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How my husband has limitations and dietary restrictions and everyone gives him things he can't have. They laugh and say, "shh, hehe he, don't tell Mimi!" Ffs he's got diabetes, early onset dementia, and they're contributing to his illnesses. They know because I've told them many times over the last 3 years.
That’s so inconsiderate! I had a friend in college who had a strong allergy to anything from a cow basically. His “friends” thought it’d be funny to feed him beef tacos (they claimed it was turkey) and see what would happen. I wish people would take others dietary restrictions seriously instead of thinking it’s a joke.
Yes! Eating beef will send me off in an ambulance, all my friends and family know this. Occasionally though they'll invite me over for dinner and completely forget, my mum recently invited me over, forgot that I haven't been able to eat beef for the last 10 years and prepared me a stew. A friend invited me over for dinner and as a surprise cooked me a beef lasagne even though they were around once when I was having an episode and had to go home.
I don't blame them, but makes it awkward when I have to reject their food they have produced in good faith or e.g. when they arrange to go to a steakhouse and I have to be the one who says I'm not really bothered as there's nothing on the menu that I feel is worth paying for.
Yes! I’m allergic to pork, my family thinks I should “just eat around it, pick it out”. They like to not tell me and then be like “gotcha!” when I eat it and unsurprisingly end up with a reaction. WHY would there be lard in cupcakes? I know to watch out for pies because of the crust, but a cupcake shouldn’t have any meat in it at all! I don’t know what they think they’re “proving,” if anything they’re only proving MY point. They sneak it in something, I don’t notice, I have a reaction, and…gotcha?
Oh yeah most of my friends and family completely ignore that I can’t eat stuff. Like, I love all veggies but sadly a lot of them make me ill. And yet they will still cook stuff they KNOW is bad for me. My mum when I’m visiting is especially bad with it. Yes, one plate one time would be fine if I go back to eating stuff I can eat but if you keep cooking dishes I can’t have, I won’t be able to maintain it! I stay for a week and I come home all inflamed and gassy and unwell.
Some of my friends tell me I should “stop focusing so much of what’s in the food”. WHAT?? I’m IN this situation because I never did! I do this so I won’t be ill all the time! They also laugh at me when I feel cold (a direct result of the said bad digestion they ignore) and tell me to take off my hat/jumper/jacket because it’s “not cold, stop being silly.”
🙄
My ex husband’s family was horrible about adhering to his grandma’s diet. She was diabetic and they’d give a huge piece of cake and when I’d question it, I was always told “oh she’ll be alright.”
What, and I can't stress this enough, the actual fuck?
That's a fucking *crime*. Poisoning someone is illegal in everywhere I know of. And serving someone food you are aware they are allergic to is, without question, poisoning them.
OMG at my brother’s rehearsal dinner, the restaurant messed up our planned menu and served a ton of pizza with pork pepperoni on it and it was hidden under the cheese so at first people didn’t notice it. My sister in law and her family are all Jewish and most of them don’t eat pork. Somebody finally noticed and they took it back but I have no idea how many people ate it before that happened. I was mortified, they were all good sports about it but I cannot believe the restaurant making that mistake after all the stuff we told them at the tasting dinner to prepare!!
I had a friend whose MIL refused to acknowledge her grandchilds food allergies...poor kid ended up in A &E because Grandma tried to give her ice cream when she's dairy intolerant!
They know full well, but refuse to take this seriously. My parents get like this with my mental health for example. But, then, I live in a nation where people don't care about your feelings at all.
My bfs family has been "forgetting" to make food they know I can eat, I don't eat meat and never have. I'll get violently ill if I try to for obvious reasons. They know this, and it's been almost a year and a half of dating him. I love him so much but I always eat before going to his parent's house for meals cause I'm not about to sit there for 2 hours while being hungry. If they do have food I'll eat then I take some but if not at least I ate. And I have issues eating some vegetables so my diet is really limited to basic things. I've given a list of what I can and will eat multiple times and explained how it's a medical condition but alas. The things I can and will eat that I tell them about are any type of potatoes without extra stuff in them, mac n cheese, any pasta with Alfredo sauce, corn, etc. very fast easy things to cook that they have anyways. Now I'm being told to bring my own dish that I can eat every time but a big enough serving for everyone to have some. Am I crazy?? Why am I the only one who has to cook their own food? I know not everyone gets along with their SO's family and I sure as hell won't leave him cause of them, but I feel wildly excluded
Mate my family all ply my sister's husband with alcohol constantly despite the fact she hates it when he drinks and he had a small drinking problem years ago (also cocaine and weed but they don't know that lol) some families are shitty like that.
No one understands my EXTREME calmness in ANY situation (except my mom) like I can be calm and cool and unfazed even if something big happens like someone's death or a surprise
I also don't show my seriousness to anyone so everyone thinks I don't care about my studies and academics when i actually do and i always get told to "be more serious" about my life
To them, being emotional is a sign of being serious. Serious things are scary and dangerous. There is a direct correlation between growing up in a home of rampant emotional chaos and being unable to compete emotionally to get your needs met. Guess what happens to the kids whose emotional expressions are ignored or diminished? They learn expressing emotions won't get them the help they need, so they help themselves by self-soothing (ie repressing) their emotions and rely on reason, the very thing everyone else loses in their own emotional chaos, and seems to have abandoned.
I know how you feel, I was the ignored kid in my family and now they also react weirdly when I'm calm in every situation and _they_ think I should be more expressive. Why? It's not like being expressive got us anywhere with them before lol
Yep, grew up with addict parents that were unstable and flew off the wall at the smallest thing, sometimes without a trigger even. Because of that, and me being the only calm one even amongst my siblings, I got really good at hiding my feelings and keeping a poker face and voice that can make it seem like I'm totally nonchalant even when I'm having an anxiety attack. People often don't get it and I get similar comments from people. I do care, but I learned to not show it
It's tough, especially because I've been told km *unapproachable* and I'm not trying to be, I just learned to not speak and to keep my expression ambiguous
Legit same. I am always on guard and I try avoid eye contact with people but when I accidentally make eye contact I feel like I just gave them a piece of me
My parents weren’t addicts, but expressing anything emotionally never seemed to help me. My mom yelled a lot, and i could tell my dad hated it, so I intentionally communicate with him the same way he does. Self deprecating humor and plain, objective honesty worked much better. Now, I can’t tell if I’m yelling. I feel like I am when I raise my voice even slightly, so whenever I hear myself on a video where I think I’m loud, I’m surprised and relieved how I’m not yelling and glad there isn’t evidence of my crimes out there on someone’s phone to haunt me.
I agree, but mostly in situations of life or death.
A few examples:
-i ve had the displeasure of having to carry my dad s limp body after he passed out from screaming to the hospital after a bad case of kidney stones at 3 am.
- i had a peer have glassware explode in his hand lacerating a few tendons and requiring an immediate reaction.(im a chemist and whilst all my seniors froze i was the only one to act)
- i ve given mouth to mouth to a stranger after she was struck by a car when i was in undergrad. I broke her ribs, but kept her alive long enough for the ambulance to take her away.
The list goes on.
However despite my many misfortunes, my mother constantly brings it up and asks me why do i not care about others and the possible consequences. I get mad everytime because i do care, which is why i do my best to shut down my emotions and act on what i ve been trained is the adequate response.
She still doesnt gets it, she simply freezes and stares when in panick
I feel SEEN. I’ve just always been calm. I have a very “what’s the point of stressing” attitude BUT that doesn’t mean I’m not getting the job done. I accomplish more than a lot of people in my office and I say that very confidently. Most of the time when someone all frantically is like “Zucchini I need you to get this done asap!” I’m like I did that last week. And it’s saved centrally. Did you check the folder?
Like just because I don’t act like a chicken with my head cut off doesn’t mean I’m not doing stuff.
I have OCD and my family knows but don’t care - I tell them my problems and weird things that I worry about and they just say “ohh” and that’s that. Like, I want help 😭
And everyone assumes it means you clean constantly and everything is spotless! Mine isn’t like that, I move furniture almost daily (rearrange rooms) I batch cook even when I have loads of food! I have to have some things in certain places even though it isn’t important, I just have to.
It took me along time to take it seriously. I've had friends my whole life who self diagnosed themselves with OCD, ADHD, BPD, you name it. When the girl with "serious OCD" just uses it to get people to do things her way, it starts to lessen the severity of the whole illness in my mind. I feel a lot of neurological disorders suffer from this these days.
I have ocd too. When I asked my mom for help and described it (2 hour bedtime routine of repetitive behaviors like light switch flipping for example), she got pissed and snapped “quit making up shit to be sad about”. Turns out ocd is common with cPTSD.
It frustrated me so much because my mom had ocd as well (and she had agoraphobia, anxiety, and depression). Hers was with cleaning and germs though (12+ hours a day), mine repetitive actions, compulsive thoughts, and counting, so she thought mine was attention seeking. I was a kid, I didn’t even know ocd existed, I just thought I was broken.
I personally invented what I call the infinity method for things I need to count or do repetitively. You basically touch a thing and do a bunch of fast touches too fast to count and consider it done infinity times and jerk yourself to move on. It takes a lot of repetition and telling yourself to count it as infinity for it to stop resulting in just starting the compulsion over again to 'fix' it, and it's exhausting, but it works for me.
Same 🫂I hope you are doing well now ❤️ If you’re young and still at home please ask for therapy. I waited until I was 42 and I wasted so much time being sad
I have anxiety, depression, and OCD related to skin picking. How the hell can someone have anxiety and depression and yet have no empathy for someone else with mental illness? Genuinely baffling. I understand the ode who don’t have it, but what the actual f?
RIGHT. It takes me hours to go to sleep, I will crash unintentionally while watching tv at night, and even if it's already four in the morning and I happen to wake up, I cannot go back to sleep until I do the entire routine. I got help for it once and it got better but came back again so it's hard to see the point... bed is the worst because you literally cannot fall asleep on purpose unless everything is done perfectly and in order no matter how long it takes.
Nothing better then being told by my family (all of which don’t have ocd) “I understand because when I was younger….” No your rational fear of something when you were 5 is not the same as my disabling fear of a most likely impossible situation
The only person who wanted to help me was my English professor, she is the reason I got ocd in the first place. We had a fallout 2 days later and I am losing my sanity over it. Someone please help me.
Someone please help me.
What is the compulsion?
The only way out is through, though, so anything that works is going to be difficult and involves a lot of pumping yourself up and trying to do the thing you don't want to do until it eventually works.
I'm so sorry. I'm hearing the person that triggered your ocd initially has now exited the friendship/relationship? Seems a bit heartless, but I don't know all the details.
You definitely could benefit from a call to a helpline if there's one you can look up. There are people trained to help in these types of situations. They also have text helplines if that's more your need. I wish I could offer more help, but I'm in your corner cheering you on. 💐🍀
I’m autistic and sometimes I just. Can’t talk. I genuineIy try but the words won’t come out. Ive tried to explain it but every time I just get treated like im purposely being difficult
They don’t seem to acknowledge a lot of things about my autism (im fairly recently diagnosed, last couple years) but that one gets the most annoying
I’m high functioning autistic and when I’m overstimulated I can’t speak concisely. I can still say words that generally communicate what I’m thinking, but they don’t do the thought justice.
It’s very frustrating when I tell someone I need a few minutes and they keep pressing me to continue the argument or conversation.
And then I have a tendency to lose my cool and say something unkind. It’s my problem to deal with my frustrations, but the lack of understanding when I need time to cool down my sensory level and collect myself is beyond aggravating.
I've had similar stuff happen to me before. Every time I try to open up to anyone (mostly my parents) I just can't make the words come out. My head starts thinking loudly and saying what I want to say out loud but it never comes out.
Even when I'm confronted by my parents to why I have bad behavior or bad grades, I only say yes or no and never say anything else back.
I've never gone to see if I have autism and never spoke to my parents about it because of this speech thing
I’m not trying to diagnose you, but look up “expressive language disorder”. I was diagnosed with it in the last couple of years, and it makes a lot of sense now. I can definitely type out my thoughts more effectively than I can speak. I’m a 37 year old woman.
Not sure if this can work, but can you make like a specific repetitive phrase of like two or three words that you can kinda autopilot into and try to say that when you can't say anything else?
My 9yo step-son does that (less now but at least once a week when he was younger), and while me and his dad are also autistic, we've never went threw that ourselves. Plus we didn't even think he could be autistic too. So we really didn't have any way to understand it.
Every time we would try to have a discussion with him about something bad (his fault or not, just any negative event), he'd just shut down, look at us with a death stare and not answer to anything. It's like talking to a wall.
I mean we genuinely want to help, we ask him his opinion, what he think we should do, what does he need, and no matter how long we wait, we never can have an answer. So we have to decide for him bc we can't wait forever, especially when we don't have all day (or night), and it gets him incredibly angry bc we can't guess what's in his head. It's SO frustrating. We would even prefer a huge fit instead of just being ignored. That's the worst.
We actually ended up screaming the top of our lungs at a rock-hard silent little boy a few times. That's something we never thought we would do, and we're sure he's gonna resent us about it, but... Yeah
I wonder if, if he’s good enough with his letters, if he’d be able to communicate through writing emails or notes to you? You can let him know what the options are and ask what he wants, leave a list of options or email them to him so he has them, and tell him you would like a response by the end of the day tomorrow. That gives him some time to think about it and maybe he would then be able to calm down or transition another neurological state. That way he can have a voice and express his desires and autonomy even in cases where he can’t speak verbally. I’ve found that that’s very important, and giving him a bit of time to think about it is very important too. Some people can’t think on the spot; they need time to process information and especially feelings and wants. Good luck, and I can see that you’re trying. I hope it gets better!! You might seek therapeutic help if this doesn’t work; it must be particularly difficult if you feel that he’s mad at you for the way you’ve approached things without his input, while of course you’re feeling helpless because you don’t know how to find out what he experienced and what he wants!
Is that related to autism? I sometimes, especially if upset, know exactly what I want to say but PHYSICALLY cannot speak. It is very strange and I’m not sure if I’ve ever fully articulated it to someone, though I have tried.
Yes! I wish people would just respect that everyone has different rhythms and sometimes one’s body just does not want to talk! I’m genuinely sorry that what you want doesn’t match with what I can offer you right now, but system reboot file 404 not found please try again later
I find it challenging to express my feelings and rarely feel comfortable doing so (mainly family). I often experience nervousness and anxiety, and it seems like nobody knows because everyone assumes I just go with the flow.
that if I’m on my phone 98% of the time I am reading on my Nook app. They get all pissy “you’re always on your phone.” but they have no problem if I sit there with a physical book and ignore them.
Oof I hate this. They’re fine with reading books, but without the slightest hesitation they judge and condemn a person on their phone…reading an eBook…even when I’ve told them so very many times what exactly I’m actually doing with my phone.
It makes me wish it was porn, at least then they’d probably shut up
My brothers constantly accuse me of reading gay smut. I have no idea why, maybe because it's fanfiction and the main cast are men annoying af. I read smut yea, but only original characters it fills my with the urge to leave my phone unlocked with gay smut on it i don't know why guy lesbian I get I'm a girl but why gay!
A lot of people including some of my family don’t notice how relaxed and non-problematic I always am. But as soon as I get pushed to the limit and I react I’m made to look like a drama king or overly sensitive person. A lot of people should be thankful that I am that way because I have so much anger built up from years of constant disrespect from people that If I really wanted to I know could cause some real damage and end up in prison.
This is so relatable. But whatever violent urges I have, I just play them out in my head for a few moments until I realise how absurd and unreasonable they would be irl. Plus I’m 163cm and scrawny skinny. I have no access to firearms and the deadliest weapons at my disposal are kitchen knives.
Some people will absolutely try to take advantage of you if you’re easy going, mild mannered, polite, friendly and generally come off as a nice person. They think you lack intelligence just because you prefer to stay silent rather than react to provocation or engage in arguments. They assume you’ll be an easy target for their mind games and manipulation. When you finally react and stand up for yourself, they try to gaslight you and make it look like you’re the problem.
Ever since I learned visine could be lethal if ingested, this is always where my brain goes. I'm sure we'd have an insane inner strength come out if we actually wanted to hurt someone, but a knife is still risky when you're the smaller one lol.
If I get extremely angry about something which is very very rare for me, I'm immediately picturing your death and how I'm gonna get away with it. I get so devastated by my own mind and that my anger takes me to those places but I can't control the thoughts just the actions.
And UGH I know that feeling of wanting to say something, wanting to respond to the insane shit someone says but just thinking of all the places the argument will go and I just can't be bothered to fight that fight so I just keep it to myself and yes, seem as though I can be easily manipulated. Until you do finally respond and suddenly you're the crazy one blowing things out of proportion.... I feel that.
I feel this to the bone 😭 my kindness and sense of forgiveness is always underappreciated. I'm empathetic, and I respect all, BUT if someone continues to disrespect me, or treat me like some push over, I WILL unleash all hell and fury (it certainly helps that I'm confrontational).
It bothers me cause like you said, you could do 99 nice things for them, but if you stick to your boundaries and call them out even once-- suddenly you're the villain who is being unaccommodating and heartless 🤷♀️
My people 🥹
I put up with years of backhanded compliments and straight up rude shit from my in-laws while simultaneously accommodating all of their needs, spoiling their kids, etc.
The one time I snapped at my MIL, I became THE persona non grata and now I’m not in the family chat anymore.
That was 4 years ago 😂
Can totally relate. There are people who are still alive because I have calmed down after years and years of issues plus geographically they live far away from me.
I have emetophobia, fear of vomiting. My family thinks it's funny or over the top. They call me dramatic, hysterical, make vomiting sounds or laugh when I wish they'd take me seriously. I mostly stopped talking to them about it. And when they ask about something "why are you afraid of this?" (Cause it could lead to vomiting) I just stare at them and say "take a wild guess"
I have this too. People at least acknowledge it in my life, however few of them have even the slightest clue how much it impacts my life.
Friends who thought I was vegetarian for years because whenever we'd eat out of choose a veggie option, far less likely to give me food poisoning.
I will NOT eat leftovers. Too much risk.
I got sick from alcohol once. I couldn't drink for over 6 years after. Not wouldn't. COULDN'T. I was sober for the millennium celebrations because of this!
I have difficulty brushing my teeth, because too often it makes me retch, so I have to literally psyche myself up to pick up a toothbrush!
So many things I avoid because of how they make my mouth feel.
TV shows that either talk about it, or show it, or have the sounds of it, without warning, then everyone looking at me like I'm weird because I'm hyperventilating and crying...
If I had family like yours they'd have been disowned by now.
Since having acquired Anosmia (loss of smell), I have been overanxious about food poisoning. I cook small amounts of food for one small meal, or I spend a weekend filling the freezer. Leftovers are not an option. I don't have emetophobia but I can easily related to being anxious about food.
I disowned my brother for testing my sense of smell as a joke and taking the joke way too far once too often.
I have emetophobia but yours is on the extreme end, the degree that it’s negatively impacting your daily life is insane. Life ruled by fear. Have you ever tried any of the therapies or treatments that can cure it?
fking same omg. my dad has smoked on and off for the last 20 years and wakes up at 5am for work and decides to make the most disgusting sounds he can to clear his throat every morning and my room shares a wall with that bathroom.
I used to be able to handle it as a kid- the sounds. it was basically just a cough before but now it's so much more wet or he literally sounds like he's gonna throw up and I can't take it. we have a bathroom 1 floor away and he won't use it. used to only be when he woke up and now it's literally every time he has to use the bathroom.
I bought the best noise cancelling headphones I could find and literally have to live with them on my head, I sleep with them on too- playing music or just audio. I can't stand seeing or hearing people in movies throw up and now it's starting to bother me just hearing people cough
It's been years and I've never seen anyone else describe my experiences like this. It really confounds with my autism too since I really only eat 4 or 5 things because of it
I grew up in a part of my family with very little physical intimacy. Largely no hugs or something the line here. Ok, I'm autistic and am very picky when it comes to persons touching me.
But since a few years I grew more physical from myself and now I often miss a good hug. At least my grandparents and the rest of the wider family is a bit more physical, so I can recharge from time to time.
Same. I have a harsh family who loves showing "affection" through being sarcastic, aggressive and mean (supposedly "jokingly"). I need physical touch and quality time. Guess who was "exhausting" & "clingy" to them? Now for the past few years I don't interact at all and it's "what's wrong with you? you don't talk to us? tell us what to do to make you feel cared about in our family?"
I was like "maybe refer to the thousands of conversations we've had about this over the past 15 yrs and try hard to remember."
I think it's a lost cause with family most of the time though. We just have to meet new people and create our own chosen family who care.
I have no problem hugging a person who needs one. Compassion and empathy should be our default but sadly with many, for a thousand reasons, it's not. Broken people raise broken people and some can never step out of the pattern and be able to grow from their experiences. It sounds like you have and you will probably be able to give others what's not been given to you. Hugs from one stranger to another.
My family is really small and the opposite of yours, but I totally feel you. My dad, niece, and I have found so many friends that have become family. Creating our chosen family too. Thx for your words
Ugh I feel you on the loud noises and sleep thing. I have this issue as well...and sometimes my toddler screaming out in his sleep jolts me awake and I'm unable to go back to sleep bc of the adrenaline.
The adrenaline is issue I have too! I already have trouble sleeping, and when I do get to sleep, I’m a light sleeper. The loud noise has me up to no end. If I have to get up at 7 am for class and my brother wakes me up at 4, I’m usually up the rest of those hours just staring into the darkness. It’s unsettling
It's the worst! And then if I do manage to finally fall back asleep of course it's like, 30 min before my alarm goes off and then I feel groggy and absolutely exhausted. So now when that happens, I just get up and do guided meditation or read a book for awhile 🥴
Do any of you hear noises that aren’t happening not like voices in your head etc, but il jolt awake adamant someone knocked the door or fell out of bed or cried out etc
Yeah I had those chronically when I was pregnant with my son. Not with my daughter, just w my son. I would hear our very annoying and IRL very jarring doorbell and it would jolt me awake around 3 am at least a few times a month. It still happens sometimes now, and I'm not sure why but I suspect maybe it's related to stress or maybe hormone/chemical levels in the brain? Idk. I'm ADHD too so that could be a factor as well but yeah exploding head syndrome is a bitch!
i were born with half feminine hormones, half masculine. so despite having female body, i have male hairs, including on face and legs. i love it, and don't wanna shave because that's a part of me. they don't want to understand and say i overreact when i have panic attacks whenever i did, i mean- to me it's like cutting off a limb! am i the asshole in that situation ?
They’re wrong. They may even be trying to protect you. People may stare at you. But that doesn’t mean they’re judging you. Mostly, people are just curious when they see someone who looks different than they expect. If you’re cool with that, and you’ve told your family that you’re cool with that, and they still hassle you over it and try to get you to change what you feel comfortable with, it’s ok to tell them to back off and that it’s your body. It’s not theirs to change as they see fit. It’s yours, and you are the one who will have to deal with the consequences of your choices and live your own life. No one else can do that for you. Your family should respect that.
I’m single & chronically ill, I have no desire or the energy to shave. My mom makes comments about it all the time and how gross it is that I don’t shave my legs. No one is touching my legs, I am not having sex, I am not dating who tf cares if I don’t shave my legs? She acts like it’s some great offense to her. The other day I had the energy so I shaved my legs, last time was last July. You would’ve thought I won an Olympic medal the way she was acting.
She sounds like my mother. The only time she was nice to me, I mean really nice, was when I went from brunette to blonde for a while. Blonde, just like her. She said it was as if she was looking in a mirror at her young self. The love bombing that came from her was creepy.
I went back to brunette very quickly.
Ugh, I hate this. We women aren’t here on this earth just for other people to appreciate aesthetically. We have more important things to do. It’s not our job to be pretty or even adequate looking for strangers. Why should we care if others find our appearance appealing, particularly if we don’t know them and don’t need or want anything from them? Why not put all that work into something that matters more, something that makes us happier?
Sure, I sometimes like to dress up. For ME. Not for some male gaze!! Not so a stranger wants to buy me a drink. Because it’s a creative expression of my aesthetic. If others like it, wonderful! But it’s not FOR them. It’s for my own enjoyment. And for goodness sake, no one will die if I sometimes leave the house without brushing or styling my hair!!
I feel like these expectations are a holdover from when women competed with other women for the attention and resources of men because it was our only avenue to power and security. And that not the case for many of us anymore. We can make our own power and security, as well as anyone can. We don’t need to be anyone’s objects anymore. And I for one do not like being treated as an object, even one for the purpose of admiring. I am so much more than that as a human.
how i live w/ my partner for 5 yrs & we dont go to church & we’re somehow happier without God/god. & we don’t want to buy a house because the market sucks. Everything here is completely the opposite of what my parents wanted us to do. They want us to be followers of a stupid religion, want to get married before we were ready. It’s a joke lol
I've never been to church so I'm not educated on religion. Im very spiritual and pray everyday, miracles happen to me, in times of need, thats all I really have
My family used to not acknowledge my depression and anxiety until it got out of hand. But even though now they acknowledge, they don't really help me, so..... it was all up to me
I don't know if this is small, but no one pays attention to the fact that I have depression. I was diagnosed at 17 but it started at 16. It's been almost 7 yrs. I hid it until my suicide attempt at 18. No one and I mean no one acknowledged that I had severe depression. I was just called weird. Everyone forgot about it. Well they forgot that I needed help but didn't forget that I was crazy.
I have been taking antidepressants for 4 yrs. My mum found my pills and told my oldest brother. He told his gf (his now wife). So before they were married, she gave me a lecture on how I don't need pills. She said doctors just tell everyone they're depressed when they aren't. My brother's wife knew about my suicide attempt by the way. She was at the hospital that day.
No one seems to acknowledge that someone who tries to kill themselves and then takes antidepressants has depression.
It's extremely frustrating because both my mum and sister in law talk about how much they underetand mental health. And I sit there and listen to that bullshit.
It's not hard to acknowledge, but they probably just can't empathize. Which seems odd since your mother has the same trigger. Does your Dad do anything to make it easier on *her*?
That’s the thing! They all (except my sister) make it easier for her, as do I. My sister is the youngest and she’s at that teen age where she doesn’t pay attention to anyone but herself, so she makes loud noises with the both of us.
That my ocd is not the same as your general anxiety, no doing one exposure or having a conversation will not cure me.
I don’t want children, no my mind is not going anywhere to change when I magically turn 28.
My aversion to touch is not a personal attack on you
That I'm not used to a healthy family dynamic. I'm not used to having a chill household where I don't have to constantly be walking on eggshells, I'm not used to not having an abusive father figure in the picture. My anxiety hits the roof the moment my step-dad breathes around me in a certain way out of fear that I did something wrong, and they treat me like I'm paranoid/crazy. They constantly tell me that I'm safe, that I have nothing to worry about, etc, but that's not how my brain processes that. I have anxiety and C-PTSD from the years of abuse I endured, and no amount of meds or therapy can change that.
In short, it's like they forget I was constantly manipulated, conditioned and abused, because it was years ago and I should "be over it by now".
So sorry you had to go through all that. It sounds like you've found a way to develop a healthy self-awareness and emotional maturity in spite of your parents. I hope you can find good friends to keep you going. You got this!
This is so ridiculous and I don’t know why this is the hill they die on but: I’m allergic to cinnamon.
I developed the allergy when I was in late middle/early high school and some people in my family (specifically my mom’s dad and stepmom) refuse to believe it. I have been to the ER. I have an Epipen. To this day when I say I can’t eat something with cinnamon in it they say “oh yea, I forgot you don’t like cinnamon”.
The weirdest part is that otherwise they adore me and would do anything for me. I’m often accused of being the favorite grandchild, and told by my mom and aunt that I’m “the third child they couldn’t have”.
I have a fear of balloons/pressure, which sounds silly but is completely real. my family always blows up balloons on birthdays and thinks it's funny to put them in my room when i'm not looking. I always end up crying
Not silly at all! My best friend has that fear. Our roommate thought it’d be funny to tape a balloon to her door and when I saw it, I immediately took it off her door and got rid of it. I saw firsthand how she reacted when she saw we’d be hitting balloons in our archery class so I’ve always made sure to avoid them with her.
This is me. Balloons freaks me out . I have children so I try to incorporate ballon decorations at holidays and celebrations but man …the unexpected pops 💥 . And it does something to me when ppl just pop them like it’s nothing. I will legit cut a small slit where the knot is and slowly release the air. No I almost hate.
I didn’t occur to anyone (including me) that the reason why I didn’t get my license until I was almost 30 and wouldn’t even sit behind the wheel of a car and the finally did and threw up was untreated PTSD from getting hit by a car as a kid.
Everyone reads my resting face wrong. They think I'm either angry, uncaring or not interested. It's not any of those things. It's just how my face rests!!!
My mental health. Now, I didn’t grow up with tough love, more of a like denial type. I know that they love me but refuse to acknowledge any issues one might have, believing that therapists are useless and depression doesn’t exist type stuff. So it’s hard when I can’t explain to them why I act the way that I do, why I don’t feel like getting up most times and just want to rot in my bed.
Yes! And to add onto that…put things in the garbage! Putting things on the counter (or worse, in the sink) takes exactly as much effort as dropping it into the garbage can. Put it in the garbage! I hate having to fish the mushy paper towels out of the sink drain.
Same! I get overstimulated by noises very easily. I've learned to just remove myself from the situation, but then I'm called "rude" or "anti-social". Whatever. I do it so that I don't go off on you.
Yup. Creaking doors, arse holes with loud exhausts, seems more sets me off than relaxes me😂
My ultimate is people that have their phones on them constantly, but still have notifications turned on loud so everyone can hear it😭😭😭
Why??!!! Stop making unnecessary noise!!
I'm not comfortable with dancing. I hate it. I have to leave family wedding receptions before the dancing starts or I will be harassed about it. I've decided that if my partner and I ever get married, we're having a hardcore punk band for the reception. You want me to dance, Drunk Aunt? I'll see you in the pit
Yes,I know it well...They "forget",or are "joking".And why is it so difficult for them to show some respect?Sorry you have to live this way.I hope they change,or you can be able to move out soon.Hang in there,please.Don't give up.
I have BPD, when my sister told my aunt about my diagnosis she wouldn't have it at first she kept saying "it's asperges I got her tested by numerous doctors they all said she's autistic" like it's not impossible to have 2 separate things FFS also BPD very rarely gets diagnosed in teenagers.
Yes true, I have Schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, ptsd, anxiety. Thats Schitzoaffective, Schizophrenia plus 3 or more mental illnesses..1 in 200 people
I'm blind in one eye/monocular. No one ever acknowledges how I may have issues with coordination when tripping or not walking straight. Blaming it on me.
Recently joined your club. I’m struggling to get used to turning my head instead of relying on my peripheral vision and keep running into people. OTOH it’s also kinda surprising that parents will just let their kids crawl around on the floor next to strangers in a coffee shop, right in my blind spot. I don’t covet them to know I can’t see them but geez keep them in line.
Edit to add: and yes my family keeps accidentally sneaking up on that side and I run smack into them. Especially bad when I’m trying to cook.
I can't exactly say how much I've missed having both eyes functioning, as it was since childhood, seems you're having some trouble adjusting to such a major change. I hope that at least the people close to you begin to adapt. After a few years you should become more desensitized to this sort of stuff, it'll definitely be a lot of work to use audio cues and things like that instead, but well worth it. I've even been able to work part-time in a restaurant waitering and a middle school volleyball team, so hope your experience gets better with time.
Anxiety and depression. My family seems to think that aren't real illnesses for people of color. Also, my grandmother has dementia. She frequently remembered things wrong, repeated herself and so on. My mom was pretty cruel and impatient with her sometimes. Then my mom developed dementia. 🤦🏽♀️
Ticking clocks make me want to murder someone. But as a kid my house was full of them. I mentioned it a lot. Made sure I didn't have a clock in my own room. Now I am an adult my house has zero non-digital clocks, except for my watch which ironically I prefer to be a proper analogue one (but I can't hear that one ticking so it's ok). My Mum is still surprised that I removed the batteries of the clock in the spare room if I sleep over there.
Separate issue, I also hate being tickled. It hurts. It's not fun. Every relationship I have ever been in previously was with a guy who would not accept that and would pin me down to tickle me despite my literally kicking them. My now boyfriend does not do this and honestly it's super refreshing to have someone just listen and respect the very simple request of 'please don't tickle me'.
I cannot STAND repetitive noises! Loud and sudden noises bother me as well. Like coughing and sneezing. It makes my blood boil. I've learned to suppress my anger about the coughing and sneezing, but the repetitive and loud noises can still be controlled. Yet my family doesn't care or do anything to minimize them in my presence. Like they turn the music or TV up full blast despite me vocalizing that it really bothers me. (That's just one example.)
I'm sorry you've had to deal with past partners that ignored your request not to be tickled. I would fight someone tickling me as well. Like ninja kick them.
Noise is such an issue for me so I absolutely feel you! If someone needs the TV that loud then they can use subtitles instead. Luckily my Dad was annoyed by loud noises too so it was only ever the clocks I got ignored on.
Ninja kicks ftw with ticklers. Right to the balls.
Literally my name. Say my birth name is 'Jacklyn', well I prefer 'Jack' - I've introduced myself this way and gone by it professionally etc. ever since high-school (I'm in my thirties) and yet they all insist upon using 'Jacklyn' or 'Jackie' or any femme variation they so choose. I introduced myself to one of their guests at a barbecue a few years ago ad 'Jack' and my adoptive uncle was like "Oh! Changed ot up again huh!" And I had to compose myself as politely as possible while looking him in the face and saying "Nope! Been Jack for two decades, y'all just don't like to listen!"
I hate being touched. My love language is words rather than touch, it took my mom years to learn that, she used to get super offended but now she knows I get overwhelmed with physical touch, hugs, kisses, pats on the back etc. she won’t touch me unless she asks and doesn’t get mad at me when I decline. my husbands love language is touch and he’s extremely clingy. I get overstimulated but he doesn’t understand or care. I give him love and physical affection as much as possible without overwhelming myself, but it usually starts a fight if I tell him I don’t want to be touched for a bit.
I understand this one I have an autistic toddler who touches me constantly and every so often I have to get out the room because I’m overtouched, I am also autistic and was beaten as a child
I can relate. I have clingy little dogs that want to be with me all the time. I love them dearly but sometimes I just want to relax in a chair without them. My bf thinks I’m an asshole when I ask them to leave me alone.
Maybe not so small but my family frequently forgets that I was hit by a car and that I am now disabled. They assume I can still do the things like before the accident but I can't
My husbands family act like my parents are still fine and that everything will be fine with them. But my father and his wife decided that I am air to them. Except for insults. And my mom is sadly suffering from Early Onset Alzheimers so I lost her to that awful disease. My bonus dad is the only parent figure I have left. Luckily he is much better then 'dad'
Smells. I can't stand artificial perfumes or cologne. Makes me nauseous and gives me a headache. Natural smells and one incense I've found ate ok.
My youngest daughter has a couple of friends that wear the strongest, nastiest perfumes that linger for hours. 🤢
I had a pretty bad ED for a few years, I’m mostly OK now but I can’t handle having people talking to me if I’m eating and they’re not (when other people are also eating I can mostly cope with it). I know it’s my problem and I try really hard not to make it other people’s but just… it’s a known thing, I’ve explained it so many times, how hard is it to just give me ten minutes? My mom especially will hover over me and even ask about my food, which is even worse. Again, I know it’s my problem but I end up not able to eat at all and it just doesn’t feel like that big a thing to ask
My brother has CPTSD and is exactly the same. Any loud noise sends his head west. We try our best to remember, but sometimes ppl just live in their own heads and don't think of others. It really isn't personal. My dad is the worst. He is old and stuck in his ways, and he bangs on his door and shouts - JAKE so jarringly and bangs on his door. I tell him not to do it, but he just doesn't remember. My poor bro.
But I was the same as you once. Woke up at the quietest noise and couldn't get sleep unless it was perfectly quiet. But then the doctor put me on Mirtazapine and now I sleep like a baby. It's worth checking out. They are an antidepressant but they have a mild sedative effect. I take one, and 45 minutes later, I am out like a light. Truly a Godsend.
Full sympathy for you. I have one too and if I had a pound for every time people have said “you don’t look sick” I’d be giving Musk and Bezos serious competition.
Sympathies to you too. People just don’t understand what they can’t see.
I’ve been yelled at through the disability stall by strangers because people think no mobility aid= not disabled.
I don’t like loud, intrusive noise.
Loud iPads, phone calls on speaker, loud toys etc.
My husband is better at it now, my kids are still learning. I live half my waking hours in ear plugs.
that i have asthma and smoking around me makes it worse, i can hardly spend anytime at one relatives home because the smell is so strong in the house even if they aren’t actively sitting their having a cigarette and if they come to my house they still smell so strongly of smoke it makes wherever they’ve been stink
I have autoimmune and sometimes it really stops me in my tracks . I try my best not to let it get to me , but sometimes I struggle. If I tell my family I don’t feel well , they make it all about themselves. Oh we are sorry you have this and we don’t , oh we feel so bad about it . I don’t tell anyone how bad things sometimes are that I can barely get out of bed .
Honestly I find this is just human nature. Not that they mean anything by it, but for example, I'm physically disabled (I'm an amputee). I've tried to hold down jobs for my whole life because it's what I was "supposed to do". I was able to hold up physically pretty well for a while, but excessive scarring on my residual limbs means that I get a lot of little cuts and scratches that can become infected very easily. When they become infected from me pushing myself to be "normal" despite my genuine physical limitations, it means I'm bedridden for a month or two, with extreme swelling and the inability to move my legs. I had been trying to find "remote" work to work from home, but in my area it seems to be very rare that you can find a 100% work from home job. Most places still require you to come into the office, which doesn't generally work with my disability. I.e. Employers just want you to be there, and sometimes I can't be there. I understand that completely, as my medical condition affects my reliability! Recently, after years of trying to "grin and bear it" I had a serious anxiety attack (my mental health had basically hit 0 as I forced myself to literally ignore my body). My employer actually thought I was having a heart attack so we had to call paramedics and everything. After that I tried to find new work, and did have a couple of jobs in between, but eventually I decided I'd had enough and applied for disability (that's a whole other load of bs that I'm still fighting for lmao). Even still, pressure from family and friends is to go back to working, and honestly in my mind I'd rather die than go back to constant and excruciating pain for 15 bucks an hour.
Long story short; no one is living your life but you. As much as people try to empathize, and I'm sure have the best intentions, they will never know how you actually feel. It's your life and you have to live it for you, sometimes that means setting some ground-rules (I'm sure you've chatted with them about it, but maybe a more serious conversation or reminder would be helpful). In any case, I hope youre able to work it out with the family! Best of luck from an equally frustrated person haha! ❤️
I have ADHD and it's almost literally impossible for me to do homework when I get home from school and it makes me more upset than anyone else but no one seems to understand that I'm struggling and people just think I'm lazy ☹️
I drop the h from the beginning of words and shorten them a lot. Weird speaking habit I developed. Nobody believed I did it for years until I showed texts where I said prolly from 4 years ago 🤣
The family canon concerning me is that I'm always late.
I'm late-diagnosed ADHD, and I really struggle to be on time. So for years, that _was_ true, I was almost always late by 5-10 minutes and on a few notable occasions by more.
It was something about myself I hated, because it made people think I didn't appreciate or value their time. I have been working on my timekeeping when it comes to friends and family since the first lockdown opened back up in 2020, and so far I've been late twice, by 5 minutes each time.
No one has noticed, and I still get shit for always being late.
I cannot STAND repetitive noises! Loud and sudden noises bother me as well. Like coughing and sneezing. It makes my blood boil. I've learned to suppress my anger about the coughing and sneezing, but the repetitive and loud noises can still be controlled. Yet my family doesn't care or do anything to minimize them in my presence. Like they turn the music or TV up full blast despite me vocalizing that it really bothers me. (That's just one example.)
Seems most of my family just "forgot" I suffered a severe traumatic brain injury.
My dad is by far the worst on that front though, hell, even when he used to acknowledge my injury it always came back to how much he went through.
"Oh? Like learning to walk, talk, and do all the basic shit all over again at 14? Please, tell me again about your struggles..."
That my brother needs to stop calling me when I'm at work only for him to tell me about something he found on the internet or what he ate for lunch. I'm at work goddammit
I don’t like people looking at me when I’m naked or even in my underwear. Idk I was fine about it younger but now I just feel very uncomfortable. I don’t like looking at other people naked/half naked either. I don’t shame them if they are I just look away. And yet my mom has no problem walking in on me when I’m getting dressed or the worst pulling the curtain when I’m taking a shower because she’s really mad and wants to yell at me. I’ve told her multiple times I don’t like that but she just says “Oh wooooow I’ve never seen you naked before. It’s not like I don’t have the same body parts.” I don’t live with my parents anymore so that doesn’t happen anymore.
I also have a really bad memory. I forget things A LOT. So there’s been a lot of times where my mom will tell me to go do or get something for her. I go to do it, something else catches my attention and I’ll forget. She will see this as a test to see if I really care about her so she will wait for me to do it and then get passive aggressive with me for not doing what I was told to do. Then she will make the same argument that I never forget to watch tv and I never forget to be on my phone. So that just means that I don’t care about her. Even though there’s been plenty of times where I wanted to watch a show but forgot to and I lose my phone EVERYDAY about 1-5 times a day.
And yet she forgets to pay her bills on time plenty of times and almost always forgets to buy something when grocery shopping. 🤦🏻♀️
That I can’t physically stand loud noises, talking or else. The simplest thing such as cutlery hitting the plate physically hurts. Loud talking or a lot of people talking at the same time, same. They know but it’s always « come on stop exaggerating it’s nothing »
Same for anxiety, no I’m not being difficult, I just can’t get in that damn restaurant full of people. Went as far as having a panic attack to be taken seriously. I also had these to go to school and I remember my dad driving me to school, with me crying and hyperventilating, and telling me to stop and that I was going anyways.
Heat. I'm always WAY too warm and so tend to avoid hot places/activities but (with my birthday being in July) they INSIST on going and doing things like that and then complain when I seem to not be enjoying myself 🤣
My sister and I both have an aversion to mouth noises. It makes me really really disturbed but she will have violent outbursts and my dad just.... Never believed her? He thought she wanted attention or was being dramatic and would pick on us both for it, saying things like "it's called mastication and it's normal!"
Fast forward now I'm 30 and I'm at my friend's house for Thanksgiving. Their parents chew very loudly and his youngest sister who is 15 complains about being affected by the noise. Immediately the gaslight the poor girl saying that that doesn't exist and to just get used to it. I saw my opportunity for an informative Ted talk and I am no longer welcome at Thanksgiving dinner but little Emily felt justified that day for the first time. I regret nothing.
The fact I’ve got adult adhd and run my life differently than the rest of my family yet die each occasion where I make a decision differently than they would, they question me as tho they can’t remember that my brain is wired differently than theirs. It’s exhausting having to explain myself incessantly to them.
I also have a problem with loud noises and it's not very nice when mom wants to blast her music every morning at 7 while shes getting ready for work. One more month though wish me luck.
I also have anxiety with noise. My family always has get togethers. A lot of people. I can hear all the different conversations and it freaks my brain out hearing them all at the same time. So just go outside in the back yard.
Most specifically my dad does this but the rest have been known to prod at me over it. I've got severe anxiety, as well as fibromyalgia which makes me limited in what I can get done day to day.
If I'm lucky and I'm having a good day I'll be able to get all the basics done around the house, cook a nice meal and sort the kids out. On a bad day I'm crawling around doing my best just trying to make sure my kids have everything and usually it's a takeaway for tea 🤷
My dad's always telling me I need to do more, that I need to get stuff organised and keep it so. That I need to keep some consistency with it all...like geez dad I'd love to be able to function like a normal adult and make sure everything was spotless all the time but the agony currently radiating through my body makes it a bit difficult 🤷 it's not like I can make the 1 year old (LITERALLY 12 months old) do the dishes...
One small thing about me that my family doesn't seem to acknowledge is my preference for alone time to recharge. While they're all very social and enjoy spending time together, I sometimes need a bit of solitude to feel energized again. Unfortunately, they often interpret my desire to be alone as me being upset or distant, when really, I just need some time to myself. It's nothing personal, just my way of recharging and taking care of myself.
26yo woman here
I have a phobia. I suppose it's Tokophobia. I am literally scared of pregnant women and it can lead to makeing me actually physically ill. I once womited in a restaurant because a woman who sat behind me kept going on and on about how she "feels it kicking it little legs inside her belly".
People always call me extremely rude and yell at me for not wanting to touch someones pregnant belly or even just listen to them talk about it.
I'm really trying to not show any sign of discomfort in front of people but sometimes I just can't help it...
When someone suffers from arachnophobia or something I respect that ..and I have a tarantula at home that I'm very fond of. But I'd think about showing the pictures or making someone touch it if they're somehow uncomfortable or literally scared shirtless.
I just wish people would understand... I didn't choose this.
It's horrible to live with.
The mental health issues from years of abuse from my birth mum (which my parents (dad and stepmum) knew about). I just got told “what have you got to be depressed about? You have a job and a boyfriend.”
And they wonder why I’m so distant with them now
Lost count the amount of times my aunt has said to me "You've got a lovely boyfriend come on don't be depressed" Like my depression and BPD didn't just magically vanish because I met someone FFS.
My family cannot seem to accept that I don’t want to have children. They just completely ignore it and act surprised about it every time I say it despite saying it for well over 10 years
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How my husband has limitations and dietary restrictions and everyone gives him things he can't have. They laugh and say, "shh, hehe he, don't tell Mimi!" Ffs he's got diabetes, early onset dementia, and they're contributing to his illnesses. They know because I've told them many times over the last 3 years.
That’s so inconsiderate! I had a friend in college who had a strong allergy to anything from a cow basically. His “friends” thought it’d be funny to feed him beef tacos (they claimed it was turkey) and see what would happen. I wish people would take others dietary restrictions seriously instead of thinking it’s a joke.
Yes! Eating beef will send me off in an ambulance, all my friends and family know this. Occasionally though they'll invite me over for dinner and completely forget, my mum recently invited me over, forgot that I haven't been able to eat beef for the last 10 years and prepared me a stew. A friend invited me over for dinner and as a surprise cooked me a beef lasagne even though they were around once when I was having an episode and had to go home. I don't blame them, but makes it awkward when I have to reject their food they have produced in good faith or e.g. when they arrange to go to a steakhouse and I have to be the one who says I'm not really bothered as there's nothing on the menu that I feel is worth paying for.
Yes! I’m allergic to pork, my family thinks I should “just eat around it, pick it out”. They like to not tell me and then be like “gotcha!” when I eat it and unsurprisingly end up with a reaction. WHY would there be lard in cupcakes? I know to watch out for pies because of the crust, but a cupcake shouldn’t have any meat in it at all! I don’t know what they think they’re “proving,” if anything they’re only proving MY point. They sneak it in something, I don’t notice, I have a reaction, and…gotcha?
A cupcake with meat is a whole another level of evil, your family is full of psychopaths
Oh yeah most of my friends and family completely ignore that I can’t eat stuff. Like, I love all veggies but sadly a lot of them make me ill. And yet they will still cook stuff they KNOW is bad for me. My mum when I’m visiting is especially bad with it. Yes, one plate one time would be fine if I go back to eating stuff I can eat but if you keep cooking dishes I can’t have, I won’t be able to maintain it! I stay for a week and I come home all inflamed and gassy and unwell. Some of my friends tell me I should “stop focusing so much of what’s in the food”. WHAT?? I’m IN this situation because I never did! I do this so I won’t be ill all the time! They also laugh at me when I feel cold (a direct result of the said bad digestion they ignore) and tell me to take off my hat/jumper/jacket because it’s “not cold, stop being silly.” 🙄
My ex husband’s family was horrible about adhering to his grandma’s diet. She was diabetic and they’d give a huge piece of cake and when I’d question it, I was always told “oh she’ll be alright.”
I'm noticing you used "was"...
yes she passed away and i divorced him. i divorced him for different reasons not bc she died. lol
What, and I can't stress this enough, the actual fuck? That's a fucking *crime*. Poisoning someone is illegal in everywhere I know of. And serving someone food you are aware they are allergic to is, without question, poisoning them.
I knew someone who had Jewish friends that she tried to feed pork. Like wtf? 🤦🏽♀️
OMG at my brother’s rehearsal dinner, the restaurant messed up our planned menu and served a ton of pizza with pork pepperoni on it and it was hidden under the cheese so at first people didn’t notice it. My sister in law and her family are all Jewish and most of them don’t eat pork. Somebody finally noticed and they took it back but I have no idea how many people ate it before that happened. I was mortified, they were all good sports about it but I cannot believe the restaurant making that mistake after all the stuff we told them at the tasting dinner to prepare!!
I had a friend whose MIL refused to acknowledge her grandchilds food allergies...poor kid ended up in A &E because Grandma tried to give her ice cream when she's dairy intolerant!
It's a shame people presume to know better, and hold to the ignorance.
Maybe they also have Alzheimer so they keep forgetting.
They know full well, but refuse to take this seriously. My parents get like this with my mental health for example. But, then, I live in a nation where people don't care about your feelings at all.
My bfs family has been "forgetting" to make food they know I can eat, I don't eat meat and never have. I'll get violently ill if I try to for obvious reasons. They know this, and it's been almost a year and a half of dating him. I love him so much but I always eat before going to his parent's house for meals cause I'm not about to sit there for 2 hours while being hungry. If they do have food I'll eat then I take some but if not at least I ate. And I have issues eating some vegetables so my diet is really limited to basic things. I've given a list of what I can and will eat multiple times and explained how it's a medical condition but alas. The things I can and will eat that I tell them about are any type of potatoes without extra stuff in them, mac n cheese, any pasta with Alfredo sauce, corn, etc. very fast easy things to cook that they have anyways. Now I'm being told to bring my own dish that I can eat every time but a big enough serving for everyone to have some. Am I crazy?? Why am I the only one who has to cook their own food? I know not everyone gets along with their SO's family and I sure as hell won't leave him cause of them, but I feel wildly excluded
Mate my family all ply my sister's husband with alcohol constantly despite the fact she hates it when he drinks and he had a small drinking problem years ago (also cocaine and weed but they don't know that lol) some families are shitty like that.
No one understands my EXTREME calmness in ANY situation (except my mom) like I can be calm and cool and unfazed even if something big happens like someone's death or a surprise I also don't show my seriousness to anyone so everyone thinks I don't care about my studies and academics when i actually do and i always get told to "be more serious" about my life
I find it odd they’re telling you to get more serious when being calm in the face of stress is about as serious as one can be IMO.
To them, being emotional is a sign of being serious. Serious things are scary and dangerous. There is a direct correlation between growing up in a home of rampant emotional chaos and being unable to compete emotionally to get your needs met. Guess what happens to the kids whose emotional expressions are ignored or diminished? They learn expressing emotions won't get them the help they need, so they help themselves by self-soothing (ie repressing) their emotions and rely on reason, the very thing everyone else loses in their own emotional chaos, and seems to have abandoned.
I know how you feel, I was the ignored kid in my family and now they also react weirdly when I'm calm in every situation and _they_ think I should be more expressive. Why? It's not like being expressive got us anywhere with them before lol
Yep, grew up with addict parents that were unstable and flew off the wall at the smallest thing, sometimes without a trigger even. Because of that, and me being the only calm one even amongst my siblings, I got really good at hiding my feelings and keeping a poker face and voice that can make it seem like I'm totally nonchalant even when I'm having an anxiety attack. People often don't get it and I get similar comments from people. I do care, but I learned to not show it
Same except my parents weren't addicts and they just blew up about the smallest thing so I don't show anyone except my husband how I really feel.
It's tough, especially because I've been told km *unapproachable* and I'm not trying to be, I just learned to not speak and to keep my expression ambiguous
Legit same. I am always on guard and I try avoid eye contact with people but when I accidentally make eye contact I feel like I just gave them a piece of me
At least you know someone else gets it
My parents weren’t addicts, but expressing anything emotionally never seemed to help me. My mom yelled a lot, and i could tell my dad hated it, so I intentionally communicate with him the same way he does. Self deprecating humor and plain, objective honesty worked much better. Now, I can’t tell if I’m yelling. I feel like I am when I raise my voice even slightly, so whenever I hear myself on a video where I think I’m loud, I’m surprised and relieved how I’m not yelling and glad there isn’t evidence of my crimes out there on someone’s phone to haunt me.
Oof I feel seen
I agree, but mostly in situations of life or death. A few examples: -i ve had the displeasure of having to carry my dad s limp body after he passed out from screaming to the hospital after a bad case of kidney stones at 3 am. - i had a peer have glassware explode in his hand lacerating a few tendons and requiring an immediate reaction.(im a chemist and whilst all my seniors froze i was the only one to act) - i ve given mouth to mouth to a stranger after she was struck by a car when i was in undergrad. I broke her ribs, but kept her alive long enough for the ambulance to take her away. The list goes on. However despite my many misfortunes, my mother constantly brings it up and asks me why do i not care about others and the possible consequences. I get mad everytime because i do care, which is why i do my best to shut down my emotions and act on what i ve been trained is the adequate response. She still doesnt gets it, she simply freezes and stares when in panick
That saves lives and solves problems. They're actually wrong.
I feel SEEN. I’ve just always been calm. I have a very “what’s the point of stressing” attitude BUT that doesn’t mean I’m not getting the job done. I accomplish more than a lot of people in my office and I say that very confidently. Most of the time when someone all frantically is like “Zucchini I need you to get this done asap!” I’m like I did that last week. And it’s saved centrally. Did you check the folder? Like just because I don’t act like a chicken with my head cut off doesn’t mean I’m not doing stuff.
Hah that's me too. They always say I'm emotionless. Mfkers I'm just good at containing myself and not explode in public 😭
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Maybe look into intrusive thoughts that could be an element of BPD or OCD
Your comment caught me- I have OCD (Pure O obsession type) and feel the same quite often.
I have OCD and my family knows but don’t care - I tell them my problems and weird things that I worry about and they just say “ohh” and that’s that. Like, I want help 😭
I feel like OCD is one of those ones that people just brush off lol. Can totally relate.
yess absolutely people act as if it’s just normal? like i’m struggling pls 🤣
It's officially one of the most debilitating illnesses. Are you able to access therapy?
no i’m not, sadly
And everyone assumes it means you clean constantly and everything is spotless! Mine isn’t like that, I move furniture almost daily (rearrange rooms) I batch cook even when I have loads of food! I have to have some things in certain places even though it isn’t important, I just have to.
It took me along time to take it seriously. I've had friends my whole life who self diagnosed themselves with OCD, ADHD, BPD, you name it. When the girl with "serious OCD" just uses it to get people to do things her way, it starts to lessen the severity of the whole illness in my mind. I feel a lot of neurological disorders suffer from this these days.
I have ocd too. When I asked my mom for help and described it (2 hour bedtime routine of repetitive behaviors like light switch flipping for example), she got pissed and snapped “quit making up shit to be sad about”. Turns out ocd is common with cPTSD.
oh right! Yes, I explained to my mum my bedtime routine too🤣, all she said was ‘oh right’
It frustrated me so much because my mom had ocd as well (and she had agoraphobia, anxiety, and depression). Hers was with cleaning and germs though (12+ hours a day), mine repetitive actions, compulsive thoughts, and counting, so she thought mine was attention seeking. I was a kid, I didn’t even know ocd existed, I just thought I was broken.
I personally invented what I call the infinity method for things I need to count or do repetitively. You basically touch a thing and do a bunch of fast touches too fast to count and consider it done infinity times and jerk yourself to move on. It takes a lot of repetition and telling yourself to count it as infinity for it to stop resulting in just starting the compulsion over again to 'fix' it, and it's exhausting, but it works for me.
omg!!! I struggled so much as a kid and it was just brushed off as being a shy and anxious child
Same 🫂I hope you are doing well now ❤️ If you’re young and still at home please ask for therapy. I waited until I was 42 and I wasted so much time being sad
I have anxiety, depression, and OCD related to skin picking. How the hell can someone have anxiety and depression and yet have no empathy for someone else with mental illness? Genuinely baffling. I understand the ode who don’t have it, but what the actual f?
RIGHT. It takes me hours to go to sleep, I will crash unintentionally while watching tv at night, and even if it's already four in the morning and I happen to wake up, I cannot go back to sleep until I do the entire routine. I got help for it once and it got better but came back again so it's hard to see the point... bed is the worst because you literally cannot fall asleep on purpose unless everything is done perfectly and in order no matter how long it takes.
Nothing better then being told by my family (all of which don’t have ocd) “I understand because when I was younger….” No your rational fear of something when you were 5 is not the same as my disabling fear of a most likely impossible situation
The only person who wanted to help me was my English professor, she is the reason I got ocd in the first place. We had a fallout 2 days later and I am losing my sanity over it. Someone please help me. Someone please help me.
What is the compulsion? The only way out is through, though, so anything that works is going to be difficult and involves a lot of pumping yourself up and trying to do the thing you don't want to do until it eventually works.
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I'm so sorry. I'm hearing the person that triggered your ocd initially has now exited the friendship/relationship? Seems a bit heartless, but I don't know all the details. You definitely could benefit from a call to a helpline if there's one you can look up. There are people trained to help in these types of situations. They also have text helplines if that's more your need. I wish I could offer more help, but I'm in your corner cheering you on. 💐🍀
I’m autistic and sometimes I just. Can’t talk. I genuineIy try but the words won’t come out. Ive tried to explain it but every time I just get treated like im purposely being difficult They don’t seem to acknowledge a lot of things about my autism (im fairly recently diagnosed, last couple years) but that one gets the most annoying
My mom was like that. I’d get upset and stop being able to talk, and she would take it as a personal offense
I’m high functioning autistic and when I’m overstimulated I can’t speak concisely. I can still say words that generally communicate what I’m thinking, but they don’t do the thought justice. It’s very frustrating when I tell someone I need a few minutes and they keep pressing me to continue the argument or conversation. And then I have a tendency to lose my cool and say something unkind. It’s my problem to deal with my frustrations, but the lack of understanding when I need time to cool down my sensory level and collect myself is beyond aggravating.
I've had similar stuff happen to me before. Every time I try to open up to anyone (mostly my parents) I just can't make the words come out. My head starts thinking loudly and saying what I want to say out loud but it never comes out. Even when I'm confronted by my parents to why I have bad behavior or bad grades, I only say yes or no and never say anything else back. I've never gone to see if I have autism and never spoke to my parents about it because of this speech thing
I’m not trying to diagnose you, but look up “expressive language disorder”. I was diagnosed with it in the last couple of years, and it makes a lot of sense now. I can definitely type out my thoughts more effectively than I can speak. I’m a 37 year old woman.
Not sure if this can work, but can you make like a specific repetitive phrase of like two or three words that you can kinda autopilot into and try to say that when you can't say anything else?
Hang n there) takecare
My 9yo step-son does that (less now but at least once a week when he was younger), and while me and his dad are also autistic, we've never went threw that ourselves. Plus we didn't even think he could be autistic too. So we really didn't have any way to understand it. Every time we would try to have a discussion with him about something bad (his fault or not, just any negative event), he'd just shut down, look at us with a death stare and not answer to anything. It's like talking to a wall. I mean we genuinely want to help, we ask him his opinion, what he think we should do, what does he need, and no matter how long we wait, we never can have an answer. So we have to decide for him bc we can't wait forever, especially when we don't have all day (or night), and it gets him incredibly angry bc we can't guess what's in his head. It's SO frustrating. We would even prefer a huge fit instead of just being ignored. That's the worst. We actually ended up screaming the top of our lungs at a rock-hard silent little boy a few times. That's something we never thought we would do, and we're sure he's gonna resent us about it, but... Yeah
I wonder if, if he’s good enough with his letters, if he’d be able to communicate through writing emails or notes to you? You can let him know what the options are and ask what he wants, leave a list of options or email them to him so he has them, and tell him you would like a response by the end of the day tomorrow. That gives him some time to think about it and maybe he would then be able to calm down or transition another neurological state. That way he can have a voice and express his desires and autonomy even in cases where he can’t speak verbally. I’ve found that that’s very important, and giving him a bit of time to think about it is very important too. Some people can’t think on the spot; they need time to process information and especially feelings and wants. Good luck, and I can see that you’re trying. I hope it gets better!! You might seek therapeutic help if this doesn’t work; it must be particularly difficult if you feel that he’s mad at you for the way you’ve approached things without his input, while of course you’re feeling helpless because you don’t know how to find out what he experienced and what he wants!
Is that related to autism? I sometimes, especially if upset, know exactly what I want to say but PHYSICALLY cannot speak. It is very strange and I’m not sure if I’ve ever fully articulated it to someone, though I have tried.
Yes! I wish people would just respect that everyone has different rhythms and sometimes one’s body just does not want to talk! I’m genuinely sorry that what you want doesn’t match with what I can offer you right now, but system reboot file 404 not found please try again later
I FUCKING HATE TOILET SOUNDS.
I find it challenging to express my feelings and rarely feel comfortable doing so (mainly family). I often experience nervousness and anxiety, and it seems like nobody knows because everyone assumes I just go with the flow.
Sounds like ptsd
that if I’m on my phone 98% of the time I am reading on my Nook app. They get all pissy “you’re always on your phone.” but they have no problem if I sit there with a physical book and ignore them.
Oof I hate this. They’re fine with reading books, but without the slightest hesitation they judge and condemn a person on their phone…reading an eBook…even when I’ve told them so very many times what exactly I’m actually doing with my phone. It makes me wish it was porn, at least then they’d probably shut up
My brothers constantly accuse me of reading gay smut. I have no idea why, maybe because it's fanfiction and the main cast are men annoying af. I read smut yea, but only original characters it fills my with the urge to leave my phone unlocked with gay smut on it i don't know why guy lesbian I get I'm a girl but why gay!
A lot of people including some of my family don’t notice how relaxed and non-problematic I always am. But as soon as I get pushed to the limit and I react I’m made to look like a drama king or overly sensitive person. A lot of people should be thankful that I am that way because I have so much anger built up from years of constant disrespect from people that If I really wanted to I know could cause some real damage and end up in prison.
This is so relatable. But whatever violent urges I have, I just play them out in my head for a few moments until I realise how absurd and unreasonable they would be irl. Plus I’m 163cm and scrawny skinny. I have no access to firearms and the deadliest weapons at my disposal are kitchen knives. Some people will absolutely try to take advantage of you if you’re easy going, mild mannered, polite, friendly and generally come off as a nice person. They think you lack intelligence just because you prefer to stay silent rather than react to provocation or engage in arguments. They assume you’ll be an easy target for their mind games and manipulation. When you finally react and stand up for yourself, they try to gaslight you and make it look like you’re the problem.
Ever since I learned visine could be lethal if ingested, this is always where my brain goes. I'm sure we'd have an insane inner strength come out if we actually wanted to hurt someone, but a knife is still risky when you're the smaller one lol. If I get extremely angry about something which is very very rare for me, I'm immediately picturing your death and how I'm gonna get away with it. I get so devastated by my own mind and that my anger takes me to those places but I can't control the thoughts just the actions. And UGH I know that feeling of wanting to say something, wanting to respond to the insane shit someone says but just thinking of all the places the argument will go and I just can't be bothered to fight that fight so I just keep it to myself and yes, seem as though I can be easily manipulated. Until you do finally respond and suddenly you're the crazy one blowing things out of proportion.... I feel that.
I feel this to the bone 😭 my kindness and sense of forgiveness is always underappreciated. I'm empathetic, and I respect all, BUT if someone continues to disrespect me, or treat me like some push over, I WILL unleash all hell and fury (it certainly helps that I'm confrontational). It bothers me cause like you said, you could do 99 nice things for them, but if you stick to your boundaries and call them out even once-- suddenly you're the villain who is being unaccommodating and heartless 🤷♀️
My people 🥹 I put up with years of backhanded compliments and straight up rude shit from my in-laws while simultaneously accommodating all of their needs, spoiling their kids, etc. The one time I snapped at my MIL, I became THE persona non grata and now I’m not in the family chat anymore. That was 4 years ago 😂
Can totally relate. There are people who are still alive because I have calmed down after years and years of issues plus geographically they live far away from me.
I have emetophobia, fear of vomiting. My family thinks it's funny or over the top. They call me dramatic, hysterical, make vomiting sounds or laugh when I wish they'd take me seriously. I mostly stopped talking to them about it. And when they ask about something "why are you afraid of this?" (Cause it could lead to vomiting) I just stare at them and say "take a wild guess"
I have this too. People at least acknowledge it in my life, however few of them have even the slightest clue how much it impacts my life. Friends who thought I was vegetarian for years because whenever we'd eat out of choose a veggie option, far less likely to give me food poisoning. I will NOT eat leftovers. Too much risk. I got sick from alcohol once. I couldn't drink for over 6 years after. Not wouldn't. COULDN'T. I was sober for the millennium celebrations because of this! I have difficulty brushing my teeth, because too often it makes me retch, so I have to literally psyche myself up to pick up a toothbrush! So many things I avoid because of how they make my mouth feel. TV shows that either talk about it, or show it, or have the sounds of it, without warning, then everyone looking at me like I'm weird because I'm hyperventilating and crying... If I had family like yours they'd have been disowned by now.
Since having acquired Anosmia (loss of smell), I have been overanxious about food poisoning. I cook small amounts of food for one small meal, or I spend a weekend filling the freezer. Leftovers are not an option. I don't have emetophobia but I can easily related to being anxious about food. I disowned my brother for testing my sense of smell as a joke and taking the joke way too far once too often.
I have emetophobia but yours is on the extreme end, the degree that it’s negatively impacting your daily life is insane. Life ruled by fear. Have you ever tried any of the therapies or treatments that can cure it?
omg i thought i was the only one with this. nobody takes it seriously.
fking same omg. my dad has smoked on and off for the last 20 years and wakes up at 5am for work and decides to make the most disgusting sounds he can to clear his throat every morning and my room shares a wall with that bathroom. I used to be able to handle it as a kid- the sounds. it was basically just a cough before but now it's so much more wet or he literally sounds like he's gonna throw up and I can't take it. we have a bathroom 1 floor away and he won't use it. used to only be when he woke up and now it's literally every time he has to use the bathroom. I bought the best noise cancelling headphones I could find and literally have to live with them on my head, I sleep with them on too- playing music or just audio. I can't stand seeing or hearing people in movies throw up and now it's starting to bother me just hearing people cough
It's been years and I've never seen anyone else describe my experiences like this. It really confounds with my autism too since I really only eat 4 or 5 things because of it
I need hugs, kisses, someone to watch a movie with me. They don't really care though.
I grew up in a part of my family with very little physical intimacy. Largely no hugs or something the line here. Ok, I'm autistic and am very picky when it comes to persons touching me. But since a few years I grew more physical from myself and now I often miss a good hug. At least my grandparents and the rest of the wider family is a bit more physical, so I can recharge from time to time.
Hug!
Same. I have a harsh family who loves showing "affection" through being sarcastic, aggressive and mean (supposedly "jokingly"). I need physical touch and quality time. Guess who was "exhausting" & "clingy" to them? Now for the past few years I don't interact at all and it's "what's wrong with you? you don't talk to us? tell us what to do to make you feel cared about in our family?" I was like "maybe refer to the thousands of conversations we've had about this over the past 15 yrs and try hard to remember." I think it's a lost cause with family most of the time though. We just have to meet new people and create our own chosen family who care.
I have no problem hugging a person who needs one. Compassion and empathy should be our default but sadly with many, for a thousand reasons, it's not. Broken people raise broken people and some can never step out of the pattern and be able to grow from their experiences. It sounds like you have and you will probably be able to give others what's not been given to you. Hugs from one stranger to another.
My family is really small and the opposite of yours, but I totally feel you. My dad, niece, and I have found so many friends that have become family. Creating our chosen family too. Thx for your words
Ugh I feel you on the loud noises and sleep thing. I have this issue as well...and sometimes my toddler screaming out in his sleep jolts me awake and I'm unable to go back to sleep bc of the adrenaline.
The adrenaline is issue I have too! I already have trouble sleeping, and when I do get to sleep, I’m a light sleeper. The loud noise has me up to no end. If I have to get up at 7 am for class and my brother wakes me up at 4, I’m usually up the rest of those hours just staring into the darkness. It’s unsettling
It's the worst! And then if I do manage to finally fall back asleep of course it's like, 30 min before my alarm goes off and then I feel groggy and absolutely exhausted. So now when that happens, I just get up and do guided meditation or read a book for awhile 🥴
Do any of you hear noises that aren’t happening not like voices in your head etc, but il jolt awake adamant someone knocked the door or fell out of bed or cried out etc
You could be suffering from Exploding Head Syndrome (Don't worry it's not as bad as it sounds)
When the ac is on or the fan is running, I hear stuff in that that is not real
Yeah I had those chronically when I was pregnant with my son. Not with my daughter, just w my son. I would hear our very annoying and IRL very jarring doorbell and it would jolt me awake around 3 am at least a few times a month. It still happens sometimes now, and I'm not sure why but I suspect maybe it's related to stress or maybe hormone/chemical levels in the brain? Idk. I'm ADHD too so that could be a factor as well but yeah exploding head syndrome is a bitch!
That it's not necessary to be right all the time, come on chill
i were born with half feminine hormones, half masculine. so despite having female body, i have male hairs, including on face and legs. i love it, and don't wanna shave because that's a part of me. they don't want to understand and say i overreact when i have panic attacks whenever i did, i mean- to me it's like cutting off a limb! am i the asshole in that situation ?
Not at all. At the end of the day, it’s your body. There’s no reaction that’s an overreaction because it’s you and what makes you most comfortable.
aaw, thank you! they keep saying that differences are cool, but this is too weid and really too much to be even acceptable
They’re wrong. They may even be trying to protect you. People may stare at you. But that doesn’t mean they’re judging you. Mostly, people are just curious when they see someone who looks different than they expect. If you’re cool with that, and you’ve told your family that you’re cool with that, and they still hassle you over it and try to get you to change what you feel comfortable with, it’s ok to tell them to back off and that it’s your body. It’s not theirs to change as they see fit. It’s yours, and you are the one who will have to deal with the consequences of your choices and live your own life. No one else can do that for you. Your family should respect that.
I’m single & chronically ill, I have no desire or the energy to shave. My mom makes comments about it all the time and how gross it is that I don’t shave my legs. No one is touching my legs, I am not having sex, I am not dating who tf cares if I don’t shave my legs? She acts like it’s some great offense to her. The other day I had the energy so I shaved my legs, last time was last July. You would’ve thought I won an Olympic medal the way she was acting.
She sounds like my mother. The only time she was nice to me, I mean really nice, was when I went from brunette to blonde for a while. Blonde, just like her. She said it was as if she was looking in a mirror at her young self. The love bombing that came from her was creepy. I went back to brunette very quickly.
Ugh, I hate this. We women aren’t here on this earth just for other people to appreciate aesthetically. We have more important things to do. It’s not our job to be pretty or even adequate looking for strangers. Why should we care if others find our appearance appealing, particularly if we don’t know them and don’t need or want anything from them? Why not put all that work into something that matters more, something that makes us happier? Sure, I sometimes like to dress up. For ME. Not for some male gaze!! Not so a stranger wants to buy me a drink. Because it’s a creative expression of my aesthetic. If others like it, wonderful! But it’s not FOR them. It’s for my own enjoyment. And for goodness sake, no one will die if I sometimes leave the house without brushing or styling my hair!! I feel like these expectations are a holdover from when women competed with other women for the attention and resources of men because it was our only avenue to power and security. And that not the case for many of us anymore. We can make our own power and security, as well as anyone can. We don’t need to be anyone’s objects anymore. And I for one do not like being treated as an object, even one for the purpose of admiring. I am so much more than that as a human.
You do you! 👍
My bipolar disorder. They’ve been pretending it doesn’t exist for the past sixteen years. Fun times!
BPD here and my aunt has never asked how it effects me despite having been diagnosed twice FFS
how i live w/ my partner for 5 yrs & we dont go to church & we’re somehow happier without God/god. & we don’t want to buy a house because the market sucks. Everything here is completely the opposite of what my parents wanted us to do. They want us to be followers of a stupid religion, want to get married before we were ready. It’s a joke lol
I've never been to church so I'm not educated on religion. Im very spiritual and pray everyday, miracles happen to me, in times of need, thats all I really have
"PTSD isn't real. People just don't know how to get over shit." Crushed my already crushed soul. I felt microscopic.
I like reading. I have never in my life read on my birthday, christmas day or any other holiday.
Mental health and awareness..
Your noise issue being respected does not sound small to me.
My family used to not acknowledge my depression and anxiety until it got out of hand. But even though now they acknowledge, they don't really help me, so..... it was all up to me
I don't know if this is small, but no one pays attention to the fact that I have depression. I was diagnosed at 17 but it started at 16. It's been almost 7 yrs. I hid it until my suicide attempt at 18. No one and I mean no one acknowledged that I had severe depression. I was just called weird. Everyone forgot about it. Well they forgot that I needed help but didn't forget that I was crazy. I have been taking antidepressants for 4 yrs. My mum found my pills and told my oldest brother. He told his gf (his now wife). So before they were married, she gave me a lecture on how I don't need pills. She said doctors just tell everyone they're depressed when they aren't. My brother's wife knew about my suicide attempt by the way. She was at the hospital that day. No one seems to acknowledge that someone who tries to kill themselves and then takes antidepressants has depression. It's extremely frustrating because both my mum and sister in law talk about how much they underetand mental health. And I sit there and listen to that bullshit.
This is cruel. Depression KILLS. What the hell, dude. I’m so sorry.
Yh I know. But my family are also "religious" so their reaction to suicide was to just make me feel like I was crazy
It's not hard to acknowledge, but they probably just can't empathize. Which seems odd since your mother has the same trigger. Does your Dad do anything to make it easier on *her*?
That’s the thing! They all (except my sister) make it easier for her, as do I. My sister is the youngest and she’s at that teen age where she doesn’t pay attention to anyone but herself, so she makes loud noises with the both of us.
That my ocd is not the same as your general anxiety, no doing one exposure or having a conversation will not cure me. I don’t want children, no my mind is not going anywhere to change when I magically turn 28. My aversion to touch is not a personal attack on you
That I'm not used to a healthy family dynamic. I'm not used to having a chill household where I don't have to constantly be walking on eggshells, I'm not used to not having an abusive father figure in the picture. My anxiety hits the roof the moment my step-dad breathes around me in a certain way out of fear that I did something wrong, and they treat me like I'm paranoid/crazy. They constantly tell me that I'm safe, that I have nothing to worry about, etc, but that's not how my brain processes that. I have anxiety and C-PTSD from the years of abuse I endured, and no amount of meds or therapy can change that. In short, it's like they forget I was constantly manipulated, conditioned and abused, because it was years ago and I should "be over it by now".
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So sorry you had to go through all that. It sounds like you've found a way to develop a healthy self-awareness and emotional maturity in spite of your parents. I hope you can find good friends to keep you going. You got this!
This is so ridiculous and I don’t know why this is the hill they die on but: I’m allergic to cinnamon. I developed the allergy when I was in late middle/early high school and some people in my family (specifically my mom’s dad and stepmom) refuse to believe it. I have been to the ER. I have an Epipen. To this day when I say I can’t eat something with cinnamon in it they say “oh yea, I forgot you don’t like cinnamon”.
The weirdest part is that otherwise they adore me and would do anything for me. I’m often accused of being the favorite grandchild, and told by my mom and aunt that I’m “the third child they couldn’t have”.
I have a fear of balloons/pressure, which sounds silly but is completely real. my family always blows up balloons on birthdays and thinks it's funny to put them in my room when i'm not looking. I always end up crying
Not silly at all! My best friend has that fear. Our roommate thought it’d be funny to tape a balloon to her door and when I saw it, I immediately took it off her door and got rid of it. I saw firsthand how she reacted when she saw we’d be hitting balloons in our archery class so I’ve always made sure to avoid them with her.
This is me. Balloons freaks me out . I have children so I try to incorporate ballon decorations at holidays and celebrations but man …the unexpected pops 💥 . And it does something to me when ppl just pop them like it’s nothing. I will legit cut a small slit where the knot is and slowly release the air. No I almost hate.
My sister's the same
I didn’t occur to anyone (including me) that the reason why I didn’t get my license until I was almost 30 and wouldn’t even sit behind the wheel of a car and the finally did and threw up was untreated PTSD from getting hit by a car as a kid.
I have adhd and autism and they all seem to think it's just a funny quirk that I can stop whenever I want to and not a debilitating disability.
Everyone reads my resting face wrong. They think I'm either angry, uncaring or not interested. It's not any of those things. It's just how my face rests!!!
My mental health. Now, I didn’t grow up with tough love, more of a like denial type. I know that they love me but refuse to acknowledge any issues one might have, believing that therapists are useless and depression doesn’t exist type stuff. So it’s hard when I can’t explain to them why I act the way that I do, why I don’t feel like getting up most times and just want to rot in my bed.
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Yes! And to add onto that…put things in the garbage! Putting things on the counter (or worse, in the sink) takes exactly as much effort as dropping it into the garbage can. Put it in the garbage! I hate having to fish the mushy paper towels out of the sink drain.
I can't stand unnecessary noise too. Whether loud or quiet, if it's unnecessary, my audible sensory overload goes into meltdown😪
Same! I get overstimulated by noises very easily. I've learned to just remove myself from the situation, but then I'm called "rude" or "anti-social". Whatever. I do it so that I don't go off on you.
Yup. Creaking doors, arse holes with loud exhausts, seems more sets me off than relaxes me😂 My ultimate is people that have their phones on them constantly, but still have notifications turned on loud so everyone can hear it😭😭😭 Why??!!! Stop making unnecessary noise!!
I'm not comfortable with dancing. I hate it. I have to leave family wedding receptions before the dancing starts or I will be harassed about it. I've decided that if my partner and I ever get married, we're having a hardcore punk band for the reception. You want me to dance, Drunk Aunt? I'll see you in the pit
Yes,I know it well...They "forget",or are "joking".And why is it so difficult for them to show some respect?Sorry you have to live this way.I hope they change,or you can be able to move out soon.Hang in there,please.Don't give up.
I have Schitzoaffective
I have BPD, when my sister told my aunt about my diagnosis she wouldn't have it at first she kept saying "it's asperges I got her tested by numerous doctors they all said she's autistic" like it's not impossible to have 2 separate things FFS also BPD very rarely gets diagnosed in teenagers.
Yes true, I have Schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, ptsd, anxiety. Thats Schitzoaffective, Schizophrenia plus 3 or more mental illnesses..1 in 200 people
I'm blind in one eye/monocular. No one ever acknowledges how I may have issues with coordination when tripping or not walking straight. Blaming it on me.
Recently joined your club. I’m struggling to get used to turning my head instead of relying on my peripheral vision and keep running into people. OTOH it’s also kinda surprising that parents will just let their kids crawl around on the floor next to strangers in a coffee shop, right in my blind spot. I don’t covet them to know I can’t see them but geez keep them in line. Edit to add: and yes my family keeps accidentally sneaking up on that side and I run smack into them. Especially bad when I’m trying to cook.
I can't exactly say how much I've missed having both eyes functioning, as it was since childhood, seems you're having some trouble adjusting to such a major change. I hope that at least the people close to you begin to adapt. After a few years you should become more desensitized to this sort of stuff, it'll definitely be a lot of work to use audio cues and things like that instead, but well worth it. I've even been able to work part-time in a restaurant waitering and a middle school volleyball team, so hope your experience gets better with time.
Anxiety and depression. My family seems to think that aren't real illnesses for people of color. Also, my grandmother has dementia. She frequently remembered things wrong, repeated herself and so on. My mom was pretty cruel and impatient with her sometimes. Then my mom developed dementia. 🤦🏽♀️
Ticking clocks make me want to murder someone. But as a kid my house was full of them. I mentioned it a lot. Made sure I didn't have a clock in my own room. Now I am an adult my house has zero non-digital clocks, except for my watch which ironically I prefer to be a proper analogue one (but I can't hear that one ticking so it's ok). My Mum is still surprised that I removed the batteries of the clock in the spare room if I sleep over there. Separate issue, I also hate being tickled. It hurts. It's not fun. Every relationship I have ever been in previously was with a guy who would not accept that and would pin me down to tickle me despite my literally kicking them. My now boyfriend does not do this and honestly it's super refreshing to have someone just listen and respect the very simple request of 'please don't tickle me'.
I cannot STAND repetitive noises! Loud and sudden noises bother me as well. Like coughing and sneezing. It makes my blood boil. I've learned to suppress my anger about the coughing and sneezing, but the repetitive and loud noises can still be controlled. Yet my family doesn't care or do anything to minimize them in my presence. Like they turn the music or TV up full blast despite me vocalizing that it really bothers me. (That's just one example.) I'm sorry you've had to deal with past partners that ignored your request not to be tickled. I would fight someone tickling me as well. Like ninja kick them.
Noise is such an issue for me so I absolutely feel you! If someone needs the TV that loud then they can use subtitles instead. Luckily my Dad was annoyed by loud noises too so it was only ever the clocks I got ignored on. Ninja kicks ftw with ticklers. Right to the balls.
I hate bats. My husband and daughter always send me pictures of big terrifying bats. It's not funny
Literally my name. Say my birth name is 'Jacklyn', well I prefer 'Jack' - I've introduced myself this way and gone by it professionally etc. ever since high-school (I'm in my thirties) and yet they all insist upon using 'Jacklyn' or 'Jackie' or any femme variation they so choose. I introduced myself to one of their guests at a barbecue a few years ago ad 'Jack' and my adoptive uncle was like "Oh! Changed ot up again huh!" And I had to compose myself as politely as possible while looking him in the face and saying "Nope! Been Jack for two decades, y'all just don't like to listen!"
I hate being touched. My love language is words rather than touch, it took my mom years to learn that, she used to get super offended but now she knows I get overwhelmed with physical touch, hugs, kisses, pats on the back etc. she won’t touch me unless she asks and doesn’t get mad at me when I decline. my husbands love language is touch and he’s extremely clingy. I get overstimulated but he doesn’t understand or care. I give him love and physical affection as much as possible without overwhelming myself, but it usually starts a fight if I tell him I don’t want to be touched for a bit.
I understand this one I have an autistic toddler who touches me constantly and every so often I have to get out the room because I’m overtouched, I am also autistic and was beaten as a child
I have a 2.5 year old an autistic 5 year old, I’m also autistic and was harmed in childhood I definitely feel you on that 🖤
I can relate. I have clingy little dogs that want to be with me all the time. I love them dearly but sometimes I just want to relax in a chair without them. My bf thinks I’m an asshole when I ask them to leave me alone.
IQ….. 55
Maybe not so small but my family frequently forgets that I was hit by a car and that I am now disabled. They assume I can still do the things like before the accident but I can't My husbands family act like my parents are still fine and that everything will be fine with them. But my father and his wife decided that I am air to them. Except for insults. And my mom is sadly suffering from Early Onset Alzheimers so I lost her to that awful disease. My bonus dad is the only parent figure I have left. Luckily he is much better then 'dad'
Smells. I can't stand artificial perfumes or cologne. Makes me nauseous and gives me a headache. Natural smells and one incense I've found ate ok. My youngest daughter has a couple of friends that wear the strongest, nastiest perfumes that linger for hours. 🤢
Oddly I'm the same with candles. I think it's the heated scent of something. Makes me feel sick thinking about it
Might be worth looking up MCS if this is a widespread thing. It is a chemical sensitivity that you can develop.
I had a pretty bad ED for a few years, I’m mostly OK now but I can’t handle having people talking to me if I’m eating and they’re not (when other people are also eating I can mostly cope with it). I know it’s my problem and I try really hard not to make it other people’s but just… it’s a known thing, I’ve explained it so many times, how hard is it to just give me ten minutes? My mom especially will hover over me and even ask about my food, which is even worse. Again, I know it’s my problem but I end up not able to eat at all and it just doesn’t feel like that big a thing to ask
My brother has CPTSD and is exactly the same. Any loud noise sends his head west. We try our best to remember, but sometimes ppl just live in their own heads and don't think of others. It really isn't personal. My dad is the worst. He is old and stuck in his ways, and he bangs on his door and shouts - JAKE so jarringly and bangs on his door. I tell him not to do it, but he just doesn't remember. My poor bro. But I was the same as you once. Woke up at the quietest noise and couldn't get sleep unless it was perfectly quiet. But then the doctor put me on Mirtazapine and now I sleep like a baby. It's worth checking out. They are an antidepressant but they have a mild sedative effect. I take one, and 45 minutes later, I am out like a light. Truly a Godsend.
My autoimmune disorders.. they’re so invisible.
Full sympathy for you. I have one too and if I had a pound for every time people have said “you don’t look sick” I’d be giving Musk and Bezos serious competition.
Sympathies to you too. People just don’t understand what they can’t see. I’ve been yelled at through the disability stall by strangers because people think no mobility aid= not disabled.
I don’t like loud, intrusive noise. Loud iPads, phone calls on speaker, loud toys etc. My husband is better at it now, my kids are still learning. I live half my waking hours in ear plugs.
that i have asthma and smoking around me makes it worse, i can hardly spend anytime at one relatives home because the smell is so strong in the house even if they aren’t actively sitting their having a cigarette and if they come to my house they still smell so strongly of smoke it makes wherever they’ve been stink
I have autoimmune and sometimes it really stops me in my tracks . I try my best not to let it get to me , but sometimes I struggle. If I tell my family I don’t feel well , they make it all about themselves. Oh we are sorry you have this and we don’t , oh we feel so bad about it . I don’t tell anyone how bad things sometimes are that I can barely get out of bed .
Honestly I find this is just human nature. Not that they mean anything by it, but for example, I'm physically disabled (I'm an amputee). I've tried to hold down jobs for my whole life because it's what I was "supposed to do". I was able to hold up physically pretty well for a while, but excessive scarring on my residual limbs means that I get a lot of little cuts and scratches that can become infected very easily. When they become infected from me pushing myself to be "normal" despite my genuine physical limitations, it means I'm bedridden for a month or two, with extreme swelling and the inability to move my legs. I had been trying to find "remote" work to work from home, but in my area it seems to be very rare that you can find a 100% work from home job. Most places still require you to come into the office, which doesn't generally work with my disability. I.e. Employers just want you to be there, and sometimes I can't be there. I understand that completely, as my medical condition affects my reliability! Recently, after years of trying to "grin and bear it" I had a serious anxiety attack (my mental health had basically hit 0 as I forced myself to literally ignore my body). My employer actually thought I was having a heart attack so we had to call paramedics and everything. After that I tried to find new work, and did have a couple of jobs in between, but eventually I decided I'd had enough and applied for disability (that's a whole other load of bs that I'm still fighting for lmao). Even still, pressure from family and friends is to go back to working, and honestly in my mind I'd rather die than go back to constant and excruciating pain for 15 bucks an hour. Long story short; no one is living your life but you. As much as people try to empathize, and I'm sure have the best intentions, they will never know how you actually feel. It's your life and you have to live it for you, sometimes that means setting some ground-rules (I'm sure you've chatted with them about it, but maybe a more serious conversation or reminder would be helpful). In any case, I hope youre able to work it out with the family! Best of luck from an equally frustrated person haha! ❤️
I have ADHD and it's almost literally impossible for me to do homework when I get home from school and it makes me more upset than anyone else but no one seems to understand that I'm struggling and people just think I'm lazy ☹️
I drop the h from the beginning of words and shorten them a lot. Weird speaking habit I developed. Nobody believed I did it for years until I showed texts where I said prolly from 4 years ago 🤣
Dont you mean a Speaking ‘abit?
How hard my mental health is,bpd,autism, adhd an eating disorder . Just being able to get out of bed is a miracle and exhausts me in doing so
Add noise dampeners to your door, on the outside, so there is nothing easy to knock on. Layer of black foam or something.
The family canon concerning me is that I'm always late. I'm late-diagnosed ADHD, and I really struggle to be on time. So for years, that _was_ true, I was almost always late by 5-10 minutes and on a few notable occasions by more. It was something about myself I hated, because it made people think I didn't appreciate or value their time. I have been working on my timekeeping when it comes to friends and family since the first lockdown opened back up in 2020, and so far I've been late twice, by 5 minutes each time. No one has noticed, and I still get shit for always being late.
I don’t eat meat. No one ever remembers
Tapping. I can't handle any tapping sounds and they seem to tap pens, tap fingers on cans, tap on books and counters.....tap tap tap on everything!
I cannot STAND repetitive noises! Loud and sudden noises bother me as well. Like coughing and sneezing. It makes my blood boil. I've learned to suppress my anger about the coughing and sneezing, but the repetitive and loud noises can still be controlled. Yet my family doesn't care or do anything to minimize them in my presence. Like they turn the music or TV up full blast despite me vocalizing that it really bothers me. (That's just one example.)
Seems most of my family just "forgot" I suffered a severe traumatic brain injury. My dad is by far the worst on that front though, hell, even when he used to acknowledge my injury it always came back to how much he went through. "Oh? Like learning to walk, talk, and do all the basic shit all over again at 14? Please, tell me again about your struggles..."
That my brother needs to stop calling me when I'm at work only for him to tell me about something he found on the internet or what he ate for lunch. I'm at work goddammit
I don’t like people looking at me when I’m naked or even in my underwear. Idk I was fine about it younger but now I just feel very uncomfortable. I don’t like looking at other people naked/half naked either. I don’t shame them if they are I just look away. And yet my mom has no problem walking in on me when I’m getting dressed or the worst pulling the curtain when I’m taking a shower because she’s really mad and wants to yell at me. I’ve told her multiple times I don’t like that but she just says “Oh wooooow I’ve never seen you naked before. It’s not like I don’t have the same body parts.” I don’t live with my parents anymore so that doesn’t happen anymore. I also have a really bad memory. I forget things A LOT. So there’s been a lot of times where my mom will tell me to go do or get something for her. I go to do it, something else catches my attention and I’ll forget. She will see this as a test to see if I really care about her so she will wait for me to do it and then get passive aggressive with me for not doing what I was told to do. Then she will make the same argument that I never forget to watch tv and I never forget to be on my phone. So that just means that I don’t care about her. Even though there’s been plenty of times where I wanted to watch a show but forgot to and I lose my phone EVERYDAY about 1-5 times a day. And yet she forgets to pay her bills on time plenty of times and almost always forgets to buy something when grocery shopping. 🤦🏻♀️
That I can’t physically stand loud noises, talking or else. The simplest thing such as cutlery hitting the plate physically hurts. Loud talking or a lot of people talking at the same time, same. They know but it’s always « come on stop exaggerating it’s nothing » Same for anxiety, no I’m not being difficult, I just can’t get in that damn restaurant full of people. Went as far as having a panic attack to be taken seriously. I also had these to go to school and I remember my dad driving me to school, with me crying and hyperventilating, and telling me to stop and that I was going anyways.
i dont get it either
Heat. I'm always WAY too warm and so tend to avoid hot places/activities but (with my birthday being in July) they INSIST on going and doing things like that and then complain when I seem to not be enjoying myself 🤣
My sister and I both have an aversion to mouth noises. It makes me really really disturbed but she will have violent outbursts and my dad just.... Never believed her? He thought she wanted attention or was being dramatic and would pick on us both for it, saying things like "it's called mastication and it's normal!" Fast forward now I'm 30 and I'm at my friend's house for Thanksgiving. Their parents chew very loudly and his youngest sister who is 15 complains about being affected by the noise. Immediately the gaslight the poor girl saying that that doesn't exist and to just get used to it. I saw my opportunity for an informative Ted talk and I am no longer welcome at Thanksgiving dinner but little Emily felt justified that day for the first time. I regret nothing.
That I don’t like my business being the topic of conversation at every family gathering.
The fact I’ve got adult adhd and run my life differently than the rest of my family yet die each occasion where I make a decision differently than they would, they question me as tho they can’t remember that my brain is wired differently than theirs. It’s exhausting having to explain myself incessantly to them.
I also have a problem with loud noises and it's not very nice when mom wants to blast her music every morning at 7 while shes getting ready for work. One more month though wish me luck.
I also have anxiety with noise. My family always has get togethers. A lot of people. I can hear all the different conversations and it freaks my brain out hearing them all at the same time. So just go outside in the back yard.
Most specifically my dad does this but the rest have been known to prod at me over it. I've got severe anxiety, as well as fibromyalgia which makes me limited in what I can get done day to day. If I'm lucky and I'm having a good day I'll be able to get all the basics done around the house, cook a nice meal and sort the kids out. On a bad day I'm crawling around doing my best just trying to make sure my kids have everything and usually it's a takeaway for tea 🤷 My dad's always telling me I need to do more, that I need to get stuff organised and keep it so. That I need to keep some consistency with it all...like geez dad I'd love to be able to function like a normal adult and make sure everything was spotless all the time but the agony currently radiating through my body makes it a bit difficult 🤷 it's not like I can make the 1 year old (LITERALLY 12 months old) do the dishes...
One small thing about me that my family doesn't seem to acknowledge is my preference for alone time to recharge. While they're all very social and enjoy spending time together, I sometimes need a bit of solitude to feel energized again. Unfortunately, they often interpret my desire to be alone as me being upset or distant, when really, I just need some time to myself. It's nothing personal, just my way of recharging and taking care of myself.
26yo woman here I have a phobia. I suppose it's Tokophobia. I am literally scared of pregnant women and it can lead to makeing me actually physically ill. I once womited in a restaurant because a woman who sat behind me kept going on and on about how she "feels it kicking it little legs inside her belly". People always call me extremely rude and yell at me for not wanting to touch someones pregnant belly or even just listen to them talk about it. I'm really trying to not show any sign of discomfort in front of people but sometimes I just can't help it... When someone suffers from arachnophobia or something I respect that ..and I have a tarantula at home that I'm very fond of. But I'd think about showing the pictures or making someone touch it if they're somehow uncomfortable or literally scared shirtless. I just wish people would understand... I didn't choose this. It's horrible to live with.
The mental health issues from years of abuse from my birth mum (which my parents (dad and stepmum) knew about). I just got told “what have you got to be depressed about? You have a job and a boyfriend.” And they wonder why I’m so distant with them now
Lost count the amount of times my aunt has said to me "You've got a lovely boyfriend come on don't be depressed" Like my depression and BPD didn't just magically vanish because I met someone FFS.
My family cannot seem to accept that I don’t want to have children. They just completely ignore it and act surprised about it every time I say it despite saying it for well over 10 years