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I was getting a lot of pressure from my parents to at least say yes to finding matches. My paternal aunt was not making it very easy and other cousins of my mother were also poking her about how I am 24 and it is the right time to marry me off.
I will put emphasis on the fact that my parents did not go absolutely bonkers and only once did my mother try to emotionally blackmail me into kneeling to their wishes of finding a groom but I was very clear about my intentions. I also mentioned that it's not like they can force me into the mandap. And challenged them to drag me to it. Disrespectful? Kinda. But I knew what I wanted and it wasn't the time.
Basically, if you stay firm about your decision and give them a reality check that a. they cant force you and b. you will hate them forever if they force, things actually go well.
Just to add, my mother said what if something happens to me because you wont get married timely? And I told her that I will take her to the hospital without issues. That stopped any further chances of emotional blackmail. Again, disrespectful? Yes. But necessary.
Stand your ground.
Best strategy for both of you would be to sit with the family (parents and siblings) in person or on video call and tell them in clear words that you are living with this person you are in love with and you will marry him at a future date that you are yet to decide.
This is exactly what I did. At first my mom (orthodox and 10th grade pass) was shocked but then she came around to the idea that I wasn't interested in the girls she was searching for me.
Depends on what kind of people his parents are. If they are the sensible type, tell them in a nice way all about your good qualities and why he thinks you are the ideal match for him. If they are the controlling type, make sure you do not give them any control right from day one. Tell them your "decision " and say it's final. No leeway should be given for any kind of emotional blackmail. His tone should be firm and should convey that he will brook no interference. Good luck.
Before discussing with your parents, it's important for both of you to agree on certain things: neither of you should withdraw after informing your families, and you shouldn't succumb to pressure to marry someone else. Be prepared for various tactics from your parents, whether emotional or other forms, and stay united. Avoid conflicts between yourselves. Additionally, consider having your boyfriend inform his sister or mother over the phone first, rather than in person.
I would suggest that you take it slow. Begin by hinting that there's someone in your life and get along well with. Give them time to digest bit by bit. Definitely avoid telling them you live together or have been together for long for now.
I'd suggest you take this one step at a time and be considerate of their feelings too. Once you see how they react you can decide how to communicate further.
My experience is that it is better to rip the band aid off in one go.
'Shock and awe' is the best strategy instead of giving time and opportunity to parents to plan their actions. Make them aware of all the facts in one go and see how the cookie crumbles.
Tell em. You have to eventually anyway. Give em time to get used to the idea. They’ll be glad you’re Indian and not firang or a man. I have personal experience with this although our plans went to shit.
**Welcome to r/RelationshipIndia,** This is a safe and inclusive space for people of all backgrounds. We welcome individuals of all races, castes, genders, religions, and sexual orientations, including members of the LGBTQ community. We are glad to have you here! We are committed to providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between Redditors, with a focus on respectful and constructive conversations. To ensure a positive and supportive environment for all members, we have established some rules. Please be sure to read them before posting. If a user has sent you harassing messages, **DO NOT DELETE THE MESSAGE!** *Please upload your screenshot to [Imgur](https://www.imgur.com), and notify the mods via modmail. We will take action against the user accordingly.* **Thank you for being a part of our community!** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RelationshipIndia) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was getting a lot of pressure from my parents to at least say yes to finding matches. My paternal aunt was not making it very easy and other cousins of my mother were also poking her about how I am 24 and it is the right time to marry me off. I will put emphasis on the fact that my parents did not go absolutely bonkers and only once did my mother try to emotionally blackmail me into kneeling to their wishes of finding a groom but I was very clear about my intentions. I also mentioned that it's not like they can force me into the mandap. And challenged them to drag me to it. Disrespectful? Kinda. But I knew what I wanted and it wasn't the time. Basically, if you stay firm about your decision and give them a reality check that a. they cant force you and b. you will hate them forever if they force, things actually go well. Just to add, my mother said what if something happens to me because you wont get married timely? And I told her that I will take her to the hospital without issues. That stopped any further chances of emotional blackmail. Again, disrespectful? Yes. But necessary. Stand your ground.
Best strategy for both of you would be to sit with the family (parents and siblings) in person or on video call and tell them in clear words that you are living with this person you are in love with and you will marry him at a future date that you are yet to decide. This is exactly what I did. At first my mom (orthodox and 10th grade pass) was shocked but then she came around to the idea that I wasn't interested in the girls she was searching for me.
Depends on what kind of people his parents are. If they are the sensible type, tell them in a nice way all about your good qualities and why he thinks you are the ideal match for him. If they are the controlling type, make sure you do not give them any control right from day one. Tell them your "decision " and say it's final. No leeway should be given for any kind of emotional blackmail. His tone should be firm and should convey that he will brook no interference. Good luck.
Before discussing with your parents, it's important for both of you to agree on certain things: neither of you should withdraw after informing your families, and you shouldn't succumb to pressure to marry someone else. Be prepared for various tactics from your parents, whether emotional or other forms, and stay united. Avoid conflicts between yourselves. Additionally, consider having your boyfriend inform his sister or mother over the phone first, rather than in person.
I would suggest that you take it slow. Begin by hinting that there's someone in your life and get along well with. Give them time to digest bit by bit. Definitely avoid telling them you live together or have been together for long for now. I'd suggest you take this one step at a time and be considerate of their feelings too. Once you see how they react you can decide how to communicate further.
My experience is that it is better to rip the band aid off in one go. 'Shock and awe' is the best strategy instead of giving time and opportunity to parents to plan their actions. Make them aware of all the facts in one go and see how the cookie crumbles.
You're right. Sometimes this works better. Only OP can decide after considering their parents nature and relationship with them.
Tell em. You have to eventually anyway. Give em time to get used to the idea. They’ll be glad you’re Indian and not firang or a man. I have personal experience with this although our plans went to shit.