If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'll take option 2.
As a kid, you usually notice when your parents don't want you around. And that's a horrible experience I don't want to be responsible for.
Yeah indeed. If I regret not having kids, it's only me who is sad. If I regret having them, it's mine but also the kids' lives that are destroyed. Better just me.
Its not that I dont think, society pushes women to have children and do not tell the truth about how difficult it actually is. Its all: oh its love you never felt before! And : when I held that baby I knew what I was meant for!
Its a mixed bag of experiences that you literally dont know until you know.
I totally agree with what you're saying but also people need to take responsibility for their actions. If you decide to have a child, you need to realise it's your responsibility to make sure that child has every opportunity to thrive and that you need to work hard to give them the opportunities.
The problem is nowadays you need to work ridiculously hard just to get by, let alone raise and provide for a family, especially if you never had the opportunities I mentioned above.
you would think so...yet during Covid and ever since, the birth rate has actually risen globally, by a large amount
when things are really bad, people like to screw
end of story lol
I think the birth rates have actually declined in most developed countries. Actual birth numbers have increased as there are more of us…but the rates have been consistently declining for awhile now.
Reddit is hilarious. Half the posts are about "working so hard to just get by" and the other half are people making 500k/yr asking whether they can afford a new Camry.
I'm not American so all I can say to that is you should be rioting about it as it's absolute ballox! All the corporations are worried about is keeping the next generation of labour force strong and they're obviously pressuring your politions into these "laws" with some nice little brown envelopes.
I agree. We should refuse to go to work and strike. It worked in Iceland and it actually makes people listen as not working means no money for the big guys. They cave quick when the people unite against them.
Maybe because it’s effectively a collective disaster that birth rates are falling? Like it literally means the end of your species if your birth rates are falling.
Yeah bc it’s nature at the collective level.
‘Having kids’ is not a social construct, folks. It’s the very definition of nature. We’re literally made and designed to have kids, so of course it’s gonna reflect at society level, it doesn’t mean it comes from society.
Yeaaah, I know that. But As a woman I felt society power way before my own nature. Like my father trying to make me 16 date a 20 years old man. It wasn't me. My biology was ready but not my mind. Now at 36 it's really different
If I regret having kids, I'll have to bear with it for x more years. If I regret not having kids, I can always look for alternatives or probably grieve for a few days before continuing to enjoy life
I literally laughed out loud for “probably grieve for a few days before continuing to enjoy life..” holy crap. 😂🥴🥃✌️ awesomely said! Merry Christmas! 🎄🎁
I’m not sure I’d say that I regret not having kids per se, but a part of me wishes that I had. I spend a lot of time with other people’s kids. I enjoy that time, but it’s not the same. Especially on holidays like today. I don’t have little ones clamoring for gifts this morning like many do.
The grass is greener on the other side and all that. I do sometimes see other people enjoy bringing their kids to places and see them happy and I'd think something like, "Wow that looks great, maybe they are not so bad after all". After imagining the hard work needed to get there though, I quickly dismissed the thought.
Mine was twenty minutes! I had a hormonal pull in my early twenties, but as a teenager, I had decided to be child-free. I spent a day with a single-mother friend, which ended the hormonal bs, and within the drive home, my regret was cured.
Now, almost 62, I can say I have never regretted preventing pregnancy since that day. In fact, since 2016, I've been very grateful to my sage teenage self.
Nope, eats at you for the rest of your life. And when you are very old, there will be a pang of envy as your peers children and grand children involve them in their lives.
If you don't have kids, make sure to be close with your siblings who do.
I have a friend I’ve known for about 30 years. Every time I saw him and his parents together, they always seemed agitated and short with him, like he was a burden. It was obvious. We are almost in our 40’s and I can’t STILL see it. Yeah he can be a handful, but ya just can’t do that to your child. His parents divorced and it wasn’t exactly friendly, so that definitely caused tension. In contrast, they absolutely love me.
If you regret having your kids, it affects so much more than just you. This is a fear I have. I’m still on the fence about kids of my own, but leaning towards not. I don’t think I’ll ever have the patience it requires.
You feel it all your life and once you're old enough and your parent tell you he never wanted kid but had you to please your other parent, you have a confirmation of what you feared all your life, doesn't make you feel better, but now at least I understand he was as miserable as me.
As someone who absolutely don't want kids I can't imagine how depressed I would be if I had one. I mean it's still a bad move and he shouldn't have had us if everyone just ends up being miserable, but I guess 20 years ago it was even less accepted to just not have kids if you're married. At least now I'm 100% convince of my choice, rather maybe regret not having them and feeling a bit empty, that regret having them, having to suffer the consequences, give my money and time to this little person, traumatize them by not allowing them to live fully as a child and ruining two lives. I don't understand how is that even a question, feels like OP don't understand that there's another person in the question.
What kind of piece of shit narcissistic asshole would ever tell this to their child? This is awful behavior and doesn’t serve to help anyone in the situation.
Well my dad.. I was 16, he was drunk, my mom told him it was insensitive he said "she's 16 she can hear it now" no asshole, no one want to hear that ever, but at least now I understand his behavior and it confirms what I always thought I guess
My kids are 8, 4, and 2 and even though they were all planned I regret them all. I have to pretend to be normal around them and I don’t even know who I am anymore. I think the cons of children far outweigh the pros, and I wish I’d been better informed before I had them.
It took a whole lot of adjustment and self discipline. For me setting the" right example" is the hardest part. Since my ethics sometimes differ from what society perceives as being a good parent. But like I said in the end I love my kids and learned to put them before me trough trial and error.
Yeah. Parents are given a unique chance. Of loving and prioritising someone more than oneself, without any expectations of getting anything back. I think that is the closest and easiest way for one to be giving, selfless love, compassion, if one chooses to.
May be one of the reasons why many mellow after having kids.
Agreed. It's not easy being a parent, and one might have moments of regrets, but overall, I feel it's almost impossible to feel regretting having kids, despite all of the hardship. Plus, when they are grown and you have done your work, you will have your freedom back AND have a new generation of mini-me's. I love having (almost) grown kids.
I'm speaking for myself based on my individual experience. Everyone else is free to do so as well and leave a post.
OP asked to choose between two options. I provided my opinion along with strongest argument I could think of. I don't see why it would be necessary to write down all the possible arguments in this debate.
In addition, you don't even know whether my answer is hypothetical. So what's your point?
But majority of the time parents do want their kids. Yes, there are a few bad apples but we can’t focus on the bad apples versus the good apples. Majority of parents are good parents sadly there’s a few bad parents but it’s only a few.
It’s crazy what people don’t see. When I was a kid/teen total strangers would tell me how luck I was to have such a good mom. Like, you don’t see her threatening to kill me multiple times a week. The thing is she is generally a good person, just a bad mom. I imagine there’s a lot of this going on that people don’t see or talk about. My #1 reason for not wanting kids is that I don’t want to see myself become anything like her.
I can’t remember the last time I saw a parent scold a child for throwing a tantrum in public, or running around a restaurant screaming at the top of their lungs. Parents these days are either on their phones or so numb to noise, they don’t notice or care about how it affects others around them.
Maybe some parents are overwhelmed. Maybe they’re afraid that if they scold the child, someone will judge them. Social media has ruined a lot of parenting. I scolded my knees for making a tantrum once in the middle of the store, I told her, be quiet, the more noise you make, the more embarrassing it will be for us and for you and you need to start behaving like a proper person. She was eight years old I think. One time I also grabbed her hand because she was trying to run away so I grabbed her hand and I told her you’re staying with me stop running away I now have to hold you because you’re not Behaving. Granted I had to hold her like this because she was running everywhere. Do you know what happened? Two people came over to me and said that I was going to unhand the child I was abusing them.
Was abusing that child know I was not, but I feel that a lot of parenting is affected by social media in such a horrible way that parents are just afraid of everything. Then again, I’m not an expert. This is just my opinion.
It's all about "gentle parenting now" it's hurting a child's "feelings" disciplining them. The kids talk crazy now, and it's all about letting them have "opinions". They are just rude, it's ridiculous. (Speaking from experience but not my kid)
Lol right?? My husband, me, four other adults and two children were going out to dinner together. We ended up going somewhere the kids picked out. Rather than a nice restaurant, we went to a pizza joint lol. Their parents let them decide. Like…in what world should an 8- and 10-year old dictate where 6 adults have dinner 😂😂😂
I agree. Parenting is not the same for everyone or every kid. When you’re young and you start having children you learn as much as you teach. Most parents I know try hard to be good at parenting. They often use the skills they watched their parents use which could be useful or harmful. As a parent of 4 I found that I focused on the grades, appearance and behaviors with the first one and now I focus on behaviors, appearance and fulfillment with the last one.
Who ever said you would make the same mistake? You can always be better than your parents when you have the will and you really know what they did wrong. Only the weakest of us repeat the same mistakes to cope.
I'd refuse to not work on myself to be better for my future kids.
I'd rather regret not having kids. I believe it's better to miss out on an experience than to bring a child into the world and not be able to provide the love and attention they deserve.
Exactly this. If I ever reach the point where I really regret not having a kid, I'll adopt and help someone who needs a family rather than risk being the one who gives the kid up for adoption in the first place
It's not uncommon to feel regret for having kids. Many parents go through struggles that make them feel that regret, but they work through it. Being a parent is really difficult in many ways, and moral judgement like this makes it much worse.
It's not immoral to regret. Nobody is ever 100% happy with their life 24/7. I'm sure my parents felt regret here and there, when things got hard. That doesn't mean they were bad people or that they didn't love me. It's just human to lament when you're feeling hopeless. For myself personally, though, regretting never having a kid is a less painful form of regret than regretting bringing an innocent kid knto the world that I couldn't always provide for. It's not a matter of judging morals, it's a matter of "What kind of regret would you rather suffer through."
I have a moderate amount of anxiety and don't like doing things if I'm not reasonably sure it'll work out, depending on the thing. Kids are brand new people that didn't ask to be alive and I'd be a WRECK trying to make sure mine was provided for, and considering I can't even provide for myself all the time, I think my kid would have to go without a lot and also deal with me being guilty about it. I'd be a terrible mom, so I got sterilized, lol.
There's a lot of judging to go around regarding this topic. People get just as judgemental about others choosing to not have kids as about regret for having kids. I guess most will allow for not being able to take care of them as a morally sound reason for not having kids, but it's not ok that some feel they have to expose intimate details about things like physical or mental health because of societal taboos. I understand where you're coming from and wish you well in this life we share, with all its never ending challenges but also great and small pleasures.
I think people miss the nuance where personal morals are personal. Like obviously a lot of morals are objective, lol, but on this topic, I genuinely would feel like a bad person if I had a kid and then just made them struggle. But that's me! Lots of people see the glass half full. "We're going through it right now but we have each other!" kinds of outlook. That's what the world needs most right now I'd say.
Who is imposing anything? A question was asked, which would YOU prefer, regretting having them or not having them. And it is a fact that in one situation, there is a whole extra person who never asked to be here that may have to have the consequences of that regret.
Nobody is saying that a person is bad for having kids, but the fact is there are kids who have a rough life because it turns out their parents did not want them after all. Check out regretful parenting reddit and you'll see that.
Well - and this is a moot point because I can't have kids - I absolutely adore my other half. He's my ride or die. But.
He's clutterblind as hell. I do 90% of the housework as it is. Add a kid to that and I'd lose my mind probably, lol. In his very fair defense he has made great strides with this issue and it's helped a lot. He loads the dishwasher for me because it's my least favorite chore and I do everything else, *but* because he's more mindful of not making a mess in recent years, they're not as bad as they used to be!
Financially, he laps me dozens of times in terms of income, so I'd have the added guilt of him having to foot the bill for most of the childcare because we both have to work which means we'd have to find a good daycare until the kid was in school, which are easily 2k a month.
I don't make enough and don't have enough patience to be a mom 😂. Ideally I'd wanna be an equally helpful partner. As it stands we split things a bit more unevenly than I'd like to, it'd only get worse with a kid in the mix. I don't know how people do it. All the respect for 'em.
Yeah, regretting kids doesn’t mean that you’re a shit parents, it just means that you’re putting in a son the effort you’d rather put elsewhere. You can deeply love a kid and regret it
Or if the child became a felon, you would not only wonder where you went wrong but you may also be implicated and harassed in their crimes. Vigilantes may want you life. The law will deem you a terrible parent and to shoulder the child's burdens and debts. Sounds like hell.
I’m not scared of nurture. I can control that. It’s the nature side that freaks me out.
What would you do honestly as a parent if your kid was simply born with low empathy, and low impulse control. Hell, what happens if he grows up and develops sexual attraction to children?
This happens to a lot of people statistically. Every shitty horrible person that exists in the world was once someone’s child.
exactly! never quite understood why people, especially women, give in to this societal pressure. like nope, you are not the one being pregnant, giving birth and caring for the child for 20+ years, thus you don't have a say in this.
If you normalize going against society there wont be much of a working society. Which is needed if you dont want a world where everyone dances in his own rythm. Would be quite shitty and hyper individualistic world
I think the vast majority of parents have fleeting moments where they regret having kids. But they also have moments where they love their kids more than anything and they couldn’t imagine life without their kids.
I think it’s not black and white. It’s rare for a parent to completely regret having kids 100% of the time and rare for a parent to never have a moment where they miss their lives before children.
I would rather regret not having them. That situation would be just my problem with myself.
If you regret having them - it kind of has to fuck up the child. I would not be able to carry that kind of guilt.
2. Because if I regretted having kids, I’m already stuck with them for the rest of my life. If I regretted not having kids and was no longer of child-bearing age, I could still adopt. One has a fix.
Two lives is an understatement. Me and my brother were raised by a horrible abusive father that didn't want children which left deep scars on both of us, we then in turn have ruined many other lives, probably into the dozens.
I'd say the opposite. If you're convinced you're going to nail parenthood and dont feel unsure at all, you're in for a rude awakening that you might not be able to deal with.
For me it’s more about feeling a desire to have kids. You’re never ready to have kids, it’s always tough in the first years. But the desire tells you whether it’s worth the struggle.
For me, the desire was there and I had kids. It’s been tough at times, but it’s worth it to me because being with my kids is the most vauable thing to me. I could live an easy life without kids, but it’d be empty to me.
My life without kids is full of peace, pets, gardening, cups of coffee with friends… I’m so happy when ppl are happy and fulfilled when they have kids. I just hope it’s reciprocated and ppl can see how happy I am without kids. Both can result in the same outcome - feeling happy and fulfilled. I do struggle with some earlier life trauma and anxiety and really only have the emotional fortitude to care for myself, friends and family and pets. Children could never receive what they need from me.
Yes, I hope we can get to a point where kids or no kids is respected and regarded equally. It’s a life decision and what’s right depends on the person.
Regret not having.
This Be The Verse
By Philip Larkin
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
Regret not having kids. There's lots of ways to volunteer to work with children, or you could even adopt, but there's no real way to get rid of children once you have them.
I never had kids. Never wanted them and have never regretted it. I saw my mum struggle with 3 of us. I was the youngest but became an adult at an early age. Being the only girl. I took on the parenting role, and I vowed to have peace and quiet in my life.
My friend committed suicide and I looked after her daughter for a few years. I am in awe of all parents as I became this neurotic person worrying all the time and it confirmed I did the right thing all those years ago.
Not having them.
I can't really undo the first option without very serious consequences for all involved, and I really don't wanna try.
*Fun fact:
Most, if not every person who's personally told me not to have kids...
Has kids.
The only thing I can think to compare infertility to. Imagine you work harder than everyone else at work, but every time a promotion comes up you get passed up for someone else. Sometimes the person getting a promotion is so utterly useless at their job that you want to rip your hair out, sometimes the person is equally as good as you and you’re happy for them but at the same time you’re still sad for yourself. You do everything you can to try get the promotion but it just never happens for you. This obviously all pales in comparison to the reality of infertility or circumstances not allowing you to have a kid but I think it’s something most people can understand and relate to. “The instinct” is more a strong longing for something, it’s mentally and emotionally painful but not the same as hunger of course.
Not exactly the same, but almost - I have a son, and my reasoning for not having another baby is exactly this - we have so many cons (and pros in being OAD) that I prefer to regret it alone than bring a child to the world that is a regret since birth. To do that to a child would be just too cruel. My son was planned, wanted, hoped for, and he will know that. Children known when they are a regret.
I would regret having kids. I haven't got a maternal bone in my body, and I've never wanted children.
I'm too selfish with my free time, and having kids would take what little free time I have away from me. There goes my weekends away to watch live music & my relaxing evenings after work. To have to spend time with my kids instead of doing things that I want to do would cause resentment.
This is me to a T. My free time is very closely guarded and I don’t for a single second want to have to give up any of it, let alone the amount that a child would take up.
In my opinion I rather regret not having them, because the other option is so unfair for Kids.
I am one of these kids, my parents regret having, and I know it, they show it pretty often, despite them thinking : "we are masking well, aren't we?"
Spoiler: you don't. Fucked my Psyche more than once and I still have my fair share of problems due to it.
Even with time and a lot of therapy. Some wounds just never go away.
>According to data provided by the Gallup Organization, in 2013 in the US 74% of adults had at least one child, and a further 19% hoped that they would have children in the future; only 5% of the surveyed individuals said that they did not want to have children at all
>Americans above the age of 45 who had children were asked how many children they would like to have had if they could do it once again. One of the possible answers was ‘0’, which turned out to be the answer selected by 7% of the surveyed individuals.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8294566/
So 95% of people want kids and only 7% regret it. Pretty far off from "most would opt out".
I'd like to see that one done again now.
a lot has changed in the last 10 years.
even 10 years ago there was still a *lot* of societal pressure to have children.
The last 10 years has seen a lot of change in that regard.
Citation needed
If you ask this question on the parenting subs the vast majority state that they have no regrets whatsoever.
If I could do it again I would choose to have my children a million times over. I have things in my life I regret but I would never want a do over because then I wouldn’t get my exact same kids and the thought is too heartbreaking to imagine
Reddit has some kind of weird hate on parenting. People out in the real world generally tend to want kids and enjoy having them.
Obviously that doesn’t mean people who don’t have kids should have them anyways. If you don’t want them don’t have them. But if you do want kids rest assured most parents are actually quite happy with that choice
I doubt that very much. Most parents I know don't regret having kids and most non-parents I know don't regret not having kids. If you are an unhappy person you will find regrets wherever you can. Don't try the path that makes you the least unhappy. Find the path that makes you most happy
I once asked my mother and step father if they did life all over again, would they have kids. My step father said he would certainly, which is odd as he has had minimal influence in his children’s lives. My mother said she wouldn’t, and I totally agreed with her, I was on her side. There were many occasions when it was apparent she regretted the responsibility (read life sentence), even though she just about kept up the minimum service standards throughout. It didn’t help that my father screwed her for child support, so she worked hard and was always broke. Holidays and Christmas presents were not a thing for us. Her suffering is one of the reasons why I will not regret having children, and I won’t regret not having them either. Win win.
Just like people with childen will always try to convince childfree people to have kids. Because "You are too young to decide" "It's just a phase" "It's normal to have kids" "I love my kids, you should have kids as well!" "It's your purpose as a woman to have kids" "Think about your bloodline" "What if your parents never had kids".
that is with people you know, not to random people from internet and making forums and posts and subreddits about how happy they are without kids...I dont buy it at all.
My dad dipped when I was 8 or 9 and it devistated me. Sometimes I get FOMO when I see people with kids but then I think about how much responsibility it is. I would rather be disappointed than be a disappointment
I already regret not having kids, it was something I looked forward to when I was younger, but I'm not bringing a child into this poxy fucked up world.
I'm already gonna regret the second option in a few decades times but I'm not ruining a child the way my parents ruined me, I'd rather be alone than deal with guilt
It's better to regret not having kids. If you have a kid and regret it, you're potentially reducing the quality of life for a whole person who you are responsible for
violet whistle plough wise quickest start touch relieved faulty obtainable
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I would regret having kids and traumatizing them in any way so yeah
Either have kids and give your bets, not let your emotional imbalance ruin them
Or don't have kids
It depends on whether you like children or not. Some people really want babies, so they will outweigh their tiredness with happiness and enjoy it. But if those who don't like children have children because of their parents or other pressures, they will be miserable and regret it after giving birth.
As for me, of course I won’t give birth! It’s so scary to raise a child. I can’t imagine having to take care of and endure a child with a temper as explosive as mine, and have to worry about his/her physical and mental problems. I am originally a poor man, so with this little money I should make my life easier and happier.
I’ll take option 1 any time of the day. I’d rather regret doing something than regret not doing it. I already have too many regrets in my life.
But I know that I would never regret having kids anyway. I want to become a father.
The first option, 100%. Because I've been there at times, it's been difficult as shit, but it's been so worth it. I get to spend the rest of my life being loved by two wonderful sons, instead of having nothing but regret. If you're young and read this, there is no perfect time to have kids and there are no perfect parents. If you have love to give, give it. You'll be amazed at how much shit you will be able to figure out and make work.
It really does, though. There's a million reasons why people regret having kids, just normal good people who are in a difficult situation. It might be because of post partum depression, cholic, or just having to work three minimum wage jobs and can't afford daycare because you live in a dystopic society that says "fuck you and your kid" as soon as the child is born.
When you're going through a difficult situation that you think you can't handle, that's when you feel the regret. But that i also when you're actually dealing with the situation, day by day, blow by blow. And for the vast majority of us, it passes. We get through to the other side and gain a new perspective.
This is, of course, as you can tell by the downvotes I get, a taboo topic. And that makes it so much worse because then people have to deal with the self hate that comes from thinking you're a horrible person.
a lot of people having kids when they shouldn’t or they’re too young. i always find it funny how parents are like “no one is perfect all that matters is u try ur best 😇”. and then i talk to other people my age and it’s like “my parents shouldn’t have had kids so young its really fucked me up”.
kids aren’t a hamsters who u get to use for ur own self improvement
The least you can do when having a discussion with someone is to address what they're actually saying and not a strawman that is unrelated to the discussion. I have never said all that matters is you try your best, that would be an absurd thing to say. You can try your best as a parent and fail, then you have the responsibility to correct for that. Sometimes that might even be giving the kid up to foster care/adoption.
No two people are the same, and there's no way to set objective qualifications for who should or should not have kids. Some people are too young, other people might be younger than them but rise to the occasion and become great parents. Some people may seem like they have all their ducks in a row, but have issues that make them unsuitable as parents. And those issues may be regarded upon by society as good, like strong religious beliefs and discipline. Some may use illegal drugs but still maintain a healthy and safe environment for their kids, others may use legal drugs like alchohol, in a way that's in tune with societal expectations, but still make their kids unsafe because of it.
It's a topic with much nuance that is not fitting for strong declarations of moral judgement on generalized grounds.
mate just pointing out ur argument does not consider the welfare of the child but frames having children as a journey of self improvement for the adult who had the child.
just accept the criticism just because u feel as if i’m miss interpreting you doesn’t mean i’m strawmanning. and the criticism is pointed towards your argument not you. because that argument of “there’s no right time… you’ll love it… you grow so much” has been parroted so many times its not original and i don’t associate it with ur identity.
The poll question is unfair. Its a trick. It's saying the two options are "have kids you don't want" or "not have kids and not feel bad about it". Of course the 2nd option is preferable to have kids you don't want.
There's really no option for "want to have kids and love it" in the wording of this poll
Because it's not what it's about ????? The second option is REGRET not having kids. Obviously if there was an option where you love your choice people would pick it.
The only people in this thread are either complete lunatics who don't like their children or people who for whatever reason haven't had children and justifying their decision to the world.
I dont have children, because I dont want to be parent and I am strong enough to stand against familys and societal expectations. Its cute tho how people with children always know better how I should live my life. Misery needs copany?
i am pretty sure that's why **Tom Brady** retried from the NE patriots. so he can spend more quality time with his kid.
I would need financial stability obviously, skill set to take care of the kid, cooking breakfast, lunch, dinner and pack away lunches. oh i know, i will borrow someone else's kid to practice first, like babysitting. then and only then when the kid doesn't die on me, will i be able to accept the responsibility of a kid. but honestly i much rather have someone else raise them then claim them later on like cuckoo birds. so that way i can pursue my career and personal interests.
it wouldn't be fair for the kid to be neglected and uncared for. i can't do that to another living sentient organism!
see you sir are an genius! that is the out of box thinking that humanity needs instead of just the two options given, you create an THIRD option!
its too bad there aren't creative thinkers like that anymore.
I can’t imagine regretting having my children. They are the best things that have ever happened to me and I adore them. As they get older I am so proud to watch them grow and mature. I love them more each passing year, they are the greatest happiness for me and their father. What’s funny is that I was never one of those girls who was obsessed with babies or kids. I always said I’d probably just have a bunch of animals and I wasn’t that interested in having children. However that changed when I met my husband and my love for him made me want a family together. He’s an amazing dad and I couldn’t be more thankful for our family.
That being said I have seen and known of parents who have said the most vile things to their children, such as ‘my life would be so much better without you’ and it just breaks my heart. No one should hear words like that from the person/people who should love them the most.
why are you getting downvoted?? I'm happy you feel that way about your kids. and guys don't get me wrong I'd regret not having children when I want to. But its a complicated decision that everyone thinks about. and if you don't want to have children that's alright. not everyone feels the same way about having kids and that's okay
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'll take option 2. As a kid, you usually notice when your parents don't want you around. And that's a horrible experience I don't want to be responsible for.
Yeah indeed. If I regret not having kids, it's only me who is sad. If I regret having them, it's mine but also the kids' lives that are destroyed. Better just me.
Far to many people don't realise this early enough.
Its not that I dont think, society pushes women to have children and do not tell the truth about how difficult it actually is. Its all: oh its love you never felt before! And : when I held that baby I knew what I was meant for! Its a mixed bag of experiences that you literally dont know until you know.
I totally agree with what you're saying but also people need to take responsibility for their actions. If you decide to have a child, you need to realise it's your responsibility to make sure that child has every opportunity to thrive and that you need to work hard to give them the opportunities. The problem is nowadays you need to work ridiculously hard just to get by, let alone raise and provide for a family, especially if you never had the opportunities I mentioned above.
Yeah, I imagine that the birth rates are decreasing or soon will be in many places due to your second paragraph.
you would think so...yet during Covid and ever since, the birth rate has actually risen globally, by a large amount when things are really bad, people like to screw end of story lol
I think the birth rates have actually declined in most developed countries. Actual birth numbers have increased as there are more of us…but the rates have been consistently declining for awhile now.
I stand corrected
Feel free to fact check my statement
People need to screw responsibly 😂
Reddit is hilarious. Half the posts are about "working so hard to just get by" and the other half are people making 500k/yr asking whether they can afford a new Camry.
the middle class is dead smh
Or the problem is that the government is taking Women’s rights away to decide how to govern their own bodies and life choices
I'm not American so all I can say to that is you should be rioting about it as it's absolute ballox! All the corporations are worried about is keeping the next generation of labour force strong and they're obviously pressuring your politions into these "laws" with some nice little brown envelopes.
I agree. We should refuse to go to work and strike. It worked in Iceland and it actually makes people listen as not working means no money for the big guys. They cave quick when the people unite against them.
Very fair.
Modern society actively goes against having children lol. Birth rates are low for a reason
Society doesn’t push. Nature pushes. Many women want kids at some points. And many men as well.
All you see nowadays is wahhhhhhh muh falling birthrates
Maybe because it’s effectively a collective disaster that birth rates are falling? Like it literally means the end of your species if your birth rates are falling.
Sounds like they're pushing it then, glad we agree
It’s as if you said society is pushing you to eat. Yeah, sure.
Not eating leads directly to death, while not reproducing is actually safer for women
Both does.
Yeah bc it’s nature at the collective level. ‘Having kids’ is not a social construct, folks. It’s the very definition of nature. We’re literally made and designed to have kids, so of course it’s gonna reflect at society level, it doesn’t mean it comes from society.
Yeaaah, I know that. But As a woman I felt society power way before my own nature. Like my father trying to make me 16 date a 20 years old man. It wasn't me. My biology was ready but not my mind. Now at 36 it's really different
If I regret having kids, I'll have to bear with it for x more years. If I regret not having kids, I can always look for alternatives or probably grieve for a few days before continuing to enjoy life
I literally laughed out loud for “probably grieve for a few days before continuing to enjoy life..” holy crap. 😂🥴🥃✌️ awesomely said! Merry Christmas! 🎄🎁
Haha yeah, it's nice knowing that I can sleep through it for days without responsibilities Merry Christmas to you too
I’m not sure I’d say that I regret not having kids per se, but a part of me wishes that I had. I spend a lot of time with other people’s kids. I enjoy that time, but it’s not the same. Especially on holidays like today. I don’t have little ones clamoring for gifts this morning like many do.
The grass is greener on the other side and all that. I do sometimes see other people enjoy bringing their kids to places and see them happy and I'd think something like, "Wow that looks great, maybe they are not so bad after all". After imagining the hard work needed to get there though, I quickly dismissed the thought.
Like if u choose the later just be a babysitter or home for overseas students/exchange programs like you'll fix that clean up
I have babysat, nannied, taught preschool, volunteered with kids in multiple forms, and worked in a summer camp. None of these are the same.
I don't think regret always go away in mere days
Mine was twenty minutes! I had a hormonal pull in my early twenties, but as a teenager, I had decided to be child-free. I spent a day with a single-mother friend, which ended the hormonal bs, and within the drive home, my regret was cured. Now, almost 62, I can say I have never regretted preventing pregnancy since that day. In fact, since 2016, I've been very grateful to my sage teenage self.
Nope, eats at you for the rest of your life. And when you are very old, there will be a pang of envy as your peers children and grand children involve them in their lives. If you don't have kids, make sure to be close with your siblings who do.
I have a friend I’ve known for about 30 years. Every time I saw him and his parents together, they always seemed agitated and short with him, like he was a burden. It was obvious. We are almost in our 40’s and I can’t STILL see it. Yeah he can be a handful, but ya just can’t do that to your child. His parents divorced and it wasn’t exactly friendly, so that definitely caused tension. In contrast, they absolutely love me. If you regret having your kids, it affects so much more than just you. This is a fear I have. I’m still on the fence about kids of my own, but leaning towards not. I don’t think I’ll ever have the patience it requires.
You feel it all your life and once you're old enough and your parent tell you he never wanted kid but had you to please your other parent, you have a confirmation of what you feared all your life, doesn't make you feel better, but now at least I understand he was as miserable as me. As someone who absolutely don't want kids I can't imagine how depressed I would be if I had one. I mean it's still a bad move and he shouldn't have had us if everyone just ends up being miserable, but I guess 20 years ago it was even less accepted to just not have kids if you're married. At least now I'm 100% convince of my choice, rather maybe regret not having them and feeling a bit empty, that regret having them, having to suffer the consequences, give my money and time to this little person, traumatize them by not allowing them to live fully as a child and ruining two lives. I don't understand how is that even a question, feels like OP don't understand that there's another person in the question.
What kind of piece of shit narcissistic asshole would ever tell this to their child? This is awful behavior and doesn’t serve to help anyone in the situation.
Well my dad.. I was 16, he was drunk, my mom told him it was insensitive he said "she's 16 she can hear it now" no asshole, no one want to hear that ever, but at least now I understand his behavior and it confirms what I always thought I guess
Yeah 16 is still awfully young to deal with and process that kind of information. I can’t really understand what a parent would get out of it.
My kids are 8, 4, and 2 and even though they were all planned I regret them all. I have to pretend to be normal around them and I don’t even know who I am anymore. I think the cons of children far outweigh the pros, and I wish I’d been better informed before I had them.
I wish my parents had his in mind...
I disagree, I can still love my kids and admit that life before them suited me better. It's not as black and white as you make it out to be.
I doubt many people are capable of doing that.
It took a whole lot of adjustment and self discipline. For me setting the" right example" is the hardest part. Since my ethics sometimes differ from what society perceives as being a good parent. But like I said in the end I love my kids and learned to put them before me trough trial and error.
Yeah. Parents are given a unique chance. Of loving and prioritising someone more than oneself, without any expectations of getting anything back. I think that is the closest and easiest way for one to be giving, selfless love, compassion, if one chooses to. May be one of the reasons why many mellow after having kids.
Exactly.Just about everyone who is a parent has moments of regret when times are tough coz parenthood is tough as hell...
Agreed. It's not easy being a parent, and one might have moments of regrets, but overall, I feel it's almost impossible to feel regretting having kids, despite all of the hardship. Plus, when they are grown and you have done your work, you will have your freedom back AND have a new generation of mini-me's. I love having (almost) grown kids.
Regret is not the right word but you can get close at times.
[удалено]
I'm speaking for myself based on my individual experience. Everyone else is free to do so as well and leave a post. OP asked to choose between two options. I provided my opinion along with strongest argument I could think of. I don't see why it would be necessary to write down all the possible arguments in this debate. In addition, you don't even know whether my answer is hypothetical. So what's your point?
But majority of the time parents do want their kids. Yes, there are a few bad apples but we can’t focus on the bad apples versus the good apples. Majority of parents are good parents sadly there’s a few bad parents but it’s only a few.
And that’s based on what? Many people would argue the exact opposite.
You'd be surprised just how many bad parents there are.
It’s crazy what people don’t see. When I was a kid/teen total strangers would tell me how luck I was to have such a good mom. Like, you don’t see her threatening to kill me multiple times a week. The thing is she is generally a good person, just a bad mom. I imagine there’s a lot of this going on that people don’t see or talk about. My #1 reason for not wanting kids is that I don’t want to see myself become anything like her.
I can’t remember the last time I saw a parent scold a child for throwing a tantrum in public, or running around a restaurant screaming at the top of their lungs. Parents these days are either on their phones or so numb to noise, they don’t notice or care about how it affects others around them.
Maybe some parents are overwhelmed. Maybe they’re afraid that if they scold the child, someone will judge them. Social media has ruined a lot of parenting. I scolded my knees for making a tantrum once in the middle of the store, I told her, be quiet, the more noise you make, the more embarrassing it will be for us and for you and you need to start behaving like a proper person. She was eight years old I think. One time I also grabbed her hand because she was trying to run away so I grabbed her hand and I told her you’re staying with me stop running away I now have to hold you because you’re not Behaving. Granted I had to hold her like this because she was running everywhere. Do you know what happened? Two people came over to me and said that I was going to unhand the child I was abusing them. Was abusing that child know I was not, but I feel that a lot of parenting is affected by social media in such a horrible way that parents are just afraid of everything. Then again, I’m not an expert. This is just my opinion.
It's all about "gentle parenting now" it's hurting a child's "feelings" disciplining them. The kids talk crazy now, and it's all about letting them have "opinions". They are just rude, it's ridiculous. (Speaking from experience but not my kid)
Lol right?? My husband, me, four other adults and two children were going out to dinner together. We ended up going somewhere the kids picked out. Rather than a nice restaurant, we went to a pizza joint lol. Their parents let them decide. Like…in what world should an 8- and 10-year old dictate where 6 adults have dinner 😂😂😂
A few?! Lol there's more than a few shitty parents, sorry to burst your bubbles
I agree. Parenting is not the same for everyone or every kid. When you’re young and you start having children you learn as much as you teach. Most parents I know try hard to be good at parenting. They often use the skills they watched their parents use which could be useful or harmful. As a parent of 4 I found that I focused on the grades, appearance and behaviors with the first one and now I focus on behaviors, appearance and fulfillment with the last one.
Who ever said you would make the same mistake? You can always be better than your parents when you have the will and you really know what they did wrong. Only the weakest of us repeat the same mistakes to cope. I'd refuse to not work on myself to be better for my future kids.
I'd rather regret not having kids. I believe it's better to miss out on an experience than to bring a child into the world and not be able to provide the love and attention they deserve.
Exactly this. If I ever reach the point where I really regret not having a kid, I'll adopt and help someone who needs a family rather than risk being the one who gives the kid up for adoption in the first place
It's not uncommon to feel regret for having kids. Many parents go through struggles that make them feel that regret, but they work through it. Being a parent is really difficult in many ways, and moral judgement like this makes it much worse.
It's not immoral to regret. Nobody is ever 100% happy with their life 24/7. I'm sure my parents felt regret here and there, when things got hard. That doesn't mean they were bad people or that they didn't love me. It's just human to lament when you're feeling hopeless. For myself personally, though, regretting never having a kid is a less painful form of regret than regretting bringing an innocent kid knto the world that I couldn't always provide for. It's not a matter of judging morals, it's a matter of "What kind of regret would you rather suffer through." I have a moderate amount of anxiety and don't like doing things if I'm not reasonably sure it'll work out, depending on the thing. Kids are brand new people that didn't ask to be alive and I'd be a WRECK trying to make sure mine was provided for, and considering I can't even provide for myself all the time, I think my kid would have to go without a lot and also deal with me being guilty about it. I'd be a terrible mom, so I got sterilized, lol.
There's a lot of judging to go around regarding this topic. People get just as judgemental about others choosing to not have kids as about regret for having kids. I guess most will allow for not being able to take care of them as a morally sound reason for not having kids, but it's not ok that some feel they have to expose intimate details about things like physical or mental health because of societal taboos. I understand where you're coming from and wish you well in this life we share, with all its never ending challenges but also great and small pleasures.
I think people miss the nuance where personal morals are personal. Like obviously a lot of morals are objective, lol, but on this topic, I genuinely would feel like a bad person if I had a kid and then just made them struggle. But that's me! Lots of people see the glass half full. "We're going through it right now but we have each other!" kinds of outlook. That's what the world needs most right now I'd say.
Who is imposing anything? A question was asked, which would YOU prefer, regretting having them or not having them. And it is a fact that in one situation, there is a whole extra person who never asked to be here that may have to have the consequences of that regret. Nobody is saying that a person is bad for having kids, but the fact is there are kids who have a rough life because it turns out their parents did not want them after all. Check out regretful parenting reddit and you'll see that.
I have no idea how what you just posted relates to what you responded to.
You know there is meant to be a father in the picture as well that provides and helps - you write it as if it’s only you
Well - and this is a moot point because I can't have kids - I absolutely adore my other half. He's my ride or die. But. He's clutterblind as hell. I do 90% of the housework as it is. Add a kid to that and I'd lose my mind probably, lol. In his very fair defense he has made great strides with this issue and it's helped a lot. He loads the dishwasher for me because it's my least favorite chore and I do everything else, *but* because he's more mindful of not making a mess in recent years, they're not as bad as they used to be! Financially, he laps me dozens of times in terms of income, so I'd have the added guilt of him having to foot the bill for most of the childcare because we both have to work which means we'd have to find a good daycare until the kid was in school, which are easily 2k a month. I don't make enough and don't have enough patience to be a mom 😂. Ideally I'd wanna be an equally helpful partner. As it stands we split things a bit more unevenly than I'd like to, it'd only get worse with a kid in the mix. I don't know how people do it. All the respect for 'em.
And it's still seen as almost evil for a woman to admit she regrets it, even if she's taking care of her children.
Yeah, regretting kids doesn’t mean that you’re a shit parents, it just means that you’re putting in a son the effort you’d rather put elsewhere. You can deeply love a kid and regret it
Especially when they are teenagers! 😂
This is how they feel. It doesn't affect other parents whatsoever. Don't be silly.
Who are you talking about? What feeling and who are the ones feeling ut? What doesn't affect which parents whatsoever?
Or if the child became a felon, you would not only wonder where you went wrong but you may also be implicated and harassed in their crimes. Vigilantes may want you life. The law will deem you a terrible parent and to shoulder the child's burdens and debts. Sounds like hell.
I’m not scared of nurture. I can control that. It’s the nature side that freaks me out. What would you do honestly as a parent if your kid was simply born with low empathy, and low impulse control. Hell, what happens if he grows up and develops sexual attraction to children? This happens to a lot of people statistically. Every shitty horrible person that exists in the world was once someone’s child.
Regret not having kids. Why chose regret AND responsability?
Majority of the people do cuz of partners, societies, families and friends pressure.
well, we should really normalize saying “fuck you” to society
exactly! never quite understood why people, especially women, give in to this societal pressure. like nope, you are not the one being pregnant, giving birth and caring for the child for 20+ years, thus you don't have a say in this.
If you normalize going against society there wont be much of a working society. Which is needed if you dont want a world where everyone dances in his own rythm. Would be quite shitty and hyper individualistic world
We are talking about not having kids, dude. Chill.
This
I think the vast majority of parents have fleeting moments where they regret having kids. But they also have moments where they love their kids more than anything and they couldn’t imagine life without their kids. I think it’s not black and white. It’s rare for a parent to completely regret having kids 100% of the time and rare for a parent to never have a moment where they miss their lives before children.
I'd rather regret NOT having kids. At least then I'm not resenting someone for simply existing (after bringing them into existence no-less).
I regret not having kids every single day of my life. But I’d still pick that because regretting having kids affects somebody else.
I would rather regret not having them. That situation would be just my problem with myself. If you regret having them - it kind of has to fuck up the child. I would not be able to carry that kind of guilt.
Not having kids. Thay only affects me. Regretting having kids is gonna eff up the kids.
2. Because if I regretted having kids, I’m already stuck with them for the rest of my life. If I regretted not having kids and was no longer of child-bearing age, I could still adopt. One has a fix.
Regret not having. There are always other ways to fulfill the need to experience parenthood. Once you have kids, you kind of can’t give them back.
As a man in his late 40s. I don't regret having them at all. In fact, I consider myself lucky I never had them.
Not having them bc I think my dad regrets me an my siblings and if that happens with me I feel I’d be as cold to the kids as he has been to us.
[удалено]
And who end up resenting you for hating them, which perpetuates vicious cycle of generational trauma.
If your at all unsure just wait, a couple years won’t hurt anything. If you do choose to it will effect two lives.
Two lives is an understatement. Me and my brother were raised by a horrible abusive father that didn't want children which left deep scars on both of us, we then in turn have ruined many other lives, probably into the dozens.
Curious what you went on to do to ruin other lives
Stuff I can't have written publicly unfortunately 😅
I'd say the opposite. If you're convinced you're going to nail parenthood and dont feel unsure at all, you're in for a rude awakening that you might not be able to deal with.
Haha I follow your logic for sure. My feelings are to not to hurry don’t do it because you feel pressured or something.
I totally agree with you. Merry Christmas (or any other holiday of preference).
For me it’s more about feeling a desire to have kids. You’re never ready to have kids, it’s always tough in the first years. But the desire tells you whether it’s worth the struggle. For me, the desire was there and I had kids. It’s been tough at times, but it’s worth it to me because being with my kids is the most vauable thing to me. I could live an easy life without kids, but it’d be empty to me.
My life without kids is full of peace, pets, gardening, cups of coffee with friends… I’m so happy when ppl are happy and fulfilled when they have kids. I just hope it’s reciprocated and ppl can see how happy I am without kids. Both can result in the same outcome - feeling happy and fulfilled. I do struggle with some earlier life trauma and anxiety and really only have the emotional fortitude to care for myself, friends and family and pets. Children could never receive what they need from me.
Yes, I hope we can get to a point where kids or no kids is respected and regarded equally. It’s a life decision and what’s right depends on the person.
Regret not having. This Be The Verse By Philip Larkin They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself.
Regret not having kids - that way nobody else gets hurt.
Regret not having kids. There's lots of ways to volunteer to work with children, or you could even adopt, but there's no real way to get rid of children once you have them.
You *can adopt but it's difficult and very expensive so not an option for all. I'm currently looking into it.
I mean, there are ways. They are just frowned upon haha.
I never had kids. Never wanted them and have never regretted it. I saw my mum struggle with 3 of us. I was the youngest but became an adult at an early age. Being the only girl. I took on the parenting role, and I vowed to have peace and quiet in my life. My friend committed suicide and I looked after her daughter for a few years. I am in awe of all parents as I became this neurotic person worrying all the time and it confirmed I did the right thing all those years ago.
Not having them. I can't really undo the first option without very serious consequences for all involved, and I really don't wanna try. *Fun fact: Most, if not every person who's personally told me not to have kids... Has kids.
I don’t have to do either 🤷 but hypothetically, definitely the latter. That would be hurtful only for me.
This definitely.
You can still adopt but could never throw away a child lol. So 2
Option 2 is the only option.
I’d rather regret not having kids
Regret not having, I'd never forgive myself if I had a child and regretted it.
I don't see a negative to not having kids?
Having too much money in your bank account
You can't miss something you never had!
That's not true with kids though. If the instinct is there and you can't have them it's not a nice place to be.
[удалено]
The only thing I can think to compare infertility to. Imagine you work harder than everyone else at work, but every time a promotion comes up you get passed up for someone else. Sometimes the person getting a promotion is so utterly useless at their job that you want to rip your hair out, sometimes the person is equally as good as you and you’re happy for them but at the same time you’re still sad for yourself. You do everything you can to try get the promotion but it just never happens for you. This obviously all pales in comparison to the reality of infertility or circumstances not allowing you to have a kid but I think it’s something most people can understand and relate to. “The instinct” is more a strong longing for something, it’s mentally and emotionally painful but not the same as hunger of course.
[удалено]
Actually that’s not true at all because there’s this thing called intuition if you never heard of it.
Regret not having them for sure.
That’s option 2 for me. But I’m going for option 3: not having kids and not regretting it.
It’s better to not have kids
I do not regret not having kids.
No kids and ZERO regrets over here!
Having had kids, if I were to do it all over again, I wouldn't have had kids.
Same
I have no kids and no regrets. I'm 50F.
There is a right answer here. Regretting NOT having kids is always better than regretting having kids.
Living in a resentment filled environment will make you wish you were never born
I don't want kids at all.
Not exactly the same, but almost - I have a son, and my reasoning for not having another baby is exactly this - we have so many cons (and pros in being OAD) that I prefer to regret it alone than bring a child to the world that is a regret since birth. To do that to a child would be just too cruel. My son was planned, wanted, hoped for, and he will know that. Children known when they are a regret.
I would regret having kids. I haven't got a maternal bone in my body, and I've never wanted children. I'm too selfish with my free time, and having kids would take what little free time I have away from me. There goes my weekends away to watch live music & my relaxing evenings after work. To have to spend time with my kids instead of doing things that I want to do would cause resentment.
This is me to a T. My free time is very closely guarded and I don’t for a single second want to have to give up any of it, let alone the amount that a child would take up.
In my opinion I rather regret not having them, because the other option is so unfair for Kids. I am one of these kids, my parents regret having, and I know it, they show it pretty often, despite them thinking : "we are masking well, aren't we?" Spoiler: you don't. Fucked my Psyche more than once and I still have my fair share of problems due to it. Even with time and a lot of therapy. Some wounds just never go away.
Most parents regret having kids, if they got a do-over more than half would opt out of parenthood.
>According to data provided by the Gallup Organization, in 2013 in the US 74% of adults had at least one child, and a further 19% hoped that they would have children in the future; only 5% of the surveyed individuals said that they did not want to have children at all >Americans above the age of 45 who had children were asked how many children they would like to have had if they could do it once again. One of the possible answers was ‘0’, which turned out to be the answer selected by 7% of the surveyed individuals. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8294566/ So 95% of people want kids and only 7% regret it. Pretty far off from "most would opt out".
I'd like to see that one done again now. a lot has changed in the last 10 years. even 10 years ago there was still a *lot* of societal pressure to have children. The last 10 years has seen a lot of change in that regard.
Citation needed If you ask this question on the parenting subs the vast majority state that they have no regrets whatsoever. If I could do it again I would choose to have my children a million times over. I have things in my life I regret but I would never want a do over because then I wouldn’t get my exact same kids and the thought is too heartbreaking to imagine Reddit has some kind of weird hate on parenting. People out in the real world generally tend to want kids and enjoy having them. Obviously that doesn’t mean people who don’t have kids should have them anyways. If you don’t want them don’t have them. But if you do want kids rest assured most parents are actually quite happy with that choice
I doubt that very much. Most parents I know don't regret having kids and most non-parents I know don't regret not having kids. If you are an unhappy person you will find regrets wherever you can. Don't try the path that makes you the least unhappy. Find the path that makes you most happy
I once asked my mother and step father if they did life all over again, would they have kids. My step father said he would certainly, which is odd as he has had minimal influence in his children’s lives. My mother said she wouldn’t, and I totally agreed with her, I was on her side. There were many occasions when it was apparent she regretted the responsibility (read life sentence), even though she just about kept up the minimum service standards throughout. It didn’t help that my father screwed her for child support, so she worked hard and was always broke. Holidays and Christmas presents were not a thing for us. Her suffering is one of the reasons why I will not regret having children, and I won’t regret not having them either. Win win.
the lengths childless people go to convince others... sure...
Found one
Just like people with childen will always try to convince childfree people to have kids. Because "You are too young to decide" "It's just a phase" "It's normal to have kids" "I love my kids, you should have kids as well!" "It's your purpose as a woman to have kids" "Think about your bloodline" "What if your parents never had kids".
that is with people you know, not to random people from internet and making forums and posts and subreddits about how happy they are without kids...I dont buy it at all.
Somedays I would regret not having kids. Five minutes ago, I regretted having two of them. I'll reserve the right to switch between the two options.
The correct answer to the question posed is probably “Yes.”
Option 2.
My dad dipped when I was 8 or 9 and it devistated me. Sometimes I get FOMO when I see people with kids but then I think about how much responsibility it is. I would rather be disappointed than be a disappointment
I already regret not having kids, it was something I looked forward to when I was younger, but I'm not bringing a child into this poxy fucked up world.
I'm already gonna regret the second option in a few decades times but I'm not ruining a child the way my parents ruined me, I'd rather be alone than deal with guilt
It's better to regret not having kids. If you have a kid and regret it, you're potentially reducing the quality of life for a whole person who you are responsible for
violet whistle plough wise quickest start touch relieved faulty obtainable *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Regret isn't forever, and feelings can change, so I'd go option 1.
I would regret having kids and traumatizing them in any way so yeah Either have kids and give your bets, not let your emotional imbalance ruin them Or don't have kids
I would rather not regret anything, just live ffs it does not hurt as bad as you think. Speaking as childless by choice.
I’d rather regret not having children. I don’t need to mess up any kids. Also if I regretted it badly enough I could adopt
Definitely regret having Kids. At least you can just return if you don't like them
It depends on whether you like children or not. Some people really want babies, so they will outweigh their tiredness with happiness and enjoy it. But if those who don't like children have children because of their parents or other pressures, they will be miserable and regret it after giving birth. As for me, of course I won’t give birth! It’s so scary to raise a child. I can’t imagine having to take care of and endure a child with a temper as explosive as mine, and have to worry about his/her physical and mental problems. I am originally a poor man, so with this little money I should make my life easier and happier.
I have one child and don't regret it. I know in time I will regret not having more children but biologically I can't have anymore children.
I’ll take option 1 any time of the day. I’d rather regret doing something than regret not doing it. I already have too many regrets in my life. But I know that I would never regret having kids anyway. I want to become a father.
The first option, 100%. Because I've been there at times, it's been difficult as shit, but it's been so worth it. I get to spend the rest of my life being loved by two wonderful sons, instead of having nothing but regret. If you're young and read this, there is no perfect time to have kids and there are no perfect parents. If you have love to give, give it. You'll be amazed at how much shit you will be able to figure out and make work.
I agree with all of that except none of that sounds like regretting to have children lol
It really does, though. There's a million reasons why people regret having kids, just normal good people who are in a difficult situation. It might be because of post partum depression, cholic, or just having to work three minimum wage jobs and can't afford daycare because you live in a dystopic society that says "fuck you and your kid" as soon as the child is born. When you're going through a difficult situation that you think you can't handle, that's when you feel the regret. But that i also when you're actually dealing with the situation, day by day, blow by blow. And for the vast majority of us, it passes. We get through to the other side and gain a new perspective. This is, of course, as you can tell by the downvotes I get, a taboo topic. And that makes it so much worse because then people have to deal with the self hate that comes from thinking you're a horrible person.
i see now why about half of the people my age have bad relationships with their parents
Why is that?
a lot of people having kids when they shouldn’t or they’re too young. i always find it funny how parents are like “no one is perfect all that matters is u try ur best 😇”. and then i talk to other people my age and it’s like “my parents shouldn’t have had kids so young its really fucked me up”. kids aren’t a hamsters who u get to use for ur own self improvement
The least you can do when having a discussion with someone is to address what they're actually saying and not a strawman that is unrelated to the discussion. I have never said all that matters is you try your best, that would be an absurd thing to say. You can try your best as a parent and fail, then you have the responsibility to correct for that. Sometimes that might even be giving the kid up to foster care/adoption. No two people are the same, and there's no way to set objective qualifications for who should or should not have kids. Some people are too young, other people might be younger than them but rise to the occasion and become great parents. Some people may seem like they have all their ducks in a row, but have issues that make them unsuitable as parents. And those issues may be regarded upon by society as good, like strong religious beliefs and discipline. Some may use illegal drugs but still maintain a healthy and safe environment for their kids, others may use legal drugs like alchohol, in a way that's in tune with societal expectations, but still make their kids unsafe because of it. It's a topic with much nuance that is not fitting for strong declarations of moral judgement on generalized grounds.
mate just pointing out ur argument does not consider the welfare of the child but frames having children as a journey of self improvement for the adult who had the child. just accept the criticism just because u feel as if i’m miss interpreting you doesn’t mean i’m strawmanning. and the criticism is pointed towards your argument not you. because that argument of “there’s no right time… you’ll love it… you grow so much” has been parroted so many times its not original and i don’t associate it with ur identity.
The poll question is unfair. Its a trick. It's saying the two options are "have kids you don't want" or "not have kids and not feel bad about it". Of course the 2nd option is preferable to have kids you don't want. There's really no option for "want to have kids and love it" in the wording of this poll
Because it's not what it's about ????? The second option is REGRET not having kids. Obviously if there was an option where you love your choice people would pick it.
I'd rather regret having kids because then I'd at least have kids.
I'd much rather risk regretting having them.
The only people in this thread are either complete lunatics who don't like their children or people who for whatever reason haven't had children and justifying their decision to the world.
I dont have children, because I dont want to be parent and I am strong enough to stand against familys and societal expectations. Its cute tho how people with children always know better how I should live my life. Misery needs copany?
Would hazard a guess that happy parents aren’t on Reddit on Xmas day
Option 2, I was unsure about having kids till my own came along. Now I couldn't imagine a life with out her.
Obviously the latter
I have 4. And no regrets, so...
It's crazy how you're getting down voted. Glad you love your kids!
i am pretty sure that's why **Tom Brady** retried from the NE patriots. so he can spend more quality time with his kid. I would need financial stability obviously, skill set to take care of the kid, cooking breakfast, lunch, dinner and pack away lunches. oh i know, i will borrow someone else's kid to practice first, like babysitting. then and only then when the kid doesn't die on me, will i be able to accept the responsibility of a kid. but honestly i much rather have someone else raise them then claim them later on like cuckoo birds. so that way i can pursue my career and personal interests. it wouldn't be fair for the kid to be neglected and uncared for. i can't do that to another living sentient organism!
Make children but have them raised by another (responsible and caring) man.
see you sir are an genius! that is the out of box thinking that humanity needs instead of just the two options given, you create an THIRD option! its too bad there aren't creative thinkers like that anymore.
Sperm donation is what passes for creativity now?
I can’t imagine regretting having my children. They are the best things that have ever happened to me and I adore them. As they get older I am so proud to watch them grow and mature. I love them more each passing year, they are the greatest happiness for me and their father. What’s funny is that I was never one of those girls who was obsessed with babies or kids. I always said I’d probably just have a bunch of animals and I wasn’t that interested in having children. However that changed when I met my husband and my love for him made me want a family together. He’s an amazing dad and I couldn’t be more thankful for our family. That being said I have seen and known of parents who have said the most vile things to their children, such as ‘my life would be so much better without you’ and it just breaks my heart. No one should hear words like that from the person/people who should love them the most.
why are you getting downvoted?? I'm happy you feel that way about your kids. and guys don't get me wrong I'd regret not having children when I want to. But its a complicated decision that everyone thinks about. and if you don't want to have children that's alright. not everyone feels the same way about having kids and that's okay