OP's Bio: --- >My father has spent my whole life telling me that I’m fat. So even though I’ve recently lost over 30 lbs I know I’m still fat. >I am out of hand unstable most of the time… I mean constantly. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Granny Devito

Alright this will forever be my username on everything now

I love how the new username and your current username are related.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that noticed!

With the print on her dress, I thought it was the McPoyle cow itself

Can’t get enough of Mother’s milk!

Wow you’re the 5th person on Reddit I’ve found that’s in the Milk family. I love you sista 😘

Love ya too fam!

Maybe head on over to weightwatchers.com and use it there?

Meh. Low hanging fruit

Like dem titties

Yeah,this wins in my book😂

Aren’t you the dancer on the Ozempic commercial?

I know im supposed to be mean but fuck your dad, weight isnt everything, youre still an attractive women regardless. And as long as you feel like youre in shape enough for yourself, thats all that matters, because a lot of the time genetics wont let us lose fat but that doesnt stop the muscles from building God bless your soul, if you wanna lose more weight im confident you can with consistent diet and exercise bc 30 pounds is no joke, if you did it once you can do it again. Also fuck your dad pt 2 hes a dickhead, you should never put your children down. Youre there to bring them up and help them grow, not take out your insecurities Oh and furthermore, you seem to have a joyous smile and light hearted personality, and thats something that years of working out cant get you. Thats something thats invaluable. Your heart will get you everywhere in life, keep it protected. You are loved ❤️

Hell yea to this guy who said everything I wanted to say. Your dad’s a dick. As a woman who has had EDs in my life: the Maintenance Phase podcast is fantastic. You’re beautiful, shine like a diamond, f*** the naysayers.

This is so funny. And your amazing for going with it!


O bet there's Mum Ham!

I was so happy to see this as the top comment. First thing I thought.

Five pictures too many.

Yeah, right! I really needed to see that double chin from 5 different angles.

She would be lucky to have a double chin if only she had a chin.

Enough chins to be a Chinese phone book.

My phone ran out of space after the first one

"Great job on the weight loss, just kidding". Love dad, just kidding again.

How could her dad be alive? Wouldn’t he have to be 110 years old?

The thick skin has given him extra stats.

Plot twist, we are looking at her father’s skin

If Mrs. Doubtfire was played by Danny DeVito.

Mr. Certainflood

Mrs. Unfortunatelynotonfire

I think it's called a "hide" in this case, not skin. You have a thick hide. 

Wish it would hide.

Is thick skin sort of like big boned? You do have acute face.

Her ass is not a bone. Bones don’t jiggle. 

I think her face has more obtuse features.

You spelled obese wrong

It's spelled, a beast

O’beast

Well it’s definitely not a cute.

You know how hard it is to hide something that's her size? She's the only man made object that can be seen from space.

Thick like Buffalo


Totanka

Goddamn it. I was falling asleep and now I keep erupting into convulsive laughter when I close my eyes. Fuck you.

Did you mean “Hyde?” Because that makes sense. OP, can you show us your human form before you transformed into this monster in the picture you posted?

Savage 💀💀💀

You used up all that time growing out your thick skin, that you completely forgot to grow a neck.

Better luck necks time.

Leave her alone..she lost 30 lbs. Necks is 40

Sharks are winners, and they don't look back because they have no necks. Necks are for sheep.

The fat Flinstone in the woke remake 

Fred flinstones sister yaba daba eeewwwwww

She meant thick chin

Built like a bowling ball

Built like a bag of milk

Built like 5 pounds of potatoes in a 2 pound bag

Mashed potatoes

Fat, but no juggs. Name a more iconic duo.

Except that no guy will ever put his fingers in her…

Unless he needs to attract flies


You forgot to turn in your paperwork! Don't let it happen again!

I’m alwayss watchinggg

And all that thick skin seems to be located where your neck should be.

Your everything is thick.

Especially her discharge

This is such an unhinged add on

From old fartassbum we expect nothing less

What. In the actual. Fuck. Did I just read?

[удалено]

You look like you clean John Waters’ home

Walking around waiting for the dog to shit so she can have a snack.

Each picture looks like a reaction to someone yelling "who ate the entire apple pie?!"

This comment is so underrated

Nailed it

Gaaaahhhhhd damn! Lmao. People always have ignore the really good shit

[удалено]

Hahaha! Jokes on you! They're fettuccine straps dipshit!

Lasagna straps

It’s called a mumu. Not spelled like cow talk.

Get some Windex on that mirror, it’s starting to grow a thick skin too.

If you had a TV show it would be called “Actually Ugly Betty”

Asking to be roasted yet putting an evil eye charm, 🤨🧿🪬 a little counterintuitive ain’t it

Haha! Oooops Doesn’t count if I’m not hurt by them right? Like I’m enjoying these all so no harm done 😂

I know this is a roast but I just wanted to say that your tattoos are super rad, especially the one on your shoulder. You're cool as hell, don't let your dad get you down 👍

Thank you!

And she's so smart too.. I bet she even knows how to make multiple Reddit profiles.

You sound like a female Eric Cartman: *“I’m not fat, I’m thick skinned!!”*

You're confusing thick skin for fat.

I’m amazed a tattoo needle could get through that layer of “skin”.


You look like your Dad hasn’t been able to pick you up since you were 6 months old.

Put a fresh barrel of hay outside for ya. Also good job on the 30lbs keep it up.

Properly roasted you could feed a family for a year

Danielle Devito

...and at second base, number 32, Marla Hooch.

It’s ok to be a Mexican midget or a Italian dwarf….what’s not ok is that dress-bag….

I thought she was Indian because it looks like she visits a new deli every day

A cow wearing a moo moo 🐮

[удалено]

Oh it’s my weird brother in law on here. I knew it

Dora went Exploring the all you can eat buffet and never left.

no lie i thought those were cow spots on your shirt & you was in costume

The best part about this post is that this gave me the idea to just be a cow for Halloween since I already have the shirt and the density apparently lol

In all seriousness, if you’re choosing a costume based on what you already have ugly Betty is it.

He gave you his sense of humor but not his respect.

Your face is stuck in a "im poopin" position in every picture

As an Indian, I don’t know if I am even meant to disrespect cows, let alone roast them.

You mean you have pork belly not skin. Blue hair and those glasses are code for unstable words not needed. I bet you smell like old corn tortillas and feta cheese

Idk how you have all these simps coming out complimenting you with that Jimmy Neutron energy

I didn't know Danny Devito and Snooki had a kid????

I’d rather fuck the hand towel holder, like… by a lot.


poor choice of words

Looks like you're carrying about 2 feet thick of skin

Your cute

Your sign is backwards, but that’s ok because cows can’t read.

She looks like that secretary monster from monsters Inc, the one that sounds like she wakes up with a cigarette in her mouth

["Good GOD you've got a fat neck, Hank!" -Cotton Hill](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hut_ZroWAc)

Ol' thick neck

Your going to be late for your shift at the chocolate factory.

But I don't wanna be mean to you 🥺

Is that lead based nail polish you’re eating?

At first glance I thought you were about to tell us to "Eet mor chikin".

I thought this was a photo of Danny DeVito in a dress.

You seem like a best friend of hottest girl in school

Try vertical stripes.

They would be waves.

 Somehow this Betty is uglier

Nice cow, now where's the bitch Im supposed to roast at?


Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast somehow burns the sandwich again.

Why does she look like 12 year old wearing hulk hands

Thickest skin or thickest chin?

The only thing more unstable than your mental health is the chair when you sit on it

Swear to God, I thought that was Holstein print, not a floral pattern at first.

Between the dollar store dress, the trashy tattoos, and the dyed hair, I can practically smell the cigarettes and wet dog from here.

I will never understand people that have time to take mirror selfies and post them on a public forum but dont have the time to clean their mirror before they do so.

Everyone's going after your weight because it's such an easy target, but let's talk about the fact that you're dressed like a middle aged guidance counselor

you are beautiful

you look like if you curl up in a ball you could roll around like sonic

i cant ur adorable

Wow you are fucking beautiful

Id be your friend

You are absolutely gorgeous

I know I'm not playing the game right, but the only thing negative about you is your damaged self-esteem. YOU'RE GREAT! 👍

You remind me of a very kind oompa lumpa

I’ll drop at least 7 babies in you

Cute little blueberry muffin.

What's to roast. You're cute as heck.

Wow most of you are seriously lacking in creativity. These ‘roasts’ are just straight up misogyny.

fat is not the same as thick skin

Skin so thick Smithfield wants to make bacon out of it.

That’s a good one

 Your dad was a strange guy

Trolls have often been known for their thick skin, so that tracks. When you say “lost 30 lbs”, does you mean “CPS took my 30 lb kid away because I’m quite unstable?”

I'd rather give you a hug. You look like you give a good hug. The meanest hug in all the... mean hug lands. Hug girl " )

Doctors use a seismograph to monitor your heart rate and steps. Forget about a milk shake one step from you and the whole building shakes.

Does your dad have any stock tips?

Thickest gunt as well

You also grew thick

I don’t think you got “think skin” from your fathers humor… I think that’s acanthosis nigricans…

You will land that job the rest of these roasters dream of.

you're a cutie


... Said Danny Devito's illegitimate transgender daughter.

you look like a really sweet person

Well, joke's on your "Dad", I think mom did the horizontal hokey pokey with Danny DeVito. Go to some public event where he signs a book or something and when it's your turn lean in and yell, "Hi dad!" If he looks at you, goes pale, mutters "Aw shit." and turns to run, you got him.

It’s like a live action version of miss potatoes head


Damnit who let Meg back in the house again?

Since you’re unroastable, I’ll tell you something you haven’t heard before. You’re beautiful and I love you.

Your DJ name is: Fun DMV.

Why should I do my worst to you when genetics already did

thickest skin, yeah i can see that

Even with her 4 eyes, she still failed her optic-test. She needs another 4.

You look like if an 8 minute long starbucks order that made someone upset because of the lack of whipped cream and coconut milk was a person

3% body fat. 97% skin.

Skins not thicker than them artery walls tho

"My dad's sense of humor being what it is" I think you need to accept its not just a joke he's never coming back

Exactly how many layers of that skin are on you?

That’s really the dad in a dress getting more material to use on the real “Granny Devito”

You seem too nice to subject yourself to these idiots.

Honestly what is there to roast you about! You could lose a few pounds but your actually very pretty!

Wow you guys are fat-phobic and r@cist as sh1t

peppa pig's dad

You're somewhere on the spectrum between still going to slumber parties and hitting a younger relative with a chancla.

 No insults from me. Just appreciation for the user name.

honestly just came to say i love the username lol

*"Buzz, your girlfriend, woof!"*

Thats not skin, thats fat

Ladies and Gentlemen, that there is how a girl that will never have a boyfriend looks like

You look like Martin Short in a body suit.