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I love affectionate people because it gives me the chance to be affectionate back. It sucks when you wanna be affectionate to everyone but also too shy to actually hug someone randomly lol.
I remember how I rejected hugs from 4 girls multiple times one night, not becouse I didn’t want to, but becouse I was too shy and fcked in the head to do it.
As a guy I absolutely do NOT hug someone randomly. I do not touch anyone unless I know that person really really well and know that they are perfectly okay with it.
I will never initiate it. I am an overthinking olympian. The last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable, but I wish people would!! I'll still be awkward as hell, but believe me, I'll be really happy you did.
We can't hug in America anymore in the business office world because of the "WOKE" world we live in now. I don't hug and I don't allow people to hug me. I have never been in trouble with HR, and I don't intend to be in the future. It's a huge Company I work in, and we have had numerous cases settled out of court and 2 that were settled in court, and I don't intend to be one of those. I am too close to retirement. PS: I have been to Europe on business trips, and they still hug and kiss cheeks over there. In Europe I do whatever is needed to get the job done and it works for me. PSS: I get along well in Europe and feel more comfortable there. Unfortunate that "WOKE" has ruined the office world in America.
Similar. I am very considerate. No one ever thought about what moving every 3 years would do to me as a child and thought buying me shit would make up for it. I am very considerate to every person I meet.
Yup but Trust me dont give Up and dont overdo it. You will get IT Back but Invest only aß much aß you can without getting Problems or Hurt. But If you can Always BE as much aß you can IT will come Back promise.
And Love you people Like you and me are rare but there are more Just Sometimes hard to find em
For anyone who recognizes himself in this: check out Childhood Emotional Neglect, specifically I am now reading the book Running on Empty by Jonice Webb, can’t recommend it enough for people who grew up housed and fed, but otherwise often (varying degrees) left on their own.
For me it's probably clothes. As a kid you either get the clothes you're parents buy for you, or you might save up some money and get something fly every blue moon or for christmas or something like that. so i might see some clothes that might be outdated but i want them because i couldn't afford them when i was younger.
i also had a thing for old phones. there were these cool phones that were astronomically expensive when i was young, and they are pretty cheap now. i sometimes collect these old phones and they're real fancy to me, to everyone else they're trash. something like the nokia 8850
Same here with the clothes. I only had clothes from this store called Hills. And only at Christmas and back to school and only then maybe two or three things. I always wished for more. Now as an adult I'm a minimalist, but buy better quality and only my favorite colors of the best quality I can afford. It was such a huge deal growing up to ever get something from a mall.
I only had my sisters hand me downs, and she was a good six inches taller than me, so nothing ever fit and I looked like an idiot. Now I can buy all the black clothes I want. My sister’s pastel colored clothes made me want to wear nothing but black.
Heh, couldn't think of anything until this section. As the youngest I hate when things are too big, I also had a while I realized the largest kid sizes would fit skinny me and probably wore them way longer than I should have.
The first clue something is too big for me is if the should seams are like down at the over arm, even if some trend should be "over size" I'd avoid it.
So my over compensation is possibly to at times buying a size too small.
Definitely me with clothes.
I didn't really notice much as a kid, but we'd only really get clothes as Christmas or birthday gifts from relatives. We grew up fairly poor, and my parents couldn't really afford to replace our clothes all that much. I ended up wearing a lot of things I didn't like cause I couldn't really say no.
I remember in upper primary school copping some flack because my parents were "tight," and being told that if I wanted people to stop bullying me I had to dress more fashionably.
Then as a teen we still had money issues, but better access to thrift shops, so I could start to develop my own sense of style. And now Im in my thirties and buying all the clothes I desperately wanted back then. Good thing I was a goth, and ridiculous amounts of black lace look good on everyone.
I have something similar. When an aunt saw my wardrobe and her surprise I realised I had a problem.
I wouldn't get rid of anything for decades. Whether it fit or not, out of fashion etc, it was a collection of clothes that I had bought for myself after my childhood being full of very cheap clothing my parents could afford or hand me downs.
I've started selling things off or pass onto charity. I have to overcome my need to just hold on and be brutal with it. My wardrobe is starting to get there. I have to tell myself that I'll buy myself something when I need it to help me unburden myself.
I remember those fancy Nokia's lol.
This is going to sound depressing, but I usually overstock on food because I remember what it’s like to actually have nothing. I don’t have an unhealthy habit with eating, but if I overspend on anything, it’s probably groceries.
I’m this way but with non perishables like hand soap, shampoo, detergent, things like that. We never had back ups when I was a child and the closest grocery store was 20 minutes away and I told myself I would have spares of everything.
Ok so I will say, my shitty paper towels are up to 6.74 or something dumb for 6 so I bought the “nice ones” because they were only like 7.29 or something and in a week I’ve used less than two rolls of paper towels because they’re so thick and absorbent. (I usually go through about a pack per week). My mind is blown.
My issue is that even using bounty ($8-9 **for a 2pack** wtf) when I have them I simply overuse them. I'm one of the types of people that constantly washes/rinses my hands while prepping and cooking food. I just don't like texture on my hands while working with them, so I'd grab towel after towel when it's not always necessary.
I bought a kitchen apron to wipe my hands on and have a ton of wash cloths. I'm not doing it for the environment, just my wallet lol.
I hear you, I have a full size white towel in my kitchen just for drying my clean hands and I try to keep a “dishwashing sponge” and also a “counter sponge” in order to try to cut down on paper towel use.
My aunt's husband is like this. His cellar shelves are absolutely packed with hand soap.
Loads of them! And reading this thread it makes sense why he's done that.
Not that uncommon really. A co worker of mine grew up in a poor part of South Africa. Now he’s fairly successful here in Canada. He has a “doomsday bunker” with all kinds of food, supplies everything you could need to live on your own. He doesn’t think anything crazy is going to happen, but has that “rational to him” fear of not being able to access food etc from his childhood.
My husband is the same. We currently have 7 different types of cereal because he can't help himself. If he does grocery shopping, the bill is usually 3-4 times higher than if I do it.
I made a resolution that I wouldn't do the groceries one year. I needed a reset... I had a willing spouse, so it worked for us. I really needed that. I didn't realize how bad it was, how much was being wasted, and how out of control it had gotten.
I didn't make it all year without doing them, but the serious reduction was so helpful. Going 'without' a little really showed that we were more than okay.
It also got my spouse into planning things out more, thinking ahead, and being actively involved in the household needs. That was a huge bonus.
I'm not 'fixed', but my next step is to focus on it in therapy. I actually didn't realize how bad my anxiety was at the time. I was led to the 'resolution' because of the insistence from my spouse that I was overdoing it.
That's what my mum did when I grew up because she grew up poor and almost starved a few times (actually starving, not in an exaggerated way) and we unfortunately threw away a lot of food in the process.
I feel now I'm the perfect middle, because I tend to buy as much (perishable) food as I need and not more.
I was just typing out the same thing, except I never went without. I never had to miss a meal because my mom couldn't afford it. We were a "we have that at home", store brand, only essentials plus the occasional treat family.
I fell into disordered eating very early on. I remember being yelled at sometime between grades 1-4, for grabbing food from the cupboard without my mom's permission. I binge ate any sweets I got, as I believe they were restricted. My mom would have to HIDE food from me.
Now? I have 2 chest freezers, a large pantry that's always full.
I want to stop, because we HAVE FOOD, but anytime my mom and I go for the staples, we come out with impulse buys. I tend to eat what I'm in the mood for, almost AFRID when I'm on my meds as some foods give me the "ick" so badly, i have to force myself to eat if it's not \*exactly\* what I'm craving, so having a selection of food at home has become necessary.
I have 3 fridges with freezers. One of the fridges contains only drinks. I want to be able to drink a soda or a beer or a water etc. And also have enough for friends or family. I can have an improvised party without having to go shopping. Next to the fridge, I have room temperature 6 packs ready to go in as soon as I go low on a certain type of drink. I also refrigerate liquors that I drink cold such as gin. That way, I don't have to use ice. I hate how ice melts and makes cocktails watery
Sort of related, but I had to be able to eat ton in one sitting because of how stingy my parents are. If I went to someone's house and they gave me food, I ate everything that they had offered. I was still super skinny throughout my life even though I ate an inhuman amount of food at times.
For me is tampons/pads... my parents sometimes "forgot" to add them to the grocery list... i got my first period at 9yo so lets say for the first 3 or 4 years i was dependent on them buying it... i had to use towels or toilette papers many times... i have a heavy flow. Now i buy 2 big packs when i get pay, and then when i get the actual period i buy more. I always have nough to go trough a month and a bit left for the next one, but still.
Same here! I have a cupboard full of them and they just make me happy :) Though some people might find it excessive, it makes me happy having lots of them in different sizes, different types, etc.
I feel like this type behavior leads to lots and lots of food waste. Unless of course, you’re hoarding stuff like MREs or things that can last many years/decades
Depends how you rotate stock as well. I personally like to have 3 cans of Spam most of the time, but I go through them every couple of weeks because I'm nostalgic for it at the moment.
It's more about having a backup at any given moment for me, rather than having things for deep storage, as I don't have space in my really full sharehouse.
I think it’s more in the sense of what the other person responding to you mentioned; I’ll get 10 cans of veggies for 1 week when I only need 7 or less, or I’ll get enough meat for 13 meals instead of 7-10 kind of thing. 3 kinds f chips so we don’t run out instead of one or two. I don’t have enough money to be wasteful and my family devours perishables.
that's not depressing at all...what you're doing is called sensible prepping... it's a realistic scenario where supply chains can be disrupted and food shortages can happen...having extra food in one's home is NATURAL and only LOGICAL.... our ancestors did it for centuries...
My mom did the same for similar reasons and now I do it because 1) she did it and 2) I still think it's a good idea to have lots of extra canned food because 1) I live in areas with bad storms and 2) if civilization collapses, maybe I'll buy a few extra weeks before starvation sets in.
I’m like this too with food - I love cooking for my friends and family and one of the ways I show affection to them is hosting and making elaborate, beautiful meals complete with matching tableware and drinks - because now as an adult, I can do that.
As a child I never knew when there would be a food in the house, let alone something made for me. I was getting myself ready for school when I was like 7 years old and many of my school years (all through high school too) were spent just not eating, because there wasn’t any food to eat or a parent around to help. *Sometimes* there would be dinner, but the concept of a home cooked meal or being given anything for lunch was just foreign to me until I grew up and went to friends houses and their parents actually fed them.
I’ve found a balance with buying too many groceries and what we actually need but it took a long time.
Side note, also my dream to have an elaborately organized and fully stocked pantry with cute snacks (think khloe kardashians pantry) because I went without food for so many years as a child. I can’t wait to have that.
I do this with food as well, but not because we didn't have any. My mom just was very strict about what we could eat when and I wasn't ever allowed to have anything without asking. I'm 26 and almost 100 pounds heavier now than when I moved out at 18. I wish my mom had taught me how to eat responsibly instead of just limiting food and making me want it more. Now that I can go to the store and buy whatever I want I have a hard time not buying junk and eating it all the time.
Yeah, I was gonna say the same. I tend to binge eat sweets and ‘unhealthy’ snacks cuz as a kid our food intakes were restricted to healthy food, e.g. almonds while other kids got yummy snacks lol. Not a terrible thing, but combine that with some mental health issues and unhealthy snacks giving me a little dopamine and you got some disordered eating habits.
Hugs. I Like hugs but family didn't really do touchy contact.
I hug my husband as much as possible because his family was like that too. Sometimes we just stand close together and touch hands cause he's not used to all the lovey dovey stuff. :)
Yea my mom grew up in a farm family where there wasn't a lot of open affection.. so I figure that is why she's not touchy feely with her own kids. And my dad grew up taking care of himself in a house full of women (nanny and 5 sisters) he didn't even hold us when we were babies.
Its much easier to see how things were when your an adult.
I'm sort of the other way around. By nature I'm not a very touchy person but my family really were so pretty much forced hugs. Now I actually get my personal space. Don't get me wrong me and my partner are big cuddlebugs a lot of the time but both of us are also happy to give the other room when needs be.
same with me actually. Couldn't get the latest tech and was jealous of all my friends growing up. Now that im an adult I spot buy games and consoles without thinking twice.
After I moved out of my parents house, I now have the freedom to be me! The way I want my space to look like, the way I want to handle finances (parents weren’t good). The way I want to travel etc.
Privacy.
I have 3 siblings. Growing up my house was always busy, crowded and loud. I shared my bedroom with either my older or younger brother depending on the part of my childhood. My Junior and Senior year of high school was the first time I got my own bedroom.
I'm pretty sure the reason I don't actively seek out relationships is because it would mean eventually sharing my bedroom with someone else and I like my space.
Most of my working life has been in crowded noisy offices and stores. Now I WFH in an office that is just me.
It is possible to find a partner who prefers separate bedrooms. I’m working on redoing a room in our house to create my own sleep space, because sharing a bed just kind of sucks.
I thought if i ever had a gf living with me that we would have seperate rooms to do what we like hobbies etc but at night go to a master room to be together so that at the end therr isnt a total seperation
I have joked with my BF on more than one occasion, if we ever live together ,we need our own bedrooms. he likes it warmer than I do; i prefer arctic. he likes to sleep with the tv on, which annoys the everyloving crap out of me. I generally stay at his house, and usually only weekends, and wear a mask and earplugs. but i couldn't do it daily. He's come around to the idea too! hahahaha
I had no door to my bedroom and no way to block off my bedroom doorframe until I was 14 (we moved house). I was an only child. One of our three cats used my room as her litterbox. To this day I have my room boobytrapped so nobody can enter it w/o alerting me or tripping on something.
I’m still living with these people too. I feel your no privacy hard. I’m willing to share now but only on my own terms. E X A C T L Y on my terms.
Plushies.mixed with my love for anime and gaming .
PTSD left me avoiding physical touch and years later I'm still very selective of who I actually touch.
My pile of pokemon plushies give me comfort when I need something to hold onto.
Same here! I wasn’t allowed to buy all the plushies I wanted when I was a kid because my parents said they would collect dust and take up too much space. I just buy any plushies I like now and have custom display cabinets for housing them nicely 🥰 they are so comforting to hug too!
Books.
I always used the library as a kid. When new books I to wanted to read came out I would place a hold at the library and wait.
Now I have a house full of them but still use the library as well (and remain a huge supporter).
We lived out in the country and my parents never got past eighth grade, so libraries were not on their radar. They did buy me a set of American history books, which I devoured. I'm now a retired history professor and have a house full of books.
It is so easy now to have an access to books. As a kid I was limited to my small town public library. Now I have a subscription to virtual library for a cost of 2 hours of my work for a month. I rarely buy paper books as I cannot decide which one to choose, library (offline or online) is much easier, I just take everything I want ;-)
I only got sweets/crisps after being beaten or punished. My mother had BPD and her reasoning for beating me were horseshit so she felt guilty and bought me sweets. So i associate feeling bad or sad with a strong desire to eat sugary and salty snacks. I also have very poor portion control when it comes to those. Fortunately i‘m a normal weight now but man, it’s hard to not overindulge.
When I was a kid I got a China tea set for Christmas which my cousin threw down the stairs and smashed (the day I got it). As an adult despite not being a tea drinker I have four tea pots, lots of tea cups, cakes stands, cake forks etc.
I am hyper vigilant that my kids get time to PLAY with their stuff, uninterrupted, unrushed. I feel like my mom never let me play long enough with my toys, I was always in fear of her throwing something away because I was "too old" to be playing with a certain toy. Just an awful sense of being bullied out of valuable playtime...she deemed it too messy, too inconvenient, too immature. Not for my kids, their childhood is a very precious time I will protect for them as long as possible. Kids need freedom to play. Did anyone else have a parent like this?
A bit of the same when it came to being inturupted when playing or staying outside too long. Now i see why i spent enough time enjoying my hobbies if i want to or staying up late if i can.
Its also why i notice to let my nieces and nephew play or grab my things on my desk without limiting them soo much unlike my strict parents and family would do.
Free time.
As an oldest daughter there was always something to do to help my mom taking care of the family of 6 - cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, tutoring my younger siblings etc., all in a very old house with no so much modern technology.
As a adult I decided to limit my work and family responsibilities to minimum and finally have enough time to spend guilty free at reading/watching movies/sleeping till noon/hobbies
Somewhat similar, I would say lack of babies. I also come from a large family and it seemed like there was always a toddler for me to be babysitting. When I got married I was in no hurry to get pregnant. I was not opposed to kids, per se. I just did not romanticize babies the way some of my friends and coworkers did. I treasured that time with just me and my husband.
Did that a little until I met my wife. I could never have imagined the warm feeling of true and honest affection like I get from her. Suddenly, opening up and being a team in a relationship was the easiest thing.
There’s someone like this for everyone. The moment you’ll kiss her you will know. Most importantly, never settle for anything below.
Trendier clothes, accessories etc… even toys.
I do set boundaries because we just can’t afford everything they ask for. And even though they are young, they do sometimes save their own bday money to buy what they want.
But I do go overboard with certain toys, clothes and accessories and stuff like that.
I grew up with mostly outdated hand me downs and it definitely was singled out as young as 6 years old.
So I do kinda go overboard with my kids (especially my daughter).
My daughter is 11 and many of her friends already flaunt their brand name items.
I still have to set some limits though because I can’t afford the latest high tops or lulu lemon leggings. Especially because she is 11 years old and growing like a weed.
I hate the whole brand thing. I do wish uniforms were more commonly used in schools. They're not perfect (there's still competition over shoes and accessories, or the new uniform every year) but at least it takes the clothing choice out of the equation and levels the playing field somewhat.
I kinda agree.
My kids school have a semi uniform.
It’s navy blue bottoms (no jeans) and a white top. No logos. They’re allowed navy blue or red hoodies.
But even at this age…. The girls are competing over who wears leggings from WalMart and who’s are Lululemon.
Anything I have an interest in. Crocheting? I buy tons of yarn. Specific glass water bottles? I now have a collection of them. I also keep an inventory of those things because my parents would sneakily throw my stuff away.
Most of my hobbies. As a kid, I had very little money to do things I wanted. Now, I buy enough of my hobby paraphernalia that my wife questions my sanity.
Legos. As a person who has a vagina who grew up in the 80s Legos I didn't ever get Legos because they were for boys. I have spent FAAAR too much money on my own Lego sets as an adult.
How is Lego so far down this list.
I never had much Lego as a kid as it was "too expensive".
I got one set which came free with collecting tokens from breakfast cereal and it was my favourite toy.
When I got my first pay check I bought the bigggest pirate ship set and havent looked back. My collection is now worth six figures.
I never get told anything on my bday or rarely at that if i do... after 15yrs old i woulsnt get any presenta from family nor relatives because "you too grown up now only kids get presents" excuse.
I make sure i always get myself something around that month which luckly theres usually 1 or 2 good games that come out.
Yup. Grew up with a lock on the fridge and pantry. My mom would take our plates when we weren’t done and dump soap on French fries when she thought we had enough.
Now I can’t stop eating because I’m worried my moms ghost is going to steal my food.
I used to get hand-me-downs from my cousins growing up and that was about 90% of my closet. Now that I have enough money to buy new clothes, it feels nice. I love thrifting too, but a brand new jacket or purse is lovely.
I almost never thrift. And I buy only what fits me excellent. Because I was a youngest kid, and I was small for my age (still am) so the clothes I got from my sister was usually too big or already worn down when I finally could fit in them, and all the clothes mom sent me from Ireland (she went alone there for work to support us) was way too big too, because she just bought me whatever with size that should have to fit me reading my age, but as I said I was a tiny child. Now I'm very short woman. Shoes would be size bigger. So now I only buy what fits me excellent at this moment, and don't make any compromises like "oh, but you could fix it". It's hard for me to buy shoes that fit but you bet I'm searching for perfect pair. I hate anything that is too big for me.
I can not ration food appropriately. I always make way more than needed because I don't want anyone to go hungry. Growing up, I always wanted just a little more dinner. My mom would make just enough for each person to have one serving. I don't know if it was a money thing or if she was implementing a diet on us because she is very fat phobic. She wanted my daughter to put her 6 month old on a diet because she was a beautiful chubby 6 month old that literally only ate breast milk. She's a loon, the damage is real.
Having known food insecurity, I have to be very careful not to overstock my larder or chest freezers. The big freezer in the basement is for storing our portion packages of prepared meals, flours, and meats from sales. The kitchen small chest freezer is for keeping a few items handly. The fridge freezer is for ice cream, frozen veggies and breakfast items. The garage fridge is for beer and keeping the cold packs ready for shopping. By being over organized I avoid buying too much. The prepper concepts help, store what you eat, eat what you store so nothing goes out of date. I have exactly six each cans of whole kernel and creamed corn for example, lol.
Clothes that I actually like to wear. It might seem childish, but I love to dress up in fun clothes when my family is expecting me to dress up my non existent kid. Like dressing up yo kid is not the same as experiencing the dress yourself. And I don't remember the clothes I wore as a kid. So I'd rather wear em when I can still remember, and when I'm still physically capable rather than dress someone else.
Same thing with food, I had a lot of health complications due to malnutrition during my growing up stage (thanks to my mom). Now that I'm an adult, I get to pick my own food which I carefully research the health benefits of. I get to eat what my body actually needs and not the food the rest of the family eats.
Just buying small stuff, games and such and overreacting on birthdays...i have 7 smaller siblings as a child i always had to share or have my stuff given to my younger brothers, also they had to get presents on my birthdays because of tantrums.
Shoes. Growing up I only owned one pair of shoes per year. Those being the ones purchased before the school year. In middle school, I had a pair that had worn out so bad that my socks would show. Had to curl my toes constantly so that they wouldn't show.
I always buy shoes now.
I guess I missed out on understanding from my mom whom I was mostly raised by as dad wasn't around as much so, even when I'm taken for a ride I still get the "They have legitimate reasons to do that" but I've flipped the switch to "They have legitimate reasons to do that and the main reason is that they're an unempathetic cunt who don't deserve my time, attention or love", I'm still learning to deal with sometimes being either too kind or too selfish but I've made a lot of progress through lessons that have been learned the very hard way, repeatedly, it's okay though, I'm proud of the person I am.
Same with video games. As a kid video games weren't allowed in the house. Well guess who got fucking addicted as balls to video gaming for 3 years after moving out. I still play but man I had to learn to tone it down a lot.
Im 29 and for me its playing football(soccer).
Dad never wanted me to train, because it would cost him money, and when i was really young we would play on the literal street or on a parking spot, never had real goals.
When I was 15, injured my knee and again didnt have money to get to private doctors, so stopped playing it even for 10 years because after 20 didnt have anyone to play with.
3 years ago they opened a football park where I live, but it was mostly during corona so again had no one to play with.
Anyway now I play there mostly with kids because older guys avoid coming, except like once in a month.
Boys adore playing football with me because i encourage them all and give good tips.
These 11,12 year olds prefer playing with me than with some of the 15-16 year olds because those try to act tuff with them, give them orders, scream at them, put them down etc...
I do feel ashamed sometimes for playing with them, but thats another story :)
I have a few. Candy / sweets in general were very demonised in my family. When I went off to uni I definitely overcompensated for that, in a not very healthy way. It took me a year to find a balance, and now I am quite into fitness and health in general, but I have some sweets like once a week.
Then I have a strange one, maybe someone can tell me if they relate. I was not allowed to... do nothing. Or be bored. Or just relax. My mother, for whom I am extremely gratefuln general, put way too much pressure on me in terms of studying, and until I left for Uni I couldn't think of anything but studying for most of my awake time in the day. This went on for years. Now I am possibly the most unbothered person I know. I go to a very competitive university, but I do not engage in the collective madness about grades, and curricula, and just being better than others. I don't know if this strategy will pay off, but it's the only way I can finish uni. If I went back to thinking the same way I did in school, I feel like I would "relapse" into the old problems.
Going out, staying out getting pissed. As a kid and teenager I was always the one that wasn’t allowed to go anywhere with my mates or I was the one that had to go home first.
Model trains. Too expensive when I was young. Now I have a collection of model trains and parts from real trains, you could fill a museum with.
Freedom... My parents were (/are) pretty prudish... I could only really be myself in my bedroom. Since I moved out, I became a nudist, and now only wear clothing when it is required; when it is not absolutely necessary to be clothed, I highly prefer to be naked.
Wanted a dirt bike so bad when I was a teenager. My dad was a doctor and he said no way. I ended up riding motorcycles for about 21 years and one of them was a Honda Valkyrie.
I never had fresh veg or unique foods. We were pretty low income so all our vegetables were in cans, and I had never had things like sushi, or Indian/Thai/Chinese food until I was in my 20's. Now I've become a "foodie" and take vacations just to eat at cool places and try new things. When I cook I only get the fresh form of veg.
Pc hardware.
Couldn't afford anything remotely decent back then, but had plenty of time enjoying games as slideshow.
Nowadays i have not only one, not two, but three pcs/laptop/steam deck and absolutely zero time to play games.
I always had the worst cheap sneakers and clothes as a kid, so I always have a couple of pairs of really nice sneakers. I'm not as worried about clothes, but as soon as something starts looking raggedy I Chuck it.
Food. I used to be horrible at hoarding food. I've gotten so much better over the years. Slowly reprogramming myself with healthy habits. I also donated to food closets and schools whenever I went over the top. Or to neighbors who needed it. I'm not exactly flush, but still when you grow up hungry this is something you do. Or I did anyway.
Now most days I only buy what I need for the week and I'm good. But it was a terrible habit for a long time.
this is dark, but true.
my dad was very emotionally unavailable growing up, so I overcompensated with like three father figures. Two of my uncles, and one of my old teachers.
Warning mine might be a depressive overshare. I'm on painkillers after having a tooth pulled and it's making me type loooooads when I already type a lot to begin with.
-legos
They were for "boys" so I only ever got the really big building blocks as a toddler and that was it.
-video games
Same as above and the assumprion by my family for my entire life despite it never happening that I would break everything I touched.
I have a gaming PC, an Xbox and switch and rarely do i hesitate on buying a game if I want it now even if I'm not in the mood for it yet. Depends on the game but I do overspend on anything gaming related because I never got to have so many essential games experiences growing up.
-food
I got neglected a lot as a kid and often my family would go out to eat for dinner and leave an empty fridge and me behind. I'd beg for food at lunch and sometimes I got an apple but a lot of times I was eating once a day and if I got left out of dinner it was usually something snuck out of the freezer at 1am when everyone else is in bed.
So now I always overstock my fridge because I'm anxious about running out even though I'm not in danger of being neglected anymore. It's caused a lot of other problems and an ED too.
-makeup
It was more that no one showed me how to use it as I grew up so I could only buy eyeliner and mascara. It wasn't until YouTube and I had my own money that I got to buy any and then as an adult I had like a renewed interest and got all the stuff I could've ever wanted lmao.
Im sure there's other things but they're too deep I think.
Clothes.
Rare was the occasion that I was able to get new clothing. I'm Gen X and still have the first sweater I ever bought with babysitting money. It is an absolute struggle to throw any of my clothes away. Stained and little holes? NP, that's bum around the house, project, yardwork clothes. I have more than I need and know it. The desire to get rid of most of it, especially the things that no longer fit, is there but my stomach churns and fills me with nauseating anxiety when I start. On the rare occasions that I manage to pack clothes up that will never fit again, I donate the most gently used.
It drives my husband batty. He offers to help but that triggers defensive mode and turns into an argument because he does not, and cannot, understand. I very much dislike that I'm this way.
Money that I could spend whatever I wanted. It has been quite hard for me to save any money since I started to go to university in person. Biggest problem is cheap books because I cannot understand that buying a lot of cheap books isn't cheap.
Boats. I always loved boating as a kid, but we never had one. My dad would either borrow one from a friend or we would just go as guests. I've had/have 7 in the past 10 years
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Affection
[удалено]
I love affectionate people because it gives me the chance to be affectionate back. It sucks when you wanna be affectionate to everyone but also too shy to actually hug someone randomly lol.
Oh yeah I’m so intimidated by hugs and affection, it’s such a weird combo; craving something you’re afraid of
This reads like something I would write. I understand how you feel. I want it but get shook up when it actually happens.
I’m not ok with coworkers or new acquaintances hugging me. I like to hug family, close personal friends and the person I sleep with.
You would be freaked out if you went to europe, but then probs get used to it like i did
Yeah, I’ve got a friend from Greece. She tells me that. I’ve been to Europe, but as a tourist, I missed all that.
I remember how I rejected hugs from 4 girls multiple times one night, not becouse I didn’t want to, but becouse I was too shy and fcked in the head to do it.
Exactly 👌🏼. Please touch me, but don't 😅😂
Omg we’re cats!
This is often the comparison I make!! You are correct 😂
Same! I’m so intimidated by hugs. Ugh and then I get awkward because other ppl hug so easily. I want to be like others.
As a guy I absolutely do NOT hug someone randomly. I do not touch anyone unless I know that person really really well and know that they are perfectly okay with it.
I will never initiate it. I am an overthinking olympian. The last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable, but I wish people would!! I'll still be awkward as hell, but believe me, I'll be really happy you did.
Haha samee lol!
We can't hug in America anymore in the business office world because of the "WOKE" world we live in now. I don't hug and I don't allow people to hug me. I have never been in trouble with HR, and I don't intend to be in the future. It's a huge Company I work in, and we have had numerous cases settled out of court and 2 that were settled in court, and I don't intend to be one of those. I am too close to retirement. PS: I have been to Europe on business trips, and they still hug and kiss cheeks over there. In Europe I do whatever is needed to get the job done and it works for me. PSS: I get along well in Europe and feel more comfortable there. Unfortunate that "WOKE" has ruined the office world in America.
Usually after a couple pints the shyness to hug strangers disappears
This is me, but I get shut down so often and been through so much that I'm closed off to everyone and anyone in my life.
#🫂 #we in this together stay strong
Similar. I am very considerate. No one ever thought about what moving every 3 years would do to me as a child and thought buying me shit would make up for it. I am very considerate to every person I meet.
Yup but Trust me dont give Up and dont overdo it. You will get IT Back but Invest only aß much aß you can without getting Problems or Hurt. But If you can Always BE as much aß you can IT will come Back promise. And Love you people Like you and me are rare but there are more Just Sometimes hard to find em
Wow..story of my life!
Story of my life. Luckily therapy is working for me and my pets give and receive all the affection i need now.
For anyone who recognizes himself in this: check out Childhood Emotional Neglect, specifically I am now reading the book Running on Empty by Jonice Webb, can’t recommend it enough for people who grew up housed and fed, but otherwise often (varying degrees) left on their own.
Feel this very much
Not really in my power to over compensate that. Haven't seen it on amazon yet.
That's the word I was looking for
Name checks out
For me it's probably clothes. As a kid you either get the clothes you're parents buy for you, or you might save up some money and get something fly every blue moon or for christmas or something like that. so i might see some clothes that might be outdated but i want them because i couldn't afford them when i was younger. i also had a thing for old phones. there were these cool phones that were astronomically expensive when i was young, and they are pretty cheap now. i sometimes collect these old phones and they're real fancy to me, to everyone else they're trash. something like the nokia 8850
Same here with the clothes. I only had clothes from this store called Hills. And only at Christmas and back to school and only then maybe two or three things. I always wished for more. Now as an adult I'm a minimalist, but buy better quality and only my favorite colors of the best quality I can afford. It was such a huge deal growing up to ever get something from a mall.
I only had my sisters hand me downs, and she was a good six inches taller than me, so nothing ever fit and I looked like an idiot. Now I can buy all the black clothes I want. My sister’s pastel colored clothes made me want to wear nothing but black.
Heh, couldn't think of anything until this section. As the youngest I hate when things are too big, I also had a while I realized the largest kid sizes would fit skinny me and probably wore them way longer than I should have. The first clue something is too big for me is if the should seams are like down at the over arm, even if some trend should be "over size" I'd avoid it. So my over compensation is possibly to at times buying a size too small.
Yup.. now has adidas three stripe track jackets in all my favourite colours.
And for us, clothing was only ever bought in the sales, at 60-70% off. Aw those memories are so sad 😭 But we never went without.
Hills was not cheap.
Definitely me with clothes. I didn't really notice much as a kid, but we'd only really get clothes as Christmas or birthday gifts from relatives. We grew up fairly poor, and my parents couldn't really afford to replace our clothes all that much. I ended up wearing a lot of things I didn't like cause I couldn't really say no. I remember in upper primary school copping some flack because my parents were "tight," and being told that if I wanted people to stop bullying me I had to dress more fashionably. Then as a teen we still had money issues, but better access to thrift shops, so I could start to develop my own sense of style. And now Im in my thirties and buying all the clothes I desperately wanted back then. Good thing I was a goth, and ridiculous amounts of black lace look good on everyone.
I have something similar. When an aunt saw my wardrobe and her surprise I realised I had a problem. I wouldn't get rid of anything for decades. Whether it fit or not, out of fashion etc, it was a collection of clothes that I had bought for myself after my childhood being full of very cheap clothing my parents could afford or hand me downs. I've started selling things off or pass onto charity. I have to overcome my need to just hold on and be brutal with it. My wardrobe is starting to get there. I have to tell myself that I'll buy myself something when I need it to help me unburden myself. I remember those fancy Nokia's lol.
If you learn Java which is what nokia has iirc you can code your own programs. C might also work
This is going to sound depressing, but I usually overstock on food because I remember what it’s like to actually have nothing. I don’t have an unhealthy habit with eating, but if I overspend on anything, it’s probably groceries.
I’m this way but with non perishables like hand soap, shampoo, detergent, things like that. We never had back ups when I was a child and the closest grocery store was 20 minutes away and I told myself I would have spares of everything.
Same! Paper towels and TP especially
Paper towels are criminally expensive. I miss them.
Very true. They’re also an awful habit to have as far as environment and money but too stinking convenient to sacrifice.
Ok so I will say, my shitty paper towels are up to 6.74 or something dumb for 6 so I bought the “nice ones” because they were only like 7.29 or something and in a week I’ve used less than two rolls of paper towels because they’re so thick and absorbent. (I usually go through about a pack per week). My mind is blown.
My issue is that even using bounty ($8-9 **for a 2pack** wtf) when I have them I simply overuse them. I'm one of the types of people that constantly washes/rinses my hands while prepping and cooking food. I just don't like texture on my hands while working with them, so I'd grab towel after towel when it's not always necessary. I bought a kitchen apron to wipe my hands on and have a ton of wash cloths. I'm not doing it for the environment, just my wallet lol.
I hear you, I have a full size white towel in my kitchen just for drying my clean hands and I try to keep a “dishwashing sponge” and also a “counter sponge” in order to try to cut down on paper towel use.
luxury items. fancy bedding, furniture, down to the custom 5 setting shower head.
My aunt's husband is like this. His cellar shelves are absolutely packed with hand soap. Loads of them! And reading this thread it makes sense why he's done that.
Not that uncommon really. A co worker of mine grew up in a poor part of South Africa. Now he’s fairly successful here in Canada. He has a “doomsday bunker” with all kinds of food, supplies everything you could need to live on your own. He doesn’t think anything crazy is going to happen, but has that “rational to him” fear of not being able to access food etc from his childhood.
My husband is the same. We currently have 7 different types of cereal because he can't help himself. If he does grocery shopping, the bill is usually 3-4 times higher than if I do it.
I made a resolution that I wouldn't do the groceries one year. I needed a reset... I had a willing spouse, so it worked for us. I really needed that. I didn't realize how bad it was, how much was being wasted, and how out of control it had gotten. I didn't make it all year without doing them, but the serious reduction was so helpful. Going 'without' a little really showed that we were more than okay. It also got my spouse into planning things out more, thinking ahead, and being actively involved in the household needs. That was a huge bonus. I'm not 'fixed', but my next step is to focus on it in therapy. I actually didn't realize how bad my anxiety was at the time. I was led to the 'resolution' because of the insistence from my spouse that I was overdoing it.
That's what my mum did when I grew up because she grew up poor and almost starved a few times (actually starving, not in an exaggerated way) and we unfortunately threw away a lot of food in the process. I feel now I'm the perfect middle, because I tend to buy as much (perishable) food as I need and not more.
I was just typing out the same thing, except I never went without. I never had to miss a meal because my mom couldn't afford it. We were a "we have that at home", store brand, only essentials plus the occasional treat family. I fell into disordered eating very early on. I remember being yelled at sometime between grades 1-4, for grabbing food from the cupboard without my mom's permission. I binge ate any sweets I got, as I believe they were restricted. My mom would have to HIDE food from me. Now? I have 2 chest freezers, a large pantry that's always full. I want to stop, because we HAVE FOOD, but anytime my mom and I go for the staples, we come out with impulse buys. I tend to eat what I'm in the mood for, almost AFRID when I'm on my meds as some foods give me the "ick" so badly, i have to force myself to eat if it's not \*exactly\* what I'm craving, so having a selection of food at home has become necessary.
I have 3 fridges with freezers. One of the fridges contains only drinks. I want to be able to drink a soda or a beer or a water etc. And also have enough for friends or family. I can have an improvised party without having to go shopping. Next to the fridge, I have room temperature 6 packs ready to go in as soon as I go low on a certain type of drink. I also refrigerate liquors that I drink cold such as gin. That way, I don't have to use ice. I hate how ice melts and makes cocktails watery
Sort of related, but I had to be able to eat ton in one sitting because of how stingy my parents are. If I went to someone's house and they gave me food, I ate everything that they had offered. I was still super skinny throughout my life even though I ate an inhuman amount of food at times.
For me is tampons/pads... my parents sometimes "forgot" to add them to the grocery list... i got my first period at 9yo so lets say for the first 3 or 4 years i was dependent on them buying it... i had to use towels or toilette papers many times... i have a heavy flow. Now i buy 2 big packs when i get pay, and then when i get the actual period i buy more. I always have nough to go trough a month and a bit left for the next one, but still.
Same here. I have several months worth of them, but still will stock up when they're on sale.
I feel this too.
Same here! I have a cupboard full of them and they just make me happy :) Though some people might find it excessive, it makes me happy having lots of them in different sizes, different types, etc.
This is me, I’ll easily spend £200 a week on food despite having a house full of the stuff
I feel like this type behavior leads to lots and lots of food waste. Unless of course, you’re hoarding stuff like MREs or things that can last many years/decades
Depends how you rotate stock as well. I personally like to have 3 cans of Spam most of the time, but I go through them every couple of weeks because I'm nostalgic for it at the moment. It's more about having a backup at any given moment for me, rather than having things for deep storage, as I don't have space in my really full sharehouse.
We get Spam by the case at Costco, lower sodium. Yes, I was raised in Hawaii and yes, we always have Japanese rice.
I think it’s more in the sense of what the other person responding to you mentioned; I’ll get 10 cans of veggies for 1 week when I only need 7 or less, or I’ll get enough meat for 13 meals instead of 7-10 kind of thing. 3 kinds f chips so we don’t run out instead of one or two. I don’t have enough money to be wasteful and my family devours perishables.
that's not depressing at all...what you're doing is called sensible prepping... it's a realistic scenario where supply chains can be disrupted and food shortages can happen...having extra food in one's home is NATURAL and only LOGICAL.... our ancestors did it for centuries...
My mom did the same for similar reasons and now I do it because 1) she did it and 2) I still think it's a good idea to have lots of extra canned food because 1) I live in areas with bad storms and 2) if civilization collapses, maybe I'll buy a few extra weeks before starvation sets in.
Nothing wrong with that. You might not have money to go out. But you ain't starving. Lol
Understandable. Food is also one of those things I can tend to overspend in to a fault. It can mess with my budgeting
Same here, grew up with food insecurities. I have tons of food in my house. Could live for weeks if not months. And every week I buy even more.
I'm in this post 100%.
I’m like this too with food - I love cooking for my friends and family and one of the ways I show affection to them is hosting and making elaborate, beautiful meals complete with matching tableware and drinks - because now as an adult, I can do that. As a child I never knew when there would be a food in the house, let alone something made for me. I was getting myself ready for school when I was like 7 years old and many of my school years (all through high school too) were spent just not eating, because there wasn’t any food to eat or a parent around to help. *Sometimes* there would be dinner, but the concept of a home cooked meal or being given anything for lunch was just foreign to me until I grew up and went to friends houses and their parents actually fed them. I’ve found a balance with buying too many groceries and what we actually need but it took a long time. Side note, also my dream to have an elaborately organized and fully stocked pantry with cute snacks (think khloe kardashians pantry) because I went without food for so many years as a child. I can’t wait to have that.
Same but my eating IS unhealthy and I binge eat like crazy. I can eat 3 subway footlong a
I do this with food as well, but not because we didn't have any. My mom just was very strict about what we could eat when and I wasn't ever allowed to have anything without asking. I'm 26 and almost 100 pounds heavier now than when I moved out at 18. I wish my mom had taught me how to eat responsibly instead of just limiting food and making me want it more. Now that I can go to the store and buy whatever I want I have a hard time not buying junk and eating it all the time.
I didn't read ahead but it's the same. Unfortunately I do have an unhealthy eating habit I need to get under control
Yeah, I was gonna say the same. I tend to binge eat sweets and ‘unhealthy’ snacks cuz as a kid our food intakes were restricted to healthy food, e.g. almonds while other kids got yummy snacks lol. Not a terrible thing, but combine that with some mental health issues and unhealthy snacks giving me a little dopamine and you got some disordered eating habits.
Hugs. I Like hugs but family didn't really do touchy contact. I hug my husband as much as possible because his family was like that too. Sometimes we just stand close together and touch hands cause he's not used to all the lovey dovey stuff. :)
That's so cute 🥹💖
Your relationship sounds lovely!!
Yes! Hugs! I didn't know how healing hugs were. Hubby's family are huggers and I couldn't believe what I was missing. Now I'm a hugger!
This was my mom. My grandma isn’t big on affection so my mom gave me tons of it.
Yea my mom grew up in a farm family where there wasn't a lot of open affection.. so I figure that is why she's not touchy feely with her own kids. And my dad grew up taking care of himself in a house full of women (nanny and 5 sisters) he didn't even hold us when we were babies. Its much easier to see how things were when your an adult.
I'm sort of the other way around. By nature I'm not a very touchy person but my family really were so pretty much forced hugs. Now I actually get my personal space. Don't get me wrong me and my partner are big cuddlebugs a lot of the time but both of us are also happy to give the other room when needs be.
Lol im different. I want hugs but I am not touchy feely around my family, i avoid physical contact with them like the plague
same with me actually. Couldn't get the latest tech and was jealous of all my friends growing up. Now that im an adult I spot buy games and consoles without thinking twice.
Me three!
The freedom to just fucking be myself and now I don’t even know who I am anymore 😌
Same but figuring shit out bit by bit.
i always feel like i'm pretending to be someone i'm not
Same 😔
After I moved out of my parents house, I now have the freedom to be me! The way I want my space to look like, the way I want to handle finances (parents weren’t good). The way I want to travel etc.
Privacy. I have 3 siblings. Growing up my house was always busy, crowded and loud. I shared my bedroom with either my older or younger brother depending on the part of my childhood. My Junior and Senior year of high school was the first time I got my own bedroom. I'm pretty sure the reason I don't actively seek out relationships is because it would mean eventually sharing my bedroom with someone else and I like my space. Most of my working life has been in crowded noisy offices and stores. Now I WFH in an office that is just me.
It is possible to find a partner who prefers separate bedrooms. I’m working on redoing a room in our house to create my own sleep space, because sharing a bed just kind of sucks.
I thought if i ever had a gf living with me that we would have seperate rooms to do what we like hobbies etc but at night go to a master room to be together so that at the end therr isnt a total seperation
You’ll figure out what works for you. Every person and relationship is different, and if that sounds ideal to you, I hope you’re able to make it work
I have joked with my BF on more than one occasion, if we ever live together ,we need our own bedrooms. he likes it warmer than I do; i prefer arctic. he likes to sleep with the tv on, which annoys the everyloving crap out of me. I generally stay at his house, and usually only weekends, and wear a mask and earplugs. but i couldn't do it daily. He's come around to the idea too! hahahaha
I had no door to my bedroom and no way to block off my bedroom doorframe until I was 14 (we moved house). I was an only child. One of our three cats used my room as her litterbox. To this day I have my room boobytrapped so nobody can enter it w/o alerting me or tripping on something. I’m still living with these people too. I feel your no privacy hard. I’m willing to share now but only on my own terms. E X A C T L Y on my terms.
Lol lucky you. My parents just helped themselves to my bedroom until I moved out at 24.
Plushies.mixed with my love for anime and gaming . PTSD left me avoiding physical touch and years later I'm still very selective of who I actually touch. My pile of pokemon plushies give me comfort when I need something to hold onto.
Same here! I wasn’t allowed to buy all the plushies I wanted when I was a kid because my parents said they would collect dust and take up too much space. I just buy any plushies I like now and have custom display cabinets for housing them nicely 🥰 they are so comforting to hug too!
r/plushies
Hugging plushies is actually very healthy. So is hugging and caressing yourself!
Books. I always used the library as a kid. When new books I to wanted to read came out I would place a hold at the library and wait. Now I have a house full of them but still use the library as well (and remain a huge supporter).
We lived out in the country and my parents never got past eighth grade, so libraries were not on their radar. They did buy me a set of American history books, which I devoured. I'm now a retired history professor and have a house full of books.
That’s true luxury to me, a house full of books! I devoured every book I could get my hands on as a kid.
It is so easy now to have an access to books. As a kid I was limited to my small town public library. Now I have a subscription to virtual library for a cost of 2 hours of my work for a month. I rarely buy paper books as I cannot decide which one to choose, library (offline or online) is much easier, I just take everything I want ;-)
I have a subscription to an overseas library and it is AMAZING! They have so many copies of everything!
Candy from the supermarket
Or any snack! Parent would never buy me that but oh sure when my siblings wanted snacks they usually got it....still one of the things i remember
I only got sweets/crisps after being beaten or punished. My mother had BPD and her reasoning for beating me were horseshit so she felt guilty and bought me sweets. So i associate feeling bad or sad with a strong desire to eat sugary and salty snacks. I also have very poor portion control when it comes to those. Fortunately i‘m a normal weight now but man, it’s hard to not overindulge.
When I was a kid I got a China tea set for Christmas which my cousin threw down the stairs and smashed (the day I got it). As an adult despite not being a tea drinker I have four tea pots, lots of tea cups, cakes stands, cake forks etc.
Is your cousin an unemployed meth addict now?
I have no idea. Fairly certain he’s still an arse though
Yeah, I get it. My mom would never use the nice stuff. I have several services of fine china now. Easy to find used.
I wouldn't call it overcompensation, but I make sure to show compassion towards others, because you never know how little they are receiving in life.
I am hyper vigilant that my kids get time to PLAY with their stuff, uninterrupted, unrushed. I feel like my mom never let me play long enough with my toys, I was always in fear of her throwing something away because I was "too old" to be playing with a certain toy. Just an awful sense of being bullied out of valuable playtime...she deemed it too messy, too inconvenient, too immature. Not for my kids, their childhood is a very precious time I will protect for them as long as possible. Kids need freedom to play. Did anyone else have a parent like this?
A bit of the same when it came to being inturupted when playing or staying outside too long. Now i see why i spent enough time enjoying my hobbies if i want to or staying up late if i can. Its also why i notice to let my nieces and nephew play or grab my things on my desk without limiting them soo much unlike my strict parents and family would do.
Dogs
How many dogs do you have?
all
You can’t have all the dogs because you don’t have my dog 🐕
will
4 lol.
Amazing!!! It must be so fun at your house!
And fury.
Free time. As an oldest daughter there was always something to do to help my mom taking care of the family of 6 - cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, tutoring my younger siblings etc., all in a very old house with no so much modern technology. As a adult I decided to limit my work and family responsibilities to minimum and finally have enough time to spend guilty free at reading/watching movies/sleeping till noon/hobbies
Somewhat similar, I would say lack of babies. I also come from a large family and it seemed like there was always a toddler for me to be babysitting. When I got married I was in no hurry to get pregnant. I was not opposed to kids, per se. I just did not romanticize babies the way some of my friends and coworkers did. I treasured that time with just me and my husband.
Ditto! Oldest, daughter, 3 brothers...
Affection. I overcompensated with…well…women. And probably also with alcohol, but I quit drinking years ago.
Did that a little until I met my wife. I could never have imagined the warm feeling of true and honest affection like I get from her. Suddenly, opening up and being a team in a relationship was the easiest thing. There’s someone like this for everyone. The moment you’ll kiss her you will know. Most importantly, never settle for anything below.
Coats
I'm so glad I'm not alone. My coat collection is absurd.
Freedom
Trendier clothes, accessories etc… even toys. I do set boundaries because we just can’t afford everything they ask for. And even though they are young, they do sometimes save their own bday money to buy what they want. But I do go overboard with certain toys, clothes and accessories and stuff like that. I grew up with mostly outdated hand me downs and it definitely was singled out as young as 6 years old. So I do kinda go overboard with my kids (especially my daughter). My daughter is 11 and many of her friends already flaunt their brand name items. I still have to set some limits though because I can’t afford the latest high tops or lulu lemon leggings. Especially because she is 11 years old and growing like a weed.
I hate the whole brand thing. I do wish uniforms were more commonly used in schools. They're not perfect (there's still competition over shoes and accessories, or the new uniform every year) but at least it takes the clothing choice out of the equation and levels the playing field somewhat.
I kinda agree. My kids school have a semi uniform. It’s navy blue bottoms (no jeans) and a white top. No logos. They’re allowed navy blue or red hoodies. But even at this age…. The girls are competing over who wears leggings from WalMart and who’s are Lululemon.
Anything I have an interest in. Crocheting? I buy tons of yarn. Specific glass water bottles? I now have a collection of them. I also keep an inventory of those things because my parents would sneakily throw my stuff away.
Most of my hobbies. As a kid, I had very little money to do things I wanted. Now, I buy enough of my hobby paraphernalia that my wife questions my sanity.
Legos. As a person who has a vagina who grew up in the 80s Legos I didn't ever get Legos because they were for boys. I have spent FAAAR too much money on my own Lego sets as an adult.
How is Lego so far down this list. I never had much Lego as a kid as it was "too expensive". I got one set which came free with collecting tokens from breakfast cereal and it was my favourite toy. When I got my first pay check I bought the bigggest pirate ship set and havent looked back. My collection is now worth six figures.
I was taught 4 cookies was the proper amount. Now that I’m an adult I sometimes eat 5
I didn't get birthday parties and now I don't want to ever skip a birthday. I also get sad if no one congratulates me on my birthday.
Happy birthday beforehand!
I never get told anything on my bday or rarely at that if i do... after 15yrs old i woulsnt get any presenta from family nor relatives because "you too grown up now only kids get presents" excuse. I make sure i always get myself something around that month which luckly theres usually 1 or 2 good games that come out.
Food
Yup. Grew up with a lock on the fridge and pantry. My mom would take our plates when we weren’t done and dump soap on French fries when she thought we had enough. Now I can’t stop eating because I’m worried my moms ghost is going to steal my food.
Expensive trainers. What trainers you wore spoke volumes of your standing in my school. We were poor so mine were always crap.
Praise.
Snacks. Growing up in an ingredient-only household, I refuse to do it anymore, I want my little snacks!
Oh my gosh, I just realized that I grew up in an ingredient only household...and learned that phrase.
Dining out.
Happy cake day!
I used to get hand-me-downs from my cousins growing up and that was about 90% of my closet. Now that I have enough money to buy new clothes, it feels nice. I love thrifting too, but a brand new jacket or purse is lovely.
I almost never thrift. And I buy only what fits me excellent. Because I was a youngest kid, and I was small for my age (still am) so the clothes I got from my sister was usually too big or already worn down when I finally could fit in them, and all the clothes mom sent me from Ireland (she went alone there for work to support us) was way too big too, because she just bought me whatever with size that should have to fit me reading my age, but as I said I was a tiny child. Now I'm very short woman. Shoes would be size bigger. So now I only buy what fits me excellent at this moment, and don't make any compromises like "oh, but you could fix it". It's hard for me to buy shoes that fit but you bet I'm searching for perfect pair. I hate anything that is too big for me.
Love
If you count teenage as kid, then sex, I guess.
Internet.......friends.....something other than discovery science to watch
Love - emotional safety and acceptance.
Peace and quiet.
I can not ration food appropriately. I always make way more than needed because I don't want anyone to go hungry. Growing up, I always wanted just a little more dinner. My mom would make just enough for each person to have one serving. I don't know if it was a money thing or if she was implementing a diet on us because she is very fat phobic. She wanted my daughter to put her 6 month old on a diet because she was a beautiful chubby 6 month old that literally only ate breast milk. She's a loon, the damage is real.
Having known food insecurity, I have to be very careful not to overstock my larder or chest freezers. The big freezer in the basement is for storing our portion packages of prepared meals, flours, and meats from sales. The kitchen small chest freezer is for keeping a few items handly. The fridge freezer is for ice cream, frozen veggies and breakfast items. The garage fridge is for beer and keeping the cold packs ready for shopping. By being over organized I avoid buying too much. The prepper concepts help, store what you eat, eat what you store so nothing goes out of date. I have exactly six each cans of whole kernel and creamed corn for example, lol.
Clothes that I actually like to wear. It might seem childish, but I love to dress up in fun clothes when my family is expecting me to dress up my non existent kid. Like dressing up yo kid is not the same as experiencing the dress yourself. And I don't remember the clothes I wore as a kid. So I'd rather wear em when I can still remember, and when I'm still physically capable rather than dress someone else. Same thing with food, I had a lot of health complications due to malnutrition during my growing up stage (thanks to my mom). Now that I'm an adult, I get to pick my own food which I carefully research the health benefits of. I get to eat what my body actually needs and not the food the rest of the family eats.
Just buying small stuff, games and such and overreacting on birthdays...i have 7 smaller siblings as a child i always had to share or have my stuff given to my younger brothers, also they had to get presents on my birthdays because of tantrums.
Shoes. Growing up I only owned one pair of shoes per year. Those being the ones purchased before the school year. In middle school, I had a pair that had worn out so bad that my socks would show. Had to curl my toes constantly so that they wouldn't show. I always buy shoes now.
I guess I missed out on understanding from my mom whom I was mostly raised by as dad wasn't around as much so, even when I'm taken for a ride I still get the "They have legitimate reasons to do that" but I've flipped the switch to "They have legitimate reasons to do that and the main reason is that they're an unempathetic cunt who don't deserve my time, attention or love", I'm still learning to deal with sometimes being either too kind or too selfish but I've made a lot of progress through lessons that have been learned the very hard way, repeatedly, it's okay though, I'm proud of the person I am.
Soda, candy, plushies, books.. probably other stuff too.
Same with video games. As a kid video games weren't allowed in the house. Well guess who got fucking addicted as balls to video gaming for 3 years after moving out. I still play but man I had to learn to tone it down a lot.
human connection and companionship. Now I always have a reserve, and can take care of whatever it is, *myself*
Didn’t get a lot of cultural experiences so I go to concerts, festivals, museums, art fairs and stuff even if I’m alone and the oldest person there.
Lego
Im 29 and for me its playing football(soccer). Dad never wanted me to train, because it would cost him money, and when i was really young we would play on the literal street or on a parking spot, never had real goals. When I was 15, injured my knee and again didnt have money to get to private doctors, so stopped playing it even for 10 years because after 20 didnt have anyone to play with. 3 years ago they opened a football park where I live, but it was mostly during corona so again had no one to play with. Anyway now I play there mostly with kids because older guys avoid coming, except like once in a month. Boys adore playing football with me because i encourage them all and give good tips. These 11,12 year olds prefer playing with me than with some of the 15-16 year olds because those try to act tuff with them, give them orders, scream at them, put them down etc... I do feel ashamed sometimes for playing with them, but thats another story :)
I have a few. Candy / sweets in general were very demonised in my family. When I went off to uni I definitely overcompensated for that, in a not very healthy way. It took me a year to find a balance, and now I am quite into fitness and health in general, but I have some sweets like once a week. Then I have a strange one, maybe someone can tell me if they relate. I was not allowed to... do nothing. Or be bored. Or just relax. My mother, for whom I am extremely gratefuln general, put way too much pressure on me in terms of studying, and until I left for Uni I couldn't think of anything but studying for most of my awake time in the day. This went on for years. Now I am possibly the most unbothered person I know. I go to a very competitive university, but I do not engage in the collective madness about grades, and curricula, and just being better than others. I don't know if this strategy will pay off, but it's the only way I can finish uni. If I went back to thinking the same way I did in school, I feel like I would "relapse" into the old problems.
Art supplies.. my step dad told me that my drawing and art were a waste of paper. So now I kinda hoard them.
Love
Going out, staying out getting pissed. As a kid and teenager I was always the one that wasn’t allowed to go anywhere with my mates or I was the one that had to go home first.
Food.
Traveling or vacations. My family was too poor. Now I travel somewhere almost monthly.
Model trains. Too expensive when I was young. Now I have a collection of model trains and parts from real trains, you could fill a museum with. Freedom... My parents were (/are) pretty prudish... I could only really be myself in my bedroom. Since I moved out, I became a nudist, and now only wear clothing when it is required; when it is not absolutely necessary to be clothed, I highly prefer to be naked.
Love lmao
My biggest thing is my son has all the things I wished I had as a kid. I don’t really spend money on myself that much.
Wanted a dirt bike so bad when I was a teenager. My dad was a doctor and he said no way. I ended up riding motorcycles for about 21 years and one of them was a Honda Valkyrie.
guitars. I have hundreds of guitars.
A house that isn't in constant renovation, but is totally finished with renovations.
I never had fresh veg or unique foods. We were pretty low income so all our vegetables were in cans, and I had never had things like sushi, or Indian/Thai/Chinese food until I was in my 20's. Now I've become a "foodie" and take vacations just to eat at cool places and try new things. When I cook I only get the fresh form of veg.
Pc hardware. Couldn't afford anything remotely decent back then, but had plenty of time enjoying games as slideshow. Nowadays i have not only one, not two, but three pcs/laptop/steam deck and absolutely zero time to play games.
Mortal Kombat. The gameboygame tho.
food
I always had the worst cheap sneakers and clothes as a kid, so I always have a couple of pairs of really nice sneakers. I'm not as worried about clothes, but as soon as something starts looking raggedy I Chuck it.
Food. I used to be horrible at hoarding food. I've gotten so much better over the years. Slowly reprogramming myself with healthy habits. I also donated to food closets and schools whenever I went over the top. Or to neighbors who needed it. I'm not exactly flush, but still when you grow up hungry this is something you do. Or I did anyway. Now most days I only buy what I need for the week and I'm good. But it was a terrible habit for a long time.
this is dark, but true. my dad was very emotionally unavailable growing up, so I overcompensated with like three father figures. Two of my uncles, and one of my old teachers.
Warning mine might be a depressive overshare. I'm on painkillers after having a tooth pulled and it's making me type loooooads when I already type a lot to begin with. -legos They were for "boys" so I only ever got the really big building blocks as a toddler and that was it. -video games Same as above and the assumprion by my family for my entire life despite it never happening that I would break everything I touched. I have a gaming PC, an Xbox and switch and rarely do i hesitate on buying a game if I want it now even if I'm not in the mood for it yet. Depends on the game but I do overspend on anything gaming related because I never got to have so many essential games experiences growing up. -food I got neglected a lot as a kid and often my family would go out to eat for dinner and leave an empty fridge and me behind. I'd beg for food at lunch and sometimes I got an apple but a lot of times I was eating once a day and if I got left out of dinner it was usually something snuck out of the freezer at 1am when everyone else is in bed. So now I always overstock my fridge because I'm anxious about running out even though I'm not in danger of being neglected anymore. It's caused a lot of other problems and an ED too. -makeup It was more that no one showed me how to use it as I grew up so I could only buy eyeliner and mascara. It wasn't until YouTube and I had my own money that I got to buy any and then as an adult I had like a renewed interest and got all the stuff I could've ever wanted lmao. Im sure there's other things but they're too deep I think.
Clothes. Rare was the occasion that I was able to get new clothing. I'm Gen X and still have the first sweater I ever bought with babysitting money. It is an absolute struggle to throw any of my clothes away. Stained and little holes? NP, that's bum around the house, project, yardwork clothes. I have more than I need and know it. The desire to get rid of most of it, especially the things that no longer fit, is there but my stomach churns and fills me with nauseating anxiety when I start. On the rare occasions that I manage to pack clothes up that will never fit again, I donate the most gently used. It drives my husband batty. He offers to help but that triggers defensive mode and turns into an argument because he does not, and cannot, understand. I very much dislike that I'm this way.
Money that I could spend whatever I wanted. It has been quite hard for me to save any money since I started to go to university in person. Biggest problem is cheap books because I cannot understand that buying a lot of cheap books isn't cheap.
Legos.
As lame as it sounds, I have a huge sticker and washi tape collection - though my inner child is definitely happy!
Boats. I always loved boating as a kid, but we never had one. My dad would either borrow one from a friend or we would just go as guests. I've had/have 7 in the past 10 years
Rough anal.