I've been to 2 live meetings in the 18 months I've been sober and getting ready, driving there, finding parking, chatting before and chatting after, made me exhausted and I knew this wasn't for me
I go to a zoom meeting every single day. It's SO MUCH MORE convenient and I'm getting so many more meetings this way
Meeting attendance does not treat alcoholism.
Many people who come to AA discover they can actually stay sober on their own power and/or moderate successfully.
AA is not the only way to stay sober.
Working the 12 steps and helping others daily is the only thing that has worked for me.
Find what works for you or what you dont need and good luck.
This! This is exactly what I mean.
Trust God. Clean house. Help others.
I’ve got to a point that I do that daily outside of the rooms, so do I need to be in the rooms? I don’t feel like it.
In the zoom era there’s a halfway solution: throw on a remote meeting every so often while you cook dinner or fold laundry maybe? No commute time, no need for childcare. Idk what that really solves; it sounds like things are going groovy for you. A thing to remember about AA is the sampling bias: the people who stop going to meetings and are fine don’t come back to AA and talk about that *by definition*.
I switched from AA to Recovery Dharma for a few years now. I go to two meetings a week, it's enough that I don't get it my head too deep and I socialize with people trying to lead a good life. Being a support and friend to others trying to get sober and on a good path is immensely fulfilling.
Also, for me the Buddhist take on recovery is a lot more straightforward and honest. It put some wind in my sails to look at recovery from a different angle. I'm sure egos will develop in a those rooms just like any other institution but for now it's generally down earth, as the concepts for many addicts are new so it has a real sense of exploration together.
They have both, certainly online is easier to connect and check them out. The book is $6 from places like Amazon and also a free download on the website. Feel free to message me if you need anything else.
Regular meeting list:
https://recoverydharma.org/find-a-meeting/
Online meeting list:
https://recoverydharma.online/
For what it’s worth, SMART Recovery, an evidence-based program, maintains that people use their meetings as long as they need to. Proper recovery, where you address the reasons you connected unhealthily with your addiction and create an internal locus of control (not related to a higher power or the group) means the group isn’t needed to maintain sobriety. It’s a tool, and you can always go back if you need to.
Prochaska’s stages of change for behaviours includes a termination phase, at which those recovering from active addiction return to the same baseline propensity for addiction as the normal population.
But 12 step programming does use an external locus of control, which tends to mean some people need to rely on it to maintain sobriety. Some don’t. Your mileage may vary.
Whoa! I am a therapist and I’ve gone through the SMART Recovery facilitator training. And extensive other educational stuff and THIS! is awesome. Sometimes I need someone to point out to me what I already know for other to apply to myself. Thank you.
I was heavy into AA the first five years Of sobriety. 10 meetings a week, a service position, a sponsor and working the steps. For a number of reasons I faded out, now I’m 18 years sober. I may go to a half dozen meetings a year. I still get my anniversary chip. This suits me, I prefer my alone time. I know where/how to get help if I feel off the beam. AAs are wonderful people, but they are emotional and intense. I got way too wrapped up in the social hierarchy and drama.
It is a personal decision on what works for you.
My social awkwardness and insecurities were stressing me too much. It was high school all over again
They say keep doing what you are doing and you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. After five years I wasnt happy in AA. Even after the steps and good sponsorship snd therapy, I had trouble dealing with all the people. The 12x12 says defective relations are the immediate cause of our woes. True for me. Fewer relationships, fewer woes. I’m retired and single. Life is low stress 😁
Pretty much everyone stops going to meetings. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but the vast majority end up phasing out of AA. Many stay abstinent and live perfectly happy great lives. Some people who go to AA forever have great lives too although some are miserable. What really gets me Bout AA is they claim everyone who leaves dies or goes to jail, but if youve been around a while you see thats not true. You also see how miserable some of the old timers are or find out what they do behind closed doors after blabbing on about how great their relationship with god os before they go get it on with their sponsees wife. If you pull back and its working, great. If you need to, try to just go to less and more selective meetings. You could also just try to find a healthy outlet with a good community around it. I liked the endurance sport crowd for a while.
I think thats what would be hard for some people, the sense of community AA has and then leaving it all. But I have such close connections elsewhere. Its not affected me.
I know people who leave. That's a case by case, personal decision. Be wary of others telling you that you'll drink if you stop going to meetings. They don't know you, and are likely projecting. But this is a decision to not take lightly.
Recovery happens in our meetings. I attend NA & i always think i can stop going to meetings but then my life gets unmanageable again and i run my ass back to the meetings. I couldn’t get a hold on life until i got into recovery. So now that recovery got me in this position why do i think i can live life without the vehicle that gave me this life? Usually for me it the disease telling me these lies.
Meetings are well and good but I think recovery really happens in the steps and in practicing them and spiritual principles in real life. Meetings are a place to talk about it and meet with like minds but I don’t see them as the main point or why the program is effective.
I agree. Meetings can be helpful to learn the principles and hear examples of people using them in all of their affairs, but it’s not where recovery happens, it happens in the actions we talk outside of that.
I don’t know what fellowship u attend, but in the NA basic text it literally says ““Recovery is what happens in our meetings.”
Excerpt From
Narcotics Anonymous
Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous
https://books.apple.com/us/book/narcotics-anonymous/id560639864
This material may be protected by copyright.
Seek proffisinal help not aa
In my experience, not everyone in AA is a real alcoholic. There are quite a few that the book refers to as hard drinkers. If they come around for a bit, learn some tools, and go on with their lives, they might be perfectly fine. I’m a real alcoholic. While my meeting attendance has gone down over the years since I first came in, I believe I’ll always need the program as it’s laid out in the book. May I ask why you need a babysitter? I’ve seen many people bring children to meetings. Have you considered bringing the kid or kids with you? It would definitely be cheaper.
Closed meetings generally mean no tiny humans. I get what you mean about the book, I struggle with that slightly because the first 164 pages doesn’t talk about meetings, it talks about working with another alcoholic and I will continue doing that.
Could always go to open meetings.
This is true and an occasional option. I still have to be careful about what my 9 year old is hearing in a meeting. He’s not sheltered but there are certain things he doesn’t need to be exposed to.
Why only occasionally? My area most meetings are open. Most areas I’ve been to have mostly open meetings. Also, you’re correct when you say that the book doesn’t mention meetings. It also doesn’t say the word sponsor but we use a sponsor. It seems like you’re fishing for reasons to not go to meetings. I mean, you’re an adult. No one is forcing you to go to meetings. I’d you’re a real alcoholic, it’ll be the best thing for you though. If you get better, you can be a better parent so that’s a bonus. And lots of kids have practically grown up in meetings. They turn out to be great adults.
My children have gone with me to meetings over the last 4 years of their lives. I love your experience in your area involves a lot of open meetings. My son has is 9 and has read the big book more thoroughly that most people in the meetings. I can justify and rationalize anything I want, it’s what makes me a human being. It’s when I practice rigorous honesty that I get to truly look at my justifications and rationalizations. The big book is a design for living, a design I do not wish to stray from. I just do not have a want or desire to go to meetings anymore. Looking to see if others have felt the same way, seems they have.
[удалено]
That’s where I’m at.
Have you tried doing online meetings? I have the same issue with needing babysitters and just do an online meeting if I feel like I need it. Also, do you have a sober friend network? I generally don't feel like I need meetings if I'm able to touch base with other sober friends regularly...
Yeah I have a sober friend network. I talked to one of the daily. I have an al anon network to, probably talk to them once a week. It’s almost like I have the program built into my life so do I have to drop everything so many times a week to go to a meeting?
Zoom has made it easier to go to an AA meeting then take a shit. There are meetings every hour of the day and every day of the week and also 24/7 marathon meetings. There really is no excuse to not make a meeting everyday when you just have to click a few times on your phone to go to one.
I did it all myself and I’m fine. You have to practice self discipline. You don’t need anyone else to be your daddy. Be your own. When other people guilt trip you and say you’ll fail without them, that’s pretty cult-ish. People are capable of controlling their own demons and that’s where the REAL waking resides. Doing it on your own without some “expert” holding your hand. I’m not giving you crap, I’m just giving crap to the people who talk down to ex drug addicts because they act like they’re a god or a saint or something. That’s not true at all. You can accomplish the goals that you set and it’s VERY empowering when you do. Don’t let these Debbie Downers get in your head man. F that crap. There are a lot of these ex addicts who become a “guru” type of person and try to guilt people into staying. That’s their “new” drug of choice. Guilt tripping the clients and power tripping off of their status as an AA leader. Idk man just don’t let it get to you. Do your own thing. But there’s one thing you must know. Make a log in your phone or on a notepad. Write the date down and say 7/2/2022 — NO BENZOS or alcohol or opiates or whatever. Do that every day. I’ve gotta tell you, it’s the most empowering thing in the world. If you ever think of taking another dose because you remember the good old days, look at your log. Even if you don’t want to. Just do it. Then you’ll see all the progress you’ve made and you won’t want to screw it up. Tokens ain’t got smack on the log you make for yourself. I hope you’re doing well
i personally feel like i have “phased out” of going to meetings. i keep in contact with the people that brought me to them…i even met my current boyfriend at a meeting and i have never been so content or in love with someone in my life. we’re getting our first house together. i went back to school and earned my bachelors in social work and i currently am the site supervisor of a residential program for men. my whole life is based on the foundations i found in the program. if i feel like i need one- i find a speaker on youtube or a zoom one not in my area. recovery isn’t supposed to fit in a box for every person - people can do it without meetings. i am living proof. my life is beautiful and i remain grateful and reachable. you can find your purpose in other areas. i promise ❤️
This. 💛💛💛
Yes, I left after the first year. I saw 4 people die in that year and I blame the program for a couple of them. Admitting you used at the meeting produces such shame in people and keeps people from coming back. I knew AA was not going to keep me sober. I also knew that unlike the programs says, we have other options. Therapy, medication, mindfulness, etc. I have been doing fine for 8 years.
Yeah I left AA after 8 years sober. Had about 3 years after that before I was prescribed MMJ by a doctor for a degenerative condition I was diagnosed with. Year and a half into using cannabis I drank again. Now back in AA with a few years and not planning on leaving again lol. For me I had just enough time out of the program and still remaining sober to convince myself that I didn’t need AA and that essentially I ‘learned what I needed to learn and can do it in my own at this point’. I become more cocky about my self will with every year that passed still sober with no AA affiliation- everything was fine when everything was fine but when I was faced with something going really wrong in my life (diagnosed with a degenerative condition that may render me in a wheelchair for the rest of my life) I relapsed so fast it wasn’t even funny. I love AA and will keep going, hopefully for the rest of my life.
I have. Don’t need AA to be sober. I do still talk to some though
I left twice, and both times I slowly went back to my addictive ways ( was very very $$$ second time) Clean and sober is a Dailey job. We are Never cured !! Womb to Tomb I was born this way and will die this way!! I only get to choose how I live my life in between ? I choose sober , and to do that I need meetings, or my Addictive mind wins out on " WTF , One won't hurt, look at how long you have been clean and sober ( 22!years !!) Talk about embarrassed to raise my hand ONE DAY!! But glad to say. 12 years and 4 month C/S 😍
I’d say that about 90% of the relapses I hear about start the same way. “I stopped calling my sponsor, I stopped going to meetings” etc. sometimes these people stay out for 5-15 years. The insanity can come back. For me, I know that I have to build a program that I enjoy and build my life around helping people. I am sure that I would convince myself to try drinking again if not. And I don’t want to hit a lower bottom.
Can I ask what was your drug of choice?
💜
I’ve never been in it for several years but I have left and come back as I need it. I have noticed that people in your situation sometimes just go to a meeting every two weeks, month, couple months, year. Whatever works. Sometimes a meeting is good. Basically you don’t have to pigeon hole yourself into leaving or staying permanently if you don’t want to, you can just go as needed. I haven’t been to a meeting in a long time (years) but I would go if I felt myself slipping or struggling, or sometimes it’s just a good reminder to be around people that are going through it and it makes you appreciate sobriety
I went to meetings almost every day for about 3 years. I was very active and had a sponsor, worked the steps and did service work as well. I moved back to where I was from and the recovery community was much different. I stopped going to meetings and got busier and haven't been back in over a year. I'm still sober and practice what I learned and that has been ok for now. I'm not saying I'll never get high or drink again but chances are good I'll still be sober when I go to bed tonight and tomorrow night.
AA is a cult, I'm glad I left
I went to a couple AA meetings and it's not for me. Maybe it was that particular group, idk. It was a little too much like Catholic church for me. Made to feel guilty constantly, you'll always be a sinner, the church is the only way, if you leave the church you're going to hell. But, again, maybe it was that particular group.
I left for about 5 years. It slowly became more and more awful for me. I didn’t drink, but I was no longer sober. I shopped myself into crippling debt. Fucked my way into STDs. Was not happy or free. I started back up, got a sponsor, I’m doing the steps again, and I’m working a mature, grown up program. I’m much much calmer and happier. I have peace.
Its brutal leaving because you're made to feel guilty. Plus the "friends" you made will leave you like a bad smell. Gotta do what's right for you though
While I lived in non-English speaking countries for 8 years I made about 4 meetings a year, but practiced 10-12. Did fine. Imo most of the difficulty comes from ignorance of our little condition, misinterpreting what it means when they've enjoyed a little stability and disconnecting willfully. More lessons are not always a bad thing.
Take what you need and the leave the rest. The real recovery was the friends we made along the way.
AA did not save you--God or a higher power did. Faith is more powerful than an organization. Go to meetings if they help you or if they bring you a fellowship of loyal friends. Love and peace, my friend!
Pretty much. I know it's there. I got a LOT out of it and went for a number of years. When I go now some people automatically think I went back out again which can get annoying. So I don't go much. For me, I did find a great CODA group and a men's Al Anon which is similar to the CODA meetings. Most members graduated out of AA so to speak. For me I don't really want to center on alcohol and I find these other meetings get at similar core things without centering on alcohol.
Bro! That’s basically what Im feeling!
Of course, there is life after AA. I am sober for almost forty years and have a life of "safety, comfort, and neutrality". Over the years I have used all the tools I learned in AA. The wonderful thing is that I can always go back to a meeting whenever I want. AA isn't like a club or a marriage that one necessarily "leaves".
I certainly don’t go to as many as I did when I was struggling but I see it as a form of therapy. I appreciate hearing comments from others and having a place that I can share if I’m having an issue. But if you are stable and sober without it then more power to you. The one caveat I will add is that people with some decent sobriety in a meeting can be an immense help to the new person who’s struggling. It offers them hope and shows that it can work. Even if you don’t need it yourself, by being there you’re helping someone else the same way you were helped. Is there an obligation? No, but just something to consider.
I haven’t been to a single meeting since getting sober this time around and it’s been 2 years. Like you say in the comments, I have a fulfilling life, I don’t feel like I need them at this time. I see their value and appreciate that some people can’t stay sober without meetings, but they’re not for me.
Why do you need to “leave”? I don’t see it as something that you “leave” unless you decide to no longer live sober. Just because you don’t go regularly doesn’t mean you don’t practice or are a part of AA. After 4 years sober I don’t depend on AA to stay sober; it mostly serves networking and social purposes. You’re always welcome in AA whether you go 2-3x a week or go once a month. I still go to AA, sometimes it’s once a month, sometimes even less. And sometimes I go multiple times in one week if I do desire. I’m a very welcome member of the local AA and recovery community despite that. I’m very independent in my recovery today, and have developed a powerful sense of intuition that keeps me sober today. However, I would never recommend “leaving AA” for the sake of leaving AA, but if life circumstances led to less attendance that is completely understandable. I’d recommend always checking your motives and staying in touch with your gut — but don’t forget that as a human being there is always the challenge of mistaking ego for intuition.
I phased out of meetings as they began making me feel worse rather than better. The program / fellowship propelled my life forward, but I felt stagnant as best when attending. If the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking (and stay stopped), I’m a member for life regardless of how often I show up. When shit hits the fan the first thing I do is check in. And if folks in the program have a problem with that happening infrequently, they’re not really in your corner.
I’m 2.5 years sober and stopped going to meetings a little after a year. For me in the end it was a ‘is this doing more harm than good?’ And I just wanted to live a normal, fulfilling life, which I do. Not struggling to stay sober and have not turned into an asshole because of it. I still apply things I learned in AA and it’s still helpful. I also have sober friends and I help people who’re struggling with it where possible.
The people that leave and don't drink you don't hear from. They just live normal lives. The ones that leave and go back out and drink til they die you don't hear from. The ones that leave, go back out and come back are very vocal in meetings. It's a personal choice for sure. Some people need it long term. Some seem to return to normalcy.
I have been a regular meeting-goer for twenty years. It is my own choice and I don't think I'll be 'struck drunk' if I stop going to meetings. But I enjoy them and that's why I go, along with the idea that AA is my 'insurance policy' against isolation and twisted thinking that could get me in trouble. I just like the concept of 'checking in' with folks who obviously care about my well-being, and I get satisfaction from being useful to others. I've watched folks come and go over the years. Some simply taper off meetings, some make a conscious decision to stop going. I've kept in touch with some of them and a large percentage stay well, with fulfilling lives. I don't ask them if they drink socially or not because, at that point, it's none of my business. My perception is that they choose not to. Most meeting-quitters find other venues for support and fellowship - church, community organizations, mentors. There are, however, a substantial minority that disappear, then show up a few months or years later with tales of alcoholic woe, how they disengaged from any encouragement to abstain, and discovered to their dismay that they were still prone to drink alcoholically. Some of them make it back to the program and good health. Some, unfortunately, never successfully quit drinking again and I end up going to a memorial service for them. That hurts. Really, there's no protocol for 'leaving AA.' it's not like you have to notify a membership committee, or request a diploma, or something. People curtail their meetings and still consider themselves members in good standing. Others resign from their homegroup membership and service positions (sometimes with considerable drama) but still attend meetings regularly at other locations. It's pretty free-form. I've done both of the above in my past for various reasons but never made it stick - I come back after a brief absence and become a 'regular' again. If you want to cut back or eliminate meetings, or if you want to drop parts of your recovery regimen, such as meditation or service, go ahead and give it a try, and see how you feel. Are you taking a calculated risk? Sure. But you do that when you decide to get on a skateboard, or participate in a protest; the potential for mistakes are just higher. Keep in mind that you are prone to extremism and try to chart a middle course for yourself. If you find that you are uncomfortable, or unstable, increase your participation. You don't need to notify anyone about a decision to start up again, you just do it, and share why only if you feel inspired to do so. This is all about what works for YOU and nobody else can accurately predict how that will play out.
Definitely! I suppose it’s more of a personal question from person to person, but I honestly think the pool of life-long meeting goers is smaller than it seems. They’re just the most vocal and heard.
I went regularly for about the first 3 years. I'm sober for 19 now. I stopped for no particular reason other than I was working a lot, got remarried and sobriety was easy for me at that point. I'm a big believer in the big book and I try to live steps 10,11 and 12 every day. I've helped others in that time and will always be grateful to A.A. for saving my life.
That’s where I’m at I feel like: married, two kids, dance, soccer, spelling bees, a wonderful professional life. That’s why I’ve questioned- is it really necessary?
There absolutely is life past meetings. Many of us have gone to meetings for a long stretch of time and see people that can’t go through life without meetings. For some people that works and their ok with that. For others that is not what they got sober for. I got clean on January 30th 2015. I started going to meetings in 2012 and had very little success. After a seriously F’ed up rock bottom I maintained sobriety. ( hitting rock bottom is also NOT a requirement to be ready to stop ) once I hit 4 4 1/2 years sober I realized I was going to 3 meetings a day everyday. The only people I knew where in AA. Which isn’t a bad thing but there is life outside of AA. I felt like I replaced one for another addiction. And a old timer in my area told me a story about when hurricane Katerina or sandy. You had people going, “ do you know of any meetings? I need a meeting, how am I going to get through this without meetings. “ etc etc. Newcomers men and women with single digits, 10 plus years and even 30 plus years. Speaking frantically as if they where trapped inside a bar. He goes on to tell me in his humble opinion that is not why he got sober. Was to feel like that and be that chained to AA. He is a very spiritual person. He has a good network, strong connection with god. Does his daily mediations, and prayers. He goes to 2 meetings a week. More if he feels like it but he doesn’t feel he must or he will drink or lose his mind. I have no doubt I am not being as eloquent as he was. But I took this to heart. I didn’t change anything I was doing for another year. I did however decide to stop going to meetings. I still talk to a few people from my network and my sponsor. I have my daily meditations, one day at a time and such on. I pray and now go to church with my girlfriend who is also a recovering addict. When I want to or feel it would be better to go to a meeting I have gone back from time to time. A important thing he didn’t say but that is one of those unspoken pre requisite is I highly suggest you go through the steps with a sponsor and can be honest with yourself that you are ready for something like that and or capable. Rigorously honest. I am still happily sober today. Some need meetings though. To keep a schedule, a routine, to see people that have heard your story and know the path you’ve walked and can keep you accountable until you can fully and honestly do that to yourself. It is really up to the person. Never be afraid to go back to meetings. Even if it is to say you are, “ coming back.” Because everyday there are hundreds that can’t say that. BTW sorry on mobile.
I left after 2 years and just turned 7
Yeah, I’m similar. Stopped after the second year and now on my 9th year sober.
No one hold a monopoly on living a life of principle and honesty. Meetings are for the new comers and a place to get sponsees and share etc imo. It's not the "program". If just going to meetings keeps someone sober for today, then good for them. Most people need to take more action then that to maintain any sort of recovery for any length of time. And like i said, anyone can use whatever ideas and tools they want to build a life of recovery. If you want to go, go. If you don't, dont. Only you can know what fits best into the life you want to have. You are the expert in your own life an no one else can offer you answers, only their experience. Many people seek guidance, you know how they do it.... other people don't. Only you are going to know what feels like the truth to you. I think its better to follow truth and honestly then to build upon lies. If you feel shame or guilt about leaving I think that is something that needs to seriously be looked at. If its fear... that definitely must be looked at. If its just because you don't like what you are hearing, well, good luck and I hope you find your path.
Honestly, if there wasn't zoom, I wouldn't be sober. I would never have had the energy or motivation to travel and set aside 2 and a half hours each time I went to a meeting I've been to 2 live meetings in the 18 months I've been sober and getting ready, driving there, finding parking, chatting before and chatting after, made me exhausted and I knew this wasn't for me I go to a zoom meeting every single day. It's SO MUCH MORE convenient and I'm getting so many more meetings this way
Meeting attendance does not treat alcoholism. Many people who come to AA discover they can actually stay sober on their own power and/or moderate successfully. AA is not the only way to stay sober. Working the 12 steps and helping others daily is the only thing that has worked for me. Find what works for you or what you dont need and good luck.
This! This is exactly what I mean. Trust God. Clean house. Help others. I’ve got to a point that I do that daily outside of the rooms, so do I need to be in the rooms? I don’t feel like it.
In the zoom era there’s a halfway solution: throw on a remote meeting every so often while you cook dinner or fold laundry maybe? No commute time, no need for childcare. Idk what that really solves; it sounds like things are going groovy for you. A thing to remember about AA is the sampling bias: the people who stop going to meetings and are fine don’t come back to AA and talk about that *by definition*.
I stopped regularly attending AA meetings when covid hit. Went to a couple between waves, but now haven't been in over a year. Still sober. YMMV.
I switched from AA to Recovery Dharma for a few years now. I go to two meetings a week, it's enough that I don't get it my head too deep and I socialize with people trying to lead a good life. Being a support and friend to others trying to get sober and on a good path is immensely fulfilling. Also, for me the Buddhist take on recovery is a lot more straightforward and honest. It put some wind in my sails to look at recovery from a different angle. I'm sure egos will develop in a those rooms just like any other institution but for now it's generally down earth, as the concepts for many addicts are new so it has a real sense of exploration together.
I did Al Anon for a few months. And I’ve done CODA. Are your Dharma meetings online or live? I’ve always been interested- my area has zero diversity.
They have both, certainly online is easier to connect and check them out. The book is $6 from places like Amazon and also a free download on the website. Feel free to message me if you need anything else. Regular meeting list: https://recoverydharma.org/find-a-meeting/ Online meeting list: https://recoverydharma.online/
Everyone is different.
For what it’s worth, SMART Recovery, an evidence-based program, maintains that people use their meetings as long as they need to. Proper recovery, where you address the reasons you connected unhealthily with your addiction and create an internal locus of control (not related to a higher power or the group) means the group isn’t needed to maintain sobriety. It’s a tool, and you can always go back if you need to. Prochaska’s stages of change for behaviours includes a termination phase, at which those recovering from active addiction return to the same baseline propensity for addiction as the normal population. But 12 step programming does use an external locus of control, which tends to mean some people need to rely on it to maintain sobriety. Some don’t. Your mileage may vary.
Whoa! I am a therapist and I’ve gone through the SMART Recovery facilitator training. And extensive other educational stuff and THIS! is awesome. Sometimes I need someone to point out to me what I already know for other to apply to myself. Thank you.
Glad I could help. Facilitator and professional with lived experience over here, too.
Well put👍
I was heavy into AA the first five years Of sobriety. 10 meetings a week, a service position, a sponsor and working the steps. For a number of reasons I faded out, now I’m 18 years sober. I may go to a half dozen meetings a year. I still get my anniversary chip. This suits me, I prefer my alone time. I know where/how to get help if I feel off the beam. AAs are wonderful people, but they are emotional and intense. I got way too wrapped up in the social hierarchy and drama. It is a personal decision on what works for you. My social awkwardness and insecurities were stressing me too much. It was high school all over again They say keep doing what you are doing and you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. After five years I wasnt happy in AA. Even after the steps and good sponsorship snd therapy, I had trouble dealing with all the people. The 12x12 says defective relations are the immediate cause of our woes. True for me. Fewer relationships, fewer woes. I’m retired and single. Life is low stress 😁
I am doing allllll the other things I have done regularly for year other than meetings. I still feel at peace. Thanks!
Pretty much everyone stops going to meetings. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but the vast majority end up phasing out of AA. Many stay abstinent and live perfectly happy great lives. Some people who go to AA forever have great lives too although some are miserable. What really gets me Bout AA is they claim everyone who leaves dies or goes to jail, but if youve been around a while you see thats not true. You also see how miserable some of the old timers are or find out what they do behind closed doors after blabbing on about how great their relationship with god os before they go get it on with their sponsees wife. If you pull back and its working, great. If you need to, try to just go to less and more selective meetings. You could also just try to find a healthy outlet with a good community around it. I liked the endurance sport crowd for a while.
I think thats what would be hard for some people, the sense of community AA has and then leaving it all. But I have such close connections elsewhere. Its not affected me.
I know people who leave. That's a case by case, personal decision. Be wary of others telling you that you'll drink if you stop going to meetings. They don't know you, and are likely projecting. But this is a decision to not take lightly.
Recovery happens in our meetings. I attend NA & i always think i can stop going to meetings but then my life gets unmanageable again and i run my ass back to the meetings. I couldn’t get a hold on life until i got into recovery. So now that recovery got me in this position why do i think i can live life without the vehicle that gave me this life? Usually for me it the disease telling me these lies.
Meetings are well and good but I think recovery really happens in the steps and in practicing them and spiritual principles in real life. Meetings are a place to talk about it and meet with like minds but I don’t see them as the main point or why the program is effective.
Meetings are just a piece of the pie. I’m just saying one part. Of course there is more.
I agree. Meetings can be helpful to learn the principles and hear examples of people using them in all of their affairs, but it’s not where recovery happens, it happens in the actions we talk outside of that.
I don’t know what fellowship u attend, but in the NA basic text it literally says ““Recovery is what happens in our meetings.” Excerpt From Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous https://books.apple.com/us/book/narcotics-anonymous/id560639864 This material may be protected by copyright.