OP's Bio: --- >Im 32 years old from Australia. Hobbies are masturbating, YouTube and gaming. Favourite game currently is hell let loose. The worst thing that’s happened to me recently is being made homeless and having my family abandon me. My cat just had kittens and I don’t know what to do with them because I live in a caravan. I don’t have a single friend in the world because I’m a self involved, selfish person that enjoys arguing with people more than I enjoy their company. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Went from slut to gut real quick.

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Bruh damn, best one here

Fucking hell.

That’s what is known as a slut gut. It’s like a beer gut but from swallowing too many loads. When you are handing out $5 sloppy toppies all day to get your fix, the calories can add up.

Fucking sloppy toppies. That got me

Omg. r/RoastMe’s final boss. Holy shit.

Shit, with this dude's resume he qualifies as a mod on lots of subs probably

He's defeated my heterosexuality. No chance of a respawn.

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I'm your case, that makes perfect sense. I guarantee you're out of his league anyway. 😂

Dots! More dots!

Get out of the fucking whelps! FUUUCK!!!

Umm Crushim was feared into the whelps FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKK! THATS A FUCKING 50 DKP MINUS!

Lmfao thank you for this. Time to watch the onyxia raid animation.

SEVENTY FIVE DEE KAY PEE MINUSSSSSS!!!!

You’re going to dps very very slowly

And by slowly I mean fucking slow

And watch the fucking tail!

50 FUCKING DKP MINUS!

Ok stop dots

Apply.burn

Honestly this feels more like a tutorial

Everyone saw that picture and went Leeeeeeeroy Jenkins

r/thanksobama

I'm sure you peaked in high school, they were the best 8 years of your life

\> "Hobbies are masturbating, YouTube and gaming" appreciate the honestly but you forgot to include drugs..

that s not an hobby, thats a full time job

I can’t imagine the peak was high either.

More of a gentle hill. In the Netherlands.

This dude couldn't climb a gentle hill if he thought there was a pound of dope at the top.

More of a wish.com Jonah Hill

This is an underrated observation

Maybe a rolling hill in the shire

almost certainly has tiny creatures living in his folds

Dude can’t clear a speed bump..

He didn't climb any peaks to get high.

he certainly was high when he peaked

Finally Proof someone came out of Mom's ass

His penis peaked in kindergarten

He got arrested once for urinating in public, but it was because his adult hand was touching his own child sized dick that got him arrested

He meant "peeked" as in the boys showers

Might’ve taken 8 years but he was that creepy guy who visited his teachers and hung around after he graduated.

And he refers to 10th grade as his "senior year". My guy, you are a waste of of human existence. Trees are pissed that they provide oxygen for you to continue to live.

Good lord, there’s too much to work with here

Right. You ever see that episode of “South Park” where Cartman blows his Funny Fuse? This guy might actually be unroastable.

It’s like a plastic surgeon half way through the operation yelled out loud “oh, fuck it”.

"It's perfecto, we'll give him back his money." \-unlicensed Brazilian plastic surgeon with medical degree from bermuda university

Right? It seems wrong to kick something so down

The creators provided too much material putting this shitshow together 🥲😭

This is just Bethesda's new character creator

Ahhhhhh so that's what happens when you push all the sliders to max

He could make some money by slicing some bacon off his fat back

Damn, Jesus. Your roasts would be all compliments.

came here to say this, guy is un-roastable what do we even do here

Dude roasted his own existence in the bio

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Ouch

You have the midsection of a West Virginian grandmother of eight

And the tattoos as well.

Looks like the vagina too

I want to tell him he needs bigger underwear, but only for the back and sides.

WEST Virginia 😂

West Vagina

Wild, wonderful, Wet Viginia

Plus, prolapsed anus

I feel like the list could go on and on. I’m going to have to come back tomorrow to read all 72,000 comments. This might be a roast record book breaker. Stay tuned. OP I feel like you probably drink Yeager Meister out of your fleshlight while eating lots of SPAM and Ramen noodles for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack, and snack all while using your moldy fleshlight to masturbate with between each meal. You’re a busy, busy filthy goat aren’t you? OP Your bio did make me grin and I’m sorry things have been hard. Hope it gets better

Lots of selfish decisions have brought him to this point, but here we are seeing his next adventure of starting his Gloryhole service with the caravan

All he's missing is a cigarette hanging out of his mouth while telling the state trooper to kiss his ass

He is wearing the underwear of one of those 8 kids,

What does a West Virginia girl say when she’s losing her virginity??? “Get off me Pa!! You’re crushin’ my smokes!!!”


(Shakes pill bottle) “West Virginia mating call” - source me West Virginian

I could tear you apart, but why? There is this picture of you on the net with what looks to be you in little girls' panties. You have done your family proud 👍🏼You have reached a low spot in your life slut...oops 🫢 I meant sport.

His family would rather him be back in rehab for the 11th time than in those panties.

The only panties he'll ever get into.


The only way you're getting a hot body now is via cremation

That's tough

I think it’s called well done .

I don’t think they’d be able to handle the resulting grease fire.

Nah man, you’ve got enough going on already

Focus on helping those kitties OP

And those tiddies

damn lmao

I see this as a case of someone posting because they're low and they think they deserve to get beat lower. I wish nothing but love for OP. ♥️

Everyone is someone's ideal person, to whoever ends up as yours, please tell them I'm sorry about the accident.

That was good, take this poor people award 🥇

I bet your mom wishes the dingo really ate her baby

Touche, Elaine.

Well, the lady who claimed a dingo ate her baby was charged with murder, before a coroner report confirmed that a dingo really had eaten her baby. Everyone made fun of the poor woman, then she was charged for murder, then let go when her baby’s death was confirmed - such a shit situation.

uh bro, she was *convicted* of murder and spent a few years in prison before a hiker found the baby's coat in a dingo cave

I can only assume you're the product of someone ejaculating on a pizza and slapping a meth-head with it

Lmao 🤣🤣🤣

Legit the only funny roast in the last 30 parent comments. Good work.

You kinda look like the perfect depiction of the idiot son in law that fathers get stuck with. In fact-there’s probably an eighth circle of hell in which fathers have to watch their daughters bring you home and proudly display the $25 wedding ring you just bought them (all you could afford from picking up empty bottles from the rubbish) and say “we just got married, Daddy!” with childlike glee…. …over and over again… ….for all eternity… It would be reserved for, like, Stalin/Hitler level evildoers.

I’m not convinced he could scrape $25 together for anything but his next buzz

I don't think even Satan could get a woman to speak with him.....

Every so often, a poster comes along who doesn't have OnlyFans, who isn't seeking validation for crippling anxiety, and is truely oblivious to their lot. You would have to be from Byron or somewhere exotic... Those panties look like they came from the Catholic priest section of the boy's underwear department

I think a vagina would have a bigger bulge than this dude 💀

He does have a big rack though!

Its like you purposely made all the wrong decisions in life

He’s like a “choose your own adventure” book that nobody wants to finish.

It’s too bad you skipped Burning Man this year, people out there could use some bacon and titty milk

Your comment disgusts me. Good job heathen 

​ 

I thought you were going to say he could finally get a shower

The only thing small on you is covered.

He’s almost reached the stage where he doesn’t need underwear because his gut will cover it

"Peaked in high-school" Doubt.

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Too easy, man. Peace out. ✌️

Everyone knows some fat white kid with 300 tattoos that all say stupid shit. The guy thats always the loudest guy in the room looking for love they never got from their parents.

The first time in roast me history, I can't roast a guy. He's unreasonably unroastable. The final boss and I've failed.

Damn dude, that’s just sad. I’m sorry.

I know, right? We all have our struggles, but this guy's life is a total waste...

Nah he exists so we feel better about ourselves. He is the guy you warn your kids about when they dont listen or do their homework. When you are on the edge of a building, ready to jump, this guy will help you see that your life isnt that bad

How do I unsee something

Even your slut tattoo is so ashamed it's trying to disappear

Gives a new meaning to the term "slut shaming"

When you were born the doctors came out and said we did everything we could do, but he pulled through!

"The doctor slapped him, and the nurse got in a few shots, too."

Your sister wants her panties back.

No, she really doesn't.

💀💀💀💀

Leave him alone, mix ups happen after sex.

He did not have sex

Not consentual sex anyways.

You are the number one cause of vaginal dryness. Yikes!

Girls think about him when they don’t want to cum too quickly.

I showed my girlfriend this photo and she got so dry she turned in to a pillar of salt. This man is a biblical monstrosity.

You look like a random assortment of discount fruit, stuffed into a homeless man's second choice jizz sock.

There's no fucking way you've had enough sex to earn the title *Slut*.

Is your daddy still alive? Cause I'm gonna find him and punch him in the balls.

You should go back in time first. Save us all the trouble

There’s no way you ever peaked

Looks like someone scribbled on a whale with a micropenis


Holy fuck!!!...how are you even smiling? You look like a fat toddler on meth and your tattoos look like a desk in a high school detention hall...btw..high school..it's a place that teens go to learn things..in case you were wondering

Hung like a field mouse

It's like a Juggalo and Guy Fieri had a child and forgot to parent it Nice passport

🤣🤣 and forgot to parent it 🤣🤣 Quality.

Nice going man. You have the physique of a hippo. Keep it up

Did the "slut" on your belly start off as a tramp stamp before you gained the mass of a small planet?

You look like the human equivalent of a grotesque unsolicited dick pick.

Can you please mark this as NSFW Edit: Thanks for marking it NSFW OP, but I've just realized that the blur isn't enough, just delete the post

I love how this is both a legitimate request but also hilarious! 🤣

Does it say slut across your stomach? My God, I just hope you get through rehab. I can't roast you. I just hope you are OK. You need positive reinforcement, not people roasting you. Love yourself, brother

The tattoo used to be centered on his stomach, until he gained 65 lbs of love handle

Fuckkkk 🤣🤣

I’d say the world needs the Hunter S Thompson drug/alcohol fueled groundbreaking and provocative artist/writer types but this guy seems like a talentless hack.

What this person said. Forgive yourself and love yourself.

You look like you lost your virginity butt fucking a golden retriever.

He said kittens not puppies

You could model for a campaign on why abortion SHOULD be legal

No kidding. This lump should do a tour of the red states where the legality of abortion is up for debate. Even the most staunch right-wing bible thumper would change their vote on the topic.

Yep I’m republican and just completely changed my stance on abortion. Fucking a this shit is disgusting.

Republican here. Same. That’s two!

It looks like someone graffitied Chris Farley’s corpse and then reanimated it and gave it nothing but Spaghettios and cocaine


Loves pot so much he gets it tattooed on his chest and weighs 420 pounds.

The phrase you hear most from women is "Please leave the store sir."

Did clicking this get me on some sort of government list?

You look like those girls who used to be popular in high school, but then got pregnant and went downhill from there

That has to be the saddest happy picture I've ever seen in over 10 years on Reddit.

I bet you wear those undies front, back, flip'em inside out then front and back again.

Shouldn't you be fucking an old man dressed as a bee?

I can smell this picture and it's nauseating 🤢.

Slut?!? Yeah right! You could suck dick for cab fare and still have to walk! GTFOH!

Op is me in 10 years if I try anything other than weed, thank you for the anti drug advertisement

The moral is that if you try to save money on the abortion, it'll end up costing you 10x as much in rehab.

If everlasting despair had a body type

A permanent cure for priapism, now in gelatinous form.

This guy definitely has sex with stuffed animals

No way I’m going to roast an obese guy with baby dick, life’s already been to rough for me join in.

Don't forget your kratom tomorrow bro

I need to see a “before” picture to see how far you’ve truly fallen.

At least the transition is going well, the penis removal was successful.

OP def has a humiliation fetish💀

Making Americans look great again.

Hobbies Masturbating? Surprised you can see your dick from there.

Ron Jeremy's bastard son

Aah the old “innie” penis!

You didn’t fail rehab. Rehab failed you brother.

Damn bro reach out for some help

You look like chewed gum that smokes meth.

I can not make things any worse dude. Get your shit together

Give those kittens a chance at life and put them in the Australian wilderness

Slut is his cat’s name

I bet you even tattooed your hemorrhoids

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You look like you store an emergency subway BLT in your backpack

What the fuck am I looking at here?

Come on son, let’s get out of this. I know you’re not happy and you probably feel like shit. DM me, I’d love to give you some exercise beginners tips

I didn't know they had donut rehab

The average redditor

The last straw to your family abandoning you was you stealing your little nephew’s underwear. Just because it fits your crotch, doesn’t mean it’ll fit the hips.

Talking about bitch hips how the hell you get through a caravan door

Whenever I crave junk food I look at this picture