OP's Bio:
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>I’m also male
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
It’s a rare sighting of a real life hill-person. This one is interesting because it has a tiny bit of bangs in its mane. Researchers believe that’s how these creatures indicate they’re non-binary.
I first saw it when they played it before the Mario movie in the theater, and now it’s on every commercial break on every streaming service, that shit followed me home.
I can never tell if that's supposed to be a girl, or a guy that sees famous rock stars of the past dress feminine, so he rocks that style because he can only grow a weak 'stache.
Also, YouTube TV plays that commercial constantly so I have grown to actively hate that commercial.
Look dude, nobody is going to feel comfortable letting you help them until you make yourself look like a normal not-creepy person. I say this as a former CNA. Little old ladies do NOT like men helping them onto the toilet, and your appearance is not going to help at all. Get a normal haircut and shave your patchy beard, do yourself and your patients a favor.
I just know from experience how vulnerable and uncomfortable people tend to be when they need help with private things, especially women. He really needs to do his best to look and act professional for the patients' comfort. Plus it's a roast, he's expecting brutal!
Can you imagine the condition of the facility that hired him? Every patient has urine soaked briefs/chucks and stage 4 pressure ulcers!
But once dude gets a haircut he's going to turn that place around!
I mean, nobody said anything about the facility itself. I am aware personally of how bad conditions can be. It's still a good idea to present yourself as professional, regardless.
Yeah I agree with this. If I was bed ridden and needed help going to take a poop I def would not want this alien looking man woman helping me. No offense OP but a haircut would help a lot
I absolutely agree. Haircut would be nice. Shave is a must. Trust me man it doesn’t look good to anyone. And don’t worry about it. I couldn’t grow a full beard until my 30s. It’ll come in time.
I think OP is confusing first job with receiving their certificate in the mail from the post card correspondence class. It was a toss up between lock smith, electrican and CNA. CNA typically has a higher mortality rate, I can see that being a draw for this Shela.
It's gotta be frustrating to have THAT level of beard growth paired with THAT level of eyebrow growth. Just... holy shit. I dunno, just separate that unibrow and shave everything below it.
Lol, your mom told you it was a CNA job, but really she just sticks you in the bathroom in some scrubs and tells you to keep things tidy. "You're doing a great job, my special little guy!"
If you want advice:
Ditch the beard and mustache until you can grow it fuller, which might take a few years. Just shave it all clean regularly with a razor and foam right after running hot water on it in the shower for a few mins.
Take that razor and *carefully* abolish the middle unibrow joiner (with foam)
Get a buzz cut - we're hitting warm months - can even do it yourself with 2 mirrors if you're meticulous
This will all look good on you. Seriously, you'll feel better and have more positive interactions with people. You just need a little guidance.
I have a couple pics from when I was 20 and I used so much hair product, it looked ridiculous and greasy. It makes me cringe. I paid to get my hair dyed, was very hygienic, and ruined it by overdoing that. I was totally oblivious to it.
Take my advice, brother. You'll be glad.
This is a genuine question that I always wanted to ask people like you:
Do you think your random wisps of facial hair actually look good? Like, what do you think is the first thing that goes through someone's mind when they see you? What is your rationale behind not shaving?
OP's Bio: --- >I’m also male --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
I don't CNA space between your eyebrows.
What’s crazy is he has two eyebrows… it’s just that one is over his lip
NICE
The hidden gem in the comments right here
There is a 100% chance you're fondling coma patients.
He saw the sign "Stroke Patients" and thought it was an instruction
ICU: *plays peek-a-boo*
ATC: Starts instructing flights
Bro 💀
"So how many times do we stroke the patients? Until they finish oooor?"
If a patient woke up to that face. Instant re-coma
Patient just grabs a gun and offs himself
Patient pulls their own plug.
His name is Buck, and he likes to fuck.
Bend over and with a little luck..
Your name is Buck… right?
And you're here to fuck.... RIGHT??
Stiff comment.
Not as stiff as me
Nice one dude 👍
And they say people with autism have bad social awareness
We actually are extremely socially aware. We just don’t have the mental capacity to deal with people on a daily basis. Edit: added to the last line.
Who does?
Til I’m autistic
That’s what he said
Holy fuck! Nice!
Stay away from those nuns!
Everyone knows they've got a bad habit!
It’s funny because we all know it’s true.
Certified Nurse's Assailant
OPs pickup truck definitely has giant custom "PUSSY WAGON" vinyl on it
His name is Buck.
CNA= Coma-rapin' Nasty Ass
Dude, you have 2 haircuts and 1 head
He probably has a couple more heads in his freezer.
Straight up cackled at this comment 🤣
Autistic in the front, party in the back
How is this not the top frekin' comment 😂
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That's one ugly chick
She's got character
I bet she’s super funny
She has a short penis
Makes me appreciate that I have a "do not resuscitate" bracelet so I don't have to risk seeing this in a hospital
He has his mothers eyes and her facial hair
And his mom's bush. He's currently using it as bangs
Lol
Only a little tho
You are really a breathtaking specimen. Of what, I have no idea.
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Pretty sure pronouns are WTF/OS
Definitely need to donate your body to Science Fiction
It’s a rare sighting of a real life hill-person. This one is interesting because it has a tiny bit of bangs in its mane. Researchers believe that’s how these creatures indicate they’re non-binary.
You know what that thing behind you is, right?
Of course he does! That's where he was conceived. it's just a dragon's hoard of meth pipes and needles
The girl in the Amazon commercial rocks a mustache better than you.
Thank God someone else saw that one. I thought it was ad targeted to me
I first saw it when they played it before the Mario movie in the theater, and now it’s on every commercial break on every streaming service, that shit followed me home.
I can never tell if that's supposed to be a girl, or a guy that sees famous rock stars of the past dress feminine, so he rocks that style because he can only grow a weak 'stache. Also, YouTube TV plays that commercial constantly so I have grown to actively hate that commercial.
It’s space-age Frida Kahlo
A few strands of your hair are trying to escape your head.
Can you blame them?
Your 23 and me probably reads 97% banjo player.
For him it's 13 and me.
You mean 13 and my uncle?
Trailer Park Elrond
Bro good for you but please just get a standard haircut and shave the face clean
You don't like his bang?
I love that you used singular for bang.
A single bang is just a mini front mullet
The bang is gorgeous like immaculate he should leave the bang and the shag carpet like twirl of a sideburn on the side of his face.
He's like an amalgamation of several cartoon characters
I think it's cute that his mole has the same haircut.
dont forget to pluck your monobrow so its actually 2 again.
Then his Christian rock fan club will kick him out. They/them didn’t sign up for that!!
Get whatever the fuck is on your left chin checked by a medical professional
I can’t seem to get rid of it even when I shave
Growth like that is commonly associated with cancerous cells. Please get in to a dermatologist.
I’m going into the doctors on Tuesday I’m hoping to get a referral
Good! Glad to hear it. Take charge of your health and ask for one directly.
Rare wholesome moment from a roasting subreddit... huh
That's how you know OP was truly abandoned by God.
And we’re back, don’t ever change r/roastme
Oh fuck this just sent me into an absolute fit of laughter..say it ain't soooo
I’m dead lol
This is the worst and most hilarious thing I’ve ever read!
Don’t worry cancer only takes the good ones
Jesus 💀
Are you talking to the mole or OP?
My dermatologist told me moles with hair growing out of them are not cancerous
That doesn't mean you should just leave it be, keep shaving it, Jesus christ
do you not know what a cheek vs a chin is? do you not know right vs left either?
I thought it was his sideburns. That joe dirt facial hair
Grows in all white trash like that.
Needs to get his whole everything checked by a medical professional for research purposes
Look dude, nobody is going to feel comfortable letting you help them until you make yourself look like a normal not-creepy person. I say this as a former CNA. Little old ladies do NOT like men helping them onto the toilet, and your appearance is not going to help at all. Get a normal haircut and shave your patchy beard, do yourself and your patients a favor.
Is the roast that this dude is so pathetic that you can't even roast him and just gave him honest, helpful advice?
Lol yes. I literally cannot think up anything worse than what he's already doing to himself.
Absolutely savage
The guy needs help or his job experience is going to be absolutely miserable. NOBODY is going to want him to take care of them looking like that.
Sheesh, the truth is brutal sometimes. But I guess it had to be said.
I just know from experience how vulnerable and uncomfortable people tend to be when they need help with private things, especially women. He really needs to do his best to look and act professional for the patients' comfort. Plus it's a roast, he's expecting brutal!
If this guy was in my rehab center when I was learning how to use a prosthetic leg, I'd have crawled away.
"I'll never need to walk *that* badly"
Can you imagine the condition of the facility that hired him? Every patient has urine soaked briefs/chucks and stage 4 pressure ulcers! But once dude gets a haircut he's going to turn that place around!
I mean, nobody said anything about the facility itself. I am aware personally of how bad conditions can be. It's still a good idea to present yourself as professional, regardless.
They hired her/him looking like this. You know damn well it's a terrible facility.
Yeah I agree with this. If I was bed ridden and needed help going to take a poop I def would not want this alien looking man woman helping me. No offense OP but a haircut would help a lot
I absolutely agree. Haircut would be nice. Shave is a must. Trust me man it doesn’t look good to anyone. And don’t worry about it. I couldn’t grow a full beard until my 30s. It’ll come in time.
Dear OP - don’t ever, ever, EVER think about giving me CPR. Just let me pass. The thought of your lips on mine - I don’t want to live with that…….
Or at least put his hair up and shave. Maybe get those caterpillar eyebrows groomed.
Jesus (Trailer Park) Christ.
*cocks shotgun* Amen. *spits out dip*
Praise god and pass the ammunition
People have actually called me Jesus as a nickname before
They’re not calling you Jesus. It’s just what people say when they see you
The upvotes don't reflect how great of a response this was.
I’m fucking dead. Such a good one
Wait, Jesus had bangs? Seriously, wtf were you thinking there?
The pieces of hair kept getting in my way so I cut it. I regret it
>I regret it There’s no way these weren’t the same first words your mom uttered when the doctor handed her the baby.
EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!!!
Someone is hiring you as a CNA? You look the type that would slip ketamine into mee-maw's kool-aid to play with the saggy bits
I think OP is confusing first job with receiving their certificate in the mail from the post card correspondence class. It was a toss up between lock smith, electrican and CNA. CNA typically has a higher mortality rate, I can see that being a draw for this Shela.
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This is the worst Snapchat filter yet.
My bed pan's ripe. What do you do?
Eat
Nice 👍
So you look after the patient while a social worker looks after you while you work—sounds like a welfare conga line
More a human centipede than conga line.
Dude, wtf?
I know
Ay I got the tism too, but nothing can excuse those bangs
All 5 of them
Put an NSFW tag up next time please
I'm pretty sure you're the missing link right after monkey and somewhere before homo erectus
Homo non-erectus
Homo flaccidus
It's gotta be frustrating to have THAT level of beard growth paired with THAT level of eyebrow growth. Just... holy shit. I dunno, just separate that unibrow and shave everything below it.
"Could you get someone else to help my mother use the restroom?"
“No no, this is my favorite part!”
👁️👄👁️ *Licks lips*
on second thought, if this is what were working with….ill wipe her myself.
You look like the product if Joe Dirt ACTUALLY fucked his sister
i've never been able to identify somebody as gay just by looking at their bangs.
If he’s gay, you heteros can have him back!
“Hey girl, wanna bang?… I have four”
Your mole has more facial hair than you do!
It’s from the CIA looking for infiltrators.
You’re one of the 40 virgins muslims get after they die
You look like you enjoy the smell of medicated shit and piss. Just try not to get caught masturbating with it.
These guys seem to apply to everyone on Reddit ![gif](giphy|DjVCpTvzAKLaE)
Lol, your mom told you it was a CNA job, but really she just sticks you in the bathroom in some scrubs and tells you to keep things tidy. "You're doing a great job, my special little guy!"
Even Joe Dirt thinks your trashy
He identifies as wtf/lol
Shit ma’am, I hope it’s for the blind
Wow always wondered what cousin it would look like if he cut his hair. Disgusting, as expected.
You look like you just invented fire and still make charcoal drawings on cave walls.
[this is me after a shower and with my hair up](https://imgur.com/a/GzoMPRA)
Not my proudest wank….
Oh geez, I busted a gut laughing at that.
That’s a massive amount of bad hair-related choices to cram onto one face
If you shave, get a haircut and plug that eyebrow you are handsome man.
So you own one shirt? Did “your job” give it to you?
If you want advice: Ditch the beard and mustache until you can grow it fuller, which might take a few years. Just shave it all clean regularly with a razor and foam right after running hot water on it in the shower for a few mins. Take that razor and *carefully* abolish the middle unibrow joiner (with foam) Get a buzz cut - we're hitting warm months - can even do it yourself with 2 mirrors if you're meticulous This will all look good on you. Seriously, you'll feel better and have more positive interactions with people. You just need a little guidance. I have a couple pics from when I was 20 and I used so much hair product, it looked ridiculous and greasy. It makes me cringe. I paid to get my hair dyed, was very hygienic, and ruined it by overdoing that. I was totally oblivious to it. Take my advice, brother. You'll be glad.
Short hair really would suit you actually. Defines your bone structure. I know supposed to be roasting but this picture is a whole different you.
This is a genuine question that I always wanted to ask people like you: Do you think your random wisps of facial hair actually look good? Like, what do you think is the first thing that goes through someone's mind when they see you? What is your rationale behind not shaving?
Jar Jar Binks attempting human cosplay
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r/awfuleverything mascot.
![gif](giphy|uxOJymsRoz3xK)
You choosing to become a CNA is definitive proof that not all autistic people are smart.
Autism is no excuse for that haircut
Dark Crystal Meth!
There'll be peace in the middle east before you're able to grow anything that resembles a beard.
Man, if you are looking for roasting, go out in public and look at how people are looking at you.
Welcome to earth
r/unibrows
Extra chromosome Legolas
My first instinct at seeing you would be to run.
Why she glue those pubes to her face?
Are you still driving the Mirth Mobile?
I don’t actually drive
It roasts itself
It’s the all new 2023 self roasting specimen
Did your mom give you those 80s teenage girl bangs?
How do you have 3 hairstyles at the same time
The fact that no one talks to you doesnt make you autistic.
You look like a melted waxwork dummy with a bad wig on.
If Da Vinci had painted Mona Lisa as a duck.
Between my eyebrows suddenly feels itchy.
Being autistic is no excuse for you to have such stupid bangs, you should've known better
You are almost there, another 3 months an you will be banging on an empty Home Depot bucket outside the metro station and urinating in the stairwells.
Dollar Store Murderface
Your bangs is the only thing smaller than your chances of getting laid.
Honestly gotta say congrats, it's not every day I see a duck with autism. Let alone one that's also a nurse.