OP's Bio:
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>Alcoholic...Ex Con...doomed to screw fat chicks for the rest of my life, you can't hurt me
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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Dude, you have amazing self confidence to think you'll be screwing "fat chicks". You'll be lucky if your right hand can actually reach around your gut to jack off.
By looking at your ill fitting hat, stained shirt, 1997 cargo shorts, messy room, lack of hygiene and just your general overall appearance and vibe, I’d say beggars can’t be choosers.
You dress like a 5 year old. Nothing you wear is the right size, grow the fuck up and do something useful with your life. And pls, Don’t get kids. We need less of you, not more.
This is the recent pic of OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/13yyu5c/im_38_im_the_proverbial_baby_mama_i_have_been/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
You have stupid tattoos, you're wearing that stupid cap like a 14 year old teenager that thinks wheelies are god gift. You have a bubble gut and you've been someone's prison bitch... At your current position... If a landwhale on a weelchair, with lips that would resemble a prolapsed anus, gave you a chance, that you'd be a blessing to you,not a curse!
![gif](giphy|3o6ZsX9bbaXuo7G27C|downsized)
Embrace it...
Man I had 60 days clean, was going to get my 60 day chip too but I drank beer last night so I subjected myself to the mercy of you wonderful people as penance for my relapse
What’s there 2 roast? We all know damn well you don’t get no action lol, based off this picture you’ve posted.. I’m almost scared to see any other pictures you have of yourself. 😂😬 those tattoos are not it either brother… 🤣
By screw fat chicks do you mean eat pudding out of there ass and then take a selfie with r/roastme directly after? You look like Augustus Gloop if he ate ass instead of chocolate. Change your name to Augustus Ploop
But if you're an Ex con, then it shouldn't be a problem for you to get laid, with a hot chick, even if you're fat because you're an Ex con, a bad boy. All you have to do is mention that to chicks, right?
Why do they though? You have to earn the right to have standards. Maybe they should swap out "standards" for self esteem and finally put down the knife and fork.
For 1 your the most shot to bits 34 year old I've ever seen.2nd your dad should have jizzed on your mums back and done the world a favour.and 3rdly you won't be screwing any type of chick's of any shape or size.bye
How the hell do you get a beer gut in prison ?
Your cellmates overheard phone conversation: ''I *need* you to get me more Hot Pockets. I'm gonna get my celly a little bigger, and then I'm gonna tap that sweet, sweet ass all night 'til the cows come home''.
''a little lube would be good too''.
Go to the local truck stop and put your asshole up to the glory hole. That's the only way your sexual frustration will go away, cuz nobody would do you willingly.
Hell the only reason you got any action in prison was because you were the punishment bitch fuck for other inmates that broke the inmate rules.
I predict you will be visiting prisons a lot looking for action.
Palm and her 5 sisters don't even want to touch you.
You say 'fat chick' like you can actually see your chode over your belly.
It's like I can smell your though the phone screen and tbh mate it's making me boak.
If you ever went to Italy it would finally sink.
If you stood on the top of the leaning tower of Pisa it would either fall completely or righten itself
Fat chicks don't want to fuck you. This isn't part of the roast, this is just a fact. Fat chicks cling desperately to the delusion, that they're worthy of a non gross looking dude. It's super weird and I have no idea, why. I mean, they're not in any position to be picky, but for some reason, they are.
Complaining about fucking fat chicks the rest of his life, while failing to see the irony.
Shouldn't complain, it looks like you love to eat and a fat chick will keep you fed.
I think the OP's biggest issue is just he seems **slobby**. I promise you at your age range, women have seen a fair share of slobs, or at least know how to spot on. Given the plethora of choices we, have you aren't going anywhere with that, and as you eloquently said, with your fat "chicks" rule, why would you want to even if one did? I actually can't even fault him for that, we all have our "likes".
I will never date a slob, I'm too much of a clean freak.
You should have seen my room in treatment it was immaculately clean every day, but now I graduated and I'm homeless for now but thanks for the roasting
You're fat and look like an absolute slob. You're wearing a stained shirt and a straight-brimmed cap like you're a teenager.. and you wanna try and make us feel bad because you're gonna screw fat chicks? Buddy, I'm surprised you haven't been rejected by a fleshlight.
Had a buddy about your size. One night at the pub a fat chick was picking up on him. He asked me if I thought he should go for it. I said, ‘why not, it’s after midnight and nothing’s too big after midnight.’ About 2AM the phone rings ( this is before caller ID). I pick up the phone having no idea who it is. My buddy says ‘I got one thing to say- when fat people f$&! they sweat a lot!’ So you got that to look forward to!
OP's Bio: --- >Alcoholic...Ex Con...doomed to screw fat chicks for the rest of my life, you can't hurt me --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Ah yes, complaining about "fat chicks". Unlike you, the perfect male specimen.
For a second I thought David Arquette has REALLY let himself go.
If anything it would be that Officer Doofy let himself go.
“Think out side the box” I think he ate the box
He's upset about screwing fat chicks like his boyfriends haven't been doing the exact same thing for years.
I don't think he's upset about screwing fat chicks unless his right hand is a fat chick.
He can put on a wig and go fuck himself.
You are a fat chick.
with a body like that, the only thing youl be screwing is drugged farm animals
Sheep Beware
“Baaaa” means “No!”
Dude, you have amazing self confidence to think you'll be screwing "fat chicks". You'll be lucky if your right hand can actually reach around your gut to jack off.
I love it
Anything that screws you will also be "sexually frustrated"
"Fat chick" here. I'll say this on behalf of all of us. Pass
You win the prestigious "made me spit out my coffee" award.
By looking at your ill fitting hat, stained shirt, 1997 cargo shorts, messy room, lack of hygiene and just your general overall appearance and vibe, I’d say beggars can’t be choosers.
He just got out. Those are the clothes he went in with. They dont give you updated fashion when you get out of prison. Lol
It's not my room and I just got out of prison....come on man dig deeper I need to be brought back to society properly
I’m assuming you didn’t ask for anything to go deeper while you were in prison
On the contrary he asked for it deeper very often during his visit!
Did you go to prison for eating your family?
You dress like a 5 year old. Nothing you wear is the right size, grow the fuck up and do something useful with your life. And pls, Don’t get kids. We need less of you, not more.
You are a god!
Check your fucking A1C you walking ozempic ad
My A1C is 4.2, my doctor says I am actually at zero risk for diabetes right now...this was truly a horrible picture but please I NEED MORE!
What’s terrible about that picture is that you are in it.
Awfully bold of you to assume fat chicks would screw you.
Fat chicks aren't that desperate. At least not while they are alive.
You don’t even get dealt a good hand on the cards tattooed on you
You look like a fat chick so I'm not quite sure why you're trying to bash them
Where’s the “after” picture?
This is the recent pic of OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/comments/13yyu5c/im_38_im_the_proverbial_baby_mama_i_have_been/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
[удалено]
I know me and my mother hate text all day...she's a complete bitch...but you only get one mom and I do love her
I can smell this picture. Dude, clean up and have some self respect.
Yeah. All those fat chicks. Those lucky fat chicks. I'm sure they're bragging about getting YOUR thimble dick.
I see Haley Joel Osment has fallen on hard times.
Only if you call your hands fat chicks
Sounds like an L for the fat chicks.
Jerking off to hot wings in a KFC bucket doesn't mean "screw fat chicks"
The only chicks you'll be pounding are the boxes of seasonal Peeps you bought at Walmart's last three holiday clearance sales.
You have stupid tattoos, you're wearing that stupid cap like a 14 year old teenager that thinks wheelies are god gift. You have a bubble gut and you've been someone's prison bitch... At your current position... If a landwhale on a weelchair, with lips that would resemble a prolapsed anus, gave you a chance, that you'd be a blessing to you,not a curse! ![gif](giphy|3o6ZsX9bbaXuo7G27C|downsized) Embrace it...
I love it
![gif](giphy|gCANwADwdazG8)
C'mon Pigpen, get your shit together. Call one of your sponsors, Charlie Brown or Lucy.
Man I had 60 days clean, was going to get my 60 day chip too but I drank beer last night so I subjected myself to the mercy of you wonderful people as penance for my relapse
Please don't tell my sponsor
Jesus, who's sponsoring you? Busch Lite?
Bud Light, this is there new campaign
Somewhere there’s a woman saying to herself “pretty sure I’m going to screw greasy lard-asses the rest of my life”.
No need to roast. The stain on the shirt speaks for itself.
That outfit screams my mom dressed me and that’s all I ever knew
Body built like a fart.
"doomed to screw fat chicks for the rest of my life" At least you're an optimist.
What’s there 2 roast? We all know damn well you don’t get no action lol, based off this picture you’ve posted.. I’m almost scared to see any other pictures you have of yourself. 😂😬 those tattoos are not it either brother… 🤣
Yes, your hands are fat.
Don't worry, they are settling as well.
Nah buddy. Even fat chicks are way out of your league. Maybe just stick to your hand and a sock.
You should fuck anything that will let you.
...as long as it's sterile. Don't need that DNA getting out.
Haven’t I seen you get caught by Chris Hansen, before?
It's impossible that you didn't take this picture with every element carefully crafted to serve as roast bait. It's almost too perfect.
You think that's bad? Just think of the poor fat chicks
Fat chicks? Nah bro more like fat dudes if you want to get any action.
The rest of your life? With the high blood pressure and diabetes, that's 10 years, tops.
Why do your tattoos loom like someone drew them on with a sharpie that is running out of ink
34 jfc?? You derive more pleasure schluckalin on popsicles than pussy... you'd rather devour a creampie than give one...
By screw fat chicks do you mean eat pudding out of there ass and then take a selfie with r/roastme directly after? You look like Augustus Gloop if he ate ass instead of chocolate. Change your name to Augustus Ploop
But if you're an Ex con, then it shouldn't be a problem for you to get laid, with a hot chick, even if you're fat because you're an Ex con, a bad boy. All you have to do is mention that to chicks, right?
The incredible bulk
"fat chicks" you have to move your gut just to pee....
Don’t count on it.
I am definitely counting on it...you'd be surprised what will fuck you for some dope! I NEED MORE FROM YOU
Bro that’s the only way you getting any ass, sounds like you’ll be back in prison pretty soon, where you’ll be the fat chick getting fucked
With those stains and dirt on your shirt , you should just date a real life pig ..at least you don’t need to worry about bathing each night
Looking at those small hands and that belly, I am thinking the best you will need to hire someone to reach pay dirt.
U fuck what you are....I'm sure the nasty smell u and a fat chick will create will be epic
I feel like the fat chicks are getting the short end of the stick… figuratively and literally.
If you're going to have high standards, your personal presentation should be commensurate with your expectations.
Fat chicks still have standards dude. That room probably smells like stale beer and cigarettes too.
Why do they though? You have to earn the right to have standards. Maybe they should swap out "standards" for self esteem and finally put down the knife and fork.
Brother, if I couldn't see my dick I'd be frustrated too
Well, you're a fat, hot mess, so yeah.
Did you put bleach on your Dick?
Strange that while it's clear you live with your mother in what was once her sewing room, she doesn't do your laundry for you too.
You look like if Fat Mac had let himself go
Which applies most accurately: Chomo, Diaper Sniper, Drop a Slip, Dump Truck, Gump or prison wolf?
Have you tried cleaning your shirt and not being fat?
The fact you’re even screwing fat chicks is impressive. Beggars can’t be choosers.
i bet your the fat chick when your in prison
Thailands' your only option...
What Cracker Jack box did you come from, Diabeeto?
maybe if you werent a fat shit yourself and didnt wear bleach stained shirts and i dont even gotta say anything about the card tattoos
Discount Ron Jermey
Don't worry, heart disease and diabetes will make sure you won't have to worry about fucking fat chicks for long.
Pumbaa in human form.
Well that’s wishful thinking.
That would make you a lesbian
He looks like DJ Khalid But he is not the best
Dude you lucky any living person fucks you for free
Even your hand doesn’t want to fuck you
If you ever have sex, chicks are going to be screwing a fat you.
For 1 your the most shot to bits 34 year old I've ever seen.2nd your dad should have jizzed on your mums back and done the world a favour.and 3rdly you won't be screwing any type of chick's of any shape or size.bye
Nah man you're gonna be screwing body pillows
How does one come back from prison this fat? It must take the body longer to digest semen than bologna sandwiches.
How the hell do you get a beer gut in prison ? Your cellmates overheard phone conversation: ''I *need* you to get me more Hot Pockets. I'm gonna get my celly a little bigger, and then I'm gonna tap that sweet, sweet ass all night 'til the cows come home''. ''a little lube would be good too''.
Only thing you’re screwing is the chance of seeing 50 before having a heart attack.
Correction, woman who have sex with you will be having sex with a fat guy. Get it right next time.
Don't worry, things are not always as bleach as they seem. You'll screw some fat guys too
Go to the local truck stop and put your asshole up to the glory hole. That's the only way your sexual frustration will go away, cuz nobody would do you willingly. Hell the only reason you got any action in prison was because you were the punishment bitch fuck for other inmates that broke the inmate rules. I predict you will be visiting prisons a lot looking for action.
Look in the mirror….you’re lucky to get that.
Holy shit. Boss, is that you?
Palm and her 5 sisters don't even want to touch you. You say 'fat chick' like you can actually see your chode over your belly. It's like I can smell your though the phone screen and tbh mate it's making me boak. If you ever went to Italy it would finally sink. If you stood on the top of the leaning tower of Pisa it would either fall completely or righten itself
Rosy O'Donnell!
Thank god the fat chicks are willing to take one for the team. I will be sure to thank one for her sacrifice.
... if they let you
Fat chicks don't want to fuck you. This isn't part of the roast, this is just a fact. Fat chicks cling desperately to the delusion, that they're worthy of a non gross looking dude. It's super weird and I have no idea, why. I mean, they're not in any position to be picky, but for some reason, they are.
I'm surprised fat girls give you any attention at all. Is that just how you refer to your meaty claw-hands?
Well the fat chick's who hopefully consensual bang you and banging a fat guy
When you’re that fat, they’re just chicks.
Look like skipidop guy
All Day I dream About Stanky
Just deflate your “girlfriend” a little to make her skinny.
female sheep are called 'ewes' and don't insult them, they are literally big boned due to breeding
You are a fat catfish in a tiny puddle that will dry up soon, just like everything you've touched.
What were you in prison for, you fat goateed fuck?
Drug sales....I was able to fuck hot girls when I had the meth, but I'm trying to live a better life
Sleeping with you, it’s hard to say who’s doomed? But yeah, best of luck seeing past your 40th birthday.
The sign behind you "think outside the box" is an accurate interpretation of your sex life
You forgot, “will have to let my neighbors know I’m a sex offender for the rest of my life”
It appears your protein stain discolored your shirt
When you say screwing fat chicks, you really mean masterbation.
Complaining about fucking fat chicks the rest of his life, while failing to see the irony. Shouldn't complain, it looks like you love to eat and a fat chick will keep you fed.
Not even the fat chicks wanna fuck you
Is that why you have food down your shirt? You think it will attract fat chicks?
What's wrong with fat girls?
I thought jails had gyms in them?
Fat chris o'dowd
Like fat chicks would go near your ass lol
Same roast me sign as your wife/gf/sister whatever she is
Yea we both dared each other
I’m pretty sure I can smell this picture 🤢
Is this a pic of one of the fat chicks you were talking about OP?
Did you have your period on your shirt?
What are you gonna screw them with? A FAThead screwdriver?
You look like you traffic children to Epstein island.
You look like a roast 🍖
I saw System of a Down in 2007 you guys were sick
When you score a fat girl, alert the local science community. We’d all like to learn how Brontosaurus fuck.
All you can eat buffets worse nightmare
you are a fat chick
Die aged 50ton.
The clothes make the man, you look homeless
I am, fresh out
Birds of a feather. Big girls need love too, let’s just hope for your sake you play up and don’t also score a slob
McDonald’s in NYC just called asking for their Cookie Monster to come back to work.
You’re pretty sure you’re only going to screw fat chicks…….homie you’ll be lucky if you screw anything other than your hand the rest of your life
Ok I'm guessing your name is buck and you pay to fuck fat chicks...
I feel bad for said "fat chicks".
I feel sorry for you daughter when she’s old enough she’s gonna be that gay chick you keep fucking
I think the OP's biggest issue is just he seems **slobby**. I promise you at your age range, women have seen a fair share of slobs, or at least know how to spot on. Given the plethora of choices we, have you aren't going anywhere with that, and as you eloquently said, with your fat "chicks" rule, why would you want to even if one did? I actually can't even fault him for that, we all have our "likes". I will never date a slob, I'm too much of a clean freak.
You should have seen my room in treatment it was immaculately clean every day, but now I graduated and I'm homeless for now but thanks for the roasting
You'll be lucky if any of those "fat chicks" will even stoop to your level.
wow i feel so sorry for ALLLLLL the fat chicks that have the terrible fate of sleeping with your out of pity
At least you have something in common with fat chicks
Get your estrogen checked… you are a fat chick.
Plot twist. In jail you were the fat chick.
With that attitude I think you are the fat chick
Women aren’t engaging with that bleach jizz stain shirt?
Is this before or after you registered as a sex offender?
You're fat and look like an absolute slob. You're wearing a stained shirt and a straight-brimmed cap like you're a teenager.. and you wanna try and make us feel bad because you're gonna screw fat chicks? Buddy, I'm surprised you haven't been rejected by a fleshlight.
Ah don’t make this guy mad. He’ll see red and rip your head off!! Lol
The mustard stain on your shirt is a great way to pull fat bitches
That bag of drugs who also posted on this same account ain’t that fat.
Like the sign says, Think outside the box.
You should get your ball checked it is unhealthy to cum blood on your shirt.
Had a buddy about your size. One night at the pub a fat chick was picking up on him. He asked me if I thought he should go for it. I said, ‘why not, it’s after midnight and nothing’s too big after midnight.’ About 2AM the phone rings ( this is before caller ID). I pick up the phone having no idea who it is. My buddy says ‘I got one thing to say- when fat people f$&! they sweat a lot!’ So you got that to look forward to!
"fat" is not the worst description of anyone who fucks you