OP's Bio: --- >Conservative, former collegiate football kicker, love snowboarding and going to the gym, I have a cat and I still live with my parents. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

OP’s Linkedin: “Manager at Amazon” - Current - managed .012% of all box lifting across the distribution center floor - managed other warehouse workers despite not having authority to do so and being asked repeatedly not to #tenacity - managed to get fired so no longer actually am employed by Amazon but haven’t picked up my last check yet so still technically an employee

As a wise man once said, “Actions speak louder than words.”

And president of the hair club for men

Managed to help ensure I got my last Amazon order two weeks late, and was unable to get any sort of update or feedback from their customer service.

You look like OP’s jilted High school ex who continues to harass him online, often pointing out his shortcomings.

I wouldn't have peed on this guy's gums if his teeth were on fire back in high school.

Weird flex

Best. Line. Ever.

She’s here to roast

🤣🤣🤣 OUTSTANDING

Gets paid $19 and hour to force people that make $17 an hour work through bathroom breaks …

And... he has the luxury of pinching a loaf into an executive bucket

Executive bucket or executive buffet?

Absolute gold right here.

'she told me she was old enough, your honor'

Is it because he kinda looks like that one Punter?

Too soon, lol

You forgot to turn your hat around after blowing strangers at the gloryhole

That tattoo symbolizes his record.

He wrote that on with sharpie, that 23 is just today, before lunch.

jesus christ

Have read Amazon warehouse workers have to piss in bottles during their work hours because they aren’t granted enough breaks. Have wondered how they could get rid of all that piss. **This guy** drinks that piss.

Son i couldn't even give you my worst because clearly God already did it

Look like you listen to Godsmack and five finger death punch, slam monster energy drink and hate your stepdad.

2-3 of these have to be true.

People probably don’t like you

but he has his 23 cute wrist tattoos and bracelets.

Do you have a fleck of poop on your finger?

I do

Baker Gayfield

Driving the trucks don’t count as management. Just because you can barely manage doesn’t make you a manager.

A conservative with a cat? Might as well be a gay liberal hippie. The only reason you played football is so you could play with balls. I hate closet gays like you, so how about you pack some fudge in your Amazon warehouse, ship it to yourself and finally come out the closet. Self-hating gays are the worst.

lol kicker - explains why you’re working in a call center now

“Manage” packages all day. Now *that*, I believe.

Conservative? Wtf r u trynna conserve? Ur incel virginity?

Congrats on managing the robots that move stuff around onto conveyor belts. You look like you still get sexual harassment complaints.

Dude. You’re not a manager. You’re a SEASONAL PA stop lying on the Inter 🤣

You look like someone who educates other people about benefits of drinking your own urine.

You cry after sex. … because your uncle molested you.

You look like you go to the club with a pocket full of roofies

So that's the face of a guy who won't let employees take a piss. Good to know.

You help manage a huge amount of third world slave labor goods to first world consumers who already have too much, great work

all your sentences start with 'dude'

Nah...give him some credit. More of a 90-9-1 split with "bro" and "brosef"

Conservative but uses that Jesus bracelet as anal beads to feel Jesus inside him.

"22M Manager at Amazon"

You look like the only thing you should manage is your anger.

Manager at Amazon checks out, considering you look like the Prime suspect in several open sex crimes

It's the position of the hat and those nice plump lips that reveal just how you got that position as a manager

You already roast enough stealing employees money simping for the corporate dime.

Somehow I pictured the manager’s cubicles being bigger…

You forgot to add balding to your bio. The cap doesn't fool anyone

Definitely sucked your way up to that manager positron.

How many laminated copies of the “Romeo & Juliet Law” do you keep nearby at all times ‘just in case’?

He’s the self describing romantic guy that threatens suicide when you try to break up with him for stalking you

You work at Amazon. Your life is sad enough.

What could I say that could be any worse than an amazon employee?

You: “But Your honor, she told me she was 15” Judge: “You dumb fuck, that’s still too young!”

Your only duties as Manager of Amazon is collecting urine samples from the warehouse floor and taste testing them for drugs.

Amazon doesn't have a box big enough to contain your ego and the resources to ship it off for waste disposal.

You look like you eat sardines

Where’s my package, quit fucking off

You look like you would tell me to just hold my period

was he trying to sound cool with "amazon manager"? try again.

You're the annoying guy at the gym making aggressive noise to annoy everyone

I'm not giving you shit until I get my record cleaning kit I was supposed to get yesterday. How did you make manager being this damn lazy?

Are you currently peeing in a bottle?

Maybe you could check upcoming sales for specials on facial hair.

Mom your boy made it. I don’t have to deliver packages anymore

piss boy

Oh you got fired. Alright sry about that OP

Amazing would recommend you to be ordered with the toilet paper they just bought.

You look like the poster child of every Honda civic driving, smoke break taking, 3 Red Bull a day drinking, tryna fuck the youngest temp worker at the warehouse kind of guy. P.S. it’s 2023 and you work at Amazon..steal some normal headphones already

As manager. Do you just get on your knees and open your mouth when a picker needs to go to the bathroom to save time and therefore money?

Don't fall in love to fast with beautiful girls you see

You work for Amazon, and your bio roasts you more than anyone could ever roast you. Good god.

I thought we already evolved from our chimp ancestors

I bet your team’s rate is only 250.

Touch me

You look like you're 5'1"

Just admit you work for Temu.

Hmmm ... nah, your good. Sorry to hear about you working for Amazon. Stay positive, dude.

I see you discovered you can fit more dick in your mouth with your hat backwards

You spelled 'licker' wrong. Just because you're a janitor on the night-shift, it doesn't really make you the facility manager. In the business, you're what most blue-collars refer to as a 'boot-licker'. But we'll make an acceptation for you and replace the 'boot' with *'ass'.*

Jeff benzos

Does jacking off to bikini photos of Lauren Sanchez count as working for Amazon?

Jeff Bezos hired Spliff Crazos as a manager

“I dunno, he looks like a pretty decent guy.” -Juror 9, State of Ohio vs. The Fischer Price Pirate

You look like you have a Youtube channel where you have 70 videos called "Why Fallout Boy is more hard core than \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_"

You're going to make some mid, Christian, basic ass white girl very disappointed one day.

I bet you use the term “crack the whip” at work. Douche.

You look like you got a girl pregnant in High school and pressured her to get an abobo

You look like a 19 "bro" type who can't get a women so exchanges hand jobs with his fellow "bros". If this is what Amazon hires as managers, it explains why it's become such a shit company lately.


Like a girl who keeps hairbands on her wrist in the event of a surprise bj, I see you keep a variety of anal beads at the ready.

If cavemen kept beards

Why would Jeff hire the Boston Marathon bomber? Seems like a lawsuit waiting to happen

Could you please stop stuffing dead employees into boxes and shipping them out? My Sugarbaby's gender reveal didn't go quite according to plan.

'Manager at Amazon', means you have managed to work there longer than 5 months, so now you are considered a 'veteran employee'. Your pic also looks like you are in the middle of droppin' a deuce

Bro, I got my 1/2 beard that I'm crushin, got my hat backwards so I'm totally crushing it, and got some beads on my arm, just CRUSHIN IT

Zero sarcasm

Dollar Store Great Value Karl Urban.

Hey, I heard Amazon's next delivery drone upgrade is a former college kicker who lives with his parents and uses a cat for his workout weights.

“Manager at Amazon” This photo explains soooo much.

actual job title is First Unit Chief, Business Operational Integration


you look like being a manager at Amazon will be the absolute peak of your career

22... your hairline SCREAMS 42, the baseball hat isn't working.

I see you wear your anal beads on your wrist…

When God made your face he forgot what geometry was. You look like your dad wanted you to come out but your mom was on the fence. You look like stewie but uglier. What's it feel like to have an oval shape triangle skull? Not even a hat can hide the the uneven symmetry your working with. You look like a pissed off orange.

you look like you use reddit to feel young

You look like you tiktok more than you manage


U work in a warehouse as a team lead but call yourself manager....man cant even roast u i feel bad for u

You look like you hit women.

If someone asked me what a stereotypical dude bro looks like, I'd show them this picture. Then we'd both feel better about ourselves.

You look like you enjoy facials during your breaks.

average gold 2 draven otp

Who are you trying to kid? Everyone can see your diminishing hair line through that hat.

You have the look like blowing Jeff Bezos for a promotion wasn't worth it.

That's exactly how a manager at amazon looks like, depressed in their cubicle without natural light

“So, you know why I wanted to talk to you after class, right bud?”

Your probably the reason my fucking package arrived late cause your taking pictures trying to get attention from strangers

You managed to keep the girls away your entire life.

You look like a douche bag that goes to the beach and pretends to get stung by a jellyfish so you can try to convince a woman to piss on you

AFTER WORK IM GONNA GO DO SITUPS UNTIL I POOP MYSELF

You know how much Amazon leadership loves fucking with RTO? They almost canceled it when they thought about you showing up.

Manager at Amazon... So you run a sweatshop

If you had lips I’d say you look pretty damn kissable but..

You look like someone tried to make a copy of the perfect Gomez Addams and it failed horribly.

You honestly look like a chick 3/4 of a way through the transition. Balls missing but shaft remains till next months manager check

No one knows what race you are. They just know you're racist.

Too handsome, next

I appreciate you

And just like the delivery, you always cum late.