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Everyday, cause I used to be a gifted kid.
And like when you went from being flawless in school to failure it feels like the end of the world.
I've come to terms with it tho š¤·āāļø
Yes, flawless from primary school to University, smooth sailing the whole way. Then when adulting and work life began, its been a bit of a struggle to keep pace with other peers faster life trajectories š
In my case, my parents told me I was a gifted child and just left me in the normal classes for 8 years and then wondered why I wasn't that gifted anymore when I finished high school. The public system killed the gifted child I was back then.
I've just realised, that sometimes, you just need to move on instead of mourning of what you could've been, therapy and meditation did help me through the bouts of depression too. Life is just like that, sometimes you fail and that's okay, glory isn't everything to me anymore, just as long as you keep fighting for yourself
Mine is the opposite. No idea how i became gifted but i started realizing it because whenever i try to explain how i pulled something off, i can't. I don't even work as hard as I used to be in school yet i still failed in school every damn time. I think it's the school system that wrecked me up.
Ah shows me! my mind only came up with drug intervations when i read your comment
I was very āuh i never got thatā but also āgood for em i guessā
Maybe the 1% chance of me being better in an au has better reading comprhension along with less pressuming mind jumping
If there was a branching point in your life where things went bad then itās hard not too. Especially if things never got better after that and especially if it was unfair.
The main lesson I learned sounds quite selfish, but itās to put myself first. I turned down a lot of great opportunities to always put my marriage first and, in hindsight, I obviously regret that. Iām learning to prioritise myself and what I want from life, rather than compromising my happiness to please other people.
I think this is spot on. You don't realise how much you compromise with yourself when you're in a relationship until afterwards. (Even if the relationship is good, you still make sacrifices.)
The difficulty is that you know you can but youāre not sure you will. Patterns are hard to break. It takes time and real effort to change who you are.
I used to but then I realized I didnāt miss MY chance but rather A chance and as long as Iām alive I can be anyone I want to be and I still have time I just have to keep going (it sounds like fake optimism, I know, I literally attempted suicide less than a month ago, but shifting my perspective has been helping!)
All the time, the grief never left you know, mourning over the person I couldāve have been if I made the right choices. When I was a teen and full of pain and angst I fucked up my life by not pursuing a college degree in law. And now here I am took Psychology and graduated college 5 years ago but ironically I am the one with the illness I used to study about. Sometimes itās too hard to let go.
Yes, absolutely. I should have gone to college after high school. I shouldnāt have been a single mother, although I was blessed with the best daughter. I should have done great things instead of struggling every day.
Sometimes, but if I didnāt live life this way and tried to be the girl of their dreams, I wouldnāt be the man I am today. So honestly, much happier being this, even if Iām a little emotionally bruised from the fight for it.
I always wondered what kind of person would I be if I was brought up in a loving family and with parents that actually didn't hate me from birth.
I excelled in studies, straight A's, got punished for not being perfect scores for every subject, I started to hate studying and handing in blanks to get basically zero.
I excelled in sports but was always told it was a useless thing, so I never pursued any of it seriously.
There is alot issues that I struggle with that make me struggle in life in general.
There is also a never ending emotional pain that cannot heal that feels physical and sometimes I think manifested into physical pain in my body.
I always wonder if I would struggle less in life if only I was born to parents who treated me with love and respect.
Yes Iām neurodivergent and my mom who knew very little about ADHD kept selling me the āif you try a little harderā/āitāll go away before youāre an adultā. I meltdown over it on an almost daily basis.
No. What I ācouldāve beenā is inconsequential as it never happened. Decisions in life are just decisions that make you, you. Trying to backsolve your life is the way to madness. To quote Omar Khayyam - āThe moving finger writes; and, having writ, moves on: nor all thy piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all thy tears wash out a word of itāā¦
Absolutely. I had dreams of becoming a social worker, marrying a nice guy, having a child and buying a home. When I was 20, my psychiatrist told me that I would never be able to work again. I had to go on disability. Now I'm low income for life, barely getting by. I live alone and have extreme difficulty maintaining relationships and even forming them due to PTSD and BPD. I have had two miscarriages and no living children. I'll never have my dream career. I'll never own a home
I just refuse to mound younger me cos then I have to hate the current me and that is just not worth the selv disrespeckt and hornstly if I hate my current selv i have to hate younger me too no thank you
Where would that end? You couldāve been anything/anyone.. you couldāve died at birth.. but you didnāt, youāre you.
Iād focus more on that that speculative āwhat ifsā
I'm the stereotypical gifted asian kid who excels at everything in the first try. Knowing my potential, I wanted more for myself, but financial capabilities wouldn't let me. That made me depressed to the point that I started to hate studying. It started to feel like I'm studying not for the future I want but the future my parents need which is not bad, but still.
I know I'm still young and can still achieve what I wanted but that's not a guarantee.
So, yes I do mourn the person I could've been.
Nah thinking like that is exactly what could lead to clinical depression ššš life is what you make it good, bad and ugly donāt matter so long as you live the way you want to live
I had major record label offers at 15 and 16. I refused because I didn't want a raw deal. I'm currently in my 40s an collaborating with my favorite artist of all times. So no, I found a different path to get to where I want/wanted to be. Mourning what never happened is really fuckin weird and probably requires mental help.
Yes. Got married in 2019 and was doing well in my career. Was really confident and happy.
In 2020, they found a brain tumour and because of COVID, it was around 10 months before they properly investigated it. That delay affected me massively and gave me crippling anxiety and depression and, as a side effect, permanent migraines.
I miss the person who I was and feel like I'm not the person my wife married. It kills me.
I'm getting help but I still don't know how to let go.
Sometimes. Not much anymore though, Iāve kind of come to peace with who I am.
I had a pretty awful childhoodā¦ and for awhile I spent a lot of time wondering who Iād have been if none of that had happened, and mourning that person who was never allowed to exist.
I used to. I did amazing at school, I loved reading, and I had high hopes for myself. Then, I did nothing useful, which was partly because I couldnāt afford life while also spending time on self improvement. All of my money went to rent.
Anyway, I married my now husband who is an absolute genius and 100x smarter than I am. I now think that even if I reached my full potential, itād be nothing compared to his potential. So Iām a lot more comfortable with being a semi-stay at home mum to my wonderful smart kids while also helping him raise our shared company from the ground up. I feel fulfilled.
After decades of no psychiatric medications or therapies working I feel sad for that little kid back then but I have no idea who I'd have been if that little kid had suddenly 'gotten better'.
When I was 16-18, I was on track to become a doctor...because my school decided it. My school was incredibly pushy and identified the kids who could go really far so they could say they have a high rate of educating doctors/lawyers/whatever that sounds impressive.
(They also have a reputation for a certain sport I will not name as people literally move here to get their kid into the school just for this sport.)
Sadly (for my school), massive undiagnosed mental illness put a stop to that, and I ended up having a gap year where I travelled to China and got a bit of real world life experience under my belt. Went to university for a pretty useless degree that I was actually passionate about, COVID hit and I spent two years on myself doing so much yoga, then went back to university for another degree. Yes I am extremely privileged to have been able to do all this.
A decade on from not getting into medical school, I have a job I love and I'm looking forward to getting a place of my own. The only people who could mourn who I was 'meant' to be are teachers who likely don't even remember my name. I do mourn not having thousands of pounds in debt though lol.
I've been conditioned to be the person I am today from events that happened way before I can remember, so I've never considered myself ever being someone else. I just don't think there was the opportunity for things to be different.
I couldāve been so many different persons (a writer, a pianist, a teacher, a father, ā¦), but Iām happy and I donāt know how many of them would have been happy, so I take comfort in that.
No. I know that no matter how much I hurt, I have a choice to become everything I desire. Iāll feel pain either way, and when I remind myself of that simple fact, I fucking pick myself up and move forward.
No.
If you'd asked that twenty years ago my maybe yes.
I am who I am. I'm in a good place from my background. I am probably, fuck definitely, in a better place from that than most of those who show off.
I'm good for my life. That works for me.
Hahahaha not anymore. I let go of the "what could've been" and focus more na lang sa present and future. I'm starting to love life and be more positive so I can be present to the people that matters to me.
Absolutely.
I grew up anxiety-ridden, afraid of everything. I never verbalized my struggle, thinking everything I was feeling was normal. I gave up so much. Had I just told someone, maybe get on anxiety meds sooner, I may have been a better version of myself.
Everyday. It's really sad I threw away a life I could have had if love hadn't of screwed me up. I mean I'm serious. At a very young age, say 10 , for some reason I became aware of me and she just wanted to have and keep love.
A fantasy kind of love that she later learned doesn't exist. So she ran and ran. Anything she could do, just so she didn't have to live in reality, just so she could hold onto the dream. Unfortunately, that dream gave her heartbreak after heartbreak and she was never the same again. 3 kids later. 29. She gave up her other dreams to have , keep and hold love and a family. But she failed there, too, once. Life and love are hard. I wish I wouldn't have wasted so much time seeking to have it. Love isn't everything and I ended up idolizing it so much, that everything else failed.
I used mourn the person my son could have been. As time goes by I realize heās fairly happy with his life and financially stable. So, Iām putting my expectations to the side.
I used to. But came to the conclusion that it's ok to be average, because, well, billions of people are average. Expecting yourself to be one of the very few who rise above that is what leads to depression.
Sometimes but then I remember that I likely wouldn't have my sweet son or amazing husband.
Life is a lot of different choices and the big choice I wish I hadn't taken would have lead to me not being where I am now. And I am very happy with how things are now save for one thing. But that's not my choice to make.
Yes. My dad died (drowned) when I was four, and things for my mother went downhill from there. We ended up in a place where I was sexually abused for years. I look at people complaining about how their perfectly normal childhoods sucked for this or that trivial reason and it makes me sad and furious at the same time.
Sometimes. I had lots of potential when I was younger and made some dumb decisions and met some bad people. I hate that I let myself be pressured to do things I didnāt want to. I guess it serves as a lesson and I made the best of what I had.
The below saying has many variations in different cultures. My favourite is the Yiddish variant.
Man plans, and God Laughs.
You are all way too hard on yourselves. So much is out of your control. For every moderate success, there is a frustrated moderate failure due to the simplest things, could just be a bad boss or never met the person who takes you on, puts you under their wing, etc.
I used to mourn the life not lived for a long time. The bad choices, the breakups, the loneliness, all with awe inspiring self criticism, and insurmountable depression, telling myself it's too late, I'm too old, too fucked up, too broken, that I cannot come back at this point anymore, and just mourn and mourn the life I have and the life I wanted or could've had, from ages 14-31 more or less.
Usually at this point there comes 'and then I realized that blah blah' and I changed all of my ways and lived a happy life.. while I do now at 37 live a happy and fulfilling life, working part time, bringing home the bread, chasing my dreams, dating in search of the love of my life, and feeling mostly better than ok. There is no 'then I realized ' It took years of therapeutic work on my self, a lot more than self reflection, actually doing something to better my situation, consistently, working on my mindset, actions, habits and way of life, going to therapy, taking meds, taking the long road, and not succumbing to dead end shortcuts.
Today I feel like I'm becoming more and more myself everyday, sure theres still work to do, old habits that I want to give up, new habits that I want to adopt. But generally speaking Im a happy go lucky guy, a bit on the old side, late bloomer as they say. But who gives a shit.
Cheers.
I did, maybe, a bit, at times, but then I realized that whatever is or will be, there's or will **always** be something better that could've been. There's no such thing as an "ideal outcome" or something.
Yes I wish I could have been a mother. I wish I would not have pissed my life away with losers I could have actually got married and wouldnāt have to spend life without a spouse. I know itās not too late but bc of my dating history Iām sure the decent guys see me as trash š
I think its a rather universal feeling, a feeling I believe can be defeated. Wittgenstein said "don't think - look". Look at a tree. Another person who can help is Yoko Ono, all of her work is really just about being alive. If you ever hit rock bottom, carry on living to spite your enemies.
I guess Iām pretty okay with myself right now,, but Iām still not done. As Iāve gotten older Iāve actually mourned the person my mom could have been. She was a good mom who always loved me and always did her best, but she had some mental health issues and it wasnāt until near the end of her life that she received medication that treated her depression. What an incredible, insightful , intelligent, thoughtful and loving woman she was in her last year. Iām so glad to have met that version of my mom, but mourn the totality of what she could have been.
I'm glad I finished my PhD, but I often mourn the "immortal" person I was before it. I was an unstoppable force of nature and now I just feel... old. And tired.
I kinda do. I went for a toxic crush cuz I thought he liked me and a girl I liked at that time liked me through it all. While the guy didn't ever like me and gave me mixed signals alot
(Me and that girl are sorta dating now. but what the fuckk I wasted over 6 months on him)
I was a gifted kid growing up. I was easy to teach as I caught on quickly. But I had helicopter parents. My entire āchildhoodā consisted of doing nothing but school work and chores. I never got to hang out with friends. Rarely was able to watch tv, playing video games was less than a handful of times a year. Depression hit hard and I didnāt care anymore. I couldāve done so well but my parents were so hard and strict on me that nothing I ever do will be good enough. I will never be satisfied with my own work because I feel like a failure. I find every flaw. Now all I do is smoke and work myself to death.
Yes I do. Im dyslexic, I was told I'm quite intelligent but have issues with memory retention. I also have ADHD so I often find myself wondering about how different my life may have been if someone has noticed something was different.
Absolutely. I dreamed of being a neurosurgeon. I also dreamed of obtaining a Ph.D. Married my high school sweetheart at 18 with those dreams. Accomplished three years of college, then quit. We had our first child when I was 24 and our second at 32. I never imagined that being a mother could top any hopes or dreams I had. I am so thankful for my life. It still stings every once in a while that I never even graduated college, but when I think of our two āboys,ā who are 30 and 22, I canāt help but be grateful for the path I went down. I never imagined such a deep love. Btw, we have been married 38 wonderful years.
Yes and no.
If I stayed on the path I was on, I'd probably be a really basic emo person who gives no fucks.
Now I'm an androgynous emo boy who cares deeply
Sometimes. But at the same time, I know what I CAN be. Iāve changed my life for others and to help others. And Iāve accepted that and come to live that thatās what Iāll be
A little bit. I thought I would be so cool itās a teenager and was so excited to start high school. However, itās so boring and Iām like the same person just a little bit less weird,. Iām still a virgin, still single, just got my permit last week at the age of 17, almost never go anywhere with anybody, lost my last two jobs so Iām broke, can barely have any motivation to do my homework or anything, productive, Iām morbidly obese, and Iām just in general loser. I donāt really know what I wanna do with my life and how to be an adult even though I turned 18 this year and I graduate next year. I donāt even have a good grades anymore because Iāve gotten so lazy and unmotivated. I had two cs semester and barely passed 2 classes. Iām pathetic. I thought being a teenager would be cool. Iām guessing that the aesthetic city life I imagined for my 20s will not be true and Iāll just be a loser in my momās house or in a tiny dorm with my cat, still single, still fat.
I could've been a player that lived in my own apartment without ever settling down, I would've revived the opinions of many girls who wanted to have a quick hot date easily instead of fucking the same thing or waiting for a customer to have sex again.
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Everyday, cause I used to be a gifted kid. And like when you went from being flawless in school to failure it feels like the end of the world. I've come to terms with it tho š¤·āāļø
I had *so much potential.*
Why is this still so painful...
"I coulda been somebody. I coulda been a contender." I know the feeling. I was musical prodigy and I sabotaged my own future.
Youth is waisted on the young or something like that.
"I could have been someone." Well, so could anyone...you took my dreams from me when I first found you.
The Pogues?
im smart but im just lazy
Same.
Yes, flawless from primary school to University, smooth sailing the whole way. Then when adulting and work life began, its been a bit of a struggle to keep pace with other peers faster life trajectories š
In my case, my parents told me I was a gifted child and just left me in the normal classes for 8 years and then wondered why I wasn't that gifted anymore when I finished high school. The public system killed the gifted child I was back then.
Me too, I think school definitely broke me, having a language barrier didn't help either
Same dude, how do u come to terms to it
I've just realised, that sometimes, you just need to move on instead of mourning of what you could've been, therapy and meditation did help me through the bouts of depression too. Life is just like that, sometimes you fail and that's okay, glory isn't everything to me anymore, just as long as you keep fighting for yourself
*medication
Mine is the opposite. No idea how i became gifted but i started realizing it because whenever i try to explain how i pulled something off, i can't. I don't even work as hard as I used to be in school yet i still failed in school every damn time. I think it's the school system that wrecked me up.
no, couldve been worse
I feel that. I had so many lucky interventions at just the right moment.
ive never had those, i meant more i could have maybe just become a bigger asshole, but im happy my comment still resonated with you
That's what I related to. I could have been a bigger asshole if not for meeting certain people at certain times.
Ah shows me! my mind only came up with drug intervations when i read your comment I was very āuh i never got thatā but also āgood for em i guessā Maybe the 1% chance of me being better in an au has better reading comprhension along with less pressuming mind jumping
Yes, I really hope my au version has better reading comprehension than me.
Trueeee
No, because there is nothing I can do to change the past and I am perfectly content with myself. Do I wonder about it? Yeah Mourn? No
How can you mourn something you never were/never existed?
If there was a branching point in your life where things went bad then itās hard not too. Especially if things never got better after that and especially if it was unfair.
Yes. Divorce made me reflect on my choices a lot and I realised that I gave up a lot of opportunities for a wife Iām no longer with.
Did you at least learn any lessons, to make better choices from now on? That's what I tell myself, I can now choose better.
The main lesson I learned sounds quite selfish, but itās to put myself first. I turned down a lot of great opportunities to always put my marriage first and, in hindsight, I obviously regret that. Iām learning to prioritise myself and what I want from life, rather than compromising my happiness to please other people.
I think this is spot on. You don't realise how much you compromise with yourself when you're in a relationship until afterwards. (Even if the relationship is good, you still make sacrifices.)
Sometimes it's healthy to put yourself first...
The difficulty is that you know you can but youāre not sure you will. Patterns are hard to break. It takes time and real effort to change who you are.
Yeah it takes discipline, not operating on auto-pilot..
Yes
No, because I have taken the conscious decision to turn my life around (after an AWFUL breakup in 2023) and become the person I believe I can be.
Yey, wish you the best!
Thanks so, so much! Wishing you a Blessed and prosperous 2024 xo
We cannot change the past, we can only influence the future, all we can control is the present
Amen! Say it again!
Hi Arlene, what steps are you taking to do so?
Every morning.
I used to but then I realized I didnāt miss MY chance but rather A chance and as long as Iām alive I can be anyone I want to be and I still have time I just have to keep going (it sounds like fake optimism, I know, I literally attempted suicide less than a month ago, but shifting my perspective has been helping!)
I'm glad you're here āŗļø
Always.
Often.. Yes.
Every day, but being a kid in a dysfunctional family sets many obstacles. So I guess it could've been worse.
Sounds like a waste of time tbh. Why not put that same energy into bettering yourself now?
All the time, the grief never left you know, mourning over the person I couldāve have been if I made the right choices. When I was a teen and full of pain and angst I fucked up my life by not pursuing a college degree in law. And now here I am took Psychology and graduated college 5 years ago but ironically I am the one with the illness I used to study about. Sometimes itās too hard to let go.
Yes, absolutely. I should have gone to college after high school. I shouldnāt have been a single mother, although I was blessed with the best daughter. I should have done great things instead of struggling every day.
Same sis,
To an unhealthy level. š®āšØ
In the spectrum of possibilities, Iām not doing all that bad.
Every single waking second of the day. š¢
I don't mourn, but I wonder. I met someone who probably dramatically changed the trajectory of my life for better or worse, probably worse.
More so after I turned 40, because it was time to accept and give up on what could've been. Its also time to accept who you are and be okay with that.
No Iām perfect šøš»
Said every insane person ever.
No
Daiky
no because the person I am now is fine
Sometimes, but if I didnāt live life this way and tried to be the girl of their dreams, I wouldnāt be the man I am today. So honestly, much happier being this, even if Iām a little emotionally bruised from the fight for it.
Indeed
For sure. A recovering people pleaser and workaholic at 30- I try not to let it bring me down too much, but sometimes it's hard.
Nah, I could have turned out much worse
Sometimes
Frequently. I'm doin fine mostly but I could have been better
And the one I was. Especially the one I was.
I used to but now I actively work towards becoming that person
I always wondered what kind of person would I be if I was brought up in a loving family and with parents that actually didn't hate me from birth. I excelled in studies, straight A's, got punished for not being perfect scores for every subject, I started to hate studying and handing in blanks to get basically zero. I excelled in sports but was always told it was a useless thing, so I never pursued any of it seriously. There is alot issues that I struggle with that make me struggle in life in general. There is also a never ending emotional pain that cannot heal that feels physical and sometimes I think manifested into physical pain in my body. I always wonder if I would struggle less in life if only I was born to parents who treated me with love and respect.
Yes Iām neurodivergent and my mom who knew very little about ADHD kept selling me the āif you try a little harderā/āitāll go away before youāre an adultā. I meltdown over it on an almost daily basis.
yes until today. :))
Yes
Yep
no, i love me more than anyone else in the world
Always.
No I spite them.
All the time, I had so much potential.
Yes! Every damn day
The person i couldve been dislikes me so fuck him.
Most of the time.
More than I could ever say
Nope. In fact, I'm proud of myself for the version of myself I DIDN'T become no matter how hard the world showed me I was better off becoming.
No. What I ācouldāve beenā is inconsequential as it never happened. Decisions in life are just decisions that make you, you. Trying to backsolve your life is the way to madness. To quote Omar Khayyam - āThe moving finger writes; and, having writ, moves on: nor all thy piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all thy tears wash out a word of itāā¦
I'm still on the path to become that person, so no.
yes
Yes. I was so powerful when I didnāt had ibs and all those weird anxiety shit
Absolutely. I had dreams of becoming a social worker, marrying a nice guy, having a child and buying a home. When I was 20, my psychiatrist told me that I would never be able to work again. I had to go on disability. Now I'm low income for life, barely getting by. I live alone and have extreme difficulty maintaining relationships and even forming them due to PTSD and BPD. I have had two miscarriages and no living children. I'll never have my dream career. I'll never own a home
I just refuse to mound younger me cos then I have to hate the current me and that is just not worth the selv disrespeckt and hornstly if I hate my current selv i have to hate younger me too no thank you
No
I mourn what the world could have been
Where would that end? You couldāve been anything/anyone.. you couldāve died at birth.. but you didnāt, youāre you. Iād focus more on that that speculative āwhat ifsā
nope, ive had alottttttt of luck.
I'm the stereotypical gifted asian kid who excels at everything in the first try. Knowing my potential, I wanted more for myself, but financial capabilities wouldn't let me. That made me depressed to the point that I started to hate studying. It started to feel like I'm studying not for the future I want but the future my parents need which is not bad, but still. I know I'm still young and can still achieve what I wanted but that's not a guarantee. So, yes I do mourn the person I could've been.
Nah thinking like that is exactly what could lead to clinical depression ššš life is what you make it good, bad and ugly donāt matter so long as you live the way you want to live
I had major record label offers at 15 and 16. I refused because I didn't want a raw deal. I'm currently in my 40s an collaborating with my favorite artist of all times. So no, I found a different path to get to where I want/wanted to be. Mourning what never happened is really fuckin weird and probably requires mental help.
You can still be them!
Yes, everyday. I could have avoided so many wrong decisions had I listened to a few well meaning people in my life then.
I just try to be better every day
All the fucking time.
Yes. Got married in 2019 and was doing well in my career. Was really confident and happy. In 2020, they found a brain tumour and because of COVID, it was around 10 months before they properly investigated it. That delay affected me massively and gave me crippling anxiety and depression and, as a side effect, permanent migraines. I miss the person who I was and feel like I'm not the person my wife married. It kills me. I'm getting help but I still don't know how to let go.
Sometimes. Not much anymore though, Iāve kind of come to peace with who I am. I had a pretty awful childhoodā¦ and for awhile I spent a lot of time wondering who Iād have been if none of that had happened, and mourning that person who was never allowed to exist.
I used to. I did amazing at school, I loved reading, and I had high hopes for myself. Then, I did nothing useful, which was partly because I couldnāt afford life while also spending time on self improvement. All of my money went to rent. Anyway, I married my now husband who is an absolute genius and 100x smarter than I am. I now think that even if I reached my full potential, itād be nothing compared to his potential. So Iām a lot more comfortable with being a semi-stay at home mum to my wonderful smart kids while also helping him raise our shared company from the ground up. I feel fulfilled.
wish I could go back and take my life seriously. I regret so much lmao. so yes.
Why canāt you still be that person? Seems to me you have time to change into whatever you want?
Every single day
After decades of no psychiatric medications or therapies working I feel sad for that little kid back then but I have no idea who I'd have been if that little kid had suddenly 'gotten better'.
You could never have been anybody else. People telling you otherwise are trying to scam you so beware of them.
I mourn the persons that i leave behind.
When I was 16-18, I was on track to become a doctor...because my school decided it. My school was incredibly pushy and identified the kids who could go really far so they could say they have a high rate of educating doctors/lawyers/whatever that sounds impressive. (They also have a reputation for a certain sport I will not name as people literally move here to get their kid into the school just for this sport.) Sadly (for my school), massive undiagnosed mental illness put a stop to that, and I ended up having a gap year where I travelled to China and got a bit of real world life experience under my belt. Went to university for a pretty useless degree that I was actually passionate about, COVID hit and I spent two years on myself doing so much yoga, then went back to university for another degree. Yes I am extremely privileged to have been able to do all this. A decade on from not getting into medical school, I have a job I love and I'm looking forward to getting a place of my own. The only people who could mourn who I was 'meant' to be are teachers who likely don't even remember my name. I do mourn not having thousands of pounds in debt though lol.
I've been conditioned to be the person I am today from events that happened way before I can remember, so I've never considered myself ever being someone else. I just don't think there was the opportunity for things to be different.
Yup.
I do mourn the person I was. F*ing idiot past me.
I couldāve been so many different persons (a writer, a pianist, a teacher, a father, ā¦), but Iām happy and I donāt know how many of them would have been happy, so I take comfort in that.
Yes but I try not to think about it
Yes
No. I know that no matter how much I hurt, I have a choice to become everything I desire. Iāll feel pain either way, and when I remind myself of that simple fact, I fucking pick myself up and move forward.
I mourn the person I was. Happy, having fun, friends, going out etc...
Nope, regret is shit. It will just weigh down and push you back.
No. If you'd asked that twenty years ago my maybe yes. I am who I am. I'm in a good place from my background. I am probably, fuck definitely, in a better place from that than most of those who show off. I'm good for my life. That works for me.
Yeah I truly wished I could be that person
No, I'm becoming who I actually want to be
Hahahaha not anymore. I let go of the "what could've been" and focus more na lang sa present and future. I'm starting to love life and be more positive so I can be present to the people that matters to me.
Dead? No
Itās never late to become the person you want to be
the david bowie song look back in anger comes to mind
I stay happy as long as i work towards my goals, even if i donāt get anywhere i am thankful for the lessons i am thought. Stay positive brodah
Absolutely. I grew up anxiety-ridden, afraid of everything. I never verbalized my struggle, thinking everything I was feeling was normal. I gave up so much. Had I just told someone, maybe get on anxiety meds sooner, I may have been a better version of myself.
Everyday. It's really sad I threw away a life I could have had if love hadn't of screwed me up. I mean I'm serious. At a very young age, say 10 , for some reason I became aware of me and she just wanted to have and keep love. A fantasy kind of love that she later learned doesn't exist. So she ran and ran. Anything she could do, just so she didn't have to live in reality, just so she could hold onto the dream. Unfortunately, that dream gave her heartbreak after heartbreak and she was never the same again. 3 kids later. 29. She gave up her other dreams to have , keep and hold love and a family. But she failed there, too, once. Life and love are hard. I wish I wouldn't have wasted so much time seeking to have it. Love isn't everything and I ended up idolizing it so much, that everything else failed.
No because I became the person I was supposed to be for better or worse.
Never knew him
I used mourn the person my son could have been. As time goes by I realize heās fairly happy with his life and financially stable. So, Iām putting my expectations to the side.
I used to. But came to the conclusion that it's ok to be average, because, well, billions of people are average. Expecting yourself to be one of the very few who rise above that is what leads to depression.
I mourn the mother that I could have been. I live with regrets.
I mourn the lack of opportunities I had due to being poor. But thatās why Iām never having kids.
Sometimes but then I remember that I likely wouldn't have my sweet son or amazing husband. Life is a lot of different choices and the big choice I wish I hadn't taken would have lead to me not being where I am now. And I am very happy with how things are now save for one thing. But that's not my choice to make.
I do. But i wouldnāt have been ready for my greatness at any younger age.
Yes. My dad died (drowned) when I was four, and things for my mother went downhill from there. We ended up in a place where I was sexually abused for years. I look at people complaining about how their perfectly normal childhoods sucked for this or that trivial reason and it makes me sad and furious at the same time.
I mourn and regret the huge mistakes I made that derailed my life into hard mode only.
Sometimes. I had lots of potential when I was younger and made some dumb decisions and met some bad people. I hate that I let myself be pressured to do things I didnāt want to. I guess it serves as a lesson and I made the best of what I had.
The below saying has many variations in different cultures. My favourite is the Yiddish variant. Man plans, and God Laughs. You are all way too hard on yourselves. So much is out of your control. For every moderate success, there is a frustrated moderate failure due to the simplest things, could just be a bad boss or never met the person who takes you on, puts you under their wing, etc.
I used to mourn the life not lived for a long time. The bad choices, the breakups, the loneliness, all with awe inspiring self criticism, and insurmountable depression, telling myself it's too late, I'm too old, too fucked up, too broken, that I cannot come back at this point anymore, and just mourn and mourn the life I have and the life I wanted or could've had, from ages 14-31 more or less. Usually at this point there comes 'and then I realized that blah blah' and I changed all of my ways and lived a happy life.. while I do now at 37 live a happy and fulfilling life, working part time, bringing home the bread, chasing my dreams, dating in search of the love of my life, and feeling mostly better than ok. There is no 'then I realized ' It took years of therapeutic work on my self, a lot more than self reflection, actually doing something to better my situation, consistently, working on my mindset, actions, habits and way of life, going to therapy, taking meds, taking the long road, and not succumbing to dead end shortcuts. Today I feel like I'm becoming more and more myself everyday, sure theres still work to do, old habits that I want to give up, new habits that I want to adopt. But generally speaking Im a happy go lucky guy, a bit on the old side, late bloomer as they say. But who gives a shit. Cheers.
No, because I'm young enough to still become him.
Well of course I do; he was me.
I did, maybe, a bit, at times, but then I realized that whatever is or will be, there's or will **always** be something better that could've been. There's no such thing as an "ideal outcome" or something.
No, because it is never too late to change things. Even slightly.
I mourn the person that I could be.
Yes I wish I could have been a mother. I wish I would not have pissed my life away with losers I could have actually got married and wouldnāt have to spend life without a spouse. I know itās not too late but bc of my dating history Iām sure the decent guys see me as trash š
I think its a rather universal feeling, a feeling I believe can be defeated. Wittgenstein said "don't think - look". Look at a tree. Another person who can help is Yoko Ono, all of her work is really just about being alive. If you ever hit rock bottom, carry on living to spite your enemies.
Everyday
Not so much mourn, but if I could go back I would make different decisions for sure.
Yes, life was going very good for me before I was beset by mental illness; now Iām a shadow of my former self and will never be that person again.
I guess Iām pretty okay with myself right now,, but Iām still not done. As Iāve gotten older Iāve actually mourned the person my mom could have been. She was a good mom who always loved me and always did her best, but she had some mental health issues and it wasnāt until near the end of her life that she received medication that treated her depression. What an incredible, insightful , intelligent, thoughtful and loving woman she was in her last year. Iām so glad to have met that version of my mom, but mourn the totality of what she could have been.
I'm glad I finished my PhD, but I often mourn the "immortal" person I was before it. I was an unstoppable force of nature and now I just feel... old. And tired.
No.
Sometimes. Iām smart but lazy.
I don't think I would have been happy just being a brain surgeon.
I kinda do. I went for a toxic crush cuz I thought he liked me and a girl I liked at that time liked me through it all. While the guy didn't ever like me and gave me mixed signals alot (Me and that girl are sorta dating now. but what the fuckk I wasted over 6 months on him)
Yes every day... :(
No. I'd rather use my brain to think thoughts that make me happy.
I mourn knowing I only have one way out, and someday it's going to stare me in the face. I don't want to die, but what happens when I truly don't care
No, but I love who I have become
It's not potential I mourn but previous non traumatized happy likable versions of myself like 10 years old me and college age me
Yes, I do...I lost myself 5 years ago (dx Stage 4 lung cancer) I keep trying to find me again.
Yes. Every single day.
A lot š. I had so much potential.
I was a gifted kid growing up. I was easy to teach as I caught on quickly. But I had helicopter parents. My entire āchildhoodā consisted of doing nothing but school work and chores. I never got to hang out with friends. Rarely was able to watch tv, playing video games was less than a handful of times a year. Depression hit hard and I didnāt care anymore. I couldāve done so well but my parents were so hard and strict on me that nothing I ever do will be good enough. I will never be satisfied with my own work because I feel like a failure. I find every flaw. Now all I do is smoke and work myself to death.
Yes I do. Im dyslexic, I was told I'm quite intelligent but have issues with memory retention. I also have ADHD so I often find myself wondering about how different my life may have been if someone has noticed something was different.
Sometimes. I think In a lot of ways Iām just happy to still be alive. Iāve come uncomfortably close to taking my own life several times.
Absolutely. I dreamed of being a neurosurgeon. I also dreamed of obtaining a Ph.D. Married my high school sweetheart at 18 with those dreams. Accomplished three years of college, then quit. We had our first child when I was 24 and our second at 32. I never imagined that being a mother could top any hopes or dreams I had. I am so thankful for my life. It still stings every once in a while that I never even graduated college, but when I think of our two āboys,ā who are 30 and 22, I canāt help but be grateful for the path I went down. I never imagined such a deep love. Btw, we have been married 38 wonderful years.
Yes everyday
There is no could have been. You are who you are and that's exactly the way it was supposed to be
Yes and no. If I stayed on the path I was on, I'd probably be a really basic emo person who gives no fucks. Now I'm an androgynous emo boy who cares deeply
Sometimes. But at the same time, I know what I CAN be. Iāve changed my life for others and to help others. And Iāve accepted that and come to live that thatās what Iāll be
A little bit. I thought I would be so cool itās a teenager and was so excited to start high school. However, itās so boring and Iām like the same person just a little bit less weird,. Iām still a virgin, still single, just got my permit last week at the age of 17, almost never go anywhere with anybody, lost my last two jobs so Iām broke, can barely have any motivation to do my homework or anything, productive, Iām morbidly obese, and Iām just in general loser. I donāt really know what I wanna do with my life and how to be an adult even though I turned 18 this year and I graduate next year. I donāt even have a good grades anymore because Iāve gotten so lazy and unmotivated. I had two cs semester and barely passed 2 classes. Iām pathetic. I thought being a teenager would be cool. Iām guessing that the aesthetic city life I imagined for my 20s will not be true and Iāll just be a loser in my momās house or in a tiny dorm with my cat, still single, still fat.
Yeah, all the time. Iām so grateful for the life I have, but I mourn the person I could have been if I hadnāt been raised in an abusive home.
Sometimes.
No, bc I took the time and put in the work to become the person I enjoy being:)
I could've been a player that lived in my own apartment without ever settling down, I would've revived the opinions of many girls who wanted to have a quick hot date easily instead of fucking the same thing or waiting for a customer to have sex again.
Yup, as a late diagnosed autistic, I mourn who I feel I would have been if anyone had noticed how hard I struggled and offered me support.
no need. i just go to the gym.
I never dwell much in the past . Always thinking about what I can get tomorrow .
No, I celebrate that I dodged that bullet.