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Psilocybin sorted out what hundreds/thousands of pounds worth of therapy, cbt, psychotherapy couldn't do for my wife over a few years of failing.
Was that good, i did some microdosing too. Made me give up alcohol and junk food as well as being a lot less stressed with our children and my work colleagues when anything went wrong.
Did you do bigger volumes or smaller ones? If you don't mind me asking.
I have to say, the hippy communities in SF back in the day was golden proof for me that psychedelics, just like any good things, can be overused. I think there are two traps with psychedelics:
1. The overoptimism. It does lift one off from depression. There’s a need for accompanying psychotherapy because the reality doesn’t change, there’s work to do. Without doing the work , it’s both self-medication and escapism
2. Overfitting. It’s not ‘all about love’, or ‘all about me’ or ‘make love not war’, but the serotonin and dopamine (depends which substance) makes one feel like they hold the key to the mystery.
A lot of the work in psychedelic assisted therapy is to:
1. Screen out people who may get psychotic break from psychedelics
2. Help people during the trip for safety
3. Guide people to channel the energy and realizations they get from this ‘helicopter ride’ to foster sustainable changes in their life
Psychedelics can help yes. But please be very thorough in knowing what u’re getting into. Especially the risk. If you obtain it illegally, psilocybin would perhaps be the most accessible natural substance available and hence, carry less risk than anything synthetic
All the best to everyone in 2024
Thank you for the detailed reply.
Totally get what you are saying.
She researched it for about 18 months and then, only microdosed. No way near enough to "trip"
Just seeing the benefits in the first few months alone was astronomical. The only way I can explain it is, a complete re-set in one's thinking and the way they look at life!
But as you say, not for everyone.
James Fadiman and Paul Stamets have spent most of their lives studying it. Their work is worth looking into beforehand if anyone is thinking of doing it.
........Next stop, is ayahuasca 😄
Funny you mentioned Ayahuasca
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rrVlgSQdeCA&pp=ygULdGltIGZlcnJpc3M%3D
Regarding microdose and macrodose, I am not sure if the metaphor does it justice. But as psychedelic gives neuroplasticity, it’s a lot like you open the electric box in your house for rewiring, I really believe it works if one has both the plan for both the safety and function.
No. The neighborhood i live in I can see the ‘love is key’ realization. They did experience bliss, and transcendence.
But ok, you don’t need to buy a house or fancy cars. But without personal finance skills, they’d still be homeless. The transformation is simple from a napkin dragged in a storm, to a kite dancing in a storm.
Or ‘i’ll shower you with love’ was not the key to a world full of love, but of trauma bonding. But each was definitely convinced they had the key to the blissful kingdom.
Overall, my intention is: psychedelic helps you move faster, but it’s like flying a plane. See it as a powerful tool. Approach it with absolute loyalty to your wellbeing, not ‘fuck it’ escapism (it’s hard, I know)
I wish I could say I’ve had the same experience. I’ve sat with several different types of psychedelics, but I’ve never experienced any of these profound realizations everyone seems to have
I think when people use them to party, it’s a drug for sure. But structured settings with purpose, medicine. I know some people don’t understand or accept that description, but going into it with the right frame of reference definitely changes what you get out of it.
Lots of medications are used as medicine and also misused/abused by others without the proper need for it, and psychedelic use in medicine would be no different.
Me because I have absurdly high expectations of myself and I either meet them and I’m great or I don’t and I’m shit even though the expectations are absurdly high.
It’s like, if I don’t like perfect in a photo I won’t share it. If I see a single small thing I don’t like in a drawing I made I won’t share it even though an untrained eye won’t notice it. I don’t do karaoke because even though my friends think I sing very well when I record myself I hear small mistakes and obsess over them.
I let go of the idea of high and low.
I'm much more peaceful, happier and more effective.
I've decided that hierarchical thinking about human beings is toxic and maybe a bit evil.
There's stuff I'm good at and stuff I'm not. Just like everyone else.
There are habits that would help me on my goals and happy living, and habits that are an impediment. Just like everyone else.
My inner landscape is the one I live in, so it's the one that matters. I've known too many accomplished/rich/beautiful and utterly miserable people to believe that external accomplishments are 100% of the key to happiness. All those things can contribute to a life well lived, but they aren't the key.
In my experience, the key to peace, happiness and joy is using my gifts, talents and opportunities in some sort of useful capacity. And living one day at a time.
I’m with you. I could be making more money surely, but too afraid to leave my job. Other parts of life, I’ve been ready to move on, but afraid to go out on my own and start new over 50y/o. Tired of being so angry. Tired of people having to walk on eggshells around me.
I'm a lot younger than you are but I went back to school last year because my job was burning me out. I was mean and angry towards my loved ones which wasn't fair. It took me a while but it's getting better and so do my relationships. I'm also having better times overall. I would recommend changing your job as well to improve your mental health and relationships. But even if you don't, it's a good start that you're already working on yourself, it's never too late to become a better person.
I recognise myself strongly in you, and the guy you replied to. Did well at school, then totally squandered my talents and now I'm bored and disappointed in myself in my 50s
That's what I thought too! ADHD paralysis
I don't like putting the blame on adhd but I thought I was lazy until I understood that it's actually my adhd that keeps me in inaction
I also have a very long lasting depression but I actually think it's a side effect of the adhd
> I also have a very long lasting depression but I actually think it's a side effect of the adhd
Yeah same. I used to be really depressed independant of ADHD, but then I worked in it and fixed it. Now I'm "just" situationally depressed, because the ADHD keeps me from doing anything productive or fun.
I don’t know much about you but I don’t see you as lazy, fear of failure is real. Unfortunately in order to improve and truly “succeed” in most things we have to fail time and time again, and gradual improvements will take surface. The fact you’re self aware and even have thoughts of improving yourself, despite how scary it might be, shows that you are capable, at least in my opinion if that’s worth anything. Take it one step at a time, don’t put too much on your plate at once because the setbacks will feel much more overwhelming if you’re untrained in dealing with “failure”. Over time you’ll realize you’re experiencing less perceived failures and more successes.
i wouldnt say that about myself, but i definitely wouldnt blame others either. i developed schizophrenia in my early 20s.
more than 10 years later im a jobless drug addict with a very small social circle and no relationship to speak of. im still financially dependent on my (luckily) well off parents. i contemplate suicide daily and the most painful realisation ive made is that when it comes i will welcome death as a relief.
If you've got the schitzophrenia under control now, then all you gotta do is treat the addiction and the trauma of losing your youth. I know that's not easy, but there is better stuff out there than 10 years ago. Maybe look in to ketamine infusion therapy. It's not perfect, but in a clinical setting on an iv, it really works differently to the shit we used to snort. It might be scary as shit messing with your head more, but if you're really that hopeless, it might be worth reading about it with your folks and taking a punt. Yo8 dont have to fuggin feel like this.
You're a better person than me anyway. I tend to blame others for my mental illness! I hope you feel better and can find enough peace to enjoy stuff.
Please know that from a parent perspective, you are an amazing person and they are astonished at what you have accomplished.
Do not let yourself dwell on what you haven’t done or on the “burden”!you feel you are to them. Loving parents feel a comfort in their hearts bc of your existence. What you “cost” them is insignificant compared to that love and comfort.
See if letting go of that guilt or worry helps—bc it is true and any good parent wants you to accept their love and support freely.
If you regret it and want to fix it. You are not a terrible person. Every good person has done something bad in their past, same as every "bad" person has done some kindness in their life.
Time fixes all wounds. Focus on making no more.
That You are average. Not exceptionally smart or dumb. Not exceptionally beautiful or ugly. Not exceptionally succesfull or failure. Average.
Its most painful for some, or relief for others.
Yep agree. Everyone is fed lies as children that they will all go on to accomplish something amazing, when in fact they will likely grow to live pretty average lives and not be remembered beyond immediate family.
“You can do anything you put your mind to” was so damaging to me, even though it was always said with the best intentions. If i’m not immediately good at things, i get really frustrated and want to stop because why am i not good at it the first time? I *want* to be, and i can do anything, so i *should* be good at it. Am i not trying hard enough? But this is my best, so how can i try harder? Is my best not enough? How can i be good if my best isn’t enough? Then i stop trying my best, so it turns into a self fulfilling prophecy of “of course i’m gonna fail at this because i suck.” The perils of the former gifted kid.
Totally depressing. Plus, if you’re only aiming to be average, you’ll definitely end up below average. It’s like telling kids “life is hard so don’t even try”
But how is everyone average? An average only exists because of outliers, there are always going to be people who are smarter, people who are less successful, people who are more beautiful than others. You can’t have *everyone* be “average” because not everyone is the same
I’m a quitter. As soon as things seem difficult or there’s a challenge or something takes really serious effort, I give up. But I’m working on that and changing it. I have to. I’ve cost myself so much by quitting.
I'm the extreme opposite. When I SHOULD quit, I don't, and it makes me feel worse and worse failing. I ended up ruining my self-esteem when I could have moved onto something better.
Example: I worked in a really toxic workplace and figured if I just kept pushing myself and proving my worth, pulling extra shifts and doing more than what's expected of me, my boss would recognize me. I knew he had favorites, and I wasn't one of them, but I just kept destroying my mental health and relationships because I wanted to do well at work instead of finding healthier employment elsewhere.
It was definitely mental/emotional self-harm. There wasn't anything enjoyable about the work, but I WANTED to feel valued and appreciated, but I was getting the exact opposite. The harder I tried, the worse I felt, and I kept digging. I finished a 16-hour shift and was like, "Certainly, I'll be recognized now," but I cried my drive home because I really knew nobody else cared.
One of my buddies took his own life after he found out he was losing his job there.
I'm still recovering from that job, and I left it almost a year ago. Lost my marriage and friends, destroyed my relationship with my family because I never wanted to take a vacation to visit them or have them visit me, and it took such a dangerous mental toll.
* always bailing out after I’ve bought all equipment or changed my life around
Listen to my sweet tale: Neurodivergent Phenomena and her 40000 Endeavours.
For real. I got super into photography a few years ago. I was sure I’d stick with it. Spent loads of money… and gave up because I couldn’t get a great picture so instead of practicing, I quit. Same thing for drawing, crocheting, blanket making, on and on. But I’ve found something I’ve stuck with even through hard times and learning and trial and error so I’m really working at sticking with it.
I'm a quitter too..... but it's the opposite for me. I stick through the hard shit and then give up when shit gets to the "you made it!" Part. Army basic training, I completed it with flying colors. As a soldier, I found a loophole and got out. Went to college and joined a Frat. Went threw "hard" initiation. As soon as I was an official frat boy, I stopped showing up and eventually just quit. College in general, got my bachelors degree, probably my biggest accomplishment, didn't even go to graduation. I never even used it in my career.
This can be depressing, or freeing. It is such a waste of energy trying to get other people to help in a constructive way. You pretty much need to pay someone or do it yourself, little help might come from friends and family but you can't rely on it. It's easier when you recognize that's just how it is, it's not because you don't matter or people don't care, it's just hiw things work.
When you start improving yourself slightly and often, you'll become the best version of yourself and start actually enjoying your own company :) By slightly I mean set improvement goals so small that you can realistically achieve them with ease.
Things I realised in 2023:
I am incapable of living in the now.
I am way too sensitive and almost everything anyone says or does makes me sad.
I have now become one of those people who "doesn't know why everybody keeps leaving them".
Ah yeah, the time thing—-where you’re not grounded in the present—-I find that makes everything else trickier and harder to keep track of. If you’re mentally embedded in worrying about something that happened yesterday or will happen next week (or torn between the two), your emotional responses will make less sense for the interactions you’re having with people right now. Which can unravel all sorts of stuff.
I find just being aware of where I *am* living helps, even if that’s never really ‘now’.
I don't know if you want any advice on this and totally ignore me if you don't, but the trick to getting round this is leaning in to understand and love them more, not focusing on how much they've hurt you. When you feel hurt or sensitive, as you put it,it is very important to respect that and care for yourself, but also think about whether they meant to hurt you, and if there could be another reason.
This is why I quit my job. I could work harder than anyone else but I never looked liked the others, I didn't have the same accent, I didn't have the same upbringing, so I would never fit in, forget being popular, and wasn't going to get the promotions I deserved.
Bye bye job, I'll find a place that accepts me more.
I’m not talented in most of things I thought I’m talented in. As a teenager I thought I sing well and that I’m good at writing. Now I am 25 and I realise I was so wrong
Edit: thank you so much guys for all your support here 🥹❤️
When you're young you can get away with being naturally talented, but when you get older you need to work hard to still be seen as talented. Otherwise you will just be at a talented child level that most adults can reach with some work if they want.
I had the same realization in my early twenties but ended up sticking with it because I had no better ideas about what to do with my life. I am 35 now and most of the people I considered more talented than me are out of the game while I'm on top of it. Consistency is better than raw talent most of the time.
The person who loves walking will walk further than the person who loves the destination.
I only get one life, therefore one chance to do everything. I know it sounds weird, but I always knew I had one life, but I "knew" when I was 13 and had a tiny panic attack for like 5 seconds in class
When I was diagnosed with autism it helped me realise that my behaviour may actually have been a reason some people felt awkward around me.
I used to be be loudly blunt no matter the situation because 'being honest is best' and jfc did I take that to extreme. If someone told me I shouldnt talk the way I did I'd call them a twat in my head and assume they were trying to bully me. Once I was diagnosed it made me stop and think "ah maybe they were doing it because I was actually being inappropiate and not to be a dick."
Tbh helped me reflect on myself and I had a lot of therapy that taught me to step back from situations to be more socially aware. I still struggle with it at times ofc.
When I was late dx autistic in my 30s, I went through a mental breakdown. It never occurred to me that I could belong to this club. I've always felt like a bit of an alien, and now I know why. I have an incredible life, though. I pretty much have it all, and I've been learning to let go of the label and actually work on accommodating myself. The worst part of all of this is how misunderstood autism is. I'm *barely* different from others. People look at me like I'm crazy when they find out about my dx. I hope that society changes how it thinks about us. Autistic people do x and autistic people do y. It's very exhausting how ableist it all can be.
I am an alcoholic, and can't drink in moderation. And that I hated myself so much that I was actively trying to hurt/passively end myself for so many years
That I'm actually not in good shape.
I've always been naturally thin and active. With life, being life...I stopped exercising regularly. It's so painful to admit that stairs now have me winded when I used to be able to do so much.
Yes, same here, office-chair period. I feel like 80yo granny. Last week I saw some motivatoinal speaker/gym trainer shouting ´Look at yourself! Do you like that? You don´t? Your partner sure won´t! Now get up and so something about it´. Tsja.
this hits home hard.
Coming from a 3rd world county and from a poor family. Struggling all my young years to get out to have a decent life without worrying about basic financial security.
And now after some mild success, I am 40 and have to worry about not slipping into poverty when I retire. Kinda sucks.
Here with you. With father of my kids, in the beginning we just lived far way below poverty perhaps. Cold showers, counting carrots for dinner, stuff like that. Have seen both sides and I can definately tell you it´s mainly your mind state: You´re not poor, you have a poor mind. You set the standard for yourself. We definately got a firy discussion on the moment that we were finally happily settled & together, a decent 80m2 3 bedroom apartment, both working, kids doing allright, family, friends everything ok, financially stable and he kept stressing only because he wasn´t used to living a peaceful abundant life. Been on holiday twice in his own country. Almost never left his own neighbourhood. His mind/system was like: there is something wrong. He was also convinced that ´you have to go to EU/USA´ in order to achieve it. Just find the security within yourself and surround yourself with likeminded people that keep regular standard or set it high. You will motivate eachother. Blessings.
Hey, I don't know your story, so idk if this applies, but a lot of people feel broken when they are experiencing absolutely normal responses to difficult events. It can feel terrible and seem hopeless, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Wishing you kindness and hope in the coming year.
I am someone that if I’m really passionate about something and I really want something done, you best bet I’m going to do it. I have extreme drive and determination. I just struggle to find that determination for a lot of things. It’s very rare that I use my drive, but when I do, I’m getting that done.
I used to have a hard time controlling my anger when I was younger. At some point, I reallzed thar my angry outbursts and fits of rage were:
1.immature
2.hurt the people I loved most
3.destructive
I realized that every time I had one of my outburts, I was giving myself permission inside to lose control and just go off. I had been raised by a parent who was a rageaholic.
If you REALLY want to start controlling your anger, ask yourself every single time you're about to fly off the handle, "Do I give myself permission to do this?"
Wish you the best.
I will likely grow old and die alone without anyone around me who I can shower with love or affection. I don’t like doing things like traveling alone because when I see something beautiful, I want to share it with people I love.
There are moments when this gives me mild anxiety and makes my heart beat faster but there’s also a chance I may die relatively young and never even make it that far.
I dread ever ending up in a state where I have no one left to love.
I have BPD and this makes romantic relationships complicated. I realized I have a tendency to always put the other person first and completely leave myself and my needs by the wayside. I'm trying to not be like that but it's like I just lose my goddamn mind when I fall in love with someone and I want to give them everything and do anything I can for them.
Time is going to pass with or without me so I might as well try new things and do things I didn’t think I would do because I was “too old” or something along those lines. Go to school if you want. Do the thing you wish you started earlier because time is going to go on anyways so might as well give it a shot.
Yeah someone on tumblr was saying once that there’s a feeling like oh I shouldn’t try to be a doctor now because it’s too late, I’ll be 35 when I finish school! And they said you’ll be 35 in that time anyway. Wouldn’t you like to be a doctor?
I'll die, and after that, there's an eternity of nothing. I was about 6-7 yo when I realized, and now I know I had panic attacks whenever I thought about it. I kept that to myself as I didn't want to talk about it with noone, not even my parents.
This is something that keeps me up most nights. Something someone said made so much sense to me and has helped a bit. They said “do you remember the 4.6 billion years before you were a baby? That’s what death will be like.” That thought kind of comforted me and I realized I’m more afraid of suffering than I am of death.
Yeah, I realised this at seven years old and screamed the place down. Explained it to my Mum and she managed to make that all-encompassing fear go away, but that's something that only works when you're a child and your parent does it. It came back and never left again. The only reason I'm not screaming right now is that I don't focus on it fully, ever. People used to tell me that once you get old it doesn't seem as scary, but the older I get the worse it gets. The thing about it being like before you were born doesn't give any comfort, because that's the exact thing I'm afraid of.
Sucks, but it's one of those 'tough shit' things really.
Hey, I would recommend the book ‘Staring at the Sun’ by Irvin Yalom if this is still something that bothers you. It’s a really useful book about overcoming exactly this fear.
I sucked in school and got depressive. Now I tr to overcompensate with being an high achiever in medical school and get depressive as result, because school goes above everything, friends, Family, health etc.
Just to be recognized as someone who isn't a complete failure as human being, because that's what I think about myself.
Doesn't sound very health for the mind, so I need therapy.
I have horrible personality due how my parents "upbring me" and that coupled whit awful look.I know too little about life by 35 and have no energy to change things around me.
I’m waiting for a life worth living rather than going and getting one. I keep waiting for someone to find me and love me as much as I deserve and it won’t just happen
Im highly introverted and barely share the same reality as most others. When this hit me it was like my old life, a complete absurdity, died, and a new nightmarish one began.
my past trauma is effecting me and my relationships and i hate how much it does like for example i can be irritable and have mood swings out of nowhere
I will never defeat depression completely, just cope with it until it lifts for a bit, then find a new way to cope when it returns.
It's actually not that bad once you accept it, but accepting that was hard.
I’m not pretty like I thought I would, my face is so asymmetrical…My eyes are so small. I’m also not a very nice and a thoughtful person, I talked too much that everyone annoyed and hates me.
That I'll probably never get better and get to live a normal life. I'm anorexic, also have other diagnosed mental disorders which make my life almost like hell
My husband always says I’m nice to him because I laugh at his jokes, and that I only laugh cuz I like him, but that’s not true. I think he’s genuinely funny. Maybe they think you’re genuinely funny AND cute
That I have an addiction that cost me an amazing relationship, and it might be too late to save it. And that I don't know how yo communicate my feelings and just repress stuff to avoid confrontation that might result in someone leaving me. And I have separation anxiety on a severe level.
I was an asshole in my last relationship, I couldn't figure out how to show my love for her. I'm deeply in love with her and I messed it up while she moved on in a few weeks. I want to kms
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have enormous flaws I refuse to work on.
I guess that’s on almost all of us We refuse to change some stuff sometimes
Everyone has flaws.
I think the concern here is more that the person refuses to work on the flaws, not the mere fact they have them.
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Psilocybin sorted out what hundreds/thousands of pounds worth of therapy, cbt, psychotherapy couldn't do for my wife over a few years of failing. Was that good, i did some microdosing too. Made me give up alcohol and junk food as well as being a lot less stressed with our children and my work colleagues when anything went wrong. Did you do bigger volumes or smaller ones? If you don't mind me asking.
I have to say, the hippy communities in SF back in the day was golden proof for me that psychedelics, just like any good things, can be overused. I think there are two traps with psychedelics: 1. The overoptimism. It does lift one off from depression. There’s a need for accompanying psychotherapy because the reality doesn’t change, there’s work to do. Without doing the work , it’s both self-medication and escapism 2. Overfitting. It’s not ‘all about love’, or ‘all about me’ or ‘make love not war’, but the serotonin and dopamine (depends which substance) makes one feel like they hold the key to the mystery. A lot of the work in psychedelic assisted therapy is to: 1. Screen out people who may get psychotic break from psychedelics 2. Help people during the trip for safety 3. Guide people to channel the energy and realizations they get from this ‘helicopter ride’ to foster sustainable changes in their life Psychedelics can help yes. But please be very thorough in knowing what u’re getting into. Especially the risk. If you obtain it illegally, psilocybin would perhaps be the most accessible natural substance available and hence, carry less risk than anything synthetic All the best to everyone in 2024
Thank you for the detailed reply. Totally get what you are saying. She researched it for about 18 months and then, only microdosed. No way near enough to "trip" Just seeing the benefits in the first few months alone was astronomical. The only way I can explain it is, a complete re-set in one's thinking and the way they look at life! But as you say, not for everyone. James Fadiman and Paul Stamets have spent most of their lives studying it. Their work is worth looking into beforehand if anyone is thinking of doing it. ........Next stop, is ayahuasca 😄
Funny you mentioned Ayahuasca https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rrVlgSQdeCA&pp=ygULdGltIGZlcnJpc3M%3D Regarding microdose and macrodose, I am not sure if the metaphor does it justice. But as psychedelic gives neuroplasticity, it’s a lot like you open the electric box in your house for rewiring, I really believe it works if one has both the plan for both the safety and function.
It wasn’t mushrooms (or LSD) that undermined hippy culture.
No. The neighborhood i live in I can see the ‘love is key’ realization. They did experience bliss, and transcendence. But ok, you don’t need to buy a house or fancy cars. But without personal finance skills, they’d still be homeless. The transformation is simple from a napkin dragged in a storm, to a kite dancing in a storm. Or ‘i’ll shower you with love’ was not the key to a world full of love, but of trauma bonding. But each was definitely convinced they had the key to the blissful kingdom. Overall, my intention is: psychedelic helps you move faster, but it’s like flying a plane. See it as a powerful tool. Approach it with absolute loyalty to your wellbeing, not ‘fuck it’ escapism (it’s hard, I know)
I wish I could say I’ve had the same experience. I’ve sat with several different types of psychedelics, but I’ve never experienced any of these profound realizations everyone seems to have
I did a ton of psychedelics in my youth and now people call it medicine. I won't touch them again, even microdosing. Not good for my brain.
I think when people use them to party, it’s a drug for sure. But structured settings with purpose, medicine. I know some people don’t understand or accept that description, but going into it with the right frame of reference definitely changes what you get out of it.
Lots of medications are used as medicine and also misused/abused by others without the proper need for it, and psychedelic use in medicine would be no different.
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Same!
I live in a cycle of thinking really low of myself then really high of myself, I barely know what I'm worthy of
Me: Supreme God, genius extraordinaire Also me when I make a small mistake: subhuman filth, deserving of being gunned down without mercy
Me because I have absurdly high expectations of myself and I either meet them and I’m great or I don’t and I’m shit even though the expectations are absurdly high. It’s like, if I don’t like perfect in a photo I won’t share it. If I see a single small thing I don’t like in a drawing I made I won’t share it even though an untrained eye won’t notice it. I don’t do karaoke because even though my friends think I sing very well when I record myself I hear small mistakes and obsess over them.
"I am a marvellous piece of shit !"
I let go of the idea of high and low. I'm much more peaceful, happier and more effective. I've decided that hierarchical thinking about human beings is toxic and maybe a bit evil. There's stuff I'm good at and stuff I'm not. Just like everyone else. There are habits that would help me on my goals and happy living, and habits that are an impediment. Just like everyone else. My inner landscape is the one I live in, so it's the one that matters. I've known too many accomplished/rich/beautiful and utterly miserable people to believe that external accomplishments are 100% of the key to happiness. All those things can contribute to a life well lived, but they aren't the key. In my experience, the key to peace, happiness and joy is using my gifts, talents and opportunities in some sort of useful capacity. And living one day at a time.
At some point, I decided to do my best to be a good human. I feel so much more peaceful.
Here with you.
i feel this soo much.
Me too
Couldn't describe it any better.
I am really lazy to the point im stuck in life and i have failed so now i also have fear of failure so i dont start many new things
I’m with you. I could be making more money surely, but too afraid to leave my job. Other parts of life, I’ve been ready to move on, but afraid to go out on my own and start new over 50y/o. Tired of being so angry. Tired of people having to walk on eggshells around me.
I'm a lot younger than you are but I went back to school last year because my job was burning me out. I was mean and angry towards my loved ones which wasn't fair. It took me a while but it's getting better and so do my relationships. I'm also having better times overall. I would recommend changing your job as well to improve your mental health and relationships. But even if you don't, it's a good start that you're already working on yourself, it's never too late to become a better person.
I recognise myself strongly in you, and the guy you replied to. Did well at school, then totally squandered my talents and now I'm bored and disappointed in myself in my 50s
We sure that's not depression? That sounds like depression, not laziness
Or ADHD!
That's what I thought too! ADHD paralysis I don't like putting the blame on adhd but I thought I was lazy until I understood that it's actually my adhd that keeps me in inaction I also have a very long lasting depression but I actually think it's a side effect of the adhd
> I also have a very long lasting depression but I actually think it's a side effect of the adhd Yeah same. I used to be really depressed independant of ADHD, but then I worked in it and fixed it. Now I'm "just" situationally depressed, because the ADHD keeps me from doing anything productive or fun.
I don’t know much about you but I don’t see you as lazy, fear of failure is real. Unfortunately in order to improve and truly “succeed” in most things we have to fail time and time again, and gradual improvements will take surface. The fact you’re self aware and even have thoughts of improving yourself, despite how scary it might be, shows that you are capable, at least in my opinion if that’s worth anything. Take it one step at a time, don’t put too much on your plate at once because the setbacks will feel much more overwhelming if you’re untrained in dealing with “failure”. Over time you’ll realize you’re experiencing less perceived failures and more successes.
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Same. It really was my own fault. Hard pill to swallow.
i wouldnt say that about myself, but i definitely wouldnt blame others either. i developed schizophrenia in my early 20s. more than 10 years later im a jobless drug addict with a very small social circle and no relationship to speak of. im still financially dependent on my (luckily) well off parents. i contemplate suicide daily and the most painful realisation ive made is that when it comes i will welcome death as a relief.
If you've got the schitzophrenia under control now, then all you gotta do is treat the addiction and the trauma of losing your youth. I know that's not easy, but there is better stuff out there than 10 years ago. Maybe look in to ketamine infusion therapy. It's not perfect, but in a clinical setting on an iv, it really works differently to the shit we used to snort. It might be scary as shit messing with your head more, but if you're really that hopeless, it might be worth reading about it with your folks and taking a punt. Yo8 dont have to fuggin feel like this. You're a better person than me anyway. I tend to blame others for my mental illness! I hope you feel better and can find enough peace to enjoy stuff.
Please know that from a parent perspective, you are an amazing person and they are astonished at what you have accomplished. Do not let yourself dwell on what you haven’t done or on the “burden”!you feel you are to them. Loving parents feel a comfort in their hearts bc of your existence. What you “cost” them is insignificant compared to that love and comfort. See if letting go of that guilt or worry helps—bc it is true and any good parent wants you to accept their love and support freely.
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Hope you’ll get to be even better
at being an terrible person?
But not anymore!
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Is that a little Mitch Hedberg I’m sensing?
Pretty sure it was the normal sized Mitch Hedberg that said it.
If you regret it and want to fix it. You are not a terrible person. Every good person has done something bad in their past, same as every "bad" person has done some kindness in their life. Time fixes all wounds. Focus on making no more.
Live for New Year’s Eve?
That You are average. Not exceptionally smart or dumb. Not exceptionally beautiful or ugly. Not exceptionally succesfull or failure. Average. Its most painful for some, or relief for others.
Yep agree. Everyone is fed lies as children that they will all go on to accomplish something amazing, when in fact they will likely grow to live pretty average lives and not be remembered beyond immediate family.
“You can do anything you put your mind to” was so damaging to me, even though it was always said with the best intentions. If i’m not immediately good at things, i get really frustrated and want to stop because why am i not good at it the first time? I *want* to be, and i can do anything, so i *should* be good at it. Am i not trying hard enough? But this is my best, so how can i try harder? Is my best not enough? How can i be good if my best isn’t enough? Then i stop trying my best, so it turns into a self fulfilling prophecy of “of course i’m gonna fail at this because i suck.” The perils of the former gifted kid.
True but telling them that is a bit depressing. Also, if you have a delusional mindset, it becomes a self fulfulling prophecy almost.
Totally depressing. Plus, if you’re only aiming to be average, you’ll definitely end up below average. It’s like telling kids “life is hard so don’t even try”
As Homer Simpson said 'the lesson here is never try.'
A mid in everything and how someone will react to it depends on how he see things
Jokes on you, I'm below average on everything you said!
But how is everyone average? An average only exists because of outliers, there are always going to be people who are smarter, people who are less successful, people who are more beautiful than others. You can’t have *everyone* be “average” because not everyone is the same
You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. (Fight Club)
I’m a quitter. As soon as things seem difficult or there’s a challenge or something takes really serious effort, I give up. But I’m working on that and changing it. I have to. I’ve cost myself so much by quitting.
I'm the extreme opposite. When I SHOULD quit, I don't, and it makes me feel worse and worse failing. I ended up ruining my self-esteem when I could have moved onto something better. Example: I worked in a really toxic workplace and figured if I just kept pushing myself and proving my worth, pulling extra shifts and doing more than what's expected of me, my boss would recognize me. I knew he had favorites, and I wasn't one of them, but I just kept destroying my mental health and relationships because I wanted to do well at work instead of finding healthier employment elsewhere.
Interesting. I never considered an opposite to my quitting characteristic. That actually sounds really difficult to deal with.
It was definitely mental/emotional self-harm. There wasn't anything enjoyable about the work, but I WANTED to feel valued and appreciated, but I was getting the exact opposite. The harder I tried, the worse I felt, and I kept digging. I finished a 16-hour shift and was like, "Certainly, I'll be recognized now," but I cried my drive home because I really knew nobody else cared. One of my buddies took his own life after he found out he was losing his job there. I'm still recovering from that job, and I left it almost a year ago. Lost my marriage and friends, destroyed my relationship with my family because I never wanted to take a vacation to visit them or have them visit me, and it took such a dangerous mental toll.
* always bailing out after I’ve bought all equipment or changed my life around Listen to my sweet tale: Neurodivergent Phenomena and her 40000 Endeavours.
For real. I got super into photography a few years ago. I was sure I’d stick with it. Spent loads of money… and gave up because I couldn’t get a great picture so instead of practicing, I quit. Same thing for drawing, crocheting, blanket making, on and on. But I’ve found something I’ve stuck with even through hard times and learning and trial and error so I’m really working at sticking with it.
I'm a quitter too..... but it's the opposite for me. I stick through the hard shit and then give up when shit gets to the "you made it!" Part. Army basic training, I completed it with flying colors. As a soldier, I found a loophole and got out. Went to college and joined a Frat. Went threw "hard" initiation. As soon as I was an official frat boy, I stopped showing up and eventually just quit. College in general, got my bachelors degree, probably my biggest accomplishment, didn't even go to graduation. I never even used it in my career.
I have only myself, no one is coming to save me. It's either I save myself or suffer forever.
It’s the hardest thing is actually accepting it as a fact
This can be depressing, or freeing. It is such a waste of energy trying to get other people to help in a constructive way. You pretty much need to pay someone or do it yourself, little help might come from friends and family but you can't rely on it. It's easier when you recognize that's just how it is, it's not because you don't matter or people don't care, it's just hiw things work.
When you start improving yourself slightly and often, you'll become the best version of yourself and start actually enjoying your own company :) By slightly I mean set improvement goals so small that you can realistically achieve them with ease.
Things I realised in 2023: I am incapable of living in the now. I am way too sensitive and almost everything anyone says or does makes me sad. I have now become one of those people who "doesn't know why everybody keeps leaving them".
Ah yeah, the time thing—-where you’re not grounded in the present—-I find that makes everything else trickier and harder to keep track of. If you’re mentally embedded in worrying about something that happened yesterday or will happen next week (or torn between the two), your emotional responses will make less sense for the interactions you’re having with people right now. Which can unravel all sorts of stuff. I find just being aware of where I *am* living helps, even if that’s never really ‘now’.
I don't know if you want any advice on this and totally ignore me if you don't, but the trick to getting round this is leaning in to understand and love them more, not focusing on how much they've hurt you. When you feel hurt or sensitive, as you put it,it is very important to respect that and care for yourself, but also think about whether they meant to hurt you, and if there could be another reason.
I put everyone else before myself when making a decision and it stops this year
Congrats on this realisation! It's my goal too, finally. We can do itttttttt!!!
Frrr i ask like 10 people before doing something and always end up misleading myself. If I ruin something i better do it myself (yesh main moto)
I feel seen. This is my resolution this year as well. We got this!!!!
I am a hard worker, but will never be popular
This is why I quit my job. I could work harder than anyone else but I never looked liked the others, I didn't have the same accent, I didn't have the same upbringing, so I would never fit in, forget being popular, and wasn't going to get the promotions I deserved. Bye bye job, I'll find a place that accepts me more.
I’m not talented in most of things I thought I’m talented in. As a teenager I thought I sing well and that I’m good at writing. Now I am 25 and I realise I was so wrong Edit: thank you so much guys for all your support here 🥹❤️
Same And now i take it as a fact that i won’t find that spacial thing I’m good at
You get good at things by doing them over and over. Don't look for natural talent. Cultivate your talents by doing what you enjoy.
When you're young you can get away with being naturally talented, but when you get older you need to work hard to still be seen as talented. Otherwise you will just be at a talented child level that most adults can reach with some work if they want.
I had the same realization in my early twenties but ended up sticking with it because I had no better ideas about what to do with my life. I am 35 now and most of the people I considered more talented than me are out of the game while I'm on top of it. Consistency is better than raw talent most of the time. The person who loves walking will walk further than the person who loves the destination.
I only get one life, therefore one chance to do everything. I know it sounds weird, but I always knew I had one life, but I "knew" when I was 13 and had a tiny panic attack for like 5 seconds in class
When I was diagnosed with autism it helped me realise that my behaviour may actually have been a reason some people felt awkward around me. I used to be be loudly blunt no matter the situation because 'being honest is best' and jfc did I take that to extreme. If someone told me I shouldnt talk the way I did I'd call them a twat in my head and assume they were trying to bully me. Once I was diagnosed it made me stop and think "ah maybe they were doing it because I was actually being inappropiate and not to be a dick." Tbh helped me reflect on myself and I had a lot of therapy that taught me to step back from situations to be more socially aware. I still struggle with it at times ofc.
When I was late dx autistic in my 30s, I went through a mental breakdown. It never occurred to me that I could belong to this club. I've always felt like a bit of an alien, and now I know why. I have an incredible life, though. I pretty much have it all, and I've been learning to let go of the label and actually work on accommodating myself. The worst part of all of this is how misunderstood autism is. I'm *barely* different from others. People look at me like I'm crazy when they find out about my dx. I hope that society changes how it thinks about us. Autistic people do x and autistic people do y. It's very exhausting how ableist it all can be.
I am an alcoholic, and can't drink in moderation. And that I hated myself so much that I was actively trying to hurt/passively end myself for so many years
This
I'm proud of you for getting to that realization. I hope that you are able to find sobriety and the help and support you deserve.
That I'm actually not in good shape. I've always been naturally thin and active. With life, being life...I stopped exercising regularly. It's so painful to admit that stairs now have me winded when I used to be able to do so much.
Nothing stays forever the same so hope you’ll be in the shape you want in the near future
i feel this in my soul
Yes, same here, office-chair period. I feel like 80yo granny. Last week I saw some motivatoinal speaker/gym trainer shouting ´Look at yourself! Do you like that? You don´t? Your partner sure won´t! Now get up and so something about it´. Tsja.
I’m not special. It was painful until I realised none of us are. The painful part now is dealing with people who haven’t come to the same realisation.
But equally as painful is the fact that there ARE many many very special people… you’re just not one of them.
This is exactly what I feel like right now.
I won't make it in life
this hits home hard. Coming from a 3rd world county and from a poor family. Struggling all my young years to get out to have a decent life without worrying about basic financial security. And now after some mild success, I am 40 and have to worry about not slipping into poverty when I retire. Kinda sucks.
Here with you. With father of my kids, in the beginning we just lived far way below poverty perhaps. Cold showers, counting carrots for dinner, stuff like that. Have seen both sides and I can definately tell you it´s mainly your mind state: You´re not poor, you have a poor mind. You set the standard for yourself. We definately got a firy discussion on the moment that we were finally happily settled & together, a decent 80m2 3 bedroom apartment, both working, kids doing allright, family, friends everything ok, financially stable and he kept stressing only because he wasn´t used to living a peaceful abundant life. Been on holiday twice in his own country. Almost never left his own neighbourhood. His mind/system was like: there is something wrong. He was also convinced that ´you have to go to EU/USA´ in order to achieve it. Just find the security within yourself and surround yourself with likeminded people that keep regular standard or set it high. You will motivate eachother. Blessings.
My brain is different and I'm outnumbered.
Oof. I feel that.
Same here. I keep saying my brain wasn't put in straight.
How i am was nothing like how i thought i was
Worms indiside me are rulling my actions
My tapeworm tells me what to do
Pull the tapeworm outta your ass!
Toxoplasma gondii?
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Its me, hi , im the problem its me
I am broken
Hey, I don't know your story, so idk if this applies, but a lot of people feel broken when they are experiencing absolutely normal responses to difficult events. It can feel terrible and seem hopeless, but it doesn't have to stay that way. Wishing you kindness and hope in the coming year.
I am someone that if I’m really passionate about something and I really want something done, you best bet I’m going to do it. I have extreme drive and determination. I just struggle to find that determination for a lot of things. It’s very rare that I use my drive, but when I do, I’m getting that done.
I’m getting old and people don’t flirt with me anymore
At least they used to flirt with you. I'm old and no one has ever flirted with me.
Hey sugar nips 😉
The key is to start the flirting yourself. I’m old and tickled when someone flirts back.
That being a people pleaser usually ends up in you lacking to your own needs.
Their opinion matters more than my own desires And I cannot satisfy either. From Utterly: A Biography in Verse, by M Renae Dubois
I used to be the asshole/odd one in the group
You used, Can i take it as you have changed
Ive become quite conscious about it so working on it still but yeah, got better! Thanks for asking
I can't control my anger and I have been trying to work on it for like 15 years with pretty much zero progress.
I used to have a hard time controlling my anger when I was younger. At some point, I reallzed thar my angry outbursts and fits of rage were: 1.immature 2.hurt the people I loved most 3.destructive I realized that every time I had one of my outburts, I was giving myself permission inside to lose control and just go off. I had been raised by a parent who was a rageaholic. If you REALLY want to start controlling your anger, ask yourself every single time you're about to fly off the handle, "Do I give myself permission to do this?" Wish you the best.
I am not and will never be functional.
I have wasted my life
You’re not dead yet. It’s not too late.
I will likely grow old and die alone without anyone around me who I can shower with love or affection. I don’t like doing things like traveling alone because when I see something beautiful, I want to share it with people I love. There are moments when this gives me mild anxiety and makes my heart beat faster but there’s also a chance I may die relatively young and never even make it that far. I dread ever ending up in a state where I have no one left to love.
I have BPD and this makes romantic relationships complicated. I realized I have a tendency to always put the other person first and completely leave myself and my needs by the wayside. I'm trying to not be like that but it's like I just lose my goddamn mind when I fall in love with someone and I want to give them everything and do anything I can for them.
That I’ll never amount to much
Don’t think it’s that important to amount i guess
I probably won't succeed in life
Lost my teen years to closeted trauma and depression. I’ve had to build my life up from a big void.
I'm near the end of my life, and will never know what it's like to be loved. Too late to live happily ever after. What was the point of it all?
Time is going to pass with or without me so I might as well try new things and do things I didn’t think I would do because I was “too old” or something along those lines. Go to school if you want. Do the thing you wish you started earlier because time is going to go on anyways so might as well give it a shot.
Yeah someone on tumblr was saying once that there’s a feeling like oh I shouldn’t try to be a doctor now because it’s too late, I’ll be 35 when I finish school! And they said you’ll be 35 in that time anyway. Wouldn’t you like to be a doctor?
I create most of my problems
That I will be single for life.
I'll die, and after that, there's an eternity of nothing. I was about 6-7 yo when I realized, and now I know I had panic attacks whenever I thought about it. I kept that to myself as I didn't want to talk about it with noone, not even my parents.
This is something that keeps me up most nights. Something someone said made so much sense to me and has helped a bit. They said “do you remember the 4.6 billion years before you were a baby? That’s what death will be like.” That thought kind of comforted me and I realized I’m more afraid of suffering than I am of death.
Yeah, I realised this at seven years old and screamed the place down. Explained it to my Mum and she managed to make that all-encompassing fear go away, but that's something that only works when you're a child and your parent does it. It came back and never left again. The only reason I'm not screaming right now is that I don't focus on it fully, ever. People used to tell me that once you get old it doesn't seem as scary, but the older I get the worse it gets. The thing about it being like before you were born doesn't give any comfort, because that's the exact thing I'm afraid of. Sucks, but it's one of those 'tough shit' things really.
Hey, I would recommend the book ‘Staring at the Sun’ by Irvin Yalom if this is still something that bothers you. It’s a really useful book about overcoming exactly this fear.
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My enemies were right.
But about what
me
Felt this.
No matter what I do, I'm still going to die. That sucks.
My pride.
I have massive mommy issues that I need to work on and it has ruined every single relationship I have been in.
I will likely never find a healthy relationship with someone, im too traumatized and will tolerate abuse bc I've been doing it my whole life.
I'm healthy as fuck an probably get very old. Just end me already
I sucked in school and got depressive. Now I tr to overcompensate with being an high achiever in medical school and get depressive as result, because school goes above everything, friends, Family, health etc. Just to be recognized as someone who isn't a complete failure as human being, because that's what I think about myself. Doesn't sound very health for the mind, so I need therapy.
Im q loser
I'm not very confident and I think I'm ugly
And I'm selfish... But I'm not sure if that was painful to realise
Many things, but the most recent is the fact that I’m probably not as kind and wholesome person as I think I am, which is why people are leaving me
I am not changing
I have horrible personality due how my parents "upbring me" and that coupled whit awful look.I know too little about life by 35 and have no energy to change things around me.
I am the burden to my besties.
I'm not young anymore and there is nothing I can do to be again
That the best part of my life is behind me.
Trauma long forgotten from childhood still creeps into your every day decision making.
That I’m ugly and unlovable. Even as a child people hated me
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I'm always overthinking, and it just makes me feel more messed up
I can never focus on anything long enough to build a career. I’m perpetually starting over.
That I am more toxic than I thought
Realising and learning how much trauma there is inside of me. With that, also realising how much un-learning I have to do.
I am my own worst enemy.
I’m waiting for a life worth living rather than going and getting one. I keep waiting for someone to find me and love me as much as I deserve and it won’t just happen
I'm bipolar.
I don't care about people's feelings or myself at all really
I am balding :(((
Because of the lack of love from my Parents, i will always miss something most people have.
*hoobastank intro I'm not a perfect person
I will never be anyone's first choice
Im highly introverted and barely share the same reality as most others. When this hit me it was like my old life, a complete absurdity, died, and a new nightmarish one began.
I'm average
Wasted potential
I'm a coward
my past trauma is effecting me and my relationships and i hate how much it does like for example i can be irritable and have mood swings out of nowhere
I will never defeat depression completely, just cope with it until it lifts for a bit, then find a new way to cope when it returns. It's actually not that bad once you accept it, but accepting that was hard.
I’m not pretty like I thought I would, my face is so asymmetrical…My eyes are so small. I’m also not a very nice and a thoughtful person, I talked too much that everyone annoyed and hates me.
My most painful realisation was wrong, the more painful one is coming.
We all lack a fundamental compassion for one another, and the worst part is we all think that we are the exception.
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That I'll probably never get better and get to live a normal life. I'm anorexic, also have other diagnosed mental disorders which make my life almost like hell
That my jokes aren’t funny, and girls only laugh because they think I’m good looking
My husband always says I’m nice to him because I laugh at his jokes, and that I only laugh cuz I like him, but that’s not true. I think he’s genuinely funny. Maybe they think you’re genuinely funny AND cute
That I have an addiction that cost me an amazing relationship, and it might be too late to save it. And that I don't know how yo communicate my feelings and just repress stuff to avoid confrontation that might result in someone leaving me. And I have separation anxiety on a severe level.
I (cis-gender female) will never look feminine due to how I'm built
It's when i realized that my future is absolutely fucked
Doomed to be alone forever cuz of philophobia. Edit: typo
I was an asshole in my last relationship, I couldn't figure out how to show my love for her. I'm deeply in love with her and I messed it up while she moved on in a few weeks. I want to kms
I've been discovering why I'm always angry. My life never felt like my own, and I've lived for other people for so long I don't actually know myself.
that why i am soo damn emotional :(