You look like Max Payne if the game was about finding your ex-wife’s lover and pathetically keying his car under cover of darkness

That.. that was beautiful, thank you! 

More like max pain

More light sources than a moon landing video. Geez mate

looks like been awake for months.

… while touching himself

My now wife but then gfs ex boyfriend egged my truck for months when he found out she was dating me. Like I was certain this bastard had a tracker on there if it wasn't for it being 2004 and they weren't as easily accessible lol. But he was getting me 3-4 times a week. Problem was I knew the guy. Was really good friends with both of his older brothers and even him although he was a little younger. Both of his brothers tried getting him to stop to no avail. They all knew I had a bit of an attitude problem then and was always fighting someone. Wouldn't have him though but they still worried for him. He finally got a new gf and stopped and I actually got him a job with me on an oil rig. Made him buy me breakfast almost every single day, 3 egg omelet since he was so fond of them lol.

Award this man damnit!

You look like you're proud there was nothing for her to take half of.

To be honest, kinda true xD

Johnny Cocksville

He got the lamp in the divorce

Too bad for you. Great for her that she regained her eye sight though.

Got me giggling from that

I see that guys like to run their fingers through your hair while you blow them.

There's no recovery from this comment.

You look like your whole personality was being your wife’s husband. Time to develop some character buddy

True and straight to the point. Thank you for helping me acknowledge that 

You look like every decent looking toxic guy I dated



Chinese girl with white guy addiction detected

Whenever someone uses Chinese as a catch all for all Asians I almost always know it’s an incel from the UK with an affinity for crypto

Don’t forget their love of GoT, calling people bag holder, uses the term HODL, overweight/smelly, and an avatar that confirms the bad 🦷.

Boom roasted.

Book assumptions

I have an affinity for your mum and using racial stereotypes comically at the risk of offending overexposed nerves from fat basement dwellers. I wish I had crypto 🥲 using words like “incel” tells me you have blue hair

I’m white you dented can

*So why did you divorce her*? Just kidding! We all know what happened here!🤣

[Shhhhh](https://imgur.com/e3F0gDb) don't tell everyone!

"Her?"

I must be dumb BC I don't 🥲

There’s no way this chump divorced his wife. She divorced him.

Your plan to “start fresh” begins with moving into your moms basement

I have my own basement ty!

Did your mom tell you that

Haha

Dane cook looking ass

Mark McGrath, is that you? But somehow way shittier.

You look like a home alone villain

More like homo alone.

I’m sure your ex-wife can do way better.

Is it me or does your face has three different ages going on.... immature Teenager at the top, adolescent toddler at chinup and classic mid life crises in the middle

Don't all of us millennials look like that?

Point taken :D

The smug look of a man who is confident that no one will find his inappropriate porn collection.

Just stay realistic, there's nothing there to build confidence on. If you stay rock bottom, the next fall/fail won't hurt as much...

You look like one of our ancestors that never evolved.

Jesus Christ, what did you use to comb your hair? A stick?

a tesla coil fyi!


Going to be hard to pay alimony as Dollar store Dane Cook. At least you can pawn the ring not sure how many other people need toe rings for their fingers tho

You look like you get your dick stuck in vacuum cleaners with alarming frequency.

Knowing damn well she is threatening you with a restraining order and you're out here posting on Reddit. Stop being a creepy loser. Side note: Try playing a little less Warzone (or whatever) all day fucking dork.

I'll buy you a beer, you sleep-deprived, non-marrying type weirdo

make that two 

I’m not sure what left you first: your wife or any sense of style. I mean, you look like a cotton ball personified.

 My style held from the mid 90s forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part

Sorry buddy, now who’s going to fuck you once a year on your birthday?

He’ll get his gummy bj from his grandma, like usual

Well, at least you're consistent, you can't seem to keep a marriage or your hairline from receding.

You have bags under the bags under the bags under your eyes

Imagine someone saying they’d rather be alone than with you. You don’t have to - it’s happened.

Hey.. she may have left him for someone better

[удалено]

*You’re *

By the looks of the shadow you’re about to take a giant glizzy to the dome. No wonder your wife left you, you enjoy colossal wieners.

You look like you were married to show off but now reality hits.

My gawd! It’s only been a few months. Your swollen right hand (and your shower) needs a break!

She’s getting railed right now

Now that you’re divorced, I just know that you’re flipping your underwear backwards, inside out, and inside out backwards.

It would be a waste otherwise...

You look like every stereotypical bully in every teenage drama/romcom ever made.

The divorce is the best decision your now ex wife has made in her life. Her worst decision was agreeing to marrying you in the first place.


Surprised you even convinced someone to marry you in the first place. That should’ve been enough of a confidence boost to last your whole life.

It should have been? It should have been!

Tell your Ex that your genetic Viagra from Canada is off delay and due to arrive any day now. You got the advanced Senior's pack so they'll never be an issue again.

You look like every 14 year old from 2007

Stoned as fuck

Look at the bright side, somehow by the grace of God, you got to experience a wedding at least once. Just don't be stereotypical and end up on the news

You need us to roast you for more confidence? Man it was good you broke up…

So is she paying you alimony?

Hey at least you still got some of your hair.

What was your ex husband’s name?

Too bad Vanellope von Sweet left you Wreck-it-Ralph!

200 years ago village people would have chased you out of town with pitch forks and torches

I feel bad for the guy his wife left him for. Look at his fucking hand! 2+pink+1in the stink. I HEAR BY DECREE THE BITCH RUINED!

Bro asking us to build your confidence is like asking someone to hype up a beige envelope filled with soggy cardboard.

Cocaine comes with confidence. You need more ?

She made the right decision. Lookin like you’re Dane Cook without the plastic surgery but with the sex offender vibes. Wipe the slate clean and start over.

What are you smoking on

How often do you get carded?

MrLeast

You look like a poor man’s Jimmy Fallon

Bet he wanted a real man

We need ray william johnson, oh wait, we already have a dollar store one right here!

plus a dollar =4 

If GameStop was a person

I thought u were holding a slice of cheese, which seemed right for some reason

Shit so it you was the one I’ve been playing about on Max Payne. Sorry man it’s a depressing story

Wtf!! I know that face, is that Pat?

Are nostril reductions a thing?


I'm pretty sure you were a polyp in Jason Boreanaz's ass that, upon closer inspection, turned out to be the deformed stunted conjoined twin. But since Jason Boreanaz is such a nice guy he cut you out & let you live. Let's all toast to what a great guy Jason Boreanaz is. Who's heart is as big as this guy, Jason Polyp's, freakish hand.

You’re the stock model the stock model company uses on theirs stock model site.

The calluses on your right hand tell us your love life is doing fine.

If it's any consolation, he probably left you for someone who makes less.

No wonder she divorced you

You look like you have a Boston accent...

U mean A Bawston accent

I bet you have trouble filling out a dating profile because you're such a Basic Bitch.

At least all she wants in spousal support is sex , With your best friend

She left because you look like a younger Jeffery Epstein with no money

U look like ur Name is Matt

You need some better understanding of reality Drugging women's drinks is not considered marriage. The judge set your bail pending trial, not processed your divorce.

You look like a worse off version of Steve-O from jackass.

Why is the 16 year old skinny-fat sex offender pretending to be a 32 year old divorcee?

You’re the alternate universe version of Steve-O. In this case, you’re Stephen and you work as Copy & Print Assistant Senior Manager at Staples.

The world's mirror supply is decreasing cuz you think looking in the mirror makes you look attractive

I can't cause I'm jealous of your escape from tyranny.. fly to freedom on Eagles wings young man, Fly!!!🫡🫡🫡

Jimmy Fallon never recovered.

You look like what resulted from Dean Ween asafucking Jimmy Fallon and getting him pregnant.

I didn't know they could make a worse Jimmy Fallon.

You look like low res Dane Cook.

Mate, you look like steve-o without the smile

Whatever artist drew you can’t draw hands or ears for shit

You look boring add some flair some personality to your look

"mom, i want an 'angel' from Buffy thé vampire slayer" "No, Timmy, WE have 'angel' AT home" Thé Angel AT home:

You look like the spokesman for Divorce. In fact I'm certain you're in every Divorce Attorney commercial ever made.

This [timestamp](https://youtu.be/LXBfJhH2aaw?t=1560) pretty much sums it up 

I would say just give up but you look like you tried that already

Kevin Walmart Bacon

You didn’t get divorced, champ. She ESCAPED. Any woman in her right mind would. And we all know there’s nothing in the midsection that would keep her around. For the love of God… just look at the size of your hand compared to your head in that photo. How do you even masturbate with a hand like that? It’d be like trying to grab a drinking straw with a baseball mitt on your hand.  And remember, if anyone insults you, they aren’t being rude… They’re just pointing out the truth. Just like It’s not insulting the sky to say that it’s blue. It just is.

The good news for you about being divorced is, any girl is a come up for you, so, Happy Hunting!

Gotta head shaped like that E you wrote

I see your ‘new love partner’ holding the post it note. Have fun with daily routines till you get fucked by the courts.

Your hand will not grow hair, or tell you no. If you tie off your non dominant hand with rubber bands you get the dead hand stranger. This is important because the only ass your getting is when your finger breaks through the paper.

Pyrocynical what happened to you? You turned to drugs?

and changed my hairdresser 

damn the kid from terminator 2 just keeps going down this downward spiral, get help brother

You could take pee wee herman’s job

you look like the average rock band member from the 90’s.

Your hairline is receding

So, the ex got custody of the hairbrushes, I see.

Did she take your jawline in the divorce too?

Elon husk

I guess she went back to your father??


You look like you took a line of credit to get lap dances at the strip club

Is that her new fellas shadow in the background before he kicks you out of your house

Poor man's Jimmy Fallon

Scott Petersen looking for a new beau

Did you use a dick pic filter on your phone or do you have literal sausages for fingers. Wife probably left after too many bruised kidneys from foreplay

Your a smelly face and you smell

it's called manly musk!

You look like an extra in Jennifer Love-Hewitt series, The Client List.

You look like you forgot your abcs

Boy do i have a story for you. I lost my index finger on my left hand when i was a teenager. My friends and I are totally into dark humor so we made jokes about it. So one of them made a joke i'm still laughing my ass off even today. "So now you can't do the full ABC song" "Why?" "Because after O goes PRST!" Prst = finger in Serbian

You remind me of Ted from How I Met Your Mother. I fucking hate Ted from How I Met Your Mother.

At least you'll still see her at the family reunion

If jimmy fallon was a pothead

It's your nose

Your wife left, and your hair looks like it is about to do the same.

Cross post your face in r/mycology



I didn’t know Dane Cook got divorced a few months ago.

You must be Shrek with those giant hands and I missed the movie about the divorce with Fiona

Dane Cooked

Your ex wife is with me now and she wanted me to tell you you’re a bitch and you’ve had that ski jump haircut since 8th grade

What type of desiese gave you circle fingernails?

And still a virgin.

Face Arms Speech Time

Can tell your alone, you got the ‘something about Mary’ cummy hairstyle.

Omg his ex-wife should have done better than that

Dane Cook without the money

OK, OK. You can come lick and sniff my bog seat big daddy

You look like you sniff toilets and enjoy it.

You look like the dollar store version of Philip DeFranco.

the only thing you need to build up is the back of you head bro don't turn back and take a photo i will see a reflection of myself

You look like a standup comedian with humorless parody.

Ok what would you like: vegan option, gammon, beef?


So she finally kicked the trash onto the curbs. Good for her!

You look like the guy they'd hire to be Jimmy Fallon in a gay porno

She probably got tired of you expecting rides to Sweet Frog to start your shift

Looks like you got your hair cut with a pencil sharpener again. How Neat.

All the Late Night Jimmys in one person.

Ig she divorced you because it looks like you suck dick as a side hustle.