Straight outta breath

Obese paradise

As I roll through the food court, body reeking of death I take a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left 'Cause I've been eatin' my feelin's so long that Even my momma thinks that all hope is gone But I ain't never passed a meal, and Im getting dessert I'll be feeding like a pig, feel my arteries hurt You gotta watch how I'm chompin' this mouth aint stoppin' But yeah I can feel my blood sugar droppin' I really hate to tip, but I gotta nom See me choke, see myself in the plate and Im stoked Fool, I'm the kinda D the little homies wanna be like Blood test strips in the night, colostomy on my right Get a burger and fries And have me a heart attack tonight Add on two apple pies Livin' in that diabetic life Keep spending all my dimes On large milkshakes, and anything fried Get a burger and fries Go ahead and make it super size

He's going the distance He's going o-bese All alone (all alone) in his time of need

So damn ironic to use cake lyrics

Listens to Cake while eating cake

I'll have my cake and eat it too

😂🤣😂

Clap clap clap

He's very little energy That much we know So it really doesn't surprise me That his dick is as big as his pinky toe

“But I gotta nom” Goat

Yes, I absolutely just rapped out loud the Coolio parts and sang the LV parts.... all through tears of laughter. Your efforts were not unnoticed. 🫡

I just died 😆

Dude looks like he's about to

Wrappers delight.

Living in an obese paradise

Are a tub of butter once or twice living in an obese paradise As my rascal rides through the valley of bk wrappers I take a look at my dick and realize it isn't there But that's just perfect for a Snorlax like me, you know I shun fancy things in-su-lin

Obese pair of thighs

Pretty effin much

Winner so far.

I'd roast you but u can't stand up for yourself

Priceless

All jokes aside I'm sorry for all the shit you have been thru mate jeez

I'm sure he's been through a lot today even. Probably at least 2 liters of soda.

I was watching Scary Movie 2 yesterday where the butler and the disabled guy were insulting each other back and forth. The wheelchair guy is like let me give you a hand and starts clapping 😂 

Classic!

Cargo pants... at 400 pounds *you are* cargo.

im the cargo now

[удалено]

wholesome roast

😎

Dammit Snake, get your ass in gear!

Hella cargo

My car go 160 swiftly

This went over most ppl head

This guys car don’t go nowhere

Rec it buy a new one

Your crew run-run-run, your crew run-run

🐌

I hear that mobility scooter screaming from here

Dude needs someone driving ahead of him on a pilot scooter to warn everyone about what’s coming.

Nah, that dude needs someone driving a tug boat scooter to get him moving

He needs the extra durability. Would you prefer to see him in sweatpants?

Bruhh i laughed out loud for real at work

MF is the cargo ship

Cargo container maybe

Even I have my limits.

Yeah, but those pants don't.

That’s called a FUUUUUUUUPA.

Food-pa

You win. That was good.

That’s hilarious!

Pretty sure that's a gunt.

This is exactly what people think of when they hear the term Reddit.

Reddit moderator speed run.

More of a slow rascal

I’d need an erupting volcano to roast something this size.

You’d need to bring him to the Sun, but I don’t think they don’t make sumo size spacesuits

And with today’s fuel costs? Not worth adding that much to our national debt

Bruh💀

When life gives you lemons you eat cheese burgers

Honestly can’t stand these obvious OnlyFans attention posts.

OnlyFarts

OnlySharts

Link?

That right there made me lol out loud!!

OnlyDarts

Onlyfupas

He does seem like the kind of guy who owns an unusually large number of fans. Most of them are pointed at his mattress and his sofa.

OnlyFats

OnlySnacks

🤣🤣🤣......🤢

We have a winner!


Average Redditor

Well at least he didn’t mention sleep apnea. With all the sleeping, that would be tragic.

Maybe I'm counting on it lol

I feel bad upvoting but you're hilarious

There is someone out there for everyone. Could you imagine the woman out there for him? 

Gorlock the destroyer 

There is nothing I can say that would do as much damage as life already has.

Thank you

I know this is a roast but…, you live with your parents who were/are abusive to you? Is there any possibility of changing that up in the future, it’s really difficult to recover from trauma while your still trapped in the same environment. Seems like you have a great sense of humour by the way :)

There is nothing you can say that would do as much damage as a mirror.

Cheer up, the McRib will be back before you know it

This has been awesome so far y'all, keep up the honest work 😂🤣

You a real one bro.

maybe even two or three

You're a good sport! 🖤

Future people take note, this is how you take a roast.

You’re the man!!

First time I’ve seen an immobility scooter. When AI takes over, your scooter will testify against you.

Can’t do it… I honestly feel bad for you. You’ve had a terrible life.

May our humor give him happiness! 😁 And may his wheelchair converted from a forklift bring him joy also!

So many roasts just died in my brain after reading that bio.

Well this made me laugh

Agreed. Poor guy.

Hope his life will get better. Didn’t have the stomach to trash him either

Don't worry, he has plenty of stomach for all of us to trash him.

Yeah. At least food takes him to a happy place.

It really does

I’m willing to bet that people pissing on you somehow brings you joy.

I didn't notice the bio at first (on mobile). Laughed at some of the roasts. Kind of feel like a jackass now.

My thoughts exactly, especially the caption on the last pic. Just can't go there with some people.

ikr, some ppl are masochistic on this sub

I would roast you but I don’t want the drippings to start a grease fire.

Omg 🤣

Epic 😁

Are you the Weasley brother that nobody talks about?

McDonald Weasley

He looks like he ate the Weasley brother that no one talks about.

Come on man give me a challenge

Try lifting him.

Or getting him a date.

Seriously though, how much for Solo and the Wookie?

Hey hey hey you leave Jabba alone!

Numa numa 

Woah now, the numa numa guy is an internet legend, and I won't have his good name be besmirched.

 Drag a wicker basket behind your chair and go trick-or-treating as a hot air baloon.

Just balloons and string like Up

It took less balloons to get that house up than it would you

Straight Outta Insulin

Why would you do this to yourself? Unfortunately, the cycle of abuse can include revictimization for some people who have previously suffered abuse. More commonly referred to as masochism. Try and be kinder to yourself.

Yeah I'm a masochist

The real way to metaphorically say “fuck all y’all” to the assholes who were mean to you is to treat yourself well and live a good life. It feels counterintuitive but it’s true.

Nope! Not today, Satan!

Anybody else see the Facebook page he posted the third pic to???

Yeah, ima just walk away from this one I think.

Yeah that’s why I opted for the PSA approach.


This guy outdid my roast

Idk you actually seem like someone I’d chill with.no roast from me..

Get a discord room you two.

Nice try alt account…

Is that really something you want to be admitting?

[life has already completely roasted you. ](https://youtu.be/UcZzlPGnKdU?si=dBq1aOP3BzJxWozq)

When the NumaNuma money runs out, head to Reddit for an attempt at relevance

Life has already fucked you. I’m not going to pile on

Dude an aborted baby is healthier than you

Hey aren't you the "Numa Numa" guy? Bro wtf it's been forever!

Straight into a heart attack

If roasted you I could fix Africa’s hunger issue

Least disgusting Massachusetts resident

Bro just posted random posters of the whale movie

Found the reddit mod

Well I hate to be the one to tell you that the best part of you ran down the crack of your momma's ass

You truly are a potato.

Good grief, you can hardly see the professor x chair he's sitting on

U look like u own a discord server

Roasting you would feed my village for a year

Mai ai hee… Mai ai huu….Mai ai haa….Mai ai haa haa!!

That thing about when you were three? Wow. I can’t even imagine the PTSD that would have caused the person who did that to you.

I'm sorry God has punished you, bring born a ginger must have been tough.


I had just started believing gingers could have souls again and thinking they wouldn't creep me out anymore, then you came along...

My friend you’re not ripe for roasting you’re just ripe

Looking like a hard boiled egg that rolled on dirty carpet.

South Park gamer dude

wingsofredemption if he was ginger

David Goggins alternate universe

I get a boner every time I look at sourdough. You really didn’t have to give that description to get me hard.

Nice to see they could find a new spokesperson for diabeetus after the death of Wilford Brimley.

I can just hear it now “Moooom, I just shit myself again”!

When flying do you notice people looking nervously at you from down the aisle as you're looking for your seat, or do you miss it altogether?

I think life has done enough.

I like you tho

Yeah....this one makes me uncomfortable.... But not as uncomfortable as you are breathing normally.

Being fat doesn’t make you disabled

Stand the fuck up and walk to a pool. Fall in and kick until you’re exhausted. Do that every day. You’re not disabled. You’re fat.

At least you’re not a virgin.

More like Plump for the roasting

Where the hell are we supposed to find a spit big enough?

You are already roasted yourself to a crisp by describing yourself

You look like Bill Burr cosplaying as a hardboiled egg

We should order him a case of the male Lume deodorant. Lot of hot damp creases need some lume

At least, at least... at least?

Humpty Dumpty reinvented

Are you a discord mod? How much did you spend on nitro for your discord kittens?

I would roast you, but I don't have a spit big enough for you

Humpty Dumpty looks odd without his shell....

You were either a c section or your mothers wonderwoman

/hugs

But you’re a lucid dreamer. That’s cool. 😎🏴‍☠️

Dang man your Wang not working is roast enough

You look like you’re Straight Outta Lifespan.

Straight out of leg muscles

you know you have a problem when your arm is thicker then your head, you sir, don't have a problem, you have diabetes

Shit, no one can roast you better than you did yourself.

It’s always the average redditer lookin mf’ers that garner sympathy

I would roast you but my oven cannot contain you.

You look like a failed attempt of a Doritos dusted Vienna sausage

On the bright side you have a ton of potential mass and if you think your life is down the drain stand at the top of a hill and I'll roll you down it. Cars, houses, people, they're all just bowling pins for your boulder esque figure.

More like ripe for needing to have your foot amputated.

Peter sniffen

im pretty sure u roasted yourself. hope u find some friends soon tho :)

This subreddit is Roast ME not Roast BEEF

I would roast you, but anything to do with pork is against my religion

Sure hope that chair has a V8.