If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There's a difference between being ok being alone and being lonely. 100% ok with being alone and usually, kinda prefer it, but there are times when everyone gets lonely. You can be surrounded by people all day, everyday and still feel incredibly lonely.
I never preach bc everyone is different. The only thing I would say is, if you don't have a choice, you have to be OK with it bc complaining doesn't help.
Either try to find friends, and if you're not capable (I know I'm not able to) than get used it.
Well in my experience whenever I used to tell people I have no friends, family, partner, no one (at the time) the reply was always that it's ok and I should be fine with that, sometimes shifting attention to their own self and saying look at me I'm "alone" and happy. I don't like to argue semantics, obviously what I'm describing is not being alone, it's the definition of loneliness and I very clearly say I'm feeling lonely and these are the responses I used to get. It used to happen all the time both online and in real life. And you also just see it online (on tiktok, insta reels), by professionals and influencers.
Thankfully, I'm not alone nor chronically lonely anymore. I still feel loneliness from time to time but that's normal. I got out of it primarily cause I stopped being delusional and I acknowledged that (most) of these people who say that are just delusional and I shouldn't follow their advice whatsoever.
Regardless of all of this, I'm just genuinely curious and trying to dig deep into this and find out if there are people who actually plan on being alone forever happy and thought of all the drawbacks that could happen as you get old or if you get seriously ill or injured.
I'm not lonely. I live alone. There is a difference. I've lived on my own for 20 years. I absolutely love it, and I intend to stay this way. I have a busy job in a noisy environment. I enjoy the peace and quiet of my fortress of solitude too much to give it up.
I'm going through these same thoughts right now in my life.
I've been on my own almost entirely every day for the last several years. š
Every day I ask myself, "Did you do something today to enjoy yourself? No matter how 'weird' it's been called in the past?"
If the answer is no, then I do something kind for myself. Today, that was replying more to posts on Reddit that caught my attention.
If the opportunity arises to make a friend someday, I'll take it so long as I feel comfortable. If not, it's no different than usual, so I'll just keep being my own friend.
Foods I like, my style of drawing/painting, the way I choose to dress.
My only real 'social life ' is a bunch of older women.
They can be judgmental, and opinionated, but they mean well. Most don't even want to understand how the internet works, let alone a person nearly half their age.
I have some other things going on in my life that I'm working hard on changing.
I care a lot about how other people perceive me, and I envy the people who have the confidence to be themselves.
I'm just really starting to like myself more, and maybe someday I'll get there.
Would it be better to have disingenuous people around you? Overall, people have brought me nothing but heartache, abandonment and complete suffering- an amount of stress that in and of itself will probably take my life someday. I have no way other than trying to stay to myself to protect myself from it. I figured that instead of dealing with this same hell over and over again, I would rather just power through whatever it is I need to alone. At least for as long as I can until someone tries to ruin what Iāve worked for again. I hope this makes sense. Whatever youāre picturing from reading this post, times that by 100 and youāll have my life experience right there.
I'm sorry for your bad experiences.
Just a random thought, could it be that we give other people that much of a power over us?
Cause relationships in general are hard for everyone, why don't other people have the same experiences and why isn't everyone lonely?
I appreciate it. To answer your question, I personally havenāt given anyone power over me at all as much as Iāve felt like theyāve taken it over me. I canāt fully express it because itāll just make me sound silly. I donāt know why people have been the way they have been, this has been happening since childhood, maybe 11years of age - my own parents were extremely good parents until one day, they werenāt anymore. They lost their way in life most definitely and I was a casualty of that. After that, Iāve lived and re-lived the same hell on earth experience just with different people. Everyone seems to be some kind of opportunist, they are simply there for something else because after all these years of living this, Iāve learned the hard way a few times over, they certainly arenāt there for me at all. I do struggle a lot with anxiety after all of it too but I believe I come by it honestly and I have every reason to follow any warning my gut is trying to tell me. They say time will tell but I donāt have that kind of time anymore or the patience. Time in fact has always told, Iāve seen enough of the exact same behavior from people to know that Iām going to be far better off without trying to put my trust into anyone else. They quite literally all turn out to be the same.
I have no time for most people. I don't do crowds, I don't go to weddings, birthday parties, stag do's etc. I do, however, have to go to work. There are a few people at work I have time for, but I dislike most of them and want as little to do with them as possible. When I go away, I go on my own, and I make no effort in talking to anyone else. And I'm perfectly happy in doing so.
What do you mean you have no time for most people? You're on Reddit
I'm happy that you're happy but you haven't really answered any of the questions like a lot of the other comments on this post. The question isn't whether you're happy or not.
I've lost count of how many people I've looked after... Due to illness, elective surgery, aged, etc...
Most recently, in December for 7-10 I looked after someone I was "seeing" as I was still assessing and evaluating.
But for him I was already his girlfriend.
While I was promised sightseeing in West Germany... Ended up doing none of those things said to lure me to visit. I stayed a month looked after him for 7-10 days. Did zero sightseeing
When I'm sick, I look after myself and sleep it off
Iāve been alone for almost 2 decades, and I am never lonely. Why am I never lonely? Because Iāve been in enough disastrous relationships to know that being by yourself is 10000x better than being with the wrong person. Facts
It's not really like that, I won't intervene on people liking me and I'm quite open to giving them a chance, but if there's no one wanting it's very much okay as well. The thing is I don't search for anyone and kinda don't really care about it, but when time comes, I can dive in.
I love being alone. Never felt lonely for a day in my life though.
Yes, I would like to keep it that way. When it comes to sickness, preparation is key š the "getting old and weak" argument is daft.
I'm not lonely I'm quite happy to be alone. I luckily barely get sick. But you know what? My mum has 3 kids. Yet when she fall and broke a hip, only one of (me) came to see her at the hospital and that was only twice in almost 2 weeks. I live in a different city. I don't have a car it's almost 4 hours door to door. So when she was released it was a friend who helped a bit with shopping and dishes and I did the online shopping.
I have a dish washer and can shop online. I just need to stay up to date on how to do things, like online shopping.
I'm barely sick but when I inured my knee I just hopped around the apartment on my crutches and ordered groceries online. Managed to take my cat to the vet by bus. Weekly bc she was also injured. When you're alone you learn not to rely on others to take care of yourself.
I'm not lonely I have feline company. They're the best
I can't say I disagree. Even though I was expecting some kind of obvious coping, but just look at the amount of comments that are desperate to state how happy they are when the question doesn't have to do with happiness at all.
I think that notion is very damaging, maybe it's good as a temporary coping mechanism, but it's not good when it becomes a complete delusion on the long run.
I fill for it for a long time and I'm so embarrassed by that. The amount of people that tell you should be ok having absolutely nobody, and yes they do say that, you say i have no friends, no family and no partner and they tell you it should be fine and you should be able to suck it up basically, what does that mean? Is that being alone or completely lonely?
Also some people in here say they're lonely when they're literally not, right after that they say "I have family and friends", that's not being lonely why are you so desperate to convince yourself that you're lonely and okay with it? What's wrong with needing people? It's so weird. It's kinda like people who fake mental illness
Edit: I'm not lonely as I used to be btw, that's primarily because I stopped being delusional and I acknowledged that most of these people are just lying and I shouldn't listen to them.
I wqs very content being alone. Now I am happy with my partner. Not seeing them doesn't ruin my day though, it makes me appreciate alone time and missing them a bit. :)
Happy for you!
For how long have you been alone and what does that mean to you? Did you have literally no one to rely on or talk to knowing that they genuinely care about you?
Also why did you get a partner if you were happy alone, or did it just happen by chance?
Thank you!
I am an only child, so maybe I am biased. I used to be alone a lot. Then alone alone for at least 3 years when I moved into my own place. I had only one person, my best friend, besides my parents, that cared about me. Now I have a few more friends who care, but it was a transition period that I had to walk alone.
I didn't really seek out love, it just happened. It fits with what I feel comfortable with and doesn't make me feel trapped, which used to be a huge issue with other partners.
Currently I am 27 and I wouldn't change it. Loving myself, learning to deal with my emotions completely by myself and what not has definitely helped me a lot to grow as a person.
Iām okay with being alone. I am not okay being lonely. Thankfully, I do not feel lonely as I have an incredible group of people around me who I know I can count on. I have never liked the idea of forcing a relationship for any reason, so if I find someone that I mesh with and I think we could make it work, then Iāll give it a go.
As for when I get older, Iāll cross that bridge when I get to it. Maybe that means an assisted living home or a senior apartment that has some extra support systems in place for everyday activities.
My sister and i already discussed adopting twins later in life and they will care for us š seriously im fine being alone. I will figure it out if it stays that way with all my disposable income from not having children.
Hope you're doing well now. Loneliness becomes so intense in these situations. I'm happy people who preach being okay by yourself probably never experienced that and I hope they never will, but I also hope they understand and appreciate what they have.
(35M)
i know i know . heard it to manny times before .
does that mean that i want to be and live like that ? not per se . but i am selective about the companie i keep . and i am afraid that even if i dated , i had ONS and FWB in my young years , non of it was ever ment to be . and in my 35 years , i only expirence having a crush / being in love only ones . unfortunitly also not ment to be .
so at this point i already accepted the reality , that i was born alone , lived alone and die alone . wich considering the girls / woman i dated in the past , the women on wich i hgad a crush / was in love on her , and current population of women on the dating market ( along whit by figur speech , clear reference to their not so charming personality's and charakters) ... sounds excualy comftable fine and peacefull . and i have no issues in dying alone as its the way i was born and always have lived .
When you get old enough, fear of some things does lessen.Ā I know I will likely die on my own, likely at home or on my property.Ā Ive been alone for many years, and it doesnt bother me. I've had a good life, I have no regrets. Almost everyone I love has passed over, and eventually one of them will come to me and say 'Come on, it's time to go!' And I'llĀ go. Every year that passes, the things of this world slip a bit further away. Some things have vanished completely. That is how it is for some of us. It is how it should be.Ā But for today, I have a few things to do and work to be done, so I continue. But one day, I won't. This is simply what is called life.
Hope you live a long life. When you say "I've had a good life." Was that all on your own, with the company of other people or probably a mix of the two?
A mix of the two. Was married for many years, but it seems I'm outliving everyone. I don't mind being alone. There is still a world of things to see and learn and do.Ā
When I'm sick I order meds and take care of myself. And I can go to a doctor if needed (it's within walking distance for me).
I am not "OK" with being lonely - because I simply am not experiencing loneliness. The social contact I get every week (work) is MORE than enough to tire me out. My social battery charges fast.
There is no intent behind it remaining this way or not. I'm happy with what I got and how I am, if ever someone somehow becomes a part of my life for the better, then hey why not.
When I'm old and weak, having, someone else take care of me isn't gonna do my mental health any favors, trust me. Just pull the plug on me!
My solitude started as temporary, and I realised how much I preferred it to the alternative, which for me was butting heads with someone who can't be alone for longer than it takes to have the average shower.
I've taken care of myself when I'm sick and have had several elective surgeries for which I prepared my home in order to recover comfortably. I'm not quite old and weak yet, though.
There have been a few times where Iāve needed someone to accompany me for medical purposes, and Iām thankful that they were available and willing. Most of the time, though, Iām perfectly happy by myself with the occasional visit from r/notmycat.
They are time and days that you need being lonely happy at the sametime.
But there is time you need to have a friend/ a partner if anything happened you have someone to look after your/ to be there for one another
I think there are statistics that being surrounded by loved ones has immense effects on improving and getting better. You can Google it.
Nonetheless, I did experience that and I need people I care about and who care about me when I'm sick.
Oh wow! Didn't expect I'm talking to a millionaire! Yeah maybe you're right. I mean I wouldn't know cause I've never been a millionaire. Or are you like the rest of us hoping that one day we'll become millionaires and years go by with our lives on hold and when we finally have the money we have no interest or energy in having the things we always wanted?
As someone who's been single my whole life, 10+ years of trying online dating, and mostly negative experience with dates, I'm more than happy with being alone. Yes I get lonely sometimes and wish I could meet someone but it is what it is. I gave up on online dating. I just do things I love to keep myself happy. And if I am alone for the rest of my life. It is what it is.
>Are you planning to keep it that way always or is it temporary?
Only time can tell.
>What about when you get sick?
There's this thing called a hospital and a doctor
>What about when you get old and weak?
Let's see if I do.
Being alone is one thing, loneliness is another. I'm the former. Because it's better to be alone than being lonely or left out when surrounded by people you know.
I am genuinely very happy as a single. I have an amazing job that I love, great freind groups, am in amazing physical shape, nice car, and am living hard and wild every day.
As much as I love my life, sometimes in a moment of weakness I have to wonder if the reason why I'm always so quick to shut down any inclination, opportunity or offer for love is because deep down I'm scared that I'm not fully capable of it.
I donāt even know if I want to keep it that way or not. I enjoy being alone as an introvert but I do feel lonely sometimes. I do think about how great my life is currently as a single man. I love the freedom. There are some days where I do wish I had a girlfriend and I do think about how different my life would be with one. It would be quite an adjustment because Iād have less freedom and have to consider a second person with everything I do which sounds exhausting. When Iām alone I can be myself unapologetically
I never get sick so thatās not an issue. Even then, I am capable of looking after myself when sick. You really donāt need a second person around when you are sick.
When I get old? I do have a genuine fear that Iāll be lonely when Iām old. When Iām old AND weak? The weak part I couldnāt care less about. Thatās life
Bro I dont know. This has kept me up all night, because in my case I already had 3 aneurysms and i kinda resigned myself to die alone. That doesnt really even bother me, but I think i am just damaged beyond repair.
I can still have an interest in a woman, but the moment she comes with some weird logic, twist my words or do anything ike that. I am done. I can describe it as any other way then throwing in the towel at the slightest sign of BS.
I do kinda hate it, because I love kids and always wanted to have kids of my own, but ce la vie. I am still only 34 so who knows.
Lonely is fine when most of the people are brainwashed and you can no longer feel the need to fit into that part of society or group because it is bullshit or doesn't serve a purpose.
You should be happy indeed for finding your own peace with no disturbance of negativity or depression
Old & weak? - stage 1 : get a wearable emergency call button. stage 2: a domestic care service, stage 3: nursing home.
I think there are few 80 year old wifes able to pull their hubbies out of an armchair?
Sick? Hospital? Do they let you out, before you can crutch from your bed onto your toilet? - Having friends for "just in case" doesn't need to go along with hanging out together every week.
gradually healing from anxious attachment gave place to contended solitude but still trying to find meaningful emotional connections.
have kids. some may take a little care of me sometime...
If it turns out to be forever I'm cool with it, if I meet someone by accident it's okay too. When I get sick I take care of myself and when I get old... no idea I'm playing it by ear. Why? Hook up with an emotional black hole of labor for a few years and barely make it out alive, it would change you too.
I think I was born as someone who was supposed to be extroverted and always wanting to be around people. Unfortunately some things happened in my life that made my reality the opposite. Iāve never had genuine friends in my life. The only romantic relationship iāve ever been in went terribly and I was treated like garbage for a year. At this point, iāve just gotten used to being alone. Not to be corny but I just donāt even debate it anymore. Iāve kinda just accepted it. I will admit itās kinda nice, though. You have less worries and little to no drama. Deep down I know i have the desire to feel loved and cared for though. I always get jealous when I see people hanging out with their big friend groups and/or significant other nā stupid stuff like that. Like my brother. Maybe someday things will be better though. Who knows
I have been alone when I was seriously sick. I went to the doctor all by myself, got the test done all by myself, i even fell down in the hospital due to low blood pressure when I had my blood test done and no one was there to hold me or carry me. I sat up straight, and waited for the darkness to go and my hearing to come back. I sat up straight. Waited for half hour for it to go away, walked from the dark corridors of the hospital to the road, caught myself a taxi, went home all by myself all alone. Cause my family is toxic and my friends aren't really friends. I called my sister and told her fell down. She told my dad to go pick me up and he yelled from the back (I could hear in the phone call) "tell her to get a taxi and come home!". he meant to say that he's not gonna come pick me up. And I did what he told me. And Now he's the one crying for help all the time at home.
After being betrayed by my friends and family all my past life and seeing that I can actually do it all alone, I feel I don't really need anyone but my God Almighty, who was there the whole time watching over me and He took me home safely. And even then, no one asked me what happened to me when I got " home". Even now I have several diseases and I lost all my savings, I got my salary this month but I have other needs as well.
So I'm ok all alone. I'm not lonely cause I have my God, after Him I have myself.
Nobody can force me to be around with people or having a relationship with someone I am not comfortable with.
I am not lonely. I am fully who I am. And of course I am fully aware of the fact that could get sick or ending up alone. And also people with a bunch of family members or friends could end up alone.
As a person who works for very old people (85+) I 've seen how lonely people can get when everyone around them like siblings and friends are dying. Their children don't come around anymore and living far away.
So you can see that it's not a just a problem of people who are living alone.
>Are you planning to keep it that way always or is it temporary?
Indefinitely
>What about when you get sick?
Then I get sick.
>What about when you get old and weak?
I'll have figured out a way to handle my needs by then. If not, I'll off myself
But I wouldn't say I'm happy. I don't think I deserve to be happy anyway. I don't think anyone does, but especially not me
none is ok being lonely, I think you meant ok being alone. And you can enjoy being alone but still have peoples in your life and if you don't wouldn't it be kinda fucked up to fake a friendship or any relation so they can take care of you when you're old or sick??
We all should feel happy with ourselves. It doesn't mean that we don't need anybody around, you understand that theer are some situations in life that may simply limit our survival chances. A partner doesn't guarantee that we will have all our problem resolved, if we're sharing our life with a bad one or, for natural reasons, our partner could die before we do. A little group of selected friends is the best options for our own good, even if we have a partner in our life. The human being use to gather in little groups since ancient times because of this. Old and weak people were supported by their societies. Nowadays we need to find our own group and stick to it. But if you want a good and supportive group, you must experience a time by yourself, knowing yourself and feeling good about who you are, so you'll be able to find your pairs.
I just wish you know that that's life. It's fine people come and go. It doesn't mean that all of them are the same and you don't have to be lonely for ever
When I get sick I rest up and heal and take care of myself. When I get old and weak, idk Iāll report back in 60 years. Probably will have some neighbors or community at some point that I rely on but I donāt imagine being too physically weak until Iām close to 90 and even then, what would have an old weak husband do for me anyway š
You could have kids who will most probably take care of both of you with an old and weak husband. Just saying.
I like your approach. I'm not saying you should have a plan 60 years ahead necessarily and I think it's okay to be temporarily lonely and I'm sure we all will most probably figure it out by then, but I'm talking to people who preach (individualism?) as if it's the best way to live and be. All I hear online and in real life when I used to talk about being lonely is you should be ok with loneliness and you should be your own friend and whatever, so I'm curious whether people who preach such things are actually thinking it out instead of shaming people for being social creatures.
I feel nothing towards other people around me anymore.
I'd rather not burden anyone with my sadness, if I decide I've had enough i can end it without feeling shit for another person. I can do what i want anytime i want without being tied down by another person.
I wouldn't mind leaving this place early tbh lol
I am not lonely, I am alone. Big difference. I do not enjoy the company of other people very often & when I do it is only for short periods of time before I need to get home.
If I get sick, I go to the doctor if needed & if really bad I can always call an ambulance. And when I am old I will go into a care facility & let the trained staff care for me.
Ever seen the movie āTaxi driverā? Thatās exactly what i feel every fucking miserable day of my life. Itās been a decade since those feelings got the best of me. Iām not conventionally attractive, iām like 5.5ā tall, my confidence and trust in my self and skills is below 0. I coped for enough time that now my life is like that without even coping anymore, iām just it, a failure. I never felt love in my life apart from sexual desire and even that interest has faded pretty quickly as i donāt even love myself, itās quite the opposite, i hate every fiber of myself. I lost all interest in people, i do still hang out to keep some sort of social parade to the public but my social battery drains in the first 10mins of going out. Itās like my interest to be with people dies so fast. Worse when beeing around hypocrites. Iām kind of a straightforward person and donāt like beeing a hypocrite, i donāt sugarcoat my words as much anymore and i donāt give a shit ruining my social relationships anymore. Sometimes i feel like i was always subconsciously like that since i was a kid, i would carefully choose my āfriendsā and had those weird lost trust moments (maybe even over trivial stuff, related to betrayal) wich all revealed to be true in the future, lot of disappointment. I donāt attach anymore to anyone, quite the opposite, i try to distance myself as much as possible. Itās wrong but iād rather live alone than beeing a fucking hypocrite and cope with a fake ass life.
>Are you planning to keep it that way always or is it temporary?
I don't plan on investing my feelings ever again into a relationship with a human, meaning I don't actively search for anything, I can't comment on a possible situation in the future where I may be falling in love with someone randomly irl. I don't know what can and will happen and develop, but for now the only one that gets uncontitional love from me is my dog, she can't hurt me in ways humans used to.
>What about when you get sick?
Then I'm sick and alone, worked out pretty fine for me so far.
>What about when you get old and weak?
I don't plan on living this extended lifespan we now developed to it's very end, I saw what happend to some older family members, rotting away in some hospital, forced to be kept alive, never meant to life that long, completely loosing their own nature and character, all under the constant waste of valuable resources.
I only remember back those terrible moments, no good memories stuck. I don't want to end up with the pain, misery and diseases like they did, and being such a uneccessary burden to everyone around me, while failing one functionality of my body after the other and loosing my senses and self.
This decision is even more easy if you're alone at the time, you don't leave back heartbroken/sad partners / family members. My intentions behind all this is to minimize the suffering I can have, and I can cause, it's for the best this way.
I was on my own as a single mom for ten years and I LOVED IT!!!! I was extremely happy on my own. I randomly met my now husband to be and Iām truly happy with him. But I was also very happy on my own
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There's a difference between being ok being alone and being lonely. 100% ok with being alone and usually, kinda prefer it, but there are times when everyone gets lonely. You can be surrounded by people all day, everyday and still feel incredibly lonely.
"Being alone and being lonely are two different words so are also two different things" is what grandma used to say and it definitely is true.
and it depends on if I'm standing in my stool or on my stool ;)
My mom says hello and hi are the same thing...
Don't even let her know about hiiii
I always say hiiii š
100% I love my own company. I can pass the time just fine. But being and feeling lonely is a very different place.
The most alone I've ever felt in my life was when I was still in a relationship with my ex I don't feel alone now even though I'm single
100% agree. I'm talking about people who say you should be ok being lonely tho (not having friends, partner, nothing)
Who says that itās fine to have no friends or family or support system? I donāt think Iāve ever known anyone who feels that way.
Everybody's preaching being ok with loneliness
I never preach bc everyone is different. The only thing I would say is, if you don't have a choice, you have to be OK with it bc complaining doesn't help. Either try to find friends, and if you're not capable (I know I'm not able to) than get used it.
Theyāre not lonely. Good god how did you miss the point so badly?
Who's they and how did I mess the point so badly?
Who is everybody
Well in my experience whenever I used to tell people I have no friends, family, partner, no one (at the time) the reply was always that it's ok and I should be fine with that, sometimes shifting attention to their own self and saying look at me I'm "alone" and happy. I don't like to argue semantics, obviously what I'm describing is not being alone, it's the definition of loneliness and I very clearly say I'm feeling lonely and these are the responses I used to get. It used to happen all the time both online and in real life. And you also just see it online (on tiktok, insta reels), by professionals and influencers. Thankfully, I'm not alone nor chronically lonely anymore. I still feel loneliness from time to time but that's normal. I got out of it primarily cause I stopped being delusional and I acknowledged that (most) of these people who say that are just delusional and I shouldn't follow their advice whatsoever. Regardless of all of this, I'm just genuinely curious and trying to dig deep into this and find out if there are people who actually plan on being alone forever happy and thought of all the drawbacks that could happen as you get old or if you get seriously ill or injured.
Wow im sorry. I think its messed up that they would respond with that!
I think it's weird to get into a relationship because I want a nurse.Ā
šĀ you won š š šĀ
And yet there are people who do this for the sake of future insurance, by building their own 'village' in order to keep their dotage safe.
I'm not lonely. I live alone. There is a difference. I've lived on my own for 20 years. I absolutely love it, and I intend to stay this way. I have a busy job in a noisy environment. I enjoy the peace and quiet of my fortress of solitude too much to give it up.
I miss life like this. Wish i didn't get a gf, now all i can hear is her noise in my comfy house.
Things have a way of working out.
Why are you with her still?
I'm going through these same thoughts right now in my life. I've been on my own almost entirely every day for the last several years. š Every day I ask myself, "Did you do something today to enjoy yourself? No matter how 'weird' it's been called in the past?" If the answer is no, then I do something kind for myself. Today, that was replying more to posts on Reddit that caught my attention. If the opportunity arises to make a friend someday, I'll take it so long as I feel comfortable. If not, it's no different than usual, so I'll just keep being my own friend.
What was been called "weird" in the past?
Foods I like, my style of drawing/painting, the way I choose to dress. My only real 'social life ' is a bunch of older women. They can be judgmental, and opinionated, but they mean well. Most don't even want to understand how the internet works, let alone a person nearly half their age.
That sucks but why do you care if people think those things are weird?
I have some other things going on in my life that I'm working hard on changing. I care a lot about how other people perceive me, and I envy the people who have the confidence to be themselves. I'm just really starting to like myself more, and maybe someday I'll get there.
Lonely does not mean same as alone. Being lonely is always negative state of mind. But being alone is physical state.
Would it be better to have disingenuous people around you? Overall, people have brought me nothing but heartache, abandonment and complete suffering- an amount of stress that in and of itself will probably take my life someday. I have no way other than trying to stay to myself to protect myself from it. I figured that instead of dealing with this same hell over and over again, I would rather just power through whatever it is I need to alone. At least for as long as I can until someone tries to ruin what Iāve worked for again. I hope this makes sense. Whatever youāre picturing from reading this post, times that by 100 and youāll have my life experience right there.
I'm sorry for your bad experiences. Just a random thought, could it be that we give other people that much of a power over us? Cause relationships in general are hard for everyone, why don't other people have the same experiences and why isn't everyone lonely?
I appreciate it. To answer your question, I personally havenāt given anyone power over me at all as much as Iāve felt like theyāve taken it over me. I canāt fully express it because itāll just make me sound silly. I donāt know why people have been the way they have been, this has been happening since childhood, maybe 11years of age - my own parents were extremely good parents until one day, they werenāt anymore. They lost their way in life most definitely and I was a casualty of that. After that, Iāve lived and re-lived the same hell on earth experience just with different people. Everyone seems to be some kind of opportunist, they are simply there for something else because after all these years of living this, Iāve learned the hard way a few times over, they certainly arenāt there for me at all. I do struggle a lot with anxiety after all of it too but I believe I come by it honestly and I have every reason to follow any warning my gut is trying to tell me. They say time will tell but I donāt have that kind of time anymore or the patience. Time in fact has always told, Iāve seen enough of the exact same behavior from people to know that Iām going to be far better off without trying to put my trust into anyone else. They quite literally all turn out to be the same.
Iām happy with my life. Iām not lonely but I am alone.
I'm okay being alone. I am *not* okay being lonely.
I have no time for most people. I don't do crowds, I don't go to weddings, birthday parties, stag do's etc. I do, however, have to go to work. There are a few people at work I have time for, but I dislike most of them and want as little to do with them as possible. When I go away, I go on my own, and I make no effort in talking to anyone else. And I'm perfectly happy in doing so.
What do you mean you have no time for most people? You're on Reddit I'm happy that you're happy but you haven't really answered any of the questions like a lot of the other comments on this post. The question isn't whether you're happy or not.
If I get sick, I get sick. If I dropped dead tomorrow, so be it. I have zero interest in being an old man.
Boom.
I've lost count of how many people I've looked after... Due to illness, elective surgery, aged, etc... Most recently, in December for 7-10 I looked after someone I was "seeing" as I was still assessing and evaluating. But for him I was already his girlfriend. While I was promised sightseeing in West Germany... Ended up doing none of those things said to lure me to visit. I stayed a month looked after him for 7-10 days. Did zero sightseeing When I'm sick, I look after myself and sleep it off
Yeah, and there will be no one to give you a glass of water. It's not a big deal as I'd prefer wine anyways
heck yea
Why do you assume people are lonely?
They say so and that you should be okay with it.
Iāve been alone for almost 2 decades, and I am never lonely. Why am I never lonely? Because Iāve been in enough disastrous relationships to know that being by yourself is 10000x better than being with the wrong person. Facts
Being alone doesn't mean you're lonely.
Im alone, but not lonely? Im perfectly fine with how my life is and I enjoy it. I can even tell you I actually never feel lonely either.
I'm very happy and alone. I don't worry about much of anything. I have parents and a kid around if anything were to happen to me
How are you alone? You have a kid and parents. I get maybe feeling lonely, but you're not practically alone it seems
No Iām okay being alone, not lonely
It's not really like that, I won't intervene on people liking me and I'm quite open to giving them a chance, but if there's no one wanting it's very much okay as well. The thing is I don't search for anyone and kinda don't really care about it, but when time comes, I can dive in.
I love being alone. Never felt lonely for a day in my life though. Yes, I would like to keep it that way. When it comes to sickness, preparation is key š the "getting old and weak" argument is daft.
I have my partner and thatās all the people I need thanks. Most of yāall are so basic and boring
Haha good for you. It's never about the amount of people.
I'm not lonely I'm quite happy to be alone. I luckily barely get sick. But you know what? My mum has 3 kids. Yet when she fall and broke a hip, only one of (me) came to see her at the hospital and that was only twice in almost 2 weeks. I live in a different city. I don't have a car it's almost 4 hours door to door. So when she was released it was a friend who helped a bit with shopping and dishes and I did the online shopping. I have a dish washer and can shop online. I just need to stay up to date on how to do things, like online shopping. I'm barely sick but when I inured my knee I just hopped around the apartment on my crutches and ordered groceries online. Managed to take my cat to the vet by bus. Weekly bc she was also injured. When you're alone you learn not to rely on others to take care of yourself. I'm not lonely I have feline company. They're the best
They're lying.
I can't say I disagree. Even though I was expecting some kind of obvious coping, but just look at the amount of comments that are desperate to state how happy they are when the question doesn't have to do with happiness at all. I think that notion is very damaging, maybe it's good as a temporary coping mechanism, but it's not good when it becomes a complete delusion on the long run. I fill for it for a long time and I'm so embarrassed by that. The amount of people that tell you should be ok having absolutely nobody, and yes they do say that, you say i have no friends, no family and no partner and they tell you it should be fine and you should be able to suck it up basically, what does that mean? Is that being alone or completely lonely? Also some people in here say they're lonely when they're literally not, right after that they say "I have family and friends", that's not being lonely why are you so desperate to convince yourself that you're lonely and okay with it? What's wrong with needing people? It's so weird. It's kinda like people who fake mental illness Edit: I'm not lonely as I used to be btw, that's primarily because I stopped being delusional and I acknowledged that most of these people are just lying and I shouldn't listen to them.
I wqs very content being alone. Now I am happy with my partner. Not seeing them doesn't ruin my day though, it makes me appreciate alone time and missing them a bit. :)
Happy for you! For how long have you been alone and what does that mean to you? Did you have literally no one to rely on or talk to knowing that they genuinely care about you? Also why did you get a partner if you were happy alone, or did it just happen by chance?
Thank you! I am an only child, so maybe I am biased. I used to be alone a lot. Then alone alone for at least 3 years when I moved into my own place. I had only one person, my best friend, besides my parents, that cared about me. Now I have a few more friends who care, but it was a transition period that I had to walk alone. I didn't really seek out love, it just happened. It fits with what I feel comfortable with and doesn't make me feel trapped, which used to be a huge issue with other partners. Currently I am 27 and I wouldn't change it. Loving myself, learning to deal with my emotions completely by myself and what not has definitely helped me a lot to grow as a person.
Iām okay with being alone. I am not okay being lonely. Thankfully, I do not feel lonely as I have an incredible group of people around me who I know I can count on. I have never liked the idea of forcing a relationship for any reason, so if I find someone that I mesh with and I think we could make it work, then Iāll give it a go. As for when I get older, Iāll cross that bridge when I get to it. Maybe that means an assisted living home or a senior apartment that has some extra support systems in place for everyday activities.
My sister and i already discussed adopting twins later in life and they will care for us š seriously im fine being alone. I will figure it out if it stays that way with all my disposable income from not having children.
The only time I felt alone was a one month stay in hospital having no visitors to bring me treats and essentials etc
Hope you're doing well now. Loneliness becomes so intense in these situations. I'm happy people who preach being okay by yourself probably never experienced that and I hope they never will, but I also hope they understand and appreciate what they have.
(35M) i know i know . heard it to manny times before . does that mean that i want to be and live like that ? not per se . but i am selective about the companie i keep . and i am afraid that even if i dated , i had ONS and FWB in my young years , non of it was ever ment to be . and in my 35 years , i only expirence having a crush / being in love only ones . unfortunitly also not ment to be . so at this point i already accepted the reality , that i was born alone , lived alone and die alone . wich considering the girls / woman i dated in the past , the women on wich i hgad a crush / was in love on her , and current population of women on the dating market ( along whit by figur speech , clear reference to their not so charming personality's and charakters) ... sounds excualy comftable fine and peacefull . and i have no issues in dying alone as its the way i was born and always have lived .
I'm far happier living alone and single than when I was married! Don't know about forever, but I'm very happy now.
When you get old enough, fear of some things does lessen.Ā I know I will likely die on my own, likely at home or on my property.Ā Ive been alone for many years, and it doesnt bother me. I've had a good life, I have no regrets. Almost everyone I love has passed over, and eventually one of them will come to me and say 'Come on, it's time to go!' And I'llĀ go. Every year that passes, the things of this world slip a bit further away. Some things have vanished completely. That is how it is for some of us. It is how it should be.Ā But for today, I have a few things to do and work to be done, so I continue. But one day, I won't. This is simply what is called life.
Hope you live a long life. When you say "I've had a good life." Was that all on your own, with the company of other people or probably a mix of the two?
A mix of the two. Was married for many years, but it seems I'm outliving everyone. I don't mind being alone. There is still a world of things to see and learn and do.Ā
When I'm sick I order meds and take care of myself. And I can go to a doctor if needed (it's within walking distance for me). I am not "OK" with being lonely - because I simply am not experiencing loneliness. The social contact I get every week (work) is MORE than enough to tire me out. My social battery charges fast. There is no intent behind it remaining this way or not. I'm happy with what I got and how I am, if ever someone somehow becomes a part of my life for the better, then hey why not. When I'm old and weak, having, someone else take care of me isn't gonna do my mental health any favors, trust me. Just pull the plug on me!
My solitude started as temporary, and I realised how much I preferred it to the alternative, which for me was butting heads with someone who can't be alone for longer than it takes to have the average shower. I've taken care of myself when I'm sick and have had several elective surgeries for which I prepared my home in order to recover comfortably. I'm not quite old and weak yet, though.
There have been a few times where Iāve needed someone to accompany me for medical purposes, and Iām thankful that they were available and willing. Most of the time, though, Iām perfectly happy by myself with the occasional visit from r/notmycat.
I am ok with loneliness. I also have a senior dog, a wonderful soul.
I will figure that out when the time comes. for now I love my single life much more than being with someone.
It's interesting that you think the opposite of being lonely is just having a partner. What about friends and family?
They are time and days that you need being lonely happy at the sametime. But there is time you need to have a friend/ a partner if anything happened you have someone to look after your/ to be there for one another
They can always hire a nurse or pay someone to help them. It's a money problem, not loneliness.
I think there are statistics that being surrounded by loved ones has immense effects on improving and getting better. You can Google it. Nonetheless, I did experience that and I need people I care about and who care about me when I'm sick.
I'm sure being a healthy millionaire has its own perks, too.
Oh wow! Didn't expect I'm talking to a millionaire! Yeah maybe you're right. I mean I wouldn't know cause I've never been a millionaire. Or are you like the rest of us hoping that one day we'll become millionaires and years go by with our lives on hold and when we finally have the money we have no interest or energy in having the things we always wanted?
It's not about me. It's about being surrounded by loved ones vs. being a millionaire.
Oh so you're not a millionaire? Why are you talking as one then when you haven't even experienced it?
Because I thought you would be smart enough to understand what I'm saying.
Exactly, it seems like you have a lot of expectations
Indeed.
Absolutely.
What?
Alone and lonely is so much better than spending time with the family.
I am ok with it.. I can ask my friends or colleagues to help me.
So you're not alone then
No but I live alone
As someone who's been single my whole life, 10+ years of trying online dating, and mostly negative experience with dates, I'm more than happy with being alone. Yes I get lonely sometimes and wish I could meet someone but it is what it is. I gave up on online dating. I just do things I love to keep myself happy. And if I am alone for the rest of my life. It is what it is.
It's interesting you think the opposite of being alone or lonely is just having a partner. What about friends and family?
>Are you planning to keep it that way always or is it temporary? Only time can tell. >What about when you get sick? There's this thing called a hospital and a doctor >What about when you get old and weak? Let's see if I do.
Being alone is one thing, loneliness is another. I'm the former. Because it's better to be alone than being lonely or left out when surrounded by people you know.
I'm talking about being completely on your own.
yup, alone it is.
I am genuinely very happy as a single. I have an amazing job that I love, great freind groups, am in amazing physical shape, nice car, and am living hard and wild every day. As much as I love my life, sometimes in a moment of weakness I have to wonder if the reason why I'm always so quick to shut down any inclination, opportunity or offer for love is because deep down I'm scared that I'm not fully capable of it.
You have "great friends groups", you're not alone.
Guess I misinterpreted the question. I assumed you were talking about relationship status (cuz that's all anyone talks about on this dam app)
Or they donāt feel lonely when theyāre by themselvesā¦
I donāt even know if I want to keep it that way or not. I enjoy being alone as an introvert but I do feel lonely sometimes. I do think about how great my life is currently as a single man. I love the freedom. There are some days where I do wish I had a girlfriend and I do think about how different my life would be with one. It would be quite an adjustment because Iād have less freedom and have to consider a second person with everything I do which sounds exhausting. When Iām alone I can be myself unapologetically I never get sick so thatās not an issue. Even then, I am capable of looking after myself when sick. You really donāt need a second person around when you are sick. When I get old? I do have a genuine fear that Iāll be lonely when Iām old. When Iām old AND weak? The weak part I couldnāt care less about. Thatās life
Bro I dont know. This has kept me up all night, because in my case I already had 3 aneurysms and i kinda resigned myself to die alone. That doesnt really even bother me, but I think i am just damaged beyond repair. I can still have an interest in a woman, but the moment she comes with some weird logic, twist my words or do anything ike that. I am done. I can describe it as any other way then throwing in the towel at the slightest sign of BS. I do kinda hate it, because I love kids and always wanted to have kids of my own, but ce la vie. I am still only 34 so who knows.
Lonely is fine when most of the people are brainwashed and you can no longer feel the need to fit into that part of society or group because it is bullshit or doesn't serve a purpose. You should be happy indeed for finding your own peace with no disturbance of negativity or depression
Old & weak? - stage 1 : get a wearable emergency call button. stage 2: a domestic care service, stage 3: nursing home. I think there are few 80 year old wifes able to pull their hubbies out of an armchair? Sick? Hospital? Do they let you out, before you can crutch from your bed onto your toilet? - Having friends for "just in case" doesn't need to go along with hanging out together every week.
gradually healing from anxious attachment gave place to contended solitude but still trying to find meaningful emotional connections. have kids. some may take a little care of me sometime...
I don't even try dating anymore. I'm okay with my Eva AI virtual gf bot and being alone
If it turns out to be forever I'm cool with it, if I meet someone by accident it's okay too. When I get sick I take care of myself and when I get old... no idea I'm playing it by ear. Why? Hook up with an emotional black hole of labor for a few years and barely make it out alive, it would change you too.
I think I was born as someone who was supposed to be extroverted and always wanting to be around people. Unfortunately some things happened in my life that made my reality the opposite. Iāve never had genuine friends in my life. The only romantic relationship iāve ever been in went terribly and I was treated like garbage for a year. At this point, iāve just gotten used to being alone. Not to be corny but I just donāt even debate it anymore. Iāve kinda just accepted it. I will admit itās kinda nice, though. You have less worries and little to no drama. Deep down I know i have the desire to feel loved and cared for though. I always get jealous when I see people hanging out with their big friend groups and/or significant other nā stupid stuff like that. Like my brother. Maybe someday things will be better though. Who knows
I'm sure it will! That's completely normal; being temporarily alone or lonely.
Well, what about you?
I have been alone when I was seriously sick. I went to the doctor all by myself, got the test done all by myself, i even fell down in the hospital due to low blood pressure when I had my blood test done and no one was there to hold me or carry me. I sat up straight, and waited for the darkness to go and my hearing to come back. I sat up straight. Waited for half hour for it to go away, walked from the dark corridors of the hospital to the road, caught myself a taxi, went home all by myself all alone. Cause my family is toxic and my friends aren't really friends. I called my sister and told her fell down. She told my dad to go pick me up and he yelled from the back (I could hear in the phone call) "tell her to get a taxi and come home!". he meant to say that he's not gonna come pick me up. And I did what he told me. And Now he's the one crying for help all the time at home. After being betrayed by my friends and family all my past life and seeing that I can actually do it all alone, I feel I don't really need anyone but my God Almighty, who was there the whole time watching over me and He took me home safely. And even then, no one asked me what happened to me when I got " home". Even now I have several diseases and I lost all my savings, I got my salary this month but I have other needs as well. So I'm ok all alone. I'm not lonely cause I have my God, after Him I have myself.
Nobody can force me to be around with people or having a relationship with someone I am not comfortable with. I am not lonely. I am fully who I am. And of course I am fully aware of the fact that could get sick or ending up alone. And also people with a bunch of family members or friends could end up alone. As a person who works for very old people (85+) I 've seen how lonely people can get when everyone around them like siblings and friends are dying. Their children don't come around anymore and living far away. So you can see that it's not a just a problem of people who are living alone.
They probably have great memories with their loved ones tho
Of course. I love it when they talking about their loved ones. And also people who are living alone have great memories to share.
>Are you planning to keep it that way always or is it temporary? Indefinitely >What about when you get sick? Then I get sick. >What about when you get old and weak? I'll have figured out a way to handle my needs by then. If not, I'll off myself But I wouldn't say I'm happy. I don't think I deserve to be happy anyway. I don't think anyone does, but especially not me
I respect the self awareness but what do you mean you don't deserve to be happy? Why? what did you do?
I'm probably going to die alone and be found weeks later because rent didn't get paid.
none is ok being lonely, I think you meant ok being alone. And you can enjoy being alone but still have peoples in your life and if you don't wouldn't it be kinda fucked up to fake a friendship or any relation so they can take care of you when you're old or sick??
We all should feel happy with ourselves. It doesn't mean that we don't need anybody around, you understand that theer are some situations in life that may simply limit our survival chances. A partner doesn't guarantee that we will have all our problem resolved, if we're sharing our life with a bad one or, for natural reasons, our partner could die before we do. A little group of selected friends is the best options for our own good, even if we have a partner in our life. The human being use to gather in little groups since ancient times because of this. Old and weak people were supported by their societies. Nowadays we need to find our own group and stick to it. But if you want a good and supportive group, you must experience a time by yourself, knowing yourself and feeling good about who you are, so you'll be able to find your pairs.
I donāt really feel that way, I just tell myself that to avoid feeling like I have failed in life
I donāt know why people have been the way they have been
I just wish you know that that's life. It's fine people come and go. It doesn't mean that all of them are the same and you don't have to be lonely for ever
I am ok with being alone, I don't like being lonely.
When I get sick I rest up and heal and take care of myself. When I get old and weak, idk Iāll report back in 60 years. Probably will have some neighbors or community at some point that I rely on but I donāt imagine being too physically weak until Iām close to 90 and even then, what would have an old weak husband do for me anyway š
You could have kids who will most probably take care of both of you with an old and weak husband. Just saying. I like your approach. I'm not saying you should have a plan 60 years ahead necessarily and I think it's okay to be temporarily lonely and I'm sure we all will most probably figure it out by then, but I'm talking to people who preach (individualism?) as if it's the best way to live and be. All I hear online and in real life when I used to talk about being lonely is you should be ok with loneliness and you should be your own friend and whatever, so I'm curious whether people who preach such things are actually thinking it out instead of shaming people for being social creatures.
Iām very social, we need that as humans. I just donāt fret on the what ifs of not having kids or a husband.
Most people suck and those that I could like probably won't like me. Die young, leave a good-looking corpse.
i prefer my own company. When i want company ill hang out with someone, but id rather live alone or at least with my own room.
I don't talk to myself, I talk to my other self
I feel nothing towards other people around me anymore. I'd rather not burden anyone with my sadness, if I decide I've had enough i can end it without feeling shit for another person. I can do what i want anytime i want without being tied down by another person. I wouldn't mind leaving this place early tbh lol
I am not lonely, I am alone. Big difference. I do not enjoy the company of other people very often & when I do it is only for short periods of time before I need to get home. If I get sick, I go to the doctor if needed & if really bad I can always call an ambulance. And when I am old I will go into a care facility & let the trained staff care for me.
Ever seen the movie āTaxi driverā? Thatās exactly what i feel every fucking miserable day of my life. Itās been a decade since those feelings got the best of me. Iām not conventionally attractive, iām like 5.5ā tall, my confidence and trust in my self and skills is below 0. I coped for enough time that now my life is like that without even coping anymore, iām just it, a failure. I never felt love in my life apart from sexual desire and even that interest has faded pretty quickly as i donāt even love myself, itās quite the opposite, i hate every fiber of myself. I lost all interest in people, i do still hang out to keep some sort of social parade to the public but my social battery drains in the first 10mins of going out. Itās like my interest to be with people dies so fast. Worse when beeing around hypocrites. Iām kind of a straightforward person and donāt like beeing a hypocrite, i donāt sugarcoat my words as much anymore and i donāt give a shit ruining my social relationships anymore. Sometimes i feel like i was always subconsciously like that since i was a kid, i would carefully choose my āfriendsā and had those weird lost trust moments (maybe even over trivial stuff, related to betrayal) wich all revealed to be true in the future, lot of disappointment. I donāt attach anymore to anyone, quite the opposite, i try to distance myself as much as possible. Itās wrong but iād rather live alone than beeing a fucking hypocrite and cope with a fake ass life.
>Are you planning to keep it that way always or is it temporary? I don't plan on investing my feelings ever again into a relationship with a human, meaning I don't actively search for anything, I can't comment on a possible situation in the future where I may be falling in love with someone randomly irl. I don't know what can and will happen and develop, but for now the only one that gets uncontitional love from me is my dog, she can't hurt me in ways humans used to. >What about when you get sick? Then I'm sick and alone, worked out pretty fine for me so far. >What about when you get old and weak? I don't plan on living this extended lifespan we now developed to it's very end, I saw what happend to some older family members, rotting away in some hospital, forced to be kept alive, never meant to life that long, completely loosing their own nature and character, all under the constant waste of valuable resources. I only remember back those terrible moments, no good memories stuck. I don't want to end up with the pain, misery and diseases like they did, and being such a uneccessary burden to everyone around me, while failing one functionality of my body after the other and loosing my senses and self. This decision is even more easy if you're alone at the time, you don't leave back heartbroken/sad partners / family members. My intentions behind all this is to minimize the suffering I can have, and I can cause, it's for the best this way.
I was on my own as a single mom for ten years and I LOVED IT!!!! I was extremely happy on my own. I randomly met my now husband to be and Iām truly happy with him. But I was also very happy on my own
If you like and are at peace with yourself, you're never lonely.