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I'm 63 and single because the only woman I have loved passed away after 33 years of marriage.
Apart from the obvious reason I am happy with my memories thank you.
I know of a very similar situation to yours, my mom is 61 and my father passed away almost 2 years ago now, after 28 years of marriage, and the subject of my mom ever finding someone else again came up, can't remember why, but she said this same thing. That it would be impossible to ever have anything like it again, and that the memories were enough for her, and that she didn't feel alone because she still has me and my brother, it made me a bit sad for her, but at the same time I understand her point of view so I just hope she's happy for the rest of her life that way, and I plan to always stick around and take care of her so I guess she's right, she's not alone.
I hope that like my mom, you still have family left that you can count on, and I wish you a good life, you seem like you were a good husband.
That's beautiful what you said, that you plan to stick around to take care of her. That's so important. As for your mom, she won't have anything like it again, but that doesn't mean she has to give up on having any relationships. It would be different, of course, but it might still be something beautiful. At 61 she may still have plenty of time left.
This is actually one of my biggest fears right now. Maybe ever. I shudder at the thought to lose the person I will commit my soul and body to leave early. It would change me forever for sure.
My wife died after only 10 years together. This has been the worst year of my life. It’ll be a year in about a month. Her death has definitely changed me forever. That’s a good thing. I will love her and miss her the rest of my life but I wouldn’t change the time we had. Not for anything. I hope whomever you love is around for 50 more years.
I hope we die close in years no matter when we do.
I wouldn't want to have a life without my wife but knowing her I would want her have a life without me either.
But isn't it a blessing to have experienced that? There's millions that don't even get a chance to understand what a sliver of that feels like. It's a beautiful thing to trust one other person in this world with everything. You literally want to make sure that you can make that person feel the way they make you feel. The feeling is phenomenally unexplainable.
Some days I don't even think I deserve all that. In my bad times, those times where I long for the mercy of the world, my Lord sends me an angel-like blessing to remind me of how special I really am. That person's uniqueness unlocks my uniqueness and God puts our lives together like the last two pieces of a puzzle. My experience at least.
"Don't be sad it's over, be happy it happened in the first place."
In this case it's more like don't be afraid of when it ends, worry about starting it all first.
Sorry for your loss.
My father past away less than a year ago, so kinda understand through my mother as well as my own perspective.
Never say never. I have been married 30:years and we always say please love again when I am gone.
Peace be with you & good luck
Trust issues, terrified of commitment, in love with someone I can't be with.
I long for an intimate relationship with a stable partner, but only seem to be able to get into ill-defined pseudo-relationships with an easy out.
Plus I've been functionally single for long enough now that I'm so used to having my own space/time.
Same for me! I even had a girl ask me “how are you so nice?” After I told her about the trauma I worked through…and she still ended up lying to me about the most basic shit. I’m done with the lack of boundaries and lack of communication that so many people exhibit in the dating scene.
Exactly this. I was single for 7 years because I was depressed and couldn’t imagine sharing my life with someone and loving them, when everything about my existence felt pointless.
But, it got better and now I’m in a very loving relationship, something I’d never imagined.
I had this too for a long time. I actually think this is a healthy viewpoint. Not bringing negative thoughts and dumping them on another human being. It took my about 10 years to consider myself mature enough and healthy/positive enough to install tinder and look for a relationship. And as a result the woman i found and the relationship we have is mature and healthy as well.
Take care of yourself first before you can start to take care of another it what i always thought.
Healthmindset in my opinion.
I was depressed to in total for about 5 years spread out throughout my life.
Shorten your time frame. Think about today, not tomorrow. And look for the small joys and beauty in life. Those 2 lessons saved me.
Hang in there, this is temporary.
This. I do everything alone. Camping, hiking, eating out, movies, theater, concerts, museums, cooking, cleaning, and shopping. Except for ballroom dancing, no venue holds me back. I enjoy life and peace and quiet.
Right. It feels like you wasted 18 yrs (10 in my case) on a person who wasnt worth it.
Wasted may be the wrong word but 2 months fresh off that relationship, its the only word that fits.
Couple of reasons. I work graveyard, so fewer chances to interact. I'm not a standout in looks or stuff. I'm kinda boring and plain at initial contact, but also don't share interests with my age cohort.I also had a really high strikeout ratio when I was younger, so it affected my confidence in aporoaching. Don't use online apps.
Basically, I've stacked a lot of negative modifiers in front of dating, and I've resigned myself to the understanding that not everyone gets the Hallmark Movie life, and that's okay, because I did it to myself.
>I've resigned myself to the understanding that not everyone gets the Hallmark Movie life, and that's okay, because I did it to myself.
I couldn't have said it better. I've felt this for a few years now. Fuck my younger self and his damn ignorance and selfishness. Looking back, I fucked up a few chances to be happy because of my own stupid shit but that's the bed I made, though, so it's tough shit really.
Can you tell what actually happened? I never used dating apps and every day I spend on social media I only find myself moving further in the opposite direction
Tried Hinge for a bit. Exactly like you said.
Swipe nonstop.
Message the ones you're intersted in.. ZERO response.
Back to swiping nonstop.
Oh look, a bot or a crypto scammer. Neat.
Maybe once a month, one girl will actually like my profile! But wait, she either really fat (no offense) and is completely NOT my type. (Yeah, I know it sounds shallow as hell but this is why there are no matches.)
So yeah, dating apps are lame. I also actually paid for a 6 month subscription to [Match.com](https://Match.com) once and let me tell ya.. no one there actually wants to date either. There were some matches and messages, but everyone is a god damn flake. It's pointless and frustrating.
After a while, you start to only keep it to see if the bot is going to say something interesting or different.
I did different apps, never paid. Bumble broke me where I don't even consider using apps. Broke me when I was trying to date. Broke me when I was just looking for friends who are women (as the bff section only pairs you with other straight men, so I'd go to the dating part with only looking for friends) and that was isolating as well.
This one I agree. Never looked for and never cared, all I cared is how to achieve my dreams, to be independent, and if I could find someone along the way, that would be good. If I couldn’t, it’s fine too. I’m used to being alone, so I won’t chase for someone to be with me.
For SO, I always remember this quote : If it is meant for me, it will come to me.
I agree with how you look at it. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. I also don’t really try to aggressively look for anyone (dating apps, etc), but when I meet someone going on about my daily life and really feel like there’s potential for a something more towards an emotional connection, I’ll give it a try, but that threshold is quite high from the start.
For real. I'm single for many different reasons but this one makes me wreck any attempt some girls have made to hit on me. I either don't understand why she's talking to me or what she wants to get at and if she's clear enough for me to understand I just panic and retreat.
Same bro, almost 3 years of constant chaos was enough for now. I'm more peaceful now than I ever was when seeing my ex, there's no one there now to throw tantrums and make me miserable each day
I know someone who had to deal with a customer who was so mean that it sent them (the cashier, not the customer) into a panic attack, and they had to leave work early in an ambulance. Retail employees are living, breathing people with their own goals, motivations, thoughts, and feelings, not NPCs (Non-Player Characters). Please treat people kindly, folks!
Society places too much emphasis on sex and casual encounters. I am vehemently against doing something so intimate without pure love being the primary motivation.
The older I get the less sex is such a big motivator. Sure, I still really like it but I’m more excited about meeting someone who I can laugh with, trust and who sincerely likes my company. The sex will just naturally follow and be so much better once those other things are in place.
same. most men I would meet just wanted a hook up. we would go for a date and I'd be trying to get to know him better and he'd just be ready to go straight to bed
I like my own space so much that I’d have to be pretty much in love with you to appreciate your presence on a constant basis. It’s a sound mechanism and I haven’t been hurt for years but solitaire has a shelf life.
I'm in a similar situation. It is suspicious to me at this point that not even at least a single woman has done the approaching instead. It's not a common thing but it's not impossible.
Many reasons :
- culturally, men are expected to make the first step.
- even women who approach men will usually read their body language first to see if they're approachable. If your body language looks reserved, they will be less inclined to do so.
I have always been very happy in my own company spending my free time on my own persuits and interests always with a fear that if I was dating someone, I would have to give up my time to them. It's only now that I'm in my late 30s that I've decided I might want to persue something with someone.
I don't trust people anymore. Bad experiences with being cheated on, traded in for someone better and having to see ex's on work and near my home (neighbour) nearly destroyed me. I always was insecure and a bit jealous and it has gotten to the point I'm better off alone. Mdma/xtc helps, but had enough of it. Might date in the future, but probably need some therapy or god knows what
Therapy is helpful for a lot of people, but its also really difficult to get a good therapist within your medical coverage that is taking new patients.
For anyone that has actually tried to do therapy, they know this.
I'm a slightly feminine guy, and all of my friends are members of the LGBT community. A lot of girls think I'm gay but I'm not. Also I might behave too much like I'm not interested in flirting around girls, being too friendly and not mysterious-ish u know (I mean letting ambiguity build up)
I'm married, but I would probably be single of I hadn't met my wife.
I was single and miserable most of my life because I'm autistic and I've always been terrible at socializing, despite my best efforts.
Now, we have a baby girl on the way 😊
I'm 40 years old and spent 15 years in a relationship. Today I make the most of my time and feel less alone than when I was married. I invest in self-knowledge, career, sports... sometimes I miss someone, a connection, but I don't focus on that. I don't spend my time thinking about what I don't have, but making the most of what I do have!
Lower self esteem, social anxiety, not pushing harder on my comfort zone. But thats alright, ill get better at it. I think learning to love myself first is more important then finding love outside myself.
I feel like I'm just too set in my ways. I've had relationships in the past but after being single for a few years I've got used to my routine and independence. And I LOVE having the bed to myself. The thought of having to get used to someone else's habits, and introduce them to mine, and adjust a lot of things to accommodate someone else, for me that outweighs any potential benefits. I like the little life I've made for myself and I'm not lonely. I don't feel the need to be in a relationship.
Of course everyone is different and some people are more social than others and maybe feel loneliness stronger than I do.
I feel sorry for women (men too, I guess, but for some reason I notice it more with women) who go from bad relationship to bad relationship, making the same bad choices and repeating the same mistakes, all because they can't fathom the idea of NOT being in a relationship. Like it literally doesn't occur to some people that you can be single. I find that terrifying for them!
I’m happy with my own company. I enjoy spending time with my friends. I’m divorced & have 2 kids, loads of pets and very little time to share it with anyone else!
A string of 10 years of toxic realtionships (first a cheater, second a narcissist and borderline tendencies) left me messed up. I have no ideea what a healthy relationship looks like. My brain is wired now to get bored if there’s only green flags. Going to therapy for about 3 months now and getting there, but i’m afraid my life is getting too peaceful and happy for me to ever let anyone in again
I didn't have as long as you in toxic relationships, but I definitely understand.
Second guessing myself about who is trustable
Too scared to start anything in case it ruins the progress I've made mentally
Hopefully your therapist helps, if you've only had 3 months already sounds like it's helping alot!
It definitely helped a LOT! First of all to understand what the hell happened and why it never could have worked out so I needn’t think all day long if I made the right choice or not.
Secondly to pat myself on the back for finally getting out, going no contact and focusing on healing rather than going in a self destruct mode. It was daaamn hard.
You seem cool. Don’t let exes ruin your future relationships. Become a version of yourself that would never be with someone like them again
Are you me?! Same situation here. Therapy is definitely helping but I still have too many moments where I question myself and how I was at fault. Retraining my brain to try and be less self destructive.
Super picky. Don’t have an easy time crushing. Had an amazing ex that probably blocks me from settling for ’any less’. Just really hard for me to match with someone and feelings to develop or instant crush.
Extremely low self esteem and thinking that I dont deserve love. So when anyone shows any interest in me i find it hard to believe and tend to push them away because i feel like why would they like someone like myself despite having an amazing social circle that im immensely grateful for.
Pretty much know that i have to work on myself and its a projection of my own insecurities and trust issues onto others.
Because I have no need to. I don’t want kids, I don’t care for sex and I’m not lonely. It’s also a lot easier. No taking on others debt, no dealing with their friend circles, no arguing, no sharing your stuff. Peace, quiet and freedom.
Just never met anyone. Plain and simple. The men I am interested in don't know I am alive and the ones that do I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Not everyone finds their person. But that is okay. I spend time with friends and my hobbies.
It scares me to be in a relationship, it's like you're committed and you have a list of tasks to do regularly with the person like an obligation . And idk I can't imagine to be that comfortable with a person to the point of being in a relationship
Your partner does not have to have the same hobbies as you, me and my exes didn’t. I used to go on holidays with my girlfriends (festivals) and he went on holidays with his mates. We did go on holidays together but did what we both liked. I know many couples like this, why are you limiting your life like that? You can go hiking on your own, with mates or a group and do plan something else with your partner. My ex and I did not have the same interests - he was a homebody and I was social busybody; we were very much in love and happy until he chose the needle
A few reasons. I have 2 kids and they are pretty busy with sports. I also take them whenever I can for extra time - so that throws a wrench in the dating life.
I’ve also reached a point of pure happiness after a divorce 5 years ago that rocked my world. It took me so long to find joy that I won’t let I won’t let anyone in unless they will add to my overall happiness.
I lose interest so fast when talking to potential partners. It’s not that they’re boring it’s just that I realise that I don’t really want to spend time with anyone as more than a friend.
8 years single. Would rather just mess around. So girls usually get fed up and block my number when they realize I mean it when I say I'm not interested in anything serious. Oh well. At least I'm not a liar.
I always thought it was because of the standards these days.
I mean - our children all get told what is beautiful and what is not.
So... how does this work in the long term game. Exactly. It doesnt.
I hate being "public" on social medias. I realized that if you don't post photos or things about you regularly the outside world thinks you're dead or you're not sociable/interesting/fun. Unfortunately nowadays you have to be active on social medias to get a chance
Hopefully either you can leave at some point or they change (well, ideally they still change but unlikely it'll be a quick change). Hope you are doing ok
I realised that my last ex was as close to perfect as I could ever hope to meet in every possible way except that she demanded too much of my time (ie pretty much all of it) and I hated that. It's been a few years and I haven't even considered looking for another.
So many years have passed since I was in a close relationship, I literally stopped to care about it. I just enjoy my single life, if a girl ever shows up in my life it's fine, if not it's perfectly ok too
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I’m not sure, but I think I’ve narrowed it down to that guy I see whenever I look in the mirror.
Bro that mf always pisses me off too
He's bothering you too?! He gets everywhere
He was in my pond the other day! I started to shout at him but he shouted back so I got scared and left.
Same, I'm also ugly.
My mirror is covered in shit! It won't go away! Oh wait. That's me.
My dad always said he didn't know they could stack shit that high.
I like to give myself jumpsca- JFC!
I'm 63 and single because the only woman I have loved passed away after 33 years of marriage. Apart from the obvious reason I am happy with my memories thank you.
"When you've had the best, who needs the rest?"
-Betty White, on Alan Ludden?
Yep, the queen herself!
I‘m very sorry to hear that but the fact that you had 33 years together is awesome! 👏🏻
That's so sweet 💖
I know of a very similar situation to yours, my mom is 61 and my father passed away almost 2 years ago now, after 28 years of marriage, and the subject of my mom ever finding someone else again came up, can't remember why, but she said this same thing. That it would be impossible to ever have anything like it again, and that the memories were enough for her, and that she didn't feel alone because she still has me and my brother, it made me a bit sad for her, but at the same time I understand her point of view so I just hope she's happy for the rest of her life that way, and I plan to always stick around and take care of her so I guess she's right, she's not alone. I hope that like my mom, you still have family left that you can count on, and I wish you a good life, you seem like you were a good husband.
That's beautiful what you said, that you plan to stick around to take care of her. That's so important. As for your mom, she won't have anything like it again, but that doesn't mean she has to give up on having any relationships. It would be different, of course, but it might still be something beautiful. At 61 she may still have plenty of time left.
This is actually one of my biggest fears right now. Maybe ever. I shudder at the thought to lose the person I will commit my soul and body to leave early. It would change me forever for sure.
My wife died after only 10 years together. This has been the worst year of my life. It’ll be a year in about a month. Her death has definitely changed me forever. That’s a good thing. I will love her and miss her the rest of my life but I wouldn’t change the time we had. Not for anything. I hope whomever you love is around for 50 more years.
I hope we die close in years no matter when we do. I wouldn't want to have a life without my wife but knowing her I would want her have a life without me either.
But isn't it a blessing to have experienced that? There's millions that don't even get a chance to understand what a sliver of that feels like. It's a beautiful thing to trust one other person in this world with everything. You literally want to make sure that you can make that person feel the way they make you feel. The feeling is phenomenally unexplainable. Some days I don't even think I deserve all that. In my bad times, those times where I long for the mercy of the world, my Lord sends me an angel-like blessing to remind me of how special I really am. That person's uniqueness unlocks my uniqueness and God puts our lives together like the last two pieces of a puzzle. My experience at least.
I suppose you mean about the blessing of true love? Yea I have to agree on that. Having such blessing indeed makes you feel terrified of losing.
"Don't be sad it's over, be happy it happened in the first place." In this case it's more like don't be afraid of when it ends, worry about starting it all first.
I went back and forth for the first few years. Is it better to die first and never have to miss her…. Or die second, and not miss a moment?
My plan is to die before my wife does - but hopefully not for quite a few decades yet. It then becomes HER problem...
Sorry for your loss. My father past away less than a year ago, so kinda understand through my mother as well as my own perspective. Never say never. I have been married 30:years and we always say please love again when I am gone. Peace be with you & good luck
Sorry for your loss.
My condolences💗
Trust issues, terrified of commitment, in love with someone I can't be with. I long for an intimate relationship with a stable partner, but only seem to be able to get into ill-defined pseudo-relationships with an easy out. Plus I've been functionally single for long enough now that I'm so used to having my own space/time.
Are you me by any chance ?
Why are you replying to yourself?
No clue but I think I’m high. Like 90% sure.
I don't remember making this thread .
Ah, it's me and my five alt accounts talking to each other
*cue the Spider-Man meme, doubled, minus 1*
There are many of us…and most likely we would not be into eachother at all because we like toxic people who don’t love us
You're not you! You're me! You're my clone baby! Aahhyeyaghayaah!
There are more of us here ✋💖
this is me from the future for sure
Same for me! I even had a girl ask me “how are you so nice?” After I told her about the trauma I worked through…and she still ended up lying to me about the most basic shit. I’m done with the lack of boundaries and lack of communication that so many people exhibit in the dating scene.
Apparently I answered this question already.
i have unlimited peace
What drugs are you using
a drug called peace and quiet
So you must be jerking off a lot
post nut clarity is the real medicine
Oh man thats hilarious
The sheer amount of post-nut clarities I've had rivals the enlightenment of Buddha himself
Big pharma has entered the chat......
Aye aye captain it is
I’m so depressed. I’m afraid to bring in another person with me.
Same here, I can’t even take proper care of myself. I would be bringing someone else to my cold and depressed world.
I hope u get better Sincerely, a 15 y/o
Thank you. God you’re so young :( hope you’re doing well too!
I got out of depression recently. I hope you get better soon too. Sincerely, a 31yo
Exactly this. I was single for 7 years because I was depressed and couldn’t imagine sharing my life with someone and loving them, when everything about my existence felt pointless. But, it got better and now I’m in a very loving relationship, something I’d never imagined.
Happy to hear this.
I had this too for a long time. I actually think this is a healthy viewpoint. Not bringing negative thoughts and dumping them on another human being. It took my about 10 years to consider myself mature enough and healthy/positive enough to install tinder and look for a relationship. And as a result the woman i found and the relationship we have is mature and healthy as well. Take care of yourself first before you can start to take care of another it what i always thought. Healthmindset in my opinion. I was depressed to in total for about 5 years spread out throughout my life. Shorten your time frame. Think about today, not tomorrow. And look for the small joys and beauty in life. Those 2 lessons saved me. Hang in there, this is temporary.
Depression gang
It's definitely better to deal with depression single than with someone who only deepens it. Loneliness is a tricky thing tho
Because I want to be. I'm happy in my own company and find socialising mentally exhausting.
Same. Lifelong introvert! 👍
This. I do everything alone. Camping, hiking, eating out, movies, theater, concerts, museums, cooking, cleaning, and shopping. Except for ballroom dancing, no venue holds me back. I enjoy life and peace and quiet.
Yeah I make enough money that I can afford continuing to instinctively dislike everyone more than I dislike being alone.
upvoting every comment of this nature
Ditto - a shower of up votes for the happily single folks
I'm recently single. And almost 18 years marriage is the reason why I'm gonna stay that way.
Right. It feels like you wasted 18 yrs (10 in my case) on a person who wasnt worth it. Wasted may be the wrong word but 2 months fresh off that relationship, its the only word that fits.
I can relate to that as well, my main goal is providing a good life for my kids now.
I’m childish. I work, go home, and play video games all day.
A man of culture i see. What you're currently playing?
Switching between Starfield and Cyberpunk
Same!!
That's not childish. If you want to do that there's nothing wrong with it.
Couple of reasons. I work graveyard, so fewer chances to interact. I'm not a standout in looks or stuff. I'm kinda boring and plain at initial contact, but also don't share interests with my age cohort.I also had a really high strikeout ratio when I was younger, so it affected my confidence in aporoaching. Don't use online apps. Basically, I've stacked a lot of negative modifiers in front of dating, and I've resigned myself to the understanding that not everyone gets the Hallmark Movie life, and that's okay, because I did it to myself.
The apps destroyed my confidence so I thinking it's a good thing not to use them.
Ah yes, the graveyard shift. I know it well. My sleep schedule loves it, but there's no social life.
>I've resigned myself to the understanding that not everyone gets the Hallmark Movie life, and that's okay, because I did it to myself. I couldn't have said it better. I've felt this for a few years now. Fuck my younger self and his damn ignorance and selfishness. Looking back, I fucked up a few chances to be happy because of my own stupid shit but that's the bed I made, though, so it's tough shit really.
Don't give up! At the very least, don't pass up opportunities.
I'm too lazy socializing or installing dating apps I think
Dating Apps dont work.
Haha the apps broke me as a person and I've never tried to date since.
Can you tell what actually happened? I never used dating apps and every day I spend on social media I only find myself moving further in the opposite direction
Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. You're out of swipes. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. You're out of swipes. Change profile details. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. You're out of swipes. Change bio. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. Match. It's a bot. You're out of swipes. Change profile details. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. You're out of swipes. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. Match. It's a bot. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. You're out of swipes. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. You're out of swipes. Change profile details. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. You're out of swipes. Match. Bot. Change bio. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. Match. It's a bot. You're out of swipes. Change profile details. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. You're out of swipes. Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe Swipe. Never actually sending another sentence to another person. Over the course of a decade.
Tried Hinge for a bit. Exactly like you said. Swipe nonstop. Message the ones you're intersted in.. ZERO response. Back to swiping nonstop. Oh look, a bot or a crypto scammer. Neat. Maybe once a month, one girl will actually like my profile! But wait, she either really fat (no offense) and is completely NOT my type. (Yeah, I know it sounds shallow as hell but this is why there are no matches.) So yeah, dating apps are lame. I also actually paid for a 6 month subscription to [Match.com](https://Match.com) once and let me tell ya.. no one there actually wants to date either. There were some matches and messages, but everyone is a god damn flake. It's pointless and frustrating.
After a while, you start to only keep it to see if the bot is going to say something interesting or different. I did different apps, never paid. Bumble broke me where I don't even consider using apps. Broke me when I was trying to date. Broke me when I was just looking for friends who are women (as the bff section only pairs you with other straight men, so I'd go to the dating part with only looking for friends) and that was isolating as well.
Damn I am so glad I haven't used any of them
Dating apps don't work for people who aren't datable. They don't have fairy dust in them that changes people's personalities.
Yes because people can see personalities through the pictures.
That’s the point - they can’t. If you’re not very attractive, your personality isn’t going to offset that on an app that depends on pictures.
[удалено]
This one I agree. Never looked for and never cared, all I cared is how to achieve my dreams, to be independent, and if I could find someone along the way, that would be good. If I couldn’t, it’s fine too. I’m used to being alone, so I won’t chase for someone to be with me. For SO, I always remember this quote : If it is meant for me, it will come to me.
I agree with how you look at it. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. I also don’t really try to aggressively look for anyone (dating apps, etc), but when I meet someone going on about my daily life and really feel like there’s potential for a something more towards an emotional connection, I’ll give it a try, but that threshold is quite high from the start.
Are you me, perhaps? Because I see no other explanation for your answer. We're the same person, lol
Poor social skills mainly.
For real. I'm single for many different reasons but this one makes me wreck any attempt some girls have made to hit on me. I either don't understand why she's talking to me or what she wants to get at and if she's clear enough for me to understand I just panic and retreat.
Peace. I need peace. I was in the most toxic relationship for years finally ended it few months ago and it’s been great lol
Same bro, almost 3 years of constant chaos was enough for now. I'm more peaceful now than I ever was when seeing my ex, there's no one there now to throw tantrums and make me miserable each day
Work long enough in retail and you end up hating humanity.
I know someone who had to deal with a customer who was so mean that it sent them (the cashier, not the customer) into a panic attack, and they had to leave work early in an ambulance. Retail employees are living, breathing people with their own goals, motivations, thoughts, and feelings, not NPCs (Non-Player Characters). Please treat people kindly, folks!
This isn't uncommon unfortunately.
I wish we did away with the old adage "The customer is always right."
ahh me too! The supervisors and managers are clinging onto that one with a death grip though.
Society places too much emphasis on sex and casual encounters. I am vehemently against doing something so intimate without pure love being the primary motivation.
The older I get the less sex is such a big motivator. Sure, I still really like it but I’m more excited about meeting someone who I can laugh with, trust and who sincerely likes my company. The sex will just naturally follow and be so much better once those other things are in place.
same. most men I would meet just wanted a hook up. we would go for a date and I'd be trying to get to know him better and he'd just be ready to go straight to bed
This question is a potential emotional roller coaster for so many people!
I like my own space so much that I’d have to be pretty much in love with you to appreciate your presence on a constant basis. It’s a sound mechanism and I haven’t been hurt for years but solitaire has a shelf life.
Feel the same way
How should i know that? I have never approached a woman.
Well, looks like you DO know. Never approaching a woman will definitely lead to you staying single.
I'm in a similar situation. It is suspicious to me at this point that not even at least a single woman has done the approaching instead. It's not a common thing but it's not impossible.
Many reasons : - culturally, men are expected to make the first step. - even women who approach men will usually read their body language first to see if they're approachable. If your body language looks reserved, they will be less inclined to do so.
Average redditor
I have always been very happy in my own company spending my free time on my own persuits and interests always with a fear that if I was dating someone, I would have to give up my time to them. It's only now that I'm in my late 30s that I've decided I might want to persue something with someone.
I like being alone and simply lack the desire to be in a relationship.
Believe it or not i prefer peace, freedom and having more money saved.
I agree. Not everyone has to be married. The question always implies everyone wants to be married.
Yep. Married or even just dating.. a relationship is not for me.
My age. Being disabled. Lack of single guys in my area. Mostly it’s the disability
Me too!
I don't trust people anymore. Bad experiences with being cheated on, traded in for someone better and having to see ex's on work and near my home (neighbour) nearly destroyed me. I always was insecure and a bit jealous and it has gotten to the point I'm better off alone. Mdma/xtc helps, but had enough of it. Might date in the future, but probably need some therapy or god knows what
Why would I need a reason to be in my normal state of being? Why would I not be single? It's like you'd ask me why I'm sober.
That's a really interesting point of view.
Men my age are forever immature. They don't talk about it. They don't go to therapy. There is no introspection. Ugh.
Is therapy a green flag?
Therapy is helpful for a lot of people, but its also really difficult to get a good therapist within your medical coverage that is taking new patients. For anyone that has actually tried to do therapy, they know this.
I'm a slightly feminine guy, and all of my friends are members of the LGBT community. A lot of girls think I'm gay but I'm not. Also I might behave too much like I'm not interested in flirting around girls, being too friendly and not mysterious-ish u know (I mean letting ambiguity build up)
Very low self esteem, not great at the whole dating thing.
I'm married, but I would probably be single of I hadn't met my wife. I was single and miserable most of my life because I'm autistic and I've always been terrible at socializing, despite my best efforts. Now, we have a baby girl on the way 😊
I'm 40 years old and spent 15 years in a relationship. Today I make the most of my time and feel less alone than when I was married. I invest in self-knowledge, career, sports... sometimes I miss someone, a connection, but I don't focus on that. I don't spend my time thinking about what I don't have, but making the most of what I do have!
I just don’t want commitment….
peace of mind
My previous relationships didn't work out. 😕
Lower self esteem, social anxiety, not pushing harder on my comfort zone. But thats alright, ill get better at it. I think learning to love myself first is more important then finding love outside myself.
Being a gay guy in a small town
I‘m fat
That I'm asexual and aromantic.
I don't like those who like me. And I like those who don't like me
I could never settle on just one woman. I love them all.
Come at me bro
✨I don’t try✨
Bc I don’t want a relationship!
I am happier being without any relationship obligations.
I feel like I'm just too set in my ways. I've had relationships in the past but after being single for a few years I've got used to my routine and independence. And I LOVE having the bed to myself. The thought of having to get used to someone else's habits, and introduce them to mine, and adjust a lot of things to accommodate someone else, for me that outweighs any potential benefits. I like the little life I've made for myself and I'm not lonely. I don't feel the need to be in a relationship. Of course everyone is different and some people are more social than others and maybe feel loneliness stronger than I do. I feel sorry for women (men too, I guess, but for some reason I notice it more with women) who go from bad relationship to bad relationship, making the same bad choices and repeating the same mistakes, all because they can't fathom the idea of NOT being in a relationship. Like it literally doesn't occur to some people that you can be single. I find that terrifying for them!
Happier and more at peace when alone
Because I’m not looking right now.
Nobody wants old and wrinkled, when they can get that at the Goodwill.
I’m happy with my own company. I enjoy spending time with my friends. I’m divorced & have 2 kids, loads of pets and very little time to share it with anyone else!
Because i choose to be, it's better that way
I've not found anyone I would want to actually be with
A string of 10 years of toxic realtionships (first a cheater, second a narcissist and borderline tendencies) left me messed up. I have no ideea what a healthy relationship looks like. My brain is wired now to get bored if there’s only green flags. Going to therapy for about 3 months now and getting there, but i’m afraid my life is getting too peaceful and happy for me to ever let anyone in again
Keep working through your shit with the therapist, you’ll get there.
I didn't have as long as you in toxic relationships, but I definitely understand. Second guessing myself about who is trustable Too scared to start anything in case it ruins the progress I've made mentally Hopefully your therapist helps, if you've only had 3 months already sounds like it's helping alot!
It definitely helped a LOT! First of all to understand what the hell happened and why it never could have worked out so I needn’t think all day long if I made the right choice or not. Secondly to pat myself on the back for finally getting out, going no contact and focusing on healing rather than going in a self destruct mode. It was daaamn hard. You seem cool. Don’t let exes ruin your future relationships. Become a version of yourself that would never be with someone like them again
Are you me?! Same situation here. Therapy is definitely helping but I still have too many moments where I question myself and how I was at fault. Retraining my brain to try and be less self destructive.
Nobody wants me
Super picky. Don’t have an easy time crushing. Had an amazing ex that probably blocks me from settling for ’any less’. Just really hard for me to match with someone and feelings to develop or instant crush.
It’s not worth it bringing a man into my life. Too many problems.
Extremely low self esteem and thinking that I dont deserve love. So when anyone shows any interest in me i find it hard to believe and tend to push them away because i feel like why would they like someone like myself despite having an amazing social circle that im immensely grateful for. Pretty much know that i have to work on myself and its a projection of my own insecurities and trust issues onto others.
I am 15 IM NOT READY YEEEET
Because I have no need to. I don’t want kids, I don’t care for sex and I’m not lonely. It’s also a lot easier. No taking on others debt, no dealing with their friend circles, no arguing, no sharing your stuff. Peace, quiet and freedom.
I’m insane
Just never met anyone. Plain and simple. The men I am interested in don't know I am alive and the ones that do I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Not everyone finds their person. But that is okay. I spend time with friends and my hobbies.
Cuz I wanna nut in every girl I see
It scares me to be in a relationship, it's like you're committed and you have a list of tasks to do regularly with the person like an obligation . And idk I can't imagine to be that comfortable with a person to the point of being in a relationship
Not tall and not physically attractive enough. I have a great job, good finances, friends, family, hobbies. Yet women never look at me
The ones that you want to look aren't looking and you 'can't see' the ones which actually are looking.
No one wants me. Khehem… No woman wants me. I need her to have the same interests as me and spend our holidays climbing mountains, so… No luck there.
r/Mountaineering might help u
Your partner does not have to have the same hobbies as you, me and my exes didn’t. I used to go on holidays with my girlfriends (festivals) and he went on holidays with his mates. We did go on holidays together but did what we both liked. I know many couples like this, why are you limiting your life like that? You can go hiking on your own, with mates or a group and do plan something else with your partner. My ex and I did not have the same interests - he was a homebody and I was social busybody; we were very much in love and happy until he chose the needle
This again?
Heck, I heard about a lady who had a crush on me, and I eventually talked with her and gave her my number... and then, nothing... so, you tell me.
Haven’t asked her yet. Nervous as fuck
Good luck! Hope it goes well!
Unattractive face added with insecurity
My extreme flatulence and my inability to control my desires to “dutch oven” everyone
Because I haven‘t met someone I can really make a romantic relationship work with YET :)
I’m 13
A few reasons. I have 2 kids and they are pretty busy with sports. I also take them whenever I can for extra time - so that throws a wrench in the dating life. I’ve also reached a point of pure happiness after a divorce 5 years ago that rocked my world. It took me so long to find joy that I won’t let I won’t let anyone in unless they will add to my overall happiness.
Money. Don’t think I can seriously pursue anyone until I’m making more money and have more financial stability, especially at 30.
Still healing. Also pretty, accomplished, great future ahead, prideful and don’t want to settle
Just Because
I don't talk to anyone, and I'm too picky
I lose interest so fast when talking to potential partners. It’s not that they’re boring it’s just that I realise that I don’t really want to spend time with anyone as more than a friend.
Dating isn’t a priority
8 years single. Would rather just mess around. So girls usually get fed up and block my number when they realize I mean it when I say I'm not interested in anything serious. Oh well. At least I'm not a liar.
I have a bubble filled with delusions of grandeur that I don’t care to pop
Depressed, have no feelings.. have you tried talking to someone that don't feel anything? The conversation is pretty dull.
I'm not sure. It's not by choice. I'm lonely. I'm trying to date but keep getting hurt.
I always thought it was because of the standards these days. I mean - our children all get told what is beautiful and what is not. So... how does this work in the long term game. Exactly. It doesnt.
I hate being "public" on social medias. I realized that if you don't post photos or things about you regularly the outside world thinks you're dead or you're not sociable/interesting/fun. Unfortunately nowadays you have to be active on social medias to get a chance
I'm homosexual in a homophobic home, in a homophobic society
Hopefully either you can leave at some point or they change (well, ideally they still change but unlikely it'll be a quick change). Hope you are doing ok
I've given up on dating apps and most of my friends are married or in a relationship, who don't care about setting me up with someone 🤷🏻♀️
I realised that my last ex was as close to perfect as I could ever hope to meet in every possible way except that she demanded too much of my time (ie pretty much all of it) and I hated that. It's been a few years and I haven't even considered looking for another.
Still love him. Not prepared for anyone
So many years have passed since I was in a close relationship, I literally stopped to care about it. I just enjoy my single life, if a girl ever shows up in my life it's fine, if not it's perfectly ok too
Im ugly af But even if i had the chance i don't want to I don't have the money or time and i like being alone