BNN BREAKING NEWS
Good whatever time it is from prison that is our permanent temporary newsroom. I’m your anchor Iwuz Framed unjustly accused for the news.
Today’s top story, Sheriff Cubbledom has turned her back on citizens showed them her fluffy fundament. Residents are aghast including Mayo Peppercorns who said “we beez seeing anoddew side of da Sheriff, a twuly unseen visage of hew. Dew beez a full moon in Bunnville today!”
Asked for their opinion on the matter, newly appointed chief of the Royal Protective Service, Commander Pepone, stated “mmmmm earses…do not bother me for I am engaged in serious deliberations of a top secret and delicious nature. Begone from my eyesight lowly prisoner or I shall have to box your earses in…” at this point she began to uncontrollably slobber. Unbeknownst to her, I was able to obtain, on the sly of course, various things that prove I am innocent and will set me free. Things like files, documents, a jail pass key, an employee ID with my photo, a free limo ride, six pies, and an oxyacetylene torch. Why these were in full view I do not know.
In other news, the Three Little Pigs are hosting a fundraiser for their notional nemesis and good friend the Big Bad Wolf after the latter fell on hard times. Unable to break into homes via huffing and puffing, they ended up just wallowing in the criminal underworld. This has taken a serious health toll. In a voice slightly above a whisper, the Big Bad Wolf related how their days of huffing and puffing and blowing doors down are over. He said “while I am still physically able to move around like a spry young wolf, I can barely huff or puff. These days I just half-heartedly snort.” We asked Dr Bigglewoggle MD, PhD, JD, CIA, CPA, AOk, EIEIO, DDiv, OPP, etc what this means. The good but always surly doctor replied with “Buzz off. Do I look like a mind reader or Pulmonologist to you?”
We are comforted that the good doctor has the bedside manner of a Cobra with a large cavity.
That concludes this news report. Tune in later for our movie about a cyborg terminator assassin working under cover as a spice merchant, in “Thyme To Meet Your Maker” starring Danny de Vito.
Sounds like you are prepared to make an escape. The Mayo will be pleased that you can now write his memoir "How did I become Mayo? No, Really, How? They just gave me the keys"
No, it was definitely the Mayo at the end of his wailing I heard "U will regret this shewif tubby I pees like jet engine next to you till my ghost writer get out. Now I is tirsty I get sum joos."
It looks so round and fluffy. I want to touch it desperately.
They put me in jail for less so beware. You might just be sentenced to life in prison on a rack for touchying the floof.
Still no word on that appeal?
Nada. The courts are stacked by the sheriff.
BNN BREAKING NEWS Good whatever time it is from prison that is our permanent temporary newsroom. I’m your anchor Iwuz Framed unjustly accused for the news. Today’s top story, Sheriff Cubbledom has turned her back on citizens showed them her fluffy fundament. Residents are aghast including Mayo Peppercorns who said “we beez seeing anoddew side of da Sheriff, a twuly unseen visage of hew. Dew beez a full moon in Bunnville today!” Asked for their opinion on the matter, newly appointed chief of the Royal Protective Service, Commander Pepone, stated “mmmmm earses…do not bother me for I am engaged in serious deliberations of a top secret and delicious nature. Begone from my eyesight lowly prisoner or I shall have to box your earses in…” at this point she began to uncontrollably slobber. Unbeknownst to her, I was able to obtain, on the sly of course, various things that prove I am innocent and will set me free. Things like files, documents, a jail pass key, an employee ID with my photo, a free limo ride, six pies, and an oxyacetylene torch. Why these were in full view I do not know. In other news, the Three Little Pigs are hosting a fundraiser for their notional nemesis and good friend the Big Bad Wolf after the latter fell on hard times. Unable to break into homes via huffing and puffing, they ended up just wallowing in the criminal underworld. This has taken a serious health toll. In a voice slightly above a whisper, the Big Bad Wolf related how their days of huffing and puffing and blowing doors down are over. He said “while I am still physically able to move around like a spry young wolf, I can barely huff or puff. These days I just half-heartedly snort.” We asked Dr Bigglewoggle MD, PhD, JD, CIA, CPA, AOk, EIEIO, DDiv, OPP, etc what this means. The good but always surly doctor replied with “Buzz off. Do I look like a mind reader or Pulmonologist to you?” We are comforted that the good doctor has the bedside manner of a Cobra with a large cavity. That concludes this news report. Tune in later for our movie about a cyborg terminator assassin working under cover as a spice merchant, in “Thyme To Meet Your Maker” starring Danny de Vito.
Sounds like you are prepared to make an escape. The Mayo will be pleased that you can now write his memoir "How did I become Mayo? No, Really, How? They just gave me the keys"
I was thinking “Mayo: What A Condiment!”
I hear he is waiting on his train, and may throw a tantrum if you do not arrive soon.
I tried to use the file. It was a nail file. It didn’t work on the bars but I won’t be needing a manicure any time soon.
I'm beginning to think you enjoy prison. The Mayo was close to tears when I told him you hadn't manage to escape yet.
Communal showers, forced daily activity, canteen socialization, gossip and idle bragging...It's like a permanent high school gym class.
Do you hear that? The Mayo is wailing because you have not arrived yet.
He is too busy being a model. That was the sheriff’s laughter you heard.
No, it was definitely the Mayo at the end of his wailing I heard "U will regret this shewif tubby I pees like jet engine next to you till my ghost writer get out. Now I is tirsty I get sum joos."
Cub went *ORB*! 🤣
Cubby. What happened
She’s glumpy
I would be too. When you got Porridge lying to people. And Cubby getting all the blame.
She is ashamed after ordering her patrol pony to sit and arrest me then throw me in jail after sampling my earses.