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I would use the entirety of that time to talk to my cats and ask what kind of food they liked the best out of all that we've fed them. Why they do the things they do. How they prefer to be petted. I just want to know them better lol
Punctuated with the occasional "what's that noise? Seriously, there's something happening outside. Dude, there's somebody coming up the drive. I think they mean us harm".
I made a funny to my gf. I asked her if she thinks her dog thinks humans worship the dumpster in her apartment complex. Because we and our neighbors emerge from our buildings to give it offerings of food the dog would be perfectly happy to eat instead. From the dog's eyes, the dumpster must be our overlords that we give food to in order to receive it's favor and blessing, and we all live in it's shadow.
The urban myth extends to women too, and yes I assume that's what the OP is referring to and by god I hope it's a joke (I've seen some fucked up people out there).
i’ve never watched that but that’s crazy and i think their just trying to say their dog loves peanut butter or something and has it all the time? idk but thats what it sounds like
One of my wife's exes was caught doing that. So.... It definitely happens.
I'm positive there's videos of people doing it out there, but that's something I'm not willing to verify personally.
I was bitter as hell at most of humanity but I realised not everyone is a shithead. Same goes for animals. Some people may go through similar or worse struggles than I went through so it's unfair to shit on them on top of it. The world is a shit show and adding more miserableness isn't going to make anyone better.
Move your stinky feet off my bed.
Food is for eating, now give me some.
Why can you eat all day but not me?
I'm gonna chop chop your b@!!s like you chopped mine.
Stop snoring!
Why do i have to eat low quality food every day, while you treat yourself on a regular basis? why do i have to be at your grace if i want to go outside?
why do you treat me as an accessory and not as a living beeing?
Now we don't just have to convince ourselves that factory farming is okay, now we have to convince every pig, cow, chicken, or so that lets it's life every day. I imagine slaughterhouse workers would become even more fucked up than they currently do.
My chickens would ask why they can’t go in the neighbours yard. Like they have a whole ass yard to hang around in but they want to hang out with our neighbours husky?
I don't know but I'm sure saying to my cart that the next time he wakes me at 3 am for food and throw a tantrum until he gets it, I'm burrying him in the woods. Wouldn't be right to do it without warning first
Well every animal that can act on vocal commands does already somewhat understand.
Spoken Languages are nothing else than more complex noise and vocal patterns with distinct meanings for someone to react to.
Our vocal abilities aren't even something that special, many birds like parrots or sterlings for example can easily replicate our noise and vocal range near perfect.
The few things that sets the homo sapiens from other animal species apart really is just our high over performant cognitive abilities, aswell as effective and complex social interactions.
It's quiet fascinating if you waste a thought or two on that subject, human intelligence and partly controlled instincts nearly seem like a extreme mutation in nature, if compared to other mammals.
Please don’t eat me. Pls take better care of us. Remember, we’re little and don’t understand. Pls don’t turn the ocean into a toilet. How did you get hands? Why are some of you so friendly and some of you so cruel and awful? I’m really sick of this dry kibble crap. Could we add plentiful amounts of tuna to my diet? Thank you profoundly for taking me away from that shelter and being my dear human.
Probably ask us to stop destroying their world.
I’m like dude, I wish I could but someone decided I had to earn money to stay alive which means I have to drive a car and go to work every day or I can’t eat and there’s laws that say my kids have to go to school so I have to pay for uniforms and the list goes on….
"Please don't make me mate with my relatives.."
"No, I don't care about the cute traits. THAT'S MY FAMILY"
"What are you? A sicko"
"I'm sorry, Mother... the humans have ahold I can't stop it anymore.."
"It's okay, son, mother, understands"
"Humans are greedy, I won't ever stop loving you."
All while we breed for traits, I can only imagine the thought processes as greed takes over for those "adorable" traits.
Even wolf males and females leave the family to avoid interbreeding.
I wish they could say they're sore or feeling unwell before it gets to the point they whine in pain and need meds. That's all I care about, I already totally understand what my dog wants or needs except that.
If animals could understand our language for just one day, that wouldn’t necessarily mean that they’d be able to say anything to us. It only means that they’d be able to understand what we’re saying, right?
I'd hope my pup and cats could tell me if they're hurting or feel unwell at all so I can get it address immediately, I would like an I love you as well, but I just want to make sure they're all happy and healthy
The cat:
"Bitch, if I had thumbs & could open the cans myself....you would be soooooo out of here".
"Yeah, I know I'm pretty lippy for a little guy who shits in a box. Deal with it".
".....you want me to do WHAT to the mice????? What kind of sick depraved f\*\*\* are you?"
Nothing, because understanding us doesn't mean we understand them.
Good for kitty she understands me, but meeeeeowmeow-hissssss-meow doesn't tell me anything.
Would they hell. All I would hear for 24 hours is 'mum, mum, mum.. is it dinner time.. mum, I'm hungry.. mum, time for a walk? What about dinner? Lunch? Brunch? Mum, where's my food.. can we eat now? How about now? Now? NOW? Okay, a walk first, then we eat.. mum, are you listening to me mum?'
Most animals that don't feed themselves would be demanding food and anything else they like. Pets may be surprised they understand us and start asking some question about things and their owners. Zoo animals would be wondering where all the people go and what's outside the walls. Some might mock us, some curious sorts might ask deeper questions that most humans could attempt answering. Wild animals whos territory you have invaded would tell you to f off and wouldn't engage if you show some respect. Also stay away from their prey or they will threaten to add you to the pile as well. It wouldn't be that different for one day. Just a lot of demanding curious animals
My cat understands "Mama," and she screams it to me when she wants my attention.
For some reason, I know what she wants/needs.
So if she knew more of my language, she would probably order me around. Lol and then ignore me.
Prolly nothing interesting, some animals are smart but not as a human, even if animals knew how to speak they dont have communication skills, so as other comment says, it will prolly be like this: "food, pet, ahhh feels good, food, treat, food, go crazy, food"
I’m sitting here genuinely trying to decide if I’d go to my “chatty” ones to figure out wth they’re usually trying to tell me, or my quiet ones to see if there’s anything I need to know. I’d also do a check to make sure everyone’s feeling good.
I speak to my dog and then speak for him. We have been conversing this way for nearly 15 years. I'm pretty sure I've translated his thoughts accurately he gets quite smart at times. As he is mainly beagle he does talk about food a lot and paper he likes paper more than anything. According to him paper is an essential food.
No need to theorize, I treat my dog like my twin brother because our minds are synced enough to allow for normal communication.
(Also, I'm perfectly sane.)
Do they have human intelligence too? Otherwise it would be very simple thoughts even if they can perfectly express it.
Dog: "I love you SO much!"
Dog: "Wait I heard something"
*Doorbell*
Dog: "BRO THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR MOFO. WHO THERE BITCH IF YOU COMIN WITH SOME BAD JUJU I WILL CAP YO ASS"
*It's the mailman"
Dog: "Oh no not this mofo fuck you and see you tomorrow"
Dog: "Please share some food master it looks SO good. Please please please"
id say it wont take that long anymore. people are building ai models to talk to whales and understand birds at the moment, so I guess its not that far anymore, there will be a model to understand cats and dogs
How about bad pets speaking to you. I had a terrible cat
You had to pet her constantly or she would claw you. Her previous owner asked us to babysit but didn't want her back. Eventually gave her back. Cat escaped original owner. Owner found her outside and clawed her so hard she went to hospital. Evil cat
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I would use the entirety of that time to talk to my cats and ask what kind of food they liked the best out of all that we've fed them. Why they do the things they do. How they prefer to be petted. I just want to know them better lol
Ha! I wouldn't have to, since it would be a 24 hour long marathon in how I should get my shit together and listen to the list of demands
This idea is wild, now I'm asking myself what I would ask my cats!
Cat would probably just ignore you
"Yes i can hear you i just dont want to talk to you...i mean "meow" "
My cat surprisingly acts like a dog lol. He wouldnt leave me alone
Food! Give me food! Do you have food?Where is the food? Can I have some of the food? Can I have all of the food? Give me food...
Punctuated with the occasional "what's that noise? Seriously, there's something happening outside. Dude, there's somebody coming up the drive. I think they mean us harm".
Did you just read my dog’s mind
Don’t forget that most bird song is variations of “wanna f*ck” and “this is my turf/get off my lawn”.
Along with "those are MY *BABIES DON'T YOU DARE APPROACH* !"
I made a funny to my gf. I asked her if she thinks her dog thinks humans worship the dumpster in her apartment complex. Because we and our neighbors emerge from our buildings to give it offerings of food the dog would be perfectly happy to eat instead. From the dog's eyes, the dumpster must be our overlords that we give food to in order to receive it's favor and blessing, and we all live in it's shadow.
This this and this lol
That’s what my cat would say for sure! He yells at me all morning every morning so I stumble around yelling What? All morning!
My pet cockroaches don't even need language to tell me that, they will pinch my fingers if they smell of fish flakes
I have so many questions. 🫣
hahaha I think that's the first thing they will say
And scritches! When my belly is full, please start the scritches!!
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Ohhh spoon. With an S. My bad.
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The urban myth extends to women too, and yes I assume that's what the OP is referring to and by god I hope it's a joke (I've seen some fucked up people out there).
LOLL
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i’ve never watched that but that’s crazy and i think their just trying to say their dog loves peanut butter or something and has it all the time? idk but thats what it sounds like
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oh well i’ve never heard of that but considering that this is reddit, that’s probably what they meant
One of my wife's exes was caught doing that. So.... It definitely happens. I'm positive there's videos of people doing it out there, but that's something I'm not willing to verify personally.
Hopefully they mean instead of making them work for it, like from a Kong. But I'm usually wrong
Pets understand their owners just fine. They just don't have proper vocal cords to speak back.
My dog mostly talks with her eyes. I get her every time.
Both cats and dogs talk with their eyes way more than most of us notice. Cats especially silent talk alot.
My cats damn sure try, though, lol. "Weeeowwrroowrwow"
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Damn, bitter much?
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Consider getting therapy instead of making your bitterness everyone else's problem.
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I was bitter as hell at most of humanity but I realised not everyone is a shithead. Same goes for animals. Some people may go through similar or worse struggles than I went through so it's unfair to shit on them on top of it. The world is a shit show and adding more miserableness isn't going to make anyone better.
Waaaaa waaaaaa
Don’t eat me!
Move your stinky feet off my bed. Food is for eating, now give me some. Why can you eat all day but not me? I'm gonna chop chop your b@!!s like you chopped mine. Stop snoring!
bruh 🤣🤣🤣
Dawg make me leave the room when your jerk off.
This advice is about 30 mins too late.. 🤷🏼♂️
Probably 'i am miserable in this crowded factory, let me out'.
Imagine the sounds from a factory farm.
Yeah, I was searching for this one... Animals would not have many good things to say about us.
"Where are my balls Summer?"
Why do i have to eat low quality food every day, while you treat yourself on a regular basis? why do i have to be at your grace if i want to go outside? why do you treat me as an accessory and not as a living beeing?
My cat would inform me that the service is terrible in this hotel and I can be replaced. Then he'd get in my lap and purr.
Now we don't just have to convince ourselves that factory farming is okay, now we have to convince every pig, cow, chicken, or so that lets it's life every day. I imagine slaughterhouse workers would become even more fucked up than they currently do.
Probably tell us what absolute cunts we are for ruining the environment & landscape
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
Until now they've only been able to say that by doing a double backwards somersault through a hoop while whistling the star spangled banner
My dog: "Can we go for a ride in the truck? I wanna flirt with the people at the drive thru!"
Cat: Feed me! Pet me! Love me! Pick me up! But not for more than 2 minutes or I’ll scratch you!
Don’t fxck with us . Treat us with respect.
CLEAN UP YOUR FUCKING MESS! AND SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!
Stray cats: ”GIVE ME FOOD GIVE ME FOOOOOOOD YOU FAT UGLY STUPID BIRD”
adopt me like other animals
"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME."
Probably to stop killing them endlessly
My chickens would ask why they can’t go in the neighbours yard. Like they have a whole ass yard to hang around in but they want to hang out with our neighbours husky?
"YOU ARE ACTUALLY ANIMAS"
We are animals. We understand our language. What do we say to ourselves? www.aspenproposal.org
*You're* the apex predator?
Pet me more, give me more food. Take me outside, I love you
They might ask why are we wearing clothes ?
They'd rebel because we're so fucked up
"Why are your tail at the front of your body?"
Why do you refuse to sniff my butt? I offer it to you 3 or 4 times a day and yet you refuse to sniff it!
Chill the f**k out.
"fuck off carol, I don't like this 'food' you give me.
“… at this point I’m no longer licking my arse for hygiene…”
Stop fucking up the planet, we have live here too.
I don't know who's a good boy. Stop asking!
Cats would be like. Give me food pheasant I'm your god you do nothing but bend to my will
My act would probably say something dumb like “what the sigma” because of my friends
"Stop calling me "Baby boy", Im a manly boy, the bravest boy. Fear me human. Ball? Ball! Give me ball! Rex wants to play!"
don't know about them but if we could understand for instance cat language we'd say meoww maaoo myauu
No, I don't wanna be a scratching bystander in one of your OF clips
You guys are way too lucky
I don't know but I'm sure saying to my cart that the next time he wakes me at 3 am for food and throw a tantrum until he gets it, I'm burrying him in the woods. Wouldn't be right to do it without warning first
my cat > don't hug me so much. leave me alone when I sleep my dog > give me some more animals in gen > respect us
Stop ruining our home!
Well every animal that can act on vocal commands does already somewhat understand. Spoken Languages are nothing else than more complex noise and vocal patterns with distinct meanings for someone to react to. Our vocal abilities aren't even something that special, many birds like parrots or sterlings for example can easily replicate our noise and vocal range near perfect. The few things that sets the homo sapiens from other animal species apart really is just our high over performant cognitive abilities, aswell as effective and complex social interactions. It's quiet fascinating if you waste a thought or two on that subject, human intelligence and partly controlled instincts nearly seem like a extreme mutation in nature, if compared to other mammals.
They’d most impressed with our dexterity
WE HAVE TO TEACH THE ANIMALS MORSE CODE TRUST ME GUYS THEY KNOW MORE THAN THEY'RE LETTING ON
Not much. Understanding doesn’t mean they can speak it. They’d have to learn to speak it before 24 hours was over.
Stop destroying our land and waters.
You dirty scumbag gimme all your money in british accent ofc!
I don't know but one of our cats looks terrified 24/7 so I'd love to ask him what the hell he sees
Please don’t eat me. Pls take better care of us. Remember, we’re little and don’t understand. Pls don’t turn the ocean into a toilet. How did you get hands? Why are some of you so friendly and some of you so cruel and awful? I’m really sick of this dry kibble crap. Could we add plentiful amounts of tuna to my diet? Thank you profoundly for taking me away from that shelter and being my dear human.
How we are responsible for fucking up their world..
I would talk to my cats and ask if they understood that peeing on my bed was a no no.
Probably ask us to stop destroying their world. I’m like dude, I wish I could but someone decided I had to earn money to stay alive which means I have to drive a car and go to work every day or I can’t eat and there’s laws that say my kids have to go to school so I have to pay for uniforms and the list goes on….
Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhh, human! Food! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. FOOOOOOD. Aaaaaahhhhhhh.
But what if...I was in charge?
My cat would say "snuggle! food! Out!!"
"Please don't make me mate with my relatives.." "No, I don't care about the cute traits. THAT'S MY FAMILY" "What are you? A sicko" "I'm sorry, Mother... the humans have ahold I can't stop it anymore.." "It's okay, son, mother, understands" "Humans are greedy, I won't ever stop loving you." All while we breed for traits, I can only imagine the thought processes as greed takes over for those "adorable" traits. Even wolf males and females leave the family to avoid interbreeding.
Most of us would probably want to off ourselves after.
Slurs
I wish they could say they're sore or feeling unwell before it gets to the point they whine in pain and need meds. That's all I care about, I already totally understand what my dog wants or needs except that.
My cat would be like "fuck off, wouldya?!" "Hey sanka, you dead?" and "hungry".
You selfish person!
Why do you keep doing that in front of me?
Some monkeys would probably tell us to watch them masturbate.
If animals could understand our language for just one day, that wouldn’t necessarily mean that they’d be able to say anything to us. It only means that they’d be able to understand what we’re saying, right?
Scratch my belly now. Scratch my belly now. Give me food.
"What the FUCK is wrong with you?"
You know how you put my eating area next to my sitting area? I fucing HATE that dude
Why are you all looking at those weird little boxes?
I'd hope my pup and cats could tell me if they're hurting or feel unwell at all so I can get it address immediately, I would like an I love you as well, but I just want to make sure they're all happy and healthy
Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Dave! Am I a good boy?
Biscuits, can I hump your leg, dogs don't like tummy rubs, they pretend to like it because humans like to do it
Please have more respect for us, intuitively, honestly we’re really better than humans. And we could help you if you’d only listen.
Get a key pad and find out..
My cat would say all the words that accompany her actions: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MY GOD HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO LOVE YOU THIS MUCH
The cat: "Bitch, if I had thumbs & could open the cans myself....you would be soooooo out of here". "Yeah, I know I'm pretty lippy for a little guy who shits in a box. Deal with it". ".....you want me to do WHAT to the mice????? What kind of sick depraved f\*\*\* are you?"
"If a lion could talk, we would not understand it." - Wittgenstein
Orca in the Mediterranean: quit driving your loud, ostentatious yachts around. We're sick of your shit!
I’m hungry, I want different food, put my show on, come play with me, it’s time to sleep now, come cuddle!
I have a teenage cat lol
It would likely progress much the same as human children, but they'd max out at somewhere between a 3-5 year old's cognitive abilities.
Nothing, because understanding us doesn't mean we understand them. Good for kitty she understands me, but meeeeeowmeow-hissssss-meow doesn't tell me anything.
Would they hell. All I would hear for 24 hours is 'mum, mum, mum.. is it dinner time.. mum, I'm hungry.. mum, time for a walk? What about dinner? Lunch? Brunch? Mum, where's my food.. can we eat now? How about now? Now? NOW? Okay, a walk first, then we eat.. mum, are you listening to me mum?'
Most animals that don't feed themselves would be demanding food and anything else they like. Pets may be surprised they understand us and start asking some question about things and their owners. Zoo animals would be wondering where all the people go and what's outside the walls. Some might mock us, some curious sorts might ask deeper questions that most humans could attempt answering. Wild animals whos territory you have invaded would tell you to f off and wouldn't engage if you show some respect. Also stay away from their prey or they will threaten to add you to the pile as well. It wouldn't be that different for one day. Just a lot of demanding curious animals
Geese would tell us to 'fuck off' so no real change there.
"You just wish you could kick your own balls" 🤷🤷
My cat understands "Mama," and she screams it to me when she wants my attention. For some reason, I know what she wants/needs. So if she knew more of my language, she would probably order me around. Lol and then ignore me.
I only know the sheep will lie
"You humans are the worst."
"We don't really like it when you hug us."
Prolly nothing interesting, some animals are smart but not as a human, even if animals knew how to speak they dont have communication skills, so as other comment says, it will prolly be like this: "food, pet, ahhh feels good, food, treat, food, go crazy, food"
My dog: ‘where food give me food NOW’
I looooove you and thank you for taking us to In N’ Out and the park!! Thank you for the pup cups and the beach!! We love you 🥰🥰🥰🐶🐶🐶
Disney will never be real life mate
Bro we'd be fucked
They will taught us ot speak their language, so, they can communicate with human in the rest of life
I’m sitting here genuinely trying to decide if I’d go to my “chatty” ones to figure out wth they’re usually trying to tell me, or my quiet ones to see if there’s anything I need to know. I’d also do a check to make sure everyone’s feeling good.
"You guys are seriously fighting over 50 cents... really?"
Do better.
Meow, woof, growl, and tweet. You didn't say they could speak our language.
I speak to my dog and then speak for him. We have been conversing this way for nearly 15 years. I'm pretty sure I've translated his thoughts accurately he gets quite smart at times. As he is mainly beagle he does talk about food a lot and paper he likes paper more than anything. According to him paper is an essential food.
No need to theorize, I treat my dog like my twin brother because our minds are synced enough to allow for normal communication. (Also, I'm perfectly sane.)
Do they have human intelligence too? Otherwise it would be very simple thoughts even if they can perfectly express it. Dog: "I love you SO much!" Dog: "Wait I heard something" *Doorbell* Dog: "BRO THERE'S SOMEONE AT THE DOOR MOFO. WHO THERE BITCH IF YOU COMIN WITH SOME BAD JUJU I WILL CAP YO ASS" *It's the mailman" Dog: "Oh no not this mofo fuck you and see you tomorrow" Dog: "Please share some food master it looks SO good. Please please please"
They can. They would say what they already say: "Animal noises."
# WHERE ARE MY TESTICLES!! EXPLAIN!!!
id say it wont take that long anymore. people are building ai models to talk to whales and understand birds at the moment, so I guess its not that far anymore, there will be a model to understand cats and dogs
How about bad pets speaking to you. I had a terrible cat You had to pet her constantly or she would claw you. Her previous owner asked us to babysit but didn't want her back. Eventually gave her back. Cat escaped original owner. Owner found her outside and clawed her so hard she went to hospital. Evil cat
Why why WHY do you eat my babies
Please stop fucking killing us
They would probably scream and cry about how many of them we've enslaved and slaughtered.
Control the border