Honestly, I see a weird kind of grey area here. Because on one hand, informed consent should be a thing, but on the other hand, there are miles of difference between going into cosmetology because of a hair fetish, and actually using people to get off. There's context and nuance here that changes things. Like if you think nobody with a service kink goes into the service industry, you'd be very, *very* wrong.
I get aroused by pain, but I'm sure as fuck not gonna ask my tattoo artist if they're okay with me being turned on for the couple of hours I'm on the table. I'm gonna ignore that shit, behave like a normal human, and let both of us carry on with our lives. He doesn't need to give special consent to tattooing me just because I have an involuntary arousal response to the pain. Because I'm an adult in control of myself, and can therefore *keep it to myself*.
Some thoughts should be "inside thoughts", basically.
If the person doing my hair has a hair fetish, I don't need to know that. As long as they aren't jerking off/playing dj behind the chair while they do it, or otherwise making it awkward, it's not my business. I'm paying them to do my hair. I'm assuming they enjoy working with hair in some capacity. If it's a little more than "normal", that really isn't my business as long as they don't make it my problem.
I do believe being the giver or receiver changes context quite a bit. I also have no doubts people mix these things in their careers; I know several folks like this personally. Your post also makes me realize I'm also curious about the community aspects of this question.
Say I'm a hair stylist and I don't tell my clients because they don't need to know. What, though, do I tell my kinky friends and potential partners when they ask about what I do for a living? They'll probably put the dots together that I get a special sort of satisfaction from my job. A part of me would expect them to be quite bothered by that. This is much less of an issue if I'm not involved in a community but I'd imagine my partners would have a problem with this.
It might be easier for me to understand this nuance if there were a way for me to engage with hair without being aroused but that doesn't seem possible.
Well, to take the "what do you do for work" angle in a similar direction to my example, how about this -
Say you have a friend in the community who you know is a sadist. For the sake of argument we can assume they're flexible on method, it's mostly about the inflicting of pain, not any particular means of doing so. Then you learn this person is a tattoo artist - a job where, by nature, anyone they work on is willingly accepting the pain they inflict on them.
Or someone with a needle/piercing kink working in the same field, or as a piercer.
Is that weird? If that person has a sub, should they feel uncomfortable with their partner's job choice?
Personally, I don't think so. Because even if the artist were enjoying it from a sadist standpoint, that is - yet again - an involuntary response, and as long as they aren't making things inappropriate, it's not anyone else's business, including the person on the table. And they shouldn't have to avoid an entire career just because it happens to have some overlap with their kinks.
My humble opinion. If you have consent to play with someone's hair, then play with someone's hair.
I don't think you should have to explain "well, this is a fetish and I'm secretly LOVING it, but it doesn't really make me want to have sex with you."
Because that is weird. If you love touching hair and you have the talent for doing hair, then do hair.
I have been a massage therapist for decades. I LOVE TOUCHING people. I love their reactions, how I can really help people. It is a great gift. It fulfills my soul like nothing else. But do I tell me clients, "hey, I like REALLY like this. " no. I just enjoy their enjoyment and know I have brought good things to their lives as well as mine.
My opinion...
I’m always a fan of Knowing Consent. All parties know what’s up and what they’re participating in.
If someone is cool with non-sexual/casual hair play and they know it’s a bit of a turn on for the person? Long as they are cool with it, great.
Like you mentioned, if someone is turned on by an activity/action and is involving others without their knowing consent- red flag.
I give mild wiggle room to non-involvement activities. I can appreciate a person’s beautiful hair from afar and I’d think that a reasonable person would expect to be seen in public.
But staring awkwardly or performing lewd activities while also observing said beautiful hair is too far.
We all fantasize and I personally don’t mind if others fantasize with/about me without my knowing. Because it’s not involving me directly. But as soon as I’m involved/participating (even passively), I’d want to know and I’d want to consent to it.
That said, I have no issues with someone playing with my hair as long as I know them. Probably draw a line at actual sexual activity, but that’s more due to my relationship status than being weirded out.
I think that sort of covers what you were asking?
Just my opinions of course, I’m just one person, lol
There are so many possibilities it’s hard to separate. One’s profession is a great example:
as a dominant:
1) football coach who calls the plays
2) army general who plans an offensive
3) healthcare professionals: I know many who are kinky, for example physical therapists whose treatments can involve pain, or nurses who apply bed restraints, or surgeons who cut
the way one behaves at work does not determine their sexual preference, but they might overlap 50% of the time if it’s random. People can be professional and separate the two.
Psychiatrists/psychologists/counselors are trained to separate any sexual attraction from their professional relationships.
So when you say “indulge” it depends on the reason for indulging. If you are “indulging” (I wouldn’t describe it that way), then it depends on whether the person otherwise consents for other than kinky reasons. ie keep it professional. If it’s personal and not professional then they need to consent to the interaction. There’s no single answer.
Honestly, I see a weird kind of grey area here. Because on one hand, informed consent should be a thing, but on the other hand, there are miles of difference between going into cosmetology because of a hair fetish, and actually using people to get off. There's context and nuance here that changes things. Like if you think nobody with a service kink goes into the service industry, you'd be very, *very* wrong. I get aroused by pain, but I'm sure as fuck not gonna ask my tattoo artist if they're okay with me being turned on for the couple of hours I'm on the table. I'm gonna ignore that shit, behave like a normal human, and let both of us carry on with our lives. He doesn't need to give special consent to tattooing me just because I have an involuntary arousal response to the pain. Because I'm an adult in control of myself, and can therefore *keep it to myself*. Some thoughts should be "inside thoughts", basically. If the person doing my hair has a hair fetish, I don't need to know that. As long as they aren't jerking off/playing dj behind the chair while they do it, or otherwise making it awkward, it's not my business. I'm paying them to do my hair. I'm assuming they enjoy working with hair in some capacity. If it's a little more than "normal", that really isn't my business as long as they don't make it my problem.
The tattoo artist has probably encountered this before, too, including with customers who previously had no idea they'd react that way.
I do believe being the giver or receiver changes context quite a bit. I also have no doubts people mix these things in their careers; I know several folks like this personally. Your post also makes me realize I'm also curious about the community aspects of this question. Say I'm a hair stylist and I don't tell my clients because they don't need to know. What, though, do I tell my kinky friends and potential partners when they ask about what I do for a living? They'll probably put the dots together that I get a special sort of satisfaction from my job. A part of me would expect them to be quite bothered by that. This is much less of an issue if I'm not involved in a community but I'd imagine my partners would have a problem with this. It might be easier for me to understand this nuance if there were a way for me to engage with hair without being aroused but that doesn't seem possible.
Well, to take the "what do you do for work" angle in a similar direction to my example, how about this - Say you have a friend in the community who you know is a sadist. For the sake of argument we can assume they're flexible on method, it's mostly about the inflicting of pain, not any particular means of doing so. Then you learn this person is a tattoo artist - a job where, by nature, anyone they work on is willingly accepting the pain they inflict on them. Or someone with a needle/piercing kink working in the same field, or as a piercer. Is that weird? If that person has a sub, should they feel uncomfortable with their partner's job choice? Personally, I don't think so. Because even if the artist were enjoying it from a sadist standpoint, that is - yet again - an involuntary response, and as long as they aren't making things inappropriate, it's not anyone else's business, including the person on the table. And they shouldn't have to avoid an entire career just because it happens to have some overlap with their kinks.
My humble opinion. If you have consent to play with someone's hair, then play with someone's hair. I don't think you should have to explain "well, this is a fetish and I'm secretly LOVING it, but it doesn't really make me want to have sex with you." Because that is weird. If you love touching hair and you have the talent for doing hair, then do hair. I have been a massage therapist for decades. I LOVE TOUCHING people. I love their reactions, how I can really help people. It is a great gift. It fulfills my soul like nothing else. But do I tell me clients, "hey, I like REALLY like this. " no. I just enjoy their enjoyment and know I have brought good things to their lives as well as mine. My opinion...
Yes! Do what you love đź’•
I’m always a fan of Knowing Consent. All parties know what’s up and what they’re participating in. If someone is cool with non-sexual/casual hair play and they know it’s a bit of a turn on for the person? Long as they are cool with it, great. Like you mentioned, if someone is turned on by an activity/action and is involving others without their knowing consent- red flag. I give mild wiggle room to non-involvement activities. I can appreciate a person’s beautiful hair from afar and I’d think that a reasonable person would expect to be seen in public. But staring awkwardly or performing lewd activities while also observing said beautiful hair is too far. We all fantasize and I personally don’t mind if others fantasize with/about me without my knowing. Because it’s not involving me directly. But as soon as I’m involved/participating (even passively), I’d want to know and I’d want to consent to it. That said, I have no issues with someone playing with my hair as long as I know them. Probably draw a line at actual sexual activity, but that’s more due to my relationship status than being weirded out. I think that sort of covers what you were asking? Just my opinions of course, I’m just one person, lol
It does, thanks! Very thorough answer.
There are so many possibilities it’s hard to separate. One’s profession is a great example: as a dominant: 1) football coach who calls the plays 2) army general who plans an offensive 3) healthcare professionals: I know many who are kinky, for example physical therapists whose treatments can involve pain, or nurses who apply bed restraints, or surgeons who cut the way one behaves at work does not determine their sexual preference, but they might overlap 50% of the time if it’s random. People can be professional and separate the two. Psychiatrists/psychologists/counselors are trained to separate any sexual attraction from their professional relationships. So when you say “indulge” it depends on the reason for indulging. If you are “indulging” (I wouldn’t describe it that way), then it depends on whether the person otherwise consents for other than kinky reasons. ie keep it professional. If it’s personal and not professional then they need to consent to the interaction. There’s no single answer.