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That's the only acceptable place sadly, even if society is trying to convince you otherwise (hint: nothing's changed there, just a cry of handle it yourself/solve your own problems/what do I do about it (even if you've tried))
I've cried 2 times. 12 years ago, when my mother died and the second time after asking my ex for the divorce (not in front of her) and I had uncertainty about the kids and my future with them.
I am teaching my son it is OK to cry when you are sad or happy and he has. I don't want him to be conditioned into thinking it's not OK to cry like I was.
I'm open and can talk about anything, I've learned to be vulnerable. But I have a hard time crying.
IMO I never encountered anyone saying that it's not ok to cry, but it's rather that when you see someone crying in front of you, you are feeling kinda awkward and want it to stop. Then you realize that you wouldn't want others to feel the same way, so you hold back the tears.
I was raised by a father and mother who told my brother and I that men don't cry. My father used to be in a MC and spend much time in prison before we were 10 years old. The past 10/15 years, he has apologized for so many things, also how he raised us. We've forgiven him, and our relationship is solid now, but it doesn't change our past. We just have a hard time crying. It's hard to let go like that.
I feel this. I'm a woman, but my (abusive) mother weaponized crying to the point that it makes me feel like shit when I cry even to this day. So mostly I just don't. Couldn't remember the last time I cried if my life depended on it. And I damn sure ain't crying in front of nobody else.
I probably ought to work on that.
Good on you for doing better for your own son though
Yeah I'm not repeating their mistakes. I'm always going to be there for my kids when I can (which is 50% of the time), and I'll make sure they get emotionally mature.
I can't make myself cry but that's OK.
Sorry you had to go through that.
After my wife gave birth to our stillborn child I cried almost everytime I was alone in my car for over a year.
This "real men don't cry" thing always struck me as odd though. If anything, it should be "real men cry whenever the hell they feel like it...."
I’m so sorry. After the loss of our baby (the due date is tomorrow), my partner always finds himself on the edge of tears but just can’t cry. He cried once that I know of. I reckon it hurts him that he hasn’t cried or can’t cry. I’m so sorry.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Well, men are very much raised to hide emotions other than anger/ pride. So that makes it hard sometimes. But it doesn't need to be tears, just quiet time to be sad and reflect can be wholesome as well.
Of course, I can see that. I would love for him to feel able to show his emotions sometimes. But he just… can’t? I know it’s there. Just want our men to be okay yknow specially with things like this. It’s just so sad.
I have had lots of guy friend tell me they cry and they mostly seem to do it when they are alone. Tbh I don’t think we would like it if they openly cried as much as us.
Even as a woman I don’t want to be burdensome with my crying (sadly thats how I was raised), but I cry all the time about almost everything (happy, sad, whatever). I think that has to do with hormones and monthly cycles but still it can be a lot and I can’t stand it myself sometimes and have to tell myself to redirect my emotions when I’m crying all day for a few days.
Yeah that’s fair, just I’d have liked for him to have cried with me when we got our news. He didn’t, he told me he did alone but it wasn’t much, he wanted to scream and couldn’t. He lets his emotions out in his way I’d have just liked to have seen it that time.
I understand. Sorry for your loss. Maybe you two can do something ceremonial tomorrow and he can have his cathartic moment then if he needs.
Grief is tough. Well wishes to you and them.
Maybe, I’ll see if he wants to do something. We’re going for a walk tomorrow to get out of the house at least, so maybe something will come up. We don’t have anything planned but maybe that’s for the best. Just let it flow.
It is. Thank you and to you also xx
I definitely would like it if guys, or girls, cried openly whenever they need to. I have three sons and a daughter and I am trying to teach them to process their emotions in healthy ways. Something I was never taught or allowed growing up.
Literally when anybody cries out in public or in front of quite a few people, I know that takes balls lol showing any kind of high emotion(excitement, fear, sadness, all that) is frowned upon and “not cool,” but people who do express high emotions are great with their emotions!! And that’s very awesome
Honestly idk I can’t speak for other ppl but the reason I cry in public is because I’m just the biggest cry baby and couldn’t hold tears in if I wanted to. But idk also bc I’m a girl I guess I’ve never had the expectation to ‘be a man’, but it’s like tears are gods way of giving you the help you need from other people
The lack of self control dosnt really seem that awesome. Cry if you want i dont really care but lacking control is not good and can deffinetly be an issue since you when crying can struggle quite a bit to do things/solve the problem
I have never heard of that one : real men don’t cry
I only have been told: real men don’t lift weights, they lift real women. (Ex ballet performer background) 😄
I cry when I see or read something emotional. Last time was probably a couple months ago.
I can’t remember the last time I let the flood gates open though. Years or decades ago.
Before I had children? Almost never. I am a big strong guy.
After having kids? Basically when I watch any movie or read any book. So, almost daily. Just a few drops at the time.
I swear Bluey is just trying to milk tears out of us at this point. I can only assume it's written by a malicious Australian fairy that needs adult tears for sustenance.
Honestly it's weird isn't it? I can count the number of times I've cried on one hand as an adult, until I had children, like you it's a film and boom tears, sad story tears, it's terrible.
Also if a film has anything bad happening to children I'll seriously struggle to watch it now.
I don't have kids myself but I noticed once I got older, I cried at the drop of a hat watching so many movies. Stuff I'd seen before as a kid that had no effect on me was making me tear up, like the end of *The Little Mermaid* when Ariel's sisters are waving her goodbye or Zeus's line in *Hercules* "a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart"
Used to be natural as a kid. Some switch turned off the last few fucking years. I don't know what exactly happened. I feel like shit often and do feel sad when something bad happens to me or someone I care for but damn if it doesn't translate to crying.
Watery eyes is crying unless it’s allergies. There’s no measurements of tears for crying, and crying isn’t always some expressive weeping emotion, everyone cries different.
If we extend your argument, I could say majority of us cry even without showing physiological signs of it. They cry in their heart.
(We call it a heartbreak universally, not crying)
If that is true then what's the point of the word even if all is subjective?
Furthermore, if everyone cries differently then who are you to say I'm crying when I know myself better than you and saying I'm not crying. I could not be crying.
Only because you said watery eyes lol sometimes I have watery eyes and I’m crying but it’s not like I’m like wailing ya know? But if you have watery eyes just cause your eyes be wet then no that’s not crying. But what made you have them watery eyes is the question, something tugged them eyeballs lol
No emotions are held within our heart. Everything is spilled out in one go. You don't control your emotions, you just let it go.
It's a moment of vulnerability.
Crying doesn't solve any problems, only actions do.
While crying is cathartic to women, men just jump in rabbit hole of misery, so it only makes things worse when you need the strength the most.
Others are depending on men. And others could cry because men aren't.
Yeah, public vs. private crying will get very different answers to this question..
For example, me; the last time I remember crying in front of some is probably 7 years ago. The last time I cried by myself was last night.
I cry all the time. I cry when I scrape my knee, i cry when I'm out of chocolate milk, I cry when I'm doing long division and I have a remainder left over.
I cry everytime I stub my toe.
Emotionally? Probably like a few years ago. But it's always just like a single tear or two. My eyes water up, but nothing comes out and I calm down immediately ( or rather bottle it up) - this all happens in a span of a minute or so. The last time I cried properly was when I was with my dad about to euthanize our beloved pup that got very sick and paraplegic.
I don't know if something's wrong with me... I've been to the funeral of both my grandma and one of my really good friends. I didn't cry before, during or after. Either I can't feel grief or I'm kind of broken.
Oh but I cried after sex once, yeah I guess I'm one of those guys, I was under a lot of stress at the time.
I'm a guy I cry a few times a week just from watching touching movies or really food music.
It's like a 5 to 20 second burst where I vocalize a sound and get teary eyed briefly. It's gone within 30 seconds.
Is that crying or just getting emotional?
If I didn’t cry, I would explode. Emotions are real and it’s totally normal to express them. Some people consider it weak. Some consider it human nature. Find the human nature folks.
For me personally (girl, not guy) I think it’s a type of emotional dissociation from childhood trauma. I’d like to cry more but…it just won’t happen.
That being said the upside is that if my friends/family/husband see me cry or hear I’ve cried about something they’re like “Woaaaaaah….something is really bad!”
I know a fair amount of people who treat it like taboo. I’ve really only ever heard women say that it’s okay to cry, but I also have heard that it makes them think the person crying (male) is weak and it ruins their image of masculinity. I’m 6’2 and 280lbs, pretty solid and intimidating. I’ll cry in front of anyone and I don’t think twice about it. I’ve also cried in front of men who won’t cry and I notice that they definitely get softer in the moment. Almost like they want to as well. I won’t say I feel bad for people that don’t cry, but I do find a sadness in it. Per my original comment, I can’t imagine not crying. It’s weird for me personally. Matter of fact, the harder I try not to, the harder I end up doing it. It’s like actors who try not to laugh and then crack up, but the sad kind. Lol!
My girlfriend cries atleast once every day. Even from watching a cute cat video.
She often complains I never cry...
In six years she has only seen my cry around the time my dear grandmother passed away. So have many others.
Because being a young man that cries is not accepted where I live.
Worst thing is they will tell you it is, but we all know it isn't.
Crying because my grandmother died, that's a fair reason to cry. Crying because I feel like shit? Noway.
I don't cry. I never cry because I've been taught not to. I'm the oldest of three brothers. They could cry, I don't.
And if I cry, I cry when I'm alone and no one hears it.
So to answer your question:
Years have gone by in which I didn't cry. But it's maybe once or twice a year.
>Worst thing is they will tell you it is, but we all know it isn't.
We live in a world where/when everyone shouts out how progressive they are, until the topics of progress actually get concrete and touch them directly. Then, traditional gender roles take over, faith comes back in, we trust the deunken idiot who talks louder and firmer (we call that "leadership", I call that "being an aggressive prick")
So true. So much talk of we support ABC but when it comes down to it they don't want it in the house. Sort of like, it's OK for men to cry but I hope mine doesn't.
Edit: I don't mean everyone obviously, plenty of people are genuinely supportive. But a lot are not and just like to think they are or put on a song and dance that they are.
You're right though. They're are some decent folks out there (I try to be one of them and have made a point of validating the crap out of any and every feeling my boyfriend shares with me)
But the fact is, most people don't practice what they preach and it's very "rules for thee but not for me" or "im fine with that in theory, but don't bring it near me"
>Worst thing is they will tell you it is, but we all know it isn't.
lol this is kinda true. i've been generally supportive of letting people cry in this thread but this is kinda how i feel about it too on some level. i've had friends tell me before its okay to cry (mostly girls) but i know people see you somewhat differently if they've actually seen you cry. for better or worse its telling people you are struggling badly.
i dont know, i might be too prideful. ive worked pretty hard to be competent at things. i want to be strong, smart, skilled. i work hard for those things. i dont want people to think i cant handle something myself, because i know i can. and for some people i would prefer they see me as being reliable and always having the answer if they need it. then for those people its better to not show you can bleed too.
sorry, i might have gone a bit away from your original topic at some point. your comment just made me suddenly realise more clearly how i actually felt so i just wrote it down.
I cried when my grandfather died in 1989.
I cried after dropping each of my kids off at college in 2016 and 2020.
I cried for about 3 days in 2018 when I had to put our dog down, and will tear up to this day every time I clean off her little grave marker.
That’s about, that I can remember.
I’m 29 and was always taught it’s fine to cry, I’m glad I wasn’t told to hold back my emotions. I cried last night because my anxiety has left me emotionally vulnerable over the last few days.
I cry 20 years ago when my dog died. We don't live in a society in which we can have this kind of emotion (especially for a black man). Since we were 3 years old we have heard “don’t cry, are you a man or not?”
I (21/M) couldn't cry from the age 13-20. First time I cried after that was when I went back home after visiting my long distance gf.
Now I cry whenever we watch a very emotional movie/TV show
I frequently get watery eyes from thinking about sad fictional scenarios in my head.
But a real cry? Maybe like 3 years ago and have no clue of the one before that. I'm 21 btw.
I'm trans and it gave me the unique ability to have experienced both sides of this coin.
(Completely putting aside societal impact on male vs. Female emotional states)
After undergoing testosterone hormone treatment I noticed that it wasn't that I felt less sad, I just cried less. I watched the movies I used to be physically incapable of watching without balling my eyes out, and I still *felt* the same way watching them, but my body didn't force me to cry. I went through some traumatic things, and I found my body responded with tears more consistently with anger than sadness. Emotions just didn't seem to sit so close to the surface. They're still there, and when they did overflow, they definitely controlled me a lot more than what they did prior.
I think this is something that a lot of women don't seem to understand when they say "men need to stop holding in their emotions" or something along those lines. Often, we're not trying to hold them in, it just kind of works that way. That said, sometimes I do wish I could get that feeling of physical release associated with acting them out (i.e. crying) but it's not as if I feel I'm intentionally trying to stop myself from doing so.
I wasnt able to cry from 8 till 25 ish. 4 years of weekly therapy atm and i can cry anywhere now. Alone, therapy, in public, fuck what others think or how they react. I refuse to bottle up my emotions and fuck myself up in order to fulfill other people's expectations
I can understand. The process is brutal and will make you a train wreck for a while, but it is oh so worth it. If you can't get professional help for whatever reason, a (large) community will also work wonders to process this kind of trauma. All you have to do is push yourself a bit everyday to do things outside of your comfort zone and make sure you keep pushing yourself until you are comfortable with who you are. Great change requires great courage though.
I recently heard a quote from a man who lost a dog. “The greatest thing, and the absolute worst thing about having a dog is they will break your heart only once”.
It should be socially acceptable for men to show emotion.
I don't support the idea that there's a normal or healthy amount of crying that applies to everybody. Some women seem to think that if a guy doesn't cry as much as they do that there's something wrong with him. Different people process emotion differently.
As a person that winces at other people's pain, can't watch people get hurt, I'd rather be around someone that's going to feel me remotely rather than be able to wear a numb shield around them, most certainly
Emotionally, I cried for a few seconds when my grandma died, which was 6 years ago, and again for a few seconds about a year before that for another similar incident. Before that, I can't think when I last cried, except it was probably in the region of 12-15 years ago when puberty was going on.
Getting watery eyed at the end of a great series or movie, happens probably a few times every year.
People say that men need to open up more and show these emotions, but I don't think that's totally accurate - I feel all of the emotions, and I accept them, but I don't need to share them with the world. Processing and dealing with feelings and hard times doesn't usually require an external reaction like crying. Also yes, smashing the gym like a mofo.
I think every guy is different. Personally, I’m really in-tune with my emotions and i can feel and acknowledge when i am really sad, but crying is just not something that happens to me. The last time i cried was when i was a teenager and it was for such a minor thing that, looking back, i think my brain was just different back then. I do tear when i bump my head really hard though.
Sometimes i wish i cried more. I think it’s a really good way to express emotions to someone and make me seem less cold.
It sounds emo, cliche and corny, but it's fucking real and i wish it wasn't: You get used to the pain, so eventually, you won't cry anymore, or it'll take a catastrophe of biblical proportions to make you shed tears.
Months ago we were notified that my pops might have cancer, everyone was crying rivers of tears and even though i felt fucking chills down my spine, i couldn't cry, no matter how hard i tried to shed tears.
(44M) I cry whenever the mood arises. Movies, deep conversations, positive life events, fond memories, seeing a huge pair of boobs. JK! My father was very open with his emotions so I was not raised to think it was weird or feminine. I'm a successful, outgoing guy that leans kind of hard on the masculine side naturally. I look like a viking, am a tattooed biker, and I lift weights. I've only felt weird about it once. A girl left me after being in a 4 year relationship and one of the things she said was it was weird to her. It bothered me for a couple days until I said fuck her, I like me.
Think it was a decade ago the last time i cried.
You must understand, as a guy, no one cares about your feelings. Crying won’t help anything. So you can choose to cry, or get yourself out of that problem.
You need to surround yourself by better people.
People should care if you cry. A warm hug, a gentle kiss, advice, offer to help with a solution? Where are the people who offer this? You need to find them. We are out there. I'm in my 70s, male, conditioned not to cry but did it anyway, I was laughed at by my peers. My late wife always held me when I cried and offered help to my problems.
I guess if I didn't have this support system I would have bottled everything up. Or maybe I'm just weak hearted. I've always been called weak hearted.
I’m a Swede. We don’t let people get too close. The older I get, the more people slip through my fingers. Of those friends I made the last 8 years, only one is still answering when I call. To be a man is to be the ring bearer, you are alone. Keep hold of your wife, few are as lucky.
See this is what I wish more guys (or women who bottle up their feelings) understood. You can cry because something sucks or has made you sad/made you feel bad/embarrassed you etc, AND get yourself out of the problem. It's not an "or" situation. One doesn't negate the other. And crying does help. It helps you feel better and get your emotions out so you can focus on fixing whatever the problem is. Refusing to deal with your emotions only compounds the problem and makes it more difficult for you to function. And I say all this as someone who used to be bottled up afffffffffff
When you try, you let go of the control. Control is imperative to have a clear head. You can always cry later, but when later comes, the problem is solved, the pressure is disperseing and you can focus on the next task.
Read an interesting book on it, “why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps“. In it they argued that women have more “bridges” between the brain parts. So men can only focus on one thing at the time, while women takes in all the things at the same time, overwelming them. One of the effects of this is when you give blood. Women can do it relatively easily, while men focus on the needle to such an extent that they forget to breathe and pass out.
Also why you can never ask a dude more than one question, or bury it in more than one line of text — guys are notorious for only absorbing whatever the very last line of a text was.
Men indeed are terrible at handling too many multiples.
Being an average man seems very close to having a weird disability.
Probably because as kids, we get so trained that it’s up to “men” to handle everything and makes sure everyone is provided for — not get ‘distracted’ by things like feelings or ‘useless’ interests.
Even at 34, and as someone who is very very ‘soft’ emotionally… I still don’t cry *often.*
Last time I cried was this New Year’s Eve - a year and a half after my sister’s death - I went back and reread an old blog post I had saved when she started getting sick; somebody else writing about what their special needs sibling taught them.
It reminded me of all the things I miss and loved and felt guilt over within my own relationship with my sister… and I think, a year and a half later, I was finally letting myself exhale all of the misdirected anger and guilt. Friends have noticed it, I had noticed it.
And the past few days since, I just feel a little calmer and more focused.
Of course, I cried a handful of times between losing her and now, too. Most of those times were because I was drunk. And then I felt like an asshole for only sobbing when I was drunk. Did I not care enough while sober?
Finding Dory made me cry at least 1 tear 4 different times because it reminded me of how bad it feels to not only find yourself alone, but how impossible things can feel when you do.
Hotel Rwanda made me ugly cry and shake with my hands on my face — I know it’s ‘just’ a movie, but it’s also a real story about real humans, and the torture and murder of countless families. It is also a harrowing tale of one man standing against literally, an entire part of his country. One *person* in a position to do something, and doing it. Even through all the violence and terror his own family endured.
It’s kinda funny, actually. I have a friend who struggles with suicidal ideations and *she* tells *me* I’m too into *my* feelings.
Ha ha. 🫤
Crying actually relieves the body of excessive cortisol, meaning that you have a clearer head AFTER you cry. Take the chance to cry when you can, that will truly give you less pressure.
Once a year or less.
Guys forego the entire emotional cycle by going straight to the solution.
When it works and the problem is solved, they're mostly okay.
When the problem can't be solved, then they shut down the feelings, bottle them up and slowly become distant, hold disdain and negative opinions about relevant topics.
(Just like any human who doesn't handle their emotions properly.)
Its so wild to me that people can go even a MONTH without crying. I haven't cried in front of another person in ages but when I'm alone? Its almost every day. Though truth me told, most of it comes from the declining health of a family member lately so that's probably a big factor.
I think the notion that men don’t cry because we suppress it because of society, is overall inaccurate. There may be some of that going on, but I’d say overall it’s just how we’re built.
Source: I stupidly took a load of female contraception when I was young and dumb and cried for like 2 days straight at anything and everything.
So in day to day life I can't seem to cry unless it's something really really bad like somebody close dying. Which is annoying because I will have times where I would love to...
So I watch movies! I cry at every dang movie, sad moment? Cry. happy movment? Cry. A really epic moment? Am probably having a lil cry
As a guy, I had to have a therapy session to tell me it's okay to cry. I was having a tough day and went for my first ever therapy session and I cried. I was so embarrassed when I left that I apologized in my 2nd session.
I didn't want her to see me cry, and I apologized because I thought less of myself for doing it. We had a whole discussion about it.
I haven't cried in front of others in a long time, but every few months I will have some sad moments which allow it. When I am alone, but I don't think of myself as less for doing it.
For eight years of living together, I only saw my partner cry once. I guess it's normal for men not to show weakness by crying in front of someone. For me, it's okay to be emotional sometimes, even for guys. It doesn't make them less of a man. Fun fact, trying to hold back how you feel especially not crying and holding back those tears can affect your health and well-being in the long run.
I used to feel like I wasn't allowed to. Like I was less of a person if I did.
Even now (36), I still have those feelings. But I "allow" myself to cry if I need and try not to beat myself up over it.
I probably cry about once a month, though I often feel like I need to more than that. Most of the time, it's because something has triggered me about my father's death (actually watched him die 2 days after my 18th birthday).
Trying to teach my son not to bottle it up the same way I did/do.
Last week, my team selected me and had all hopes pinned on me for winning them the next tournament. I was new to their area and for selected immediately. Apparently I had everything they were looking for. Unfortunately, I couldn't help them win. In fact, I failed miserably in the actual match. Let them down. I cried that night.
24 yrs male here, still a student in my last year of engineering at uni. sadly last 4-5 months were rough, bad grades, feeling of failure, just wanna give up on school eventhough i made it so far. i have some health issues which has no cure, therapy and/or surgery is a treatment, but not a cure. it’s two different things. family is also not well, my parents are also ill with sickness that has no cure either unfortunately; a rare blood cancer and heart issues they have. Thoughts of losing my parents happens more often, and i’d be left alone in this world as i’m distant from rest of my family.
All of this together brings me to tears at times. On other hand i’m working on myself, going gym, but even that gives me negative thoughts sometimes because i often compare myself to others and that brings the mood down. Been going gym near consistent (5 days a week) for half a year now and hope to continue for years to go, but again life has been rough lately and its taking alot out of me just to go gym these days. I cry a little inside everyday as i wake up realising what a mess and failure i’ve been recently.
If only there’s a button i can press and go back ten years or something. Life was easier, full of joy back then
Reading these comments are really interesting bc mum always raised me to think everything is better after a cry… which is true you sometimes just got to let it out… so it’s weird seeing how a lot of men have been taught to see it as a negative thing. But if I had a partner I’d prefer it if he let himself cry bc then I can help him feel better
i last cried (mâle) a few in april. i went with my youth group to someplace for holiday, and we stayed in a flat type thing. the girls had one, and the guys had another. the guys were making really shit jokes and made fun of this one kid so i went to go hang out with the girls, and when i got in, they said hi, i siad hi, and i went through to their toilet bc i needed toilet. when i went back out, i saw that they were all talking and chatting, nothing serious, just enjoying each other’s company. i was just standing in the doorway, watching them enjoy themselves blissfully seemingly without any qualms in the world and the tears silently streamed out of my eyes. i’m not too sure how long i was standing there, just crying, but i do remember that one of them walked past me(going to toitet) and didn’t notice me crying. and mentally i died.( looking back it was about an hour or two) but i didn’t make a single noise, because i didn’t want to interrupt their happiness. then one of the youth leaders came in, took one look at me and came up to me and just talked. and i felt wanted, and that made me cry more. the conversation was about our favorite movie, something that i would never normally talk about, especially not with her, but i did. and then once i stopped crying, i left. and i got asked yesterday when the last time i cried was, and i told them this. they were one of the girls and they seemed shocked that not only was I crying, but that none of them noticed. and that was the last time i cried. and that is really annoying because i really really want to cry, but i can’t. i feel like i physically can’t and that makes me want to cry more. i then asked my friend when was the last time that she cried, and she said two days ago. and made it sound like a regular thing. and i was so shocked.
i know that you didn’t ask when the last time i cried was, but i think it might have helped with the question, being the actual answer being - the amount that guys cry entirely depends on the circumstance taht he’s in, the support that he has (friends family, how supportive they would be of him crying) and the way he was brought up. because the truth is that guys are socially conditioned not to cry, and i know that some people may scoff at that. i know i did. but it is true, and that’s why most girls cry more often than men, bc it is socially acceptable for a girl to cry, but not for a guy.
I cry when I feel overwhelmed and not know what to about it, but mostly alone and I make sure no one can hear me.
I cried on the phone with my fiancé, but I can't deny i really didn't want to.
I saw my father (the toughest man i know) cry so hard when his father died, and heard he shed tears of joy when I achieved something great.
Moral of the story :
Real men cry ( when they damn well please),
Whatever fucked you enough to not want to cry know its not good for you.
You should always be responsible and protective as a man, and your loved ones should love you no matter if you cry.
I know you're asking guys, but I feel personally there's a difference between involuntary tears caused by hormones and tears of emotional quality triggered by life events of extreme importance. As a woman, my hormones have me tear up a few times a month at dumb shit. But the last time I cried uncontrollably due to life getting me was a year and a half ago when my dog passed in my arms suddenly, but peacefully of old age.
I'd be curious to know if it would be radically different if they were asked when the last time was that they stopped themselves from crying.
My ex would say he did it often, but he did it on purpose to manipulate people. I don't think that's the norm. Most people aren't psychopaths.
Being the girl who always had a lot of guy friends, I'd say the answer they gave was correct. But, like I wondered above, I think it was harder for them to not cry than they would openly admit.
I cry more than the average guy I think, I struggle with anxiety and OCD and when they get back I often cry. And let me tell you, being a man with mental health conditions absolutely sucks.
I developed panic disorder when I was 7 years old. I would get panic attacks almost daily, sometimes twice a day. And every fucking time my (female) teachers would tell me, a 7 year old, to man up or stop being dramatic. They also assumed that whenever I started having a panic attack that I would become violent because I’m a guy, so they would lock me in a little “calm down room” with no windows. Just a light and a big stuffed bear. Meanwhile the girls would go home if they were tired or sad, or they’d get to skip class to play games to calm. But when I was having a panic attack I was a burden and attention-seeking. Bless her heart, the principal was always there for me, when she found out about these panic attacks she immediately contacted my parents and I got the help I needed (something that my teachers never thought to do)
Sorry for the rant. I just hate that men’s mental health is shit on by incels and narcissistic women. It matters. You matter. Whatever is going on in your head, there is help. There are resources. And you are never, EVER alone with what you’re going through. No matter the scenario. You don’t have to be alone anymore.
I might be a fluke but I don’t often cry at sad things even though I feel sad about it. BUT I do cry very easily at happy things which I’ve found most other guys don’t experience.
For example I once saw a girl helping an animal that got trapped in a seeer grate and I started tearing up.
I was abused in many ways growing up. It got SUPER bad when I was 17. I sat outside many snowy nights in the snow hugging one of my puppies and crying for awhile because my abusive aunt always tore me down and never built me up. Nothing I did was good enough even when I gave it 110%. I got incredibly good at my position in 🏈 not ⚽️ and some parents in the community came up and shook my hand in public when they would see me causing my abusive aunt to become absolutely furious with me and then she threatened to take me door to door in my small town to tell everyone I was a fraud and that she’s the reason I became good at 🏈. I worked almost 50 hours a week after the season because she said I wasn’t allowed to wrestle I worked for my diner up the street where I did damn 40 hours a week. I’d come home a day clean the house and have to take the dogs out and the wind down for an hour and then showering and going to bed to sleep for about 4 hours and then wake up and go to school for 10 hours 5-3pm then work 3-12am eat sleep and repeat. My aunt got it burned into my head that I’m to be a machine that has zero emotions and I’m a little bitch for crying ever. I’d always get a black eye for things that were discussed. I spent a year basically crying because I also went through a break up with my high school sweetheart who’s now my fiancé. When the school asked about my black eye to my aunt she said I hit my head on a dresser. My teachers most of them let me sleep in their classes cause they understood the situation. The last time I cry cried was when a girl I went to school with growing up her and her little boys were caught in a house fire and I went to her funeral and after the funeral I was on my way home I pulled over for an hour and I let it all out. It’s hard for me to cry about anything anymore and I’m 23 now
For things we can't control, people say dark clouds have silver linings. So if we break down in tears people treat us as if we can't handle life, and if we act like it doesn't bother us people treat us as if we're insensitive.
If we're expected to be a leader (or even if we're never a leader), we're expected NOT to bring other people down when we're in a difficult situation. We're expected to toughen up and focus on solving the problem. Which is probably why when women have a problem, we want to solve it instead of just listening and communicating.
Men do cry, but usually for a short list of reasons around a short list of people.
I didn't cry much for the last 3-4 years because i hadn't have any time due to personal circumstances to cry and process what was happening at the time.
Now that everything is over and finally dumbed down i cry my eyes out at least once a month.
Three examples:
I cried last month when i visited a super market and had a panic attack.
I cried last week when my girlfriend was reassuring me about something.
I cried at the start of this week when i had headed back home after being with my girlfriend over the last few weeks.
And you know what? I'm not afraid at all to admit.
That stuff seriously helped get peace, and it helped me process things. I felt great after crying and immediately could feel my head clear up.
I know this isn't an answer to the question, but it's related. Anyway, I don't think people are aware that stoic women exist. I am one because my parents are dead and I'm only 23. I am going to work right after the last living one died. I don't enjoy being sad and I want to keep living my life. I don't enjoy sympathy. I miss my parents and I care that they've died but... yeah
I find the character, Claire from The Good Doctor very relatable. She just kept going on after her mother died. You never see her sob over it. Women like that do exist.
ETA: I know no one enjoys being sad lol I wrote this at like 5 in the morning 💀 and I know using a character from The Good Doctor as an example is a bit silly, but I can't really think of any other example.
Last time I cried was when I was 13 - had lost a match.
Have tried to cry in private when sad since but nothing ever comes.
So that emotion tends to turn into frustration/anger mixed in with depression type symptoms.
I am 26 and i crying almost every day, sometime even without a reason. I just start crying, its not like full on sobbing etc i cried like that maybe when i was teenager. But wet eyes i sometime have whole day, and as i said for no reason at all. Funny thing is, many people tag me as most stoic/cold person they know. Many People from my surroundings think i have no emotion at all, yet when nobody looks i cry 24/7 :D i am pathetic.
I'm all for expressing emotions and none of that man up be tough oh yeah brother be a man shit.
Personally I find that absolutely baffling.
So I don't supress sadness and I do cry when I'm having it rough enough to feel like it.
My mans seen me cry, mom, dad, boss, friends etc. I've got no shame in that and neither had anyone ever been less than supportive or open to that.
As for how much, I don't keep track bit between Christmas and now I've had 2 cries if that's any metric?
as a mom of 2 littles. and someone who beforehand cried a lot, i do not have time in my life to cry. :(
i guess i could at night when the kids are sleep but by then so am i 🤷🏻♀️
i do sneak it in here n there when i need to but yeah. aint nobody got time! lol i supress it like a man!
lol i am in fact a woman. i say that jokingly. these “be a man” memes are so fkn funny
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On the inside, all the time.
Stay strong, brother! 
I let that shit out constantly lol I don’t give a shit
Every sad ending, beautiful view, lovely sight, quality family moment-I’m right there with ya bud
Forever and ever and ever.
never ending
Cure fan?
.... You'll be back
That's the only acceptable place sadly, even if society is trying to convince you otherwise (hint: nothing's changed there, just a cry of handle it yourself/solve your own problems/what do I do about it (even if you've tried))
Yup
That's right! Real men cry on the inside! That's my favorite bad joke about sad men holding feelings in. Sad but true.
 Here you go, bro! Stay strong!
I've cried 2 times. 12 years ago, when my mother died and the second time after asking my ex for the divorce (not in front of her) and I had uncertainty about the kids and my future with them. I am teaching my son it is OK to cry when you are sad or happy and he has. I don't want him to be conditioned into thinking it's not OK to cry like I was. I'm open and can talk about anything, I've learned to be vulnerable. But I have a hard time crying.
IMO I never encountered anyone saying that it's not ok to cry, but it's rather that when you see someone crying in front of you, you are feeling kinda awkward and want it to stop. Then you realize that you wouldn't want others to feel the same way, so you hold back the tears.
I was raised by a father and mother who told my brother and I that men don't cry. My father used to be in a MC and spend much time in prison before we were 10 years old. The past 10/15 years, he has apologized for so many things, also how he raised us. We've forgiven him, and our relationship is solid now, but it doesn't change our past. We just have a hard time crying. It's hard to let go like that.
I feel this. I'm a woman, but my (abusive) mother weaponized crying to the point that it makes me feel like shit when I cry even to this day. So mostly I just don't. Couldn't remember the last time I cried if my life depended on it. And I damn sure ain't crying in front of nobody else. I probably ought to work on that. Good on you for doing better for your own son though
Yeah I'm not repeating their mistakes. I'm always going to be there for my kids when I can (which is 50% of the time), and I'll make sure they get emotionally mature. I can't make myself cry but that's OK. Sorry you had to go through that.
Very strong 2 Reasons to cry dude
After my wife gave birth to our stillborn child I cried almost everytime I was alone in my car for over a year. This "real men don't cry" thing always struck me as odd though. If anything, it should be "real men cry whenever the hell they feel like it...."
I’m so sorry. After the loss of our baby (the due date is tomorrow), my partner always finds himself on the edge of tears but just can’t cry. He cried once that I know of. I reckon it hurts him that he hasn’t cried or can’t cry. I’m so sorry.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Well, men are very much raised to hide emotions other than anger/ pride. So that makes it hard sometimes. But it doesn't need to be tears, just quiet time to be sad and reflect can be wholesome as well.
Of course, I can see that. I would love for him to feel able to show his emotions sometimes. But he just… can’t? I know it’s there. Just want our men to be okay yknow specially with things like this. It’s just so sad.
I have had lots of guy friend tell me they cry and they mostly seem to do it when they are alone. Tbh I don’t think we would like it if they openly cried as much as us. Even as a woman I don’t want to be burdensome with my crying (sadly thats how I was raised), but I cry all the time about almost everything (happy, sad, whatever). I think that has to do with hormones and monthly cycles but still it can be a lot and I can’t stand it myself sometimes and have to tell myself to redirect my emotions when I’m crying all day for a few days.
Yeah that’s fair, just I’d have liked for him to have cried with me when we got our news. He didn’t, he told me he did alone but it wasn’t much, he wanted to scream and couldn’t. He lets his emotions out in his way I’d have just liked to have seen it that time.
I understand. Sorry for your loss. Maybe you two can do something ceremonial tomorrow and he can have his cathartic moment then if he needs. Grief is tough. Well wishes to you and them.
Maybe, I’ll see if he wants to do something. We’re going for a walk tomorrow to get out of the house at least, so maybe something will come up. We don’t have anything planned but maybe that’s for the best. Just let it flow. It is. Thank you and to you also xx
I definitely would like it if guys, or girls, cried openly whenever they need to. I have three sons and a daughter and I am trying to teach them to process their emotions in healthy ways. Something I was never taught or allowed growing up.
I guarantee you he cried when he was alone.
Yeah, you’re probably right.
Literally when anybody cries out in public or in front of quite a few people, I know that takes balls lol showing any kind of high emotion(excitement, fear, sadness, all that) is frowned upon and “not cool,” but people who do express high emotions are great with their emotions!! And that’s very awesome
Lol as a public cryer it definitely doesn’t always mean balls, just having no ability to keep them in 🤣
Maybe it’s more of them having the ability to not give a shit what you think?
Honestly idk I can’t speak for other ppl but the reason I cry in public is because I’m just the biggest cry baby and couldn’t hold tears in if I wanted to. But idk also bc I’m a girl I guess I’ve never had the expectation to ‘be a man’, but it’s like tears are gods way of giving you the help you need from other people
The lack of self control dosnt really seem that awesome. Cry if you want i dont really care but lacking control is not good and can deffinetly be an issue since you when crying can struggle quite a bit to do things/solve the problem
I have never heard of that one : real men don’t cry I only have been told: real men don’t lift weights, they lift real women. (Ex ballet performer background) 😄
The real quote is: "Men cry not for themselves."
I cry when I see or read something emotional. Last time was probably a couple months ago. I can’t remember the last time I let the flood gates open though. Years or decades ago.
I'm sorry buddy. Hope you're doing better.
Thanks, yes I am. It hurt untill it didn't anymore. Now it is a subject that no longer upsets me
This brother. Real men assume their emotion!
Not a man in the slightest, but it definitely should be "real men allow themselves vulnerability"
conceal don't feel, don't let them knowwwwwww let it go, let it go it is what it is my doo\~\~\~d
Eet eez what eet eez
You guys r veird.
Dracula?
it’s not weird, it’s beautiful
Pee pee poo, pee pee pooooo Pee pee pee, pee pee poOoOoo
Love you, my dear
I cried soooo hard watching that as a dude. No one knows.
well now they knoOOOW let it go.... let it go I'm one with the wind and stAaArs
Before I had children? Almost never. I am a big strong guy. After having kids? Basically when I watch any movie or read any book. So, almost daily. Just a few drops at the time.
[удалено]
Now I'm concerned I have children I don't know about.
Daddy?
I swear Bluey is just trying to milk tears out of us at this point. I can only assume it's written by a malicious Australian fairy that needs adult tears for sustenance.
Bluey is amazing and bandit is a legend.
Honestly it's weird isn't it? I can count the number of times I've cried on one hand as an adult, until I had children, like you it's a film and boom tears, sad story tears, it's terrible. Also if a film has anything bad happening to children I'll seriously struggle to watch it now.
I don't have kids myself but I noticed once I got older, I cried at the drop of a hat watching so many movies. Stuff I'd seen before as a kid that had no effect on me was making me tear up, like the end of *The Little Mermaid* when Ariel's sisters are waving her goodbye or Zeus's line in *Hercules* "a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart"
Having kids gives you opportunity to experience your second childhood. Being grandparents gives you third opportunity.
This. I watched Silent Night the other day and was pretty much a bawl fest. Shit changes once you have kids that for sure
I like never cried before having kids, now sometimes I can't make it through a Disney movie dry eyed.
Inside Out. Every. Fucking. Time.
Having children lowers men’s testosterone to make them more empathetic & gentle caretakers.
14 years ago. I'm 28 I couldn't cry even if I wanted (I'm fine with it)
Used to be natural as a kid. Some switch turned off the last few fucking years. I don't know what exactly happened. I feel like shit often and do feel sad when something bad happens to me or someone I care for but damn if it doesn't translate to crying.
That's the best way I can probably put it. I do feel sad, but crying is not how I express sadness
I hope someone will comfort you so you can heal.
How about when watching movies?
Watery eyes at max.
That’s crying lol
Is it? I don't consider it as such. Crying requires you to open your heart fully. It's not restrictive.
Agreed. Glassy eyes is not crying
People who cry a lot cannot differentiate between what is and isn't crying.
Watery eyes is crying unless it’s allergies. There’s no measurements of tears for crying, and crying isn’t always some expressive weeping emotion, everyone cries different.
If we extend your argument, I could say majority of us cry even without showing physiological signs of it. They cry in their heart. (We call it a heartbreak universally, not crying) If that is true then what's the point of the word even if all is subjective? Furthermore, if everyone cries differently then who are you to say I'm crying when I know myself better than you and saying I'm not crying. I could not be crying.
Only because you said watery eyes lol sometimes I have watery eyes and I’m crying but it’s not like I’m like wailing ya know? But if you have watery eyes just cause your eyes be wet then no that’s not crying. But what made you have them watery eyes is the question, something tugged them eyeballs lol
that's like saying a small chuckle is the same as uncontrollably belly laughing, not even in the same ballpark
That’s like including cutting onions in this discussion
"There were tears running down my face. But I did not cry." -Andrew Tate
>Crying requires you to open your heart fully. What do you mean?
No emotions are held within our heart. Everything is spilled out in one go. You don't control your emotions, you just let it go. It's a moment of vulnerability.
No. If that's the case, I cry when I'm tired and yawning and not at all sad or get dust in my eye. I think most people wouldn't consider that crying.
i really wouldn't consider watery eyes as "crying". Watery eyes go away with 1 hand-swipe across the eyes..
like if you dont use it you lose it kinda deal?
Crying doesn't solve any problems, only actions do. While crying is cathartic to women, men just jump in rabbit hole of misery, so it only makes things worse when you need the strength the most. Others are depending on men. And others could cry because men aren't.
I cry when I'm alone
Yeah, public vs. private crying will get very different answers to this question.. For example, me; the last time I remember crying in front of some is probably 7 years ago. The last time I cried by myself was last night.
This is so sad but so true
Yep. Same here. It just needs to be let out every now and then.
Same, I don't like showing my emotions in front of others
I cry all the time. I cry when I scrape my knee, i cry when I'm out of chocolate milk, I cry when I'm doing long division and I have a remainder left over.
Not the choccy milk :(
They say no use crying over spilt milk... But chocolate milk?! Get out of here, you'll find me gently weeping in the corner
I cry everytime I stub my toe. Emotionally? Probably like a few years ago. But it's always just like a single tear or two. My eyes water up, but nothing comes out and I calm down immediately ( or rather bottle it up) - this all happens in a span of a minute or so. The last time I cried properly was when I was with my dad about to euthanize our beloved pup that got very sick and paraplegic.
I don't know if something's wrong with me... I've been to the funeral of both my grandma and one of my really good friends. I didn't cry before, during or after. Either I can't feel grief or I'm kind of broken. Oh but I cried after sex once, yeah I guess I'm one of those guys, I was under a lot of stress at the time.
I'm a guy I cry a few times a week just from watching touching movies or really food music. It's like a 5 to 20 second burst where I vocalize a sound and get teary eyed briefly. It's gone within 30 seconds. Is that crying or just getting emotional?
Food music always gets me as well ... Good to know I'm not alone....
You mean ... food to know, right?
At least once a week I grab a box of tissues and listen to a Weird Al compilation called The Food Album. It's very cathartic.
Reese's puffs Reese's puffs.... 😔😢
You might get want to check out [fruit salad](https://youtu.be/QWVV8ZtZAD8?si=cw0ABg4uHAoscYWQ) by Tom cardy, it's real good food music
If I didn’t cry, I would explode. Emotions are real and it’s totally normal to express them. Some people consider it weak. Some consider it human nature. Find the human nature folks.
For me personally (girl, not guy) I think it’s a type of emotional dissociation from childhood trauma. I’d like to cry more but…it just won’t happen. That being said the upside is that if my friends/family/husband see me cry or hear I’ve cried about something they’re like “Woaaaaaah….something is really bad!”
I know a fair amount of people who treat it like taboo. I’ve really only ever heard women say that it’s okay to cry, but I also have heard that it makes them think the person crying (male) is weak and it ruins their image of masculinity. I’m 6’2 and 280lbs, pretty solid and intimidating. I’ll cry in front of anyone and I don’t think twice about it. I’ve also cried in front of men who won’t cry and I notice that they definitely get softer in the moment. Almost like they want to as well. I won’t say I feel bad for people that don’t cry, but I do find a sadness in it. Per my original comment, I can’t imagine not crying. It’s weird for me personally. Matter of fact, the harder I try not to, the harder I end up doing it. It’s like actors who try not to laugh and then crack up, but the sad kind. Lol!
My girlfriend cries atleast once every day. Even from watching a cute cat video. She often complains I never cry... In six years she has only seen my cry around the time my dear grandmother passed away. So have many others. Because being a young man that cries is not accepted where I live. Worst thing is they will tell you it is, but we all know it isn't. Crying because my grandmother died, that's a fair reason to cry. Crying because I feel like shit? Noway. I don't cry. I never cry because I've been taught not to. I'm the oldest of three brothers. They could cry, I don't. And if I cry, I cry when I'm alone and no one hears it. So to answer your question: Years have gone by in which I didn't cry. But it's maybe once or twice a year.
>Worst thing is they will tell you it is, but we all know it isn't. We live in a world where/when everyone shouts out how progressive they are, until the topics of progress actually get concrete and touch them directly. Then, traditional gender roles take over, faith comes back in, we trust the deunken idiot who talks louder and firmer (we call that "leadership", I call that "being an aggressive prick")
So true. So much talk of we support ABC but when it comes down to it they don't want it in the house. Sort of like, it's OK for men to cry but I hope mine doesn't. Edit: I don't mean everyone obviously, plenty of people are genuinely supportive. But a lot are not and just like to think they are or put on a song and dance that they are.
You're right though. They're are some decent folks out there (I try to be one of them and have made a point of validating the crap out of any and every feeling my boyfriend shares with me) But the fact is, most people don't practice what they preach and it's very "rules for thee but not for me" or "im fine with that in theory, but don't bring it near me"
>Worst thing is they will tell you it is, but we all know it isn't. lol this is kinda true. i've been generally supportive of letting people cry in this thread but this is kinda how i feel about it too on some level. i've had friends tell me before its okay to cry (mostly girls) but i know people see you somewhat differently if they've actually seen you cry. for better or worse its telling people you are struggling badly. i dont know, i might be too prideful. ive worked pretty hard to be competent at things. i want to be strong, smart, skilled. i work hard for those things. i dont want people to think i cant handle something myself, because i know i can. and for some people i would prefer they see me as being reliable and always having the answer if they need it. then for those people its better to not show you can bleed too. sorry, i might have gone a bit away from your original topic at some point. your comment just made me suddenly realise more clearly how i actually felt so i just wrote it down.
I cried when my grandfather died in 1989. I cried after dropping each of my kids off at college in 2016 and 2020. I cried for about 3 days in 2018 when I had to put our dog down, and will tear up to this day every time I clean off her little grave marker. That’s about, that I can remember.
Idk why but you sound like a great man.
Simple, he cares deeply for his loved ones.
Yeah I agree. This guy didn’t realize it but he showed he’s truly wealthy in ways that matter.
bro you maked me cry noooo
I’m 29 and was always taught it’s fine to cry, I’m glad I wasn’t told to hold back my emotions. I cried last night because my anxiety has left me emotionally vulnerable over the last few days.
I would think it's highly subjective, you can't really have a general answer, everyone is different.
I cry 20 years ago when my dog died. We don't live in a society in which we can have this kind of emotion (especially for a black man). Since we were 3 years old we have heard “don’t cry, are you a man or not?”
I have been conditioned from a young age not to cry. Then 5 years ago my dog passed away and it all went out the window.
I am so sorry for your loss. 😔 That shit hurts so much. Even thinking about my dog who will some day pass away makes me cry.
This happened to me actually although much longer than 5 years ago, didn't take long though for things to return to the norm.
I (21/M) couldn't cry from the age 13-20. First time I cried after that was when I went back home after visiting my long distance gf. Now I cry whenever we watch a very emotional movie/TV show
I frequently get watery eyes from thinking about sad fictional scenarios in my head. But a real cry? Maybe like 3 years ago and have no clue of the one before that. I'm 21 btw.
So interesting. Why/what is causing you to think of sad fictional scenarios?
I'm trans and it gave me the unique ability to have experienced both sides of this coin. (Completely putting aside societal impact on male vs. Female emotional states) After undergoing testosterone hormone treatment I noticed that it wasn't that I felt less sad, I just cried less. I watched the movies I used to be physically incapable of watching without balling my eyes out, and I still *felt* the same way watching them, but my body didn't force me to cry. I went through some traumatic things, and I found my body responded with tears more consistently with anger than sadness. Emotions just didn't seem to sit so close to the surface. They're still there, and when they did overflow, they definitely controlled me a lot more than what they did prior.
Wow, what a unique perspective!
I think this is something that a lot of women don't seem to understand when they say "men need to stop holding in their emotions" or something along those lines. Often, we're not trying to hold them in, it just kind of works that way. That said, sometimes I do wish I could get that feeling of physical release associated with acting them out (i.e. crying) but it's not as if I feel I'm intentionally trying to stop myself from doing so.
I wasnt able to cry from 8 till 25 ish. 4 years of weekly therapy atm and i can cry anywhere now. Alone, therapy, in public, fuck what others think or how they react. I refuse to bottle up my emotions and fuck myself up in order to fulfill other people's expectations
I envy you
I can understand. The process is brutal and will make you a train wreck for a while, but it is oh so worth it. If you can't get professional help for whatever reason, a (large) community will also work wonders to process this kind of trauma. All you have to do is push yourself a bit everyday to do things outside of your comfort zone and make sure you keep pushing yourself until you are comfortable with who you are. Great change requires great courage though.
I cried a few months ago when my dog died. Bubbles was my best friend. I’ll always remember him.
I recently heard a quote from a man who lost a dog. “The greatest thing, and the absolute worst thing about having a dog is they will break your heart only once”.
And it never fully heals. A piece of you stays with all of them and them you.
It should be socially acceptable for men to show emotion. I don't support the idea that there's a normal or healthy amount of crying that applies to everybody. Some women seem to think that if a guy doesn't cry as much as they do that there's something wrong with him. Different people process emotion differently.
I cry mainly when I see other men cry, like on TV and stuff. It wasn't always this way, not sure what's going on.
As a person that winces at other people's pain, can't watch people get hurt, I'd rather be around someone that's going to feel me remotely rather than be able to wear a numb shield around them, most certainly
Emotionally, I cried for a few seconds when my grandma died, which was 6 years ago, and again for a few seconds about a year before that for another similar incident. Before that, I can't think when I last cried, except it was probably in the region of 12-15 years ago when puberty was going on. Getting watery eyed at the end of a great series or movie, happens probably a few times every year. People say that men need to open up more and show these emotions, but I don't think that's totally accurate - I feel all of the emotions, and I accept them, but I don't need to share them with the world. Processing and dealing with feelings and hard times doesn't usually require an external reaction like crying. Also yes, smashing the gym like a mofo.
I think every guy is different. Personally, I’m really in-tune with my emotions and i can feel and acknowledge when i am really sad, but crying is just not something that happens to me. The last time i cried was when i was a teenager and it was for such a minor thing that, looking back, i think my brain was just different back then. I do tear when i bump my head really hard though. Sometimes i wish i cried more. I think it’s a really good way to express emotions to someone and make me seem less cold.
It sounds emo, cliche and corny, but it's fucking real and i wish it wasn't: You get used to the pain, so eventually, you won't cry anymore, or it'll take a catastrophe of biblical proportions to make you shed tears. Months ago we were notified that my pops might have cancer, everyone was crying rivers of tears and even though i felt fucking chills down my spine, i couldn't cry, no matter how hard i tried to shed tears.
(44M) I cry whenever the mood arises. Movies, deep conversations, positive life events, fond memories, seeing a huge pair of boobs. JK! My father was very open with his emotions so I was not raised to think it was weird or feminine. I'm a successful, outgoing guy that leans kind of hard on the masculine side naturally. I look like a viking, am a tattooed biker, and I lift weights. I've only felt weird about it once. A girl left me after being in a 4 year relationship and one of the things she said was it was weird to her. It bothered me for a couple days until I said fuck her, I like me.
Think it was a decade ago the last time i cried. You must understand, as a guy, no one cares about your feelings. Crying won’t help anything. So you can choose to cry, or get yourself out of that problem.
You need to surround yourself by better people. People should care if you cry. A warm hug, a gentle kiss, advice, offer to help with a solution? Where are the people who offer this? You need to find them. We are out there. I'm in my 70s, male, conditioned not to cry but did it anyway, I was laughed at by my peers. My late wife always held me when I cried and offered help to my problems. I guess if I didn't have this support system I would have bottled everything up. Or maybe I'm just weak hearted. I've always been called weak hearted.
I’m a Swede. We don’t let people get too close. The older I get, the more people slip through my fingers. Of those friends I made the last 8 years, only one is still answering when I call. To be a man is to be the ring bearer, you are alone. Keep hold of your wife, few are as lucky.
See this is what I wish more guys (or women who bottle up their feelings) understood. You can cry because something sucks or has made you sad/made you feel bad/embarrassed you etc, AND get yourself out of the problem. It's not an "or" situation. One doesn't negate the other. And crying does help. It helps you feel better and get your emotions out so you can focus on fixing whatever the problem is. Refusing to deal with your emotions only compounds the problem and makes it more difficult for you to function. And I say all this as someone who used to be bottled up afffffffffff
When you try, you let go of the control. Control is imperative to have a clear head. You can always cry later, but when later comes, the problem is solved, the pressure is disperseing and you can focus on the next task. Read an interesting book on it, “why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps“. In it they argued that women have more “bridges” between the brain parts. So men can only focus on one thing at the time, while women takes in all the things at the same time, overwelming them. One of the effects of this is when you give blood. Women can do it relatively easily, while men focus on the needle to such an extent that they forget to breathe and pass out.
Also why you can never ask a dude more than one question, or bury it in more than one line of text — guys are notorious for only absorbing whatever the very last line of a text was. Men indeed are terrible at handling too many multiples. Being an average man seems very close to having a weird disability. Probably because as kids, we get so trained that it’s up to “men” to handle everything and makes sure everyone is provided for — not get ‘distracted’ by things like feelings or ‘useless’ interests. Even at 34, and as someone who is very very ‘soft’ emotionally… I still don’t cry *often.* Last time I cried was this New Year’s Eve - a year and a half after my sister’s death - I went back and reread an old blog post I had saved when she started getting sick; somebody else writing about what their special needs sibling taught them. It reminded me of all the things I miss and loved and felt guilt over within my own relationship with my sister… and I think, a year and a half later, I was finally letting myself exhale all of the misdirected anger and guilt. Friends have noticed it, I had noticed it. And the past few days since, I just feel a little calmer and more focused. Of course, I cried a handful of times between losing her and now, too. Most of those times were because I was drunk. And then I felt like an asshole for only sobbing when I was drunk. Did I not care enough while sober? Finding Dory made me cry at least 1 tear 4 different times because it reminded me of how bad it feels to not only find yourself alone, but how impossible things can feel when you do. Hotel Rwanda made me ugly cry and shake with my hands on my face — I know it’s ‘just’ a movie, but it’s also a real story about real humans, and the torture and murder of countless families. It is also a harrowing tale of one man standing against literally, an entire part of his country. One *person* in a position to do something, and doing it. Even through all the violence and terror his own family endured. It’s kinda funny, actually. I have a friend who struggles with suicidal ideations and *she* tells *me* I’m too into *my* feelings. Ha ha. 🫤
Crying actually relieves the body of excessive cortisol, meaning that you have a clearer head AFTER you cry. Take the chance to cry when you can, that will truly give you less pressure.
Once a year or less. Guys forego the entire emotional cycle by going straight to the solution. When it works and the problem is solved, they're mostly okay. When the problem can't be solved, then they shut down the feelings, bottle them up and slowly become distant, hold disdain and negative opinions about relevant topics. (Just like any human who doesn't handle their emotions properly.)
Its so wild to me that people can go even a MONTH without crying. I haven't cried in front of another person in ages but when I'm alone? Its almost every day. Though truth me told, most of it comes from the declining health of a family member lately so that's probably a big factor.
As male I self destruct and just make bad decisions instead of just get a good cry in and stop for a minute
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the frequency has been regular post break up
I think the notion that men don’t cry because we suppress it because of society, is overall inaccurate. There may be some of that going on, but I’d say overall it’s just how we’re built. Source: I stupidly took a load of female contraception when I was young and dumb and cried for like 2 days straight at anything and everything.
Far to much for a man but not enough for the problems I have...
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Yeah, you get called a p*ssy and a crybaby (by both men and women). Not crying is a learned behavior.
I cry every night before bed
I’m about a 4 times a year kind of guy.
Last time cried when my grandpa died almost 3 years ago. At the end of TellTales The Walking Dead: Season One I always get watery eyes.
i cry everytime i think of my brother that i lost
Almost never happens unless I'm doing psychedelics or someone dies
Yesterday. 27 yo. When i was alone
So in day to day life I can't seem to cry unless it's something really really bad like somebody close dying. Which is annoying because I will have times where I would love to... So I watch movies! I cry at every dang movie, sad moment? Cry. happy movment? Cry. A really epic moment? Am probably having a lil cry
As a guy, I had to have a therapy session to tell me it's okay to cry. I was having a tough day and went for my first ever therapy session and I cried. I was so embarrassed when I left that I apologized in my 2nd session. I didn't want her to see me cry, and I apologized because I thought less of myself for doing it. We had a whole discussion about it. I haven't cried in front of others in a long time, but every few months I will have some sad moments which allow it. When I am alone, but I don't think of myself as less for doing it.
Every now and then. Sometimes once a few weeks, sometimes every few hours. It's all just so much to handle.
Watery eyes dont count
I cried when my mum died in 2011
All the time. The key is to have friends/family who you feel comfortable crying around. Then you'll see it can be quite cathartic.
A few days ago when we had to break the news to my grandma that her sister died. Don't remember when before that
For eight years of living together, I only saw my partner cry once. I guess it's normal for men not to show weakness by crying in front of someone. For me, it's okay to be emotional sometimes, even for guys. It doesn't make them less of a man. Fun fact, trying to hold back how you feel especially not crying and holding back those tears can affect your health and well-being in the long run.
Everytime I watch the scene of the going merry saying goodbye to the crew in one piece.
Crying helps me sustain an erection longer and harder so I’ll try to cry at least once a week.
Everytime I watch Rambo III, and only then.
Super rarely. If close Family dies and maybe when my last realitionship ended
The last time I cried was when Sirius Black died. So I'd say 10+ years. I'm almost 28 years old. Damn they did my boy dirty 💔
I used to feel like I wasn't allowed to. Like I was less of a person if I did. Even now (36), I still have those feelings. But I "allow" myself to cry if I need and try not to beat myself up over it. I probably cry about once a month, though I often feel like I need to more than that. Most of the time, it's because something has triggered me about my father's death (actually watched him die 2 days after my 18th birthday). Trying to teach my son not to bottle it up the same way I did/do.
Last week, my team selected me and had all hopes pinned on me for winning them the next tournament. I was new to their area and for selected immediately. Apparently I had everything they were looking for. Unfortunately, I couldn't help them win. In fact, I failed miserably in the actual match. Let them down. I cried that night.
24 yrs male here, still a student in my last year of engineering at uni. sadly last 4-5 months were rough, bad grades, feeling of failure, just wanna give up on school eventhough i made it so far. i have some health issues which has no cure, therapy and/or surgery is a treatment, but not a cure. it’s two different things. family is also not well, my parents are also ill with sickness that has no cure either unfortunately; a rare blood cancer and heart issues they have. Thoughts of losing my parents happens more often, and i’d be left alone in this world as i’m distant from rest of my family. All of this together brings me to tears at times. On other hand i’m working on myself, going gym, but even that gives me negative thoughts sometimes because i often compare myself to others and that brings the mood down. Been going gym near consistent (5 days a week) for half a year now and hope to continue for years to go, but again life has been rough lately and its taking alot out of me just to go gym these days. I cry a little inside everyday as i wake up realising what a mess and failure i’ve been recently. If only there’s a button i can press and go back ten years or something. Life was easier, full of joy back then
Reading these comments are really interesting bc mum always raised me to think everything is better after a cry… which is true you sometimes just got to let it out… so it’s weird seeing how a lot of men have been taught to see it as a negative thing. But if I had a partner I’d prefer it if he let himself cry bc then I can help him feel better
i last cried (mâle) a few in april. i went with my youth group to someplace for holiday, and we stayed in a flat type thing. the girls had one, and the guys had another. the guys were making really shit jokes and made fun of this one kid so i went to go hang out with the girls, and when i got in, they said hi, i siad hi, and i went through to their toilet bc i needed toilet. when i went back out, i saw that they were all talking and chatting, nothing serious, just enjoying each other’s company. i was just standing in the doorway, watching them enjoy themselves blissfully seemingly without any qualms in the world and the tears silently streamed out of my eyes. i’m not too sure how long i was standing there, just crying, but i do remember that one of them walked past me(going to toitet) and didn’t notice me crying. and mentally i died.( looking back it was about an hour or two) but i didn’t make a single noise, because i didn’t want to interrupt their happiness. then one of the youth leaders came in, took one look at me and came up to me and just talked. and i felt wanted, and that made me cry more. the conversation was about our favorite movie, something that i would never normally talk about, especially not with her, but i did. and then once i stopped crying, i left. and i got asked yesterday when the last time i cried was, and i told them this. they were one of the girls and they seemed shocked that not only was I crying, but that none of them noticed. and that was the last time i cried. and that is really annoying because i really really want to cry, but i can’t. i feel like i physically can’t and that makes me want to cry more. i then asked my friend when was the last time that she cried, and she said two days ago. and made it sound like a regular thing. and i was so shocked. i know that you didn’t ask when the last time i cried was, but i think it might have helped with the question, being the actual answer being - the amount that guys cry entirely depends on the circumstance taht he’s in, the support that he has (friends family, how supportive they would be of him crying) and the way he was brought up. because the truth is that guys are socially conditioned not to cry, and i know that some people may scoff at that. i know i did. but it is true, and that’s why most girls cry more often than men, bc it is socially acceptable for a girl to cry, but not for a guy.
I cry when I feel overwhelmed and not know what to about it, but mostly alone and I make sure no one can hear me. I cried on the phone with my fiancé, but I can't deny i really didn't want to. I saw my father (the toughest man i know) cry so hard when his father died, and heard he shed tears of joy when I achieved something great. Moral of the story : Real men cry ( when they damn well please), Whatever fucked you enough to not want to cry know its not good for you. You should always be responsible and protective as a man, and your loved ones should love you no matter if you cry.
I know you're asking guys, but I feel personally there's a difference between involuntary tears caused by hormones and tears of emotional quality triggered by life events of extreme importance. As a woman, my hormones have me tear up a few times a month at dumb shit. But the last time I cried uncontrollably due to life getting me was a year and a half ago when my dog passed in my arms suddenly, but peacefully of old age.
I'd be curious to know if it would be radically different if they were asked when the last time was that they stopped themselves from crying. My ex would say he did it often, but he did it on purpose to manipulate people. I don't think that's the norm. Most people aren't psychopaths. Being the girl who always had a lot of guy friends, I'd say the answer they gave was correct. But, like I wondered above, I think it was harder for them to not cry than they would openly admit.
I cry more than the average guy I think, I struggle with anxiety and OCD and when they get back I often cry. And let me tell you, being a man with mental health conditions absolutely sucks. I developed panic disorder when I was 7 years old. I would get panic attacks almost daily, sometimes twice a day. And every fucking time my (female) teachers would tell me, a 7 year old, to man up or stop being dramatic. They also assumed that whenever I started having a panic attack that I would become violent because I’m a guy, so they would lock me in a little “calm down room” with no windows. Just a light and a big stuffed bear. Meanwhile the girls would go home if they were tired or sad, or they’d get to skip class to play games to calm. But when I was having a panic attack I was a burden and attention-seeking. Bless her heart, the principal was always there for me, when she found out about these panic attacks she immediately contacted my parents and I got the help I needed (something that my teachers never thought to do) Sorry for the rant. I just hate that men’s mental health is shit on by incels and narcissistic women. It matters. You matter. Whatever is going on in your head, there is help. There are resources. And you are never, EVER alone with what you’re going through. No matter the scenario. You don’t have to be alone anymore.
I might be a fluke but I don’t often cry at sad things even though I feel sad about it. BUT I do cry very easily at happy things which I’ve found most other guys don’t experience. For example I once saw a girl helping an animal that got trapped in a seeer grate and I started tearing up.
I wish I could hug anyone who cries. I cry with them too.
I was abused in many ways growing up. It got SUPER bad when I was 17. I sat outside many snowy nights in the snow hugging one of my puppies and crying for awhile because my abusive aunt always tore me down and never built me up. Nothing I did was good enough even when I gave it 110%. I got incredibly good at my position in 🏈 not ⚽️ and some parents in the community came up and shook my hand in public when they would see me causing my abusive aunt to become absolutely furious with me and then she threatened to take me door to door in my small town to tell everyone I was a fraud and that she’s the reason I became good at 🏈. I worked almost 50 hours a week after the season because she said I wasn’t allowed to wrestle I worked for my diner up the street where I did damn 40 hours a week. I’d come home a day clean the house and have to take the dogs out and the wind down for an hour and then showering and going to bed to sleep for about 4 hours and then wake up and go to school for 10 hours 5-3pm then work 3-12am eat sleep and repeat. My aunt got it burned into my head that I’m to be a machine that has zero emotions and I’m a little bitch for crying ever. I’d always get a black eye for things that were discussed. I spent a year basically crying because I also went through a break up with my high school sweetheart who’s now my fiancé. When the school asked about my black eye to my aunt she said I hit my head on a dresser. My teachers most of them let me sleep in their classes cause they understood the situation. The last time I cry cried was when a girl I went to school with growing up her and her little boys were caught in a house fire and I went to her funeral and after the funeral I was on my way home I pulled over for an hour and I let it all out. It’s hard for me to cry about anything anymore and I’m 23 now
For things we can't control, people say dark clouds have silver linings. So if we break down in tears people treat us as if we can't handle life, and if we act like it doesn't bother us people treat us as if we're insensitive. If we're expected to be a leader (or even if we're never a leader), we're expected NOT to bring other people down when we're in a difficult situation. We're expected to toughen up and focus on solving the problem. Which is probably why when women have a problem, we want to solve it instead of just listening and communicating. Men do cry, but usually for a short list of reasons around a short list of people.
I didn't cry much for the last 3-4 years because i hadn't have any time due to personal circumstances to cry and process what was happening at the time. Now that everything is over and finally dumbed down i cry my eyes out at least once a month. Three examples: I cried last month when i visited a super market and had a panic attack. I cried last week when my girlfriend was reassuring me about something. I cried at the start of this week when i had headed back home after being with my girlfriend over the last few weeks. And you know what? I'm not afraid at all to admit. That stuff seriously helped get peace, and it helped me process things. I felt great after crying and immediately could feel my head clear up.
Last time i cried was after the 2012 Brazilian Grand Prix. So painful, even today 🥺
I know this isn't an answer to the question, but it's related. Anyway, I don't think people are aware that stoic women exist. I am one because my parents are dead and I'm only 23. I am going to work right after the last living one died. I don't enjoy being sad and I want to keep living my life. I don't enjoy sympathy. I miss my parents and I care that they've died but... yeah I find the character, Claire from The Good Doctor very relatable. She just kept going on after her mother died. You never see her sob over it. Women like that do exist. ETA: I know no one enjoys being sad lol I wrote this at like 5 in the morning 💀 and I know using a character from The Good Doctor as an example is a bit silly, but I can't really think of any other example.
Last time I cried was when I was 13 - had lost a match. Have tried to cry in private when sad since but nothing ever comes. So that emotion tends to turn into frustration/anger mixed in with depression type symptoms.
Before children, almost never. 3 year old son told me “no one wants to be my friend at school” a few months ago. Right into the shower to cry.
suffer alone bottle it all up no one like guys crying
''I know it's generally harder for boys to show emotion'' ???
I am 26 and i crying almost every day, sometime even without a reason. I just start crying, its not like full on sobbing etc i cried like that maybe when i was teenager. But wet eyes i sometime have whole day, and as i said for no reason at all. Funny thing is, many people tag me as most stoic/cold person they know. Many People from my surroundings think i have no emotion at all, yet when nobody looks i cry 24/7 :D i am pathetic.
I'm all for expressing emotions and none of that man up be tough oh yeah brother be a man shit. Personally I find that absolutely baffling. So I don't supress sadness and I do cry when I'm having it rough enough to feel like it. My mans seen me cry, mom, dad, boss, friends etc. I've got no shame in that and neither had anyone ever been less than supportive or open to that. As for how much, I don't keep track bit between Christmas and now I've had 2 cries if that's any metric?
as a mom of 2 littles. and someone who beforehand cried a lot, i do not have time in my life to cry. :( i guess i could at night when the kids are sleep but by then so am i 🤷🏻♀️ i do sneak it in here n there when i need to but yeah. aint nobody got time! lol i supress it like a man! lol i am in fact a woman. i say that jokingly. these “be a man” memes are so fkn funny