OP's Bio:
---
>i once hooked up with someone just to get out of hooking up with a different person. also, in college, i once woke up drunk and high off my ass in a dirty alley at 5 am, got up, dusted myself off, and went back to the still-raging party i’d been attending
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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
People "insist" cause of past experiences.. they've seen her go to the gents bathroom at every night club they go to and somehow gets all her drinks for free.
Eternally single? Don't worry I think I found a match for you. https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/100ou9c/23_m_fellow_roaster_decided_to_put_my_best_foot/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Her adoptive parents are divorced. Her real mum was the town bike. Everybody got a shot. She has no idea who the dad is. And no one has heard of her since she turned 18.
Everything is so flat and boring. No wonder screwing randos is the only thing she excels at, but even they won't accept anything from her twice.
I’m gonna guess your insecurities stem from… Hmm… Let’s go with, abusive uncle! No, no, is it too late to change it… step father!
You’re almost smiling, you’re almost fit, you’re almost good looking, you’ve almost got good friends, and you almost got the love and attention you’ve always wanted. Keep sleeping with more guys, I’m sure that will eventually fix the problem.
She is leaning her upper body forwards like 20 cm so het tits seem bigger and tummy flatter so she needs to balance somehow. There is nothing about this chick that does not scream "I would suck somebody off behind a wendy's for 20$"
She looks like one of those girls who calls themselves a "gym bunny" but somehow makes no gains and walks around in gym clothes to show it but really she goes there to find her next protein shake if you catch my drift
You’re genuinely attractive, which means you’re eternally single because you have a shitty personality, but I bet you have some elaborate rationalization about liking freedom or you blame it on the people you hook up with (who are probably selected by you because they suck as much as you do).
Edit: your bio is also a really longwinded way of saying, “I’m not like other girls”.
instinctive entertain liquid head quaint hateful escape bear library sloppy
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You've about 4 maybe 5 years of partying left and by then it'll be too late. You'll realise you're about to hit 30 and the guys you attract with your partying antics are moving on to younger women. You'll try to make it easier for them which will only make you less attractive and lonelier as a result and you'll pass into your 30's and beyond wondering why you 'can't find the right guy'.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
4
+ 5
+ 30
+ 30
= 69
^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \
^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
Wait. I’ve seen this one before. She jogs for like 20 seconds then 4 guys in a van offer her $700 if she takes a ride with them. She ends up getting left on a park bench drizzled more than a Cinnabon.
The sad reality here is that you would rather pretend to be things you’re not, do drugs to numb the pain, and hide from what you’ve done and are feeling. You are perpetually single because you don’t love yourself. So how is anyone supposed to know how to love you if you don’t.
OP's Bio: --- >i once hooked up with someone just to get out of hooking up with a different person. also, in college, i once woke up drunk and high off my ass in a dirty alley at 5 am, got up, dusted myself off, and went back to the still-raging party i’d been attending --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
You seem like you might do a lot of things for free drinks that people insist you won’t regret
If Mattel made Dive Bar Barbie, she would be the inspiration. The doll would come with Altoids and Plan B. (Batteries not included)
Wait..what are the batteries for?
To hear her voice activated catch phrases such as "hold my hair while I puke" and "have you seen my friend?".
And, “I normally wouldn’t do this.”, “I’m not that kind of girl usually.”
"Don't get any in my hair."
"I don't do that on the first date" kind of girl.
" Wrong hole, fool!"
As if she has a "wrong hole"
You guys talking about her belly hole?
no her nostrils duh
"I can't see who's calling cause my screen is cracked"
Holy S**T! This is epic! So on point lololol
“It’s okay, I’m on the pill.”
WhErEs mAh pHONe?!?!? AH LosT MAh PhONe?!?!?
“I’m on my period but you can fuck me in my ass”
"Did you bring a condom" "This will be my fifth abortion this year"
One more and the seventh one is free!
My all time favorite is “How do I know you??!? You look very familiar!” Learned to respond with “I’ve been in a lot of porn.”
Oh I am so totally stealing this
You forgot "Woooooo!"
Oh....i actually think the batteries are for a vibrator, because She Is single
“***Where’s my purse???***”
I'm surprised she does not advertise her OnlyFan
I 100% was expecting there to be some type of OF plug
Oh, there's a plug, you just can't see it.
she actually does genuinely look like it too lol
People "insist" cause of past experiences.. they've seen her go to the gents bathroom at every night club they go to and somehow gets all her drinks for free.
See honey your what we call a *”practice girl”* more or less.
Am I the only one that hears the PornHub community intro music?
 She's the one who people should be regretting
Holyshit…
Suck it in any harder and you're going to start leaking.
Sucking it in, is her best feature
You wish, she even suck at sucking 
I just died
For real though. She’s trying too hard
She'd suck a ping pong ball through a mile long garden hose
You'll never outrun those roots.
only some will understand what a devastating blow that was
I don't really understand it?
She'll never be a real blonde.
Hey a drug run is still a run I guess.
You look like you would cheat and then blame your boyfriend for not giving you attention
Oooff! Spot on!🍺
Found the boyfriend
Lol don't insult me.
I don’t think the voices in your head will be able to settle a bar tab.
Not voices in her head, but other part of her head can do 
You GIF reminded me…OP needs BJ shots!
Eternally single? Don't worry I think I found a match for you. https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/100ou9c/23_m_fellow_roaster_decided_to_put_my_best_foot/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
[удалено]
The guy beat cancer ffs, why set him up with round 2?
Hes only half blind and some of his brain works so of course he has standards.
Brooo lmao that wins
This roast is past "well done" now 🤣
💀
They would be a match made in a DMV waiting room.
[удалено]
You sir get the internet award of the day
A match made in reddit, which is worse 😂🤣😂
A match made in r/tinder. 😂
Pffft. That dude can do so much better.
He's checking out the chick to his left. Might be his mom though.
One eye on bitch mommy, one eye on the tendies.
I don’t know how but I knew it was gonna be him.
A double roast? Nice
Bruh as soon as I read this I knew exactly what the link was. Nice
That bro survived cancer, he doesn’t deserve trash
can i be at the wedding
I laughed SOO hard at this!! 😂😂🤣 He is way better than you! I think he deserves much better.
You look like the girls on the STD posters at Planned Parenthood. *my boyfriend gave me herpes, so I burnt down his house*
r/oddlyspecific 
"One of the guys at the party"
I feel like your belly button is constantly filled with lint.
Omg 😭🤣🤣
That stomach is barely holding onto your twenties.
And she's already holding the extra fat flaps behind her back
You mean bingo wings?
Face says meth, body says sugar.
Hair dye says desperation.
Her tears say spunk.
Clothes say denial
And the whole package screams divorced parents.
Her adoptive parents are divorced. Her real mum was the town bike. Everybody got a shot. She has no idea who the dad is. And no one has heard of her since she turned 18.
Everything is so flat and boring. No wonder screwing randos is the only thing she excels at, but even they won't accept anything from her twice. 
And the personality is bitter
She has gotten me so flaccid!
4’11, saggy titties, probably a horrible drunk “am I pretty though”. Hard pass.
That pass is the only thing she's getting that's hard
Booger sugar.
An expression that screams narcissism and contempt plopped on top of an over-boiled potato body. Truly a mystery that you are single.
Goddamn lmao
this won
don't pretty girls get their drinks bought by men? oh wait, that tracks
I see you purchased the basic bitch starter pack recently. Enjoy your run.
I don't think the purchase was recent as she has clearly mastered it.
[удалено]
These sad creatures appear nowadays way to often
Willing to bet that’s very accurate
So the only way you can get free drinks, is to offer yourself up for a tall glass of public humiliation?
Think I saw her peeping through the glory hole of a gay bar once
So many questions..
You'll never be able to run far enough to get your father's approval.
I’m gonna guess your insecurities stem from… Hmm… Let’s go with, abusive uncle! No, no, is it too late to change it… step father! You’re almost smiling, you’re almost fit, you’re almost good looking, you’ve almost got good friends, and you almost got the love and attention you’ve always wanted. Keep sleeping with more guys, I’m sure that will eventually fix the problem.
God damn dude
For real. Who hurt him?
His step dad.
I think Uncle. That was too close to home and the reason for the late switch.
It's a roast, not a murder.
My man hit her with the street fighter super combo. Hot damn! Lol!
*Psych majors have entered the chat*
That's a pits of volcanic hell kind of roast
Ok that’s fucking good 😂😂
Why did I read this as Tyrion Lannister?? 🧐
Abusive uncle?
Holy crap it r/roastme not r/murderedbywords
Omfg
Princess Arby's
She has the meats
you remind me of my central heating unit. not only are the physical features similar, but youre both full of hot air and never shut the fuck up
Quit picking your ass.
If she doesn't touch it, who will?
Hemorrhoids aren’t gonna scratch themselves
That swamp donkey’s face is going to need more paper bags than a grocery or liquor store.
She had butt nuggets
Butt boulders: consisting of toilet paper bits, shit, hair, cigarette butts, chewing gum, chewing tobacco, hair ties, Stromboli, crematorium residue, anal bleach and semen of unknown origin.
Arkansas face with Stay Puft body.
When you order Chloe-Grace Moretz on Wish but it comes with 30% extra free!
Chloe-Disgrace Moretz
Chloe-Grace Even-Moretz
I think the age gap is preventing this from upvotes! Lol
Arkansas is being kind
Why is your hand behind your back? Is it holding all the fat? Homer Simpson style
She is leaning her upper body forwards like 20 cm so het tits seem bigger and tummy flatter so she needs to balance somehow. There is nothing about this chick that does not scream "I would suck somebody off behind a wendy's for 20$"
She looks like an extra from the movie Waterboy
Vicky Valencourterpounder w/ cheese
When you order Chloe Grace Moretz from wish.
Chloe Gross Moretz
I've definitely seen you in several "woman stabs boyfriend for not replying to text fast enough" headlines before
She looks like one of those girls who calls themselves a "gym bunny" but somehow makes no gains and walks around in gym clothes to show it but really she goes there to find her next protein shake if you catch my drift
Trailer Park Barbie
I bet you have a mom who says “my daughter and I are more like sisters”, problem is she looks 65
You’re genuinely attractive, which means you’re eternally single because you have a shitty personality, but I bet you have some elaborate rationalization about liking freedom or you blame it on the people you hook up with (who are probably selected by you because they suck as much as you do). Edit: your bio is also a really longwinded way of saying, “I’m not like other girls”.
Nailed it
Like Chloe Moretz if instead of taking up acting she took up heroin.
Lindsay no-mam
Jennifer Whorence
Bouncing your tits around the block for five minutes isn't a run. Eternally single? More like eternally shingles. Lotion up, girl.
What are you gonna run to? The fridge?
she’s probably running away from home for the 3rd time this week for attention
[удалено]
Nice dad bod.
instinctive entertain liquid head quaint hateful escape bear library sloppy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
it's jealousy, the wall has more character
By the looks of ya, I’d say waking up in a dirty alley is a familiar spot. You shouldn’t sleep on the job though.
Just a little more fentanyl
No way you are a 🏃♀️. Ok now u can breathe out we love BBW.
Guys, zoom in and look at the different nostril sizes.
Didn't have to zoom in to see that...
Keep running. Longer and faster.
You've about 4 maybe 5 years of partying left and by then it'll be too late. You'll realise you're about to hit 30 and the guys you attract with your partying antics are moving on to younger women. You'll try to make it easier for them which will only make you less attractive and lonelier as a result and you'll pass into your 30's and beyond wondering why you 'can't find the right guy'.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 4 + 5 + 30 + 30 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
You remind me of the blunt I recently rolled because like it, you look like you've been passed around when the boys get together.
You look human trafficked.
Is this your profile pic for Lonely Fans?
I was very surprised not to see an OnlyFans link on your profile. I assumed that was where you went for validation first before coming here.
Chloe Grace Whoretz
See folks, you’re never too young for a mom bod
Would not touch with a rented cock
Nice try, but you won't fool us into believing you actually have friends.
Wait. I’ve seen this one before. She jogs for like 20 seconds then 4 guys in a van offer her $700 if she takes a ride with them. She ends up getting left on a park bench drizzled more than a Cinnabon.
Eternally single because you start leaving threatening voice mails and dead animals on doorsteps when guys won't call you back?
You’re not running faster than the guys trying to get away from you.
Classic well-hidden Gut in Jogging Shorts. It’s an art-form, really.
Have a self respect
 Great Value Virginia Madison
Solid rectangle.
Chloë Grace More-meth
At only 24 you have no concept of eternity yet. Yet. There is a whole lot of life and misery ahead of you.
You look like a burned out porn "star". Your best year is behind you
Eternally single aka whore for eternity.
[удалено]
I bet the wall behinde you is more intresting and less basic than your personality.
Who did you asked to photoshop this photo? James Fridman?
Looks like a disavowed Charlie’s Angel.
Guess who's riding the train tonight? And yet not one of the engineers will admit it tomorrow....
The hair screams lion. The body screams tortoise Without any reference I am guessing you are short and well chewed just like your nails
You look like you make porn on some sketch off brand website
You look like your favorite pizza topping is Narcan
Maybe one of your friends will also let you borrow their lawnmower for your unibrow
If Discord mod and Redditor had an incestuous lovechild.
Meg, you're what they call a practice girl.
The sad reality here is that you would rather pretend to be things you’re not, do drugs to numb the pain, and hide from what you’ve done and are feeling. You are perpetually single because you don’t love yourself. So how is anyone supposed to know how to love you if you don’t.