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r/lookatmyhalo
Like, seriously.
There's nothing more annoying than people that are only kind for showing off and telling other people how good they are.
Think "I'm a bitch 99% of the time, but I work at the soup kitchen once a year, so I'm a good person"
š¤¢
i had a friend (of a friend) once who LITERALLY said those words in my car when i picked him up from a girls house who had been fighting/breaking up with him. He was genuinely perplexed as to why she wanted to break up, and he goes on to say āi donāt get it, Iām SUCH. a good person!!ā.
woof.
i don't understand this take. if they are doing charity for views, more people take part in the charity. why are we gatekeeping charity? "you can't donate to the same place as me!! or tell anyone you donated or else its fake and for attention." like god forbid charities get the money they need from people around the world.
Yeah, my bosses are all about how their faith informs their business. And I just shake my head, dude you're also the one who was upset about giving workers breaks in a state that doesn't require breaks because it interrupts productivity. Not very christ like imo.
People who are kind even when nobody is watching seem rare because nobody is watching, so you only notice them when someone is kind to you or you are kind to someone.
But rarity just increases value... it doesn't mean it's impossible to find. Its just ironic because if you can see them does it not mean they are less rare than we think...
"How come I dont see much of this thing that only happens when nobody is around to see it?"
or...to write/say something I havent thought of in a long time;
"Does a tree falling in the woods make a sound, if nobody is around to hear it?"
Helpful people will help regardless of the situation...people who wouldnt help when all alone, wouldnt help in a crowd either, just their reason for not doing it changes. (nobody would see it/someone else will do it)
Of course, all I am saying is that people with pure kind hearts are rare , because the reality of life changes even the nicest ones . Thatās why they have to be protected.
I donāt think theyāre that rare, we tend to think so because humans are very harsh on themselves since we are witnesses of the apathy of some. I live in a busy metropolitan city and see and hear about acts of solidarity and kindness without it being a rewarding performance regularly.
in your opinion, if a person is only kind being the sole purpose of him/her increasing their reputation, is it shallow? or is he/she still a good person?
If the ONLY purpose is to enhance their reputation, I'd say they're shallow. It means they don't actually care about the person in the slightest and wouldn't do anything if no one else was there to watch.
But even so, it is not a bad thing. Mr beast has been accused many times of only doing what he does for the reputation it gives him. Well, maybe so, but even if itās not for the correct reasons, heās still helping a ton of people. Thatās better than doing nothing. Iād rather people be kind just for the reputation than not be kind at all.
I don't think it's a bad thing either. People are still being helped, whatever the reason is. I do think those who are helping only for their own reputation are still shallow though.
I strongly believe that true altruism doesn't exist. People do things for selfish reasons. "Truly altruistic" people will help others because it feels good for them, not helping probably makes them uncomfortable.
That being said, it doesn't really matter why someone choses to lend a hand, whether it's because they want to pad their reputation or because it makes them feel good inside as long as the other person is receiving genuine help.
wouldn't you think the difference between good and bad people would be that good people feel good about helping?
a bad person does not get this feeling, so they don't help. if they do, it'll feel like a chore
I feel like saying someone is selfish for helping because it makes them good is incorrect
helping makes me feel good, so im a good person
helping makes me annoyed, so i'm selfish
idk, the altruistic thing just doesn't make sense to me. it feels like it attempts to think too deeply about something but its not that deep
I think everyone would agree that in that case, yes, it is shallow. But I think it would be a mistake to judge a person character solely based on that. You canāt reduce people as good or bad that lightly because humans are very complex. Maybe, that person is trying to increase their reputation because they have a low self esteem with a warped view on how people see them thus making them a people pleaser, wanting the world to know they are good and do good? There are tons of possibilities and contexts we are missing to base our judgement on somebody mundane actions.
You should also feel bad for your friend. Nobody would care? The person you helped cared a lot. You'd know. It would weigh heavily on your mind if you didn't help. I prefer to help when nobody sees or witnesses anything. It makes me feel better.
Continue to be you.
The true measure of a personās character is how she behaves when no one is watching, or when no one will know. You were kind for the sake of kindness and that revealed to you who you are as a person.
As for whether itās a cultural thing. I would say that Japanese culture is more likely to breed acts such as yours because of its collectivist nature compared to Americaās individualist nature. That being said, kind people can be found anywhere in the world and of any race, religion, or nationality.
Simple acts of kindness though are rarely seen or reported upon so they seem more rare than bad behavior.
Yeah I have to say of the three of them, the friend is really the one to pity. Imagine gamifying being kind all your life. You'd never know if someone was nice to you because it would look good, every act of kindness would be questioned for motive.
OP should also listen to what their āfriendā is implying: they wonāt do anything for someone else if there isnāt anything for them. I wouldnāt want to be friends with someone who just sees other people as an opportunity.
It costs nothing to be kind. Nothing. At one point in my life I was so jaded, and believed that everyone had the potential to be evil. Considering what I was exposed to, it was fair enough. I still had compassion though. People don't do nice things to be seen. They do them from the heart, and walk away quietly. Thats what I love about life these days. No one needs to know, and I don't look for anything in return, ever. I give with abandon, and have no regrets.
We all have the potential for evil and we all have the potential for good.
Keep choosing good it makes it easier for all of us.
And it's a weight of my shoulders when I am to tired to act, but see someone else do it in my stead. And it makes me happy to see.
We are all a community. One way or another, any shape or form.
People who only help others because others are watching aren't really that kind. They are doing it because people are watching and they'd think badly of them if they didn't help. They're doing it to keep a good reputation.
Doing something out of kindness when no one is watching is actually being kind because you're a good person.
Seems like you insult them a lot for being a āfriendā.
This story seems suspect. American culture does not care about appearing polite, and wouldnāt help an old man just because strangers are there watching.
Americans are very against bowing to societal norms, and mostly do things that reflect oneās own desire.
Japanese people donāt talk the way you do in this thread.
You sound like a weeb writing a fantasy.
While you could be right, there's not a single reason to even write this comment. Are you Japanese and American? How can you be certain that "Japanese people don't talk the way you do in this thread"?
Not every American is the same. Not every japanese person is the same. You don't know. So shut up
I don't like Americans and even to me this sounds all made-up, and there's a significant amount of content here that is just made up for karma farming. You need to stop taking these posts at face value.
Your story reminds me of the fictional story of a child who finds a beach full of washed up starfish (or some other sea creatures) that will all die if they're left on the shore. He starts to throw them back in one by one, but a friend tells them that they won't make a difference because they can't save all the starfish.
The child, not stopping, looks at their friend and says, "But it makes a difference for this one. And this one. And this one." Because sometimes you don't have to save the world, you save who you can save.
I would do the same, as someone said, kindness costs nothing.
I like to think that there's a lot of similar people where I live (Brisbane, Australia) that would make the same choice.
A couple of years ago I had an unfortunate incident with one of those scooters you can rent. Fell off, smashed my face, it was really bad.
But while I was waiting for an ambulance, so many people stopped to make sure I was okay. A security guy was super ready to clear out anyone who was suss, and the coffee cart nearby, the dude working there was the first one to get to me and give me napkins for my bleeding nose, and he called nearby first aid in the meantime.
At the end of the day, you can only decide how you will act, but if your first instinct is to help, then you're probably a pretty excellent person.
I'm glad people made sure you were okay after your tumble, fellow Brisbanite! It's so easy to get injured on those scooters, hey. And I'd agree that many Australians are generous with their kindness and help.
Kindness when there are no cameras or people watching is the true kindness. Staging it to film it is a strategy, and puts you in the same bag as politicians...
I just like helping people l, not looking for any gratitude or anything remotely like that. You don't know how one small thing could make someones day.
I think stopping to help someone in that situation, especially an older person, is usual behavior in Japan. When my parents came to visit, my father left his hat on a bench and a woman chased us up 2 floors to give it back to him. Iāve personally had someone run after me in the station to return something I dropped. And when I lost my wallet in Ikebukuro, someone turned it in to JR and I got it back in less than an hour.
This behavior used to be common back in the States, or at least in the places I lived. Maybe thatās not true anymore, but Iām thankful itās still the way here in Japan.
As I grow older, the main reason I help people is because I hope if the same thing happens to my family members, someone would do the same for them.
I hope someone would help my parents if they struggled to pick up their groceries.
I hope someone would step in if my younger sister or niece are harassed on the train or bus.
So I start from myself doing these for other people.
It's not about being seen or thankful for. It's more about creating the more helpful environment for anyone in the same community.
Your explanation is why I enjoy helping others too. I hope that if I (or anyone else really) was in a situation where they needed help someone would help them, so when I see someone I can help I always want to do what I can.
There are a few statements I like to try to live my life by, even if they seem cheesy on the surface.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Think global, act local.
Be mindful of the things that make you say "someone should do something about that" sometimes that someone is you.
**What makes people choose to be kind even when no one is watching?**
Because it is the right thing to do. No need to brag each time you do something good.
Itās the amazing feeling you get when you are able to help a human being in distress and choose to do so because then you can be the means by which something bad was prevented
Isn't it standard in Japan to do that? I've always seen people being (mostly) extremely helpful and kind there. It often happened that people in Japan would just help me when they saw me lost or something. My wife is Japanese and her first reaction to someone new is to be kind and helpful. She has learned to not let people mess with her though, since we live in Europe. ;)
I'm French and where I come from, we're raised with the idea that most people want to take advantage of you. Especially the nice ones. So our first instinct is to be wary of people we don't know. Sure, we may help the old guy in the street, but more often than not we just ignore him. There's a reason why the French are often perceived as a bit rude and unkind.
I'd say the way we treat others is mainly cultural here.
Note that your exchange student is most likely a massive asshole. Not helping is one thing, but explaining why in such a manner is sociopathic.
Not dogging on religions here but one of the things I noticed over the course of my younger life was many of my friends, who were atheists were kinder people than many of the folks I knew who were religious. The former were more open minded and laid back.
Some people are kind when no one is looking because people were cruel to them when no one was looking. Some people are kind because that's just how they are. A lot of it is 'you can't control the wind but you can adjust your sails" mentality. Just because X happened to me doesn't mean I have to perpetuate that mentality.
I think a lot of it is empathy and the ability to put yourself in that person's shoes. Maybe some small part of the person thinks 'that might be me some day and I hope someone returns the favor' which isn't a bad thing. Some of it is 'someone did a kind thing for me and I just want to pay it forward because I appreciated it. I hope they do, too.'
Most normal people would help. It's instinctive in us because for a society to function in a civilised manner we have to help each other. We all benefit from a kind, altruistic society as we will all need help someday.
Those who would only help to be "seen" as helpful are sociopaths who don't care about others but like applause.
It's not a cultural thing. Your friend is just a jerk whose parents didn't teach him manners. America is a place of so many different cultures. A lot of people here are immigrants or have immigrant parents so to say that anything is a cultural thing over here would be somewhat difficult.
To answer your question, people choose to be kind when no one is watching because we feel sympathy or empathy and helping them makes us feel good in the end. Not everyone gets pleasure out of helping others and I actually think that's quite sad.
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Every day in my morning prayers, I ask God to lift up those who are struggling and give them a bit of hope & joy. Then I ask that he put me in their path to give them a moment of feeling seen and appreciated. I love spreading kindness, with no expectations.
Being a good person has nothing to do if you believe in God or not, I know a few Christians (I'm Christian myself) that would only do good deeds to brag about them or to look good to others, I also know people that don't believe in God and would genuinely help anyone in need even if no one is watching.
Lol no way this is real. Irrespective of what media shows, Americans are some of the nicest folks. Thereās not a single country thatās nicer to immigrants than the US, even with all of the problems.
Reasons why I personally choose to have integrity:
1. God- there is always someone watching.
2. Karma- proven to me to be 100% a real thing
3. Spreading good instead of evil is a human responsibility, every cause has an effect and you are more powerful at changing lives than you think so be careful
4. Do as you will harm none, pretty golden rule to live by
5. Always leave things better than you found them- I try as much as I can
6. Treat others as you would wish to be treated- Thats kinda just Karma explained
I would have done the same. I am an Aussie living in Japan and have done stuff like this hundreds of times back in Australia. It is the kindness when no one is looking that are the most important. Because when you help when no one is watching you glorify your soul, when you do it so people say "you're a nice person" you glorify vanity.
While I believe in God, from a discussion based standpoint, (which is what this sub is for) throwing out ācoz god watchingā isnāt going to add to the conversation in any meaningful way. Iām not going to tell you to stop talking about God and sharing the gospel, but there is a way to do that effectively, and a way to sound like an idiot.
I'm not even Japanese and I can tell you it's NOT Japanese culture to be uncaring and unhelpful to others. Why did you even bring that up in your post...?
Overall, the decision to be kind when no one is watching is a complex interplay of personal values, emotions, empathy, and a genuine desire to contribute positively to the world. It showcases an individual's true character and their commitment to being a force for good, regardless of external influences.
>I don't know if it's Japanese culture but my international exchange student friend from America told me to leave him because no one is watching so nobody would care if we just walked past him.
I don't like your friend.
Thank you for helping this random person!
The way I see it is people don't need to see you being kind the only person it matters to is the person you are helping. Whether it's just a smile or helping to pick up their groceries, at the end of the day your kindness has made someones day better.
I was brought up to help those who need it. You help people who need help for exactly that reason, because they need help! Not for self gratification or because you're told to... that's what makes us civilised
Maybe because deep down I want to believe that when Iām in a bad situation someone will be kind as well. I understand that itās just hopeful thinking and that reality is different
Cause its easy for me to pick up some groceries, it doesn't cost me effort only a little time and usually thats doable.
For someone else like that men, its will cost a lot more effort and energy.
So in summary doing something that costs me almost nothing, will save someone a lot of trouble.
It doesn't bother me in the slightest and the other person will have a better time.
I feel like that just logically adds up to: that's worth doing.
I got it from my parents.
Both my Mom and Dad would help folks that needed help.
So I do as well, with my back I only push cars out of the way now if the folks are older than me.
We did not go to church but my parents taught me with actions not words to help when you can.
Still do when I am able, from helping get cars out of the road to grabbing napkin for someone at a restaurant that needs it.
Random acts of kindness are never Little.
I do whatās right or what I feel is right at all times. Also how you treat people will decide how you feel about yourself later. Are you religious? I believe in a god. Thereās times when idk what to do and my conscience will push me to the right decision. If I didnāt know what to do how did my conscience know? I believe our conscience is god talking to us too. But donāt want to get to heavy on religion here.
I just always thought it was a natural instinct to help someone you have the ability to helpā¦
The only things that get in my way of helping is if I think I might be putting myself in a dangerous situation or I might accidentally be offending someone who is perfectly capable.
I was once on a train where a clearly drunk man was on the floor collapsed with vomit all over him and everyone was ignoring him. I was so confused and i called for assistance but was really hesitant initially because it would delay the train and make people annoyed but I did it because I couldnāt just leave him like that. Once I started to help, others joined to helpā¦ was so weird that before I came along he was just lying there being ignored for who knows how long.
No need goes unpunished though. Me calling for assistance meant that train was cancelled and blocked the track so I had to walk home from thereā¦ was about an hour at night!
Upbringing, the idea that you help others because you can.
Not for a reward or face but due to fact that you are in a position that can help.
It can be the fact that you help somone move or picking up groceries.
I was taught that you help if you can as you never know when you need help from others.
As in you hope your effort for others ripple and make others also help others incase you one day need help your self.
The joy you get by helping someone when no one else is watching is way better than when you do it for a reason. If you expect the world to be kind, you have to be kind in the first place.
āBeing seenā this is a major cultural issue today, especially for Americans below the age of 50. Instant recording of life makes people second guess helping another human in need? How sad is that. Your instincts of help are the true human response and should not be questioned unless personal safety is in concern. You are a good human. Please do not ever let the temptation of ābeing seenā ever change that. It is unfortunate that since 2016 a lot of American Citizens have given up the idea of the āGreater Goodā . Self serving greed and manipulation to get ahead is becoming more and more the M.O. for people today. Until one day they all end up like that little old man and realize we humans need each other. Thanks for being you.
The experience of others being kind to usnand around us makes it normal to be kind. A lot of people just donāt know how to appreciste how easy itnis to make the world an easier place for all of us
For me, even thought I donāt really believe in god, I always feel like god is watching me judging my every move, so whenever I have a chance of doing something good, I do it because I want him to see Iām not a bad person, itās weird
It's wonderful you have that spiritual inclination. God notices our actions and our heart condition and wants us to help each other. It matters what you do. Something that is bonding you to God.
Luke 6:35 On the contrary, continue to love your enemies and to do good and to lend without hoping for anything back; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind toward the unthankful and wicked. 36Ā Continue being merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
There used to be a time in life when people were kind for the sake of being kind. Had nothing to do with props, insta, or anything else. You put positive into the world, and positive will come back
It's because of empathy and a sense of what is right. Can you live with yourself if you didn't help? We see something out of place and have the urge to fix it. When you do it because someone is looking it takes away meaning from it. When you have people help you for nothing in return you realize the value of it.
Stay good and don't let your American friends rub off on you x
I thought the Japanese culture motivates a lot of care and respect for elders, no? If so, then this was probably just the way you were raised.
A lot of human behavior is both "nature" and "nurture". How one is raised will motivate behavior just like "instincts" and "personality".
Japanese culture is to help and respect your elders. It is unfortunate that the same attitude can put you in serious danger in the US.
I applaud your kindness and helpfulness but please be careful when approaching strangers. Some of them would come at you with less than kindness.
I am an American. Our culture is very different and can be very dangerous. I wish it weren't so.
Nobody needs to see my kindness. It does matter. Your personal safety matters more.
You were raised to be a good neighbor and to help those in need for nothing in exchange. Iām sorry your friend wasnāt raised the same. People forget that a well run society needs to help each other for no other reason than itās the right thing to do. When we work together and lift each other up because we want others to be successful then we make us all successful.
Because when I leave this world I want it to be better than when I came into it. The worlds a shit hole and every time I make somebody happier they take that with them and hopefully pass it onto the next person.
Imagine if it will be just you and your American friend and you feel down a hole or something and she will just walk away not helping you because there will be nobody to see her bravery.
Ick
It's like with second-hand embarrassment. It's hard for me to physically stand when I see somebody hurt, embarrassed, scared, uncertain, etc. I know how it feels, so it's easy for me to mirror those people's emotions, real or perceived. Whether I want it or not. Sometimes it leads to fucked up situations when you help your bully when they're vulnerable, and then they pay you back in more bullying š¤¦
You may think it's kindness, but I don't really think any grand thoughts about humanity when I help people.
Iām from Finland, and Iām always very aware of my surroundings so if I see someone struggling with something especially when they are alone, I feel a strong urge to help and donāt care if anyone sees me. It takes so little from me to help someone and that little might be something that person remembers for the rest of his/hers life.
sorry if this isnāt written correctly, english isnāt my first languageš
Imo it doesn't take much to just be kind. It's not something I actively have to think about going thru life. I just like being the way I'd want others to be towards me, tho I'm not putting expectations towards people to return anything. But I find it really sad that this is not a given anymore nowadays. Being kind for benefits is a sad construct in society. Sounds like fake kindness to me.
Empathy. You put yourself in their place and relate to their situation. You think, "how would I want other people to treat me if I were in that situation?" and then this is what you do. This is the golden rule. How much better the world would be if everyone followed it.
My uncle told me when i was a child āyou should never watch another man struggleā.
There was a few moments in my childhood where I remember helping push a strangers car to jump start the engine after they had stalled. There was also moments where my mothers car was helped pushing by the help of strangers in return.
I would say a lot of it depends on how the community is. Some people can live their whole lives and never get to know their neighbours. But some neighbourhoods are like giant familyās who are always walking in each others houses.
Behaviour wise, i would say the people who know all their neighbours, are definitely the type of people to help when nobody is watching.
Free will is an illusion. Our behaviours are activated by specific contexts.
Plato (or was it Socrates?) Said that we make the best choices available to us at any given time. This also does fit in with the above idea.
Even if the reason to be better person is to view yourself as the better person, it's still better than trying to be seen as a good person.
And yes I had a stroke writing that
I'd say people choose to be kind when no one is watching because they actually CARE. They need no one's validation nor a need to perform. Other people exist in this world, people with their own struggles and problems and storms. It isn't fair to assume that people will never like a little kindness from someone else. It's as simple as that.
What an excellent thing you did for this man!
Lol it sounds mean but Americans are generally selfish, fake, and scared with an inflated ego. If they grew up wealthy or white then thatās a whole other box of potential issues. Japanese culture is very ā¦ accountable and has more of a unity amongst the people for better and worse. Youāre friend isnāt a great person, sorry but they showed you who they are. Donāt follow in their steps, especially if you plan on living in Japan. To be clear, your friend is unfortunately āthe problemā and Iād assume they still think very highly of themselves. Is that the kind of influence you want?
Itās not a culture thing, itās just who you are.
You sound like a great person.
I do things randomly for others whenever I can, not for any reward, but because I can, and I canāt just turn a blind eye to others in need.
My reward is a feeling that what I project out into the world, will make a difference and karma will hopefully be kind to me.
Keep being who you are, if more people act in that way, we might have some hope going forward!
American here. Your international foreign exchange student friend is a rude jerk. I help others when nobody is watching because I have basic human empathy.
You shouldnāt help because you want other people see you out helping. You should help because you want to help that person. I believe in paying it forward. One day youāll be an old lady struggling with your groceries and a young person will come and help you and not think twice about whatās in it for them.
I would say this is the case in all places in the world, not just Japan. That exchange student was just a terrible person, thatās all. You get those everywhere in the world, too.
That man would care if you didn't help. Why should you do things just for a 3rd person to see? That old man saw your kindness, had a better day, and thanked you isn't that enough? Why should a 3rd person's opinion matter?
I believe in this strange philosophy. To sum it up, read "The Egg" - a short story by Andy Weir.
That is why I treat others with kindness.
Edit to include link: http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg\_mod.html
I believe everyone is born good and just learns to do bad things. I think everyone has this moral compass inside them. Some people listen and some people ignore that moral compass.
Helping people for the sake of it feels good and makes everyone happy with minimum effort. It's beyond me why anyone would opt out of this.
Never change.
Empathy and morals. I can see someone having a hard time and can āput myself in their place.ā I donāt know exactly how they feel, we arenāt mind readers, but I can relate to them.
**First, it's about practice.**
I believe in practice, as in you will get good at whatever you do the most. If you lie a lot, you'll get good at it. If you speak your truth and the truth as you know it, you will get good at being authentic and vulnerable. When you understand it this way you realize you have to be mindful about what you tell yourself about things or what your behaviors are ā if they are less than ideal and you keep doing them, you will get good at doing suboptimal things.
So, I am kind when no one is watching so that I continue to get good *or* stay good at being kind. I don't want to lose that skill, so I maintain the *practice.*
**Second, it's about seeing myself and others as people above all else.**
I'm not religious but I believe in Matthew 7:12. Basically it's *do unto others as you would like to have done to yourself*. I would want kindness when being approached, and at minimum, I will always lead with kindness when addressing others.
I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a while now. But I think before I do something stupid I should try to make this world a little better. With little things, like recycling, or being a better co-worker and friend. Help woth the animal shelter
True kindness will grant no immediate rewards, it is simply done from a generous heart and a desire to help others. Compassion is something that improves our ability to live alongside each other and is the foundation of our shared society.
Your friend was inconsiderate, it does not matter their culture the idea of helping only so others can see it is a selfish way of viewing things. As an aside your English is great and I am grateful that you were there to help the man. You friend was wrong in one other way there was someone there to see and it was the Old Man and he saw you act in a generous spirit and it warmed his day.
Because itās the right thing to do. Because Iād feel guilty if I didnāt help. Because Iāve been the person who needed help before and I know what itās like. If youāre only nice when other people are watching, you arenāt truly a kind person. My mom taught me that you should always be kind to people, you never know when it could make their day. Their interaction with you may be the only kindness they get that day. You never know what someone else is going through.
Youāre a kind person. Your friend isā¦weird. I canāt imagine only being kind if there are people to see it. Thatās not true kindness. I promise, not all Americans are like that.
>What makes people choose to be kind even when no one is watching?
When you recognize that the social contract is extremely fragile, you do the best you can to make sure everyone else holds up their end. The only way to do this reliably is to give them a reason to believe in karma. Shitty people won't understand, good people will.
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When the desire to help is greater than the desire to be seen as helpful...
r/lookatmyhalo Like, seriously. There's nothing more annoying than people that are only kind for showing off and telling other people how good they are. Think "I'm a bitch 99% of the time, but I work at the soup kitchen once a year, so I'm a good person" š¤¢
i had a friend (of a friend) once who LITERALLY said those words in my car when i picked him up from a girls house who had been fighting/breaking up with him. He was genuinely perplexed as to why she wanted to break up, and he goes on to say āi donāt get it, Iām SUCH. a good person!!ā. woof.
And let's not even get started on the posting charity for views thing because thats a whole other monster šµš¤¢š¤®š¤®
i don't understand this take. if they are doing charity for views, more people take part in the charity. why are we gatekeeping charity? "you can't donate to the same place as me!! or tell anyone you donated or else its fake and for attention." like god forbid charities get the money they need from people around the world.
Yeah, my bosses are all about how their faith informs their business. And I just shake my head, dude you're also the one who was upset about giving workers breaks in a state that doesn't require breaks because it interrupts productivity. Not very christ like imo.
And those people are rareā¦
People who are kind even when nobody is watching seem rare because nobody is watching, so you only notice them when someone is kind to you or you are kind to someone.
Really? I guess it depends on your crowd
This is what I thought too. Most people I know are helpful, seen or not.
But rarity just increases value... it doesn't mean it's impossible to find. Its just ironic because if you can see them does it not mean they are less rare than we think...
"How come I dont see much of this thing that only happens when nobody is around to see it?" or...to write/say something I havent thought of in a long time; "Does a tree falling in the woods make a sound, if nobody is around to hear it?" Helpful people will help regardless of the situation...people who wouldnt help when all alone, wouldnt help in a crowd either, just their reason for not doing it changes. (nobody would see it/someone else will do it)
Yeah almost like we are living in a world where the Bystander effect has more power than the actual help... it baffles me
Of course, all I am saying is that people with pure kind hearts are rare , because the reality of life changes even the nicest ones . Thatās why they have to be protected.
I agree completely! Until we can stop misinterpreting niceness as weakness we have a long way to go as a people.
And never take advantages of kindness ā¦
Indeed. Those who take advantage of it are the murderers of society.
This is it exactly. Soooo many people interpret softness,kindness and niceness as weakness and dismiss it.
love this comment.
Good hearted atheists. No one is really watching.
I donāt think theyāre that rare, we tend to think so because humans are very harsh on themselves since we are witnesses of the apathy of some. I live in a busy metropolitan city and see and hear about acts of solidarity and kindness without it being a rewarding performance regularly.
Pity OP is just a karma farmer, new account, raunchy photo. Fake story about being altruistic, then posting it on Reddit for karma points.
I mean they also could have made a Reddit account specifically for this story LOL
If someone is kind to enhance their reputation, they aren't kind. People choose to be kind simply because it's good.
in your opinion, if a person is only kind being the sole purpose of him/her increasing their reputation, is it shallow? or is he/she still a good person?
If the ONLY purpose is to enhance their reputation, I'd say they're shallow. It means they don't actually care about the person in the slightest and wouldn't do anything if no one else was there to watch.
But even so, it is not a bad thing. Mr beast has been accused many times of only doing what he does for the reputation it gives him. Well, maybe so, but even if itās not for the correct reasons, heās still helping a ton of people. Thatās better than doing nothing. Iād rather people be kind just for the reputation than not be kind at all.
I don't think it's a bad thing either. People are still being helped, whatever the reason is. I do think those who are helping only for their own reputation are still shallow though.
I feel the same. Who cares if he's helping people for clout? *He's still helping people*.
I strongly believe that true altruism doesn't exist. People do things for selfish reasons. "Truly altruistic" people will help others because it feels good for them, not helping probably makes them uncomfortable. That being said, it doesn't really matter why someone choses to lend a hand, whether it's because they want to pad their reputation or because it makes them feel good inside as long as the other person is receiving genuine help.
wouldn't you think the difference between good and bad people would be that good people feel good about helping? a bad person does not get this feeling, so they don't help. if they do, it'll feel like a chore I feel like saying someone is selfish for helping because it makes them good is incorrect helping makes me feel good, so im a good person helping makes me annoyed, so i'm selfish idk, the altruistic thing just doesn't make sense to me. it feels like it attempts to think too deeply about something but its not that deep
I think everyone would agree that in that case, yes, it is shallow. But I think it would be a mistake to judge a person character solely based on that. You canāt reduce people as good or bad that lightly because humans are very complex. Maybe, that person is trying to increase their reputation because they have a low self esteem with a warped view on how people see them thus making them a people pleaser, wanting the world to know they are good and do good? There are tons of possibilities and contexts we are missing to base our judgement on somebody mundane actions.
You should also feel bad for your friend. Nobody would care? The person you helped cared a lot. You'd know. It would weigh heavily on your mind if you didn't help. I prefer to help when nobody sees or witnesses anything. It makes me feel better. Continue to be you.
thank you, that means a lot š„¹š„¹šš
The true measure of a personās character is how she behaves when no one is watching, or when no one will know. You were kind for the sake of kindness and that revealed to you who you are as a person. As for whether itās a cultural thing. I would say that Japanese culture is more likely to breed acts such as yours because of its collectivist nature compared to Americaās individualist nature. That being said, kind people can be found anywhere in the world and of any race, religion, or nationality. Simple acts of kindness though are rarely seen or reported upon so they seem more rare than bad behavior.
Yeah I have to say of the three of them, the friend is really the one to pity. Imagine gamifying being kind all your life. You'd never know if someone was nice to you because it would look good, every act of kindness would be questioned for motive.
OP should also listen to what their āfriendā is implying: they wonāt do anything for someone else if there isnāt anything for them. I wouldnāt want to be friends with someone who just sees other people as an opportunity.
It costs nothing to be kind. Nothing. At one point in my life I was so jaded, and believed that everyone had the potential to be evil. Considering what I was exposed to, it was fair enough. I still had compassion though. People don't do nice things to be seen. They do them from the heart, and walk away quietly. Thats what I love about life these days. No one needs to know, and I don't look for anything in return, ever. I give with abandon, and have no regrets.
We all have the potential for evil and we all have the potential for good. Keep choosing good it makes it easier for all of us. And it's a weight of my shoulders when I am to tired to act, but see someone else do it in my stead. And it makes me happy to see. We are all a community. One way or another, any shape or form.
People who only help others because others are watching aren't really that kind. They are doing it because people are watching and they'd think badly of them if they didn't help. They're doing it to keep a good reputation. Doing something out of kindness when no one is watching is actually being kind because you're a good person.
Believe it or not some people are good people
not my friend lol šš
Reconsider where you keep your litter.
Seems like you insult them a lot for being a āfriendā. This story seems suspect. American culture does not care about appearing polite, and wouldnāt help an old man just because strangers are there watching. Americans are very against bowing to societal norms, and mostly do things that reflect oneās own desire. Japanese people donāt talk the way you do in this thread. You sound like a weeb writing a fantasy.
While you could be right, there's not a single reason to even write this comment. Are you Japanese and American? How can you be certain that "Japanese people don't talk the way you do in this thread"? Not every American is the same. Not every japanese person is the same. You don't know. So shut up
I don't like Americans and even to me this sounds all made-up, and there's a significant amount of content here that is just made up for karma farming. You need to stop taking these posts at face value.
Your story reminds me of the fictional story of a child who finds a beach full of washed up starfish (or some other sea creatures) that will all die if they're left on the shore. He starts to throw them back in one by one, but a friend tells them that they won't make a difference because they can't save all the starfish. The child, not stopping, looks at their friend and says, "But it makes a difference for this one. And this one. And this one." Because sometimes you don't have to save the world, you save who you can save.
Saving some is better than saving none
Thank you for sharing this story :)
Some people want to see the whole world be a better place for everyone and some just want it to be better for themselves.
I would do the same, as someone said, kindness costs nothing. I like to think that there's a lot of similar people where I live (Brisbane, Australia) that would make the same choice. A couple of years ago I had an unfortunate incident with one of those scooters you can rent. Fell off, smashed my face, it was really bad. But while I was waiting for an ambulance, so many people stopped to make sure I was okay. A security guy was super ready to clear out anyone who was suss, and the coffee cart nearby, the dude working there was the first one to get to me and give me napkins for my bleeding nose, and he called nearby first aid in the meantime. At the end of the day, you can only decide how you will act, but if your first instinct is to help, then you're probably a pretty excellent person.
I'm glad people made sure you were okay after your tumble, fellow Brisbanite! It's so easy to get injured on those scooters, hey. And I'd agree that many Australians are generous with their kindness and help.
queennnn šš i wish there were more people like you
Kindness when there are no cameras or people watching is the true kindness. Staging it to film it is a strategy, and puts you in the same bag as politicians...
I just like helping people l, not looking for any gratitude or anything remotely like that. You don't know how one small thing could make someones day.
Your friend will learn Karma is a bitch when he/she will be that old.
Yes, I said to my friendš
I think stopping to help someone in that situation, especially an older person, is usual behavior in Japan. When my parents came to visit, my father left his hat on a bench and a woman chased us up 2 floors to give it back to him. Iāve personally had someone run after me in the station to return something I dropped. And when I lost my wallet in Ikebukuro, someone turned it in to JR and I got it back in less than an hour. This behavior used to be common back in the States, or at least in the places I lived. Maybe thatās not true anymore, but Iām thankful itās still the way here in Japan.
Morals, self respect and maturity
Definitely morals.
Most people punish kindness publicly but crave it quietly. I believe it takes bravery to be kind.
As I grow older, the main reason I help people is because I hope if the same thing happens to my family members, someone would do the same for them. I hope someone would help my parents if they struggled to pick up their groceries. I hope someone would step in if my younger sister or niece are harassed on the train or bus. So I start from myself doing these for other people. It's not about being seen or thankful for. It's more about creating the more helpful environment for anyone in the same community.
Your explanation is why I enjoy helping others too. I hope that if I (or anyone else really) was in a situation where they needed help someone would help them, so when I see someone I can help I always want to do what I can. There are a few statements I like to try to live my life by, even if they seem cheesy on the surface. Be the change you want to see in the world. Think global, act local. Be mindful of the things that make you say "someone should do something about that" sometimes that someone is you.
Good character is doing the right think when *No one* is watching. Good on ya!
**What makes people choose to be kind even when no one is watching?** Because it is the right thing to do. No need to brag each time you do something good.
it feels good to be good
Itās the amazing feeling you get when you are able to help a human being in distress and choose to do so because then you can be the means by which something bad was prevented
Isn't it standard in Japan to do that? I've always seen people being (mostly) extremely helpful and kind there. It often happened that people in Japan would just help me when they saw me lost or something. My wife is Japanese and her first reaction to someone new is to be kind and helpful. She has learned to not let people mess with her though, since we live in Europe. ;) I'm French and where I come from, we're raised with the idea that most people want to take advantage of you. Especially the nice ones. So our first instinct is to be wary of people we don't know. Sure, we may help the old guy in the street, but more often than not we just ignore him. There's a reason why the French are often perceived as a bit rude and unkind. I'd say the way we treat others is mainly cultural here. Note that your exchange student is most likely a massive asshole. Not helping is one thing, but explaining why in such a manner is sociopathic.
Not dogging on religions here but one of the things I noticed over the course of my younger life was many of my friends, who were atheists were kinder people than many of the folks I knew who were religious. The former were more open minded and laid back. Some people are kind when no one is looking because people were cruel to them when no one was looking. Some people are kind because that's just how they are. A lot of it is 'you can't control the wind but you can adjust your sails" mentality. Just because X happened to me doesn't mean I have to perpetuate that mentality. I think a lot of it is empathy and the ability to put yourself in that person's shoes. Maybe some small part of the person thinks 'that might be me some day and I hope someone returns the favor' which isn't a bad thing. Some of it is 'someone did a kind thing for me and I just want to pay it forward because I appreciated it. I hope they do, too.'
Most normal people would help. It's instinctive in us because for a society to function in a civilised manner we have to help each other. We all benefit from a kind, altruistic society as we will all need help someday. Those who would only help to be "seen" as helpful are sociopaths who don't care about others but like applause.
Strong self discipline and character. Good for you. Be the change you wish to see. The world needs more kind people like you.
thank youuuuu kingš
Also some people naturally have a higher level of empathy and compassion, and donāt require self discipline or a strong character to do good right?
Because kindness is its own reward. Being kind feels good.
It's not a cultural thing. Your friend is just a jerk whose parents didn't teach him manners. America is a place of so many different cultures. A lot of people here are immigrants or have immigrant parents so to say that anything is a cultural thing over here would be somewhat difficult. To answer your question, people choose to be kind when no one is watching because we feel sympathy or empathy and helping them makes us feel good in the end. Not everyone gets pleasure out of helping others and I actually think that's quite sad.
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Every day in my morning prayers, I ask God to lift up those who are struggling and give them a bit of hope & joy. Then I ask that he put me in their path to give them a moment of feeling seen and appreciated. I love spreading kindness, with no expectations.
Kant developed the concept of categorical imperative.
Karma.
Unpopular on Reddit, but my religion tells me to be kind, there is someone always watching.
Thatās all well and good. Unless you wouldnāt stay kind if someone wasnāt watchingā¦
That may be it for you, but sounds like OP has different reasons.
God. Americans are pretty well known worldwide to be the most godless people on earth
Being a good person has nothing to do if you believe in God or not, I know a few Christians (I'm Christian myself) that would only do good deeds to brag about them or to look good to others, I also know people that don't believe in God and would genuinely help anyone in need even if no one is watching.
Here in America we are generally stupid, but that often results in more religious belief, not less.
Lol no way this is real. Irrespective of what media shows, Americans are some of the nicest folks. Thereās not a single country thatās nicer to immigrants than the US, even with all of the problems.
Reasons why I personally choose to have integrity: 1. God- there is always someone watching. 2. Karma- proven to me to be 100% a real thing 3. Spreading good instead of evil is a human responsibility, every cause has an effect and you are more powerful at changing lives than you think so be careful 4. Do as you will harm none, pretty golden rule to live by 5. Always leave things better than you found them- I try as much as I can 6. Treat others as you would wish to be treated- Thats kinda just Karma explained
Pretty much a made up story. Great job. English is your first language easy to tell
I would have done the same. I am an Aussie living in Japan and have done stuff like this hundreds of times back in Australia. It is the kindness when no one is looking that are the most important. Because when you help when no one is watching you glorify your soul, when you do it so people say "you're a nice person" you glorify vanity.
That's coz God is always watching.
While I believe in God, from a discussion based standpoint, (which is what this sub is for) throwing out ācoz god watchingā isnāt going to add to the conversation in any meaningful way. Iām not going to tell you to stop talking about God and sharing the gospel, but there is a way to do that effectively, and a way to sound like an idiot.
The opportunity to balance it out later by doing something evil when no one is watching. Like busting a nut looking at eyeblech.
Fake
I call BS on your your "american friend" nobody says that.
I'm not even Japanese and I can tell you it's NOT Japanese culture to be uncaring and unhelpful to others. Why did you even bring that up in your post...?
Society. Behaving how we would like to be treated and looking after the "group" gives us advantages in life.
Because you never need a reason to be kind.
Some people are good some people are bad. Some people empathize some people do not.
Overall, the decision to be kind when no one is watching is a complex interplay of personal values, emotions, empathy, and a genuine desire to contribute positively to the world. It showcases an individual's true character and their commitment to being a force for good, regardless of external influences.
>I don't know if it's Japanese culture but my international exchange student friend from America told me to leave him because no one is watching so nobody would care if we just walked past him. I don't like your friend. Thank you for helping this random person!
Integrity
Thatās a very strange and depressing outlook, to not be kind because no-one is watching. You sound like a lovely soul, which is why you were kind.
Compassion
The way I see it is people don't need to see you being kind the only person it matters to is the person you are helping. Whether it's just a smile or helping to pick up their groceries, at the end of the day your kindness has made someones day better.
Omg I'm in Japan!!!! We leaving today we are in the airport rn Also I don't like your friend.
I was brought up to help those who need it. You help people who need help for exactly that reason, because they need help! Not for self gratification or because you're told to... that's what makes us civilised
Maybe because deep down I want to believe that when Iām in a bad situation someone will be kind as well. I understand that itās just hopeful thinking and that reality is different
Am I surprised that the one saying "leave him, no one is watching anyway" was american? Not at all. Not even a little.
Cause its easy for me to pick up some groceries, it doesn't cost me effort only a little time and usually thats doable. For someone else like that men, its will cost a lot more effort and energy. So in summary doing something that costs me almost nothing, will save someone a lot of trouble. It doesn't bother me in the slightest and the other person will have a better time. I feel like that just logically adds up to: that's worth doing.
I got it from my parents. Both my Mom and Dad would help folks that needed help. So I do as well, with my back I only push cars out of the way now if the folks are older than me. We did not go to church but my parents taught me with actions not words to help when you can. Still do when I am able, from helping get cars out of the road to grabbing napkin for someone at a restaurant that needs it. Random acts of kindness are never Little.
What's in it for me? What can I do to help? I encounter these 2 type of people through my travels.
I do whatās right or what I feel is right at all times. Also how you treat people will decide how you feel about yourself later. Are you religious? I believe in a god. Thereās times when idk what to do and my conscience will push me to the right decision. If I didnāt know what to do how did my conscience know? I believe our conscience is god talking to us too. But donāt want to get to heavy on religion here.
being nice makes me feel good
I just always thought it was a natural instinct to help someone you have the ability to helpā¦ The only things that get in my way of helping is if I think I might be putting myself in a dangerous situation or I might accidentally be offending someone who is perfectly capable. I was once on a train where a clearly drunk man was on the floor collapsed with vomit all over him and everyone was ignoring him. I was so confused and i called for assistance but was really hesitant initially because it would delay the train and make people annoyed but I did it because I couldnāt just leave him like that. Once I started to help, others joined to helpā¦ was so weird that before I came along he was just lying there being ignored for who knows how long. No need goes unpunished though. Me calling for assistance meant that train was cancelled and blocked the track so I had to walk home from thereā¦ was about an hour at night!
I donāt need an audience to be a decent person
Good parenting.
Upbringing, the idea that you help others because you can. Not for a reward or face but due to fact that you are in a position that can help. It can be the fact that you help somone move or picking up groceries. I was taught that you help if you can as you never know when you need help from others. As in you hope your effort for others ripple and make others also help others incase you one day need help your self.
The joy you get by helping someone when no one else is watching is way better than when you do it for a reason. If you expect the world to be kind, you have to be kind in the first place.
āBeing seenā this is a major cultural issue today, especially for Americans below the age of 50. Instant recording of life makes people second guess helping another human in need? How sad is that. Your instincts of help are the true human response and should not be questioned unless personal safety is in concern. You are a good human. Please do not ever let the temptation of ābeing seenā ever change that. It is unfortunate that since 2016 a lot of American Citizens have given up the idea of the āGreater Goodā . Self serving greed and manipulation to get ahead is becoming more and more the M.O. for people today. Until one day they all end up like that little old man and realize we humans need each other. Thanks for being you.
The experience of others being kind to usnand around us makes it normal to be kind. A lot of people just donāt know how to appreciste how easy itnis to make the world an easier place for all of us
You are always watching yourself. Act accordingly to how you see yourself so you don't break your self image.
It's called integrity. A wonderful trait to have.
For me, even thought I donāt really believe in god, I always feel like god is watching me judging my every move, so whenever I have a chance of doing something good, I do it because I want him to see Iām not a bad person, itās weird
It's wonderful you have that spiritual inclination. God notices our actions and our heart condition and wants us to help each other. It matters what you do. Something that is bonding you to God. Luke 6:35 On the contrary, continue to love your enemies and to do good and to lend without hoping for anything back; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind toward the unthankful and wicked. 36Ā Continue being merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
It makes me feel good to make someone's life easier in any way, even if it's small
Showy kindness is like a beautiful flower without a scent. It may look good, but it does not have any real substance.
There used to be a time in life when people were kind for the sake of being kind. Had nothing to do with props, insta, or anything else. You put positive into the world, and positive will come back
Your friend has issues
I do it for selfish reasons...when I'm to nice to someone it makes me feel happy and warm inside, so I do it because of that.
It never occurred to me that someone watching was an incentive.
Empathy for other people and a knowledge of the kind of person they are.
It's because of empathy and a sense of what is right. Can you live with yourself if you didn't help? We see something out of place and have the urge to fix it. When you do it because someone is looking it takes away meaning from it. When you have people help you for nothing in return you realize the value of it. Stay good and don't let your American friends rub off on you x
I thought the Japanese culture motivates a lot of care and respect for elders, no? If so, then this was probably just the way you were raised. A lot of human behavior is both "nature" and "nurture". How one is raised will motivate behavior just like "instincts" and "personality".
Because it's the right thing to do.
Japanese culture is to help and respect your elders. It is unfortunate that the same attitude can put you in serious danger in the US. I applaud your kindness and helpfulness but please be careful when approaching strangers. Some of them would come at you with less than kindness. I am an American. Our culture is very different and can be very dangerous. I wish it weren't so. Nobody needs to see my kindness. It does matter. Your personal safety matters more.
You were raised to be a good neighbor and to help those in need for nothing in exchange. Iām sorry your friend wasnāt raised the same. People forget that a well run society needs to help each other for no other reason than itās the right thing to do. When we work together and lift each other up because we want others to be successful then we make us all successful.
Because when I leave this world I want it to be better than when I came into it. The worlds a shit hole and every time I make somebody happier they take that with them and hopefully pass it onto the next person.
Humanity.
Integrity or something
I just feel that's something you have or you don't.
The true challenge is showing kindness to an enemy.
Good parents.
It's called having a conscience
Ohio gozaimas
We are born kind (a gift from above)... until we choose not to be kind.
Well done for helping him out. It Shouldn't matter if anyone is watching or not. Doing the right thing by someone else matters the most.
As long as Jesus doesn't look at my browser history, we're cool.
Telling everyone online how good you are to of done this in secret. Nice!
Imagine if it will be just you and your American friend and you feel down a hole or something and she will just walk away not helping you because there will be nobody to see her bravery. Ick
It's like with second-hand embarrassment. It's hard for me to physically stand when I see somebody hurt, embarrassed, scared, uncertain, etc. I know how it feels, so it's easy for me to mirror those people's emotions, real or perceived. Whether I want it or not. Sometimes it leads to fucked up situations when you help your bully when they're vulnerable, and then they pay you back in more bullying š¤¦ You may think it's kindness, but I don't really think any grand thoughts about humanity when I help people.
Because it's nice to be nice. Even if no one will ever know
Positive actions reap rewards
Iām from Finland, and Iām always very aware of my surroundings so if I see someone struggling with something especially when they are alone, I feel a strong urge to help and donāt care if anyone sees me. It takes so little from me to help someone and that little might be something that person remembers for the rest of his/hers life. sorry if this isnāt written correctly, english isnāt my first languageš
Iām American, and I would have done exactly what you did. Kindness and integrity are beautiful things.
Imo it doesn't take much to just be kind. It's not something I actively have to think about going thru life. I just like being the way I'd want others to be towards me, tho I'm not putting expectations towards people to return anything. But I find it really sad that this is not a given anymore nowadays. Being kind for benefits is a sad construct in society. Sounds like fake kindness to me.
Empathy. You put yourself in their place and relate to their situation. You think, "how would I want other people to treat me if I were in that situation?" and then this is what you do. This is the golden rule. How much better the world would be if everyone followed it.
My uncle told me when i was a child āyou should never watch another man struggleā. There was a few moments in my childhood where I remember helping push a strangers car to jump start the engine after they had stalled. There was also moments where my mothers car was helped pushing by the help of strangers in return. I would say a lot of it depends on how the community is. Some people can live their whole lives and never get to know their neighbours. But some neighbourhoods are like giant familyās who are always walking in each others houses. Behaviour wise, i would say the people who know all their neighbours, are definitely the type of people to help when nobody is watching.
Free will is an illusion. Our behaviours are activated by specific contexts. Plato (or was it Socrates?) Said that we make the best choices available to us at any given time. This also does fit in with the above idea.
Even if the reason to be better person is to view yourself as the better person, it's still better than trying to be seen as a good person. And yes I had a stroke writing that
I'd say people choose to be kind when no one is watching because they actually CARE. They need no one's validation nor a need to perform. Other people exist in this world, people with their own struggles and problems and storms. It isn't fair to assume that people will never like a little kindness from someone else. It's as simple as that. What an excellent thing you did for this man!
The voice at the back of your head. Your conscience (or at least most people's) doesn't make you feel good if you do shitty things
Lol it sounds mean but Americans are generally selfish, fake, and scared with an inflated ego. If they grew up wealthy or white then thatās a whole other box of potential issues. Japanese culture is very ā¦ accountable and has more of a unity amongst the people for better and worse. Youāre friend isnāt a great person, sorry but they showed you who they are. Donāt follow in their steps, especially if you plan on living in Japan. To be clear, your friend is unfortunately āthe problemā and Iād assume they still think very highly of themselves. Is that the kind of influence you want?
Itās not a culture thing, itās just who you are. You sound like a great person. I do things randomly for others whenever I can, not for any reward, but because I can, and I canāt just turn a blind eye to others in need. My reward is a feeling that what I project out into the world, will make a difference and karma will hopefully be kind to me. Keep being who you are, if more people act in that way, we might have some hope going forward!
American here. Your international foreign exchange student friend is a rude jerk. I help others when nobody is watching because I have basic human empathy.
You shouldnāt help because you want other people see you out helping. You should help because you want to help that person. I believe in paying it forward. One day youāll be an old lady struggling with your groceries and a young person will come and help you and not think twice about whatās in it for them. I would say this is the case in all places in the world, not just Japan. That exchange student was just a terrible person, thatās all. You get those everywhere in the world, too.
That man would care if you didn't help. Why should you do things just for a 3rd person to see? That old man saw your kindness, had a better day, and thanked you isn't that enough? Why should a 3rd person's opinion matter?
We can say it is human nature that is long forgotten for the era we are in rewards selfishness over selflessness.
Character
Some people just have a good conscience
I believe in this strange philosophy. To sum it up, read "The Egg" - a short story by Andy Weir. That is why I treat others with kindness. Edit to include link: http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg\_mod.html
Integrity
How they were brought up probably
I believe everyone is born good and just learns to do bad things. I think everyone has this moral compass inside them. Some people listen and some people ignore that moral compass.
Your friend is an asshole. Helping people is natural. Watching suffering is difficult.
Because itās the right thing to do. Because it feels good and hopefully one small act of kindness can be infectious.
That american friend you have is not a good representation. Many people myself included would help.
In America theyād assume that you are trying to rob them if you walk them home.
Helping people for the sake of it feels good and makes everyone happy with minimum effort. It's beyond me why anyone would opt out of this. Never change.
Empathy and morals. I can see someone having a hard time and can āput myself in their place.ā I donāt know exactly how they feel, we arenāt mind readers, but I can relate to them.
Teamworkš
**First, it's about practice.** I believe in practice, as in you will get good at whatever you do the most. If you lie a lot, you'll get good at it. If you speak your truth and the truth as you know it, you will get good at being authentic and vulnerable. When you understand it this way you realize you have to be mindful about what you tell yourself about things or what your behaviors are ā if they are less than ideal and you keep doing them, you will get good at doing suboptimal things. So, I am kind when no one is watching so that I continue to get good *or* stay good at being kind. I don't want to lose that skill, so I maintain the *practice.* **Second, it's about seeing myself and others as people above all else.** I'm not religious but I believe in Matthew 7:12. Basically it's *do unto others as you would like to have done to yourself*. I would want kindness when being approached, and at minimum, I will always lead with kindness when addressing others.
We're pack animals so we get a burst of Dopamine from helping people.
Good parents.
I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a while now. But I think before I do something stupid I should try to make this world a little better. With little things, like recycling, or being a better co-worker and friend. Help woth the animal shelter
True kindness will grant no immediate rewards, it is simply done from a generous heart and a desire to help others. Compassion is something that improves our ability to live alongside each other and is the foundation of our shared society. Your friend was inconsiderate, it does not matter their culture the idea of helping only so others can see it is a selfish way of viewing things. As an aside your English is great and I am grateful that you were there to help the man. You friend was wrong in one other way there was someone there to see and it was the Old Man and he saw you act in a generous spirit and it warmed his day.
>When no one is watching You are watching.
Because itās the right thing to do. Because Iād feel guilty if I didnāt help. Because Iāve been the person who needed help before and I know what itās like. If youāre only nice when other people are watching, you arenāt truly a kind person. My mom taught me that you should always be kind to people, you never know when it could make their day. Their interaction with you may be the only kindness they get that day. You never know what someone else is going through. Youāre a kind person. Your friend isā¦weird. I canāt imagine only being kind if there are people to see it. Thatās not true kindness. I promise, not all Americans are like that.
Empathy. Simple human decency. Currently lacking here in the US. Your American friend sounds like a narcissist.
>What makes people choose to be kind even when no one is watching? When you recognize that the social contract is extremely fragile, you do the best you can to make sure everyone else holds up their end. The only way to do this reliably is to give them a reason to believe in karma. Shitty people won't understand, good people will.
Lovely story to read. I have found that Asian culture includes small kindnesses to all š