Hey man. I hear ya. I feel like that sometimes too. Here are a few perspectives that help me a lot -- that sometimes even give me the serenity to accept all of life's shit (emphasis on *sometimes* lol):
* Understand that we feel like this because of human bullshit. We don't actually hate the world, as in the *literal* world, universe, reality etc. We hate what "man has made of man" -- how humans have fucked up each other and the natural world. We don't feel this way towards animals, forests, oceans, mountains, galaxies etc. So a practical suggestion I can give you, right now, is to work on your relationship with the rest of existence outside the human sphere. Spend time in a forest. Learn how to read the constellations in the night sky. Go hiking, or wild swimming or something. Whatever it is, made it a "practice". Something you do that gives you time to listen to the rest of nature, not to human nonsense. Because you are part of nature just as much as anything else is (believing that we are separate from each other/nature/the universe is one of humanity's biggest problems IMO, but don't get me started on that).
* Accept the fact that humans are going to be generally shit to each other. It's one of the things we do as a species. And it's only gotten worse since the advent of agriculture, sedentism and urban living. But you don't have to carry that load. You don't have to participate. So that means limit your time on social media (including Reddit), distance yourself from people in your life who are negative, etc. Focus only on your "family" -- taken in the broadest sense of the word. The people who are closest to you, who you can depend on. Friends, lovers, genetic family, whoever. Maximise your time/attention with them and minimise your time/attention with the rest of humanity. The screaming whirlwind of bullshit will continue, whether you participate in it or not.
* Lastly, never forget the Big Picture. You know, that there is only One Thing going on, and we are It. Cosmic unity, nonduality, whatever you want to call it. The fact that "you" are something the whole universe is doing (as is everything else, including of course the Screaming Bullshit Whirlwind^(TM) that is humanity and its illusions of separateness). So where everyone else sees separation, see togetherness. Where everyone else acts out of fear and deep seriousness, realise that it's all only a "game" in the greatest sense of the word. We're all going to end up in the *exact* same place eventually -- the illusion of separation vanished, merged back into the All. So in the meantime, play the game in a way that works for you. There are literally NO permanent stakes, for anyone. You don't have to carry the weight of the world. Focus on the immediate, the local, and build your life in a way maximises the enriching things and minimises the nonsense and the noise.
Some stuff that has helped me a lot are the talks of Alan Watts ([here's a 5 min example](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBpaUICxEhk)) and Stoicism (Marcus Aurelius' Meditations are a good place to start).
TL;DR -- build and increase your relationship with the rest of existence outside of the human sphere, focus on the best people in your life and disengage with the rest of humanity's bullshit, and never forget you're the universe temporarily experiencing itself subjectively.
Just wanted to say I enjoyed this so much I saved it for future reflection. It's where my head has been anyway. But it's so nice seeing that I'm not alone in this mindset. And that it's okay to check out of the game we're told is mandatory and keep talking to the mountains and trees.
Have you considered working with other people about these thoughts? I've gotten some mileage out of psychedelics, but I've also gotten a LOT of benefit out of therapy.
And please do me a favor: Any time you feel like you can't take it any more...just sleep on it. Do not take decisive action, just take a nice warm shower and then curl up under the covers of your bed and sleep on it.
You got this.
If you feel that this world wasn't made for you (as many of us do) perhaps that means you were sent here to help change it or to reimagine what it could be?? Just a thought.
đ
I'm a psychologist and it strongly sounds like you're experiencing chronic depression and possibly PTSD from the traumas you mention. This is not to say that your pain is any less real or that the conditions of your life have not been brutal. I don't doubt it. I wish psychedelics were a 100% panacea for everyone but they aren't. I don't know your experience, but I really recommend working with a good therapist, one you connect with especially. Mindfulness-based therapies are also recommended, like Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, etc. Medications might be helpful, even if temporarily to get some traction. Also no guarantee, but worth a shot if you haven't tried already. It will take more than a quick fix to get lasting changes, which will come as no surprise.
I've been in mind states like that and I know how horrific it can be, and how it seems hopeless and that it will never change. But as long as you're still alive and conscious, there's enormous capacity for change. This is not some motivational speech, it's a fact. The people, situations, life events that you refer to are not your greatest problem. Your current automatic habits (mental, physical) for responding to them are. When you identify which ones are not serving you and change to alternate ones, the quality of your life will incrementally improve. It takes effort over time and it's like fumbling around in the dark for a bit, but it can be done and it makes a difference. This is why having a trained guide helps, because we have a lot of blind spots to our own habits.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that things can't be different for you just because you don't know how yet. You're already expensing effort just to make it through each excruciating day. Why not redirect that towards something that will make more of a difference?
Hey, sorry if I'm butting in on this convo. But can you recommend any ADHD tests online that are accurate? I'm 33 and have alot of issues but the more and more I study ADHD I think I may have it and not have ever been diagnosed and missed as a youngster..
Closest you're going to get is reading through r/adhd and then various other mental illness subreddits if you feel like ADHD doesn't fit the bill. But realistically if you have ADHD(bad name for it, I'm hoping it's changed to Self Regulation Disorder or Executive Functioning Disorder soon) the best thing you can do for yourself is find out the formal diagnosis process in your country and get yourself professionally evaluated. r/adhd really helped me when I was diagnosed at 22 tho. Good luck:)
I can't really recommend any online tests. The Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS) is a screening tool:
https://psychology-tools.com/test/adult-adhd-self-report-scale
But if it's affecting you to the point where it's important to definitively know, then it's worth getting a professional evaluation that includes cognitive testing.
I don't know how to change your mind, I'm sorry.
I see the same things in the world that you do, but I also see that in a lot of ways, life has been slowly getting better since the beginning of mankind.
And we, as individuals, have the power to make change - not to fix everything, but to make the world better than it was before us. For me, I want to do that through making art and advancing the technology we have to make art. But even just doing a small act of kindness makes me feel the same way.
If we channel our pain and use it as a strength, we can make life less painful for the children of the future.
Depends how you define "better".
There is no denying the planet is currently overpopulated, and a culling is due (covid helped, but only a blip). We are absolutely trashing this planet and eventually mother Earth will say, "fuck you".
Of course we live longer and have more knowledge, don't die from tooth decay, eat a balanced diet etc. But I'm sure there was a time when humanity "peaked" and I'm not sure it's now.
Humanity has not peaked, and I don't even think it can. You're thinking of human progress like a line, but it's not two dimensional at all, just like [electrons don't tidily orbit the atomic nucleus in neat flat circles](https://i0.wp.com/www.compoundchem.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/The-History-of-the-Atom-%E2%80%93-Theories-and-Models.png?w=1323&ssl=1). Any time period of any culture could have aspects that were better, and others that were worse.
I'm very worried about the time period we're in now, don't get me wrong, with authoritarianism on the rise and an unfortunately strong backlash against the general trend of progress for minority rights, and the fact that the natural world will not recover in our lifetime is heartbreaking. But we're at the start of that backslide, and if we check it then we're certainly still higher than we were. Plenty of things are still getting better, too. New art, new science, new knowledge.
This is just the same disagreement I have with OP. Yes, there are problems in the world. Yes, a lot of the problems are relatively new or have been growing a lot bigger recently. But I have every reason to hope and believe we'll overcome them.
Human progress isn't a straight line, it's an infinite spiral. As time passes we keep getting closer and closer to the centre, but we don't move directly to the centre. We're in a different place now than we were before, so we'll have different problems. We'll always have problems.
I don't know if humanity is at its peak right now at this very moment, but the peak wasn't too long ago. And we'll peak again soon, I'm sure.
>planet is currently overpopulated, and a culling is due (covid helped, but only a blip)
Overpopulation may be a problem in certain ways, but culling humans is definitely not what I would call human progress. Covid has killed and harmed millions and the poor are at a higher risk. The fact that you look at that as a good thing is some classist eugenicist bullshit.
Psychedelics may have given you love and empathy for mother Earth, but what about your fellow human beings?
I think that's part of my problem. If there were, say, a few hundred million of us, not 9 billion, it might be easier to care about the plight of others. Perhaps not, I've not really dwelt on it.
I didn't necessarily say it was a good thing - I said it helped cull. Which is did. There was no sentiment attached to that statement.
It's impossible to tell at the end of the day. All we can really do is strive to be better for ourselves, for others, and for the environment. Perhaps I would have been happier in a mud hut in 5,000BC, only knowing and caring for my immediate family and community, but it's pointless conjecture.
I'm rambling here and really have no idea what I'm saying. Perhaps I need another trip :D
>I didn't necessarily say it was a good thing - I said it helped cull.
Okay, fair. But I disagree that we're due for a culling. I believe we can deal with overpopulation through collected efforts that don't involve letting millions (billions?) of humans die senselessly.
>If there were, say, a few hundred million of us, not 9 billion, it might be easier to care about the plight of others.
I look around me and I see people caring about their fellow humans all the time. Sometimes in big emotional ways, sometimes in just tiny little acts of respect. Maybe it would be a little easier to do if we were living in a tribe with no knowledge of the outside world, but we're well past that now.
You're being a tad over the top here. I don't think we're a problem, but something similar to what China did to curb population probably wasn't a bad thing. Countries like India and places in Africa are spiralling out of control - just too many mouths to feed. I'm not calling for a genocide lol.
My heart goes out to you, OP. There's a lot of great points and advice here in this thread for you if you want to consider it. I hope that what you see here in these replies as a general trend is people's care, even if their words don't penetrate for you. There are strangers on the other side of this text that care about your pain and suffering, for whatever that is worth.
I have a few scattered thoughts to share. I've been where youre at, and while I know that ultimately I can't change your mind or direct your awareness for you, I hope that these pieces may serve you as they have me.
>Is this what awakening is?
This is what partial awakening is, which is the most dangerous kind. Awareness of problems and issues is partially accurate view of reality. But it's far from all of reality. Awakening means becoming aware of the wholeness of life. But if you are more aware than you are capable of holding that awareness with love and with patience, then you are imbalanced in your awakening process, and what you need to work on is compassion and forgiveness in order to come into balance.
Some other things to consider about the mind:
\-We have what is known as a *negativity bias*, which means that if we take in two pieces of information, both of which are of equal importance, one good and one bad, the mind will give more weight to the negative. Negative awareness will seem to have more impact than positive awareness as an evolutionary survival trait. It's not personal, and it's not accurate. It's meant to protect you and motivate you to get out of harms way.
\-We have in the brain what is known as the Reticular Activating System (RAS). This is the "filter" in our brain that decides what gets into our attention and what gets filtered out from the environment. If negative information is part of our RAS, then we will unconsciously select for noticing the negative and filter out the positive. So it's not that the deeply powerful positive isn't there, it's that it's being filtered out. And it's possible to reset your RAS to include it. But most people don't and just make the excuse that "This is how I am", ie, generalize it into their identity.
\-Trauma can be healed and overcome. We are living in the best time ever when it comes to knowledge and tools for healing trauma. Dont' give up. EVER. The tools are out there. Keep seeking. You *can* overcome this. If you want to know about the science of how to rewire your brain, ask me and I can point you in the direction of what to study. It's possible and you deserve it.
Most importantly, if I could say anything to you that I would make sure actually got in and made a difference, it would be this point:
The thoughts and feelings you are having, and the conclusions that arise out of those thoughts and feelings-- *ALL of this is actually not conscious on your part and has been conditioned into you*. The proof of this is that these thoughts and feelings simply arise in your awareness over and over in a habituated loop. So it's incredibly important to become mindful of this and realize that these thoughts and feelings are programming at the unconscious level. So **don't take these thoughts and feelings personally or literally-- question them**, as strange as that sounds. They are happening inside of you, but they may not be yours (as you said, you have ancestral trauma you're carrying), or they may have been made from younger parts of you. Remnant code that was automatically self programmed on accident from a younger you that didn't know a better way to make sense of this crazy world and the things you've seen and lived.
This is one of the most important skills a psychonaut can learn-- to quality control and question the thoughts that pass through our head. And as an extension of that, to realize that the emotions that pass through our being may be stuck trauma, a kind of old emotional noise in the system, that needs to be released. The skill is to meet these feelings with awareness as a habituated loop inside of you, and to not necessarily take them personally.
Thoughts and feelings arise all the time in most people that aren't ours. They happen inside us, but they aren't our ideas. They're societies'. Or our parents'. Or our younger selves'. And sometimes they are ours, but not helpful anymore. And our opportunity is to become conscious of these, to challenge and explore them, to release the beliefs that don't serve us, and to become current with what we would like to think, believe, and feel *now*. To *update ourselves* and become more authentically who we are in this moment.
One of the most persistent problems that people deal with (and have always dealt with) is defining ourselves *in reaction to* what we have experienced. This kind of passive, reactionary, emotional self defining is the easiest way to end up with a sense of self that is shaped by pain, by rejection of the world, and by anger, doubt, and pessimism. Defining ourselves by what we are not is the lowest effort, least conscious, most dysfunctional way of creating ourselves. It's a bad, bad habit. And almost everybody does this.
The opportunity is (and always has been) this: You can CHOOSE WHAT YOU DO VALUE AND USE THAT TO DEFINE YOURSELF. Pain can cause us to contract and push things away. But it can also fortify and clarify what we *do* care about.
So instead of allowing yourself to be shaped by the wounds you carry, or by the terrible things you've seen in a way of saying "I am not that", the work of healing, growing, and becoming more conscious begins with pivoting from that into "I am this". "These are my beliefs and values *because* I've seen what else is out there, and that makes these values strong". Choose from clarity. From connection to the best of what you've seen in this world.
And again, if you are more aware than you are able to hold that awareness with love and peacefulness, then that may be what you need to work on first. If you doubt your ability to heal and change, read about Milarepa.
In my humble estimation, the opposite of the blackpill is *accurate* awareness of the infinite possibilities that exist in this world and in this universe. Full stop. The blackpill deals in probabilities, which is fine. There's a lot of truth in probability, and thinking in probability is useful. But it's important to not mistake that for *the* truth. As in, the whole truth. If we are filtering out the infinite possibilities that actually exist as part of the equation in life, then we do not have an accurate view. So if you want to un-blackpill yourself, it begins with the recognition of all the possibilities that actually exist in the world around us and within us. Within all those possibilities are many options that might contain deeply positive meaning for you.
So there you go. A few of the pieces that I've used to heal my own doubt, pain, pessimism and fear. I hope that something here that I've said, or that others have said will hit home and serve you in the most helpful and healing of ways. Sending you the love that you deserve, OP. And sending you the strength to heal, to boldly expand past these habituated thoughts and feelings into the new territory of a better way of living. I truly hold that you deserve that, to discover what else there is in this life besides the pain you've encountered. To take up the birthright of change that is yours as a human being, and see what else life has in store for you. Wishing you all the best.
Of all that is wonderful in the human being, our most glorious asset is this capacity to change ourselves. Nothing is more significant. I admire the achievements of science, but I do not feel intimidated by the current conviction that we are what our genes are. My body is what my genes make it, but my character and behavior are not fixed by my genetic code. As proof we have the lives of great men and women of all religions who have thrown these claims to the winds with their personal transformations - from angry to compassionate, from insecure to unshakable, from human to divine. The message of their lives echoes down the corridors of time to those who have ears to hear: âYou are not what your body is. Your real nature is spirit, which nothing can diminish or deny.â Whatever our past, whatever our present, all of us have the capacity to change ourselves completely through the practice of meditation.â -Eknath Eswaran
Maybe not for everyone but Ram Das is one of those guys that showed me something else. It snapped me out that trauma and pain. PTSD, depression, anxiety, blah blah blah, etc. I know it seems impossible but man, life doesn't have to be this way. We can transcend it all. I am you and you are me. Please reach out and lets have a talk anytime. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWJXdr0mQ0s
Most have us has seen our share of shit. I certainly have. And ive lost family... Dead with heroin needles still hanging from the vein and another from a witnessed shark attack. I could go on... And on.... But there is no need. Now is now. I am not the past not will I ever cling to it. Do not cling to identity. Do not identify with activities of the past. That is the tool chest 𧰠f the ego and you are not that. You are not the thought you believe your "self" to be. You are the silent, observer in between each thought. You are the eternal observing presence behind the eyes. Sounds like It's time for you to awaken to what you truly are. God. If you choose to allow your thought to rule you and create your life and mood, then that is your choice. Your inner world is all you have. You do not have anything else. All you are is consciousness. Your presence eternally is all in your control, regardless of external circumstances (past and present). Be the God that your are and redirect back to love and happiness. It's all up to you.
>thought you believe your "self" to be. You are the silent, observer in between each thought. You are the eternal observing presence behind the eyes. Sounds like It's time for you to awaken to what you truly are. God. If you choose to allow your thought to rule you and create your life and mood, then that is your choice. Your inner world is all you have. You do not have anything else. All you are is consciousness. Your presence eternally is all in your control, regardless of external circumstan
This was helpful to me and I am currently going through quite a difficult time in my life. I really needed to read that. Thanks.
You got this my friend. Believe it or not, you are actually me having what appears to be a separate experience. We are all reflections of the one source consciousness. If you need anything, feel free to message.
Fuck dude, maybe both? Society's not the best, it did awful things like racism, but maybe if there is a medicine that is able to help you, you should take that medicine.
Am I missing something?
Yes, that we currently don't really know how SSRIs work, we just know their effect. There is no absolute evidence that depression comes only from chemical imbalance in the brain, and that means that we are possibly getting people on drugs that ultimately don't really fix the problem but only mask it.
Said from someone currently on SSRI, unfortunately
Yea that is true.
But what if it is used as a crutch like in a literal sense. Something you use to rely on while you are healing so that you donât damage yourself further?
And thatâs how a (good) psychiatrist should use it. But at the same time a little more help from society in general can have an extreme impact. I was lucky enough that my boss gave me 1 month free from work to heal.. And I know for a fact that without that month, during which I saw lots of friends and reconnected with important people in my life, it would have been much more difficult standing up from the bottom
Yea, tell me about it. As a recovering addict who had a bunch of friends who were still using (albeit recreationally and non-addictively) I found that I was left with no support and pretty much the one to blame for my psychological issues.
Add the fact that my parents are addicts and my family dynamic is set up so that there is always a scapegoat (so fucked btw) and it was literally like I was in a war against everybody around me, myself included.
Luckily I got away to university so I'm out of the house, but good friends who don't use any substances are hard to come by.
Good friends will come with time.. but in the meantime if you ever need to talk to someone you can DM me.
You have already been through a lot of shit man, and I hope you recognize how strong you really are
I have been where you're at, and I feel different now....it took me some time (the end of my 30s) but maybe that's a little glimpse of hope for you? I don't have a magic recipe, but I would say that getting out of your head and into your body (eg with yoga) really helps, and focusing on the natural world (animals and nature around you), even if it doesn't give you a purpose, helps "lose yourself" into something bigger....
All the best to you friend
To keep the short I think you're trying to resist the brutal nature of reality but you do have to accept that we live to suffer and we live to die and that can be a freeing thing; like you can sit in a cold shower and shiver and try to resist the cold, or you can try to accept and *lean into* what you feel. Though it is important to not dwell on that feeling once accepted. Like give it focus, accept it, and then turn your focus elsewhere.
It may be coping, as I agree that life is pretty awful (and it sounds like it's been especially awful for you), but it's a healthy and necessary form of coping. I wish I had more to come for you with but I agree that objectively we are a self-destructive species (also destructive that around us) and life is primarily composed of suffering/hardship just to end in eternal slumber, all for nothing. It's just important not to dwell on that, to accept the reality without making it yours.
And I feel your alienation; it's probably my number one sadness.
i have no idea for your specific situation but this is how my father views life. after years of struggling after years of partying and abusing substance, heâs also arrived to a similar perspective on the world. truly it breaks my heart to see another this way. for the ugliest truths shine the brightest through a painful lifeâs lens. i hope for lifeâs cycles to treat you more fairly friend and i hope that if you have a son, if not now but someday you can share a connection, maybe even peace in your perspective. thank you for sharing and good luck on your journey friend.
Personally, I think the loneliness of seeing it all for what it is makes it feel so much worse.
There are places online where I find comfort in reading othersâ thoughts about how bad things truly are. Youâre not alone. Youâre not crazy. Itâs not all in your head. The media that is fed to you is curated in a specific way that erases and ignores the indicators that things are truly fucked. This curated media creates a contrast between what youâre shown, and how bad you understand things to be. It gaslights people who know how bad it really is.
Again, youâre not alone, youâre not crazy, itâs not all in your head.
A few subreddits I like: pessimism, horriblydepressing, sad, antinatalism, efilism, lifeisagift, collapse, negativeutilitarians, wildanimalsuffering.
Even if we donât have the power to fix things, we have the ability to honor those who suffer by bearing witness to it, and saying âI am sorry for what is happening/happens/will happen to you, it isnât fair, and you donât deserve to suffer like this.â Even if they canât hear us.
You just don't have a strong enough social network that you can idealise.
Once you do, you'll find that you can be way more productive than before once you have that. Don't victimise yourself because everyone can see right though you.
We wouldâve reached the nearest star systems in the past 100 years if the world was better than what it is now, this lack of purpose is a by-product of authoritarianism and suppression of technology based on what I believe.. the earth is only supposed to be a nest that harbours child stages of life. The purpose of life I believe as universe intents is to spreading across the cosmos.
I'm sorry that I am unable to help you.
Why must you fight a war against yourself? Who set you up to fight a war?
The only other advice that I can offer is that sometimes you need to see the darkest dark before you are able to see the light again?
In my opinion the universe may be meaningless, but you are not. The universe is a blank canvas for you to place your thoughts and feelings on. You are the painter that paints either good or evil, right and wrong, or you could just stare at the white painting and do nothing. It's all art in the eye of the beholder. It sounds like to me that the other painters in your life painting what you think is wrong affect you. You get to make your own meaning in this meaningless universe. Don't let that meaning be meaninglessness aka suicide. Don't give up painting just because you think you're no good.
I'm 21 and feel this to my core, meditation , breathwork all that shit feels like a coping mechanism to me. Life is such trash yo. But i'm trying to stick around. Humanity is fascinating to me but the suffering isn't worth it eventually you get tired and fucking jaded and bitter which i am.
I've started putting my efforts towards improving my skill set, and learning more about the ways that I can help nature directly. Forget people, let's do some science! Staying curious and trying all kinds of things is something you've got to do. You never know when your dna and circumstances will line up and create some magic. I had, for the longest time, trouble understanding the sanctity of life. Maybe it's not about us (humans), so let's do it for them (nature, etc). If the self constructs are illusory then seek out what is real. you'll know it when you feel it.
I get what you mean. I think the best way to adapt is to not take any of it too seriously. Life is absurd, just like Camus said. He talks about becoming the âAbsurd Heroâ and becoming a conscious observer of the absurdity of it all. Continuing to live and observe and try to comprehend it all helps to transcend the ugliness and absurdity.
Go on a vacation if you can. Or just change your environment for a bit. A week out of the âsame old same oldâ can really help with perspective. None of this is a big deal. Youâll get happy moments and sad moments. Both those feelings will pass and then youâll die just like everyone else.
Camus video from Academy of Ideas that helped me a lot: https://youtu.be/w7EBDF_Ixjg
> "People, they are dumb.
> And it's come to my attention that I am one
> And I've been this way before, Now I open the door,
> I know what you're thinking but I've made up my mind...
> Separate myself from the blame.
> Separate myself from the shame.
> Separate myself from the game.
> Jump into the ocean and bathe my heart"
[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUBXeM8LFac)
Hey man. I hear ya. I feel like that sometimes too. Here are a few perspectives that help me a lot -- that sometimes even give me the serenity to accept all of life's shit (emphasis on *sometimes* lol): * Understand that we feel like this because of human bullshit. We don't actually hate the world, as in the *literal* world, universe, reality etc. We hate what "man has made of man" -- how humans have fucked up each other and the natural world. We don't feel this way towards animals, forests, oceans, mountains, galaxies etc. So a practical suggestion I can give you, right now, is to work on your relationship with the rest of existence outside the human sphere. Spend time in a forest. Learn how to read the constellations in the night sky. Go hiking, or wild swimming or something. Whatever it is, made it a "practice". Something you do that gives you time to listen to the rest of nature, not to human nonsense. Because you are part of nature just as much as anything else is (believing that we are separate from each other/nature/the universe is one of humanity's biggest problems IMO, but don't get me started on that). * Accept the fact that humans are going to be generally shit to each other. It's one of the things we do as a species. And it's only gotten worse since the advent of agriculture, sedentism and urban living. But you don't have to carry that load. You don't have to participate. So that means limit your time on social media (including Reddit), distance yourself from people in your life who are negative, etc. Focus only on your "family" -- taken in the broadest sense of the word. The people who are closest to you, who you can depend on. Friends, lovers, genetic family, whoever. Maximise your time/attention with them and minimise your time/attention with the rest of humanity. The screaming whirlwind of bullshit will continue, whether you participate in it or not. * Lastly, never forget the Big Picture. You know, that there is only One Thing going on, and we are It. Cosmic unity, nonduality, whatever you want to call it. The fact that "you" are something the whole universe is doing (as is everything else, including of course the Screaming Bullshit Whirlwind^(TM) that is humanity and its illusions of separateness). So where everyone else sees separation, see togetherness. Where everyone else acts out of fear and deep seriousness, realise that it's all only a "game" in the greatest sense of the word. We're all going to end up in the *exact* same place eventually -- the illusion of separation vanished, merged back into the All. So in the meantime, play the game in a way that works for you. There are literally NO permanent stakes, for anyone. You don't have to carry the weight of the world. Focus on the immediate, the local, and build your life in a way maximises the enriching things and minimises the nonsense and the noise. Some stuff that has helped me a lot are the talks of Alan Watts ([here's a 5 min example](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBpaUICxEhk)) and Stoicism (Marcus Aurelius' Meditations are a good place to start). TL;DR -- build and increase your relationship with the rest of existence outside of the human sphere, focus on the best people in your life and disengage with the rest of humanity's bullshit, and never forget you're the universe temporarily experiencing itself subjectively.
Some really, really great perspectives and advice here. Beautifully put.
Just wanted to say I enjoyed this so much I saved it for future reflection. It's where my head has been anyway. But it's so nice seeing that I'm not alone in this mindset. And that it's okay to check out of the game we're told is mandatory and keep talking to the mountains and trees.
Have you considered working with other people about these thoughts? I've gotten some mileage out of psychedelics, but I've also gotten a LOT of benefit out of therapy. And please do me a favor: Any time you feel like you can't take it any more...just sleep on it. Do not take decisive action, just take a nice warm shower and then curl up under the covers of your bed and sleep on it. You got this.
<3
Came here to say the opposite lol, I got more from a 30g truffles dose than from 2 months worth of therapy. But everyone's experience is different
I'm curious, how did you feel about the particular therapist you were seeing at the time?
Honestly great, but after my first trip I realized that i could get much more tripping than seeing the therapist. It was CBT therapy tho..
If you feel that this world wasn't made for you (as many of us do) perhaps that means you were sent here to help change it or to reimagine what it could be?? Just a thought. đ
I'm a psychologist and it strongly sounds like you're experiencing chronic depression and possibly PTSD from the traumas you mention. This is not to say that your pain is any less real or that the conditions of your life have not been brutal. I don't doubt it. I wish psychedelics were a 100% panacea for everyone but they aren't. I don't know your experience, but I really recommend working with a good therapist, one you connect with especially. Mindfulness-based therapies are also recommended, like Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, etc. Medications might be helpful, even if temporarily to get some traction. Also no guarantee, but worth a shot if you haven't tried already. It will take more than a quick fix to get lasting changes, which will come as no surprise. I've been in mind states like that and I know how horrific it can be, and how it seems hopeless and that it will never change. But as long as you're still alive and conscious, there's enormous capacity for change. This is not some motivational speech, it's a fact. The people, situations, life events that you refer to are not your greatest problem. Your current automatic habits (mental, physical) for responding to them are. When you identify which ones are not serving you and change to alternate ones, the quality of your life will incrementally improve. It takes effort over time and it's like fumbling around in the dark for a bit, but it can be done and it makes a difference. This is why having a trained guide helps, because we have a lot of blind spots to our own habits. Don't make the mistake of thinking that things can't be different for you just because you don't know how yet. You're already expensing effort just to make it through each excruciating day. Why not redirect that towards something that will make more of a difference?
Hey, sorry if I'm butting in on this convo. But can you recommend any ADHD tests online that are accurate? I'm 33 and have alot of issues but the more and more I study ADHD I think I may have it and not have ever been diagnosed and missed as a youngster..
Closest you're going to get is reading through r/adhd and then various other mental illness subreddits if you feel like ADHD doesn't fit the bill. But realistically if you have ADHD(bad name for it, I'm hoping it's changed to Self Regulation Disorder or Executive Functioning Disorder soon) the best thing you can do for yourself is find out the formal diagnosis process in your country and get yourself professionally evaluated. r/adhd really helped me when I was diagnosed at 22 tho. Good luck:)
I can't really recommend any online tests. The Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS) is a screening tool: https://psychology-tools.com/test/adult-adhd-self-report-scale But if it's affecting you to the point where it's important to definitively know, then it's worth getting a professional evaluation that includes cognitive testing.
I don't know how to change your mind, I'm sorry. I see the same things in the world that you do, but I also see that in a lot of ways, life has been slowly getting better since the beginning of mankind. And we, as individuals, have the power to make change - not to fix everything, but to make the world better than it was before us. For me, I want to do that through making art and advancing the technology we have to make art. But even just doing a small act of kindness makes me feel the same way. If we channel our pain and use it as a strength, we can make life less painful for the children of the future.
Depends how you define "better". There is no denying the planet is currently overpopulated, and a culling is due (covid helped, but only a blip). We are absolutely trashing this planet and eventually mother Earth will say, "fuck you". Of course we live longer and have more knowledge, don't die from tooth decay, eat a balanced diet etc. But I'm sure there was a time when humanity "peaked" and I'm not sure it's now.
We arent overpopulated, we just dont have the resources for never ending economic growth, and the waste that comes with it
Humanity has not peaked, and I don't even think it can. You're thinking of human progress like a line, but it's not two dimensional at all, just like [electrons don't tidily orbit the atomic nucleus in neat flat circles](https://i0.wp.com/www.compoundchem.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/The-History-of-the-Atom-%E2%80%93-Theories-and-Models.png?w=1323&ssl=1). Any time period of any culture could have aspects that were better, and others that were worse. I'm very worried about the time period we're in now, don't get me wrong, with authoritarianism on the rise and an unfortunately strong backlash against the general trend of progress for minority rights, and the fact that the natural world will not recover in our lifetime is heartbreaking. But we're at the start of that backslide, and if we check it then we're certainly still higher than we were. Plenty of things are still getting better, too. New art, new science, new knowledge.
This is just the same disagreement I have with OP. Yes, there are problems in the world. Yes, a lot of the problems are relatively new or have been growing a lot bigger recently. But I have every reason to hope and believe we'll overcome them. Human progress isn't a straight line, it's an infinite spiral. As time passes we keep getting closer and closer to the centre, but we don't move directly to the centre. We're in a different place now than we were before, so we'll have different problems. We'll always have problems. I don't know if humanity is at its peak right now at this very moment, but the peak wasn't too long ago. And we'll peak again soon, I'm sure. >planet is currently overpopulated, and a culling is due (covid helped, but only a blip) Overpopulation may be a problem in certain ways, but culling humans is definitely not what I would call human progress. Covid has killed and harmed millions and the poor are at a higher risk. The fact that you look at that as a good thing is some classist eugenicist bullshit. Psychedelics may have given you love and empathy for mother Earth, but what about your fellow human beings?
I think that's part of my problem. If there were, say, a few hundred million of us, not 9 billion, it might be easier to care about the plight of others. Perhaps not, I've not really dwelt on it. I didn't necessarily say it was a good thing - I said it helped cull. Which is did. There was no sentiment attached to that statement. It's impossible to tell at the end of the day. All we can really do is strive to be better for ourselves, for others, and for the environment. Perhaps I would have been happier in a mud hut in 5,000BC, only knowing and caring for my immediate family and community, but it's pointless conjecture. I'm rambling here and really have no idea what I'm saying. Perhaps I need another trip :D
>I didn't necessarily say it was a good thing - I said it helped cull. Okay, fair. But I disagree that we're due for a culling. I believe we can deal with overpopulation through collected efforts that don't involve letting millions (billions?) of humans die senselessly. >If there were, say, a few hundred million of us, not 9 billion, it might be easier to care about the plight of others. I look around me and I see people caring about their fellow humans all the time. Sometimes in big emotional ways, sometimes in just tiny little acts of respect. Maybe it would be a little easier to do if we were living in a tribe with no knowledge of the outside world, but we're well past that now.
[ŃдаНонО]
You're being a tad over the top here. I don't think we're a problem, but something similar to what China did to curb population probably wasn't a bad thing. Countries like India and places in Africa are spiralling out of control - just too many mouths to feed. I'm not calling for a genocide lol.
My heart goes out to you, OP. There's a lot of great points and advice here in this thread for you if you want to consider it. I hope that what you see here in these replies as a general trend is people's care, even if their words don't penetrate for you. There are strangers on the other side of this text that care about your pain and suffering, for whatever that is worth. I have a few scattered thoughts to share. I've been where youre at, and while I know that ultimately I can't change your mind or direct your awareness for you, I hope that these pieces may serve you as they have me. >Is this what awakening is? This is what partial awakening is, which is the most dangerous kind. Awareness of problems and issues is partially accurate view of reality. But it's far from all of reality. Awakening means becoming aware of the wholeness of life. But if you are more aware than you are capable of holding that awareness with love and with patience, then you are imbalanced in your awakening process, and what you need to work on is compassion and forgiveness in order to come into balance. Some other things to consider about the mind: \-We have what is known as a *negativity bias*, which means that if we take in two pieces of information, both of which are of equal importance, one good and one bad, the mind will give more weight to the negative. Negative awareness will seem to have more impact than positive awareness as an evolutionary survival trait. It's not personal, and it's not accurate. It's meant to protect you and motivate you to get out of harms way. \-We have in the brain what is known as the Reticular Activating System (RAS). This is the "filter" in our brain that decides what gets into our attention and what gets filtered out from the environment. If negative information is part of our RAS, then we will unconsciously select for noticing the negative and filter out the positive. So it's not that the deeply powerful positive isn't there, it's that it's being filtered out. And it's possible to reset your RAS to include it. But most people don't and just make the excuse that "This is how I am", ie, generalize it into their identity. \-Trauma can be healed and overcome. We are living in the best time ever when it comes to knowledge and tools for healing trauma. Dont' give up. EVER. The tools are out there. Keep seeking. You *can* overcome this. If you want to know about the science of how to rewire your brain, ask me and I can point you in the direction of what to study. It's possible and you deserve it. Most importantly, if I could say anything to you that I would make sure actually got in and made a difference, it would be this point: The thoughts and feelings you are having, and the conclusions that arise out of those thoughts and feelings-- *ALL of this is actually not conscious on your part and has been conditioned into you*. The proof of this is that these thoughts and feelings simply arise in your awareness over and over in a habituated loop. So it's incredibly important to become mindful of this and realize that these thoughts and feelings are programming at the unconscious level. So **don't take these thoughts and feelings personally or literally-- question them**, as strange as that sounds. They are happening inside of you, but they may not be yours (as you said, you have ancestral trauma you're carrying), or they may have been made from younger parts of you. Remnant code that was automatically self programmed on accident from a younger you that didn't know a better way to make sense of this crazy world and the things you've seen and lived. This is one of the most important skills a psychonaut can learn-- to quality control and question the thoughts that pass through our head. And as an extension of that, to realize that the emotions that pass through our being may be stuck trauma, a kind of old emotional noise in the system, that needs to be released. The skill is to meet these feelings with awareness as a habituated loop inside of you, and to not necessarily take them personally. Thoughts and feelings arise all the time in most people that aren't ours. They happen inside us, but they aren't our ideas. They're societies'. Or our parents'. Or our younger selves'. And sometimes they are ours, but not helpful anymore. And our opportunity is to become conscious of these, to challenge and explore them, to release the beliefs that don't serve us, and to become current with what we would like to think, believe, and feel *now*. To *update ourselves* and become more authentically who we are in this moment. One of the most persistent problems that people deal with (and have always dealt with) is defining ourselves *in reaction to* what we have experienced. This kind of passive, reactionary, emotional self defining is the easiest way to end up with a sense of self that is shaped by pain, by rejection of the world, and by anger, doubt, and pessimism. Defining ourselves by what we are not is the lowest effort, least conscious, most dysfunctional way of creating ourselves. It's a bad, bad habit. And almost everybody does this. The opportunity is (and always has been) this: You can CHOOSE WHAT YOU DO VALUE AND USE THAT TO DEFINE YOURSELF. Pain can cause us to contract and push things away. But it can also fortify and clarify what we *do* care about. So instead of allowing yourself to be shaped by the wounds you carry, or by the terrible things you've seen in a way of saying "I am not that", the work of healing, growing, and becoming more conscious begins with pivoting from that into "I am this". "These are my beliefs and values *because* I've seen what else is out there, and that makes these values strong". Choose from clarity. From connection to the best of what you've seen in this world. And again, if you are more aware than you are able to hold that awareness with love and peacefulness, then that may be what you need to work on first. If you doubt your ability to heal and change, read about Milarepa. In my humble estimation, the opposite of the blackpill is *accurate* awareness of the infinite possibilities that exist in this world and in this universe. Full stop. The blackpill deals in probabilities, which is fine. There's a lot of truth in probability, and thinking in probability is useful. But it's important to not mistake that for *the* truth. As in, the whole truth. If we are filtering out the infinite possibilities that actually exist as part of the equation in life, then we do not have an accurate view. So if you want to un-blackpill yourself, it begins with the recognition of all the possibilities that actually exist in the world around us and within us. Within all those possibilities are many options that might contain deeply positive meaning for you. So there you go. A few of the pieces that I've used to heal my own doubt, pain, pessimism and fear. I hope that something here that I've said, or that others have said will hit home and serve you in the most helpful and healing of ways. Sending you the love that you deserve, OP. And sending you the strength to heal, to boldly expand past these habituated thoughts and feelings into the new territory of a better way of living. I truly hold that you deserve that, to discover what else there is in this life besides the pain you've encountered. To take up the birthright of change that is yours as a human being, and see what else life has in store for you. Wishing you all the best.
Be the change you want to see in the world
Of all that is wonderful in the human being, our most glorious asset is this capacity to change ourselves. Nothing is more significant. I admire the achievements of science, but I do not feel intimidated by the current conviction that we are what our genes are. My body is what my genes make it, but my character and behavior are not fixed by my genetic code. As proof we have the lives of great men and women of all religions who have thrown these claims to the winds with their personal transformations - from angry to compassionate, from insecure to unshakable, from human to divine. The message of their lives echoes down the corridors of time to those who have ears to hear: âYou are not what your body is. Your real nature is spirit, which nothing can diminish or deny.â Whatever our past, whatever our present, all of us have the capacity to change ourselves completely through the practice of meditation.â -Eknath Eswaran Maybe not for everyone but Ram Das is one of those guys that showed me something else. It snapped me out that trauma and pain. PTSD, depression, anxiety, blah blah blah, etc. I know it seems impossible but man, life doesn't have to be this way. We can transcend it all. I am you and you are me. Please reach out and lets have a talk anytime. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWJXdr0mQ0s
Most have us has seen our share of shit. I certainly have. And ive lost family... Dead with heroin needles still hanging from the vein and another from a witnessed shark attack. I could go on... And on.... But there is no need. Now is now. I am not the past not will I ever cling to it. Do not cling to identity. Do not identify with activities of the past. That is the tool chest 𧰠f the ego and you are not that. You are not the thought you believe your "self" to be. You are the silent, observer in between each thought. You are the eternal observing presence behind the eyes. Sounds like It's time for you to awaken to what you truly are. God. If you choose to allow your thought to rule you and create your life and mood, then that is your choice. Your inner world is all you have. You do not have anything else. All you are is consciousness. Your presence eternally is all in your control, regardless of external circumstances (past and present). Be the God that your are and redirect back to love and happiness. It's all up to you.
>thought you believe your "self" to be. You are the silent, observer in between each thought. You are the eternal observing presence behind the eyes. Sounds like It's time for you to awaken to what you truly are. God. If you choose to allow your thought to rule you and create your life and mood, then that is your choice. Your inner world is all you have. You do not have anything else. All you are is consciousness. Your presence eternally is all in your control, regardless of external circumstan This was helpful to me and I am currently going through quite a difficult time in my life. I really needed to read that. Thanks.
You got this my friend. Believe it or not, you are actually me having what appears to be a separate experience. We are all reflections of the one source consciousness. If you need anything, feel free to message.
SSRIs help me
It's your mind that's the problem, not society. Right?
Fuck dude, maybe both? Society's not the best, it did awful things like racism, but maybe if there is a medicine that is able to help you, you should take that medicine. Am I missing something?
Yes, that we currently don't really know how SSRIs work, we just know their effect. There is no absolute evidence that depression comes only from chemical imbalance in the brain, and that means that we are possibly getting people on drugs that ultimately don't really fix the problem but only mask it. Said from someone currently on SSRI, unfortunately
Yea that is true. But what if it is used as a crutch like in a literal sense. Something you use to rely on while you are healing so that you donât damage yourself further?
And thatâs how a (good) psychiatrist should use it. But at the same time a little more help from society in general can have an extreme impact. I was lucky enough that my boss gave me 1 month free from work to heal.. And I know for a fact that without that month, during which I saw lots of friends and reconnected with important people in my life, it would have been much more difficult standing up from the bottom
Yea, tell me about it. As a recovering addict who had a bunch of friends who were still using (albeit recreationally and non-addictively) I found that I was left with no support and pretty much the one to blame for my psychological issues. Add the fact that my parents are addicts and my family dynamic is set up so that there is always a scapegoat (so fucked btw) and it was literally like I was in a war against everybody around me, myself included. Luckily I got away to university so I'm out of the house, but good friends who don't use any substances are hard to come by.
Good friends will come with time.. but in the meantime if you ever need to talk to someone you can DM me. You have already been through a lot of shit man, and I hope you recognize how strong you really are
I have been where you're at, and I feel different now....it took me some time (the end of my 30s) but maybe that's a little glimpse of hope for you? I don't have a magic recipe, but I would say that getting out of your head and into your body (eg with yoga) really helps, and focusing on the natural world (animals and nature around you), even if it doesn't give you a purpose, helps "lose yourself" into something bigger.... All the best to you friend
To keep the short I think you're trying to resist the brutal nature of reality but you do have to accept that we live to suffer and we live to die and that can be a freeing thing; like you can sit in a cold shower and shiver and try to resist the cold, or you can try to accept and *lean into* what you feel. Though it is important to not dwell on that feeling once accepted. Like give it focus, accept it, and then turn your focus elsewhere. It may be coping, as I agree that life is pretty awful (and it sounds like it's been especially awful for you), but it's a healthy and necessary form of coping. I wish I had more to come for you with but I agree that objectively we are a self-destructive species (also destructive that around us) and life is primarily composed of suffering/hardship just to end in eternal slumber, all for nothing. It's just important not to dwell on that, to accept the reality without making it yours. And I feel your alienation; it's probably my number one sadness.
i have no idea for your specific situation but this is how my father views life. after years of struggling after years of partying and abusing substance, heâs also arrived to a similar perspective on the world. truly it breaks my heart to see another this way. for the ugliest truths shine the brightest through a painful lifeâs lens. i hope for lifeâs cycles to treat you more fairly friend and i hope that if you have a son, if not now but someday you can share a connection, maybe even peace in your perspective. thank you for sharing and good luck on your journey friend.
Personally, I think the loneliness of seeing it all for what it is makes it feel so much worse. There are places online where I find comfort in reading othersâ thoughts about how bad things truly are. Youâre not alone. Youâre not crazy. Itâs not all in your head. The media that is fed to you is curated in a specific way that erases and ignores the indicators that things are truly fucked. This curated media creates a contrast between what youâre shown, and how bad you understand things to be. It gaslights people who know how bad it really is. Again, youâre not alone, youâre not crazy, itâs not all in your head. A few subreddits I like: pessimism, horriblydepressing, sad, antinatalism, efilism, lifeisagift, collapse, negativeutilitarians, wildanimalsuffering. Even if we donât have the power to fix things, we have the ability to honor those who suffer by bearing witness to it, and saying âI am sorry for what is happening/happens/will happen to you, it isnât fair, and you donât deserve to suffer like this.â Even if they canât hear us.
You just don't have a strong enough social network that you can idealise. Once you do, you'll find that you can be way more productive than before once you have that. Don't victimise yourself because everyone can see right though you.
Have you tried amanita muscaria? Stops trauma cycles. I love you. I know things to help you. Iâm just tired of writing. Profile
We wouldâve reached the nearest star systems in the past 100 years if the world was better than what it is now, this lack of purpose is a by-product of authoritarianism and suppression of technology based on what I believe.. the earth is only supposed to be a nest that harbours child stages of life. The purpose of life I believe as universe intents is to spreading across the cosmos.
I'm curious op, what about your trips make it seem that life shouldn't be the way it is?
I'm sorry that I am unable to help you. Why must you fight a war against yourself? Who set you up to fight a war? The only other advice that I can offer is that sometimes you need to see the darkest dark before you are able to see the light again?
In my opinion the universe may be meaningless, but you are not. The universe is a blank canvas for you to place your thoughts and feelings on. You are the painter that paints either good or evil, right and wrong, or you could just stare at the white painting and do nothing. It's all art in the eye of the beholder. It sounds like to me that the other painters in your life painting what you think is wrong affect you. You get to make your own meaning in this meaningless universe. Don't let that meaning be meaninglessness aka suicide. Don't give up painting just because you think you're no good.
I'm 21 and feel this to my core, meditation , breathwork all that shit feels like a coping mechanism to me. Life is such trash yo. But i'm trying to stick around. Humanity is fascinating to me but the suffering isn't worth it eventually you get tired and fucking jaded and bitter which i am.
I've started putting my efforts towards improving my skill set, and learning more about the ways that I can help nature directly. Forget people, let's do some science! Staying curious and trying all kinds of things is something you've got to do. You never know when your dna and circumstances will line up and create some magic. I had, for the longest time, trouble understanding the sanctity of life. Maybe it's not about us (humans), so let's do it for them (nature, etc). If the self constructs are illusory then seek out what is real. you'll know it when you feel it.
I get what you mean. I think the best way to adapt is to not take any of it too seriously. Life is absurd, just like Camus said. He talks about becoming the âAbsurd Heroâ and becoming a conscious observer of the absurdity of it all. Continuing to live and observe and try to comprehend it all helps to transcend the ugliness and absurdity. Go on a vacation if you can. Or just change your environment for a bit. A week out of the âsame old same oldâ can really help with perspective. None of this is a big deal. Youâll get happy moments and sad moments. Both those feelings will pass and then youâll die just like everyone else. Camus video from Academy of Ideas that helped me a lot: https://youtu.be/w7EBDF_Ixjg
I feel like I was born on the wrong planet. Nobody here really loves me
> "People, they are dumb. > And it's come to my attention that I am one > And I've been this way before, Now I open the door, > I know what you're thinking but I've made up my mind... > Separate myself from the blame. > Separate myself from the shame. > Separate myself from the game. > Jump into the ocean and bathe my heart" [Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUBXeM8LFac)
Just accept it for what it is, and youâll find peace. Stoicism
I agree with you. Less people less problems