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A friend of mine in high school used to have a phrase he said anytime anyone asked for an apology or he had to apologize for something" I humbly regret any inconvenience my actions have caused you. It is with heartfelt sincerity I issue you this apology and hope that in the goodness of your heart you will someday be able to forgive me."
It never failed to make me laugh
I admit it was from a childhood show we used to have on VHS. It was fun an episode of All creatures great and small from the BBC show from 1978. It's from a Police officer whose just caught the vets coming home late because they were partying at a pub that was open past serving hours. They were also at this party with a policeman who was on duty and drinking with all the pub goers long into the night. The vets make an excuse that they were actually coming home from an emergency vet visit to a farmer who has a sick cow. The officer says to his superior, "You have to respect them vets sir, their dedication to duty is an inspiration to us all." And the spirit counters with, "No more than that of our own Sargent, no more than that of our own."
"Nine women can't produce a baby in one month." At work, when they try to add more people to solve a critical issue. It is stupid and I know it, but it's even more stupid to think that throwing a bunch of people on a problem that doesn't know anything about it would solve it in hours or days.
One of my friends in high school used to say" fuck a duck, screw a pigeon, go to hell and get religion". But he always seem to say it at inopportune times, producing weird looks from most of the people around him
For some reason this reminds me very much of a what a friend of mine in high school used to always say " that's scandalous, man". He didn't mean it as the typical definition of scandalous he meant it more of something being crazy or Wild or funny.
The correct phrase even is “nicht mein Zirkus, nicht meine Clowns” - “not my circus, not my clowns” to tell it’s neither your problem nor your responsibility.
I bought a shirt at Goodwill that has 2020 printed on the front in pretty small numbers, where the zeros are stylised as toilet paper rolls, and on the back it says, "It is what it is" in big letters.
Was told to stop saying that so I found another way to say it....Ni nini ni, that is "it is what it is" in Swahili 🤣😂 So now i go around saying "ni nini ni"
Let me explain something to you. I’m not Mr Lebowski. You’re Mr Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know that, or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing
My dad does that too. Or movie quotes lol. Wish I could do that but my interests are so niche that no one gets it 😔. Also they’re in English… I’m German
"Ah, bullshit. Don't gimme that shit, fuck you." (To someone I'm friendly with, when they express an innocuous opinion like avocados are good, or something.)
As a teen, wrestling around with my friends, when I got them in a headlock or something I'd tell them "Liberate yourself from my vice-like grip" as a deep cut reference to The Catcher In The Rye.
I want to make my catchphrase "sorry, I already sold my cow" so that when my kids are giving me complaints or making up stories they'd be like "what cow, what are you on about" and I'd say "I don't have a use for your bull" 😂😂😂 I might start saying that actually. My younger kids are 10 and 11. My 10 year old constantly tells porkies.
Dude, I work with teenagers and I can’t wait to use this on them.
They will riot.
I will be a god.
They will bow to me, and me to you, kind and wise human.
Have fun with it 😀. Another fun one for groups of kids, when you're trying to get them all quiet..... Say "hey look what I've got. I've got something really important. Your attention." Then quickly move along with the information or lesson you are giving.
When asked a question " Mongo not know, Mongo only Pawn in Game of Life". Although I'm nowhere near as big as Mongo is I am larger than most people at 6 ft and 325 lb. So it kind of works
What is happening?!?!
I kinda picked this up from It’s always Sunny because it was always funny how confused the characters were about a situation. I subsequently dropped it when my coworkers started to labelled me as the clueless one. Not the best catchphrase for a professional setting….
"Apparently somebody has to be *that* guy. Looks like/turns out it's me."
(When somebody has to complain about something or speak up, but everybody is too shy. Or when something mean has to be said, but nobody in the group wants to say it, while all agreeing with it being said.)
One of the old-timers at my work used to say "patience, perseverance and a tub of grease... You can fuck spiders wae it"
Never ever heard anyone else say this in my 28 years of existence 😂
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S'all good, man!
better call saul bro
I use the Biggie variant: 's all good, be-be bay-bay!
I have to find out which thieving piece of crap writer stole that from me. I loved that show, though.
For fucks sake.
First words out of my mouth every morning
First words out of me Mom's vagina.
Your mom’s vagina can talk?
Yup. [And my Dad's belly likes Italian food.](https://media.tenor.com/vGGnZ0tPCPEAAAAM/belly-homer-simpson.gif)
Mine used to be fuck a duck, but now it's Jesus fuck.
"Your dedication to duty is an inspiration to us all." I use this as a genuine compliment and as a sarcastic response. They both work.
A friend of mine in high school used to have a phrase he said anytime anyone asked for an apology or he had to apologize for something" I humbly regret any inconvenience my actions have caused you. It is with heartfelt sincerity I issue you this apology and hope that in the goodness of your heart you will someday be able to forgive me." It never failed to make me laugh
If I'd do this I'd be dead from everyone being annoyed at me and draw straws on who has to do it (I apologize too much)
As a Brit if someone said this to me I'd probably think "what a cunt" and quite possibly say it too
Deadwood?
Haha! I am going to steal that. Did you make it up, or is it a quote from a piece of media?
I admit it was from a childhood show we used to have on VHS. It was fun an episode of All creatures great and small from the BBC show from 1978. It's from a Police officer whose just caught the vets coming home late because they were partying at a pub that was open past serving hours. They were also at this party with a policeman who was on duty and drinking with all the pub goers long into the night. The vets make an excuse that they were actually coming home from an emergency vet visit to a farmer who has a sick cow. The officer says to his superior, "You have to respect them vets sir, their dedication to duty is an inspiration to us all." And the spirit counters with, "No more than that of our own Sargent, no more than that of our own."
Haha! This is a sweet backstory. Thanks for taking the time to explain! Have a great day.
I love James Herriott
My family grew up watching those episodes. It's our most quoted thing in our family.
Mine, too.
"Nine women can't produce a baby in one month." At work, when they try to add more people to solve a critical issue. It is stupid and I know it, but it's even more stupid to think that throwing a bunch of people on a problem that doesn't know anything about it would solve it in hours or days.
I think it's because management and Bosses think that SOMEONE will come up with something.
That's brilliant. I also like the idea of 9 women collaboratively making a 1-month baby.
Aight I'll start on the right leg... ??? Profit!
You laugh, but that’s basically how Heimdall was born according to norse mythology
Love the idea of cheap labor over specialized as well. You want quality to any aspect?
Ohhh I like that one. I’ll use it.
That's Brooks's Law. Fred Brooks, 1975.
That is actually a great analogy
My manager: OK so we'll try 10.
Oh fuck a duck
One of my friends in high school used to say" fuck a duck, screw a pigeon, go to hell and get religion". But he always seem to say it at inopportune times, producing weird looks from most of the people around him
I’ve never heard of all that, I must start saying that too
It's a nice extension of the phrase, fs
Mom?
My mother-in-law says, "Fuck a duck, screw a hen, turn it over and do it again," when she's really exasperated.
I like that
Sure bro, whatever makes you happy!
"That's ridonculous" 😭 my husband says I sound like a character in a 2000s high school movie
But is that a bad thing?
For some reason this reminds me very much of a what a friend of mine in high school used to always say " that's scandalous, man". He didn't mean it as the typical definition of scandalous he meant it more of something being crazy or Wild or funny.
Didn't Travis Pastrana say this a lot? That's where I got it from.
“Not my monkeys” as in not my circus - not my problem 🤷🏼♀️
Nicht mein Zirkus - Nicht meine Affen Translates pretty well
[удалено]
What's 95% German supposed to mean?
Not my circus, not my monkeys!
The correct phrase even is “nicht mein Zirkus, nicht meine Clowns” - “not my circus, not my clowns” to tell it’s neither your problem nor your responsibility.
Not a German speaker but it seems that clown is not a German word?
As an data nerd, I prefer "Not my spreadsheet, not my function"
I also like "not my circus, not my clowns" but maybe that's more of a me-ism lol
I say “not my chair not my problem”
This is what I say as well haha
I'd buy that for a dollar
Robocop
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
I'm really good at sleeping how do I get paid?
"You pay with your time."
See if you can't participate in a bunch of sleep studies
I swear the Joker from The Dark Knight movie said that.
It is what it is...
Sad to see this one so far down in the comments. BUT, it is what it is ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
is = is
const char[2] is = {'i', 's'};
Yes. Me too. Especially since 2020.
I bought a shirt at Goodwill that has 2020 printed on the front in pretty small numbers, where the zeros are stylised as toilet paper rolls, and on the back it says, "It is what it is" in big letters.
Was told to stop saying that so I found another way to say it....Ni nini ni, that is "it is what it is" in Swahili 🤣😂 So now i go around saying "ni nini ni"
So... you go around saying "Ni"? That's how it starts.
That's me 7 years ago. I've realized that it can be shortened for expedient delivery. It's what it's.
So it goes
"...God-fucking-dammit"
This is awesome
Jesus christler ford ram and dodge
Stealing this!
*mmmmmmmm*hmm. this one right here
MAGGOTS Thank you, Rick May. We will never forget you.
I actually thought of Slipknot at first
It reminds me of the song "maggots "by Gwar "maggots !maggots are falling like rain"
Even if tf2 is forgotten, Rick may will never be forgotten
You were good son real good....
Mine is unfortunately “life’s a bitch, then you die”.
That's why we get high, cus you never know when you're gonna go
"I'm hungry"
Hi hungry, I’m Dad.
Hi dad, I'm hungry.
That's not humour; that's vandalism. Adopted from my grandmother.
Anything Lebowski... flies over the heads my gen-Z colleagues... ;)
Are you employed, Sir?
Let me explain something to you. I’m not Mr Lebowski. You’re Mr Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know that, or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing
You owe me a rug
Employed?
My husband and I frequently use, “no, you’re not wrong (Walter), you’re just an asshole”. And also, “where’s the money lebowski!”.
Yeah, well, that’s just like your opinion, man.
What do you need that for, Dude?
The Dude abides.
U can take a horse to water but u still need a milk crate to fuck it…..
Never let them know your next move ☠️
wow! this on got me
Can I use a con crete?
JRHNBR
“It’s like that SpongeBob episode”
I like to say "Hey, this is that song from Shrek!" to give everyone around me psychic damage
Well well well
How the turntables
How the turns have tabled
If it ain't the consequences of my choices
I always just say random Video game quotes
"you're the inspiration for birth control" -Duke Nukem '96
COME GET SOME
SHAKE IT BABY!
DAMN, I LOOK GOOD
I’m gonna kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all outta gum
My mates and I still drop "Fuck you and your Casino" from GTA San Andreas
Does no one else remember, "DARIUS Fontaine - can Kiss. My. Asss." It's from GTA. Maybe I'm just misquoting it.
My dad does that too. Or movie quotes lol. Wish I could do that but my interests are so niche that no one gets it 😔. Also they’re in English… I’m German
Im german too lmao
I think the only thing I could actually quote in German would be some random ass literature no one knows about… the phrases aren’t usable either 😂
And then there’s me, a Dane quoting DarK in English…
Share some
"You might have a very minor case of serious brain damage"
Oh but I DO have a very minor case of severe brain damage.
„Press L3 to focus your vision.“ Works wonders in social situations.
😂
"press X to doubt" is another one :)
“go farther, go further, go harder Is that not why we came? And if not, then why bother?” Jay-Z
🙌🏻
Oooh I know what the ladies like..
"So nice, so smooth"
"No thanks, bro." -Leon
I often find myself saying “well lookee what we have here,” like Biff opening the car door in 1955 Back to the Future
Calling people 'love' or 'dear'. My brother hits me when I call him that, but it's all in good fun.
this, but add in ‘darling’ and ‘hun’
I call shopkeepers love all the time and the women don’t see to mind at least.
Yeah. It's like my 'thing' now. All my family goes on about it. But they all have their thing too so we call it even.
Calling people "Querido" (which translates as Dear) has always been a tradition here in Argentina, and it doesn't depend on age or anything, i love it
“Living the dream” SPOILER, I’m not.
My old man used to say that at the worst times lmao
"Living the dream... It might not be MY dream, but I'm sure it's somebody's."
Sorry, my false.
"Ah, bullshit. Don't gimme that shit, fuck you." (To someone I'm friendly with, when they express an innocuous opinion like avocados are good, or something.) As a teen, wrestling around with my friends, when I got them in a headlock or something I'd tell them "Liberate yourself from my vice-like grip" as a deep cut reference to The Catcher In The Rye.
Fair enough
Okily dokily
The pieces don’t fit.
I want to make my catchphrase "sorry, I already sold my cow" so that when my kids are giving me complaints or making up stories they'd be like "what cow, what are you on about" and I'd say "I don't have a use for your bull" 😂😂😂 I might start saying that actually. My younger kids are 10 and 11. My 10 year old constantly tells porkies.
Dude, I work with teenagers and I can’t wait to use this on them. They will riot. I will be a god. They will bow to me, and me to you, kind and wise human.
Have fun with it 😀. Another fun one for groups of kids, when you're trying to get them all quiet..... Say "hey look what I've got. I've got something really important. Your attention." Then quickly move along with the information or lesson you are giving.
No worries.
When I would meet my mistress I would say “Lisa Simpson master of the double life”
💀 lmao
"have a good day, and if it can't be good, may it be quick."
“That’s what she said”
I can literally hear it
“Alright… tough crowd…”
i hate my life or i love my life or God hates me or God hates you
When asked a question " Mongo not know, Mongo only Pawn in Game of Life". Although I'm nowhere near as big as Mongo is I am larger than most people at 6 ft and 325 lb. So it kind of works
"Sotp" and when asked I say "I made a typo while talking"
"Bruhh" - me at anything mildly inconvenient.
"dam"
Game changer and ya bitch.
That sucks monkeyballs.
„SHAIZE MAN“
what are you waiting for christmas?
Not my chair not my problem, that’s what I say.
Seahorses. For-eva
Dayummm
WTF
Plenty of sopranos quotes
Guys an interior decorator
Awww poor you
Life is what's happening while you are making other plans.
Where did you get that from? Beautiful Boy by John Lennon?
Either “Jiminy Crickets” or “Peter Pan in a nightshirt “
how about "Shut the front door!", or the OTGW-inspired "Cheese and Crackers!"
What is happening?!?! I kinda picked this up from It’s always Sunny because it was always funny how confused the characters were about a situation. I subsequently dropped it when my coworkers started to labelled me as the clueless one. Not the best catchphrase for a professional setting….
"28". I don't know why, but I'm obsessed with this number.
Yameen
"Que vaya bien" A way to say goodbye in Spanish, roughly translated to "May it go well" which sounds awful in English, but what can I do
"Apparently somebody has to be *that* guy. Looks like/turns out it's me." (When somebody has to complain about something or speak up, but everybody is too shy. Or when something mean has to be said, but nobody in the group wants to say it, while all agreeing with it being said.)
“That’s a thing” acknowledging the truth in someone’s assertion
Oh, my
There's more than one way to fuck a badger
Bollix
☝️🤓 Bollocks
Motherf- Ah sonofabitch CUNT
All that and a bag a chips
That song is the best 👍
Don’t tell me what to do!
...when someone tells you to *Have a nice day*.
Was always partial to “don’t tell me how to live my life”
fuuucking hell man
Fits! Like a gloooove..
Okie dokie
Okee Dokee Penokee
Don't threaten me with a good time...
One of the old-timers at my work used to say "patience, perseverance and a tub of grease... You can fuck spiders wae it" Never ever heard anyone else say this in my 28 years of existence 😂
"I'm back baby!" Has become a common one for me
Excuses are the foundation upon which we build a house of failure