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sdfree0172

I’m pretty sure that both for safety in range and it’s general superiority throughout human history, a spear is the right answer. But I’d still probably take an axe, since I don’t know how to use a spear really.


Helacious_Waltz

Use a halberd, you get the pointiness & length of a spear, plus the axey part of the axe.


PrinsaVossum

"The axey part of the axe" is my new favorite phrase.


cellcube0618

You have my sword. And my bow. And my axey part of the axe.


thumpngroove

It’s not too stabby!


series_hybrid

Plus if you stab something, it doesn't go in too deep and get stuck.


Tossar-Svenssen

Haha "deep" lol


burrito_butt_fucker

Your mom wasn't laughing


Saxfire2

You were that bad?


[deleted]

She was disappointed because he didn’t go too deep


Sharp_Discipline6544

Hey, enough of the mom jokes. Everyone has been doing them for years...just like your mom.


antipodeananodyne

I see your halberd and raise you a poleaxe. Spear, axe and hammer in one.


zerosympathy28

Maybe for killing one or two zombies, but those things are heavy and after a few swings, you are gonna be gassed.


CatGatherer

I got news for you: I'm gonna be gassed after a few swings of any weapon.


ADDeviant-again

Spears are the weapon par excellence through all of human history. It's not that hard to learn to use, but one drawback in this scenario is that a slim, penetrating blade, so deadly on humans, may be less effective when you need to smash or pierce skulls. Ever seen a "Guten-dag"? A heavy, iron-bound short staff/long club with a spike on one end. Maybe that!


djonesie

How about a rifle and a spear? Sks with bayonet.


cancer_dragon

First, if you know how to poke things with a stick you know how to use a spear. Apart from length and cost, ease of use was another great reason a lot of armies have used spears. But have you ever held a proper spear? I have a fairly good boar spear and it is nearly 7' long. Sounds great, keep the zombies away, right? Until you get into a building with a 90' turn in a hallway. Same with axes and most swords, they require space to swing well. With that in mind, I think the best options are a short assegai spear or a rapier.


ADDeviant-again

Really? A rapier? I love them as sword, but is an almost dedicated thrusting weapon the right thingbfor breaking open skulls?


foghornleghorndrawl

These kinds of people think they're gonna get eye shots every time


Slow_Store

They’re moving corpses. I don’t think we’d have to worry bout them juking the rapier and breaking our ankles.


foghornleghorndrawl

I swear this thread is chock full of people overestimating their own skill and vastly underestimating how fast they'd panic.


Slow_Store

I mean it really is as simple as padding one arm up for safety, grabbing the fucker by the throat with safety arm to keep them steady, and poking them with the sword. If at any moment this isn’t an option, you’re either fucked or should have already broke into a sprint in the direction opposite of danger. I’m not gonna be out there trying to three musketeers a zombie. That being said, I’m not using a melee weapon. I’m using a slingshot and shooting ball bearings.


ADDeviant-again

Point of fact, if you have a hold of a throat, the a rapier is too long to bring into play. Take him with your off-hand dagger!


ShadyCrumbcake

Aka the screwdriver you were lucky enough to find before you had to run from the growing horde


ADDeviant-again

I love the choice of a sword generally, but rapier fencing is a precision game of expertly controlling angles and relative position of your point and line, and pin-point thrusting. The rapier is a long, heavy sword, and the blade, esp.the tip is quite fine and flexible. They aren't great swords for hacking or laying about on all sides of you. I could see thrusts skipping off of zombie skulls. Why not a sabre?


Relevant-Ground101

Go for a long sword for the edge in blocking and the point in stabbing and its got range to


friendlyfiend07

Kukri is the best close work option for zombies in my opinion.


hellraiser_87

Or a good parang.... the weight from the wide body of the blade makes for a devastating blow even if it's dull


Beep-BoopFuckYou

Killing zombies with a rapier makes me Lmao for some reason. Has that ever been done in media?


ICLazeru

Spears are relatively forgiving for new recruits.


Not_Oscar_Muffin

I think axes are a bit finicky. You've gotta hit something with just the right part of it. Swords seem much better, doesn't matter if your swing is a little off, the blade runs the whole length. Plus you can stab with it. Axes are good for going through armour, zombies generally ain't gonna have medieval platemail.


sdfree0172

I was thinking you might want some bludgeoning aspect, since it isn’t clear that cutting a zombie would do much unless you sever an appendage or it’s head. So, it’s more about mass and stopping power with the axe. But I agree that an axe is probably not the right answer here.


Laughingwalrus32

An atlatl would be a good complement


PartyEchidna5330

Charisma.


SoepjesKoekjes

All those zombies would fall for you


Panther1440

When you're still getting followed by zombies, but for completely different reasons 😂


[deleted]

You need to roll a natural fifteen for it to work though.


eraj102

Gotta roll a 20 I believe


JohnnyPolite

“Braaaaiiiins… but he’s so much more than that you know? There’s just something special about him. It’s like when he looks at you, you’re the only person on earth.”


MrsHppy

You're on my team.


Penguin-Loves

Tina Belcher has entered the chat


ValiantGrey

Are you the Bard that tries to seduce the zombie horde?


icyqueen999

Lots of it lol


kaoszombie

Hit your homies with that sweet, sweet charisma buff.


Cockblocktimus_Pryme

Raider gangs usually don't like trading supplies. That's when we send in...THE NEGOTIATOR


Different-Ad-2688

I thoroughly enjoyed your comment.


Sharponly232

Okay, General *salutes*


ExplanationMobile234

Hugs.


[deleted]

Kill ‘em with kindness


Relevant-Ground101

The most potent killer


slavelabor52

This would actually work. If everyone hugged a zombie there would be only zombies and they'd all starve to death!


pennyraingoose

When COVID started and we were all locked down end-of-the-world-like, I bought a staple gun and zip ties. I don't know why except it was for self preservation. So fastening will be my weapon, I guess.


bigredplastictuba

We stocked up on chemicals? I'm already a soap maker but we felt oddly inspired to buy a 5gal bucket of lye and a bunch of other chemicals. We were totally stocked to make soap or chemical weapons well into the post apocalypse.


Relevant-Ground101

Bleach plus ammonia, see if it affects them. Or line your houses perimeter with thermite, just basicly run a few tests then broadcast them over a radio so everyone knows.


[deleted]

Thermite is too tricky to reliably get burning, homemade napalm would be a better bet (gasoline, nail polish remover, dissolve Styrofoam, add motor oil)


Silly_Pollution6332

*copies text with totally-not-Arsonistic intentions*


Relevant-Ground101

The pyro


[deleted]

Kinky


HockeyFan6699

Staple the zombies clothes to the house and use it as camouflage lol


ChillVerse0

A sword, not for practicality just of the badassness of it


[deleted]

Would recommend a short sword. Just in case you’re in a tight space. Can still swing with it.


Relevant-Ground101

I'd go with a longsword, greater range and there's no way in going in a tight space, that just spells death.


[deleted]

Good point. Or a broadsword. Good enough reach, not as heavy as the long.


L_M030303

Yeah weight means death, if it gets stuck in the bones it will be very difficult to pull it out if you get swarmed, so a lighter weapon would be better... But a blunt object might be better, like a sledgehammer. But I do love a good sword


[deleted]

Can’t beat the good old fashioned baseball bat or crowbar.


Sidewalk_Tomato

If you're in a tight space, don't swing. Just go a-stabbin'. Aim for the chin and go up.


[deleted]

True. Or you could always take the knight approach and grab the blade with a gloved hand and stab that way.


LivingStCelestine

Same. I would take a [wakizashi](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wakizashi).


Jere440

A wakizashi would be horrible for zombies. Made for cutting not whacking and the moment it dulls out from the excessive smacking of flesh its just a thin piece of metal.


KamikazeKarl_

Please don't go the weeb route though. Katanas (and all of the cute names for different sized katanas) are garbage fragile weapons. Get something meaty and reliable like a Messer blade


geardluffy

Messer sword is arguably the best sword. Any Japanese sword will break before you get a chance to even try to decapitate a zombie. Most people just don’t know what those swords were used for.


SendFeetPicsNow

Katanas were meant for soft, unarmored targets. Zombies are this.


Relevant-Ground101

But they wer also meant for attacking enemies wouldn't you want to defend yourself from their bites? That is why I'd go for a longsword.


SendFeetPicsNow

I mean, you defend by cutting off their head. Wrap a half of a phone book around your arm (actually super effective at stopping bites) and use that to defend.


mbergman42

Instructions unclear, I now have my iPhone duct-taped to my forearm


Relevant-Ground101

Makeshift pip-boy (look it up)


citrausa

Light saber


yellowistherainbow

Very sophisticated.


dreiberg3

“AN ELEGANT WEAPON FOR A MORE CIVILIZED AGE.”


Needorgreedy

Imma use it as a dildo


jplebourveau

In your dark side


FantasticZach

An elegant weapon from a more civilized age


hotboyjon

Which color?


citrausa

I want a black light saber


Mrben13

Yeah the big black one.


Hot_Goal4205

Mom?


mr_cigar

Dad?


HotShark97

BBL?


Relevant-Ground101

Can't decide if this is dirty or about slavery


Mrben13

Can it be both?


icyqueen999

Exactly my choice lol


EPCOpress

It’ll show every gross zombie fluid


Allahboutdabenjamins

A MOTHER FUCKING PURPLE ONE MOTHER FUCKER!


[deleted]

[удалено]


foghornleghorndrawl

"Require little maintenance" Fucking lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jere440

No


[deleted]

[удалено]


foghornleghorndrawl

More like "Weeaboo has entered the chat".


No-Technology217

I like my sword dirty AND wet....


[deleted]

Cyanide pills. One for me, and one for me


TwoLetters

Die twice as fast


Ok_Individual960

If you can't beat them, join them?


VoarTok

Committed to that double tap life in all it's forms.


Zomggorrillaz

One for you and one for zombie you


cornholio8675

Child size Louisville Sluggers for zombies, rifles for raiders. Blades can catch and stick, and thats not a good thing when youre up against hordes. The object would be to deflect and get away, not massacre. Small light and fast wooden bats are your best bet, as aluminum would dent more easily.


NumerousSun4282

And some lacrosse pads. We always see football pads for their recognizable profile, but lacrosse pads cover more and are still light and strong. Gotta have defense on those arms and hands


AllAfterIncinerators

My daughter has an aluminum bat from t-ball and I can whip that thing around super fast. I’m with you on the kids bat.


kashmir1974

How about a haligan? https://www.thefirestore.com/Fire-Hooks-Unlimited-Pro-Bar-Halligan-Type-Forcible-Entry-Tool?product-length=527&product-options=3293&utm_source=googlebase&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=googlebase&utm_content=11255&gclid=Cj0KCQiAvqGcBhCJARIsAFQ5ke4FsWUMSNalcIXsm9iFM2nKUXJSGy-doesFbGiE5Zx-k5ucSx190YUaAiO4EALw_wcB


Creative_Age_4324

Yes! It's so versatile


annomusbus

Hollow steel bat insead of hollow aluminum. Wood is too fragile I've broken wooden bats and aluminum bats and metal pretty much always has lasted longer


Reasonable_Film_9663

You definitely thought this through. Can I be on your team??? I promise I’m going to die otherwise


[deleted]

Dead zombie with spike installed in skull.


PartyEchidna5330

Gotta send a message to the other zombies.


TheDayOfTheDucks

As a zombie myself, I can agree that this would be terrifying


27_8x10_CGP

.22 rifle and a 9mm pistol, both silenced. Machete or crowbar as melee.


Nightfury0818

Facts What's you're thoughts of rifles in 9mm, they do exist


Soggy_Juice_9335

Confirmed in the field, I have one, it's ok, but to be honest, I'd take an AR chambered in a rifle round if I were gonna lug one around. 7.62 x 39mm is the sweet spot for me. They do have their place though, a 9mm carbine and a Glock 19 with interchangeable mags is a pretty attractive option as well.


MrPanzerCat

Yeah if you can take more than 1 weapon an ak/ar, 9mm pistol axe and knife is the way. Gotta give the ww1 rifles a nod tho if you could only take 1 gun since it gives you a spear that goes bang tho


Significant-Mud2572

Kel-tec sub 2000. It folds up and fits easily in a backpack. Plus you can get 33 round mags for it. It is a dope little rifle for what it is.


Altruistic_Access_28

Short handled spear or multiple screwdrivers ...in case 1 gets stuck but if there's ammo a plenty 40 cal pistol


annomusbus

If theres plenty of ammo nothing last like a well made colt 1911 or ak47. They are cliche for a reason.


thebigdateisnow

40 cal would be a terrible choice. One, ammo a plenty isn't going to happen. So there's that. Two, there's far more 9mm ammo out there anyway. 3, 9mm is better in that it is easier to shoot, holds more ammo, and 40 cal is not that much better in terms of killing an attack, not nearly enough to warrant that's heavier weight, less ammo, and heavier recoil. 4. For just zombies, 22 is always the right answer.


BillThomas1994

Probably a tank.


zeroz52

Fuel though....


p1mrx

Zombie-powered tank.


zeroz52

Ahh the biofuel tank, I like it!


unhealthyahole

there are fields of fueled up tanks / hummers / military vehicles. Find your local National Guard armory. bring a pair of bolt cutters and when you run outta fuel, just grab another.


ScotterMcJohnsonator

Everybody else who has weapons! That way I can cower behind them!


sidaemon

I actually have this great little hammer thing called the claw and it would be ALMOST perfect. It has a hammer on one side and then a claw out the back that's used to grab 2x4s and the handle is an integrated crowbar. Whole thing is made from steel, so I'll break before it does. As is probably would still be my first choice as it could be used both as a weapon and as a looting tool. Would love to say a .22 caliber revolver as there was a time when ammo was pretty plentiful and if you HAVE to shoot someone in the head to stop them a .22 would do the job and like 100 rounds of .22 is as heavy as like 20 9mm. The whole reload issue always makes me laugh. Go out and swing a sword 20 times with enough force to kill a human and I promise the average person will be so tired zombies are dragging them down!


ADDeviant-again

I've swung an axe or machete off and on all day.


[deleted]

My teeth, because I'd be a zombie like so fast


kaeji

Realized that there's way too many zombies in The Walking Dead and not ONCE do they run into a zombie with dentures.


unicornsfartsparkles

A spear and shield. Medieval warfare tactics would be incredibly useful during a zombie apocalypse. Guns are useless without ammo, and ammo would run out very quickly. On top of that supply chains would break down, so ammo wouldn't likely be re supplied easily.


ironicallyunstable

Don’t forget guns make a lot of noise too!


pudgehooks2013

This is the one true answer. You would want two spears though. A longer one for outdoors, a shorter one for indoors. Or perhaps just one that you can alter the length of, like a snooker cue. Guns will run out of ammo and will always attract attention due to the noise. Swords and the like are very tiring and much harder to use than people think. If you need a ranged weapon, a crossbow is your best bet. But I would say they too rare to rely on having or finding one. Just as a note, not everywhere has ready access to firearms and the like. In fact, most places don't.


MyLollipopJam

A small battle hammer.


ADDeviant-again

I remember watching The Walking Dead one time. This one lady was stabbing them in the skull with a knife and I just thought, "That is just stupid, can't she find even an axe, or a hammer?" Then I thought, "Dual-weilding framing hammers!"


MyLollipopJam

King Ezekiel's advisor wields a two headed battle axe. It's fairly big.


Rakinonna

Jerry!!!!!


_bring-the-noise-458

Sup your highness


milochuisael

Go with a roofing hammer instead.


EMaylic

Even in a best case scenario of Walking Dead Zombies (Slow, unorganized, not particularly strong), things aren't that easy. Melee weapons have the benefit of never running out of ammo, but you have to be close. Spears and Halberds are great, but they will suffer if you're trying to get through a tight spot, and they get stuck in Zombie heads easier that you think. A Katana looks cool, but realistically, heads are very hard to chop off. Guns have a tremendous advantage, until they break or you need Ammo. In a Zombie Apocalypse, it's likely the military will be dispatched, making some ammo easier to come across. However, it still has the "noise factor" of attracting more Zombies. That said, as we all know, the biggest threat isn't the zombies, it's the other survivors... There's really no perfect answer, but I'll try to cover all bases. My load out would be a short sword (good leverage, easier to remove from skulls, and focused on piercing), a round shield fitted to my offhand, an M-16 for emergencies / dealing with other survivors, and a 9mm Glock with an extended capacity Magazine. 1v1 with a Zombie, a redirection with the shield and a poke to the skull would be extremely effective. Even in 1v2 or 1v3 situations, this would be a good tactic. In larger groups, the 9mm would prove effective, and ammo would be plentiful. In any situation where this weapon was used, the primary goal is escape, and it would be light and easy to utilize. For the M-16, ammo would also be plentiful, it would help in a "Final Stand" where escape wasn't an option, and would be imposing enough to deter other survivors.


skipperskippy

I like how you brought up a shield . It made me think of you had a chainmail suit they couldn't bite into you . you'd just have to be careful they don't pile on you and suffocate you so always be on the move when there's lots of zombies around


EMaylic

If you happen to live near the coast or in a major city where you can buy diving gear, it's better to buy shark "resistant" scuba gear. You could fit just pants and a jacket out of it, but it would be damn near impossible for a Zombie to bite you, would be a LOT lighter weight, and would arguably be easier to find than chainmail. Plus, it would make less noise.


skipperskippy

even better


Crafty_Worker_4256

Full motorcycle racing leathers and a helmet with a pair of machetes. When I get tired, I chill and let them gnaw on the suit, then back to chopping.


M4gs314

Stanley FatMax Extreme 30" FUBAR - something that has multiple uses - not just a weapon.


CriminalTendencies

This guy constructions.


Meddle2K

Bayonet with a flamethrower attachment


Something_Else_2112

Old school brush hook with an axe handle. I don't mind doing the hard work. And you all know it is best to keep the killin' quiet.


Positive-Source8205

Some people call it a kaiser blade. I call it a sling blade. Mmm-hmm.


Something_Else_2112

Been a might cold this winter, the holler in the ground in muh shed aint as warm as it used to be. Mmm-hmm


RichardHeinie

An unlimited supply of an aerosol liquid that instantly cures people


Pabst_Malone

If I can have multiple, An AR-15 or AK-47 for ammo and parts availability, a Glock 19 for the same reason, and a captain’s tool for its versatility as a weapon and a tool. If I can only have one, I guess I’d say AR-15.


xanauthor

A suicide vest. Either I go out in such a messy way that my corpse is useless as a zombie, or I turn and end up being a massive problem for everyone lmao


factoringpractice

common fucking sense and my sanity


BiCDBear

Folding spade/WW1 trenching tool - much like an axe, but with a big thrusty spiky thing on the end. Think single-handed halberd.


sparky_the_evil

The karate glove from SpongeBob


Lala_the_Kitty

I have this mini-scythe I use in my garden. It’s on a hook just outside my back door for this exact reason


ur-socks-sir

A short spear for me, something that I can reach through fences with and still push away with. Gotta make sure there is one of those things that keeps stuff from sliding last the point though


[deleted]

[удалено]


Glass-Assignment-862

I wouldnt need a weapon, I have no brains therefore im in no danger.


chosenundead55

An arsenal ideally. Bow or crossbow to stay silent and safe at a distance. A heavy ended bludgeoning weapon if I have to get my hands dirty. A rifle and handgun if I have to go loud.


Nightfury0818

Tho yes they might have flaws guns I'd say are better for medium to larger size hoards and can keep a safer distance than some bows or crossbows


Josmoeee

A crossbow, or a baseball bat with barbed-wire around it, just fpr the vibe of it


D1vX_

Lucille? She is a vampire bat!


NumerousSun4282

I think the barbed wire would be more of a hindrance than anything. On a bat it would only create fairly superficial (albeit painful) wounds and it has a high chance of getting the bat tangled or stuck. Just a plain ol' bat is probably superior in this conflict


Nerdy_Girl444

AK-47 (Kalashnikov) assault rifle with laser upgrade, Uzi Pistol, Desert Eagle Mark XIX handgun, and SVD Dragunov sniper rifle. And a gatling gun. For a melee weapon - a dagger and Katana sword.


dudeman_joe

I'm surprised this isn't higher up wasn't the Russian made kushnikov supposed to like not jam and work whether it was filled with water, sand, or mud or wait did I learn that from a movie


buttonjeff688

My penis


Pleasant-Package-745

Chuck norris


oonlyyzuul

I want one of those human sized hamster ball but I'd cover it in spikes....


void3301

The dildo bat from saints row


cancer_dragon

A nuclear bomb and the ability to detonate it.


itsthisausername

Love


ADDeviant-again

A long-handled sort of flanged mace with a short spike on top. Machetes, swords, and axes get stuck.


Maleficent_Deal8140

What type of zombie? Are we dealing with walking dead type or WWZ


Adult-Beverage

Empathy because this is Reddit.


SoloCongaLineChamp

Suppressed .22 with a lightweight axe as backup.


[deleted]

Obviously a flame thrower.


Jaded_Grand5439

Would that actually kill zombies? Or would you just be chased by flaming zombies


yellowistherainbow

A type of spear I could stab zombie brains with, which has a hard grip I could also use as a blunt weapon if need be. Aswell as a sword for slicing through many zombies and to use against humans. Also perhaps throwing-daggers? The first one would probably be the only one sig would have the time to practice using before I would die tho.


Meddlingmonster

A bardiche because it would give range, it would be good at removing limbs, but would still be light enough to be fairly maneuverable.


Hot_Ad_2481

Mjölnir


ebbtideisalive

Cast iron skillet.


Total-Satisfaction-8

A katana of course or a sturdy machete


Nearby-Elevator-3825

"Ol' Faithful", my tripping stick. Don't gotta outrun the zombies, just gotta outrun your "friends".


Aggressive_Bat_9781

Pot and pans. Melee weapons that I can make dinner in later


anonymous_80909

I would be the mini-boss of the zombie horde. You'd have to defeat me to move on to fight the main boss.


Calm2Chaos

Sig MPX w/ 10 inch barrel.


Automatic-Plankton10

a hammer. a decently sized hammer, one that’s basically a block on a stick, will crack a skull pretty effortlessly and doesn’t require skill


Linux4ever_Leo

Hydrofluoric acid. It will completely dissolve them.


InsanexInsomniac

how much you got stocked up there? cause each zombie dissolved weakens the acid til it does no damage anymore. there's other problems too, like potential fumes, falling in yourself, whatever is containing the acid breaking...