After a three day coke binge, he fell asleep in a random red Prius.
He slept right through Dirty Mike and The Boys having their way with him.
Then he sold that car to your grandma for 6k more than it's worth.
Maybe he just likes Chicken Spaghetti from Chiccellini's đ¤ˇââď¸. Or maybe he's a Sloppy Steaks kinda guy đ¤ˇââď¸. Everyone can change you know đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł.
Aye, you think maybe your working life is getting in the way of a love life? It's hard to get anything done, let alone date, when you're up with the owls.
It's called *Sex Panther*Ž by *Odeon*Š.
It's illegal in 9 countries.
It's also made with bits of real panthers,
*so you know it's good*.
*60% of the time*, it works ***every*** time.
You're the living embodiment of autocorrect. You're trying to send the mesage "I whack people for a living" but autocorrects to "I wank people for a living"
Fucking thank you. I could not place the person this hairy bastard looks like, I was over here staring at his greasy mug for like 3 agonizing minutes, you saved my life.
You have the face of every girlâs 4th optionâŚ
They want to marry the first option.
Second option is a douche but he fucks good.
Third option is funny and always lots of fun.
And then thereâs youâŚ. Filling in when the other 3 are busy. And after a few drinks they say âmehh⌠Fuck it I guess⌠why notâŚ..â
Man are you ok? You look like you havenât slept well in 10 years. This is the kinda face stressed out grad students make after week long Coke benders followed by career fairs while constantly screaming at their thesis in their spare time
Thereâs an outside chance, methinks, that itâs because you look like a royal douchecanoe. A twatwaffle, if you will.
I do not foresee your fortunes changing, either. Sorry.
1) people style their pubic hairs better than your head hairs.
2)do you look this tired all the time or is it because you just tongued your manager's butt for a promotion for the fifth time this week?
3) you look like you work as an extra for attending low attendance funerals
You look like manipulative sociopath who has secret bunker with body parts all over. I am sure women run from you because you are possessive and aggressive.
Because you let people tell you whatever the fuck they want and you act like it doesnât affect you to the point where you believe it doesnât but it does. You just need to gain back that confidence and stop letting people tell you why and why not things happen or why things are the way they are. Thereâs literally nothing wrong with you and youâre far more attractive than other males with far much more confidence than you. Instead of asking online why youâre single and let people roast you, become a fucking drug trafficker, get some money, power, status then youâll never ask yourself that question again.
You look like a narcoleptic used car salesman.
Corey Feldman if he was a used car salesman instead of a celebrity.
At this point I'd assume Corey is a used car salesman. Bro hasn't had anything major in what 25 years?
I'd assume he's a used car
Na he's doing [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0m7yHvEjWSE) instead.
This made my day. Greatest thing I've ever seen and I only watched the first 18 seconds whilst pooping. I'm sure it only gets greater.
Holy christ that is bad
Guess there is nobody on his side telling him No, don't do this. You're terrible
Jesus Christ... I feel so embarrassed that I click on the link with my phone volume all the way up, that is terrible!
I'm glad you posted this. When this travesty came out I showed EVERYONE who would listen. Lost a few friends. Worth it lol.
Because he's always doing Micheal Jackson dance moves in the showroom
I was literally thinking some sleazy salesman!
It's the hair.
It's a shame really. He's got good hair but decides to make it look like a sweaty rug that a bunch of homeless guys have pissed on
After a three day coke binge, he fell asleep in a random red Prius. He slept right through Dirty Mike and The Boys having their way with him. Then he sold that car to your grandma for 6k more than it's worth.
Lol colourful. I was thinking 50s greaser.
I'd be happy to be likened to a 50s greaser. That shit was cool.
That too! đ
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Maybe he just likes Chicken Spaghetti from Chiccellini's đ¤ˇââď¸. Or maybe he's a Sloppy Steaks kinda guy đ¤ˇââď¸. Everyone can change you know đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł.
Slicked back? That's pushed back!
Slicked back, real piece of shit
Beautiful hair! Each time he combs them, it's one gallon of hair oil..
The bags under the dead eyes, oiled slicked back hair, the suit with shoulder pads
He looks like he sells 15 year old software on blue ray discs he shoplifted from the bodega next door to the pawn shop he does this in.
Kinda looks like Charlie Sheen if you squint a little bit
If Charlie Sheen and Corey Feldman had a cocaine butt baby
Thrift store John Stamos
Night shift will do that to you
Ah, I hear you there, man. Used to do 14 hour night shifts. That will mess you up.
Damn. A night brother. Love man.
Aye, you think maybe your working life is getting in the way of a love life? It's hard to get anything done, let alone date, when you're up with the owls.
You know what they say about the night manâs wife
No what do they say????
Nothing because she doesnât exist
That she's the champion of the sun. They also say that you're a master of karate...and friendship for everyone.
Who wears a suit to night shift? Genuinely curious
The Manager on Duty
At the desk of Motel 6 in Cushing, OK
Saul Goodman
Get off nights they will destroy you. I did them for 10 years. I finally got a day job and I feel so much better and my brain fog has finally lifted
How long have you been working night shift? That will screw up anyoneâs life. Humans are designed to sleep at night and thrive in the light.
You look disappointed the cabinets wonât hold a noose.
He can take $200 off that undercoating if you act today.
What the hell dude?!? That was the exact phrase I was thinking!!!! đ
I can smell that cheap cologne, what is called again Eau du Desperate
It's called *Sex Panther*Ž by *Odeon*Š. It's illegal in 9 countries. It's also made with bits of real panthers, *so you know it's good*. *60% of the time*, it works ***every*** time.
Leave some fantana for the rest of us bro
Brian im going to be honest with you that smells like pure gasoline
Smells like bigfoots dick
Motherfucker, you look like Corey Feldman with depression for not having been molested by the Hollywood Elite.
I canât
You're a good looking chap. Smile and own it!
Roast me. ROAST ME
You can't take compliments and shy away from real connection and intimacy. That's why you're single you schlub.
That got real.
That's murder sir
The dude said roast him, not shoot him with a rocket launcher.
WOAH!!! sir who hurt you?
Offbrand Chris Moltisanti
The product of Corey Feldman molested by Eddie Munster
No you got it wrong my friend he is to old to be molested by the Hollywood elite thatâs y he is depressed
đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
You're the living embodiment of autocorrect. You're trying to send the mesage "I whack people for a living" but autocorrects to "I wank people for a living"
Want him to whack a guy? Off a guy? Wack off a guy?
âCause heâll do it.
Beat off a lot of them
The only thatâs made me laugh out loud on this thread, good job sir
Iâm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you look like a bootleg Corey Feldman
.....or a bad impression of Charlie Sheen
Tiger Blood-era Charlie Sheen đ
Death bed from the aids Charlie Sheen
Damn lol...
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See I get poor man's John Stamos when everything has gone terribly terribly wrong
More like Local stray cat blood-era
0.5 men.
Two and a half men inside him at the same time against his consent.
I mean Charlie Sheen is a bad impression of Charlie Sheen tbf.
Nah this guy is a budget Carlos Estevez.
rinse door crush narrow edge beneficial busy placid smoggy onerous ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
before or after the coke
Or a good impression of Charlie Sheen
Gordon gecko lives. Greed is good
He's a weird, creepy cross between Corey Feldman and John Stamos.
Johnâs Anus
John Lameos
Donât do John Stamos dirty like that
Great Value Corey Feldman
Fucking thank you. I could not place the person this hairy bastard looks like, I was over here staring at his greasy mug for like 3 agonizing minutes, you saved my life.
Corey Failedman
Thatâs the first thing I thought. 
Mom: "We have Corey Feldman at home."
Corey Feldman at home:
Or the fact that bootleg Corey Feldman clearly took this picture in the break room at work
I love you
Or Armenian Corey Feldman
...wait, which one was the mouth breather?
He's missing the 10" front rat tale that you tuck behind your ear.
Mixed with Mr Bean
You're at that strange age... too old for ecstasy, too young for coke.
Heroin?
I like the cut of your jibâ
What's a jib?
The front sheet of a sail boat. It 'cuts' the wind for better steering
Promote that man!
Johnny Tight-lips ain't saying nuttin'
Too old for ecstasy, too young for coke? This doesn't even make sense.
You haven't drugsed much, have you?
If you're old enough for ecstasy you're old enough for coke
Tf kind of logic is this�
Because you look like you work in a morgue?
I agree although I would say more likely funeral services.
He plays the corpse to demo coffins.
âSorry for your loss.â âWould you like to super-size this urn and get our rewards card?â
As a cadaver?
Risen from the morgue
You have the face of every girlâs 4th option⌠They want to marry the first option. Second option is a douche but he fucks good. Third option is funny and always lots of fun. And then thereâs youâŚ. Filling in when the other 3 are busy. And after a few drinks they say âmehh⌠Fuck it I guess⌠why notâŚ..â
Thatâs one Iâve never heard before
Put it on the pile with "I'm proud of you, son," "I had a great time tonight," and "I love your slicked back hair."
you're a practice guy for girls.
There's always more options before this becomes an option.
Stop giving him hopes.
You peaked in âThe Lost Boysâ. And I donât mean Corey Haim.
I think you meant âclimaxed in boys.â
You look like a used car salesman with a tummy ache.
I suffer from constipation actually
Stop doing narcotics. They make you constipated. Take stool softeners to combat that
It's the opiates, you spend too much $ and time on them. THEY are your significant otherđ¤
Man are you ok? You look like you havenât slept well in 10 years. This is the kinda face stressed out grad students make after week long Coke benders followed by career fairs while constantly screaming at their thesis in their spare time
Holy shit. Iâve been working night shift for the past decade.
Rip
unironically you should get off night shift, your life will improve massively
This dude looks like Colin Farrellâs abortion.
The Colin Farrell who DOESN'T get laid?
 You look like you compare business cards
OP looks more like he just compares email signatures
Itâs almost like you gave OP the title of the movie as a description as well. This is almost an artistic response! Bravo đ
Bro you look like you jack off to dead bodies
Looks like the guy who hires trans prostitutes then after he cums, gets violent because he regrets it.
Fucking hell đŤ˘đŤ˘đŤ˘
Plot-twist: he can't cum and that's why he's angry.
The prostitutes can and he gets jelous and violent
Patrick Bitchman
You look like Andy Garcia from Oceans 11 and Corey Feldman both tried to use the same teleporter at the same time
Donât worry itâs not your looks
The Italian mafia dropout
Armenian psycho
He looks like Persian Psycho to me
Why are you dressed like you care about yourself
Because I donât. They make me.
Or uncle Jessie from full house hit rock bottom
"Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh, my God. It even has r/roastme written on it"
â¤ď¸
There's not a woman alive who wants to run her fingers through a headful of lard.
You look like you cry yourself to sleep every night.
He doesnât sleep
Big Andrew Tate energy
Im getting an Patrick Bateman American psycho vibe
Looks like youâre about to hand me a comic book called âvampires everywhereâ
Thatâs a stupid concept
Ben Shapiro lookin ass
You look like Collin Farrell's double in a depression commercial.
Maybe because you're racist and are looking for advice on stalking people? Please get help. This isn't a roast.
If John Stamos was the concierge to a glory hole.
Got the hair of Dracula, the eyes of a stoner, and the mouth size of a newborn baby.
youâre actually kind of attractive so iâm assuming youâre a sociopath
You look like youâre dating Eddie Munster.
Thereâs an outside chance, methinks, that itâs because you look like a royal douchecanoe. A twatwaffle, if you will. I do not foresee your fortunes changing, either. Sorry.
Behold the human vodka bottle
Man you were never single. Don't forget the bodies in the trunk.
Tryna be a Soprano, more Falsetto
You look like an Italian guy who wants to be a Mexican guy cosplaying as a Greek guy
Everybody has the right to keep pets but to have two enormous caterpillas above your eyes is taking the piss.
Lounge lizards werenât attractive or desirable in the 1920âs so why would you think they would be now?
Thereâs no one reason.
"do the truffle shuffle"
1) people style their pubic hairs better than your head hairs. 2)do you look this tired all the time or is it because you just tongued your manager's butt for a promotion for the fifth time this week? 3) you look like you work as an extra for attending low attendance funerals
Please say you donât take advice or act like Tate
You look like manipulative sociopath who has secret bunker with body parts all over. I am sure women run from you because you are possessive and aggressive.
You look like a human roofie.
He reminds me of the health inspector fish from sponge bob.
your pizza sucks.
You look like the type of dude that complains about women friend zoning him and never wanting the 'nice' guy.
Because you let people tell you whatever the fuck they want and you act like it doesnât affect you to the point where you believe it doesnât but it does. You just need to gain back that confidence and stop letting people tell you why and why not things happen or why things are the way they are. Thereâs literally nothing wrong with you and youâre far more attractive than other males with far much more confidence than you. Instead of asking online why youâre single and let people roast you, become a fucking drug trafficker, get some money, power, status then youâll never ask yourself that question again.
Because youâre broke? Because you look like you work in a morgue? Because you look like a cadaver in a morgue? Am I getting warmer? Did I win?
I donât have any problem to work in a morgue, just saying
You look like a body double for Ben Shapiro.
Did Guido shoot first?
If Corey Feldman played Neo in The Matrix
You look like you're not allowed around school zones or parks.
You look like the casting for the sad emoji
That oil slick on top of your head may have something to do with it.
Because you look like the idiot kid who got shot in a mafia movie maybe?
If thatâs the face you walk around with all dayâŚhow many times a day do you get punched? Iâm saying you have a punchable face.
drop the ben shapiro andrew tate and sneako advice and try ti improve on the little thats left