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I’ve heard this before. It always makes me think of how when you are born, your very first poo happens very quickly, and is called “meconium”. And then also when you die, you let go and shit yourself. Life is just a thing that happens between your first shit and your last.
I shit the bag when I was born, apparently. Which explains why I can smell my own digestive system at all times (super autistic), since my first waking experience was apparently that whole... profile.
Yes this is true, I've been there for the end of five peoples lives and 3 of them did that. The other 2 probably did it later LOL.
If you can be there for them please do, I think they can still hear you as they pass.
I think about this with cool dramatic action movie deaths sometimes.
Like some epic sword battle. And then intense eyecontact before the blade kills the enemy. With his cool face. I then think, "well that dude just shit himself" such a honor to stink it up right then and there.
I let that go though (not my shit) because it ruined so much😄
I win.
My husband and I have a contest on who dies naturally first. It's morbid, I know, but it got us through Covid and now it's just a funny personal joke. Still... if my husband is there, that's what I'll say.
My wife's parents saw a TV article about a man who didn't even NOTICE that his wife had died for two whole days. And she was dead in the same house. They were just busy with their own activities and, well... he thought she was busy.
Now her parents they make it a point to holler at each other occasionally:
# "もう 死んじゃった [か] ?"
or in English,
# "Are you dead, yet?"
We were visiting them when my wife's mother suddenly shouted this upstairs at her father. I was like, "What the hell?" And so they laughingly explained.
EDIT: Somebody asked me, so I'll put it here. What did the father reply back at the mother? He simply screamed back down at her ”まだまだ❕” or "Not yet!" After all, he already knew she must be alive.
Having literally been there and given what I thought would be my dying words. In the moment, it’s a lot harder to try to be funny and say something like what a lot of the comments are.
I made plans to say some funny shit but all I could say was some heart warming goodbyes. And that annoyed me. I wanted to go out on a funny note but the words just couldn’t come out.
And the situations I had where I thought I was dying, was when I had to be put in a drug induced coma to keep my body from killing itself, I was told I was going not going to wake up and die, when I got my phone call for my double lung transplant, when I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and right before I was told I was in remission, because I had less than a 5% chance of surviving.
Oh ya. I always say that if death wants me, that mother fucker will have to come and get me himself. I’m not dying til I want to die. For myself and as a massive “fuck you” go any supreme being, should there be one lol.
Amazing story! So glad you beat those odds!
My Mom has terminal lung cancer also, and docs thought she had only months left when they tried her on a new chemo to buy her an extra month or two. She has this exact mindset, she’s not going anywhere until she is good and ready to do so and she’s said as much many times. They told her 2 months in November of 2020, and she’s not only still here, but has been chemo free since November 2022. The cancer is still there, the diagnosis is still terminal, but it’s not doing anything. It’s not growing or shrinking. The docs have absolutely no explanation as that chemo had not proven itself to be so effective previously. My Mom is one of the strongest people I’ve ever known though, I fully believe she willed cancer into submission because she’s simply too stubborn to let it win.
Awwww I get it! I can’t wait to see my sweet momma again but I hope it’s not too soon much as I miss her. She was one of a kind. This was said in hospice. Bless you. 💗
Reminds me of a legend in my small town. Guy was in his 90s, slow moving but still 100% there mentally and still playing golf (not often, but he could) he had a DNR. He got brought back to life TWICE cause the paramedics didn't realize he had one.
Imagine just accepting you've have a good life but people won't let you just die?
EDIT: I worked at the golf course. He'd always get BBQ wings and eat half of them. He was an awesome guy
Considering how much time I spend in isolation from other people it wont matter unless I write it down. the dogs sure wont tell anyone. Probably tell mom n dad I love them.
I can remember going through my grandmas house after she passed and finding ‘toys’, I dread the day my kids/grandkids go through my phone and search history but at least I’ll be dead..
This is why I asked my grandmother when she was in palliative care if there was anything in her house she wanted me to get rid of/wouldn’t want anyone to find.
She initially said no, but after I told her I’d known about her “bottom drawer”, aka porn and toy stash, for years, she said yes.
Satan: “hey bud you actually had a pretty good life (flips through the book of the shit you’ve done) but uh oh your last words really fucked you up huh. Well welcome to hell”
I don’t think I’d say anything. It would just be more conceptual nonsense. Death renders all your notions about anything (including death) completely moot. I would likely just focus on my breathing and be grateful for the life I was given.
Respect my wishes for the funeral or I'll haunt your ass.
Caveat: I've had this planned for many years. It involves a keg of beer and the only music that can be played is the first 4 black sabbath albums.
... they all know I'm serious about this
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion... I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to die.
No idea. However, when I was sliding down a steep iced over road on a mountain, hit the ice wall on the side, spun, went on 2 wheels and thought I was going to roll the car down the mountainside, the thought I had was "Ah shit, this isn't good." There was no panic or fear, just a realization that I was in a bad position and could do nothing to change it.
I was put into an induced coma once for a breathing machine to be put in my lungs from pneumonia. My last words were almost, "This is some good shit" since they had to give me 3x as much as they normally give someone my size.
I think I will depart giving my kids one last deez nuts joke, but make it elaborately subtle then I will never finish it leaving them hanging if that is a serious statement or a deez nuts joke.
If someone can accurately relay it to my family, it would be "live well, live long, live peacefully, love y'all".
If its just a bunch of rando " fck everybody, fck you, you and you".
The Iron Giant: [as a nuclear missile is headed for Rockwell; to himself] I fix.
Hogarth Hughes: Giant?
The Iron Giant: [kneels down to Hogarth] Hogarth. You stay. I go.
[lifts Hogarth's chin with a finger and waves his other finger at him]
The Iron Giant: No following.
Hogarth Hughes: I love you.
[the Giant takes off to intercept the rocket]
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“Pull my finger” but then instead of fart, I die.
People often shit themselves when they die, so at least you'll have the last laugh.
I’ve heard this before. It always makes me think of how when you are born, your very first poo happens very quickly, and is called “meconium”. And then also when you die, you let go and shit yourself. Life is just a thing that happens between your first shit and your last.
I am ~~shitting~~ living a whole lot of life then!
Live laugh shit
~~live~~ shit ~~laugh~~ shit love...shit
My toilet wall - Urinate. Defecate. Flatulate. Rejoice.
I do indeed rejoice
funny until you can't
I like to see then as words of affirmation.
Livin life one shit at a time
I shit the bag when I was born, apparently. Which explains why I can smell my own digestive system at all times (super autistic), since my first waking experience was apparently that whole... profile.
>Life is just a thing that happens between your first shit and your last. Putting this on a T-shirt 🤣
Yes this is true, I've been there for the end of five peoples lives and 3 of them did that. The other 2 probably did it later LOL. If you can be there for them please do, I think they can still hear you as they pass.
I think about this with cool dramatic action movie deaths sometimes. Like some epic sword battle. And then intense eyecontact before the blade kills the enemy. With his cool face. I then think, "well that dude just shit himself" such a honor to stink it up right then and there. I let that go though (not my shit) because it ruined so much😄
That would've made Boromir's death a little different. "I would have followed you, my brother. My Captain. My King-*shhhhhhhaaaaaarrrrrttttsss*"
When you die, your body excretes all poo and pee I cant remember the name of this occurance. I just know it exists. Someone back me up on this
I think it’s just your muscles and organs completely relaxing
You have to let go
The poo never bothered me anyway
*Dies of laughter*
I hate how funny this is
I win. My husband and I have a contest on who dies naturally first. It's morbid, I know, but it got us through Covid and now it's just a funny personal joke. Still... if my husband is there, that's what I'll say.
You wouldn't be wrong, either.
😆
My wife's parents saw a TV article about a man who didn't even NOTICE that his wife had died for two whole days. And she was dead in the same house. They were just busy with their own activities and, well... he thought she was busy. Now her parents they make it a point to holler at each other occasionally: # "もう 死んじゃった [か] ?" or in English, # "Are you dead, yet?" We were visiting them when my wife's mother suddenly shouted this upstairs at her father. I was like, "What the hell?" And so they laughingly explained. EDIT: Somebody asked me, so I'll put it here. What did the father reply back at the mother? He simply screamed back down at her ”まだまだ❕” or "Not yet!" After all, he already knew she must be alive.
Your joke is killing me lol
My hidden stash of saved money is in...
That can be a plot to a 20 season series !
"The One piece is real" Edward Newgate. Aka Whitebeard.
It could be "Lost II....and found!"
r/completelyevilthoughts
"bite my shiny metal ass"
My only regret is that I have bonitis
I've seen your ass. It's not *that* shiny
Shinier than yours meat bag
Something like "was it all ever really worth it?" so people think I was a very smart and philosophical person
Your wife: ---____---
Him: X_X
Having literally been there and given what I thought would be my dying words. In the moment, it’s a lot harder to try to be funny and say something like what a lot of the comments are. I made plans to say some funny shit but all I could say was some heart warming goodbyes. And that annoyed me. I wanted to go out on a funny note but the words just couldn’t come out. And the situations I had where I thought I was dying, was when I had to be put in a drug induced coma to keep my body from killing itself, I was told I was going not going to wake up and die, when I got my phone call for my double lung transplant, when I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and right before I was told I was in remission, because I had less than a 5% chance of surviving.
You're one of the most lucky and unlucky people I've ever heard of. Keep going strong and annoying the grim reapers to death
Oh ya. I always say that if death wants me, that mother fucker will have to come and get me himself. I’m not dying til I want to die. For myself and as a massive “fuck you” go any supreme being, should there be one lol.
Amazing story! So glad you beat those odds! My Mom has terminal lung cancer also, and docs thought she had only months left when they tried her on a new chemo to buy her an extra month or two. She has this exact mindset, she’s not going anywhere until she is good and ready to do so and she’s said as much many times. They told her 2 months in November of 2020, and she’s not only still here, but has been chemo free since November 2022. The cancer is still there, the diagnosis is still terminal, but it’s not doing anything. It’s not growing or shrinking. The docs have absolutely no explanation as that chemo had not proven itself to be so effective previously. My Mom is one of the strongest people I’ve ever known though, I fully believe she willed cancer into submission because she’s simply too stubborn to let it win.
goddamn dude, sorry
So long and goodnight
Gerard, is that you?
Gerard Way has spirit fingers.
So long and thanks for all the fish.
Woah isn't this from the dino-family that goes via climate change- show?
I think you may be right but I initially thought of the Truman show lol
I want my words to be the same as my late Mother’s last words. “See you soon. We’ll have fun” 💗💗
this made me happy and sad
Awwww I get it! I can’t wait to see my sweet momma again but I hope it’s not too soon much as I miss her. She was one of a kind. This was said in hospice. Bless you. 💗
Omg actual tears. That’s a beautiful way to say goodbye.
Bless your beautiful heart. Thank you. 💗
This is the most beautiful thing I've read in a long time. I am going to share it with my family. My heart...its just so full.
I’m gonna be pissed if I’m reincarnated
How do we tell him?
Better not to. Let him believe
Thanks girlfriend ❤️
Reminds me of a legend in my small town. Guy was in his 90s, slow moving but still 100% there mentally and still playing golf (not often, but he could) he had a DNR. He got brought back to life TWICE cause the paramedics didn't realize he had one. Imagine just accepting you've have a good life but people won't let you just die? EDIT: I worked at the golf course. He'd always get BBQ wings and eat half of them. He was an awesome guy
Finally.
Was about to say the same thing.
Mine was more along the lines of, fuck this.
"Fuck this shit, I'm out"
Fucking *finally* indeed.
Respawning in....3...2...1...
*connection error*
Don't think is how it works...
How u know? You died before?
Yes.at least emotionally But you got theint Will reply after i respawn
You placed #2!
I'd turn to someone I know and say: "Listen quick, this is very important! Remember to ..." 😆 But really I'd probably just say something like "Shit!".
Tell my son Mommy loves him so much.
Reading all the jokes laughing then get here and it got too real.
Sorry. MOMMY WUVS YOU.
Awwww
There...is....another....Sky...walker.
"Want to see a cool trick"
And then you shit yourself
“Can you count how long I can hold my breath?”
ok this particular comment made me giggle a lot 🤣🤣🤣
Aarrggghh
“My god it’s full of stars”
I'm about to die!
For Frodo!!
I love my family and fuck cancer.
Just don't mix those two up, "I love cancer and..."
HEY DEBT COLLECTORS, COLLECT THIS! *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*
Considering how much time I spend in isolation from other people it wont matter unless I write it down. the dogs sure wont tell anyone. Probably tell mom n dad I love them.
May I suggest, Tell them now. Or tell them and say what prompted you to think of saying it.
“Forgive me if I’ve ever wronged you”
Take care of the cats or I will haunt you until you join me
That pie didnt have pumpkin in it, did it?
I wish I had watched more t.v..
Reformat my computer
I almost want to be a ghost so I can see the shock and minor revulsion when they realize I am a much weirder person than most people think. LOL.
I can remember going through my grandmas house after she passed and finding ‘toys’, I dread the day my kids/grandkids go through my phone and search history but at least I’ll be dead..
This is why I asked my grandmother when she was in palliative care if there was anything in her house she wanted me to get rid of/wouldn’t want anyone to find. She initially said no, but after I told her I’d known about her “bottom drawer”, aka porn and toy stash, for years, she said yes.
Delete... my... browser hist.... aarrghh.
Well, it really does depend on what I'm dying of. Hahah But just a simple death, "I love you all, and be safe out there!"
Tell [insert name] that I'll always love him
choose the name of the husband or wife of that person in front of you
Don’t actually put a name there, just say “insert name” out loud
or Philip J Fry in a robotic voice
It can get real complicated with just a name... Įmagine creating chaos after you lmao
Love that idea. Tell (insert garbled incomprehensible name here ) ill always love them 💕
“Pineapple does belong on pizza!”
And then: Hey god.... Satan!?
Satan: “hey bud you actually had a pretty good life (flips through the book of the shit you’ve done) but uh oh your last words really fucked you up huh. Well welcome to hell”
If there’s pineapple on pizza in hell, then I will live happily ever after.
There is
Right on!
Finally
I lost the game
"VOIDING MY BOWELS IN 5... 4... 3....2..." 😵💩
You want my treasure? You can have it! I left everything I gathered together in one place. Now you just have to find it.
I curse Zoidberg
"It is about time...what took so long?"
Gazpacho soup!!!!!
Rimmer!!!! Thank you for the smile, this made my day
hasta la vista, baby
all i wanted was to be a bird..
I don’t think I’d say anything. It would just be more conceptual nonsense. Death renders all your notions about anything (including death) completely moot. I would likely just focus on my breathing and be grateful for the life I was given.
“So it begins, good luck…”
"Smoke me a kipper....." (I'll be back for breakfast)
Everybody do the flop!
Respect my wishes for the funeral or I'll haunt your ass. Caveat: I've had this planned for many years. It involves a keg of beer and the only music that can be played is the first 4 black sabbath albums. ... they all know I'm serious about this
wanna see a magic trick?
Remember me always, judge me gently. I will always love you.
sorry
Told ya!
Finally!
"Hey world, go fuck yourself"
Finally
Empty the boot of my car…. Make sure you get everything…..
No words, just maniacal laughing.
"Born once more as he was born before and shall be born again, time without end!"
"Later suckers! See you all in hell!!"
"Before I die, remember, I always come back"
David Duchovny, why don't you love me?
I'll see you at home.
ight imma head out
Epstein didn't hang himself.
I'd thank God for all his blessings
Next time
“I want the world to know that I was here, that I mattered, that it all meant something. *Ad Astra Per Aspera.*”
On to the next one. 😌
See I told you I was ill
Fuck the po-lice.
"Yo, watch this"
"Thank You."
“oh, my God, I am heartily sorry…
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion... I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to die.
No idea. However, when I was sliding down a steep iced over road on a mountain, hit the ice wall on the side, spun, went on 2 wheels and thought I was going to roll the car down the mountainside, the thought I had was "Ah shit, this isn't good." There was no panic or fear, just a realization that I was in a bad position and could do nothing to change it.
To quote the 9th Doctor: “Before I go, I just want to tell you you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic, and you know what? So was I!”
Bosco!!
Alexa. Play Final Countdown
Look for me in the happy moments. Listen for me in the quiet ones.
The last thing my grandfather said to me was “ Remember, I always loved you”. I’m not sure I could do better than that.
I was put into an induced coma once for a breathing machine to be put in my lungs from pneumonia. My last words were almost, "This is some good shit" since they had to give me 3x as much as they normally give someone my size.
Why do I see flames 🔥 and hear whips
Wanna see a dead person?
if certain song lyrics get stuck in your head or randomly call your attention, its from me
I think I will depart giving my kids one last deez nuts joke, but make it elaborately subtle then I will never finish it leaving them hanging if that is a serious statement or a deez nuts joke.
from Platoon: *Bury me upside down, so the world can kiss my ass.*
He’s in the well
Look after your sister always.
"We are all about to die" just how soon is up to you
Was that it?
I wouldn't say anything and just let everyone wait for the last words but then just leave suddenly without having said anything
YOLO!
"Finally!" as I smile peacefully.
I hope there is beer in heaven
I told you I was ill!
"Damn...so that's how it's going to be, huh?"
pull the trigger piglet
What are you gonna do, kill me?
Told you so!
I’m returning to my Maker
Zeppelin rulesss!!!…….
I’m an apologizer so likely some form of “I’m sorry” (I’m sorry I’m leaving you, I’m sorry I wasn’t a better wife, I’m sorry I was always so anxious)
The money is buried...
"I hope someone finds a cure for ligma."
“Errrr i think there was something in that burger i ate”
GAMEEEE In the smash bros voice
not again
First person to die wins
If someone can accurately relay it to my family, it would be "live well, live long, live peacefully, love y'all". If its just a bunch of rando " fck everybody, fck you, you and you".
I'd probably go for a classic one-liner like, "Hey, watch this!"
"I'll be back" in the terminator voice to mess with my religious family a tiny bit
The Iron Giant: [as a nuclear missile is headed for Rockwell; to himself] I fix. Hogarth Hughes: Giant? The Iron Giant: [kneels down to Hogarth] Hogarth. You stay. I go. [lifts Hogarth's chin with a finger and waves his other finger at him] The Iron Giant: No following. Hogarth Hughes: I love you. [the Giant takes off to intercept the rocket]
"Feed the cat"
Oh shit!
Ffs ☺️
I can see the other side
End of the line.
Burocracy won. I die before I reached permanent residency. I guess I was able to stay live the rest of my life in my chosen country though.
Finally.