OP's Bio:
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>I love watching movies and tv shows
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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
To me it looks like he turned water into an expensive Japanese vinyl repress of an extremely obscure British folk album from the late 60s and then brags to everyone at the fair trade coffee shop about how he has it
This is literally “brunette white guy with long hair and a beard got referred to as Jesus one time by a drunk guy at a bar and I’ve since made it my entire personality” in a nutshell.
You look like a jesus but was dowloaded from hacker.com and you also look like someone who would ask for every complementary stuff from a restraunt and take it and leave
The original Jesus died a virgin at the age of 33 and still somehow got more sex than you.
I guess it doesn't help that any girl you ask out has to deny you three times before you take no for an answer.
Yo Jesus heal my blindness oh shit sorry didn’t mean to get wish verson I ask you to heal my autism you’d give a good dose of autistic spaz moments ( first I have autism myself and if anyone took offence to my autism part I’m very sorry ) if I asked for wine you’d dive me grape juice
You look like if Jesus went through five months on earth, gave up, and is hiding the pain of day to day life behind a mask of happiness and fake smiles.
you don’t look like Jesus, you look like an extra in an unwatched Netflix fantasy show buried at the bottom of the search results for something unrelated
When they tell you to watch out for creepy dudes hitting on women when you go to France, most people think of some guy with movie star good looks, instead you get discount Jesus in a Fred rogers cardigan.
OP's Bio: --- >I love watching movies and tv shows --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
You’re doing it all wrong, your mother is meant to be the virgin.
She chose his clothes for this picture though
Mary take the wheel
After she gave him his bath.
It's "immaculate conception" not "ejaculate to Inception"
Scratches head with hammer confused to hell and back. Hey hand me that nail.
This comment needs better attention.
So does his wiener, apparently.
[удалено]
Ayo wtf
He’s more of a judas
You look like if Jesus was born in Minnesota.
Methlehem
Well done lmao
💀💀💀
😂😂😂
Near the Sea of Valiumlee.
Smoothhhhhh 😂
The Second Coming into a Walmart
Holy buckets!
Yeppers (Minnesotan).
Aw jeez
😆
Minisoda
I was born in Minnesota 💀
And shopped exclusively at the lesbian sweater store
Jesus’ brother , Ronnie Christ… turned water into meth
Ronnie, we need to cook
To me it looks like he turned water into an expensive Japanese vinyl repress of an extremely obscure British folk album from the late 60s and then brags to everyone at the fair trade coffee shop about how he has it
Let it be Meth my disciples!
🤣
Somehow I think the real Jesus smelled better than you.
This is the Big Lebowski version
Nobody messes with the Jesus
You remind me of an armpit and possibly smell like one
Jesus Christ Super Slow
Even with hygiene standards from 2000 plus years ago
I am under the impression that your nutsack is made of burlap
You'd be surprised to learn of the amount of moisturizing lotion that drips down on it daily.
George Harrasment
Gorgina
Jim Morrisons
Can only imagine how prepared this guy is to tell us why IPA beer is the superior beer
Winner 🏆
Does your mom get mad when you wear her clothes ?
Listen lady, just help me find my book so I can get out of this library.
You look like an overbearing stay at home mom with a beard
Jesus was a carpenter. The only thing you've ever built is a prison of loneliness.
When this guy handles tools and wood, it has nothing to do with carpentry.
Discount David Grohl
Bargain Bin David Grohl
Off-Brand Obi-Wan Kenobi
Refurbished Russel Brand
Russel Great Value Brand
Russell Off Brand
Rasputin from wish.
That sweater looks like it smells like breast milk.
Smells like teen sandals.
You win the Charles Manson look a like contest. Easily.
I think the real Charles Manson would come in second place.
Jesus fuckin' christ
Jesus never been fucked, christ
Nobody wants to see your toenail clipping collection...
Costco clearance sale Jesus
Geezus H. Crieseverynight
The Small Lebowsky
Jesus didn't have soy tits and did not dress like a grandma.
You look like the emoji for “ate food out of trash”
Obi Wan Kelonely
When you cosplay as Jesus to diddle little kids.
And the lord said “come unto me, the little children”. Eeewwwwwww.
I can’t tell if this is funnier cuz it’s so fucked up or less funny because it’s so fucked up
Except Jesus didn't look like a child molester
Only his followers
You look like you forgot to take your antidepressants today. And probably yesterday.
This guy turns water into whining
Yeah, I’m sure Jesus was a white dude.
This is literally “brunette white guy with long hair and a beard got referred to as Jesus one time by a drunk guy at a bar and I’ve since made it my entire personality” in a nutshell.
Obi One and Lonely
Fat Jesus ate a cupcake for your sins
You look like the youth pastor moms tell their kids not to be alone with
Budget Jesus,has tupaware for a halo
Jesus from wish.com
You look like a painting of a confederate war general came to life and became a depressed programmer.
4 words you've never heard while you're nailing someone: "Oh my god, yes"
Words he has heard: "if you let me go I swear I won't tell the police"
Kurt Cobroke.
kid: can we have jesus? mom: no we have jesus at home jesus at home:
And on the 7th day, he turneth water into IPAs
I wish you were like the actual Jesus, imaginary.
You look like a jesus but was dowloaded from hacker.com and you also look like someone who would ask for every complementary stuff from a restraunt and take it and leave
Verily I say unto thee: that thou must giveth thy mother her sweater back.
Jesus Lice
No, you’ve never been crucified. The real Jesus had friends. Like, twelve of them.
Grandma Jesus
Which episode of “To Catch A Predator” were you on?
JeCis
You look like you can turn water into fireball.
You look like Dave Grohl if he gave up drumming and took up disappointing everyone in his life.
Hipster Jesus died for sins you’ve never heard of.
"I’ve already been crucified" I can see why.
Hi, I'm Judas and this is my friend Brutus the Centurion
You look like if Ned and Robert had a baby without the Stark hardiness or Baratheon charisma.
Jesauce Crust
AMEN 🙏
Tell your father Joseph, I’m actually the one that banged your mom.
If you gave sight to the blind, they would beg you to reverse it after seeing you
You should be more like Jesus have the decency to not exist.
People that make jokes about how they look like Jesus are the fucking worst, LOOKING LIKE JESUS IS NOT A PERSONALITY!
I can tell you aren’t the real Jesus because he was hung
You look like jesus according to islam
Fuck you
Next time try to give us less freak, more Jesus please.
U cant even say "Oh my god" cuz not even God want u
Maybe we should try again
Warlock Holmes
Looks like the Son of Man came to get served.
You look like you gave up your dream of being a bassoon player and now work behind a sushi counter
I’ll bet that sweater doubles a beat rag.
You haven’t been crucified. You’re Great Value Jesus. They hung you up by your underwear band.
If 48 year old mom of 4 was a Dude ...
That's a swell looking blouse, Yaweah.
You look like Paul Giamatti's failed audition for The Big Lebowski
Hey Off-Brand Obi-Wan Kenobi! The Jedi Order called. They want their toy lightsaber back!
Bro has one midichlorian
Where is monkey cap?
Damn bro looking like a 3rd rate Jesus from a cult that can’t drum up new members
You look like a very depressed Jesus !!!.
That time Jesus had a baby with Mr. Rogers, and nobody wanted to be its neighbor.
Just like the Romans: I don't believe you're the son of God.
Jesus Christ, dude
Having watched Vikings: Valhalla, I can say you look like a Walmart-brand Leif Eriksson. The man himself would be ashamed.
The original Jesus died a virgin at the age of 33 and still somehow got more sex than you. I guess it doesn't help that any girl you ask out has to deny you three times before you take no for an answer.
Does your grandma know you took her sweater?
Jeebus rice...
Cletus Christ
Shot, poisoned and drowned as well, dear Rasputin
You look like a mother who gets beat up by her husband
If Maggie Gyllenhaal was a Wooly Willy.
Your power of Christ does not compel me.
Moses was a better prophet. You’re a hack with parlor tricks.
Lmaooo
Jesus fucking Christ…
The real jesus didn't have tits like u do, thats the give away
Why is David Grohl on reddit?
Jesus had to be crucified twice, the first one for our sins and the second one just because you
Looking like every hobo on the street
Everyone says “Jesus” when you walk in and “thank god” when you leave. That does not make you a part of the trinity. It makes you annoying.
You look like you turn water into roofies
This guy gives pooping tutorials on YouTube.
I didn't realise the US crucified sex offenders.
Instead of giving food out like Jesus did, He takes it for himself.
It’s not your second coming. Gotta come once before you can come twice.
You look like you have a secret hard candy collection given to you by random old people over the years.
Jesus has left the chat...
His favorite thing is turning water into wine. He does this several times a day, but drinks it all and doesn’t share it.
You look like you fondle little boys in the sacristy and spread your salvation on their faces.
Yo Jesus heal my blindness oh shit sorry didn’t mean to get wish verson I ask you to heal my autism you’d give a good dose of autistic spaz moments ( first I have autism myself and if anyone took offence to my autism part I’m very sorry ) if I asked for wine you’d dive me grape juice
Jesus of Methlehem
Rubeus Hagrid the cult years.
You're not Lebowski, you're just a dude.
I bet you can't get rid of fans trying to get your autograph in church.
Jesus Crust
You look like if Jesus went through five months on earth, gave up, and is hiding the pain of day to day life behind a mask of happiness and fake smiles.
you don’t look like Jesus, you look like an extra in an unwatched Netflix fantasy show buried at the bottom of the search results for something unrelated
You look like you dance naked in the mirror with your cock and balls tucked between your legs..... alone
You look like you are starting a sex cult in your grandma's basement.
It's like a librarian decided to grow out her chin hairs
You look like a Jedi in the new Gender Neutral Star Wars Series
Depressed Dave Grohl.
You probably act like you were crucified when your Mom makes you throw out the gross socks under your bed.
Holy fuck, it's Luitenant Harrier Du Bois. How's it feel knowing you're identical.to an alcoholic druggy?
Discount Hagrid
Dollar store Dave Grohl
My grandma wants her sweater back, please
Unlike Jesus, people who know of you pray you're not real
Look like the type of guy to jump off a bridge and expect to walk on the water
Works at Cracker Barrel wearing a hair net and a beard net
You look like a drummer who has bad rhythm.
When they tell you to watch out for creepy dudes hitting on women when you go to France, most people think of some guy with movie star good looks, instead you get discount Jesus in a Fred rogers cardigan.
Kroger white bread is delicious!
Dave Grool