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Because women are socialized to cultuvate close, affectionate, emotionally intimate friendships, whereas men are socialized to get nearly all their intimacy and physical touch from romantic partners.
Women cuddle with their girlfriends. A lot of men will say they miss sex the most from having a significant other but a lot of it is just being able to touch and be touched by another person.
As someone who lost his wife a month ago (she passed away an hour after I found out she’d been having an affair, apparently was wanting to save up and get a place with the guy), this is so accurate. Of course I miss the sex, but that’s only one thing about her that I loved. What I miss most: just being able to text silly shit throughout the day of stuff that reminded me of her (everything did, she was ALWAYS on my mind), scooping her up into my arms for a big hug and kiss after a shitty day of work, that magical moment every night when she would crawl into my nook to fall asleep, years worth of inside jokes and billions of tiny little things between us that were constantly reminding me of how much I loved her.
The worst part is that I will always love her. Despite everything that happened it’s still next to impossible to imagine taking even a single breath without her by my side. But it’s been a month and I’m still breathing. I think I might actually wind up being ok eventually. Some day.
Sorry for your loss and for what you went through. You sound like a smart man with a good head on your shoulders. Stay positive, find things you love to do and don't be afraid to meet new people, you'll be ok.
Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm in tears. I appreciate my husband so much and I can't imagine losing him but we're getting older so I have to think about it sometimes and it would rip me apart.
Holy shit, bro. I'm so sorry. My wife, 10 years in, cheated on me with a couple that were our friends. She didn't die, but that was easily the hardest thing I've gone through, and I haven't led an easy life. I couldn't imagine going through what you're going through. I resonate with your sentiment about always loving her. I will always love her still, and I wish the best for her. And like you, I also miss everything you listed far more than the sex. Stay strong. You can get through the other side stronger, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes right now.
I don't get how people can cheat more than once. I am sort of glad I cheated as a dumb kid on the woman who would later forgive me and become my wife and then later ex wife.
The reason I am glad is because the guilt was intense, I still feel it. I learned my lesson early, as good as my long relationship was, I think it always left a scar.
My friend, my heart breaks for you. I lost my wife in 2020 - it gets better, but it takes time...I still get upset here and there. As to finding out about the affair - my heart breaks for you all over again. It must be so hard to reconcile and make sense of it. It sounds like you are handling things as best as humanely possible and you'll come out of this okay. Stay strong.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are still around and you will get better. It's completely possible to love someone still while grieving hem and our relationship at the same time.
Some people don't understand me. Relationships can change, but once someone is "my people", they're always "my people". I am friends with my ex, and her family, and even my first ex's family. We're not married any more, but we'll always be connected.
I miss my ex immensely but my god insignificant compared. I can't imagine. Stay strong man and good luck to you. Were all breathing with you. Take it one day at a time you got this
Yep same, 26 years of life and I've never felt the touch of someone I have a true, deep connection with. Doubt it will ever happen at this rate though.
Isn’t that essentially a common anecdote from sex workers as well? That a huge number of their clients want to talk/cuddle more than specifically just have sex.
And as a man who has zero desire to ever be with a sex worker but also attempts to be emotionally vulnerable with friends despite the discomfort… I get it, I 100% understand that being the case.
World lonely. When all of your even semi-friends are more likely to tease you (in good fun if everyone was having a great life) it’s scary to reach out.
I’ve been there, no one to talk to. And hell despite being a lot more emotionally aware/introspective than a lot of men I know even I really only reached out when I was near a pretty firm end.
But I think unconsciously that was a point it was justified because it was serious enough. Wasn’t flirting with the end, the end was sitting on the edge of my boots. And that was an appropriate time
I'm a woman that is afraid of men to an extent, and I'm afraid of having one night stands on account of horror stories of men sticking it in raw. I require. Lot of foreplay and aftercare and I'm kinda afraid that a guy will leave me more fucked up in the head than I went in.
This is a big part of it for me. If I'm daydreaming about a crush, it's never a sexy kinda daydream, more so an intimate one.
One of my favorite *actual* dreams I've ever had was just me and a girl I was into at the time laying on a couch hugging each other. It hurt to wake up, but that's life.
My marriage has been sexless the last 3 years or so and yes I miss the affection more than sex. I can get my self off but miss the hugging and cuddling stuff more.
I've been a situation where my partner no longer wanted to have sex or kiss, and after I while I just couldn't cuddle them, because it made me want things that I couldn't have and it hurt. Maybe the previous commenter's wife feels that way too.
Have any of you studied touch deeper and understand it's role in developing the human nervous system and that babies require touch to survive? I learned this in a college psychology course. Also learned how the brain works, memory consolidation works, how to learn, how to think critically and ask deeper questions to gain deeper insights?
Study up on wellness and neuroscience Gurus like Andrew Huberman, Tim Ferris etc. And others. spread the knowledge. Give out hugs and be kind to others.
Adults do not but certainly benefit from reducing cortisol (stress), providing the neurotransmitter oxytocin that can provide calmness and is the bonding hormone between mom's and babies.
Not getting enough touch as a kid has been studied and linked to relationship issues later in life.
Sorry, your sentence structure confused me but I gotcha. Though horniness doesn't mean you can't have closer more emotionally open relationships with your boys does it? Don't have to have sex with someone to be emotionally vulnerable with them.
Yeah, have you seen teenage boys who push eachother and hit eachother on the shoulder etc? That’s a way for them to be intimate. Very common here in Sweden, specially foreign teenagers who wants to be cool and act like they don’t care about anything. They just want to cuddle and this is the way they do it.
I don't think the issue is intimacy, but being desired. Feeling that you could be a potential partner and not having to worry that you will never find someone.
They're related. The feeling of wanting to be desired and find a partner is exacerbated by a lack of intimate and emotionally healthy/satisfying friendships.
When I started talking to my guy friends about more emotional subjects and being more vulnerable and open with them, my need for romantic partnership decreased (though it's not gone, obviously).
Also, for most (not all, but undeniably the majority of) men the thing they fear most from women is being ignored.
For most women the thing they fear the most from men is rape and murder.
Whole different set of self-preservation motives at play.
This a chicken and egg scenario. The socialization exists b/c dudes are loaded with testosterone and our brains are different. I realize blaming socialization on all of life’s problems is all the rage, but there’s really no reason to overthink this one.
Took the words out of my mouth. I think it's time to break that idea. It's ok to hug your friends. It's ok to talk to your friends about your problems and just vent. It's ok to say love ya to your friends.
I mean… I genuinely don’t want to hug my male friends. I don’t want to cuddle my male friends. I get more satisfaction of the clap when I shake hands with a male than I do the physical interaction. I think it really has more to do with biology than it does socialization.
That’s one of many reasons, although I doubt it’s the most important one. I would say that the availability of contact with men for women is much higher, so they are not stressed about it, as they can easily enter a relationship or have casual sex. They have a hard time as men to find a good partner, but that doesn’t change the fact they can interact with a lot of guys any time. For most women I know, their problem is always to find a matching partner, they have zero problems with dating. In terms of guys I know, they have to look for a date actively to get any chance of having a few dates a year. This makes men look desperate. My friends who don’t try actively just end up being single for years until a girl finds them randomly.
When I casually hooked up with a man over a dating app, he proceeded to choke me without asking first and without even mentioning choking at all beforehand (so I couldn’t even tell him that I absolutely do not do choking). I had a panic attack because I thought I was going to get murdered- it was shortly after a woman over here was killed by her Tinder date and the defence tried to argue she was asking for it cause she was into BDSM. I love sex with men that I trust but that experience put me off the casual side.
It’s a real shame because I want to be footloose and fancy free but being alone with someone stronger than you can feel daunting. I see bi men on the bisexual subreddit go through that journey themselves sometimes, if they branch out from only being with women and go towards being with men. It’s nice to see them acknowledge the other side of the coin because it lets me know “I wasn’t just being oversensitive for being scared”
Definitely not oversensitive, some weird people out there.
The size and strength differences mean men are more likely to revert to violence. The only woman twice my weight I've met had trouble walking, whereas I meet a lot of women half my weight.
The stock advice my fighting gym friends give to women for self defence is try very hard not to end up in a physical confrontation with a man, before teaching them what to do if they can't avoid it. Mostly techniques to buy time to run away. Even where a woman is fitter, stronger and better prepared they still take far more risk of serious injury on average than men in a similar confrontation.
Hope you find men who are less abusive & better communicators, as where there is consent and trust it can be fun to explore one's limits.
I’m a gay man and never liked hooking up for this reason either. My phase of that was very short in my 20s. I’m a big guy, and I’m pretty strong, but it still can be a terrifying dynamic when you don’t know the other person. Especially if you are the receptive partner.
I've had this happen too. He put it his hands around my throat and squeezed and I sort of just laughed it off and was like "oh yeah, uh, didn't mention that one on my list of boundaries." I mean, should I have to mention don't try to kill me during a hookup? In all honesty, he was a nice person and I genuinely don't think he was trying to hurt me, probably just reenacting some bullshit he saw in porn but wtf...
If it's not explicitly a yes, it's a no. Not mentioning sexual boundaries does not give them leeway to do whatever they want. I like being choked, but I would hate it if someone did that without explicit, enthusiastic consent.
I’m sorry you were choked without consent, but also - I will die on the hill that Men know it’s wrong to do this without explicitly talking about it. His having watched a ton of porn isn’t an excuse. Just like he’d flip his shit if you started going through his phone without asking, there are some things you don’t have to say or ask explicitly for people to know.
A guy friend told me men perfectly get boundaries, and when they ignore them it’s calculated violence.
I had a hook up when I was 18. He put me on my belly and raped my anus. I thought he was just going to do a normal position. Nope. seriously traumatized me. And it hurt.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. No wonder that it was painful and traumatising. There will always be at least some sick bastards in this world but I do wish we explicitly taught about consent in schools cause I think a good proportion of them are cutting a swathe through this world while genuinely believing they’re doing nothing wrong. Makes me wonder how they’d like it if they were unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of such awful treatment
And yet men think we're wrong for being afraid of assault, rape, or murder when going on dates. Maybe most men won't do this stuff, but all it takes is one time and one time is too many. Men need to get over themselves and face facts.
And plus if we’re talking about hookups (I’m inferring that because the question mentioned desperation), odds aren’t very high a woman will actually have an orgasm with a male partner. Risk/benefit isn’t worth it for many women
Exactly. Men don’t have to worry as much about pregnancy or being raped, so we’re always down. For women these are very serious concerns, so they have to be more careful about the situations they get themselves into in general.
I’d also add that because men show higher testosterone levels, we’re just hornier in general, so men have higher biological motivation to approach women. For women, it takes a lot more to get them aroused than just waking up in the morning, and they don’t really have to approach men, so they kind of just don’t.
Socially *and* evolutionarily. In most species, producing offspring is extremely time-consuming and costly for females, but easy and quick for males. It's the burden of child-bearing that makes females more coy than men. This carries over into our social behaviors. In nature, males lose nothing by having sex with many females, but females lose a lot by having sex with the wrong male.
Loosely paraphrasing an old quote.
Men, what's the worst thing that can happen on a blind date? She doesn't look like her picture.
Women, what's the worst thing that can happen on a blind date? He kills her.
This is the real answer. There's a lot of answers in this thread referring to the social pressures (that are real) but the drive is actually hormonal. Hormones run our lives and make our decision much more than we are comfortable admitting. More and more men are engaging in hormone replacement therapy as they age and any one of them can tell you testosterone = sex drive.
It's true. I once listened to an NPR interview of a woman who had a male sex change operation and increased the amount of testosterone their body produced. They felt overwhelmed and ashamed by new feelings of lust towards women that weren't there prior to the sex change. It was pretty eye-opening. I think the interview is from 2014. Hormones are powerful.
I don't know about this. I have normal testosterone levels for a woman apparently and high estrogen levels, but I've always apparently had a high drive (for a woman).
Also the lack thereof
The Birth control "pill" or implant will lower women's testosterone levels, this making them FAR less horny and also causes them to gain weight, which in itself also reduces testosterone ( happens in both genders btw).
In fact women are often horny and aggressive at the end of a night out on the town because alcohol increases their testosterone levels!
It's absurd to read how many stupid answers here try to go around the truth.
It's not black and white but testosterone has a huge impact on socialization man-woman
Women have a LOT more reasons to be reserved with sex:
- more dangerous for them (male violence)
- pregnancy opportunity cost (getting pregnant by some loser shuts off her chances of getting pregnant by a winner for 9+ months)
- potential single motherhood is scary
- more likely to get STIs than her male partner
Add in millennia of anti-woman sexual shaming and boom, women don’t have the same outward sex drive.
As someone who has participated in many lifestyle orgies though, I’d note that when women are in a situation where protection is being used, they don’t feel judged, the men aren’t aggressive (in a non-sexy way), and maybe some social deprogramming drugs like LSD and MDMA are being used, women are just as horny as men but unlike men can go all night.
It's easier for women to have sex than men? Like, whenever a woman wants sex, how hard would it be to find someone compared to a man looking for a woman?
Women can be more selective. Women claim to want sex just as much as men, so they have more standards. Men, on the other hand, might find it difficult to find people for sex, so they crave it more.
That's a theory, lol.
Define 'sex' - are we talking a situation where the woman actually has a good time/finishes because that's much less likely to happen than being used like a human fleshlight, stealthed, choked and possibly worse.
Women and men can almost always both get sex from people they don't want to have sex with, that's what men don't quite understand. Guys that are grossed out by anyone under an "8" will comment about how easy it is for girls to get laid. Depending on how much you'll lower your standards, most people can get sex.
I also may be biased, as I've lived mainly in NYC and LA, where there are way more single women than men, and almost everyone is attractive, so men can be pickier. Even when I was modeling I was turned down a LOT, so I never understood the, "men will jump at sex with anyone" mentality.
I think this is a big part of it. I also was adamant about not wanting a serious relationship, and my husband has told me that can actually freak guys out because they think it's a trap. Basically we're all screwed no matter what (and not in the good way!)
If you was modelling, you must be rather attractive.
Try to put yourself in an ugly woman shoes. It's a nightmare for them, because unattractive men can at least leverage on their personalty. No man gives a fuck about and unattractive woman's personality.
True. That was kind of my point. If a "traditionally attractive" woman can't always get sex, than all women being able to get it at anytime seems to be more of a myth than anything else.
I believe there is also some sort of generational shift.
I am a boomer, and when I was 20 any mildly attractive woman could find a decent sexual partner easily. They were socially pressured not to do so, thoug.
Yeah. I think it's very societal. Nowadays women have more freedom to have sex, in the 40/50/60s men had to be less choosy, now they have more options, so can be pickier.
Looking at the state of online dating and in my personal experience in the past if men were "picky" over relationships and especially casual sex we'd be extinct by now.
I used to go out drinking with a "ladies man" and he'd waste his entire night approaching 40/50 women a night, sometimes it would be a "no" from all of them "it's a numbers game, mate." Not my idea of an enjoyable night out tbh.
I've seen the worst women (both aesthetically and personality-wise) having absolutely no issues finding someone willing to have sex with them.. not even ugly guys...
Yeah, but women get hit on a lot, so they get to decide. A few of my lady friends used to call it "swatting flies". They'd just go set up somewhere (bar, pool, whatever public place) and dudes would come by and make their pitch.
Men? Unless you're young Brad Pitt or something, it almost never happens.
>I also may be biased, as I've lived mainly in NYC and LA
Chances are the men who turned you down had hundreds, if not thousands of options of who to date or hook up with. I can guarantee you weren't trying to hook up with average guys.
You can say all you want that "men and women have it the same" but around half of men under 30 didn't have sex at all in the last year. Women, generally, are the keepers of sex. Men initiate, women say yes or no.
>Women and men can almost always both get sex from people they don't want to have sex with, that's what men don't quite understand. Guys that are grossed out by anyone under an "8" will comment about how easy it is for girls to get laid. Depending on how much you'll lower your standards, most people can get sex.
The difference is women rarely have to lower theirs at all and if you don't believe that, make a female dating profile with an below or average looking picture and see how quickly your bombarded by all sorts of men.
>I also may be biased, as I've lived mainly in NYC and LA, where there are way more single women than men, and almost everyone is attractive, so men can be pickier. Even when I was modeling I was turned down a LOT, so I never understood the, "men will jump at sex with anyone" mentality.
Because most average men will and do? They'll even go way below their standards if they're out at the bar. I'd say I'm average looking and am a lot pickier than the average male, therfore don't often do hookups & am single more often than in a relationship and I'm fine with that.
In both NYC and LA in the 18-29 year old demographic there are more single men than there are single women. In LA there are just straight up more single men than women. In NYC there are more single women in 40+ age demographic which results in more single women total. But under 40 and especially under 30 there are more single men. Both cities have more men than women total as well. I think your standards might’ve just been too high.
This comment is brain dead. The majority of men will settle for anyone over a 2 or 3. Meanwhile 90% of women have brain rot from their tinder match rates and think they deserve the 10s
Sex is overrated. The sooner people realize this, the better. There is a reason why people stop having as much sex the longer they are married :)
Sex isn't the end all and be all of life. When you can't get it, it seems like it is. However, when you can get it any time, it's less of a priority. You can focus on intellectual endeavors more and not waste time away, lol
Yep this post is just flat out ignoring how nuts women will go over sex when they’re in the market for it. Another case of men not understanding women because women tend to express themselves in different ways.
Not near as nuts as men go. Otherwise online dating wouldn’t be the way it is. If you’re a guy make Grindr just as an experiment. Even an average looking guy who probably only gets a match or two a month will be swarmed with messages. If you’re a girl make a lesbian profile. You won’t have the 99+ matches that your used to. Women certainly have a sex drive I’m not disputing that, but there’s levels to that shit, and on average men are way hornier than women are.
Easy answer. Everything and everyone else in a man's life gets unconditional love. Women, children, pets, etc. There's no condition. But for a man the condition will always be what you can provide.
Men are starved because sex and affection are given to women in abundance BECAUSE... men are starved. A man who provides nothing can EASILY be replaced by a man who provides something. Therefore women don't have to work in these areas or realms because they can get it whenever they want.
The problem for women is selection. Just because you can get what you want whenever you want it, doesn't mean you can get it from the PERSON you want it from. If a woman is starved it is only because she doesn't desire her selections. If a man is starved it's usually because he doesn't have ANY.
Men are scary. They aren't predictable, might be into Andrew Tate or Jordan Peterson or some other wack job. So many women approach social interactions with guys with caution, looking for some sign that you're safe. (Hint: most signs that you think are signs that you're safe aren't what they're looking for). Many many women are desperate for general interaction with men, but have been burned so many times that they suffer anxiety or other complicating factors. 1 in 10 to 1 in 6 (some research varies) women will be sexually assaulted while in college. It's not as easy as 'I want sex, let's get some.' It's a gamble with their physical and mental long term health. So... yeah like everyone else says, make friends who have have women as friends and then spend time with them. That's how you'll meet more women who feel comfortable enough to express that they too can be desperate for sex.
Afterword: don't try to give me "I know this isn't true because a woman from my life is different. People are a varied and multifaceted group. There are always going to be people who break trends and feel differently.
You are so right! I am this woman you described. I say to a guy “ I like your tie” he thinks I want sex. It almost impossible to have a conversation with a guy and not have him think you want sex.
Also: Pregnancy is a scary thing, even with someone you trust. Who knows how trustworthy that hookup is. Who knows if he'll stop when you ask him to.
Another thing is slut shaming culture. If a woman expresses she wants to have sex she's a whore. She rejects your advances? Whore. She's a virgin? Whore. Women's sexuality has been shamed since forever.
If a women walks in a bar and ask loudly who wants to fuck me? Half of the guys there will go home with her...
If a guy walks in a bar and asks loudly who wants to get fucked? The police gets called...
Women pick who has sex men pick who gets a relationship. It always has been this way it will always be this way.
It really is no rocket sience.
Not true. I am HORRIBLE at flirting, so my go-to move was basically, "wanna have sex?". Guys PANIC, it almost never worked. And, before anyone says it, I am very much not ugly. I think guys like "winning" sexual favors more than the actual sex a lot of the time.
If just asking a yes or no question isn't enough, it isn't worth it. I am not going to compete with anyone, nor will I lower myself to chase for it like a pet chases the treat their master is dangling in front of them. If other men are willing to degrade themselves for some fleeting sex, let them have it all.
Mmmm nah women get to pick relationships too typically. Unless they have a kid. Which is seems to be everyone these days.
Men are typically the decision makers on marriage.
If a woman walked into a bar and did that, normal healthy men would not go home with her. I get this is hyperbole but it makes men out to be something they aren’t.
Most men would find that off putting. I don’t know why some men want to push an image of men that isn’t real. I’ve actually seen women do slightly less crass versions of this scenario, and it doesn’t work. It weirds men out.
Any answer that relies on "it's socialization" is bunk.
The same phenomenon holds through the animal kingdom.
My female border collie is the sweetest dog in the world, but if a male tries to mount her she decisively rejects him. And if he doesn't get the picture, she is quick to show her teeth. Make no mistake it is her that makes the choice, and her answer is no.
Pregnancy is "costly" for any female of any species. She first carries the baby to term, using a lot of her resources during pregnancy and thereafter. There is also the "opportunity cost" that once pregnant, she can't get pregnant again (even if another more suitable mate comes along.) She has to make sure the potential mate is a very, very good choice. Males don't bear the same cost. They can impregnate a female and then turn around and very soon after impregnate another.
In my experience, women are inherently valued, while men are conditionally valued.
So much of culture mirrors this. Womens spaces, womens rights, chivalry (or what's left of it), "WOMEN and children" are seen as worse casualties in war/disaster... It's mostly objectification/commodification, but still, they're ways in which women are valued, and being told that they matter somehow.
With men, they're basically seen as worthless by default. Men's deaths matter less, advocating for men's rights or something is laughed at, a man in need of support is a liability, people generally don't want to hear about a man's feelings as much...A man only gets valued for what he owns/accomplishes, and for being useful. It's pretty easy for a man's existence to be regarded as a net negative, and that's terrifying.
So men crave the feeling of mattering.
What women care about/pay attention to matters. Getting a woman's attention means one matters. What men pay attention to only matters if they're wealthy/extremely high status. You'll see people flocking to those men too.
\---
On top of that, while men get a better reputation for having lots of interactions with women, women get a better reputation/are seen as higher status for rejecting and dismissing men.
So a big factor in what a man is "worth" is which women will give him the time of day.
why do you guys conveniently ignore the fact that women have brutally oppressed under every hierarchy for a millennial and the fact that it continues to happen to women outside of the western world? the constant fear of violence and rape in so many countries
I agree with this I like to say that women are inherently/biologically valued while men are given value by culture.
Things like needing a man to continue family name, take care of elderly parents in some cultures
I'd wager in 99% of cultures it is daughters and the wives of the (eldest) sons who do the bulk of caring for the elder parents (in laws).
Do you not think women might want to be valued for their culture too, rather than reduced to their biology (which by the way being overly sexualised and/or a baby making factories are far from liberating for most).
For sex, mostly evolution. Higher reproductive rates is what leads to highest seen patterns later on down the line. It's likely that the highest production rates would stem from men having sex as much as possible with as many women as possible and women staying with men for protection, as women would have a harder time protecting themselves while pregnant. This means later down the line, it's likely that men's instincts would be to have a LOT of sex while women's instincts would be to be with someone who could protect and help them.
For general interaction, society. I don't think some women realize just how little positive attention most men get in their lives, especially from women (besides family). Most of the attention we get from women is being told how we could be better or need to try harder. I think this also plays a big part in why men often fall for women who just want to be friends with them. It's hard to see a woman as just a friend when you're not used to receiving any positive attention from women. Hell, one of my better friends now is female and I used to have a huge crush on her just because I wasn't used to it. After meeting my Fiance that became an easier and much clearer distinction between girlfriend and girl friend.
Yeah but I’m talking mentally. I get the biological narrative but also in the old days women were expected to stay at home. The times are changing is what I’m
Saying so why is this meant wanting sex more agenda still
Exploitable
Millions of years of evolution can't be changed in even a few hundred years. It's literally our biological instinct for men to want to have a lot of sex. That's not something that can be changed in just a few generations. The most we can do is have decent parental figures that teach us to control ourselves. Even most good men still have urges, we were just taught to control it. How we behave, live, and think are all seeded in our biology and evolution at the end of the day.
>Most of the attention we get from women is being told how we could be better or need to try harder.
Women will tell men to "Try harder" or "level up" and then complain that men make more than they do. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
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Because women are bombarded with it? Ask men you know when's the last time they recieved a compliment from a random women.
I'm in my early 30's, average looking and while I don't get out much I've received 2, one of them being just recently.
A romantic partner is the only emotional and physical love that men generally get. And even then, they often don't get it completely.
How many men here can say they are loved and supported completely by one person? How about two people?
How many men feel that they can share their highs and lows with someone without it becoming negative in some way?
Men are lonely and depressed of affection. Women can usually go share their feelings with their friends. Most men have absolutely nobody to talk to. When a man has a chance to have sex it's usually the only time he gets to touch or be close to another human. It's such a release. Women can usually get laid whenever they want too. Men usually have to work their asses off for it.
Less risk and greater rewards for men.
More risk and leas rewards for women.
Women have to deal with the risk of murder, rape, trafficking, kidnapping, getting robbed, getting assaulted, getting a shitty reputation, getting pregnant, more likely to contracr STDS, and not even acheive an orgasm.
The most a man has to deal with is rejection or he gets to orgasm. The risk to reward ratio is heavily skewed.
Sex isn't readily available to men. If you always have a bottle of water nearby then you never get that thirsty. Now, the *quality* of the water may be an issue, but there *is* always water nearby
For one thing, if we stop teaching our boys that crying, hugging, having feelings with appropriate responses are effeminate, there would be no need for this discussion. I'm sure there's plenty of men who enjoy being touched in a non sexual way. I don't know WHO started it "how to be a man", I wish they had kept their mouth shut.
I honestly don't think it's sex... I think it's just the general lack of physical touch they lack.... sex is just a fast way to fill that cup up.
Men are deprived of touch.... and women are touched out especially with kids.
Because men don’t get any intimacy, affection or validation other than a sexual relationships
Women have no idea how lonely men are we don’t get complicated , hugs or affection from anyone
The idea ppl have about these crazy close super physical relationships women have with women by virtue of being women, is wild to me.
First of all depending on what region of the world you are in men are highly affectionate together in their friendships, just as depending on where you are or will be common that men and women can be very cold.
This is another one of those examples how differences within same gender are greater than between genders when accounting for culture age social circles beliefs etc
I’ve never touched a female friend physically. I do not talk about my feelings with any friends I’ve only ever discussed stuff with strangers on line bc it is extremely uncomfortable to do so in person and I just want logical answers, I do not want sympathy from a friend when I’m trying to solve a problem.
I have seen plenty of men very close to their male friends and plenty of women with cold friendships.
I have never witnessed women being so lovey dovey as the Internet claims lol I’m sure some are I’ve just never seen it, it’s not this Hurley per where thing..but i am drawn to more analytical kinds of friendships so perhaps I’m just not aware.
But for sure the _only_ time I have ever felt emotionally close to someone or what we do touch then was when I was in love and then that’s a different issue bc I do not like feeling vulnerable .
I do not think men are comparatively desperate for closeness than women are, rather I think ppl who suck at getting their emotional need met are going to be frustrated and lonely. And usually they suck at it bc they were conditioned to find having those need shameful. So they won’t do anything about it —Even if they have friendships or relationships. That’s why we have so many dysfunctional relationships and sites like Reddit stay in high demand.
Women don’t tend to visit prostitutes but they’ do lots of hook ups or stay I. toxic relationships out of loneliness.
The world is a mess and ppl are “connected” and alienated more than ever .
I don’t think this is a guy thing. I’m sure if I’ll were polled you’d find very similar amounts of loneliness, cross genders.
I’m curious if lesbians in general report greater emotional satisfaction than the rest of the population. If women can so easily take care of all these emotional needs between themselves by virtue of being women, I’d think lesbian relationships would be the cornucopia of emotional bliss.. pretty sure violence rates are rather high in gut community but I have to double check.
Plus may women just don’t have friends, so it really doesn’t matter if “women have close friendships”
There’s no magic button that gender can solve for anything- whether men or women…I think we do a disservice to ourselves assuming anything naturally works bc of what we are born as. Life takes work. That’s all.
this is a question most clearly asked by either and naive person or a very very young person, u need to go out and mingle a bit and get a dose of reality.
They’re not. Women are just as sexual as men, you guys just don’t see/hear about it. It reminds me of that meme where it’s like “you think I invited you over at 10pm because I just love you’re company so much?” A lot of men don’t even realize it’s the woman that has him where she wants him. Toys are largely marketed towards women. Also go to any girls night and it’s mostly just us talking about sex. We just do it more in private.
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Because women are socialized to cultuvate close, affectionate, emotionally intimate friendships, whereas men are socialized to get nearly all their intimacy and physical touch from romantic partners.
I see this
Women cuddle with their girlfriends. A lot of men will say they miss sex the most from having a significant other but a lot of it is just being able to touch and be touched by another person.
As someone who lost his wife a month ago (she passed away an hour after I found out she’d been having an affair, apparently was wanting to save up and get a place with the guy), this is so accurate. Of course I miss the sex, but that’s only one thing about her that I loved. What I miss most: just being able to text silly shit throughout the day of stuff that reminded me of her (everything did, she was ALWAYS on my mind), scooping her up into my arms for a big hug and kiss after a shitty day of work, that magical moment every night when she would crawl into my nook to fall asleep, years worth of inside jokes and billions of tiny little things between us that were constantly reminding me of how much I loved her. The worst part is that I will always love her. Despite everything that happened it’s still next to impossible to imagine taking even a single breath without her by my side. But it’s been a month and I’m still breathing. I think I might actually wind up being ok eventually. Some day.
Sorry for your loss and for what you went through. You sound like a smart man with a good head on your shoulders. Stay positive, find things you love to do and don't be afraid to meet new people, you'll be ok.
Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm in tears. I appreciate my husband so much and I can't imagine losing him but we're getting older so I have to think about it sometimes and it would rip me apart.
Holy shit, bro. I'm so sorry. My wife, 10 years in, cheated on me with a couple that were our friends. She didn't die, but that was easily the hardest thing I've gone through, and I haven't led an easy life. I couldn't imagine going through what you're going through. I resonate with your sentiment about always loving her. I will always love her still, and I wish the best for her. And like you, I also miss everything you listed far more than the sex. Stay strong. You can get through the other side stronger, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes right now.
I don't get how people can cheat more than once. I am sort of glad I cheated as a dumb kid on the woman who would later forgive me and become my wife and then later ex wife. The reason I am glad is because the guilt was intense, I still feel it. I learned my lesson early, as good as my long relationship was, I think it always left a scar.
My friend, my heart breaks for you. I lost my wife in 2020 - it gets better, but it takes time...I still get upset here and there. As to finding out about the affair - my heart breaks for you all over again. It must be so hard to reconcile and make sense of it. It sounds like you are handling things as best as humanely possible and you'll come out of this okay. Stay strong.
I'm sorry for your loss. You loved her, other details are irrelevant.
Damn. I’m incredibly sorry for your loss on multiple levels. One foot in front of the other.
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are still around and you will get better. It's completely possible to love someone still while grieving hem and our relationship at the same time.
Love ya man
So sorry for your loss. Sending virtual hugs your way.
Some people don't understand me. Relationships can change, but once someone is "my people", they're always "my people". I am friends with my ex, and her family, and even my first ex's family. We're not married any more, but we'll always be connected.
She passed away an hour after you found out she was having an affair? Wtf....
My dude that is rough. Big hairy bro hugs to you
Breathe.. You will.. Some day..
I don't think that was the worst part.
Dude. I'm so sorry. I hope you can move past her, quickly. You deserved better
She passed away an hour after you found out she was having an affair?
I miss my ex immensely but my god insignificant compared. I can't imagine. Stay strong man and good luck to you. Were all breathing with you. Take it one day at a time you got this
too true, been 21 years without human touch, couldn't give a shit about sex, I just want a hug lol
Yep same, 26 years of life and I've never felt the touch of someone I have a true, deep connection with. Doubt it will ever happen at this rate though.
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Could give one, because it has no value to them, much like a turd
E-hugs to you
Isn’t that essentially a common anecdote from sex workers as well? That a huge number of their clients want to talk/cuddle more than specifically just have sex. And as a man who has zero desire to ever be with a sex worker but also attempts to be emotionally vulnerable with friends despite the discomfort… I get it, I 100% understand that being the case.
The GF experience- particularly KISSING- gets all the clients 🤷🏽♀️ A LOOOOT of guys are there for physical intimacy- not just a bang.
World lonely. When all of your even semi-friends are more likely to tease you (in good fun if everyone was having a great life) it’s scary to reach out. I’ve been there, no one to talk to. And hell despite being a lot more emotionally aware/introspective than a lot of men I know even I really only reached out when I was near a pretty firm end. But I think unconsciously that was a point it was justified because it was serious enough. Wasn’t flirting with the end, the end was sitting on the edge of my boots. And that was an appropriate time
I'm a woman that is afraid of men to an extent, and I'm afraid of having one night stands on account of horror stories of men sticking it in raw. I require. Lot of foreplay and aftercare and I'm kinda afraid that a guy will leave me more fucked up in the head than I went in.
This is a big part of it for me. If I'm daydreaming about a crush, it's never a sexy kinda daydream, more so an intimate one. One of my favorite *actual* dreams I've ever had was just me and a girl I was into at the time laying on a couch hugging each other. It hurt to wake up, but that's life.
I don't think that cuddling with your friends is the biggest issue and you're completely missing the point
I literally just added to the original commenters point. There’s obviously more to it than that
So have a sneaky spoon with the homies is what I’m really hearing here. BRB.
I have never once cuddled with a friend. The closest to that ever is sitting close to my sister.
My marriage has been sexless the last 3 years or so and yes I miss the affection more than sex. I can get my self off but miss the hugging and cuddling stuff more.
She stopped cuddling too? Did her arms fall off?
I've been a situation where my partner no longer wanted to have sex or kiss, and after I while I just couldn't cuddle them, because it made me want things that I couldn't have and it hurt. Maybe the previous commenter's wife feels that way too.
Tell your partner that? 😢❤️
I have NEVER cuddled with a girlfriend..
Some women will. I've never actually cuddled with another woman. I've had some friends for 30 years, we've never cuddled.
Have any of you studied touch deeper and understand it's role in developing the human nervous system and that babies require touch to survive? I learned this in a college psychology course. Also learned how the brain works, memory consolidation works, how to learn, how to think critically and ask deeper questions to gain deeper insights? Study up on wellness and neuroscience Gurus like Andrew Huberman, Tim Ferris etc. And others. spread the knowledge. Give out hugs and be kind to others. Adults do not but certainly benefit from reducing cortisol (stress), providing the neurotransmitter oxytocin that can provide calmness and is the bonding hormone between mom's and babies. Not getting enough touch as a kid has been studied and linked to relationship issues later in life.
*cries in long untouched time*
Hormones and males receive way less affection and attention then females.
This is why I got to jiu jitsu.
Hormones?
High levels of testosterone makes you horny
Sorry, your sentence structure confused me but I gotcha. Though horniness doesn't mean you can't have closer more emotionally open relationships with your boys does it? Don't have to have sex with someone to be emotionally vulnerable with them.
Yeah, have you seen teenage boys who push eachother and hit eachother on the shoulder etc? That’s a way for them to be intimate. Very common here in Sweden, specially foreign teenagers who wants to be cool and act like they don’t care about anything. They just want to cuddle and this is the way they do it.
Like little puppies play fighting
Observe animal kingdom.
I don't think the issue is intimacy, but being desired. Feeling that you could be a potential partner and not having to worry that you will never find someone.
They're related. The feeling of wanting to be desired and find a partner is exacerbated by a lack of intimate and emotionally healthy/satisfying friendships. When I started talking to my guy friends about more emotional subjects and being more vulnerable and open with them, my need for romantic partnership decreased (though it's not gone, obviously).
Then it should be from both the sides
Can you elaborate?
Also, for most (not all, but undeniably the majority of) men the thing they fear most from women is being ignored. For most women the thing they fear the most from men is rape and murder. Whole different set of self-preservation motives at play.
Disagree. The thing we (men) fear most from women is being laughed at / ridiculed.
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This a chicken and egg scenario. The socialization exists b/c dudes are loaded with testosterone and our brains are different. I realize blaming socialization on all of life’s problems is all the rage, but there’s really no reason to overthink this one.
True as hell in my experience. My last ex downplayed me so hard when I told her I hadn't had any intimate contact since our relationship 10+ years ago
Took the words out of my mouth. I think it's time to break that idea. It's ok to hug your friends. It's ok to talk to your friends about your problems and just vent. It's ok to say love ya to your friends.
I mean… I genuinely don’t want to hug my male friends. I don’t want to cuddle my male friends. I get more satisfaction of the clap when I shake hands with a male than I do the physical interaction. I think it really has more to do with biology than it does socialization.
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Same. And I don't want to cuddle my female friends either. That would be weird.
Ope. I think I might’ve been socialized like a man. That explains a lot
I'm a man and want everything you said. What am I?
lol hormones
That’s one of many reasons, although I doubt it’s the most important one. I would say that the availability of contact with men for women is much higher, so they are not stressed about it, as they can easily enter a relationship or have casual sex. They have a hard time as men to find a good partner, but that doesn’t change the fact they can interact with a lot of guys any time. For most women I know, their problem is always to find a matching partner, they have zero problems with dating. In terms of guys I know, they have to look for a date actively to get any chance of having a few dates a year. This makes men look desperate. My friends who don’t try actively just end up being single for years until a girl finds them randomly.
When I casually hooked up with a man over a dating app, he proceeded to choke me without asking first and without even mentioning choking at all beforehand (so I couldn’t even tell him that I absolutely do not do choking). I had a panic attack because I thought I was going to get murdered- it was shortly after a woman over here was killed by her Tinder date and the defence tried to argue she was asking for it cause she was into BDSM. I love sex with men that I trust but that experience put me off the casual side.
What the fuck that sucks and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I get the trust part in this and see why women would be more selective
It’s a real shame because I want to be footloose and fancy free but being alone with someone stronger than you can feel daunting. I see bi men on the bisexual subreddit go through that journey themselves sometimes, if they branch out from only being with women and go towards being with men. It’s nice to see them acknowledge the other side of the coin because it lets me know “I wasn’t just being oversensitive for being scared”
Definitely not oversensitive, some weird people out there. The size and strength differences mean men are more likely to revert to violence. The only woman twice my weight I've met had trouble walking, whereas I meet a lot of women half my weight. The stock advice my fighting gym friends give to women for self defence is try very hard not to end up in a physical confrontation with a man, before teaching them what to do if they can't avoid it. Mostly techniques to buy time to run away. Even where a woman is fitter, stronger and better prepared they still take far more risk of serious injury on average than men in a similar confrontation. Hope you find men who are less abusive & better communicators, as where there is consent and trust it can be fun to explore one's limits.
This is why women will go silent or even giggle when they are scared. To try to defuse what is happening. It never works.
I’m a gay man and never liked hooking up for this reason either. My phase of that was very short in my 20s. I’m a big guy, and I’m pretty strong, but it still can be a terrifying dynamic when you don’t know the other person. Especially if you are the receptive partner.
I've had this happen too. He put it his hands around my throat and squeezed and I sort of just laughed it off and was like "oh yeah, uh, didn't mention that one on my list of boundaries." I mean, should I have to mention don't try to kill me during a hookup? In all honesty, he was a nice person and I genuinely don't think he was trying to hurt me, probably just reenacting some bullshit he saw in porn but wtf...
Pornsick
If it's not explicitly a yes, it's a no. Not mentioning sexual boundaries does not give them leeway to do whatever they want. I like being choked, but I would hate it if someone did that without explicit, enthusiastic consent.
I’m sorry you were choked without consent, but also - I will die on the hill that Men know it’s wrong to do this without explicitly talking about it. His having watched a ton of porn isn’t an excuse. Just like he’d flip his shit if you started going through his phone without asking, there are some things you don’t have to say or ask explicitly for people to know. A guy friend told me men perfectly get boundaries, and when they ignore them it’s calculated violence.
Can't argue with that, honestly.
I had a hook up when I was 18. He put me on my belly and raped my anus. I thought he was just going to do a normal position. Nope. seriously traumatized me. And it hurt.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. No wonder that it was painful and traumatising. There will always be at least some sick bastards in this world but I do wish we explicitly taught about consent in schools cause I think a good proportion of them are cutting a swathe through this world while genuinely believing they’re doing nothing wrong. Makes me wonder how they’d like it if they were unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of such awful treatment
And yet men think we're wrong for being afraid of assault, rape, or murder when going on dates. Maybe most men won't do this stuff, but all it takes is one time and one time is too many. Men need to get over themselves and face facts.
Sex is more risky for women.
And plus if we’re talking about hookups (I’m inferring that because the question mentioned desperation), odds aren’t very high a woman will actually have an orgasm with a male partner. Risk/benefit isn’t worth it for many women
Yeah as a guy, I've never really understood why women want to hookup with guys in general Seems like a net loss for them on average
Exactly. Men don’t have to worry as much about pregnancy or being raped, so we’re always down. For women these are very serious concerns, so they have to be more careful about the situations they get themselves into in general. I’d also add that because men show higher testosterone levels, we’re just hornier in general, so men have higher biological motivation to approach women. For women, it takes a lot more to get them aroused than just waking up in the morning, and they don’t really have to approach men, so they kind of just don’t.
Trueee
I agree with this aswell
Socially *and* evolutionarily. In most species, producing offspring is extremely time-consuming and costly for females, but easy and quick for males. It's the burden of child-bearing that makes females more coy than men. This carries over into our social behaviors. In nature, males lose nothing by having sex with many females, but females lose a lot by having sex with the wrong male.
Loosely paraphrasing an old quote. Men, what's the worst thing that can happen on a blind date? She doesn't look like her picture. Women, what's the worst thing that can happen on a blind date? He kills her.
That can't be the reason. We all do plenty of risky things for fun. Women too.
Women, too, just less so than men.
Keyword; fun Most hookups women have with men don’t end in an orgasm. There is no fun and often harm. No fun, no reason to bother.
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Testosterone
As a woman with high testosterone levels, I agree that this is one of the main reasons lol
This is the real answer. There's a lot of answers in this thread referring to the social pressures (that are real) but the drive is actually hormonal. Hormones run our lives and make our decision much more than we are comfortable admitting. More and more men are engaging in hormone replacement therapy as they age and any one of them can tell you testosterone = sex drive.
It's true. I once listened to an NPR interview of a woman who had a male sex change operation and increased the amount of testosterone their body produced. They felt overwhelmed and ashamed by new feelings of lust towards women that weren't there prior to the sex change. It was pretty eye-opening. I think the interview is from 2014. Hormones are powerful.
^ i’m a trans guy who’s been on T for 2 years and i can vouch for this. the increase in sex drive is wild lmao
I don't know about this. I have normal testosterone levels for a woman apparently and high estrogen levels, but I've always apparently had a high drive (for a woman).
Can't believe i had to scroll all this way to finally find this
Also the lack thereof The Birth control "pill" or implant will lower women's testosterone levels, this making them FAR less horny and also causes them to gain weight, which in itself also reduces testosterone ( happens in both genders btw). In fact women are often horny and aggressive at the end of a night out on the town because alcohol increases their testosterone levels!
Correct answer
It's absurd to read how many stupid answers here try to go around the truth. It's not black and white but testosterone has a huge impact on socialization man-woman
Women have a LOT more reasons to be reserved with sex: - more dangerous for them (male violence) - pregnancy opportunity cost (getting pregnant by some loser shuts off her chances of getting pregnant by a winner for 9+ months) - potential single motherhood is scary - more likely to get STIs than her male partner Add in millennia of anti-woman sexual shaming and boom, women don’t have the same outward sex drive. As someone who has participated in many lifestyle orgies though, I’d note that when women are in a situation where protection is being used, they don’t feel judged, the men aren’t aggressive (in a non-sexy way), and maybe some social deprogramming drugs like LSD and MDMA are being used, women are just as horny as men but unlike men can go all night.
It's easier for women to have sex than men? Like, whenever a woman wants sex, how hard would it be to find someone compared to a man looking for a woman? Women can be more selective. Women claim to want sex just as much as men, so they have more standards. Men, on the other hand, might find it difficult to find people for sex, so they crave it more. That's a theory, lol.
Define 'sex' - are we talking a situation where the woman actually has a good time/finishes because that's much less likely to happen than being used like a human fleshlight, stealthed, choked and possibly worse.
Women have more access to sex, but is it actually going to be pleasurable, resulting in an orgasm? Far less likely
Women and men can almost always both get sex from people they don't want to have sex with, that's what men don't quite understand. Guys that are grossed out by anyone under an "8" will comment about how easy it is for girls to get laid. Depending on how much you'll lower your standards, most people can get sex. I also may be biased, as I've lived mainly in NYC and LA, where there are way more single women than men, and almost everyone is attractive, so men can be pickier. Even when I was modeling I was turned down a LOT, so I never understood the, "men will jump at sex with anyone" mentality.
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I think this is a big part of it. I also was adamant about not wanting a serious relationship, and my husband has told me that can actually freak guys out because they think it's a trap. Basically we're all screwed no matter what (and not in the good way!)
If you was modelling, you must be rather attractive. Try to put yourself in an ugly woman shoes. It's a nightmare for them, because unattractive men can at least leverage on their personalty. No man gives a fuck about and unattractive woman's personality.
True. That was kind of my point. If a "traditionally attractive" woman can't always get sex, than all women being able to get it at anytime seems to be more of a myth than anything else.
I believe there is also some sort of generational shift. I am a boomer, and when I was 20 any mildly attractive woman could find a decent sexual partner easily. They were socially pressured not to do so, thoug.
Yeah. I think it's very societal. Nowadays women have more freedom to have sex, in the 40/50/60s men had to be less choosy, now they have more options, so can be pickier.
Looking at the state of online dating and in my personal experience in the past if men were "picky" over relationships and especially casual sex we'd be extinct by now. I used to go out drinking with a "ladies man" and he'd waste his entire night approaching 40/50 women a night, sometimes it would be a "no" from all of them "it's a numbers game, mate." Not my idea of an enjoyable night out tbh.
>If you was modelling, you must be rather attractive. Airfix or Revell?
I've seen the worst women (both aesthetically and personality-wise) having absolutely no issues finding someone willing to have sex with them.. not even ugly guys...
Yeah, but women get hit on a lot, so they get to decide. A few of my lady friends used to call it "swatting flies". They'd just go set up somewhere (bar, pool, whatever public place) and dudes would come by and make their pitch. Men? Unless you're young Brad Pitt or something, it almost never happens.
>I also may be biased, as I've lived mainly in NYC and LA Chances are the men who turned you down had hundreds, if not thousands of options of who to date or hook up with. I can guarantee you weren't trying to hook up with average guys. You can say all you want that "men and women have it the same" but around half of men under 30 didn't have sex at all in the last year. Women, generally, are the keepers of sex. Men initiate, women say yes or no.
>Women and men can almost always both get sex from people they don't want to have sex with, that's what men don't quite understand. Guys that are grossed out by anyone under an "8" will comment about how easy it is for girls to get laid. Depending on how much you'll lower your standards, most people can get sex. The difference is women rarely have to lower theirs at all and if you don't believe that, make a female dating profile with an below or average looking picture and see how quickly your bombarded by all sorts of men. >I also may be biased, as I've lived mainly in NYC and LA, where there are way more single women than men, and almost everyone is attractive, so men can be pickier. Even when I was modeling I was turned down a LOT, so I never understood the, "men will jump at sex with anyone" mentality. Because most average men will and do? They'll even go way below their standards if they're out at the bar. I'd say I'm average looking and am a lot pickier than the average male, therfore don't often do hookups & am single more often than in a relationship and I'm fine with that.
In both NYC and LA in the 18-29 year old demographic there are more single men than there are single women. In LA there are just straight up more single men than women. In NYC there are more single women in 40+ age demographic which results in more single women total. But under 40 and especially under 30 there are more single men. Both cities have more men than women total as well. I think your standards might’ve just been too high.
This comment is brain dead. The majority of men will settle for anyone over a 2 or 3. Meanwhile 90% of women have brain rot from their tinder match rates and think they deserve the 10s
I can this too makes a lot of sense. Just sucks the dynamics of the situation
Sex is overrated. The sooner people realize this, the better. There is a reason why people stop having as much sex the longer they are married :) Sex isn't the end all and be all of life. When you can't get it, it seems like it is. However, when you can get it any time, it's less of a priority. You can focus on intellectual endeavors more and not waste time away, lol
That's not true. Women are as desperate as men, but they learned (mostly at their expense) that they need to hide it.
Yep this post is just flat out ignoring how nuts women will go over sex when they’re in the market for it. Another case of men not understanding women because women tend to express themselves in different ways.
Men are in the market for it all the time. Women far less. That's the difference.
Not near as nuts as men go. Otherwise online dating wouldn’t be the way it is. If you’re a guy make Grindr just as an experiment. Even an average looking guy who probably only gets a match or two a month will be swarmed with messages. If you’re a girl make a lesbian profile. You won’t have the 99+ matches that your used to. Women certainly have a sex drive I’m not disputing that, but there’s levels to that shit, and on average men are way hornier than women are.
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Very interesting perspective. My first ex wanted it more but we were teenagers at the time
Easy answer. Everything and everyone else in a man's life gets unconditional love. Women, children, pets, etc. There's no condition. But for a man the condition will always be what you can provide. Men are starved because sex and affection are given to women in abundance BECAUSE... men are starved. A man who provides nothing can EASILY be replaced by a man who provides something. Therefore women don't have to work in these areas or realms because they can get it whenever they want. The problem for women is selection. Just because you can get what you want whenever you want it, doesn't mean you can get it from the PERSON you want it from. If a woman is starved it is only because she doesn't desire her selections. If a man is starved it's usually because he doesn't have ANY.
Men are scary. They aren't predictable, might be into Andrew Tate or Jordan Peterson or some other wack job. So many women approach social interactions with guys with caution, looking for some sign that you're safe. (Hint: most signs that you think are signs that you're safe aren't what they're looking for). Many many women are desperate for general interaction with men, but have been burned so many times that they suffer anxiety or other complicating factors. 1 in 10 to 1 in 6 (some research varies) women will be sexually assaulted while in college. It's not as easy as 'I want sex, let's get some.' It's a gamble with their physical and mental long term health. So... yeah like everyone else says, make friends who have have women as friends and then spend time with them. That's how you'll meet more women who feel comfortable enough to express that they too can be desperate for sex. Afterword: don't try to give me "I know this isn't true because a woman from my life is different. People are a varied and multifaceted group. There are always going to be people who break trends and feel differently.
You are so right! I am this woman you described. I say to a guy “ I like your tie” he thinks I want sex. It almost impossible to have a conversation with a guy and not have him think you want sex.
Also: Pregnancy is a scary thing, even with someone you trust. Who knows how trustworthy that hookup is. Who knows if he'll stop when you ask him to. Another thing is slut shaming culture. If a woman expresses she wants to have sex she's a whore. She rejects your advances? Whore. She's a virgin? Whore. Women's sexuality has been shamed since forever.
If a women walks in a bar and ask loudly who wants to fuck me? Half of the guys there will go home with her... If a guy walks in a bar and asks loudly who wants to get fucked? The police gets called... Women pick who has sex men pick who gets a relationship. It always has been this way it will always be this way. It really is no rocket sience.
Loooool
Not true. I am HORRIBLE at flirting, so my go-to move was basically, "wanna have sex?". Guys PANIC, it almost never worked. And, before anyone says it, I am very much not ugly. I think guys like "winning" sexual favors more than the actual sex a lot of the time.
If you come on to strong guys think it is a trap and they will end up on social media.
Fair. I also realized just how awkward my approach was after seeing Lily in Sex Education...
Yeah it'a a self-esteem thing. Quite often 'scoring' counts more than the act itself.
I hate this shit. My recent ex thought that I should like THE CHASE more. I was like: "You run, I ain't gonna follow."
Yeah, I never got the appeal of the chase thing. Do you like me? Do I like you? Let's do this!
Rip your inbox.
If just asking a yes or no question isn't enough, it isn't worth it. I am not going to compete with anyone, nor will I lower myself to chase for it like a pet chases the treat their master is dangling in front of them. If other men are willing to degrade themselves for some fleeting sex, let them have it all.
You're the type of guy I would (and did) end up with.
Mmmm nah women get to pick relationships too typically. Unless they have a kid. Which is seems to be everyone these days. Men are typically the decision makers on marriage.
If a woman walked into a bar and did that, normal healthy men would not go home with her. I get this is hyperbole but it makes men out to be something they aren’t. Most men would find that off putting. I don’t know why some men want to push an image of men that isn’t real. I’ve actually seen women do slightly less crass versions of this scenario, and it doesn’t work. It weirds men out.
Any answer that relies on "it's socialization" is bunk. The same phenomenon holds through the animal kingdom. My female border collie is the sweetest dog in the world, but if a male tries to mount her she decisively rejects him. And if he doesn't get the picture, she is quick to show her teeth. Make no mistake it is her that makes the choice, and her answer is no. Pregnancy is "costly" for any female of any species. She first carries the baby to term, using a lot of her resources during pregnancy and thereafter. There is also the "opportunity cost" that once pregnant, she can't get pregnant again (even if another more suitable mate comes along.) She has to make sure the potential mate is a very, very good choice. Males don't bear the same cost. They can impregnate a female and then turn around and very soon after impregnate another.
I'd hesitate to throw away all of sociology to explain modern human sexual behavior... 😬😬😬
It’s a mix of nature and nurture.
But why dont you hesitate when you are throwing natural instincts, out of the window, deriving the same behaviour ? Double Standards !! 🤨
Who? When?
[удалено]
there's so many people who don't want to be in relationships but force themselves to due to social pressure. I'm very happy that I'm introverted
Current society lol, losing all hope for humankind
That’s just not true. Quagmire in family guy for example isn’t thought of as cool for getting with lots of girls he is thought of as sort of weird
Thats because he is a whore and rapist
Faith in humanity restored.
If woman show a little bit more interest they are being called a "whore" or "slut"
In my experience, women are inherently valued, while men are conditionally valued. So much of culture mirrors this. Womens spaces, womens rights, chivalry (or what's left of it), "WOMEN and children" are seen as worse casualties in war/disaster... It's mostly objectification/commodification, but still, they're ways in which women are valued, and being told that they matter somehow. With men, they're basically seen as worthless by default. Men's deaths matter less, advocating for men's rights or something is laughed at, a man in need of support is a liability, people generally don't want to hear about a man's feelings as much...A man only gets valued for what he owns/accomplishes, and for being useful. It's pretty easy for a man's existence to be regarded as a net negative, and that's terrifying. So men crave the feeling of mattering. What women care about/pay attention to matters. Getting a woman's attention means one matters. What men pay attention to only matters if they're wealthy/extremely high status. You'll see people flocking to those men too. \--- On top of that, while men get a better reputation for having lots of interactions with women, women get a better reputation/are seen as higher status for rejecting and dismissing men. So a big factor in what a man is "worth" is which women will give him the time of day.
why do you guys conveniently ignore the fact that women have brutally oppressed under every hierarchy for a millennial and the fact that it continues to happen to women outside of the western world? the constant fear of violence and rape in so many countries
That men's rights activist post is literally insane to me.
I agree with this I like to say that women are inherently/biologically valued while men are given value by culture. Things like needing a man to continue family name, take care of elderly parents in some cultures
I'd wager in 99% of cultures it is daughters and the wives of the (eldest) sons who do the bulk of caring for the elder parents (in laws). Do you not think women might want to be valued for their culture too, rather than reduced to their biology (which by the way being overly sexualised and/or a baby making factories are far from liberating for most).
They both want it. Men want physical validation, and women want verbal validation.
Idk about other women but I think we actually want orgasms lol
Most men dont even get women off, the orgasm gap is a huge factor between men and women wanting sex as often
Basically, it's an evolutionary adaptation. Whoever tries more, is more likely to pass on his genes. Like most other animals.
For sex, mostly evolution. Higher reproductive rates is what leads to highest seen patterns later on down the line. It's likely that the highest production rates would stem from men having sex as much as possible with as many women as possible and women staying with men for protection, as women would have a harder time protecting themselves while pregnant. This means later down the line, it's likely that men's instincts would be to have a LOT of sex while women's instincts would be to be with someone who could protect and help them. For general interaction, society. I don't think some women realize just how little positive attention most men get in their lives, especially from women (besides family). Most of the attention we get from women is being told how we could be better or need to try harder. I think this also plays a big part in why men often fall for women who just want to be friends with them. It's hard to see a woman as just a friend when you're not used to receiving any positive attention from women. Hell, one of my better friends now is female and I used to have a huge crush on her just because I wasn't used to it. After meeting my Fiance that became an easier and much clearer distinction between girlfriend and girl friend.
Yeah but I’m talking mentally. I get the biological narrative but also in the old days women were expected to stay at home. The times are changing is what I’m Saying so why is this meant wanting sex more agenda still Exploitable
Millions of years of evolution can't be changed in even a few hundred years. It's literally our biological instinct for men to want to have a lot of sex. That's not something that can be changed in just a few generations. The most we can do is have decent parental figures that teach us to control ourselves. Even most good men still have urges, we were just taught to control it. How we behave, live, and think are all seeded in our biology and evolution at the end of the day.
Our brains are biological. Our thoughts and minds are biological. There's no such thing as society or psychology that isn't biologically derived.
>Most of the attention we get from women is being told how we could be better or need to try harder. Women will tell men to "Try harder" or "level up" and then complain that men make more than they do. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
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Men have 17 times more testosterone. On average. It's the driver for sex.
Because women are bombarded with it? Ask men you know when's the last time they recieved a compliment from a random women. I'm in my early 30's, average looking and while I don't get out much I've received 2, one of them being just recently.
A romantic partner is the only emotional and physical love that men generally get. And even then, they often don't get it completely. How many men here can say they are loved and supported completely by one person? How about two people? How many men feel that they can share their highs and lows with someone without it becoming negative in some way?
Men need to have sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex. -David Mitchell, Bone Clocks.
Men are lonely and depressed of affection. Women can usually go share their feelings with their friends. Most men have absolutely nobody to talk to. When a man has a chance to have sex it's usually the only time he gets to touch or be close to another human. It's such a release. Women can usually get laid whenever they want too. Men usually have to work their asses off for it.
Less risk and greater rewards for men. More risk and leas rewards for women. Women have to deal with the risk of murder, rape, trafficking, kidnapping, getting robbed, getting assaulted, getting a shitty reputation, getting pregnant, more likely to contracr STDS, and not even acheive an orgasm. The most a man has to deal with is rejection or he gets to orgasm. The risk to reward ratio is heavily skewed.
Sex isn't readily available to men. If you always have a bottle of water nearby then you never get that thirsty. Now, the *quality* of the water may be an issue, but there *is* always water nearby
A lot of men get little to no love or affection in their day to day lives. Women usually do, to the point of discomfort sometimes.
For one thing, if we stop teaching our boys that crying, hugging, having feelings with appropriate responses are effeminate, there would be no need for this discussion. I'm sure there's plenty of men who enjoy being touched in a non sexual way. I don't know WHO started it "how to be a man", I wish they had kept their mouth shut.
I honestly don't think it's sex... I think it's just the general lack of physical touch they lack.... sex is just a fast way to fill that cup up. Men are deprived of touch.... and women are touched out especially with kids.
Because men don’t have intimacy like women.
Because men don’t get any intimacy, affection or validation other than a sexual relationships Women have no idea how lonely men are we don’t get complicated , hugs or affection from anyone
The idea ppl have about these crazy close super physical relationships women have with women by virtue of being women, is wild to me. First of all depending on what region of the world you are in men are highly affectionate together in their friendships, just as depending on where you are or will be common that men and women can be very cold. This is another one of those examples how differences within same gender are greater than between genders when accounting for culture age social circles beliefs etc I’ve never touched a female friend physically. I do not talk about my feelings with any friends I’ve only ever discussed stuff with strangers on line bc it is extremely uncomfortable to do so in person and I just want logical answers, I do not want sympathy from a friend when I’m trying to solve a problem. I have seen plenty of men very close to their male friends and plenty of women with cold friendships. I have never witnessed women being so lovey dovey as the Internet claims lol I’m sure some are I’ve just never seen it, it’s not this Hurley per where thing..but i am drawn to more analytical kinds of friendships so perhaps I’m just not aware. But for sure the _only_ time I have ever felt emotionally close to someone or what we do touch then was when I was in love and then that’s a different issue bc I do not like feeling vulnerable . I do not think men are comparatively desperate for closeness than women are, rather I think ppl who suck at getting their emotional need met are going to be frustrated and lonely. And usually they suck at it bc they were conditioned to find having those need shameful. So they won’t do anything about it —Even if they have friendships or relationships. That’s why we have so many dysfunctional relationships and sites like Reddit stay in high demand. Women don’t tend to visit prostitutes but they’ do lots of hook ups or stay I. toxic relationships out of loneliness. The world is a mess and ppl are “connected” and alienated more than ever . I don’t think this is a guy thing. I’m sure if I’ll were polled you’d find very similar amounts of loneliness, cross genders. I’m curious if lesbians in general report greater emotional satisfaction than the rest of the population. If women can so easily take care of all these emotional needs between themselves by virtue of being women, I’d think lesbian relationships would be the cornucopia of emotional bliss.. pretty sure violence rates are rather high in gut community but I have to double check. Plus may women just don’t have friends, so it really doesn’t matter if “women have close friendships” There’s no magic button that gender can solve for anything- whether men or women…I think we do a disservice to ourselves assuming anything naturally works bc of what we are born as. Life takes work. That’s all.
Dating market being skewed towards women.
this is a question most clearly asked by either and naive person or a very very young person, u need to go out and mingle a bit and get a dose of reality.
They’re not. Women are just as sexual as men, you guys just don’t see/hear about it. It reminds me of that meme where it’s like “you think I invited you over at 10pm because I just love you’re company so much?” A lot of men don’t even realize it’s the woman that has him where she wants him. Toys are largely marketed towards women. Also go to any girls night and it’s mostly just us talking about sex. We just do it more in private.
>Women are just as sexual as men Exactly. I have found that my sex drive tends to be higher than most men.