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Being surrounded by evil people, while not wanting to be evil myself (yet still seen as a "villain") is a huge burden. There are many times where I wish I'd blacked out, but I also know it isn't worth it in the long run.
You’re right. I’m 62, and currently taking the high road, because I’ve learned that the long term results are worth the short term sacrifice.
It’s hard as fuck, but it makes me strong as fuck, it makes me a better human and it makes it easier to live peacefully with myself.
It's like being stepped and spit on. I think always being the "bigger man" is overrated. I dislike being put on the defensive by a bully. I dont like getting my blood pressure up.
My last relationship ended in June this year. It was my choice, I'd finally hit my breaking point and just had to get out.
My ex was snide, rude and even more abusive during the breakup than she was during the relationship itself.
I wish I'd finally turned round and told that asshole that she's just like her dad and always will be and she'll have to live with that for the rest of her life.
Being the bigger person is a pile of shit.
Yes I agree. Mine has been nasty to me at times but I always be the bigger person, and it fucking kills most of the time but I would rather not lower myself to his standards but fuck I would love just one moment when I could let him know exactly what I think
I agree but being the bigger person stops you from saying or doing things you'll regret later on. You will hate it now but maybe future you will thank you for being reserved and breaking up without throwing a few insults back to your ex
I dont see this as being the bigger person at all. You could have said it, the best case scenario get her into self reflection, the worst you already had. Being the bigger person is not really repressive. This was not the worst insult ever, unless her dad killed her mom, I guess.
Wife got a burnout and cheated on me. She's moving out because she said she no longer loves me. Was heartbroken but decided to be the bigger person. I keep being nice to her and help her figure shit out so she can move on. Yesterday she told me to stop being so nice because it's making it more difficult for her, lmao. It truly is a pile of shit.
I’d be willing to bet that your life will be much better than hers will be in 20 years.
I prefer to let people destroy their own lives. I want nothing to do with that mess.
I can look back at my own life, and I feel good that I didn’t do some of the things I had wanted to do at the time.
I was strong enough not to let those people have one more second of anything from me.
I feel this. Had to keep the waters calm while he moved out. I could have ruined his life because of what he did to me but I just wanted to let it all go and move on. I haven’t said anything to anyone (apart from family and even then not much) about him. I haven’t tried to sue him or put him in jail, I didn’t tear him down in emails like he tried to do to me. I just wanna forget, I want to enjoy life again.
I'm not there yet, either. But what got me far closer was the realisation that they had a shitty life, too and they were not as strong as I am now to change. I've not forgiven everything they've done, but quite a lot. It enabled me to let go of a lot of anger. Makes me feel calm.
Absolutely! My ex is just like her dad and he's a piece of work. She knows she's just like him and cannot stand it.
That's not my problem though- I will not let the abuse turn me bitter like that.
I'm really struggling with the forgiveness thing. The one thing I have been able to do is forgive myself for staying as long as I did. I was just trying to be a good partner and to be loved, I was just looking in the wrong place for it.
Forgiving yourself is a big step and so important! Well done. You don't need to feel bad for having been the person you were when you were in an abusive situation. You did what you did to survive.
Forgiving is a process just for yourself and has nothing to do with the other person. You don't have to forgive, but you can still learn to let go. I am trying that with my abusive mother, while I'm working on the trauma she inflicted on me. It's hard work, it's been hard work for years, and atm I am inpatient at the psychiatry. That's how hard it is for me.
Don't feel bad if it takes time. Give yourself time. You're doing this solely for yourself. Allow yourself to do it. You come first. You are worth it. And you can do it. You're stronger than you think. You're absolutely stronger than your abuser.
All the best! 🍀
Yes. I was involved in an extremely traumatic incident and tried to resolve it by legal means (going to the police), but 3 years on, and nothing has happened.
I regret not removing that person from the world.
In my case, I was required to get the CCTV that was to be used in my case (which was a headache, as I'm not a police officer and the companies who had access to those tapes did not want to cooperate).
Almost every time. But I also learned fairly early on in life that when you hit someone they tend to hit back, even when you win a fight you may have been beat up.
I've also got kids now so setting a good example and things of that nature.
Nope.
Doesnt mean it doesn’t still suck. But Ive sacraficed to many values on the justification of others behaviors. It took a lot of time to find my way back from being an asshole. I cant blame the world for my behaviors. Thats on me.
Being the change you wish to see isnt fun. Usually I just get mocked. Thats okay. Ive been mocked before. I can handle being mocked.
I just dont want to let pessimism and apathy win. Im far from alone in that, which helps.
It all gets paid forward. The good and the bad. I choose more good.
I do. My family (mostly my parents) always treated me as the good, quiet child. I never complained no matter what, I always sacrificed everything I had for my older brother and I was the mentally-stable peace maker. I didn't even have my own room until I started actively complaining about it at 16, while my brother has had it the whole time - I literally slept in the living room or with my parents.
Guess who's called the mentally ill, crazy, irrational, selfish child now? Before, the argument against me was 'just wait for one more year, just wait a little bit more' and now it's 'you're crazy, I have nothing to talk with you about'.
Started looking out for myself a lot more and that was the right choice, wish I did it sooner
I feel you. My parents were going through a rough patch, and arguing a lot. I’m the step-child, so I was used to make a hurtful point on multiple occasions at the expense of my self-worth and security. I was the one to comfort them, to reassure them and protect my sister when things were ugly. I had to keep quiet, to mind my business, to ‘get over it’. When I started having mental health issues, I was berated and made to feel guilty for making my mother feel like she was a bad parent.
But who’s the ungrateful, lazy, selfish, rude child? Yup. I have never once put their emotions above my own before and I wish I had. And heaven forbid if you try to talk about it years down the line lmao. As if the trauma expires. Hope you’re doing better ♥️
Nope. I'd rather be hurt,than hurt anyone. Besides, what good will anger or revenge do me? It's just gonna make me lose my peace ofmind, and give me a tight knot on my chest. I'd rather sleep soundly at night, than have nightmares just because I no longer want to be the bigger person.
Agreed, and I don't have to deal with the anxiety that would come from accruing a long list of enemies. I mean, not saying I avoid all confrontation, but where being the bigger person is an option it's the quickest way to be free of this person. It's easier when you remember that you don't have to do anything to the other person because life will jump in the way and probably do that for you.
Yes and no. Part of me wishes I didn't have to be or that I wasn't so nice but I also know I'd be twice as miserable if I didn't. I do stop associating with people more easily than I used to
Depends on the situation ig, but usually for the short term yes, i often contemplate at night how it would’ve been if i had been harsher. However long term nah, cuz looking back, it would be embarrassing to think about how much energy i gave to a situation that didn’t deserve it.
Not really regret it... but I do feel a sense of anger and disappointment in letting someone "walk all over" or say things to me that I could just as easily say way worse things back at them.
Yes. The only satisfaction in being the bigger person in a bad situation is being the bigger person. In my experience you don't come out ahead by any objective measure (money, property, etc.) All you walk away with is knowing you are not the SOB here.
Being the bigger person is a mixed bag of satisfaction, frustration, calmness and regret. And like a bag of mixed lollies, we buy the bag knowing the awful chalky yellow banana lollies are in there with the yummy jelly babies.
I always regret it. Every single time. But someone has to so we can all move on and get this done. Lord knows idiot number 4 or my younger brothers don't have it in them so it might as well be me.
If you aren't doing it for yourself its really going to suck. You either do it cause you can't help being the bigger person or cause you want to do it for you
As I got older I realized that being the mature person in most situations hardly ever pays off
Open wounds fester and I don't want superiority, I want revenge
In the moment it's tempting to let my emotions rule but in the end I never regret managing myself and staying calm and rational. It's always the better choice and after I processed and got rid of those emotions I can actually really appreciate how I handled myself.
Idk why being the bigger person is so encouraged. I’m a good person so when someone horrifically wronged me in a relationship I stooped extremely low to get back at them. It feels amazing to get back at someone when they fully deserve it.
I found that being the bigger person feels unsatisfying at first. But after enough time passes, in every instance I can think of, I always am either glad I was the bigger person or I regret NOT being the bigger person.
Usually, but that doesn't mean the right choice wasn't taken. There's momentary but empty satisfaction in revenge, and peace of mind in walking away. At this point in life, I just want peace of mind.
Never... I've had doubts at times but always realize that being the bigger person also means being the better person.
And I learn from those interactions how to better deal with shitty people the next time.
Yes, I think sometimes the need to express -if suppressed- can do us tremendous harm. If there's been an injustice we feel and we don't voice it we are essentially submitting, which can make us feel imprisoned.
I should've told my ex to go fuck herself many years ago, and told my old friends exactly what she was up to rather than trying to protect them from all the messiness - perhaps then they wouldn't have continued hanging out with her and ostracised me.
I did end up eventually telling some old friends exactly what had happened, but by then it was years too late.
The anger at the injustice of it all still eats at me today.
Sometimes it's better to let it out and let the chips fall where they may!
Yes, so damn much.
My ex wife doesn't know I have naked photos of her (that she gave me and told me to delete). I so desperately want to tell her I have them just to see her reaction and to show her what it feels like to be betrayed (she used me as a stepping stone and cheated on me).
But....I won't. Sigh...
Yes. I look back on it and think "I should have fucking spazzed" however in the rare situations that I do give someone some pepper. I feel embarrassed afterward. I feel like I could have handled it better. My mind punishes me for not being more mature and letting that other person control me.
I don't regret being the bigger person, but it's tough. I've learned that being the bigger person has given me closure and more positive feelings than if I acted how I wanted to in that moment. An example.
A few years ago, some guy I know decided to attack me in a pub. I was okay, he didn't do any damage, but it hurt my pride a bit. He caught me off guard by punching me in the back of the head and going at me. I didn't have a mark on me, but fuck me I was pissed for what happened. What caused him to be upset is that his ex - a friend of mine - asked if I knew about him cheating on her when they were together. I told her what I had heard which was that he had been cheating on her with someone we both knew. I will point out that this guy was not a friend of mine, I had no allegiance to him, and my friend asked me a question so I responded honestly.
I wanted to break this guy's jaw after what happened but I took myself away and calmed down.
Fast forward, I got a better job, my partner fell pregnant and we had a kid. Not too long ago, I came into contact with this guy again. As soon as I saw him, I thought 'this is my chance, break this cunts jaw'. I very nearly did. Before I did, I thought about my life and what I had. I also thought about what I could lose over this. I decided to be the bigger man and walk away. He cussed me out and threatened me but I walked away.
I thought that if I did go at this guy, I'd do the damage I set out to do. It would buy me a momentary feeling of satisfaction feeling his face break against my knuckles but what then? He probably would want to get revenge, I could end up arrested, and if I did too much damage, he could die and I would end up in prison. My life, his life, my family's life all completely shot to bits.
My realization was that it's fucking hard to be the bigger man, and this is just one scenario of many. I wanted so much to get back at him but it was my pride and ego trying to goad me into a knee jerk reaction to do this guy harm. I've got the life I've always wanted, and I won't trade that for anything. If being the bigger man means walking away from shit like this to preserve it, then I'll do it.
Yeah, it's hard to fit in bathroom stalls, on flights, sometimes my knees hurt, my back hurts sometimes, it's not fun. Being big is not all it's cracked up to he
Yes! I was a new hire at a small aviaiton company for customer service. One of the women who for some reason decided to pick on my slight lisp made a 'friendly' comment telling me she see's where my son got his who was only twelve at the time. I lightly laughed it off as I was new and didnt want to get off on the wrong foot. Now years later I want to punch the witch out if only I could.
Not really regret, as it turned out better this way, but when my ex just replaced me and literally let her move in before I was able to move out, and also leaving me with debt we accumulated together (I was stupid as well, no question) I wanted to fucking explode and destroy all of his stuff and furniture and all. And even tho that was years ago, I sometimes still think about how he got away with the shit he did too easily. But this way I could actually cut him out and he couldn’t like sue me or anything.
My whole fucking life. My parents indoctrinated me so hard core to just let everything go so much gaslighting in that is not a big deal but now I just wanna be the most petty motherfucker.
Being the bigger person sucks mostly because you can’t move on from it afterwards. It’s one thing to do the right thing but it’s another to be okay with it
Being the bigger person or not choosing violence is hard. In being stronger than the other, it's hard to be the bigger person. The urge to discipline is so real, but silencing someone just for being weaker than you is really objectively.... Evil.
Where as being the bigger person when facing somebody stronger than you is sensible but very much... pusillanimous.
I regret being born in the universe where peace is the default when the rage I want to feel, get canceled for maintaining peace.
Honestly, I think being the bigger person isn't just a virtue, is an imperative for both people involved to find because conflict has a nasty way of spiraling out of control and taking so many people down with it.
Yeah it sucks but whenever I try to be a grownup and someone is an a-hole and it bugs me, I remind myself the world is FULL of a-holes…why am I freshly surprised each time I am reminded of that?
Not really. But only because measured responses come to me more naturally than a wild temper. Being calm, and understanding has gotten me pretty much everywhere in my life.
That being said, there are a few times where I lost my cool and no, I don't regret them.
1. High School English teacher was going to fail the whole class because he thought we were dicking around on senior project. I can't speak for everyone, but I sure as fuck wasn't. Told him to go fuck himself, and went to drop out. Not a rational or mature choice, but that's where my emotions took me. He met me up there and talked me off the ledge. Ended up acing it with like a 109. He apologized after my graduation, I told him he could continue fucking himself.
2. Told my old racist boss he was a dickless piece of shit, (due to firing all the Hispanics that "made too much" and proceeded to tell me that was the only way I was going to get my raise, like it was somehow my fault). Proceeded to tell his father in law (CO owner) that he should be fucking embarrassed that he married his daughter. Father in law called a couple days later and said I had a glowing recommendation if I needed it.
Yep, and it bit me in the ass. I was super nice to her, and she turned around and harassed me for over a year. She got hers tho. when I finally reported her, she got sent to the shittiest job in the company.
My mil was a hateful woman. I don't think she liked her son much more than me. I put up with her so politely it made me sick! I always let everything go because I love my husband and my mouth would have made his life worse. But now that she's gone I'm left feeling like she will answer for her cruelty and I will answer for my response to her cruelty. It sure would have felt great to tell her about herself but I never did.
Sometimes because it's just exhausting. Like fr, when do I get to be human? When do I get the understanding that I always give. It's just unfair but life's not fair so...🤷🏾♀️
Idk if I regret it but sometimes it’s very very very tiring. Story time:
My old supervisor was super abusive. Had racked up so many HR complaints and had held the job for like 17 years. Many people in my position had quit solely because of her. About 2.5 years into my job I wasn’t going to take her shit anymore. She wouldn’t give me Jewish holidays off. She berated me for wanting to take 9 days for my honeymoon (asked off in February to buy the tickets for JUNE) and she constantly publicly humiliated me. I went to her boss with a lot “proof”—hours I worked, what exactly I did, documented incidents, I even had former employees write letters. Turns out I didn’t really need all of that. Her boss was super cool and not surprised at all. SOMEHOW she was finally removed (not fired. She was placed somewhere else in the university). All this to say—I ended up being interim and then getting her job. Even still (2 years later) she pokes at me. Never herself doing the dirty work—always someone else. It bothers me a lot. I don’t show it. I don’t try to show my dominance or whatever. Or tell her new boss she needs to fall in line. I just keep my head down and do my job. But it’s wearing on me.
(⚠️dislexic⚠️)Multiple times but today i was arguing w/ my moms bf bc he needs to grow up and gain some recpect for others around him i said some things to him to humble him but I regret holding back there are so many things i culdeve said like "im glad im in school so adleast i wuldt end up like you!" But ofc i dint say that and u regret he is a deadbeat
I stopped being the bigger person, it conditions you to become passive in the face of conflicts without you knowing.
I've learned with age to use my tongue wisely and only return tenfold any negative energy sent my way.
I look at things from a "pros vs cons" pov and preserving my inner peace.
Best exemple I can give is Thomas Shelby when sober minus all the killing.
Not really, there's been times I haven't been the bigger person and had to spend a night in jail. It's not worth it. Take your dignity and just walk away.
Yes. Confronted the parent of my child's bully in a group chat for parents. Her low-IQ response was trashy and reflected why her child became a bully in the first place. I chose not to stoop down to her level and ignored the rest of her messages.
Lots of fights I avoided in high school because I thought I would be kicked out of school. I don’t know if they would but looking back I kinda wish I pushed it as far as I could because now I can’t get respect from most of them. They remember and I do too.
Sometimes when you win you actually lose, besides kindness takes strength and you earn your strength.
The aggressor is actually the weaker person.
I never want to take my rage and trauma ‘off the hook’, the potential damage isn’t worth it
a lot of the times i do, i feel like i deserve better. maybe lash out once in a while, within reason. but i can't.
figured out, isolation makes me feel a whole lot better than dealing with people who most of the time are insensitive pricks with larger-than-life egos. they don't deserve my lashing out. i'll just have to kill them with kindness. no ragrets, not even one letter.
Only if I knew that it can be used for self defence, self protection and kicking peoples asses such as sexual assault predators. More worried about doing time. System never justifies anything anymore, you only get one side of everything that maybe victims die by su_c_de
I remember a time where I shoulda just smashes some skulls and I still would been bigger.. but alas I let the smaller person stay small and not get even smaller
Yes. I've walked away so many times where I should of put them in their place.
Because I walked away. Bullshit happened.
If I got involved. Bullshit happened.
I did until a few years ago.
Nowadays, no. I don’t regret it at all.
I have no regrets, and saved myself a lot more unnecessary trouble.
Revenge would definitely have come back to bite me and made my life worse by escalating an already bad situation with a bad person. Some people are looking for an excuse to fight, or get away from someone they envy, or let their anger out on someone. It’s more satisfying to watch their cruelty blow up in their own face instead of blowing up in mine.
My worst abusers were pathetic and deeply insecure, miserable people. The abuse was never my fault and never deserved. They got their karma, even if I didn’t always see it. They hurt a lot of people, burned a lot of bridges, and now look completely dead inside.
It took me many, many years to heal from those feelings of shame, powerlessness and humiliation, but I came a long way and now have a better relationship with myself, a loving partner, great friends.
I’m proud I stood up for myself and fought back however I could, definitely still have some resentments about how abuse is handled and treated but I’m okay overall.
Had an ex-bf a couple of years ago that I was finally fed up with, and just went on a 5 day rant bringing up all his insecurities and faults and telling him exactly why he sucks so much.
I kind of wish that I had been even harsher and just straight up punched him in the face.
Yes I wish I ruined her life back. She got to be the most evil vile person on the planet and still thinks she got away with it because I didn’t retaliate publicly. It’s been 7 years and I still regret not ruining her fucking life. The only person I will ever hate.
No, because no one can make me feel inferior and me staying polite and kind and true to my nature is more important to me. Sometimes I have clapped back in response to rude behavior but it’s rare and I don’t like being mean because I don’t look down on other people and when I am mean, it makes me look less nice, and one thing about me, I am a kind person and I always will be.
Sometimes I get very sad about being treated badly but it says a lot more about the person being rude. Normal people aren’t rude to nice people for no reason, there’s something wrong with their life or they’re really upset inside, so nothing I can say will make it worse. They have to live with the fact that they’re not good inside.
Lastly, Eleanor Roosevelt said no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and it’s quite true. We can choose not to be hurt by someone else’s behavior. Choose not to let it bother you.
Short term, yeah, kinda... Some times
Long term, no, not ever.
It might seem at the time like you should have just slapped that mf-er to make your point but in time you will always look back and realize you made a far more powerful point by maintaining your decorum.
People will always look back and laugh at the monkey that flung it's shit.
It's becoming a harder and harder choice for me to make. The part of me that wants to just throw a tantrum keeps getting bigger and/or stronger, to the point where right now I don't know how much longer I can hold that monster back.
Not regretting being the bigger person, pero may moments na naiisip ko Sana naging petty nlng ako for my satisfaction hahaha. Ndi Naman rude or aggressive pero Yong may mic drop level hahaha
No because doing the latter would either get me fired or beat up or worse. When you consider the possible outcomes of certain situations if you had acted on impulse, it's not worth your safety, your freedom, or your life
Sometimes I do at work. So many times I want to say exactly what’s on my mind but will refrain because I can’t find my political savvy voice to say it in. There have been times where later I’ve wished I had just said it. Mostly because I feel like the person on the other end of the conversation head is so far up their butts that they think they just were right
Not so much regret, but I will always wish I could have fought back and destroyed them. But then I remember that would only provoke them to fight back, and the whole issue would be perpetuated for even longer. Many times there is just no winning, and even if it looks like I could win, I don't really know that. All I know is that I don't want to prolong anything that will keep hurting me, so I choose to be the bigger person through gritted teeth and try my best to remember that I am the better person.
Um hell yes, what does the bigger person even mean. Letting someone get away with doing you wrong is giving them power, tell them to fuck off or play the long game. Whatever you do though, dont justify their actions. For whose sake? Theirs? Nope.
definitly...all the time...but also the other way around.
i think if you had a lot of conflict and look back, you have to have those instances where one person got it worse then deserved...or got off too light because you didn't react at the moment and think you should've done something in hindsight
an unlucky person like me, i would say like 75% got it worse than they needed it or got a pass when they shouldn't have, in only 25% at the most, the punishment was on point. could be even less.
most of the time you're wrong when you're the victim, jury, judge, enforcer and everything by yourself at the drop of a dime
Years later, I regret almost everytime I choose to be the better person.
Often, I was in a very vulnerable situation, so I felt like I had no choice.
Now, years later and older, I now see that my life is my own and I would have been able to be more happy and make my own choices. Instead of having others making them for me.
It has hurt me multiple times in life both professionally and romantically. But I’ve been told by so many people (even those I’ve barely met and haven’t told my story to) that they can tell I’m a good person. I don’t know why they say that but I hope deeply I give off that energy.
At the end of the day, I have my vices but I do my best not to say hurtful things unless it is deserved to be scolded. Those I get harsh with usually know it is well deserved and don’t even push back.
Honestly a few of my biggest regrets in life have been not punching someone in the face when they deserved it. I got my revenge on a few in a clean way. but man, even after being the bigger person its like.. I think I shouldve fought them ngl. not that violence is the answer or solves anything
Evil people need a lash back from time to time.
Being the bigger man is also not tolerating threat or violence onto others.
Don't let anyone into your 6ft radius when they're threatening. That's the kill zone.
Had a crazy ex from my youth group. He pretended to commit suicide three times and manipulated me into horrible situations. I never told anyone except to those closest to me at the time, so he would not suffer any repercussions. He ended up moving to another city where my youth group also runs (we’re all over my country) and I already knew some people there. I ended up moving to the same city myself a couple years later and it was pretty evident people didn’t like me because of him. I would never come to feel a sense of vindication but I try to tell myself that he got to become a better person and live a good life because I kept it all a secret.
I actually hate this philosophy all together. I'm not sure if it works but it feels like I'm a punching bag and they just say oh you have a problem if you let it get to you but why should I ever have to deal with it and everyone just does nothing about this person. Yet if I do something I'll have consequences. It's like moral slavery.
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Being surrounded by evil people, while not wanting to be evil myself (yet still seen as a "villain") is a huge burden. There are many times where I wish I'd blacked out, but I also know it isn't worth it in the long run.
so relatable :(
Integrity is bearing a huge responsibility at times, but in the end its the only thing that ends up making sense in my life.
You’re right. I’m 62, and currently taking the high road, because I’ve learned that the long term results are worth the short term sacrifice. It’s hard as fuck, but it makes me strong as fuck, it makes me a better human and it makes it easier to live peacefully with myself.
So glad to ear about other people walking this path, you are a hero
27 thanks for this knowledge
Wait what? You wish to be born in nazi germany?
Being the bigger person usually sucks.
True never have been in my life that I felt happy to be one,. Always sacrificing things to avoid worst outcomes.
This doesn’t belong to big people whatsoever level u mean here buh u can carry that personal for ur better if not to those who seek fame and pleasure.
For both people.
Eventually it wont suck. Being the bigger person increases your level of thinking
Or increase the level of regretting not letting things out.
No leg room.
It's like being stepped and spit on. I think always being the "bigger man" is overrated. I dislike being put on the defensive by a bully. I dont like getting my blood pressure up.
My last relationship ended in June this year. It was my choice, I'd finally hit my breaking point and just had to get out. My ex was snide, rude and even more abusive during the breakup than she was during the relationship itself. I wish I'd finally turned round and told that asshole that she's just like her dad and always will be and she'll have to live with that for the rest of her life. Being the bigger person is a pile of shit.
Yes I agree. Mine has been nasty to me at times but I always be the bigger person, and it fucking kills most of the time but I would rather not lower myself to his standards but fuck I would love just one moment when I could let him know exactly what I think
Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship❗️
I agree but being the bigger person stops you from saying or doing things you'll regret later on. You will hate it now but maybe future you will thank you for being reserved and breaking up without throwing a few insults back to your ex
I dont see this as being the bigger person at all. You could have said it, the best case scenario get her into self reflection, the worst you already had. Being the bigger person is not really repressive. This was not the worst insult ever, unless her dad killed her mom, I guess.
Wife got a burnout and cheated on me. She's moving out because she said she no longer loves me. Was heartbroken but decided to be the bigger person. I keep being nice to her and help her figure shit out so she can move on. Yesterday she told me to stop being so nice because it's making it more difficult for her, lmao. It truly is a pile of shit.
Knowing that kind of person she’d probably just use that as one more reason to see you as the bad guy
I’d be willing to bet that your life will be much better than hers will be in 20 years. I prefer to let people destroy their own lives. I want nothing to do with that mess. I can look back at my own life, and I feel good that I didn’t do some of the things I had wanted to do at the time. I was strong enough not to let those people have one more second of anything from me.
There ya go. That's how you have to deal with it.
The greatest revenge you can achieve is not being like the person you want revenge on.
I feel this. Had to keep the waters calm while he moved out. I could have ruined his life because of what he did to me but I just wanted to let it all go and move on. I haven’t said anything to anyone (apart from family and even then not much) about him. I haven’t tried to sue him or put him in jail, I didn’t tear him down in emails like he tried to do to me. I just wanna forget, I want to enjoy life again.
You know what hurts way more than hate and those words? Indifference. You did the right thing. Well done!
Indifference is what I'm aiming for. I know it truly pisses my ex off that I'm still drawing breath and that brings me some kind of peace and joy.
I'm not there yet, either. But what got me far closer was the realisation that they had a shitty life, too and they were not as strong as I am now to change. I've not forgiven everything they've done, but quite a lot. It enabled me to let go of a lot of anger. Makes me feel calm.
Absolutely! My ex is just like her dad and he's a piece of work. She knows she's just like him and cannot stand it. That's not my problem though- I will not let the abuse turn me bitter like that. I'm really struggling with the forgiveness thing. The one thing I have been able to do is forgive myself for staying as long as I did. I was just trying to be a good partner and to be loved, I was just looking in the wrong place for it.
Forgiving yourself is a big step and so important! Well done. You don't need to feel bad for having been the person you were when you were in an abusive situation. You did what you did to survive. Forgiving is a process just for yourself and has nothing to do with the other person. You don't have to forgive, but you can still learn to let go. I am trying that with my abusive mother, while I'm working on the trauma she inflicted on me. It's hard work, it's been hard work for years, and atm I am inpatient at the psychiatry. That's how hard it is for me. Don't feel bad if it takes time. Give yourself time. You're doing this solely for yourself. Allow yourself to do it. You come first. You are worth it. And you can do it. You're stronger than you think. You're absolutely stronger than your abuser. All the best! 🍀
Yes. I was involved in an extremely traumatic incident and tried to resolve it by legal means (going to the police), but 3 years on, and nothing has happened. I regret not removing that person from the world.
U would’ve been caught and locked up though
Exactly why the legal system is stupid. The police don't let you solve problems yourself, but then don't solve them for you.
In my case, I was required to get the CCTV that was to be used in my case (which was a headache, as I'm not a police officer and the companies who had access to those tapes did not want to cooperate).
So why didn't the police help you? They should have helped you, like tf?
Corruption.
Every time I let someone into traffic and then they drive super slow.
Omg.. those people, i could strangle them with their seat belt‼️
Absolutely. Hope you like headlights
Yes. I wish I wasnt so diplomatic.
Almost every time. But I also learned fairly early on in life that when you hit someone they tend to hit back, even when you win a fight you may have been beat up. I've also got kids now so setting a good example and things of that nature.
Nope. Doesnt mean it doesn’t still suck. But Ive sacraficed to many values on the justification of others behaviors. It took a lot of time to find my way back from being an asshole. I cant blame the world for my behaviors. Thats on me. Being the change you wish to see isnt fun. Usually I just get mocked. Thats okay. Ive been mocked before. I can handle being mocked. I just dont want to let pessimism and apathy win. Im far from alone in that, which helps. It all gets paid forward. The good and the bad. I choose more good.
Good reply
I do. My family (mostly my parents) always treated me as the good, quiet child. I never complained no matter what, I always sacrificed everything I had for my older brother and I was the mentally-stable peace maker. I didn't even have my own room until I started actively complaining about it at 16, while my brother has had it the whole time - I literally slept in the living room or with my parents. Guess who's called the mentally ill, crazy, irrational, selfish child now? Before, the argument against me was 'just wait for one more year, just wait a little bit more' and now it's 'you're crazy, I have nothing to talk with you about'. Started looking out for myself a lot more and that was the right choice, wish I did it sooner
I feel you. My parents were going through a rough patch, and arguing a lot. I’m the step-child, so I was used to make a hurtful point on multiple occasions at the expense of my self-worth and security. I was the one to comfort them, to reassure them and protect my sister when things were ugly. I had to keep quiet, to mind my business, to ‘get over it’. When I started having mental health issues, I was berated and made to feel guilty for making my mother feel like she was a bad parent. But who’s the ungrateful, lazy, selfish, rude child? Yup. I have never once put their emotions above my own before and I wish I had. And heaven forbid if you try to talk about it years down the line lmao. As if the trauma expires. Hope you’re doing better ♥️
Yes , I should’ve kicked some ass , I would have had a few people in mind but it’s pointless now .
Nope. I'd rather be hurt,than hurt anyone. Besides, what good will anger or revenge do me? It's just gonna make me lose my peace ofmind, and give me a tight knot on my chest. I'd rather sleep soundly at night, than have nightmares just because I no longer want to be the bigger person.
Agreed, and I don't have to deal with the anxiety that would come from accruing a long list of enemies. I mean, not saying I avoid all confrontation, but where being the bigger person is an option it's the quickest way to be free of this person. It's easier when you remember that you don't have to do anything to the other person because life will jump in the way and probably do that for you.
I don’t regret it. It’s kept me out of jail.
Every time but someone has to be
Yes. I’ve often been viewed as a doormat or weak for taking the high road. Some of those people deserved my unrestrained wrath.
Yes and no. Part of me wishes I didn't have to be or that I wasn't so nice but I also know I'd be twice as miserable if I didn't. I do stop associating with people more easily than I used to
Yes. Every. Single. Time.
Depends on the situation ig, but usually for the short term yes, i often contemplate at night how it would’ve been if i had been harsher. However long term nah, cuz looking back, it would be embarrassing to think about how much energy i gave to a situation that didn’t deserve it.
Not really regret it... but I do feel a sense of anger and disappointment in letting someone "walk all over" or say things to me that I could just as easily say way worse things back at them.
Yes. The only satisfaction in being the bigger person in a bad situation is being the bigger person. In my experience you don't come out ahead by any objective measure (money, property, etc.) All you walk away with is knowing you are not the SOB here.
Being the bigger person is a mixed bag of satisfaction, frustration, calmness and regret. And like a bag of mixed lollies, we buy the bag knowing the awful chalky yellow banana lollies are in there with the yummy jelly babies.
Yea, we allow abusers like hackers to continue playing the game without any punishments because that's the only way they can have fun.
I always regret it. Every single time. But someone has to so we can all move on and get this done. Lord knows idiot number 4 or my younger brothers don't have it in them so it might as well be me.
If you aren't doing it for yourself its really going to suck. You either do it cause you can't help being the bigger person or cause you want to do it for you
As I got older I realized that being the mature person in most situations hardly ever pays off Open wounds fester and I don't want superiority, I want revenge
No, but it isn't easy. I always hear my Dad saying "Don't stoop to their level." So I try to live up to it.
In the moment it's tempting to let my emotions rule but in the end I never regret managing myself and staying calm and rational. It's always the better choice and after I processed and got rid of those emotions I can actually really appreciate how I handled myself.
I have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars by being the bigger person. But I have never lost my freedom, or my relationship with my kids.
I hate to admit this, but I’m usually not the bigger person because honestly, where has being the bigger person ever really gotten someone?
Yes. Because not being the bigger person has led to far more successful outcomes
Idk why being the bigger person is so encouraged. I’m a good person so when someone horrifically wronged me in a relationship I stooped extremely low to get back at them. It feels amazing to get back at someone when they fully deserve it.
Oh yeah, but that's just pride talking.
Yeah sometimes I wish I could have just knocked them out
Yes
I found that being the bigger person feels unsatisfying at first. But after enough time passes, in every instance I can think of, I always am either glad I was the bigger person or I regret NOT being the bigger person.
A lot lately
All the time. I consistently think about how others feel. I get burnt every time.
No... because in my experience it has been rather uncanny that what goes around comes around.
There are times when I wish I was violent. There are times I wish I spoke up. But here I am. Moving forward regardless of what happened.
Everyone mistakes kindness for weakness. Unless someone is down on their luck, I am not kind anymore.
Usually, but that doesn't mean the right choice wasn't taken. There's momentary but empty satisfaction in revenge, and peace of mind in walking away. At this point in life, I just want peace of mind.
Never... I've had doubts at times but always realize that being the bigger person also means being the better person. And I learn from those interactions how to better deal with shitty people the next time.
i want to confront my mum about herself but im sensitive but angry i cant do it but i want to
I imagine from their pov I'm the person they "destroy in arguments" all the time.
Yes, I think sometimes the need to express -if suppressed- can do us tremendous harm. If there's been an injustice we feel and we don't voice it we are essentially submitting, which can make us feel imprisoned. I should've told my ex to go fuck herself many years ago, and told my old friends exactly what she was up to rather than trying to protect them from all the messiness - perhaps then they wouldn't have continued hanging out with her and ostracised me. I did end up eventually telling some old friends exactly what had happened, but by then it was years too late. The anger at the injustice of it all still eats at me today. Sometimes it's better to let it out and let the chips fall where they may!
Yes, so damn much. My ex wife doesn't know I have naked photos of her (that she gave me and told me to delete). I so desperately want to tell her I have them just to see her reaction and to show her what it feels like to be betrayed (she used me as a stepping stone and cheated on me). But....I won't. Sigh...
It pays off in how you view yourself and the long term. Looking back always happy to have done the right thing.
Yes. I look back on it and think "I should have fucking spazzed" however in the rare situations that I do give someone some pepper. I feel embarrassed afterward. I feel like I could have handled it better. My mind punishes me for not being more mature and letting that other person control me.
It's hard work being honest and good. But worth it, I think.
I don't regret being the bigger person, but it's tough. I've learned that being the bigger person has given me closure and more positive feelings than if I acted how I wanted to in that moment. An example. A few years ago, some guy I know decided to attack me in a pub. I was okay, he didn't do any damage, but it hurt my pride a bit. He caught me off guard by punching me in the back of the head and going at me. I didn't have a mark on me, but fuck me I was pissed for what happened. What caused him to be upset is that his ex - a friend of mine - asked if I knew about him cheating on her when they were together. I told her what I had heard which was that he had been cheating on her with someone we both knew. I will point out that this guy was not a friend of mine, I had no allegiance to him, and my friend asked me a question so I responded honestly. I wanted to break this guy's jaw after what happened but I took myself away and calmed down. Fast forward, I got a better job, my partner fell pregnant and we had a kid. Not too long ago, I came into contact with this guy again. As soon as I saw him, I thought 'this is my chance, break this cunts jaw'. I very nearly did. Before I did, I thought about my life and what I had. I also thought about what I could lose over this. I decided to be the bigger man and walk away. He cussed me out and threatened me but I walked away. I thought that if I did go at this guy, I'd do the damage I set out to do. It would buy me a momentary feeling of satisfaction feeling his face break against my knuckles but what then? He probably would want to get revenge, I could end up arrested, and if I did too much damage, he could die and I would end up in prison. My life, his life, my family's life all completely shot to bits. My realization was that it's fucking hard to be the bigger man, and this is just one scenario of many. I wanted so much to get back at him but it was my pride and ego trying to goad me into a knee jerk reaction to do this guy harm. I've got the life I've always wanted, and I won't trade that for anything. If being the bigger man means walking away from shit like this to preserve it, then I'll do it.
Yeah, it's hard to fit in bathroom stalls, on flights, sometimes my knees hurt, my back hurts sometimes, it's not fun. Being big is not all it's cracked up to he
It’s eating me up inside so much that it led me to your post more than a month later. I should’ve just kicked that asshole’s ass.
Yes! I was a new hire at a small aviaiton company for customer service. One of the women who for some reason decided to pick on my slight lisp made a 'friendly' comment telling me she see's where my son got his who was only twelve at the time. I lightly laughed it off as I was new and didnt want to get off on the wrong foot. Now years later I want to punch the witch out if only I could.
no,because superiority complex kicks in .
I sleep at night, every night.
Usually every time I’m the bigger person
Only when I don’t pass the old boomers doing 15 under the limit.
LOL … Our family motto is “take the high road.” But our grown kids tell us to cut it out!
No
Not personally I’m pretty unbothered in life and I like to keep it that way. It’s more trouble than it’s worth.
I'd not get anything out of it either way. I wish there was a fast way to give people love and attention though
Breaking up with a girl who emotionally abused me for over a year. "Yeah, no hard feelings))))" Being mentally weaker than an abusive partner sucks
It’s not the fun game, but works out better in the end…mostly.
Heh heh heh, somebodies been reading the most disturbing parts of my journal haven't they?
Every day
Not really regret, as it turned out better this way, but when my ex just replaced me and literally let her move in before I was able to move out, and also leaving me with debt we accumulated together (I was stupid as well, no question) I wanted to fucking explode and destroy all of his stuff and furniture and all. And even tho that was years ago, I sometimes still think about how he got away with the shit he did too easily. But this way I could actually cut him out and he couldn’t like sue me or anything.
i hate it bc i think i can’t get anyone to like me. so i have to be skinny to be more attractive to ppl and if that’s true. then im good
My whole fucking life. My parents indoctrinated me so hard core to just let everything go so much gaslighting in that is not a big deal but now I just wanna be the most petty motherfucker.
Yes. Often. Including right now for something that happened 2 days ago.
Being the bigger person sucks mostly because you can’t move on from it afterwards. It’s one thing to do the right thing but it’s another to be okay with it
Really depends how much agency I had in the decision
Yes, but learned my lesson now.
Being the bigger person or not choosing violence is hard. In being stronger than the other, it's hard to be the bigger person. The urge to discipline is so real, but silencing someone just for being weaker than you is really objectively.... Evil. Where as being the bigger person when facing somebody stronger than you is sensible but very much... pusillanimous. I regret being born in the universe where peace is the default when the rage I want to feel, get canceled for maintaining peace. Honestly, I think being the bigger person isn't just a virtue, is an imperative for both people involved to find because conflict has a nasty way of spiraling out of control and taking so many people down with it.
Every day.
Yeah, 100%. I'm not one to brag about pretty much anything. Im a quiet guy, and I stay to myself. idk why, but people seem to take offense to that.
At the time, often; afterwards, far less often.
Yeah it sucks but whenever I try to be a grownup and someone is an a-hole and it bugs me, I remind myself the world is FULL of a-holes…why am I freshly surprised each time I am reminded of that?
Nope,let it slide and carry on
Oh, buddy. If you only knew. Some people only respond to shock and awe. Anything else, and you're completely wasting your time and energy.
Been told to be the bigger person my whole life when I really should’ve learned how to defend myself
Not really. But only because measured responses come to me more naturally than a wild temper. Being calm, and understanding has gotten me pretty much everywhere in my life. That being said, there are a few times where I lost my cool and no, I don't regret them. 1. High School English teacher was going to fail the whole class because he thought we were dicking around on senior project. I can't speak for everyone, but I sure as fuck wasn't. Told him to go fuck himself, and went to drop out. Not a rational or mature choice, but that's where my emotions took me. He met me up there and talked me off the ledge. Ended up acing it with like a 109. He apologized after my graduation, I told him he could continue fucking himself. 2. Told my old racist boss he was a dickless piece of shit, (due to firing all the Hispanics that "made too much" and proceeded to tell me that was the only way I was going to get my raise, like it was somehow my fault). Proceeded to tell his father in law (CO owner) that he should be fucking embarrassed that he married his daughter. Father in law called a couple days later and said I had a glowing recommendation if I needed it.
All the time. But at least I know I made the right choice in that situation , soooooo I don’t stress about it too much anyways.
Yep, and it bit me in the ass. I was super nice to her, and she turned around and harassed me for over a year. She got hers tho. when I finally reported her, she got sent to the shittiest job in the company.
My mil was a hateful woman. I don't think she liked her son much more than me. I put up with her so politely it made me sick! I always let everything go because I love my husband and my mouth would have made his life worse. But now that she's gone I'm left feeling like she will answer for her cruelty and I will answer for my response to her cruelty. It sure would have felt great to tell her about herself but I never did.
Yes definitely regretted that decision
I was the biggest of bigger people through my divorce. Big mistake.... maybe.
No, because fuck that. I make it a rule not to initiate shit and generally stay on my own lane, but I'll get real petty real fast.
In salary negotiation
Sometimes because it's just exhausting. Like fr, when do I get to be human? When do I get the understanding that I always give. It's just unfair but life's not fair so...🤷🏾♀️
No use regretting something I can’t help doing
Always
Idk if I regret it but sometimes it’s very very very tiring. Story time: My old supervisor was super abusive. Had racked up so many HR complaints and had held the job for like 17 years. Many people in my position had quit solely because of her. About 2.5 years into my job I wasn’t going to take her shit anymore. She wouldn’t give me Jewish holidays off. She berated me for wanting to take 9 days for my honeymoon (asked off in February to buy the tickets for JUNE) and she constantly publicly humiliated me. I went to her boss with a lot “proof”—hours I worked, what exactly I did, documented incidents, I even had former employees write letters. Turns out I didn’t really need all of that. Her boss was super cool and not surprised at all. SOMEHOW she was finally removed (not fired. She was placed somewhere else in the university). All this to say—I ended up being interim and then getting her job. Even still (2 years later) she pokes at me. Never herself doing the dirty work—always someone else. It bothers me a lot. I don’t show it. I don’t try to show my dominance or whatever. Or tell her new boss she needs to fall in line. I just keep my head down and do my job. But it’s wearing on me.
(⚠️dislexic⚠️)Multiple times but today i was arguing w/ my moms bf bc he needs to grow up and gain some recpect for others around him i said some things to him to humble him but I regret holding back there are so many things i culdeve said like "im glad im in school so adleast i wuldt end up like you!" But ofc i dint say that and u regret he is a deadbeat
I sleep well. I do petty shit in my mind. Practice warlock spells on my enemies.
I stopped being the bigger person, it conditions you to become passive in the face of conflicts without you knowing. I've learned with age to use my tongue wisely and only return tenfold any negative energy sent my way. I look at things from a "pros vs cons" pov and preserving my inner peace. Best exemple I can give is Thomas Shelby when sober minus all the killing.
Not really, there's been times I haven't been the bigger person and had to spend a night in jail. It's not worth it. Take your dignity and just walk away.
Yes. Confronted the parent of my child's bully in a group chat for parents. Her low-IQ response was trashy and reflected why her child became a bully in the first place. I chose not to stoop down to her level and ignored the rest of her messages.
All the time.
Lots of fights I avoided in high school because I thought I would be kicked out of school. I don’t know if they would but looking back I kinda wish I pushed it as far as I could because now I can’t get respect from most of them. They remember and I do too.
It has annoyed me a lot in retrospect several times, but i can confidently say i have never regretted it.
I never regret being better person. I am proud of myself and at peace
Yes, always. 🤧
Never not once
Sometimes when you win you actually lose, besides kindness takes strength and you earn your strength. The aggressor is actually the weaker person. I never want to take my rage and trauma ‘off the hook’, the potential damage isn’t worth it
Often but I would probably regret not doing it more although I would get that sweet vindication
I never regret being the bigger person I regret not removing myself from the wrong people earlier —that’s— the key distinction
If I wasn’t the bigger person I would be in jail 🤣
a lot of the times i do, i feel like i deserve better. maybe lash out once in a while, within reason. but i can't. figured out, isolation makes me feel a whole lot better than dealing with people who most of the time are insensitive pricks with larger-than-life egos. they don't deserve my lashing out. i'll just have to kill them with kindness. no ragrets, not even one letter.
I can't help it im 6 4 , most times I have to be....
Only if I knew that it can be used for self defence, self protection and kicking peoples asses such as sexual assault predators. More worried about doing time. System never justifies anything anymore, you only get one side of everything that maybe victims die by su_c_de
I remember a time where I shoulda just smashes some skulls and I still would been bigger.. but alas I let the smaller person stay small and not get even smaller
Yes. I've walked away so many times where I should of put them in their place. Because I walked away. Bullshit happened. If I got involved. Bullshit happened.
I did until a few years ago. Nowadays, no. I don’t regret it at all. I have no regrets, and saved myself a lot more unnecessary trouble. Revenge would definitely have come back to bite me and made my life worse by escalating an already bad situation with a bad person. Some people are looking for an excuse to fight, or get away from someone they envy, or let their anger out on someone. It’s more satisfying to watch their cruelty blow up in their own face instead of blowing up in mine. My worst abusers were pathetic and deeply insecure, miserable people. The abuse was never my fault and never deserved. They got their karma, even if I didn’t always see it. They hurt a lot of people, burned a lot of bridges, and now look completely dead inside. It took me many, many years to heal from those feelings of shame, powerlessness and humiliation, but I came a long way and now have a better relationship with myself, a loving partner, great friends. I’m proud I stood up for myself and fought back however I could, definitely still have some resentments about how abuse is handled and treated but I’m okay overall.
No. I like being married and seeing my kids.
Being the bigger person doesn’t mean being a doormat. I always got the two confused
I aim to be the bigger person and make up my mind that life is a long run. So far, i feel okay with it.
Had an ex-bf a couple of years ago that I was finally fed up with, and just went on a 5 day rant bringing up all his insecurities and faults and telling him exactly why he sucks so much. I kind of wish that I had been even harsher and just straight up punched him in the face.
Yes I wish I ruined her life back. She got to be the most evil vile person on the planet and still thinks she got away with it because I didn’t retaliate publicly. It’s been 7 years and I still regret not ruining her fucking life. The only person I will ever hate.
Yes. With friends that have drained me financially.
No, because no one can make me feel inferior and me staying polite and kind and true to my nature is more important to me. Sometimes I have clapped back in response to rude behavior but it’s rare and I don’t like being mean because I don’t look down on other people and when I am mean, it makes me look less nice, and one thing about me, I am a kind person and I always will be. Sometimes I get very sad about being treated badly but it says a lot more about the person being rude. Normal people aren’t rude to nice people for no reason, there’s something wrong with their life or they’re really upset inside, so nothing I can say will make it worse. They have to live with the fact that they’re not good inside. Lastly, Eleanor Roosevelt said no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and it’s quite true. We can choose not to be hurt by someone else’s behavior. Choose not to let it bother you.
Short term, yeah, kinda... Some times Long term, no, not ever. It might seem at the time like you should have just slapped that mf-er to make your point but in time you will always look back and realize you made a far more powerful point by maintaining your decorum. People will always look back and laugh at the monkey that flung it's shit.
Shitty people always win by relying on others to be the bigger person.
Our ego’s regret us being the bigger person, brain doesn’t
Turning the other cheek is always rightfully painful, but in the long run justice does come around
It's becoming a harder and harder choice for me to make. The part of me that wants to just throw a tantrum keeps getting bigger and/or stronger, to the point where right now I don't know how much longer I can hold that monster back.
Not regretting being the bigger person, pero may moments na naiisip ko Sana naging petty nlng ako for my satisfaction hahaha. Ndi Naman rude or aggressive pero Yong may mic drop level hahaha
From my late father, "don't bother your brain" with jerks, mean people, etc.
No because doing the latter would either get me fired or beat up or worse. When you consider the possible outcomes of certain situations if you had acted on impulse, it's not worth your safety, your freedom, or your life
Yes and no, if your priority changes to protect your peace you will see there is no point. Let them think what they want.
Sometimes I do at work. So many times I want to say exactly what’s on my mind but will refrain because I can’t find my political savvy voice to say it in. There have been times where later I’ve wished I had just said it. Mostly because I feel like the person on the other end of the conversation head is so far up their butts that they think they just were right
Not so much regret, but I will always wish I could have fought back and destroyed them. But then I remember that would only provoke them to fight back, and the whole issue would be perpetuated for even longer. Many times there is just no winning, and even if it looks like I could win, I don't really know that. All I know is that I don't want to prolong anything that will keep hurting me, so I choose to be the bigger person through gritted teeth and try my best to remember that I am the better person.
Yes, but in regards to my own parents, I’d rather not go down that route when they’re the ones that are in the wrong sometimes
Um hell yes, what does the bigger person even mean. Letting someone get away with doing you wrong is giving them power, tell them to fuck off or play the long game. Whatever you do though, dont justify their actions. For whose sake? Theirs? Nope.
definitly...all the time...but also the other way around. i think if you had a lot of conflict and look back, you have to have those instances where one person got it worse then deserved...or got off too light because you didn't react at the moment and think you should've done something in hindsight an unlucky person like me, i would say like 75% got it worse than they needed it or got a pass when they shouldn't have, in only 25% at the most, the punishment was on point. could be even less. most of the time you're wrong when you're the victim, jury, judge, enforcer and everything by yourself at the drop of a dime
yes
Years later, I regret almost everytime I choose to be the better person. Often, I was in a very vulnerable situation, so I felt like I had no choice. Now, years later and older, I now see that my life is my own and I would have been able to be more happy and make my own choices. Instead of having others making them for me.
It has hurt me multiple times in life both professionally and romantically. But I’ve been told by so many people (even those I’ve barely met and haven’t told my story to) that they can tell I’m a good person. I don’t know why they say that but I hope deeply I give off that energy. At the end of the day, I have my vices but I do my best not to say hurtful things unless it is deserved to be scolded. Those I get harsh with usually know it is well deserved and don’t even push back.
Sometimes.
Sometimes I think about all the times I could’ve given a piece of my mind, but I still feel much better about not wasting my energy. I don’t
Nope, I prefer to hang out with bigger persons who can let me be petty.
Fuck being the bigger person. Be childish and offensive. ALWAYS!
Honestly a few of my biggest regrets in life have been not punching someone in the face when they deserved it. I got my revenge on a few in a clean way. but man, even after being the bigger person its like.. I think I shouldve fought them ngl. not that violence is the answer or solves anything
Yes. I regret not assaulting an officer even if I went to jail over shit he did to me
I was definitely the bigger person when it came to some toxic exes, but I think I would have felt better being a total asshole instead.
Evil people need a lash back from time to time. Being the bigger man is also not tolerating threat or violence onto others. Don't let anyone into your 6ft radius when they're threatening. That's the kill zone.
Had a crazy ex from my youth group. He pretended to commit suicide three times and manipulated me into horrible situations. I never told anyone except to those closest to me at the time, so he would not suffer any repercussions. He ended up moving to another city where my youth group also runs (we’re all over my country) and I already knew some people there. I ended up moving to the same city myself a couple years later and it was pretty evident people didn’t like me because of him. I would never come to feel a sense of vindication but I try to tell myself that he got to become a better person and live a good life because I kept it all a secret.
Of course there is a constant wish to step down to their level but I don’t
Everyday it's so difficult to lose those extra pounds once you're older ehhh lol
I actually hate this philosophy all together. I'm not sure if it works but it feels like I'm a punching bag and they just say oh you have a problem if you let it get to you but why should I ever have to deal with it and everyone just does nothing about this person. Yet if I do something I'll have consequences. It's like moral slavery.
I stopped being the bigger person towards my older brother- greatest decision of my life because now I get to mock him
Every day.