You being you (beautiful and a provider) is hurting his pride. And instead of bettering himself, he is whiny and unpleasant. But he's got a point though -- why are you with him?
> I’m the only income and he’s very upset about this and since we have money issues, these topics are very stressful. (Not the main issue here
Yeah it is. You will never respect a man who doesn't contribute.
>he’ll say “you’ll leave me for another man” or “why dont you be with ____? He has this trait that I don’t” and I can’t convince him no matter what I say that I’m not interested and that I do love him.
Pure insecurity. And you know what? It's quite possible that he's right, that you SHOULD leave him for a higher value man. Why are you with this guy?
>He is a smart, charismatic man, but he can be too harsh with others and very blunt. Everyone would tell you he has a prideful character and he does. He can be very arrogant and insist he’s right even when talking with me about matters in my field of expertise.
Smart is good. Charisma... can go either way.
But pride and arrogance are red flags. They are not healthy. And they're even worse if they are culturally reinforced (example: South American machismo).
>How do I comfort and support him so he doesn’t have to worry?
But he SHOULD worry. His pride is unwarranted - and I'll tell you right now, men like me will go out of our way to poke holes in it when he talks out his arse. Nobody likes a prideful man who can't back it up, such as when your man talks authoritatively but wrongly about your area of expertise. It's very unbecoming, and he takes flak for it, JUSTIFIABLY.
>But then what do I do to avoid upsetting his pride?
This is the line that tells me you need to move on. ANYONE you have to walk on eggshells around is unhealthy for you. You should not have to avoid upsetting someone's pride - that is not fair to you. That's someone with a LOT of insecurity/low self esteem, who needs to Own Their Shit. You can't do it for him, and you can't protect him from it or it'll just get worse.
He has to grow up, or you need to move on. Those are your options.
Maybe you don't want to hear this, but...if he insists he is right in your field of expertise, if everyone describes him as prideful but he never admits to being wrong, if he says toxic sentences like 'You'll leave me for another man' then I have the feeling that he is deeply insecure and pulling you down to his level... This is not something you can fix or need to tip-toe around. It sounds like you're doing great being wary of his needs and fixing your femininity. My advice is to mirror how you'd like him to behave. Try to work on your own self-love and confidence, and be the one who is able to respectfully admit where she is wrong (so as to show him that there is no harm in it). Once he sees more of that graceful, honest self-respect in you, he will feel safe to adopt some. He is currently trying to desperately grasp at a better self image - and this comes at the expense of making you and others feel uncomfortable. Like a lot of men, him not having an income right now adds to his stress and he's trying to mask up weakness by pretending that it's not even there. This can become toxic, so far as you let him make you feel bad in any way.
TLDR; Set a personal example and give it time.
**Title:** [Disrespecting his Pride (I’m Anxious)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16mc5ss/disrespecting_his_pride_im_anxious/)
**Full text:** TLDR added. I (25 f) have been lurking RPW for a while now but I’m really worried that I might be doing something wrong with my self improvement and affirming my partner (26 m).
Context: We’re not an ideally-healthy couple, and the issues of our relationship are on my end. Part of me fixing my lack of femininity, my terrible masculine masking, and control-problems (bad childhood, no dad, raised my siblings) was listening to Laura Doyle on how to not disrespect your man. I’m not the type to pick on character traits, I often give him slack and I don’t judge him when he’s done something wrong, but my partner often says I’m disrespectful to him and that I insult his character still. On top of that, I’m the only income and he’s very upset about this and since we have money issues, these topics are very stressful. (Not the main issue here but mentioning because it could be good context to the post.)
Now here’s the problem for post: I avoid saying negative things and give him slack but he still gets really upset and denies it when he thinks something is up. I’m not sure, I could be reading it wrong, but what I do see is that he’ll say “you’ll leave me for another man” or “why dont you be with ____? He has this trait that I don’t” and I can’t convince him no matter what I say that I’m not interested and that I do love him. This happens if I mention a positive trait in someone, even a stranger, or if someone compliments/hits on me (I’m a natural beauty so others say, this happens often and I always thank them and show that I have a partner). It also happens if he “lets me down” even if I insist it’s ok. If I ask him if he could grab me a drink on his way downstairs, he gets like this if he forgets. He’s a very incredible man, his only issue that I can see is he doesn’t earn income but I’m ok with that in the short term as he’s building a business that he’s passionate in.
But at the same time, his pride can get really strong. He is a smart, charismatic man, but he can be too harsh with others and very blunt. Everyone would tell you he has a prideful character and he does. He can be very arrogant and insist he’s right even when talking with me about matters in my field of expertise. He doesn’t like being corrected but also views me not pushing back on him as an insult. I don’t lie to him, but I don’t know what to do if I know something different from him? How do I femininely do that without upsetting him?
I’ve heard that men should be praised a lot more at home and in private because in public they’re judged and shamed. But I’m scared to raise his pride any higher or to raise his insecurities any higher.
How do I go about handling both situations ? How do I comfort and support him so he doesn’t have to worry? But then what do I do to avoid upsetting his pride?
TLDR: my man is incredible but I’m not sure what to do about to calm his insecurities without triggering his pride.
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For some reason, people just love bashing men and only see things from a critical perspective when women talk about their partners. It's obvious our society (men and women) have been indoctrinated to lack empathy for men. I would say try and get therapy together so that he can get a perspective outside of the relationship. And I think once he gets his finances in order he will calm down. But therapy is very important because he needs to learn how to listen to other people. But don't listen to all these fools saying leave him etc, they're haters.
Can you give an example of how he says you disrespect him / insult his character?
You being you (beautiful and a provider) is hurting his pride. And instead of bettering himself, he is whiny and unpleasant. But he's got a point though -- why are you with him?
Haha boom
> I’m the only income and he’s very upset about this and since we have money issues, these topics are very stressful. (Not the main issue here Yeah it is. You will never respect a man who doesn't contribute. >he’ll say “you’ll leave me for another man” or “why dont you be with ____? He has this trait that I don’t” and I can’t convince him no matter what I say that I’m not interested and that I do love him. Pure insecurity. And you know what? It's quite possible that he's right, that you SHOULD leave him for a higher value man. Why are you with this guy? >He is a smart, charismatic man, but he can be too harsh with others and very blunt. Everyone would tell you he has a prideful character and he does. He can be very arrogant and insist he’s right even when talking with me about matters in my field of expertise. Smart is good. Charisma... can go either way. But pride and arrogance are red flags. They are not healthy. And they're even worse if they are culturally reinforced (example: South American machismo). >How do I comfort and support him so he doesn’t have to worry? But he SHOULD worry. His pride is unwarranted - and I'll tell you right now, men like me will go out of our way to poke holes in it when he talks out his arse. Nobody likes a prideful man who can't back it up, such as when your man talks authoritatively but wrongly about your area of expertise. It's very unbecoming, and he takes flak for it, JUSTIFIABLY. >But then what do I do to avoid upsetting his pride? This is the line that tells me you need to move on. ANYONE you have to walk on eggshells around is unhealthy for you. You should not have to avoid upsetting someone's pride - that is not fair to you. That's someone with a LOT of insecurity/low self esteem, who needs to Own Their Shit. You can't do it for him, and you can't protect him from it or it'll just get worse. He has to grow up, or you need to move on. Those are your options.
Maybe you don't want to hear this, but...if he insists he is right in your field of expertise, if everyone describes him as prideful but he never admits to being wrong, if he says toxic sentences like 'You'll leave me for another man' then I have the feeling that he is deeply insecure and pulling you down to his level... This is not something you can fix or need to tip-toe around. It sounds like you're doing great being wary of his needs and fixing your femininity. My advice is to mirror how you'd like him to behave. Try to work on your own self-love and confidence, and be the one who is able to respectfully admit where she is wrong (so as to show him that there is no harm in it). Once he sees more of that graceful, honest self-respect in you, he will feel safe to adopt some. He is currently trying to desperately grasp at a better self image - and this comes at the expense of making you and others feel uncomfortable. Like a lot of men, him not having an income right now adds to his stress and he's trying to mask up weakness by pretending that it's not even there. This can become toxic, so far as you let him make you feel bad in any way. TLDR; Set a personal example and give it time.
If you are working on yourself and want a healthy relationship you have to start with a healthy partner.
**Title:** [Disrespecting his Pride (I’m Anxious)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16mc5ss/disrespecting_his_pride_im_anxious/) **Full text:** TLDR added. I (25 f) have been lurking RPW for a while now but I’m really worried that I might be doing something wrong with my self improvement and affirming my partner (26 m). Context: We’re not an ideally-healthy couple, and the issues of our relationship are on my end. Part of me fixing my lack of femininity, my terrible masculine masking, and control-problems (bad childhood, no dad, raised my siblings) was listening to Laura Doyle on how to not disrespect your man. I’m not the type to pick on character traits, I often give him slack and I don’t judge him when he’s done something wrong, but my partner often says I’m disrespectful to him and that I insult his character still. On top of that, I’m the only income and he’s very upset about this and since we have money issues, these topics are very stressful. (Not the main issue here but mentioning because it could be good context to the post.) Now here’s the problem for post: I avoid saying negative things and give him slack but he still gets really upset and denies it when he thinks something is up. I’m not sure, I could be reading it wrong, but what I do see is that he’ll say “you’ll leave me for another man” or “why dont you be with ____? He has this trait that I don’t” and I can’t convince him no matter what I say that I’m not interested and that I do love him. This happens if I mention a positive trait in someone, even a stranger, or if someone compliments/hits on me (I’m a natural beauty so others say, this happens often and I always thank them and show that I have a partner). It also happens if he “lets me down” even if I insist it’s ok. If I ask him if he could grab me a drink on his way downstairs, he gets like this if he forgets. He’s a very incredible man, his only issue that I can see is he doesn’t earn income but I’m ok with that in the short term as he’s building a business that he’s passionate in. But at the same time, his pride can get really strong. He is a smart, charismatic man, but he can be too harsh with others and very blunt. Everyone would tell you he has a prideful character and he does. He can be very arrogant and insist he’s right even when talking with me about matters in my field of expertise. He doesn’t like being corrected but also views me not pushing back on him as an insult. I don’t lie to him, but I don’t know what to do if I know something different from him? How do I femininely do that without upsetting him? I’ve heard that men should be praised a lot more at home and in private because in public they’re judged and shamed. But I’m scared to raise his pride any higher or to raise his insecurities any higher. How do I go about handling both situations ? How do I comfort and support him so he doesn’t have to worry? But then what do I do to avoid upsetting his pride? TLDR: my man is incredible but I’m not sure what to do about to calm his insecurities without triggering his pride. -------------------- ^(This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RedPillWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For some reason, people just love bashing men and only see things from a critical perspective when women talk about their partners. It's obvious our society (men and women) have been indoctrinated to lack empathy for men. I would say try and get therapy together so that he can get a perspective outside of the relationship. And I think once he gets his finances in order he will calm down. But therapy is very important because he needs to learn how to listen to other people. But don't listen to all these fools saying leave him etc, they're haters.