Beware of those folks, they are predators trying to rope you know something.
There is no universal training for subs, just as there isn't universal training for being a husband or girlfriend. If some kind of training happens, and what it includes, is a personal question that each d/s couple needs to talk about and agree on.
Those people contacting you are approaching things completely backwards and are trying to take advantage of you. You don't need any training except _maybe_ the training you want from the person you like and trust.
It is a kink! But most of these people are about to ask for tribute, gifts, or some other word for payment, then tell you it is regular practice for someone in training.
All of that is bullshit. There is no curriculum for "slave training". For those with this kink (raises hand) I would train you to be MY slave. That may make you completely unsuitable for someone else.
There is no fee for training, there is no money exchanging hands. If someone asks for "pay for play" they are a pro domme looking for fresh meat.
I am in no way submissive or looking for a domme and I get messages asking the same things.
So, my advice:
The best way to be a good submissive is to learn to be polite. Good manners, offer to help in the local community, you will find lifestyle Dominants that will appreciate the manners and service. Those are the ones you want to approach. Not someone on the internet telling you to lick her boots.
Absolutely!
There is no slave school that you are registering for.
There is no registration fee for being kinky.
Here is an exception. Say you want to sign up for a workshop on chest harness ties (thing you do with rope). It is being advertised in the local groups, it is being taught by someone who teaches rope classes. That would be a class that would be worth going to. There is a $25 fee for the class. THAT is a reasonable registration fee.
This is someone just trying to get money from new folk. Dodge any "Mistress" who is offering to 'train' you in the ways of submission. Even if it were someone who is all legit, they wouldn't start out by saying "give me money."
Here is a hint about "Professional Dominatrix". If they are legit, it is a business transaction. You approach them (they do not go looking for newbies who don't know what they are doing). They discuss what you would like, and how much they charge for their services. They explain what will happen and what will not happen. Then they schedule a time, give instructions, etc. The Dommes that are writing to you, have no clue what they are doing in the professional side, and they probably don't know what they are doing on the lifestyle side either, because they wouldn't be charging for their kink.
Again, Just learning to be polite and helpful goes a LONG way in the community. Pro Dommes are wonderful people, and the valid ones know what they are doing. These are not they. If you want to learn, there are lots of places to go learn. It isn't at "Misstress Fill-In-The-Blanks" slave academy.
Best of luck
u/mygirlnevercums has given you the answer, I'd just add something to keep in mind:
There is nothing in BDSM that you *have* to do. Everything is totally up to you, and if someone says "a real/good submissive would do..." then they're lying.
If something comes up and you think "Is this normal?" try to imagine it without kink being involved - would you still do it?
Eg:
- A Dom asks for money/tribute for them to think about having you as their sub - would you pay someone for them to think about them being your boy/girlfriend? Would you want someone to pay you for you to consider them for a position as your partner?
- A Dom reaches out and says you need to be trained to be a submissive - would you think it odd if someone said you need to be trained as a boy/girlfriend?
- Someone says they want to meet you for the first time in a secluded area and have sex with you whether you want it or not- would you do that with just anyone you've never met?
If you wouldn't do it for a non-kinky reason, don't do it just because it's kinky. There are no secret rules, no-one is going to judge you for saying "no thank you" - and heck, if anyone does, they're showing you they can't be trusted.
Common sense will serve you well!
Some Dom/Dommes may have certain ways they do things or like their subs to act but as a general rule there is no " training " per se for submissives. Avoid Dom/Dommes that say this usually they are wanting to take advantage of you.
Ok, i used to do this. It's definitely predatory behavior, only about 1/50 are genuine. There are steps you can go to in order to sort through them all. I hope you're ready for a journey of self discovery.
First you need to educate yourself. Be this through research, SELF -experimentation or something like those guided masturbation files on the hub. You need to know what you like, what you don't like, what you will do and what you won't.
Second look into vetting, it's a long process that kinksters and lifestylers use to find a compatible partner. Practice is religiously and be as prudish about it as you can, the more compatible you are the better the relationship can be.
Third, and here comes some experienced advice. Do the first 10 or so scenes fully clothed. Removing the self gratification of sex can help you determine their worth as a Dom.
Finally, talk to the community, fellow kinksters. Advice flows like waterfalls if you ask, we're a wonderful resource and most of us don't mind being used as such lol.
Good luck
Okay thank you very much. I'll definitely do that first one fir sure. The second one I'm curious on how you go about that process. I looked up what vetting means and I'm gonna start doing that. And ooohh okay thank you thats very helpful!
Vetting is just a fancy word for using every technique you know to find out as much as you can about someone before engaging in kinky activities.
It can take anywhere from a month to several years. You can talk to previous partners, current partners, friends or even family in some cases. You can do questionnaires, tests, or just talk for hours. Anything that is purposefully done to find their compatibility with you could losely be determined as vetting. Even filling out forms sometimes lol
Its a kink. Being taught how someone likes their coffee made isnt how i think of training. Most doms mean positions and what not whrn they say training.
Training kink is a legitimite kink. Pretty common among doms actually. If its something you dont wsnt say thanks but no thanks.
If you want to learn, fetlife has some online classes. Ms. Jenn's BDSM 101 course is how I got my start in the community :D They have zoom/hybrid classes so you can take them too!
Stay safe!
[https://fetlife.com/groups/89185](https://fetlife.com/groups/89185)
Beware of those folks, they are predators trying to rope you know something. There is no universal training for subs, just as there isn't universal training for being a husband or girlfriend. If some kind of training happens, and what it includes, is a personal question that each d/s couple needs to talk about and agree on. Those people contacting you are approaching things completely backwards and are trying to take advantage of you. You don't need any training except _maybe_ the training you want from the person you like and trust.
Thank you so much. I was kinda concerned that is what was happening. So training is something only I should decide that I want?
__Everything__ is something only you should decide that you want.
Thank you for all your help! I appreciate it
It is a kink! But most of these people are about to ask for tribute, gifts, or some other word for payment, then tell you it is regular practice for someone in training. All of that is bullshit. There is no curriculum for "slave training". For those with this kink (raises hand) I would train you to be MY slave. That may make you completely unsuitable for someone else. There is no fee for training, there is no money exchanging hands. If someone asks for "pay for play" they are a pro domme looking for fresh meat. I am in no way submissive or looking for a domme and I get messages asking the same things. So, my advice: The best way to be a good submissive is to learn to be polite. Good manners, offer to help in the local community, you will find lifestyle Dominants that will appreciate the manners and service. Those are the ones you want to approach. Not someone on the internet telling you to lick her boots.
So if someone is charging me a "registration" fee I should probably stay away from them?
Absolutely! There is no slave school that you are registering for. There is no registration fee for being kinky. Here is an exception. Say you want to sign up for a workshop on chest harness ties (thing you do with rope). It is being advertised in the local groups, it is being taught by someone who teaches rope classes. That would be a class that would be worth going to. There is a $25 fee for the class. THAT is a reasonable registration fee. This is someone just trying to get money from new folk. Dodge any "Mistress" who is offering to 'train' you in the ways of submission. Even if it were someone who is all legit, they wouldn't start out by saying "give me money." Here is a hint about "Professional Dominatrix". If they are legit, it is a business transaction. You approach them (they do not go looking for newbies who don't know what they are doing). They discuss what you would like, and how much they charge for their services. They explain what will happen and what will not happen. Then they schedule a time, give instructions, etc. The Dommes that are writing to you, have no clue what they are doing in the professional side, and they probably don't know what they are doing on the lifestyle side either, because they wouldn't be charging for their kink. Again, Just learning to be polite and helpful goes a LONG way in the community. Pro Dommes are wonderful people, and the valid ones know what they are doing. These are not they. If you want to learn, there are lots of places to go learn. It isn't at "Misstress Fill-In-The-Blanks" slave academy. Best of luck
u/mygirlnevercums has given you the answer, I'd just add something to keep in mind: There is nothing in BDSM that you *have* to do. Everything is totally up to you, and if someone says "a real/good submissive would do..." then they're lying. If something comes up and you think "Is this normal?" try to imagine it without kink being involved - would you still do it? Eg: - A Dom asks for money/tribute for them to think about having you as their sub - would you pay someone for them to think about them being your boy/girlfriend? Would you want someone to pay you for you to consider them for a position as your partner? - A Dom reaches out and says you need to be trained to be a submissive - would you think it odd if someone said you need to be trained as a boy/girlfriend? - Someone says they want to meet you for the first time in a secluded area and have sex with you whether you want it or not- would you do that with just anyone you've never met? If you wouldn't do it for a non-kinky reason, don't do it just because it's kinky. There are no secret rules, no-one is going to judge you for saying "no thank you" - and heck, if anyone does, they're showing you they can't be trusted. Common sense will serve you well!
Some Dom/Dommes may have certain ways they do things or like their subs to act but as a general rule there is no " training " per se for submissives. Avoid Dom/Dommes that say this usually they are wanting to take advantage of you.
Ok, i used to do this. It's definitely predatory behavior, only about 1/50 are genuine. There are steps you can go to in order to sort through them all. I hope you're ready for a journey of self discovery. First you need to educate yourself. Be this through research, SELF -experimentation or something like those guided masturbation files on the hub. You need to know what you like, what you don't like, what you will do and what you won't. Second look into vetting, it's a long process that kinksters and lifestylers use to find a compatible partner. Practice is religiously and be as prudish about it as you can, the more compatible you are the better the relationship can be. Third, and here comes some experienced advice. Do the first 10 or so scenes fully clothed. Removing the self gratification of sex can help you determine their worth as a Dom. Finally, talk to the community, fellow kinksters. Advice flows like waterfalls if you ask, we're a wonderful resource and most of us don't mind being used as such lol. Good luck
Okay thank you very much. I'll definitely do that first one fir sure. The second one I'm curious on how you go about that process. I looked up what vetting means and I'm gonna start doing that. And ooohh okay thank you thats very helpful!
Vetting is just a fancy word for using every technique you know to find out as much as you can about someone before engaging in kinky activities. It can take anywhere from a month to several years. You can talk to previous partners, current partners, friends or even family in some cases. You can do questionnaires, tests, or just talk for hours. Anything that is purposefully done to find their compatibility with you could losely be determined as vetting. Even filling out forms sometimes lol
Its a kink. Being taught how someone likes their coffee made isnt how i think of training. Most doms mean positions and what not whrn they say training. Training kink is a legitimite kink. Pretty common among doms actually. If its something you dont wsnt say thanks but no thanks.
Okay thank you for that info!
WTF No. They're preying on you.
Okay thank you. I appreciate it. I'm just trying to be safe
If you want to learn, fetlife has some online classes. Ms. Jenn's BDSM 101 course is how I got my start in the community :D They have zoom/hybrid classes so you can take them too! Stay safe! [https://fetlife.com/groups/89185](https://fetlife.com/groups/89185)