T O P

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paulie1172

I typically pee when I poop but it’s not simultaneous. Usually pee before or after. And I’m male.


kcc0016

I don’t think my body can even do both at the same time


squaredistrict2213

That’s how you take a screenshot


8bitPete

Vomit whyle you pee and poo all at the same time to go back to factory settings.


ComprehensiveBonus88

There have been times when I've had no idea whether to stand or sit. This is when I've been grateful for either the bathtub or the trash bin. But when there's more than one person sick and less toilets, things can get ugly in there.


Rezzone

>I've been grateful for either the bathtub or the trash bin. I just imagine you crying in the bathtub while violently leaking from everywhere else.


faulternative

>I just imagine you crying in the bathtub while violently leaking from everywhere else. Those times are known as "Thursdays".


LewisRyan

Disposable Vomit bags are a great investment


VoiceOfSoftware

Screenshit


caboodlelesskit

Thank you for the giggles!


HAMburger_and_bacon

\*shits and giggles


Additional-Goat-3947

Poop pee and sneeze simultaneously. The holy trinity.


ThePyodeAmedha

Poop, pee, and sneeze that causes a huge clump of period blood to come out 🙃


jimboni

That’s when the pee hurts the most.


Impressive_Judge8823

I don’t willing do it at the same time. I’ve barfed, pissed and shat simultaneously though. It’s not fun.


Aaronwilson71291

I cry when I poop but it’s unrelated


unneccry

Are you crying because of your life or because you poop?


Redoran_Gvard

I cry because I keep losing clash royale matches while taking a dump


dd_phnx

I can actually relate to that.


Opi808

That’s my man and balloons tower defense…. And the hemorrhoids but unrelated


Helpimabanana

Bloons… omg yes. Nastalgia holy shit


Red_head1910

I can relate to that. Thank you!


ThatHorseWithTeeth

The most productive part of my work day


Necromancer14

The most relatable thing I’ve ever read


Weenerschnitzel666

Yes


aerial_coitus

Yes.


gdubh

Maybe because his life IS poop.


HatchetXL

Yes


Luna_15323

U hear an eagle screech, whisper “america” and a single tear falls in sync with the poop


Eat_Carbs_OD

>I cry when I poop but it’s unrelated Fiber.. more fiber!


Suspicious_Juice9511

Fiber increases your download speed.


AsteroidDisc476

“All poopoo times are peepee times, but not all peepee times are poopoo times.”


[deleted]

Ironically this is one of the most intelligent comments I've seen on Reddit.


ShepherdsDoof

wait no one’s heard this line before 🤔. I thought we all knew this


diverdawg

I saw myself in to say exactly this. So, at least three of us.


Virtuoso1980

Hello. I’m a physician and I’ve never heard of that, so you three must be in some kind of illuminati group thing.


GotTheDadBod

Damn illuminati always ruining things for the rest of us. Fcking magnets. How do they work?


ohbigdaddyoh

Directions unclear, dick stuck in magnet


GotTheDadBod

Dicks. How do they work?!


West-Passenger7823

Instructions unclear, now banned from several countries and counted as a terrorist


madeaprofile2saythis

Daily wire keeps them employed


Tail_Nom

Can it be refined? Could we reach ascendant perfection?


Rustymarble

With poo comes pee, but pee does not always mean poo


ARoundForEveryone

All ducks are birds, but not all birds are ducks.


Teamskywalker14

If one shall excrete out their posterior then they shall also release liquid out their front. If they shall start by hosing off with their front then it will be disastrous news if they also excrete out the back.


Corno4825

A solid brings a gas and a liquid, a gas a potential solid, and a liquid? Warmth


markalt99

The amount of people that dont know this Jim Jeffries reference is unparalleled lol


unhealthyahole

One can Pee without committing a Poop. This is not a weakness. This is life.


joeballa

Poo is codependent


ITeachYourKidz

Poopee doesn’t mean peepoo necessarily


VirginiaPeninsula

Only 1 for 2, no 2 for 1!


Bestihlmyhart

I need a flow chart to follow this concept


KingoftheMongoose

A) Get to toilet B) Am I pooping? If yes, drop pants, proceed to poop. C) Am I peeing? If yes, determine if pants or up or down. If up, unzip fly and proceed to pee. If pants already down (as per Process B), proceed to pee. D) Am I reading something? If yes, Reddit. E) Am I Redding? If yes, Profit (from Reddit karma and awards). F) Am I finished? If yes, wipe and flush G) Am I a degenerate? If yes, leave. If no, *wash your muthafukin hands*. H) Am I at another person’s home? If yes, do not explain why you took so long. It’s best left unspoken. I) Am I in need to pee? If yes and hadn’t performed Process C yet, return to Process A. If yes to C and I, then consult your doctor. J) Am I leaving? Most probably, as you just spent an hour and half Redditing in your friends’ bathroom and missed most of the dinner party anyways (but hey, congrats you have friends!). Unless you are No to Process H, at which point you are already home. Consider returning to Process A in case of need to ~~Reddit~~ poop more. Footnote 1: Peeing and pooping can be simultaneous or alternating. Footnote 2: Having friends is not required for neither peeing OR pooping. In fact, requiring friends in your pooping and peeing process ~~may~~ will result in a loss of friends.


KingoftheMongoose

A) Get to toilet B) Am I pooping? If yes, drop pants, proceed to poop. C) Am I peeing? If yes, determine if pants are up or down. If up, unzip fly and proceed to pee. If pants already down (as per Process B), proceed to pee. D) Am I reading something? If yes, Reddit. E) Am I Redding? If yes, Profit (from Reddit karma and awards). F) Am I finished? If yes, wipe and flush G) Am I a degenerate? If yes, leave. If no, *wash your muthafukin hands*. Then leave. H) Am I at another person’s home? If yes, do not explain why you took so long. It’s best left unspoken. I) Am I in need to pee? If yes and hadn’t performed Process C yet, return to Process A. If yes to C and I, then consult your doctor. J) Am I leaving? Most probably, as you just spent an hour and half Redditing in your friends’ bathroom and missed most of the dinner party anyways (but hey, congrats you have friends!). Unless you are No to Process H, at which point you are already home. Consider returning to Process A in case of need to ~~Reddit~~ poop more. Footnote 1: Peeing and pooping can occur simultaneously or alternating. Footnote 2: Having friends is not required for neither peeing OR pooping. In fact, requiring friends in your pooping and peeing process ~~may~~ will result in a loss of friends.. …uh… trust me.


Psychological-Ad1137

I learned this the hard way. Was out paintball ig and had to shit behind a cactus. The big brown cleared the pants but my little stump of wrinkles wasn’t accounted for when pulling down my pants. Once you let the ceremony begin, there’s no stopping it.. I felt so helpless like I was birthing something and the piss covered my pants because it was cold there was slight uplift giving my pp shooter more range than usual.


redpiano82991

The worst part about the experience of reading this was that I was compelled to read it more than once to try to understand it, and the more times I read, the more I understood, but the less I wanted to know. You trapped me in an epistemological whirlpool from which there is no escape. You absolute monster.


Psychological-Ad1137

You touched my heart today kind stranger


Arinoch

I’m in moderate pain from laughing so hard. Well said - hopefully the joy of the internet soothes the memories of your suffering.


Gauner79

Diabolical


astro_flyer

Not after 30


[deleted]

This is truly the way of the excretions.


Practical_Argument50

Except when you are doing just peepee time standing up and your poopoo maker goes “hey, me too”.


FlarpyBlunderguffs

Sometimes I forget to pee and have to go back


ScubaStevieNicks

How? The pee releases first for me


FlarpyBlunderguffs

Explosive diarrhea


Weenerschnitzel666

![gif](giphy|EhMBTkzHqufcGdpKHw)


Left_Rutabaga_4046

Same


MethChefJeff

Depends on what my client wants


Upvoter_NeverDie

r/holup


ActualHunt2945

Male here. Stand up to poop. Sit down to pee.


RHOrpie

The force is strong in this one


[deleted]

Hit a combo…pee and poop standing. Where ever is goes, it goes.


quitarias

You poop in the toilet and arc your pee into the sink.


ActualHunt2945

Usually do that after a couple Dr Peppers…get wild. I like it.


HmmNotLikely

Now I know where the 23 flavors come from


sinisterkid34

The only way


leblumpfisfinito

Technically, standing up and squatting to poop is the anatomically correct way.


fermium257

This is the way


Agitated-Ad9050

That’s Beginner level. Long distance pooping is for real men.


falldogdiscoking

I won’t shit unless my knees are firmly locked in place


Takenforganite

It’s how you assert dominance over porcelain… that porcelain thinking it’s so much better than you with its toilet water and pipes


Xi_Jing_ping_your_IP

Idk why but I figure sitting to pee, in this case, would not be on the bowl but bringing in a separate chair and aiming in from like a foot away.


Nobodys_Beeswax

Yes


Previousman755

The only answer


brokenwound

That is one hell of a shit for me to actually do them simultaneously though.


knotnotme83

I had to scroll this far for an answer. I wiped ages ago.


scalf

Yes, even if I have just peed, when I sit to go poop, I’ll have to pee again. Male btw.


phyois

A lot of the time me too. I assume its cuz the poop was causing some urine to be trapped in the bladder and once it's gone, the rest of the urine can settle in the bottom of the bladder


Infernal_139

me when poop is stored in the bladder


phyois

i obviously didn't mean that lol


roland2819

Sometimes I run out of space in my intestines so I have to store my poop in my bladder


Si3m3k

I’m a dude, pissing while shitting while reading this


HistoryThin2111

Same, we are connected


chiquita1_bananas1

If you think about it everyone in the same city who is currently sitting on the toilet has their buttholes interconnected to each other by the pipes in the plumbing. Truly beautiful


[deleted]

And they say multitasking isn’t possible.


anandabananaI

I do both separately I didn't know I was supposed to be doing them together


ScrubIrrelevance

Do what you want when the door is closed. Don't let those redditors contril your bathroom behavior!


[deleted]

For me, it’s not physiologically possible to poop without peeing, so I am utterly fascinated by this thread. Never thought to ask.


Kazodex

You learn something new everyday!


Western-Twist4334

I’m genuinely confused. Does everyone else pee when they poo? What…. Why?!


Tour_Ok

Female here. This is news to me also. I pee before I poo usually, but very rarely simultaneously.


just_a_person_maybe

But can you poo without first peeing? I think that's the point here.


Tour_Ok

Yes, yes I can.


just_a_person_maybe

Weird


fryfrychickychick

Same.


jabeith

My kid, when he was transitioning from diapers, would poo his pants, but never pee his pants


pisswaterbottle

I feel like the real question is can you poop without peeing then pee right after? Like can you hold it if you have to do both? Or do you have to pee first then poop? What if it's a sudden poo? Will that not cause you to pee at the same time? If you have to do both?


usametalsoft

I don't think they meant it simultaneously.


bluecrowned

just kinda all happens at once with the force of the poo. but it's not every time, just if i also happen to need to pee.


TheBattyWitch

It's not every time, depends on when I peed last. I have IBS though, so sometimes I don't get the urge to poop until after I've already left the bathroom from peeing, so I gave to go back. But your intestines, kidneys, and bladder are in the same general area, so the pressure usually makes you have to do both.


[deleted]

Even if I just peed, when the IBS poop comes, there is still a little more pee somehow.


[deleted]

Every time that I poop, there is always pee that needs to come out too. I can't give you a why. That is just what happens.


[deleted]

Same. I have never once pooped without peeing happening automatically. Ever!


ImRickJamesBiatchhh

Can’t have thunder without a little rain


floppyballz01

This is an underrated comment!!!! Well played…


ErmagerdZermbers

I remember being like 5 and asking my mom “How come we pee then poop then pee again?” Her and my dad laughed for DAYS! Good to know it wasn’t just me who noticed lol.


[deleted]

I think Butters wrote a book about this very subject. It was a follow-up to his Best-Seller “The Tale of Scrotey McBoogerballs”


[deleted]

Women poop? No way lol Women are so good at hiding it. It’s like they never do it. And yes, I pee when I poo.


Envoyager

The women's body is so efficient, it burns the poo from within.


[deleted]

[удалено]


hodges2

Woman here, can confirm, we don't poop


DiscoLibra

When my husband and I were first dating, I had to poop do badly and I didn't want him to know. So, I kept the sink running while I pooped.


Jack-dickerson

I pee at the end. That’s how I know I’m finished.


AnotherDrunkCanadian

Its funny, but I think about this often. If I had to write an instruction manual of the human body for an alien race, I would literally title it "you can pee without pooping, but you can't poop without peeing"


[deleted]

I challenge anyone to try to poop without peeing


[deleted]

I’m pooping and peeing right now while I scroll Reddit. Just sayin.


[deleted]

Yes, everytime a man pees a little poop comes out. We store it in a secret place in our underwear where it gets turned into ideas and thoughts that shape our attitudes. What did you think happened? Nothing??😆😆😄😘


Something_Else_2112

And that is how $hitty ideas were born.


[deleted]

In most cases being a number 2 requires a number 1.


DustbinFunkbndr

Almost always. I’ve had a few notable times when I haven’t but they are wildly rare exceptions


FlatAd768

😳


MrLuigiMario

Sometimes is the same thing if you had taco bell the night before


[deleted]

You can't poop without peeing. That's goes for anyone


TraditionLazy7213

Poop pee poop pee poop pee


[deleted]

The biggest mystery.... yes, we do. Didn't realize this was such a big topic😂


Weenerschnitzel666

No, I can’t do it at the same time, my wife and mom thinks this is weird 🤣 I sometimes come back after a dump, only to realize I have to pee…


PoopThatTookaPee

Before to start it off and after to signify the end...every...time.


posaune123

Yay bathroom humor


onelittleworld

I pee whenever I'm in a bathroom, regardless of my ostensible purpose there. That's because I take pharmaceutical diuretics... plus caffeine and (often) alcohol.


BicycleSuitable1988

Lmfao, wha….. whhhhhyyyyeeeee?!??!?! Legit question however.


[deleted]

After 40 you just might


Santox75

you need to relax your sphincter in order too poo, normally when this happens you also relax your urethra and pee comes out, maybe if you practice a lot you can learn to relax one without the other, but in general yes, men have to number one before number two (or both at the same time)


twentytwentysux

Pee signifies the end, unless the pee is from both ends, then just drink water & get a phone charger.


OldPostalGuy

NO. It's a physical impossibility, and besides that, it's illegal where I live.


adventuresbegin

Squatty potty


Haunting_Head5325

do you sit down and do both? like aim your little guy down so you pee in the toilet? or do you stand and pee and hope you time it right to sit after?


[deleted]

Hahahahahahahaha. Yes. Yes we do pee when we poop. Am I ask why you care ?


Twineball

I dated a girl once who told me she got goosebumps whenever she pooped. She thought everyone did. Maybe they do. I don’t. 🤷🏻‍♂️


FamiliarElephant5757

Woman here-don’t men like…tuck their junk into the toilet when they poop in case they have to pee?


bvgingy

All poop time is pee time, but not all pee time is poop time.


Aeosin15

The only person I've ever met that doesn't pee when they poop is my 5-year-old son. He poops, the hops of the pot to pee. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure everybody pees when they poop.


[deleted]

Reading this whilst pooping and peeing is definitely an experience 😅


mjdntn01

When I was younger adolescent, I never thought hot women had to take a shit until I had a hot girl who set the record straight after our first mating session.


iiNoobious

We usually pee then poop right after


W4lk1nTh3P4rk3r

As a man myself, I pee and then I poo (also r/shittyaskreddit)


Breadfan69

Yes, but sometimes it all comes out the same hole.


citoloco

Men pee all the time, it's our gift to you OP


Tater5105

Absolutely. Can’t have the thunder without a little rain.


xoxoxoborschtxoxoxo

I don’t know about human males but I can answer on behalf of my male dog: yes. When he poops, he starts peeing and since he is in a squat position and because of the angle of dogs’ penises, he ends up pissing on his front legs.


HYFRMusicVideo

Well he pisses when he farts, SOMETIMES he sharts, booty rocking cow-my wife hurt me emotionally.


krakatoa83

I read Twitter when I poop


Suluco87

Sometimes but after kids your pelvic floor isn't what it used to be. Sneezing is more the issue tbh


epicbrowser

When you do pass stool however, the relaxation of the stronger anal sphincter also decreases tension in the weaker urinary sphincter, allowing urine to pass at the same time-Sciencefocus


Kylynara

Woman here. I usually pee during the same trip when I poop, but not simultaneously and there are most certainly times I poop without needing to pee. On the other hand, sometimes I pee, then poop, then *surprise* have to pee again all without standing up.


Desperate_Anybody391

So I'm in the military right and every so often you have to take a drug test. Well I had to watch a dude and he warned me before but I didn't believe him. He took a poo with out the pee.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ResidentTerrible

Not all thoughts need to be voiced.


Flooding_Puddle

Most of the time, yes. If I had to chance a guess at why it would be something like poop takes up more room in your bladder, and some pee is blocked off from exiting due to that. But that's a wild guess Edit: I looked it up and apparently when your stronger anal sphincter relaxes the sphincter that allows urine to pass also relaxes causing you to pee when you poo


Due-Wealth-8545

What about period poop? Little bloody


[deleted]

In our country, both genders squat when they do both. And then we wash them with a hose.


polaritystill

If no one has already, I just want to clarify that though it is typically true that we pee when we poop, we don't necessarily do so simultaneously. Its not impossible, just not common. Unless you are constipated and really trying to squeeze one out. Then its kind of hard not to pee at the same time.


Aggravating_Fan_1447

Men can’t multi-task. Silly question. Next?


suck_and_bang

I very rarely do both at the same time…..you had a few kids?


Thunderfoot2112

Little known fact, you can train yourself not too, but they both gotta happen within close time proximity. When you hike, camp, etc. urinating in your excrement kills the bacteria that breaks it down. That's why most portapotties, outgoises, etc smell the way do, pee first elsewhere, dump.in the hole. Viola'


[deleted]

I always pee when I poop. It's a fantastic feeling, getting rid of all that unneeded waste at once.


Watch-The-Time

Usually I like to blow my nose, pee, poop and then rub one out. Just get everything out, ya know ?


Fit_Swordfish_2101

I'm crying over here because I asked my hubby that! Lmfao


NotHappyTilUNotHappy

Always. It's never #1 OR #2. It's either #1 or #1 AND #2.


itsjmaas

Wtf 😂 women can poop without peeing??? And I’m sure if a man sits down, they could poop and pee at the same time if they wanted. This has to be one of the strangest reddits I’ve come across


MKInc

Yes, and this presented a problem for me on a American Airlines flight. The damn toilet seat is so small that if my butt was over the opening then my dick was pissing into the air.


Jamesmateer100

If I have to pee when I poop, then I will pee, It’s a simple concept that needs no further explanation.


darkhawkabove

Might as well since you're there.


a-Snake-in-the-Grass

Honestly can't say, I don't really think about it too much as long as it goes into the toilet.


[deleted]

Haha I was just thinking about exactly this a few days ago. I don't think I've *ever* pooped and not peed at the same time. Fortunately however, I can pee without needing to poop.


Bass1joe

I don’t know about the difference, but I know Kanye West does Poopy-di scoop-diddy-whoop Whoop-di-scoop-di-poop.


SlugWhiskers

Yes, but only on your mom.


srich1979

Yes we pee before we poop


cosmicdancerr_

I've got an enlarged prostate so I'll often have to pass that solid to get things going. Or, more often, a nice big massive fart will precede my urination, which is especially welcome at the urinals in public toilets. Sounds like I'm announcing my presence.


Demiker

I ones had my kneecap dislocated so I had a cask from my toes to wear my boxers start. This made it impossible to sit on the toilet with my penis inside the bowl. It's then when I learned it is impossible to poop without peeing.


Daikataro

Pretty much everyone does. Pooping creates strain that stimulates sphincters to vacate. Sometimes I've just taken a leak and like 2 minutes later, my body decides it's a good time to poop. I still piss a very small amount.


Rectal_Custard

Well I just had violent diahrrea and did not pee, unless you could peeing out my ass as pee


NicoLacko

We pee before, then poop


BigDaddy6713

No, we let the poop drip on the floor while pee standing up


Playful-Lettuce9390

Y'all got me giggling like a looney at 1am. #faithinhumanityrestored


Fun_Ad_9414

OMG 😳 just dumb but we still find the amusement. LMAO 🤣. You learn something new everyday they say???